Parenting is basically trying to see how little you can mess someone up in a few decades. Because, let's face it, no mom and dad is exempt from making mistakes when raising their kids.
However, some are worse at it than others. And you can see it in their children.
So when X user Efi Chéri posted a question on the platform, asking everyone, "What immediately tells you that a person wasn't raised right?" people immediately started sending in their replies.
From being rude to service industry workers to microwaving fish in the company breakroom, here are some of the most popular answers.
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Pets are a lifetime commitment. If you're not ready for that, don't get one. Simple.
I can't imagine ever doing that. They're trying their best mostly.
Tracy Hutchinson, Ph.D., LMHC, is a therapist with over 18 years of clinical experience, and her research on positive psychology, mental health, and emotional psychology has been published in various peer-reviewed academic journals and textbooks.
As hard as parenting is, she believes that every mom and dad should try to avoid the following seven mistakes, beginning with minimizing your child's feelings.
"Kids need to know that it's healthy to express and talk about their emotions," Hutchinson explains. "When parents tell their kids things such as 'don't be so sad about it' or 'it's not a big deal,' they're sending the message that feelings don't matter and that it's better to suppress them."
So if your kid, for example, appears fearful during a loud storm, consider saying, 'I know you're scared right now,' and asking them what they think would make them feel better instead.
When I was a kid I was friends with someone who liked to dismember different animals, from insects and spiders to opossums and cats. Also tried to get me to participate, which I refused. It's partly the reason I became a park ranger: it is my calling to keep animals safe from people like that.
We have a campfire story called 'Jenny and the Night Women' about the dangers of always spoiling children. Creepy...
Then there's saving them from failure. "As parents, it's hard to watch our children struggle through challenges that we know we can easily fix for them," Hutchinson says.
"But think of it this way: if your kid is doing poorly in school, you know that telling them the homework answers will only backfire because you can’t be in the classroom when they have to complete those tests on their own."
Failure is part of success, and if kids never get the chance to learn that, they'll never develop the perseverance they need to rise back up after a setback.
The next common mistake is overindulging your kids. Research shows that when you give your kids whatever they desire, they miss out on skills related to mental strength, such as self-discipline.
"You want your kids to grow up knowing that it's possible to achieve what they want — if they work for it," Hutchinson explains. "Parents can teach their kids [to] learn self-control by setting clear rules for things like finishing homework before screen time or doing chores to boost allowance (so they can buy things on their own while knowing they earned it)."
I borrowed a mate's jigsaw, when I gave it back he thought I'd bought him a new one. 'Nah, fella! You just haven't cleaned or maintained it since you got it. So I did it for ya.' Take good care of your own shite as well!
Our cleaner at work calls me madam, I told her not to because we are the same age. She said it's not a matter of age, it's a matter of respect because I am superior to her. I could not believe she said that. She is black and apparently was raised to believe she is inferior to white people. I am shocked and incredibly sad, this happened weeks ago and I'm still not over it
Parents shouldn't expect perfection, either. While it's natural to want your child to aim for big goals and be the best at everything, the truth is that's not how the world works.
Setting the bar too high can lead to self-esteem and confidence issues later in life.
I can't stand deceptive people. Known a few in my day & I hope to never know them again.
"There are many things that might make your kid feel uncomfortable, especially when it involves doing something new: trying new foods, making new friends, playing a new sport or moving homes and having to go to a new school," the therapist continues.
"But just like failure, embracing uncomfortable moments can boost mental strength. Encourage your kids to try new things. Help them get started, because that’s the hardest part. But once they take that first step, they might realize that it isn't as difficult as they thought it’d be — and that they might even be good at it!"
I have 2/3 kids with autism/ADHD/stutter (and the 1/3 always trying to be heard over their siblings) that find inside voices very hard to gauge and manage - don’t judge people too hard on this one.
When I tended bar, I would (half) jokingly tell customers that I wasn't a dog, but if they whistled/clapped/snapped at me again, I'd bite 'em. Said with a smile.
I will close the gap if we are approaching road work and a lane closure notice has been up for several miles.
Your family should also have clear parent-child boundaries. Yes, kids need to make their own decisions, but they also need to know that you're the boss.
According to Hutchinson, kids who are mentally strong have parents who understand the importance of boundaries and consistency. Caving in and allowing rules to be negotiated too often can lead to power struggles.
I always pick the cheapest thing possible when someone else is paying
Lastly, parents should remember to take care of themselves. "The older we get, the harder it becomes to maintain healthy habits (e.g., eating healthy, exercising daily, taking time to restore)," Hutchinson says. "That’s why it’s important to model self-care habits for your kids."
It's also crucial to practice healthy coping skills in front of your children. For instance, if you’re stressed about work, it could be a great idea to simply tell your child something along the lines of, "I had a very tiring day at work, and I’m going to relax with tea and a book."
waiter comes up, waiter: do you want some water? Me: yes thank you Waiter: i'll also take those dishes when I'm done Me:thanks Waiter: Ok all done Me:thank you
The majority of parents (62%) say that raising kids has been at least somewhat harder than they expected, with about a quarter (26%) saying it’s been a lot harder.
At the same time, most of them give themselves high marks for it, with 64% saying they do an excellent or very good job as a parent and 32% reporting they do a good job, while just 4% think their effort could be described as fair or poor.
If you're friends with someone who constantly talks about people behind their backs, how long do you think until they'll do it about you?
Popsicles were actually invented when a kid left his unfinished cup of lemonade on the porch overnight😂
Those numbers are pretty interesting. But I guess, even if we see someone behaving rather badly, we can't immediately blame their parents for not doing their part. Research shows us that identical twins who grow up in the same home with the same parents often turn out very differently. So maybe the signs discussed in the thread tell us more about those people's character rather than their parents' commitment to raising them?
As long as you're actually invited and didn't just walk in off the street into some random persons house.
Yep. I live with someone like that. It's pure laziness. People keep telling me "maybe he doesn't notice". When there's pee and poo stains on the literal toilet seat I'm sure he fricking notices. If it were just me and him I'd leave it on the toilet seat for him to deal with whilst I use a bathroom elsewhere. It's so infuriating :(
I'm sorry but, if you stop suddenly while I'm walking behind you, I'm probably going to go through you. I'll help you up afterwards, but it's important that you learn that lesson.
2 of these can be a result of learning difficulties or disabilities. Asperger's & Autism are just 2 examples.
Okay the first one but who washes their hands before opening the fridge? Am I the only one who doesn't?
Apart from the no one at the end there, I wouldn't consider this proof someone wasn't raised right. I don't litter in the streets, but I'll leave my empty packets on a table in my own home. I'll leave my pots in the sink because I've just eaten, and can't be bothered cleaning them straight away. This thread is, to me, more about how we treat people and the places in the world we go, what you do in your own home is up too you.
I'll respect her when she respects me. Just because they're family doesn't mean they're not toxic.
Again, disagree with this one. I'm out and about too much to be taking my shoes on and off all day, plus I have a weird bone in my foot, so tying my shoes takes a few minutes because I do it a certain way.
Does this include someone who can't feel empathy? Like, I don't know... me?
Being unable to feel empathy and choosing not to are two completely different things. There are people who are literally unable to feel empathy, and it's nothing they did wrong, but it's also not something they can change no matter how hard they try (at least from what I've heard). It's just how they are, and it is not their fault in any way whatsoever.
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Empathy is our ability to understand how someone feels; While sympathy is our relief in not having the same problems.
Question. What if I sympathize with a grieving parent despite not having children of my own but I lost 3 cats in on fell swoop?
The definition of sympathy is feeling sorry for someone while not fully understanding what they're going through because you've never been through it yourself. Empathy is understanding what someon is going through because you've been in that same (or very similar) situation yourself. You can definitely sympathize with someone even if you can't empathize with them.
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Or any other form of social media... I'm all for discord, debate and discussion, but arguing for sake of arguing, or to just upset people, is uncalled for and unnecessary.
I wouldn't say their cleanliness. Obviously, cleanliness is important, but lack of hygiene could mean depression or homelessness or other things and doesn't say anything about the person's heart.
I actually respect the poor people a lot- they held out so long in the hopes things will get better. They are a prime example of perseverance and strength in adversity. Besides, if I wouldn't respect them, I would be disrespecting myself 😂
I'm not sure what this one means. Are they asking me to do the washing up? How do you even make a mess in a restaurant? Everything is on a plate, you eat it, then you're just left with a plate and cutlery.
arguing with police? You mean that's bad? Of course you should argue with them. They're fascists, not god. Not standing up to authority is how you get nazis in power.
I'll be nice until they're mean to me. Respect is earned, not given, no matter who it is. Edit: I won't be rude if I dont repect them. I'll just avoid them as much as possible and be cordial when i have to interact with them.
This can be psychological and not related to how they were raised.
Can't it just be opnions on people who are different than them?
Unless said person is standing in front of the mashed potatoes at Golden Corral...move, b***h get out the way, get out the way, b***h get out the way! 🤣🤣🤣
whats wrong with denying food if offered what if your not hungry or its food you cant eat
I have a friend who once stepped on a leaf and said sorry to it. He's the best person I know.
I wouldn't say that is a sign of a problematic upbringing per se. But yeah, flossing is important.
B******t. Cussing doesn't disprove a person's intelligence or vocabulary. Sometimes it's just fun!
No, they are supposed to slave themselves untill they fall off their feet instead of getting some sleep so they can function tomorrow, and...oh wait, here's revolutionary thought...clean the damn kitchen when they are actually capable 🙄 what is the kitchen going to do, run away? (I always clean before going to bed BUT I'm a nighthawk and I see how most people aren't, so why should they torture themselves?)
Probably going to be down voted, but what the heck...it's not always about upbringing. Mother of 4 and 3 of my children are incredibly polite which has been commented on countless times of the year, however the 4th has adhd and can be rude and inconsiderate despite having been brought up the same way. Not to justify inappropriate behaviour, but offering a perspective to ponder.
Not signaling before turning or changing lanes. Blasting music so loud that neighbors can hear it.
For real tho. Like seriously dude, the indicator stick is an inch away from your fingers.
Load More Replies... The question most of these answered was ‘What do people do that you hate’ not ‘What Immediately Tells You That A Person Wasn’t Raised Right?’ Always after blaming the mother or father for how the child turned out, have they considered outside influences like the internet, social media, tv, movies, friends, peers?
It's up to the parents to regulate what their kid can do, see, watch, etc.
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This! Any possible reason for that is a character flaw: laziness, entitled assumption that someone else will pick it up, total disregard for public spaces, total disregard for the environment, messiness, you name it.
Load More Replies... lily jones, I don't know who you are, but you've made my day. Thank you.
Calling in "sick" to work, whenever they feel like it forcing someone else to be stuck at work for an extra 8 hours to cover their shift. Bonus points if they post on social media about the "awesome party", (or something like that), that they went to when they should have been at work.
So, I'm a total introvert and as a result I don't generally exchange much in the way of pleasantries with people who know me (unless they've done me a favor, etc.). I guess I think if I start doing that, I'll have to keep it up with them whenever I see them, and that's way too exhausting, lol. But I will always thank people who are performing a service for me. Some folks apparently think that if you're paying someone, you don't need to say thank you. But I always make sure to say thank you to the Uber driver, the bus driver, the wait staff, the cashier, etc. It's a kindness to say that even though I am paying for whatever I'm getting from them, I do appreciate them and their service. Common decency. And so I can't help but think that people who never do this just weren't raised right.
Do you really need to spend several thousand dollars on a sound system for your car, then play s****y music that shakes every car nearby? There is wisdom in being seen and not heard, or not being seen at all.
It's a case of "I love this music so everyone else must love it, too, and will think I'm super cool for sharing it with them". At 120 decibels.
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People whose sense of humour is 100% based on taking the p**s out of people. Oh is he short? Tell him 20 times a day! Oh does he wear glasses - mention it 20 times a day! See someone in a wheelchair? Make a joke about it by all means! In fact you MUST right? Would drop dead if you didn't! Because how else would everyone around know how F'kin HILARIOUS your are!? You should be a professional comedian right!?
Probably going to be down voted, but what the heck...it's not always about upbringing. Mother of 4 and 3 of my children are incredibly polite which has been commented on countless times of the year, however the 4th has adhd and can be rude and inconsiderate despite having been brought up the same way. Not to justify inappropriate behaviour, but offering a perspective to ponder.
Not signaling before turning or changing lanes. Blasting music so loud that neighbors can hear it.
For real tho. Like seriously dude, the indicator stick is an inch away from your fingers.
Load More Replies... The question most of these answered was ‘What do people do that you hate’ not ‘What Immediately Tells You That A Person Wasn’t Raised Right?’ Always after blaming the mother or father for how the child turned out, have they considered outside influences like the internet, social media, tv, movies, friends, peers?
It's up to the parents to regulate what their kid can do, see, watch, etc.
Load More Replies... This! Any possible reason for that is a character flaw: laziness, entitled assumption that someone else will pick it up, total disregard for public spaces, total disregard for the environment, messiness, you name it.
Load More Replies... lily jones, I don't know who you are, but you've made my day. Thank you.
Calling in "sick" to work, whenever they feel like it forcing someone else to be stuck at work for an extra 8 hours to cover their shift. Bonus points if they post on social media about the "awesome party", (or something like that), that they went to when they should have been at work.
So, I'm a total introvert and as a result I don't generally exchange much in the way of pleasantries with people who know me (unless they've done me a favor, etc.). I guess I think if I start doing that, I'll have to keep it up with them whenever I see them, and that's way too exhausting, lol. But I will always thank people who are performing a service for me. Some folks apparently think that if you're paying someone, you don't need to say thank you. But I always make sure to say thank you to the Uber driver, the bus driver, the wait staff, the cashier, etc. It's a kindness to say that even though I am paying for whatever I'm getting from them, I do appreciate them and their service. Common decency. And so I can't help but think that people who never do this just weren't raised right.
Do you really need to spend several thousand dollars on a sound system for your car, then play s****y music that shakes every car nearby? There is wisdom in being seen and not heard, or not being seen at all.
It's a case of "I love this music so everyone else must love it, too, and will think I'm super cool for sharing it with them". At 120 decibels.
Load More Replies... People whose sense of humour is 100% based on taking the p**s out of people. Oh is he short? Tell him 20 times a day! Oh does he wear glasses - mention it 20 times a day! See someone in a wheelchair? Make a joke about it by all means! In fact you MUST right? Would drop dead if you didn't! Because how else would everyone around know how F'kin HILARIOUS your are!? You should be a professional comedian right!?
