Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
“Guys Who Got Told ‘No’ During A Failed Marriage Proposal, What Happened Afterwards?” (30 Answers)
Interview With Expert
In many long-term relationships, at some point someone will start to think about marriage. Everyone has different standards, but more often than not, it’s pretty usual for one party to get down on one knee and propose.
Someone asked “Guys who got told “No” during a failed marriage proposal, what happened afterwards?” and people shared their stories. We got in touch with renowned clinical psychologist, host of The Reimaging Love Podcast and author of Love Every Day, Dr. Alexandra Solomon, to learn more about things to think about in serious relationships.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My wife told me no twice before saying yes. The first time she said “you’re drunk” I was, point taken. The second time she replied “I love you and like dating you but you’re not emotionally mature enough to marry”. Indeed. I cut back my drinking and worked on my emotional maturity / mental health. We’ve been married over 20yrs now.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
Your now wife had the only correct response to a drunken proposal. Spontaneous proposals while drunk may play well in the movies but don't have the same appeal in real life.
Aelin Wildfire 1 year ago
YES! We love men being emotionally competent and decent human beings! We love men actually taking charge of their own well-being!
RELATED:
#2
It was rough! We cried together in the car on the way home. She loved me but she wasn’t ready. We talked about it in the following days, it felt like a setback but (looking back) it was actually a springboard to a deeper level of communication.
2 years later she gave an enthusiastic “yes” and now we have a beautiful baby girl and 6 years of happy marriage.
#3
Technically she said yes. But then we went to surprise her family with the good news and her parents immediately told us to break it off. She was not going to spend her entire remaining life with a black man. We just broke up and moved on. I found a way better girl from a non-racist family. We’re married with 3 kids now and doing great. Ex is a d**g addict in Kentucky, BUT AT LEAST she’s married to a white man. Living paycheck to paycheck.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 1 year ago
Oof. That's gotta be extremely painful. I'm glad things worked out for OP. If the girl ended up a drúg addict, I have to believe that there was some awful abuse happening in that family.
Joshua Macdonald 1 year ago
Anyone can become a d**g addict. You don't need to be abused for it to happen
Load More Replies...
JuniorCJ82 1 year ago
So they're okay with her dating a black guy but not marrying one? Make it make sense. Oh wait, it's racism so it doesn't.
R Dennis 1 year ago
Really good they broke up. My buddy married someone in the same type of family. Eventually (after a couple kids), she decided he wasn't good enough. Took their kids to live with her bigoted family and he travels as often as he can to spend time with them. He has a PhD and is an colonel in the army... but he's black, so not good enough. 🙄
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 1 year ago
I got the mixed message, 'We aren't racist and have nothing against black people, but you better not bring home a black boyfriend.' My mother was mortified at what our family and their friends would think.
Dre Mosley 1 year ago
In a way it's good that they insisted you break up. You wouldn't really want to marry into a family that hates you just because you're black. They would have never treated you with respect.
Debra Robinson 1 year ago (edited)
Aaaaaaw!!! DAMNIT! But so glad it worked with someone else!!!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
It's a free stock photo. They probably have a folder full of them saved on some server somewhere XD
Load More Replies...
Marianne 1 year ago
It seems like she was a horrible person herself, because she broke up with him for her family's reasons.
Load More Replies...
Bored Panda got in touch with Dr. Alexandra Solomon renowned clinical psychologist, host of The Reimaging Love Podcast and author of Love Every Day to learn more about what people need to really consider before committing to a long-term relationship.
“Committing to a long-term relationship requires what I refer to as Relational Self-Awareness, an ongoing curious and compassionate relationship you cultivate with yourself which becomes the foundation for a thriving intimate relationship. Deepening your Relational Self-Awareness enables you to recognize and better understand the thoughts and feelings you’re having about your relationship and then communicate clearly and kindly with your partner about what is going on for you.”
#4
If a girl says no to a proposal the guy should have known better than to ask.
A good friend of mine, who was only 19 at the time, heard from her parents that her boyfriend of about 4 months was going to propose at midnight on New Years in front of her entire family. She was terrified and didn't want to say yes, but her parents were super insanely strict and threatened to throw her out of the house if she didn't say yes. I called her (I was drunk) at 11:58 and kept her on the phone for about 10 minutes telling her bad jokes and getting every single person at the party I was at to say HNY to her. Ruined the moment for the guy, and he never asked. Ooops I ruined New Years Eve 1991 for Kevin. Oh we've been married for 28 years now.
Nina 1 year ago
Why on earth would her parents want her to say yes? They had only been together for 4 months, why would you force your child into that? There is no mention of a pregnancy, which some people would think a valid reason, so parents being super strict just doesn't make sense to me.
SlothyK8 1 year ago
My evangelical mother pulled this when I was dating a guy in college. His family were rigid christians (he wasn't) and she thought having religion surrounding me would break my spirit and bring me into the church. SURPRISE! I bailed, moved out, went NC and have been happily married to someone equally as irreligious as I am for nearly 20 years. And mom? She died ten years ago, alone and scared that the afterlife she so fervently believed in wasn't going to actually be a thing.
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"If a girl says no to a proposal the guy should have known better than to ask."? Guys are not as wise, observant, and discerning as you seem to suppose. We've been known to quite sincerely misjudge both situations and the feeling of others. In fact, that's why we ask if someone will marry us, rather than just assuming they will..
LadyReads 1 year ago
IDK, maybe because there should have been multiple conversations about beliefs, goals, whether both parties see this relationship heading towards marriage. By the time you get to the marriage proposal, it should be a formality due to all the conversations and basically agreed to well beforehand.
Load More Replies...
Bernie j. Janinsky 1 year ago
Why would the parents insist she say yes? In one case I know (no names revealed.) cuz 'Momsy' had the hots for 'Bad Boy Jerks' & saw her daughter as an extension of herself! Fortunately, Papa grew a spine & said "No Way, Dollie Esther!"
Heather Evans 1 year ago
The author ended up marrying the guy they blocked from proposing to their friend?
Mythomane Bluffs 1 year ago
I thought the author was a guy and he ended up marrying the girl he "saved" from the proposal...which honestly, makes the story even weirder for me. Not sure i believe this story. The parents were that strict but let her sit on the phone for 10 minutes at New Year's when they knew the proposal was supposed to happen? Any parents that strict would have shooed her off the phone immediately, and taken it or turned it off.
Load More Replies... 
Amber White 1 year ago
Did she marry her friend? A bit lost on the ending
Load More Replies... #5
So for my other half s 30th I phoned her and said "do you want an engagement ring or a dishwasher".
She chose the dishwasher.
14 years later we are still together :)
In her defence I had always been very anti-marriage and she thought I was joking. Also washing dishes by hand sucks so I think she made the right choice.
CurlyCucumber 1 year ago
I would prefer the dishwasher over engagement ring but I would marry him. Rings are useless.
TheOneAndOnlyLightFury 1 year ago (edited)
"other half" is so sweet, and this entire thing is heartwarming
weatherwitch 1 year ago
I'd have done the same but for a washing machine, I've never needed a dishwasher 🤣
#6
Not the guy here, but the nay-sayer. He had just finished a 1000 mile solo cycling tour and I met him at the finish. I was so caught up in his achievement that I did not see the proposal coming and I was shocked. So I told him right there: "I love you, but I can't give you an answer right now". Of course there were tears and we both called family members and then continued on our planned holiday. We had such a good time on our holidays and were able to enjoy each other's company like normal. So I figured that if we can handle this bump in the road this well, we are a great team and at the end of the holiday I told him I would love to marry him. That was 7 years ago, and I haven't regretted my decision for a second. I simply needed time to process a life-changing choice and my partner was mature enough to understand this.
BewilderedBanana 1 year ago
Definite relationship goals (the maturity and understanding, not necessarily the getting married bit)
weatherwitch 1 year ago
Damn right. Also I've always had to think about questions before I answer. I'd have to Think and consider all the pros and cons!
“Being able to give and receive feedback is a crucial skill for long-term relationship success! While there are so many considerations for someone as they create a long-term relationship, what is most important is to understand that excitement about this new chapter in your life likely sits alongside some sadness about saying goodbye to your single chapter. Transitions are emotionally stirring, even transitions that we choose and are excited about. Creating a “we” requires accommodation, flexibility, and adaptation.”
#7
We'd been joking around about it for months, I'd ask sarcastically in the most un-romantic way. She'd say no, we'd laugh and move on with our day...
I'd apparently conditioned her so well that when I asked for real, she flippantly turned me down, and everyone around me either gasped or got this real awkward look on their face. She changed her tune s**t quick when she actually looked and saw me holding the ring.
We've been married 17 years now. Good times.
LGBTQpanda 1 year ago
I don't understand the "fake proposal" thing. A female friend was so hurt when her boyfriend would kneel to tie his shoe, take her to her favorite restaurant and NOT propose & even took her on a hot air balloon ride. When he finally asked in a flippant way, she said no. I wondered why she stayed so long
#8
My mom's boyfriend proposed to her three months into dating. She was 40, had one disastrous marriage and subsequent divorce under her belt by that time, and felt like it was too soon in the relationship to be talking marriage. He accepted her No, but said he wouldn't ask again, and he hasn't. They've been together 25+ years now and never married.
Caro Caro 1 year ago
Great! You don't need a bit of paper to be "married". Partnership, respect and love is what makes a marriage.
Mike m 1 year ago
You lose rights with no marriage such as making emergency medical decisions for the other person or visiting in the hospital during covid. . The fight for gay marriage brought some of the legal advantages of marriage to the forefront.
Load More Replies...
Fatmeow 1 year ago
We've been together30 years married for 7. Not being married in your old age makes things very difficult. For insurance reasons, health care reasons, bank accounts, titles, etc. "Under the laws of most states, an unmarried partner has zero rights to manage finances or make medical decisions when something happens to the other." You'd be shut out of all the decisions. It hasn't changed anything other than we have peace of mind.
Anxious Aardvark 1 year ago
Similar. I asked a few times over the first few years. She said No. That was in the 00's. Still together.
#9
Not a guy, but I set things up to be perfect, the two of us totally alone at sunset on a Sicilian beach, and he said no out of pure shock. He'd always expected that it would be him asking me not the other way round.
Then his brain kind of caught up with what was going on and he was horrified at himself for just saying "no" like that. He told me of course he wanted to marry me and he hadn't meant no as in he didn't want to marry me, it was more like "no way did you just ask me that"! But it came out wrong.
We both agreed that this wasn't the proposal we'd both want to remember forever, so we'd do it again properly some other time. 9 months later he proposed to me on my birthday in one of my favourite spots. To his relief I didn't say no, and we've now been married 10 years.
BewilderedBanana 1 year ago
Should have said no just to mess with him and even the score :) Then get married anyway
Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
Well, you have a really sucky way of getting back at someone for doing something so awful as messing up a proposal.
Load More Replies... Nils Skirnir 1 year ago
Why do men have to ask? Why can’t women? Why can’t it be a mutual discussion?
Sheila Carty 1 year ago (edited)
but that IS the proposal she remembers. A second attempt didn't delete the memory of the first.
Boop the Snoot. Pound the Paw. 1 year ago
The do-over was a nice gesture, but that's still the proposal you'll remember forever.
She shared some questions that one must really answer to himself honestly before taking a step as “big” as marriage. “What am I most excited about regarding this relationship? What parts of my “old life” might I miss the most? When I need to give my partner feedback or ask for something I need, what do I need to keep in mind or remember? For example, ask before I feel angry and resentful, let my partner know why doing this for me or with me would mean a lot to me, remember that my partner and I are on the same team, remember that my partner also has feelings and needs, try to figure out an “third option” beyond my way or my partner’s way that honors each of us.”
#10
I said no because he was an addict (I was not but I was young n dumb). He “showed me” by running out and marrying an Asian woman with 2 kids six months later. She used him for a green card and he adopted her kids so now he has to pay her child support. I learned this because his MOM came by my parents home to “catch up.” My mom said it was beyond awkward. I broke up with this fool when I was 17 and she was trying to reconnect us. Bruh, I’m 34 happily married and we have 4 kids. Kick rocks.
BrunoVI 1 year ago
Toxic soap bubble dodged? If I read this right, she was 17; it might not have been that difficult to move out of the way.
Load More Replies...
Ivy at Eve 1 year ago
A well deserved no if he turns around and marries someone else out of spite...
#11
Not my story, but told from our jeweler when we were buying our wedding bands…
So a guy comes in to buy an engagement ring. The jeweler sits down with him to talk about design, cost, and what have you. Our jeweler always asks people about how they are going to propose. She likes to share in the excitement. The guy brags about how he is going to propose to his gf at a ball game. On the big screen in front of the entire stadium while his favorite team plays. As the guy is speaking our jeweler notices that everything is centered around the guy. From the ring, to the proposal. No mention of what his gf likes. Our jeweler gets a bad feeling, but she sells him the ring.
Not long after the guy comes back in with the ring. The gf said no which really didn’t surprise the jeweler.
Lupita Nyong'heaux 1 year ago
DEFINITELY don't do that! cuz what if there are crabs! they might run off with the ring!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Load More Replies...
Lotekguy 1 year ago (edited)
I'd love to be in the stands when a proposal and rejection are shown on the Jumbotron. The combination of reactions by the couple and a stadium full of fans would be unforgettable.
sheetzy 1 year ago
I am also imagining this in a city where the fans would be ruthless, like Philly or Boston. The guy would have to leave the city
Load More Replies...
Tammy Kirks 1 year ago
This happened to a friend of mine. She's very reserved and does not like public displays. I found out he was going to propose to her in a very public way around all her coworkers. I begged him not to do it. She said yes, but was mortified. They lasted until he decided to have an affair and she dumped his sociopathic a*s. Just sad all around.
Ivy at Eve 1 year ago
Tbh, if a guy proposed to me that way (and kudos for him if he got me to a ball game), I would refuse because asking me that way shows he doesn't know me at all. If you like that, that is OK but it is not me.
#12
Not a guy but a girl, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. I didn't do a whole scene about it, we were talking and I said that I wanted to get married and I felt ready for it and he just said no.
I was mad, he had never mentioned this and we've talked about it before. All he had ever said was that he didn't want it cause it was expensive and didn't want a big party and so, in my understanding, we would get married at the courthouse and have a small gathering with family and close friends.
Then I found out he didn't want to get married cause his parents had a divorce and he didn't want to go through that
It took a while to unravel all his issues with marriage. At a certain point I said I'm not gonna wait around with a guy that doesn't want to get married, I had always been very clear about wanting to get married. He disagreed and said I've also mentioned that I didn't want a big wedding. I'm like...wut?
We realised we were both talking about different things. He had put together marriage and the wedding and I wasn't.
Still obviously it wasn't solved right then and there. I gave him some time to think. After like a month I came back to the subject and he asked me why I wanted to get married and I talked about all the laws that protect the couple in the eventuality of disease and death, in owning property, in security if we had children, etc. He suddenly just said "oh I didn't know about that, then yeah we'll get married then"
We've been happily married for 5 years. Almost everyday he says he's so happy being married to me and that his wedding day was one of the happiest of his life.
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 1 year ago
My now husband had such a bitter divorce that he told everyone for years he'd never, ever get married again. When we got together, I told him I wasn't gonna be a 'terminal girlfriend' and expected to be married. He told me that I was absolutely the ONLY woman he would EVER consider marrying. When we got engaged he took a bit of teasing from his cronies about 'never getting married again.' We've been together 13 years and married coming up on 10 yrs.
weatherwitch 1 year ago
How can he not know about the laws? There's always media about it because common law husbabds/wives are completely overlooked and have no rights for their partners medical decisions and children eyc
“In a relationship, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Your stuff plus my stuff equals our stuff: this is what I like to refer to as The Golden Equation of Love. This means all of “your stuff,” from your Family of Origin, your previous relationships, and your past experiences, it all comes with you into your relationship. Because a long-term relationship requires vulnerability and trust, your relationship will stir up stuff from the past.”
#13
Asked this girl to marry me and she said no because I didn't ask her right. I don't know exactly why, but it didn't bother me much. We had a strange history and it just seemed like par for the course. About a year later, I met someone else and we will be celebrating 31 years in a few weeks. Sometimes things do work out for the best.
Lotekguy 1 year ago
Bullet dodged. You'd have spent your life jumping through hoops existing only in her mind.
weatherwitch 1 year ago
Hardly bullet dodged 🤦🏻♀️🤣 They simply weren't right for each other as the post very clearly shows
Load More Replies... 
#14
I am a woman, but I spent a year asking my boyfriend to marry me on a regular basis. I’d say “wanna get married?” And he’d say yes, and I’d say “can I tell my parents?” And he’d say no. A straight up year. Until finally we went on a little trip a couple hours from our apartment and he whipped out the letters he’d exchanged with my parents about wanting to propose. Just had our 6th anniversary.
#15
Proposed to her at 22. She said no. We stayed friendly while life took us on different paths. About twenty five years later, we got married.
“The strongest relationships are the ones in which partners can open up to each other about the beautiful and tender parts of their stories. This is the heart of intimacy. Our past is not something for our partner to fix but it is something our partners need to understand. It is also helpful for you to understand your partner’s past so that their preferences and fears make sense to you.”
#16
You just have to hug her and high-five her a several times over, and ask again. Works like charm in The Sims.
LavenderHippoInAJar 1 year ago
No but then you're really embarrassed for a couple hours so it's harder
#17
Dated for 3 years. He was, I thought the love of my life. I locked eyes with him and as I was about to open my mouth and say “will you marry me” he said “we need to break up”. He met some one else. They have been married for two years and it turns out I’m into women. We DO NOT speak but I wish him the best.
BrunoVI 1 year ago
Probably one of those things you just have to experience to understand, but I'll never understand, "turns out I'm into women." I mean, it turns out I'm into women, but I've known that since I completed the cootie shot vaccinations... I guess it's different when you're going against traditional cultural expectations.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I imagine it's difficult for those raised in certain areas and in certain cultures. Growing up in the 90s, my best friend knew he was gay from an early age, and told me when we were both 11-12. But his mom and stepdad were fairly homophobic (especially his stepdad) so he did not come out to them for many years. Even after he eventually told them at age 16 (with me at his side for support in case things got ugly), his mom would always invite me along on family trips/vacations because she thought my presence would un-gay her son (I'm female.) It didn't. XD But I know they pressured him to "not be gay" for a while. His own grandfather was gay, but had gotten married to a woman and had had kids, because it was not even remotely acceptable, socially, to be gay when the grandfather was a young man. So you're correct - people can be in denial about their sexuality if they have been raised in a culture or society that reviles homosexuality.
Load More Replies...
#18
I can tell you what happens when you propose and she isn't feeling it but says yes anyway because of social pressure - very awkward sad time until you finally have the talk you should have had before proposing.
#19
My dad proposed to my mom 3 times. She laughed each time and took the ring all 3 of them. They have been living miserably together ever since (I’m 31 now) they built a separate living room and avoid each other. My dad says he regrets it to this day.
My dad is a wonderful man, and every time I asked why he stayed with that retched woman he would say “because she’s your mother” he never goes into any more detail.
If she says no just move on.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
My mom is a toxic narcissist and is also violently abusive. She used to verbally and physically abuse my dad (she would literally cut him with kitchen knives) and she also beat me and verbally abused me. She pressed a gun to my throat when I was 6 and threatened to kill me. When I was 12 or 13, I begged my dad to divorce her and take me with him. He said "I can't break up the family." To this day, I wish he hadn't had that mindset. He had an accident when I was 18 and sustained a catastrophic brain injury. My mom ignored his previous wishes not to be kept on life support and kept him alive. He lived 21 years disabled, bedridden, in diapers, with a feeding tube. He died in 2021 and my mom didn't even stay in the hospital the night he died. I did. I wish he had listened to my pleas and escaped her. She's still abusive towards me. Don't ever stay with someone abusive "for the kids". The kids are miserable too, I promise you.
LGBTQpanda 1 year ago
Sometimes people don't think they will find someone else, so they hang in there after "putting in the time". Better not to waste more time and be happy alone or with someone else.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
Well maybe not always. My stepfather proposed to my mother several times and was turned down. I think it was because her marriage to my bio father was not a happy experience, but after they had lived together for about 5 years she finally said yes, and we were all happy, because we had got to loving him.
#20
I got proposed to in a full restaurant by hiding the ring in deserts... he even hired a photographer. I said yes due to pressure, and then when we got in the car, I said no because we're were only dating for about 2 weeks. He did not take it lightly, and then he assaulted me.. so yeah, never again saying yes due to pressure.
BewilderedBanana 1 year ago
Surprise public proposals are bad enough, but ending in assault? and after dating for just 2 weeks? Guy needs a reality check. Castration would also help
weatherwitch 1 year ago
Now This one, this is genuinely a case of bullet dodged not on the other normal relationships posts of before. This guy was a controlling psycho!! Two weeks? Hires a photographer??? I'd have run for the hills as fast as possible. His behaviour to then assault you afterwards is terrifying. I'm so sorry this happened to you 😔
#21
She was graduating with her Masters, I still had two years left for my PhD. I floated the idea privately,... she said "If you ask me formally, I will say yes. But if you really love me, give me a year to prove to myself that I can live on my own." I said "No problem." She moved to her job, down in New Jersey. Next I heard of her, she was engaged to another guy I knew. I took that as "another bullet dodged, another life lesson learned.".
Costco card 1 year ago
Alright, so this is what you're gonna do Stand there like a man until Eacker is in front of you When the time comes, fire your weapon in the air This will put an end to the whole affair
Load More Replies...
weatherwitch 1 year ago
What is it with all the bullet dodged statements as though people are psychopaths instead of NORMAL relationship happenings? 🤷🏻♀️
#22
My wife said yes but I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop up until the wedding day. She had rejected two men before me on marriage proposals and had told me she was a bit of a commitment phobe. Her matron of honor slept over the night before the wedding and slept by the front door to make sure my wife didn’t leave during the night and if she did, to call me and let me know what happened so I could enact my backup plan. I had a backup plan in case she pulled a runner at the ceremony. She almost didn’t go in on the day of. I was prepared just in case. Then she showed up, we got married and just celebrated our ten year anniversary. She still breaks out in hives and has mini freak outs when she realizes how long we’ve been together despite having two kids, a house, mortgage etc. For those of you guys dealing with commitment phobes, tell them what you’ve got planned. I let my wife know months ahead of time that I was planning on proposing and gained insights that if I were going to do it, that it had to be a certain way. Never propose in public unless your girlfriend is into that. Also make sure that if you are going to propose, she’s aware and that you know with certainty that’s what she wants. Communicate people. It isn’t that hard.
Mark Alexander 1 year ago
Hmm. Now that you say that, marriage is a hostage situation of mutual consent. And it works.
Load More Replies...
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 1 year ago
They've been together that long and she still has hives and freakouts? Yeah....she needs professional help.
Jaya 1 year ago
The part about letting someone else sleep at the door to keep her from running, sounds like a big red flag. It doesn't have to be, but without any added details about what he would do once she tries to leave, it makes me feel very uncomfortable.
Mark Alexander 1 year ago
If not a red flag, at least the script of a Hugh Grant movie.
Load More Replies...
#23
I realized ten seconds later that she actually said "You know I will." And she's just really quiet when she talks.
#24
HS sweethearts, off and on again through college and after. 9 years in total. Planned a trip and as we were leaving, she said, "I hope you aren't going to ask me to marry you." Ring stayed in the bag and tried to enjoy the awkward trip. I was pretty devastated. She got married to someone about 6 months after that (I know). A few years later I met someone with whom I understood what a relationship should be. I traded in the original ring and have been married for 19 years now. Both she and my 2 kids are amazing, and I'm super thankful things worked out how they did.
#25
I'm not a man (bi f), but proposed to my gf at the time. Tbf there were a lot of complicating factors in our relationship, but regardless I was head over heels in love with her and wanted to marry her. She said no. Our relationship continued for about a year, me hoping that she would come around to wanting to marry me. We had... oof too many conversations about the seriousness of our relationship and each time she would say "why can't you just get over it?" (meaning me asking her to marry me). I eventually ended it when I finally realized that she just didn't love me the way I did her and that I deserved better. Unfortunately that took longer than it should have to realize, but I'm one that if things end between us, then *it's fully over.* And I didn't want to do it prematurely. Everything worked out well though. My now husband asked me to marry him, and we've been happy almost 10 years now.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Why unexpected? OP stated they are bisexual.
Load More Replies... 
#26
Not my own experience, but I was in the restaurant when a failed proposal happened.
Somehow the guy was able to get the families involved in this fancy dinner without the girl’s knowledge as to what was going to happen. He orders their drinks, where he had the ring cleaned and then placed at the bottom of her pina colada drink. She gets up and goes to the bathroom and that’s when some of her family moved in close with their cameras/phones ready for the proposal. She comes back and the drinks are brought. She refuses the drink.. much to his dismay. But doesn’t get the hint. She DOESN’T WANT IT. “You should have your drink, it’s really good.” She again says NO. This goes on, back and forth. Finally she says no and is disturbed by his pushy behavior. I hear this from my table, “I can’t marry someone who won’t respect my boundaries.” She gets up and walks out of the restaurant. The guy sits there waiting for her to “cool” off. She doesn’t come back in. So he fishes out the ring and has the drinks taken away. She comes back in near the end and he shows her the ring tells her it was in the drink. And she slaps him and says no. This time she is angry and leaves. Everyone packs up and heads to pay. He just sits there by himself. I wanted to get up and say something, but my date was ready to go home.
Nina 1 year ago
I get him being enthusiastic and wanting to do the proposal like he planned it, but when she doesn't want the drink, he should've gone to plan b instead of being pushy.
Nihil Supernum 1 year ago
Erm, it's pretty clear she was aware of the proposal attempt early on and was (at first) signaling for him to drop it. When he didn't take the hint, she brought up boundaries (probably not his first attempt, and this time it was a family and public spectacle) and he still didn't drop it. He sounds like he just didn't respect her and was trying to pressure her, IMO.
Load More Replies... weatherwitch 1 year ago
I'm not happy that she slapped him but it sounds like she was feeling extremely anxious and unhappy about things prior to that. A fancy dinner with all the families, being told what to drink if you're not feeling it is never good either. I suspect he was a little too pushy and sure of himself normally. Not a celebratory time for anyone 😕
#27
My 7th grade teacher brought his gf to school to propose to her in front of our entire class and she said no it was the topic of discussion almost every day that year nbs he ended up moving schools at the end of the year.
Penguin Panda Pop 1 year ago
I'm not sure in which country they let teachers bring randoms in, but ok.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Depending on how old OP is, this could have happened in America in the 90s/basically before school shootings became sadly commonplace.
Load More Replies...
BewilderedBanana 1 year ago (edited)
Anyone springing a surprise public proposal on their partner deserves a 'No'
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Was he maneuvering her into a situation where it would be too mean for her to say no in front of a bunch of kids?
Alexandra 1 year ago
Never do a public proposal if you're not sure the other party will say 'yes' and since it's never a 100% sure he/she will, never do a public proposal.
Ash 1 year ago
What if they start hinting strongly that they WANT you to do a public proposal? There ARE some people who want to be proposed to that way. I think they're insane, but they do exist.
Load More Replies... LGBTQpanda 1 year ago
OMG! Why do that in front of a room full of children? It's a lot of pressure in front of strangers but more so in front of kids who are invested in the teacher who is asking!
#28
Was with a girl for a couple years. I started talking about getting married. She was up for it but kinda distant about it. I take her out ring shopping and she breaks down. Tells me she can’t marry me.
I was really confused I thought things were going great. Turns out I was just the guy taking care of her until her Ex gets out of prison.
I paid for her schooling helped her get off d***s. We were looking at houses. I thought we were making a life together.
She left me not long after that. He got out of prison a few months later. She went back to stripping. I ran into them a few times. I guess she’s happy.
#29
I had a foreign student at my university, I’d only spoken to on the phone a few times, and whom **I’d never met** call my *father* on Christmas morning of my Freshman year. He asked my dad for my hand in marriage. They talked for ages, and my stupid father said yes! He was so out of touch with my life, he assumed the guy was my boyfriend. My dad thought I’d be thrilled, the idiot.
#30
I got everything ready and she said “no, at least not right now”. And it sorta muted the rest of the weekend. Several people heard I was gonna ask and congratulated me the next week… it was surreal informing them she said no.
It should have been a wake up call to just end it there, but neither of us wanted to. We were our first everything and we had a lot of history. I guess I thought it would just work out, but her reservations on being married at that time never really went away. I admitted that both of us wanted exclusive things- our lives were headed towards opposite directions, And compromise just meant someone was going to be resentful.
When we started dating, both of us really helped each other out in a lot of areas and through some really challenging times. But we learned (later on) that things that were great then may not be great now. Both of us were good people, but some things just have a lifespan. We got what we needed and it was time for the next phase of our lives… alone.
A huge part of successful marriages requires compromise on small issues. But some issues have no compromise. Its ok to fight for things if theres a way that both of you can get what you want, and theres no shame in letting things go if theres nothing more than can be done
We broke up 7 or so months later. Restarting life (for what was the second time for me) was tough because I was also going through a lot of othet things and she wasnt able to be there anymore. The same thing was happening on her end, so it just kinda ended there.
We both dated other people and got married to others eventually. So in the super longer term, it was all ok.
#31
I said yes but then the next day have the ring back cuz I got cold feet. Then I realized I was wrong to give it back and thankfully he gave it back to me a week later. Thus was 43 years ago and we’re still going strong.
#32
She told me "No, but wait awhile and ask again and I think it will be yes." We're still married.
#33
She said no it's too soon. I asked how long she wanted to wait, and I waited that long. Then she said yes, then she got mad at me for wanting to set a date and the whole thing became a s**t show. Looking back it already was a s**t show I just didn't see it.
#34
We were at a friend's comic shop just chatting. He clicked on his computer and turned the monitor. Taco Bell wedding. I proposed on the spot. She said no. A few years later I said we should go get court house married for the benefits while she was finishing school. She said no. A few years after that she told me the date and place we were getting married. It's been ten total years together, married two. Love this woman to death and back.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 1 year ago
I had a boyfriend propose to me so that I could go on a company trip with him. I said no, I'm not getting married just to go on a trip. He said "Well, I love you and stuff." No longer together, obviously.
#35
It was a brain spasm trying to save a relationship at 19. She smiled and said no. She really did save us both a lot of trouble.
#36
I needed two additional tries to get her to say yes. One near the Eifel Tower. It was never a hard no, more a not yet. We were both still students, she was unclear if she would stay there or go to the other side of the country or wherever. In 6 weeks we have our ten year anniversary.
Tom Brincefield 1 year ago
He said clearly that it took 3 tires to get her to say yes. Quite a few of the stories in the list have had people trying multiple times. It took my grandfather multiple tries to get my grandmother to say yes.
Load More Replies... #37
I used to date a guy who was in a band that had a bit of a cult following… they agreed to never let someone propose from stage again after an incident where a dude proposed on stage… and she said yes…. But everyone could tell it was a “no”… he showed up at a show a few months later single… They said it was a big vibe killer for the show.
#38
This happened live on "The Today Show" many years ago during the segment where the anchors/hosts chit-chatted with people outside on the plaza. Guy proposed, girl said no. If I remember correctly, she said they had been dating only two weeks. It was extremely awkward for poor Al Roker.
Lost Penny 1 year ago
What is it with proposing after dating for two weeks? Hell, I can't even decide if I like hazelnut-flavored coffee in two weeks, let alone be ready to jump into such a serious commitment with someone I know nothing about. That's hardcore.
Rosemary 1 year ago
I've actually had a couple of guys propose to me during our first (and only) date.
Load More Replies... Tom Brincefield 1 year ago
Yes! That makes sense! Let's go to The Today Show where we can fake you proposing to me on live, national TV, so I can publicly humiliate you and we can both be embarrassed. 🤔 Something seems off about this idea...
Load More Replies... #39
I've asked my girl twice so far, and both times she has said no. The last time she said "Honey, why spoil everything?". She didn't have a good first marriage, and I understand her reluctance. Lately, I have made it plain that I still want to do this, and she told me "I don't want to say no, but I'm not ready to say yes, either". Her saying no is not a deal-breaker, because I know her history and understand her. Patience will get us there when the time is right.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
You "understand" her, but you don't accept her. To you "patience" seems to mean "I will get my way eventually."
#40
She told me I had waited too long to ask (6.5 years) and that she was developing feelings for the assistant professor she was working with so, she used that opportunity to let me know she was in two minds about wanting to pursue that and end things with me. She yoyo'd on it for about 2 months and then I finally insisted we call it a day. They're married and have a kid now. I'm sterile, so I guess if she has changed her mind on children, it was for the best.
#41
I managed a beautiful mansion BnB in the Hudson Valley years ago. We hosted weddings nearly every weekend, and had the restaurant open otherwise. A man warned us that he was going to propose one quiet winter night. We had maybe 10-15 people in the dining room. He got down on one knee and she said “can you get back up? We need to talk. I can’t marry you.” She said it so softly and kindly, but we all could see it going down. He looked pretty heartbroken. The rest of their dinner was mighty glum.
#42
I asked the next person in line. Eventually the bank manager asked me to leave.
#43
Found out she had been dating a friend I had helped her to meet. Later, he proposed to her in a restaurant where a buddy and I had gone to eat. Worst coincidence ever. I ended up hearing the restaurant clap and whoop for them. Fortunately, we were on the other side of the restaurant and that was the extent of it. Well, until they passed me on the highway when I was driving home. Second worst coincidence ever. It was like having someone step on your broken foot. Of course, they got married and then divorced because he had a wandering eye and followed up on it. As for me, I got married a lot later. My wife and I have been through plenty of medical issues together, but we’ve survived and are still happy together. But man, that prior experience was brutal.
#44
She said if I could get her to say yes to a ring pop, we could have the ceremony at the Renaissance festival. She said no and then I whipped out the real ring.
#45
I know a guy who proposed and got a yes, but later turned to a no. It was her birthday so he said let’s throw a bbq and invite the whole family over. She said sounds great and he invited EVERYONE on both sides of the family parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins… she had no idea he would propose at dinner. Marriage hadn’t even been discussed. She said yes to avoid chaos but later had a long talk. They didn’t stay together much longer after that. We still tease him about it every time he invites us to a bbq at his house. “Hey wait a minute…You aren’t going to try to propose to me are you?” Still gets a laugh every time.
What do you think ?
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
The number of people who should witness your proposal should be the same number that will witness your wedding night. And for the same reason.
Load More Replies...
Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
My husband proposed to me on top of the Space Needle (in Seattle) at sunset, when we could see the lights coming up in the city and the ferries all lit up going across the water.
Shark Lady 1 year ago
My dad had a little too much Dutch courage when he proposed to my mum. He was so drunk that my mum called him the next day to check that he really meant it.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
One piece of advice that I can offer: If someone is drunk when they propose, the only correct answer is "ask me again when you are sober".
Load More Replies... Lady Vader 1 year ago
I was the proposee. He asked, I said no. It shouldn't have been a surprise because we were broken up at the time but still friends. I was in my mid-twenties (too young to think of settling down), I wasn't religious, and I didn't want kids. So while we loved each other, it was never going to work. Super awkward drive home from the restaurant and we didn't speak for a long time. We re-connected as friends and years later he met HER, his true match. I was so thrilled for both of them and ended up being a groomswoman in their wedding. Fifteen years later, they are still happily married and have a beautiful family, I'm still happily single, and everything worked out the way it was supposed to.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
Hollywood has conditioned too many people to believe that a big, public, impetuous proposal is the way to go. NO. *Talk* about it first. Unless you *know* that your partner feels the same way about marriage - as well as children, parenting, where to live, etc. A proposal is just an overture to a wedding ceremony, which is just an overture to possibly *decades* of sharing your life with another person (and likely their family, and possibly children). The proposal is not an end in itself. I'm fairly confident that almost every one of these "failures" could have been avoided if people had only talked about it beforehand.
Rosgrana 1 year ago
I don’t get the big “proposal” thing. “I have taken as long as I need to think this over, decide it’s what I want to do, and you now have about eight seconds to make the same decision before you look like an a**e for not answering. Unless we’re in public. Then you’ll look like an a**e if you do anything but gush “Oh yes!” and hug me.” If you’ve discussed it and decided to get married, then you’re engaged, no “proposal” necessary, and staging one is fake and pointless. If you haven’t, then for Pete’s sake do that, instead of ambushing your partner with a huge question they aren’t prepared for.
Rebecca Taylor 1 year ago
my huband and i new the day we met it was right, he never offiicially proposed . He did ask my dad if he could marry me. Ididn't know that. We had a long distant relationship and afer 3 months we wet the wedding date for theww months later. After knowing him 6 month our friends thought we were going to fast. We were married 37 years and36 day when he died 01/04/24. I think public proposals shoulld only be to surprise th family. I brlirve you should know before or it is like shaming one who says no an embarrasing the one asking. Our marrage was a very sweet one and I wanted to have longer with him,, for he was mmy best friend abd my other half.
Rebecca Taylor 1 year ago
forgive my spelling errors i got to emotional and did't spell check
Load More Replies...
Jen Hart 1 year ago
My husband and I were walking around in a nice city park that had lots of mature oaks. It was early fall, and squirrels were busy! He kinda pulled me off the path to the other side of a tree... the whole time, I thought he wanted to point out a cute squirrel or something 😄 That's when he proposed, and I accepted. He didn't have a ring (we were broke college kids), but it didn't matter. We've recently passed 27 years of marriage ❤️
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
The number of people who should witness your proposal should be the same number that will witness your wedding night. And for the same reason.
Load More Replies... Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
My husband proposed to me on top of the Space Needle (in Seattle) at sunset, when we could see the lights coming up in the city and the ferries all lit up going across the water.
Shark Lady 1 year ago
My dad had a little too much Dutch courage when he proposed to my mum. He was so drunk that my mum called him the next day to check that he really meant it.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
One piece of advice that I can offer: If someone is drunk when they propose, the only correct answer is "ask me again when you are sober".
Load More Replies... Lady Vader 1 year ago
I was the proposee. He asked, I said no. It shouldn't have been a surprise because we were broken up at the time but still friends. I was in my mid-twenties (too young to think of settling down), I wasn't religious, and I didn't want kids. So while we loved each other, it was never going to work. Super awkward drive home from the restaurant and we didn't speak for a long time. We re-connected as friends and years later he met HER, his true match. I was so thrilled for both of them and ended up being a groomswoman in their wedding. Fifteen years later, they are still happily married and have a beautiful family, I'm still happily single, and everything worked out the way it was supposed to.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
Hollywood has conditioned too many people to believe that a big, public, impetuous proposal is the way to go. NO. *Talk* about it first. Unless you *know* that your partner feels the same way about marriage - as well as children, parenting, where to live, etc. A proposal is just an overture to a wedding ceremony, which is just an overture to possibly *decades* of sharing your life with another person (and likely their family, and possibly children). The proposal is not an end in itself. I'm fairly confident that almost every one of these "failures" could have been avoided if people had only talked about it beforehand.
Rosgrana 1 year ago
I don’t get the big “proposal” thing. “I have taken as long as I need to think this over, decide it’s what I want to do, and you now have about eight seconds to make the same decision before you look like an a**e for not answering. Unless we’re in public. Then you’ll look like an a**e if you do anything but gush “Oh yes!” and hug me.” If you’ve discussed it and decided to get married, then you’re engaged, no “proposal” necessary, and staging one is fake and pointless. If you haven’t, then for Pete’s sake do that, instead of ambushing your partner with a huge question they aren’t prepared for.
Rebecca Taylor 1 year ago
my huband and i new the day we met it was right, he never offiicially proposed . He did ask my dad if he could marry me. Ididn't know that. We had a long distant relationship and afer 3 months we wet the wedding date for theww months later. After knowing him 6 month our friends thought we were going to fast. We were married 37 years and36 day when he died 01/04/24. I think public proposals shoulld only be to surprise th family. I brlirve you should know before or it is like shaming one who says no an embarrasing the one asking. Our marrage was a very sweet one and I wanted to have longer with him,, for he was mmy best friend abd my other half.
Rebecca Taylor 1 year ago
forgive my spelling errors i got to emotional and did't spell check
Load More Replies... Jen Hart 1 year ago
My husband and I were walking around in a nice city park that had lots of mature oaks. It was early fall, and squirrels were busy! He kinda pulled me off the path to the other side of a tree... the whole time, I thought he wanted to point out a cute squirrel or something 😄 That's when he proposed, and I accepted. He didn't have a ring (we were broke college kids), but it didn't matter. We've recently passed 27 years of marriage ❤️
You May Like Man Asks Girlfriend What She Brings To The Table After 4.5 Years Together, Relationship Implodes "Am I The Jerk For Breaking Up With My Fiancé Over An Ultimatum Over My Ring?" 32 People Spill The Darkest And Most Disturbing Secrets Hidden By Their Partners
Justinas Keturka
Denis Krotovas
Justinas Keturka
Related on Bored Panda
