There’s no perfect job. Every single occupation, no matter how fascinating, glamorous or well-paying, has certain downsides. But sometimes, that downside is rather unexpected — humor!

Whatever job you might have, you’re bound to have heard at least one incredibly bad dad joke related to your occupation. Maybe the first time you heard one of these jokes, you actually rolled on the floor laughing. The second time, you laughed out loud but no more than that. The third time, you chuckled. The fourth time, you smiled. But after hearing the same joke for the fifth time, all the joy and wonder was most likely gone from you by that point. And the same jokes just keep on coming.

So here is a list of the best silly jokes that people in different professions are absolutely sick of hearing. Upvotes your faves, share with your friends, and keep on scrolling. Oh, and we’d be delighted to know if you’ve heard any corny, cheesy or dad-like jokes related to your job — so share your experience with everyone somewhere in the comments!

#1

I recently went through US Customs and the officer asked me the standard "do you have cash more than $10,000 on you?" question.

I responded: "I wish! HURHURHUR"

Her response: "If I had a penny for everyone who cracked that joke in front of me, I'd have the $10,000 by now"

...I totally deserved that.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

Ah, give her a penny. Get the ball rolling.

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#2

I'm a veterinarian. Some clients do actually say "if you really loved animals, you'll treat them for free right?"

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Kwj
Community Member
6 months ago

Yeah cause that pays the bills in the end of the day..

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#3

Selling lottery tickets. Im like what numbers would you like? Everyone be like “the winning ones”.

Bruh

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Nianudd
Community Member
6 months ago

I usually say "OK, but I get half the winnings, no guarantees, no refunds."

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Bored Panda talked to HaiKarateAquaVelva, who asked Redditors worldwide for their annoying job joke stories. Their thread was so popular, it got over 69,200 upvotes and more than 26,600 comments in just over a day.

“I made the post because at my job, I regularly get a lot of the same types of comments over and over from folks who surely think they're being witty, funny, original, and oh-so-clever… not!”

“This is all harmless of course, and I don't mind it one bit. Even after hearing the same couple jokes/comments for the 823rd time. I've been guilty of doing the same thing more times than I can remember, I'm sure,” HaiKarateAquaVelva noted.

“But I figured there are other job positions that get the same kinda deal. Since my job is a bit unconventional and probably wouldn't resonate with a lot of people if I cited my own experiences, I chose to go with another, more relatable profession, thus the "It didn't scan..." scenario.”

HaikarateAquaVelva, who mentioned that they are a Bored Panda fan, said that they didn’t expect their thread would get so much attention: “But the post I made came from nothing more than a fleeting thought, and I never expected such attention from what was only a whimsical curiosity. It was cool to read through so many responses and having a laugh or two.”

#4

Mail carrier here. "You can keep the bills !" hur hur hur

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Kaisu
Community Member
6 months ago

Yeah I can keep the bills, but I'm not going to pay them and then you'll just get overdue reminders

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#5

Cake decorator here- people would come pick up their orders and jokingly tell me I spelled the name on the cake incorrectly. They would watch me get upset with myself and offer to fix it, then tell me they were just kidding.

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Kwj
Community Member
6 months ago

That's just mean.. Not even funny

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#6

“I just want a BLACK. COFFEE. None of this crap-u-she-no chocolate unicorn frap-aye glitter [crap]. Just a medium black COFFEE. I don’t care what size you call it but whatever’s MEDIUM I want THAT” Like ok u could also try “medium black coffee please”...

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Toujin C'Thlu
Community Member
6 months ago

Seriously, do these customers only think the baristas speak and understand 'Starbuck-ese'?

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Since starting my job as a writer at Bored Panda, I’ve heard variations of three dad jokes related to my occupation. People tend to ask me if I write about pandas all day. Furthermore, they ask me if I’m bored at my job. And lastly, they wonder if we have any pet pandas at the office. The answers to those, in order, are: No, but I write about cats and dogs a lot; I’m having too much fun to be bored; and we don’t have any pandas (yet), but we’ve got doggos! In fact, there’s a huge dog right next to me at the time of writing, and it’s awesome.

Now, I actually enjoy hearing corny jokes like these. But I appreciate that people working different jobs eventually run out of patience. Like customs workers who keep on hearing ‘I wish’ when they ask people if they have more than 10,000 dollars cash on them. Or repairmen who hear ‘do I get a new one’ when they can’t fix a small problem on a client’s computer. And we can’t forget about nurses who take your blood and are absolutely exasperated after being called a ‘vampire’ for the thousandth time.

#7

the lady that draws my blood said that she was tired of people calling her a "Vampire"

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Flower Crown Faun
Community Member
6 months ago

When I had my blood taken recently, the man who drew it pointed to the Keurig & said that's where he'll put my blood. He also pointed out that there were no windows because he'd turn to dust. A very friendly vampire who totally embraced the joke!

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#8

I'm obligated to ask those visiting my work place if they have any weapons to declare.

"Just these guns!" flex

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MissPrideGirl
Community Member
6 months ago

Holds up their arms that are actual guns.

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#9

I work in a call center. I have to ask "was there anything else I could help you with" at the end of the call.

-"Yes bring me a coffee with that"

-"make the sun shine again"

-"got the winning lottery numbers?"

-"yeah. What's your number you have a sexy voice"

I just ignore them now and wish them a good day

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

"You have a sexy voice." Well, actually, I'm 60 and overweight. Still want my number?

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Humor is one of the best things in the entire world because it helps us relax, increases our lifespan, helps us bond with other people, allows us to see the world in a different light, and helps us stop taking both ourselves and life far too seriously.

#10

I’m in the military. “Thank you for my freedom.” While I appreciate the sentiment, I guarantee I have done literally nothing to protect your freedom. You do that all by yourself by voting.

If you want to thank me for your safety, I’ll accept that. Safety and freedom are not the same thing.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

Where I live (a military town) most people say "Thank you for your service."

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#11

"Giving out any free samples today?"

Sir, if I did that, it's a bank robbery.

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glowworm2
Community Member
6 months ago

People actually ask this at the bank?

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#12

I do commissions.

“Can you draw a headshot of my dog in color”

“Yeah sure it’ll be 6$ (I do really cheap commissions because it’s my hobby)”

“Oh you want me to pay!? I thought you liked to draw?”

“I do like to draw but it’s no different than buying a cake from a bakery, the shop owner likes to bake but the materials cost them money and we’d like to get some of that money back”

“Ugh never mind I don’t want to pay to get a drawing of my dog” It’s happened at least 6 times in the two years I’ve been doing this

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Foxxy
Community Member
6 months ago

6 bux is an absolute bargain. I would pay that and maybe even a bit extra if it was good work.

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However, humor in modern times is no longer free from intense scrutiny, as some individuals believe that the freedom of expression doesn’t extend to stand-up comedy, for fear of somebody being insulted. Louis CK, Dave Chappelle, and Bill Burr are examples of legendary comedians who have spent their entire lives poking fun at society, injustice, and hypocrisy, wherever these might be found. And yet, they have received a large amount of criticism for some of the jokes they made recently because they drew attention to some uncomfortable details about living in the 21st century. Whether you enjoy these comedians or think that their humor is crass, wouldn’t you say that the freedom to express your thoughts on stage is important to protect?

#13

As a church musician, I've heard things like:

"How does it feel to have the largest organ in town?"

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Rowlie
Community Member
6 months ago

Just say it's awesome

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#14

"So, what's the matter with you?"

"You tell me, you're the doctor!"

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

Uh, let me reword that. What are your symptoms?

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#15

I'm a psychologist, not a mind reader. You can relax when you talk to me when I'm off duty : I don't want to figure you out. Quite frankly I don't care. You do have a problem with your mother tough.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

Everyone has a problem with their mother. LOL

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Stand-up comedy on stage is one thing, but offensive jokes at the office can be a big no-no, depending on company rules. If you’re ever in a situation where a colleague tells a completely inappropriate joke, then there are several things that you can do.

#16

Well my child is only failing Because you are a bad teacher. Not Because he refuses to study and does not pay attention in school

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ADHORTATOR
Community Member
6 months ago

It's always the fault of the others for these people..

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#17

Not a profession, but it kind of relates to this.When people who don't need glasses ask to try out my glasses and ask how I can see with them.

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meapthealien
Community Member
6 months ago

And then they say you're so blind oooo🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

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#18

As a cop, I’d say the most common one I get is: I didn’t do it man!

Bro chill, I’m just trying to buy a red bull and some donuts..

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Anni
Community Member
6 months ago

hehe doughnuts. I’d be over the doughnut jokes if I was a cop.

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According to Small Business, you can ask your co-worker to explain the joke to you, so that they understand why it might be inappropriate. Then, if your colleague doesn’t get it, straight-up tell them in a calm, collected manner that you think what they said was offensive. You can also refuse to laugh at similar jokes.

#19

Vet tech here. Whenever I take a patient’s temperature:

“Aren’t you going to at least buy her dinner first?”

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Bluebell Rizzi
Community Member
6 months ago

Hahaha. Highly original ;)

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#20

I'm in ultrasound. We do a hell of a lot more than just scanning pregnant people, but we get a lot of people who ask, "Is it a boy or a girl? HAHAHA" during abdominal and vascular studies.

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Steve Barnett
Community Member
6 months ago

I've got an ultrasound coming up for an abdominal issue. Literally my first thought was NOT to say this. I really, really hope I don't say this.

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#21

I work in IT. Any time something breaks on the computer it's

"Hehe, oh no, guess I have to go home!"

Every. Single. Time.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

IT Techs are saints. They have come to my rescue more times than I can remember.

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As a last resort, if your co-worker keeps on throwing out incredibly offensive jokes left and right, consider reporting them to human resources or to a manager. Just make sure you’re not reporting someone for an innocent dad joke that you’ve heard a hundred times before.

#22

Synthetic chemist. "can you make me drugs?" or other Breaking Bad related comments.

And yes. Yes I can. But I wont.

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Toujin C'Thlu
Community Member
6 months ago

Yes I can, but I'm going to have to call the police first and ask if it's okay.

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#23

Pizza delivery. If you happen to pass by anyone else at all on your way to the customer, they will say "You can just leave that right here ha ha ha."

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

Of course, Sir. That will be $25.50. Plus tip.

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#24

Administrative worker here, not from customers, but from literally anyone that doesn't work in an office, "so you get paid to do nothing? '

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Stimpy
Community Member
6 months ago

How absolutely unfair and untrue! You get paid to drink coffee and play solitaire!

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#25

Web developer. "Come on, [deceptively complicated change that looks simple] shouldn't take you so long!" B**ch. You are not a web developer. You have no idea how long writing code takes. You don't get to tell me how long it should take. Only I get to do that. Also, just because something looks simple doesn't mean it won't take hours to implement.

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Toujin C'Thlu
Community Member
6 months ago

Again, tell them to try it for themselves.

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#26

I work in IT. "Should I just... tUrN iT oFf AnD oN aGaIn?!". Yes, yes you should.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

Hey, if it works... And it often does.

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#27

Travel Money Bureau.

every time im checking if some notes are legit or not, its "they should be fine I printed them this morning"

har de har har

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Russian Otaku
Community Member
6 months ago

Plot twist that one guy who was too nice... suspiciously nice did print them that morning

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#28

I work in an office, and the boss often leaves me in charge if he’s away. I have one co-worker who, every time I’m covering, will arrive in the morning and say “Hi boss! Since you’re in charge— can we all go home now? Hurr hurr”

That, and “are you working hard? Or hardly working?”

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Martti Laurson
Community Member
6 months ago

How many people work at your factory? Umm, I don't know exactly, but I think at least half of them!

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#29

So you can give me the good stuff eh? Wink wink nudge nudge eh?

Im a nurse not a cocaine dealer, also yes.

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ADHORTATOR
Community Member
6 months ago

Isn' t this a Monty Python reference? :-)

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#30

I work in the meteo (not a scientist, just an IT guy) and as soon as people know this, it's all "Hey can you fix me some good weather for the bbq this weekend?"

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

Sure, I'll put in a request to God. Save Him a hamburger.

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#31

I'm a researcher working for the Government of Canada. Them: "Hey, did you know my tax dollars pay your salary?" Me: eye roll.

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Pryjmaty
Community Member
6 months ago

"Great! Give me a raise then."

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#32

Groomer. "I brush him everyday!" The dog is matted from chest through back legs, and behind ears and tail.

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Toujin C'Thlu
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

Owners like this probably think 'brush' is another word for petting

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#33

In IT; No, you don’t get a new phone/laptop/iPad if you throw it out the window / run it over, etc. You get fired you psycho.

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Toujin C'Thlu
Community Member
6 months ago

I hate people like that.

#34

I work in the Deaf community and people always see the name of the charity I work for and say "Pardon?" then laugh like they're the funniest person in the world. Little bit of my soul dies every frickin' time

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Kathy Baylis
Community Member
6 months ago

That’s actually incredibly insensitive. It’s one thing to joke about a disability if you have it yourself. That’s laughing with. But when you joke about a disability you don’t have, it’s not OK. It’s laughing at. It’s also singling out and poking fun at people who have disabilities. Some people who think they’re comedians should definitely not quit their day jobs.

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#35

I serve banquets. I’ve had many middle aged men say the same exact joke to me when serving their Cream of Chicken with Wild Rice “How do you tame wild rice?” I usually play along but the last time it happened I told him the answer and he was [frikkin] bewildered.

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Johane Moller
Community Member
6 months ago

How do you tame wild rice?

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#36

"Just do this one thing [for a new/prospective client]. It will lead to more work."

How 'bout just pay me for this one thing and we'll talk about future work too. This is not a hobby.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

Gotta make a living, just like you do.

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#37

"So you can make my photo look great and not look like I was running in a poorly-lit hallway using a crummy camera?"

Graphic Design (user of Photoshop). I can create some nice stuff, but what I can't do is turn back time and make you take an good photo.

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darubyprincess
Community Member
6 months ago

Finally, someone adresses the problem.

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#38

Policeman here. The old,"He/she is here, i've got him, he's the one you've been looking for", as they grip their relative/friend/nearest person to them and look at you manically....

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meow point1
Community Member
6 months ago

I did the opposite once as a kid. My father was out of town for work-related reasons so it was just my mother and I at home. The police showed up as they got the wrong address and I was worried they'd arrest her, but I got my wording a bit funny and said, "Please don't arrest my mother; she hasn't broken any laws today!".

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#39

I work with a lot of graphic designers. It's not that I want the logo bigger, it's the two idiots above me making me insist upon it.

I am so sorry.

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darubyprincess
Community Member
6 months ago

Much forgive.

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#40

Receptionist here. I previously answered calls with, "Company Name, how may I help you?" and 50% of the time (or so it felt like) the response I'd get was, "Well, I don't know how YOU can help me". I switched it up to "how may I assist/direct you" but I still get the ol' "Well, I don't know..."

It's not cute. Just tell why the eff you're calling so we can both move on with our days!

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Kiss Army
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

When I was in high school, I worked at Burger King and in conjunction with some ad campaign, we had to say "Welcome to Burger King, we do it for you." You should have heard some of the vulgar comments and suggestions us teenage girls got from grown @$$ men who should have known better. I spent most of my shift being embarrassed until the manager relented and told us we didn't have to say it anymore.

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#41

I worked at a branch campus library for my alma mater: "What do you mean you haven't read this book to tell me what it's about? What do you even do it here all day?" Not read obscure textbooks about topics I'm not required to study, that's for sure.

When I worked at a winery: "This must be the best job in the world! (read: you get to sit and drink wine all day)" Yeah because I'm totally allowed to guzzle half the stock while I'm on duty. /s

When I worked as housekeeping in a hospital: "Can you come do that at my house?" I don't even do this at my house, so no.

When I worked for the post office: "You can keep the bills!"/"Bring me anything good today?"/"Is there a check for a million dollars in there?" No thanks./I don't know, I didn't open it./How tf should I know that?

And my husband the teacher gets a lot of "Summers off must be nice, huh?" or "Must be nice to only have to work nine months out of the year, right?"

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

Ha ha. I knew a teacher who spent her summers earning 2 master's degrees.

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#42

I’m a singer! I went to college for music and have been doing it professionally for sometime now.

I usually get, “Omg my granddaughter’s cousin’s niece is a singer! You guys should meet up!” Or, “sing something for us!!” And then if I don’t feel up to it they say “how can you be a singer if you don’t want to sing in front of people?” I love it 🙃

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D. Pitbull
Community Member
6 months ago

Anything in the "arts and entertainment" category - people (generally) don't seem to realize that it actually requires work and effort... like you can't just bust out into an operatic masterpiece on a dime... there's warmup, there's prep, and also... they're KINDA asking you to work for free in a way... I've seen it with friends/acquaintances... and I cringe. To an Actor: "Oh yeah? Then act/do an impression of, like [celebrity]", Voice Actor: "Oh? What impressions can you do (note: Voice Actors don't USUALLY make their whole living on impressions... especially if the person who does the original is still alive and working. What exactly is the point? That voice already exists and is being used)... Artists: "Oh, you're good? Draw me [anything] right now. For free. You should be good, right?" etc. etc.

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#43

Not a profession but: I'm a guy with long hair (to the middle of my back). I hear stuff like "Did your hairdresser die?" or "When are you gonna cut it off?" or any hAhA uR gRiL jokes all the time. It's not funny guys and you're not the first to come up with it.

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Foxxy
Community Member
6 months ago

My husband has dreads and he has people saying how come his hair doesn’t smell because you can’t wash dreads. Well my husband washes his hair twice a day he just doesn’t use conditioner. Just because someone has dreads does not mean they are dirty. Thankfully after 5 years he is having them shaved on November 17th. He has been growing them for 5 years but he is raising money for the Childhood Cancer Association. I don’t like his dreads simply coz I don’t like the feeling and can’t run my fingers through his hair lol.

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#44

When I worked at a ski shop setting up snowboard rentals I’d ask how they wanted their stance, regular or goofy, so I could set the bindings up. At least 3 times a week, for the 6 months a year we did rentals, for the 4 years I worked there, I heard from dads “well he rides regular, but he’s pretty goofy hahaha.” By the end of my time there I never even bothered with a fake chuckle anymore, I just didn’t have it in me.

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Brivid
Community Member
6 months ago

I'm sorry that jobs can get tedious but a lot of these people are just trying to be friendly.

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#45

Bike (bicycle) messenger. 'You're on a bike ? This should be delivered before next week, hurr hurr'.

Also every year during the Tour De France : "You're lost buddy ?" All f*cking day long.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

There are a number of bike couriers in the downtown area in my city. Trust me, they can get there quicker.

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#46

As a graphic designer I hear from non professionals "Come on, it's just 2 button clicks."

Also from clients "Make the logo bigger."

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

I've never been an artist, but I see a lot of posts where they are not appreciated, or expected to work for free.

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#47

I used to be in the beer industry (selling to supermarkets) and I’d get “you can just load that pallet into my truck” every day.

Now I’m in the elevator industry and about once a week I get “I bet that has its ups and downs.”

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Rowlie
Community Member
6 months ago

It's meant to lift Your spirit

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#48

Stocked shelves at a grocery store for a few months in college and some guy was angry because he had been in line for a few minutes and no one was there to ring him up. He found me and asked what was going on and I kindly told him I’d go grab a cashier to check him out and he goes, “No it’s fine, I can just leave with my stuff. I mean, I don’t have to pay if no ones gonna wait on me,” or something like that. I laughed sarcastically with a deadpan face and told a cashier there were customers waiting.

They didn’t pay me enough to stop him if he tried.

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Foxxy
Community Member
6 months ago

when I worked in retail and an item wouldn't scan I would often get "It must be free then".

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#49

"So can you come look at my car?" -Mechanical Engineer.

I know nothing about cars.

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Bill
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

Go work for GM you will fit right in

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#50

I work in a nursing home and sometimes we have a resident that is constantly trying to leave and go home, because they don't remember that they live there. The on going joke is someone asking, "Can't we just tie them to a chair?" (No, we cant. Just for those of you who actually think that's an option.)

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

That's really sad, though. It's a difficult adjustment for them.

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#51

I work in the music scene making beats and tracks for rap artists

Everyone always asks "Can I sample this track?" or "Use it for one of my songs?" and they say "imagine the exposure it will get you."

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darubyprincess
Community Member
6 months ago

ha

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#52

Ultrasound tech. Male patients: am I pregnant HAHAHA

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

Tell them "Yes" with a straight face. Offer to call the National Enquirer to break the story.

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#53

I worked at a bank for 4 years. The amount of idiots that go "gimme all your money. Just kidding I'm not here to rob you." Or "I guess all this cash makes it look like I sell drugs. I don't though!" is staggering. And in the future, if anyone wants to make the second joke just know that they usually end up having to flag your account to check for money laundering activities so hopefully you aren't actually selling drugs.

Edit: I also just want to add how many people would come in on Halloween and be pissed and shocked that we would have the audacity to ask them not to wear masks. That being said it was a hunting town so people constantly came in with knives and for some reason we were ok with that.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

I worked Security at a bank, and we were required to ask people to remove their hats and sunglasses, for obvious reasons. Most people were nice about it, but there was one old man who got really upset about it.

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#54

I work at a car dealership. I’ll get customers come inside upon finding the keys accidentally left in a vehicle. They almost always say, “Found your keys out there, you know I could have just driven away.”

It’s like they want a reward for not stealing our vehicle.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

Steal a vehicle = go straight to jail.

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#55

I work in a pre-school. Multiple times a week parents say "I don't know how you guys do it!" Referring to taking care of multiple toddlers all day. It's always the parents who leave their toddlers with us for 9-11 hours who say this.

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Ross Keim
Community Member
6 months ago

Anyone who can stand a toddler for that long straight and multiple ones at that has to be mostly insane

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#56

As a nurse, almost any time I give anything remotely close to a painkiller/sedative to patient, the family says something along the lines of "CAN I haVE One tOo HyUcK HYUCK HYucK"

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Ross Keim
Community Member
6 months ago

So stop being greedy and give them one

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#57

"Who is walking who?" - whenever I am taking a big dog to the back... hur hur

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meow point1
Community Member
6 months ago

Same here! I'm sick to death of it too!

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#58

Dairy farmer: brown cows give chocolate milk. I milk brown cows. They don’t give chocolate milk.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

I think some people really believe that. 😂

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#59

“Do you know what all those knobs do? hur hur hur” I’m a soundguy.

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Toujin C'Thlu
Community Member
6 months ago

Give him an explanation using all these technological stuff that he'd know nothing about.

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#60

Work in payroll and people like to joke with me to add a 0 at the end of their pay. I say I'll do it, but put one of their middle numbers onto mine and it's funny to see their gears turning.

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bookfan
Community Member
6 months ago

just put the zero after the decimal point.

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#61

"Oh you're a mechanical engineer? You must know a lot about cars."

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Toujin C'Thlu
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

No, that would be a mechanic

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#62

My medium rare steak has blood in it. I'll take that for free please

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Silvaqua
Community Member
6 months ago

We need steak education! What do they teach in schools? My mother in law has been guilty of this. She ordered a medium rare steak and sent it back until it was well done. She complained that they never cook her steaks right. I told her she needs to order it well done in the future. She had no idea that was the term she needed. Now she's happier, the wait staff is happier, and I sleep well at night knowing I've made a difference in the world.

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#63

And this is our accounting department. "Lol, put some extra money in my check, lololololololol."

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Kathy Baylis
Community Member
6 months ago

You’d only have to pay it all back anyway when the mistake is found, sooooo...

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#64

I work for a major spirit company and at least once everyday the pubs I'm calling on will say "got any free bottles?" and then when I say "no, unfortunately not" in the nicest possible way, they will make the rest of the call really sh**ty.

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Roger Haywood
Community Member
6 months ago

Only the empty ones.

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#65

I don’t have one like that exactly...

What I get a lot of is: “Wow, that’s like... professional!” Which is a massively backhanded compliment. I’m a fabricator. Professionally.

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Master Markus
Community Member
6 months ago

A fabricator of what?

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#66

Paramedic: After we've dropped a patient off (think interfacility transfer) and heading back to the elevator with an empty stretcher, someone always asks, "hey, can I get a ride to my car?" I usually reply: "Sure, $300, cash up front, but if you want me to clean it first, $500, oh, and you probably want me to clean it." When we're washing the rig at the end of shift, people actually ask what we charge to do their vehicle. Har dee [frikkin] har. Also, my contract fee for automotive washing is $100/hr, minimum 1hr charge. A totally had one guy tell me to learn to take a joke for that! "Nice park job, assh*le!" Hmmm, big white truck, blinky lights, I wonder if you call the local constabulary to report me, what ever will they do? Hmmm, rough night shift, feeling salty and drinking, maybe number 3 doesn't apply?

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GenXandEarnedItAll
Community Member
6 months ago

While trying to get in a quick meal before another call, "Hey. Do you have a patient back there?"

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#67

At Starbucks, we have categories and buttons for all the drinks.

When we get a new drink, there is a new button but no one tells us where the button is. It is either in with normal lattes or frappuccinos or it's under the seasonal category on the opposite side of the screen.

So when a customer orders a new or special drink, we go on a wild goose chase for the button that seems to not exist. The customers will say "Oh you can't find it? How about you make it and just let me take it." My boss just tells us to ring them up for a basic drink and make the special one until the button is added.

The button is never added

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

That doesn't even make sense. Wouldn't the company be losing $? It's certainly making your job harder.

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#68

Stripper here. Our version is definitely:

"How about I give YOU a lapdance!"

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Jo Choto
Community Member
6 months ago

I will never understand how giving a woman a lapdance is a thing. I mean, basic biology, people. There is nothing on the top side of a woman's lap to be stimulated for the love of the flying spaghetti monster.

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#69

Waiter here.

“Can I get you guys anything else?”

“Yeah, a boatload of cash!”, or alternatively, “A wheelbarrow”

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Kathy Baylis
Community Member
6 months ago

Just tell them if you had a boatload of cash, you wouldn’t be waiting tables.

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#70

video production

can you make (photoshop) me look thinner?

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Liz
Community Member
6 months ago

But can you?

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#71

Work in cardiac ultrasound imaging.

"Can you tell my wife out there i actually have one?"

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"So is it working?"

Legit. Hur hur hur

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

I had that imaging done recently. Thankfully, nothing major :-)

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#72

Worked in the casino guest rewards, you sign up you get perks of some sort ours was a small amount of pts. to use towards slots then changed to some stuffed animal...(I know, we've all hated that idea) but if we're ran out or the system was acting weird it was, "well guess you gotta give me X amount of money" ... the other one after asking, is there anything I can help you with..."yeah point me to the winning machine" followed by the fakest laugh of my life.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

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#73

Also well known in the beer industry:

“It’s the [insert color] truck out front. HURHURHHR.”

“It’s free today right. HURHURHUR.”

“It’s buy one get 29 free right? HURHURHUR.”

“Man this job must be awesome...getting to sample all this beer. HURHURHUR.”

“Oh he’s paying for mine too. HURHURHUR.” (This one is good because it usually gets the unknowing customer before this and sometimes after this guy to respond with one of the before mentioned jokes)

something breaks “AWWWW MAN I’M REPORTING YOU FOR ALCOHOL ABUSE. HURHURHUR.”

Seriously—people thinking working with beer is awesome. It is. But it isn’t.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

🎶 99 bottles of beer on the wall...🎶

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#74

Registration at a Hospital for me it's, "everything is the same". I have never registered you, so I have no context to what "everything the same means." Just let me ask my 5 simple questions and you can be on your way. Quit giving me a hard time because I don't know you.

I can't tell you the amount of times where everything is the same, wasn't correct, either you changed your primary doctor, emergency contact, phone number, whatever.

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BusLady
Community Member
6 months ago

Typically, all the info should be in the person's file. They usually do ask "Has anything changed?" That's important info they need to know.

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#75

IT. "Can you hack my

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Mika P
Community Member
6 months ago

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#76

As a Recruitment Consultant: "Haha so you just do your magic and find a job for me! Bye!"

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Kathy Baylis
Community Member
6 months ago

Then you do YOUR magic and become qualified to do something!

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#77

I work in IT. "Have you tried turning it off and on again? " never gets old.

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GenXandEarnedItAll
Community Member
6 months ago

CTRL, ALT, DEL!!!!!

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#78

I work in IT, when something doesn't load for people, they love asking "is it the server?". Yes it's the server....all 50 of them...

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Yasmin Janette
Community Member
6 months ago

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'. Customer: 'OK'. Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'. Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'. Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.

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#79

Landscaping - “hur hur do you want to come do mine (beds/lawn/etc) next? Hur hur”

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CrunChewy McSandybutt
Community Member
6 months ago

I get this when I'm washing my car. Every time.

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#80

Paramedic here, I ALWAYS get the old ladies saying “oh! My taxi!” Or “You coming back for me later?”

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Ross Keim
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

Maybe they are hoping you actually will because they don’t get to see the same face very often and are grateful for your help and want to see their savior again?

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#81

“there was a typo on the quiz, so that question doesn’t count” or “I was absent that day, so I don’t have to do that assignment”

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Ross Keim
Community Member
6 months ago

Seems fair

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#82

Phlebotomy.

Oh lord, the vampires here, let me call you back

I have terrible veins! They roll; they're deep, and you have to use a butterfly!

Well damn, how many tubes you need?

I ain't gonna have one more drop of blood by the time I get outta here

What they testing me for this time? A what? Like I know what that is.

Yogg_Sothoth_Arbys Report

JP
Community Member
6 months ago

I have crappy veins, I tell them when I get there. I don't want some intern trying to stab me, I want the person who knows what they are doing. I may be used to being stabbed 7-10 times for an IV or blood draw, but that doesn't mean I like it! I also know which arm, generally which spot on that arm, does the best. So, when I say I have crappy veins and ask if you are the most experienced I'm not being facetious, I'm trying to not walk out with both arms and a wrist wrapped from your dumb-ass stabbing me so much.

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#83

If I can't fix a random-ass problem on someone's PC, I get "so do i get a new one hurr hurr" so often it hurts.

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Ross Keim
Community Member
6 months ago

I think that’s more of a real question than a joke

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#84

Tutor in adult education
Student - can't you just do my assessment for me
Me - yes I can, but I won't as you can't afford to pay me at least my current wage until I retire, in a lump sum in advance for when I lose my job. You will also not be able to use the qualification you have paid for.

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