I think we absolutely lucked out as species when the very first dessert was invented. By the way, some historians think it was ice cream. Tell me again it wasn’t the luckiest day in history. Since then we’ve come a long way. Desserts now exist in all forms and flavors, and famous patissiers around the world keep coming up with mind-blowing dessert ideas.
If you have a sweet tooth like me, your worst nightmare is having to choose one dessert at a coffee shop or a bakery. And whether you love baking yourself and constantly collect dessert recipes or your only contribution to the entire industry is eating pies in all the available flavors, you will definitely appreciate some dessert puns and jokes.
For the most dedicated cake lovers, there is a very special category of dessert pick-up lines. Use them with care, as the person you are trying to impress might be trying to avoid sugar in all possible forms, even verbally, but if you believe those funny candy puns you have up your sleeve might actually turn into a nice conversation, go for it.
For this article, we collected some of the best dessert jokes that will help you pass the time between two desserts. Tell us in the comments which dessert you could eat all day every day, and if you know the recipe for it, make sure you share it with us.
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Steps on how to survive being stranded on a dessert island.
1) Check spelling.
2) If correct, enjoy.
I won’t be able to survive too long, because that dessert island is only going to exist for a week max before it’s all in my stomach!
I HAVE ABS-
olutely no self-control when it comes to dessert.
My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn't care.
But then the shift hit the flan.
What happens when ice scream gets angry?
It has a melt down!
Recently I had a very weird dream! (It's really a true story!) In my dream I've been wondering if it was possible to make cooked ice cream gonna cry. Wtf? When I woke up I've still been thinking about it, then realized that weirdness and couldn't stop laughing for at least thirty minutes! Btw, I guess it's NOT possible - because if ice cream gets cooked it's no ice cream anymore 🙈 Dunno if I need a therapist or an exorcist...
What's Hannibal Lecter's favorite dessert?
A Danish.
Grammar is bringing dessert.
The synonym rolls are amazing.
What's Bill Gates's favorite dessert?
Apple turnover.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
When the yoga teacher caught her student eating a lot of pies and coffee.
She said: "You're here to practice yoga, not pie-lattes!"
What's a stoners favorite dessert?
Baked goods.
Why do ice creams make the best journalists?
Because they are always getting the inside scoop first.
There's a lot of bad jokes. Especially the one about the dessert thief.
That one really takes the cake.
What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert?
Tearinmyshoe.
What is the favorite dessert of Greek chickens?
BAWK-lava.
What's a basketball champ's favorite donut place?
Dunkin' Donuts.
Where do you learn how to make ice cream?
In Sunday (Sundae) School.
My doctor told me the best way to lose weight is to think of dessert as a drug.
I've been freebasing two cannoli a day.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Because he was stuffed.
What's a dessert's favorite pick-up line?
Pie like you berry much.
What’s a dessert’s favorite actor?
Robert Brownie, Jr!
What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?
Boo-berry pie!
Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?
He got what he dessert.
Why do ice creams tend to be bad at tennis?
Because they are always going for the soft serve.
What's the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend?
One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.
What did the motivational ice cream tell to the sad audience?
"Nothing is im-popsicle if you just believe."
What happened when the courts tried to ban a certain kind of ice cream?
The other ice creams started a riot as it seemed un-cone-stitutional.
What did the loaf of cinnamon bread say to the bag of flour?
"Hey, didn't we meet yeast-erday?"
What do you call a website where you pay to look at pictures of Spanish desserts?
OnlyFlans.
A couple of camels are walking in the dessert...
And I was like: "Hey! Get out of my ice cream cake, you camels!"
Planck's constant walks into a bar and orders dessert. The bartender is a little surprised by this, but happens to have a couple desserts on hand.
"I can't decide," says Planck's constant. "Whenever I walk into a bar I feel divided by two pies."
What's the difference between an Italian dessert cheese and a small pony who loves makeup?
One's a mascarpone, the other is a mascara pony.
How do you become a professor at an Ice Cream University?
You have to submit a cool dessert-ation.
Why do we eat ice cream, cake, cookies and sweets when we're stressed?
Because 'stressed' spelled backward is 'desserts'!
What's the worst thing about being a birthday cake?
After you're set on fire, you are eaten by the hero that saved you.
Which seasonal dessert treat is the best seller at the Colorado cannabis edibles shop?
Pumpkin pot pie.
I just had dessert after my Chinese food, but there was no paper in my cookie.
That's unfortunate.
What was the ice cream police officer worried about on a hot day?
That he would lose cone-trol of the traffic.
Bought some ice cream and it said “store in a cool place”.
So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.
What did the pie who fell in love with another pie say?
"You made me fall in love at first bite."
The pie wrote a letter to his best friend saying,
"You keep occu-pie-ing all my thoughts."
