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People Are Sharing 40 Family Secrets They Were Told Only When They Became Adults
Interview With Author
Trust and honesty mean almost everything in a relationship and in family life. However, that’s a rather idealistic way of looking at things. The reality is often much different: family members keep secrets from one another. And some secrets… well, your parents won’t let you in on them until you’re much older. More mature. And able to handle the truth.
While we wouldn’t divulge our sensitive family secrets to just anyone, anonymity often provides us with the courage to share some of them with other internet users. That’s exactly what redditors have been doing after user Skadarski asked them to open up on r/AskReddit about all the secrets their parents told them once they were old enough to hear them. From deep and dark secrets that have the potential to unravel the foundations of the family to more lighthearted and even pleasant secrets, have a read through them below and upvote the ones that caught your eye the most, dear Pandas.
Bored Panda had an in-depth chat about family secrets and whether honesty is always the best policy with the author of the thread, redditor Skadarski. Meanwhile, I also reached out to certified relationship and self-love coach Alex Scot to talk about honesty, trust, and the difference between secrecy and privacy. You'll find both interviews below.
Feeling in the mood to share some of your own family secrets? Feel free to do so in the comment section. Remember—nobody’s here to judge you. We’ll keep your secrets secret… Won’t we?
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When I was a kid, my dad accidentally killed a raccoon with his car. It had a young one with it that wasn't hit, so we adopted the baby raccoon.
We adored it, but we were not at all equipped to care for it. There was no lock or cage that could stop this thing. It was very clever, strong and curious. It got into cupboards and ate food and trash, and we'd find its shit in the most random places.
One day my dad sat me down and told me that my raccoon had "gone to live on a farm." I was old enough to know what that meant, and I was heartbroken.
Just a few years ago I was telling this story to my husband and my dad interrupted me and said that he literally, actually gave my raccoon away to a work acquaintance of his that had a farm and a lot of wooded property. It had become so accustomed to humans it constantly broke into the man's house and ate his food, and got enormously fat and lived a long ornery raccoon life.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
We had that. We had a husky that had severe anxiety and was not happy with us in the city (my parents in the 90s would not go to a dog trainer). They gave him away to a friend of my uncle who had a farm and tons of space to run and play with the other dogs. I always found it funny because it really sounds like the "he went to a farm" but i met him and got pictures of him there. He died some years after (a neighbour posioned him) and they told me. F*****g monsters.
JessG 4 years ago
Aw, I probably could've done without reading that after the good story :( Time to poison the neighbor now, not lethally, but long, slow, agonizing diarrhea
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Aleksandra 4 years ago
My brother got a pet rabbit when he was little but lost interest v quickly. So we gave the rabbit to friends who kept some rabbits and 6 months later most of their bunnies died because of some disease, but not ours. He ended up living a happy farm life and fathering at least 30 rabbits!
Cheri Aline Sydney 4 years ago
30 only... For a rabbit that sounds pretty chilled! Glad he was able to take things slow and easy!
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Derek Clark 4 years ago
I never understand parents that don't let their kids say goodbye to beloved pets. It makes no sense at all. Then again, the OP calls the racoon a thing and it so yeah, I doubt the OP cared.
RELATED:
#2
My son is 20. His mother just told him about me in December. Nobody knew I was his dad, even me. 20 years not knowing I had a son. It's been 6 months and he's the greatest thing I've ever done. He's smart, in the military and we have a wonderful relationship. Had he not pressed her about it, she would have never told him. I'm so happy I can hardly contain myself most days. Words can't describe my emotions.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
My friend heard the doorbell and the young man said "Hi dad". His ex wife never told him.
Dorothy Parker 4 years ago
Dad doesn't sound bitter. There is still time to be a positive influence on him by showing how he deals with situations and treats others.
Aeon Flux 4 years ago
"he's the greatest thing I've ever done" ?? I mean, I sympathize with the guy since he had no chance to be involved in the kid's life, but--he was not involved in the kid's life. Just a sperm donor so far!
Hermione 4 years ago
You make a good point. Parenting is about the relationship with your child and not the creation which is the easy part. Not sure about the circumstances in this case but a child cannot be the greatest thing someone has done. Maybe raising a child can be? Interesting the comment about smart and in the military. If the child was not smart and not in the military, would things be different? Strange posting.
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Jerry Mathers 4 years ago
I know that the dead beats dads have much to answer for, but this kind of thing makes me ill. I would be angry to find out I had been robbed of 20 years of time with any kid of mine. Not having the chance to get know them, to be a part of their success and their failures, to have that bond. Man, I don't know what the moms circumstances were, but there should have been a chance for these 2 to get to be a part of each other's lives. Again no judgement as I don't know the story, but what a loss these 2 have experienced. It's sad to me.
Bama Belle 4 years ago
My mom came home to a note on her door from a woman claiming to be the daughter from an "affair" my dad had with her mother 22 years earlier. She wasn't lying. At the time of the affair, her mother was married with a small child. She (the other woman) and her husband were casual friends of my parents. Their family had fallen on hard times, so my mother did things to help them. I remember her cooking for them, giving them our old clothes and toys. I even remember her doing their laundry. Apparently, my dad was helping out in his own special way. Finding out about his betrayal was an awful time for our family. People and their lies.
Stannous Flouride 4 years ago
I met my son when he was 27. Back before the Interwebs existed I spent years searching phonebooks from all over the NJ/NY area at the local Bell Telephone offices wherever I lived. Finally found him because my sister was dating a cop who had access to records the public didn't.
Derek Clark 4 years ago
Greatest thing he has ever done? Um no, you didn't do anything since you didn't raise him. And it's weird to say the relationship is so great when it's been only b6 months.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
I’m happy this had a happy ending, not all these scenarios do, enjoy your time together
#3
My grandfather was a small business owner who everyone always thought of as extremely frugal due to growing up poor. Later we found out he spent a significant amount of money on charitable causes and helped a lot of his employees with financial and in one case legal trouble. Positive secret, but it was definitely a secret.
Sapna Sarfare 4 years ago
Amazing... We always say in India that the good work of our ancestors blesses the future generation in many ways. The grandpa's good work will be a blessing for his family. You will see
crazy_cat_notAlady 4 years ago
i want to b that grandparent. except, I'm already broke. wait...
Sergio Bicerra Descalzi 4 years ago
Not cameras, no false modesty, no likes, only generosity and a good human being.
Personally, I’m an ‘honesty is the best policy’ kind of guy, but even I have my limits. I’m realistic about the fact that you physically can’t share every single detail of your life, family history, and dark corner of your mind with your loved ones (nor should you, as this fantastic article on Aeon explains). Having some privacy is important. However, I also feel like showing your vulnerabilities and the inner workings of your mind can actually strengthen your relationship with your relatives, your friends, your partner. After all, if someone were to trust you with a secret about themselves, you’d feel honored to be the one they tell it to, right?
Relationship coach Alex told Bored Panda that transparency is incredibly important in both romantic relationships, as well as those with your relatives. And if we're ever having doubts about whether or not to share something with our loved ones, we should try and imagine ourselves in their position.
"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," she said, noting that we have to consider whether a piece of information directly impacts the people we care about.
#4
When I was a kid, I used to be friends with the next door woman, who was about 20 years old. To me she was a best friend because she would read to me, or play with me or take me to walks. One morning I woke up and her dad was at my house and gave me a painting she made, then my parents told me my friend had to move to another city for work and she left me the painting to remember her. Some time later we moved to another city but returned years after when my dad died. I found the dad and sister were living there still. There I knew the truth, my friend had died on a car accident back then, but they decided to lie to me because they didn’t want to hurt me.
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
It's hard to teach kids about death, but it's important. Everyone deserves to grieve.
Calypso poet 4 years ago
Yes. I had a few close relatives die when I was under the age of 6. 1 tragic, 2 grandpas. It was sad but you have to find out eventually. I would have been more upset being lied to. Kids can actually deal with it better than you think. I remember my mom coming home and I said to her at 5 years old "Did Grandpa so-and-so die?" And she was shocked I understood what was going on. I just had a feeling by the way they left me with the neighbors, which was unusual because my mom was a stay at home mom.
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Ronel du Plessis 4 years ago
When I was 10 my gran died. Every one always just changed the subject when I asked how she died and eventually just stopped asking. Fast Forward to when I was 35. I found out she committed suicide. That actually hurt more to find it out then than it would have if they told me the truth back then. Trust is huge and it took a while for me trust those family members again.
Calypso poet 4 years ago
I'm so sorry. Suicide deaths bring out the worst in people sometimes. People aren't sure how to grieve. Unfortunately I know too well.
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Louloubelle 4 years ago
It's really not that tough with kids. You just need to answer exactly what they ask, without elaborating. Like when they ask where babies come from. Usually, when they're little, they mean exactly that "where". I just pointed in the area of my middle and told my kids, from here. They asked "your stomach". I said no, women have what's called a uterus. The only conversation from here led to them asking what else was inside a person.
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T J R 4 years ago
I've had to tell my daughter 3 times that a her grandfather passed away (my father, my stepfather, and my father-in-law). She was 8, 10, and 13. Not a single one of those times was easy, but I answered all of her questions and have been there through the pain and the anger for her and knew that the truth was better and to talk about how it's a part of life.
Xan Maranya 4 years ago
Lying is not sweet, no matter how it is rationalized.
Load More Replies... Sapna Sarfare 4 years ago
Oh my... heartbreaking. At least, the lie was with good intention. And they gave her a gift from her friend.
Xan Maranya 4 years ago
Lying to kids (or adults) makes them mistrustful. They may not know the real story but the vibe is there.
#5
This is actually a very fresh reveal I've recently gotten. Backstory: My Mom and Dad were in high school when they had me. They were broken up and on bad terms before I was even born. Dad moved to California for the Marines and school. I stayed in the South with my mom, but my grandmother (dad's mom) stepped into the void my dad left and helped my mom raise me. Classic estranged father. I'd maybe see him for a few days every year or two, but by the time I was close to becoming a teenager there'd be years between visits. When I was younger, I always had him on a pedestal even though I hardly ever saw him or spoke to him. BUT I could always count on hearing from him when a new console came out. I've been a huge gamer my entire life, so my dad would ALWAYS buy and send whatever the newest console/gaming innovation was at the time. It's always been our thing, starting with a Gameboy Color and Pokemon Gold all the way to the PS4 Pro. Even over the last few months he had been talking about getting me the new Xbox whatever it is. My grandmother passed away last month, so I've had to see and speak with him a lot more than usual. He told me he had been having trouble finding an Xbox but assuring me that it would happen once everything settled down. I was talking with my Mom afterwards and mentioned the conversation in passing. Found out that my grandmother was buying everything for me and my dad was just taking the credit.
Devil's Advocate 4 years ago
Wow, super deadbeat dad, sounds like you were better off without him in your life. Thank you grandma for being the awesome dad you deserved!
Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
What an unbelievably huge creep! Grandma was clearly the best, though.
Samantha PandaNotBored 4 years ago
Wow, your poor grandmother having to fork out huge amounts of money Everytime a new one came out. I struggle with buying just one , and that’s second hand
#6
Most of my college was paid by someone named Tony (random dude to me). I know you're all thinking that it was some sort of lovechild thing, but it turns out my grandfather was a bookie and Tony was always just a bad gambler."
"So instead of My grandpa having his knees capped, he made a deal Tony would pay for college.
pelemele 4 years ago
Could someone explain this expression to me: having his knees capped ? ^^'
glowworm2 4 years ago
Basically it means to maim or cripple someone in the knees, such as by gunshot.
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Jessica Bosworth 4 years ago
Is it wise to make a long term financial arrangement with a guy with a serious gambling problem?
"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place."
Alex shared with Bored Panda that rebuilding trust in a relationship is "always a challenge" once it has been broken. "For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."
#7
There was story growing up about how a local prince wanted to marry me and offered things like cows for my hand in marriage.
When my father passed away I went to my home country and met cousins I had not met before.
Turned out the prince was the president's son and it wasn't an offer, it was a demand. We snuck out of the country because he was going to make me his wife - bear in mind, I was a toddler.
My mom filled in the back story. The company my dad worked for had to smuggle us out of the country. My life was so exciting when I was 6.
Leah L 4 years ago
For those questioning the ages, this is sadly very common in many parts of the world. The child is promised to a man as a toddler but generally the marriage happens once the girl reaches puberty and the girl is forced into the marriage and having babies at 12/13. Most likely she was demanded for marriage as a toddler but it may have taken them a few years to sneak out of the country. If we want to stand up for woman’s rights this is what we need to be fighting against.
Leah L 4 years ago
For those looking for even more context the scenario above is one of the most common but it can vary widely. Sometimes toddlers will be sent off to her future grooms house to work as a slave until she can have babies, and keep working as a slave. Sometimes the marriage ceremonies do happen at a very very young age. In those cases it’s implied the actual relations happen later but who knows. Parents go along with it either from cultural norms that they believe in or are forced to believe in. Financial reason usually play a big role, the groom almost always pays money for the child bride. This is one of the reasons that the western view of ending child labor has been devastating for woman in certain countries. We are horrified by an 11 year old working in a factory but when she no longer has that option her parents are more likely to sell her for marriage or trafficking. It sounds terrible from our western lens but when you have 10 children you do what you need to do
Load More Replies... Caro Caro 4 years ago
Jeeees. You dodged a bullet. That "prince" wanted a toddler ... Disgusting.
Zophra 4 years ago
I think these are marraiges that are arranged from an early age, not that she would be married at the age of 6?
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Phendrena 4 years ago (edited)
If you follow the link to the post on reddit (click the tiny grey text, bottom left under the article) you also get the following info that the writer of this article failed to copy-n-paste over ::: "I want to be clear that the dude was not a pedo, this was going to be an arranged marriage for when I became of age." :::: Also the country she moved from is Kenya :::: Moved to Canada :::: She also clarifies other details such as who the particular prince was and a few details, but you need to read the reddit thread for that info.
Bob Belcher 4 years ago
There must be a lot missing to this story. Why was he wanting that family to be married into his. At that level of society, marriage is still very much a business deal.
Monday 4 years ago
He was a teenager, but the whole thing was arranged by the president (his father), he didn't get a say in it either.
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Vicky Zar 4 years ago
It could be a misunderstanding of what age group a toddler belongs to. Maybe english is not her native language and she thought a toddler is "before school age". OR she meant 6 months and not 6 years
Load More Replies... #8
My great-uncle (dad's uncle) left me a large sum of money in trust that I was to receive at either age 25, graduated from college, or was honorably discharged from military service (he retired from military), whichever came first. I had no idea and I'm glad I didn't. I joined the military right out of high school and when I had my DD-214 in hand, my parents took me to a lawyer who laid it all out. Wow. Because of the enhanced GI Bill, I didn't have to touch a cent of it for tuition. I did use it to buy a house though.
I miss my great-uncle as much for his wisdom as his company.
#9
When I turned 18 I got a letter from a distant Aunt and Uncle wishing me a happy birthday.
I hadn’t seen them since I was a a baby, but there’s hundreds of pictures of them and me together when I was a baby. They used to babysit me a lot and take me on vacations with them.
My Mom told me they used me to smuggle things. I guess they said it was super easy to smuggle just about anything with a baby. At one point literally hiding cocaine in my diaper.
V Martinez 4 years ago
I was wondering if they were going to be the real parents instead. Like an open adoption or they had the kid too young and so another friend/family took in the kid. But smugglers, alrighty then
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Bama Belle 4 years ago
I knew a couple who wanted a little adventure in their lives after becoming empty nesters, so they joined a traveling carnival. They loved the lifestyle until they realized they were helping smuggle drugs!
Meanwhile, the author of the thread, Skadarski, told Bored Panda that the inspiration to create the thread came to them out of nowhere and that they didn't think that the question would get as much attention as it did.
"It was kind of what some people call a shower thought: 'What if I'm adopted? What if I was exchanged at birth? What if I have a lost sibling somewhere out in the world? What if my family has been hiding some weird stuff from me?' To be honest, we have all wondered about these questions at some point in our lives, and for the vast majority of us, family secrets are no more than innocent, basic stuff. I've stumbled quite often on stories telling about a mindboggling search for a lost brother or whatnot, so the idea for the thread came to me without much difficulty," they shared with Bored Panda why their thread was relatable to so many people out there.
#10
Found out that my Dad was one the loudest student leaders that fought the Marcos dictatorship, he led a propaganda movement, captured and tortured by the PC, and was desaparecido for a few years , the horrors he experienced I cant even--
Stephanie IV 4 years ago (edited)
I admire anybody with so much backbone. Heroism can cost so dearly and we all need such fearless examples.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
He was a hero. My uncle and my parents always fought against the Franco dictature (but in the 70s so it was less dangerous than before). My grandfather died when my father was young so they barely knew each other . We discovered some years ago that not only he was part of the resistance against the dictature before meeting my grandma but he also was in jail for some time because of this. I have never seen my father more proud. To this day we dont know if me granma (hyper catholic and pro Franco) ever knew about it.
Stannous Flouride 4 years ago
The US, especially California, has lots of Filipino patriots who fled here. Because of the large Filipino communities they were able to blend in, sometimes changing their names, sometimes becoming a "family" member of someone already living here*. Despite laws protecting people requesting political asylum the process is often tainted by racism and political expediency. The last administration was only different in that they were open about it and did it in much larger numbers than the previous ones. *I had a Philippine History teacher who was one of those and only told me after Marcos was deposed.
#11
Not me but my Grandpa. During the Vietnam war, my Grandma had a baby with an American Soldier when she was sixteen. Not knowing this, my Grandpa still raised my half aunt. My Grandpa fought as well. He battled alcoholism, PTSD, The Viet Cong, and fled a country he swore to protect. After my family moved to Iowa, my Grandma finnaly told the truth about my half aunt. My Grandpa just stood up, went to the fridge for a beer, and told my Grandma "I still raised her". I never doubted my Grandpa's love for his family after my other aunt told me this.
AzKhaleesi 4 years ago
We just found out something similar about a year ago. Thank you 23 and me. My cousin did it and his dad did it and it came back that something wasn't right. After some digging found out my grandma had her first born (my uncle) with another man. It was very hush hush, my grandfather married her and raised him as his own and they both took that secret to their graves. We never knew....ever. They had three more boys so four in total and none of the brothers knew. Sad thing was by the time my uncle found his "father" he had died too. I was really angry at first because me and my grandma told each other everything (or so I thought) but then I realized just how much more love and admiration I had for my grandpa because he raised him his whole life and never ever broke the secret. Not in anger, not ever. Amazing.
Marilyn Ransberry 4 years ago
After my mom died we found her dad’s will that referred to my mom’s older sister as his stepdaughter. She had died previously but the younger sister revealed that her mom had been married to a guy who took her to the USA from Canada. She was an abused wife and her father went and brought her home. She married my grandfather and no one ever mentioned that she wasn’t his daughter .
Ophelia Vandergurgleduffen 4 years ago
This is extraordinary because children of Vietnamese mothers and GI fathers were often shunned. Your grandfather is a very loving man.
Tamara Arden 3 years ago
You don't just accept the woman but not her children because they aren't yours. Good on him.
Kai Scadden 4 years ago
*My grandad went up to the fridge and got a beer and said"I raised her"* I laughed at this
#12
My dad used to take all of my christmas and birthday money—my brother’s too—for our ‘college fund.’
We didnt have access to the account till we turned 18. Day before my older brother’s birthday, old man drains the account and buys a new car… for himself. Told us that was always the plan and that if we wanted to go pay for school we’d better go get jobs.
Please never do this to your kids. It will probably contribute to trust issues, esp financially. But I wouldnt know. I cant afford therapy lol
Marno C. 4 years ago
I'd want to tell the people who'd given those cash gifts over the years. Let them have a discussion with dear ol' Dad.
Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
Stealing from your own children is about as low as it gets. Ass. Hole.
Dave P 4 years ago
He should see if that account was a special one for college savings, because those have a different tax status, or if their names were ever on the account, because then you have him for fraud
CrunChewy McSandybutt 4 years ago
I knew a young man who got into a horrific accident that left him with scars and missing teeth. After a couple of years, he got a settlement that would pay for the dental procedures he desperately needed. But his garbage father spent the money on a new Harley. F*****g white trash.
Nubis Knight 4 years ago
I think you could try to sue him. The money was a gift to you and your brother. He can't just take it as his own. At least in Germany you'd have a legal case. Even if you're underaged (from 7 years old) you're allowed to accept money-gifts and it's yours. You need allowance from your parents to spend it on expensive items (PCS, cars etc) but they surely can't just take it from you and use it to their own benefit.
AzKhaleesi 4 years ago
What in the actual f**k???? How is that "always the plan" what a douche bag
In Skadarski's opinion, parents keep some things secret in order to not traumatize their kids. When they're older, they're more mature and can absorb some information in stride, without letting it break them.
"I've tried to read most of the answers to the original post; there is some outright creepy stuff down there. I remember one user who wrote that their mom accidentally put their cat in the washing machine when they were a kid. The cat died, but the user did not learn about this until their adulthood, believing until then that their cat ran away," the redditor gave us one particular example.
"I can see why not telling a kid that their cat was drowned in the washing machine is a reasonable decision. Honesty is the best policy but not always. Some things should better be hidden until the child is old enough to figure enough for himself, or when he is grown up, so he can digest the news calmly."
#13
That secret was revealed to me not when I reached adulthood but when my father passed away. When I was a baby, I had a baby doll which I loved. I still have that doll now that I am 28 y.o. One day, a month about after my fathers death, my mother told me that he had bought me 3 same baby dolls and when the one I was using had gotten damaged, he secretly replaced her with a new one. He kept that secret as a present for the day of my wedding, along with all the baby dolls I had used all those years. He didn't make it to reveal it to me himself.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Oh, argh this thread is messing with my emotions ❤ he kept the old dollies!
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
My brother had a cloth dolly he always slept with and when he lost it, there was an identical one in the church nursery mom ran so she swapped another toy for it. He had that dolly till the night before his wedding when he finally gave what had turned into a gross pile of rags a viking funeral. I'm not sure his wife knows. But we have pictures of him as a little boy at a wedding being the ring bearer with these two pink doll feet sticking out from under the pillow. He was too scared to walk down the aisle without her.
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Vicky Zar 4 years ago
It was her favorite doll. Ever seen a Teddy bear after years of using it? It's not pretty. The doll could have been made out of fabric. It has to be washed, it is being used! Normal wear and tear over years. They did not say he replaced it every day.
Load More Replies... #14
A few years after my dad died (2001) my mum told me that he had given her an ultimatum back in 1993, a year after his first heart attack. She did absolutely everything for him, tea on the table when he got home, all the laundry & ironing his shirts as well as running a shop (that he wanted) full time & all alone. By this time they had been married for 32 years, he had many things he did without her/us, he played football, cricket, golf etc, she didn’t have anything. When he got home from work he was in control of the main tv, she would watch a black & white portable in the kitchen if she wanted to watch something else. In 1993 I started college, I’m the youngest & there was only 2 of us still at home. So mum found she had some time on her hands, she started visiting a friends house & they would just sit & chat whilst knitting. She would walk down there & more often than not her friends son in law would drive her home. Now before she left home she would make sure dad still had his tea or if he wasn’t home she would make it & leave it for him. This ultimatum he gave was to stop visiting her friend or get a divorce! I was devastated when she told me, I explained that if we had known we would have all been in her corner & even encouraged her to go with the divorce & if anything she should have divorced him! As much as I miss the man I still want to give him a slap for being so f**king stupid & petty.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
What a Sh!t husband. Men like that always want to marry a sweet quiet mouse.
K Witmer 4 years ago
My dad was this man. It took a major car accident that left him totally dependent on his third wife to finally change his ways. I was sort of estranged from my dad growing up but man those last ten years of his life he became my best friend I'm grateful for the accident that he was in even though it shortened his life bc he would've never changed and became a great father husband and friend. Some men need a real kick in the face in order to get their priorities straight.
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Calypso poet 4 years ago
My parents are divorced and I'm not surprised because they are both @ssholes. Some people just need to be alone. I surprisingly have a very good marriage but it took a lot of my own screw ups to figure relationships out.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
I can't even imagine. My parents split everything pretty much 50/50. When my dad died mom actually had to call me about how to use the washer ( it was like 30 years old and you had to jimmy some bits to make it work) because dad always did the laundry as well as fixing the machine when it broke.
Kai Scadden 4 years ago
Wow thirty that's three times the lifespan of washers
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Floofy Samoyed 4 years ago
So she did everything for him ,whilst he played sports ( showing that he was fine to take care of himself) , then when the mother found a good thing he divorces her for it .
Azure Adams 4 years ago
Your dad is an asshole! Don't revere him or put him on a pedestal. Spit on his grave!
#15
That I had a much older half-sister. Apparently my father had got some girl knocked up in high school, her parents didn't like him and thought they were too young to raise a kid, so they just packed up and moved. He knew she existed, but never tried to locate her and just moved on with his life. After I was in college, the sister had contacted him and they got together. Well nobody bothered to mention this fact to me until I come home from college for Thanksgiving and this strange women is sitting at the table and my dad says, "Meet your sister."
Nicola Roberts 4 years ago
You can hear the resentment and disdain in this story. I hope things improved.
Mia Smith 4 years ago
Absolutely, Nicola. That was my first thought too. The wording she uses...she is NOT happy.
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Naima Ivansdóttir 4 years ago
something very similar happened to someone i used to know as a kid. his father had an affair with a swede some years before he was born and always kept in touch with the mother and the daughter eventually. his wife knew, and at one point they introduced him to his 17yo swede half sister. she came and spent the holidays with them (our summer houses were close and we usually spent the summer holidays all together)
JessG 4 years ago
Well, seeing as how she was invited to Thanksgiving, I'd imagine they stayed in touch? Who knows man, families are weird
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LK 4 years ago
My cousins found out about a secret half brother. My older cousin was born first - my aunt and uncle divorced. They eventually got back together a few years later and had my younger cousin. Turns out while they were divorced he got a secret child with someone else! We didn’t find out until my youngest cousin was 18
Gabrielle Daylano 4 years ago
My boyfriend told his parents about me and that I have a son. He then learned that his older sister is his half sister. His father met his mother while she was pregnant and raised it as his own daughter. They didn't bother to tell my boyfriend, because it felt like it was his.
Scarlett Fox 4 years ago
My husband's parents did this to him. My MIL was married prior to getting together with my FIL - which my husband knew. What he DIDN'T know was that his mom and her first husband had adopted a daughter together. After the first marriage split and MIL and FIL got married and had a couple kids of their own, they literally got rid of the adopted girl (they made her a "ward of the Crown" meaning she went back into foster care and they no longer had any custody over her.) My husband was very young when this happened, so he had no memory of her. When he was about 12, he came home from school one day to find a young adult woman sitting in the kitchen with his parents. They introduced her as his sister. It messed him up really bad.
Redditor Skadarski also believes that certain secrets should be buried forever. Bringing them to light would only cause harm and suffering. "If it's a fairly traumatizing event (family death, pet death, etc.) it is better for it to be kept hidden. Lots of parents don't fully tell to their kids what their life was before they met their future mom/dad. I think the moment we decide to keep something a secret is quite arbitrary and varies with each family."
They added: "Most of the time though, it if is serious enough to damage the family ties, better keep your mouth shut."
#16
I am 43 and recently found out that my grandfather, he had passed away before I was born, was in prison when he was 16 for killing his father. There were reports of child and spouse abuse and alcoholism. My family looks at is as he was protecting his siblings. When he got out of prison he met my grandmother and they had 11 children that be protected until his death!
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
My parents have 11 kids. They have a great marriage, are helping their 4 oldest kids learn how to live by themselves, have given and are giving us a good education, a good life, and showing us that a husband should actively participate in his family. My dad spends a lot of his spare time helping care for the little kids 💜.
Load More Replies... Sally Appleton 4 years ago (edited)
I had an uncle who was a really good cook. Found out after he died that he had learned to cook in prison. He killed multiple people.
Ronna Stefan 4 years ago
I'm glad he got out and went on to have a good life. An old friend of my grandmother had a similar thing - lots of abuse in the family, and the oldest son shot the dad and was put in jail at age 14. Luckily, even though it was a long time ago, the judge gave a fairly light sentence and the young man eventually built a good life for himself.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
I'm sure that despite the fact that this guy was defending his family, there are a lot of people who will say that he didn't have the right to kill the jerk.
Kai Scadden 4 years ago
*claps for her granddad* *runs to wherever the ghost of his dad is*SMACKS HER GREAT-GRANDDAD IN THE FACE
#17
That college fund that they were always talking about had $148.74 in it.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago
This is horrible but the real horror is Americans like me still live in a country where education suddenly switches to a personal financial burden before it is complete. You are a senior in High School with your education being payed from a public coffer because we know education is key to success, survival, and the building of a good citizen. After that our youth are denied completion of what they need to contribute unless they pay money they do not have because they do not have the skills yet to earn it. How many Einsteins and Steven Spielbergs (Art is important too) have we lost solely because they couldn't afford to finish what they started? If even countries like Kenya, Germany, and Panama continue free education into the college years because it makes better citizens, we can do that here as well.
Christel Nellemann 4 years ago
Yes. I became a doctor in my country, Denmark, because of this. Free education, and relatively cheap student loanes to help with rent and food. It is a good base for making people happy and usefull for society at the same time . And i was never sad to pay taxes. It helps my country and fellow countrymen and creates a good stable society.
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Miss Cellania 4 years ago (edited)
My parents saved diligently in several accounts, and by the time I went to college, my fund had $110. But it was never a secret, and they prepared me to get scholarships and loans. Besides, that was 50 years ago, and that money covered a semester's worth of books.
Ronald Morrison 3 years ago
Don't know if I should laugh or cry over that! Been there but my family tried!
#18
My aunty casually brought up one Christmas after my dad had died that he went missing for TWO YEARS when he was twenty and nobody ever knew where he went! He just reappeared one day "looking like jesus" and never explained where he went or what happened and then continued on living his life and literally no-one ever mentioned it again so I never got to ask him about it. So wild.
Crochet lady 4 years ago
I didn't meet one of my mom's brother's until I was in my late 30s because he was in prison for much of his adult life for stealing a military plane (he didn't have a clue how to fly). I invited him to my home, invited my mom to come too, they hadn't seen each other since they were kids. They giggled and talked like two small children. He was a delightful man, he died a couple of years later.
It’s difficult to gauge how much we should be sharing with our family members when every case seems unique. And let’s not forget how awkward and embarrassed we might feel talking about sensitive issues or (un)pleasant experiences. Getting past that is no easy feat and requires quite a bit of tussling within yourself to quiet down your ego for the sake of the entire family.
Keeping secrets locked up deep inside of you can harm you and your loved ones, PsychCentral explains. For instance, keeping secrets from your partner can lead to a breakdown in communication in a relationship or marriage. Then, by extension, any children you have might suffer as a result as the bond between both parents weakens (and possibly even breaks).
#19
My dad's friend commited suicide by shooting himself in the head in front of my dad and some other friends when he was 15 years old. They were all hanging out at the friend's house having a good time, when he went upstairs, grabbed his father's pistol, and came back down calling everyone's attention. He then put the gun to his head, squeezed the trigger, and collapsed behind a couch. They all thought it was some sort of sick joke at first, until they looked over the couch and saw his body and the blood. I first heard this story from my mom when I was 18, which explained some of my dad's behavior towards toy guns when I was a kid, but I never brought it up to him. I just hoped that one day he would open up to me about and eventually he did, but we haven't talked about it since then. I'm amazed how my dad dad turned out to be such a great man having to expeience something awful like that at such a young age, but according to him it's something that never left him either. He still has nightmares about it and get really uneasy in movies and TV shows when they show someone getting shot in the head.
Laura Jones 4 years ago
awful for anyone to experience let alone a young man no wonder it haunted him
Bama Belle 4 years ago
My mother was weird about us kids (and grandkids) eating apples. Even peeled, she would complain they were a choking hazard and it made her nervous. I was an adult before my grandmother mentioned one day that my mother's little cousin choked to death on an apple in front of my mother when she was herself just a little girl.
Black Karen 4 years ago
My mother does this. One bad thing happens to someone else and she uses it to instill fear about EVERYTHING. As a kid I was never allowed to swim, go to sleepovers, ride a bike, or eat birthday treats at school because something bad happened to her related to all of those things. Sad for what happened to the grandma. But It's one thing to never overcome when something bad happens but to pass your generational fear/paranoia onto others.
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Sue Lynn Chan 4 years ago
I hope he took therapy. He could have a trauma to see his friends died like that....
kjorn 4 years ago
that about nightmares to have. my brother discover our dad when he hanged himself in our basement.
Carrie Podhirny 4 years ago
My father was in an identical situation. My dad has passed now and I never knew until my brother told me a few months ago.
#20
Not an adult, but my mom died giving birth to me, but I just found out a few months ago that I had a twin sister that died during childbirth to. She wasn't really strong enough to survive. I think I stole all the good stuff inside. It would be cool having a mom and a twin sister but the world had diffrent plans i guess.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
You stole nothing, it was not stealing ❤ I'm so sorry for your losses, I can't even pretend to know how hard that must be for you
Marno C. 4 years ago
Maybe reframe it as she had just enough strength to give you to the world; you were her parting gift to life, her final and best achievement.
Monday 4 years ago
I like that. The twin died because both she and the mom gave every spark of life they had to ensure OP lived.
Load More Replies... The Redhead 4 years ago
Hugs. Don't feel that you stole anything. Complications in child birth are more common than most people know. Live life to the fullest.
Louloubelle 4 years ago
I had twins, and with identical twins you run the risk of what is called "twin to twin transfer". They're in the same placenta and the blood vessels, for lack of a better word, start intermingling. And one ends up with too much blood (this was a long time ago, so bear with me, if I don't have all the science right). But, if you're lucky, a barrier forms between them creating separate sacs. Which mine did, but I didn't know it for quite some time. I lived in fear that one would die. But I guarantee, had that happened, I would have loved the one I had left, even more, and would never have wanted that child to feel guilty about something that was simply science. Poor girl.
Cheryl 4 years ago
You stole nothing. You were meant to survive. Live your best life for you and as a tribute to them!
#21
So when I had my son, my dad got very emotional and pleaded with me to get him vaccinated as soon as he can. I was taken aback because I: already booked his 2 month vaccines, and my dad got very distraught out of the blue. Then he let me know why he was upset. So between my vaccines, as an infant, I caught whooping cough. If I didn't have my first vaccine and booster I'd probably be dead. None of the whopping cough vaccines lined up with the other boosters after a certain time period on my records. I was in and out of hospital and as a toddler sickly. I remember going into the washroom at night for steaming air, and having 3 inhalers. Nights up with my parents...it must have been miserable for them. Also breath stress tests once I started puberty. I was told asthma, but I never had any attacks. I just had trouble with my lungs in general. As a parent now, I would definitely be a wreck...no wonder all these years later he's so traumatized still.
Ranch Dressing 4 years ago
My brother nearly died from whooping cough too. He was too young for the vaccine and ended up in the NICU. All the family was there surrounding his crib thinking it was the end.... Can you imagine a tiny baby unable to breathe during a coughing fit? He was very lucky he survived.
I want cake 4 years ago
Oh god that must have been horrific. I had whooping cough when I was in my mid-twenties and spent months waking up in de middle of the night with my throat constricted, coughing and gasping and thinking genuinely that I was going to suffocate to death. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, least of all an infant.
Load More Replies... K Witmer 4 years ago
Yes I wish the covid vaccine deniers would stop trying to win an argument that doesn't exist
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Sonia Bailey 4 years ago
I caught whooping cough when I was 3. Back in the 70's when I was born, there was concern that the pertussis vaccine could cause brain damage in certain vulnerable children. As I'd had a fit at 6 weeks old, I couldn't have it. I was seriously ill for weeks and it took months for me to recover. I still have respiratory tract problems now, I pretty much have a permanent cough and and am prone to laryngospasm. You bet my kids are vaxxed!
vogonpoet 4 years ago
My uncle died from tetanus when he was 2 & 1/2. My family, up to that point, had been very anti-vax. After that, my grandmother has always been on point when it came to her grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, being vaccinated. My ex-husband refused to allow my youngest daughters to get vaccinated, until he relinquished all rights to their well-being a few years ago (because he wanted to move back to the USA, and not have shared custody of our daughters).
Joe Reaves 4 years ago
There was a woman in the news a while back reminding pregnant women to get the whooping cough vaccine. They'd offered it to her and she was like oh I'm healthy and young I don't need that. Of course until they're old enough to be vaccinated themselves babies rely on the antibodies they got from their mothers. Her baby caught whooping couch and spent a while in PICU struggling to breathe. She said she just hadn't realised why it was important.
Hello Dolly 4 years ago
I made all of my relatives that were going to see the baby get the vaccine as well. My mail was there in the room for the birth. I told my SO and her that they both had to have the vaccine or they would not be allowed in the room they both thought it was stupid but they got the shot!
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
Strange hearing these, When I was 4 I had whooping cough, presume I was vaccinated as I never needed hospitalization or ay special treatments
Ranch Dressing 4 years ago
Whooping cough is particularly dangerous to infants
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Carlotta Müller 3 years ago
If one is pregnant one should be vaccinated against whooping cough in one part of preganacy so the baby would have the antibodies from the mother untill the first vaccine. Newborn babies can easily die from this illness, I understand your father, that he was so in panic.
Kai Scadden 4 years ago
My Avo(dads Mom) exposed me to my aunt who had whooping cough.(I was a baby,Aunt was 7) My Avo was anti-vaccine.my parents listened to her until this point when they found out Gabby(aunt) had whooping cough.I've been fully vaccinated against whooping cough.I'm also IMMUNE TO CHICKEN POX!!
Kai Scadden 4 years ago
Me:shares my story that happened on life,GETS A DOWNVOTE!I bet it was an anti-vaccinator
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Kai Scadden 4 years ago
You realize nobody liked you or asked.it might not stop it entirely but it makes you get better faster.you are an idiot and shouldn't exist
Load More Replies...Meanwhile, keeping secrets can also lead to a build-up of resentment when the truth inevitably comes to light. It can get even worse if your partner or family member suspects that something fishy is going on, but you refuse to open up to them. In short, fibbing and full-on secrecy mode is no way to go through life. Honesty is easier and far better. Though some secrets will have to wait until your kids are a bit older and wiser, others are best shared, so they can understand the truth, instead of living in a world of illusions.
#22
How much money my dad had. We could have had a much bigger house in a fancy neighborhood with a pool and all kinds of stuff, but we had what we needed in our modest bungalow, and we never went without. He was very wise with his money and was very generous.
June 4 years ago (edited)
The idea of having a big house or a pool gives me anxiety. I value more a smol, cozy place, cozy life, with nothing more than I need (having a lot of things I don't need also gives me anxiety). Maybe he was the kind of person who values simple things :)
eimipet 4 years ago
IDC abt a pool either, but it would be nice to have a bigger house (when we moved/sold our old house, we moved into a smaller house so every room is cluttered with boxes)
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Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago (edited)
Money doesn't buy happiness but it does buy opportunities for it. Some people prefer to spend $10K on a motorcycle and some people prefer to spend $1k every year for 10 years on a neighbor's kids smile after surviving cancer because you helped pay for their chemo. Both are risky investments that had an increased possibility of death if something went wrong, but for me, that kid's smile is worth a million motorcycles. For others, they need that motorcycle to escape their own pain. As long as the money was spent to make the world a little better, it was a good investment.
Kevin Camp 4 years ago
If you have the things you need, a warm bed, food on the table, and a little extra for some entertainment once a year, and can still afford to cover emergencies that inevitably happen while still be charitable, that is a good life. Aspire to that.
MIA J RODRIGUEZ 4 years ago
It would be nice to have a big house but i feel comfortable with what i have. Also large closed up places like large rooms give me anxiety
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Maybe not so much of a problem as long as everyone was comfortable and their needs are met.
Load More Replies... #23
Several years ago my dad dropped the truth bomb that he didn't think I was his kid when I was born. My mum had an affair and he thought I was an illicit lovechild.
As soon as I started growing, he could see a lot of himself in my features so eventually brushed it off. But like... gee thanks dad. Not sure I needed to know that.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
That did not need to be said. Damn, that child didn't need to hear that, grown or not
Joonscrab 4 years ago (edited)
Exactly!! Why would he tell this to his kid like he had any hand in this?? . He had to just talk with his wife
Load More Replies... Bob Belcher 4 years ago
My brother found out last year by his ex-wife of 8 years that neither his 14 year old daughter or 12 year old son are his. Two separate DNA test and one of the actual fathers coming forward proved it. Eight years of child support stolen from him and she knew the truth the whole time. It sucks, it happens.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago (edited)
Ah s**t that is really hard, and f*****g selfish of the mum (scuse my opinion). I'm so sorry for your brother and for the children
Load More Replies... snipergun 4 years ago
Sounds like he said it when you were old enough to understand. See, it was on his shoulders this whole time, first thought of his wife having affair, then child being born which possibly wasn't his and later on guilt of doubting you were his. I can see why he wanted to tell you. He's also just a human and it probably bothered him since then.
vogonpoet 4 years ago
My partner was like that about his son. We had a non-committal friendship-with-benefits when I found out I was pregnant. However, I'm a sucker for genealogy, and have had all my kids DNA tested for research. Boy is his fathers son, DNA proven. Don't need DNA when looking at the two together. So very similar.
Cecilie Hammershøy 4 years ago
My stepfather and his son looks a lot like my stepfather. Only catch is, that my stepfather is adopted. So you can't always go on looks.
#24
My adopted brother was actually my cousin. We knew my aunt died in a car crash, but they left out that my uncle was shot/murdered with his son in the room. He was 3 years old at the time, and alone with the body until the next morning. My brother was a pretty troubled kid, and it made a lot of sense when we found out what he had gone through and how he had received basically zero counseling after.
Marno C. 4 years ago
Poor kid. A lot of people think 3 years old is too young to remember trauma, but it's not. Kids might not have a lot of lucid memories, but the feelings of disruption and confusion are still there.
Kira Okah 4 years ago
The brain wires itself in response to trauma from birth, even with no memory or words. Brain scans have proven this.
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Kendra Miller 4 years ago
I remember being potty trained, so ya, something traumatic like this could very well stick. Though since one brother didn't know, the adopted one likely didn't either. Growing up with a family that acts like it's your family, talks like their your family and looks like you, he might have just thought it was a strange nightmare and dismissed it.
#25
My mom was super anti-abortion her whole life, we figured it was just religion. Turns out her mom (my grandma) got put in jail for helping women do illegal abortions in Illinois before Roe vs Wade. Everyone found out because women kept turning up almost bleeding to death. Turns out back alley abortions are super dangerous
Sanne H. 4 years ago (edited)
And all forms of protection should be cheap or even free.
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Laugh or not 4 years ago
Yes, back alley abortions are very dangerous, which is why legal abortion is so important and must be a right.
Naima Ivansdóttir 4 years ago
it would have made much more sense for her to support legal abortion...
Zophra 4 years ago
Yeah, I was a bit confused too at the resulting mindset.
Load More Replies... MaryAnn Ryan 4 years ago
That's why abortion should remain legal and return to being much more easily accessible.
Jayne Kyra 4 years ago
Here is a comment from Reddit. "Yes, that's how the back alley abortion works. It's not a safe medical procedure that you just go home after. They induce a miscarriage through whatever dangerous methods (including using the infamous coat hanger), and then drop you off at a hospital suffering obvious distress and "Oh, no, we can't save the baby! I don't know what happened! /s"
chuck.dont.surf 4 years ago
This is going to start happening again in TX with the heartbeat bill. Most women don't even know they're pregnant at 6 weeks.
Jenna Howe 4 years ago
Since it's 6 weeks after your last period, and the egg isn't ready until mid-cycle, you aren't even pregnant for the first two weeks.
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Mariya Stoyanova 4 years ago
This is counterintuitive - she should be PRO-choice exactly because illegal abortions are so much more dangerous. I think her mother (the grandma) would have been firious with her daughter's anti-abortion stance
#26
When I was 16 I got my learners permit and I decided to test for my license at 17. I had just gotten my motorcycle working and wanted to be able to ride it but I needed the drivers license portion to attach the endorsement to. Once I had my license, my mom told me that I got one free call, she didn't care what state I was in, how messed up I was... Didnt matter, she would come pick me up no questions asked. (She said she might ask if im okay or if a guy hurt me or something like that.) About a month after that, I get a call from her at like 9PM and she says she went out with a few friends and accidentally got drunk and needed me to come get her. Because she gave me one free call, she figured that she should also get one free call. This was weird because she never drank while growing up. She had one bottle of Khaluha (can't remember the spelling srry) on the top of the fridge and it was there since I could remember. So I said sure and took a bus out to the resturant so I could drive the car back. While in the car she started to tell me about her night with friends and how nice it was to go out. I could tell that she definitely had way too much by how she talked. Then she said something that I never forgot. "Alice, you were my biggest mistake. I had you hoping to save the marriage with your father, if I had known children were career killers, I wouldn't have let my family bully me into having a child. I would have focused on being happy instead." Then she kinda mumbled a bit and fell asleep. I wasn't in the greatest head space at the time and I remember thinking to myself. "You're driving, you can't cry and lose control. Keep it together." I managed to get home safely and carry my mom to her bed. I set an empty bucket down next to her bed, laid her on her side and left a cup of water on the nightstand. I spent the night with a pack of razors thinking to myself that if I did something bad, it would only make her sacrifice a waste. The next morning when she woke up she asked me what happened the previous night and I told her she called me drunk so I took a bus and drove her home in her car so she wouldn't have to go back to the resturant to get it. I was thanked and told im the best kid ever and then I was heavily interrogated on how I knew to set out water and a bucket. About a month later I asked if she ever regretted having children and she told me her kids were the light of her world. And that's when I realized. The secret she revealed to me is how we as a society treat ourselves and others. We avoid hard conversations and we avoid owning up to mistakes. We shy away from grief and sadness and topics on negative emotions make us uncomfortable. It's far easier to just lie and pretend nothing is wrong than to acknowledge the feelings we have. We hide in ignorance and thrive in recklessly abandoning honesty. I also learned that growing up, our parents are our heroes. She survived 2008 with multiple kids, working in the housing industry... I always considered her my hero, and I still do. But... I also learned that day heroes aren't perfect. Tl;dr: i learned humans love to lie to others and ourselves, and to not do drugs and stay in school. And get lots of sleep along with staying hydrated.
Moosy Girl 4 years ago
I think both of those things (regretting having children and them still being the light of your world) can be true at the same time. You could break the circle of lies by telling your mom honestly what she drunkenly told you that night and talking about it.
JensenDK 4 years ago
Yes, it is totally possible to feel both. My mother told me about trying to provoce an abortion, when she was 19 and unwanted pregnant. She didn't succeed - and there is no question that my older brother was as loved as the rest of us.
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Pungent Sauce 4 years ago
I found a similar confession on my moms computer after she passed, a kid she never wanted that turned out to be the best thing ever. The sacrifices that woman made for a weird little boy can bring me to tears in a heartbeat, and I miss her every day.
K Witmer 4 years ago
This was a sad story. When we are drunk we exaggerate. I'm a mother and it's so very complicated how we're sort of coerced into motherhood. We love our children more than anything but a lot of us we're not given a choice that's where the resentment lies. It's not w our children. It's w ourselves and how we let ourselves be pushed by others. I just thought that's what I was supposed to do get married have kids live happily ever after. I'm so glad the younger generations aren't having kids if they don't want them. I secretly hope my daughter doesn't have them bc of climate change. Women fight so hard for choices no one should ever be shamed into doing what others see fit for them.
Aunt Messy 4 years ago
No. When you're drunk, you lose your filters and say what you WANT to say.
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Donkey boi 4 years ago
Just because a kid is a mistake does not mean it's not loved. My friend did a really stupid thing and ended up hospitalised for a little over a month. He fell in love with the person in the next bed and later married them. He regrets the the stupid thing he did, but not what can out of it.
snipergun 4 years ago
I think on your place, I'd tell her. But alcohol talking is also not always real truth, yes sometimes drunk person is more honest but sometimes it mixes up feelings and emotions. So I wouldn't necessarily think this was 100% honesty, but knowing what she said, you could encourage her to do what she couldn't before. Get education, do research, offer her help if possible. Life's too short but anytime is good to start something which makes you (her) happy.
Nubis Knight 4 years ago
Please also remember alcohol can bring out the worst in people and they may tell things that are less the hard truth but bitter inner thoughts that just break out when you're at your worst and really think differently about it, when you're sobber/good. I don't drink but depression will also do this to you and at my worst my thoughts (about the worth of myself) are completly different from when I'm really myself. So yes, your mother may sometimes regret she got you but I think she doesn't necessarily lie when she says her kids (including you) are the light of her life. Wish you the best. <3
Denise Lewis 4 years ago
well it's better than what my mother had to say when my third sibling got cancer terminally ill my mother said she wished she never f%%%%%% children there were six of us she then left my sister who took care of her for 30 years had the car repo my sisters treatments were a two hour drive she also had my brother beat the crap out of her son and then charged him with elder abuse to make her self look good for leaving his dying mother
Whitey Black 4 years ago
My old man was drunk & miserable & constantly said hurtful things to my 3 brothers & 2 sisters, but his hatred of me was unreal. He once told me, "I should've thrown your mother down the stairs & caused your miscarriage." Yeah, a real sweet guy. My Ma is an absolute angel however, & when he beat her up for the umpteenth time when I was 10 or so, my older brothers beat the snot out of him & put him in the hospital for weeks. They'd simply had enough & broke his jaw, cheekbone, wrist, a few ribs, ruptured an eardrum & screwed up his vision for life. He ended up in prison a few years later after numerous arrests, including constantly ignoring restraining orders, & died broke & alone last year. Screw him.
Carlotta Müller 3 years ago
I think it was as she told you: She was bullied into having kids. She didn't wanted children out of her own free will. Such is a so deep hurt, I think even if you sometime later love them nonetheless, this hurt will stay. And perhaps she never had anyone to talk to about this. Women were often the rights to her own bodoes denied. I'm sure she loves you and her other children, but that will not cure the hurt. I know it must be hard to hear her say such a thing, but she sure loves you.
#27
After my dad died, my mom sat me and my brother down and told us we were both conceived by IVF with sperm from anonymous donors. I was 30 at the time. A subsequent DNA test confirmed we were only half siblings. The revelation explained a lot, but I'm still processing even now and don't know how to feel about it.
Nicky 4 years ago
Best to tell kids when they're super young so they grow up knowing and it's not a big deal. That 's what I did with my daughter. It was much less traumatic than the shock I experienced when I found out my sister was adopted when I was 12.
LH25 4 years ago
I agree. I don't remember my parents telling me my brother and I were adopted. I just always knew. When I was about 8 or so a younger cousin told me I was adopted. She did realize I guess that I knew that already.
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Kyle 4 years ago
I had an IVF baby who is now a wonderful married woman. When she was 3 (I Was a single mom) she asked me how she got here and I explained to her that I’d wanted her so much I went to a doc who helped me have her. I said I’d been waiting for a long time. She replied that she’d been waiting for me in heaven. Best. Day. Ever. There’s ways to tell kids complicated things in their own terms. She was perfectly fine with it.
Devil's Advocate 4 years ago
Scientifically, family is DNA. Emotionally, family is the people we feel at home with
Not Proud British 4 years ago
There is nothing to process. Your father could not conceive children, but they both badly wanted you, so went about it another way. Both your parents have raised you and loved you. You are wanted. What is there to process?
Black Karen 4 years ago
This is so invalidating and disgusting. Dont go into therapy as a profession.
Load More Replies... Ronel du Plessis 4 years ago
Like adoptions. If I ever had to adopt, I would tell them that they were adopted and why.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
If you adopt older kids, it is something you never even have to discuss. They know they are adopted.
Load More Replies... Vicky Zar 4 years ago
Maybe he just was against telling them because he feared they would not see him as their father anymore
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Ronna Stefan 4 years ago
Too bad they didn't tell you as a child. It is easier to grow up knowing the truth. I am adopted and don't ever remember being "told", it was just who I was. A friend the same age as I was "told" when she turned 25 and it really messed with her head/identity for several years.
#28
Yes. That I had a half brother that was adopted soon after his birth. I met him when I was 13. My mom kind of had to tell me as he had become a policeman and was at our house to arrest my dad. He didn’t keep in touch, I don’t blame him
Tess the ferret 4 years ago
It might be why the kid was adopted, but i don't know what he did, sorry
Load More Replies... #29
Kind of. My sister decided to take a DNA test to get some insight into her ancestry. She got her results back and had zero percent Italian, while our dad is 100% Italian. She didn’t confront them right away and instead decided to wait until I took the test and get my results. Four weeks later I got my results back and sure enough, I also had zero percent Italian, and it actually identified my biological father, who isn’t my dad. They revealed the secret when my sister intentionally let it slip that she was and I were waiting for our DNA results. I’m 38 and it never once came up. It wasn’t even really for a bad reason, they had fertility issues and went to a sperm bank. I’m honestly not sure they ever would have said anything
Olivier Caissy 4 years ago
No point. The kids were theirs, and they were obviously wanted.
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Shelli Aderman 4 years ago
Communication, communication, communication! Parents, TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN about all the things! It’ll save on therapy later! 💕
David carro 4 years ago
Is it such an.important matter? Were they full of love and care? Then they are the ones.
#30
My dad and his cousin were both raised by my Grandmother. I always thought that was odd but never questioned it. Later learned that this was due to the fact that the cousin's mom murdered her husband (Grandmother's brother).
#31
When I was 18 my mom told me how my dad cheated on her with this woman named Kathy. I actually remembered Kathy when I was kid because my dad would take my brother and I to her house. She would buy us computer games and stuff so we loved her at the time. I never understood why my mom hated her until I was older.
Kathy ended up marrying my dad's best friend. As an adult I was never nice to her and my dad would give me s**t about it. I finally told him that I knew about her and that mom had told me everything. He just said "Oh, alright then." He never gave me s**t again.
Bama Belle 4 years ago
It's not hard to understand. She loves her dad, despite the hurt he caused. She's angry, but it's much easier to take that anger out on the 'other' person, the one you don't love, the one who willingly participated in the near-destruction of your family. Maybe that's unfair but the 3rd party in an affair is blameless only if they don't know they're the 3rd party. What we do to one another matters, whether we are married to them or not, whether they are our children or not. I wish more people would remember this.
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#32
When I turned 18 my dad told me how he’d spent the better part of 10 years as a drug smuggler. Mostly cocaine and weed that they would get in South America, put on small planes to land somewhere in the Caribbean and then move to Florida on super fast boats they’d only run at night. He didn’t tell me all the insane stories I’m sure he had but he did tell me about being stuck in a bar in Colombia for an entire day during an attempted coup and how more than once they traded guns they stole to the FARC for cocaine. This was all especially crazy since to me he was pretty much the most straight laced dude alive.
Whitey Black 4 years ago
He never got busted for these things? In 10 years? He was either damn good or damn lucky. Props!
#33
My mother recently (I am 52) told me that I have a half-sibling out there somewhere. She had a child before she met my father and put him up for adoption.
Ronel du Plessis 4 years ago
My aunt also gave her son (my cousin) up for adoption. That was waaaay back just after the war and they were not married. I only learned about him 4 months before my wedding. I actually invited him and we met for the first time on my wedding.
Wheeskers 4 years ago
My sister recently found her daughter after adoption. They had searched and searched for years,. When they began talking and sharing it was great at first and then just became, meh. So we met and nothing so...on with their own lives, mystery solved but no treasure.
Kat Rob 4 years ago
Even if no lasting bonds were made it was a treasure in that it provides some closure as well as knowing the child/mother (respectively) were alive and well. Reunion can be overwhelming requiring a lot of processing. Some people in reunion move in and out of each others lives over time when each are emotionally ready.
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LivingTheDream 4 years ago (edited)
My mom told me I was adopted as soon as I was old enough to understand what it meant. I am almost 54 and just found my biological mother about a year ago from a 23 and Me DNA test. Turns out she adopted two boys years later when she got married. I am her only biological child.
#34
My father told me that my mom (a teacher) used to steal the money for school trips where she worked at. For some twisted reason she moved me and my sister to the same school. I never understood why were the other teachers so bitter towards us... Apparently there was a big scandal between the teachers, but we had no idea. Worst years of my life, finally explained.
Giles McArdell 4 years ago
Very unprofessional of the teachers to take it out on her kids though.
DDmaybeandor 4 years ago
Yes, that's true. But imagine the 13 year old child of a thief bragging about her new _____ you couldn't afford to give your child. Or the vacation they all went on. Or what if the child was a bit selfish and told a kid asking to borrow her pencil to, "get your own". I mean, it's unprofessional and terrible but so is stealing from children and people are gonna have feelings about that which could easily spill over to the children.
Load More Replies... Marno C. 4 years ago
Wait, it's not that she stole money in order to take kids on trips but rather that she stole the money that had been raised for the trips? How did she manage that? How did she think it wouldn't be discovered? There would be a lot of people involved in the fundraising and the trip organization.
Susie Swearingen-Kamachi 4 years ago
Happen in a Girl Scout and same woman I little league.
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#35
Near adulthood. My Dad left when I was 10 (but took the kids on weekends, etc) and very soon afterwards was dating a woman seriously. By my teen years I had kinda-sorta worked out that he had probably been seeing her before he left, meaning he cheated on my Mom. But I rationalized it that the marriage failed and hey, he actually was in a relationship with that woman for years afterward so it wasn't a cheap fling.
Then in my late teens Mom told a story about the summer when they were still married when Dad was sent on a 6 week training seminar in another city. She paused, uncertain if she should add this tidbit, then mentioned she had been told by one of his co-workers that he dated a woman there for that whole 6 weeks.
TL;DR: Found out Dad had a pattern of cheating on my Mom, not just the once.
Otter 4 years ago
Here's something I don't understand: A lot of people think that parents shouldn't tell the kid/s about cheating or affairs, or that the marriage broke up because one parent was cheating with one or many people. Why? Why lie, why not let kids understand what really happened and deal with the reality of the situation?
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
It's part of the doctrine that children should have a carefree youth without the nasty sides of reality like cheating, divorce or death. But a lot of children aren't as stupid as their parents think and they figure it out for themselves. And that's even worse than be open and honest about it, because that's when children start to have strange ideas like that it's their fault that their parents are breaking up.
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#36
My grandma owned a bar when we were growing up but also ran a huge bookie/betting service from the bar. I didn’t know until she passed away. It all made sense, the random police showing up, the robberies.
#37
My mom was 3 months pregnant at their wedding. They were married for 45 years but might not have married at all had my mom not been knocked up. My mom almost left my dad 13 years into the marriage until she got preggo with my brother and changed her mind. My mom had a lesbian affair and my dad used to watch. She used to babysit my brother and me when we were little.
M O'Connell 4 years ago
Really only the first one is a 'family secret.' All sorts of things "Almost" happen. And that last one sounds more like exploring a kink than an actual illicit affair.
#38
When I was 8, I got a cat named Toes. Big fluffy gray long haired kitty with white feet. Sweet kitty. I went away to visit my grandparents for the weekend and when I came home, my mom broke the news to me Toes had been hit by a car and killed. I was terribly upset but mom took me to a shelter and we adopted a new kitty almost right away. Years later, when I was probably 21, my mother called me and sounded very upset. She said she had something to tell me. Turns out Toes had not been hit by a car that weekend. He had instead climbed into the warm clothes dryer to sleep and mom didn't see him and loaded the dryer with a blanket she had washed... and then found Toes when she opened the dryer an hour later.
Floofy Samoyed 4 years ago
But what choice did you have it had a cat picture
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Amy Dodds 4 years ago
Once again I am reminding you, please keep your washing machines and tumble driers closed!
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago (edited)
This is why I do a head count ( kitties and cellphone) before turning on the laundry.
Trillian 4 years ago
Why did she tell this after all this time? It was a really horrible mistake but I can't imagine her daughter feels better knowing about it now.
Miss Cris 4 years ago
To share her sadness and stop keeping a secret that is hurting her? To ask for pardon? To stop having secrets with a beloved being? ...?
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#39
My parents raised me in a Southern Baptist Church and pushed True Love Waits/abstinence on me when I was a teenager (not a big deal, since I didn't date anyway and if I did, I didn't want to have unsafe sex and mess up my life with an unwanted pregnancy). Two decades later, Mom admitted she and Dad had had sex before they got married. Not an earth-shattering revelation but kind of funny in a way.
Dave P 4 years ago
or they became that way later because of their earlier actions
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Andy Acceber 4 years ago
Yup. My parents sent me to years of Catholic school where that sort of thing was preached... I was born six months after my parents' wedding. 😂
Pungent Sauce 4 years ago
I didn’t have sex til I was 18 through absolutely no decision of my own XD
#40
Me and my sister used to play with a doll, we named it talk to it and everything, but then one day it disappeared, years later my mother told me that she threw it away, because she saw "Chakki" and the doll looked really realistic and had the same size, so my mom freaked out and couldn't sleep until she threw my beloved sweet heart lolo. But yeah i had to hide that I'm upset when she told me because i was a teenager boy in a country where they're obsessed with musclinty, so couldn't say "oh this make me really upset" instead just stopped talking about it. I'm actually 25 now, and still miss it and feel bad about it, maybe that's why I've never wanted a child because i lost one in a very young age and can't do it again.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
My brother had a pink rag doll till right before his wedding. I don't recall anyone really having a problem with it. He used to suck his thumb and rub her on his nose to sleep. It was weird as a college kid when he did that at home, but I don't think anyone besides my parents or I knew. The gendering of toys is weird though. He liked the dolls I hated getting and I stole his transformers.
Helena R 4 years ago
My youngest has a pink octopus teddy. His absolute favourite. Gendered toys and clothes etc, especially when they are babies/toddlers is the worst
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Nicole Blomkamp 4 years ago
My mom was awful at this. Gave away some beautiful illustrated classic books I was given as gifts because " I hadn't read them in a while". I'm still mad at her. Same with my brothers collectible comic books.
Fred Burrows 4 years ago
I reckon someone made an offhand comment to Ma and she feared her boy would be seen as 'not normal'
#41
That my father was married before he met my mother and had a daughter. I do not and may never know the full story. My mother knows parts of it, but won't tell me much and just refers me to my father when I ask more about it. My father gets damn hysterical about it, I just don't know how much is true or embellished. Basically, my father moved away from his dysfunctional poor family in Florida to Texas where he had a job lined up. He was out on his own and finally making money, thought not much. I don't know how he met this woman, but they did get together and got married within a short time. She was quick to move in and share everything with him. She got pregnant and my presumed sister was born. My father loved her. In fact, I recently I found pictures of the two of them together, and he was definitely happy. Then "something" happened. From his rantings, she took almost everything he earned, ran up a lot of credit, etc. When he called attention to it, her family started threatening him. To quote him, "they were the type of people, who would show up to your work causing trouble, and destroy your car as they left, just because they didn't like you." Now, by this time his daughter was almost three years old, and besides these supposed events, they had been living happily the entire time. Surprisingly, it was the woman who started the divorce. Her family had money, and my father- who was alone -did not, and they went hard on him in false accusations. My father was still fighting though, but when it looked like he might "win", they claimed that his daughter was not his and how the woman had always been sleeping with some other man. It was apparently convincing enough, that my father believes that to be true to this day. I don't think there was ever a paternity test, but he apparently signed away any claim to be her father. . . and he wasn't ordered to pay any child support. According to my mother, his supposed daughter would show up at our house/apartment alone occasionally, trying to talk with my father. . . even once on my 9th birthday- though I don't remember her. However, that strikes me as a little odd, as she couldn't be more than than 12 years old at the time. . .someone would've had to known where we lived and driven her there. The first time I heard about any of this was when I was 24 years old, and had just gone with my father to have our wills and other important documents updated. That is when he told me that if he died, "someone" may come claiming to be his daughter, but that it wasn't true and instructed me on how to properly defend his estate from such an event. He wouldn't give me any details though, and I just dropped it. Then, about a year ago, the supposed daughter found and contacted me on Facebook. . .I didn't respond at first, because I thought it was some junk friend request, but they also contacted my mother, who verified that it was who they said they were. So, yeah, I had a short conversation with her through Messenger. She sounded honest enough, but I was cautious/skeptical. That is when I brought it up to my father, who got hysterical and told me the rest of what I've relayed here. We are still friends on Facebook, but we kind of have an understanding that we may or may not be brother and sister. The only way we would know for sure is to have a sibling paternity test, which could let us know within a reasonable probability, but not for certain, unless my father participated too. And we pretty much decided that we couldn't put him through that as he seems to be very traumatized by whatever happened back then. She is a mother and has a caring family now though. Supposedly, her mother remarried, then something happened to her mother and is no longer in her life. Her step-father took her in, and she hasn't had any contact with her biological family. I suppose that is part of the reason why she wanted to get to know my father, he is the only one she knows that could be her biological father.
Nicky 4 years ago
If you both submit an Ancestry.com sample, the website will tell you if you have any genetic matches, like siblings, cousins, etc.
Devil's Advocate 4 years ago
With different mothers, a paternity test would be pretty reliable in determining if you're related in any way, but perhaps this is something he should consider as it's not the daughter's fault that her mom was the way she was, and if she's cut all ties with that family it may be good to reconcile?
#42
When we went to go spend the weekend with Aunt and Uncle, Mom and Dad would do a little meth and clean the entire house from top to bottom in about two hours and spend the rest of the weekend "being mom and dad".
#43
Background: My mom's grandparents divorced not long before I was born, then two years later my grandfather remarried. My biological grandmother died when I was young, so growing my Grandfather's new wife was basically my grandmother. We'll call her Patty. Patty is weird - she means well, but tends to put her foot in her mouth and ask people weirdly personal questions (about their sex lives especially). Still, she's family so whatever. Except, growing up, my Mom and her two siblings hated Patty. When I was younger it was kind of minor, just occasional snide comments behind her back, but as I got older it became increasingly clear that they couldn't stand the woman. It was always so odd to me - yeah she was a goof, but whatever, lots of people in our family had quirks. Then, when I was in my 20s, my grandfather died. As I was sitting down with my Mom, going over some old photos of my grandad, there was a picture of Patty that my Mom immediatley made a rude comment about. I finally asked "why do you guys hate her so much?" My mom looked at me, confused, then realization appeared on her face. "Oh, we never told you did we?" Turns out the reason my biological grandparents got divorced was because my Grandfather had been cheating on my Grandmother with Patty, going back more than a decade before the divorce. They didn't hate her because she was weird, they hated her becuase she was a homewrecker. It seemed kind of unfair to me that they directed all their hate at Patty, since my grandfather was just as, if not more, guilty, but I guess that's what people do. The funeral I think actually kind of gave my Mom and her siblings a chance to put those bad feelings to rest, because after it they all started being a lot nicer and more civil towards Patty.
Joonscrab 4 years ago
I don't like it when women get the sole blame for 'homewrecking' when the man is equally wrong, and actually more because in this case he's the one that has an actual family and kids. It's disgusting. I wish they hated both of them :// but idk what goes through the kids' minds when such situations occur, so I can't really be mad at them.
Miss Cris 4 years ago
He was married and cheating while, as far as we know, she was single. It's his fault.
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Devil's Advocate 4 years ago
Your mom's parents rather than her grandparents I'm guessing? Just confused me is all so checking :)
#44
My mom suffered from pretty severe postpartum depression after having her first child. I'm the youngest, her third child. All my life I kind of thought I was the only one in my family to experience severe depression, but now I know that my mom has been depressed off and on her entire life, too. It's good to know I'm not the odd one out in my family, but at the same time it makes me sad that she would hide it from me.
Ashamba 4 years ago
It is SO important to talk honestly about mental health! The feeling of being alone is a huge part of the problem for many people, and feeling like no one will understand stops us from sharing what we're going through and makes it more difficult to get help. Please, please, share what you go through- you never know who may need to hear that they are not the only ones struggling, or to see that speaking up is acceptable!
Devil's Advocate 4 years ago
Having depression is hard to share with loved ones, but I imagine even harder to share with your children when you're "supposed" to be their carer and protector and nothing should hurt you. Hope you both keep working through things 💐
HypnoFrog 4 years ago
Both sides of my family suffer from severe anxiety and depression but no one ever called it that or talked about it. We were 'worry warts', 'worriers', 'pessimists', and 'sensitive'. It wasn't until I was on my own at college after my second major depressive episode that I felt able to break my family's unspoken rules and get psychiatric help. No one should suffer when there are options. I still haven't forgiven my mother for watching me mentally break down and not seeking medical help.
#45
My parents got divorced a few years before I was born, got back together but never remarried. They had no plans to ever tell us (my younger sister and I), but it came out when I was looking at my citizenship options. It's likely we never would have found out otherwise.
Ekaterina S 4 years ago
If they were not married when she/he was born, there are no further citizenship options? I don’t get it, I guess?
F. H. 4 years ago
That absolutely depends on the country so there's no way to tell. Furthermore, the poster didn't find out _until_ he looked at his options.
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#46
My mom met my dad in the military. I learned she joined the military to escape her town. Her best friend had killed himself and she dropped out of school. She started hanging out with his dad a lot and he convinced her to go back to high school and graduate. They became really close and his wife learned about it. At her graduation the wife finally met my mom and told her she was going to kill her for ‘messing around’ with her husband. So my mom joined the military and didn’t tell anyone until a couple years later after she had met my dad and had me. I learned all this when I was like 25. I don’t even know if my dad knew the whole story as they had never brought it up.
#47
When I was 7, my dad died while we were staying at his place (in a different country). We were supposed to stay 2 weeks, but I recall not staying over a week. He died at his office while we were at his place. Other people from my family came to get us late at night, and after a day or two, we flew back home. But my brother (8) and I didn’t know anything that has happened and we didn’t know why we were taken away from my dad. Once we arrived home, my mom and a lady from the school sat us down at the kitchen table, and announced that our father died. My mom has told us that he died due to some medical reasons or whatever, but it’s only years later (when I was 21 or 22), that a step-brother (son of my father) that I’ve only seen as a kid and then suddenly came back briefly in my life, told me that my dad actually died from gunshots while he was at work in his office. So my mom didn’t actually tell me herself, and when I told her that I knew, she was upset at my stepbrother for telling me the truth about my father’s death.
Devil's Advocate 4 years ago
Did you learn why he was shot, a robbery gone wrong or perhaps something more nefarious?
Francis 4 years ago
in the reddit post OP explains that the police said it was suicide, but OP doesn't believe it (why would he kill himself when he just had his kids over for the first time, etc.) and it might be a robbery because the father had money, but the police in the country (latin american) is corrupt and he will never know the truth
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#48
They were disappointed that me and my sister were twins and that they only wanted one child. Anyway they're divorced and our dad doesn't really want anything to do with me and my sister.
K Witmer 4 years ago
My dad wanted a boy. He used to dress me up like a boy when I was little. He always said he wanted a son to keep the name going. 12 yrs later he had his son w my step mom we became estranged. His third wife got the best version of him my half brother was not treated well by my dad either. He didn't want a son he only wanted control. There was a happy ending to all of this though.
MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm. 4 years ago (edited)
Why are fathers like this?I've never met a decent man in my life,only my maternal grandfather.Is life that hard that everyone eventually becomes bitter and therefore somewhat of an a-hole?
Load More Replies... Devil's Advocate 4 years ago
Damn, that sucks, we had twins mostly unexpectedly, but they're great and we don't regret it for a minute
#49
My mom recently revealed to me that our cat who died under mysterious circumstances was actually hit with a brick and killed by our neighbour. Could’ve went my whole life without knowing that one:)
Mere Cat 4 years ago
I think they deserve the exact thing they did to animals done to them..
Load More Replies... Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
And people ask why I walk my cats on a leash instead of just letting them out. This. This is why
#50
So I broke my femur when I was 2yrs old, and it wasn’t until I was 16 or 17 that my parents told me that it kinda changed my personality. I guess I used to be super talkative & extroverted (at least for that age), but after being surrounded by doctors & nurses for days/weeks on end, apparently I kinda closed off. And I’ve been that way ever since. I’d always thought I was an introvert from day 1, but I guess I originally had a different trajectory. I’ve slowly become more outgoing over the last few years, but it’s strange to think that I could’ve been a completely different person in that regard.
Rick 4 years ago (edited)
You CANNOT blame a “personality change” at the age of 2. 2 and 16 are worlds apart in developmental stage. Even 2 and 5 is. EDIT: And what I mean is, there are probably other factors at play too. Overprotective parents after such an operation at such a young age may have made them hold the child back in terms of exploration and opportunity, instead choosing to overprotect and look after them too much, resulting in a less confident and more introverted person.
Jaded Queen 4 years ago
Introversion & low self esteem aren't the same. U saying he is less confindent is hurtful & stereotypical & paing introverts as being lesser evcen tho introverts r why u people have so many nice things. Lots of artist & scientists r introverts . Extroverts have already hurt introverts more than enough it's time u take ur negativety elsewhere
Load More Replies... Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
I have a cousin who broke her collarbone when she was born. Injuries happen.
Load More Replies... kjorn 4 years ago
yep i got that. i always being overweight. therefore i always hated to see myself in pictures. hated when people look at me. always in the corner doing nothing to drawn attention to me, not getting looked at when i was a kid and all of this really forge the caracter i have today.
Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
This reminds me of Jeffrey Dahmer, of all people. He had a double hernia operation at about the same age, which was very painful and of course meant a hospital stay. Afterwards, his parents noticed that he had suddenly become very shy and shut in on himself, and that never really changed.
#51
I was in my teens when I found this out, but I was an unplanned pregnancy and my mother was SUPER pissed when she found out she was pregnant. My parents were married at the time (I'm first born) but they were not married long and had not planned on having children for a few years yet. (The IUD failed.)
Jo Johannsen 4 years ago
In my 50s, my mother let slip there were three men in her life when she found out she was pregnant. Since one left town, one got killed, the third "by default" was "my father" ( he married her). Kinda have doubts....
Kristine Phillips 4 years ago
My Mom had 3 options of who my bio Dad was, DNA eliminated one. But he is my Dad because he raised me and he married my mother while she was pregnant. They divorced and he is on his 5th wife. Each wife had a couple kids, this last one has 5.
Load More Replies... Mere Cat 4 years ago
My parents have been really open about me being an accident after the pill failed, I knew from a very early age. After finding out she was pregnant, my mom instantly knew she wanted to keep me. My dad said "well she/he clearly wanted in our family". So, a happy little accident. :) At least that's what I'm told. :P
#52
When I was in my 20's my mom revealed that my uncle (who was an ordained minister and my dad's older brother) helped arrange for my dad to get a sham marriage with another woman so he could get his green card prior to his relationship with my mom. It was a mildly mind blowing revelation for me at the time.
#53
My stepsisters’ mother had died in her early 30s when her daughters were very young. We were always just vaguely told that she was ill, but something never sounded right about that. Finally I got stepdad to admit that she was severely bipolar and ended up committing suicide.
Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
Poor woman. I hope the daughters didn't inherit the condition. :(
#54
The reason my parents finally divorced after years of dads infidelity was that he got my sister's teacher pregnant around the time I was born.
Marno C. 4 years ago
Why are there so many stories about men impregnating a second woman when they are already expecting a baby with a first woman? What's the psychology of that?
K Witmer 4 years ago
I worked w a man that got a 19 yr old girl pregnant he was 40. His wife didn't find out until the kid was 6. She stayed w him. Then I worked for a woman by chance I was good friends w her husbands mistress who also got pregnant. I put two and two together when the husband came to visit the wife at work. I had to break the news to my pregnant friend who thought the guy was divorced also 20 yrs older than my friend. I've never met a woman who cheated on their spouse or SO. I've only known men that cheat.
Load More Replies... #55
Yes. I heard my mum and dad arguing outside. When they came back in , I asked them what they were arguing about. She said that she finally told my dad that she cheated on him twice in the past with a family friend.
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
In it for a penny, in it for a pound. If you tell your children this, they need to be part of the healing process too. Therapists, counseling, the whole shebang.
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#56
When I told my father I’m a bisexual, he replied telling me he’s been smoking weed since he was 21. Pretty wild
#57
My great-grandfather fought in WWII for Italy, he somehow ended up in El Salvador in 1940 where he met my great-grandmother. We don't discuss it all and it seems it has been mostly swept under the rug and no one talks about it.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
If he fought for Italy, he was one of Mussolini's fascists, so it's better to shut up about that.
Ekaterina S 4 years ago
Uhm... that’s pretty inaccurate! Some had no choice but to join in. Would you call Stauffenberg a Nazi?
Load More Replies... #58
My parents were very anti drinking, anti drugs. Like, very. A lot of my family were alcoholics, my parents would have one drink at events. Any kind of drugs at all - NEVER! When I was an adult, my parents finally confessed that my dad had done speed in his 20's and was awake for an entire week. And, my mother had smoked weed at one of the first family functions after she started dating my father. She got extremely paranoid and never did it again. Coming from the kind of parents I had, this completely blew my mind!
Devil's Advocate 4 years ago
Experienced the worst side of drugs and didn't want you going through the same, makes perfect sense
#59
The real reason they got divorced. My dad's a literal cuck and my mom wasn't into it.
Ashamba 4 years ago
And this is why sex before marriage is a GOOD thing- if we discover what we're into, and find a compatible partner, there'll be fewer dissatisfied relationships and divorces. Practice, discover, be honest, be proud. We all deserve to be with someone who enjoys getting off with us in a mutually gratifying way.
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
I don’t think cuck means what you think it means.
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What do you think ?
John Topper 4 years ago
I have one! My oldest sister is 10 years older than me and she noticed when I was teething mom would use a dab of whiskey to help. She thought at the time that it a little is good, more is better, so she got the baby drunk. I think I turned out ok. The voices in my head say I'm fine, and five out of the seven rarely lie.
EVERLEIGH 4 years ago
I was adopted at the age of 5 y.o. My birth mom had an affair with my birth dad . I was born in Korea and back in the year I was born, if a mother was pregnant with a man that wasn't her hushand, they spend months or yrs in jail. I was told she spent 6 months in jail cause of getting pregnant with a man that she had an affair with. Long story short, my biological sister told me that my birthday is not in December ( which says it on my birth cert from being adopted) but that it is in April. That means I'm 8 months older than I am. How do I know this? My sister that told me this, she was adopted whem she was 10 years old. Her adopted parents got a phone call from our birth mom and my sister talked to her and said that she has a new sister that was just born. She said this was in April. Soooo, that means my true bday is most likely in April but don't know what day exactly. So, I will never know what my actual birthday is and I wish I could know.
Ozacoter 4 years ago (edited)
My family is the kind that never talks about sad things or feelings. So i grep up not knowing a lot of things, with the years I picked up details that might be true or not. Like when or why my grandfather died (I think in his 40s of stomach cancer because i overheard a conversation between my parents). One thing that surprised me a lot if that my mum talked a lot about her best friend from her childhood and her 20s. I heard so much about her and i was always suprised that they didnt remained friends (I think that i might have met her once but I am not sure). For what I picked up with the years she might have died of heroin overdose. It made me wonder what kind of drugs my parents did in their youth.
V Martinez 4 years ago
Not telling your kids who their bio parents are bugs me. Even if they are bad ppl. Be honest and communicate with your kids. However, it's also important, I think, bcuz of genetic diseases, etc. I'd want to know what runs through my genes and I feel the kids have a right to know that. There are times that may not be possible, but if it is possible, they need to be told.
V Martinez 4 years ago
That's good too. The maturity and how kids are in general can play a part. But growing up can also be hard for kids. Timing on this type of issue can make a diff for sure
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Lovin' Life 4 years ago
My dad accidentally killed his best friend while cleaning their guns when he was 15. The friend luckily lived long enough to tell authorities what happened otherwise my dad would've been charged for murder. I never understood why all of the guns my dad inherited when my grandfather passed had been welded shut. He finally told me a week or so before he died. He never hunted or cleaned his guns after the accident, just had the barrels welded shut. He was haunted the his whole life by this.
Burs 4 years ago
While researching our family my mum and I discovered that her great grandfather (so my grandmas grandad) was adopted and not a biological son of his parents. You would expect that to be a small detail of no relevance but apparently my grandma got extremely upset about it and was angry with my mum for a while for telling her.
similarly 4 years ago
After my grandmother passed away, my Dad was going through her things and found an old military drivers license from WWII that showed she was qualified to drive 2 1/2 ton trucks. She never told anybody she'd driven trucks for the army during WWII, but looking back, I can just imagine my grandma having a blast driving those trucks.
Jennie-Lind Normand 4 years ago
When I was about 17 my dad told me he never wanted my mom to get pregnant (they were married already) and when she eventually tricked him into getting her pregnant he wanted me to be a boy. He wonders why our relationship is so strained
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
I gotta say that is on your mom. Tricking a man into having a kid he didn't want is abusive at the very least
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Sam Yobado 4 years ago
Did my family tree as a grade 6 school project. Showed my mother before I brought it in. Oof, was the day a lot of things changed.
John Topper 4 years ago
I have one! My oldest sister is 10 years older than me and she noticed when I was teething mom would use a dab of whiskey to help. She thought at the time that it a little is good, more is better, so she got the baby drunk. I think I turned out ok. The voices in my head say I'm fine, and five out of the seven rarely lie.
EVERLEIGH 4 years ago
I was adopted at the age of 5 y.o. My birth mom had an affair with my birth dad . I was born in Korea and back in the year I was born, if a mother was pregnant with a man that wasn't her hushand, they spend months or yrs in jail. I was told she spent 6 months in jail cause of getting pregnant with a man that she had an affair with. Long story short, my biological sister told me that my birthday is not in December ( which says it on my birth cert from being adopted) but that it is in April. That means I'm 8 months older than I am. How do I know this? My sister that told me this, she was adopted whem she was 10 years old. Her adopted parents got a phone call from our birth mom and my sister talked to her and said that she has a new sister that was just born. She said this was in April. Soooo, that means my true bday is most likely in April but don't know what day exactly. So, I will never know what my actual birthday is and I wish I could know.
Ozacoter 4 years ago (edited)
My family is the kind that never talks about sad things or feelings. So i grep up not knowing a lot of things, with the years I picked up details that might be true or not. Like when or why my grandfather died (I think in his 40s of stomach cancer because i overheard a conversation between my parents). One thing that surprised me a lot if that my mum talked a lot about her best friend from her childhood and her 20s. I heard so much about her and i was always suprised that they didnt remained friends (I think that i might have met her once but I am not sure). For what I picked up with the years she might have died of heroin overdose. It made me wonder what kind of drugs my parents did in their youth.
V Martinez 4 years ago
Not telling your kids who their bio parents are bugs me. Even if they are bad ppl. Be honest and communicate with your kids. However, it's also important, I think, bcuz of genetic diseases, etc. I'd want to know what runs through my genes and I feel the kids have a right to know that. There are times that may not be possible, but if it is possible, they need to be told.
V Martinez 4 years ago
That's good too. The maturity and how kids are in general can play a part. But growing up can also be hard for kids. Timing on this type of issue can make a diff for sure
Load More Replies... Lovin' Life 4 years ago
My dad accidentally killed his best friend while cleaning their guns when he was 15. The friend luckily lived long enough to tell authorities what happened otherwise my dad would've been charged for murder. I never understood why all of the guns my dad inherited when my grandfather passed had been welded shut. He finally told me a week or so before he died. He never hunted or cleaned his guns after the accident, just had the barrels welded shut. He was haunted the his whole life by this.
Burs 4 years ago
While researching our family my mum and I discovered that her great grandfather (so my grandmas grandad) was adopted and not a biological son of his parents. You would expect that to be a small detail of no relevance but apparently my grandma got extremely upset about it and was angry with my mum for a while for telling her.
similarly 4 years ago
After my grandmother passed away, my Dad was going through her things and found an old military drivers license from WWII that showed she was qualified to drive 2 1/2 ton trucks. She never told anybody she'd driven trucks for the army during WWII, but looking back, I can just imagine my grandma having a blast driving those trucks.
Jennie-Lind Normand 4 years ago
When I was about 17 my dad told me he never wanted my mom to get pregnant (they were married already) and when she eventually tricked him into getting her pregnant he wanted me to be a boy. He wonders why our relationship is so strained
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
I gotta say that is on your mom. Tricking a man into having a kid he didn't want is abusive at the very least
Load More Replies... Sam Yobado 4 years ago
Did my family tree as a grade 6 school project. Showed my mother before I brought it in. Oof, was the day a lot of things changed.
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