50 Times People Wrote Something So Savage, It Ended Up On The “Cursed Comments” Instagram Page (Best Of All Time)
The internet isn’t just home to funny cat pics and delightfully witty memes. It has an edgier, weirder side, too. One that makes you do a double-take and wonder whether what you’re looking at is actually real. The r/cursedcomments subreddit is one of the best places for showing what this side of the net looks like.
We’ve collected some of the top cursed comments of all time to share with you. Scroll down to have a read, but be warned—there’s a lot of uncomfortable content and bizarreness involved here. It’s not for the faint of heart. Though, remember, you shouldn’t feel too guilty if you laugh at some of these pics. It’s fine to enjoy dark humor once in a while.
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Actually we know resulta for Russia's presidency with out polls, without elections and without living there
Be careful, though. The "Thought Police" is everywhere, especially on social media. I hope Vera is ok.
I've lived in Texas my whole life. I know my vote won't matter because of the electoral college. (I still vote.)
Excellent response! Sad that it keeps happening over and over for years.
That's a good one ! Too bad it's true. At least Russians get to pretend they voted.
Yes m’lady! And their fur is clear. The second comment guy was just trying to stir up some racial trouble.
Load More Replies...I wish that had been a follow up on the original post! That's 👏
Load More Replies...In broad daylight. I hope there weren't any cubbies playing close by. Junkies.
I always wondered what Yogi found so enticing in those pic-a-nic baskets.
Hmm now that you mention it, his hunger for picnic baskets may have been from pre-picnic...activities...
Load More Replies...Seriously the censoring takes me forever to figure out sometimes
Load More Replies...Laughed so hard I woke mine up and then had to switch pages real quick cuz they need to get any ideas
Hahaha *frantically looks to my cats plotting my untimely demise*
Load More Replies...I'm wanting to know what OP did and what they need to learn.
Load More Replies...Tried to live trap neighborhood Hussy. TWO litters in 3 months. Cost me a trip to Redi Med, $50.00, trip to pharmacy then back for re-check in 10 days. My right hand and arm were not usable for 3 days. We finally caught the Hussy and the Studmuffin. Both went for check up, etc,etc,etc. We now have two very nice neighborhood cats that make rounds of neighbors when they are hungry. The kitty factory is out of business.
Thank you for doing this! You will also have no mice/rats to worry about 😊
Load More Replies...Question, What did you do ??? you must have caused this, I have two cats, but not a tat, like this, you give love, you get love, not a tat like you have !!!
Cursed comments, as a genre, are the replies that internet users leave underneath social media posts and videos. They are, as a general rule, very unexpected or even upsetting.
At the same time, they’re often humorous in an “oh, God, why am I laughing at something so horrible and weird?” kind of way.
Superman used one just like this during his training.
Load More Replies...It's a pest controller. Pull the pin and run. Everything within 50 feet is dead
I've seen this one a few times and it will never not be one of my favorites 🤣
Load More Replies...If those are the people who are going to heaven I don't want to be there anyway
"There are many rooms in my Father's house, I go to prepare a place for you".....great, can I have the room the furthest away from this lot? thanks in advance....
Load More Replies...why would people be anned from heaven because of the actions of other people?!
Take misogyny, misinterpretation and narrow-mindedness (to put it mildly), and people will make up any c**p out of a concept that does not have to be bad.
Load More Replies...How do they know that men masturbate over them, when even masturbation is a sin.
Don't worry will with keep all Polish remover away. I can't account for the polish remover tho as long as it doesn't adopt capitalism you should be fine lol I'm joking chill with the downvotes
Load More Replies...grammar, people. That's why there are grammar police. Otherwise, people might get the wrong idea. So, next time you get shempt by them, have some consideration
It like "I am in favor of finding a final solution" to "I am in favor of finding a Final Solution."
My friend used to say "Polish and perfect" as a slogan for his proofreading business.
Just remember, "the panda eats shoots and leaves; not eats, shoot, and leaves". (stole this from a funny book on grammar)
Commas are important. There are the difference between saying "let's eat, Grandpa" and "let's eat Grandpa"
Load More Replies...If you laughed at this joke, remember Jesus is always watching! 31c9wDPYjR...006d4f.jpg
Meanwhile, punctuation is the difference between "Let's eat, grandma" and "Let's eat grandma."
At the time of writing, r/cursedcomments boasts a whopping 3.3 million members from all over the globe. The subreddit is incredibly well known, not just on Reddit but on social media and elsewhere as well. Even legendary Swedish YouTube content creator PewDiePie joked about how the sub is “the worst.”
The subreddit, founded in April 2018, is already a part of internet culture. It’s also very likely that you’ve come across some content, as shared by the members of the online group, at some point in time.
roses are red, cacti are prickly, HOLY MOTHER OF F**K THAT ESCELATED QUICKLY
Load More Replies...I suspect my husband wrote this comment. He loves lemon drizzle cake, our jobs involve going into people's homes, we work together and... ...to be fair, I am pretty weird.
I saw a standing "n" shaped cage that had little foxes and under it was a caged huge lizard about 3x bigger than the foxes. All I could think is the foxes and constantly stresses and the lizard is constantly hungry
oh those poor things... I can't "unthink" this one.
Load More Replies...I got my gallbladder removed, and that bidge left me a chronic pain I ... just hate. With Passion, Flora and Pharma.
Me too,one of the worst things ever,couldn't eat,drink water,function at all! The most insane,debilitating pain ever!
Load More Replies...If you are a doctor on a submarine you need a removal appendix surgery. *fly away after this useless fact*
The uselessness of this fact consists mostly of it not being a fact. There's no evidence of this ever having been required in any navy around the world. This version of the 'fact' I'd never heard so I had to look it up; the "you must get an appendectomy if you work on antarctica" nonsense I've read several times.
Load More Replies...Yep, it's all about quality here folks. If you have a bad family, dump those f#$@ers and never look back. There are nice people still out there who need a good friend.
My appendix burst when I was a kid just to show everyone I don’t tolerate no bullsh!t and that I’m one tough broad.
Hahahahahahahahahaha! Little FYI, we used to use our appendixes, when we were first humans, but as time went on, we stopped needing it, and it got smaller and smaller. It is only the size of your pinky finger, but he is right! If that thing messes with you and gets infected, cut it out! We don’t need it anyway. It is just a tiny pouch at the end, but it knows, it can TAKE YOU OUT!
And, thank Trump that 1.2 Million of those dead are Americans!! All by himself. (not making it up.)
Load More Replies...God has nothing to do with it. Thank to health care, common sense, lots of home offices and face masks.
Thanks to a lack of health care, no common sense, overfilled commutes and the refusal to wear face masks 1,6m people died! Am I doing this right?
Load More Replies...Reminds me of the original "Do they know it's Christmas?" song where Bono sings the infamous line "...tonight thank god it's them instead of you" referring to the suffering people in Africa.
That song is so incredibly racist. And ignorant. Africa, where nothing ever grows, no stream or river flows...
Load More Replies...A wide receiver thanks gawd for the touchdown so I guess the defense is going to hell?
of which 1m were americans who didn't want the government to touch their body with their laws.
1.2 M- listening to "I've had it, don't worry about it" Trump -
Load More Replies...Wouldn't it be better if you died and went to heaven? I'll never understand religions with an afterlife better than this one treating death as a bad thing. It's almost like they don't truly believe it and just want it to be true.
According to the team running the group, the point of r/cursedcomments is to share comments that “strike the reader into oblivion.” The goal is to make the audience feel lost and confused, wondering what the heck they just read.
“Incomprehension of the comment just read, or the blatant gruesomeness of it should be enough to not only make you feel mystified but also to draw a smile on your face,” they explain.
"There's nothing scarier than Slenderman." Eerie Darkness in the forest: "I beg to differ."
"I'll take" Things That Are ACTUALLY Real "for $100, Alex."
Load More Replies...Well, since Disney World opened in 1971 and DisneyLand opened in 1955, I'd say it'd be a great place to visit since it would likely be all trees and nature.
They always underestimate how much antisemitism there was in the US as well. Nazi rallies galore.
People underestimate how much antisemitism there still is here in Germany, although it's the opposite political side pushing it now
Load More Replies...Disney World didn't open until 1971. Disney Land opened in 1955. I can't figure out where this photo actually was taken.
“…a number of costume shops unaffiliated with the Walt Disney Company created their own papier-mâché versions of a Mickey Mouse costume. The above-pictured costumes were likely taken in the early 1930s” https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/creepy-mickey-mouse-costumes/
Load More Replies...Disneyworld DID NOT EXIST in the 1940s. It was opened October 1, 1971.
I’m kind of hung up on the “fill with syrup” part
Load More Replies...Fill with syrup?! My sweet-obsessed kid would have those off and be drinking himself into a sugar coma before you could say lickety split.
Folks, because some of you seem to not understand humor: THIS IS A JOKE GIFT BOX AND NOT A REAL PRODUCT. Hope that helps.
I mean, if a toddler gets strong legs it should mean they can walk around for longer
Every time I read this I love it. I would love to see someone bouncing around trying to do dressage after never having ridden a horse. Or me belly-flopping into a pool after crying in panic on the 10 m diving board for a few minutes.
drowning would be a mercy compared to what would happen to my body if I tried to compete in gymnastics
It's like the alternative option of having a completely random person compete with the top athletes - just to show how incredibly awesome these athletes are.
During a previous interview with the founder of r/cursedcomments, Bored Panda learned about the history behind the group.
“I founded the subreddit a while back. I actually was going through some memes posted on Reddit and saw a response to a somewhat... ‘fitting’ comment that would be right at home with CursedComments. In a response to the comment, someone jokingly posted r/cursedcomments. I was intrigued, and when I clicked on it, the subreddit didn’t exist, so I created it because I thought it was super good,” redditor u/winwinwe told us.
A long ago, I put exactly this pic w/ comment on Facebook. They blurred a pic and warned me for spreading fake news... :\
"It`s a kid's toy! It's f*****g ridiculous, who the hell is afraid of that?" - If veterans were in horror movies
Load More Replies...However, the founder of the sub admitted that, unfortunately, they weren’t the one to come up with the awesome name for the group. Their goal when creating r/cursedcomments was for internet users to have a great experience while also maximizing the growth of the community.
“I began posting posts and was loose with the rules to engage content creation and made sure to comment on every post to maximize community engagement,” the founder told Bored Panda.
I'm willing to be bitten. I want to stop eating meat but it's deliciousness constantly prevents me.
It also makes you deathly allergic to dairy and seaweed so watch out
Load More Replies...Alpha-gal syndrome, aka mammalian meat allergy. Caused by Lone Star Tick and paralysis tick bites
Alpha-gal syndrome. When I worked in a deli I used to wait on a lady who had it. She could only eat poultry so she'd order Sarah Lee turkey. I'd make sure to use a slicer that hadn't been used that day or cleaned one for her.
Wait… is this real? Does it infect animals too? And if so, are those animals (if they are carnivores) dying of starvation or anaphylactic shock? Either way, it‘s disturbing.
Guy at work hasn't been able to eat beef or pork or anything in years thanks to this.
Load More Replies...Ik someone who got bit by one....its not pretty...you can't have ANY MEAT. even the SLIGHTEST contamination can hospitalize you
Yes. I once had a spoonful of "vegetarian" potatoe stew, flavoured with bacon (because bacon is not meat, as they tell you. My body was reacting to the smell already but I was a guest .... and had a couple of not that funny days after
Load More Replies...Lyme is different and physically excruciating. The red meat one is Alpha-gal, which is caused when a tick first latches on to another mammal like a deer or cow. Then later during it's second or third feeding stage it latches on to a human. Some of that animal's blood is still in the tick. The tick's saliva then transmits from that other mammal a specific sugar molecule (alpha-gal), that's unique to mammals, into the human system. The human white blood cells know of the invader tick so go to take care of it, and in the process find that sugar molecule and identify it as part of the tick invader. So it then tells the rest of the immune system that alpha-gal is now an enemy of the state and to attack it whenever it sees it. Which now includes food like red meat, dairy, animal gelatin (marshmallows, gelatin pill capsules), etc. Severity varies from person to person and some people require multiple tick bites doing before anything happens while others can have it happen in just one.
Load More Replies...Adding to the list of how the zombie apocalypse could start -- a tick bite that reprograms our brains.
r/blursedimages Rules 1. Images must be both blessed and cursed If an image makes you happy, but then at the same time, frustrates or disgusts you, then it is likely blursed.
Load More Replies...If you have a parachute you get this weird middle area where it's too high without the parachute but too low to deploy it.
The comment was funny.... then I noticed both her arms are in casts.... well, no one can't say she didn't do the legwork...er... armwork....
All I can think is Markipler trying to parkcor and busting a tailbone 🤣
The entitlement shouldn't really blow my mind, as it's a thing out there, but... 🤯
Sweetie, you'll get no boyfriend in the near future! If a guy knows he's only get 30% of his hard-earned paycheck, you're toast (I was referring to the previous post #18)
Sigh. Too true. Better than in the past when I was young! It was much lower then, as we women stayed at home and were "housewives" and the men were the "bread winners."
The moderation was close to non-existent at the very start, which led to a lot of growth on Reddit in a short span of time. Eventually, the rules became more robust. “Posts became more strict, more clear guidelines were established, and branching ‘wings’ such as this Instagram account and discord were set up, both of which still operate,” u/winwinwe explained.
"Knife holder" - In honour to my sister who used a butter knife to see if the bread is toasty enough once...
Your sister used the knife and you used to have a sister?
Load More Replies...I have actually seen bath bombs shaped like toasters. It might have even be called "forbidden" or maybe "Last Bath Bomb".
> How many animals? Counting anenomes, sea squrts, comb jellies, siphonophores, flatworms, nematodes, ... As a scientist I'd guess about three hundred and fifty.
I had one last night where I ordered a pizza and kept getting side quests on my way to pick it up. Severe anxiety followed as my precious pizza was getting cold. Why are our brains like this?
Load More Replies...Does anyone else dream when they’re still awake? But you’ve got your eyes closed and are really relaxed? But I know I’m definitely not asleep. It’s like my brain is rushing around decompressing or defragmenting and I can still hear everything around me, but you have no control over what’s going on, so not like a daydream. I asked a couple of friends but they said no and looked at me like I’m weird!
I once had a dream that my deceased gamer friend came to me and told me I should totally play Overwatch. XD
I can't even remember when I was dreaming about something that makes sense.
“The moderation towards the end was very strict, and thanks to a really good moderation team, helped put together by me and a close friend at the time, we managed to keep it a good space,” the founder told us earlier. A lot of the comments and jokes on r/cursedcomments are very sensitive, so it makes sense to have strict moderation policies. Though, given the size of the community, it’s an ongoing challenge.
I had a patient, a middle-aged man slightly brain damaged in an auto accident, who repeatedly came in to have all sorts of small metal objects removed from his stomach. It was sad.
A kind of medical imaging that uses a massive magnet
Load More Replies...There's a bladder pill that turns your pee blue. It looks like you just cleaned the toilet after u pee!
Load More Replies...imagine being on your period for the fourth one tho. "is it blood or am I dying"
Or eating beets. As 4 y.o. I went to my parents crying and being sure that I'm dying. Oh, the shame...
Load More Replies...I was in hospital recently and was told that urine should look like a fine wine, not orange squash..
Actual exchange. "Nurse I'm worried about the color of my mucus. "Is it clear, yellow, green? "Blue" "Are you joking?" "Yes" "Stop it. We have special tests for comedians. Catheters, needles and probes, Oh my!." Wearing my gown like a toga and quoting Shakespeare almost got me an amniocentesis, I'm a guy. I liked that nurse.
But that was actually funny! Why the downvotes? I did what I could.
Load More Replies...mine is yellow gatorade colored but not because i drink enough water; i take a b vitamin that stains it
At what POINT did they declare chasing a zebra in Tennessee "ridiculous?"
Now I get why you are a joyful Zebra, fooling the cops must be a lot of fun 😂😂
Load More Replies...it was trying to get to Connecticut! (tell me someone understood the joke. its from Madagascar)
If you enjoy the type of content shared on r/cursedcomments, by all means, join the subreddit for the freshest posts and pics. But before you start sharing screenshots of your own, take the time to read the subreddit’s sidebar. It contains all of the rules you need to keep in mind when sharing things with the other members of the community.
I would love to have a shitten. I'm not sure Bouche and Audi would be on board, and I can't really afford another one anyway. It's still nice to dream.
Why do I read the "S***ten" post in an enthusiastic "I can do that too!" voice?
Actually a curly haired cat. Both parents had normal cat straight hair, so they’re trying to breed curly haired cats now
I was gonna thank you but I'm not sure if that's good news or not!
Load More Replies...No, this sort of question concerns morally deranged tech bros right now and in their world view car drivers mustn't be stopped, just because some filthy peasant, I mean pedestrian, wants to cross the road.
Load More Replies...I would pick A since bro was barely even able to speak yet
My birthday really is 9/11. Luckily I'm too old to celebrate.
If you move outside the US, you could celebrate on 11/9 instead ;-)
Load More Replies...My ex's birthday was 9/11. His SS# also ended in 666. I should have read the signs
both of my best friends have birthdays on 9-11. i was born about 4 days later, so kinda sad how we were so close to the three of us having the same birthday. still is kinda weird how close our birthdays are....
I wish my birthday was 9/11. I would have had over 40 good birthdays. My birthday is close to Christmas
Meanwhile, the moderators also created a Wiki page where they go into more detail about the content guidelines. For example, one thing that they stress is the importance of effort. In short, they want the community members to post quality comments and avoid low-effort screenshots. “Cursed comments have to be truly cursed at their core,” they explain. The mods also value originality, so you should avoid posting comments that have already been dozens (if not hundreds) of times already.
I know how to compose a song but how does decomposing work?
Load More Replies..."Doctor, what do you think will happen after I die?" "We give your hospital bed to another patient."
I made mine for Valhalla though I also have backup reservations for Fólkvangr and Hel. I'll probably just throw those on OpenAfterlife though.
Load More Replies...You go towards a bright light, and you hope that it’s God on the other end of it and not Satan holding a flashlight.
If you're a smoker you don't have to explain much to me because I can smell you a mile away. No offense.
But seriously, as someone with allergies, I had to give a lot of explanations and deal with a lot of looks during the height of COVID.
I do the same and afterward say something like, "Healthy people definitely cough like this."
whenever someone calls me by she/her, i have to inform them that i use he/they/it because im a transmasc demiboy, and that the reason i look like a girl is because im not able to get a haircut, or clothes at the moment, since i haven't come out to my mom yet(because im worried how she will react-)
You know it's interesting, when people stop smoking they cough more (if they quit in time) because the cilia start working again and bring up all of the junk. Don't be an idiot STOP NOW. Cigarettes are the leading cause of hardening of the arteries since it makes your body stop producing the stuff that keeps arteries flexible.
I had a coworker (pre COVID) who was sniffling and snorting. I asked her if she had a cold, not a sinus infection. I do prefer to know if a person has a communicable disease. Smokers cough is not communicable. Let them kill themselves.
I developed Interstial Lung Disease smack in the middle of COVID (unrelated to the virus). Timing was really awkward...
Imagine the children! Imagine the poor bee mother giving birth. Human mother, not so much for the birth but the conception sure would sting. Then the father dies right after it, so she’d end up a single mom.
Load More Replies...I think somebody messed up explaining the whole "Bees and Birds" thing
I guess you could do that if that's what you're into, but you would probably have to tape a bunch of them together. Who's got that kind of time?
BARLO comes to mind. Kaan kaan kaan. And it's tumblr, who can be sure!?!?!?
OK, leaving the dirty bits out, does anyone else find it ironic that someone who has named themselves "foodchewer" despises the single most important pollinator in the world?
If they want to keep chewing, we sure need those bees!
Load More Replies...Which of the comments did you think were the most cursed, Pandas? Are you a big fan of dark humor, or do you prefer your comedy to be on the more mellow side? What’s the weirdest comment that you’ve ever read or written online? Share your thoughts below. Meanwhile, for some more r/cursedcomments weirdness, check out Bored Panda’s earlier posts.
Love it that Arctic means ‘bears’ and Antarctic means ‘not the arctic’! So, ‘not the place that has bears’ 😂
Apparently not true; the Arctic is the place where the Great Bear, ursa major, is always visible and the Antarctic is the place where it never is. The fact that they overlap somewhat with bears' geographic range is happenstance.
Load More Replies...And it is the continent with the highest average IQ. Since mostly scientists "live" there.
Actually I'd say USA. We get to read and hear a lot of insane stuff like school shootings, extreme racism and tin foil hat-gentlemen, but come on, everybody can't be that bad. There has to be a lot of good intelligent people there too. I do know a few of them myself.
its like that scene in a Simpsons episode set in the past grandpa calls it world war 1 and Lenny says why do you keep calling it that he replies "oh youll see"
in french, it was called "la der des der" the last of the last, not very accurate
Load More Replies..."...World War 4 will be fought with sticks."
Load More Replies...Smacks head... It was called the great war. Hitler showed it wasnt that great so they started the numbering thing
No one called it World War I before World War II. It was called the Great War.
Antivaxers didn’t want to be a part of the “experiment” that the they thought vaccines were, not realizing that they in fact were the control group 🤭
My sister said something like that to me the other day. "We're not letting then use our kids to experiment with those Covid vaccines on." I said, "Your kids are in their 30's. You've got no say." She said, "We told them not to so they didn't." I said, "I presume my adult offspring can make adult decisions."
Load More Replies...I'm not agreeing with the statement... it's amazing how long people can live off pure vitriol; had a great-aunt that made everybody's encounters miserable until her 95.
Are we still on this pro-Vax anti-vax c**p? It's over people. Some people that took it lived and some died. Some people that didn't take it lived and some died. Perhaps there were other factors involved.
if your dog had 5 rabies shots and still got rabies you would have some questions
Yes, one monster surrounded by idiots - seems to be a running scenario for us humans.
Sounds good to me. Smokers are unsung heroes, who pay quite a lot on tobacco tax and then do not need much for retirement.
Oh, c'mon, guys; that's rude. It ISN'T the nurses and doctors; who DO fight very hard for you. The cartoon shows nurses. It's the Administrators, Share Holders, and Republicans (all with huge stock portfolios in "health' and Big Pharma) - who milk your last white blood cell.
Load More Replies...They used this image in the NHS (UK) ... 'Fighting for people's lives even though the Govt is underfunding it & gradually selling it off piece by piece to Private USA Healthcare'
Don't worry you can just charge the greaving family (God I hate US healthcare)
You are far from alone! Fortunately, there are plenty of people and organizations fighting the US's f###d up health "care" system.
Load More Replies...Probably? Try 100%. Plus likely having the lost loved one transported to the funeral home 😞 healthcare in the US is so bad
Load More Replies...That went from good to not so good reallyu(LOL I can't type) fast
Turdemort. Did I get that right? I feel like one letter might be wrong, but the overall sound seems so right.
Load More Replies...I was looking for bandages, and then remembered that what you call bandages are what we call plasters, lol. plaster-31...0d-png.jpg
He's been lifting suitcases full of bribes from rich people for almost 39 years now. If he wasn't such a fossil he would do wire transfers like the rest of the Republican aka criminals' party.
Do some research, all politicians are criminals. (bring on the downvotes).
Load More Replies...LOL!!! Thanks! Now I'll never unsee that!
Load More Replies...Boss patting my coffin - "how could you do this to me? we are so short-staffed today"
Well duh, I didn’t sell my kidneys on the black market for shits and giggles
so if we pluralize it, it gets thru the censors? noted! 😉
Load More Replies...LOL, this person hasn't checked the prices of farrier work these days. My horse's shoes cost more than mine do. Like 3X as much! And the horse gets brand new ones every 6 weeks.
I sold my hands for pocket change, but then I couldn't get it out of my pockets.
K, I'll sell myself to Tony Stark see what he will give me for me. "Go ahead Tony, turn me into a bomb and I'll blow Putin off the face of the Earth. It's probably the only way to warm up that chunk of permafrost he's got for a heart. Talk about a monster surrounded by idiots...!
We can totally be friends. Without meeting, though.
Load More Replies...Yes and if it's 1, there's nothing to hold it in place.
Load More Replies...Idk, this Dino looks suspiciously redneck; I say we go for the a bolo tie instead.
I speak Russian, believe me, learn it. Whenever I visit Europe, pickpockets, scammers, etc. move away from you like you are a dragon.
Load More Replies...It's always good to have one German friend who can tell you what the soldiers are REALLY saying in WW2 movies...
Can those German friends understand it? Most US movies where German is spoken butcher the language. I can never understand it. That one scene in Wendsday „shudder“
Load More Replies...Finnish is quite close but it sounds more threatening.
Load More Replies...Son of a B***h. Hijo de puta. Печеный картофель (Pechenyy kartofel')
Saying something in South Africa with a Coloured accent (ask Trevor Noah what that means; he'll explain it nicely, or you can watch his video The Daywalker). "Jou ma se poes." "ExCUSE me?" "Jou ma se VUIL poes." (Etc.)
We used to tease our Belgian roommate because even when she cussed us out in French it still sounded lovely.
As a Mexican person who knows English, has a Russian friend and another friend who speaks Arabic, I can confirm.
this is like when i curse in french and people think i said something in russian lol
and the next day the temperature is taken orally.
Load More Replies...What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste
And no, for the fifth time, the red one is not a thermometer, it's the extinguisher...
"What's the difference between Rectal and Oral thermometers? The Taste,,,
Sometimes I'll kiss my wife's arm while she sleeps if I woke up, but if she's not sleeping deeply them that will wake her and she'll get mad at me.
They forgot to blur the teaser at the top of this post. It was from Jessie Smollet, a journeyman actor from "Empire", and a fool who tried to claim he was attacked by MAGA-Trump thugs who put a noise around his neck --when in actuality he hired two Nigerian dudes to do it, in order to boost his career. Jussie be gone to Nowheresville now, brah.
I think I'd just have to pick a side and do a John Cleese style walk up the stairs!!
I'm short. I'd have to do the Chihuahua Macarena bounce...
Load More Replies...We have them in very old churches, too. As a defence measure. Not against witches, though. Against people with swords.
And they used to be common on ships (the italian name is actually "scala del marinaio", mariner's staircase).
Load More Replies..."Come and get me, witch! You can't climb these stairs! But you can fly up on your broom... oh s**t..."
I was a Wiccan for a few years. Yep, I could not climb those but neither could an Atheist or a Christian or anyone else.
Back in the 80's Chris Tarrant told a tale on his Capital Radio show about a (white ) Irish man telling his mates about his newborn baby. He said that the reason the baby was born black was that his wife had urges to eat liquorice during pregnancy. His mates then sat him down and explained the facts of life to him... 🙀😂🇬🇧
Fox News saved my life - I was in the hospital in a coma, someone changed the channel to Fox and I had to get up to change the channel
Ya, I did that with Kiss the Girls. A couple of chapters in, got up and threw it in the fire. FTS.
Help! What does "g****e" mean? I need some hints here, since it's apparently too dangerous to write out in real time.
Beautiful to see so many of you discovering g****e for the first time. *wipes tear from corner of eye*
And gain a lot of sympathy and empathy for the homeless
Load More Replies...This is 2024 - you don't have to be in there anymore, bear. Be proud of who you are!
this made me smile for the first time all week, well done dude
Load More Replies...Unlike humans, animals are adapted perfectly to their habitat, including the temperature. We humans are only cold because we are tropical animals that are not supposed to live in cold climates.
I live in the UK and I'm nearly always cold. Often wearing 2 or 3 sweaters, etc. I can't understand I didn't know about your comment before today, it explains so much!
Load More Replies..."Jump" may be a bit ambitious for a corpse. Good goal! 😁
Load More Replies...I just want a simple viking funerals, some fjord, a bruning drakkar, only close friends.
Toss me in the ground naked and plant a tree above my corpse.
Load More Replies...I want to be shot out of a distant cannon into my grave. The cannon will go off, and while the people gathered around my grave are thinking, "Was that a cannon?" BLAM! I land right in the hole. Just TRY to forget me after I'm gone...
I just imagined a flying corpse probably overshooting or crashing into someone. That would make it memorable.
Load More Replies...Think ill go with the classic "have friend/family dress as grim reaper and stand silently in the corner of the room"
Holden is a car brand in Australia *sniffs* or at least, it used to be *sobs quietly in a corner*
Yeah, at the end they only sold rebranded Opels avd Chevrolets. Sad.
Load More Replies...During a cricket test match, where Michael Holding was bowling to Peter Willey, the commentator announced that: "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey."
Sadly it never happened, per the Beeb. Though the commentator, Brian Johnston, read out a letter warning him to be careful not to say it. Johnston probably wrote the letter himself: it was signed Tess Tickle. What's that? Fun at parties? I'm glad you think I must be.
Load More Replies...yeah, don't ask that assholee anything. He'll just lie
Load More Replies...The US managed to double India's numbers which is impressive given the disparity in population.
Maybe cause a salad costs $20 while a burger costs $8 and with part time income being barely at a living wage byt bills being %90 of income ppl can only afford cheap fatty meals? 🤷🏼♀️
Someone on Tumblr pointed out this is basically a canonical lore in the Transformers universe. I wasn't brave enough to check.
Just in case you're not kidding: The house that orders a lot of Amazon packages.
Load More Replies...I'm sure all the local ones think I'm a shopaholic, since I got invited onto the vine programme. (no I've no idea HOW you get invited, just got the pop up after leaving a review and been getting lots of free stuff to review since)
Fun fact - dogs will lick just about ANYTHING if you smear peanut butter on it! 😂
Saw a chameleon at a pet store and it reached a little hand out n touched the glass where I placed a finger to say hi 🥹 I felt like I was chosen!
YES DO THAT!! (and just have the chorus from Sonne playing eerily from some unknown location that sounds like its coming from all around.)
Strategically arranged Bluetooth speakers can give you that affect.
Load More Replies...And you can just suddenly turn towards people and roll up to them if they disrespect you.
My brother and sister's father who turned out to not be my father is listed as "faux pas." My early adulthood was like a Maury Povich episode.
Load More Replies...My daughter did that. I'm Spawn Point. Her dad is Loading Screen. Lol
Load More Replies...I was seriously looking at that like "well that's your name, Jennifer. What's the problem??" Then I realized. Oh yeah I keep everyone in my phone by their real name. There's no "mom", "dad" or other nicknames or titles. What's wrong with that?
Well, if you have twins, it'll be two kids, right?
Load More Replies...Both of my kids have me in their phones as Momther. I don't get the joke. Lol
I think he may be the father and the twins his kids? It's common for such parents to say 'my twins'.
Load More Replies...When I took an allergy test the only reaction I had was to the medical tape they used to keep the potential allergens in place
Maybe you're allergic to authority. Test your reaction to red tape too...
Load More Replies...My allergist told me while she was looking my test over, "wow, you're just allergic in general"
Imagine she'd be actually dating her ex husbands sister. That would be ridiculous, right??😉
Missed a detail, he married her as soon as she turned qi.
Load More Replies...Roman empire hey baby are you a gladiator because i wanna fight to death oh no that doesnt work
Roman empire: are you Caesar because you're causing my empire expand in the south.
Load More Replies...How about you and me go Romanov to a private place and see what happens?
"Hey, are you related to Robespierre? Because you are making me lose my head"
Oh no... Actually.... Date: 1/9/1939 A.K.A(for the americans who use the wrong dating system) the 1st of September 1939
As a person with no front pockets, who wants both hands available for snacks, I'll reserve one hand for smacking the hoe caller.
Damn! I've been doing it wrong all my life! * Moves phone to back pocket*
Load More Replies...It's not our fault that women's pants have teeny front pockets, if any at all
This. I only recently learned my work pants have deep front pockets....they were sewn shut for SOME UNGODLY KNOWN REASON
Load More Replies...Hey! Girls are happy to have pockets! Real ones! That aren't like 1 centimeter deep!
As a ranger who has worked at Yellowstone, I am legally required to say DON'T DO THAT
Is it that bad for environment? Because anyone dumb enough to climb in a pool with sign "boiling water, it will kill you" is... well... supposed to die I think. It is like drinking battery acid. The whole warning that should be needed is "sulfuric acid inside", the part "DO NOT DRINK" shouldn't be needed.
Load More Replies...The tourists seem to want to sacrifice themselves enough as it is.
Hey if it holds off the super eruption one more day, it's worth it
Cute story, but most definitely NOT the worst way possible. Not even on the list.
That is a way to go. And being the punchline of a joke just after death is also cool.
Load More Replies...The problem with dying at a strip club while getting a lap dance is that it takes the mortician two weeks to get the smile off your face
After the 24 hours he wasn't straight? Did I read the sentence correctly or not?
Its painful when the cute spaniel comes wagging up to me and I'm "don't pet the puppy, don't pet the puppy, don't pet the puppy"
Happened to my mum waiting for her luggage in Los Angeles. A cute little beagle flopped down next to her handbag. She had forgotten there was an apple in there. Fruit imports into the US are banned.
I love that they use beagles to sniff out food. You couldn't give them a more perfect job! :)
Load More Replies...Many years ago I got very excited when a dog came and sat at my feet while I was entering a music festival. I called it cute and patted it. It was nice. The next couple of hours weren't.
I'm dense. Are you saying you got bitten? Found out you were allergic? It came to you because you'd been roofied and it smelled it? What happened in the next couple hours???
Load More Replies...I liked when they trained dogs to sniff out weed, and then in the states where it was legalized ,they had to untrain them.
Both of them do require a lot of bravery and both of them can f**k up some people mentally
The military usually screws up it's own, strippers usually screw up others.
Load More Replies...I been at army 🪖 and now I think being a stripper is a better option.
I get that it's a joke but some people take the military EXTREMELY seriously.
Duckies, bowling pins,tranquilizer darts and a gun. Wtf, no wonder my bills are so high
Good job censors on blanking “c***s gun”. Not every c**k is d**k; some are verbs, some are chickens
*chambers a projectile shell into the firing position of his combustion weapon*
Yes, the gun - but also: I pity the poor sod who gets ta prescription for these pills while simultaneously counting the blessings that there are no suppositories. And what about the ducks and two bowling pins??
A veterinarian's medical bag for horses contains the same equipment
"Doctor, I'm a little hoarse...No, I said HOARSE! With an A! " *BLAM*
I can't reply to you directly Stumbling, but KC didn't drop the consort, it's tradition to refer to the wife of the King as Queen in general use. The frothing rage at a woman who doesn't even know you're alive is kinda sad though, maybe work through that.
Knew there had to be a reason she lived so long...guess she ran out of page boys though
I don't know whether a handful of Americans (who fought for Independence from Royal Rule), or forelock-tugging Royal-loving Brits that have downvoted my post into oblivion. That woman helped destroy Princess Diana's marriage. Here's another post to downvote (not all Brits are Royalists).
Let's be really honest here. The Queen should never have refused Charles permission to marry Camilla in the first place. She wasn't considered 'suitable' being an experienced woman (FFS). He remained in love with Camilla throughout. The Queen wanted his bride to be a virgin aristo. Queen Elizabeth got to marry her choice and yet prevented her sister and her son from doing so, creating much unhappiness for them both and, inevitably, Diana. Charles was never in love with Diana and it wouldn't have lasted even if Camilla had never existed. They were not remotely compatible and it's naive to pretend otherwise. I am British and not a monarchist, if that's of any relevance. Diana was too emotionally unstable (according to her own friends) to suit Charles who needs someone phlegmatic and capable of ignoring his own emotional outbursts. Unhappy circumstance created out of archaic fixation with a social construct.
Load More Replies...I know one lucky little blonde girl who's about to turn her bare floor into bear floors
After reading the earlier article about women/females, this was a refreshing change. Thanks!
Long time ago i laughed out loud and LOLled multiple times in one post. I even had a rare multiple OLO. You don't see that every day. Hurray for the OP.
After reading the earlier article about women/females, this was a refreshing change. Thanks!
Long time ago i laughed out loud and LOLled multiple times in one post. I even had a rare multiple OLO. You don't see that every day. Hurray for the OP.
