A good cook knows that recipes can be often treated as guidelines. However, many a bad cook has a similar line of thinking, just with a vastly different outcome. Now, knowing you are a bad cook is one thing, but a poor craftsperson will blame their tools, up to and including recipes.
The “I Didn't Have Eggs” online community gathers the bewildering and somewhat infuriating online recipe reviews of people who for some ungodly reason decided to make terrible ingredient substitutions, then went online to rant about the recipe. So get comfortable, upvote the best (or worst) posts, and comment your thoughts below.
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This Guy Gets It
Cindy Is Tired Of Your Questions
"4 Cups Of Apple Cider Vinegar To 2 Bottles Of Wine Was Absurd." Yes It Was
While many of these are humorous, except perhaps for the poster of the recipe, the amount of culinary ignorance on display can be a bit frightening if you have a dietary restriction for whatever reason. Some people just do not know that surprise, surprise, eggs are not vegan and will happily serve baked goods to vegans who would be none the wiser. This is, perhaps, why some people will simply refuse to eat anything they have not cooked themselves.
The same is just as true for religious dietary restrictions. While, for example, the prohibition on pork, found in Judaism and Islam is pretty well known, some might not understand the variety of products that come from a pig that isn’t just meat. Gelatin, for example, which incidentally is often also not vegan, to the despair of a vegan trying to make smores for the first time.
Substitution Poetry!
The Best Review Yet
I Wish You Would Shut Up
While it might seem strange to deviate from a recipe if you are going through the trouble of finding one in the first place, it’s important to remember that in the age of the internet, the recipe might be from an entirely different continent. US recipes will often mention certain name-brand products that one can’t find elsewhere. All cuisine is based on the best utilization of the products that are actually on hand, so any good cook will make substitutions regularly.
No Mention Of Corn In A Mexican Crema Recipe
Reading This One Activated My Flight Or Fight Response
So many of these people have 2 brain cells fighting for their lives
Big Brain Baking
This is just as true if one has a dietary restriction. Vegans, for example, are no doubt used to regularly modifying recipes and often enjoy good food just as much as everyone else. And as “modern” as some might think it is, there have been vegan substitutions for some items for not just decades, but over a thousand years. For example, “mock duck,” an alternative to duck meat, has existed in China since the 7th century.
I Haven't Made It Yet 🙄
Recipe For A London Broil Marinade. There Indeed Is No Pepsi Or Coke
Oh Kimica 🤦learn To Understand Directions Please
“So I wasted 6 cups of milk because I can’t read. Thanks a lot, me.” There, I fixed it.
If one considers tofu as a meat substitute and not just a foodstuff in its own right, then “vegan meat” dates back to around 200 BCE, giving it considerably more pedigree than entire recipes and national cuisines. And it’s not just limited to East Asian food, there are ancient Greek sources that describe mock anchovies made from boiled and shredded turnips, mixed with oil and salt.
Yes, Cumin Beef Tastes Like Cumin
This Was On A Recipe For Peach Ice Cream
Thanks For Your Life Story!
In fact, while often overlooked, meat alternatives were also quite popular in Medieval Europe, as people who participated in Lent would abstain from meat, eggs, and dairy products. As one can imagine, there was not a vegan section at the grocery store, nor a grocery store in general, so people had to be clever about what they ate over lent, as just bread might get exhaustingly boring quite soon.
Christopher Has Had Enough Of Reading About Other People's Substitutions
Do You Even Know What A Potato Is? 1 Star!
I’m Not Sure If This Counts But It Made Me Laugh
This sort of reminds me of how I spent years being really confused about iced tea, thanks to a kid’s book I had when I was young. I thought it was tea with icing floating on top, like a iced bun.
Milk substitutes are perhaps just as old, though one needs to keep in mind that these aren’t one-to-one with dairy substitutes. One can’t exactly make cheese out of oat milk, for example. However, soy milk and coconut milk have been used in lieu of milk for around a thousand years in India, China, and Southeast Asia. So the “soy” part of an often derided “soy latte” is considerably older than the latte.
Geoffrey Doesn't Like Full English Breakfast
This Bourbon Chicken Recipe Review
"The Recipe Is Bad Because I Undercooked It" Absolute Savage Response
Setting aside dietary restrictions, it’s important to always remember that before readily available refrigeration and containerization technology, in most places recipes and cuisine were built around availability, which is ultimately influenced by everything from geography, weather, and the season, as well as social class. So many world-class cuisines, as we know them today, were built of changes and substitutions. Imagine Italian cuisine before the tomato, or Central and Eastern Europe, before the potato, both of which had to be brought in from the Americas.
I’m Better At Traditional Chinese Cooking Than The Traditional Chinese Cook
Why Do You Have This Much Free Time??
This Recipe For Thanksgiving Stuffing
This is all to say that substitution and improvisation is the cornerstone of nearly every delicious thing we have ever eaten. However, there is a fine line between genius and madness, one which is readily visible here. From horrifically misunderstanding basic instructions to a complete lack of knowledge about an ingredient, some of the options by these home cooks baffle the mind.
I Found This Gem On A Caramel Ice Cream Recipe And I Am So Glad I Did
I don't think this one deserves mockery. They're fully admitting it was their own fault, and providing information many people might not know. Homemade caramel gets really really hot! I make it at least once a year and still manage to forget this on occasion. Can't tell you how many times I've burnt the unholy hell out of my tongue trying to taste the stuff too soon.
Things Are Getting Tense In This Banana Bread Recipe's Comments Section
"I changed everything about the recipe and it was delicious. 5 stars." These comments happen too often 😂
Ritzchef Is All Of Us
These posts are great, because they often also present the recipe itself, or at least excerpts from it, which allows us to gauge if there was something unclear or poorly written in the recipe itself. Spoiler alert, most of the examples here are so simple and clear, a child could follow them, just not, it seems, the average home cook/netizen.
Amy Out There Fighting The Good Fight
This Person Added An Unnecessary Egg And Got Mad The Cake Was Ruined
This is too familiar. I tried cracking an egg on what was aperfect pb&j sndwich. It added nothing. The egg was so runny and the bread got soggy. Need to stop arbitrarily adding eggs to things...
On A Post For A Homemade Peach Cake
From "Homemade Peach Cake" to "Store-bought Strawberry Cake"
Everyone makes mistakes, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Similarly, many of us have “bright” ideas that in reality turn out to be utter nonsense. Most of the time, a wise person will note the mistake and move on. These geniuses here, instead, decided to publicly share the nonsense that was going through their heads, no doubt in the belief that they are incredible cooks and could not have made a mistake. And if you want to see other “genius” cooks in action, look no further and check out our other article here.
Amber Doesn't Bother To Read, And Gets Schooled By The Recipe's Author
On A Recipe For Vegan Peanut Butter Frosting
French Toast. With Tortilla. And Aquafaba. And Cumin
No Substitutions (As Far As We Know) But A Wild Ride
Maybe skip the Ambien, since you are cooking in your sleep as a result?
Can I Make The Sugar Spread Without Sugar?
Just Devastated That Mayonnaise Doesn’t Make Good Frosting. But I Still Ate It
Translation: It’s A Frittata, You Twit
Recipe Is Missing Peanut Butter
When Recipes On The Internet Should Know That You’re Prediabetic, And Should Reflect As Much
So Tasty It Sent My Dog To The Hospital. Definitely The Recipe's Fault. One Star
Baking Soda, Baking Powder. Potato Potahto
I learned this one the hard way in Home Ec class, where we were required to at least taste everything we made. We encountered baking powder for the first time in a recipe for muffins, and assumed it was an error because we’d never heard of it, and so used baking soda instead. Our muffins didn’t rise, and came out like hard, dry hockey pucks. We all tasted as required then tossed the rest out. We were lucky our teacher recognized our error and explained it to us. I know I never made that mistake again, and I assume my teammates never did, either. That was a good (hard, dry) learning experience!
Big Hot Oil Mess
Didn't Read Directions, Got Food Poisoning
What Happened Here Is Truly A Mystery
I Think They Should Reread Their Review
I Didn’t Follow The Directions
Not The Recipe's Fault
Cindy Is Not Happy About The Use Of Eggs In Baked Goods
Amazing how God took his time to teach her all this b.s.. Or maybe she did not listen well.
I spent 10 years in Lutheran school and can't remember Jesus' guac recipe. Now, for the life of me I can't find it in the Gospels.
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These people DO realize that plants were once alive, too, but by the time they are cooked that they are then 'cooked dead food'? No... too much to wrap a brain around that's already too busy memorizing other people's soundbites.
Also, seeds are the means by which plants reproduce, so one could argue they are equivalent to an egg.
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(Rant Warning) also all this "dairy and meat is bad for you" in my opinion sounds like absolute trash. Apparently we are not to eat meat even though we can and we are literally omnivores. According to research, alzeimers is caused by abnormal buildup of protein in and around brain cells, not by dairy and meat with sugar. There is bacteria used in creating yoghurt, and that has vitamins, calcium and protein. If you want to talk about dead cooked food, we have the whole span of vegetables and fruits, because the moment you uproot or pick something, it immediately starts to rot because it is unalived. Changes its molecular structure? Doesn't feed us correctly? I don't have any information to throw at this but in my opinion this lady's beliefs are horribly flawed. (Sorry if you guys don't like this, the thing is this post for me is triggering at the opinions of some people.)
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Not sure why we have teeth specifically designed to tear meat then!? Veggies just don't offer much resistance lol
We've also evolved to produce enzymes specifically to digest proteins-the pancreas makes protease for that. That wouldn't have happened if it wasn't needed.
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I've never heard that products made with lactic acid fermentation or yogurt are bad for your health. Cow's milk yogurt maybe if you happen to be lactose intolerant.
Eggs are 'chicken periods' is hands down the funniest thing I'm ever going to read in my entire life...ever. I'm seriously considering tattooing it on my hand so whenever I'm blue I can read it and feel better.
It has been proposed by numerous anthropologists that eating animal proteins and fats in addition to plants greatly contributed to our increased brain size and complexity (compared to other primates). It's a shame to see that all those hundreds of thousands of evolution was wasted on some people.
God clearly HASN’T taught her “much about food,” and what little she’s learned she didn’t understand. Moreover, whatever she learned about “alziehemers” (sic) and her “digestive track” (sic) she didn’t understand and much of it seems wrong; she needs to learn to check on the authority of the writers she reads, and to double-check that what she’s learned is correct in the first place. Assuming that everything you read is written by an actual authority and is correct is INSANE. (This is the reason we have 🫏🕳️ shouting about vaccines and autism, “poison” in our cosmetics, and so on: because folks with low/no cognitive abilities believe 🐎 💩 they read on the net.) It breaks my heart that we have pretty much ALL info known to mankind at our fingertips and yet still a massive, MASSIVE number of fools believing and spouting c**p. 😰💔💔💔
because its more fun to live your life like a stick in the mud than enjoy anything you want and be happy because once you're dead you can't try the things you never did.
Does anybody else want to watch "101 Reasons to be a Vegetarian" with me, just to see if Cindy's point is even valid?
it’s going to be a rude awakening if this person ever learns how our bodies ingest nutrients
So in conclusion, eggs=chicken periods and when mixed with sugar they cause Alzheimer’s. Yep sounds about right, Cindy
Oh goodness - she’s one of those people who don’t understand what they are trying to talk about by regurgitating other people’s nonsense.
I'mma say that eggs are technically chicken ovulation but ok
She would be horrified to know about her little friends in her tummy. Here is my stance. The more vegans the better, more steak for me!
She learned everything she knows about food from a 2000 year old book written by men who didn't even know where the sun went at night.
Other than the occasional crack indulgence this person seems very healthy conscious.
Ummm...Eggs are not dairy. Chickens don't get periods because they don't have a uterus that sheds it's lining. Sugar naturally occurs in fruit. Bacteria is in and on everything. Bacteria is necessary for our health and ability to digest food.
Miss Cindy might wish to check her Bible again. Specifically, Acts 10:9-16.
I misread that as "spinach, Charizard, leeks..." and it only made it better.
Eggs are not chicken periods, they are chicken abortions. Tasty, tasty chicken abortions....
No they're not. There's nothing that was ever alive in the eggs that we eat. Period is a not totally accurate but close descriptor
Load More Replies... If God taught you "much about food" then you would know that some animals were put here by Him to eat. Who knows who your God is though so maybe He didn't 😁
On A Vegan Yorkshire Pudding Recipe
Recipe Calls For 1 Teaspoon Of Red Chili Paste
How did they get from 1 teaspoon to 2 1/2 cups? And they said that’s all they had on hand so presumably they thought they were supposed to add more! At least next time they’re only going to add a cup
Note: this post originally had 89 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
Pet peeve: People who give a recipe 5 stars BEFORE they make it, saying oh boy this looks good!
or 1 star because they're on a diet and how DARE you post anything containing sugar where they can see it?! you know they can't eat anything with oxalates!
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Why do these make me blind with rage? More than almost any other kind of "stupid people" post. And why do I keep reading them?
I read them because it made me feel great about my cooking abilities LOL
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It amazes me how many people think that just because two things look similar, they can be substituted for one another. No, mayonnaise and heavy cream are not mutually substitutable. Nor are Coke and soy sauce.
Patrick: "Squidward, is mayonnaise an instrument?"
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So, I have post this video of my favorite news clip ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQAauVu2sTg All of the news anchors were supposed to make and bring their favorite holiday recipe/treat for the studio and present it on air. This woman, Leslie, brought in this disaster of an artichoke dip (she openly says 'it did not work out'). She starts talking about how she didn't have lemon so she substituted with an orange and threw random spices in, all while her coworkers are gagging and choking down this horrible concoction. It is one of my favorite videos of all time!
Truly their mistake for thinking everyone is capable of cooking 🤣
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/r/ididnthaveeggs is one of my favorite subreddits. It always makes me giggle on rough days and I have managed to stumble upon some really great recipes while hunting down the originals to see how someone could mess up so epically.
I think all recipe websites that give you the possibility to write a review, should make 2 different sections: one for actual reviews, and one for other comments. If you haven't tried the recipe yet, or you substituted ingredients and didn't like the end result, you're not allowed to write in the review section, but you can write something in the comment section. Because some recipe writers might enjoy reading those things like "haven't tried yet, but sounds great!", and your experiences with substituting could possibly be useful for others who are thinking about substituting the same thing. But they should never ever be in the review section, messing up the average number of stars. And if you write it there anyway, you have to go stand on Legos as punishment.
These are a whole new level of genius, spelled G-E-E-N-Y-U-S.
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This kind of sh*t just does my head in. Like, you would be seriously dangerous IF YOU COULD F*CKING READ.
First thing you do when trying a new recipe is to read it, read again, gather ingredients and utensils, measure and then read a third time before you start. I have a good mental picture of what I'm going to do before I light the stove. It's like half the reviewers didn't know how to read. I'm amazed at people's utter stupidity. While most would consider me a good cook, even my non- cooking husband would know better than do what many of the reviewers did. Yes, substitute black beans for kidney beans, pumpkin pie spice for nutmeg, kale for spinach or oatmeal for breadcrumbs as a meat binder. These reviewers should just order takeout.
I so wish you had a link for the recipes. I would love to try some of them. Great article
I enjoyed this b/C in the 1980/90's we were told to limit fat then sugar, so we messed around with every recipe to be "healthy". So many disasters. The whole time we ate magarine full of trans fats to be healthy.
I found the real pic that meme came from. The blonde smiling lady with a ponytail. Near the register at almost every dollar general sits a carpet cleaning machines set up. You can rent carpet cleaners and buy the juices that go in them. On the side of this display, is the picture of this woman.
(it was at the front of this post, now I don't see it. But it's the one where she smiles funny and then it's a close up if her face.)
Load More Replies... Pet peeve: People who give a recipe 5 stars BEFORE they make it, saying oh boy this looks good!
or 1 star because they're on a diet and how DARE you post anything containing sugar where they can see it?! you know they can't eat anything with oxalates!
Load More Replies... Why do these make me blind with rage? More than almost any other kind of "stupid people" post. And why do I keep reading them?
I read them because it made me feel great about my cooking abilities LOL
Load More Replies... It amazes me how many people think that just because two things look similar, they can be substituted for one another. No, mayonnaise and heavy cream are not mutually substitutable. Nor are Coke and soy sauce.
Patrick: "Squidward, is mayonnaise an instrument?"
Load More Replies... So, I have post this video of my favorite news clip ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQAauVu2sTg All of the news anchors were supposed to make and bring their favorite holiday recipe/treat for the studio and present it on air. This woman, Leslie, brought in this disaster of an artichoke dip (she openly says 'it did not work out'). She starts talking about how she didn't have lemon so she substituted with an orange and threw random spices in, all while her coworkers are gagging and choking down this horrible concoction. It is one of my favorite videos of all time!
Truly their mistake for thinking everyone is capable of cooking 🤣
Load More Replies... /r/ididnthaveeggs is one of my favorite subreddits. It always makes me giggle on rough days and I have managed to stumble upon some really great recipes while hunting down the originals to see how someone could mess up so epically.
I think all recipe websites that give you the possibility to write a review, should make 2 different sections: one for actual reviews, and one for other comments. If you haven't tried the recipe yet, or you substituted ingredients and didn't like the end result, you're not allowed to write in the review section, but you can write something in the comment section. Because some recipe writers might enjoy reading those things like "haven't tried yet, but sounds great!", and your experiences with substituting could possibly be useful for others who are thinking about substituting the same thing. But they should never ever be in the review section, messing up the average number of stars. And if you write it there anyway, you have to go stand on Legos as punishment.
These are a whole new level of genius, spelled G-E-E-N-Y-U-S.
Load More Replies... This kind of sh*t just does my head in. Like, you would be seriously dangerous IF YOU COULD F*CKING READ.
First thing you do when trying a new recipe is to read it, read again, gather ingredients and utensils, measure and then read a third time before you start. I have a good mental picture of what I'm going to do before I light the stove. It's like half the reviewers didn't know how to read. I'm amazed at people's utter stupidity. While most would consider me a good cook, even my non- cooking husband would know better than do what many of the reviewers did. Yes, substitute black beans for kidney beans, pumpkin pie spice for nutmeg, kale for spinach or oatmeal for breadcrumbs as a meat binder. These reviewers should just order takeout.
I so wish you had a link for the recipes. I would love to try some of them. Great article
I enjoyed this b/C in the 1980/90's we were told to limit fat then sugar, so we messed around with every recipe to be "healthy". So many disasters. The whole time we ate magarine full of trans fats to be healthy.
I found the real pic that meme came from. The blonde smiling lady with a ponytail. Near the register at almost every dollar general sits a carpet cleaning machines set up. You can rent carpet cleaners and buy the juices that go in them. On the side of this display, is the picture of this woman.
(it was at the front of this post, now I don't see it. But it's the one where she smiles funny and then it's a close up if her face.)
Load More Replies...