“I Really Wanted This Baby”: Man Grieves Aborted Child, Asks The Internet For Perspective
Interview With Expert
There’s really no definite answer to when’s the best time to have kids. Some people might start planning a pregnancy after finishing their studies, reaching a career milestone, feeling financially stable, or simply being emotionally ready to welcome a new life into the world.
This married couple decided to wait until the wife’s business became successful. After a while, it did, and they got pregnant. However, they didn’t even get to announce it to anyone when their 17-year-old daughter rushed in crying, telling them she was expecting a baby. Such news put a wrench in their plans, forcing the wife to give up the motherly role and transition into grandparenthood, which the husband wasn’t happy with.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with Pamela Peters, MFTC, a Denver-based relationship therapist, who kindly agreed to answer some questions about becoming young grandparents.
There’s no definite answer as to when to have kids. However, it so happened that this mother and daughter got pregnant at the same time
Image credits: freestocks.org / pexels (not the actual photo)
The mother was weirded out by this, which led to her terminating the pregnancy
Image credits: Prostock-studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Remote-Barber-
Adjusting to grandparenthood can be challenging, especially when this role is assigned to parents at a younger age
Instead of being a mother, the wife, Amelia, decided that her life could also be fulfilling as a grandmother. However, adjusting to grandparenthood can be challenging, especially when this role is assigned to parents at a younger age.
Bored Panda reached out to Pamela Peters, MFTC, a Denver-based relationship therapist, who explains that one of the difficulties they may face is being surprised that their child (presumably a young one) is going to have a baby.
She further tells us, “The pregnancy could have been unplanned, which can cause anxiety and stress for the new grandparents. An older grandparent will probably not be blindsided by the idea of becoming a grandparent like a young grandparent might be.”
The idea of a new baby might bring conflicting feelings such as deep love, disappointment, and loss. Realizing and coming to terms with these emotions is a good first step to transitioning into grandparenthood. “Finding someone you trust to share these vulnerable feelings with will be invaluable. This could be a close friend, a family member, or a therapist,” advises Peters.
Becoming a young grandparent also means having more physical energy than an older one, as well as fewer health issues
Something that can help navigate these challenges is grieving the loss of an empty nest. Perhaps the parents were looking forward to having kids out of the house with more freedom and independence to travel and enjoy activities that they put on hold to care for their children. With a new grandchild on the way and sometimes additional childcare responsibilities, they can be deprived of such liberties.
“Realize this is a loss. It is normal to have feelings of sadness, anger, and denial around this loss,” says Peters. “It is also a good idea to determine your own boundaries around what responsibilities you are willing to take on and those you are not. If your grandchild(ren) needs full-time childcare, help your child figure out some alternatives to you being the sole daycare provider. Finances should also be considered. What type of financial support do your child and grandchild need, and what are you willing to offer?”
On the bright side, becoming a young grandparent also means having more physical energy than an older one, as well as fewer health issues. Peters mentions that this can be extremely beneficial when helping parents with sleepless nights in the infant stage and when chasing after an energetic toddler.
“You may also get to see much more of your grandchild’s life milestones than if you were older. You may even get to see your grandchild’s own children or grandchildren,” Peters cheerfully adds.
The husband jumped to the comments to answer some questions
Readers validated the husband’s feelings
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Pregnant woman gets final decision, but I think she rushed into it. Either that or she really didn't want another child (and/or to go thru pregnancy) and grabbed this excuse.
“Pregnant woman gets final decision.” Louder for those in charge who are hard of hearing!
Load More Replies...
I would have considered abortion too. But for different reasons. No matter how much I would've loved to have another child with my husband, this decision isn't about that baby alone. It's about being able to take care and provide for two babies (And a little boy. And a teen mom). It's about getting the responsibility for a newborn while you're a heavily pregnant working mother. If you know in advance that this will be too much, that you won't be able to be the (grand) mother you need to be, abortion is a good decision.
NTA. It wouldn't surprise me if things went from lukewarm to ice cold in the bedroom because of this. The wife forgot that it takes TWO people to have a marriage. They may stay together, but things will never be the same again. The trust has turned to ashes, and the love may not be far behind.
Trust is rarely ever completely whole after broken.
Load More Replies... Pregnant woman gets final decision, but I think she rushed into it. Either that or she really didn't want another child (and/or to go thru pregnancy) and grabbed this excuse.
“Pregnant woman gets final decision.” Louder for those in charge who are hard of hearing!
Load More Replies... I would have considered abortion too. But for different reasons. No matter how much I would've loved to have another child with my husband, this decision isn't about that baby alone. It's about being able to take care and provide for two babies (And a little boy. And a teen mom). It's about getting the responsibility for a newborn while you're a heavily pregnant working mother. If you know in advance that this will be too much, that you won't be able to be the (grand) mother you need to be, abortion is a good decision.
NTA. It wouldn't surprise me if things went from lukewarm to ice cold in the bedroom because of this. The wife forgot that it takes TWO people to have a marriage. They may stay together, but things will never be the same again. The trust has turned to ashes, and the love may not be far behind.
Trust is rarely ever completely whole after broken.
Load More Replies...
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