Every writer aspires to write a killer opening line for their story. However, some of them try too hard to instantly capture the reader's attention, and fail hilariously. Thanks to the writer Adam Cadre, who has held the Lyttle Lytton Contest since 2001, we have a huge amount of absolutely horrendous first-liners not only to laugh at, but also learn from. Each entry is accompanied by Adam's witty commentary, that could maybe help improve your writing!


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Adam was inspired to create his own contest after borrowing the idea from the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest, which also 'celebrates' the worst opening sentences of novels. As Adam explained in his website, the original contest started getting a little too "unwieldy" for his taste, so in turn, he created a contest with entries no longer than 33 words.

Read the best submissions of 2018 below, and tell us what you think in the comments.

More info: adamcadre.ac

#1

Eric‑san had only one goal in life: make Kimiko‑chan his waifu‑chan.

Dylan Report

bob 4 months ago

Ahahahahah the best weeboo quote eva!

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#2

A tear rolled down her face like a tractor. “David,” she said tearfully, “I don’t want to be a farmer no more.”

anonymous Report

Asia 4 months ago

XD Like a tractor!

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#3

Dany approached the castle. (If you’ve forgotten about Dany, reread books 3‑6). In her hand, she held the sword Justificier (reread book 7), still bearing the blood of Durin (reread book 9).

Jenny Report

nanashi 4 months ago

is this a thesis?

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#4

Agent Gunner Storm closed his steely grey eyes and pictured the erotic sphere of Lady Liberty’s bare breast as he thrust into the terrorist princess.

Greg P Report

bob 4 months ago

Super Mario World War III?

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#5

As I felt the vampire sexily drinking the blood from my neck, the warmth between my legs grew both in wetness and in fear for my life.

Cole Borsch Report

Terror from Beyond Space 4 months ago

'Sexily drinking' = Slurp, Slurp.

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#6

The girl with the vegan pork regarded me with eyes more kind than the nonviolence on her plate.

Neil Martin Report

Lärry 4 months ago

O dear god. This is.... a so passive-agressive nonviolent shit that only vegan pork can be.

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#7

The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart.

Power of Positivity Facebook page quoted by Clare Fischer Report

Terror from Beyond Space 4 months ago

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but tongues will never hurt me!

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#8

She walked in with a dress the paralyzing green of the BlackWidow Ultimate Stealth 2014 Edition Elite Mechanical Gaming Keyboard by Razer (4.5 stars, 37 customer reviews)

Katherine Morayati Report

Terror from Beyond Space 4 months ago

I wonder if I could match that color at Home Depot?

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#9

Let me tell you about Sally. Her tits were good.

Sam Kabo Ashwell Report

#10

“It looks like this continent is out of water,” I said in Antarctica, as a rookery of penguins waddled thirstily by.

Ally Walker Report

Ali Cat 4 months ago

How does one "waddle thirstily?"

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#11

I had always been the kind of woman to put my career first, but as I prepared to abandon my crying children to go to work for the hundredth time, a thought struck me—​“Was this His plan for me?”

Holly McEwen Report

Terror from Beyond Space 4 months ago

Well, He is a male.

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#12

You find a cave (you’re a male Half‑elf). The female Full‑elves inside try to restrain their libidos, but that’s like butterfly nets trying to stop 100 mph of uncooked rice.

Allie Brosh Report

glowworm2 4 months ago

This sounds like a typical D&D campaign.

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#13

My lamestream friends told me to start dating again, but I knew the jet fuel of love couldn’t melt the steel beams of my heart.

Klaus Virtanen Report

Jacqui Epley 4 months ago

Subtle shots fired at 9/11 conspiracies.

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#14

The award show was a veritable orgy—​not of sex, but of cultural appropriation.

Bari Weiss, New York Times, 2017.0830 quoted by Peter Berkman Report

Wanda Queen 4 months ago

*gasp* Not THAT!

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#15

Commander B. G. Robinson is very feminine and graciously endowed: everything she has two of are perfectly matched, coordinated, and move with a wonderful grace that is called “woman.”

Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “The Outrageous Okona” shooting script adapted by Harper Cole Report

Terror from Beyond Space 4 months ago

She also has a great plastic surgeon.

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