Couples Are Sharing Pics Of Their Relationship Evolution And These 50 Pics Are Just Wholesome

I don’t know about you, dear Pandas, but scrolling through all of these then-and-now pictures made me wonder about the secret of a long-term, successful relationship. While there’s no magic potion for it, and every couple has their own non-negotiables, relationship coaching experts from Max-Well Coaching, Sally and Zach Maxwell, propose that 3 primary values should do the trick.

"The first is a shared value around personal evolution. We’ve all come across people in our lives who are the 'I am who I am, don’t try to change me' type. This attitude is cancer for intimate relationships. Having a shared value around personal evolution means that both members of the relationship are committed to their own personal growth as well as to the growth of the relationship over time," Maxwells explain.

"Needs, beliefs, and desires—all of these things need breathing room to grow and change, and without a shared value around personal evolution, the relationship will stagnate or break under the pressure of inflexibility."

The second value the relationship experts mention is transparency and communication.

"It is our core belief and one that we teach all our clients, that healthy relationships require total transparency and honesty in communication. In other words, no secrets or withholding. Any conversation is allowed to be put on the table. A shared value around total honesty and transparency, and a willingness to have any conversation, no matter how challenging it may be, is a key foundational value that every successful long-term modern relationship needs."

The third value that is crucial in a long-lasting relationship is intimacy.

"We’ve written before about the importance of intimacy in relationships and about how intimacy needs to be related to as a mandatory part of an intimate relationship. All that being said, everybody’s sexual needs and desires are different, so what’s most important here is that you and your partner share the same values or belief system around intimacy," Maxwells note.

"If one of you feels that intimate life is very important to you, and the other doesn’t, no amount of similar interests will save that misalignment of value. You need to be with somebody who has a similar belief system around intimacy as you do. Mismatched libidos are common in relationships, but a mismatched belief system around intimacy and sexuality spells trouble and likely infidelity in the long run."

Nowadays, many discussions are floating around about the importance of knowing your partner’s love language and them knowing yours, which can improve communication, deepen intimacy, strengthen relationships, and help both parties feel more appreciative of each other. So we asked our interviewed experts if they agree that knowing each other’s love languages can help couples have a more successful relationship.

"Absolutely. People not only receive love, but GIVE love in their own love language. So, most people give their love language to their partner, but their partner doesn't receive it as effectively because that love isn't given in the love language that they most easily receive," Maxwells explain.

"For example, my husband's love language is words of affirmation, and he tells me all of the time how much he loves me. My love language is acts of service. His words of affirmation feel good, and he feels like he is giving me lots of love, but it doesn't totally resonate with me the way acts of service do. When he loves me through acts of service (like making me a cappuccino), I melt, because I really feel the love in the way that I'm most attuned to feeling it."

Another thing that is crucial in a long-lasting relationship is being able to handle misunderstandings in a way that strengthens, rather than damages, the relationship. The secret to this is, again, quite simple. It's learning how to talk about anything.

"And we mean anything. In our almost 20 years of being together, we both practice and teach our clients that the foundation of any strong, long-lasting intimacy is total honesty and transparency. In other words, the ability to talk about anything. No matter how you slice it, a rock-solid relationship where both profound love and freedom can exist is only possible with profound honesty," Maxwells say.

Their top tips on how to successfully handle misunderstandings and disputes include stopping being so precious with what you think you can and can't say, and taking the notion that there are things that can’t be talked about in your relationship off the table.

"Be OK with the consequences of speaking up. Yes, you will hurt your partner’s feelings sometimes. Yes, you will be misunderstood sometimes. Yes, it will turn into a fight now and then, or sometimes regularly. That’s all OK. Hash it out — work through it until it’s resolved. Stop protecting your partner from their feelings getting hurt. Stop protecting yourself from looking bad," the experts advise.

"When there is something challenging or scary to talk about, set yourself and your partner up for success. Let them know that you need to speak with them about something important," they add.

"Let them know how you are feeling about sharing whatever it is: scared, embarrassed, angry, ashamed, etc. Never blame them for how you feel, and instead take ownership of your experience. For example, let’s say your partner hurt your feelings. Instead of saying, 'You hurt my feelings,' say, 'I feel hurt by what you said.' Or try something like, 'My experience of how xyz went down felt bad to me.' Tell the whole truth."

Lastly, Maxwells mention that it's important to take responsibility for your part in whatever it is you are addressing.

"Any dynamic in relationships requires two contributors. In your communication, make sure to find and take ownership of yours. Be open to your partner’s perspective. Listen and apologize where you can. Talk through it until it’s resolved for both of you. Practice this regularly. Be willing to fail at it and be bad at it at first, and eventually you will master the art of living 'secret free.'"