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“We’re Done”: Women Over 40 Officially Share What They’re No longer Willing To Tolerate
Interview With Expert
Everyone’s got opinions, sure, that’s normal. But here’s the thing: not every thought needs to be shared, especially when no one has asked for it. You don’t get a gold star for offering unsolicited advice to strangers at the grocery store or weighing in on someone’s outfit like you’re the fashion police. Sometimes, the kindest (and smartest) thing to do is zip it and sip your coffee.
That’s exactly the energy Melani brings to TikTok. She’s the founder of the “We Do Not Care Club,” a community for women navigating perimenopause and menopause. Her daily videos are packed with honesty and humor, and the comment section? A goldmine of women sharing the things they’ve stopped caring about entirely. Get ready to laugh, nod, and maybe join the club yourself.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I do not care if people think my legs are too fat for shorts. It's hot. You're lucky I'm wearing anything.
Cyndi Hafele 6 months ago
I could use the flappers on my arms to signal jets and the cellulite on my thighs to mold cheese. I wear shorts and tank tops and wobble my bits as needed. I ain't gonna die of the heat, and seeing my jiggles ain't gonna k**l nobody.
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#2
We don't care that we want to be home all day on our days off! Everything I like is at home. I paid for it, Imma stay in it!
#3
We do not care if we have pet hair all over our clothes. Our pets are the only people we like
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
Both of my dogs are light tan/cream-furred. Most of my cats are black-furred. Regardless of what color clothing I wear, SOMEONE'S hair is going to be visible XD
A person’s body goes through a lot of changes as they age: some expected, some surprising. But when it comes to women, those changes can feel especially intense. Hormones shift, energy levels dip, and moods? Let’s just say it’s a ride. One of the biggest transitions comes when the menstrual cycle starts winding down, and menopause enters the chat.
That’s where perimenopause kicks in, it’s the often confusing bridge between regular periods and full menopause. To understand what’s really going on during this life shift, Bored Panda spoke with Dr. Alka Pradhan, a general physician with over 30 years of experience running her clinic in Mumbai.
“Earlier, women usually hit perimenopause at a specific age,” she shared. “But nowadays, lifestyle changes have started shifting that timeline. You can begin showing symptoms much earlier.” Late nights, stress, and lack of exercise don’t just tire us, they may be accelerating the process. And the signs? They don’t always announce themselves politely.
#4
We do not care if a side part or a middle part is the hot trend. We style our hair whatever way the wind blows.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 6 months ago
Yup, had the same hairstyle for 30+ years, can’t be arsed to find a new one.
#5
Logging in from the Paris, France chapter of the WDNC club. We do not care if carbs and butter are 'bad' for us. Give us the damn croissant and nobody gets hurt.
#6
I do not care if my resting b—— face offends anyone. It's my face, it's not going to change right now.
Let’s talk about periods. “If you’ve noticed they’re getting irregular, maybe longer gaps, shorter cycles, heavier or surprisingly light flow, you might want to pay attention. Skipping periods might feel like a break, but it could also mean your body’s gearing up for a new phase. These changes can be frustrating, especially if you’ve always had predictable cycles. But they’re often one of the first big flags,” says Dr. Pradhan.
#7
WDNC if the house is clean when you come over, also don't come over.
#9
We do not care that we no longer keep a poker face at work. My eyebrow said what it said.
Another classic sign: your body suddenly decides it’s living in a sauna. She adds, “Hot flashes and night sweats can sneak up out of nowhere. You’re bundled in blankets one minute and flinging them off the next.” And sleep? Insomnia or constantly waking up tired becomes a common complaint. Dr. Pradhan says these temperature swings are all hormonal; it is just your body adjusting to the new normal.
#10
WDNC about washing instructions. If it can’t survive a cold wash and a dry cycle, then it wasn’t for me anyway
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
I bought non-underwire bras just for this reason! SO tired of having to give my bras the Pampered Princess spa treatment while washing/hang-drying them/etc. in order to try and prolong their lives XD Now I just have full-cloth MINDD brand bras and they go in with the rest of my wash!
#12
I’m POST menopausal- I’m in. I could stay in my room w/o people, in sweats, with a book for YEARS! I don’t care about clean ANYthing! I am exerting my DOMINANCE after 70 years of service! NO is my new word!
Tabitha 6 months ago (edited)
Same here, and I’m 64. I don’t care that there’s a bit of dust on a high shelf. I will also put clothes in the washer one day, and wait til the next to put them in the dryer if I feel like it. I’m not interested in new recipes that might make my family say Yum, and fix simple meals that they can eat or starve or fix for their own damned selves. I’ve done my time. I’ve paid my dues. All back when I was younger and had way more energy to do it all with speed and not as many aches and pains. I mean, I still do have energy, but would rather direct toward stuff I WANT to do instead of never ending chores. All work and no play, you know. I did my work, I am done with 24/7/365 duty and drudgery. Now’s my time to relax and play and actually enjoy the years I have left. I earned this.
It’s not just physical, either. Mentally, this phase can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. “Mood swings, anxiety, depression, and even forgetfulness are common,” says Dr. Pradhan. Some women worry they’re losing their grip when, in reality, it’s just their hormones talking. Trouble focusing or remembering things isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a symptom, and knowing that helps you handle it better.
#13
I don't not care if the 26 year old I work with thinks I "spoke mean" to her. And I don't care that my 28 year old manager had to talk to me about it.
#14
I don't care that I have a California king and I sleep on one half and the other half is a two-week pile of clothes out of the dryer.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
I don't care that my mother is angry that I don't sleep in a "normal bed" XD I have slept on a Japanese shikifuton laid directly on the floor for years now. It is small - 30" x 75" - smaller than even an (American) Twin mattress - and quite hard/firm compared to most normal Western mattresses. But I sleep better on it than I ever slept in traditional "Western" beds my entire life. It drives my mother batty that I "sleep on the floor". LDNC! ("Lakota Does Not Care"!)
#15
WDNC Club....I finally found my people!!!!! WDNC if anyone can tell if we don't have a bra on under the hoodie. The hoodie is an automatic exemption from a bra.
Then there are changes many hesitate to talk about: things like vaginal dryness and painful intercourse. “These symptoms can impact self-esteem and relationships,” Dr. Pradhan explains. But it’s important to know they’re both common and treatable. Opening up about these issues, even with a friend or doctor, makes a huge difference. You deserve to feel good in your body, no matter the stage.
#16
WDNC to go to another work event. My teambuilding skills expired and will not be renewed.
#17
I do not care that this club is for perimenopause/menopause women and I’m in my 20s, I relate to everything
zububonsai 6 months ago (edited)
We adopt you, darling, don't worry and welcome to the club. ❤️🔥🥳👍🏻
Camilla Koutsos 6 months ago
You’re welcome. You need to know what’s coming, that nobody told us.
At Least I'm Not You 5 months ago
A 20-year-old body with 40-plus mindset? Where are you staying in this Saturday?
#18
I do not care to wear high heels anymore. flats and flip flops are the way to go. I do not care to follow fashion trends
Now, let’s clarify something. People often confuse perimenopause and menopause. Yes, the symptoms overlap, but they are not the same. Perimenopause is the body’s transition phase, a warm-up act, if you will. Menopause, on the other hand, is the moment your periods officially stop, like a final curtain call. Both come with hormonal highs and lows, but they mean different things biologically.
#19
I don't care that I came home.. got in the bed at 5 o'clock.. ate potato chips and raisins for dinner..and am fully under these covers
#20
We do not care that the look on our faces says exactly what we're thinking.
#21
We do not care if it says 'Not Dishwasher Safe.' It’s about to learn some hard lessons in this house
Blue Bunny of Happiness 6 months ago
Yup, I’m going to test if they really mean it. Turns out they do if it’s a wooden chopping board made of glued together strips of wood.
“The intensity and duration of symptoms vary for every woman,” says Dr. Pradhan. Some breeze through it, while others wrestle with it daily. Understanding your body’s rhythms can help you cope and prepare. It’s not about bracing for chaos, it’s about managing it with confidence.
#22
We do not care if the AC is on 60. Don’t touch that fan. If you're cold, get an extra blanket. I’m good.
Just me... 6 months ago
Said this very thing to my granddaughter just yesterday....or maybe it was the day before.🤔
#23
I do not care how long it takes for me to put my wallet back into my purse after I pay for my groceries. Your turn starts when I am finished. Don't rush me.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 6 months ago
Amateur. Grocery delivery for the win. Far less people to deal with.
#24
WDNC about folding our fitted sheets. I’m rolling them up in a ball and throwing them in the dresser. They will straighten themselves out!
Lady Eowyn 6 months ago
I gave up trying to fold fitted sheets decades ago. It is just not worth the hassle. kermit-oxy...69ef02.jpg 
So, what can you do to make it easier? “A healthy diet and regular physical activity are the best starting points,” Dr. Pradhan advises. Whole foods, hydration, and a bit of movement every day go a long way. It’s not just about looking good, it’s about feeling better from the inside out. Managing weight, boosting mood, and sleeping well all get easier with small, consistent habits.
#25
We do not care if we said we would go. We changed our minds as soon as we got home.
#26
WDNC if we forget the name of something. We will make a new word for it, and you will have to understand what I meant.
#27
WDNC about not having a husband at 50 hell they more or a responsibility at this age then a child
Damned_Cat 6 months ago
A woman of a certain age once told me that a man over 60 is just looking for a nurse or a purse.
Whether you're just entering perimenopause or deep in the throes of it, one thing's for sure: you're not alone. Millions of women are navigating the same weird, wild ride. So, talk to your doctor, chat with friends, and join online communities.
Menopause or not, these women are laying it all out, things they’re just done tolerating. This list is honest, bold, and eye-opening. Got something you’re tired of hearing too? Drop it in the comments, and let’s keep the list growing!
#28
I do not care that I haven't showered in 3 days. I'm not going anywhere. Tomorrow I will. Today? Nope.
#29
And I don’t care about the perfect kitchen/bathroom/bedroom beige Pinterest aesthetic. I’m too old and tired. WDNC club.
#30
We do not care if we repeat the same story twice. If it was good once, it'll be better the second time.
#32
We do not care to wear hard pants ever again
#34
We do not care if our shoes are cute. Comfortable shoes only.
#35
When my hubby says he's hungry I ask him if his hands are broke, because I don't care.
#36
I’m joining!! WDNC about wearing pjs all day!!
April Pickett 6 months ago
Every day, all day & night. I live in my PJs unless I have to go out in the world.
#38
We do not care what healthy salad, vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, lactose-free rubbish our co-workers are having for lunch. Just let me eat my lasagne in peace!"
LillieMean 6 months ago (edited)
The same goes the other way around. Let me eat my vegan, healthy, balanced meal without you judging me and calling it rubbish. Some of us genuinely like vegetables and tofu. I care about my health and food is a big part of that because I want to keep my body strong through exercise. Perimenopause is coming soon and I want to be prepared. Edit: spelling.
#39
As an Eastern Canadian chapter applicant, We do not care that our Governments want to fight about terrifs. We just want the Mcdonalds ice cream maker to work when we pull up in a 7 seater with 9 kids.
#40
WDNC about your FaceBook post about how proud you are that your son or daughter has graduated from kindergarten.
#41
I don’t care if I’m the first teacher to the car leaving after school
#43
I don’t care if I have to [poop] in a public restroom and other people hear it.
#44
My grandson is eating marshmallows and I'm eating raisin bread. Dinner is served. We do not care!
#45
I have cellulite legs with shorts on. WDNC!
Lady Eowyn 6 months ago
If it doesn't bother you, why should it bother me. I don't like the way my legs look so I don't were shorts.
#46
I do not care that my pants are orange and my sandals are pink. This is what I wore today. WDNC.
Lady Eowyn 6 months ago
There was a time in the 60s when the combination of orange and pink was the in thing in fashion.
#47
we are on vacation and we do not care if our swimsuit doesn't fit like the advertisement
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
Sometimes we have to cover large swathes of our glowingly-white body. And WDNC that we look stupid or silly when doing so XD WDNC_swims...920d06.jpg 
#48
I don’t care what my family eats for dinner NO MORE! Eat Funyuns and jellybeans, WDNC.
#49
I do not care if I fart when I walk. It is out of my control.
#50
I don’t care about other people’s opinions! Nor do I care to go anywhere on the weekends
#53
I do not care that I haven't seen or spoke to my husband in 2 weeks,and we live in the same house
#54
Hey, Tennessee division here. We Do Not Care if our car is clean or dirty. It's just a car.
Lady Eowyn 6 months ago
As long as my car is mechanically sound and safe, I don't care what it looks like.
#55
I woke up wiped my face with a make up wipe, threw my not washed hair up and put some different shorts on with the shirt I slept in…stayed that way all day! I do not care!
#56
I do not care that I travel with my hot flash fan and break it out everywhere I go! I’m hot! I’m sweaty! I DON’T care!
#57
I don’t care that I like food. I don’t care if I need to lose weight I just don’t care.
Earonn - 6 months ago
It's also when you become menopausal, you gain weight - and all the doctor says "oh yes, that's normal during menopause". If society wants to s**t on me because I'm overweight, then it better gives me help when my bodies torpedoes me. If it can't be arsed - well, then society can go f**k itself.
#59
I do not care that you are cold, in the house or my office…it’s HOT and I am eyes are sweating to don’t touch my thermostat or my fans
#61
Hello,My name is Karen…and no I’m not crazy Karen but I don’t care bout nothing but surviving every day.
#62
I do not care that my toes are half unpainted and I have flip flops on. I’m too old for this today.
#63
I do not care that I wear crocs everywhere at least my feet don’t hurt at the end of the day
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
I learned the value of Crocs in my late 30s when I adopted a puppy who got sick with distemper. Having to run outside every hour or so with a sick puppy in your arms who needs to go potty or vomit - I don't have time to put on normal shoes, he's gonna puke or poop ON me if I don't get him out onto the grass XD I can keep the Crocs right next to the door itself, slip them on as I open the door, AND even if they get something on them, they rinse right off! They're amazing. Now I own several pairs XD One is purple leopard-spotted. I sometimes wear that pair out in public. WDNC. XD
#64
WDNC about having nails done, throwing the hair in a colonial pony, no makeup? no care.
#65
I do not care that I’ve not had matching socks on in 2 years cause my dryer keeps eating them or maybe they’re under my bed.
#66
I’m in. I do not care nothing about what these folks finna have for dinner tonight.
#68
I do not care that I'm watching TikTok while I should be cleaning this house
Blue Bunny of Happiness 6 months ago
I refuse to use TikTok, I consider it to be a young person thing.
#69
We don't care about those lights on the dashboard. If the car is moving, it's fine.
The Darkest Timeline 6 months ago
And that’s how you end up with a repair you can’t afford; this is true whether you’re a woman or a man
#70
I don’t care that the polish is gone on my big toes. My feet hot so sandals it is. I don’t care.
What do you think ?
Lyone Fein 6 months ago
I do not care that my body hair is socially unacceptable. I am not shaving my legs any more.
Lady Eowyn 6 months ago
Wait until you're post-menopausal, that may no longer be an issue.
Load More Replies...
Ace 6 months ago (edited)
I Don't Care that this seems to be a women-only club. Can I join too please?
Little Bit 6 months ago
I don't care that my lingerie is not s**y. Sports bras, big pants, comfort all the way.
At Least I'm Not You 5 months ago
I'm just taking it off anyhow: free the good stuuf.
Load More Replies... 
zovjraar me 6 months ago
i care about getting the bills paid, food in the house, and taking care of my animals. that is all i have energy for. everything else can eff off.
Another Panda 6 months ago
I do care, I just don’t have enough spoons to deal with things. The resulting anxiety and guilt then depletes the spoon supply more…
sofacushionfort 6 months ago
So in other words, those things you resented about us slobby men for thirty years are actually pretty great to do. Welcome to the club: we knew you’d come around. 😁
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
Hell, when I finally realized I didn't *have* to dress in a manner to please someone else, I started buying and wearing men's jeans and men's cargo shorts (from Costco!) I hate purses, so pants/shorts with pockets are a must for me XD I ironed funny/cute patches onto the shorts to give them that weird Lakota touch, but they're just bog-standard men's cargo shorts. I LOVE them. My jeans are men's jeans bought off of Amazon and they have a snarling wolf on them XD (I bought several pairs!) I also have a wallet on a wallet chain like it's 1993.
Load More Replies...
At Least I'm Not You 5 months ago
I know most of these women are at home, but is there somewhere on occasions they can be met face-to-face? Or my face to their @ss? Or thighs?
Sheena Leversedge Wood 6 months ago
one day I was heading to work, when I realised that my skirt wasn't as long as I thought, and my hairy shins were showing. for a brief moment I thought about rushing back in and changing my skirt. then I thought. F. it. nobody has a divine right not to see womens leg hair. if you can't handle seeing womens body hair, then maybe going outside isn't for you. I don't owe it to anybody to cover it up if I'm happy with what I'm wearing. it was a very freeing moment.
Lyone Fein 6 months ago
I do not care that my body hair is socially unacceptable. I am not shaving my legs any more.
Lady Eowyn 6 months ago
Wait until you're post-menopausal, that may no longer be an issue.
Load More Replies... Ace 6 months ago (edited)
I Don't Care that this seems to be a women-only club. Can I join too please?
Little Bit 6 months ago
I don't care that my lingerie is not s**y. Sports bras, big pants, comfort all the way.
At Least I'm Not You 5 months ago
I'm just taking it off anyhow: free the good stuuf.
Load More Replies... zovjraar me 6 months ago
i care about getting the bills paid, food in the house, and taking care of my animals. that is all i have energy for. everything else can eff off.
Another Panda 6 months ago
I do care, I just don’t have enough spoons to deal with things. The resulting anxiety and guilt then depletes the spoon supply more…
sofacushionfort 6 months ago
So in other words, those things you resented about us slobby men for thirty years are actually pretty great to do. Welcome to the club: we knew you’d come around. 😁
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
Hell, when I finally realized I didn't *have* to dress in a manner to please someone else, I started buying and wearing men's jeans and men's cargo shorts (from Costco!) I hate purses, so pants/shorts with pockets are a must for me XD I ironed funny/cute patches onto the shorts to give them that weird Lakota touch, but they're just bog-standard men's cargo shorts. I LOVE them. My jeans are men's jeans bought off of Amazon and they have a snarling wolf on them XD (I bought several pairs!) I also have a wallet on a wallet chain like it's 1993.
Load More Replies... At Least I'm Not You 5 months ago
I know most of these women are at home, but is there somewhere on occasions they can be met face-to-face? Or my face to their @ss? Or thighs?
Sheena Leversedge Wood 6 months ago
one day I was heading to work, when I realised that my skirt wasn't as long as I thought, and my hairy shins were showing. for a brief moment I thought about rushing back in and changing my skirt. then I thought. F. it. nobody has a divine right not to see womens leg hair. if you can't handle seeing womens body hair, then maybe going outside isn't for you. I don't owe it to anybody to cover it up if I'm happy with what I'm wearing. it was a very freeing moment.
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