35 Men Finally Get Answers To Their Most Burning Questions About Women That They Never Dared To Ask
Interview
There are so many things about the world that we’d love to learn. However, some topics are extremely sensitive. So people might feel extremely self-conscious or embarrassed to ask questions about them because they’ll show their ignorance, even if they’re curious. When folks are anonymous, however, they can feel a lot more comfortable doing this.
Redditor u/SlenderBacon449 started up an enlightening thread on r/AskReddit where they urged men to ask women all the things they’ve always wanted to but couldn’t. The women of Reddit, in turn, answered all of their questions. Scroll down to read what these redditors had to share. Their comments are informative. They’re educational. And you might learn something new even if you think you know everything there is to know.
Bored Panda wanted to learn why there are so many people who are ignorant about human biology and sex, so we reached out to Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., sexpert for LELO and the author of Becoming Cliterate. She was kind enough to answer our questions about why these knowledge gaps exist and shed some light on how grownups can get past feeling embarrassed when asking sensitive questions. Read on for our interview with her. Meanwhile, we also got in touch with the author of the thread, redditor u/SlenderBacon449.
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QUESTION: What are some things that contribute to a dead bedroom in a long term relationship and what might men do to resolve those issues? (Turn you on, make it more enjoyable for you, etc)
I just want everyone to feel sexually desired again.
ANSWER 1: A BIG problem for women is having to take care of the man, house, and responsibilities. If a woman has to nag or mother you, that's a turn off. If she has to pick up after you, do all the cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping, remind you of plans, remind you of appointments, ask you to do things without you knowing you should do them, or beg you to makes plans for once instead of saying "I don't care, what do you want to do?" you are heading for dead bedroom. If you treat her like a roommate or employee instead of someone you love, respect and appreciate, dead bedroom. If the only time you show her affection is when you are horny, she will resent you and dead bedroom.
- ZanzibarLove
ANSWER 2: Don’t ask her to make you a list of what she wants done to show you’ll “help” around the house. You are a grown-ass man living in a home. Assuming she’s got her hands full with a job or kids and isn’t sitting around waiting for nail polish to dry, open your eyes or do some research into what it takes to make a household run and just start carrying your own weight. If you’re a partner, you’re more than a helper.
- thayaht
We asked Dr. Mintz about why so many men seem to have knowledge gaps about sex and biology. She noted that the United States has a very poor sexual education system "where neither women nor men learn about women’s genital anatomy."
"Indeed, our sex education system often covers only women’s internal, reproductive anatomy and ignores sexual pleasure and response, especially among women. On top of this, movies and porn often perpetuate falsehoods about women’s pleasure, with women orgasming from intercourse alone commonly being shown," she explained to Bored Panda.
"The truth is that only a small percentage of women most reliably orgasm from penetration (4–18% depending on the study), and the rest need clitoral stimulation, either alone or coupled with penetration. However, without proper education or a woman telling a man this, there is very little chance he’d learn this on his own."
QUESTION: Basicaly all info about how their bodies work because f**k serious sex ed.
ANSWER: There are three holes. I mean, urethra, vagina and anus. Urethra is between the clit and the vaginal opening, it's very small and it's where the pee comes from. Vaginal opening is where dicks, sex toys and tampons go in, and also where period blood, discharge and babies come out from. Anus is... well, for pooping. Very similar to male anus but inserting something inside is usually less pleasurable for girls than for men who put things inside their butts - it's because we don't have prostate.
Menstrual cycle last about 28 days. It can be a bit shorter or longer, it's something individual, but yeah, about a month. Menstrual cycle is not the same as period. It's divided to phases. Period is just one of the phases and the first day of period is the first day of menstrual cycle. Period usually lasts 3-7 days, depends on girl. Then the other phase starts etc. I won't explain it more because as a non native speaker I simply lack proper vocabilary.
Some girls have painful period cramps. Some don't. Some don't really struggle with period and don't mind going to work or even do sports while on their period. Some girls become really sleepy and are unable to do anything else than lying in bed and crying from pain. You should never say anything like "You're exaggerating, my ex/friend/mom can do X on her period, don't be a crybaby".
Girls don't get wet only while horny. Our vaginas go more or less wet depending on the menstrual cycle phase. Also the texture of discharge changes during the cycle.
Clit is a little bump on the "front" of vulva, where the labia minora (inner lips) meeet. It can be hidden by a clitoral hood (something similar to a foreskin). Some girls have shorter hoods, so the clit is always visible. Some have longer hoods to the clit is hidden. Some girls have small inner labia and some girls have big "butterfly wings" that can make it less obvious to understand where the clit is in that particular girl. We all look different down there and if you can't find the clit, because your current partners vulva looks a lot different than your previous partners vulva, just ask the girl for her. You can put her hand on your hand and just ask "show me where" or "show me how you like it". It's okay.
Vaginas shouldn't smell like fish. If they do - it's a sign of infection. Don't believe the "smells fishy" jokes and avoid making them.
STDs are not always visible. Vulva can look perfectly fine but there can still be an infection going on. Asking your partner about their latest results is fine. Using an oral tissue (?) for oral sex (eating her out) is fine too! You can get STD from oral sex, so stay safe. You can make the tissue yourself from a condom. Cut off the top part (where the "sperm container"????? is), then cut down the length so you get a latex rectangle. Put it over her vulva and you can lick safely.
Having a period means that our body released an egg to fertilise but it didn't get fertilised so body is getting rid of it. Uterus was all like "Yeaaa we gonna be a mom!!!", so she made her walls soft and prepared for growing a baby but it didn't happen. Period is getting rid of the egg and also the special lining from uterus walls. It takes some time. We can't hold in the period or just "pee it out" on one sitting.
idk what else to add
- -acidlean-
That was a better, more accurate summary than 2 years of health class. Nicely done!
Yeah. I learned most of this stuff from my wife. Sex ed, they separated the boys and the girls and barely told us how our own bodies work.
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The fact that I, a teenage girl, learned something in this shows how bad sex ed in America is.
Don’t worry, it’s not only US. Here in Czechia we have pretty decent education, but the whole elementary school we were told to wait with sex ed to high school, and once we were there, we were told we had it in elementary school. That was it. But at least I learned at least 7 times about one word our famous writer invented and became international. Nice thing to know for sure, but seems a bit less important than knowing our own f*****g body functions.
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Also just to add, vaginas are self cleaning. Unless there's an infection that requires special medication, PLEASE don't buy into the hype of "cleaning products". Like cucumbers or crystals or whatever the hell else people are peddling these days. Same goes with douching. There's a time and a place for douches (if they're needed), but not only is the vagina self cleaning, it has its own ecosystem. Douching can seriously mess that up and create problems. Don't let anyone tell you that you need to do anything "special" or "specific" for vaginal hygiene. Basic hygiene (bathing/showering), peeing (or trying to) after intercourse, making sure anything inserted is clean before hand, and letting some air get to your crotch - that's about all you need.
But it’s useful to mention— ladies, we all SHOULD be carefully cleaning the vulva, even though the vagina doesn’t need it. Use a mild soap, preferably fragrance-free. And be gentle, as the skin is very fragile. But this is important to prevent bad bacteria from growing in the folds.
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I’ll add, about halfway through our cycle we ovulate. That’s when the egg is traveling through the fallopian tube to the uterus. Some women notice this happening and some don’t. Or one month you can notice it and another you don’t. It could feel slightly painful or uncomfortable or like nothing at all.
If you have PCOS, believe me, you NOTICE. The only mercy of ovulation over periods at that point is that it tends to last maybe an hour or two, as opposed to running a whole week.
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It's a little extra but I'd also recommend looking up the types of exams women have to have and what's involved so you understand why women's health and clinics are so important (All these people railing against planned parenthood--they do more than abortions. They help a lot of women with standard health issues and to PLAN pregnancy, not just end them. They also offer a lot of education and help to choose NOT to have abortions). And maybe you'll also understand the costs we're saddled with that are higher. I'd also look up fetal development on google. You'll find tons of images and it can help people to understand a little more and have a better idea of why women should be allowed to make decisions about their bodies with their doctor and not a political party. When you see it in a more logical way than in this magical and romantic way, it helps you be more rational about these issues. I'm not saying that you'll suddenly agree with abortion. But at least you have a better understanding of what happens and what you're fighting for.
why am i just now at age 29 learning that men's and wanes anuses are different?? or feel differently
I was going to say I had never heard of an oral tissue but now you have said dental dam I know what they mean.
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Also, period symptoms can be different from month to month in the same woman. About a week before my period is due to start, I begin suffering PMS symptoms. Bloating, cramping, sore, heavy feeling breasts, increased food cravings. It doesn't happen every month. Sometimes I get by pretty easily, other months are awful. Cramps can be so bad they feel like labor pains, and I'm so physically exhausted it's hard to get out of bed. Just because a woman has a bad period one month does not mean every month will be exactly the same.
Oh god yes, this. Oddly enough, I never get PMS and I have no idea why. Once the period starts though, it's like a roulette wheel of systems. Headaches, leg aches, lower back aches, upset stomach, and messed up bowels are my "wild cards". Cramping, bloating and fatigue are every single month with either 1 or multiple "wild cards" added on top. The pain levels can change too, of the cramps, etc. I have endometriosis too which just ramps everything up even worse.
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I would also add: the hymen (the barrier that breaks when you lose your virginity) is a piece of skin. Like any other skin, it has pores. Basically, if semen is anywhere near your vagina during or after non-penetrative sex, you can still get pregnant, even if your hymen is intact. (Source: personal experience)
And that the hymen can “break” at any point in a girl’s life— from gymnastics, riding a bike, playing sports, or having sex for the first time. And most of the time a girl’s hymen isn’t even a real “barrier.” The skin tissue can come in different shapes and sizes. Edit: A lot of hymens are just thin tissue around the edges of the vaginal opening, so they never really “break” in the first place.
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Fantastic job! Much more detailed than what schools are allowed to teach. All pandas should repost somewhere!
I've heard guys ask girls why they need tampons, why not just release the blood when they pee? The best answer I've heard is: "A period is like a bloody nose, the blood just keeps flowing."
Only thing I would clarify is that period isn’t only phase where there is pain. Mittelschmerz Is an awesome word in and of itself, but also one that should be looked up & comprehended. Adjacent: learning about hormones in general and how they differ in men/women and what they affect can be really helpful for empathizing with the opposite gender. It’s also helpful with empathizing with those going through HRT, regardless of their gender ident.
HRT is Hormone Replacement or more commonly known as birth control.
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"Girls don't get wet only while horny." As an ace woman, 100 times preach!
And we also don't always get wet when we're horny. Sometimes our bodies won't cooperate when our minds are willing. Needing to use lube isn't a slap at your abilities.
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Am I the only one who wants to meet the mythical beezie who only has her period for 3 days?
Soooo. Im gonna just use this, slightly edited for my kid when the time to tell her sex ed comes.
Please add a .PPT presentation and send it to every 8th grade classroom. Thank you.
I am not sure why someone downvoted your excellent suggestion,so take my upvote
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Not directed to men, but young ladies. If you suddenly have a huge bump on your bikini line or anywhere you shave it is likely an ingrown hair. Get it checked out if it lasts for a month or you have other concerning issues. Don't panic. I had a student health person tell me i had a strange STD from wrestling mats. I believed that for years until my primary care doctor as an adult said no that's an ingrown hair.
It could also be a cyst on the Bartholin's glands which are the glands that secrete moisture around the vagina. The glands can get blocked like sebaceous or salivary glands and cause a painful bump. Warm compresses can help. I've read that some people are more prone to them than others.
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Here's another way to look at it. Scientifically all embryos start out female. Things start to develop. When the rest of the "X" is "missing" things halt. Breasts stop developing after the nipples and areolas are done. The urethra elongates and a penis goes around it. The clitoris becomes the frenulum, and the hood becomes the foreskin. The ovaries drop down out of the body because sperm can't survive body temperature. What does all this mean? If you have the hole we have the hole because we are the norm and you are the offshoot.
Wow, that is excellent and ALL straight men should read it and educate themselves. I am a gay man so it does not affect me directly, but it is always good to be able to understand that a woman is sometimes in discomfort, or worse, and to be able to allow for that.
Man, I again and again realize how blessed I was for having parents who never made a big thing of sex ed. I still have the book which I got at 6/7 years old (can't recall my exact age). It is written for kids including drawed human bodies and treats the topic like any other biology topic. When I got curios about something I always could ask my parents e.g. when I first encountered the term "rape" I asked my dad about it and he told me what it meant but ofcourse in a not graphic way. I only felt weird about sex stuff because of people around who reacted with shock when they heard what I knew. But my parents knew I was a child very much interested in biology and treated it like the information about how photosynthesis worked and how a skeleton is build up. So they didn't see anything wrong with it. I still can't see why people assume kids would see it as anything different than just another info about life. But adults prefer to make such a fuss about it!
My daughter said that they didn't even get sex ed. I will now have to explain this to her.
What are you confused about? Its okay to ask questions.
Load More Replies... This is just so important for EVERYONE to know. Especially the parts where women can't control their own periods and each has different levels of period pain. Even within a year, I can get differing levels of pain, mostly similar, but some are definitely worse.
Also eating certain foods can make it smell down there. I know if I eat fish I pee a fish smell. And it takes about 24 hours of pee breaks to flush that out of my system. That's from the Mercury. Yeah down there can smell fishy. But it's a fishy bread bad fish smell for infections. If you see cheese curds it's an infection. Red bumps. Infection. Girls don't always want oral because sometimes we aren't expecting your face down there an might not have tidied the place up so don't get upset but don't think we don't want a girl blowjob. And guys that takes a while. It's not us doing the self work how we like it an we can't control how long it takes. Lol
TIL about oral tissues and latex rectangles. You're never too old to learn something.
All men should clearly understand this... I think women will at least try to have a better understanding of not only our own bodies but of men's as well....
I recently learned, that the clitoris isn't only the little bump. That's just the clitoral glans and clitoral hood. Most part of the clitoris lies within the body. And parts of it can definitely give the woman pleasure when stimulated (these parts are apparently close enough to the surface).
From TED talks, they seemed to say that the clit / nerve endings extends down around the vagina and the a**s. Maybe explains why some women like a**l? Not for me (male) though!
If learning about women's anatomy disgusts you that much, just stay away from them. The whole point is that when you understand how your partner is made, what makes her comfortable and what gives her pleasure, then you can make each other happy and express your love for one another. It's not about f**king. It's about human relationships.
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QUESTION: What to do when a period stain is showing and you seem oblivious to it?
ANSWER 1: Please tell her. I walked around all DAY in front of 10 guys because I was the only woman and they were all too afraid to tell me.
- uncreative-af
ANSWER 2: Honestly if I was in this situation, I would be so incredibly and pleasantly surprised if a guy not only came to tell me, but came with a solution. Like a hoodie to tie around my waist or a way provide me with some cover to lessen the embarrassment. I would remember that person gratefully forever, no joke.
- rebirth542
Meanwhile, we also wanted to get Dr. Mintz's thoughts on what could help grownups get past their feelings of embarrassment when asking questions on sensitive topics like sex.
"We live in a culture that bombards us with sexual images, but tells us very little scientifically accurate information about sex. We also get the message, either consciously or unconsciously, that sex is dirty, or taboo, or too private to discuss. However, I promise that it is easier to learn to talk about sex than it is to read minds (or vaginas!)," the expert said.
"And, the research is very clear: couples who communicate about sex have better sex. Also, in research, when asked what is most important to them during intercourse, not one woman mentioned penis size. They mention a partner that cares about their pleasure and makes that clear via communication."
QUESTION: I just wanna know how weird/unsafe women feel if a man is walking behind them in some silent area? Cause I have internal panic attacks thinking "omg is the woman ahead of me feeling uncomfortable" I usually just overtake them but sometimes overtaking might feel like a direct attack from behind so there's that worry too,, what would women prefer men do in such situations ☠️
ANSWER 1: A guy once called out to me, 'Not following you, I promise, just at a really awkward distance behind.' I appreciated that. Often our heads go into overdrive when we're alone, so giving us any kind of signal or message takes things out of potential panic mode. Also giving a lot of space while overtaking, so you're not right next to her as you pass, is reassuring.
- PersonalityLost5228
ANSWER 2: One night, I was super drunk walking home and saw a girl ahead of me that seemed worried about my presence. I didn't know what to do, so I pretended to call my girlfriend on the phone. She slowed the pace, and I was able to overtake her, but I stumbled in a very goofy way. I heard her chuckle behind me. It was a little embarrassing.
- mimortiseixecani
ANSWER 3: I was walking home from the bar one night, totally smashed, and I ended up basically following this gal for like four blocks, and it was starting to get weird because it was like 1 a.m., so drunk me just yelled, ‘Hey I’m walking home and kinda smashed, and we seem like we’re going in the same direction, but if you want me to walk in front so you can watch me and feel safer, that’s totally cool.’ She went from peeking over her shoulder to laughing. We ended up walking together for a few blocks, and turned out she lived two buildings away from me.
- Halomir
QUESTION: Do you want pockets in clothing?
ANSWER 1: Yes all of them
- Mondmim
ANSWER 2: ALL of them. Literally. Pockets in shirts, hoodies, sweaters, ALL pants, multiple pockets in pants, shorts, skirts, dresses, shoes, hell- put them in socks too why not? I. Want. Pockets.
- wheredMyArmourGo
Why do you think we put random stuff in our bras? Not enough pockets in the wardrobe :D
QUESTION: How do you remember that annoying thing we did that one time 6 years ago, why did you just bring it up?
ANSWER: Because it was deeply hurtful to me and you brushed it off or weren't completely honest with me about it. I know it and I want the whole truth, or I want you to acknowledge my feelings. Some combination of these things probably.
- J33P88
THIS. So accurate. We are bringing it up because it still nettles and want closure. Some kind of revisit where it isn't brushed off but is owned.
According to Dr. Mintz, the information about sexual communication and pleasuring women is out there, but you need to seek it from certified sex therapists instead of porn or movies.
"Great starting places are the books, She Comes First by Ian Kerner, Sizzling Sex by Michael Castleman, and the chapter written in my book, Becoming Cliterate, just for male partners. Indeed, published research shows that men who read the chapter written for them ('Cliteracy for Him') improve their knowledge of women’s genital anatomy and sexual pleasure, as well as their sexual communication skills. They also decrease their endorsement of harmful myths related to both women’s and men’s sexuality."
QUESTION: Do girls expect to be kissed? Like she’s dropping mad hints that she’s into me but I’m nervous to make a move over fear that it’s not what she wants
ANSWER: If you’re picking up hints but you’re not sure, I’d ask “can I kiss you?” as smoothly as possible and she’ll clarify whether that’s okay or not. If she’s offended by you asking for consent, she’s immature and that’s not on you.
- AnnoyinglyEarnest
I was on a 2nd date with a guy and we'd both had a really good time. He walked me to my car and asked if he could kiss me, but I said no. He was super sweet about it and even physically backed up. When we finally did kiss, it was great because I knew he'd respect my boundaries.
QUESTION: Do you guys like it when men show vulnerability?
ANSWER: YES YES YES! It’s important that we normalize men showing emotions and accepting that it’s okay to be vulnerable.
- HilariouslyGolden
I can't say that I 'like" it, it's not some kind of a show for you to enjoy, I just see it as a completely normal, human emotion, not inherently good or bad, it's just there.
QUESTION: What kind of common behavior makes a guy seem creepy or unattractive?
ANSWER 1: Asking sexual questions when you're not very close friends.
- ImproveOrEnjoy
ANSWER 2: Throwing too many compliments right off the hop. You can easily turn from a good, nice guy to a creep in less than five seconds.
- ItsCatWoman
ANSWER 3: I don't like when men are way too forward, way too fast. Like, hinting at sex or making sexual jokes at me when I've known you for four hours. And acting like they're entitled to my time, like if I don't respond within five minutes. The, 'OK, guess you're not interested,' response is major creep/red flag alert.
- Hyentics
ANSWER 4: Telling me to smile.
- rosecityrose0618
It's the sex jokes for me. Do I mind sex jokes from men I've known a long time or am close to? No. do I mind them from Some Bloke i met an hour ago? YEP. Gross.
Meanwhile, the author of the thread, redditor u/SlenderBacon449, was kind enough to share his thoughts on the topic as well. "I was first inspired to ask this question while I was talking to two of my friends and they started complaining about their periods, and as I sat there listening, I wondered why we guys didn’t know anything about periods or menstrual cycles. I was again inspired to ask when one of my guy friends was rejected by a woman for being 'too manly,'" he told Bored Panda.
"I didn’t understand what she meant and I eventually got to thinking about what women really want in a guy. Do they generally want a man to be tough or vulnerable? Maybe a little bit of both? I decided that I could knock out all these questions about women with a Reddit post so some women could educate some men on these topics, but I never expected the post to get that much attention!"
According to u/SlenderBacon449, guys lack understanding of women because "if you were to approach a woman, whether she’s a stranger or your girlfriend, and start asking her about periods and tampons and her taste in men, you would get some weird looks."
QUESTION: What can we safely compliment? Are all things related to appearance off limits?
ANSWER 1: Compliment things that are choices, not things that aren’t.
Pseudonymico
ANSWER 2: They're not off limits, but it's all about context and phrasing. Here are some good rules of of thumb:
Compliment what women wear instead of how they wear it.
Try mention things they chose and have control over.
Don't mention being attracted to something you've complimented them about.
- peppermint-latte
ANSWER 3: Don't compliment someone you work with on their body, it seems like you are hitting on them. Things that are off limits include "great legs", "that dress fits your body well", "you have a cute smile" etc. Can easily come off creepy.
Compliment them on something they chose e.g. "that haircut looks cool", "I like your earrings", "you have a great sense of style", "you are always in a happy mood, it brings the energy of the room up" etc.
- artificialnocturnes
QUESTION: Many women always smell pleasant. Like noticeably pleasant. In comparison, guys either smell bad or neutral. Is this an active choice to always smell good? Do you try to make yourself smell noticeably good all the time?
ANSWER: I think women's products in general have nicer smells. There's a popular joke about women's body products having scents like 'gentle mist of meadow,' 'tropical heavenly paradise,' and 'sparkling champagne dreams.' Meanwhile, men's are 'FROST. BLAST. SPORT. OIL CHANGE. GUN.
- GaimanitePkat
QUESTION: With periods is it a gush, a small leak, or more of a drip every so often?
ANSWER 1: All three. And sometimes, it's a clot, which feels like you're passing a hot slug through your orifice. Periods are fun.
- mycatisblackandtan
ANSWER 2: To give you a more in-depth answer, it depends on the woman AND the period. Contrary to popular belief, a period is not just a period. They can be easy, hard, heavy, painful, absent, light, etc. And most girls have different ones randomly. So, you'll usually bleed the same every cycle, but diet, stress, and hormones can alter it.
For most girls, the first two to three days are the heaviest. This means heavy flows, cramping, and gushing — this usually happens when you sit up or stand up after a long time in one position, and so the blood has pooled in the cervix or back of the vaginal canal and comes gushing forward or out. With tampons, you tend not to have this issue as much, if at all. The later days, it's just a trickle or flow again, but less blood overall.
- randominternetuser46
This morning I woke up, rolled over, and because my vagina is secretly an a*****e, suddenly my legs were covered with blood. Not sorry for the TMI because this is a normal body function. It’s just an annoying body function. Especially when you wake up in someone else’s bed 😅 (the bed-owner was really cool about it, he even tried to give me his own clothes to change into).
The OP said that, unfortunately, schools don't teach men about periods because it's assumed that they wouldn't need to know about them.
"Well, I think it’s important for men to know about these things because we need to be able to understand a woman’s struggle during that time of the month and help accordingly," he said.
"When it comes to important questions such as these, I think the best approach is to do as I did and ask the internet! Whether it’s just a Google search or going on a subreddit and asking the question yourself, the internet is our most valuable tool, if it’s just low-key curiosity or if you want to learn more about it," he pointed out that research is the best first step to learning more about biology and anatomy.
"It would be great if schools could help both genders understand each other better with a more expansive sex ed unit in school, but I doubt that will happen."
QUESTION: How do you hide your period pain so well?
ANSWER: You get used to it. Plus pain killers.
- dumbasspositive
QUESTION: Bro how do we become friends with yall. Theres some people I've only talked to a few times but I feel like we could have the dopest of friendships. Like no romantic stuff or couple stuff but like we can play smash bros all day
ANSWER 1: You'll be surprised how much we crave strictly platonic friendship with a guy, because most of the time men end up having ulterior motives. Just treat us like your friend, and
hope you don't get misunderstood.
- whispervesper
ANSWER 2: If she seems hesitant, you can just tell her outright that you're just looking for friendship. Also, inviting her to a group thing instead of one-on-one can help keep expectations platonic.
- peppermint-latte
I’ve found it’s bizarrely difficult to have a friendship with a guy without him eventually wanting more and/or misreading my attentive listening. I’ve managed it exactly once in my life, and he died of a brain tumor. I am really good friends with a guy who used to like me, so you can get past it, but…it’s tricky. And weirdly disappointing when “that moment” arrives.
QUESTION: why do some of you women lie about being upset?
like when i ask my gf whats wrong when she is clearly upset she usually says nothing. why?
ANSWER: Sometimes it’s because I know I shouldn’t be upset and really don’t want to be and don’t want to burden my partner with my annoying feelings. Sometimes it’s because I’m still mad and feel like stewing a little longer. Often it’s because I’ll cry if we get into the problem and I don’t want to lose the fragile illusion of control I’m fooling myself with lol.
- AutomaticCupcake33
Sometimes, and this is absolutely not shade on men here, sometimes I'm just not ready for the Solution Mode. men tend to want to fix problems, which is absolutely a good thing, but for me I need some time to sit with my Being Upset before I'm ready to express that upset and hear ideas on how to fix it. Having said that, my (male) BFF sometimes asks now "Are we fixing, or venting?". Vent, then fix!
Many of the questions that the men of Reddit asked had to do with women’s anatomies, periods, and relationship dynamics. These are questions that would be difficult to ask someone in person, unless they’re a very close and trusted friend.
Unfortunately, this ignorance about how women’s bodies work has profound negative effects on a global scale. Fortune notes that the gender health gap exists because the trials for drugs and medicine are mostly conducted on men. This leads to the overprescription of medicine to women which in turn has negative effects on their health.
“To this day, we don’t truly know how women metabolize and react to many medicines, why some adverse reactions are more common in women, nor how women experience or manifest pain. The efficacy, dosage, and side effects of many drugs were never tested on women,” Fortune writes.
On an individual level, there is nothing wrong with admitting that you might not know everything there is to know about women. Being humble, open-minded, and open to learning new things should be celebrated, not frowned upon. The women of Reddit answered the men’s questions without judging them for their knowledge gaps. If you shame someone for their ignorance, you only make them defensive, not keener to learn and improve.
QUESTION: As a single dad to an 11 year old daughter, what are some things I need to be knowledgeable of as she matures?
ANSWER 1: First I want to say that by you commenting on here and asking for advice your already doing GREAT!! But I would say How periods actually work, what products to use and when as well as just being there to openly communicate with. I know its hard but as someone with parents who never talked to her about things like this, I would've loved to have a parent like you. Best of luck to you!
Also I know this is random but as she gets older just remember its easier and better to have the condom/birth control talk rather than the "Dad I'm pregnant" talk
- irrevocably_an_olive
ANSWER 2: Always knock on her door and wait for her to grant access before opening the door!!! Such awkward moments can be avoided with a little respect for privacy.
- missvvvv
You'll probably want to take her to a store that does bra fittings once she starts developing. Just Google who does bra fittings.
QUESTION: I know this is going to seem weird but how do you guys control your pee stream? It’s easy as a guy but I’m not too sure it would be for a woman? Idk it’s a stupid question but i would be happy if I got an answer
ANSWER 1: Direction? No. Flow speed? Yes.
- MooshAro
ANSWER 2: One of the times I had to pee outside, I did the 'pre pee' to make sure I was angled right and all seemed fine. I upped the flow speed, the angle changed massively, and it was like a broken sprinkler. Thankfully, my shoes were waterproof.
- EmmaHatesTheBull**it
ANSWER 3:I think it’s the same pelvic floor muscles that men have. When you contract/relax your muscles to regulate your pee, it’s at the base, right? As in, you cut the flow off at the faucet, not at the end of the hose. Women just have a faucet, but no hose. You, too, can do Kegels to strengthen those muscles.
- ObliviousDirt
QUESTION: Do all ladies use tons of toilet paper or is it just the women ive dated?
ANSWER: Considering we’d need them for both pee, poop, and during periods, then yes
- carissadraws
My son uses half a roll in one sitting (and spends ages in the loo), so he uses much more than I do, lol.
Besides the fear of being judged, another thing that could explain these men’s knowledge gaps is sub-standard sex education at school and at home. It falls to teenagers’ teachers and parents to dispel any myths about reproduction, anatomy, and relationships.
If they fail to do that, the students will simply absorb any and all hearsay on these topics, whether they hear it in person or read about it on some weird internet forum. It’s best to tackle these topics in the classroom, without stigma or judgment. The long and short of it is that sex ed lessons need to be better: they need to be relatable and informative, not just detached and scientific.
One woman anonymously shared how sex education works in her country during an earlier interview with Bored Panda.
"They called away all the girls from classes, brought us to an auditorium to discuss periods and what they are, why they happen, what we should do. They gave us packets of pads and told us to keep them in our lockers for emergencies. Their heart was in the right place, but by only asking the girls to attend this, they ensured that periods became some sort of mythical and curious event in the minds of all the boys," she told us.
QUESTION: Why is it when we blush it's cute?
ANSWER 1: Because it indicates a capacity for strong feelings and someone who responds/reacts with healthy emotion.
- Mumique
ANSWER 2: Because it is a nice to see a man showing emotion of any kind
- Lalalelo94
Model consent. "Your hair is tangled, may I brush it?" is the expectation you want to model, not "sit down, I am going to deal with your hair." Help build her voice to listen and expect physical autonomy and to provide consent.
QUESTION: How did you deal with going from looking like a child to getting sexual attention in a rather short period of time? Did you expect it?
ANSWER 1: I first was sexually harassed by strangers at 12 years old, before I knew anything about it. I was a child, and looked it. I don't mean to be a 'negative Nancy,' but it's very prevalent, and almost everyone I've talked to has a similar story. Sometimes even younger.
- LemonBoi523
ANSWER 2: Girls receive sexual attention before they understand what it is. We have to catch up mentally to what is happening. When you're too young to understand, it can feel nice to get attention, especially as boys tend to get more attention at school up to that point. But as you learn to understand why you're getting the attention, what those men actually want, and how little you could do to stop them if they decide to just take action, it becomes frightening.
- Alex9Andy
ANSWER 3: The second I turned 18, I had several guys in their late 20s trying to hook up. There is no mental switch that happens between 11:59 and 12:00 on your birthday, and it was really hard to process the fact that it wasn’t a pedophilic situation because in my head, I honestly still felt 14. I wish 18 wasn’t viewed as completely fair game for everyone.
- maddies12
QUESTION: Is it true a woman actually keeps at least two pairs of granny panties? I was told every woman at least does
ANSWER: I know I have some older ugly underwear for shark week. They aren't tight on your bloated stomach and if they get stained it doesn't matter
- Nouveaucola
"[The boys] were not educated, they remained ignorant to what should be essential information to them. And of course, we all scrambled to hide our pads because we all thought we would rather be caught dead than holding a packet of them. They teased us about it and we, being only 11, had nothing to say to defend ourselves because the stigma around periods is very strong in my country."
In some cultures, there are incredibly deep stigmas surrounding periods. "I have friends whose own parents make them sit on mats on the floor when they are on their periods because they are considered impure and should not touch anything in the house," the woman told us earlier.
"Some women aren't allowed to enter the kitchen or the prayer room, they're not allowed to leave the house. A majority of women in my country have no access to pads or tampons and use cloth which causes infection and prevents them from being able to earn a living. I could go on and on about how bad it is here for a lot of women," she said.
"There's no shame in it if you're 30 and have misconceptions about periods. It is sad that you may not have educated yourself about it, but there's absolutely no shame in asking women to educate them or to start reading online themselves. Sex ed is so important.”
QUESTION: Do you randomly get sexually aroused in public for no reason at all like men? And if so, does it die down quickly?
ANSWER 1: Yes to random arousal. It depends on the situation for how fast it dies down. Sometimes, I get randomly horny at work and then just sit there and fantasize about raunchy things. It takes longer to die down that way.
- biwaterbender
ANSWER 2: It's not an issue because we don't get erections, but it's a bit awkward when my p*ssy has a heartbeat. Our genitalia can get swollen when we're really aroused, so there is more blood down there, just like more blood in an erect penis. And it throbs, like a heartbeat.
- -acidlean-
QUESTION: The good Ole classic question. Does size matter?
ANSWER 1: Yes. Too big is a letdown for me. Eliminates more than half of positions, intensity, and how hard I can go. That being said, I would not break up with a wonderful man just because of his d*ck size.
- tcatt1212
ANSWER 2: No. Different strokes for different folks. The right size is the one where both of you have the best sex.
- Additional-Winner-45
Too big is painful and unpleasant. You hit my cervix and it's awful. I'd rather work with a smaller penis than a large one, to be fair.
QUESTION: Do your guys' backs actually hurt if you have big... you know.
ANSWER: Mine does. Went from a C cup to an F cup in 6 months (on hormones for a gynecological condition). My back is so sore now! Properly fitting bras help a lot though.
- RobotEarsStandBy
QUESTION: Do you have "crushes" on random people you encounter that you don't really see anything developing with? Like someone you see every day but don't really talk to for whatever reason?
I don't mean in a creepy way, I mean, like, "my barista is insanely hot and I fantasize about him even though absolutely nothing is going to happen because of [several very important reasons]."
I assume this happens but have always wondered if it's more common with men.
ANSWER 1: Absolutely! This happened to me back in college when I developed a crush on a classmate and daydreamed of dating him. I also have friends who randomly call me about encounters with attractive strangers.
- azuari
ANSWER 2: There's an older handsome guy in my neighborhood who rides a motorcycle. I do not know him; I know nothing about him. I sometimes find myself saying, 'Hi daddy,' when he rides by. That's not even something I say! One day, he had a lady on the back of his bike and I thought, Who's this bitch? I'm not a jealous person at all. I don't know where this impulse came from.
- KikiHou
I teach in college and sometimes have a mild crush on one of my older students. Totally not allowed or going to do anything about it, but it makes me look forward to the class. What can I say? I like men and I teach at a technical college, and some guys are just good-looking.
QUESTION: How uncomfortable is it to wear a tampon? How do you know when you have to change it? Do you get some internal sensation that lets you know when it's time to replace it? Do you time it? How do you know?
ANSWER 1: "If you feel a tampon after insertion, something is wrong. The rest is trial and error, but you can't wear a tampon longer than eight hours. Most of my friends make that six hours or less to be safe."
- whatevernamedontcare
ANSWER 2: "It's only uncomfortable if it's dry; you can tell it's time to change a tampon by how squishy it feels inside. Sometimes we get it wrong. I've thought I needed to change my tampon before, but when I went to tug on the strings it hurt because it was too dry still, so you leave it."
- ItsCatwoman
ANSWER 3: "You also tend to change it if it's leaking or when you poop."
- spasamsd
As a girl, I also wanted to know the answer to these questions. I use pads because I’m too scared to put a tampon or a cup in and it gives me this weird sensation each time I think of it that makes me shudder
QUESTION: ...what do u guys think about curved d***s....im kinda insecure and want to know if it's a turn off or not...?
ANSWER: Honestly it might look different at first but a curved penis hits spots that uncurved cannot. Which can be a wonderful thing.
- diabolicsoap393
QUESTION: Do women really notice everything? I remember the things that me and my father never used to notice, my mom used to notice. Also do women have some kind of superpower to differentiate colours?
ANSWER 1: Trust a woman when she says colors don’t match. We have significantly more cones (the cells that detect color) than rods (cells that detect light/dark) than men do. Men are naturally better are seeing in the dark than women.
- lovelabradors373
ANSWER 2: women are socialized to notice everything. we're supposed to have super powers and read moods and make sure everybody is doing okay, notice any little change in mood so that we can comfort it. we're supposed to notice as soon as the glass is empty so we can refill it... therefore, we are hyper aware of every time you take a sip.
It's really quite annoying being the person who notices things. I've definitely left relationships because of it.. not because I was noticing, but because they took advantage of it. Rather than doing the extra work to give 50%, they would just say that I noticed it naturally anyway so I might as well take care of those things.
- anonymous
We also have a better sense of smell. One day, my female coworkers and I smelled gas while the maintenance men could not. And since they did not, nothing was done about it. 😷
QUESTION: When using bathroom and you see your pad is slightly soiled, does it feel awkward having to put it back against you body?
ANSWER 1: Yes. You also suddenly feel hyper aware of the wet, soggy feeling of expelled blood being pushed back up against your bits.
- Lalalelo94
ANSWER 2: If it's a longer trip to the bathroom, everything is cold and wet when you pull up your pants. One of my least favorite sensations. I typically wipe at the pad with a piece of toilet paper before pulling my pants back up to help prevent this from happening.
- SpookySeraph
Long time since I used a pad other than a liner so I don't remember exactly what it felt like except that it was uncomfortable when you felt it was soggy and weren't sure if it was leaking out. Using tampons and then later a menstrual cup was such a game changer because I can just put it in and almost forget about it until it is full. In fact when the flow is less, I do forget about the cup a lot.
QUESTION: When a bulge is visible through shorts or sweatpants, do women find that attractive or disgusting?
ANSWER: Depends, if it’s my boyfriend I find it attractive, if it’s random men on the street or on tiktok then I find it cringey and gross
- KillMeNow0913
QUESTION: How do girls with those long acrylic nails wipe themselves clean in the bathroom?
ANSWER 1: As a woman, I would also like to know the answer to the burning question.
- ElodyDubois
ANSWER 2: As someone who had long nails and had to take out contacts, you learn to use your finger pads rather than your nails or finger tips. It's about angle and pressure.
- rivlet
I've never understood or liked the long fingernail thing, I recall it dates to some chinese tradition of showing that you don't do manual work, something like that...
QUESTION: When you are nearing the time of the month, can you feel it coming?
ANSWER: Sort of. I can feel pain that signals I'd better prepare.
- stolenourhearts
QUESTION: Do women put deodorant in their boob pits?
ANSWER 1: Or powder of some sort, yes. My underboobs sweat a lot.
- toxic_pantaloons
ANSWER 2: I do not, but I don’t have extremely large breasts. If your boobs are big enough to hang against your skin, it might make sense to wear powder or something to be more comfortable.
- emilaurapricot
I have never heard the term boob pits before and I am immediately adding it to my vocabulary.
QUESTION: When you're platonic friends with a man, do you want to be treated exactly how he treats his male friends (in terms of tone, the inside jokes, and the way time is spent), or is there an expectation to be treated differently as a woman?
ANSWER 1: I just want to be approached naturally, and not much differently than you would approach a male friend. In my personal experience though, I do expect more boundaries when it comes to sex jokes or physical contact. Otherwise, please treat a female friend like any other friend and respect what she says she is comfortable with.
- azuari
ANSWER 2: I tell men that are struggling with women that they should treat women like they're there friends gf or something like that. I know plenty of guys that are great friends with a number of women cause in their heads those women are off the table for one reason or another. The second there's a possibility of dating or sex involved they are incapable of acting like normal humans. It's crazy to me.
- CrossXFir3
If you relate to your male friends with a lot of roughhousing, then probably not that aspect. If you make a lot of misogynistic jokes with your male friends, even if you claim you are doing it "ironically", then... I don't want to be your friend.
QUESTION: Ok I go to the gym and see women wear these sports bras that have like 10 straps. While I think that is a cool style I wonder how they put it on and not get tangled in the straps!?
ANSWER 1: Totally get tangled in them sometimes, but you initially kind of bunch them together.
- peppermint-latte
ANSWER 2: I hold all the straps with my thumbs, stick my head through, and hope for the best.
- missnikkibabyyy
I just don't wear them, if it's not a problem, you don't have to find a solution.
Note: this post originally had 64 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.
i like this. many of the questions asked were thoughtful; most answers attempted to be general enough to encompass the experience for most women. But that Friend Zone question was....super cringey and felt like a Nice Guy™️ asked it..
I liked the wording of the men - very respectful. The honest answers were lovely and I think that most men can learn something. Great for the younger generation too.
Load More Replies... 
We were raised to just talk to a person if we were curious about so emerging that they would know the answer to. I never understood the “fear” of asking. That lady at the store I saw as a kid sniffing the boxes of strawberries taught me that, “If they smell ripe, they’re ripe. If they have no smell, they’re not ready and have no flavor.” Never would have known if I hadn’t just asked. Same goes for relationships. I like the person, so I tell them. If they’re into playing games and acting immature about it? I know right away I dodged a bullet.
If a man is walking behind me I always step to the side, face sideways, and let him pass. Gets rid of all the awkward.
Very good explanations from women but the questions...it's like the men are still asking for women to confirm that women are human and must be treated as a dignified human being.
I like these kind of questions! The answers can teach so much to men, other women, very young girls, even old generation women who haven''t had the chance to live many of these things.
I wish this had been on the curriculum 45 years ago. This is the most useful article ever, well done to whoever devised it. Sorry ladies, but we just don't get taught this stuff, so don't expect us to know.
I loved the "it is less awkward to have the safe sex/condim talk than the dad I'm pregant talk. I know a few women who better take this to heart as well. About the question if women remark more than men? No, not always, I generally don't notice if someone had a haircut for instance (unless they are suddenly a redhead or a significant change in cut/length).
Also, for the question about why we say we’re fine when we clearly aren’t, sometimes I’m just too tired to explain. Or I feel like it won’t do any good to explain because it won’t change anything or might start an argument/upset you because I’m not in a headspace to word things nicely
There's also the classic "I know you will dismiss this as nothing or think I'm overreacting when it's actually really important to me, so I'm keeping quiet to avoid that confrontation"
Load More Replies... It's WONDERFUL to ask all these questions! Men and women. Communication is everything and this is such a great start. Here's hoping everyone asks their important questions and everyone can learn from each other. And I LOVE personal questions . . . I ALWAYS get the answers right!
Loved this. Real questions from guys looking for straight answers. And I think most got what they were looking for. This should be done once a month, especially since sex Ed is being eliminated in so many states. Let's cut politics out and just talk to each other.
This was helpful and informative! I have a question about bar behavior - twice in my life I have had a woman drop an unwrapped tampon into my beer (once in Billings, MT and once in Seattle), they both said the same thing that it seemed funnier in their head. Is this a common occurrence? or am I just a 'strange attractor'?
That's... odd. Maybe they were drunk and were curious about how much liquid it would hold? But honestly, it's rude. That's all.
Load More Replies...
i like this. many of the questions asked were thoughtful; most answers attempted to be general enough to encompass the experience for most women. But that Friend Zone question was....super cringey and felt like a Nice Guy™️ asked it..
I liked the wording of the men - very respectful. The honest answers were lovely and I think that most men can learn something. Great for the younger generation too.
Load More Replies... We were raised to just talk to a person if we were curious about so emerging that they would know the answer to. I never understood the “fear” of asking. That lady at the store I saw as a kid sniffing the boxes of strawberries taught me that, “If they smell ripe, they’re ripe. If they have no smell, they’re not ready and have no flavor.” Never would have known if I hadn’t just asked. Same goes for relationships. I like the person, so I tell them. If they’re into playing games and acting immature about it? I know right away I dodged a bullet.
If a man is walking behind me I always step to the side, face sideways, and let him pass. Gets rid of all the awkward.
Very good explanations from women but the questions...it's like the men are still asking for women to confirm that women are human and must be treated as a dignified human being.
I like these kind of questions! The answers can teach so much to men, other women, very young girls, even old generation women who haven''t had the chance to live many of these things.
I wish this had been on the curriculum 45 years ago. This is the most useful article ever, well done to whoever devised it. Sorry ladies, but we just don't get taught this stuff, so don't expect us to know.
I loved the "it is less awkward to have the safe sex/condim talk than the dad I'm pregant talk. I know a few women who better take this to heart as well. About the question if women remark more than men? No, not always, I generally don't notice if someone had a haircut for instance (unless they are suddenly a redhead or a significant change in cut/length).
Also, for the question about why we say we’re fine when we clearly aren’t, sometimes I’m just too tired to explain. Or I feel like it won’t do any good to explain because it won’t change anything or might start an argument/upset you because I’m not in a headspace to word things nicely
There's also the classic "I know you will dismiss this as nothing or think I'm overreacting when it's actually really important to me, so I'm keeping quiet to avoid that confrontation"
Load More Replies... It's WONDERFUL to ask all these questions! Men and women. Communication is everything and this is such a great start. Here's hoping everyone asks their important questions and everyone can learn from each other. And I LOVE personal questions . . . I ALWAYS get the answers right!
Loved this. Real questions from guys looking for straight answers. And I think most got what they were looking for. This should be done once a month, especially since sex Ed is being eliminated in so many states. Let's cut politics out and just talk to each other.
This was helpful and informative! I have a question about bar behavior - twice in my life I have had a woman drop an unwrapped tampon into my beer (once in Billings, MT and once in Seattle), they both said the same thing that it seemed funnier in their head. Is this a common occurrence? or am I just a 'strange attractor'?
That's... odd. Maybe they were drunk and were curious about how much liquid it would hold? But honestly, it's rude. That's all.
Load More Replies... 