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Brutally Honest Parents Share What Would Happen If They Named Kids After The Reason They Had Them, And It’s Hilarious
Parents usually go through hell and high water when choosing a name for their child, so writer and mother Bunmi Laditan has suggested a simple method for handling this difficult task. "If we named kids after the reason we had them, it'd be like, 'Hey Marital Problems stop hitting Broken Condom I'm trying to put Hennessy down for a nap.'" Needless to say, it caught on, and the Internet responded accordingly.
From 'Groupon had a deal on bikini waxing' to 'Roommate went to Walmart,' kids with names like these wouldn't have to listen to embarrassing stories about how they were conceived; everything would be clear from the get-go. Scroll down to read what alternative names parents have for their kids and if you come up with any, feel free to share them in the comments!
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#1
Tamara Laney 8 years ago
As a "rhythm baby" (according to my Catholic parents) , "Bad Math" totally cracks me up!
BearsKitten 8 years ago
Im dropping "Antibiotics+birthcontrol=conception" (we call him ABC, or Alph for short) off at school, "Quickie in the shower", grab your brother, "Breastfeeding is NOT birth control" and get in the car!
Christine Brouwer 8 years ago
"Bad Meth" is something totally different...but OK
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#2
Pattie Kelly 8 years ago
DesperateForeaBaby doesn't always mean "WOWThatWasEasierThanIThought which brings you to "Surpriseat43.
#3
Pattie Kelly 8 years ago
Because you had too much tequila is why you named your baby "I would never get pregnant again".
Pattie Kelly 8 years ago
"Too Much Tequila" is why you named you second child "The Doctor Said I Could Never Get Pregnant Again".
Lisa Atchley 8 years ago
This is actually mine as well. I almost gave her Cuervo as her middle name.
Marika Stanway 8 years ago
My first one would be your second one :) And my second one would be Copper IUD That Didn't Work!
Tamara Laney 8 years ago
Actually knew a young woman named Tequila Smoke. She always had to tell people, "Yeah, that's my real damn name." Apparently her parents were on to this game early.
Debbie Andersson 8 years ago
Thats a lame doctor if she actually got pregnant, not to good at the job eh.
#4
#5
Pattie Kelly 8 years ago
Boring Saturday too bad and then Snowstorm and what do you expect "OOPS"?
Marnee DeRider 8 years ago
So, one kid was conceived while accidentally having sex? I hate it when I accidentally have sex.
Marnee DeRider 8 years ago
Never mind. I reread what this one is about and Oops actually does make sense.
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#7
Pattie Kelly 8 years ago
How about "I wish I had a nosy house then the one who "Isn't Cute Toddler Anymore" would not be there to have to put his shoes on.
#8
Helen Burgess 8 years ago
i have a vegas baby, too, and i say the same thing! she was an on-purpose baby, which surprises a lot of people :)
Pattie Kelly 8 years ago
How about "What Happens In Vegas comes home from Vegas and then OH S**T".
#9
Pattie Kelly 8 years ago
Two excuses for not wanting a baby to naming it after a seductive movie.
#10
Lina 8 years ago
My best friend just gave birth to twins a couple of weeks ago...and when that happened, for a whole week, I just wanted to get married as soon as possible and have children. I don't even know why....I guess I just want to start the next part of my life and care about my own family and not about the idiots I meet at work or on the streets. You know, like......isolate myself in my own reality (family).
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#11
offline 8 years ago
i wonder how many -trump is president now that the nation is doomed let's do something to cheer up- babies there are..
Phillip Moderow 8 years ago
... and many of those people would like to RE-name their children to What-Was-I-Thinking or Borat !- I-meant-Borat ! or I-Should-Have-Slept-With-A-Boa Constrictor or Just-Send-Me-To-The-PCS (Penitentiary for the Criminally Stupid) and for those with twins, Dumb-and-Dumber (2008 / 2012). The rest have learned NOTHING.
#13
#16
Bored Fox 8 years ago
Probably, but I have also heard some wild stories about people who just pick ordinary mushrooms. :D
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#18
Hamdhaan Hassan 8 years ago
her first child needed a friend so the second child
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#19
Mark tate 8 years ago
Hey “It Took 2 Years of Trying”, help me get “It Only Takes Once” and “Failed Birthday BJ” get ready for bed!
Troy Currie 8 years ago
Failed Birthday BJ??? Shouldn't it be; Oops, it slipped out of my mouth and accidentally slipped into my vjj...and out and in and out and in.
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Holly Pacier 8 years ago
HA HA that would make me "San Francisco-Oakland Earthquake of 1989" or as my mother so tactfully puts it- "The TV Was Out We Were Bored".
#20
Rosemary Booth 8 years ago
My older sister is 11 months older than me, so this should probably be my name too!
#22
Gina Bean 8 years ago
Generally you don't ovulate while breastfeeding (especially the first few months) so some women foolishly rely on it. You never know when ovulation will start back up.
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Hugo Raimundo 7 years ago
I'd be "didnt want to go out on new years eve so we got drunk at home"
#24
Signe Manat Hansen 8 years ago
Maybe they fought at a taco truck and had make up sex?
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#26
Wanda Queen 8 years ago
"Family planning" = counting to see when you are ovulating (don't have sex) vs when you're not ovulating (safe to have sex). It's clearly a pretty unreliable method. :D lol
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#27
BearsKitten 8 years ago
I have an "Antibiotics on birth control" also. I'm guessing there are more than a few that share that moniker...lol
adoracat 8 years ago
Not ALL antibiotics screw up the pill's effectiveness, but enough do that goddamned doctors should TELL WOMEN about the effect every time.
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#32
#33
Daryl's_Girl 8 years ago
My sister named her kids Savannah, Jaxon and Cheyenne. I asked her if those were the places the kids were recieved.
Karen Klinck 8 years ago
I knew 4 kids, by same woman: Chevette, Chevelle, Corvair, and Corsair. All we could figure is they were named after the cars they were conceived in...
Chess Wizard 8 years ago
Interesting, but what does that have to do with cognac?
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#35
Lisa Reed 8 years ago
My son was born in 96 and my husband was Airforce so we had Tricare (insurance). They paid for 99% of the hospital and doctor visits. My pregnancy was normal so there weren't any surprises. If it's the same cost as then and you're in the military- Have them BEFORE you get out!!
Chess Wizard 8 years ago
If you are in the military in the United States, or a military spouse, and you are having a baby, Tricare (military insurance) picks up most of the tab, as long as everything is normal.
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#38
Debbie Palmer 8 years ago
NO it doesn't! Males seman starts comming long before he does.
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#40
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
Both sound tropical! A flower-tiara that has such an effect, must have had beautiful tropical flowers! Haha
#43
Karen Klinck 8 years ago
Given my age (I was born in '53) mine would be 'But He Said I'd Be Safe!'
Troy Currie 8 years ago
Given your age of 64...yours should be "YOU'VE GOT TO BE F'N KIDDING ME!"
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Signe Manat Hansen 8 years ago
It friggin isn't, dammit. Use a condom, people.
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#45
#46
Kate Szymanski 8 years ago
Not sure about my older brothers, but my name would definitely be "Didn't Think We Still Had It In Us, But At Least There's A Girl Now"
#47
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
When you find precious moments alone, and the kids don't know where you are yet, you take advantage of it!
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#51
#54
Troy Currie 8 years ago
"Monthly Missionary"?...What position is your Go-To and is that how you conceive "What do you mean twins"?
#55
#56
adoracat 8 years ago
I honestly can't remember 9/11. A dear friend died the day before, and the grief kicked my a*s for days after.
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#71
Jay Weigel 8 years ago
Mine would be Finally!, He Needs a Sibling, and Daddy's birthday Present.
Sarah Werth 7 years ago
I would be "Won Bowling In New York" my sisters would be "Well She Needs a Friend" and "I Guess We Are Having a Third".
Lori-Lynn Stephens-Campbell 8 years ago
First times a charm, then it’s a warm night in the woods , and last one was you said we could try just one more time.
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What do you think ?
Wanda Queen 8 years ago
Mine would be "nooner" and "mama was an only child and wouldn't do that to nooner". I would be "abortion wasn't legal yet". *uncomfortable laugh* It's all good, though. ;)
Shari H 8 years ago
I'm pretty sure my nephews would be This Will Make Him Marry Me, and Tried To Solve Our Marital Problems. And my step-niece (the oldest) would be Let's Get High. Mine would be Only Exists in my Dreams Since IVF is So Expensive. My name would be Adopted, and my sister would be But I Thought I Was Infertile, and my brother would be Why Not?
Vincent Tiggelman 8 years ago
According to my mom i would be named "Let's no do a**l for a change"
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
I'm sorry, but I laughed so hard at your one LMFAO!
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Nia Loves Art 8 years ago
I would be "Mexican Vacation" and my brother would be "We can't let Mexican Vacation Be an Only Child".
Shull GaRett 8 years ago
I honestly wonder how many kids would be called a "whoops", "accident" or "drunk/booze". I guess also a "pull put" would be somewhere there as well...
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
My first born would be "Yeah we finally sign up to buy our first apartment, Champagne!" and his sister "Few days in NY without our toddler, let's enjoy a mojito!"
Christian Sanz 8 years ago
Oh how I wish they could actually use freaking quote marks, it's horrifying for non-native english speakers
M. M 8 years ago
Trust me, it's horrifying for native speakers as well. Some of the grammar/wording was outright unreadable.
Load More Replies... Wanda Queen 8 years ago
Mine would be "nooner" and "mama was an only child and wouldn't do that to nooner". I would be "abortion wasn't legal yet". *uncomfortable laugh* It's all good, though. ;)
Shari H 8 years ago
I'm pretty sure my nephews would be This Will Make Him Marry Me, and Tried To Solve Our Marital Problems. And my step-niece (the oldest) would be Let's Get High. Mine would be Only Exists in my Dreams Since IVF is So Expensive. My name would be Adopted, and my sister would be But I Thought I Was Infertile, and my brother would be Why Not?
Vincent Tiggelman 8 years ago
According to my mom i would be named "Let's no do a**l for a change"
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
I'm sorry, but I laughed so hard at your one LMFAO!
Load More Replies... Nia Loves Art 8 years ago
I would be "Mexican Vacation" and my brother would be "We can't let Mexican Vacation Be an Only Child".
Shull GaRett 8 years ago
I honestly wonder how many kids would be called a "whoops", "accident" or "drunk/booze". I guess also a "pull put" would be somewhere there as well...
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
My first born would be "Yeah we finally sign up to buy our first apartment, Champagne!" and his sister "Few days in NY without our toddler, let's enjoy a mojito!"
Christian Sanz 8 years ago
Oh how I wish they could actually use freaking quote marks, it's horrifying for non-native english speakers
M. M 8 years ago
Trust me, it's horrifying for native speakers as well. Some of the grammar/wording was outright unreadable.
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