50 Women Reveal Their Worst Experiences With ‘Nice Guys’
"Nice is different than good."
If you’re a fan of Into the Woods, perhaps you remember when Little Red sings that painfully pertinent line after her frightful encounter with the wolf. And while she had no knowledge of predators on Tinder or creepy men following women to their cars after leaving bars late at night, she did learn a valuable lesson that, sadly, most women also learn at a shockingly young age.
Women on Reddit have been sharing stories of their worst encounters with “nice guys” who later showed their true colors, so we’ve gathered some of the creepiest and most disturbing ones below. As we all know, actions speak louder than words, and if someone is actually a decent person, they won’t need to try to convince you of that. Yet the "nice guys" of the world still persist...
Keep reading to find an interview with Laura Coronado, host of the There Are No Nice Guys podcast, and be sure to upvote the stories that you find most frustrating. Then, if you’re looking to read a Bored Panda article that will restore your faith in men, you can hear about times guys actually helped women escape from potentially dangerous situations right here.
I went to a club in new york and a guy at the bar offered to buy me a drink. I politely declined. he insisted again, and I knew it was a scam to get me to hang out with him. before I could order my drink for myself he buys both of us a round, which was, you know, "the nice thing to do". I immediately got weird vibes from him and didn't think I owed him anything for the beer and shot. I made up an excuse to get away from him. I didn't want to leave the club because I spent a hefty cover so I got my friend to come save me. my friend was 30 mins away so this guy kept following me around the club calling me a b***h for not being interested in his little game. I told the bouncers and they didn't really care about the situation and just brushed it off. I was so furious with this guy I stuck my finger down my throat and threw up all over him and said, "here's your drink back, now leave me the f**k alone". byyyeeeee ya f****n nerd.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with actually being a nice person. We should all have good manners and look out for each other. But the “nice guys” that these stories reference are not kind people. They are more focused on portraying themselves as nice to get what they want, and as soon as they are disappointed, their true colors show. It’s much better to be around genuinely good and kind people, who may not sugar coat things, than fake nice guys, but sadly, most women have come across this archetype at one point or another.
To learn more about the nice guy trope, we reached out to Laura Coronado, host of the There Are No Nice Guys podcast. First, we were curious how Laura’s show got its. “My podcast got its name after a series of bad dates and encounters that left me wondering, 'Where are all the nice guys?'," she told Bored Panda. "So, I did what any single woman does before she realizes it’s time to hire a therapist—I crowdsourced advice from Facebook. I asked my friends and followers to define the concept of the 'nice guy'.”
A lot of the ones in this thread are worse, but here's mine:
I was friends with this guy for a couple years, but was never interested in dating him. I was fairly certain he was aware of that, and since he never said or did anything that seemed to me like he was interested in me either, I assumed we were legitimately friends. He never asked me out, he never made any comment even suggesting he wanted anything more. We were fairly close, and had a lot of mutual friends. I never thought anything else was going on.
Apparently, this was not the case. A couple days after I got a new boyfriend, I update my relationship status on Facebook. My "friend" calls me within like...2 minutes of this update, and immediately starts shouting at me, demanding to know why he "wasn't good enough for me" and why my boyfriend "was so much better than him." I tired to get him to calm down, but he just kept yelling about how he was a "nice guy" and how he had "always been so nice to me, why didn't I ever give him a chance?" I calmly tried to explain to him that I never got any signals from him, and I didn't think I ever did anything to lead him on or anything, and he shouted that "he's such a nice guy and doesn't deserve to be friend-zoned like this."
I made one final attempt to salvage the conversation, and tried to explain that I was sorry if he felt deceived, but it also really hurt my feelings that I thought he legitimately valued me as a person and wanted to be my friend, but now he's just mad I won't sleep with him. He flat-out screamed at me "F**K YOU! You're just a cold b***h! I bet your boyfriend's an a*****e anyway!!!"
I hung up on him and he never spoke to me again. Two years of relatively close friendship down the drain in one phone call. It felt pretty shi**y.
EDIT: Kinda resenting some of the comments in my inbox implying this was somehow my fault for...not being a mind-reader I guess? Gentlemen: if you're interested in a lady, say something. We aren't psychic.
A random guy held my crutches for me as I walked down some stairs at uni. He seemed nice and joked about how he once broke a foot, it'll get better, etc etc. We get to the bottom and he asks if we could get some coffee. I thank him, but tell him I'm seeing someone so he just drops my crutches on the floor and walks away
“I got various responses that included, ‘Nice guys are boring’, as well as warnings to beware of the ‘nice guy’. He starts nice at first, but then he becomes a real jerk,” Laura shared. “However, a married friend inspired me when she said, ‘The nice guy doesn’t exist.’ He doesn’t exist because the nice guy trope is either a self-serving title that a guy gives himself or it’s a title given to him by someone else who isn’t interested in him romantically.”
“When it comes down to it, there are no nice guys,” Laura told Bored Panda. “Not because there aren’t decent men in the world, but because the term ‘nice guy’ has become a trope.”
“I have had a million different encounters with ‘nice guys’ since my divorce in 2015, but in a recent podcast episode (Episode 37: When Nice Guys Go Bad), I recount the tale of my ‘friend’, Alex, who I had always thought was a nice guy until I met the woman he’s been using and toying with for the past two years,” Laura shared. “It turns out, Alex is just another douchebag hiding behind the ‘nice guy’ act.”
I have a reproductive issue. It won't kill me but for the most part, I can't have kids. I had confided in a male friend of mine about some of the sadness I was having over it, coupled with a bad breakup I had just gone through, and he tried to cheer me up by saying "but you're perfect".
I was confused so I asked him to elaborate.
"You're hot. You look like Black Widow. You're funny. And you can't ever get pregnant. What guy wouldn't want you?"
When I told him that wasn't a compliment, he told me that I'm too much of a Social Justice Warrior to see when a real gentleman pays me a compliment.
I once was out with friends and my drink was spiked. One dude stayed with me to take care of me and my other friends left because we all knew him. Turns out he spiked my drink himself so he could 'save me' and show me how caring he was.
Edit: since people are asking how I found out, he told a mutual friend thinking that the guy would think it was a cool move. Our friend did not think it was cool, and told me what happened.
This dude also laced the one-hitter we were using with something that same night. I could have died, but he really thought he was being a genius pick up artist. The worst part is that we had actually been talking for a week or so before this - I clearly already liked him, and he still felt the need to do this.
Keep your eyes on your drink and trust your instincts.
One of them grabbed me by the neck and choked me against a wall for not wanting to kiss him.
Another one stalked me for months because I wouldn't f**k him.
Another one bought me a drink, tried to force himself on me, then followed me home and actually tried to get in because "I owed him".
Those are the ones I can remember right now.
Another one waited until I passed out at a party and tried to r*pe me because "he was afraid I would say no".
“After meeting this woman, who had deep feelings for him, despite all his mixed signals, I texted Alex to gush about what an amazing woman she is,” Laura explained. “He then proceeded to hit on me. I am so disappointed in him. Needless to say, we’re no longer friends.”
“I don’t know if he was always pretending to be a nice guy and was just waiting for his chance with me or if he turned bad. I guess I’ll never know," she added.
Laura also believes that all women have had similar experiences with “nice guys”. “I think it’s common because parents, teachers, and society, in general, have convinced men that they’re the top dogs in the world and that they’re owed affection from those they desire,” she explained. “Generally speaking, men see themselves as though they’re the ‘pickers’ and women are the ones getting ‘picked’.”
I actually have a story of a recovered "Nice Guy".
Years back he and I became friends. We weren't really close but we got along and chatted regularly.
One day he tells me I'm the most amazing woman he's met and his loved me the whole time blah blah blah. I told him I didn't feel the same way and he got a angry cursing me out etc. I was upset. I really like being friends with this dude and while I understood our friendship mightn't be exactly the same after, I didn't think I deserved abuse for not being in love with him.
Anyway, fast forward to a couple if years ago and I see him at the shops. We wave to each other but don't speak.
Later I get a message from him and we start chatting back and forth. Then he saying something like "I want to apologies for how I treated you back then. I'm sorry I ruined our friendship and you didn't deserve my reaction hope we can make amends".
While our friendship will never be the same, it was really nice to get an apology.
* Found out my address from friends, let himself into my house while I was sleeping. Worse than Twilight. After being forcibly ejected from said house, called to ask what the "status of our relationship" was (we had gone on a mediocre lunch date a few weeks before). Kept convincing aforementioned friends to talk me into giving him a second chance because he was such a nice guy. Got my subsequent addresses the same way, kept showing up and leaving letters/parcels for years.
* Super stalker. Went to all my classes, despite being in a totally different major. Followed me around campus on his bicycle. Would insist on trying to follow me home to protect me from "bad guys" because he was a nice guy that wanted to be my friend. Waited outside a library for 7 hours until it closed to make sure he could follow me home. Trapped me inside a study room and wouldn't let me leave until I agreed to give him a chance and let him "protect" me by being my boyfriend. Repeated this several times despite police intervention. Kept insisting it was all a mistake and he wasn't doing anything wrong, he was really helping me by being nice and I was super ungrateful.
* Left miniskirts on my desk at work. Stopped by several times every day to either awkwardly compliment my appearance (ex. telling me 5 times that stripes accentuate my features) or that the clothes he just happened to have lying around would look great on me if I wanted to try them on a wear them. Kept trying to touch me or massage me to help me relax. Acted aghast in HR meetings that "friendly compliments" could be "received so poorly" and ended up getting me written up for being culturally insensitive. Like, I offended his god-given average old white man right to feel me up and hit on me however he wanted.
I've had some bad experiences with "nice guys" including two harassing me to the point I dropped out of schools for the semester, but the most recent one was such an oh-my-heck-really that it's almost funny. Almost.
The very first date we went on was a double (don't trust guys much anymore, sorry) with my obviously gay best friend who is SERIOUSLY like my twin brother. Naturally, when everyone was leaving I hugged him.
My date put his arms around me and started barking like a dog. Like, straight up "ROWF ROWD ROWF RRRRRRR MINE!" I sat there in shock for a few seconds trying to process what had just happened, but my best friend looked the guy dead in the eye and said "she is not a tree, you did not pee on her, never do that again."
Bark Boy took offense to that. He still hates my best friend, but wasn't dumb enough to mess with him, so that's something. Instead he complained loudly about the guy every time I saw him because I was stuck at the same small college as him for a year and he was determined not to give up after that.
It's a long, long story, but after almost two years of him "not giving up that easily!" I finally had to threaten to tell his mom he was harassing me. I wish I was joking. It worked, though. He believed all governments were evil, Feminism was the work of the devil and unfair to men, gay men are handy eunuchs to protect his harem, and the world will end but he'll survive with his friends and his katanas. He is afraid of no man or authority, but terrified of his mom.
TL;DR Dog Boy tried to make me his fire hydrant
We were also curious what Laura would like to say to any of these so-called “nice guys”. “Men who portray themselves as ‘nice guys’ when they are the opposite are diabolical. They are either sociopaths, narcissists, manipulators, and/or users,” she told Bored Panda. “There is no cure for sociopathy or narcissism, so I have no words to say to those people. There is no hope for them.”
“However, to the men with no personality disorders and using tactics of ‘nice guy’ manipulation to use women simply because they enjoy the high, there is still hope for you," Laura says. "Get a therapist."
Posted flyers all over town with the message "for a good time call (my mother)" with her phone number.
Was my dad, after she kicked him out for being an abusive prick to us. Ten years and two more failed marriages later still thinks he is a nice guy and she left him for no reason.
When I read and didn't respond to his message, he texted me "w**re" and "f**k you I'm a nice guy"
A guy once PM'ed me "Hey girl, you're so beautiful. You look like you know how to suck a good c**k." So I asked him how he'd feel if someone spoke to his sister like that. He immediately blew up and told me he'd kill me for talking about his family like that. Makes sense.
“The high you are getting from being manipulative and using women is temporary. In between those highs, your lows will be quite low, leaving you with an unfulfilled life, forever painted as the villain,” Laura explained. “Hire a therapist. Work on yourself. Understand why it is you do the things you do. Improve, grow, and acquire peace of mind. Eventually, you will learn to like and love yourself and be someone others will like and love, too.”
If you’d like to hear more wise words from Laura and hear about her personal encounters with “nice guys”, be sure to check out the There Are No Nice Guys podcast right here.
A guy friend in junior high. We had several classes and sat next to each other, platonic, loyal friends for 2 years before he got weird. He was hilarious, we could talk about anything.
His house had a pool, so during warm weather a bunch of us would swim at his house after school. One day he invites me over to swim after school, when I get there, no one else is there, which was weird. He was splashing me, sort of aggressively flirting, dunking me, so I get out of the pool and he pins me down to kiss me. So I play it off as joking and leave. I give him the cold shoulder after that and he was pissed. Two weeks later and at a different friends' house he and I are both there for a swim-birthday party and he and another guy give me a simultaneous front and back "seesaw" which is like a horrbile double-wedgie in the pool. My swimsuit cut me so badly I bled.
I hate you Pat.
I knew a guy in college that took the fact that I was sexual with some other men to indicate that I wanted to be so with him.
I let him know in no uncertain terms that I didn't like him, was not attracted to him, did not want to f**k him, or be in any sort of relationship.
He kept sticking his toe over the line though, not enough to warrant a major response, but still pushing it.
One night at a party he tackled me onto a bed and started groping me, trying to take my clothes off, etc.
I'm not sure what he was thinking, given the differences in our sizes and temperament.
I beat the s**t out of him.
Due to the pain I've seen sexual assault cause some of my very close friends in the past and the greater than average dislike of r*pists I have as a result, I likely went way too far.
At least from a legal point of view.
However, that ended the problem.
My ex boyfriend stalked me for months after we broke up. Showing up at my work, my home, and calling/texting/emailing non stop. But interestingly enough, this story isn't about him. It's about when I finally started dating again.
Guy I met on bumble.
(1) He insisted on picking me up, but I politely declined (I was worried about my ex seeing a guy picking me up). On the date he wouldn't let it go that I wouldn't let him pick me up, saying he offered to be nice but some girls just don't appreciate that. Then things got weird.
(2) He asked what part of the city I lived in, which is a standard question... but then started asking specifics: How many people I live with, what their names are, type of house, where my room is located. HUGE RED FLAGS. I politely changed the subject.
(3) We were talking about music and he mentioned his favorite local band. I mentioned in passing that I briefly dated the frontman 2 years ago. A little after that he went to the bathroom and I was texting my friend about how the date was going. He got back to the table and accused me of texting the frontman. He then went on a "lighthearted" rant about how girls can't appreciate what's good in front of them.
(4) I got up to use the bathroom JUST as the waitress was coming with the check (I didn't see that). When I got back he accused me of "pulling a move to avoid the check." I offered to pay but he said he already did and was just poking fun.
(5) At the end of the date he again insisted on taking me home. I declined politely and he said "look, if you don't want to see me again that's all you have to say. I don't know why girls can't just be upfront."
(6) I got home and checked all the damn locks because I was now scared of two men. He texted to ask me out again and when I said I didn't feel any chemistry THE F*****G FLOOD GATES OPENED. I'll give you the highlights "piece of s**t" "scammer" "b***h" "leading men on" "I'm a good guy" "your dress was super short" "you had your guard up because of your ex, admit it."
I've put a hold on dating for a while.
We hope you have had more encounters with genuinely kind men than "nice guys" throughout your life, but if you can relate to these stories, know that you're not alone. Keep upvoting the responses you resonate with, and don't be scared to call out all of the fake nice guys in your life. Feel free to share any of your personal experiences with "nice guys" in the comments below, and then if you'd like to check out another Bored Panda article featuring men that are actually respectful and kind towards women, look no further than right here.
Most recently, the IT guy for my area at work suspended all of my logins for our electronic medical record programs after sending me a ton of messages on OkCupid that I didn't answer. It made for an easy first few hours at work while I couldn't do my f*****g job.
A guy asked for my number so I could text him about the botany club. I texted him about the botany club. He called me a c*nt for leading him on when I have a boyfriend.
I own a small vintage clothing store. I have a regular cross-dressing old man who comes in looking like Linda Richman and smelling like grandma if grandma was a w**re. Well, he was very sweet at first but then started coming in and saying semi-perverted things. Then one day he came in and we were having a casual conversation and he interrupted me with this.. "standing here talking to you and looking at you is making me hard. It feels like I might cum in my skirt any second." NICE.
Had a guy on the train talk to me randomly about stuff. That was fine - I like talking to strangers and chatted with him for a while.
He was creepy in the way he kept looking at my breasts, and I pretended not to notice. I know some guys are bad at not looking, but it was enough to put me on edge.
He made a comment about how he was a very good person and it was sad that he was lonely. I took this as my cue to show him my wedding ring and mention I was married.
He then kindly apologized for the misunderstanding and told me to have a nice day.
Haha. No, this complete stranger told me that he would treat me better than my husband would. That I should come home with him so he could show me how nice he was.
Red flags, anyone?
One major advantage of no longer being a young, sexy 20-something woman is that I don't get anywhere near as much harassment. I was a very good looking woman back then and it just never stopped...
And most of the worst creeps claimed that they were "nice." This is just the shortest story...
Met on a dating site between relationships. Described himself as nice and respectful. "What a woman wants is important!"
We met at a seafood restaurant and he was really nice and respectful. He tried to pull my chair out but I'd done it myself. I jokingly offered to pull his chair out. We'd had a nice dinner, but didn't really "click". He seemed perfectly fine. After the scallops we talked about life goals and then wrapped the dinner up. He asked me when he could see me again and I said "I had a great time BRIANBOT 2000, but I am not sure a second date will work out. Good luck dating!" and put my half of the dinner tab down. He's been honest and so had I that we'd had a couple of other people "on deck" and were just testing the waters.
BRIANBOT2000 rebooted, NiceGuy.exe crashed. He flipped his chair over bolting up and started yelling about how I was a s**t and wasted his time and if I wasn't going to put out then I could have at least paid for my meal (as my money and a tip were already on the table?)
I walked away and stopped doing dating sites.
Another "nice guy" held me hostage in my bathroom at knife point because I broke up with him, but BRIANBOT 2000 was by far the worst.
Edit: for clarity, it was the force with which he stood, that causes his chair to flip backwards. I didn't mean to imply he'd gone all wwf.exe
Met 'Bill" at a friends party. There was definite attraction so we started dating. We really had fun - it seemed like we could make a good life together. After a year together he asked me to move in with him and it looked like a good idea. The first night in his house he had me by the front of my shirt up against a wall laying down the law about how things would be from now on.
It's like the niceness was a front to get me exactly where he wanted me - under his roof and his rules. He seemed to think that he now owned me. That sure didn't work for me. I packed up and got out within days.
Met this guy online through one of my friends. He seemed pretty nice, so I would text him periodically throughout the day and he wanted to video chat once so we did.
He became obsessed with me and wanted to call every night before he went to bed. He told me I would be the perfect wife and that we should have 3 kids. He wanted to move me out to the cattle ranch he owned and operated so we could get married and start a family. We had been talking for maybe two weeks.
I was looking for a job to get through college and jokingly shared a "now hiring dancers" sign at the local strip club on Snapchat. He went ballistic and told me he couldn't be with a girl who had no respect for herself. We weren't even dating, but he "broke up" with me on my birthday.
Luckily I haven't been had to deal with anything too terrible, but...
There was this guy last year that got on the westbound bus a little after I did, and then we got off at the same stop and waited together for the northbound bus.
He was nice. He was friendly. He took an interest in the classes I was taking. I kinda viewed him as this kind of grandfatherly type of man, since he was in his 60s or 70s. I'm in my late twenties, for reference.
One night, I had to go to the store that's right by that bus stop we waited together at. I got stuck behind someone who took a while in line, so I was rushing to make the bus (because even though it's a "Time Point," where they're supposed to stop and wait if they're ahead of schedule, some of the drivers don't).
I'm running up, and the driver did actually wait like he was supposed to. He was taking a smoke break out by the stop, and said, "Don't worry, the old guy let me know you were coming."
Awesome, super nice, right? I go in, old guy says pretty much the same thing: he let the driver know I'd be out shortly, and the driver decided to take a smoke break while they waited.
Then the old guy passed me a note, told me to read it when I got home.
It said, "Does that deserve a kiss someday?"
I know that's not the worst thing in the world, but...
I started taking a later bus. It meant I didn't get home until about nine, but I didn't have to deal with him anymore.
I was dating a LDS guy (Mormon), and assumed that he'd want to have fun and get to know each other without the physical stuff. (I was taking a casual sex break.) After a little over a month, were making out (a common occurrence) and he decided to just penetrate me without discussion or consent. Yes, I realize that's r*pe. He called the next day to tell me I was too tempting and that he didn't want to see me anymore because I jeopardized his "place in heaven, and made him less worthy of a pure woman."
I went to a pretty small college in northern Colorado. My freshman year I befriended a nice guy named R. R ended up pledging with a fraternity. I went on a couple of dates with a guy from R's frat I thought things were going well then the guy I dated just stopped responding to me. A bunch of other people involved in the Greek community and lots of people in my dorm started giving me funny looks or conversations would end as soon as I came in the room. Apparently R was pissed that I wasn't dating him so he told everyone I had AIDS. I ended up transferring schools because of that guy.
Throwaway for obvious reasons - because I know you're on reddit.
He was my best friend since the age of like 4 or 5 (same age) and practically family. I had a shitty adolescent time, drank too much way too young and hung out with bad people, I lost almost all of my friends except this guy who stuck by me through thick and thin. Called me to check on me, always invited me to game nights, told me I was okay, made me feel alright again. He never pressured me to do anything with him, nothing like that at all even tho there were plenty of other guys who did. We'd talk on the phone several times a week until the end and I was adamant we were only friends - he was fine with this and was dating and all of that. Cue a few years ago.
I had a mental breakdown one night and he came over to help me out but started acting weird. Wanted me to cuddle in bed next to him to feel "closer to each other" (he had a steady girlfriend and im not okay with this either way) and gets upset about it, all while im crying and shaking uncontrollably on the couch.
We have a weird relationship for a few months where im not comfortable seeing him anymore but we still talk. One night I decided to invite him over to watch a movie like old times.
He sexually assualted me. He forced me to take off my bra and then pegged me underneath him on the couch. Did it matter that I said no, and did he care? No, he deserved it and he had been a nice guy, a friend, for so long. I said a loud no and it didnt matter, he wanted to do it again sometime, maybe regularly if I didnt mind.
I havent talked to him or you in years. I'll never forgive you.
I was potentially interested in an acquaintance. Spent some time with him, decided I didn't want to date him, said no when he asked me out. He kept calling me up to tell me he could see I was broken and he was going to save me
I was dating this guy, really nice, we move in together. Awesome!
He expects me to cook all the food, buy all the groceries, take care of all the bills, and do all the housework. He occasionally takes a break from his busy schedule of drinking beer and watching sports to tell me I need to go to the gym/stop eating (I wear a size 2); he also criticizes my housekeeping abilities and constantly tells me how poorly my parents raised me (I'm a successful woman with a masters degree, he barely graduated high school and has never had anything other than an entry-level non-skilled job).
The kicker: he told me he was just being nice and trying to help me, because he cared so much about self-improvement.
Needless to say, we are no longer together.
Had (what I thought was) a friend who lived in my building. Did normal friend things. Walked to class together, had movie nights etc...
Had a movie night one night while my roommate was away, and got a super weird vibe from him. Told him I forgot I needed to get up early and asked him to leave earlier than planned.
I have anxiety, so I couldn't sleep and decided to spend the night deep cleaning my apartment (while muttering sorry to my neighbors for vacuuming at 1am)
Found he had hidden things all over my house. My only guess was so he had an excuse to come back, like in Seinfeld? Maybe, Idk. But it was a whole box of things. I went to put them outside in the hall and t3xt him it was out there and discovered he had turned the lock off on my door. (It was set up like the inside of the door had a button you could press so you didnt get locked out bringing out the trash.)
I basically stopped talking to him anymore, and one day I was bringing in groceries, which he normally asked to help with, and instead he punched me in the a** cheek so hard I almost fell down and dropped everything.
I've always been a tomboy and grew up with a lot of male friends. Since reaching adulthood, I've also grown some breasts.
This combination of things has led to most of my best guy friends asking me if they could finally see my tits "since we've been friends for so long." and subsequently vanishing when I said no. It's depressing enough when I realize that a guy I'm into just wants to bang, but it really hurt when the guys I thought were actual human beings, with whom I'd developed deep multi-year friendships, were just sexually frustrated animals. So yeah, I've got some trust issues now.
Long story. So I was young and started a new part time job. One of the guys who worked there took an interest in me. He was cute but very shy and quiet. We started talking and after a few months had our first date. We dated for roughly 2 months before we slept together (my first time), he came over the next day and said he was getting back together with his ex. so we couldn't see each other anymore. He said our time together was mainly about sex so it shouldn't be a big deal that we still worked together (WTF?). Turns out he had broken up with his ex the day of or before our first date. The creepiest part is that he had worked at that job for months before I did and never mentioned to anyone that he had a girlfriend. He had intended to cheat/ replace her before he even had someone in mind. Now he's been single forever and still posts on facebook about how women don't appreciate him or overlook him despite all he has to offer.... He has had a sexual harassment scandal at every job he's worked at that I'm aware of.
Became friends with this guy in college. After graduation he got a job and moved in with his girlfriend about an hour's drive from where I was in grad school. I drove out one Saturday to see him, did some cool things, grabbed some food. He waited until his girlfriend was in the bathroom before he told me the following: my boyfriend probably had a low sperm count due to his profession, and if I ever wanted a family, he'd always be willing to "take me back" even though we'd never been together.
Yeah, haven't seen him since.
Edit: for those who are having a hard time parsing this - Nice guy says MY boyfriend probably has low sperm count, offers to start family with me.
So my best nice guy experience was a guy I actually did try to date.
We went out once, he didnt have a lot going on (no job, no college, pending assault charges in another state for a 17 year old girl) which he let me know on the first date. I decided that maybe now wasnt the best time for him to be dating but he was funny and nice so I said lets stay friends.
He agreed at first but then...
He started calling and texting me constantly. Whenever I didnt wanna hang out with him it was because I was too busy 'being a s**t and catching chlamydia". As soon as I would respond he would apologize and be nice...for like 5 seconds. This continued, got worse, and I eventually just blocked his number.
He of course just started calling and texting off random phone numbers. One night when I had ignored him all day he left me a voicemail telling me what I was wearing that day and then going into detail about how he wanted to kill me and assault and also end my young childs life.
I had to change my number and file a police report to get him to leave me alone. Thats what I get for trying to find love on okcupid.
Pretended to be nice to get my number....for a YouTube channel. Called me a b***h when he was denied and now it has 2mil views.
That one time he tried running me over with a truck when I was on holiday.
I went to an extremely conservative and small college. Our freshman class was pretty tiny as in you would know everyone by name in your class.
There was a guy I met on the first day of class and he seemed nice. We had a usual conversation (nothing out of the ordinary). Two days later, he texted me. I never gave him my number and the only person who had my number was my roommate and she swears she never gave him my number.
Cue the constant messages asking me how my day was and if I wanted to meet up or hang out. I politely told him that I didn't want to date anyone at the moment and I was focused on school.
He didn't give up. For FIVE years. He messaged me with different numbers, emails, and send me letters. He would threaten every single guy who would talk to me.
Worst part was when I learned that he and his frat buddies had announced to everyone in the first week of freshman year that I was his girl and that I was off the market.
Pretty much ruined my college experience in terms of having a social life.
I'm paranoid about leading people on. I'm petite with large breasts and doe eyes so I seem to give the 'young exploitable anime girl' vibe.
I hung out with a guy (we watched mighty boosh and chatted) Before he came over I literally said "I am not looking for a relationship. Please don't ask to be more than friends" as I had recently gotten out of a long term relationship.
Of course that apparently translated to him asking me out via text as soon as he got home. Upon politely declining, I was subjected to every sexual slur you could think of whilst being told what an idiot I am for passing up such a stand up guy.
Thus began his two year campaign of stalking.
I was flirting with a guy I met online, he wanted me to go out with him that night but I had just had knee surgery a couple days before, he then asked if he could come to my house and keep my company, I said no because I lived with my mom and little sisters and didn't feel comfortable having a stranger in the house with the little girls. He freaked the f**k out at that point. Called me a wh**e and a s**t and every other name in the book. I was like, Dude I was gonna say lets go out in a week when I can actually walk but not anymore you d***head.
I was hanging out at a bar that I go to pretty often with a couple of my other friends. Guy struck up a conversation with me he was friendly and I was friendly back. We started discussong relationships and I told him I was married and then things turned weird. I was looking at something on my phone and he grabbed my phone from my hand called his phone with my phone refused to give me my phone back, I got pretty upset. Bartender who knew me grabbed my phone out of his hand told him to get out before the guy left he grabbed me and kissed me. In a situation like that I want to think that I would nut check the dude but in actuality I froze up I was shocked and felt so goddamn violated. One of my friends pulled me away and the bartender physically removed him out of the bar.
After we went out on *one* date, in which I paid for my own meal (because I know it's a typical *nice guy* movie to insist that I would owe him) he wrote a lengthy and detailed post about me on one of those stupid secrets/confessions Facebook pages that were all the rage at colleges a couple years ago.
In this post, which all my friends immediately knew was about me just from reading it, he basically insisted that I wronged him because I did not kiss him on the first date and talked about my personal sex life because he apparently wanted us to lose our virginities to one another. It was basically a passive aggressive way of saying "f**k you for not liking me, you're still a virgin while *I* went out and f****d someone". Literally I never did anything to this guy. We went out on one date and he refused to ever speak to me again or give me the time of day, even though all I tried to do was co-exist peacefully in our vaguely mutual friend group.
Fast forward 6 months later, and after *months* of not even speaking to me, he left a hand written note under my door confessing that he loved me at first site and that he would prefer that I not contact him. I don't think I had ever initiated contact in months at that point?? To this day I don't know how he knew my dorm room number.
Now this same guy apparently owns a gun and has a habit of leaving dead possums on his old roommate's (the girl who introduced us, actually) car.
5 years this has been going on. Starting off at 15, went on a couple dates with this guy and clearly felt no chemistry between us. I politely told him that I wasn't interested and went on my merry way. However, he apparently was someone who wasn't used to rejection and kept calling and texting me, asking for a second chance and that he was a nice guy and I should've felt so lucky to go out with him. I once again declined, which only increased the harassment. So much so that I had to block him because he was starting to make me feel extremely unsafe and uncomfortable. So for the past 5 years , now both of us being almost 20, I've gotten texts from random numbers and calls from a no caller ID over and over, calling me and harassing me about being friends and how I was a b***h if I said no or to leave me alone. He didn't understand how him harassing me didn't lead to me wanting to be his friend. Even after having a boyfriend for a year, he calls me saying he wants to kick his a*s and how he knows I want to be with him (the harasser). It finally got to the point where I had to put my mother on the phone and she threatened to call the cops on him. It worked for the time being and I haven't heard from him since, but I always worry about being alone in public or him finding out where I live.
Followed me back to my dorm from class and invited himself to get lunch with me when I tried to divert to a dining hall so he wouldn't know where I lived. Constantly berated me for not making enough eye contact with him the whole time (I was desperately looking around hoping I'd spot someone I knew to save me). Would constantly message me and make up stupid pet names for me and plan dates that I turned down every time. I eventually had to threaten going to the police to get him to leave me alone and had to let the professor of the class we were in together know so we wouldn't be assigned to any group projects together.
Then another time I had a guy try to pull the "I have cancer" card to get me to pity date him. I'm sorry but no.
I also had a lot of male "friends" totally disappear on me when I got married. Friends I'd routinely interact with on Facebook and such and considered actual friends, just straight up unfriended me as soon as my relationship status changed to "married". That one stung a bit because I thought we were actually friends but it turned out they were just waiting around for something that was never going to happen.
I've had a bunch of "nice guy" friends who stopped talking to me after I made it clear I wasn't interested in dating them, but the worst was one guy who was legitimately my friend for a 2 years and seemed to not mind the fact that I wasn't attracted to him and claimed he wasn't attracted to me either.
Pretty much he ended up calling me a w**re, telling all our mutual friends I had played him, and shutting me out.
Edit: There was also the "nice guy" I was friends with for a year who pinned my arms together and forcibly kissed me until I wriggled away free. Then didn't understand why I didn't talk to him after that. Can't forget about that gem.
I haven't had many, but I had a recent one. Met a guy at work briefly, later see that he friended me on Facebook and asks me out. I said I wasn't looking for a relationship, especially with all my work troubles. He says he's fine with friendship, and says he understands me so much.
Over the next few weeks he sends me messages about cats or the weather, stuff like that. Usually about four in a row, all about an hour apart. I don't really respond much.
Then the other day I wake up to a text that says, "hey" so I write "hey what's up." I didn't see that the first text was from the previous night. He next text I get back says something like, "well I WAS going to invite you to a party last night but I see you were hanging out with other people. It's too bad, I guess I'll just delete your number. I could have loved you forever."
I text back basically saying what the hell is that all about?? He then says that he couldn't stand that I was with someone else and could I please understand.
I thought the messages were mean because I met him once, never hung out with him, had good reasons for not starting anything, and yet he tries to make me feel bad when I'm already not doing well.
I was friends with this guy for a few years now. We had the same friend group so we hung out a lot. One day he proceeded to confess his love to my best friend (who's female). When he got shot down he texted me moments later telling me how "sexy" I was. Then proceeded to tell me what he was going to do with me. (It was graphic, I wouldn't even let my BF talk to me like that) I told him to stop and that he was making me very uncomfortable. That only seemed to anger him. He then told me how I was dirty and disgusting because I was leading him on for years. I told him I wasn't interested in him that way and I would forget all this if he were to drop it immediately.
Days later I get another weird and sexual text from him. I reminded him that I have a BF of a year and I didn't not like being talked to that way. Hoping to win my affection (I guess) he asked to meet my BF so we could "all be a little closer". When I refused he then threatened me and reminded me that he knew where I lived and "didn't need my *permission*".
Guy BEGGED me two years for a date. Finally agreed and we dated officially for 1 month (he kept insisting to be his gf)...He cheated on me with the skankiest girl (whom we both knew from a previous job)...what a waste of time.
Not the worst but the funniest.
I was friends with "Ben" when I was 15 / 16, he was in school with the guys I was friendly with, we hung out in a group, he was a big Star Wars fan so we'd hang out and watch Star Wars or play with his lego Star Wars collection (the boys always made me be Princess Leia grrr!).
After months of us being friends and hanging out he sent me a text telling me that he had feelings for me (funnily enough, another friend, who did not know "Ben" sent me a similar message about an hour later), I told Ben I was sorry but I didn't feel the same way.
He stopped talking to me, I figured "fine, give him time to move on and he'll come around".
A week or two after all that I was in the local park with a friend of mine, we were just walking and chatting when I got a text from Ben;
Ben: Way to ignore me.
Me: (after looking around) Sorry, I didn't see you! Are you in the park? Let me know where you are and I'll come say hi.
Ben: I'm laying on a bench, you walked right past me, it's one thing to hurt me like you did, but to pretend I don't exist is just cold.
Me: I'm sorry, I genuinely didn't see you, if I did of course I would have talked to you.
Ben: You know, just because you're pretty doesn't mean you can treat people like s**t.
After I got that message my friend started laughing and said not to waste my time trying to appease him and go home.
I'm 29 now and my friends will still quote that line at me.
I used to get coffee at the same shop almost every day. Every once in a while the barista would give me a free cup (not every day, maybe once a week or something). He'd just say, "no charge this time." He never seemed flirty or anything, or really talked to me other than to take my order. So one day I went in with my boyfriend at the time. He was in the bathroom when I ordered my coffee. Barista says, "no charge" just as bf came out of the bathroom and walked up next to me. Immediately the barista's face changed, he looked pissed and told me how much I owed. I handed him the money and he was just glaring at me. From then on, when I went in, if he was taking orders and I got to the front of the line, he would ignore me and another employee would have to take my order. Really weird.
Dude I dated for while always complained when we first started going out about how girls always screwed him over, nice guys finished last etc etc. He told me his stories and I felt so sorry for him. After a few months together he turned out to be the most possessive irrational person I've ever encountered. I couldn't hang out with my friends, not even girlfriends, he even flipped on me for hanging out with my BROTHER and giving him a hug. Wtf?? I finally dumped him when I got my first teeny tiny tattoo and he s**t shamed me for a few days straight. He told me how if I chose to be a pierced and tatted person (I had plugs and nose piercings when he met me) that I was choosing a promiscuous life and he finds that to be the most unattractive thing in the world. Yeah okay buddy, buh bye. Three years later he still shows up to my places of work. He showed up at my current job two days after I started working there..
Harassed me for 6 months after we stopped talking, was verbally abusive and called me every gendered slur in the book and kept making new email accounts as I blocked them to inform me he was a nice guy and asking me to help him find a gf because nice guys deserve gfs
Emails would generally go like: paragraph about how I'm a w**re, paragraph about how nice he is, paragraph about how lonely he is
I've never really told anyone about what happened and it feels healthy to get it off my chest. as long as i'm oversharing he also posted a revealing picture i sent even though he sent much worse images because he knew i wouldn't retaliate ok bye
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