45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They’ve Done
Interview
Sometimes our mind just wanders off in the weirdest ways. It may happen when driving yourself home without realizing, pouring juice instead of milk into your coffee, or getting frustrated with a door that doesn’t unlock because it’s the neighbor's door.
These little mishaps occur due to a brain mode known as autopilot, which enables us to carry on doing tasks without consciously being aware of them. What’s more, we can perform tasks pretty reasonably, and it’s somewhat of a superhuman power we all share.
Other times, however, our autopilot brain takes us to more uncharted terrains. So we do things so weird and funny that you wonder how on earth they just happened. Read on for some of the funniest and weirdest stories from people who have been there and done that, as shared in response to this Ask Reddit thread.
Also, be sure to scroll down for Bored Panda’s interview with Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, the best-selling author and CEO of Disaster Avoidance Experts who shared some interesting insights about our brain’s autopilot.
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Someone knocked on the bathroom stall door to check if it was available. I said come in.
Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, the author of multiple best-selling books including Leading Hybrid and Remote Teams (Intentional Insights, 2021), The Blindspots Between Us: How to Overcome Unconscious Cognitive Bias and Build Better Relationships (New Harbinger, 2020), and many more, told us that living on autopilot is necessary much of the time. “That's because otherwise, we would become overwhelmed with thinking through every little thing that we do,” he added.
I feed my cat while I make breakfast. One very sleep deprived morning I made cereal in her bowl and put her kibble in my cereal bowl. I didn't realize I f****d up until I shoved a giant spoonful of cat food in my mouth and chewed a few times.
33 weeks pregnant, at work ALL day, super hungry when I got off work. Stopped by the store to pick up some things, water broke in the middle of the aisle so I called my husband to tell him to meet me at the hospital, but then I kept f*****g shopping until I had my very wanted food. Got in my car(labor had started slightly by now), drove home and made my food. Husband called an hour later... suddenly remembered my water had broken at the store, drove myself to the hospital and had our first son. Food was my mission, baby on the way was not getting in the way of those f*****g tacos apparently.
Had a pet rat out roaming with me while I made some toast. cleaned up, put the rat in the fridge and didn't realise until I put the butter in the cage that *oh s**t*
Went to reclaim the rat, she was all "F**k off, the food box is MINE now". Already gotten into the ham.
Having said that, Dr. Tsipursky argues that our autopilot system also makes systematic errors that can get us into a lot of trouble. “These errors are called cognitive biases and they are remnants from our evolutionary background. They served our ancestors well in the ancient savanna, but harm us in the modern world.”
“That's why we tend to do things like eating way more than we intend at social events (restraint bias), buying high and selling low in the stock market (loss aversion bias), and sticking with a relationship long past the time when it should end (sunken costs bias),” Dr. Tsipursky explained.
I cared for a horse for several years.
First thing in the morning I would go put feed and water in the field, lead her out, and close the fence behind her.
One morning as I'm walking back into my house, I hear a weird sound behind me. The sound of hooves on linoleum.
She looked as surprised as I was that I had brought her into my kitchen. Luckily, she never told anyone so my secret is still safe.
Pulled into my complex, walked up the stairs, my keys wouldn't open the door and then I realized it had been seven years since I had lived there.
Oh man. Okay, I'm late to the party here, but I've got a great answer for this.
I was working as a summer counselor at a college, helping incoming freshmen pick classes and stuff like that. The job was exhausting, but I loved it, so I poured my all into it, making arts and crafts in my off time to make the experience more fun for the kids, writing skits, building sets and costumes, that sort of thing. The result was that I barely slept (3-4 hours per night, for 3 months on end).
One night, around 3 am, just as I was going to bed, I realized that I'd forgotten to tell my kids that tomorrow's meeting was in my office, and not at the outside benches where we'd met the day before. Oops! So I sat down to write a note for each of my students. Here's what I wrote:
Hi (Student Name),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting in my office
tomorrow at 9 am instead of at the benches.
Thanks,
Kahzgul
Simple, right? i sat down to write out 12 notes and I was dozing off as I did so. Finally got them all done around 4 am and delivered them under each student's dorm room door. Slept for 3 hours!
The next morning at 9 am sharp, the students started filing into my office. As they sat in the chairs, one asked, "Mr. Kahzgul, why didn't I get a funny note like everyone else?"
Um... what? I didn't write any funny notes. I wrote.. Oh God. I had been dozing off... WHAT DID I WRITE???
And here, dear reader, is what the notes said:
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that I see bicycles bicycling.
--Kahzgul
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all crazy everywhere.
You can eat here, enjoy the food.
Thanks,
Kahzguuuuuul
Dear Student (I actually wrote "student" instead of their name),
Student student student. Student.
--Kahzgul
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that office buildings explode.
Love,
Kahzgul
Dear (student),
I don't know why I'm writing this. I see it. Maybe.
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting people all the time
everywhere we go.
Thanks,
Kahzgul (and then I drew a heart with an arrow through it)
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting in my room
tomorrow morning at 9 am. SHARP! sharp. *sharp*.
**SHARPPPPP**.
--**KAHZGUL** (sharp)
The other notes were all the intended message. Needless to say, I was freaked the hell out. Thank GOD my students thought this s**t was hilarious, because I do not, to this day, remember writing any of those (but they were definitely in my handwriting).
Fortunately, we can learn about these cognitive biases and retrain our brains to overcome them, Dr. Tsipursky claims. According to him, it will lead us to have much better relationships, professional careers, and personal habits and routines.
Was at my fiances house for dinner. Had to leave early. Was in a rush. Kissed her dad on the way out.
one time, one of the kids asked for... s**t i don't even remember what. probably asked for a sandwich or something. on autopilot(i was tired and sick) i go into the kitchen, got a bowl out of the cabinet, sliced up a bunch of ham, put that in the bowl, poured in apple juice, stuck a slice of toast and a teabag on top and handed it to him with a steak knife.
kiddo was smart. he watched me do all that, took the bowl and knife, said 'thank you', put it on the table and went and got my wife and said 'daddy's super tired' and showed her what i'd done.
she put me to bed after that.
I tried to put a pacifier in my mother's mouth as opposed to infant she was holding. The best part is that she was nagging the hell out of me.
“To retrain our brains requires us, first of all, to understand the dangers of living on autopilot: in other words, learn about each of these biases and how they impact us. After learning about these biases, we can take practical and proactive steps to address them in our minds.”
Moreover, “we can retrain our autopilot system to make better decisions in the moment and overcome those dangerous mental blind spots stemming from our evolutionary background,” Dr. Tsipursky concluded.
Cleaning up my face with electric clippers. Thought, "Oh, missed a spot." and proceeded to shave off my f*****g eyebrow.
Meeting my brother's in-laws for the first time. They asked me what my name was. I said "Pete". My name is Tiffani.
I sleepwalk once in a while. Recently I got up at 2am and fed the dog. My girlfriend woke up and was like "wtf, did you just feed the dog? What time is it?"
Apparently I looked her in the eye and said "everyone loves a midnight snack."
Someone knocked at my door and i knocked back...
I ordered a meatlong football from subway. I then got upset when the dude had no idea what I wanted.
Then we both laughed.
Spent ages cooking dinner only to pick the plate up and empty it straight into the bin. I was so tired and hungry, I cried
My husband and I had an inside joke. Whenever someone lost something, the other person always asked, "have you checked inside your butt?"
I was in a meeting at work (conservative and traditional corporate office) one day and a coworker said, "I can't find my pen." Without any thought or hesitation I quickly responded, "have you checked inside your butt?" As soon as I said it, I snapped back to reality and realized I was at work. As you can imagine, everyone went silent and stared at me as my face turned bright red.
My friends and I when I was in my late teens always said "you've eaten it' when someone couldn't remember where they had left something. Not funny really, but amused us. One day in work someone came and told me so and so couldn't find her paperwork for the day, I said 'she has eaten it' and went off to print a copy. So and so came in - a rather large overweight girl - really upset 'what are you trying to say'. Luckily, she saw the humour.
Had been playing a lot of skyrim recently and was walking to the bus stop and saw a patch of clover. Started towards it and thought to myself....i should harvest those, i could use some potion ingredients. Immediately thought to myself, wtf brain, w'ere outside.
Second time heading to buy a soda I saw a guy on a red motorcycle. I decided I wanted it. And mentally began preparing myself to kick him off the bike and take it. Then I realized I can't even do that I've.
Loaded up my toothbrush with toothpaste and proceeded to brush my hair with it instead of my teeth
In my early 20s, I used to spray an old toothbrush with hairspray and comb it over flyaways. It’s been years. The other day, while FaceTiming my mother and blabbing about work, I squirted toothpaste on my toothbrush and started combing it through my hair 😅 didn’t even notice until she was like “what is happening right now….”
*sighs*
It had been a long, rough day at work. Once I got home I really had to pee, I pulled down my pants, sat and started peeing. I forgot a step. Pull down underwear. You read it right everyone, I pissed myself on the toilet.
EDIT - Fun fact, I never shared my embarrassing moment with my husband. I wanted to share some of the funny responses I got and finally just told him. He hasn't stopped laughing yet. (He was having a bad day so I'm glad I shared.)
I drove a city bus in college. My route and my commute home had a road that overlapped. Driving home from work one night I ended up doing my bus route instead of my commute home and didn't realize it until I ended up in the bus terminal at the end of the line. I guess it was better than driving into my apartment complex with the city bus.
I got a car after 3 years of bussing around and out of habit started driving everywhere on bus routes - unbelievably inefficient...but better than the times I'd find myself trying to take pedestrian short cuts
When I was in school (6th grade I think) my mom would make my bagged lunch. She would wrap soda cans with aluminum foil so they would stay cold (pretty sure that doesn't work). One day I un-wrapped my soda and discovered she packed me a beer that day.
Answered my cell phone
"[911 center] what's the location of your emergency?"
Makes my spouse laugh, my friends roll their eyes, and scares the f**k out of telemarketers.
12 hr night shifts are a b***h.
Was taking my belt off at airport security. After I unbuckled, I momentarily thought I was in the bathroom and started unzipping. Stopped myself half a second before I pulled everything down.
Poured orange juice instead of milk into my cereal, put the bowl of cereal into the fridge, walked back to the table with nothing wondering where the f**k I put my cereal.
When my daughter was first born I would find myself burping the dog
As most males are undoubtedly aware, men's restrooms usually have a fairly standard design: There's a row of sinks, followed by a row of urinals, and then finally a handful of stalls. The accepted etiquette for the men's room is nigh-on universal, but for those who might not know (and there seem to be a fair number of you), it can be described as such:
1. Enter the restroom.
2. If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it are *not* in use, approach and do your business.
3. If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it *are* in use, find another urinal.
4. If no other urinals are available (save for ones with adjacent users), approach, stare straight ahead, and finish as quickly as possible.
5. If there are *no* urinals available, use a stall. Be sure to close and lock the door.
6. If there are no urinals *or* stalls available, stand behind a urinal - keeping as much distance between you and the current occupant as possible - and pretend to be very interested in either the floor or the ceiling.
These rules are in place for the specific purpose of minimizing embarrassment, and they work well if everyone follows them. Unfortunately, while in a caffeine-deprived haze, I managed to accidentally exploit an unfortunate loophole.
I had walked into the restroom, intent on... well, you can guess... and discovered that none of the urinals were available. Fortunately, one of the stall doors was ajar, indicating that it was unoccupied... or so I thought. Upon entering the stall in question, I discovered that it was already in use by someone who had neglected to close the door, and who was midway through their "expulsion of fluids."
Had I been in a sounder state of mind, I would have hurriedly exited and waited for a different section of the facility to become available. As it happened, I decided that the best course of action was to lounge against the wall - still inside of the stall, mind you - and twiddle with my phone until the guy finished his performance. It was only as he was nearing completion that I realized what I was doing, and I rushed to exit the stall before my unwitting co-occupant noticed my presence.
Of course, that was right when someone *else* entered the restroom. They saw me leave the stall, assumed that it was empty, and walked forward... right into the *original* occupant, who was making his own exit.
I decided to hold it in for a while after that.
**TL;DR: There's a party in the men's room, but no-one was invited.**
I'm a security guard for Amazon and I have to do bathroom checks. Caught myself yelling "SECURITY!" right before going to the restroom at a bar on my day off. Thank God it was empty.
grabbing my keys, phone, wallet, etc. before work.
why is there a tv remote in my car?
the etc. included the tv remote
Ah yes. Brought my tv remote to work once last year while leaving my cell phone on the couch. Alarm went off at 9am and my cats had to live with it until my lunch break. Will never live that one down.
Accidentally put my phone in the toaster.
Figured it out when I noticed that I was tapping on a piece of bread.
When I was little I had 2 bird pets. One day I was holding one with my right hand and playing with the bird. Some time later I got myself a lollipop and was licking on it. Eventually I had been holding both of them at the same time. Now guess what I licked.
I filled my car with gas and, when I got home, realized that I had not paid. I went back to the station and told the clerk what I had done. She thought she was missing a payment but the station was really busy at the time so she wasn't exactly sure. I paid for my stolen gas and went about my way.
I also walked into the convenience store next to my work, grabbed a Gatorade out of the cooler and walked out the door. I realized what I did when I got back to work. Went back and paid for that, too.
TLDR; I steal things.
I wear a fob watch at work. Pinned to my chest. On my days off I don't half get odd looks if someone asks me the time and I automatically start pawing at my boob.
When my daughter was very young she loved trains. So I'd take her on short trips and the line passed some fields, where I'd point out the animals to her. Got some weird British alarmed looks that time I pointed out of the window and loudly said "look! Moo cows!" when was on the train by myself.
Put toothpaste on my razor and almost went to town on my mouth.
My mother was sitting on the sofa. 7-month-old son was sitting in the highchair, waiting for lunch.
I walked in with his bib in my hand and proceeded to tie it around my mother's neck.
Post Duty ER. Was already home and asleep. Mom woke me up for dinner, saying "Food's gonna get cold", thought I heard "code", so I jumped up and shouted "where?" And ran down to the dining area only to realize I was at home.
My dog eats in my room, which is across the house from the kitchen, and she gets a mix of wet and dry food that I mix up with a fork. So I get her wet food, get halfway to my room, realize I've forgotten the fork. Go back to the kitchen, get a fork, get halfway back to my room and realize I've forgotten the food. Go back to the kitchen, set the fork down, forget entirely what I'm doing, go back to my room to a very sad and confused puppy. Pour her dry food into her bowl, go to the kitchen, leave the bowl on the counter and go turn on the TV. Walk back in fifteen minutes later, see the bowl, fork and food sitting on the counter, feel like a dunce and apologize to the puppy. Repeat 2-3 times a week.
Opening a Mozzarella cheese stick for my daughter, threw away the actual cheese stick and gave her the wrapper.
I cooked my son a “pizza”. I unwrapped his frozen pizza, then threw it away and cooked the cardboard thing that’s under the pizza. About 15 minutes in he asks what the smell was and if his pizza was ready. I told him to open the oven and check it. Then I hear “what is happening right now” followed by laughter. Poor kid was so hungry. I felt so bad. I then ordered him his favorite pizza from Mama Rosa’s pizza!
Once while playing an intense board game, I was concentrating so hard that my buddy realized that he could just hand random things to me and I'd take them and put them in my jacket pocket or place them on the table in front of me. I only realized when I ran out of space to put things.
I used to work in a call center and would answer my personal phone with my call center speech.
I used to work at the airport while in college, and one day I went to get groceries and drove 30 mins to the airport instead.
I am used to drive certain routes. And I use them everytime. I was about to take my grandma to..some shop, I think. But part of the way was the same as the part I take when driving from my grandmother to my home. So...I continued home and just before we should took a turn to highway my grandmother asked "Where are you taking me?" "Sorry, grandma, autopilot."
Raising my hand to voice my opinion while in a conversation not at school.
Patted one of my coworkers on the butt. I was in the habit of walking up behind my husband and patting him on the butt, so it was just automatic. Fortunately, coworker wasn't offended.
Note: this post originally had 105 images. It’s been shortened to the top 45 images based on user votes.
Worst brain moment: I once tightly hugged a friend and said "I could hug you to death." We were at a funeral... She was the widow 😳🤦♀️
At the funeral of good friend. Widow came to speak with me. I answered generic how are you with "Not dead yet!"
Load More Replies...
Fetch eggs from the chicken coop, open the nest box door, be surprised by a hen laying eggs, say "OH SORRY !" and close the door...
Worst brain moment: I once tightly hugged a friend and said "I could hug you to death." We were at a funeral... She was the widow 😳🤦♀️
At the funeral of good friend. Widow came to speak with me. I answered generic how are you with "Not dead yet!"
Load More Replies... Fetch eggs from the chicken coop, open the nest box door, be surprised by a hen laying eggs, say "OH SORRY !" and close the door...
