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Ever had a heated online argument with a stranger, only to think of the perfect comeback three days later? Well, on the internet clock, a few days might as well be an eternity, and everyone’s already moved on.
But over on r/clevercomebacks, wasting time is unheard of. With over 2 million members, this subreddit is full of sharp retorts for any situation. At Bored Panda, we’re big fans. So we’ve rounded up the best comebacks they have to offer. Keep reading, you might just find the right response to silence that next awkward comment.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Yep May Be It Is True
The feeling of disappointment when you don’t have a clever reply on the spot actually has a name—it’s called ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’, or ‘staircase wit’. This term was coined by the 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot in his dramatic essay, Paradox of the Actor.
The phrase comes from an incident Diderot had over dinner. “A sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument leveled against him, becomes confused and doesn’t collect his thoughts until he’s at the bottom of the stairs,” the philosopher wrote.
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There’s a reason why we sometimes freeze and struggle to respond when someone says something upsetting. Our body sees it as a social danger and goes into defense mode.
“When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that’s really important to us, our nervous system can get activated,” said psychologist Kerry McBroome for Time Magazine. “The parts of the brain that are responsible for coming up with clever or witty things to say are just not online—they’re nervous and sensing a threat.”
#3
Never Underestimate A Woman
Kristy Marion 1 year ago
Men, you can’t have babies. Sit down when *women’s* reproductive rights are discussed
#4
Found It On Twitter. Hope I Am Not Too Late
Of course, some folks are naturally good at throwing verbal punches and do so whenever they can. But if you need some pointers in that area, blogger and podcaster Myke Macapinlac has tips on how to be more quick-witted and funny.
According to him, one of the first things you should learn is how to stay present in the moment. “Catch yourself when you’re ruminating and remind yourself to slow down your breathing. By doing so, you’ll be able to relax your body and bring yourself back to your current situation,” he advises.
#5
Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him
#6
Just Another Reason To Keep My Purple Hair
If you’re having a conversation, Myke suggests really focusing on what the other person is saying. “It’s much easier to come up with the right things to say when you’re actually listening,” he notes.
#7
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
#8
They Don't Give A Damn
Kristy Marion 1 year ago
I genuinely admire anyone that chooses to join the military to protect their country, however the idolising of Veterans in America never sits well with me. When you stir up patriotism, and putting civil servants on pedestals and paying such a low minimum wage that joining the armed forces is the only way out, yet shoe no care for returning and ex serviceman, except for give them 10% discounts everywhere and a “thank you for your service”, well, it seems to be like big business and corporations are involved somewhere,
#9
Well Then Rip
Another key tip is to stop caring so much. Macapinlac points out, “Most individuals who struggle socially think that all eyes are on them. They’re so afraid of being judged by others that’s why they stifle their personality. To avoid embarrassing themselves, they just remain quiet.”
“Even if you say something silly, I can assure you that people would’ve forgotten about you by the time they get home”. By letting go of this fear, you’ll be more relaxed, which will help you make clever remarks faster.
#11
Keep Your Stick On The Ice
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
Reminds me of that old joke: "We asked people how they view lesbian relationships. The question had to be rephrased after majority of responders answered 'in high definition'."
#12
Love This Guy
Sometimes it’s good to prepare in advance. “Get a piece of paper and take the time to reflect. Think of previous situations where you wanted to say something clever but you weren’t able to. And then, brainstorm some good comebacks that you could’ve said,” the blogger recommends.
#13
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
#14
Not Be A Baby Machine
#15
Oof. That Burn Needs Some Love
It’s also important to manage your emotions. When you’re calm and collected, you come across as more confident. Macapinlac encourages trying out meditation and journaling to be more mindful.
“[This] will allow you to control the way you think. You’ll be able to identify and reframe your limiting beliefs. This will help you become less reactive, especially during stressful moments”.
#16
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
james stevenson 1 year ago (edited)
That's pretty much the best explanation of why we wore face masks I've ever seen.
#17
You're The Problem
#18
Room Temperature IQ
Don’t forget to take inspiration from others. “What better way to improve your sense of humor than by watching more comedy shows and stand-up routines,” Myke says. “Pay close attention to [the comedian’s] material. Notice the timing and delivery of the joke. When something amuses you, ask yourself why by taking a moment to analyze it”.
#19
Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?
General Anaesthesia 1 year ago
The weakest minds need someone, anyone, to look down on for no reason.
#20
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
araT sdrawkcaB 1 year ago
And forgetting your kids birthday 3 years running? I’m adopting your son. You’re fired.
Bored Trash Panda 1 year ago
Right! how do you forget your kids birthday. My son could be living on the freaking moon and I would still bug him on his bday (luckily he is only 11 and lives with me so I just have to walk to his room lol)
Load More Replies... Nitka Tsar 1 year ago
No, they are concerned about what other people will think about them!
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Marianne 1 year ago
How dare he mocking her like that, just because she forgot his birthday 3 times in a row. This happens to everyone, I'm sure she's a great mother apart from that. /s
Anne Roberts 1 year ago
I "forgot" my son's birthday one year when I was sick in the hospital. I will never get over the guilt even though he said he understood because I was so sick. He means the world to me.
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Upstaged75 1 year ago (edited)
"Mom keeps forgetting my birthday - I know, I'll just be gay to get back at her!" It would be a great idea if people had to take an IQ test before they were allowed to procreate.
Elvira Petersen 1 year ago
"get back at me for forgetting his birthday for the past three years". Maybe forget about his preference as easily???
RabidChild 1 year ago
That is a brilliant answer. But, what an awful mom. "He's doing this whole gay thing because I forgot his birthday 3 years in a row because I'm soooo busy and now my Christian friends are gonna laugh at me." Seriously??
keyboardtek 1 year ago
There was one comedian who said about marriage if someone wants to get married and eventually stop having sex with someone, that's their right.
IndigoViolent 1 year ago
"Oh hey, I'm a terrible parent who neglects their kid, but I expect my child to not 'embarrass' me in front of my horrible friends." These people are so un-self-aware that I'm amazed they remember to breathe.
Reddog McGraw 1 year ago
Not sure how not getting Birthday Cake translated to wanting some D ...but who knows?
Lihi Porat 1 year ago
I don't know what's better, "he will not stop being gay" or the fact that his mother forgot his birthday THREE YEARS in a row! You know, I kinda hope it's also his way to get back at her 😂
tjames19701962 1 year ago
God loves EVERYONE! Says that in Matt 7: 1-5. You and your "group" need a little lesson in reading the Bible .
Jungle Empress 85 1 year ago
Ah yes, just like how I chose to be asexually attracted to men. /s
Argie Smith 1 year ago
Honestly, I don't think about it at all and wish people would stop telling me unprompted. I don't go around telling everyone who i sleep with. You do you ok? We can all just be happy.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
They will make fun of you? So your reputation is more important to you than your son's happiness? How can you forget your son's birthday THREE years in a row? My parents have had busy schedules most of their lives, and they have four kids (and six grandchildren). Not once, during my 54 years, has my mother forgotten my birthday.
MrLiesegang 1 year ago
Everything gets censored but not Dickinson? What btw. would be a better surname for the homophobic mother.
Daya Meyer 1 year ago
"He will not stop being gay." Of course, it is a free choice to be gay just to annoy you and to destroy your reputation.
justanotherweirdo 1 year ago
DEAR SON OF BETRAYED: move out, cut off all contact, and maybe put a pride flag bumper sticker on your mom’s car while she’s at church.
Purple_bio 1 year ago
i ain't reading this anymore, hi, i'm agander, femboy and demisexual, grew up christian, can confirm, NO ONE CARES, as long as you are respectful they don't really give a dam most of the time, i don't like christians but some are alright this lady is going the way that i want to do crimes against humanity, but most christians don't care remember that, if you come out just keep being you
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
The only time I'd be concerned about my child's sexuality would be if I found out s/he was a pedo. But this woman, who can't even remember her own son's birthday, is really more concerned about her own reputation. Proof that giving birth doesn't make one a mother.
Cyndielouwhoo 1 year ago
It's rather telling that they know they've ignored his birthday for years, plus this BS, wouldn't be surprised if that kid cut ties after leaving home.
AlpacaLunch 1 year ago
Forgot his birthday 3 years in a row! Stop reading a newspaper, try a calendar..
Gabriele Alfredo Pini 1 year ago
Except whene a man told us that it is simple to change orientation: he is normally attracted to men but choose to be attracted by women. A very sad story.
Eric Williams 1 year ago
Someday, homosexuality won't be so fashionable then all gay people will go back to being gender normal...just sayin'...heh...
Doofnuts 1 year ago
The only problem I've had with all this sexuality stuff was recently. All of a sudden there was all this screaming and pushing stuff down everybodies throat, which I really kind of found difficult to deal with. Never cared before, now, well------
XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 1 year ago
I'm not going to downvote you because free will and all that, but I genuinely want to ask why you are bothered by a group of people asking to be heard? Instead of thinking about it as something negative being "crammed down your throat," think of it as, while we still have a long way to go, isn't it amazing that we are at a time when people of many orientations feel comfortable being open about how they love.
Load More Replies... #21
Why Don't You Stand Up For Yourself?
However, if you’re around someone you want to build a lasting relationship with, be considerate and don’t say things that could ruin someone’s day. “If you want to learn how to be witty and funny, always leave people better than before you met them.”
#22
Some Good Luck!
#23
Thank You Andy Wang!
#24
It Was Social Distancing Haha
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
I thought dinosaurs were just a prank of Satan's, since the world is only 6000 years old.
Lastly, be patient with yourself and make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. “The more you practice, the better you’ll be at bantering with people,” Myke concludes.
#25
Definitely Atheists That Do This
Andy Frobig 1 year ago
How about killing and subjugating whole continents for not being atheist?
#26
I Understand Completely
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Burning people alive? Yep, that sounds exactly like organized religion to me! Leave people alone when they're not of your faith? Nope! Gotta convert them! Oh, wait, they're unwilling to be converted? Better kill them!
#27
Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It
The.Butterfly.Effect.530 1 year ago
Goodwill does this... just one more reason to not take your business there.
So next time, we hope you have the confidence and quick wit to deliver that perfect comeback. Stay sharp!
#28
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
Jack Burton 1 year ago
It could be cool if they do. Imagine hiking and then something jump from a tree branch yelling Squiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirel !!!
#29
Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???
#30
British Museum
#31
Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
#32
Look Before You Leap
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
God gave us brains so we could use them. If He didn't want us to learn how to prevent and cure disease, how to enhance the lives of the disabled, to fix what is broken, He wouldn't have given us brains!
#33
I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before
#34
Stealing The Rainbow
#35
Separate Payments
#36
Big Footprints To Fill
#37
Education Is Vitally Important, After All
detective miller's hat 1 year ago
I have met brick walls that are more sentient than Marjorie Taylor Greene.
#38
Bless This Woman
#39
Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?
Anya Beboop 1 year ago (edited)
I do to get groceries without a large crowd and lines.Also allergic to the sun.
#40
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
#41
Comeback
Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
Don't wear clown shoes when walking over hot coals! It creates a huge carbon footprint.
#43
Comeback
Stardust she/her 1 year ago
The hymen can tear without sexual activity. Sometimes you’re not even born with it. The hymen isn’t like one of those freshness seals
#44
Simple Math To Hard
#45
Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?
Jack Burton 1 year ago
Why don"t they go full amish and live like old pioneers, these stupid just want the modern world with our way to see the world. How crazy.
#46
True Perfection Has Been Achieved
#47
Comeback
Little Wonder 1 year ago
I saw a photo of one of those lockdown rhymes they're teaching kindergarten kids in case of active shooter, and someone replied "Sure, we have to be prepared for any natural disaster" and the mere fact this person considers an active shooter to be an unavoidable natural disaster says a LOT about the mindset of a lot of (not all of) Americans.
#49
I Hate Anti-Maskers
#50
Old But Gold
#51
Useless Trees
#52
Atheists, Christians And Cats
#53
Both Magnus Carlsen And I Can Play Chess
#54
Cry Me A River That Flows 5 M/S²
#55
Comeback
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
Well, to be fair, Walmart is always rearranging the shelves.
#56
Not Mine But On Point
#57
Common Sense Is Really Rare These Days
#58
Morning Coffee vs. Morning People
#59
Bill Burr Everybody
#60
Elite Finish
james stevenson 1 year ago
"The day I'm asked to contribute evenly I'm outta here!" (Who am I to talk though?)
#62
Comeback
#63
Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight
Chihuahua Mama 1 year ago
Being female is the "default" so if something is wrong with the expression of the Y chromosome, the body defaults to making female characteristics, if I'm not mistaken
#64
"Markets Unable To Adapt To New Generation Of Consumers"
Content Wombat 1 year ago
My brother had dogs all his adult life and he always refused to feed any of them that rubbish marketed as "dog food". He either cooked the meat for them or fed them it raw. Miss ya bro ;(
#65
So Easy To Say
Anya Beboop 1 year ago (edited)
This also assumes you can live in an area fit for kids playing outside.
#66
Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
I'm 28 and I still feel like a child myself, me not having children is in everybody's best interest.
#67
They Must Have Had A Religious Exemption
#68
Another Reason To Love The Beatles
#69
Better Hope His House Doesn't Catch On Fire!
#70
Damn... Guess My Opinion Is Invalid
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago (edited)
The oppressor doesn't get to define oppression. Offence can only call the fouls if participating in the game is optional.
#71
That’s My Gender
james stevenson 1 year ago
Well, that's a new one. How will it be represented in the LGBT+ acronym?
#72
The Only Reasonable Response
#73
Got Roasted By A Police Twitter
#74
Simple, Yet Effective
#75
When You Get Shot Down By Facts
Louise Clarke 1 year ago
the brightness of the sun reflected off snow is the reason the first versions of sunglasses (called snow glasses) were invented by the Inuit.
#76
I Mean They've Got A Good Point
columbokateUK 1 year ago (edited)
Lawrence Fox is such a twat. What on earth did Billie see in him?!!
#79
That Makes Sense
#80
The Greatest Genius Of Our Time
#81
German History Lesson
#82
He's Not Wrong
troufaki13 1 year ago
Is it the same person who said that she can't stand it when men use umbrellas?
#83
Most Of Us Are Too
Anony Mouse 1 year ago
According to this picture, he may have had an umbilical hernia. Hope he got that looked at.
#84
Careful What You Say
#85
He Makes A Good Point
Brain-In-A-Vat 1 year ago
An abortion clinic is a medical facility, whereas a church is a book club . . .
#86
Climate Change Is Not Real Guys!!!
#87
A Punchline From Twitter, Does This Count As A Meme?
james stevenson 1 year ago (edited)
Why am I watching youtube on my laptop while I'm eating at the table? (also upvote for Hitchhikers Guide reference)
#88
They're With Him, Alright
#89
I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!
#90
Depression vs. Asthma
#91
This Always Makes Me Laugh
Premislaus de Colo 1 year ago
I would enjoy this comeback more if it did not come from these horrible people...
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Ace 1 year ago
Again? Pretty sure all of these were included the last time this list was posted.
Vincent Bevort 1 year ago
Why do you think this site is called Bored panda. To get bored!
Load More Replies...
Jack Burton 1 year ago
Some are really great and it was funny even if i knew them, but yeah that was a lot of repost, most of these date from 2020 covid stuff
CanadianDimes 1 year ago
Nothing funny has happened since then. It is known 😆
Load More Replies...
Jeroen de Wijn 1 year ago
Wow Oleksandra Kyryliuk, what a treasure trove of Covid-era funny posts. So refreshing. May I suggest some Y2K humour for your next hit article?
Multa Nocte 1 year ago
Agreed, but not the exact same ones again, please.
Load More Replies...
Kare Deter 1 year ago
I'm starting to believe that all these BP 'writers' are just AI making up fake bios and scraping old post, other sites putting together stuff that kinda fits into a grouping that will certainly change its title at LEAST once - if not more as people point out the title doesn't quite fit.
StankleBerry 1 year ago (edited)
So the Asian name W'a.n,g needs to be censored. Pretty sure that is racist.
Ace 1 year ago
Again? Pretty sure all of these were included the last time this list was posted.
Vincent Bevort 1 year ago
Why do you think this site is called Bored panda. To get bored!
Load More Replies... Jack Burton 1 year ago
Some are really great and it was funny even if i knew them, but yeah that was a lot of repost, most of these date from 2020 covid stuff
CanadianDimes 1 year ago
Nothing funny has happened since then. It is known 😆
Load More Replies... Jeroen de Wijn 1 year ago
Wow Oleksandra Kyryliuk, what a treasure trove of Covid-era funny posts. So refreshing. May I suggest some Y2K humour for your next hit article?
Multa Nocte 1 year ago
Agreed, but not the exact same ones again, please.
Load More Replies... Kare Deter 1 year ago
I'm starting to believe that all these BP 'writers' are just AI making up fake bios and scraping old post, other sites putting together stuff that kinda fits into a grouping that will certainly change its title at LEAST once - if not more as people point out the title doesn't quite fit.
StankleBerry 1 year ago (edited)
So the Asian name W'a.n,g needs to be censored. Pretty sure that is racist.
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