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Globally, women are more likely to experience violence, stalking and online harassment. Studies have shown that women’s pain is less likely to be taken seriously in medical settings. Women still carry an unequal share of unpaid domestic labor.
These aren’t isolated stories. They’re patterns.
That doesn’t mean that men don’t face their own struggles. But gender-based inequality is real, and it shapes women’s daily decisions in ways that often go unnoticed.
A Reddit user recently asked people to share things that women have to deal with on a daily basis that men have no clue about.
Some women shared stories of being dismissed by doctors when describing chronic conditions, other women talked about how they have to constantly stay on alert while stepping outside the house.
Check out the list if you want a glimpse into a world many men rarely think about.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My husband loves being outdoors. If he could he'd spend his whole life up a mountain. One day he and his walking partner met two women on a walk in to a climb. They were obviously planning to camp while husband and his friend were just out for the day and they got chatting about what the various plans were and what they each hoped to cover.
As they got ready to go their separate ways one of the men asked the women where they were planning to camp and what the route for the rest of the day was. The women clammed up and were uncomfortable sharing that information.
My husband came home very confused and a bit offended after having such a nice conversation that these women suddenly changed and became seemingly rude.
I told him that I wouldn't have told an unknown man where I plan to sleep either and it was ridiculous of him and his partner to expect the women to give up that information. Lessons were learned that day.
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#2
Medical suffering that is brushed off as hysteria, even if you shove your diagnosis up their throat.
#3
I’m a male teacher. A good one, but probably a few steps from being a great one.
The amount of times that parents and administrators will listen to me over my women colleagues is ridiculous. Friends, I’m just some jagoff that just wants your kid to listen and succeed. So does she.
It’s doesn’t always start with something violent or dangerous.
Sometimes it’s noticing that your handbag has to be big enough to carry not just your wallet, phone, and keys, but also a spare phone charger, safety whistle, and maybe a whole period kit. While most men can just grab their slim wallet and phone and call it a day.
Or it can be wearing uncomfortable heels to work in the middle of winter, watching your male colleagues stroll around in cozy socks while your feet are frozen and aching all day.
These everyday struggles are routine for most women, yet when they bring them up, the conversation is often ignored or steered away.
#4
Men ogling, cat calling, and making disgusting comments. Starts from about 10-12 years old and it’s usually middle aged married men. That was the age I started seeing them start with my daughter too.
#5
I had a boss who mentioned he liked to ask people curveball interview questions to see how they respond. One of the questions was, “what’s the first thing you do when you get in your car?” I said, “lock the doors.” He looked confused and asked why. I was taught that from a young age. And there have been 2 occasions when a stranger male has tugged at my locked car door. He was shocked. Must be nice!!!
#6
Being LOOKED AT. From a young age as a girl you are being observed, watched, judged, approached, etc. It would be so nice to just be a body once in a while. To move through the world unnoticed.
I hear men complain about that sometimes, how the world isn´t nice to them or how they don´t receive compliments, but I would trade the compliments for the calm of just not being observed.
The hikes and treks I dream of, the late night walks, the bus rides full of men that would just become simple bus rides, it would all be so peaceful. To walk out of the door and not have to think about safety. The way men scan your body up and down (yes we notice) always puts me on high alert.
Dave Chapelle put it best once: he described the experience of having a load of cash with you on a NYC subway, knowing certain people would end you if they knew you had that cash. That is how it feels to be a woman, only the cash is your body and you can never leave it at home.
Tabitha 2 hours ago
You also can’t hide it in your pocket. It’s always on view. I’m happier now that I’m old and not getting that kind of attention anymore, except from the occasional randy old fart who is delusional, thinking he’s still a young stud and I am at all interested (I’m married to one of the unicorn men who doesn’t pull that kind of c**p on women—-actually it’s one of the main reasons I married him).
Men often don’t personally experience these patterns, and this gap in experience creates a gap in understanding.
If you’ve never had to plan an evening around whether a parking spot is well-lit, or figure out how to politely reject someone without risking their wrath, it’s easy to feign ignorance.
Surveys back this up. In a recent study, 72% of American women said men don’t understand their struggles.
Most of the women in the study pointed out personal safety concerns.
#7
When I rode the bus regularly I never thought twice about sleeping on it. Mentioned it to a female friend and she was all "you do what now!?!?!".
#8
The audacity of some men to think that just because I'm a woman means I don't know anything.
Go into a mechanic shop for a tire rotation... Try and upsell you on all kinds of stuff that you don't need.
As a trucker it's even worse.
I've had highway patrolman absolutely NOT believe that I was driving an 80,000lb semi truck *all by myself*. That one officer continued to ask me where my codriver was, and why HE wasn't coming to the front. I not only had to get my dispatcher involved but I also had to ask for a supervisor.
I've had diesel mechanics tell me I didn't know what I was talking about when it came to my truck. I even had one mechanic tell me that some truck models just lean to one direction... *completely ignoring the fact that all of the air bags on the passenger side of the cab were broken*.
I've been trespassed off of one property. The MHC Kenworth dealership in Oklahoma City OK. Why? Because the guy kept interrupting me, said I was stupid, called me the b word, and then in a cutesy baby voice asked me if I was on my pewiod because I was SO hormonal. I swiped everything off that freaking counter and told him if he talked to me like that again I was coming over the counter and we were BOTH going to the hospital.
Tabitha 2 hours ago (edited)
I’m not necessarily an expert in care repair, but I was single until I was 40, so spent decades taking care of my own home and vehicles. I may not be able to repair it or pinpoint the exact issue, but after driving clunkers when I was young and broke, I learned enough to have a good idea where the problem could be—-and I know to either be right there in, or at least looking through the window to, the shop when the mechanic is working on my car, to be sure nothing untoward is going on under the hood. I learned that from getting cheated once when I took my car in for one problem which was fixed, but once I drove off there was another totally unrelated problem that wasn’t there when the car went into the shop. I should’ve been clued in by them being a shop that did not allow customers back in the shop t9 look on while their cars were being repaired. Hell, they didn’t even have a window to see the shop area through. Luckily the car was a VW Bug, and the library had the book, “The Idiot’s Guide to Volkswagen Repairs” on the shelf. Turns out, the mechanic had tightened the idle s/crew all the way, so my car would rev really fast and be hard to hold when braking at stop lights. Once I diagnosed the problem with the book’s help (this was the 1980s, so no home internet to access, unless you were wealthy enough to have a few thousand bucks just laying around getting rusty to afford to buy a computer, which I definitely was not. Besides, there wasn’t much on computers back then anyway, except maybe message boards). I followed the instructions for readjusting the idle, and fixed the mechanic’s sabotage myself for free. They got no further business from me after that, and if someone asked me to recommend a mechanic, I told them to stay away from that shop and related my experience to them.
#9
Taking care not to get in a situation where you could be attacked. Keep the windows closed especially at night, check the back seat of the car before you get in, all of that.
Tabitha 2 hours ago (edited)
Don’t rent ground floor apartments or one story houses. Make sure there’s a deadbolt on all your doors. Do NOT give a copy of your house or car keys to anyone, except maybe your parents if they’re trustworthy. And immediately report any creepy people or occurrences to the proper authorities. Do not park your car anywhere there isn’t a street lamp or other lighting. Tell any friend giving you a ride home—-do not accept rides from strangers, ffs—-to stay in the driveway or parking lot with their headlights pointed at your door, until you indicate you’re safely inside, and do this yourself too, if you’re the one giving someone a ride home. Just cover all your bases the best you can, and do the same for your friends—-and any vulnerable strangers you see are unwittingly putting themselves in harm’s way. I say this as a 65 year old women who has had my share close calls in my life. I’ve been lucky that either I noticed in time, or someone else did and gave me a head’s up and help to get away from it. They say prevention is nine-tenths of the cure. That goes for your own protection against danger just as much as anything else. Granted, nothing’s 100%, but at least you can reduce your odds by being smart and alert and thinking ahead.
In a survey, 49% of women, compared with 67% of men, believe that women in the US are treated with respect and dignity.
It means that men are far more likely to think women are treated fairly, while many women experience the opposite.
Even if men don’t experience these problems firsthand, that’s no excuse to remain in the dark.
Staying silent or ignoring what women go through every day means that you actively choose to further patriarchy.
#10
When you are underage dealing with the attention of adult men and dealing with whistling and catcalling, etc., etc., and when you became attractive to the age where you can be intimately active, the same men are starting to ignore you and not understanding, like, why this is happening.
#11
Medical gaslighting and neglect. Vast majority of issues are boiled down to weight, anxiety, stress or hormones. Anxiety is the new hysteria. If you have a severe period pain, irregular cycles, severe moodswings, youre told its normal. If you have endo or PCOS or any other issues with your reproductive organs, good luck getting taking seriously. The average time it takes for someone to get diagnosed with endometriosis is seven years. There's more studies on male baldness than there are on reproductive issues. If all else, they recommended the pill.
And don't even get me started on hormonal contraception. They work great with no issues for some women, sure, but informed consent is basically non existent. The list of risks and side effects that comes with is never ending. When i was a teen I went on the pill and was asked if I wanted the combined pill or mini pill, and I opted for mini pill because I'm forgetful and didn't want to bother going a week without every month. It made me feel crappy asf so I went off but some years later I wanted to go on again and try the combined pill and was asked if I frequently have migraines which I do. She told me I can't take it as it can cause blood clots in the brain?!?!? No one had warned me this the first time around. I'm lucky I didn't opt for the combined pill when I first went on it. There was a 19 year old here in the UK that recently died from this. There's so many risks to hormonal contraceptives and doctors dish them out like their sweets without telling girls and women the full risks.
Also, whenever you go to the doctors or hospital they ask if you could be pregnant. When you tell them you're definitely not they still make you do a test. I can understand why they do it but I find the way they go about it can be humiliating at times. I once told them I haven't done the deed in over a year and they STILL made me do a test but they didn't have any cups so they made me do it in one of those cardboard vomit bowls hospitals have, carry it back through the waiting room and leave it in the room I was in for over half an hour.
And on the topic of pregnancy, only recently have they discovered how much the male impacts the health of the mother. Like morning sickness and pre eclampsia is due to the health of the male impacting the foetus and mother. Yet it all gets put on the mother as if it's all entirely down to her.
Some time in the 90s did they make it a legal requirement for women to be a part of medical studies. Before then we weren't even considered, because "our hormones make us too complicated to study on". Toothpaste is also engineered towards men's health. Women have either a higher or lower pH balance in our saliva (can't remember which one sorry) so we're more likely to suffer gum and teeth issues as a result. Seat belts are mostly designed for men (may have changed in recent years) as the crash test dummies are based on male anatomy and don't take into account our chests or height. Women are more likely to die or have severe injuries as a result.
Theres probably so many more examples I could give, but I don't think men could ever understand how this world has not been built for us. It's all these inconsiderations in medicine and science that consistently hold us back a bit from the men or at it's worst end us.
Tldr - a fat rant about medical neglect and how medicine and scientific studies don't care about women.
#12
Creepy old men commenting on your body and touching it from a very young age. I developed curves very quickly (around 13), and since then I haven’t known peace from men over 30 (I’m 19 now).
For example, a month ago I was in the middle of getting my driver’s license and had to drive with an instructor. I wore a lower-cut top that one time (I usually wore sweats) because I was going out with a friend afterward. Guess how many comments there were about my breasts? Five. This guy is 40, has a wife, and a son my age.
Recently, a man grabbed my thigh on a bus. Random men have grabbed me by the waist in stores to move me. A teacher touched my butt “by accident” at 14. These are just some examples, I could write a whole essay. Not that guys my age are any better, but the older men are worse.
If you’ve never been dismissed by a doctor for complaining about pain, it’s hard to imagine how exhausting it is to justify your own body over and over again.
About 72% of millennial women reported feeling gaslit by medical professionals, according to a recent survey in the US.
“Medical gaslighting includes actions such as ignoring or interrupting patients, minimizing the severity of symptoms, and refusing to order follow-up tests, all of which can lead to misdiagnosis, delayed treatment and emotional distress,” says Shannon Davila, an executive director at Emergency Care Research Institute.
#13
Feeling like you have to manage EVERYTHING. Male partner getting angry or anxious? You better calm him down. Getting low on milk? You need to remember to stop at the store on your way home from work. Kids have an event coming up? You have to make sure they have the right clothes, props, etc and also make sure the grandparents know when and where. A relative is sick or having a birthday? Make sure you send a card, even if it’s on your husband’s side of the family. Pee stains on the toilet rim? They’re apparently invisible or unimportant to your partner, so grab the Lysol. Dog needs shots? Kids need shots? Your job, and your job. Don’t get me started on “What’s for dinner?”
My husband actually does a lot around the house, but it’s always the one-and-done stuff, like fixing a door, or the chores he views as a hobby, like lawn care. Now that we’re both retired and I’m no longer in survival mode, I’ve started explaining to him that he’s not actually doing half the work, and we’re figuring out how to make it more fair. I wish we would’ve done this earlier, but honestly when you’re in the middle of it, it seems easier to just do it yourself than to take on the additional management project of fairly allocating the work.
#14
Apparently women run a background threat-assessment app 24/7… meanwhile men are out here wondering if milk expires today or tomorrow.
#15
I was on a train the other day, an overnight train, and I looked to the guy next to me (over the aisle) and I could have sworn I caught him filming me. I didn’t have enough certainty to say anything but it reminded me that as a women those are things (noticed or not) we have to worry about. I prayed for a woman to come and be seated next to me and thankfully she was but still. I’m sure a man would never have to ever consider sny of that.
Some men also get defensive or try to downplay women’s struggles.
It’s common to hear phrases like “Not all men,” or “Men have problems too” when women start talking about gender issues.
And the worst of all: “You’re overreacting.”
All of these end up shifting focus away from what women really go through.
#16
Some men think that women can just bat their eyelashes and get a guys attention but it's not true. Especially if you're an ugly woman. Men are often dismissive of your existence or downright violent towards you if you're ugly.
You could simply be walking towards the same door as a pretty woman and a guy will hold it open for her and let it slam in your face because you're ugly to him. I was once threatened with violence by a coworker while we were all talking once and nobody said anything in my defense. Meanwhile a more "conventionally attractive" coworker said something similar and his reaction was friendly.
greenideas 46 minutes ago
For me, it's more like being ignored or receiving curt responses, rather than violence. When I was younger it used to bother me, but now I just consider myself lucky. Why would I want the fake admiration of such horrible people?
#17
Always having to smile and “be nice.” I am an executive, I am an economist, I am an analytical professional, and yet even when doing my job if I’m neutral it will be perceived as rude.
Women are expected to be smiling and nice as our neutral position and neutral-face is interpreted as angry, moody, or harsh. It is as if we are required to be constantly be propping up and reassuring the people around us, as if we never get to stop being their mother even as we are leading hundreds of people and making billion dollar decisions.
#18
For a woman to be called dumb, she must be dumb once, about one thing. For a man to be called dumb, he must be dumb about absolutely everything all the time.
Some men might avoid these talks because they see them as “too emotional” or uncomfortable. It might also challenge how logical or fair they consider themselves to be.
Accepting or acknowledging what women say would mean admitting that they might have some responsibility in a system that has historically favored men.
Some men also don’t like the idea that they need to change their behavior or attitudes, while others might just want to avoid facing that responsibility altogether.
#19
The constant 'safety GPS' running in the back of our minds. It’s not just walking with keys between our knuckles. It’s choosing a longer route because one street has better lighting, scanning a parking lot before getting out of the car, or pretending to be on the phone so we don't look like an 'easy target.' Men see a walk home; we see a tactical maneuver.
#20
Probably the constant safety math in your head. Like choosing where to park, pretending to be on the phone, checking reflections, deciding how friendly is too friendly. It’s not fear all the time, it’s just background noise that never shuts off. Most guys I know are shocked when they hear how automatic that stuff is, like we don’t even think of it as “being careful,” it’s just normal life.
When men ignore issues like gender inequality, social expectations, or household responsibilities, it ends up hurting both them and society in the long run.
“We must include men and boys in our gender equality efforts, not just as allies for women and girls’ rights and empowerment, but in their own right,” says Magnus Heunicke, Danish minister of gender equality.
#22
Period poops.
They are god awful, as if cramps and bleeding weren't bad enough.
Basically, a hormone is sent to trigger cramping to help shed the uterine lining. But, the body doesn't always do a good job of localizing this hormone, so it can spread all around the lower torso, causing back pain and muscle spasms....also causing cramping in the stomach and colon.
#23
Being gaslit when dealing with peri-menopause symptoms. Women are often told (including by their OB/GYNs) that severe pain and bleeding are normal and just deal with it. I nearly lost my wife because of this and her doctor completely missed a serious condition. Currently in the process of filing an official complaint.
Ge Po 44 minutes ago
I had a biology teacher claiming to us girls that you loose at most maybe about 50cc of blood during your period. He claimed that it just may seem more, because the pads are white and the blood spreads out. No medical training, but it was he who had to do the SE talks. Yeah. Right. That's why women can't donate as much blood as men, right? And why there's enough women getting anemic because of heavy periods, right?
#24
I recommend the book Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez. It’s full of stuff like this, from why public transportation is more unsafe for women, to crash test dummies being designed after the average male so cars are unsafe, to the lack of “pregnant woman parking”, to women in public office being subjected to different scrutiny than the men (if you aren’t “warm” or you’re ambitious, clearly you aren’t fit for office).
It’s an eye opener for sure.
Men have a responsibility to learn about how power dynamics look between genders. That means asking questions and actually listening when women talk about their experiences.
Also, recognizing, openly and often, that discrimination and violence against women is mainly a problem caused by patriarchy would be another huge step.
#25
I’m a lawyer and frequently have to go into court, so I must wear dress shoes. With women’s dress shoes, socks are almost never appropriate. So in the winter my feet are f-ing freezing while my male colleagues are snuggly-footed in the colorful socks their kids got them for Christmas. I genuinely find this so frustrating.
#26
Being constantly interrupted, dismissed, underestimated. You’re treated as less than and generally incapable as a default, and you have to prove you’re capable. I don’t see this happening to men.
#27
Someone introducing Professors to others:
This is Dr Jones (male professor)
This is Jane (female professor)
Also, having to frame everything as a question to avoid coming off as ‘confrontational’
‘I wonder if we should scrap the blah in favour of blah?’
Rather than
‘Let’s scrap that and do blah’.
#28
I'm so tired of the constant shock and "wow you're actually intelligent!"
Yes, that'll be the PhD. Funny that.
#29
Being the default in the relationship. The one who deals with all of the logistics of how the house is run, how the kids get taken care of, the family’s schedule. It’s exhausting.
#30
Being taken seriously.
Having a problem? Maybe you just don’t get it. Having a health issue? Maybe the pain is in your head.
Looking nice? Just a piece of meat.
Not looking nice? Not worth anything.
Trying to communicate? Jeez she needs to talk so much.
It just never ends. Women always need to fit into the space that is made for them but are not allowed to take up the space they want or need.
#31
Tall men have no idea what it’s like to have a bigger person looming behind them.
Recently I was at the gym walking down the hallway to the locker room. Out of my periphery I saw a much taller person walking closely behind me, following me to the women’s. I started to get that prickly feeling and tensed up. When I rounded the corner I saw it was just a very tall woman and instantly relaxed.
In that moment I realized most tallish men have never experienced that prickly feeling of a bigger, taller person on their heels. They get to go through life always being bigger than everyone around them, and there’s a power to that.
#32
Constant and crippling fear that society is about to deem me as useless.
I'm 37 and just had my last baby. I'm no longer a fun college girl, No longer "young and beautiful", No one's waiting for me to announce a pregnancy, have another baby or do something exciting that anyone remotely cares about. My job is now just quietly raising my two boys. If they make a mistake later in life it'll be my fault. If I'm not present enough and they get in trouble it'll be my fault for working. If I don't work I'll be deemed as lazy. Once they graduate and go off to college I'll no longer be seen as a caregiver and I'll just be a boring middle-aged woman that's society doesn't give a darn about. I pray that one day they have partners who will let me be a presence in their lives and their grandchildren's lives. I guess I get to look forward to being an old lady that people will be excited to help cross the street.
ETA wow! Thank you guys for all the support! I feel like I should add, this isn't what I think of myself. I have a wonderful life, a husband who is my best friend, and a positive attitude. Luckily I'm fairly conventionally attractive, not like Instagram model but petite and cute, and look fairly young for my age. I have a lot of passions, own a business that I'm extremely proud of, and am a fairly well-known and liked pillar of my community. I definitely don't see women this way but it's easy to look around and see that overall, society does. Young women are seen as fun and beautiful, mothers are valued as caregivers, and then society quietly ignores us until we're cute old ladies. And then face it society kind of ignores us then. It feels like as women, we have to do something exceptional to be noticed at this age. And God forbid we try too hard to be included in anything because then we're seen as overbearing, pathetic, or desperate. Hopefully this isn't my fate. Thanks for reading! I'm off to put my baby to bed and then apply some anti-wrinkle cream!
#33
The fact that if anything goes wrong, the woman will be blamed / questioned before any kind of action is taken on the perpetrator.
Creepy guy molested you? *But what were you wearing?*
Someone followed you home? *Why were you out so late at night?*
Being stalked? *What did you do to give him the wrong idea?*
Now, if anything bad ever happens, I am mentally ready with my side of the story because I know the questions will come. *I was fully clothed, I was walking in broad daylight, I didn’t make eye contact with him, I swear…* Sure would be nice to not have to preface a horrific story with, “ I didn’t do anything to antagonise them…”.
#34
Dying more easily in cars because they’re literally not built for us. When car companies are using impact dummies to test the vehicles and all that, the dummies are usually Male. Male height, weight, frame etc so the parameters are completely different and that’s been the norm since cars were built. So when women are in the car, they bounce around it crazy in comparison to men.
Couple months back, there was a family in an accident where the father was driving, his wife next to him, his son behind him and his daughter next to his son. They were T boned on the driver side by a speeding car. Father and son walked away with some scratches. Wife and daughter had to spend a week in the hospital because one had a broken neck, one had a serious concussion etc etc.
I’ve heard that some states are lobbying for car companies to make female dummies and thus reduce injury and death for women but who knows how that’ll go.
#35
Being objectified from a young age.
I developed early, and men took that to mean it is okay to sexualise a 10 year old. I got asked as an 11 year old if I got breast implants, I was told that I could not wear normal shirts because they would draw attention to my chest, got told I look really mature for my age so it is okay if they make disgusting jokes.
A younger boy asked me if he could get nudes from me while I was also still a minor, and I was told by my own father it was normal for their age, especially towards someone with my physique.
These are just one of many examples. But the objectification starts early, and we are being blamed for the responses of others towards our body.
That is why I hate it when people say that if a women dresses a certain way, they must want the attention. Meanwhile, I would like to dress in a lot of ways that I think look cute or cool, but I don't to avoid the responses of men and other people then telling it was my fault because I must have wanted the attention. As if I cannot just wear something because I think it looks nice, without wanting to be catcalled, stared at for too long or groped.
#36
Very serious stuff here, as it should be. As a man, I wanted to share a big revelation to me that I didn't know until I dated a girl for the first time: How inconsistent clothing sizes are. Women don't have the luxury of just "knowing" their size and being able to order online without trying it on. Also: pockets. I didn't realize pockets were a male privilege either.
#37
Being treated like property of my husband by other men. My ex-husband and I were in a grocery store but he was in another aisle and this creepy old man was staring and following me. My husband finally joins me and the old man looks at him and apologizes and walks away.
#38
Without hormonal birth control:
How having a period not only affected me physically (pain, lot of blood, dizzy bc low iron, bowel issues, low energy) but also mentally (hating myself, negative thoughts about myself, thinking it'd be easier if I didnt wake up one day, everything feeling like I am doing everything in life wrong, feeling like people hate me, feeling ugly and greasy).
And basically the cycle was:
- week 1: feeling mentally off, starting to hate myself
- week 2: my period, symtoms as described above
- week 3: recovering my energy and starting to slowly feel better about myself, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
- week 4: having a good week, I am productive, feel confident- wait
- next week I start feeling off again
I now understand not all women lose as much blood as I did (had to use heavy flow overnight pads every few hours on my worst day) , and not everyone get as depressed, I honestly didn't even know I was stuck like this in a loop till I got my IUD and stopped feeling this way. really felt like I only had about 7 days a month where I felt ok mentally and physically and had a full battery. I just got iron supplements and multivitamins as the only recommendation of my doctor when I sought help and the only reason I thought about getting birth control, was because I started dating.
#39
As a man I just bought my first pair of white pants for a work event in the Caribbean. I now have to go find white underwear, my wife laughed and said welcome to being a woman.
#40
The stress of needing to clean pristinely if you’ve got people coming over.
My partner didn’t really get it - we have young kids, our lives are busy. In his mind, he knew that people would extend him grace and understanding for a messy house. In his mind, his mom is chill and not that tidy herself, so why would she care if she’s coming for a visit and the floors aren’t vacuumed?
But there are studies that show that men get a pass on a messy living space, and women do not. People don’t just judge the cleanliness more harshly if a woman lives there (as in, they’ll rate the same images as messier if told a woman lives there vs a man living alone), they make harsh judgements about that woman’s personality and character (she’s disorganized, she’s lazy, she’s inconsiderate, etc.) and don’t make those same judgments about men.
So… when women are frantically cleaning because someone’s coming over, they’re not overreacting or being fussy and anxious for nothing, they’re responding to a very real social threat that men simply do not experience.
#41
It doesn’t matter what we do, we will never be looked at as superior automatically. We will always have to prove ourselves to men, to the world for our place and it doesn’t help when we have own tearing each other down either.
#42
Trucker here.
I’ve had some lady truckers tell me that they have to pay way more attention to what truck stops they go to and have to be extra vigilant when stopping at night. Some of them have dogs with them for protection as well. This next part might be more of a convenience thing but they also have to plan bathroom breaks with more detail than guys because it’s not as easy for them to pull to the side of the road and take a leak if they had to. They also deal with a lot more slick comments from dudes who think that they should be making a sandwich instead of parking a semi.
#43
Where i work there is one owner,best man i thought ive ever met, hes married 20 years 3 daughters,ive been with him 10 years thought I knew him,so one morning a young ladie came in had to be about 15 crop top and leggings going to school spirit week,I was taking her order and looked to my left and he was actually mouth open staring into her soul, I felt so bad for her like I just wanted to grab her so he couldn't see her idk it changed the way I look at him and it actually made my stomach turn,like I get a look its human nature but the way he was ogling il never forget ,idk if this fits here but this, THIS is what females of all ages deal with.
#44
I complained about not having time to go for a run now it was winter. My husband was confused and suggested I go in the evenings.
He likes to run on the moors or in the deserted tracks through the woods. In his words the solitude is great for mental health and it’s fun to run with only a head torch in the dark.
It hadn’t occurred to him that that same solitude is unsettling and scary for a woman on their own. Run through the woods in the dark? It’s FUN! Yeah, we don’t live in the same world. That’s the kind of fun that means you disappear without trace as a woman and your face lives on staring out of a ‘MISSING’ poster.
#45
Apologizing unnecessarily. My mom used to apologize anytime she was in someone’s way, despite her being there first or not even being intrusive of the space. So many women apologize for existing in a space. I used to do it until I asked myself why the hell am I apologizing for existing in this space? It’s one thing if I’m mindlessly hogging the aisle but not if I’m just standing and someone is walking by.
I never hear men apologize unnecessarily.
#47
The level of warmth and friendliness you exude in any conversation with a man - anything and everything is perceived as a green light for flirting.
#48
If you’re walking anywhere where there’s other people, if you don’t move out of people’s way, men will literally run into you because they expect you to move out of the way.
Not just in crowd situations either.
#49
The same words that are rude from women's mouth are a ok when man says them with the same exact tone of voice.
#50
I genuinely don’t think they know that a lot of them are code -switching when they talk to us, and often times that switch can be to a more demeaning tone.
#51
Obvious one but period pain and suffering through having to pretend everything is fine and not say anything.
#52
Having to get used to being touched and examined internally by complete strangers at doctors offices and hospitals frequently (OBGYN) without pain medication and getting things like implants in our bodies.
Unwanted attention from passerbys, touches.
Being disregarded in conversations with multiple men.
Having your professional ability constantly scrutinised even if you have a degree in the subject.
Constant unnecessary tutorials if you are using any kind of construction tools.
Needing to change your pad but not being able to walk away to go do it and trying not to make it obvious.
All experiences ive had.
#53
Apparently (based on a recent honest drunk conversation with a random sampling of female coworkers) accidentally taking a dump when going pee. All of the women at the table agreed that the two activities are controlled by the same muscle in women and they were shocked that men aren’t the same. I pointed out that if they were the Urinal would never have become popular.
#54
Other women.
A lot of women don't want others to be succesful and so the bullying to tear you down can be relentless. Girlfriends of your guy friends will be unnecessarily unfriendly and suspicious of you, often forged in jealousy because their man is just comfortable around you. 'Unrealistic beauty standards'? Maintained by women. Body shaming? Done by women. Gossip? Women.
#55
Men who think women have an innate privilege based on how attractive we are (not talking about pretty privilege) and how many compliments we receive throughout our lives. it bothers me bc these men fail to realize that a compliment is one thing while being sexualized and only earning someones respect bc i am aesthetically pleasing to their eyes is a completely different thing.
or trying to foster a friendship only to find that men only want you for s*x, not a genuine connection. a lot of men would argue that it sounds better than never being complimented, but these men were not socialized in this way since before puberty and they have not widely been assumed to be incompetent at anything beyond housework and child-rearing (which they also often diminish as "easy").
i just want a world where i and everyone can be respected and treated with a kindness that isn't conditional based on their gender.
#56
Men like to make fun of our interests. Oh you like hockey hahahahah. It’s from that gay hockey show isn’t it? Hahahah. Oh you like Harry Styles? You know he’s 20 years younger than you hahahahaha.
It’s supremely annoying. It’s ok for people to LIKE STUFF.
#58
Hyper-vigilance. Plenty of comments here go into why we need it, but there is a reason women have a stereotype of being “overly detailed”. A common joke is a mom or a girlfriend finding an item in the fridge when the son / boyfriend can’t. Well, when you have to analyze every detail of your surroundings every single day to ensure you’re safe…you get good at noticing things.
#59
Having to dress up in disguise so you don't look too obviously attractive and female when you go out for a walk. Hide the hair, hide the figure, no makeup, baggy clothes, hat. Keys between knuckles, location on phone, avoid men.
#60
Being interrupted, talked over, or not believed.
It drives me crazy when I tell a man (family, friend, whatever) a random fact or information about a topic, and they don't believe me. I have to show them proof before they believe me.
But I never see this behaviour when it's a man telling them something. They just take his word for it.
#61
Feigning sweet/nice to all male strangers to avoid problems, including (not at all limited to) physical attacks.
#62
Assuming you have the most basic of aspirations. When I was in college for the first time (18-20), whenever an adult asked me about college, they always asked if I had met someone or had a serious boyfriend. Apparently, I was in college just to meet a guy, while my male counterparts were asked about their majors, career aspirations, etc.
I went back to college in my mid 30s to get an engineering degree in computer science. I'm good at math, like really good. I had teachers ask if I would join the tutoring program and be a TA for a few classes. While tutoring kids and running study groups in college algebra, trig, calc 1 & 2, I was asked repeatedly if I wanted to be a teacher. I asked a few of my male counterparts if they had ever been asked that question, and the answer was no. They were asked what their major was, career aspirations, etc.
It's a quiet form of sexism. That because I'm a woman, I must be focused on marriage or if I am looking at a career, then it must be in a softer field. It doesn't even enter their minds that the woman who is better than them in difficult and key subject matters is looking at a STEM career.
#63
I’m a man, but from my wife’s pregnancies and prior history, being dismissed during medical evaluations
During my wife’s first pregnancy, she had a lot of morning sickness. In the interim, she had taken anti anxiety meds. The morning sickness was messing with her doses
Not. One. Doctor. Put. This. Together. We did.
She had a history of a diagnosis of ulcers. Prior to Covid, she had a flare up but even brat diet she couldn’t keep down. We were in and out of the ER, nobody could do anything but give her something for pain do the same test and send her on her way
Finally, one doctor finally listened when she said that she didn’t think it was ulcers because nothing was helping. Thankfully, this doc also saw her yesterday so he knew it was dire pain. He ordered a different test
Lo and behold, my wife didn’t have ulcers, she needed her gallbladder out!!!
Even when it’s female on female for medical care, my wife has been dismissed or belittled.
EDIT: My wife is introverted so it’s hard for her to be her own advocate, I do my best to support and speak up for her or give her the confidence to do it herself.
#64
Guys touching you. You walking? Hey random guy will touch your arm/back/shoulder etc. Sometime it is worse and they try to grope you, but a lot of touching in the best cases.
#66
Having your intelligence constantly questioned, even when you're in the top of your fields. Men will still want a man to educate them.
#67
We don’t have the benefit of the doubt when it comes to intelligence or competence. If we need someone to trust that we know what we are talking about and what we are doing, it takes extra time and effort, and we often need to spend extra time building that trust up before we can get started on the actual task.
As a doctor who finished training several years ago, it’s very common for a patient to push back and question everything I recommend, but then when the white male *medical student* repeats it to them, they are totally fine with the plan.
#68
Knowing our pain or symptoms will not be taken seriously at the Drs. That our heart attacks are so subtle they’re often missed and end us. That no matter what the problem is we are asked if we are pregnant. And that the issue is that we’re fat or it’s anxiety and all in your head (until we find out later it’s something that WAS easily treated initially and now it’s progressed into incurable). Yay.
#69
Also! And I don’t know if it’s like this for men but not what I observed.
The way most women center men in their lives. It’s very frustrating to maintain friendships with these women when they treat you as placeholders to when they get a bf. I haven’t seen it with men, as in my experience they always make time for „the boys”.
Constantly talking only about men, putting other women down for them, this competition that’s going on constantly for the attention, it’s nauseating. Even women who are already in relationships just live and breathe for male attention. I know it’s something they’ve been conditioned for but it’s pathetic.
I truly think I know a person so well and then suddenly men are involved and it’s like they’re a completely different women. To appease a man they will laugh at things degrading them and make other women feel small. They start acting like their brain stopped functioning. And hearing about their relationship problems, spare me. They will date literal villains and still defend them. As I said, at this point in my life, it’s just pathetic.
#70
Our bodily functions. Like discharge and how it always seems to happen at the worst times, the risk of yeast infections and UTIs after intimacy (this exists with men too but it is infinitely easier for women to get them), mood swings and general hormones around our cycles, ovulation symptoms, more obscure and unknown period symptoms like insomnia or back pain, menopause and its slew of symptoms. it goes on and on.
#71
One daily reality men often miss is the **hormonal "logistics" tax**, where women must constantly track their cycle to predict everything from energy crashes and "brain fog" to skin changes and mood shifts, essentially managing a second, invisible calendar just to function at a baseline level.
#72
Planning my weekly activities around my hair wash schedule. Everything from social events to workouts. I can't flippantly agree to plans I have to reference my internal hair calendar and make mental adjustments.
Also, carrying guilt all the time. Mom guilt especially, but we carry guilt about a lot of things in life that we feel we could be doing better at.
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