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If there’s one person who can send your blood pressure through the roof faster than anyone else, it’s a truly awful mother-in-law.
It’s almost impressive, really—the way they can disrespect boundaries, stick their nose where it doesn’t belong, outstay their welcome, and remain completely convinced they’re always right, all without breaking a sweat. The worst part is, they’re out there ruining the reputation for all the genuinely wonderful mothers-in-law who actually deserve the title.
Naturally, people need somewhere to vent about it, which is exactly where r/JUSTNOMIL comes in. The subreddit has become a dedicated corner of the internet for sharing the most unbelievable MIL moments out there, and we’ve rounded up some of February’s worst offenders below. Brace yourself.
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#1
Mil Found Out We're Married. Whoops
Ok, for context, we were not trying to keep it secret. She just wasn't invited to the wedding because my husband doesn't really have a relationship with his mother, sister, and brother.
I posted about my MIL a few times here. Husband is the scapegoat in his family. His mom "cancelled" Thanksgiving in 2024, then supposedly had a change of heart, but "forgot" to invite him. That was pretty much the breaking point for him. He stopped initiating contact to check in and help family out when needed and realized the only time they called him was to ask for "loans" (money they had to intention of ever paying back) or favors. He stopped accommodating them ("You need $500? Sorry, man, I just had to get my car fixed. I'm broke at the moment." "You need me to babysit Friday-Sunday night? Sorry, I'm travelling that weekend for a work conference."). Since April of last year, he hasn't heard from them at all because they realized he wasn't their doormat anymore and stopped contacting him to ask for things.
We had a small, intimate ceremony in October (less than 20 people) and it was his choice not to invite them since he decided the only relationship he had with them was him being a tool they utilized. And they stopped reaching out once they got the message that that dynamic was over. Basically, he was no contact by circumstance, not by choice.
Last week, I updated my Facebook profile photo to one of us at our wedding. His family is blocked from all of my social media, but I guess word got around to them.
She showed up at our home this weekend demanding to know why she wasn't invited, how mean that was of him, etc. He told her, "Sorry, I guess I just forgot." LMAO! She started screaming, "Oh, so it's about that Thanksgiving? Grow up." He told her that it was actually because in the 6 months leading up to the wedding, they never reached out and clearly didn't care about his life.
Then she tried blaming me for "changing him." Yes, I did change him. I got him to see how toxic his family is and now he's made the choice to remove that cancer.
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#2
MIL Is Angry She Can’t Stay Overnight
Before our baby was born, when my in laws visited, we would give up our bedroom out of respect for elders. We live in a two bedroom apartment and hadn’t bought a house yet. The other room had a small bed, so my husband and I slept there while my MIL and FIL slept in our bedroom.
Now that the baby is here, we got rid of the small bed and turned that room into the nursery. Even though the baby still sleeps in a bassinet in our bedroom, we plan to move him to his room by six months. My MIL has been eager to come stay since the baby was born. Now that she found out she’ll need to stay in a hotel, she’s upset and says this is all my doing.
She’s telling others that her son would never make his mother stay in a hotel and that this is my fault. She isn’t saying this to my face, but she’s talking about me and calling me evil. She asked my husband why she can’t sleep where she used to sleep when she visited before. She wants to sleep in our bedroom with the baby but where am I supposed to sleep?
I’m still healing from a postpartum tear and need the bathroom that’s in our bedroom. I breastfeed my son, but she wants to sleep comfortably while I sleep on the couch. It’s ridiculous. We don’t have an extra room. The nursery has the baby’s crib and toys. Where is she expecting to sleep? She even said she could sleep on the couch. She says it’s wrong to stay in a hotel when you have a son, but we live in an apartment, not a house.
#3
When Your Mother-In-Law Insists To Your Daughter...
It was my husband’s sister’s birthday, and my 3.5-year-old daughter, my husband, and I were at my mother-in-law’s house.
Everything was going well until they decided that my daughter should blow out the candles with her aunt. My mother-in-law said, "Do you want to sit next to your aunt and blow out the candles?" My daughter looked at me and said, "I don’t feel like it, thank you." Then she insisted, "It would be such a nice picture, come on, sit with your aunt." My daughter looked at me, and I asked her, "Do you want to go?" The little girl replied, "No." I told the grandmother, "She doesn’t want to, you heard her." The grandmother insisted. My daughter got upset, stared at her, and said firmly, "I said I don’t want to." My mother-in-law widened her eyes and said, "Okay, I didn’t know." My daughter replied, "I already said no before."
My husband came over and told me, "No matter how much my mom says she’s like them, it’s not true. Our daughter is just like you. She warned twice, and the third time she got upset... sweet and with character."
#4
"You're So Lucky He Lets You Drive"
While visiting home we were going to an escape room 45 minutes away. My BIL and SIL took their kids in their van while I drove with my husband, and MIL. I was driving, husband in shotgun and MIL in the backseat.
They were talking mostly when all of the sudden she addresses me. "You know you are so lucky that "husband" is so nice and that he lets you drive. Not a lot of men would let you drive like he does. He is a very special person." (She means while he is in the car as if when a man is in the car he must be driving. Her oldest son and husband are very strict about this rule. Despite their wives driving solo all the time and with their kids.)
Now normally I hold my tongue and try to respect her opinions but I am proud of myself for my reply. "No, he does not get points for that. I would not marry a man who thought he could let me do anything. I am my own person and I can do whatever I want. We are equals and while I agree he is a very special person he doesnt get points for trusting me to do something I've safely done for 17 years.
Also for this trip we are borrowing my aunts car and her rule is only women are allowed to drive her car so he would actually be lucky if she let him drive." She back tracked a bit and tried to explain why exactly him "letting" me drive was so amazing.
At that point my husband took over and explained to his mom the idea that I got to make my own choices and he would never try to make rules for what I can and cannot do. Again she tried to say how special he was for that and he interrupted her and said it was basic decency and respect for your partner. I feel bad because her marriage is terrible so explaining the bare minimum is the bare minimum feels like an attack on her life but also I'm not going to sit and gush over my husband for respecting me as a human being.
#5
Mil Tried To Move Into Our House And Now Acts Like Evicted Poor Widow
My FIL passed away last year. Not pretty. I really felt for her. I helped with everything I could. I kept telling my husband we need to be patient with her because grief makes people weird, but it also made her straight-up bold.
Three months ago, she casually says her house feels too empty. That it’s too much upkeep. That she’s lonely. I say that’s understandable. Maybe downsize. Maybe a condo somewhere near so we’d visit. She says, actually, I was thinking I could just stay with you two for a bit. For a bit - remember this.
We live in a three-bedroom house. One is our room. One is our toddler’s room. The third is my office. I work from home. She says it’s only until she feels stable again. And that wasn’t a timeline. That was a declaration of her future lifestyle.
I say no. Gently. Respectfully. I say we can help you look at smaller places. We can come over more. But we don’t have space for a live-in situation. She goes quiet. Nods. Says she understands.
Next week, she tells my cousins (whom I’ve barely met twice, but they are the only ones who’ll listen to her) that we refused to take her in after she lost her husband. That she offered to just sleep on the couch. Sleep on the couch. Indefinitely. In my living room. With my toddler.
My husband is stuck in the middle and keeps saying she’s just hurt. I didn’t sign up for polygamy. I didn’t agree to abolish my place of work and rearrange everything just for her stability.
#6
Talked To Husband Finally About Not Letting MIL Move Out With Us
Context: My MIL, 60, lives with my husband (35M) and me (30F).
Finally, I had a conversation with my husband about leaving his mother behind in his condo. I wanted to speak to him for almost three months but waited it out until yesterday.
My husband and I were cleaning the guinea pig cage when I had to pause my part and get our baby, who had just woken up from her nap. I came back to his mother huffing and puffing as she came out of her room. My husband had the guinea pig plastic tub bottom and tried to ask his mother to hold open the door for him. She snapped and stated he shouldn't be putting that mess into the toilet and asked if he was an idiot. Then, when he tried to explain, she said, "You are a complete fool," before going back into her room.
I was standing only a foot away as she spoke to my husband like that. I wanted to react, but my husband and I agreed that if we needed to speak to our family about something, it would be us speaking to them. I went to my husband and told him I must be an idiot too because I've been dumping that liquid into the toilet as well. The special "liquid" has the animal's small poop and pee - that's it, no hay or anything else.
Then she came out and said she needed to leave for something and took his car. That's when I acted fast. I asked him if he liked being talked to like that. He simply stated there's nothing that can be done because if you try to reason with her, it'll make her angrier.
I calmly stated that it is not our problem to walk around like there's glass on the floor. I explained the other problems with his mother, such as that she has called him spoiled to my sister, she reports to his brother about what's going on in our home, how she treats him compared to his awful brother, and how she treats him in front of me without hesitation.
I finally stated that it's a no for me. I do not want her coming with us. He understood, and now we plan on telling her.
Jeff White 3 hours ago
Tell her, serenity now, calm, tell her again, serenity now, repeat until ...
#7
MIL-Proof Locks
MIL will be visiting our home soon, but luckily it’s a short visit since she has other obligations that bring her out our way. She told us she wanted to stay here for “a few days,” but we gave her one day and night that worked for us, only because she was going to be in town. You can tell us what you want, MIL, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.
But that’s not the point of my post. She just loves to snoop through our things. Last time she was here, she was going through our bathroom cabinets looking for a hairdryer to borrow. She has her own guest bathroom to use, so she went out of her way to go into ours and start looking around. Any normal person would just ask, but not my entitled, boundary-stomping MIL.
I have these baby-proofing cabinet locks that require a magnet on the outside of the cabinet to open the latch and therefore open the cabinet. I got them a while ago but couldn’t get them to fit my cabinets. I just took them out again because I’ve been stressed about her snooping during this upcoming visit. Now that I have more determination, I figured out how to get them to fit, and I have successfully installed them on all bathroom cabinets. The magnet will be hidden away.
It’s not like I have anything unusual in my cabinets; it’s just the principle. Now I can actually put more personal things there if needed. And I do have a baby, so it’s not strange for them to be baby-proofed—they needed to be baby-proofed. But now they’re MIL-proofed as well.
Gotta celebrate the small wins that bring a little peace of mind during an inevitable high-alert, stressful time.
#8
Put Up Boundaries And Now Visits Are Unbearable
When LO was born four months ago, DH’s parents visited often, at least one to two times a week. We were both on work leave and okay with it, while a little annoyed because they overstay and make critical and odd remarks.
Then we both went back to work and LO started daycare, so our weekends have become our time to bond, catch up on chores and errands, see friends, and find time for my family as well. We had to put up boundaries on his parents visiting, which has now been reduced to once a month.
Due to this, the visits are becoming unbearable. They were here last weekend and refused to let me hold my baby for six hours. They wouldn’t let him go take a nap, so he had sporadic small naps in their arms. They brought a bunch of raw food and expected me to cook, though they made a big deal about how I “didn’t have to do that.” When were we supposed to eat then? You’ve been parked on the couch the entire time.
There were constant guilt trips throughout the entire visit that they hadn’t seen LO in weeks and that he’s now an entirely different baby. The best part was that my MIL sent over 20 photos to the family group chat that evening, and I wasn’t in any of them because I was busy being the stagehand for the day and serving them.
I’m so frustrated that I let it get so out of control because they were steamrolling me. I refuse to let this happen again in the future. What kind of people treat a new mom like this?
Next time, I’ll be taking him away to nurse him instead of letting them bottle-feed him. I’ll be stern about his nap time. And I’ll leave the cooking and cleaning up to them. I obviously need to have a big talk with my husband and have him back me up.
#9
Mil Only Came To Feed My Husband
My MIL came over to cook for my husband. I just gave birth and have been experiencing dizziness and lightheadedness. I even fainted at the hospital after delivery. Since then, I’ve been extremely sensitive to heat. I’m basically surviving breastfeeding and pumping by keeping the AC and fan on and eating popsicles all day. Breastfeeding has been hard, but I’m still doing it.
Instead of asking me what I’d like to eat or drink, considering I’m the one who just gave birth and need to drink so much water, she’s cooking all of my husband’s favorite meals. She hasn’t even gotten me water while I’m pumping. Of course he’s enjoying his mom’s cooking, and I’m not upset that he’s eating. I’m upset because she’s making our small home extremely hot with all the cooking.
When you walk into the kitchen, it’s very hot from everything she’s preparing. She’s cooking cultural food from her country, and the smell is very strong. The whole place smells like it, and it feels heavy and overwhelming. Even with the fan on, the heat and smell linger. My clothes smell, and the house feels hot and stuffy. The baby has even been sneezing.
I’m not trying to criticize her food. Before giving birth, I loved trying foods from all over the world. But right now, I don’t feel well. I can’t tolerate meals that make me sweat, and I feel overstimulated by her being here, especially when it feels like she’s only here to cook for my husband.
I already told her that I don’t like the food she keeps making, but she continues to cook it. She says that when a woman gives birth, she has to eat this kind of food. But I’m not even eating it; it’s just them enjoying it. If my mom came, and she loves to cook too, she would make sure to cook what everyone likes, not just me.
#10
MIL Told Me To Stop Breastfeeding
We have a 16-month-old son, and I have been very vocal about aiming to breastfeed until he is two years old.
Last night, while away for a family weekend trip, I fed my son, then my husband came and put him down for bed. My son cried when I left the room, which he doesn’t do at home when I finish feeding, but my husband was with him to rock him and sing to him as usual.
I came out, and my MIL said, “Does he not sleep when you feed him?” I told her sometimes he does, but sometimes he just tries to use me as a pacifier, and it gets sore, so I take him off. She then told me I must not be making enough milk and that I should stop breastfeeding.
I immediately went on the defensive and told her that when I pump, I make between 120–180 ml, so I very much have a supply. The conversation moved on.
I’m just so angry. It’s like she’s trying to make me feel inadequate. It has nothing to do with her. I’m angry she even offered this opinion. I’m angry I had to defend my personal journey with breastfeeding my son.
#11
MIL Is Upset With Me For... Hanging Out With My Friends?
I recently moved to a new country to support my husband while he goes to school. We are staying with my in-laws to save money. After almost half a year of being depressed and isolated, I finally made friends I click with and can talk to easily.
The night before I was going to hang out with them, I was so giddy. I’ve always been a social person, and not having friends here has made me feel so down. One of my friends hosted a Galentine’s hangout. We painted, made bouquets, and watched movies.
While I was gone, my MIL pulled my husband aside and asked:
Why didn’t I invite him with me? Why was I excluding him?
It’s not a good look for me as a wife to go out without my husband. I showed a “lack of respect” for him.
How could I put myself in a situation to be influenced without my husband around?
I shouldn’t be acting single anymore.
Mind you, we have been married for eight years. This has never been a problem for either of us. My own mom constantly stresses getting my own hobbies and friends outside of my husband so I can have time for myself.
To his credit, my husband stood firm and said, “This is our marriage, and I’m perfectly fine with her hanging out with friends,” and left the conversation.
Now they’re acting friendly to my face and still expecting me to hold conversations with them. This is so draining, and my mental health has never been worse. I constantly have to deal with these comments, but they will never say them to my face. They choose to talk to my husband because they feel he’s the man of our family and should be the one keeping me in check.
I feel like I’ve been transported to the 1950s or something.
#12
No Access To Child For Mil Post Separation
My child’s father and I have decided to separate. While the issues with ex-MIL have definitely played a big part in the demise of our relationship, they were not the sole reason. We are still living together while we sort out our arrangements to live separately.
We are both in agreement that I will have our baby full time until she is older, has stopped breastfeeding, and is more comfortable being away for overnights, as long as he isn’t still living in a share house with random roommates, which he intends to move into soon.
We agree on everything pertaining to our proposed co-parenting arrangement except for one thing: his parents’ access to our child. I do not want them to have any access to her, as he is not capable of holding boundaries with them. MIL and FIL have said they want to give my baby their HSV-1 and have tried to multiple times.
I spoke to a lawyer today who, while very shocked by what he heard and claiming it was a first for him, said that I would be well within my rights to try to refuse access to them, considering how dangerous it can be for LO. I offered a midway point: they could have supervised visitation with her through a third-party contact center, at their expense, with him present.
He was upset, and I’m not sure if he will agree to sign the parenting plan with this in place, but he did say, “Whatever, as long as they can see her.”
They don’t know any of the logistics of our breakup at this stage. They only know we have broken up and are, of course, celebrating. They are now looking for a larger three-bedroom house, presumably to home my ex and our daughter, which won’t be happening. But let them waste their money.
Has anybody else dealt with refusing access to MIL and FIL to your children post-separation?
#13
MIL Accessing App
My MIL has always been obsessed with my LO’s (8 months) sleep. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs with his sleep, which is normal, especially through sleep regressions. Since LO was around six months, I’ve been grey-rocking. When she asks, I just say, “He’s sleeping fine,” and leave it at that.
When we see her, which is only once a month or so because my in-laws live eight hours away, she goes on and on about “how tired he looks,” “he looks exhausted,” “you poor thing, you’re so tired,” “he just needs to sleep,” “did he sleep in the car?” and “here, I’ll try and get him to sleep.” I ignore it because she’s always incorrect. He’s not even remotely ready for a nap or showing tired signs.
I’m also done trying to understand why she’s obsessed with his sleep. I don’t know if she’s attempting to undermine me as a mother or if she likes hearing stories of me being sleep-deprived and struggling. That’s why I don’t engage in discussions about it anymore.
Since he was a newborn, she has also loved to question and point out things like nonexistent scratches or bruises on his body, whether one of his eyes looks lazy, why he’s only grabbing with his left hand, or whether his ankle clicked and needs to be checked. Borderline hypochondriac comments. My baby is perfectly fine and healthy, and we ignore it.
When LO was five months old, my husband and I went to a friend’s wedding that we had RSVP’d to before I even found out I was pregnant. It was the first and only time I allowed my MIL to look after LO alone, and it was only for six hours. She’s quite anxious and scattered, and I don’t trust her to mind LO without supervision. We came home early in the end. My husband gave her access to the Huckleberry app so she would know when to put him down for a nap. We only use it for the “sweet spot,” and it’s helpful during regressions and nap transitions.
Recently, I noticed some strange things like bottles, pumping, and breastfeeding times added to our Huckleberry, which I don’t track. I deleted them and mentioned it to my husband, and he said it must be a glitch in the app.
We saw my in-laws this week, and my MIL, like clockwork, asked about LO’s sleep. I said, “It’s been fine,” and she responded, “I’ve been watching the app, and he didn’t seem to have a good night Tuesday or Wednesday.”
That’s when it dawned on me that she has probably been clicking around and adding random entries to our app while checking in on my baby’s sleep. She forced a response from me by rebutting every answer I gave with evidence of his “poor sleep” from the tracking she had scrolled through in the app.
Am I overreacting in thinking this is an invasion of privacy? How do I explain this to her? I understand we gave her access, but it was only meant for one afternoon. Is she doing this because she doesn’t like the brief responses I’ve been giving her? How long has she been monitoring my baby’s sleep? Why is she looking and so obsessed with it?
#14
MIL Makes Inappropriate Jokes About Paci Clip
Baby is 9 months old. Every single time my baby has her paci clip, my MIL likes to announce that she’s playing with her “anal beads.” This paci clip is the one that has bubbles on it.
Yes, I get it, I might think it was clever if it wasn’t a baby toy and my child wasn’t actively using it for her paci and playing with it. But it is disgusting to me that she has been making that reference since birth. This was probably the seventh or eighth time she’s said this. It was in front of my grandmother and sister as well. No one laughed.
It’s weird to me. It also ruined the mood when I said it was disgusting to say that about a baby toy. She left pouting, and I’m sure she’ll try to make me apologize.
Now I’m not sure if this is just me because she annoys me with every word she says. I honestly can’t stand her presence. But I do try to give grace, and this is the first time I’ve ever said anything to her about this repetitive joke.
Is it gross to anyone else to make that kind of sexual reference about a baby toy, especially while a baby is using it? No one else mentions anything when she says it.
Edit: Thank you all for the quick responses. As for the part about making me apologize, I usually do just to end the MIL tantrums. She will likely try to get one for embarrassing her, but I definitely won’t in this situation. I’ve never seen this behavior in anyone, and my husband and I have always thought she just liked attention and tended to ignore it. It’s not an issue unless it involves my child. No excuses. No one else would put up with this the first time, so I regret even brushing it off once.
#15
MIL Temper Tantrum
Well, my MIL strikes again.
My son is turning one next month, and we are having a birthday party that is mostly family with a handful of family friends. I sent out e-vites last week and didn’t realize it was going to start a war.
I sent one e-vite to my MIL and her sons who still live at home. For some background, her sons—my baby’s uncles, if you can even call them that—have yet to ever interact with my son. We’ve been in the same room, and they blatantly ignore him. My husband and I decided a while ago that our boundary is that they can have access if they want it, but we aren’t going to go out of our way just to get our feelings hurt.
Historically, my MIL gets in the middle of my husband and her other adult children’s problems and always makes it worse. She apparently found out I sent a separate e-vite to my husband’s cousin, even though she lives at home with her parents, who were also invited. So she decided to ask my husband’s brother if he received his own invitation, even though she clearly sees that her invitation includes her sons who live at home.
She came over today and told us that he is mad at us and will not be attending our son’s first birthday because he did not get his own invitation. She also told my husband and me that we are only hurting our son by his uncles not being in his life.
I kindly told her that she is telling that to the wrong people. We agree it’s sad for our son that his uncles don’t want to be involved, but we can’t control that.
In regard to the invitation, I did get a little snippy and say that it sounds like she stirred the pot by telling his brother he didn’t receive his own invitation. That triggered her. She began to cry, wagged her finger at me, saying, “I will not be called a pot stirrer. All I ever try to do is help!” and then proceeded to storm out of our house.
Mind you, she was supposed to provide child care for us today so we could finish a remodel project on our house. I just finished dealing with my own family drama surrounding this birthday party. Did I mention I’m pregnant? I’m so sick of selfish, manipulative people stressing me out.
#16
Mil Booked Vacation Same Date Of Our Trip With My So And She Expects Him To Come To Her Trip Now. She Knew About Our Trip Since 4 Months Ago
As the title explains, my SO and I are flying out of the continent this summer. The tickets are not bought yet, but it’s decided that the trip will be for two months starting in June. She knows about it because he is still financially dependent on her and has to ask for permission.
After knowing about this for months, she decided to book a summer trip that is a three-hour drive away with her friends. However, she said she wants him to come with her. Now my SO tells me he’s going to fly back home to go on that trip with her and then fly back to me.
I told him that’s too expensive, and I don’t even know if she will let him do that. It’s crazy that I even have to say that. He also told me he doesn’t have to go, but I don’t believe it because she always complains to him that he doesn’t pay enough attention to her anymore.
She knows about all of this. But of course, my SO doesn’t even blink at that fact and says she booked it early because of how busy it is.
#17
Mil *trying* To One-Up Me With Attention From My Baby?
MIL occasionally babysits our 9-month-old son. The last couple of times she’s watched him, she’s made some “one-upping” comments toward me about my baby.
For example, two weeks ago she watched him for four hours while I had back-to-back appointments. When I went to pick him up, he immediately crawled over to me, didn’t want to leave my side, and got extremely fussy shortly after I arrived. MIL told me he hadn’t napped at all while he was with her but was fine up until I got there. She said it in a slightly snarky way.
I replied along the lines of, “Oh, well babies tend to hold their emotions in until they’re around their mothers and get clingy when they feel safe enough to express those emotions.” She immediately launched into a story about how “the last time he was here, a neighbor came over and he crawled to her and got fussy and wouldn’t let her go. Probably because he felt she was a ‘nurturer’ to him too.”
Okay, whatever.
Then last night, my husband, baby, BIL, SIL, and their baby were all visiting her. My nephew, who is only a month older than my son, fell asleep in his bouncer shortly after we got there. About 15 minutes later, my BIL and SIL stepped out for a moment. My baby was in my husband’s lap when my nephew woke up. My nephew wouldn’t stop staring at me, and I was sitting where my SIL had been sitting when he initially fell asleep.
I made a lighthearted joke to my husband, saying, “He keeps staring at me like, ‘Wait… you’re not my mom.’”
My MIL overheard and immediately jumped in, saying, “Well, your son is staring at me. He keeps staring at me too.” My husband replied, “I think he’s staring at the TV, which you’re sitting directly in front of.”
I just get the feeling that she’s trying to compete with me for attention from my baby. It feels like she’s trying really hard to have that “mother” connection with him, as if it’s on the same level as mine. It just rubs me the wrong way.
#18
Had A Big Blow Up At My Mil
My MIL had a big 60th birthday planned, a week-long holiday booked for her whole family. I have a 2-year-old, the only grandchild, so there was a lot of pressure to bring her on this trip. My dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly. My nana’s husband had a heart attack the same day my dad passed away. My nana’s health is deteriorating rapidly. To put it lightly, we are dealing with a lot in my family.
I called my MIL and explained that I did not feel like going on a trip one week after all of this would be a good idea. During the call, my MIL and my husband kept pushing me to go. “Don’t write it off yet. You can come back whenever you need to.” I obviously had no time to plan, organize, or pack anything.
I had a huge argument with my husband the night before the trip. When she saw me at the ferry terminal, she asked how I was. I said, “Not good,” and started crying. She turned around and kept getting bags out of the car, just throwing in a “You can go if you want” in an annoyed, not very genuine way. They then completely ignored me. I didn’t feel up to joining them, so they just left me in the apartment on my own with no food or anything.
When they got back, I said I couldn’t do it and had booked the ferry home. She blew up and said I chose to come and that I ruined her birthday. My husband was silent the whole time. I screamed at him that I wanted a divorce and that he could marry his mother in front of his whole family. I moved in with my mum for two weeks.
My husband has now realized he has an enmeshed relationship with his mum and is seeking counseling. MIL sent a non-apology, basically saying it was my fault she treated me like that because I yelled at my husband.
We’ve had a few minor issues with my MIL in the past, but I’ve set boundaries, not my husband, and she has usually been fairly respectful after that. So this behavior is pretty extreme for her. My husband has always been as useful as a wet blanket in stressful situations.
Basically, what do I do? I want to leave, but we have a 2-year-old. I also have enough on my plate without adding a divorce. Is he even redeemable if he gets some therapy?
#19
Grandma Stealing Food From Her 2 Year Old Grand Child
Before I start, my MIL doesn’t have dementia or anything like that. She has been tested recently and multiple times. They have said she has a behavioral problem, but she has never sought help for it.
We are living with my in-laws temporarily while waiting for repairs to be done on our house, and my mother-in-law is horrible. I have a 2-year-old, and whenever I feed him lunch, dinner, breakfast, or anything, she will go get his food when I am not looking. I brought it up to her one day when I was watching from the kitchen, and she said, “Oh, he called me over here to get one.” I said, “Of course he did, he is 2, and you were being manipulative, knowing he would tell you to come get one when you asked.”
I don’t mean she takes just one. She will keep sneaking over until they are all gone, and food isn’t cheap. She will even snatch food from his hand. We pay bills and for our own food there, and she still tries to eat all of our food. Even if we put it in a cooler bag or hide it, she still goes through it. I am at my wits’ end. My husband, her son, is tired of it too.
She doesn’t want my son around unless he has food. Other times, she tells him to go to his mama. When I tell her to get her own food, she mocks me. But when it comes to her food and he tries to get some, she will yell.
I have even caught her drinking from my drink while I was busy. My drink was sitting beside me, and she picked it up and drank from it. When I confronted her, she said, “This is my house.”
One night, I brought leftovers from Olive Garden and set them down for a few minutes while I was getting other things into the house. She ate all of my leftovers.
#20
I Had No Idea There Were Women Out There Trying To Relive Motherhood Until I Met My Mil
Call me naïve, but my own grandmother just wasn’t like this. I had no idea. My mom adored her and described her as “the most lovely woman.” After my parents divorced, my grandma stood up for my mom and had her back. She never tried to take over or anything like that.
Then I met my husband’s mom. In my head, I think of her as a vulture or a rabid, salivating dog, and my kids are her prey. She’s so intense and desperate to relive her days as a mother and “help” us.
When I was first postpartum, I didn’t notice too much. But as time has gone on, I’ve started to see more and more. She is manipulative, pushy, competitive, physically smothering, has an agenda and rigid traditions, was investigated and fired from her job after being accused of being hostile to others in the workplace, is estranged from her siblings due to “past conflicts,” and does not like hearing the word “no.”
And surprise, the other SIL in the family has completely cut her off. Maybe I’m just dense, but I struggle to understand the mindset behind what she does. I can’t imagine looking at someone else’s child and getting possessive, competitive, and strange about it.
How are these women justifying what they’re doing? Do they even realize? I’m constantly confused about how my MIL rationalizes her behavior to herself. No, I don’t want you to come over so you can “help” and “be mom for the day,” which is literally something she has asked me if she could do.
#21
So We’re Getting Our House And Guess Who Can’t Just Be Happy For Us?
So we’re getting our house, and guess who can’t just be happy for us?
DH and I are finally about to be on our own after a year and a half of getting back on our feet. We took a leap and moved states to live with my dad, thank goodness, and we are doing so much better. We are each making more money, and DH is in line for a promotion. We have our eye on a house and are so excited to finally provide for ourselves.
DH called his mom to tell her we are moving out from my dad’s help and into our own place, and you could feel the disdain in her words. “Oh really… well that’s nice… oh, you guys are really settling in, huh?”
Yes. What did she think we were going to do?
She cannot say anything positive about any of the good things that have been happening to us since we moved. She is always negative and passive-aggressive about our accomplishments. I want to tell DH to stop sharing. She clearly doesn’t want what’s best for us. She seems to want her son to struggle so she can be our “savior.”
It’s disheartening, but I don’t care. She can continue to feel however she wants, several hours away from us.
#22
MIL Mad That I Have To Feed My Baby
My MIL came to visit the baby for the first time. She’s staying at a hotel, so she already hates me for it. She wanted to sleep with us, but we don’t have room.
Now she’s saying that by the time she comes over, I always take him to nurse, and she’s irritated by that. She sighs when I leave the room. She looks at her phone and says, “I’m timing you.” When I say I have to feed him, she makes comments like, “Again?” or “Can’t you just wait a little? I’m holding him.”
As if hunger runs on her schedule. As if my baby should pause his needs so she can hold him longer.
What she doesn’t understand, or doesn’t care to, is that nursing isn’t optional. It isn’t me being dramatic. It isn’t me trying to “take the baby away from her.” It’s nutrition. It’s survival. It’s my job to make sure he’s not dehydrated and that he’s well fed.
She cried that I’m doing it on purpose. That I’m purposely feeding him when she comes over and that he doesn’t need to eat that much. She says I should not nurse him on demand. I should nurse him on a schedule because it’s good for my mental health. I know she doesn’t care about my mental health. She just doesn’t want me to take the baby to feed him.
She also complained that I don’t feed the baby in front of her and that even her friends’ daughters nurse in front of her.
When I say I need to feed him, a healthy response would be, “Of course. Take your time.” Or something helpful like, “Do you need water?” Instead, I feel judged for doing the most natural thing in the world.
#23
“You’ll Never Understand Until You’re A Grandmother!”
DH and I were having my parents over yesterday and decided to invite his as well because we all hadn’t been together since the birth of LO four months ago. I was honestly extremely nervous about how this was going to go since JNMIL has intense baby rabies and is increasingly competitive with my parents. My parents are also wary of her because of how she’s treated me postpartum.
First, lo and behold, DH’s parents arrived an hour early and started talking about how they and my parents were going to have to fight over who holds LO. I responded, “Oh, they’ll only be here a couple of hours,” knowing we’ll eventually have to ask JNMIL and FIL to leave because she can’t bear to go. JNMIL looked embarrassed and said, “I mean, I am excited to see them!”
For the most part, she was on her best behavior while my parents were present. Though at one point my mom was holding LO on the couch, and JNMIL had to hold his hand the whole time. My mom didn’t mind.
Once my parents left, DH’s parents stayed another three hours, despite DH telling them multiple times it was time to pack it up. FIL got visibly fed up with JNMIL and told her they needed to go. DH took LO into another room to get him away from her. She exploded, “But I haven’t seen my grandbaby in a month!”
I flatly replied, “It’s been two weeks.” To her credit, she did apologize for forgetting, but then said, “You’ll never understand until you’re a grandmother!”
First of all, my mom is not like that at all. She loves LO and misses him but understands we need space. She also has her own hobbies and friends, both of which JNMIL lacks. I replied, “We work full time and need our weekends. We have social obligations and need to catch up on our lives. We deserve time as a family too.”
She just looked down and shook her head. Once they finally left, DH agreed to talk to her separately about her entitled behavior. I just can’t wait until the day we don’t get guilt-tripped for trying to appropriately fit them into our lives.
#24
MIL Reached Out Again But Won’t Apologize For Throwing Herself A Grandma Shower
We’ve been no contact with MIL since she threw what was supposed to be my baby shower while we were in the hospital with our two-month premature baby. She refused to move the shower to be closer to us and did not come to do anything to support us, but made sure to brag about the meal train she received a few months prior to the birth for her knee surgery.
She also told her extended family not to show up for us when a cousin made reservations at a nearby restaurant to try to accommodate moving the baby shower. Only the cousin and her mother showed up. This was all over a year ago.
A few months later, when she realized my husband was actually no contact (like he told her) and not reaching out, she sent an email with a vague apology: “sorry for not being there.” My husband responded with how we felt and what we needed before we’d consider working on a relationship with her. We needed her to say exactly what happened and genuinely apologize for it. No vagueness.
Another month went by and we received another vague apology email. We decided not to respond.
Well, two weeks ago, around ten months after the last email, she sent another email to my husband saying she misses him and wants him to be a part of her family, and that she hopes we are all doing well. He responded by basically forwarding our last email with our expectations. No response since.
I just don’t get it. We’ve said what we need, and if you’re not going to do what we need, don’t bother emailing. It’s like she reached out to see if he was ready to sweep it under the rug. She was also always so obsessed with having a grandchild, constantly asking for one, and now she’s never even seen a photo of our son because she won’t apologize for what she did.
I could not imagine being this way. It also irritated me when she said she wanted him “to be a part of her family.” It’s the other way around. She should be saying she wants to be a part of our family—her son’s family.
#25
Mil Wanted To Withhold Water From Her Passing Mother...
My MIL is a piece of work. She actually got bored with my daughter when she wasn’t a baby anymore and she couldn’t be the center of her universe. She even got jealous of me because when I come into the room, my daughter cries for me.
She’s outdone herself this time. Her mother is on at-home hospice. My SIL is staying at the house and doing all her care. My MIL only shows up once a week and won’t help unless it’s demanded of her. She also tries to change the routine. She’s rude and argumentative the whole time.
When her mom wanted water, she said they shouldn’t give it to her because it’s prolonging her life. What on earth. She also said they shouldn’t let her sit up on the edge of her hospital bed when she is able to. SIL told hospice about this, and they were very firm that they don’t hasten death; they provide comfort and care. I’m floored they actually had to say that.
#26
MIL Sends Daily Breastfeeding Pictures To Her Adult Son
My MIL keeps sending pictures of herself to my husband. I understand that she’s his mom, but I just became a mom to a son, and I can’t picture myself behaving like her.
She keeps sending pictures of herself breastfeeding my husband when he was a baby. The first picture, I thought, “Oh, cute,” but she’s been sending one every day. This started after he became a dad. I don’t know if she’s just reminiscing about when my husband was a baby.
She got excited in a strange way when she saw our baby. She was jumping up and down and crying that he looks just like her son. I know it sounds innocent, but maybe it’s because I already don’t like her. She was mean to me before I had my son, so now everything she does feels triggering.
#27
MIL- Grandparents Rights
My MIL told my husband that she could have filed for grandparents’ rights. This came up because she is in a feud with her ex-husband, my husband’s stepdad, and doesn’t like them visiting with us.
My husband (29) worked for their company and had us move states away to do an “office job” instead of traveling. Instead, he traveled constantly and left me home alone to work remotely with two kids. Then MIL and DH inherited a house in our original state, and she moved the office back there, even though my husband couldn’t work from home yet. When he had to travel for almost a month at a time, he was able to work in the hotel after being in the field all day.
So MIL changed the rules, closed the office, and decided to bring it back to the original state. Now she has the audacity to threaten “grandparents’ rights” when nothing has been taken from her and she has had every opportunity. She made us move and is now mad about it. She was also upset that I said I wouldn’t have moved if I had known I would be alone like that. Who pays to be alone and struggle willingly?
Apparently, I’m just the awful woman she had to endure taking her son from her, when I’ve done nothing but make life possible. Otherwise, her son would be far worse off without me. I began taking notes today of all her behavior toward me.
#28
Please Help Me Figure Out This Behavior From My Mil. She's Driving Me Crazy
She’s driving me crazy.
I just got back from a four-day trip to Arizona. Our flight landed, and we’d been up since 4 a.m. On the way home, we called my mother-in-law to ask if the kids had eaten because we were going to stop and grab food. She told us both she and the kids had already eaten lunch. So we grabbed lunch for ourselves and drove home.
When we got home, we sat down to eat, and both kids immediately came over wanting our food, so obviously we shared with them. I asked if they had eaten, and they both said no. So I got up and made them lunch, and we all ate. Everyone except MIL came out the whole time, which was awkward in itself.
After we finished eating, my daughter still had some chicken left in her bowl on the table. My mother-in-law asked if it was leftover chicken because she wanted to make a sandwich. I told her no, that it was my daughter’s lunch and she couldn’t have it. I walked into another room, came back out, and caught her eating the chicken straight out of my daughter’s bowl with the same fork my daughter had been using.
I didn’t say anything. I just looked at her and rolled my eyes. She put the fork down and didn’t say anything either.
It makes me so annoyed because not only did she tell us they had eaten, but there was no food in the fridge except what we had prepared before we left. That means she didn’t cook anything for three full days. She just let the kids graze on snacks. She never cooks or helps, but always wants a plate or will literally grab food off your plate.
My husband asked her why she told us the kids had eaten when they clearly hadn’t. She said they ate at 11 and she didn’t think they’d be hungry.
Am I overreacting for being upset that she told us they ate when they didn’t, which meant we didn’t bring them food, and also for eating out of my daughter’s bowl after I specifically said no?
#29
Unannounced Visit
DH’s mother showed up unannounced yesterday. Will it ever end? We went no contact six months ago, though DH is closer to low contact or no contact. I feel like it may have been triggered by my husband texting his younger sibling two days ago.
She had texted him saying she wanted to have a “quick catch-up.” She called him, but there was no answer. Then she texted again saying she “popped in.” We are away from home, so I quickly checked our front camera, and there she was, standing right in front of our door.
Am I crazy, or is she trying to make a power play, more like boundary-stomping? Why do they think everything will be okay, especially when they still treat you like you don’t exist? Her ego is so fragile that she acts like I don’t exist in her world.
This is our home. She behaves as if he’s the only one who lives here. She tried to apologize without having any idea what she was actually apologizing for.
What goes through these types of people’s minds?
#30
Mil Won't Show Up To Our Wedding
They’ve now accepted that they can’t stop us from getting married. She threatened not to show up to our wedding and said she would make sure she stopped all the aunts and uncles from coming as well. She’s also convinced that we rushed everything to overshadow her daughter.
He explained to her that his sister used to call him secretly to fish for information about our wedding and knew about our date months before she booked hers.
I’ve decided I’m not going to her wedding since it’s five weeks before mine and requires a six-hour flight on a random weekend. I also find it interesting that she changed her wedding to a destination event after we confirmed the city and the number of people coming. Our wedding is only a two-hour drive away.
My fiancé is a great guy, but unfortunately his mom and sister have an imaginary competition that I’m not part of. I want to make it clear that I’m actually happy she won’t come to my wedding. That’s less drama to deal with. I just feel bad for my fiancé.
#31
BF's Mother Micromanaged Our Vacation
My boyfriend and I went on a vacation to our hometown about a year ago. I knew his mom could be micromanaging, but I didn’t expect it to show this much. She’s genuinely sweet, but during the trip she inserted herself into almost everything we did.
When my boyfriend’s brother booked two hotel rooms—one for us and one for her—during a trip out of town, she kept insisting on staying in the same room as us. She eventually agreed to separate rooms, but clearly didn’t want to.
Another day, my boyfriend and I planned to visit my friend in the hospital alone, but she subtly changed the plan and turned it into a group outing. She then mentioned feeling dizzy because she hadn’t taken her medication yet, which she usually takes during breakfast, and suddenly the entire day revolved around her and our original plan disappeared.
Throughout the trip, she and my boyfriend often talked about things I wasn’t included in or given context for, while I felt responsible for explaining my own stories so she wouldn’t feel left out. She was never rude, but there was an unspoken expectation that everything had to include her.
What bothered me most was how my boyfriend changed around her. He always said yes, never set boundaries, and prioritized her comfort even when it made me uncomfortable. It felt like he reverted into someone I didn’t recognize.
By the end of the trip, I felt invisible and emotionally exhausted, especially since I had lost a close family member just a month earlier and hadn’t been able to grieve properly.
When we went home, we talked. He apologized for everything and admitted he wished he had made time for just us. He explained that he feels freer away from his family but was raised to believe that saying no to his mom was selfish, so he and his siblings still feel guilty doing things without her. He now understands what he did wrong and is actively working to improve.
Are my feelings valid, or am I overreacting?
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