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"Nice is different than good."
If you’re a fan of Into the Woods, perhaps you remember when Little Red sings that painfully pertinent line after her frightful encounter with the wolf. And while she had no knowledge of predators on Tinder or creepy men following women to their cars after leaving bars late at night, she did learn a valuable lesson that, sadly, most women also learn at a shockingly young age.
Women on Reddit have been sharing stories of their worst encounters with “nice guys” who later showed their true colors, so we’ve gathered some of the creepiest and most disturbing ones below. As we all know, actions speak louder than words, and if someone is actually a decent person, they won’t need to try to convince you of that. Yet the "nice guys" of the world still persist...
Keep reading to find an interview with Laura Coronado, host of the There Are No Nice Guys podcast, and be sure to upvote the stories that you find most frustrating. Then, if you’re looking to read a Bored Panda article that will restore your faith in men, you can hear about times guys actually helped women escape from potentially dangerous situations right here.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I went to a club in new york and a guy at the bar offered to buy me a drink. I politely declined. he insisted again, and I knew it was a scam to get me to hang out with him. before I could order my drink for myself he buys both of us a round, which was, you know, "the nice thing to do". I immediately got weird vibes from him and didn't think I owed him anything for the beer and shot. I made up an excuse to get away from him. I didn't want to leave the club because I spent a hefty cover so I got my friend to come save me. my friend was 30 mins away so this guy kept following me around the club calling me a b***h for not being interested in his little game. I told the bouncers and they didn't really care about the situation and just brushed it off. I was so furious with this guy I stuck my finger down my throat and threw up all over him and said, "here's your drink back, now leave me the f**k alone". byyyeeeee ya f****n nerd.
OmBoyGanesh 3 years ago
I’m more pissed at the bouncers than anything. It comes with the job: you protect anyone being harassed.
HeckThor 3 years ago
Hey I'm with the girl here and I know the guy is wrong in all counts but I think using the word "nerd" as an insult is kinda wrong, not for the creep but for the real nerds who just mind their own business.
Beeps 3 years ago
The number of times I’ve asked bouncers for help when being harassed and didn’t get help is untrue. Also supermarket security (looking at you Morrisons, who refused to help me when a guy approached me in the car park and wouldn’t let me get into my car) *and* even once a life guard at the pool. That one was when a man kept exposing himself to my friend and me (we were both 10 at the time). We felt adamant that we shouldn’t have to leave in order to get away from him, so we spoke to the life guard who refused to help, so we had to leave.
Jane Cortez 3 years ago
Once I was out with friends in a very crowded lounge. A man grabbed my behind, it was rather, erm unmistakably ‘deliberate.’ I don’t know how I did it but I grabbed his arm from behind, spun around and slapped him hard in the face. Needless to say he began as n to make excuses while I confronted him, my friends fortunately caught on as a little crowd formed around us. He slunk off and we continued on with our evening.
John Dilligaf 3 years ago
" I told the bouncers and they didn't really care " ---WTF are they for, if not situations like this?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with actually being a nice person. We should all have good manners and look out for each other. But the “nice guys” that these stories reference are not kind people. They are more focused on portraying themselves as nice to get what they want, and as soon as they are disappointed, their true colors show. It’s much better to be around genuinely good and kind people, who may not sugar coat things, than fake nice guys, but sadly, most women have come across this archetype at one point or another.
To learn more about the nice guy trope, we reached out to Laura Coronado, host of the There Are No Nice Guys podcast. First, we were curious how Laura’s show got its. “My podcast got its name after a series of bad dates and encounters that left me wondering, 'Where are all the nice guys?'," she told Bored Panda. "So, I did what any single woman does before she realizes it’s time to hire a therapist—I crowdsourced advice from Facebook. I asked my friends and followers to define the concept of the 'nice guy'.”
RELATED:
#2
A lot of the ones in this thread are worse, but here's mine: I was friends with this guy for a couple years, but was never interested in dating him. I was fairly certain he was aware of that, and since he never said or did anything that seemed to me like he was interested in me either, I assumed we were legitimately friends. He never asked me out, he never made any comment even suggesting he wanted anything more. We were fairly close, and had a lot of mutual friends. I never thought anything else was going on. Apparently, this was not the case. A couple days after I got a new boyfriend, I update my relationship status on Facebook. My "friend" calls me within like...2 minutes of this update, and immediately starts shouting at me, demanding to know why he "wasn't good enough for me" and why my boyfriend "was so much better than him." I tired to get him to calm down, but he just kept yelling about how he was a "nice guy" and how he had "always been so nice to me, why didn't I ever give him a chance?" I calmly tried to explain to him that I never got any signals from him, and I didn't think I ever did anything to lead him on or anything, and he shouted that "he's such a nice guy and doesn't deserve to be friend-zoned like this." I made one final attempt to salvage the conversation, and tried to explain that I was sorry if he felt deceived, but it also really hurt my feelings that I thought he legitimately valued me as a person and wanted to be my friend, but now he's just mad I won't sleep with him. He flat-out screamed at me "F**K YOU! You're just a cold b***h! I bet your boyfriend's an a*****e anyway!!!" I hung up on him and he never spoke to me again. Two years of relatively close friendship down the drain in one phone call. It felt pretty shi**y. EDIT: Kinda resenting some of the comments in my inbox implying this was somehow my fault for...not being a mind-reader I guess? Gentlemen: if you're interested in a lady, say something. We aren't psychic.
Little Wonder 3 years ago
Love the "it's your fault for not realising he was into you" and even if he WAS into her, she wasn't into him so it's not on her to date him anyway
Zenozenobee 3 years ago (edited)
When I met my former male best Friend, I had a girlfriend. I was out as bi. After 3 and a half years, we broke up, my heart was broken, it took me one more year to start dating again. So almost 5 years of friendship he went nuts because I met a guy and it should have been his "turn". The dude had spent 5years in imaginary line I didn't know about, I was apparently owing him a ride on my love life. I never been able to wrap my mind around that s**t.
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Kayla Black 3 years ago
My husband always says "women aren't a gumball machine, you can't put in friendship coins and expect sex to come out" haha such a good analogy
OmBoyGanesh 3 years ago
Sorry the incels were coming for her, but they thrive on this s**t. The pathetic fûcks. And I decree henceforth as universal law: any dude who blames a woman for not being into a guy or suggests she has an obligation to overtly state her intentions with any man for any reason is indeed an official incel scum.
TheMightyDuck 3 years ago
Yes, thank you. This is not 1850, for crying out loud.
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AnonymousApple 3 years ago
Fellow "nice guys" trying to gaslight you on behalf of the "nice guy" you dodged.
the quickening 3 years ago
It really, really suck you think someone likes you as a person, only to find out you were nothing but a walking, talking pair of boobas and a*s to them.
Existing just because 3 years ago
Pro tip: start calling your male friends “bro” a lot, especially earlier on in the friendship. Really helps clear things up right out the gate.
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
Oh god, I hate being called bro, but I understand the sentiment.
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Daaaaaaaaaaa 3 years ago
Almost the exact same thing happened to me!! Not your fault!!!! These men are awful. My 'friend', did the same to me. He went ballistic at me on a train when he was hammered because I was going to Spain to me a guy who I'd been friends with for 15 years. It was awful. Never ever your fault. These men are incels!!
Deidre Lippnik 3 years ago
While wearing board shorts and holding a long island iced tea...ugh
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#3
A random guy held my crutches for me as I walked down some stairs at uni. He seemed nice and joked about how he once broke a foot, it'll get better, etc etc. We get to the bottom and he asks if we could get some coffee. I thank him, but tell him I'm seeing someone so he just drops my crutches on the floor and walks away
Happiness is Hippo 3 years ago
This one shocked me more than some of the more dangerous ones. There's something so callous, I don't know what it is exactly. It gave me chills.
Sonja 3 years ago
Easily explained. It's the extremely dismissive idea behind those actions that women only deserve help or any form of compassion that normal people would give each other without expecting anything in return if they 'pay' for it. That's why it's so shocking. It's not like those NiceGuys™ are doing anything special or praiseworthy. They're just behaving normally, casually social, in a way we teach our children to behave, but when it's directed at a woman they think it's special because in their mind women are not worthy of being treated like humans and thus for must be thankful for this
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Deborah B 3 years ago
How hard is it to hand back the crutches, and say "Have a great day." Being a decent human being takes very little effort here.
Amber.exe (She/They) 3 years ago
"Nice" guys(and possibly "nice" girls) can't fathom being nice without getting something like a relationship or something of the sort out of it.They're all basically asssholes
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Zenozenobee 3 years ago (edited)
When you're only nice to someone because you want something in return, you're not nice.
“I got various responses that included, ‘Nice guys are boring’, as well as warnings to beware of the ‘nice guy’. He starts nice at first, but then he becomes a real jerk,” Laura shared. “However, a married friend inspired me when she said, ‘The nice guy doesn’t exist.’ He doesn’t exist because the nice guy trope is either a self-serving title that a guy gives himself or it’s a title given to him by someone else who isn’t interested in him romantically.”
“When it comes down to it, there are no nice guys,” Laura told Bored Panda. “Not because there aren’t decent men in the world, but because the term ‘nice guy’ has become a trope.”
“I have had a million different encounters with ‘nice guys’ since my divorce in 2015, but in a recent podcast episode (Episode 37: When Nice Guys Go Bad), I recount the tale of my ‘friend’, Alex, who I had always thought was a nice guy until I met the woman he’s been using and toying with for the past two years,” Laura shared. “It turns out, Alex is just another douchebag hiding behind the ‘nice guy’ act.”
#4
I have a reproductive issue. It won't kill me but for the most part, I can't have kids. I had confided in a male friend of mine about some of the sadness I was having over it, coupled with a bad breakup I had just gone through, and he tried to cheer me up by saying "but you're perfect".
I was confused so I asked him to elaborate.
"You're hot. You look like Black Widow. You're funny. And you can't ever get pregnant. What guy wouldn't want you?"
When I told him that wasn't a compliment, he told me that I'm too much of a Social Justice Warrior to see when a real gentleman pays me a compliment.
Minath 3 years ago
The minute you hear/read "Social Justice Warrior" is your signal to bail as quickly and as safely as you can.
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
Yep, another red flag word for me is woke. If you complain about wokeness what you're really saying is you're uncomfortable about the fact that society moving faster than you are. I am too, but I'm not going to get mad at society because I'm the idiot.
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Rylosalex 3 years ago
What he is really saying is "Any guy would be lucky to get with you since you can't get pregent and baby trap him"
Deborah B 3 years ago
Wow. Her emotional sadness over infertility really means less than nothing here. It's all about a guy being able to f**k without consequences.
simply.Taz 3 years ago
I'm not sure how I feel about your comment. Are you saying that her emotional sadness over her infertility has no value or is insignificant? I really don't understand. Can you elaborate, please? Thank you.
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#5
I once was out with friends and my drink was spiked. One dude stayed with me to take care of me and my other friends left because we all knew him. Turns out he spiked my drink himself so he could 'save me' and show me how caring he was.
Edit: since people are asking how I found out, he told a mutual friend thinking that the guy would think it was a cool move. Our friend did not think it was cool, and told me what happened.
This dude also laced the one-hitter we were using with something that same night. I could have died, but he really thought he was being a genius pick up artist. The worst part is that we had actually been talking for a week or so before this - I clearly already liked him, and he still felt the need to do this.
Keep your eyes on your drink and trust your instincts.
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
Since this guy was capable of all these things, I wonder if he was putting off any kind of vibe at all or if he was just super slick 🤔... wouldn't want him as a friend of mine.
Minath 3 years ago
People tend to be on their best behaviour during the early, talking stage. It's not always easy to spot the red flags.
Load More Replies... deanna woods 3 years ago
A guy in my town had his drink spiked at a party and he has not been the same ever since. His mind is permanently messed up.
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
I've had my drink spiked twice. Once friends took care of me. The other time I was just thankful all he did was mug me, and not sexually assault me. He was even nice enough to just take the cash, and not my whole wallet, and he left me sitting up in an easy to find place and called an ambulance for me. I would have reported him, but I never got a good look at his face. I've had people spike my drugs too: PCP in my weed twice, liquid ecstacy in my acid, and meth mixed into my shot of heroin (because the guy though it would make me horny). I never got back at the guys who gave me PCP, but the one who gave me ecstacy got jumped by some of my guy friends who weren't always "nice", but I could depend on. They also ran him out of town. The guy who gave me meth, (which makes me extremely violent) I beat up by myself and took everything including his clothes, and wrote what he did on his face with a sharpie while he was knocked out. He got run out of town within the week.
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Anonymous 3 years ago
Gosh Op! You dodged a nuke over there. Also I pray that whenever he goes outside he is always a little uncomfortable.
Carole 3 years ago
Tbh I kinda hope he can't go outside in the first place cause he's in jail.
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Channon Doughty 3 years ago
Apparently he prefers his victims only semi-conscious so he doesn't have to hear how bad he is
Mary Jeffries 3 years ago
No good person has meds to spike a drink with. What a horrible violation. I’m sorry.
simply.Taz 3 years ago
So happy you found out who did it, AND, that in the end, you weren't assaulted by him!! smh
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 3 years ago
MAJOR red flag. Actually, no, that’s a shroud. I’m assuming you cut all ties with him.
#6
One of them grabbed me by the neck and choked me against a wall for not wanting to kiss him.
Another one stalked me for months because I wouldn't f**k him.
Another one bought me a drink, tried to force himself on me, then followed me home and actually tried to get in because "I owed him".
Those are the ones I can remember right now.
Another one waited until I passed out at a party and tried to r*pe me because "he was afraid I would say no".
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
My psychologist once told me that men who prey on women like this actually have a keen sense that helps them target women that have been victimized in the past. He said it's not that we show any signs of weakness but some men have said they could tell the difference in the way we carry ourselves. He said it's just little things that they zero in on that others don't pay attention to.
Moosy Girl 3 years ago
Sooooo basically it *is* our own fault? :p Jokes aside I don’t really believe this, I believe men have said that, but they’ll say it after any successful attempt and just keep quiet about all the failed ones. Keen sense my $#&.
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OmBoyGanesh 3 years ago
Dead men don’t rāpe! That’s the old saying. I think neutered men also don’t rāpe and this procedure can done on the fly. Always go for the nuts with the intention to literally remove them.
Kayla Black 3 years ago
I had a club promoter try to get me to perform "acts" on him in a club outdoor space for a drink card. (They are worth a house spirit or local beer) So worth like $4. I told him I've got that much change in the bottom of my bag and even if I didn't I'd rather have no drink at all. What a creep! It made me wonder if that was his first time trying that or if it had actually worked before!?
simply.Taz 3 years ago
I would guess that he probably does that a LOT! What a loser!!
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Anonymous 3 years ago
Hey, so sorry to hear that. Hope you are doing well now.
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Alienking06 3 years ago
As a guy, I would just like to apologize for the actions of all these men.
T. Unnamable 3 years ago
Bored Panda: "Rape" is not an obscene word, such as f**k. It is an actual capital crime.
“After meeting this woman, who had deep feelings for him, despite all his mixed signals, I texted Alex to gush about what an amazing woman she is,” Laura explained. “He then proceeded to hit on me. I am so disappointed in him. Needless to say, we’re no longer friends.”
“I don’t know if he was always pretending to be a nice guy and was just waiting for his chance with me or if he turned bad. I guess I’ll never know," she added.
Laura also believes that all women have had similar experiences with “nice guys”. “I think it’s common because parents, teachers, and society, in general, have convinced men that they’re the top dogs in the world and that they’re owed affection from those they desire,” she explained. “Generally speaking, men see themselves as though they’re the ‘pickers’ and women are the ones getting ‘picked’.”
#7
I actually have a story of a recovered "Nice Guy". Years back he and I became friends. We weren't really close but we got along and chatted regularly. One day he tells me I'm the most amazing woman he's met and his loved me the whole time blah blah blah. I told him I didn't feel the same way and he got a angry cursing me out etc. I was upset. I really like being friends with this dude and while I understood our friendship mightn't be exactly the same after, I didn't think I deserved abuse for not being in love with him. Anyway, fast forward to a couple if years ago and I see him at the shops. We wave to each other but don't speak. Later I get a message from him and we start chatting back and forth. Then he saying something like "I want to apologies for how I treated you back then. I'm sorry I ruined our friendship and you didn't deserve my reaction hope we can make amends". While our friendship will never be the same, it was really nice to get an apology.
Minath 3 years ago
Well this one is a complete 180, I've never heard of a remorseful nice guy.
Mrs. EW 3 years ago
Me either. I had an old flame apologize to me. He seemed genuine at the time, but as time went by he showed me he was the same shite person he used to be.
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Yu Pan 2 years ago
Same here. Only after you told him "our friendship will never be the same, but it was really nice to get an apology" he was cool and said he understands, will I accept that he's really reformed
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#8
* Found out my address from friends, let himself into my house while I was sleeping. Worse than Twilight. After being forcibly ejected from said house, called to ask what the "status of our relationship" was (we had gone on a mediocre lunch date a few weeks before). Kept convincing aforementioned friends to talk me into giving him a second chance because he was such a nice guy. Got my subsequent addresses the same way, kept showing up and leaving letters/parcels for years.
* Super stalker. Went to all my classes, despite being in a totally different major. Followed me around campus on his bicycle. Would insist on trying to follow me home to protect me from "bad guys" because he was a nice guy that wanted to be my friend. Waited outside a library for 7 hours until it closed to make sure he could follow me home. Trapped me inside a study room and wouldn't let me leave until I agreed to give him a chance and let him "protect" me by being my boyfriend. Repeated this several times despite police intervention. Kept insisting it was all a mistake and he wasn't doing anything wrong, he was really helping me by being nice and I was super ungrateful.
* Left miniskirts on my desk at work. Stopped by several times every day to either awkwardly compliment my appearance (ex. telling me 5 times that stripes accentuate my features) or that the clothes he just happened to have lying around would look great on me if I wanted to try them on a wear them. Kept trying to touch me or massage me to help me relax. Acted aghast in HR meetings that "friendly compliments" could be "received so poorly" and ended up getting me written up for being culturally insensitive. Like, I offended his god-given average old white man right to feel me up and hit on me however he wanted.
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
I still can't believe some people thought that thing in Twilight was cute and romantic. Some guy sneaking into my room while I'm asleep is literally one of my recurring nightmares.
Jane Cortez 3 years ago
Once, many, many years ago I had a friend who suggested I try working catered events with her- that it would be *fun*. This was in college. Even though I didn’t need to work I thought I would try it out. We were walking around and a man bumped into me not so subtly copped a feel of my breast. Aghast, I couldn’t react. Well, it came time to serve the food and as I realized where he was seated and my place in line carrying the hot plate of food with white a napkin I fell back so that I would be the one to serve him. When I reached him, ( he was sitting, legs splayed wide like a corpulent, arrogant frog), I put my heel on top of one of his feet and ground down with all of my might. I then held the plate of food at such an angle that if he squirmed in the pain it surely caused him, the scalding contents would land in his lap, to Blanche his crotch while I glared at him, he did not dare to look at me. He froze and I just stood there, enjoying the moment.
simply.Taz 3 years ago
I would have "accidentally" dumped the hot food in his lap. Forget about hoping it would fall into hip.....it WOULD'VE been in his lap, without any hesitation!! Lol
Load More Replies... Mona Stevenson 3 years ago
Sounds like your HR people are incompetent. The best thing to do is to record the incidents, take videos and photos, get witnesses, and document the heck out of it. And that includes documenting the lack of response by HR.
Sonja 3 years ago
The worst thing in this story are all those enablers who just cannot accept that OP said no. No means no! And that's not just for the creep himself but for all others surrounding him. If you feel the urge to uptalk a friend, just. Don't. No. Bad friend. Bad! Don't do it. She said no and no means no!
Zenozenobee 3 years ago (edited)
"the status of the relationship"' ? Dude, invading someone's home is not a relationship.
simply.Taz 3 years ago
Jesus Christ!! That's a nightmare that NO ONE (looking at you, police and HR), would help you awake up from! I'm sorry that you had to experience this old, f'cking creep?? I would love to hear if this situation got better and that you are safe and ok, now? :(
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 3 years ago
DITCH YOUR FRIENDS, if you haven’t already. If they gave your address to him that many times, they are not your friends.
FatLipsMcCool 3 years ago
I would NEVER share someone's address with another person. That is almost the worst part of this.
#9
I've had some bad experiences with "nice guys" including two harassing me to the point I dropped out of schools for the semester, but the most recent one was such an oh-my-heck-really that it's almost funny. Almost. The very first date we went on was a double (don't trust guys much anymore, sorry) with my obviously gay best friend who is SERIOUSLY like my twin brother. Naturally, when everyone was leaving I hugged him. My date put his arms around me and started barking like a dog. Like, straight up "ROWF ROWD ROWF RRRRRRR MINE!" I sat there in shock for a few seconds trying to process what had just happened, but my best friend looked the guy dead in the eye and said "she is not a tree, you did not pee on her, never do that again." Bark Boy took offense to that. He still hates my best friend, but wasn't dumb enough to mess with him, so that's something. Instead he complained loudly about the guy every time I saw him because I was stuck at the same small college as him for a year and he was determined not to give up after that. It's a long, long story, but after almost two years of him "not giving up that easily!" I finally had to threaten to tell his mom he was harassing me. I wish I was joking. It worked, though. He believed all governments were evil, Feminism was the work of the devil and unfair to men, gay men are handy eunuchs to protect his harem, and the world will end but he'll survive with his friends and his katanas. He is afraid of no man or authority, but terrified of his mom. TL;DR Dog Boy tried to make me his fire hydrant
Tiki Stanford 3 years ago
Tbh, I was about to scroll past, these stories are starting to trigger me..... but I read the tldr, and I was sucked right in! This was my bedtime story, and worth it. We should all have a friend like that, glad she eventually got rid of him!
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
She is right about it almost being laughable, but he could easily be scary.
Seabeast 3 years ago (edited)
My stepdaughter briefly dated a very possessive man when she finally got back into dating some years after her husband died. The *mother* of one of them contacted her to say "He doesn't take rejection well, if you break up with him make sure it's when he's overseas at his job in (country)". 😳
Ada Hunter 3 years ago (edited)
this kid used to bark at me. he also held a group prayer in one of our classes with all the boys so that i would find jesus in my life. middles school is weird
We were also curious what Laura would like to say to any of these so-called “nice guys”. “Men who portray themselves as ‘nice guys’ when they are the opposite are diabolical. They are either sociopaths, narcissists, manipulators, and/or users,” she told Bored Panda. “There is no cure for sociopathy or narcissism, so I have no words to say to those people. There is no hope for them.”
“However, to the men with no personality disorders and using tactics of ‘nice guy’ manipulation to use women simply because they enjoy the high, there is still hope for you," Laura says. "Get a therapist."
#10
Posted flyers all over town with the message "for a good time call (my mother)" with her phone number.
Was my dad, after she kicked him out for being an abusive prick to us. Ten years and two more failed marriages later still thinks he is a nice guy and she left him for no reason.
Marleinah Smith 3 years ago
Ohhh, how I want to upvote the hell out of THIS!!!!!!!
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Alicia M 3 years ago (edited)
I divorced one of these types. It's been a decade since our divorce. He's remarried, but never misses a chance to "get even" with me for how "terrible" I was. I divorced this man because he was/is a pathological liar. So happy to have him out of my life. He can't get over our divorce. I've been the target of his character assassination for a decade. Our son recently cut off all ties with him because of how insane he is about getting revenge on me for the apparent crime of divorcing a man with such a fragile ego. This man lied to me going back to before we even got married. I found out everything. Example, he got up every day, and went to work. Came home talking about coworkers. Talked about office drama. He had two coworkers who hated each other and he got stuck in the middle of their arguments every day. It was all a lie. He made up a completely fake job, and went to work to hide the fact that his parents were giving him money until he found a job that he felt was acceptable for a man of his ego. That and so much more. It really is unbelievable how much one human can lie. I know he's lying to his new wife too, but it's not my problem. She can find out the same way I did. She'd never believe me anyway. He's a very convincing liar.
I’m New Here 3 years ago
Lucky it was only fliers. Now it's online posts with phone numbers and more.
Barbara Vandewalle 3 years ago
Narcissist always think they are the nice guy. They are never wrong. Therapy does not work, because they have nothing wrong with them
#11
When I read and didn't respond to his message, he texted me "w**re" and "f**k you I'm a nice guy"
The irony...
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
Of course he is, that's why he had to tell you he was after calling you a name 🙄... /s
Mistiekim 3 years ago (edited)
Just calling yourself a nice guy doesn’t make you one. I call myself a Jedi master but they always know those are the droids the’re looking for.
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago
That's incel training early training, the old "You're a perfect goddess/f*****g w***e". Right up there with 'negging' 🙄
Caro Caro 3 years ago
I was 17 and had already had to push 2 blokes away from me at a party. I was so sick of that that I decided to leave. Those 2 idiots wanted to walk me home (I lived a block away) and I said no. They called me a $lut !!! I came home very early, my dad looked surprised, I told him what happened and he poured me a glass of wine and we stayed up talking.
Load More Replies... Diphylleia Grayi 3 years ago (edited)
I was answered zzzzzz when I explained that I won't connect or call him if I have to read/study/do something, we met on 2015, I blocked him in matter of seconds, I don't think that's respectful and don't want to talk to him ever again
simply.Taz 3 years ago
I'm sorry but what does he answered, "zz zzzzz", mean? I truly don't understand.
Load More Replies... #12
A guy once PM'ed me "Hey girl, you're so beautiful. You look like you know how to suck a good c**k." So I asked him how he'd feel if someone spoke to his sister like that. He immediately blew up and told me he'd kill me for talking about his family like that. Makes sense.
Phobrek Taz 3 years ago
"Well, I'm someone's sister, and you spoke to ME like that, so, I guess you know what you need to do to yourself... though if you can't bring yourself to do it, I'll go tell my five big brothers what you've done, and they'll be along shortly...."
Saint Thomas 3 years ago
I think that kind of person is too dumb and self centered to grasp that kind or argument...
Load More Replies... Lena Flising 3 years ago
"Yeah, I'd be equally angry if someone spoke to me or my family like that, so I understand that part. What I don't understand is why you said it to begin with, if it's so horrible?"
the Return of Bruno 3 years ago
OK... Seriously... I've been reading through these wondering why these monsters were being called "nice guys." My working theory had been that the people who wrote them had had so many bad experiences with people that they labelled someone "a nice guy" just because they carried crutches downstairs for them even though the "nice guy" obviously did it only for sex. Then I read this one. His opening line was insanely offensive. (I'm a nice guy with nice friends who married a nice woman and had a nice kid.)
Saint Thomas 3 years ago
"Nice guy" Is a colloquial term on Internet to describe men that are exactly the opposite.
Load More Replies...“The high you are getting from being manipulative and using women is temporary. In between those highs, your lows will be quite low, leaving you with an unfulfilled life, forever painted as the villain,” Laura explained. “Hire a therapist. Work on yourself. Understand why it is you do the things you do. Improve, grow, and acquire peace of mind. Eventually, you will learn to like and love yourself and be someone others will like and love, too.”
If you’d like to hear more wise words from Laura and hear about her personal encounters with “nice guys”, be sure to check out the There Are No Nice Guys podcast right here.
#13
A guy friend in junior high. We had several classes and sat next to each other, platonic, loyal friends for 2 years before he got weird. He was hilarious, we could talk about anything. His house had a pool, so during warm weather a bunch of us would swim at his house after school. One day he invites me over to swim after school, when I get there, no one else is there, which was weird. He was splashing me, sort of aggressively flirting, dunking me, so I get out of the pool and he pins me down to kiss me. So I play it off as joking and leave. I give him the cold shoulder after that and he was pissed. Two weeks later and at a different friends' house he and I are both there for a swim-birthday party and he and another guy give me a simultaneous front and back "seesaw" which is like a horrbile double-wedgie in the pool. My swimsuit cut me so badly I bled. I hate you Pat.
Minath 3 years ago
Both of those imbeciles should have been arrested for assault, I realise it's not that simple though.
Alice In Hell 3 years ago
Wow. I feel I would unleash some rage on them no matter the consequences if this happened to me. I'm so sorry they did this to you.
poiplescales 3 years ago (edited)
This reads as retaliation to me, he didn't get what he wanted and so since you are officially not protected from/by him harming you via a "relationship", he went out of his way to make sure you understood you are now in danger.
#14
I knew a guy in college that took the fact that I was sexual with some other men to indicate that I wanted to be so with him. I let him know in no uncertain terms that I didn't like him, was not attracted to him, did not want to f**k him, or be in any sort of relationship. He kept sticking his toe over the line though, not enough to warrant a major response, but still pushing it. One night at a party he tackled me onto a bed and started groping me, trying to take my clothes off, etc. I'm not sure what he was thinking, given the differences in our sizes and temperament. I beat the s**t out of him. Due to the pain I've seen sexual assault cause some of my very close friends in the past and the greater than average dislike of r*pists I have as a result, I likely went way too far. At least from a legal point of view. However, that ended the problem.
Lea Panthera 3 years ago
Exactly. Do whatever you can to GET HIM OUT. And then hit him three more times to let the message sink into his tiny brain better.
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Minath 3 years ago
Checked with the original source, the guy ended up with a dislocated or broken finger and a busted nose, so OP didn't go too far. The guy didn't go to the police although OP did wonder for a while if he would.
Alice In Hell 3 years ago
It's unlikely guys that do this s**t would go to the police...the 'he was sexually assaulting me' would be brought to light.
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Me, Myself, and I 3 years ago
I got cornered at work by a guy who just wouldn't take "No!" for an answer. Literally cornered in a room with a sink, so waist-high counters all around and I had specimen jars in both hands. He was standing so close I was able to lean my head in and bite him on the shoulder. And I bit him HARD! Never had a problem after that. I guess I just needed to put some teeth into my No! for it to register.
Rostit . 3 years ago
No such thing going too far unless you killed him. I hope he has permanent damage. You know he has done that to other women.
Alice In Hell 3 years ago
Good for you!! Unfortunately some women wouldn't have the same outcome and they would end up in a very bad place, but I would still put up the biggest fight I could.
Toothpaste guy 3 years ago
There is no such thing as "too far" if someone tries to sexually assault you. Kill the bastard.
#15
My ex boyfriend stalked me for months after we broke up. Showing up at my work, my home, and calling/texting/emailing non stop. But interestingly enough, this story isn't about him. It's about when I finally started dating again. Guy I met on bumble. (1) He insisted on picking me up, but I politely declined (I was worried about my ex seeing a guy picking me up). On the date he wouldn't let it go that I wouldn't let him pick me up, saying he offered to be nice but some girls just don't appreciate that. Then things got weird. (2) He asked what part of the city I lived in, which is a standard question... but then started asking specifics: How many people I live with, what their names are, type of house, where my room is located. HUGE RED FLAGS. I politely changed the subject. (3) We were talking about music and he mentioned his favorite local band. I mentioned in passing that I briefly dated the frontman 2 years ago. A little after that he went to the bathroom and I was texting my friend about how the date was going. He got back to the table and accused me of texting the frontman. He then went on a "lighthearted" rant about how girls can't appreciate what's good in front of them. (4) I got up to use the bathroom JUST as the waitress was coming with the check (I didn't see that). When I got back he accused me of "pulling a move to avoid the check." I offered to pay but he said he already did and was just poking fun. (5) At the end of the date he again insisted on taking me home. I declined politely and he said "look, if you don't want to see me again that's all you have to say. I don't know why girls can't just be upfront." (6) I got home and checked all the damn locks because I was now scared of two men. He texted to ask me out again and when I said I didn't feel any chemistry THE F*****G FLOOD GATES OPENED. I'll give you the highlights "piece of s**t" "scammer" "b***h" "leading men on" "I'm a good guy" "your dress was super short" "you had your guard up because of your ex, admit it." I've put a hold on dating for a while.
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
They're just crawling out of the woodwork on her. I'd take a break too.
Althea Armwood 3 years ago
I'm afraid to date. I just got out of a marriage and was considering dating again in about a year. These kinds of stories make me want to stay single!
Me, Myself, and I 3 years ago
I know!! I'm happily married but if I ever became single I think I'd live alone with my pets and never date.
Load More Replies... Phobrek Taz 3 years ago
Things like this are why - despite my being pro-banning of all firearms - I'd be totally fine with only women being allowed to own guns.
Robert McKenzie 3 years ago
This, and so many other posts, make me SO glad I am male, and not a woman looking to find a decent man. It is disgusting that so many men apparently feel entitled that women 'owe' them. It makes me feel faintly guilty for being of the same. gender ...
Zin Nyan Myint 2 years ago
heheheha! (kid, you have no idea...one out of every six American females is a victim of attempted or completed sexual assault, and I don't even live there)
Load More Replies...We hope you have had more encounters with genuinely kind men than "nice guys" throughout your life, but if you can relate to these stories, know that you're not alone. Keep upvoting the responses you resonate with, and don't be scared to call out all of the fake nice guys in your life. Feel free to share any of your personal experiences with "nice guys" in the comments below, and then if you'd like to check out another Bored Panda article featuring men that are actually respectful and kind towards women, look no further than right here.
#16
Most recently, the IT guy for my area at work suspended all of my logins for our electronic medical record programs after sending me a ton of messages on OkCupid that I didn't answer. It made for an easy first few hours at work while I couldn't do my f*****g job.
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
He needs his âss fired for his malicious behavior. Maybe even sexual harassment depending on the messages she received on OKCupid. Preventing her from working because she won't get with him. He's disgusting.
LonelyLola 3 years ago
isn't that technically a form of sexual harrassment at a work place....?? if you kept those msgs you might can actually turn the tables on that jerk and sue his a$$....
Patrick Linnen 3 years ago
If I understood my 'NO FEAR Act' course (federal), this is straight up sexual harassment. Nothing technical about it. This is something that the federal supervisor MUST bring to EEOC when they are made aware of it, even if the OP does not want to.
Load More Replies... Phobrek Taz 3 years ago
I just appreciate this list of stories. It should be required reading for teenage girls so they can learn about the range of methods men might use to f with them. Ofc it would be ideal if they didn't need to be prepared for this c**p, but it's sadly never going to end.
An Unpopular Opinion. 3 years ago
Teenage girl here, reading and learning! I usually don't talk to people, and heaven knows my anxiety will kick in if I feel even the slightest sense of aggression from someone so hopefully it'll help keep me safe and I wont need this list, but learning anyway!
Load More Replies... CanidaeVulpes 3 years ago
Tampering with some ones account is a fireable event, at the very least they would be put on a performance plan. All actions are audited, there’s no way he could hide the fact that he did it
Dolly_of TheCowboy 3 years ago
Worked at a hospital where the IT guys would do this frequently to the working holiday maker type nurses coming over for a couple of years. You had to go to IT in person initially to sign up, have photo taken for your computer/door scan card (they took the job off security dept because of the sexual harassment of female staff) so the IT guys would make a note of who they thought was hot and suddenly they would end up with login troubles etc constantly. Requiring of course "someone from IT to come take a look". Took them a while longer to work out the same problem had just moved to different creeps. The security dept creeper issue was even more vile than the IT one. Glad I left that job
#17
A guy asked for my number so I could text him about the botany club. I texted him about the botany club. He called me a c*nt for leading him on when I have a boyfriend.
Alice In Hell 3 years ago (edited)
Huh? All of these stories are messed up. Women need to report these things so this stops (not necessarily this particular post). If we dont do anything about it because we dont want the embarrassment, or trouble, or shame or whatever the reason is, this wont stop and at some point these guys are really going to hurt someone. I feel if folks think they cant get away with s**t anymore, they will think twice...not all of course, but alot would.
AndThenICommented 3 years ago
The thing is, as many of the OPs have mentioned, even when these creep’s actions are reported it’s ignored or worse the girl is blamed because, ya know, “he’s such a nice guy! You must have misunderstood”. The world has gotten a little better but women are still blamed for the actions of others just for existing.
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Lena Flising 3 years ago
Ah, the old "she was polite, so she must be into me" idiocy. Some boys need to be taught that politeness and pleasantness are just common decency, and that is exactly what being Nice is too; common decency.
Mary Jeffries 3 years ago
There is so much research out there how heterosexual men over estimate how much women are interested in them and how much heterosexual women underestimate. It plays out all the time.
#18
I own a small vintage clothing store. I have a regular cross-dressing old man who comes in looking like Linda Richman and smelling like grandma if grandma was a w**re. Well, he was very sweet at first but then started coming in and saying semi-perverted things. Then one day he came in and we were having a casual conversation and he interrupted me with this.. "standing here talking to you and looking at you is making me hard. It feels like I might cum in my skirt any second." NICE.
El Dee 3 years ago
There's always one. But this is super rare for cross dressing men. My mom worked in a fashion store decades ago and she was the go to gal for transvestites. She was polite, understanding and went out of her way to help and find stuff they'd like that was practical for them to wear. She got great sales and had some great friends..
#19
Had a guy on the train talk to me randomly about stuff. That was fine - I like talking to strangers and chatted with him for a while. He was creepy in the way he kept looking at my breasts, and I pretended not to notice. I know some guys are bad at not looking, but it was enough to put me on edge. He made a comment about how he was a very good person and it was sad that he was lonely. I took this as my cue to show him my wedding ring and mention I was married. He then kindly apologized for the misunderstanding and told me to have a nice day. Haha. No, this complete stranger told me that he would treat me better than my husband would. That I should come home with him so he could show me how nice he was. Red flags, anyone? One major advantage of no longer being a young, sexy 20-something woman is that I don't get anywhere near as much harassment. I was a very good looking woman back then and it just never stopped... And most of the worst creeps claimed that they were "nice." This is just the shortest story...
Me, Myself, and I 3 years ago
Grey hair and wrinkles are the best things to happen to women! Doesn't eliminate all jerks but sure cuts the field down significantly.
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Ivy la Sangrienta 3 years ago
I am also mostly left alone because I'm old af, and my RBF also helps.
Nani 3 years ago
Same! I'm 6ft, used to be a UK size 6. The amount of unwanted propositions I used to get was ridiculous! I've had guys get off the tube in the middle of the day, tell me they specifically got off the tube because of me, start follow me home, and continue to harass me. Also on the London buses! (And we tend not to talk to strangers in London on public transport!) Now I'm very almost 40, still 6ft, but grown in size horizontally. Whereas before I used to be too shy to cause a scene, I would happily now. Luckily I don't have to. On the odd occasion it does, I use my height to my advantage, and whereas I used to appear tall albeit friendly and approachable, I am now able to appear intimidating. (I still don't ever like to HAVE to appear intimidating, but I've realised it's needed at times).
Lena Flising 3 years ago
Oh yes! That's one of the best things about growing older; you suddenly become invisible to the creeps. Still, these guys say that women are the shallow ones who only go for the hot guys.
tabithapaquette98 2 years ago
Yeah, I don't miss that s**t. It's one of the only good things about getting older.
#20
Met on a dating site between relationships. Described himself as nice and respectful. "What a woman wants is important!"
We met at a seafood restaurant and he was really nice and respectful. He tried to pull my chair out but I'd done it myself. I jokingly offered to pull his chair out. We'd had a nice dinner, but didn't really "click". He seemed perfectly fine. After the scallops we talked about life goals and then wrapped the dinner up. He asked me when he could see me again and I said "I had a great time BRIANBOT 2000, but I am not sure a second date will work out. Good luck dating!" and put my half of the dinner tab down. He's been honest and so had I that we'd had a couple of other people "on deck" and were just testing the waters.
BRIANBOT2000 rebooted, NiceGuy.exe crashed. He flipped his chair over bolting up and started yelling about how I was a s**t and wasted his time and if I wasn't going to put out then I could have at least paid for my meal (as my money and a tip were already on the table?)
I walked away and stopped doing dating sites.
Another "nice guy" held me hostage in my bathroom at knife point because I broke up with him, but BRIANBOT 2000 was by far the worst.
Edit: for clarity, it was the force with which he stood, that causes his chair to flip backwards. I didn't mean to imply he'd gone all wwf.exe
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
Wow, why do some men think that you're going to fall over with your legs in the air just because you shared a meal out in public. It's insane to me that so many are conditioned to expect it, and there's not a possibility that you may not click with them. So many unrealistic expectations...
Sonja 3 years ago
The thing is the only reason they go out with a woman is to have sex. There's nothing else on their mind. They don't see women as real humans and don't believe in friendship with women or normal interactions with women and just going out with a woman to have a nice dinner without strings to test the waters for compatibility is beyond their comprehension because they don't enjoy the evening or having nice food in a nice surrounding with a woman. Talking and interacting with a woman is only foreplay to them. Something they think they have to do because the woman wants this. Talking or listening to women is only a plight. They only go out to have sex later and they expect others to see that as normal because they themselves can't see any other reason to do this. So they expect the women to only come if they want sex too, expect them to have sex if the evening goes nicely and feel betrayed when them enduring the evening doesn't result in sex. That's the way they're thinking.
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LilliVB 3 years ago
It's long time since I've had a first date (I'm married), but every time I read stories about dating sites where a man feels the need to describe himself as nice, respectful or anything similar, I'm feeling that something is off. Why pointing out something that should be the norm for a good person? It seems to me that this gives creepy vibes
Lena Flising 3 years ago
Someone doesn't understand what a First Date is; it's to taste the water so-to-speak; to check if you like each other, if there is a romantic spark, perhaps a one-night-stand or a Happily-Ever-After in the making. It has to be mutual to work, whichever feelings spark between you. If he wants to pay for sex with a dinner, it's not a date but at business transaction.
Susan Bosse 3 years ago
I'm single and have been for nearly a decade because I'm over guys acting like this. If God has someone for me, He's going to have to hand drop the guy off at my door. Dating apps are horrid.
MelFunction 3 years ago
OMG. I think I also went on a date with BRIANBOT. I had almost the exact same date. It was so bad, that after he stormed out, the waiter rushed over to see if I was okay. I was so shaken up that the waiter was offering to call someone to come and fetch me. I ended up ordering a cup of tea and then driving myself home. It was Wild!
Lily Mae Kitty 3 years ago
dating sites are still a good bet for meeting someone. I met my husband on the one that matches you by personality test. It was back in 2006 and it may be different nowadays but if I was ever single again, I'd try that same one again. I had tried a couple others previously but I realized no man ever read my bio, just commented that I was hot. It was like I wasn't a real person, just some photo and they could decide my personality. Like I was VERY clear I wanted kids and marriage and every guy would say no kids. It was like being at a bar with randos hitting on me even though there was plenty of info about who I really was.
Susan Mercurio 3 years ago
Me too. I quit when I was in my 30s. I was a returning student in college and once I saw a young guy hitchhiking and he looked like another student so I gave him a ride. During the conversation, he asked me if I had a boyfriend/husband. When I said No, he asked me if I was interested, so I said, "If I could find a man who would make my life better than I can make it for myself." He said (as though I was a gold digger), "You think of it like that?" So I said, "Well,, yes. Why should I hook up with a man who will make my life worse for me than I can make it for myself?" He looked really thoughtful and then said, "I never thought about it like that." I'm glad I stopped. I hope he learned something that will help the women he met after that.
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Oddly Me 3 years ago
This knife weilding dude keeping you in the bathroom against your will, some how isn't as bad as a guy who yells at you in public to embarrass you? Just give it back to him. Or if you're not up to that, just slowly sake your head in disappointment, and walk out with your head up. He's the one that shoud be embarrassed, not you.
#21
Met 'Bill" at a friends party. There was definite attraction so we started dating. We really had fun - it seemed like we could make a good life together. After a year together he asked me to move in with him and it looked like a good idea. The first night in his house he had me by the front of my shirt up against a wall laying down the law about how things would be from now on. It's like the niceness was a front to get me exactly where he wanted me - under his roof and his rules. He seemed to think that he now owned me. That sure didn't work for me. I packed up and got out within days.
Alice In Hell 3 years ago
Makes me wonder how people can lie for so long about who they really are. It must be exhausting.
Thegoodboi 3 years ago
Exactly what I was wondering! I guess once the snake gets it's prey into it's home, it finally gets to squeeze with all it's built up rage?
Load More Replies... Me, Myself, and I 3 years ago
Yay for women who walk out after the first time! There are no second chances given for abuse of any sort.
MoMcB 3 years ago
My ex smashed my glasses on my face with a punch, cutting my face and lip. I didn't have the good sense this lady did, I was terrified. Took me 10 years to get out.
Brandie Litchfield 3 years ago
I'm glad you got out before he killed you. Once they start, it WILL NOT end until you are dead. People do not understand that once they think they own you, they do not willingly let you go!!!
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Miss Lindz 3 years ago
Had a "nice guy" roommate and there wasn't any sort of attraction there, I was just renting a room. I had gone on a date with someone and roomie got drunk and punched the wall next to my head (left a hole) and asked why I went out with another man. I packed up my stuff and was gone within a couple hours.
Jennifer Muller 2 years ago
I had a bf accuse me of cheating with no proof and tell me I had 2 weeks to find another place to stay. I moved out the next day while he was at work so he had his friends stalk me at work and tell me I "screwed over" Bob when I left bc now he has to pay all these bills. Yeah he's the victim.
#22
Met this guy online through one of my friends. He seemed pretty nice, so I would text him periodically throughout the day and he wanted to video chat once so we did.
He became obsessed with me and wanted to call every night before he went to bed. He told me I would be the perfect wife and that we should have 3 kids. He wanted to move me out to the cattle ranch he owned and operated so we could get married and start a family. We had been talking for maybe two weeks.
I was looking for a job to get through college and jokingly shared a "now hiring dancers" sign at the local strip club on Snapchat. He went ballistic and told me he couldn't be with a girl who had no respect for herself. We weren't even dating, but he "broke up" with me on my birthday.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
6 feet? Are you being sarcastic? Bury him 6000 miles down
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Shayda 3 years ago
Sounds like the best birthday present he could have ever given her
Load More Replies... #23
Luckily I haven't been had to deal with anything too terrible, but...
There was this guy last year that got on the westbound bus a little after I did, and then we got off at the same stop and waited together for the northbound bus.
He was nice. He was friendly. He took an interest in the classes I was taking. I kinda viewed him as this kind of grandfatherly type of man, since he was in his 60s or 70s. I'm in my late twenties, for reference.
One night, I had to go to the store that's right by that bus stop we waited together at. I got stuck behind someone who took a while in line, so I was rushing to make the bus (because even though it's a "Time Point," where they're supposed to stop and wait if they're ahead of schedule, some of the drivers don't).
I'm running up, and the driver did actually wait like he was supposed to. He was taking a smoke break out by the stop, and said, "Don't worry, the old guy let me know you were coming."
Awesome, super nice, right? I go in, old guy says pretty much the same thing: he let the driver know I'd be out shortly, and the driver decided to take a smoke break while they waited.
Then the old guy passed me a note, told me to read it when I got home.
It said, "Does that deserve a kiss someday?"
I know that's not the worst thing in the world, but...
I started taking a later bus. It meant I didn't get home until about nine, but I didn't have to deal with him anymore.
AnonymousApple 3 years ago (edited)
This is the kind of sh*t women have to do all the time. Subtly adjust their own habits and schedules in order to avoid feeling creeped out. And while this incident might not "sound like much" to some, this is literally where it starts. Kinda off but not so terrible things that, if you let them slide, inevitably escalate. We start to get really good at recognizing that sh*t coming, which inevitably gets us told we're paranoid or over-reacting. *eye roll*
Katie Andrews 3 years ago
All harassment is CUMULATIVE. It may all be little, but eventually feels like a lot, because there's just so damn much of it. Not all men BLAH BLAH FART... just way too many.
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AnonymousApple 3 years ago
The entire point of the "nice guy" thing is pointing out that creepy perverts refer to themselves as "nice guys" and even more scary, seem to genuinely believe they are.
Load More Replies... Nadine Debard 3 years ago
Same kind of story, he was 70 and I was 11. I took different paths everyday to make sure he wouldn't follow me. Crazy old pervert.
Courtney Christelle 3 years ago
No, being a decent human being does not warrant a sexual favor.
#24
I was dating a LDS guy (Mormon), and assumed that he'd want to have fun and get to know each other without the physical stuff. (I was taking a casual sex break.) After a little over a month, were making out (a common occurrence) and he decided to just penetrate me without discussion or consent. Yes, I realize that's r*pe. He called the next day to tell me I was too tempting and that he didn't want to see me anymore because I jeopardized his "place in heaven, and made him less worthy of a pure woman."
Tree P 3 years ago
So, he thought he was still going to heaven after he raped you? And that a "pure woman" would actually want him?
Seabeast 3 years ago
That's how religions like that work. Men are superior and are supposed to be the heads and rulers of everything, but also men are poor weak little lambs who can be led astray by women.
Load More Replies... Phobrek Taz 3 years ago
I hope someone one day just decides to penetrate him with a knife. "Oh, sorry, it was just so tempting!"
Alice In Hell 3 years ago
I hope she reported him. I feel she did not as it seems a lot of this stuff goes unreported and these guys get away with this c**p. I know the troubles of reporting something like this...will they believe you, will it even help, etc.. but ladies..these waste of skins wont stop, we need to stop them..I know the 'authorities' likely wont do anything for what they may consider minor offenses which none are minor in my eyes. One could always start a website and post these f*****s, make it anonymous...help warn others of them....I'm dreaming a little dream here I know..
Lori Sandoval 3 years ago
At least reporting them to the police and getting a case # means there is a paper trail to start proving a pattern. However, I can understand how some don't want to put themselves through that.
Load More Replies... Me, Myself, and I 3 years ago
Talk about having a screwed-up mind. Trying real hard not to paint all mormons with this brush in my head.
Nandros M 3 years ago
All fanatic religious MUST be brushed with the same paint. Keep a safe distance from these a*****s, all of them.
Load More Replies... Lena Flising 3 years ago
He is not worthy of a "pure woman" if he can't even control himself. You are not jeopardizing anything for him, that's all his own doing.
#25
I went to a pretty small college in northern Colorado. My freshman year I befriended a nice guy named R. R ended up pledging with a fraternity. I went on a couple of dates with a guy from R's frat I thought things were going well then the guy I dated just stopped responding to me. A bunch of other people involved in the Greek community and lots of people in my dorm started giving me funny looks or conversations would end as soon as I came in the room. Apparently R was pissed that I wasn't dating him so he told everyone I had AIDS. I ended up transferring schools because of that guy.
Alice In Hell 3 years ago (edited)
This is awful that you had to go to such great lengths because of that a*****e. I had a rumor spread about me in high school...it was an urban legend rumor.. not sure why I was the winner picked on this one. It hurt but my friends knew it wasnt true so I had support. Everytime I walked by a group of people, they would call out this rumor name..i had enough and walked by them one day and shouted it out back to them and told them to go ahead say it!!...they stopped. I'm a feisty f**k and dont put up with much b******t...I thank my abusive dad for that one but that's a whole another story lol.
Felix Grace 3 years ago
there was a rumor about me at one point that apparently I'd been snorting coke and Adderall in the bathroom at school
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Helen Butoyi 3 years ago
Rather than change schools kind of 'confirming' the rumors, it would have been cheaper to clear your name by taking a test, sharing the result with those who mattered most.
Nandros M 3 years ago
Or hang copies of the negative test everywhere, with a foot-note explaining why you did it!
Load More Replies... Katie Andrews 3 years ago
Violence here is an acceptable answer, preferably in front of witnesses.
Destinee Davis 3 years ago
I switched high schools after a std rumor spread like wildfire about me, after I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me and getting them pregnant.
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
I'd say I hope he gets AIDS, but he'd probs date rape a bunch of women and give it to them.
Jacqueline Quackenbush 2 years ago
In The American University System Fraternities And Sororities Are Organized And Named Using The Greek Alphabet. Eggs: Alpha. Beta. Gamma. etc
Load More Replies... #26
Throwaway for obvious reasons - because I know you're on reddit. He was my best friend since the age of like 4 or 5 (same age) and practically family. I had a shitty adolescent time, drank too much way too young and hung out with bad people, I lost almost all of my friends except this guy who stuck by me through thick and thin. Called me to check on me, always invited me to game nights, told me I was okay, made me feel alright again. He never pressured me to do anything with him, nothing like that at all even tho there were plenty of other guys who did. We'd talk on the phone several times a week until the end and I was adamant we were only friends - he was fine with this and was dating and all of that. Cue a few years ago. I had a mental breakdown one night and he came over to help me out but started acting weird. Wanted me to cuddle in bed next to him to feel "closer to each other" (he had a steady girlfriend and im not okay with this either way) and gets upset about it, all while im crying and shaking uncontrollably on the couch. We have a weird relationship for a few months where im not comfortable seeing him anymore but we still talk. One night I decided to invite him over to watch a movie like old times. He sexually assualted me. He forced me to take off my bra and then pegged me underneath him on the couch. Did it matter that I said no, and did he care? No, he deserved it and he had been a nice guy, a friend, for so long. I said a loud no and it didnt matter, he wanted to do it again sometime, maybe regularly if I didnt mind. I havent talked to him or you in years. I'll never forgive you.
Phobrek Taz 3 years ago
I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I hope this monster gets hit by a monster truck.
KING ILLEGAL FOREST 3 years ago
Too quick. Maybe a bicycle covered in metal spikes?
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Amy Taylor 3 years ago
It really sucks when you think you can trust someone, have been like family to you, then they do this. It's worse than a stranger assaulting you :( When I was 12, my cousin's best friend since kindergarten, who was 19 was my shoulder to cry on when my parents got divorced. He was kind, sympathetic and really there for me. Until he decided to sexually assault me when we were alone at my cousins house. Then accused me of leading him on. I was a very emotionally broken 12 year old CHILD. I never told anyone until a few years ago. I'm 54 now.
Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
Betrayals like this leave permanet scars, but know that no real friend would ever disrespect you and your trust of them this way.
BravePanda 3 years ago
I wish this would be higher because this type of betrayal is not uncommon. It's so traumatic to mourn the loss of such a close friend due to sexual assault.
Diphylleia Grayi 3 years ago
I pray for karma to him. If human justice don't work, God in heavens and life do
the_harbringer_of_doom[s/t/h] 2 years ago
lets pray this douche gets what he deserves
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N Miller 3 years ago
Confused by the "him or you". Were there two nice guys or...? Where did "you" feature of its not the same person as "him"?
Cally2001 3 years ago
I think when she says you, she was directly talking to him in the message.
Load More Replies... #27
I was potentially interested in an acquaintance. Spent some time with him, decided I didn't want to date him, said no when he asked me out. He kept calling me up to tell me he could see I was broken and he was going to save me
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
Trying to resort to emotional warfare and convince her she's broken, what a monster.
Sonja 3 years ago
Because in their mind all women are helpless and weak creatures below men who can't do anything on their own.
Load More Replies... #28
I was dating this guy, really nice, we move in together. Awesome! He expects me to cook all the food, buy all the groceries, take care of all the bills, and do all the housework. He occasionally takes a break from his busy schedule of drinking beer and watching sports to tell me I need to go to the gym/stop eating (I wear a size 2); he also criticizes my housekeeping abilities and constantly tells me how poorly my parents raised me (I'm a successful woman with a masters degree, he barely graduated high school and has never had anything other than an entry-level non-skilled job). The kicker: he told me he was just being nice and trying to help me, because he cared so much about self-improvement. Needless to say, we are no longer together.
Alice In Hell 3 years ago
Glad you got out of there when you did, these things usually escalate.
Tamra 3 years ago
I'm sorry Lola. If someone is treating you this way, then it is abuse. I hope you are able to find a way to separate yourself from your abuser. You are good enough, smart enough, and strong enough to stand on your own, without an abusive twat dragging you down. This internet stranger and fellow woman is sending you her support.
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Amy Taylor 3 years ago
Ohhhh I had one of those. I worked my a*s off to support us so that he could follow his dream of being in a band. Though he never, ever worked at it and barely practiced his drums, he thought people would beat his door down to have him grace them with his talent. When I asked him to, I dunno, get a job to help with expenses, I got "no one will hire me". Then he started having a fling with the neighbor across the hall and my lovely landlord had the decency to tell me, so once the lease was up, she told me that she would renew it in my name only to assist me in kicking him to the curb. He wound up finding another girl dumb enough to take care of him.
Samara Messer 3 years ago
This sounds like my first serious relationship. We moved in together and I paid all the bills, rent, did all the cleaning. He would skateboard all day on weekends and yell at me when he got home if I went out on my bike, went hiking etc. because I should stay home and clean. Then he wanted to break up and asked me to move out while I continued to pay the rent and utilities and left my TV, Nintendo and other things that were mine there for him to use until he "figured things out". It was MY apartment. My name was on the lease and all the bills!
Thegoodboi 3 years ago
He should've woken tf up and realized he had a good person instead of doing the "king of the castle" act..
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
This sound like my last relationship, except he was also beating me up. I finally fought back, so they ran off and cut themselves and told the police I attacked them with a machete. I spent a year worrying I'd be doing 7 years in prison, and lost everything but my dog.
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
My dear OP, you are clearly overqualified for the position of being in his life.
#29
Had (what I thought was) a friend who lived in my building. Did normal friend things. Walked to class together, had movie nights etc... Had a movie night one night while my roommate was away, and got a super weird vibe from him. Told him I forgot I needed to get up early and asked him to leave earlier than planned. I have anxiety, so I couldn't sleep and decided to spend the night deep cleaning my apartment (while muttering sorry to my neighbors for vacuuming at 1am) Found he had hidden things all over my house. My only guess was so he had an excuse to come back, like in Seinfeld? Maybe, Idk. But it was a whole box of things. I went to put them outside in the hall and t3xt him it was out there and discovered he had turned the lock off on my door. (It was set up like the inside of the door had a button you could press so you didnt get locked out bringing out the trash.) I basically stopped talking to him anymore, and one day I was bringing in groceries, which he normally asked to help with, and instead he punched me in the a** cheek so hard I almost fell down and dropped everything.
the quickening 3 years ago
This is so damn creepy, I am so glad the poster followed their instincts and found out about the stuff and the door. Especially the door. What was he going to do with that??? I don't want to know.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 3 years ago
Always trust your gut. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
#30
I've always been a tomboy and grew up with a lot of male friends. Since reaching adulthood, I've also grown some breasts. This combination of things has led to most of my best guy friends asking me if they could finally see my tits "since we've been friends for so long." and subsequently vanishing when I said no. It's depressing enough when I realize that a guy I'm into just wants to bang, but it really hurt when the guys I thought were actual human beings, with whom I'd developed deep multi-year friendships, were just sexually frustrated animals. So yeah, I've got some trust issues now.
Demonix.Queen 3 years ago
No, we haven't been friends for long enough. You'll have to wait another year for that privilege. In the meantime, you can remove a tooth, if you'd like.
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Carla Phillips 3 years ago
Hey, we've been friends for some time now, can I cut off your dong and use it for my dog's chew toy?
#31
Long story. So I was young and started a new part time job. One of the guys who worked there took an interest in me. He was cute but very shy and quiet. We started talking and after a few months had our first date. We dated for roughly 2 months before we slept together (my first time), he came over the next day and said he was getting back together with his ex. so we couldn't see each other anymore. He said our time together was mainly about sex so it shouldn't be a big deal that we still worked together (WTF?). Turns out he had broken up with his ex the day of or before our first date. The creepiest part is that he had worked at that job for months before I did and never mentioned to anyone that he had a girlfriend. He had intended to cheat/ replace her before he even had someone in mind. Now he's been single forever and still posts on facebook about how women don't appreciate him or overlook him despite all he has to offer.... He has had a sexual harassment scandal at every job he's worked at that I'm aware of.
LonelyLola 3 years ago
jst out of curiousity... was he aware that he was taking your virginity beforehand??? bkuz if so, that kinda puts him in the top spot of the nice guys list...
Deidre Lippnik 3 years ago
Why do men think that pity is the best way to get a woman instead of putting the work in?
Susan Mercurio 3 years ago
I bet he's kept the girlfriend clueless about what he's doing behind her back. Someone needs to tell her.
#32
Became friends with this guy in college. After graduation he got a job and moved in with his girlfriend about an hour's drive from where I was in grad school. I drove out one Saturday to see him, did some cool things, grabbed some food. He waited until his girlfriend was in the bathroom before he told me the following: my boyfriend probably had a low sperm count due to his profession, and if I ever wanted a family, he'd always be willing to "take me back" even though we'd never been together.
Yeah, haven't seen him since.
Edit: for those who are having a hard time parsing this - Nice guy says MY boyfriend probably has low sperm count, offers to start family with me.
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
The dream scenarios that people create in their heads are really kind of scary sometimes.
Sue Denham 3 years ago
You know, I'm guessing if you said "Wow, that's so generous. Could you deposit at the sperm bank and have it frozen for when I need it?" he'd not be so keen to "help".
#33
So my best nice guy experience was a guy I actually did try to date. We went out once, he didnt have a lot going on (no job, no college, pending assault charges in another state for a 17 year old girl) which he let me know on the first date. I decided that maybe now wasnt the best time for him to be dating but he was funny and nice so I said lets stay friends. He agreed at first but then... He started calling and texting me constantly. Whenever I didnt wanna hang out with him it was because I was too busy 'being a s**t and catching chlamydia". As soon as I would respond he would apologize and be nice...for like 5 seconds. This continued, got worse, and I eventually just blocked his number. He of course just started calling and texting off random phone numbers. One night when I had ignored him all day he left me a voicemail telling me what I was wearing that day and then going into detail about how he wanted to kill me and assault and also end my young childs life. I had to change my number and file a police report to get him to leave me alone. Thats what I get for trying to find love on okcupid.
Alice In Hell 3 years ago
Sorry you had to deal with this a*****e...and it's good you reported him...if he continues doing this to other women and they report him, at some point hes going to pay the price...I would like to think so anyways.
Phobrek Taz 3 years ago
This guy was a nightmare but... I do feel like the "pending assault charges in another state for a 17 year old girl" was a BIT of a red flag...?
Sonja 3 years ago
You were willing to be friends with a guy who had pending assault charges? WTF?
Bubs623 3 years ago
No, that's not 'what you get for trying a dating site'. No. NO one deserves to be treated like this or any of these other stories. Consent is an easily taught concept. Every one - every single human- has the right to give or not give consent to anything regarding their bodies. Children as young as 1.5-2 yrs old can understand this. ( yes, teaching them sometimes they can't have consent when it comes to what is best for their health etc - vaccine, a cast for a broken arm and so forth) All people, all genders, deserve basic bodily autonomy as an inherent right.
Seabeast 3 years ago
Can she report him to the dating site? I don't know how these things work, but it seems like it should be a possibility.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Since he used different phones to reach her, he'd probably be back on there under a different profile in a sec. And there's hundreds of dating sites.
Load More Replies... #34
Pretended to be nice to get my number....for a YouTube channel. Called me a b***h when he was denied and now it has 2mil views.
LonelyLola 3 years ago
so that 2 million more ppl can see what a big douchebag he is. smart move...he pretty much did the work himself for u lol
MK86 3 years ago
Wait...is he that guy out in California that calls himself an incel that has a YT channel that he harasses women for their phone number and then tries to assault them?! If so, Law and Crime has a video of an interview with the guy's lawyer (who's an effing douchebag) saying that CA cannot charge him with any wrong doing after he pepper sprayed a girl who was trying to defend herself and her friends.
#35
That one time he tried running me over with a truck when I was on holiday.
Existing just because 3 years ago
I’m “nice”. My car is “nice”. The pavement is “nice”. The morgue is “nice”. Can’t you see??
Dee Pierce 3 years ago
My first husband tried to run me over with his car. We were having an argument. I got out of the car and he tried to run me over. I jumped in a ditch to get away. Afterwards he claimed he was "just kidding".
#36
I went to an extremely conservative and small college. Our freshman class was pretty tiny as in you would know everyone by name in your class. There was a guy I met on the first day of class and he seemed nice. We had a usual conversation (nothing out of the ordinary). Two days later, he texted me. I never gave him my number and the only person who had my number was my roommate and she swears she never gave him my number. Cue the constant messages asking me how my day was and if I wanted to meet up or hang out. I politely told him that I didn't want to date anyone at the moment and I was focused on school. He didn't give up. For FIVE years. He messaged me with different numbers, emails, and send me letters. He would threaten every single guy who would talk to me. Worst part was when I learned that he and his frat buddies had announced to everyone in the first week of freshman year that I was his girl and that I was off the market. Pretty much ruined my college experience in terms of having a social life.
CP 3 years ago
I once had to explain to another guy that you can't claim dibs on a girl. She gets to choose.
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
I dated a dude whose mom got mad because she'd "called dibs" on me.
Load More Replies... Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
Alright ladies, I say we get together, buy a few vans, and a lot of tranquilizers and duct tape, and start castrating dudes who act like this. As a public service.
Gypsy Lee 3 years ago
Any man that thinks he's justified in behaving like this needs to understand that the woman is just as justified in returning the favor. It can't be wrong I want to see men like this cursed in every aspect of their life. Failed careers, failed marriages, successful swan dive into the Golden Strait.... Same goes for anyone that does this to another human being.
#37
I'm paranoid about leading people on. I'm petite with large breasts and doe eyes so I seem to give the 'young exploitable anime girl' vibe. I hung out with a guy (we watched mighty boosh and chatted) Before he came over I literally said "I am not looking for a relationship. Please don't ask to be more than friends" as I had recently gotten out of a long term relationship. Of course that apparently translated to him asking me out via text as soon as he got home. Upon politely declining, I was subjected to every sexual slur you could think of whilst being told what an idiot I am for passing up such a stand up guy. Thus began his two year campaign of stalking.
Existing just because 3 years ago
I love it when people diminish you/tell you what a dumb w***e you are, and then turn around and spend two years of their life trying to be with you. Like tf??
Marla 3 years ago
"You're horrible. You smell. You're so dumb. Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries. Can I talk to you for the next five years even if you never reply? Where do you live? Do you like me?"
Load More Replies... #38
I was flirting with a guy I met online, he wanted me to go out with him that night but I had just had knee surgery a couple days before, he then asked if he could come to my house and keep my company, I said no because I lived with my mom and little sisters and didn't feel comfortable having a stranger in the house with the little girls. He freaked the f**k out at that point. Called me a wh**e and a s**t and every other name in the book. I was like, Dude I was gonna say lets go out in a week when I can actually walk but not anymore you d***head.
Lozza 2012 3 years ago (edited)
I'm going to lose my s**t very soon I can feel it building up inside making my blood boil because Why when you answer a question with no the other person wants you to explain why its a no or trys to change your mind with are you sure!! Or go on you know you want to. NO is a full bloody sentence accept it !!! FFS
hanginwithmygnomies 3 years ago
I'M SO SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO DO THIS but I think you meant "accept it!!!"
Load More Replies... #39
I was hanging out at a bar that I go to pretty often with a couple of my other friends. Guy struck up a conversation with me he was friendly and I was friendly back. We started discussong relationships and I told him I was married and then things turned weird. I was looking at something on my phone and he grabbed my phone from my hand called his phone with my phone refused to give me my phone back, I got pretty upset. Bartender who knew me grabbed my phone out of his hand told him to get out before the guy left he grabbed me and kissed me. In a situation like that I want to think that I would nut check the dude but in actuality I froze up I was shocked and felt so goddamn violated. One of my friends pulled me away and the bartender physically removed him out of the bar.
Mary Jeffries 3 years ago
And so many people read it as consent. Makes me so upset.
Load More Replies... Lee Banks 3 years ago
The bar across from my house is known as "rough", yet 100% of the women who there talk about how they feel safe. Last week the bouncer found out a guy had been following women, and just kicked him in the forehead with no questions asked. It's no fun to be frozen, but nice to know people have your back.
Raven Red 2 years ago
see, I personally have this thing my friends and family call a stab reflex. if you touch me when I don't know or consent to it, you will find yourself in pain.
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
I have that too! Everyone (even friends and family) know not to come up behind me and startle me. And it's so much worse if it's a stranger.
Load More Replies... Gypsy Lee 3 years ago
Guys... just, why? I mean, really, do you think that behavior makes an already PrOvEn pathetic loser look more attractive? Spoiler Alert! It actually makes you suddenly so unattractive a girl would rather chew vomit than so much as look at you. And in case you think a girl would enjoy chewing vomit.. No. She would not, but if it meant you would vanish in a puff of smoke, never to reappear... she may just stick her fingers down her throat. - And all this to try to drive home the point; if she's not interested that doesn't make her evil, nor a sex worker. How you respond does make you something though. I suggest you aim for "gentleman" over "pathetic psychotic infant".
Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 3 years ago
I **know** that I fight back. Had a guy try to kiss me once. Somehow, I got out of my chair and had him backed up against the lounge. One hand on his chest, the other a fist at face level, ready to let fly. The look on his face!! ha ha
Susan Mercurio 3 years ago
They talk about "the fight or flight syndrome" but it's really "fight, flight, or freeze." You have to know that you're likely to freeze and practice your reaction to get out of freeze mode.
#40
After we went out on *one* date, in which I paid for my own meal (because I know it's a typical *nice guy* movie to insist that I would owe him) he wrote a lengthy and detailed post about me on one of those stupid secrets/confessions Facebook pages that were all the rage at colleges a couple years ago. In this post, which all my friends immediately knew was about me just from reading it, he basically insisted that I wronged him because I did not kiss him on the first date and talked about my personal sex life because he apparently wanted us to lose our virginities to one another. It was basically a passive aggressive way of saying "f**k you for not liking me, you're still a virgin while *I* went out and f****d someone". Literally I never did anything to this guy. We went out on one date and he refused to ever speak to me again or give me the time of day, even though all I tried to do was co-exist peacefully in our vaguely mutual friend group. Fast forward 6 months later, and after *months* of not even speaking to me, he left a hand written note under my door confessing that he loved me at first site and that he would prefer that I not contact him. I don't think I had ever initiated contact in months at that point?? To this day I don't know how he knew my dorm room number. Now this same guy apparently owns a gun and has a habit of leaving dead possums on his old roommate's (the girl who introduced us, actually) car.
#41
5 years this has been going on. Starting off at 15, went on a couple dates with this guy and clearly felt no chemistry between us. I politely told him that I wasn't interested and went on my merry way. However, he apparently was someone who wasn't used to rejection and kept calling and texting me, asking for a second chance and that he was a nice guy and I should've felt so lucky to go out with him. I once again declined, which only increased the harassment. So much so that I had to block him because he was starting to make me feel extremely unsafe and uncomfortable. So for the past 5 years , now both of us being almost 20, I've gotten texts from random numbers and calls from a no caller ID over and over, calling me and harassing me about being friends and how I was a b***h if I said no or to leave me alone. He didn't understand how him harassing me didn't lead to me wanting to be his friend. Even after having a boyfriend for a year, he calls me saying he wants to kick his a*s and how he knows I want to be with him (the harasser). It finally got to the point where I had to put my mother on the phone and she threatened to call the cops on him. It worked for the time being and I haven't heard from him since, but I always worry about being alone in public or him finding out where I live.
Sonja 3 years ago
Something that is different about nice guys and traditional stalkers is that they usually carefully avoid to show their nasty side to anyone but the girl they want. If that girl shows she's willing to put the whole affair on display they back off fast. If that doesn't work, be very careful, then it's not just a NiceGuy™ but a hardcore creep and stalker and will become very dangerous if given the chance.
Katie Andrews 3 years ago
Put it ALL on display, on social media, for all the world to see! Make a power move, control the narrative, MAKE him back off. If it's all about power and control at that point, do whatever you need to do to make him back down, back off, knuckle under, and LEAVE.
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Phobrek Taz 3 years ago
If I had a daughter I'd gift her a taser (if legal locally) or mace at some point in her teens. I'm a pacifist but I'd absolutely want any woman to have a decent means of self-defense or deterrence against such people. There are too many men that are variously psycho or just entitled AF and need to be pwned. Also: document document document. Keep records of harassment and use those records to get restraining orders. I've read 40 of these stories here on this one page and in so many of them, these monsters face no consequences for their actions.
KING ILLEGAL FOREST 3 years ago
Call the cops AS SOON as they start with the stalking behaviour. File a report. Always leave a paper trail.
#42
Followed me back to my dorm from class and invited himself to get lunch with me when I tried to divert to a dining hall so he wouldn't know where I lived. Constantly berated me for not making enough eye contact with him the whole time (I was desperately looking around hoping I'd spot someone I knew to save me). Would constantly message me and make up stupid pet names for me and plan dates that I turned down every time. I eventually had to threaten going to the police to get him to leave me alone and had to let the professor of the class we were in together know so we wouldn't be assigned to any group projects together.
Then another time I had a guy try to pull the "I have cancer" card to get me to pity date him. I'm sorry but no.
I also had a lot of male "friends" totally disappear on me when I got married. Friends I'd routinely interact with on Facebook and such and considered actual friends, just straight up unfriended me as soon as my relationship status changed to "married". That one stung a bit because I thought we were actually friends but it turned out they were just waiting around for something that was never going to happen.
Phobrek Taz 3 years ago
Great job on telling the professor. College girls should consider following this example when appropriate. Besides not getting grouped with him, if such a guy ever goes into assault mode, you've got a somewhat-authority that had already been informed of this guy being a potential threat. And while those FB bros are disappointing, their unfriending at least lets you know who they really were.
Robert McKenzie 3 years ago
These people are simply unbelievable! Rather makes me glad I'm not female to have to put up with this s**t! Except I am gay and there are proportionally just as many gay (male) arseholes out there as straight ones. I guess I have been very fortunate to have only ever fallen for, and been ripped off by, just ONE total bastard!
Birma Gustafsson 3 years ago
I'm seriously starting to believe that my theory of most men being sociopaths is more true than I could imagine. Men in generally doesn't seem to think that women are even human, that women are "just there" to be f****d by them, used by them, and thrown to the wolves by them afterwards. And please no talk about "not all guys" - HOW THE F**K CAN WE WOMEN KNOW IF IT'S A STALKER/KILLER/"NICE GUY" WE'RE TAlKING TO?? Usually we find out far too late. And men who really ARE good guys but also friends with these arseholes are FAR too timid and silent to put up a defence for us women. They just ROLL ALONG with the bromances and allow their buddies to be arseholes, without saying a word against them! Shame on you!!
A. Starhawk Hunt 3 years ago
You misinterpreted probable attempt at “chivalrous” in his mind for men are a little less of astuteness. Most male “friends” must be eyed with some skepticism. I have been supremely more likely to managed dealing with this kind of thing; over many years, I’m mostly twice their age, I have male friends who are just that…male friends.
Kayla Black 3 years ago
Nope. Not cool. I have more male friends than I do female friends and the BRO CODE they have by is by getting along famously with my husband. My husband once said "ofcourse Im not jealous of you and (X friend), if anyone is going to run away with him out of the 2 of us, it's ME!"
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#43
I've had a bunch of "nice guy" friends who stopped talking to me after I made it clear I wasn't interested in dating them, but the worst was one guy who was legitimately my friend for a 2 years and seemed to not mind the fact that I wasn't attracted to him and claimed he wasn't attracted to me either. Pretty much he ended up calling me a w**re, telling all our mutual friends I had played him, and shutting me out. Edit: There was also the "nice guy" I was friends with for a year who pinned my arms together and forcibly kissed me until I wriggled away free. Then didn't understand why I didn't talk to him after that. Can't forget about that gem.
#44
I haven't had many, but I had a recent one. Met a guy at work briefly, later see that he friended me on Facebook and asks me out. I said I wasn't looking for a relationship, especially with all my work troubles. He says he's fine with friendship, and says he understands me so much. Over the next few weeks he sends me messages about cats or the weather, stuff like that. Usually about four in a row, all about an hour apart. I don't really respond much. Then the other day I wake up to a text that says, "hey" so I write "hey what's up." I didn't see that the first text was from the previous night. He next text I get back says something like, "well I WAS going to invite you to a party last night but I see you were hanging out with other people. It's too bad, I guess I'll just delete your number. I could have loved you forever." I text back basically saying what the hell is that all about?? He then says that he couldn't stand that I was with someone else and could I please understand. I thought the messages were mean because I met him once, never hung out with him, had good reasons for not starting anything, and yet he tries to make me feel bad when I'm already not doing well.
waddles 3 years ago
“sigh.. i guess i’ll just…delete your number.” “HALLELUJAH THANK YOU JESUS”
Lea Panthera 3 years ago
"I'm breaking up with yo-" "OH THANK FREAKING GOODNESS DOBBY IS FREEEEEEEEEEEE"
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#45
I was friends with this guy for a few years now. We had the same friend group so we hung out a lot. One day he proceeded to confess his love to my best friend (who's female). When he got shot down he texted me moments later telling me how "sexy" I was. Then proceeded to tell me what he was going to do with me. (It was graphic, I wouldn't even let my BF talk to me like that) I told him to stop and that he was making me very uncomfortable. That only seemed to anger him. He then told me how I was dirty and disgusting because I was leading him on for years. I told him I wasn't interested in him that way and I would forget all this if he were to drop it immediately. Days later I get another weird and sexual text from him. I reminded him that I have a BF of a year and I didn't not like being talked to that way. Hoping to win my affection (I guess) he asked to meet my BF so we could "all be a little closer". When I refused he then threatened me and reminded me that he knew where I lived and "didn't need my *permission*".
Feminist Percussionist 3 years ago
Right she’s the dirty/disgusting one. This guy deserves to be locked up in a psych ward
Robert McKenzie 3 years ago
YUCK! That is NOT 'love'. Where do these entitled arseholes/morons come from? Why do they think that what *they* want should BE? Most people do NOT find everyone else (of their preferred gender) seriously attractive! As the cliche goes: "It takes TWO to tango!"
#46
Guy BEGGED me two years for a date. Finally agreed and we dated officially for 1 month (he kept insisting to be his gf)...He cheated on me with the skankiest girl (whom we both knew from a previous job)...what a waste of time.
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
What a sleeze. Get some sti testing and move on with your life. Cheaters aren't worth being a speed bump in your life.
Felix Grace 3 years ago
the only time they should be a speed bump is while in a body bag, on a busy interstate /j
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#47
Not the worst but the funniest. I was friends with "Ben" when I was 15 / 16, he was in school with the guys I was friendly with, we hung out in a group, he was a big Star Wars fan so we'd hang out and watch Star Wars or play with his lego Star Wars collection (the boys always made me be Princess Leia grrr!). After months of us being friends and hanging out he sent me a text telling me that he had feelings for me (funnily enough, another friend, who did not know "Ben" sent me a similar message about an hour later), I told Ben I was sorry but I didn't feel the same way. He stopped talking to me, I figured "fine, give him time to move on and he'll come around". A week or two after all that I was in the local park with a friend of mine, we were just walking and chatting when I got a text from Ben; Ben: Way to ignore me. Me: (after looking around) Sorry, I didn't see you! Are you in the park? Let me know where you are and I'll come say hi. Ben: I'm laying on a bench, you walked right past me, it's one thing to hurt me like you did, but to pretend I don't exist is just cold. Me: I'm sorry, I genuinely didn't see you, if I did of course I would have talked to you. Ben: You know, just because you're pretty doesn't mean you can treat people like s**t. After I got that message my friend started laughing and said not to waste my time trying to appease him and go home. I'm 29 now and my friends will still quote that line at me.
Robert McKenzie 3 years ago
Somewhat amusing, but thank goodness for you he was only self-pitying, and not aggressive!
Courtney Christelle 3 years ago
Of course I didn't see you, I'm not looking for you laying on a bench.
#48
I used to get coffee at the same shop almost every day. Every once in a while the barista would give me a free cup (not every day, maybe once a week or something). He'd just say, "no charge this time." He never seemed flirty or anything, or really talked to me other than to take my order. So one day I went in with my boyfriend at the time. He was in the bathroom when I ordered my coffee. Barista says, "no charge" just as bf came out of the bathroom and walked up next to me. Immediately the barista's face changed, he looked pissed and told me how much I owed. I handed him the money and he was just glaring at me. From then on, when I went in, if he was taking orders and I got to the front of the line, he would ignore me and another employee would have to take my order. Really weird.
Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
"Here's your coffee, that'll one installment toward your obligation to date me."
Lena Flising 3 years ago
If you want something in return for your "Niceness", you are not being nice, you are selling a service. State your price upfront, instead of being miffed when the stranger isn't a mind-reader.
#49
Dude I dated for while always complained when we first started going out about how girls always screwed him over, nice guys finished last etc etc. He told me his stories and I felt so sorry for him. After a few months together he turned out to be the most possessive irrational person I've ever encountered. I couldn't hang out with my friends, not even girlfriends, he even flipped on me for hanging out with my BROTHER and giving him a hug. Wtf?? I finally dumped him when I got my first teeny tiny tattoo and he s**t shamed me for a few days straight. He told me how if I chose to be a pierced and tatted person (I had plugs and nose piercings when he met me) that I was choosing a promiscuous life and he finds that to be the most unattractive thing in the world. Yeah okay buddy, buh bye. Three years later he still shows up to my places of work. He showed up at my current job two days after I started working there..
Existing just because 3 years ago
If this is what “nice guys” are like, I hope they all finish last, for the sake of the human race.
Izzy the PolyAce Pan-da 3 years ago
Is the human race thing an intentional pun or an accident
Load More Replies... Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
I'd ask him why his opinion of me would be relevant to me or anyone else. He does sound unhinged.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
My ex husband went from puppy dog sweet to completely possessive the minute the ring went on my finger. Suddenly I was f*cking every guy we knew, I laughed too loud, I wasn't allowed to hug any male who wasn't related, etc. I don't know who TF he thought he married, but apparently it wasn't me. Yeah, come to find out he was bi-polar (I had no idea) and when I "displeased" him he quit taking his meds. Oh, and no one bothered to tell me that he stalked and harassed his ex when she dumped him, which he also did to me for almost a year after I kicked him out. Complete psychopath.
Susan Mercurio 3 years ago
Read Why Does He DO That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
#50
Harassed me for 6 months after we stopped talking, was verbally abusive and called me every gendered slur in the book and kept making new email accounts as I blocked them to inform me he was a nice guy and asking me to help him find a gf because nice guys deserve gfs Emails would generally go like: paragraph about how I'm a w**re, paragraph about how nice he is, paragraph about how lonely he is I've never really told anyone about what happened and it feels healthy to get it off my chest. as long as i'm oversharing he also posted a revealing picture i sent even though he sent much worse images because he knew i wouldn't retaliate ok bye
Minath 3 years ago
Revenge porn is now a criminal offence in some countries, including the UK, if anyone posts your intimate photos without your consent. If you feel safe enough, please report them, your name will not be released. The more people who get charged the better. They deserve a criminal record and being put on the sex offenders register.
Alice In Hell 3 years ago
I'm sorry you went through that. I hope sharing this helps your healing of this and helps others as well.
Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
What Minath said. Also, I think a reliable "tell" for the "Nice Guy" illness is that there's this cognitive disconnect that makes Mr. Nice incapable of processing the dissonance of his own rationale. Boosting his value while trashing the victim of his obssession doesn't work , because if you're all that, you wouldn't want to date trash, even for charity points. If you only later discover that a person is trash, then you just cut them off and move on, no need to invest the energy into telling the trash what they are and why.
Annemarie Mattheyse 3 years ago
"Nice guys deserve gfs" This sums it up - the sense of entitlement. (vomit)
rodger coghlan 3 years ago
So, 'nice guy' is just an incel with a thin candy coating (or something)
#51
Ok I worked as a stripper for a few years and would regularly have to deal with these "nice" guys. But one stands out in my memory. Typical Saturday night guy comes in with a bunch of friends I strike up a conversation, first thing out of his mouth was "I never come to these places they are so degrading to women, I'm only here because my friends wanted to come" I brush it off he then proceeds to tell me i'm way to beautiful for this job and a man like him would treat me like a princess. I say well ugly strippers wouldn't really make much money now would they and that I have a partner who treats me fantastically. Well that put him in a rant, how could a man let me take my clothes off for money I bet my partner is an a*****e and I'm probably just a dumb b***h who lets him. Nice guys like him never get beautiful women because all the a*****e take them and make them work demeaning jobs. He went on and on about how unfair the world was and I'm just a whore. I let him rant and then cracked up laughing and saying yeah no wonder your single and sitting in a strip club you fucken t****r.
#52
Super nice guy, best friend for years. His family was always disappointed we never dated, but he was like my brother! Then one day I got so drunk I blacked out (2 beers and five shots) and woke up the next morning to find his...well let's just say I was molested big time. I was stupid and blamed myself and later that day asked him if he was sorry for what happened and he said no and then suggested we go to the same bar later that week. I never spoke to him again. That meant I lost all of my friends in that group because we were always together. I never told anyone in our group what happened and months later moved states away without a word to anyone. 12 years later and I've never been back.
Anna Ekberg 3 years ago
Seek help to work through this and put him behind you for good. He should be in jail like the scum he is.
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
I unfortunately had a lot of "friends" like that when I was still a heavy drinker. Always blamed myself for getting in that position. Now that I don't drink like that anymore, I realized I just hung out with a lot of s****y people.
#53
I liked this guy, let's call him Nick, and Nick and I had been flirting back and forth but I wasn't sure if it was going to become anything and I didn't really know how he felt or what we were. At the same time there was this other guy, we'll call him Ash, and he kept trying to ask me out. I would straight up say no and he kept asking for a reason and I didn't really want to tell him that I liked another guy and screw up my chances because it was so much in the beginning and this was high school so I didn't want him going around telling people about who I liked. He kept trying to tell me about how he was a nice guy and wouldn't leave me alone. About two weeks later Nick asked me out and once Ash got word of that he was so pissed at me. We were never really friends, so it wasn't that bad but more of annoying because he kept complaining after that that "Nice guys finish last" Like no, you pretty much tried to harass me into saying yes to a date when I told you no. No you don't have to get an explanation because I barely know you and no should be sufficient enough for you to leave me alone. You're not a nice guy if you get angry at me for rejecting you.
Carla Phillips 3 years ago
The best advice I've ever seen was on bored panda and it is "no is a complete sentence " idk if is heard or read it before, but it stuck with me after reading it here. I have to remind myself often
#54
Met a guy in high school who was really nice. We would talk and hang out at lunch. One day, he called my house at 2am repeatedly until I answered and told him it's too late to talk. After about the 3rd time he called again and my sister (my guardian at the time) answered and told him to stop calling. He called her a b***h and he stopped calling. The next day at school I avoided him and he followed me around. I made sure to be around someone at all times and he would harass another guy and say "why are you trying to steal my girl?" Then when I was sitting at my desk he sat on the ground by my feet and kept trying to slide his hands up under my clothes. After about a week of this he finally left me alone.
#55
I was drunk and walking back to my dorm when I ran into a guy who lived on the opposite end of my freshman hall. We walked back and he got me water and aspirin for the hangover, and suggested we grab breakfast at a coffee shop in the morning. Come morning, I run into him on my way to the bathroom and we make plans to grab a quick bite, during which I casually mentioned my boyfriend was visiting at the end of the semester. He immediately gets up and leaves. I finished my food, paid the bill, and passed him aggressively whittling a dagger (??) with the door open as I walked back to my room with his uneaten leftovers. Didn't acknowledge me for the rest of the year despite living 8 doors down. Weird dude.
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago (edited)
Yeah, probably better than the alternative.
Load More Replies... #56
Luckily, I haven't been seriously harassed, but this one still bugs me: At a club dancing with my girlfriend. Start chatting with this guy who was dancing near us (what can I say, I'm a happy drunk). He hangs around, ultimately offers to buy me a drink. I politely decline. He asks why, to which I (clearly uncomfortably) say that I'm gay. Dude goes-- I'm not kidding-- "I can fix that." It's not really harassment per se, but he was completely polite and happy to be around me until he found out I wasn't going to sleep with him.
Sami-Jo Ross 3 years ago
"I can fix you being gay" is always a red flag. But, you know, it's hot when he would get to watch. /s
#57
I was a freshman in my second semester. he was a graduating senior. took me on a date, I was not interested in moving forward and told him no to another date when he asked at the end of our date. a day passes and I'm sitting in my room editing photos (freelance job in college) and I get 5 missed calls and a barrage of texts asking to see me/take me out to dinner. I hear the doorbell ring and I am so creeped out and don't answer. He then throws pebbles or something at my bedroom window (which had the curtains drawn) and I yelp because I'm surprised. Doorbell rings again and I ask how he got into my gated apartment complex and he said he PARKOUR'd over.... I then have to re-explain what it means when I say "I am not really interested in seeing you again". He then gets pouty and says he brought me ice cream and cookies and roses and how disappointed he was because he was already planning how to make our relationship work for the following year when he moved down two hours south to San Diego. I then told him (nicely), sorry, it wouldn't work out (again). he tries to kiss me on cheek. I dodge. he forces cookies and ice cream in my hand and tells me to take them because it would mean a lot to him. I say nothing but bye because I'm so irritated at this point and close the door. ugh.
#58
Had a class once with him when I was a freshman and he was a junior and we maybe talked three times. Flash forward 2 years later, he messages me on fb out of the blue asking if I remember him. I message him back with basic small talk I'm doing great, school is fine, etc. This guy then shows up at my house uninvited, sits on my porch for 4 hours waiting for me to come home, calls me a b***h for leading him on. I apologize for the confusion and for the past 3 years he has been messaging me on and off asking for a date, and when I respond no calls me a user, bad person, etc. I blocked him and he made a fake fb account to message me more, blocked it too. So far it's still quiet so I'm hoping he is done for the time being
#59
My ex-boyfriend. When we were dating, I was the greatest person in the world. I was perfect. I was his everything. He had this whole idea of what being a great boyfriend was and did everything on his little list to be that guy. But it all felt fake, and it seemed like he had this idea of "I do this for you, so now you owe me love." So then when I broke up with him, suddenly I was the worst person. I was ungrateful and selfish and look at all he sacrificed for me. Everything that went wrong in his life was my fault. I cut him out of my life, and two months later he was dating one of my friends, who then became his new goddess of love. Don't know what happened to him after that blew up. Also, there are a lot of guys on OKCupid who message you and then when you don't message back get very rude.
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
Weird. I've actually never had a bad experience with anyone I met in OKCupid. Well nothing that fits in this list. One guy was a racist, but he was actually pretty understanding when I said I couldn't date him because of it.
Load More Replies... #60
I was 16 and quite lonely so I posted something on tumblr so people would message me. I added a 26 y/o guy from NY (I am from Switzerland so time zones are different). In my mind it was clear and it seemed obvious that I didn't want anything romantic as we had 10 years of difference and I TOLD him that I only wanted a friend. Well, after messaging for a while he told me he had to go to sleep and made me promise to continue to talk to him once he woke up. Weird but whatever I thought. Few hours later he messaged me and talked about how he wanted me to be his girlfriend and so on. I told him again that I was only looking for a friend. He lost it. He began insulting me, telling me I lead him on (even tho I told him I was only looking for a friend when we first talked). I ended up having to block him because I couldn't get him to calm down or to understand that I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I never made another post to meet new people online after that.
Alice In Hell 3 years ago
Parents.. please talk to your kids and teens about being online and chatting with strangers. If a 16 year old is thinking she can befriend a 26 year old male online to be just friends, they need some learning to do. No man is online looking for 'just friends' with young girls...and I would say that for women too...they are up to something if they are befriending young girls.
Allison B 3 years ago
Agreed. I'm on Twitter a lot and I posted on my profile that I don't follow teenagers and especially not minors. It just feels weird to me.
Load More Replies... Cold Contagious 3 years ago
Some guy from my sister's page wanted me to add him, so I asked her if he was okay. She said he had been fine with her. So I add him. First message to me he started talking shît, sexy this and that. I told him straight up that I only wanted friends and wasn't going to be talking like that with nobody, if he was going to talk like that he could take it somewhere else. He said okay, that's cool, he's sorry. Next message later that night same kind of shît as earlier, so I just blocked him. No second chances. Told my sister he was a nasty POS she should get rid of him.
#61
He was really nice, but he got super creepy. Like, he'd mention how he was always attracted to Asian chicks, and he'd always ask to hang out (and for me to wear my Pikachu onesie when we do). I just got super creeped out, and he'd always try to talk to me. No matter how busy I was or wasn't, he would spam me with messages, and I ended up avoiding talking to him a lot, simply because he'd always bring up how cute I am and how attracted to Asians he is. I had a boyfriend at that time, and we were both very uncomfortable with the conversation. However, when I made it clear I prefer to be called a certain name but acknowledged that those who've known me long enough can continue to call me by a certain nickname I've been going as for absolutely forever, he asked "hey, how long does it take until I can call you by that nickname?" I informed him of how rude that was to ask that question, and he immediately starts saying things like oh you're always avoiding me, calling me out was rude, it's just a joke dude why don't you understand. We're both avid supporters of LGBTQ+ rights, and asking to call someone by a name that's not their preferred name is seen as extremely rude, and honestly hurt me a lot. My other friends immediately stood up for me, but the damage was done. He said "you don't deserve a friend like me and I won't tolerate your rudeness." Good riddance. Edit: I am genderfluid. I have a preferred name that is gender neutral. This man had just met me less than a month ago and was asking to call me by a nickname only my old friends use that I specifically asked everyone to transition out of in order to use my preferred name. I'm sorry for making it confusing, but it was honestly a pretty big deal to me and hurt me a lot.
Brandie Litchfield 3 years ago
Defend your boundaries, and don't feel obligated to explain to anyone.
#62
Guy, but I've got a gay Nice Guy pseudo-stalking me at the moment. Randomly friends me on facebook after we've briefly interacted twice (friends of friends scenario) then tracks me down at work to ask me why I haven't accepted his friend request. Shows up at my place of work Every. Day. (I work on campus, so it's not like he drives somewhere, but still) to "hang out", follows me around while I'm out on a ticket (while saying things like "you're off right now so it doesn't matter" and ignoring me when I say I'm not off), aggressively hugs me out of no where, *tells* me we're hanging out or he's giving me a ride home or whatever. Sometimes randomly brings up that his family bugs him about his being single and reminds me that he's gay. Honestly can't tell if he wants to friend me, f**k me, or kill me.
#63
Where do I start? Met a guy online dating (his profile actually started with "nice guy") and chatted for a few weeks before meeting up. Had made it exceptionally clear that I wanted to see if our chemistry existed in real life but wasn't going to sleep with him on first sight. Met up with him and he talked incessantly about how he hadnt had sex in weeks and needed to break his drought. I leave, he texts to ask if I thought he was nice, then proceeds to send 4 d**k pics and asks me to come back. Gets so offended when I said no, calls to beg me to come over for sex so I can help him with "his situation" because he's a nice guy.
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
I keep all the d**k pix guys send me in a special file, that I send out to anyone who sends me unsolicited d**k pix. When they b***h about I tell them not to send me d**k pix if they don't want to get them too.
#64
I went out on a first date, wasn't feeling it, offered to pay the tab, he wouldn't let me, we parted ways... You think that would be the end, right? Oh no. He texted me later, telling me how I hurt him by accepting his kindness, (the dinner he paid for even though he didn't have to) and just sending him home alone. He was horny, and "why don't you come over and work off that dinner wink wink." I responded by telling him to lose my number. He responded back by calling me a money hungry whore. I responded by sending my half of the dinner we shared to him via PayPal.
#65
A girl I worked with wanted to set me up with her boyfriend's best friend, Luigi. Anyway she assured me he was a "really nice guy" I was dubious because her boyfriend Darryl was awful. I agreed to this double date and we met at a little Italian place and one of the first things Luigi said to me was "You know, I'm a really nice person but I did have to hit a woman once, but it was only the one time" and it went downhill from there, he and Darryl proceeded to get really drunk. My friend Amanda had to drive home with Darryl and Luigi in the backseat with Darryl groping Amanda as she was trying to drive and her fighting him off, with Luigi telling Darryl in Italian what he'd like to do with me in the bedroom, which was odd as Darryl doesn't speak Italian but I do. We get back to Amanda and Darryl's place, where my car was parked and Luigi and Darryl start fighting, Amanda opens the door to their apartment and Darryl and Luigi fall through the open door and continue fighting until they ended up breaking the coffee table. I still remember Amanda's face as she walked me back to my car and apologising profusely for what happened.
#66
Was my friend for years. During a really rough patch in my life, tried to get his girlfriend to seduce me. There was some awkward kissing but not much else and I needed air so I stepped outside. He came out, pushed me against a wall, and informed me that whatever his girlfriend got, he got. I pushed him away and told him I wouldn't f**k him to repopulate the earth. A*****e.
#67
I was on okCupid for two years and had over a hundred messages and about 30 dates, two of which became relationships, one of them I am still currently in. It was a dry month, mostly one liner messages asking me "how many fingers do you use when you masturbate" or "u seem cool I wanna talk more dtf" and then one guy, Alex* asks me about my degree, and how he was too pursuing higher education and working on a thesis. That got the ball rolling so we had very nice conversation for days where each of us would respond to the message, make a few comments, maybe tell a story, and then ask another question or two. Honestly the best conversationalist I'd come across. We agreed to meet at a Starbucks. I get there, order, pay, and sit down. He arrives a little late, has to wait on line, and we sort of steal glances every once in a while as he waits. Then once he sat down, we said how nice it was to finally meet, he says "next time I'll give you a different time to come so I can be here to buy your drink." And I said, "that's very nice of you but it's no problem, you don't have to buy me anything." To which he turned his whole body to face me, put his elbows on the table and said "thank you. Thank you you know that's a great outlook on life and that's something I'm really looking for in a woman because you know I dated this girl who I met here at some macaron place and you know what they charge for macaroons these days? Three dollars. Three. So I order two and she orders three and a drink and I took out my wallet and was a dollar short so I asked if she'd cover that and would you believe she did not have a dime on her?" Then a few moments later we talk about okcupid (macaron girl was also off okc) and our weirdest dates and most random messages, and this was the moment: he said: "You know I've had 9 dates in two weeks from my new method. Get ready because I'm about to explain to you the method for getting you girls in the chair. It starts with messaging. You always respond to a specific, add a story, and then ask a question. In that order. Then you say you'll meet somewhere for something quick like a drink or a cafe. Then you drop the bomb that you're the total package, you're the man, you're in the zone, and they can't do anything but agree because it worked. It totally worked I mean, here you are in the chair, and here I am on date 10." Then for the next two hours, explained to me just how great he was at getting women in the chair, but had no desire to be in a relationship, he was just a serial dater because it would be too much work, and that he was too considerate of the woman who he would be leading on with hopes of being official or growing past dates and open hookups. Tl:dr met a guy for coffee and for 2 hours he explained how he manipulated me into agreeing to go on a date.
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
I have nothing against casual "serial daters" as long as they're honest about it. I actually went in some very nice dates with guys who weren't looking for anything serious, but we're also not pushy about sex. Not that they weren't interested, that just didn't push it.
#68
Was a friend of ten years when I started dating a guy in our mutual social circle after my divorce. It was like a switch had been flipped. Suddenly I was a wanton w**re who destroyed men, and he spent six months actively trying to get my boyfriend to break up with me. He told my boyfriend that "women can hurt you" (no s**t...my boyfriend had just been through an awful divorce), tried to set my boyfriend up with a friend of his who would be just "perfect" for him, got mad at my boyfriend for not going out to strip clubs and living the bachelor life with him every weekend. Keep in mind, my boyfriend is a father of two and hadn't lived the "bachelor life" in well over 10 years. He told my boyfriend that I had a "secret" that would completely change his mind about me and reveal my true self. Turns out the "secret" is something I'd mentioned to my boyfriend off hand before we'd even started dating. It was not clear to either of us whether the Nice Guy wanted to date me or my boyfriend. Either way, he was salty as f**k about our relationship.
#69
Senior year of high school, about 6 years ago. This guy messaged me on Facebook saying that we went to school together and just asked how I was. His name sounded vaguely familiar, so I figured we did attend the same school, and I politely replied with a typical "doin' fine. How are you?" type of message. Cutting to the chase, I accepted his FB friend request. Things are quiet for a few weeks, then he starts messaging me. Nothing too weird, basic small talk with a bit too many emojis. I was never overly nice to him, just polite and vague with my responses (I was in a relationship, so I wasn't too keen on talking to boys who were obviously flirting with me) or I would just not say anything back at all. Eventually, he started messaging me every night. He asks me to come to his house, I decline saying that it would be inappropriate. He says he'd like to come to my house, I decline. He starts asking to meet up every day, I always say no. Here is when things get "bad": He actually approaches me at school one day (I have never spoken to him in person) and starts asking to hang out. I tell him that I was busy. I go on with my day, as usual, until that night I get a message from him saying that I was a liar and that I didn't have plans. HE GOT ON MY BUS AND FOLLOWED ME HOME THAT DAY. I didn't respond and called my boyfriend immediately to tell him (I had already mentioned the "Niceguy" messaging me and making me feel weird) what happened. After my bf sends him a furious message, Niceguy comes back to me and calls me a bunch of horrible things saying that he should have "never loved me" and other creepy junk. I responded with a "you can't love me, you don't know me." And promptly blocked him. He got a girlfriend a couple of weeks later and, to my fortune, has never spoken to me again.
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
Definitely. When my mom's second husband remarried, my mom reached out to her and told her that if he hadn't started beating her and molesting her daughter yet, it was only a matter of time.
Load More Replies... #70
Not sure it totally fits the bill, but my female friend and I (female) made friends with our older male teaching assistant and hung out sometimes. He had a girlfriend (we found out from someone else) but he never mentioned her. Anyways, it seemed like he was more interested in hanging out with me then my friend, but I didn't think anything of it, he was never innapropriate or anything. Then one day my friend hears that him and his gf broke up. He calls me that night and asks to meet at a bar. My Spidey sense is tingling but I go (I have zero romantic interest in this guy). He basically professes his love to me "I've always been into you, I don't even like your friend, I just put up with her to get to you etc". I am not impressed. I vaguely knew his gf and she is lovely, I feel awful that he has been secretly lusting after me. I don't want to be rude though (I was very young) so I say I'd rather be friends and that I am not looking for a relationship (giving me an out). He replies excitedly that "that's okay! We can just hook up!". I remain polite and repeat the just friends line, then get out of there and never contact him again. Whole thing left me feeling icky. And my friend felt very betrayed (he never contacted her again afterwards since she was no use to him anymore).
Allison B 3 years ago (edited)
Older teaching assistant? I really hope that doesn't mean op and her friend were in high school! What a nasty guy! 🤢
3 Owls In A Coat 3 years ago
They met at a bar, so I think maybe college!
Load More Replies... #71
Honestly, the "worst Nice Guy" experience I ever had was in Middle School, so we were maybe 12 or 13. I was friends with this kid, he was kind of small, kind of awkward, but we got along and we talked in science class and gym. He gave me an anonymous note (although from the nature of its content, I could tell it was from him) that said that he was very shy but said it'd be really great if I could call him one time and the note gave me his number. Not being interested in dating at the time, and sort of figuring where this was going, I didn't comply to avoid an awkward situation... Later in the year, we were both in a production play, and when it had finished, he and I were standing in the line getting ready to go out and bow. This required us to hold hands, so as soon as I put my hand in his, he grabbed my pinky and started to sharply twist it. Nearly friggin' broke it... That day, I suspected the relationship wouldn't have gone too well. : Even the kids, man... sheesh.
#72
In high school, there was a guy who hung out with me (Even though I'm sure I made it clear plenty of times that I wasn't interested at ALL) and for a while, he seemed ok, I guess? One day, he asked me out, I said no and ever since he kept asking me. Eventually one day, he walked me home (sidenote: I didn't know that he knew where I lived and I NEVER told him!) after my after school drama performance and asked again. I said no, and walked up my driveway as quickly as possible. Now, this is where it gets really rich. About a few weeks later, I told my friends I didn't like the fact he kept asking me out and seemed not to be taking no for an answer, even when I blatantly talked about guys I actually did want to date or straight up told him that I didn't feel that way. So, my friends told him that I didn't want to date him. This is legitimately what he said to me afterwards: "You laugh at those memes about the friendzone and girls leading guys on, but you're no different from them." ...the f**k?
#73
Met guy in law school early on and he made a move quick. I made it clear I wasn't interested. It's all good, he says. For the next three years, we're good friends. We take classes together, we hang out. I hooked up with a guy from our circle of friends. He found out through the grapevine. Lost his s**t on me. Three years of friendship and I guess he thought that meant he had a claim?
#74
Happened a couple years ago in high school. We were in the same friend group and he ended up liking me. Told him I wasn't interested in being anything more than friends. A couple weeks later , asked me to prom by confessing he loves me in front of the entire cafeteria with a song he wrote about me...
Hammond Chiez 2 years ago
That's both sad, and awkwardly adorable. I do hope he got the message and backed off after that tho.
#75
While I was in high school this guy would talk to me every once and a while and I suppose I considered him my friend. It was close to summer, and on the last day he told me he'd talked to the guidance councilor about me because he really liked me but he was conflicted because I had a boyfriend. I was really confused why he needed to talk to the guidance councilor about his feelings for me when he could simply just talk to me, but whatever, I simply told him he was a good friend but I didn't want to date him. Flash forward about two weeks later, he texts me and tells me he's in the hospital because he tried to kill himself and he's on suicide watch. He calls me some nights while he's there and texts me telling me how much he wants to be with me and how much he loves me and how much he and how I should date him because he's much nicer than my boyfriend, stuff like that. I talk to him because I feel bad that he's in the hospital, but eventually I got really sick of the whole "I'm going to kill myself if you don't date me" s**t and just stopped talking to him. I still don't know if he was really in the hospital or not, and I am currently pregnant with my high school boyfriend's baby, so... It all worked out fine. If you want to know where he's at now, last I knew the girlfriend he has now cheated on him multiple times with one of my other friends and they're still together. They probably deserve each other.
Carla Phillips 3 years ago
I'm guessing he wasn't in the hospital. Every psychiatric ward or hospital I've dealt with (a lot of mental illness in my family) doesn't allow patients to have phones. There's usually a landline to talk to family and what not but no texting. Probably just playing on OP's emotions.
What do you think ?
Sabrina Neacy 3 years ago (edited)
Many of these scenarios happened to me often as I am courteous to all people. My male family members explained to me that my kindness is misinterpreted. Very sad. Yet, it certainly explains jokers following me, knocking on my door, slashing my tires, et cetera. JUST FOR BEING NICE. I am no longer outgoing with men mostly for my safety.
sturmwesen 3 years ago
I am again thankful for my resting b***h face /death glare till now preventing such bulllshit. I had one night, were I physically had to push a date away and use a firm voice bcause nice just did not do the trick but that's it.
K- THULU 3 years ago
No... They need to be beaten with a cricket bat.... Repeatedly.
Load More Replies... El Dee 3 years ago
"Nice Guys" aren't looking for a relationship, they are looking for sex and a subservient woman to see to their every whim. They see everything as a transaction - I buy you a drink/meal, you owe me sex. They think they can collect 'brownie points' to exchange for sex later. Their problem is that they literally don't see women as people..
gie 3 years ago
Best book I ever bought for myself was The Game by Neil Strauss. It's about Strauss following a famous pick-up artist/coach, and began to learn and apply all these methods himself. It was written in mid '00 and didn't age well a all BUT it made me way more aware and disgusted it promoted the use of gaslighting, love-bombing, and manipulation just to get you in bed. This book was about the body count and nothing more. My last advice for getting away from a date or really aggressive person at a bar? Talk to your waiter on the way to the washroom, ask to pay for your own half of the bill on the spot and tip $15/20, and ask to be escorted to the nearest employee exit, get an Uber to pick you up around the corner or have a friend meet you. Club/Bar: Go to the women's washroom, ask one of the women inside the washroom you feel ill and need a server to help you. Once a server comes, tell them why you need to leave and be escorted out through the back and not the front.
Bec 3 years ago
Also be careful about posting even innocuous seeming information on dating sites. With just a few pieces of information like the town you live in, a first name, field of work... A stalker can figure out pretty quickly your name and address
Load More Replies...
dot dot dot. 3 years ago
i hadda nice guy teacher, i was 11, n i thought he was awesome, thought of him as a friend, ended up in a dark room with no cameras for that one
Lori Sandoval 3 years ago
You were 11 and that was clearly criminal. Report him to an authority figure you trust so he can't do that to someone else. Be well!!
Load More Replies...
Penny Kemper 3 years ago
I had a guy I work with for maybe two months, became friend son Facebook. Had normal Facebook interaction nothing special. Likes, laughs, comments. It's like 3/4 after we worked together all the sudden he ask me out. Tell him I'm not interested in him that way. He gets mad, says some nasty things. And how he's a nice guy. I just message back about wow & how I've never gave him any reason to think I'm interested in him. And in my experience guys who have to say they are nice guys, definitely aren't. But from his other text I know his lonely and going through so stuff. But I still unfriended him because if the nastiness.
An Unpopular Opinion. 3 years ago
Welp. Here's to hoping the few guys I do know and like, who are online because I don't go places, are as nice as they seem! *raises glass and sobs*
Mary Jeffries 3 years ago
So many of these posts bring up two things that are so wrong. 1. A woman’s worth is directly related to her number of sexual partners. (W**** of S**t calling) 2.that of she is “owned” by another man (wife or girlfriend) then that will get these guys to go away. Drives me wild.
Sabrina Neacy 3 years ago (edited)
Many of these scenarios happened to me often as I am courteous to all people. My male family members explained to me that my kindness is misinterpreted. Very sad. Yet, it certainly explains jokers following me, knocking on my door, slashing my tires, et cetera. JUST FOR BEING NICE. I am no longer outgoing with men mostly for my safety.
sturmwesen 3 years ago
I am again thankful for my resting b***h face /death glare till now preventing such bulllshit. I had one night, were I physically had to push a date away and use a firm voice bcause nice just did not do the trick but that's it.
K- THULU 3 years ago
No... They need to be beaten with a cricket bat.... Repeatedly.
Load More Replies... El Dee 3 years ago
"Nice Guys" aren't looking for a relationship, they are looking for sex and a subservient woman to see to their every whim. They see everything as a transaction - I buy you a drink/meal, you owe me sex. They think they can collect 'brownie points' to exchange for sex later. Their problem is that they literally don't see women as people..
gie 3 years ago
Best book I ever bought for myself was The Game by Neil Strauss. It's about Strauss following a famous pick-up artist/coach, and began to learn and apply all these methods himself. It was written in mid '00 and didn't age well a all BUT it made me way more aware and disgusted it promoted the use of gaslighting, love-bombing, and manipulation just to get you in bed. This book was about the body count and nothing more. My last advice for getting away from a date or really aggressive person at a bar? Talk to your waiter on the way to the washroom, ask to pay for your own half of the bill on the spot and tip $15/20, and ask to be escorted to the nearest employee exit, get an Uber to pick you up around the corner or have a friend meet you. Club/Bar: Go to the women's washroom, ask one of the women inside the washroom you feel ill and need a server to help you. Once a server comes, tell them why you need to leave and be escorted out through the back and not the front.
Bec 3 years ago
Also be careful about posting even innocuous seeming information on dating sites. With just a few pieces of information like the town you live in, a first name, field of work... A stalker can figure out pretty quickly your name and address
Load More Replies... dot dot dot. 3 years ago
i hadda nice guy teacher, i was 11, n i thought he was awesome, thought of him as a friend, ended up in a dark room with no cameras for that one
Lori Sandoval 3 years ago
You were 11 and that was clearly criminal. Report him to an authority figure you trust so he can't do that to someone else. Be well!!
Load More Replies... Penny Kemper 3 years ago
I had a guy I work with for maybe two months, became friend son Facebook. Had normal Facebook interaction nothing special. Likes, laughs, comments. It's like 3/4 after we worked together all the sudden he ask me out. Tell him I'm not interested in him that way. He gets mad, says some nasty things. And how he's a nice guy. I just message back about wow & how I've never gave him any reason to think I'm interested in him. And in my experience guys who have to say they are nice guys, definitely aren't. But from his other text I know his lonely and going through so stuff. But I still unfriended him because if the nastiness.
An Unpopular Opinion. 3 years ago
Welp. Here's to hoping the few guys I do know and like, who are online because I don't go places, are as nice as they seem! *raises glass and sobs*
Mary Jeffries 3 years ago
So many of these posts bring up two things that are so wrong. 1. A woman’s worth is directly related to her number of sexual partners. (W**** of S**t calling) 2.that of she is “owned” by another man (wife or girlfriend) then that will get these guys to go away. Drives me wild.
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