“I Can’t ‘Just Give It A Go’”: 30 Pieces Of Advice That Fall Flat For People With ADHD
There is an entire industry around providing productivity advice and tips and tricks to get tasks done. Indeed, Bored Panda has featured some bits of advice, from things people wished they had known earlier, to absurd, out-of-touch recommendations from baby boomers.
But one netizen with ADHD came to the realization that this disorder made a lot of common tips and tricks irrelevant. So they asked the internet to share their similar examples. So get comfortable as you scroll through and be sure to upvote your favorite examples. If you have any of your own, feel free to share them in the comments section below.
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Also … take breaks. Like this sounds lovely but if I’m on a roll I should stay on it. Taking a break means I’ll probably never come back to what I was doing
I had a boss who was very lovely and insisted I actually took my breaks. She did eventually learn that the best way was to remind me of the time, and let me finish up what I'm doing, but it took a long time to get her trained that I can't just drop everything, because I'd never get back into it.
“Go and sit in a quiet room with no distractions”
But Mother, I AM the distraction!
While often associated with children, there are many adults who do at least exhibit symptoms of ADHD, even if they have not been diagnosed with it. The real numbers may remain vague, as studies show that many adults who were diagnosed with ADHD in their forties were identified as having it between the ages of 11 and 15.
In North America and Europe, where researchers have more data to work with, the estimates range from three to five percent of the population, of which less than ten percent were formally diagnosed at a young age. If this proportion holds for the rest of the world, then perhaps five percent of the human population has ADHD, of which the majority would be male.
“Just be yourself”
Um, no. I’m hyperactive, hyperverbal, impulsive, and extremely loud. Better advice is to read the room, pause, try to model social behavior, and pace myself.
As q oarent of a kid (almost 23 now), this by itself is bad advice. Coupled with the advice on the bottom, it's good. Yes, doing all this is important, but so is being yourself. Curb the actions you don't want to express (volume, talking, etc) , but don't smother your personality.
Clear away your clutter so you have a clean workspace. Ma’am/Sir, the moment that thing goes out of sight, it ceases to exist. Then I will waste time, energy, and/or money recreating it when I need it.
I do need a clean workspace to function, but if it is not just right, that is almost worse. And then still, the out of site out of mind is real.
"Just get up & try", in terms of task paralysis.
FYI, non-ADHD people: I'm not procrastinating. I'm not being lazy. I'm not ignoring you.
I am literally *unable to function* due to my brain's inability to organise & prioritise. I can't "just give it a go"; I am literally paralysed by the stress of the number of minor actions I'm going to have to follow in order to complete this "simple task" you're talking about.
I once tried to explain to my mum that progressively shouting at me louder & louder did *not* in fact help my task paralysis, & actually made it much worse.
She then told me that I'm "wrong", & that her shouting at me is meant to "snap me out of it".
I couldn't tell my son "clean your room", because that was too overwhelming. I literally had to list each task to be done separately. Pick up trash & throw away. Put dirty clothes in hamper. Put clean clothes in dresser. Etc. Took longer, but he didn't get overwhelmed , freeze up or freak out. A small break after 20-30 minutes helped, too.
One of the rarer cases where “general advice” and “advice for folks with ADHD” intersect is when it comes to physical activity. Aerobics in particular has been found to be an effective add-on to ADHD medication in children and also it can help adults focus for longer periods of time.
When it comes to cleaning: Just do a little bit at a time. That’s not how my brain works. I’m either glued to the chair, or I’m cleaning for at least an hour.
Any that essentially boils down to “so I know you have a disorder that makes it hard to self-regulate, but have you tried self-regulating?”
For children, the effects are even more visible. Besides simply being healthy for the body, kids that aerobic exercise alongside other treatments were found to have a host of improvements, from increased behavior and motor abilities to faster information processing speed, and better memory, which is pretty important for people with ADHD, as they can tell you themselves.
Basically any advice that wasn’t written by an adhd person. My least favourites are the ones around habits.
“Just do something at the same time, for the same amount of time, every day for 21 days until it becomes a habit!”
Dude, I can’t do something at the same time every day for two days in a row, what makes you think I can do 21.
It’s especially frustrating because I wish I could. There are things I want to learn and skills I want to develop, but consistency does not exist in my reality.
I made a habit of going to the gym for 1 & half years straight. Lost 18 Kgs, Felt awesome, and then I hit a weight loss plateau, lost my motivation & its been a year since that and I've gained 10 kgs back. I feel the worst. There is no consistency in ADHD. There is no forming a habit.
I think the idea of rewarding yourself after a task is a flawed one for us ADHDers. My brain just thinks "well I can just have this reward now" so because of my impulsivity I reward myself regardless of doing the task or not. I stumbled upon the concept after reading the book "Atomic Habits" by James Clear, which at first I thought was a very good book but it just doesn't apply to people with ADHD.
It does work for some kids when their parents are doling out the rewards. Work on your homework for (X minutes), reward of (X minutes) doing [whatever]. Son would save his rewards (gaming time) to use together once he was finished (jrhs & hs). Worked for him, but not on daughter. Every kid is different.
I’ve been a night owl since I was literally born and most school nights I would lay in bed tossing and turning all night til the sun came up. This caused me to miss a lot of school because I was constantly exhausted and the only advice I got for it was “go to bed earlier!” Always after me saying I couldn’t fall asleep until 6-7 am despite laying in bed all night. A lot of people seriously just don’t understand or care how adhd actually affects you.
DUDE. THIS IS SOOOOOO MEEEEE. I'VE MADE MY ROOM DARK AND COOL AND I CAN THROW MY PHONE AWAY BY 8 PM BUT STILL I WILL BE TOSSING AND TURNING AND MY BRAIN WILL NOT GO TO SLEEP TILL 5AM.
As the aforementioned late-diagnosis statistics show, most people simply assume that what works broadly will work for people with ADHD, even if more people have it than one would think. This means that most folks who have ADHD will need to test tips and advice themselves, as this thread shows. So it can be helpful to look online and see what works for others.
I've always been told the best way to work/study is to find a quiet space and focus on the sole task you need to do, but recently I've found that listening to heavy/energetic music as I'm working on a task just works so much better for me.
this! so much this! psytrance, full-on, gabber... anything above 140bpm greatly enhances my chances of getting sh!t done!
Just meditate. Even worse: no screens before or in bed. Are you freaking kidding me?!
My mind is a computer with 78 tabs on, with movies and music and utter nonsense. I have to tire my brain with something in order to even think about sleeping. Its either binge watching 7 episodes of my already watched series and falling asleep by 2AM OR my brain being an absolute mess and keeping me awake till 5AM
"If they wanted to, they would."
Newsflash: There have been *COUNTLESS* times I have mentally yelled at myself to do something I know I *need* to do while being stuck on the couch doom-scrolling on my phone. Depression and anxiety doesn't help.
On the positive side, the increasing awareness of ADHD does bring some more research on the topic. Recent studies show that there might be a stronger link between creativity, out-of-the-box thinking, and ADHD than previously thought. This same study suggested that Leonarda Da Vinci’s self-described procrastination and strange time management may have been an indicator that he had ADHD as well.
"Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself".
No, it turns out people do want regular communication and birthday presents, and don't always want Fun Facts.
Anything that effectively suggests treatment isn't needed.
Metanalysis has found that not treating leads to a 5-fold increase in negative outcomes compared to any other approach. Depression, anxiety, substance abuse, ... We cause a significant portion of traffic accidents (when younger), high rates of teen pregnancy, or just starting a family ~8 years earlier than the general population on average.
The idea that it's just a personality type, or that everyone has adhd, or that it's a lack of discipline, or that all you need is a planner, etc etc. All bad advice.
Tools and discipline help, for sure. But it's effectively the fact that they aren't a solution that makes ADHD a disorder in the first place..
Time blocking. I'm sorry but do you really expect me to stop studying in the middle of a chapter just because I finished my block?? Nah, there's no break until I'm done
I was in a management class and we talked about "Deep Work". She said there's absolutely no way you're able to do deep work while listening to anything.
My dude, I literally don't even pay attention to what I'm listening to, I just need SOME kind of stimulus in order to function. I am at my least focused when I'm working in silence!
One of the rules of deep work is literally "embrace boredom" without realizing that boredom often translates as depression in individuals with ADHD. I physically cannot take it, it's like someone's pulling hairs out of my skin every moment I'm understimulated. Easily was my least favorite class because it really did just hammer home that business does not give a f**k, even in health (as it was a healthcare-focused management class)
I feel like "ADHD is a superpower" is corny and unhelpful.
"Don't worry about it".
As if I can switch off my thoughts. I have literally 5 trillion thoughts going through my mind at any given moment, at least a few of those thoughts are going to be worrying about "it". I wish it wasn't the case, but I'm literally worrying about everything everywhere all at once.
I'm told this is a thing that's actually possible. That they don't lie awake at night thinking about that one tiny little thing you did in 1997 that still haunts you...
After talking to a therapist about my struggles with the work, she said to me "you have to be disciplined"
Generally any type of advice that questions why you do something a certain way when you could do it a cheaper/better/more environmentally friendly/more natural way. This messed with my ability to function for years before I got a handle on it.
Examples:
- Why would you drink protein shakes? It’s more natural to get your nutrients from food you can get that same protein from x amount of lentils!
-Why do you pay to have your car cleaned? You can do that yourself for free!
-Why are you paying for pre prepped fruit and veg?! It’s cheaper to buy the bag of whole carrots and they don’t come wrapped in plastic!
These are real life examples but it’s now absolutely everywhere especially with the rise of TikTok, a lot of content is aimed at efficiency and streamlining our budgets so I see a lot of this cropping up. Even one hairdresser making videos about ‘Why buy an airwrap? You can create this style with a hairdryer and hairbrush!”
If someone with ADHD or any condition impacting their executive function has found a way to do the thing then that is perfectly fine. The advice above led me to 1. Not eat, because protein shakes were now wrong and I didn’t have it in me to prep lentils daily, shockingly. 2. Have a car so messy I couldn’t have passengers. 3. Not get any fruit or veg at all in my diet.
I have to, HAVE TO, be listening to something that stimulates my brain or I will completely zone out at work. Also while driving.
Frrrrr I can't do anything without music. I get yelled at for having both earbuds in and not being able to hear anyone, when I need them to focus and not get distracted. EITHER LET ME DO WHAT I NEED TO DO AND DO IT WITHOUT DISTRACTIONS OR DEAL WITH IT TAKING FOREVER AND NEVER GETTING DONE BECAUSE OF DISTRACTIONS!
"break a task into smaller tasks" except now I have a hundred little blocks instead of one huge block and I still have to do it, great.
"You need to make a list and write these things down"
I have lists. I have text files saved on my desktop and documents, google docs, google sheets, google keep, apple stickies, apple notes, 2 black moleskines, a handful of legal pads, Microsoft one note, and random folder up pieces of paper in my pocket.
I can't use any form of electronic note or reminder system. My brain likes a nice, neat, color coded schedule on my computer or phone ... but holy c**p do I need to write it all out on a whiteboard if I'm ever going to remember to do any of it. It falls into the category of "if I can't see it, it doesn't exist" Luckily the white board thing works for me. I can't lose it bc it's attached to the wall, I can't forget about it because I've put it on the wall in a hallway I walk up and down about 40 times a day. Lol.
When you start to get depressed - go and do stuff! Wow, really, tell me how? Second - when depressed, I was depressed ever only because I was burnt out.
Going out and socializing just made me more overstimulated, tired and desperate due to not being able to keep up with others.
So my new advice would be - when getting depressed, first sleep and be alone for a few days, engage with hobbies/hyperfication, and then after this see people and do some light excersise.
i just curl up with my pups into a burrito for 3 weeks
“Just make a schedule for the day and follow it!”
Excuse me, I’d rather rip my own eyes out, thank you.
It's shocking for some people that this doesn't work. I honestly can't believe that it does work for some.
My dad is fond of telling me: “Ya gotta want it.” I hate when he implies that I don’t want to get better. The kicker is that he has ADHD too (diagnosed or not I don’t know, but he says he does and I believe it). It’s really frustrating and makes me feel like nothing I do is good enough.
Pomodoro technique. Its the worst.
When I finally get to do the task I need to do the task. Otherwise I am again stuck in getting to do the task.
Same with 45minute school lessons. Literature begins, 30 minutes into it I finally accept that we begun literature, 15 minutes to go and now I have to transform myself into math?? How?
1st 2 years of high school, I had an accelerated block (essentially like college, 4 classes in fall & 4 in spring) - that was the best freaking thing & of course, like all education, they gotta change what works & I had OP schedule my last 2 years & just zone out for 45 mins sometimes or socialize & not get work done in class
"If you can't get yourself to focus on something, just take a s**t ton of breaks!" This includes all pomodoro bs and adjacent stuff.
I don't know about y'all, but if I took breaks like that, I'd never be able to focus. I need at least half an hour to even *start* focusing at all, and I'll need another half an hour after I take that break. And if I do manage to focus on something, I need to cram that s**t several hours straight because I know if I break that focus when I have it, I won't be able to get back into it. I won't put a f*****g alarm to distract me every 30 minutes, that will just kill me more.
This kind of extends to any kind of "slow, steady and consistent". People say I need to do a little bit of x every day in order to stay motivated and not burn myself out and I believed that lie until I realized that is precisely how I'll burn myself out. Doing things in intense bursts is the only thing that has ever worked for me. "slow and steady" has never done me any good. I need to do things in bursts, go as fast and as long as I want to, and then take a break when it comes to it. It's the only way I can get anything done.
Note: this post originally had 34 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Finally a post for me. I related to this sooooooo much. I am in tears.
I always describe it as trying to walk a lazy big dog. What are you supposed to do when your brain just sits there and refuses to do anything? You can't just drag it along unless you're in a completely panicked state which is not sustainable and healthy. I hate my brain sometimes. I just have to keep poking it with a stick (entertainment/stimuli) until it gets up and moves lol.
Thank you for sharing. It is enormously frustrating when people insist you are lazy, sensitive, dramatic, not working hard enough, just need to buckle down, make plans and keep them, etc etc etc. Folks with ADHD are simply trying to function normally and not implode.
FYI: Anxiety disorder can cause symptoms of ADD and ADHD, and ADD/ADHD can cause symptoms of anxiety disorder. If you are on medication for one and it is not working, talk to your doctor about being evaluated for the other. Sometimes you can end up having both and have to deal with a balance between the two.
Exactly this. ADHD is comorbid with a ridiculous number of other disorders e.g. GAD, MDD, BP, BPD, OCD, ASD, ODD etc etc. Always talk with your psychiatrist openly and honestly about your symptoms so they can work with you to find a treatment plan that works for you. There is hardly ever a "cookie cutter" catch all way to treat ADHD. It took nearly a decade for me to find a treatment plan that truly worked for me. I guess what I'm saying is that if you're struggling, don't lose hope. <3
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I'm inattentive ADD, not ADHD, but literally this. If something doesn't interest me, I cannot make myself do it. A few days ago I was supposed to be doing my math work but because I found it easy, I couldn't do it and spent the whole class researching arrowheads instead.
There isn't any clinical differentiation between the two any more - it's that some of us experience hyperactivity and/or hyperfocus more than others. I'd like to tell you it gets easier, but... Maybe it will - maybe the world will change for us, rather than us having to change for the world. Maybe.
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Medication used to work 15 years ago.... now it justs makes me worse sometimes. The worst part of ADHD is drinking coffee and it making me immensely and deeply exhausted like a sleeping pill
why do i relate so much lolol. i really gotta get myself testeddddd
Just put everything back in the same place and why can't you just remember where you put it. My brain can't even comprehend the advice.
What nobody warned me about is that menopause can make your ADHD symptoms much, much worse. Like "world crashing down around you" worse. Mine got better with puberty, but oh boy am I paying for it now. And it turns out that I can't have any medication because the stimulant medication almost killed me (atrial fibrillation and cardiac stress) and the Atomoxetine made me shake so badly that I could barely walk or feed myself. Now I face another 40 years of life just praying that they come up with something that can help. How do I even begin to do that?
The timing is amazing. My bf is pushing me away because he feels i will never change and that i choose to live in clutter. He helped clean and i love it, but i feel he is resenting me for his choice to do it while i was on vacation. Now he keeps rubbing it in my face and thinks his ability to work around HIS adhd is proof it can be done. I cant even finish reading these without sobbing.
And ADHD can be a totally different experience - even for two related people who both have it. When something trips up my son, I remind him that the brain is neuroplastic and it can learn how to do things; it's just harder for him. And we often have to do lots of experimenting to figure out the best way of dealing with stuff, but I am trying to give him all the support my husband never had.
ADHDers and AuDHDers, let's use the comments section to give each other tips of things that have worked for US! The NT-tips so often don't work, but we are so creative. We find ways of dealing. What do you find helpful?
Music with high beats per minute (eg over 140bpm) charges me up, and get me ready to take on the world. There's a great site that gives suggestions based on the beats per minute: https://songbpm.com/
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I literally just talked to my doctor about getting tested. Mostly because I've been meaning to for years and keep forgetting, but I happened to be reading this list while waiting for her to come into the room.
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A useful analogy is everyone needs to use the loo. However, if you need to use the loo 20 times a day, then you need to get it checked out. If you are relating to all of these, but don't find it stops you from functioning well, then the chances of ADHD are small. If you relate, and are struggling, then learn more, and see about testing.
Load More Replies... Maybe you should also get yourself tested.
Load More Replies... Finally a post for me. I related to this sooooooo much. I am in tears.
I always describe it as trying to walk a lazy big dog. What are you supposed to do when your brain just sits there and refuses to do anything? You can't just drag it along unless you're in a completely panicked state which is not sustainable and healthy. I hate my brain sometimes. I just have to keep poking it with a stick (entertainment/stimuli) until it gets up and moves lol.
Thank you for sharing. It is enormously frustrating when people insist you are lazy, sensitive, dramatic, not working hard enough, just need to buckle down, make plans and keep them, etc etc etc. Folks with ADHD are simply trying to function normally and not implode.
FYI: Anxiety disorder can cause symptoms of ADD and ADHD, and ADD/ADHD can cause symptoms of anxiety disorder. If you are on medication for one and it is not working, talk to your doctor about being evaluated for the other. Sometimes you can end up having both and have to deal with a balance between the two.
Exactly this. ADHD is comorbid with a ridiculous number of other disorders e.g. GAD, MDD, BP, BPD, OCD, ASD, ODD etc etc. Always talk with your psychiatrist openly and honestly about your symptoms so they can work with you to find a treatment plan that works for you. There is hardly ever a "cookie cutter" catch all way to treat ADHD. It took nearly a decade for me to find a treatment plan that truly worked for me. I guess what I'm saying is that if you're struggling, don't lose hope. <3
Load More Replies... I'm inattentive ADD, not ADHD, but literally this. If something doesn't interest me, I cannot make myself do it. A few days ago I was supposed to be doing my math work but because I found it easy, I couldn't do it and spent the whole class researching arrowheads instead.
There isn't any clinical differentiation between the two any more - it's that some of us experience hyperactivity and/or hyperfocus more than others. I'd like to tell you it gets easier, but... Maybe it will - maybe the world will change for us, rather than us having to change for the world. Maybe.
Load More Replies... Medication used to work 15 years ago.... now it justs makes me worse sometimes. The worst part of ADHD is drinking coffee and it making me immensely and deeply exhausted like a sleeping pill
why do i relate so much lolol. i really gotta get myself testeddddd
Just put everything back in the same place and why can't you just remember where you put it. My brain can't even comprehend the advice.
What nobody warned me about is that menopause can make your ADHD symptoms much, much worse. Like "world crashing down around you" worse. Mine got better with puberty, but oh boy am I paying for it now. And it turns out that I can't have any medication because the stimulant medication almost killed me (atrial fibrillation and cardiac stress) and the Atomoxetine made me shake so badly that I could barely walk or feed myself. Now I face another 40 years of life just praying that they come up with something that can help. How do I even begin to do that?
The timing is amazing. My bf is pushing me away because he feels i will never change and that i choose to live in clutter. He helped clean and i love it, but i feel he is resenting me for his choice to do it while i was on vacation. Now he keeps rubbing it in my face and thinks his ability to work around HIS adhd is proof it can be done. I cant even finish reading these without sobbing.
And ADHD can be a totally different experience - even for two related people who both have it. When something trips up my son, I remind him that the brain is neuroplastic and it can learn how to do things; it's just harder for him. And we often have to do lots of experimenting to figure out the best way of dealing with stuff, but I am trying to give him all the support my husband never had.
ADHDers and AuDHDers, let's use the comments section to give each other tips of things that have worked for US! The NT-tips so often don't work, but we are so creative. We find ways of dealing. What do you find helpful?
Music with high beats per minute (eg over 140bpm) charges me up, and get me ready to take on the world. There's a great site that gives suggestions based on the beats per minute: https://songbpm.com/
Load More Replies... I literally just talked to my doctor about getting tested. Mostly because I've been meaning to for years and keep forgetting, but I happened to be reading this list while waiting for her to come into the room.
Load More Replies... A useful analogy is everyone needs to use the loo. However, if you need to use the loo 20 times a day, then you need to get it checked out. If you are relating to all of these, but don't find it stops you from functioning well, then the chances of ADHD are small. If you relate, and are struggling, then learn more, and see about testing.
Load More Replies... Maybe you should also get yourself tested.
Load More Replies...