How a person behaves during a surge of feelings varies per person and, often, per situation. Sometimes, caught in emotions, we might say or do something we will grow to regret later. Or, on the contrary, blame ourselves for not responding at all. While some say that the best comeback to an insult or a fight is no comeback at all, it’s not always possible nor desirable. And sometimes, some nasty yet savage comebacks may come out of one's mouth and burn as hot as ice.
In no way do we promote being rude and strongly encourage not engaging in mean behavior instead. However, some humans are natural-born savages with the best comebacks just piping hot and ready to be served at the first opportunity. Hence, the abundance of savage insults and comebacks on the internet. Yet, while we do not encourage you to seek inspiration from there, some of the best comebacks to a rude person are genuinely stone-cold-blooded and, well, impressive. Let's give them that.
Below, we've compiled a list of the best comebacks that would certainly leave any bully or hater speechless. Also, this is some good banter material if your friends get the joke and won't be offended. As long as this witty banter doesn't turn into bullying! Nevertheless, these savage comebacks are a frolic to read, so scroll below and upvote the wildest, most brutal, best comebacks ever!
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I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.
I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.
Somewhere out there, there's a tree working very hard to produce oxygen so that you can breathe.
I think you should go and apologize to it.
It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are.
That’s your parent’s job.
You are like a cloud.
When you disappear it’s a beautiful day.
Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege.
Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons.
They forgot to mention morons.
You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
I’ll never forget the first time we met.
But I’ll keep trying.
You’re not simply a drama queen.
You’re the whole royal family.
Excuse me I'm not any royal family I'm the British one and all of their staff combined
Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?
Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.
Have a nice day, somewhere else.
I love the sound you make when you shut up.
Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
I thought of you today.
It reminded me to take out the trash.
Please, keep talking.
I always yawn when I am interested.
And me putting my head down and snoring loudly means that I agree with you and am very invested in the topic. Duh.
I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
Don’t you get tired of putting make up on two faces every morning?
May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.
I understand everything you said.
I’m choosing to ignore you.
Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.
I’ve been called worse by better.
If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.
Probably would be too dumb to get the joke in the first place.
The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
Feed your own ego.
I’m busy.
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
I like grey sprinkles! And the rainbow ones are GAY sprinkles!!!
You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
You should really come with a warning label.
Don’t blame me for your stupidity.
Take that up with your mom and dad.
It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than open your mouth and prove it.
Save your breath – you’ll need it to blow up your date.
Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?
This is a lose-lose situation for me.
I lose my valuable time and any semblance of compassion I had left.
People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.
Your skin is glowing, but I think it’s from the radiation emanating from your toxic personality.
I’d spell it out for you, but that’s assuming you know your ABC’s.
To make it clearer I brought in the local cheerleading squad to spell it out for you..... Ladies? ...."Gimme a D... Gimme a U... Gimme an M ... Gimme an A.... Gimme an S ... Gimme an S.... Whaddoes it spell ?...
I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.
Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.
The first thing in my head is : it should be . I know someone who could use a brain transplant.
I hear there’s a new app called a sense of humor.
You should try downloading it.
You are the architect of your life.
Unfortunately, the blueprints are messy, written in Mandarin, and waterlogged beyond all recognition. Good luck.
I can’t think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death.
I have used a similar one when I was quite mad at someone. “I have an expensive bottle of champagne set aside for the sole event that is your death. And I hope to open it soon.” This was towards someone that was abusive towards people that I care about. Usually it takes a lot for me to get even slightly angry.
Your only purpose in life is as an organ donor.
I hope you're not an organ donor... it would be a shame to transplant your stupid into an innocent person.
Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.
my close friends have said this about trump and i was like "oh hell yeah i made the right friends"
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
Do you always act like an idiot or do you just show off when I’m around?
If you’re waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch.
It’s going to be a while.
Don't hold your breathe waiting on me to care, you'll just end up passing out due to lack of oxygen
Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results.
Good news – they found your head.
You’re impossible to underestimate.
If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.
I must have been imagining things. For a second there, I thought you made a valid point.
It takes me a lot of effort to smile when you’re around.
I’m sorry I didn’t get that – I don’t speak idiot.
Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?
And unfortunately those are the parents that keep trying to get it "right" multiple times 😫😫😫
Your absence would affect me greatly.
I’d finally get some peace and quiet.
Brains aren’t everything.
In your case they’re nothing.
If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
My favorite is a modified version of this: If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your nose.
I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.
All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.
Were you born on the highway?
That is where most accidents happen.
I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.
You know, you’d be much more likable if it wasn’t for that hole in your mouth that noise comes out of.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
Ignorance is bliss.... The less stupid things come out of your mouth the happier I am.
Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?
There are some remarkably dumb people in this world.
Thanks for helping me understand that.
Earth is full.
Go home.
As a registered whalien I'm legally obligated to be offended by that...but I'm laughing
Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.
I love what you’ve done with your hair.
How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your butt.
Hold still.
I’m trying to imagine you with personality.
The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of “Natural Disasters.”
Your face makes onions cry.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
Grab a straw, because you suck.
I told my therapist about you.
I told my therapist about you... He scheduled extra sessions so he can write a new book.
You’re the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle.
Everyone looks right past you.
I’m not going to repeat myself, but I’m also glad to do anything that prevents you from talking.
I’m surprised your teeth aren’t brown from all that nonsense-talking you do.
The 0.01% of germs are afraid of contracting stupidity from you.
When you were born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your dad:
“I’m very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.”
You’re an unscented candle in a store full of beautiful fragrances.
I wanted to live life without many regrets.
Then I met you.
"without many" hopefully you still have more to fill the quotient :D
You need a kiss on the neck from a crocodile.
You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
Some people hatch into beautiful butterflies.
Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are.
I don’t want to rain on your parade.
I want a typhoon.
I didn’t put garlic over my door because I think you’re a vampire.
It just smells much better than you.
You’re lucky intelligence isn’t measured in negative numbers.
What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.
Just because you have one doesn’t mean you need to act like one.
I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.
You’re like my fridge: always full of yourself yet offering an abundance of empty calories.
Did you know they used to be called “Jumpolines” until your mum jumped on one?
Your mom has become hugely successful...... Damn.... typed that wrong... your mom has become successfully Huge !
The zoo called.
They’re wondering how you got out of your cage?
You see that door?
I want you on the other side of it.
If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.
he's already acting just like a turd; he's not gonna move unless you make him move, and you most likely don't want to touch him without putting on gloves.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?
Don’t get bitter, just get better.
No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be.
I heard your autobiography comes in a roll.... I have it hanging in my bathroom
The amount of meaningful things you’ve done in your life wouldn’t be enough to fill a single page.
They say our brains don’t stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early.
You’re such a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person.
Oh I’m sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.
Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.
You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread.
Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.
The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck.
Are all your friends this stupid as well?
Maybe we can invite them over and, together, you’d constitute one working brain cell.
You’re so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.
I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute.
Care to help?
Don’t place your self-worth in other’s hands.
That being said, allow me to redirect you to the discount section. I found a spot for you.
Don’t worry about me.
Worry about your eyebrows.
You look like a ‘before’ picture.
The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming.
And yes, I’m referring to the mirror as well.
I’ve never had many life goals.
I’m just really grateful I’m not you.
Has anyone ever tried to smack some sense into you?
Allow me to be the first one.
You can't fix stupid but smacking you with a 2 by 4 makes me feel better..
Funny, I don’t remember you raising your hand.
I’m going to call on someone else.
Please raise your hand... Your brain can use all the extra blood it can get..
When they said grow a pair, they didn’t mean for you to have kids.
You'd have to have 2, you couldn't get that blasted silly playing with 1.
I applaud your effort, but I think I’m the only one in the audience.
And I’m leaving early.
Did I hurt your ego? Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo?
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Insulting people for things they are responsible for, like ignorance or character flaws, is one thing. But no civilized person should ever insult anyone for things they can't control, like their physical attributes. This insult is below the belt.
Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.
What’s the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
Should be what they have in common, jokes not landing the punchline with the way it is
A corpse is better company than you.
The truth will set you free. You suck.
Ok, you’re free to go.
The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.
It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.
Your brain is working overtime today. You better pay it extra.
Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable.
Glad I could be of assistance.
Allow me to assist you in never walking again.
You’re so fat you could sell shade.
No, those pants don’t make you look fatter – how could they?
Large and in charge isn’t your excuse to be a fat douchebag.
You’ve got something on your face.
No, not there — everywhere.
I refuse to do fat and yo mumma retorts however l like this one... You're so low you could crawl under the belly of a pregnant snake! Anyone like my final offering??
Actually made it to the end of the list. Why does this have to be sssooo long?
Actually made it to the end of the list. Why does this have to be sssooo long?
