“Wish I Was Kidding”: 50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names That Were Actually Given To Babies
Interview
I can’t imagine the pressure that parents feel when naming their children. Finding a name that has a positive connotation, that both parents love and that, ideally, won’t leave their child being one of 10 Sarahs in their kindergarten class can feel like an impossible task.
But when in doubt, go for something classic. If you find yourself resorting to the name of your favorite Transformer or Pokémon, you might be better suited for having a pet, not a child.
Redditors have recently been sharing the worst names they’ve ever heard for children, so we’ve gathered some of the most atrocious ones below. Please don’t take any inspiration from this list when naming your own kids, pandas, and be sure to upvote the names that you hope aren’t actually on birth certificates!
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3 sisters named Precious, Pleasure, and Desirees Cox. I’m not even kidding I wish I was….
Did their parents want the daughters to work in the adult entertainment industry?
Labia.
No. I am not joking. Pronounced La'-beeuh. Poor sod.
That’s a lifetime of mockery coming for that poor person.. If we have driving licenses before we’re allowed to drive, people should be tested before they’re allowed to breed 😂
I work at a school... We have a Khaleesi, a Goku, a M'King, Carr'money and a Sir. Parents these days are absolutely as insane as you think.
So do I... But at least here the 'odd' seeming names are due to parents using names that either remind them of something or it's something they want for their kids. Precious, Passion, Fidelity, Happy, etc. Taught three siblings whose names were Regomoditswe Isis (she went by Isis), Mosa Osiris (went by Mosa) and Phumza Cleopatra (went by Phumza). Their mother was obsessed with Egypt, obviously. Taught a girl named Jihad. Asked if I could call her Crusade. Her father wasn't amused, since 'jihad' actually means 'struggle'. I currently have a girl in my class named Amazing. Yes, people call her every synonym for it under the sun. She answers to them all.
To learn more about how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Inky-Skies, who posed the question, "What's the worst name you've known to actually be given to a child?"
She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and share that the thread was inspired by a conversation she had with her boyfriend about silly names. "He just moved from the US to Germany to live with me, and I explained how the law can intervene here if parents try to give their kids very outrageous or insulting/illegal names," the OP explained.
"We read a list of silly names online, and I was curious to see if people on Reddit knew someone who gave such names to their kids IRL," she continued. "I certainly didn't expect the post to blow up the way it did!"
I worked with somebody whose first and middle names were Tequila Sunrise
She said her mom named her that because that's how she was conceived.
Went to school with a kid who had a full beard, was 6ft4 and wide as a fridge. His name?
Angel Darling.
My mom was a 1st grade schoolteacher in a very rural southern area. She once had a kid named Orgasm.
I…had no words.
Because outrageous names are banned in Germany, the OP says she doesn't personally know anyone who's named their child something that could end up on this list. "But sometimes people will have unusual or weirdly spelled names - my own name, Riccarda, might fall into that category," she shared.
"And of course, certain names are stigmatized but legal; the female name Chantal (unfortunately my middle name, from before it became stigmatized) or the male name Kevin are examples of that here," Inky-Skies added.
Went to school with a girl named Shtanya. She once said something really horrible to me so I told me mom who said "Who told you this? What? You're gonna get s**t talked by someone named 'S**t on you'? Tell her to get bent."
Next time she mouthed off I let the one fly. She never recovered.
Siblings: Brodeo Rodeo and Justa Cowgirl.
Former mailman here. The name that takes the cake is Marijuana Whiskey.
Immediate_Revenue_90:
There is a college professor named Marijuana Pepsi
We also asked Inky-Skies what she believes are the most important factors parents should consider when choosing names for their kids. "To choose a name that won't provoke bullying or otherwise negatively affect the child's life," she told Bored Panda.
"I think a lot of parents want the name to be funny or unique when choosing such a name, or consider it witty - but they forget that they're naming a person, not a character or pet," the OP says. "That person will one day grow up and apply for jobs with their name, have their own social circle and personality. It's unfair to burden someone with a name that will ridicule them or turn them into a social outcast. That should go above the parents' need to express themselves."
I read about a child whose mother named her Treblinka.
When asked why, the mother said "Because it's so pretty!" She didn't care about the history of that name at all.
(For those NITK, it's the name of one of the Nazi death camps during WWII.).
Per freakonomics there was a family in which the dad named kid number 7 "winner". Kid number 8 was named "loser".
Loser is a successful lawyer as of my last read, pronounces it lou-sier.
A girl in juvie court - I’m guessing at the spelling, so I’m writing it as it was pronounced- Loukeemia. I kid you not. I nearly died.
As far as what Inky-Skies thought of the responses to her post, she says, "I did read through most of them, although after the first thousand or so, it was hard to keep track of them all!"
"One of the funniest I saw was 'Mnop,' pronounced Noël - because 'no L,'" she shared. "Another parent apparently named their child 'Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze' - the full name of the anime character - as a first name. A few more: 'Sexybeth,' 'Placenta' ('because it sounds like a flower'), 'Goldfish,' and 'WiFi.'"
Ta'Lighta. Her last name was Kandle. I don't know what her mother was thinking.
" I don't know what her mother was thinking." That her daughter would someday be the light in the darkness.
I knew a family that named their daughters Today, Tomara, and Ta'yestaday. Wish I was kidding.
My best friend grew up with a guy whose legal name was *actually* "Lunchbox." LUNCHBOX!!!! And his younger brother's name was "Thermos".
Hey, Lunchbox, don't forgot to bring Thermos along with you; don't forget him again!
Finally, the OP added that she's "very happy that really insulting names aren't allowed in [her] country, because in the end, it's the child's dignity that's at stake."
"Parents shouldn't be given free reign if their goal is to dehumanize their children," she says.
I did security clearance back ground checks in the Army and ran across a soldier who's name was Captain Richard Gaylord. He went by D**k or Cap, but preferred D**k.
** I am editing to make it clear that his parents named him Captain Richard. He was a Sgt in the army.
My mom worked in a nicu. Someone named their daughter Chlamydia… because it’s sounds pretty… the social worker talked them into changing it thankfully
There was also: Jellyanus (pronounced helli-ah-nas), More Money, Super Royal, Love Godess, Pajama (paj-ahma), Gary’en and Gary’on, Shaniya & Shanijah, Rowdy, Sir, Heavensentmyblessin’.
I've seen a Cash Money (or maybe it was spelled "monay") and I remembered a post waay back when on BP about bad brides/bridesmaids/wedding in general and in one of them the bride would say for richer or richer instead of richer or poorer. We found her kid guys
Placenta, I guess they heard it in the hospital and liked the sound.
Reminds me of that one episode of Kath and Kim. "I heard some good names at the hospital, like what about Kardio Enfarktion?" "God no, then you'd get 'Farked' for short!"
I briefly worked with a lady who's given name was Bunny. She worked for the Army Corps of Engineers and was terrifyingly stern - no smiling, no jokes, no funny business. Most inaptly named person I have ever met, unless her parents were into Watership Down or something.
When I was growing up, there were two teachers at my school who were sisters. One was Bunny, and the other was Kitty.
LaDynasty = I remember many substitute teachers mispronouncing it Lady Nasty.
I have a neighbor called Batman. I think it's dope but I couldn't call my child that.
When I was working at a restaurant, a guy gave me a credit card to pay and I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen it. His name: Alpha Gay.
Pubert.
That's it.
Pubert Smith.
I booked in a woman who’s name was Clitoris.
Banjoman. He went by Bo.
It was pronounced "Banjamen". So I assumed his parents were too redneck and uneducated to know how "Benjamin" was spelled.
Well if they were rednecks then banjomen sounds bout right.
This isn’t the worst name, it’s actually very common. But I went to high school with a girl named Casey Diaz. I didn’t make the connection until my friend just chuckled and said, ‘quesadillas, hahaha’.
I like this one. A little cheesy, a little spicy, but mild enough to not be cruel.
I had a colleague whose brother named their baby son Dude. She was distraught and pretty disgusted 😬.
The Dude abides. Nice rug, it really ties the room together.
My son played soccer with a kid named Anaconda.
We had a customer at work who was a male named Sarah, and another customer (whose family was not American) named Mahboob.
{**inner fifth grader in me trying not to burst out laughing**}
Heard about an airline being sued because the attendants were making fun of a child passenger's name which is, I s**t you not, Abcde. Like of course your child is going to be bullied for a fuck*ss name like that.
I once met a kid named "WiFi." Yep, you heard that right. I guess their parents wanted them to be constantly connected...to their name!
Imagine this in school: 'Hey, the WiFi's out!' WiFi: Huh? me? 'Yeah, now!' *punch*
I worked with someone who met a kid named Meconium (yes, as in baby's first poop).
My dad's assistant named her daughter Slanina which essentially means "pig fat" in Romanian. She even pronounced it the same way as the word is pronounced in Romanian: sluh-ni-nuh.
That is cruel. At least not recognisable for non-Romanian speaking people.
When I was a teenager I worked with a guy named Jack Hoff. As a teacher I had students in the same class named Rusty Buzzoff and Carmen Butts. I also had a student who’s 15 year old sister had a baby girl and named her Pebbles Champagne.
There should be a test people have to pass in order to be given the powers of procreation. Some of these are their own special brand of stupid. Those poor kids.
I don't work in the porn/stripper industry but I've had a customer named Misty Butts and another named Krystal Power.
Parents, if you want to name your kid Crystal, PLEASE spell it normally. XD
I once met a kid named "Cyanide." I guess their parents were aiming for something unique, but they probably didn't realize it's also a deadly poison. Talk about starting life with a bang!
Delicious.... and it was a guy... you will find many funny 'english' names in our part of the world... many many.
I went to school with a girl named Princess. She was exactly what you'd expect from someone with that name.
I went to school with a Richard Lycker. The jokes were endless.
I knew both a Richard Roller and Richard Wacker growing up
I knew a boy called Rambo he was 8 when the first movie came out. They changed his name within 6 months.
V*gina. Pronounced VAJ-ah-na. The mother saw the word in print and thought it was nice.
The more formal name of a secret agent whose last name was "Galore."
My mom knew a Harry Pitts in high school. I also work at a college and saw a student with the first name “Violence.”.
If I got stuck with a name like that I'd be choosing violence on a daily basis.
Colon. Not Collin. It may not be weird name to some people, but all I can think of is the large intestine when I hear that name.
Girl I know from college named her kid “Moatley” because she likes the idea of castle moats and the protection they provide. She’s now pregnant again, can’t wait to see what awful name the next kid is saddled with.
I did a form in work today. The person's first name was Amazing-Grace.
I am a retired teacher and I really know or knew these people and families and so, I cannot make my own comments, but you feel free!
1) Nosmoking (first thing Mom saw when she woke up)
2) Female (3 syllables, rhymes with tamale) (that’s what doctor wrote on her bracelet)
3) Asia
4) Barling (as in darling, just wanted something different)
5) Starfish
6) Rainbow
7) Sir, Mister
8) Knowing God
9) Prince, Princess, Queen, King, Duke
10) Bestie
11) Bictha
These are just the ones that come to mind quickly. There are many more creative ones. My stomach hurts now though.
Some of these aren't all that uncommon, such as Duke, Prince, and even Asia.
I once knew a kid named "Fiasco." Yep, sounds like setting high expectations right from birth!
This girl I knew, her legal name was Female. Her mother couldn’t pick a name and it was left as female. Once it was too late to change, it was all hell. Everyone called her Jackie cause that’s what she wanted but legally, her name is Female. We would always fun of her and pronounce it like the word Tamale. fem-all-ee. She hated it😭.
I knew a Mel when I was in first grade. I was a huge nerd. He told the class he was going to have a sister and his parents said he could suggest names. I suggested Femel. I thought it was funny. No-one else did. Did I mention I was a huge nerd?
There was a girl from my brothers school called Closure.
I had a kid in one of my classes named Forth. I don't get it.
Note: this post originally had 80 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
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Some countries have rules about what you can legally name a child. Usually no military ranks or titles of royalty and nothing that could be considered 'ofensive'.
Or in the case of many of these just ridiculous for the poor child!
Load More Replies...
So a joke from Reddit: A woman had a C-section and when she woke up she was told her brother had named her twins! She was horrified and bursted out: He's an idiot. What did he name them!? The doctor: He named the girl Denise. New mom: Okay, that was actually good. So what did he name the other one? The doctor: Denephew.
Am I the only who can't see the majority of the names - this doesn't happen in just a few posts but all the posts in multiple articles on this site - you can't read the type it's just missing
Happened to me when I first was here. I deleted the app and now I read straight from the Web site and see everything.
Load More Replies...
Some countries have rules about what you can legally name a child. Usually no military ranks or titles of royalty and nothing that could be considered 'ofensive'.
Or in the case of many of these just ridiculous for the poor child!
Load More Replies... So a joke from Reddit: A woman had a C-section and when she woke up she was told her brother had named her twins! She was horrified and bursted out: He's an idiot. What did he name them!? The doctor: He named the girl Denise. New mom: Okay, that was actually good. So what did he name the other one? The doctor: Denephew.
Am I the only who can't see the majority of the names - this doesn't happen in just a few posts but all the posts in multiple articles on this site - you can't read the type it's just missing
Happened to me when I first was here. I deleted the app and now I read straight from the Web site and see everything.
Load More Replies...