45 Jokes That People With Different Jobs Don’t Want To Hear Anymore

Ah, give her a penny. Get the ball rolling.

Take out a penny and give it to her... Smallest bribe ever!

OP should have replied, "Yeah, but would you declare it?"

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It really is a f*****g r******d question that they have to ask. Among other disturbingly stupid as f**k s**t us customs do. I've done more for the usa mopping floors, sleeping or heck just breathing in the military then the tsa has never done and never ever will do

Yeah cause that pays the bills in the end of the day..

“if you really loved your dog, you will pay for their treatment right?"

If I was a vet, I would respond with, "If you really loved your pets you'd want to be sure your vet stays in business to care for them so you'll pay double, right?"

Just answer "yes, the animal doesn't have to pay. You do."

I love animals, not the owners.

I usually say "OK, but I get half the winnings, no guarantees, no refunds."

Guilty

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wow

Yeah I can keep the bills, but I'm not going to pay them and then you'll just get overdue reminders

A friend of mine was working on the outside water spigot a few years back and got a scare. When he went to open the main pit he noticed something moving inside. It was a copperhead who had babies. He called me to see if I could come relocate them but his joke was "I may just leave them in there...I bet I wouldn't have to pay my water bill for awhile."

If only it could work like this... Awww :C

That's just mean.. Not even funny

awww, that's just mean.

Not funny people. I'd loose my job as quickly as the cake hit them in the face.

In a task like that, I've always been very strict about the have the person check the spelling and sign off on it because I'm scared of getting things wrong.

I was a signwriter and there were always two jokes, repeated every day. The first was when painting the backdrop, "You've missed a bit!" and then the, "You've spelt it wrong!" while doing the lettering. Some years later, having moved on, I was passing a signwriter and felt bad to tell him that he had got it wrong... he had painted 'Stationary' on the office supplies shop!

Seriously, do these customers only think the baristas speak and understand 'Starbuck-ese'?

When Starbucks first opened the baristas would correct you if you ordered a small to a tall, then they would ask you which brewed coffee you wanted: Blond Roast, Dark Roast, Pike Place, etc. which is why people order like the above.

I say: "small coffee please." They say: "would you like a tall?" I say: "small coffee please."

This reminds me of the Nate Bargatze "Tennessee Kid" special on Netflix where he talks about trouble at Starbucks: "Uh, I’ll take an iced coffee with cream.” She goes, “With cream?” I go, “With cream.” She goes, “Iced coffee with cream?” I go, “Iced coffee with cream.” She goes, “With cream?” I go, “With cream.” And she said it one more time, “So, iced coffee with cream?” And at that point I should have said, “What’s going on right now? Where are you at in your head? Because I… I feel like we’re in two different places.” But I was nervous, and there was people behind me, and I was like, “Cream or no cream, honestly. I’ll give you $20 if you let me leave right now. I cannot… This is the most I can talk about this. I don’t even know what’s happening anymore.”

They’re secretly embarrassed. I have so many Starbucks gift cards and don’t go bc I don’t know the fancy lingo.

When I had my blood taken recently, the man who drew it pointed to the Keurig & said that's where he'll put my blood. He also pointed out that there were no windows because he'd turn to dust. A very friendly vampire who totally embraced the joke!

That's just mean. She's a professional performing a valuable service.

Maybe it was during full moon

That lady should realize that people that need to have their blood drawn are usually not there because they just felt like it. Usually people are sick. So lightening the mood with a silly joke is very much excused for them and they are not obliged to take care of you at that point. To me that's true for all these repetitive jokes, but especially if the other party has no choice.

It doesn't exactly help that there's a Geico commercial where Dracula volunteers at a blood drive.

Holds up their arms that are actual guns.

reply "weapon in full-size"

Who takes weapons to a workplace anyway?

oh my...

This one is pretty funny though. I would laugh for at least the first 50 times.

"You have a sexy voice." Well, actually, I'm 60 and overweight. Still want my number?

But: you have a sexy voice is a compliment

I have also gotten all of the above. *facepalm* it's creepy and so annoying because for our "monitoring and training purposes" we have to ask over & over until you say "no"

The amount of guys who's response after a perfectly boring and civil tech support call who would respond with "How about you come over and suck my d**k" was insane. Of course with the idiots you could respond, "thank you for that, now you are banned from support bc I have your ACCOUNT OPEN and the call is recorded. Have fun with your new system you cant access anymore"

Where I live (a military town) most people say "Thank you for your service."