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From wearing a white dress to promising to obey the husband 'till death us do part'—weddings are known to come with a lot of rituals. However, with many of these traditions being age-old, more and more lovebirds choose to skip a few of them when planning their wedding or sometimes even ditch the majority of it altogether.
Some time ago, a Quora user asked people on the platform to open up about the wedding traditions they'd choose to skip when planning their own wedding. "What is one wedding tradition you absolutely wouldn't partake in? Why?" their question reads. With that being said, Bored Panda invites you to read through some of the most interesting answers we managed to find in this viral thread. As always, don't forget to vote for your favorite ones and feel free to share the traditions you'd ditch down in the comment section.
More info: Quora
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#1
The week I got engaged, I went out and bought a bridal magazine. Read through it. Then wanted to jump out of a window.
The main thrust of the magazine was ‘the perfect wedding.’ And for me to have the perfect wedding, at least according to the magazine, I’d have to buy a load of crap, like unity candles and something having to do with sand, plus I’d have go out and research wedding photographers, hair and make-up people, florists, videographers, bands/DJs, and on and on it went. Or plunk down a bunch of scratch to pay a wedding planner to do it for me.
And then the gown. Ay carumba. I’ve owned cars that cost less than some of the gowns they were touting.
So, after the guy I grew up with, who has a very successful DJ/photography/whatever company, told me he could get a DJ for my wedding ‘starting around $2,500’ I finally said, “Screw that, I am NOT hemorrhaging money for this.” Got a nice gown for $700. Got our rings from Etsy. They’re sterling silver with a 14k yellow gold lining. (Didn’t see the point of the lining, but that’s how they came. ) $400 for the pair. Did the flowers myself, from flowers I bought at Produce Junction and Acme. Total about $50. Did my own hair and makeup.
My sister-in-law offered to do the videography. Another friend offered to snap photos of everything. For the reception, I hired a harpist for about $200. Nobody got to dance, but at least they could hold conversations without screaming to be heard. The reception cost about $1,500. Beautiful wedding cake -about $100. No bouquet toss, no garter.
Over and over through out the years, I’ve been told by the people who attended (we had between 40 and 50 people) that ours was the best wedding they’d ever been to.
Farrell Heide 4 years ago
Oh! I know the point if the gold lining on the etsy rings! Sterling silver is notorious for reacting with the chemistry if human skin and in most cases will leave a dark stain where the silver contacts the skin. In more severe cases, the reaction can cause a painful rash. Gold is a non-ferrous, non-reactive metal so the lining was a way to help prevent this skin reaction. Thats why you see so many expensive wedding rings that are silver in color but are made of "white gold" (a platinum/gold alloy).
Meredith Glenn 4 years ago
Yes! Silver jewelry turns me green, and I can’t wear silver earrings at all, the posts hurt my ears
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JennyLaRue 4 years ago
My best friend was equally overwhelmed and frustrated when she started planning their day. I suggest she just picture her perfect day with friends and then put a ceremony in there somewhere. She ran with that idea and they had the best festival themed day, super casual, laid back and so much fun. I'd forgotten that I'd even said that till she reminded me at the end of the epic day.
Mama Panda 4 years ago
For my wedding, I wanted to go to Vegas and get married by Elvis. The reception would have been held at the buffet and then everyone could go do what they wanted. However, my MIL had asked me to do a big Italian wedding so I agreed. It was pricey and it went off without any problems. Everyone had a great time! My MIL died a couple of years later. Before she died, she talked about our wedding to everyone and I am happy that I chose to do it her way.
Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
My wedding was myself, my husband, my mom and dad, my husband's dad, and my aunt and uncle (my uncle married us). We used a public outside park nest to a bay on Lake Michigan (near our home), and my wedding dress was a s summer dress for less than $50. We ate out at a local restaurant. Cheap and unforgettable.
HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
I understand this, who needs an expensive wedding. It's supposed to be the first day of the rest of your life with your spouse, not the first day of the rest of your life where you're broke
Meredith Glenn 4 years ago
I second this! I wore my grandma’s wedding dress, cost me almost nothing to have a seamstress alter it slightly (she was a teeny tiny little person). Plus, got to wear my grandma’s dress : )
RELATED:
#2
Pigeons are pets. They are not made to live on their own in the world. White pigeons are specially breeded for weddings and released into the wild, where they die. This tradition is animal cruelty.
Anna Solan 4 years ago
No, I understand that they are usually homing pigeons, and they return to their coop after the release. It would be ridiculously expensive otherwise to breed and raise "disposable" pigeons for ceremonies.
Salla Jaakkola 4 years ago
Apparently this is sadly not the case. Also, a lot of animals will be "disposed of" for any single ceremony if there is meat being served. Here's a good article on this dove-releasing-practice https://www.pigeonrescue.org/2019/09/16/releasing-doves-at-ceremonies-why-you-shouldnt-do-it/
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Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
I never understood this one. Release a bunch of nervous birds into the air over your wedding party and guests? What, then wear bird poop for the rest of the day?
Viviane 4 years ago
Yes, that would be karma for treating birds like decor.
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John C 4 years ago (edited)
I agree that pigeons used for this purpose is animal cruelty - but no need to make stuff up. Ask any New Yorker if pigeons are pets that can't survive without a human putting them in a cage. LOL
Debrina Blackmoon 4 years ago (edited)
RIGHT?! Yeah, what about all the pigeons already WILD??? Geez-lmao! We all know there are way more than those made into pets! They were originally bred in a lab or ancestors domesticated them so none could ever live free again???
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JessG 4 years ago
Carrier pigeon (or rock dove, same thing) are bred and domesticated as homing pigeons. Once they are released, they fly home, not released into the "wild". They go back to their roost, and they are free to be inside the roost, or outside because they know where "home" is. They don't fly away, and if they do, they come back. It is not cruel, and are in fact protected rather than left to the elements like predators. I agee that the whole wedding tradition is ridiculous, but the pigeons are WELL cared for
Kathleen Mortenson 4 years ago
Releasing butterflies in an area that can"'t sustain them is cruel also !!☹
Jennie Lynch 4 years ago
Wedding planner here, these birds are trained to fly right home after the ceremonies!
#3
I find this appalling & disrespectful along with it being more fitting at a child's birthday party than a wedding reception. If after spending thousands of dollars on wedding attire, the wedding itself, and spending hours dressing with care only to have my mate abuse & humiliate me in front of our guests, I wouldn't have married him to begin with. It's more than just cake smeared faces, it's the total disregard of feelings & lack of respect that puts this in the top spot of something I'd never take part in. Ever.
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
That's actually not traditional. The tradition is for the bride and groom to feed one another a bit of cake, not to smash it in one another's faces.
John C 4 years ago (edited)
this is what I was going to comment. this is less tradition and more behavior of people too immature to be making a lifelong decision. (yes there can be exceptions for playfulness, but allowing room for that is not consistent with the OMG OUTRAGE tone of the comments here)
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Bettie-Jean Neal 4 years ago
At my first wedding, we had our maid of honor and best man stand next to us when we cut the cake. We acted like we were going to feed each other, but at the last second smashed the cake in their faces. Boy were they surprised! The maid of honor deserved it, the best man, not so much. I really didn't smash his face, I hesitated and fed it to him. But Gina got smashed and I loved it! She made planning my wedding a nightmare!
Stille20 4 years ago
So you publicly humiliated your MOH? It's your wedding, I have to think that there was a moment before then that you could have reduced her involvement rather than being nasty in front of friends and family.
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Johanna McMahan 4 years ago
I refused to do this at my wedding and my husband to be did too. Then one of his friends shoved cake in his face when we weren't together, because she thought we should have.
NoodleBear 4 years ago
Dude this is a matter of opinion, I would absolutely smash my bf/future husband’s face with cake and he would do the same to me. We would get an absolute kick out of it, no disrespect there. That’s just how our relationship is :)
Two Silly Pups 4 years ago
Luckily, we don't have this humiliating tradition in my country. I can't imagine myself doing this to my SO, escpecially in front of everyone...
#4
Father Escort. I hate this tradition so much because of its original meaning. It stems from a time when a woman was practically “property” for all her life. The tradition basically means the father gives away his daughter (his “property”) to her husband. It’s just awful, no thanks.
Jessica Nametz 4 years ago
One of the best moments of my life was when my father walked me down the aisle... So to each their own, I suppose ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Luna Lovegood 4 years ago
Yeah, I agree. The tradition comes from a bad view about women, but in the modern context we've kind of reclaimed it and it is usually a really sweet moment for father and daughter. Depends how you feel about it :)
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Aunt Messy 4 years ago
I did not permit my father to "give" me away. He always told me I was his property when I was a kid and he was beating my bloody - so no. My husband and I walked in together. Because we are partners, not property.
Kendra Miller 4 years ago
I want an outdoor wedding in field. I want to ride on a tractor like I did as a kid, driven by my dad and we'd roar all the way to the runway.
Queen Jackson. 4 years ago
Honestly, I’m fine with this because of the sentimental meaning it has now, but I’m personally just not doing it.
Stille20 4 years ago
I don't want to do this, but I also don't wish to hurt my father's feelings. My mother passed away a year ago and I really don't feel like making a fuss over it so close to this loss.
Kay blue 4 years ago
Your father could walk with you down the aisle but you could miss out the bit in the ceremony that says "who gives this woman to this man", it's less about ownership then.
Load More Replies... Mama Panda 4 years ago
My son, who was 9 at the time, walked me down the aisle. When he was asked if he was giving me away, he told everyone that he was loaning me out for the night lol
#5
I hate white for two main reasons: First, it looks boring, second, it looks awful on me. Doesn’t suit me at all. Also, most wedding dresses look just like that: a wedding dress. You spend a ridiculously high amount of money for a dress you’re probably only gonna wear once in your life. I’d rather wear something in navy blue or a really dark purple. Looks much more interesting in my opinion, and you can also wear it in the future.
Asy EnderDragon 4 years ago
i want a black, gray, or red wedding dress. and i want to have a sword too
Honu 4 years ago
Plus, you get so much less for your money with a dress marketed as a wedding dress. When I was looking at wedding dresses 25 years ago, the cheapest I saw were around $1K and they were unlined acetate. Some had the beading hot glued on. Now, $1K can buy you a pretty nice frock generally, even more so back then. I ended up having a dress custom made out of silk from a vintage pattern for less. Basically, add the word "wedding" to something and you can tack an extra 0 on the end of the price.
John C 4 years ago
While I had no say in the matter and never pretended I did, I loved the cream colored dress my wife picked out. She looked absolutely amazing - I'd put her next to any other bride on their best day (of course she was balk at the idea). And I found out later she spent less than $600. (We never discussed dress price as I trusted her completely to spend whatever she needed / wanted.)
Theresa Yawn 4 years ago
People used to marry in whatever dress they had. Poor people wore clothes (mending them) until they were completely worn out. The wedding dress came about as a way for the wealthy to lord it over their peers that they had the financial means to have a dress made for their daughter that would only be worn once. They were made in any color the bride chose. When asked what color she wanted her wedding dress to be, Queen Victoria, who had dresses in every color imaginable, decided on white as she had none in white. This brought the white wedding dress into vogue.
pallavi bhat 4 years ago
In India particularly south India, we have options to choose any color for wedding saree..
Nat Hedley 4 years ago
My wedding dress was a full train job of wine-coloured satin and everyone loved it, especially me. Screw the 'rules'.
HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
True. I will probably get a white dress just because that is what I want at my future wedding, but I understand this.
JuJu 4 years ago
If it's not too extravagant, you can have it died later so you can wear it again
Load More Replies... #6
I basically planned my own bridal shower. That’s probably weird to some people, but it just seemed like the easiest thing to do. I just wanted something simple where I could spend the afternoon with some of my closest friends. We went bowling, drove go-karts, went through a laser maze, and checked out the arcade games and virtual reality set-up that the venue had. A few girls came over to hang out afterwards. Affordable and fun for everyone involved.
Stille20 4 years ago
Sounds lovely, but the point of a bridal shower is for someone else to plan an event where people can "shower" you with the gifts you need for your new life. You don't plan your own... but you can skip it. What you are describing is a bachelorette, but all means, plan away.
Anna Banana 4 years ago
We don't have those where I come from. Is this instead of giving gifts at the wedding? Or do you do it twice?
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JennyLaRue 4 years ago
The best hen weekend I went to was planned by the bride too. It removes any issues with any potential grumbles from people organising things by people they don't know (and the stress of the organiser trying to factor in people they've never met)
Not Proud British 4 years ago
What's wrong with planning it yourself? I did the same. We did Curry Mile in Manchester then danced the night away in a club. Simple, cheap and much better than 'organised fun'
Ivy la Sangrienta 4 years ago
Bridal/baby showers aren't really a thing in my country. So no one plans them.
Johanne Trudeau 4 years ago
Our 2 families threw us as a couple a huge fondue supper. Great times, fun and laughs were had by all.
#7
Diamond engagement ring… nope. I had a garnet in my first engagement ring and my second one was zirconia that I eventually replaced with a garnet. Diamonds (and tradition) are not my thing.
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
I have a friend whose ring was jade, but that’s because she’s allergic to metals. She couldn’t wear Levi’s jeans for the same reason (rivets, dontchaknow).
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Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
The idea of needing diamonds for an engagement ring is recent - and an invention of the diamond industry.
C.S. E. 4 years ago
More specifically, from the 1920's. DeBeers hoodwinked the public with an amazing example of what advertising can do.
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Gwen 4 years ago
If you really do want a diamond, you can always get one from a p**n shop. If you don't want to do that, you can always go to your jewelry store and ask for proof that their diamonds aren't blood diamonds. They have to show you proof. No proof, no diamond.
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Dark Pigeon 4 years ago
F*****g hate Diamonds and all they stand for. Absolute worthless shitty rock if you ask me.
s. vitkovitsky 4 years ago
Hardly worthless, they have a ton of important industrial uses.
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Christina Born 4 years ago
I have a gorgeous emerald solitaire engagement ring. I personally abhor diamonds. Too plain.
GirlFriday 4 years ago
Diamonds are not my thing either. My guy and I are talking marriage and he asked me to show him the style of ring I would like, he was shocked when I picked out a $300 sapphire ring. Diamonds are too common and have little to no value. I want something with style. Plus it matches his eyes.
Russell Ellwardt 4 years ago
I'd want a simple plain gold ring. No diamonds, no precious stones, no ornaments, no fuss.
Linda Cowley 4 years ago
Wearing thousands of pounds worth of tiny twinkly rock on my finger would be asking for trouble. Cubic zirconia, as long as you keep it clean.
#8
Nah, I won't invite people whom I haven't talked to for months to my wedding. I won't invite all my relatives that I don't really know. I won't invite old friends from school, neighbours, colleagues and so on. A wedding is a very private thing for me. Actually I'd like to invite no one so my husband and I can share this special moment alone.
N G 4 years ago
Can't do that in most places. You need witnesses. It's a legal requirement just about everywhere. I believe (happy to be corrected) even drive-thru Vegas weddings provide a witness as part of the package. There will ALWAYS be at least two other people besides the bride and groom involved. There is no special moment alone.
TL Wagener 4 years ago
I did this. Bride (me), Groom (him), "bridesmaid" (friend in common), "best man" (his favorite college professor). We got married at Harvard, and we just called them and said, "Wanna come?" After we signed the marriage certificate, the officiant (nice guy, associate pastor or something) said, "You're actually married now. But we can still go ahead with the ceremony. Took 7 minutes. Cost $100. It was Easter afternoon, between services in the small chapel, and the dozens and dozens of white lilies already there were free.
JennyLaRue 4 years ago
I recall a friend being told "if you wouldn't willingly give them $150, no questions asked, then don't invite them". Guess it's one way of sifting those you genuinely value and those you're inviting out of obligation
Kelli from Fitness Blender 4 years ago
I plan to invite my close family members and closest friends.
Rae Reyn 4 years ago
We had 20 people, plus one relative I'd never met that my father invited without telling me.
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
apparently in my culture the parents make the guest list. and plan the entire thing. which sucks, in my opinion, seeing as how parents sometimes get carried away and just invite their friends. i've been to a few where the bride and groom didn't even know anyone and hung out alone in corners.
#9
I will not be given away by my father. I don’t want the officiant asking him who gives me to be married to my hypothetical spouse. This isn’t because I have anything against my father or my relationship with him. I just don’t like the idea that I’m his to give away as he sees fit. I want both of my parents to escort me in as a sign that they, as people who love me and raised me, support me and my marriage. I want my spouse’s parents to do the same.
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
Then more people voted for other things and now it’s #9. It continues to be adjustable that way until BP closes the list.
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Cupcake168 4 years ago
Inappropriate and chauvinistic! When I heard this for the first time I imaged me in1781. The daughter didn’t belong to her father and the Woman doesn’t belong to the man. THIS makes me vomiting.
Johanna McMahan 4 years ago
My father walked me down the aisle because it meant a lot to him, but there were no words of giving away or that nonsense.
Kat Olmstead 4 years ago
Same, except it was my brother (made him cry when I asked him) because my father could barely walk with his walker.
Load More Replies... Kelli from Fitness Blender 4 years ago
YES I don't belong to anyone, and no one has any authority to "give me away".
Mary Peace 4 years ago
My father had already died by the time I got married, so my brother 'gave me away'. I never had a problem with that phrase.
Kat Olmstead 4 years ago
I agree. My brother gave me away too, as my dad could barely walk. My dad passed away 4 months later.
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Kirsten Kerkhof 4 years ago
My brother is getting married in 2 weeks. Since they already have 3 kids, they are going to walk down the aisle as a family. I love that idea.
#10
The garter. I think its tasteless and I wouldn't have been able to have had a toss either with less than 20 people in attendance.
JennyLaRue 4 years ago
This isn't such a big tradition in the UK. People may wear garters on their wedding day, but there's none of that public spectacle where the groom removes it with everyone watching. Always thought that was a really cringey thing to do
Johanne Trudeau 4 years ago
I didn't have it either. I did though have something borrowed and something blue but that was the extent...
Michelle Geiger 4 years ago
I never understood this tradition? What’s the point of a single garter?
Deep One 4 years ago
I always thought (assumed) it was the male version of the bouquet.
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Laura Sorensen 4 years ago
I made 2 of my own. One to keep and one to give a way. The material I chose made it feel more personal and unique. We didn't do the traditional toss either. Groom was blind folded and spun around randomly tossing it. Didn't do the bouquet toss either. Flowers went to the oldest female family member.
#11
My answer will be short because the one prohibition for my wedding was in the vows. I ensured that the phrase “to love, honor and OBEY” were not uttered. I know me - somewhat of a traditionalist - but only when a role is CHOSEN, not assigned because of gender. I didn’t feel it necessary to promise to do something that I would never do - on principle alone!
Approaching 20 years, my husband sometimes still teases me if we have a disagreement and I’ve dug my feet in on the issue. He’ll say “hey, weren’t you supposed to love, honor and OBEY?! … oh yeah, you did say you wouldn’t “obey,” didn’t you!” (He thinks he’s being funny!)
Michelle Brandt 4 years ago
Same! My husband promised to make me chocolate chip pancakes in his!
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Zedrapazia 4 years ago
In my country we say "honor" instead of obey, and it's asked to both genders at the same time, I think that's a better option
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
you should read the little house on the prarie series. she does the same thing- and her fiance is the best and says "I can't think of any decent man who would want her to (obey)"
PandaMonium 4 years ago
I absolutely wouldn't say "obey" and I got married years ago. No one would have assumed I would even back then. I'd be shocked to hear that in a wedding now.
GirlFriday 4 years ago
They don't say obey in a traditional American wedding any longer. It is now "love, honor, and cherish."
#12
Speaking for Turkish Wedding Traditions:
I actually have many, but I’ll go with the one that really annoys the hell out of me:
The Red Ribbon. Before the bride leaves the parents’ home for the wedding, her close relatives put a red ribbon around her waist in order to symbolise her chastity. Since the bridegroom is the only one who gets to untie that knot, it also shows her promise to him that he will be the first one to gain access to her body.
Thankfully, this is rarely performed by the modern couples today, but I guess it is still a very common practice in rural areas.
Needless to say, I won’t wear a “maidenhood belt” to make myself look like a gift wrapped up in a box ready for my husband to open.
If, by the time of our wedding, both of us are virgins, then WE may BOTH wear purity rings or something similar to show our commitment to each other, but even this completely egalitarian and not misogynistic substitute would make me uncomfortable. Why does a huge number of people involving many strangers need to know about the intimate details of our relationship? It’s NONE of their business.
Its cultural connotations aside, I think a red ribbon looks awful on a white dress. The right wedding dress is the most elegant and classy thing you can possibly wear, I believe. Something so tacky as a red ribbon instantly ruins the elegance of the special dress you’ll get to wear only once. (Generally speaking)
Jayne Kyra 4 years ago
It is disgusting how many people are obsessed with the idea of virginity.
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
yes and the fact that only the women wears it is extremely bothering to me
Donkey boi 4 years ago
I agree with the reason for not wanting to, but I disagree that a red ribbon on a white dress look awful. The ribbon or band of any sort (or colour for that matter) provides contrast and helps draw attention to detail.
Nicole Weymann 4 years ago
I agree wholehartdely with the sentiment, but I think a small coloured accessory like a slim girdle or a narrow belt in wine red or deep blue or even bright yellow or orange could look fabulous, not tacky.
M Kate McCulloch 4 years ago
Spot on - no one outside of the two of you have any business knowing the intimate details of your relationship.
Susan Egan 4 years ago
Well the white dress was supposed to symbolize virginity so a red ribbon is just a double, stupid, symbol we can loose.
#13
I despise the so-called “tradition” of the groom removing the bride’s garter and tossing it to the groomsmen, with the one who catches it expected to put it on the leg of the mortified woman who caught the bouquet.
Why?
A garter is underwear, and any removal of bridal underwear should definitely take place in private, after the wedding is over.
Given the competitive instincts of some young men, especially when free alcohol is involved, injuries are possible.
Any “tradition” that encourages a man to slide a piece of clothing up a woman’s leg in public — possibly a woman he doesn’t even know — while his friends yell “HIGHER!! HIGHER!!” should be discouraged.
It is not even a tradition, it is an unfortunate fad recently introduced in the mistaken idea that the bouquet-toss needed some masculine equivalent.
Even if it were a tradition, not all traditions are worth preserving. The closest tradition I can think of to this is the old one of displaying the bloody sheets the morning after the wedding night to prove the bride was a virgin — and for some reason that one has died out.
McPanda 4 years ago
I have never seen someone take the garter and put it on another person before...
Kelli from Fitness Blender 4 years ago
I've seen throwing the garter, but not putting it on someone else.
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Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
At my brother and sister in-law's wedding, he removed her garter, but did NOT toss it. And when the bouquet was tossed, my sister caught it! <3
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
yeah most weddings ive been to have this, but dont have the garter catcher put the garter on the bouquet recipient. you caught the bouquet because you wanted flowers, and the garter toss isn't actually done that often
C.S. E. 4 years ago
In every single wedding I've been to from childhood to now, every time they announce removing the garter, I leave to go to the bathroom. I find it hugely embarrassing. Probably has something to do with watching my uncle remove my new aunt's garter with his teeth at their wedding. . . .I was 6.
#14
Flower Girls. Won’t be there either, again, because of the original meaning behind this tradition. From what I understand, this tradition stands for fertility for the couple, and since I never ever want children, I will definitely ditch this tradition…maybe I am gonna be doing a strict ban on flowers of any kind to reduce my fertility lol.
Asy EnderDragon 4 years ago
oh no! i was the flower girl for my aunt (who just happened to be pregnant)
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
It’s a nice and exciting way to include kids in the wedding, and super fun for them. Being a flower girl was amazing for me. I’m also 99.99% sure it does not in fact impact fertility.
C.S. E. 4 years ago
Honestly, I learned something today! I didn't know that's what the flower girls were for. I don't like the concept for the same reason I don't like the 'romantic' idea of sprinkling flower petals on carpet leading to the bedroom or on the bed. All I can think of is 'who's gonna clean this?' Also, I'd be PETRIFIED about grinding petals into the carpet. Too much stress, not pretty or sexy.
Bre 4 years ago
We used fake petals. My daughter was my flower girl. After the ceremony she and my nephew (who was 3 and the ring bearer) picked up the petals and tossed them again. They did this several times while we were having pictures taken. They are now 22 and 18 and my daughter still has her petals.
Load More Replies... HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
But flower girls are adorable (in my opinion, I'm not saying you're wrong)
chrissy goodman 4 years ago
my flower girl was my maid of honor's (my best friend) daughter and she had a blast she loved the attention but she told me, shes 6 btw, that her favorite part of being my flower girl was that she got to help me get married. i melted wen she said that it was just so cute hearing her say that with a huge smile on her face.
#15
This tradition actually involves family and friends showering the couple with disgusting things (usually wet things) and then tying bride to a tree. This is meant to show that the bride and groom are ready for anything. I think I might stick to killing the ender dragon and the wither at the same time in Minecraft to show I’m up to anything.
Xylle Flora 4 years ago
I'd rather kill ten withers while fighting the ender dragon with mining fatigue than have that happen to me lol
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
I have lived in Scotland and have relatives there, NEVER heard of this
Not Proud British 4 years ago
Apparently in the highlands and islands of Scotland you don't get a choice. It happens. It's degrading and horrible, but traditions up there mean way more than your dignity it appears. Game shows still ask the woman who her father is/was.....
M Kate McCulloch 4 years ago
In the old days, the bride and the groom, separately, had probably already been through the ringer and that was probably just weird fun. These days, if you haven't been through the ringer with your partner, I suggest you don't get married yet. Gotta see how you and yours handle diversity, together as a team.
Azure Adams 4 years ago
This one I've never heard of and feels interesting but I can think of better ways to test the B and G being ready for anything
s. vitkovitsky 4 years ago
This one see!s like potential for actual fun, if a wee dram was included.
#16
I like hanging out with my buddies but I don’t drink, I don’t like strippers, and I certainly don’t think of marriage as a trap or an end to my freedom.
I get that bachelor parties aren’t specifically tied to all that stuff, I can just go out to dinner with like six of my really close friends but I wouldn’t do that because I’m getting married, I’d do that because they’re my friends. Also the best thing to do the night before a big event that starts at like noon is probably, I would imagine, not going out and staying up super late with guys who are talking like you’re marching towards death row.
McPanda 4 years ago
Bachelor parties can still be an awesome tradition that don't involve that at all. We played basketball, board games, video games, and rented bouncy houses for my buddy. Three-day sleepover like we were in middle school again, and it was awesome
sylvantic 4 years ago
you had me at bouncy house. i love those. my throat always hurts after, but it's worth it.
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Bama Belle 4 years ago
My only problem with conventional bachelor/bachelorette parties is strippers. (And having it the night before the wedding, which is insane.) My sister attended a bachelorette party at the maid of honor's home. There were two male strippers. Both the bride and bridesmaid (married) took a stripper to a bedroom and locked the door.
Joonscrab 4 years ago
WHAT? Isn't that considered as cheating? Why would they do that? Also like...STDs?
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Annemarie Mattheyse 4 years ago
My husband and his best friend sat on the porch and drank whisky and smoked cigars and talked the night before the wedding. That's it. I was so thankful he wasn't dragged out to a strip club or anything like that!
GirlFriday 4 years ago
My brother went on a camping and hunting weekend with his brothers and friends. They drank a few beers, fished, and tried to hunt. Mostly they stayed in the cabin and ate junk food and played video games.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
My son had his close friends and family on a riverboat and they all played cards and gambled with fake money. Lots of food and fun. (and costumes)
CincyReds 4 years ago
I just don't get why bachelor parties and barcherlette parties have turned into this huge thing! Like going to vegas, or any trip! Just more money, I jsut went out with my girlfriends, and my husband had his dudes over at our house that we just bought... just something simple to s[end time with the people that are closest to you.
Craig Reynolds 4 years ago
My friends were actually pissed when I refused to have a bachelor party! Apparently, as I was told, it's not about me! It's about them having an excuse to party and do stupid sh*t. It didn't happen and they got over it.
#17
Bridesmaids and Best Man. Not necessary either. Never understood this tradition to be honest.
N G 4 years ago
As long as you have someone else present to act as a witness - we had a best man and a man of honour who had to sign the register as our witnesses - just made it easier to have them already standing at the front.
Nadine 4 years ago
Yes, we also passed on all the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and just had the two necessary witnesses (aside from the guests).
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BorPand8 4 years ago
I read somewhere that, back in the olden days, if the groom didn't show up the best man had to marry the bride.
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
Correct. Old English tradition. The maid of honour also stood in if the bride did not turn up
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GirlFriday 4 years ago
These were originally the official witnesses to the wedding. Bride and Groom each chose a person to witness the nuptials for legal and religious reasons. I am not sure how it evolved into 18 people in matching dresses, but there you go.
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
I have some special friends whom I'd like to be seen as such, and not just people who are attending. That's why I plan to have bridesmaids, but you do you^^
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
my mom had her new sister in laws be her bridesmaids. they were new collage students and wanted the dress. and that's basically all they had to do. everyone was happy
#18
As far as the wedding day, we didn’t participate in the dollar dance, although we considered it. I’m pretty introverted myself and can’t dance as is, so we elected not to. We also chose not to smash cake in each other’s faces…to each their own, but to us just seemed like more of a mess than it was worth.
GirlFriday 4 years ago
The dollar dance takes place at the reception. The bride and groom each take the floor and guests line up and pay for a few seconds of a dance with the bride and groom. It is a way to help the couple with their nest egg. It is big in rural areas where monetary gifts aren't often given. Traditionally, everyone pays a dollar to dance, but in modern times, the guests may give a lot more. I hate it because the bride always gets stepped on by drunk guests or groped or something.
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Zoe's Mom 4 years ago
I thought it was with every wedding but I think it's mainly Hispanic weddings; I chose NOT to do this. Personally, I think it's tacky. The reasoning is to help the couple start out their new lives together in putting together a household.
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Alphabet Soupy 4 years ago
I actually like this, it’s mostly the older women (moms, aunts, cousins, wv) and they get such joy out of “helping” the new couple start their life. But I was raised with a more “community” mindset, so the whole family pitching together for the new spouses is a great tradition for me. Idk, I’m very introverted and don’t think I would actually do it, but when I’ve seen it at weddings, it’s been nice. I feel like all of commenters dwelling on the dollar amount don’t understand that 1-obv this isn’t meant to be an actual fundraising. 2-you can tip more! 3-it doesn’t take the place of an actual gift.
GirlFriday 4 years ago
I hate the dollar dance. I understand the tradition and it is a big deal in the rural area that I am from, but I still hate it.
Kelli from Fitness Blender 4 years ago
Yeah me too, but I can't dance so I'll skip out on that one.
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#19
It’s traditional for all of the guests to stand when the bride came out. I personally have never liked that. I decided to have my officiant tell everyone to remain seated when I came out before the processional began. Some of the people at the rehearsal the night before thought I was completely insane (some to the point of being combative). They were adamant that I couldn’t go against that tradition and people were going to get confused and stand anyway. I’m a pretty laid back person, so my response was, “Well, then they stand.” Whatever. It’s not going to ruin my day! In the end, no one stood. Everyone remained seated. And my photographer got a great picture of my dad and I coming down the aisle!
Anna Solan 4 years ago
Especially when there are some elderly guests who can't stand, then they don't get to see anything either.
Chicago Dog Lover 4 years ago
I HATE when people tell you what to do at your own wedding. As long as you are mindful of your guests, do what you want!
Toni Alabakovski 4 years ago
I love this idea! Everyone standing takes away from the actual event, and many people can’t see.
Julie Johnson 4 years ago
Maybe not such a great photo if guests are using their mobile phones to take pictures during the walk or ceremony. They should definitely be banned! Ruins the official photos that have been paid for.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
Hard t0 get a good view of the party as it enters while still seated.
M Kate McCulloch 4 years ago
my wedding. if you want to tell me what I should have which is directly in conflict with what I want, I invite you to get the f**k out now, and don't come back... have a nice day!!
#20
Cutting the cake. I would rather put multiple cakes on a huge buffet and people can just take some as they like.
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
and also not actually eating the thing. none of the weddings I've been to have done that. they smash in in each other's faces and then LEAVE IT. what the heck? eat the cake!
Not Proud British 4 years ago
We would have needed a chainsaw to cut through the bloody icing of ours.
MIA J RODRIGUEZ 4 years ago
My older cousin had chocolate cake at her wedding...I hate chocolate. And she knew this.
JuJu 4 years ago
we had a strawberry cake. a simple bisquit cake base, vanilla cream and fresh strawberries. It was gone in 15 min
Susan Parilis 4 years ago
You can do both. The wedding cake doesn't have to be the only dessert.
#21
I love to dance and I have always enjoyed weddings that have dancing, but I also have been to weddings where there was a small group of people dancing while the rest of the guests sit at their tables waiting for the appropriate amount of time to stay until they can go home. Those guests can’t talk to each other over the loud DJ, so if they’re not in the mood for dancing, then they just sit there [...] We had a lowcountry boil and the majority of tables were standing oyster tables (with a few tables for people that may have wanted to sit down). People were able to move around and talk and play lawn games instead of hitting the dance floor. It was so fun! We did have our guitarist sing and play in the background, though.
Chicago Dog Lover 4 years ago
I hate dancing and noise! So I had a brunch wedding-no one expects dancing at 11AM.
Vicky Z 4 years ago
Wow that's a great idea! I don't like dancing especially as being the center of the event so i would definitely prefer something like that!
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Bama Belle 4 years ago
I don't even dance, and I love music and dancing, especially when alcohol is involved. It's hilarious!
#22
One pre-wedding tradition I selected not to take part in was having a bridal shower. Prior to my wedding, I had been invited to a couple of bridal showers. They were well-meaning, but they were also just downright awkward.
So many people didn’t know each other, and of course the ages ranged from young adults, to middle-aged women, and the elderly. It also felt weird playing some of the bridal shower games with such a…diverse group.
When two of my bridesmaids brought up the subject to me, they offered to host the bridal shower and even had a theme picked out. Don’t get me wrong— I appreciated the thought, but it just wasn’t for me, and I knew it would only be added stress and anxiety that I already felt just preparing for the wedding itself.
For some of the same reasons, mentioned above, I just felt like it would be more of an uncomfortable event versus the fun event it was supposed to be. Too many people not knowing each other, and a wide variety of ages, stacked upon the fact that I knew some people on my side were very introverted and probably wouldn’t enjoy it themselves.
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
I've been to one bridal shower, never going to another. It was awful. I was a friend of the bride's, but neither her sister nor mother (the ones who threw the party) knew who I was, and treated me like dirt. I got out of there as quickly as possible, and I'm pretty sure they sighed in relief when I was gone.
Carrie Roettger 4 years ago
My daughter spent an evening at her house with her soon to be sisters in law, her nieces and a couple of friends. They did DIY spa treatments, listened to music and had some drinks. It was comfortable and laid back.
deathrose 4 years ago
My sisters and I got our nails done and had lunch. Then we helped either pack for the cruise.
Debbie Lavender 4 years ago
Your sisters went on your honeymoon cruise so I’m confused why that should be?
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Annette Easton 4 years ago
I have to agree - I hate bridal showers. I've been to several and have never been comfortable at any of them and that includes my own. I hate the party games. I hate people feeling like they're obligated to give a gift. I didn't want a bridal shower when I got married and ended up having a surprise one thrown for me.
GirlFriday 4 years ago
The bridal shower was originally intended for older married women to "shower" the bride with advice for her married life. This is usually where the bride learned about the wedding night. They would also share recipes and tips for setting up a home. They have evolved into elaborate parties or "teas" with awkward games. I was at one last weekend and I did not enjoy it.
#23
Some cultures kidnap the bride either just before the dancing or cutting the cake. This is an awful tradition because the people who do the kidnapping usually just go sit in a bar and drink with her. It’s very disrespectful to everyone. Plus, I once heard a story about a kidnapped bride and a tragic car accident. The bride was killed on her wedding day early in the reception. What selfish people. It isn’t even a clever prank. So if I ever saw someone trying to concoct this, I would blow the whistle and do everything I could to stop it.
Bettie-Jean Neal 4 years ago
I got kidnapped and we just sat in the limo and drank. It was fun. Didn't have to go anywhere.
Florian Gerstmeier 4 years ago
Mostly, it is a pre-planned point during the party. We used it to have the room emptied after the cake and coffee on the afternoon, so the restaurant could get the tables ready for dinner. If well planned, it is a nice part and a good opportunity to mix the guest up. I can only recommend it.
Dynein 4 years ago
Yes. Though things can go wrong. At my parent's wedding, my uncle wasn't in on the specifics of the kidnapping but had been dropped some hints so he'd be able to help my father... but the hints went over his head and his suggestions were totally useless. It took my father way, way longer than anticipated to figure out the whereabouts of my mother (if I remember correctly, once the kidnappers realized my uncle had wasn't the help they'd intended they had someone else drop the hints).
Load More Replies... Sarah Grape 4 years ago
and the one where the man carries her over the threshold? same idea. nope not doing it.
Cupcake168 4 years ago
Can go wrong. Himbeereis zum Früüühstück... *sing* I also hated all these "funny" games and ... don’t know how to say it in English... embarrassing traditions.
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 4 years ago
Rock'n Roll im Faaahrstuhl... (Thanks for that shot from the past)
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Ann Abdelzaher 4 years ago
I was kidnapped on my wedding day. My bridesmaids kidnapped me and we stopped by the grocery got some wine coolers and hung out while waiting for my husband to gather the "ransom" it was fun
Debbie Lavender 4 years ago
A friend of a friend knew the people in the tragic car accident. Urban myth territory.
Not Proud British 4 years ago
Why????? This has awful sexist connotations that a woman has to be forced to marry a man against her will. I only heard of this in the travelling community but presume it exists in other cultures too. Just because something is tradition doesn't mean to say it's good.
Nomadus Aureus 4 years ago
My culture is of Central Asian origins. The kidnapping was done to test the prospective husband. Is he physically fit to get on a horse and chase after his bride? Does he have a good enough standing in his community, so that when he calls for help, people rally to his side? Both of these were matters of life and death in an equestrian, nomadic nation. Nowadays, this is the time when the bride changes into her second dress and has one last drink with her friends.
Load More Replies... #24
Jeez…Who thought drunk men attaching money with sharp, pointed objects to a costly, delicate dress was a good idea? And that's the good part. I first heard of this & saw it in 1991. I couldn't even comprehend the explanation I was given, and then I saw it. Truly, it's one of the tackiest things I've ever seen. The bride covered in paper money while male relatives cajole & ridicule guests into pinning larger bills to the bride's dress. If guests want to give money as a wedding gift they will. They don't need to be coerced into buying time with the bride. Well, maybe some brides, but I mean really…what's next? $100 bills in the bride’s garter? I just…can't.
Sill Marien 4 years ago
I know a different version - you put some money to dance with the bride or with the groom into a hat or something like that - this is their money for the future... advance on a car, a house, whatever
#25
Neither my husband nor I are fans of the tradition of pounding on the tables or glassware for the bride and groom to kiss during dinner. We were both hungry, wanted to enjoy our dinner, were grossed out at the thought of kissing someone with a mouth full of food, and also are not big into public displays of affection. After the prayer and toasts at the reception before dinner, we announced that we would kiss once (and we did) and then asked our guests to refrain from doing this. A few non-compliant individuals still tried it, but we basically ignored them and they got the message that we truly weren’t going to do it.
Sara Diogo 4 years ago
Even as a guest I hate that tradition. This is the XXI century, hasn't everybody seen the couple kiss before?
Robert Thompson 4 years ago
"You may now kiss the bride" means that you may not to kiss her before. Not just the day before, but anytime before. All of courting. Any time before courting.
Keryl Cryer 4 years ago
I didn’t grow up with this tradition in the South, so I was totally confused the first time I saw this at a wedding, when the groom was from the Midwest. I agree that it’s a little strange, but at least it isn’t humiliating like the garter toss. I can’t believe people still do that one.
#26
I refused to wear white. Not because I wasn’t a virgin, though that was certainly true… but really, not everyone looks good in white and I’ve seen way more white wedding gowns that looked like cheap dress-up clothes I would buy for my daughter when she was a toddler than ones that looked luxurious and beautiful. I also refused to buy something I would only wear once that cost more than I spent for the rest of the wedding and reception combined. I wore a red dress to the first one and a red skirt with a black, white, and red sweater to the second.
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
Honestly, I think that an off-white gown looks much more luxurious and beautiful than a stark white one. But I also love that modern brides are going with gorgeous, saturated colors and unique designs.
Hello 4 years ago
Yes, stark white dresses look pretty tacky in comparison to other colours or off white dresses.
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Linda Jansen 4 years ago
white dresses for mariage ussed to be to show of you had the money to afford white seeing the upkeep was to hard and expensive.for normal people.
Debrina Blackmoon 4 years ago (edited)
Mine was a deep scarlet/burgundy(?) and not even fancy, even sort of loose at the waist. I wore it at least 3 times but it was less than $20 & in great condition.
Carrie Roettger 4 years ago
My daughter had a champagne colored dress and she considered blush to pink dresses too. I don't think she even looked at white dresses.
Janelle Collard 4 years ago
White dresses don't work with all skin tones. Makes some of us look dead.
#27
Bouquet toss, the bouquet was dried flowers, fragile and handmade from etsy. I also believe that I paid $155 for it.
Aunt Messy 4 years ago
Mine was freesias and orchids, and I was NOT just going to toss that. I gave it to my godmother, where it lasted about ten days as a centerpiece on her dining room table.
Kiss Army 4 years ago
My flowers were silk and I had a small replica made for the toss. 28 years later, the sweet lady that caught it still has it.
Load More Replies... PandaMonium 4 years ago
We gave ours to the couple there who had been married the longest - my husband's aunt and uncle who are wonderful people and had been married like 40 something years. They didn't expect it - it was a nice moment.
chuck.dont.surf 4 years ago
My mom made me a bouquet to toss out of artificial flowers...I think a lot of brides have a separate one for that purpose
Candace Fitzpatrick 4 years ago
Yes, most brides I’ve known use a separate one for that. I still have the one my friend threw at me, which I didn’t want- but I was sitting in a chair and she had bad throwing skills lol
Load More Replies... Susan Trevaskis-Owen 4 years ago
I attended a backyard reception where they ended up throwing the bouquet three times. First time, the bride put a little to much power in the toss & the bouquet went over the fence into the neighbor's yard. After it was retrieved, she tossed it again but everyone thought it was going to go over the fence a second time; it landed on the grass without anyone even trying to catch it. Third time was the charm though :-)
GirlFriday 4 years ago
My niece is having a small bouquet of fake flowers made for the toss. She isn't about to toss her expensive bouquet.
howdylee 4 years ago
my bouquet was fake - not a replica to toss, my actual bouquet was fake. and i still have it in perfect condition 12.5 years later!
Lisa Casserly 4 years ago
I have the same, I will have my 35th wedding anniversary in September.
Load More Replies... Kathleen Mortenson 4 years ago
People can have much smaller, lless expensive ones made to toss; or do one youself and tie with a ribbon. Groceries have mañy varieties.
Kendra Miller 4 years ago (edited)
It may be tacky, but I'm not going to have any cut flowers at my wedding, they will all be healthy potted plants and you better believe I'm not tossing my "bouquet" not only would it make a mess, likely kill the plant but it would be dangerous! After the party, each guest will get to take a plant home and hopefully it will life and thrive in it's new home for many years to come.
#28
To be honest, I couldn’t care less about it. For my wedding, people can come as they like, as long as they’re wearing something, it is fine with me.
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
I'm so close to having water guns/silly string/ doge ball at my reception so no one dresses up. because then I don't have to wear a dress while partaking in these activities
Bama Belle 4 years ago
American here, and I'm so damned tired of seeing people in public looking like slobs. Now, this isn't everywhere in America, but in my neck of the woods it's nothing to see a grown woman, in the middle of the day, at the grocery store wearing a footie-style unicorn onesie. (I actually saw this.) Don't get me started on the people in their pajamas. I don't think it's too much to ask that people dress nicely for a special occasion. Save your virtue signaling about mental illness, poverty, etc. Most of these people just don't care.
Sweetie Dahling 4 years ago
When I first moved to Canada a couple of years ago (from W Europe) I actually thought that everyone wearing activewear was planning on doing something active later in the day. *sigh* I was so naive! 😄
Load More Replies... Sweetie Dahling 4 years ago
Personally I love a good excuse to dress up nicely. The one or two times a year I have a legitimate reason I take it :)
it's me again 4 years ago
We had a country western style wedding. Everyone was encouraged to wear blue jeans. It was awesome.
Kendra Miller 4 years ago
I was thinking everyone in my wedding party can wear whatever dress they like and we would get matching tulle skirts to tie everything together :) Down the road they can be mixed and matched and worn again in another outfit
M Kate McCulloch 4 years ago
Come in clothing that is clean - please take a shower day of. That is all.
#29
I don’t want to wear a white dress. While, as stated in a previous answer, it didn’t originate as a symbol of purity, it has long been associated with that, and I find the focus on a woman’s so-called purity to be weird and disturbing. Wearing a dress in a different color is a way of saying that my sexual history is nobody’s business but my own and the point is that I’m making a life commitment to someone I love, not whether or not I had sex with anyone else before.
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
She must really, really hate white dresses--so far, the white dress thing was mentioned 3 times.
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
I have never, ever thought about a bride’s virginity because she was wearing white. It is understood that the vast, vast majority of brides are not virgins and that’s ok. Most brides wear white just because it’s a wedding thing, including brides with kids and brides who have been married before.
GirlFriday 4 years ago
White wedding dresses weren't even the thing until Queen Victoria wore one in the early 1800's. Before that, brides just wore their best dress. After Queen Victoria wore white, the white dresses became all the rage. In my family's culture, brides wear blue. If a modern bride chooses to wear white, there are blue accessories or flowers.
Esther Evans 4 years ago
White wedding dresses weren't even a thing until Queen Victoria happened to choose white as the colour for her wedding dress....then all of a sudden everyone wanted a white wedding dress...
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
White was first used in a wedding dress by Queen Victoria, before that it was not popular.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
Why is this the third about the dress? I love ivory lace so I wore ivory lace. Do what you want.
#30
You know these typical wedding cakes. When looking at the photo above, the only thing that goes through my mind is B O R I N G. Also, it looks so…creamy? I feel like I am gonna vomit just by looking at it.
I’d rather do something special and unusual.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
There is no such thing as boring cake. There is only cake! If it is called 'cake' I will eat it and I will be happy!
Xandra, The Little Hufflepuff 4 years ago
my cousin had a dragon and princess style cake, because the groom had a more dragonish, (in books where the dragons are good) personality, and she was the princess, in instead of smashing the cake in her face, he shoved some frosting in his mouth, and dipped and kissed her
Candace Fitzpatrick 4 years ago
My cousin had a nature/forest themed wedding and their cake looked like 3 pieces of wood. It was the coolest cake of any wedding I’ve attended. They cut it with a hatchet too, which was cute.
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
and why are they mostly styrofoam you are ruining a perfectly good cake by making it not a cake
Barbara Vandewalle 4 years ago
I used to help with wedding receptions at my church. One wedding occurred very early in the morning. She and her mother baked cinnamon rolls instead of cake. Fruit kabobs instead mints.
#31
There was no saving of the wedding cake in the freezer for a year. At my first wedding, our cakes got demolished by accident (oooo, an omen!). At my second, we actually forgot to cut the cake after the civil service held in our living room with our three closest friends there to witness it. I don’t remember what happened to the cake later, I’m sure we just ate it.
Aliquid A 4 years ago
For a year? I still have a piece of wedding cake in the freezer 15 years after the wedding.
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
If someone saves a cake in the freezer for a year, the cake would lose it's flavor. Also, they put it in the freezer like that the layers stay on and they can ice and decorate the cake.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
Why would you do that? HOW can you even do that? That's like saying I'm going to save breathing until next year!
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
In the past it was not put in the freezer but the smallest of the cakes was just saved for the christening. Not sure what they did if there were no children
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
gross. just eat it. and share with the kids. they don't want to be there and it's great to be the favorite aunt/uncle/cousin
#32
Polterabend is a German wedding custom in which, on the night before the wedding, the guests break porcelain to bring luck to the couple's marriage. (From Wikipedia) Sorry, but I don't have any reason to smash porcelain. Plus, traditionally on Polterabend the groom celebrates the last night in which he is “free” and unmarried. That's just old sexist thinking.
Russell Ellwardt 4 years ago (edited)
Wrong. The traditional German Polterabend is NOT meant to be a bachelor party for the groom. It is a party with both bride and groom present, usually the atmosphere is pretty laid back. Polterabend means open house so all their friends and mates are welcome, also those who are not invited to the actual wedding.
M O'Connell 4 years ago
I'm highly amused by the piece of blue & white Corelle in the middle which is definitely not broken.
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
LOL this kind of reminded me of a tradition where the guests make loud noises outside the bride's door on the evening before the wedding until she gives them candy.
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
Ok... she's talking about a lot of traditions that are from different cultures. I'm assuming she's only a few, if not, none of these cultures that she's mentioning, so why even...?
Nicole Weymann 4 years ago
The couple is. Guests occasionally like to make a new mess with the already cleaned up shards if they consider the work to be done too quickly/efficiently. Often, though, in the end the guests help, too. Needless to say (?) a lot o alcohol is usually involved. Call it a porcellain themed motto party. Nowadays many people keep the custom more in style of a bachelor party (though the female significant others take part, too) and leave out the smashing of cups, plates, and the occasional toilet.
Load More Replies... #33
Well, I have been in charge of the stag, being his best man and the the other members of the group being a little wlld, it was my job to keep him safe.
I have dragged up and gone on a Hen night, as we were close friends and she wanted me there, so I made it an event.
I have been in charge of the music on the wedding reception night, in my role as DJ. I have made the wedding cake and catered the wedding breakfast, in my role as a chef.
But the one thing I will not partake in is the obligatory photos.
N G 4 years ago
As a guest/part of the wedding party, or as a main participant? I won't say my experience was universal, but a lot of the photos we had taken allowed me to have memories of a very busy day and help cement little moments that would otherwise have been forgotten. They also contain the last images of my nan before she died - that is priceless.
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
When at my brother and sister in-law's wedding, we took a few obligatory photos with lots of family (who have unfortunately died since then) and they came out absolutely gorgeous, and I'm so glad to have them.
C.S. E. 4 years ago
Myself, I don't like formal photos. . .like, at all. If I were to have a photographer and a wedding, I would likely just tell them to mill about and use their skills to find some awesome, candid shots of everyone. They don't have to be looking at the camera; dress as a bush and take the photos surreptitiously for all I care. I want natural, I want part of the day, not staged.
#34
I won't solicit or take wedding gifts. There's no point in people giving me money for getting married. I believe that anyone daring to get married should bear full responsibility for it. I know this sounds controversial but that's how I see it. If one can't cover wedding expenses, how will they cover the costs of sustaining a family (which are much more expensive)? I don't want to bother others with my choices. I'd rather be given money when I get sick (which isn't a choice).
N G 4 years ago
I sort of understand the sentiment - particularly in light of all these Bridezilla posts demanding $$$ in the thousands, but at the same time you have the option to ask for e.g. donations to your favourite charity. People WANT to gift things in celebration - do you also reject birthday presents on the basis of your accidental appearance in the world? You shouldn't solicit gifts, but allow people the option for generosity.
perfect pikachu 4 years ago
well, you payed for the decor and cake a dress too,and then invited people to your wedding. They want to say thanks!(plus, it is free money/stuff
Suzy the observer 4 years ago
I fully agree especially as people marrying late have what they need. I would rather help my very few guests pay for outfits/transport if needed. Our gift to them.
Amy Taylor 4 years ago
My cousin registered on one of those sites where you could gift them activities or meals on their honeymoon. I thought that was a brilliant idea
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Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
I get it, but in my case, we were starting at *zero* ----- I think between us we had two towels, one spoon, and four dishes and a teakettle! We didn't get a bed until we'd been married five years. So a few dishes, pots/pans, utensils/towels/ etc. secondhand? AWESOME. I still have the knife my grandma gave m ethat she got in the 1930s.
C.S. E. 4 years ago
I think it was a clumsy attempt at scoffing at those bridezillas who want their family to give them expensive gifts and/or money to end up going towards their wedding and/or honeymoon. It's not bad to have a gift registry; it's just a way to save people from asking you what you want if they wish to give you a gift. Just because you have one doesn't mean you are expecting gifts. Get over yourself. Also, you could always save that money given from the wedding for when/if you get sick; how you use it is your business once given.
DKS 001 4 years ago
I'm not against gifts. But I don't think everyone else is responsible for getting your appliances and all that stuff you "need". Unless they want to, that's fine. But instead, maybe help pay for the honeymoon if there is one, or gift things that are more enjoyable rather than "here, now go take care of your husband with these cooking and house cleaning supplies like a good wifie"
Donkey boi 4 years ago
My car broke down about 2 weeks before our wedding. My dad had just retired and decided they no longer needed 2 cars in the household so gave me his car as a wedding gift. I insisted on giving him something towards it.
#35
While my father did walk me down the aisle at my first wedding, there was no giving me away. My father didn’t own me and didn’t make decisions about who got to marry me. My parents weren’t invited to my second wedding, something my mom was salty about for a while. But hey, I love my daughter more than I love her and my daughter went to school that day. It was a very simple civil service and the only reason there were any other people there was because we needed witnesses.
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
Umm, why did you not invite your parents to your second wedding???
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
:0 I wouldn't ever miss my parents' wedding for sChOoL. School's not worth it xd
#36
Veil. Just…why? It looks awful and hides the bride’s hair.
KiwiBubbles 4 years ago
Well, I do think veils can look really pretty, but personally I agree with this one. I'm going to want my fancy hairstyle to be what's visible.
#37
Truthfully, at this point in my life, I would not participate in most of them. Many seem quite silly. But two that stand out in my mind are: I would not have anyone walk me down the aisle. I am a middle-aged woman and the idea of someone else giving me to someone seems ridiculous.
Sori 4 years ago
Lol, I wanted my mom or both dad and stepdad to have my arm at mine. Mainly because I wanted to show the important people of my life standing together at such a festive moment. Do to the government practically shutting down, travel impossible, and how small our wedding was; we tried to include them virally and my uncle/godfather was there. It was special as he was as close as my parents to me.
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
I don’t think age makes it ridiculous, it’s thinking of it as “giving away” that makes it ridiculous. The father daughter bond is lifelong and it’s never too late to share that moment (if you want).
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
Yeah... I probably would've been walked down the aisle by my father, but we don't have the best relationship, I'm even questioning if I'd invite him or not... but if and when I do, he'll just be there and not do any walking xd
#38
I’m definitely not opposed to MARRIAGE. Of course I wouldn’t have a child with someone I wasn’t married to.
But the idea of spending that much money, time, and energy planning a party doesn’t really appeal to me — especially since I know I probably wouldn’t get to talk to the guests for more than a few minutes each.
I also don’t like being the center of attention, and think I would find spending a whole day having everyone ooh and aah over me to be exhausting. Like, if I’m crushing it at a basketball game, I don’t mind people cheering for me and chanting at me for that hour. If I’m doing a live show, I don’t mind being in front of the audience… But in those cases, I’m the center of attention because I’m doing something I love, not because I’ve found someone to love…
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
Medieval? Yep, I'm agreeing with s. vitkovitsky on this one, that's just judgmental.
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Zedrapazia 4 years ago
I think it's a bit concerning that this woman thinks she wouldn't be accepted if she gets a child when not married
Carrot dude 4 years ago
She didn't say that...? She just said that it's something she wouldn't do. It's her life and her choice so
Load More Replies... Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
We're eliminating everything--first it started with getting rid of a few wedding traditions, then some bigger ones, then the whole ceremony, then the wedding itself. If you don't even wanna get married, why are you nitpicking through wedding traditions you don't like?
Nicole Weymann 4 years ago
I get the rest, but "Of course..."? So the only way to get a child is to get married and the most valid reason to get married is to get a child? Sounds like the potential husband is an interchangeable commodity.
Lorelei 4 years ago
My wedding would be in Shenandoah national park,in October,and only my closest friends would be invited.And it would take place on a cliff overlooking the trees,so I could enjoy the colors as the service was being held. I would only wear a short black dress with a pink overcoat.Its simple, yet elegant.
Hello 4 years ago
Sex before marriage isn't wrong, but it's up to you whether or not you want to follow it.
Load More Replies... #39
Well that would have to be the wedding ceremony itself. My parents raised me to believe that a simple, commonlaw marriage was good enough. By which I mean my mom just moved in with my dad and started using his last name and they addressed one another with spouse titles like husband and wife when asked. But they had no marriage license, no paperwork, no certificates, there was no ceremony. My parents were fine with this for years and I grew up disliking the idea of a ceremony and certificates and stuff. I'm also an introvert so I can't imagine how embarrassing it would be to have all the people i love watching me in a big wedding dress saying vows. Plus I'm not a christian, not really anything, my beliefs are my own pieced together from my experience with various faiths around the world.
N G 4 years ago
YMMV, but in some countries there are financial safety nets to that bit of paper.
Catlady6000 4 years ago
Not just financial. That bit of paper can also determine who can speak for your medical care when you can't, affect adoption procedures, insurance, alimony, in some cases even custody and child support. Always check the laws
Load More Replies... Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
Many states in the US have outlawed common law marriages, though I don't know about other countries.
Robin DJW 4 years ago
My wedding was at the county courthouse with two of my coworkers for witnesses, I wore black slacks and a teal blouse. I went to work on my wedding day, and only then asked my boss if I could have the afternoon off because I was getting married at 1 PM. No rings, no party, no anything but a license and a brief imprecation by the judge to "be nice to each other," Easy peasy. 22 years later we are still happy and very laid back about life. So much easier and no less binding. Weddings are a racket designed to separate people from their money. The true meaning of a wedding is what you bring to it in love, caring, common decency and essential humanity.
#40
Not really necessary, is it? I mean…it’s our wedding, of course we’re gonna be married, right?
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
That's the whole point of it, though. The officiant says, "By the power vested in me by [whatever government], I now pronounce you..." No officiant has the power to marry without the permission of the state.
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What do you think ?
Tres D 4 years ago
What about the father walking the bride down the isle. I don't think that was covered.
PandaMonium 4 years ago
I'd say do whatever floats your boat for your wedding. The problem is the societal pressure to do certain customs (and the absurd price tag). So we should all back off and let people put on the day they want. Also I think different traditions mean different things to different people. My parents walked me down the aisle but I never thought of it as giving me away. My Dad was in a wheelchair and it was a big deal - and I just wanted them to be part of the ceremony. Also my wedding was performed by a Catholic priest/ Jewish rabbi combo so it was a mix of customs that we decided were important to us. TL;DR - let people do what they want and can afford. Except for "obey" no one should say obey.
Happy_Pandalover 4 years ago
Totally agreed. Everyone should just have their dream wedding without social pressure. That‘s all i can say. Personally, i never knew about the background of most traditions, so i don‘t really care. Maybe i have been lucky. But most weddings of my friends were beautiful, meaningful and fun experiences. I admit i‘ve enjoyed all hen parties, being a bridesmaid multiple times, seeing proud fathers walking their independent daughters to the aisle. None of them see their daughter as belongings. So just let people do what they enjoy as long as noone gets hurt :)
Load More Replies... Stille20 4 years ago
I'm in the process of planning a wedding. I don't feel the need for bridal party, cake, flowers, white dress or a lot of things. However, some things are literally not worth the fight. What do I care if there is cake or no cake. So what if my father wants to walk me down the aisle. I just want to throw a fun party where my friends and family feel included.
PandaMonium 4 years ago
Congratulations! I hope you have a great wedding day and more importantly, a wonderful lifelong adventure together!
Load More Replies... Theater Kid 4 years ago
This is nice to hear. I never knew so many traditions had harmful/sexist origins. I'm glad these people are making their weddings the best for them and not doing something just because society told them to.
Johnny 4 years ago
I was asked to be in a friend's wedding, and he wanted a "swashbuckling" theme -- all the groomsmen would wear black tights and puffy shirts and carry (fake) swords. I almost declined to participate because it sounded pretty hokey, but he was a good friend, and I relented and became a groomsman. Turns out it was a *lot* of fun, even many of the guests were in costume, and I'm really glad I participated.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Cool. Hubby got suckered into a family wedding where they worn their kilts, clan tartans, etc., and there was a bagpiper, it was lovely.... except for the awkward bits where it turns out there really is no undies under the kilt, and after a few drinks, the kilts flew up!
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Patti Vance 4 years ago
this isn't a tradition but destination weddings. not everyone can afford to travel and stay at a place for a wedding. it's a strain on the members of the wedding as well since a maid of honor of groomsman may feel obligated to attend but then strap themselves financially for the 'honor' of being there for their friend. as for anything else, ...people need to make themselves happy for their wedding, not anyone else.
Lea S. 4 years ago
I have family and friends who did a destination wedding but it was specifically to keep it small and keep people from crashing. There was no wedding party, no obligation to attend, it was basically the dream family vacay and we will always remember it.
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Mimi M 4 years ago
So many repeats. C'mon, be a bit more careful. The father one was at least 3 times if not more.
perfect pikachu 4 years ago
I do not think that you should waste a hundred dollars on a wedding dress when you could just dress in casual cloths that you already own? it just don´t make sense(at all)
Tacocat 4 years ago
I really like this article. I personally don't know if I want to get married at some point, but seeing that I'm not the only one who thinks certain things are weird is nice. Like the garter toss! Who actually thought that was a good thing and had enough followers to copy??? And how lots of people took the historical side to back up their dislike was great.
Michelle Brandt 4 years ago
My wedding was in my backyard, my uncle was the officiant, I wore a dress that came from the prom section at Macy's, no one was dressed up more than looking nice and after the 15 minute ceremony(and getting pelted with surprise rice!) there was catered BBQ, cupcakes, yard games and a campfire. Music, yes. Dance floor, no. Neighbors were invited to have a drink :)
Daniel O'Neal 4 years ago
Right? We got married at a local park, the officiant was a friend, invited only close friends and family, wore reasonable clothes, and instead of gifts we asked everyone to bring a potluck dish for the reception. We did have cupcakes.
Load More Replies... Tres D 4 years ago
What about the father walking the bride down the isle. I don't think that was covered.
PandaMonium 4 years ago
I'd say do whatever floats your boat for your wedding. The problem is the societal pressure to do certain customs (and the absurd price tag). So we should all back off and let people put on the day they want. Also I think different traditions mean different things to different people. My parents walked me down the aisle but I never thought of it as giving me away. My Dad was in a wheelchair and it was a big deal - and I just wanted them to be part of the ceremony. Also my wedding was performed by a Catholic priest/ Jewish rabbi combo so it was a mix of customs that we decided were important to us. TL;DR - let people do what they want and can afford. Except for "obey" no one should say obey.
Happy_Pandalover 4 years ago
Totally agreed. Everyone should just have their dream wedding without social pressure. That‘s all i can say. Personally, i never knew about the background of most traditions, so i don‘t really care. Maybe i have been lucky. But most weddings of my friends were beautiful, meaningful and fun experiences. I admit i‘ve enjoyed all hen parties, being a bridesmaid multiple times, seeing proud fathers walking their independent daughters to the aisle. None of them see their daughter as belongings. So just let people do what they enjoy as long as noone gets hurt :)
Load More Replies... Stille20 4 years ago
I'm in the process of planning a wedding. I don't feel the need for bridal party, cake, flowers, white dress or a lot of things. However, some things are literally not worth the fight. What do I care if there is cake or no cake. So what if my father wants to walk me down the aisle. I just want to throw a fun party where my friends and family feel included.
PandaMonium 4 years ago
Congratulations! I hope you have a great wedding day and more importantly, a wonderful lifelong adventure together!
Load More Replies... Theater Kid 4 years ago
This is nice to hear. I never knew so many traditions had harmful/sexist origins. I'm glad these people are making their weddings the best for them and not doing something just because society told them to.
Johnny 4 years ago
I was asked to be in a friend's wedding, and he wanted a "swashbuckling" theme -- all the groomsmen would wear black tights and puffy shirts and carry (fake) swords. I almost declined to participate because it sounded pretty hokey, but he was a good friend, and I relented and became a groomsman. Turns out it was a *lot* of fun, even many of the guests were in costume, and I'm really glad I participated.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Cool. Hubby got suckered into a family wedding where they worn their kilts, clan tartans, etc., and there was a bagpiper, it was lovely.... except for the awkward bits where it turns out there really is no undies under the kilt, and after a few drinks, the kilts flew up!
Load More Replies... Patti Vance 4 years ago
this isn't a tradition but destination weddings. not everyone can afford to travel and stay at a place for a wedding. it's a strain on the members of the wedding as well since a maid of honor of groomsman may feel obligated to attend but then strap themselves financially for the 'honor' of being there for their friend. as for anything else, ...people need to make themselves happy for their wedding, not anyone else.
Lea S. 4 years ago
I have family and friends who did a destination wedding but it was specifically to keep it small and keep people from crashing. There was no wedding party, no obligation to attend, it was basically the dream family vacay and we will always remember it.
Load More Replies... Mimi M 4 years ago
So many repeats. C'mon, be a bit more careful. The father one was at least 3 times if not more.
perfect pikachu 4 years ago
I do not think that you should waste a hundred dollars on a wedding dress when you could just dress in casual cloths that you already own? it just don´t make sense(at all)
Tacocat 4 years ago
I really like this article. I personally don't know if I want to get married at some point, but seeing that I'm not the only one who thinks certain things are weird is nice. Like the garter toss! Who actually thought that was a good thing and had enough followers to copy??? And how lots of people took the historical side to back up their dislike was great.
Michelle Brandt 4 years ago
My wedding was in my backyard, my uncle was the officiant, I wore a dress that came from the prom section at Macy's, no one was dressed up more than looking nice and after the 15 minute ceremony(and getting pelted with surprise rice!) there was catered BBQ, cupcakes, yard games and a campfire. Music, yes. Dance floor, no. Neighbors were invited to have a drink :)
Daniel O'Neal 4 years ago
Right? We got married at a local park, the officiant was a friend, invited only close friends and family, wore reasonable clothes, and instead of gifts we asked everyone to bring a potluck dish for the reception. We did have cupcakes.
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