45 People Whose Brain.exe Stopped Working Share The Weirdest And Funniest Things They’ve Done
InterviewSometimes our mind just wanders off in the weirdest ways. It may happen when driving yourself home without realizing, pouring juice instead of milk into your coffee, or getting frustrated with a door that doesn’t unlock because it’s the neighbor's door.
These little mishaps occur due to a brain mode known as autopilot, which enables us to carry on doing tasks without consciously being aware of them. What’s more, we can perform tasks pretty reasonably, and it’s somewhat of a superhuman power we all share.
Other times, however, our autopilot brain takes us to more uncharted terrains. So we do things so weird and funny that you wonder how on earth they just happened. Read on for some of the funniest and weirdest stories from people who have been there and done that, as shared in response to this Ask Reddit thread.
Also, be sure to scroll down for Bored Panda’s interview with Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, the best-selling author and CEO of Disaster Avoidance Experts who shared some interesting insights about our brain’s autopilot.
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Someone knocked on the bathroom stall door to check if it was available. I said come in.
Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, the author of multiple best-selling books including Leading Hybrid and Remote Teams (Intentional Insights, 2021), The Blindspots Between Us: How to Overcome Unconscious Cognitive Bias and Build Better Relationships (New Harbinger, 2020), and many more, told us that living on autopilot is necessary much of the time. “That's because otherwise, we would become overwhelmed with thinking through every little thing that we do,” he added.
I feed my cat while I make breakfast. One very sleep deprived morning I made cereal in her bowl and put her kibble in my cereal bowl. I didn't realize I f****d up until I shoved a giant spoonful of cat food in my mouth and chewed a few times.
33 weeks pregnant, at work ALL day, super hungry when I got off work. Stopped by the store to pick up some things, water broke in the middle of the aisle so I called my husband to tell him to meet me at the hospital, but then I kept f*****g shopping until I had my very wanted food. Got in my car(labor had started slightly by now), drove home and made my food. Husband called an hour later... suddenly remembered my water had broken at the store, drove myself to the hospital and had our first son. Food was my mission, baby on the way was not getting in the way of those f*****g tacos apparently.
Had a pet rat out roaming with me while I made some toast. cleaned up, put the rat in the fridge and didn't realise until I put the butter in the cage that *oh s**t*
Went to reclaim the rat, she was all "F**k off, the food box is MINE now". Already gotten into the ham.
Having said that, Dr. Tsipursky argues that our autopilot system also makes systematic errors that can get us into a lot of trouble. “These errors are called cognitive biases and they are remnants from our evolutionary background. They served our ancestors well in the ancient savanna, but harm us in the modern world.”
“That's why we tend to do things like eating way more than we intend at social events (restraint bias), buying high and selling low in the stock market (loss aversion bias), and sticking with a relationship long past the time when it should end (sunken costs bias),” Dr. Tsipursky explained.
I cared for a horse for several years.
First thing in the morning I would go put feed and water in the field, lead her out, and close the fence behind her.
One morning as I'm walking back into my house, I hear a weird sound behind me. The sound of hooves on linoleum.
She looked as surprised as I was that I had brought her into my kitchen. Luckily, she never told anyone so my secret is still safe.
Pulled into my complex, walked up the stairs, my keys wouldn't open the door and then I realized it had been seven years since I had lived there.
Oh man. Okay, I'm late to the party here, but I've got a great answer for this.
I was working as a summer counselor at a college, helping incoming freshmen pick classes and stuff like that. The job was exhausting, but I loved it, so I poured my all into it, making arts and crafts in my off time to make the experience more fun for the kids, writing skits, building sets and costumes, that sort of thing. The result was that I barely slept (3-4 hours per night, for 3 months on end).
One night, around 3 am, just as I was going to bed, I realized that I'd forgotten to tell my kids that tomorrow's meeting was in my office, and not at the outside benches where we'd met the day before. Oops! So I sat down to write a note for each of my students. Here's what I wrote:
Hi (Student Name),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting in my office
tomorrow at 9 am instead of at the benches.
Thanks,
Kahzgul
Simple, right? i sat down to write out 12 notes and I was dozing off as I did so. Finally got them all done around 4 am and delivered them under each student's dorm room door. Slept for 3 hours!
The next morning at 9 am sharp, the students started filing into my office. As they sat in the chairs, one asked, "Mr. Kahzgul, why didn't I get a funny note like everyone else?"
Um... what? I didn't write any funny notes. I wrote.. Oh God. I had been dozing off... WHAT DID I WRITE???
And here, dear reader, is what the notes said:
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that I see bicycles bicycling.
--Kahzgul
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all crazy everywhere.
You can eat here, enjoy the food.
Thanks,
Kahzguuuuuul
Dear Student (I actually wrote "student" instead of their name),
Student student student. Student.
--Kahzgul
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that office buildings explode.
Love,
Kahzgul
Dear (student),
I don't know why I'm writing this. I see it. Maybe.
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting people all the time
everywhere we go.
Thanks,
Kahzgul (and then I drew a heart with an arrow through it)
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we're all meeting in my room
tomorrow morning at 9 am. SHARP! sharp. *sharp*.
**SHARPPPPP**.
--**KAHZGUL** (sharp)
The other notes were all the intended message. Needless to say, I was freaked the hell out. Thank GOD my students thought this s**t was hilarious, because I do not, to this day, remember writing any of those (but they were definitely in my handwriting).
Fortunately, we can learn about these cognitive biases and retrain our brains to overcome them, Dr. Tsipursky claims. According to him, it will lead us to have much better relationships, professional careers, and personal habits and routines.
Was at my fiances house for dinner. Had to leave early. Was in a rush. Kissed her dad on the way out.
one time, one of the kids asked for... s**t i don't even remember what. probably asked for a sandwich or something. on autopilot(i was tired and sick) i go into the kitchen, got a bowl out of the cabinet, sliced up a bunch of ham, put that in the bowl, poured in apple juice, stuck a slice of toast and a teabag on top and handed it to him with a steak knife.
kiddo was smart. he watched me do all that, took the bowl and knife, said 'thank you', put it on the table and went and got my wife and said 'daddy's super tired' and showed her what i'd done.
she put me to bed after that.
I tried to put a pacifier in my mother's mouth as opposed to infant she was holding. The best part is that she was nagging the hell out of me.
“To retrain our brains requires us, first of all, to understand the dangers of living on autopilot: in other words, learn about each of these biases and how they impact us. After learning about these biases, we can take practical and proactive steps to address them in our minds.”
Moreover, “we can retrain our autopilot system to make better decisions in the moment and overcome those dangerous mental blind spots stemming from our evolutionary background,” Dr. Tsipursky concluded.
Cleaning up my face with electric clippers. Thought, "Oh, missed a spot." and proceeded to shave off my f*****g eyebrow.
Meeting my brother's in-laws for the first time. They asked me what my name was. I said "Pete". My name is Tiffani.
I sleepwalk once in a while. Recently I got up at 2am and fed the dog. My girlfriend woke up and was like "wtf, did you just feed the dog? What time is it?"
Apparently I looked her in the eye and said "everyone loves a midnight snack."
Someone knocked at my door and i knocked back...
I ordered a meatlong football from subway. I then got upset when the dude had no idea what I wanted.
Then we both laughed.
Spent ages cooking dinner only to pick the plate up and empty it straight into the bin. I was so tired and hungry, I cried
My husband and I had an inside joke. Whenever someone lost something, the other person always asked, "have you checked inside your butt?"
I was in a meeting at work (conservative and traditional corporate office) one day and a coworker said, "I can't find my pen." Without any thought or hesitation I quickly responded, "have you checked inside your butt?" As soon as I said it, I snapped back to reality and realized I was at work. As you can imagine, everyone went silent and stared at me as my face turned bright red.
My friends and I when I was in my late teens always said "you've eaten it' when someone couldn't remember where they had left something. Not funny really, but amused us. One day in work someone came and told me so and so couldn't find her paperwork for the day, I said 'she has eaten it' and went off to print a copy. So and so came in - a rather large overweight girl - really upset 'what are you trying to say'. Luckily, she saw the humour.
Had been playing a lot of skyrim recently and was walking to the bus stop and saw a patch of clover. Started towards it and thought to myself....i should harvest those, i could use some potion ingredients. Immediately thought to myself, wtf brain, w'ere outside.
Second time heading to buy a soda I saw a guy on a red motorcycle. I decided I wanted it. And mentally began preparing myself to kick him off the bike and take it. Then I realized I can't even do that I've.
Loaded up my toothbrush with toothpaste and proceeded to brush my hair with it instead of my teeth
In my early 20s, I used to spray an old toothbrush with hairspray and comb it over flyaways. It’s been years. The other day, while FaceTiming my mother and blabbing about work, I squirted toothpaste on my toothbrush and started combing it through my hair 😅 didn’t even notice until she was like “what is happening right now….”
*sighs*
It had been a long, rough day at work. Once I got home I really had to pee, I pulled down my pants, sat and started peeing. I forgot a step. Pull down underwear. You read it right everyone, I pissed myself on the toilet.
EDIT - Fun fact, I never shared my embarrassing moment with my husband. I wanted to share some of the funny responses I got and finally just told him. He hasn't stopped laughing yet. (He was having a bad day so I'm glad I shared.)
I drove a city bus in college. My route and my commute home had a road that overlapped. Driving home from work one night I ended up doing my bus route instead of my commute home and didn't realize it until I ended up in the bus terminal at the end of the line. I guess it was better than driving into my apartment complex with the city bus.
I got a car after 3 years of bussing around and out of habit started driving everywhere on bus routes - unbelievably inefficient...but better than the times I'd find myself trying to take pedestrian short cuts
When I was in school (6th grade I think) my mom would make my bagged lunch. She would wrap soda cans with aluminum foil so they would stay cold (pretty sure that doesn't work). One day I un-wrapped my soda and discovered she packed me a beer that day.
Answered my cell phone
"[911 center] what's the location of your emergency?"
Makes my spouse laugh, my friends roll their eyes, and scares the f**k out of telemarketers.
12 hr night shifts are a b***h.
Was taking my belt off at airport security. After I unbuckled, I momentarily thought I was in the bathroom and started unzipping. Stopped myself half a second before I pulled everything down.
Poured orange juice instead of milk into my cereal, put the bowl of cereal into the fridge, walked back to the table with nothing wondering where the f**k I put my cereal.
When my daughter was first born I would find myself burping the dog
As most males are undoubtedly aware, men's restrooms usually have a fairly standard design: There's a row of sinks, followed by a row of urinals, and then finally a handful of stalls. The accepted etiquette for the men's room is nigh-on universal, but for those who might not know (and there seem to be a fair number of you), it can be described as such:
1. Enter the restroom.
2. If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it are *not* in use, approach and do your business.
3. If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it *are* in use, find another urinal.
4. If no other urinals are available (save for ones with adjacent users), approach, stare straight ahead, and finish as quickly as possible.
5. If there are *no* urinals available, use a stall. Be sure to close and lock the door.
6. If there are no urinals *or* stalls available, stand behind a urinal - keeping as much distance between you and the current occupant as possible - and pretend to be very interested in either the floor or the ceiling.
These rules are in place for the specific purpose of minimizing embarrassment, and they work well if everyone follows them. Unfortunately, while in a caffeine-deprived haze, I managed to accidentally exploit an unfortunate loophole.
I had walked into the restroom, intent on... well, you can guess... and discovered that none of the urinals were available. Fortunately, one of the stall doors was ajar, indicating that it was unoccupied... or so I thought. Upon entering the stall in question, I discovered that it was already in use by someone who had neglected to close the door, and who was midway through their "expulsion of fluids."
Had I been in a sounder state of mind, I would have hurriedly exited and waited for a different section of the facility to become available. As it happened, I decided that the best course of action was to lounge against the wall - still inside of the stall, mind you - and twiddle with my phone until the guy finished his performance. It was only as he was nearing completion that I realized what I was doing, and I rushed to exit the stall before my unwitting co-occupant noticed my presence.
Of course, that was right when someone *else* entered the restroom. They saw me leave the stall, assumed that it was empty, and walked forward... right into the *original* occupant, who was making his own exit.
I decided to hold it in for a while after that.
**TL;DR: There's a party in the men's room, but no-one was invited.**
I'm a security guard for Amazon and I have to do bathroom checks. Caught myself yelling "SECURITY!" right before going to the restroom at a bar on my day off. Thank God it was empty.
grabbing my keys, phone, wallet, etc. before work.
why is there a tv remote in my car?
the etc. included the tv remote
Ah yes. Brought my tv remote to work once last year while leaving my cell phone on the couch. Alarm went off at 9am and my cats had to live with it until my lunch break. Will never live that one down.
Accidentally put my phone in the toaster.
Figured it out when I noticed that I was tapping on a piece of bread.
When I was little I had 2 bird pets. One day I was holding one with my right hand and playing with the bird. Some time later I got myself a lollipop and was licking on it. Eventually I had been holding both of them at the same time. Now guess what I licked.
I filled my car with gas and, when I got home, realized that I had not paid. I went back to the station and told the clerk what I had done. She thought she was missing a payment but the station was really busy at the time so she wasn't exactly sure. I paid for my stolen gas and went about my way.
I also walked into the convenience store next to my work, grabbed a Gatorade out of the cooler and walked out the door. I realized what I did when I got back to work. Went back and paid for that, too.
TLDR; I steal things.
I wear a fob watch at work. Pinned to my chest. On my days off I don't half get odd looks if someone asks me the time and I automatically start pawing at my boob.
When my daughter was very young she loved trains. So I'd take her on short trips and the line passed some fields, where I'd point out the animals to her. Got some weird British alarmed looks that time I pointed out of the window and loudly said "look! Moo cows!" when was on the train by myself.
Put toothpaste on my razor and almost went to town on my mouth.
My mother was sitting on the sofa. 7-month-old son was sitting in the highchair, waiting for lunch.
I walked in with his bib in my hand and proceeded to tie it around my mother's neck.
Post Duty ER. Was already home and asleep. Mom woke me up for dinner, saying "Food's gonna get cold", thought I heard "code", so I jumped up and shouted "where?" And ran down to the dining area only to realize I was at home.
My dog eats in my room, which is across the house from the kitchen, and she gets a mix of wet and dry food that I mix up with a fork. So I get her wet food, get halfway to my room, realize I've forgotten the fork. Go back to the kitchen, get a fork, get halfway back to my room and realize I've forgotten the food. Go back to the kitchen, set the fork down, forget entirely what I'm doing, go back to my room to a very sad and confused puppy. Pour her dry food into her bowl, go to the kitchen, leave the bowl on the counter and go turn on the TV. Walk back in fifteen minutes later, see the bowl, fork and food sitting on the counter, feel like a dunce and apologize to the puppy. Repeat 2-3 times a week.
Opening a Mozzarella cheese stick for my daughter, threw away the actual cheese stick and gave her the wrapper.
I cooked my son a “pizza”. I unwrapped his frozen pizza, then threw it away and cooked the cardboard thing that’s under the pizza. About 15 minutes in he asks what the smell was and if his pizza was ready. I told him to open the oven and check it. Then I hear “what is happening right now” followed by laughter. Poor kid was so hungry. I felt so bad. I then ordered him his favorite pizza from Mama Rosa’s pizza!
Once while playing an intense board game, I was concentrating so hard that my buddy realized that he could just hand random things to me and I'd take them and put them in my jacket pocket or place them on the table in front of me. I only realized when I ran out of space to put things.
I used to work in a call center and would answer my personal phone with my call center speech.
I used to work at the airport while in college, and one day I went to get groceries and drove 30 mins to the airport instead.
I am used to drive certain routes. And I use them everytime. I was about to take my grandma to..some shop, I think. But part of the way was the same as the part I take when driving from my grandmother to my home. So...I continued home and just before we should took a turn to highway my grandmother asked "Where are you taking me?" "Sorry, grandma, autopilot."
Raising my hand to voice my opinion while in a conversation not at school.
Patted one of my coworkers on the butt. I was in the habit of walking up behind my husband and patting him on the butt, so it was just automatic. Fortunately, coworker wasn't offended.
Note: this post originally had 105 images. It’s been shortened to the top 45 images based on user votes.
Worst brain moment: I once tightly hugged a friend and said "I could hug you to death." We were at a funeral... She was the widow 😳🤦♀️
At the funeral of good friend. Widow came to speak with me. I answered generic how are you with "Not dead yet!"
Load More Replies...Fetch eggs from the chicken coop, open the nest box door, be surprised by a hen laying eggs, say "OH SORRY !" and close the door...
Making coffee in a drip machine. Pour the water, turn it on - forgot to put the ground coffee so I brewed hot water. Second time, made absolutely sure I added the ground coffee to the filter, forgot the water - almost ruined the machine. Third time, concentrating hard, pour the water, added ground coffee to filter, check everything again, turn the machine on. Forgot the coffee pot and coffee dripped all over counter (non-drip device my bum!)
Many years ago I made a quick dinner popping something in the oven from the freezer. I was very hungry so when the timer beeped, I was happy. I opened the oven and it was empty. I just stood there confused for a few moments wondering where my dinner had gone. I had also boiled the kettle so I could make a tea, when I opened the fridge to get the milk, lo and behold, there was the oven tray with my dinner on it.
Cereal in the fridge and milk in the cupboard is my best hahaha
Load More Replies...When my daughter was first born, I was utterly exhausted. I drove her to a doctor appt, and while I'm driving, I had a panic attack because I didn't know where my keys were. I called my husband in hysterics. He thought I called him to joke. He asked me where I was: "I'm driving to the doctor." Then said, "But you don't know where your keys are?" And I got so upset that he was not helping that I hung up on him. It wasn't until I pulled in to the doctor's office, crying (new keys are so expensive! How am I going to get home?), with a baby in the back seat, that I realized I had my keys the entire time. 🤦🏼♀️
That sounds exactly lije something I would do!
Load More Replies...These gave me a really good laugh. I've had many moments like these, here are two. 1. I planned on making a slow cooked goulash. After a few hours I went to give it a stir and realised I hadn't even turned the slow cooker on. 2. I had an x-ray appt and needed to bus it there. I got off at the wrong bus stop and started walking to another specialist centre. I realised my mistake and only had 12 minutes until my appt. No time to catch a bus. Called a taxi and literally made on the dot.
One time my brother and I were at a store and we asked one of the employees for something because we couldn't find it. He goes through the usual motions, "We might have that in the back, I'll check for you, may I recommend ____ as an alternative?" Then just out of the blue he goes, "I won't be back" and runs off. Brother and I are both like ??? Then he comes back laughing with the aforementioned product in his hand. Apparently he tried to say "I won't be long" and "I'll be right back" at the same time and his brain mashed them together. Still gives us quite a few laughs lmaooo
I've walked into a lamppost and apologised to it. I've also waited for someone to leave the petrol garage (lockdown, one in one out) only to realise it was my own reflection in the door. We're all mad here.
LOL I used to work at a Dairy Queen and took drive thru orders all day...On my day off I called in a pizza order and after telling the person what I wanted I asked him "anything else?" in my customer service voice. Thankfully I don't think he noticed (or at least he didn't comment!) but I felt pretty dumb
I find it hard to not fall into server mode when in restaurants or when handing somebody something: "need anything else?" or when eating with someone asking them how it is even if it's something like cereal or mac & cheese. I know how it is, I just need to confirm.
Load More Replies...Once I was bringing my cat the the vet and when I put the carrier at the back of the car I found a tic tac. I had been to a wedding with some colleagues a few months before and one had a pack of tic tac, one must have fallen on the seat. And then I suddenly felt the taste of mint in my mouth.
Hands down, pouring orange juice into a glass.... that already had milk in it. Oh yeah. Brain said OJ goes in glass. Brain did not check glass first!
I'm an RN, and after a long week of night shifts, I was at the shops, and when the cashier finished checking me out and said goodbye, I said "Not a problem, make sure to buzz me if you need anything, I'll be back to check on you later". She laughed and told me to go home and get to bed.
I was about 7 years old, going to visit my grandma and her husband. I ring the door bell, grandma's husband gets on the speaker saying "hello?" And I was standing out there on the street replying "hi! Come on in!" Makes me laugh still... it's over 30 years ago!!! Lol. Or the time when my mom had this machine that I don't recall the English name for... it shows the number of whomever called your landline phone. Anyways, my mom's at work whrn I come home from school. I notice that someone has called and I see the number on the display. I know that I know the number. I call my mom to let her know that someone with *that and that* phone number called and I find the number very familiar but can't figure out who it may be. She also can't figure it out. We talk back and forth a bit.... then it dawns on me: it was MY number. I had called home on my way home from school and forgot that she had a long work-day that day. I had spent ca. 15min trying to remember who had that number. It was me!!!
Used to volunteer in distress hotline and we would sometimes get people calling just to mastrubate while talking to us. You could tell by the heavy breathing so we would usually call them out “sir, are you mastrubating right now?” One night after a very tiring day I’m talking to a friend on the phone. The said friend and walking somewhere and breathing heavily, without thinking I call her out “Name, are you mastrubating right now?” Great times
I accidentally put hot dog relish on my cheese sandwich instead of mustard. The mustard in question was a honey one that came in a glass jar and was on the side door of the fridge. The same went for the hot dog relish. I didn’t even realize my mistake until I started wondering why I tasted pickles in my sandwich. It actually tasted pretty good.
Regularly tried to unlock office door with gate chip and then tried to unlock block gate with the office badge even wondering why it is not working.
When I'm home alone I like to make random, loud noises for no reason other than I want to, but I never really do it in public because obviously I would get weird looks. Well, one time I was in class when it was quiet and I just made one of my noises suddenly without thinking and everyone turned to look at me and honestly I just really wanted to die. Also, I've thrown away dishes and napkins and such and put food in the sink.
Got a good one. After our first child was born we were bottle feeding her through the night. I was working long days and getting up every 2-3 hours at night as my wife was exhausted from birth. After roughly 6 months of this we went to a new parents group where we all had to introduce ourselves. I stood up and said "Hi everyone-this is my wife --------- and our daughter---------" I was so sleep deprived I had genuinely forgotten my wife and daughters names. A couple of sympathetic nods from other folk in the place too though.
Waited too long to get lunch. Cute young sandwhich artist comments "this looks good, I might just eat it". The words hit my ears in slow motion as my mouth actually says "I'm pretty hungry, I might just eat you". Nobody in the whole place says a word as I pay and leave. I didn't return to that location for at least six months. I hope she wasn't too traumatized.
At the gas station, getting coffee. Pour sugar packet into trash and toss empty packet into coffee. I've done this too many times.
I graduated high school. That fall on the first day of the new school year I got up , got dressed and was pulling into the school parking lot before I remembered that I had, in fact , graduated.
-Frantically looking around for my phone. Which was in my hand. -My mum told me how she'd been to a place on the far side of town for lunch. Told her I was going to a party that evening and she said how was I going to get all the way there in time? I said oh I'll just take my bicycle, and she was like ??? and it turns out I had absent-mindedly told her the party was in the same suburb where she'd had lunch when in reality it was the next block over! I still have no memory of saying it.
one time i was in the shower and decided to shave my beard. i did not have a beard. i was 11 and a girl. i cut beneath my nose and had a mustache scar for a month
Literally this morning - made cottage cheese with sliced peaches. Went to the table to eat. Realize I have nothing. Cottage cheese container is in fridge (okay makes sense) peach pit is in cottage cheese container (little weird but okay) bowl with my food in it has been placed back in the cupboard with the rest of the dishes, knife is in the trash. I really need to get more sleep. OH, I just realized that I forgot about yesterday - went to the store to buy the things I ate for breakfast this am. Sitting in car, i checked to make sure my grocery list was in my wallet. Close wallet, throw over my shoulder into the back seat. Can't wrap my head around that one.
1) Coin op laundry in my apartment. Took clothes from the washer, tossed them in the dryer. Tossed the softener sheet in the dryer. Tossed the quarters in the dryer. 2) Noticed that I didn't have any clean dinner plates. Found them in the oven. 3) Spray cleaner was not in the cupboard where it should be. Found in the refrigerator. 4) Put food in the microwave. Set the time for 1:30. Cursed having to buy a new microwave because it apparently no longer words. Pressed Start, all good.
I'm VERY PISSED I missed adding to this list. Went to Ikea to get a pillow, ended up ordering a new sofa! So out of character, and excited for this decision, I gave them the wrong address. Had it delivered to a house I hadn't lived in for 30 years. My dad's house. It was delivered, with no one there. He called me swearing up a storm for 10 minutes before I could even figure out what he was yelling at me for. Then I had to call Ikea delivery and get them to re-deliver it to the correct address because they left it at his house 4 hours earlier than promised, when no one was home. So no one to check off on the delivery. A total s**t-show. Because I had a brain fart because I was so excited about getting a new sofa. Now when I sit on it, I have PTSD of my father swearing up a storm at me, and I can't enjoy it.
Pressing my car key fob for a good 5 seconds to unlock my front door as well - that's a regular one for me.
Went home from work, make myself dinner. And couldn't find my phone anywhere. I thought I left it at work. Then my fridge started ringing. My phone was in the fridge, right next to milk. No idea how it got inside.
I usually answer something like "Have a great day" with something along the lines o "Don't tell me what to do" when I'm with friends and family. Walking to school one day, and my brain on auto piolet mode, a teacher or parent volunteer was directing traffic, and as I crossed the Drop-off/pick-up lane they said "Have a great day!" To which I automatically replied "Don't tell me what to do" And continued walking
Before cellphones we all had landlines. Sitting in my flat one day, thinking 'I really should call Alistair'. Phone rings. I pick up, and say 'Hi, please can I speak to Alistair'. Dead silence for a moment, then the caller said 'Sorry, he's not here', and we said goodbye. Laughed 'til I almost peed when I realised what I'd done.
There have been times I have been looking for my glasses while they are on my face. I go all throughout the house and it takes someone to stop me and say "What are you looking for?" At that moment I knew I messed up badly.
Note: I had recently found that the switch that shuts my dryer off when I open the door, quit working. So when it was running, you could open the door and it just keeps on running. I was in my wash room, listening to a music app on my phone while I was getting clothes out of the washer. Finished putting clothes in the dryer and picked up my phone to change songs, which was sitting on top of the dryer. When I picked up my phone, I realized I had dropped a sock. I was still scrolling through songs in my left hand while I reached down to pick up the sock with my right. I reached up and opened the dryer door, also with my right, and absentmindedly tossed my phone into the dryer. In retrospect, I could have just turned the k**b until it ended the cycle, but at the time I didn't think of it. So instead, was about a minute of me trying to catch my phone as it bounced off the inside of the dryer. Amazingly, the phone still works fine and all it did was crack a piece of the protective case .
I once brought my home phone to work and wondered why I don't have a signal. * When my brother had his finals he forgot to take the calculator with him. He called home, only getting our disabled granddad and told him he needs a calculator but he's going to call our mother on the mobile phone. 40 Minutes later, granddad showed up at school. He brought the calculator in last minute. Problem was, that it was his TVs remote control.. (I loved him so much for doing this, he got a leg that barely can stand and he was already around 80, he made the trip to the school mostly hill up, had to walk back home, which happens to also be up hill).* I'm a nurse and some days i just knocked on the door of a room I was leaving lol I was sleeping in pregnancy, all good. Until my husband woke me up and asked me why the heck I was eating toast laying down in bed. The other week he cought me before the fridge, binging on chocolate cake, topped with salami
This did not disapoint, I laffed so hard that the change in pressure caused a nosebleed. I've fostered cats through y life, and apparently I have picked up some mannerisms from them. Like the head bumps and hissing While I was having a conversation, my friend was going to place he lunch down. And moved my phone I promptly hissed at her... I realized what I did and my face flushed.
I've done this several times. Whilst driving, when the lights change, I stop. Regardless whether it's gone green to red or red to green, my amygdala sees a change and is like "BRAKE!"
Back in the day when you'd check books out for people instead of having them use a self check out machine, I handed a woman her change for something and told her it'd be due in three weeks.
On my way to work, had to take the interstate. I ended up missing my exit to go to the exit for my bfs work exit. Had to call n tell them I was gonna be late cuz I was going to pick up my man instead of going to work
I've had my share, but I'm sharing with you one of my mom's moments because it is the most amusing as far as I'm concerned. So my mom was an ER Dr and worked 12 hr shifts that often ran over. It was around Christmas and everyone was going home to mom's. We (mom and I) drove 1.5 hrs to pick up my sister at the airport. The entire way, we discussed Christmas, but mostly funny ideas for our family dirty Santa game gifts. We pick up my sister who joins the conversation the 1.5 hrs home. We decided to go look for our gifts rather than going straight to the house. So we are still talking, arrive at Walmart, walking in there was a display of six packs of beer. My sister interrupted my mom, who was saying another idea for a gift she had, to say, "hey! What about a 6 pack and get an ice chest??". My mom instantly comes back with, "for what?". The more we carried on asking if she was serious and what did she *think* it was for the more confusion there was. I finally said, "the game mom!" While r
While rolling my eyes. To which she asks, "what game". She was far too tired to be doing any shopping and I was then just thanking God she managed to get us to Tulsa to the airport and back in one piece. Hahaha! She was a tremendously smart woman. Book smart. But wasn't loaded with common sense, so we had these moments quite often.
Load More Replies...I bumped into a maniquin in a store looked back and said "oh sorry" looked forward, a few seconds later look back again and say "oh I thought you were alive" and laughed before realizing I was still talking to plastic.
I used to work in a supermarket and used a safety knife, after I left that job and got a new one it took me months to stop patting myself down looking for the knife when I saw a cardboard box xD
I have an unfortunate tendency to drive on autopilot. Went to pick up my grandmother to bring her to my house for Sunday dinner. I drove in the opposite direction to my office and parked. I was half to the elevators before I realized I was in the wrong place.
Worst brain moment: I once tightly hugged a friend and said "I could hug you to death." We were at a funeral... She was the widow 😳🤦♀️
At the funeral of good friend. Widow came to speak with me. I answered generic how are you with "Not dead yet!"
Load More Replies...Fetch eggs from the chicken coop, open the nest box door, be surprised by a hen laying eggs, say "OH SORRY !" and close the door...
Making coffee in a drip machine. Pour the water, turn it on - forgot to put the ground coffee so I brewed hot water. Second time, made absolutely sure I added the ground coffee to the filter, forgot the water - almost ruined the machine. Third time, concentrating hard, pour the water, added ground coffee to filter, check everything again, turn the machine on. Forgot the coffee pot and coffee dripped all over counter (non-drip device my bum!)
Many years ago I made a quick dinner popping something in the oven from the freezer. I was very hungry so when the timer beeped, I was happy. I opened the oven and it was empty. I just stood there confused for a few moments wondering where my dinner had gone. I had also boiled the kettle so I could make a tea, when I opened the fridge to get the milk, lo and behold, there was the oven tray with my dinner on it.
Cereal in the fridge and milk in the cupboard is my best hahaha
Load More Replies...When my daughter was first born, I was utterly exhausted. I drove her to a doctor appt, and while I'm driving, I had a panic attack because I didn't know where my keys were. I called my husband in hysterics. He thought I called him to joke. He asked me where I was: "I'm driving to the doctor." Then said, "But you don't know where your keys are?" And I got so upset that he was not helping that I hung up on him. It wasn't until I pulled in to the doctor's office, crying (new keys are so expensive! How am I going to get home?), with a baby in the back seat, that I realized I had my keys the entire time. 🤦🏼♀️
That sounds exactly lije something I would do!
Load More Replies...These gave me a really good laugh. I've had many moments like these, here are two. 1. I planned on making a slow cooked goulash. After a few hours I went to give it a stir and realised I hadn't even turned the slow cooker on. 2. I had an x-ray appt and needed to bus it there. I got off at the wrong bus stop and started walking to another specialist centre. I realised my mistake and only had 12 minutes until my appt. No time to catch a bus. Called a taxi and literally made on the dot.
One time my brother and I were at a store and we asked one of the employees for something because we couldn't find it. He goes through the usual motions, "We might have that in the back, I'll check for you, may I recommend ____ as an alternative?" Then just out of the blue he goes, "I won't be back" and runs off. Brother and I are both like ??? Then he comes back laughing with the aforementioned product in his hand. Apparently he tried to say "I won't be long" and "I'll be right back" at the same time and his brain mashed them together. Still gives us quite a few laughs lmaooo
I've walked into a lamppost and apologised to it. I've also waited for someone to leave the petrol garage (lockdown, one in one out) only to realise it was my own reflection in the door. We're all mad here.
LOL I used to work at a Dairy Queen and took drive thru orders all day...On my day off I called in a pizza order and after telling the person what I wanted I asked him "anything else?" in my customer service voice. Thankfully I don't think he noticed (or at least he didn't comment!) but I felt pretty dumb
I find it hard to not fall into server mode when in restaurants or when handing somebody something: "need anything else?" or when eating with someone asking them how it is even if it's something like cereal or mac & cheese. I know how it is, I just need to confirm.
Load More Replies...Once I was bringing my cat the the vet and when I put the carrier at the back of the car I found a tic tac. I had been to a wedding with some colleagues a few months before and one had a pack of tic tac, one must have fallen on the seat. And then I suddenly felt the taste of mint in my mouth.
Hands down, pouring orange juice into a glass.... that already had milk in it. Oh yeah. Brain said OJ goes in glass. Brain did not check glass first!
I'm an RN, and after a long week of night shifts, I was at the shops, and when the cashier finished checking me out and said goodbye, I said "Not a problem, make sure to buzz me if you need anything, I'll be back to check on you later". She laughed and told me to go home and get to bed.
I was about 7 years old, going to visit my grandma and her husband. I ring the door bell, grandma's husband gets on the speaker saying "hello?" And I was standing out there on the street replying "hi! Come on in!" Makes me laugh still... it's over 30 years ago!!! Lol. Or the time when my mom had this machine that I don't recall the English name for... it shows the number of whomever called your landline phone. Anyways, my mom's at work whrn I come home from school. I notice that someone has called and I see the number on the display. I know that I know the number. I call my mom to let her know that someone with *that and that* phone number called and I find the number very familiar but can't figure out who it may be. She also can't figure it out. We talk back and forth a bit.... then it dawns on me: it was MY number. I had called home on my way home from school and forgot that she had a long work-day that day. I had spent ca. 15min trying to remember who had that number. It was me!!!
Used to volunteer in distress hotline and we would sometimes get people calling just to mastrubate while talking to us. You could tell by the heavy breathing so we would usually call them out “sir, are you mastrubating right now?” One night after a very tiring day I’m talking to a friend on the phone. The said friend and walking somewhere and breathing heavily, without thinking I call her out “Name, are you mastrubating right now?” Great times
I accidentally put hot dog relish on my cheese sandwich instead of mustard. The mustard in question was a honey one that came in a glass jar and was on the side door of the fridge. The same went for the hot dog relish. I didn’t even realize my mistake until I started wondering why I tasted pickles in my sandwich. It actually tasted pretty good.
Regularly tried to unlock office door with gate chip and then tried to unlock block gate with the office badge even wondering why it is not working.
When I'm home alone I like to make random, loud noises for no reason other than I want to, but I never really do it in public because obviously I would get weird looks. Well, one time I was in class when it was quiet and I just made one of my noises suddenly without thinking and everyone turned to look at me and honestly I just really wanted to die. Also, I've thrown away dishes and napkins and such and put food in the sink.
Got a good one. After our first child was born we were bottle feeding her through the night. I was working long days and getting up every 2-3 hours at night as my wife was exhausted from birth. After roughly 6 months of this we went to a new parents group where we all had to introduce ourselves. I stood up and said "Hi everyone-this is my wife --------- and our daughter---------" I was so sleep deprived I had genuinely forgotten my wife and daughters names. A couple of sympathetic nods from other folk in the place too though.
Waited too long to get lunch. Cute young sandwhich artist comments "this looks good, I might just eat it". The words hit my ears in slow motion as my mouth actually says "I'm pretty hungry, I might just eat you". Nobody in the whole place says a word as I pay and leave. I didn't return to that location for at least six months. I hope she wasn't too traumatized.
At the gas station, getting coffee. Pour sugar packet into trash and toss empty packet into coffee. I've done this too many times.
I graduated high school. That fall on the first day of the new school year I got up , got dressed and was pulling into the school parking lot before I remembered that I had, in fact , graduated.
-Frantically looking around for my phone. Which was in my hand. -My mum told me how she'd been to a place on the far side of town for lunch. Told her I was going to a party that evening and she said how was I going to get all the way there in time? I said oh I'll just take my bicycle, and she was like ??? and it turns out I had absent-mindedly told her the party was in the same suburb where she'd had lunch when in reality it was the next block over! I still have no memory of saying it.
one time i was in the shower and decided to shave my beard. i did not have a beard. i was 11 and a girl. i cut beneath my nose and had a mustache scar for a month
Literally this morning - made cottage cheese with sliced peaches. Went to the table to eat. Realize I have nothing. Cottage cheese container is in fridge (okay makes sense) peach pit is in cottage cheese container (little weird but okay) bowl with my food in it has been placed back in the cupboard with the rest of the dishes, knife is in the trash. I really need to get more sleep. OH, I just realized that I forgot about yesterday - went to the store to buy the things I ate for breakfast this am. Sitting in car, i checked to make sure my grocery list was in my wallet. Close wallet, throw over my shoulder into the back seat. Can't wrap my head around that one.
1) Coin op laundry in my apartment. Took clothes from the washer, tossed them in the dryer. Tossed the softener sheet in the dryer. Tossed the quarters in the dryer. 2) Noticed that I didn't have any clean dinner plates. Found them in the oven. 3) Spray cleaner was not in the cupboard where it should be. Found in the refrigerator. 4) Put food in the microwave. Set the time for 1:30. Cursed having to buy a new microwave because it apparently no longer words. Pressed Start, all good.
I'm VERY PISSED I missed adding to this list. Went to Ikea to get a pillow, ended up ordering a new sofa! So out of character, and excited for this decision, I gave them the wrong address. Had it delivered to a house I hadn't lived in for 30 years. My dad's house. It was delivered, with no one there. He called me swearing up a storm for 10 minutes before I could even figure out what he was yelling at me for. Then I had to call Ikea delivery and get them to re-deliver it to the correct address because they left it at his house 4 hours earlier than promised, when no one was home. So no one to check off on the delivery. A total s**t-show. Because I had a brain fart because I was so excited about getting a new sofa. Now when I sit on it, I have PTSD of my father swearing up a storm at me, and I can't enjoy it.
Pressing my car key fob for a good 5 seconds to unlock my front door as well - that's a regular one for me.
Went home from work, make myself dinner. And couldn't find my phone anywhere. I thought I left it at work. Then my fridge started ringing. My phone was in the fridge, right next to milk. No idea how it got inside.
I usually answer something like "Have a great day" with something along the lines o "Don't tell me what to do" when I'm with friends and family. Walking to school one day, and my brain on auto piolet mode, a teacher or parent volunteer was directing traffic, and as I crossed the Drop-off/pick-up lane they said "Have a great day!" To which I automatically replied "Don't tell me what to do" And continued walking
Before cellphones we all had landlines. Sitting in my flat one day, thinking 'I really should call Alistair'. Phone rings. I pick up, and say 'Hi, please can I speak to Alistair'. Dead silence for a moment, then the caller said 'Sorry, he's not here', and we said goodbye. Laughed 'til I almost peed when I realised what I'd done.
There have been times I have been looking for my glasses while they are on my face. I go all throughout the house and it takes someone to stop me and say "What are you looking for?" At that moment I knew I messed up badly.
Note: I had recently found that the switch that shuts my dryer off when I open the door, quit working. So when it was running, you could open the door and it just keeps on running. I was in my wash room, listening to a music app on my phone while I was getting clothes out of the washer. Finished putting clothes in the dryer and picked up my phone to change songs, which was sitting on top of the dryer. When I picked up my phone, I realized I had dropped a sock. I was still scrolling through songs in my left hand while I reached down to pick up the sock with my right. I reached up and opened the dryer door, also with my right, and absentmindedly tossed my phone into the dryer. In retrospect, I could have just turned the k**b until it ended the cycle, but at the time I didn't think of it. So instead, was about a minute of me trying to catch my phone as it bounced off the inside of the dryer. Amazingly, the phone still works fine and all it did was crack a piece of the protective case .
I once brought my home phone to work and wondered why I don't have a signal. * When my brother had his finals he forgot to take the calculator with him. He called home, only getting our disabled granddad and told him he needs a calculator but he's going to call our mother on the mobile phone. 40 Minutes later, granddad showed up at school. He brought the calculator in last minute. Problem was, that it was his TVs remote control.. (I loved him so much for doing this, he got a leg that barely can stand and he was already around 80, he made the trip to the school mostly hill up, had to walk back home, which happens to also be up hill).* I'm a nurse and some days i just knocked on the door of a room I was leaving lol I was sleeping in pregnancy, all good. Until my husband woke me up and asked me why the heck I was eating toast laying down in bed. The other week he cought me before the fridge, binging on chocolate cake, topped with salami
This did not disapoint, I laffed so hard that the change in pressure caused a nosebleed. I've fostered cats through y life, and apparently I have picked up some mannerisms from them. Like the head bumps and hissing While I was having a conversation, my friend was going to place he lunch down. And moved my phone I promptly hissed at her... I realized what I did and my face flushed.
I've done this several times. Whilst driving, when the lights change, I stop. Regardless whether it's gone green to red or red to green, my amygdala sees a change and is like "BRAKE!"
Back in the day when you'd check books out for people instead of having them use a self check out machine, I handed a woman her change for something and told her it'd be due in three weeks.
On my way to work, had to take the interstate. I ended up missing my exit to go to the exit for my bfs work exit. Had to call n tell them I was gonna be late cuz I was going to pick up my man instead of going to work
I've had my share, but I'm sharing with you one of my mom's moments because it is the most amusing as far as I'm concerned. So my mom was an ER Dr and worked 12 hr shifts that often ran over. It was around Christmas and everyone was going home to mom's. We (mom and I) drove 1.5 hrs to pick up my sister at the airport. The entire way, we discussed Christmas, but mostly funny ideas for our family dirty Santa game gifts. We pick up my sister who joins the conversation the 1.5 hrs home. We decided to go look for our gifts rather than going straight to the house. So we are still talking, arrive at Walmart, walking in there was a display of six packs of beer. My sister interrupted my mom, who was saying another idea for a gift she had, to say, "hey! What about a 6 pack and get an ice chest??". My mom instantly comes back with, "for what?". The more we carried on asking if she was serious and what did she *think* it was for the more confusion there was. I finally said, "the game mom!" While r
While rolling my eyes. To which she asks, "what game". She was far too tired to be doing any shopping and I was then just thanking God she managed to get us to Tulsa to the airport and back in one piece. Hahaha! She was a tremendously smart woman. Book smart. But wasn't loaded with common sense, so we had these moments quite often.
Load More Replies...I bumped into a maniquin in a store looked back and said "oh sorry" looked forward, a few seconds later look back again and say "oh I thought you were alive" and laughed before realizing I was still talking to plastic.
I used to work in a supermarket and used a safety knife, after I left that job and got a new one it took me months to stop patting myself down looking for the knife when I saw a cardboard box xD
I have an unfortunate tendency to drive on autopilot. Went to pick up my grandmother to bring her to my house for Sunday dinner. I drove in the opposite direction to my office and parked. I was half to the elevators before I realized I was in the wrong place.