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“Sorry Girl, Not Gonna Do That”: 30 Ridiculous Invitation Demands People Were Forced To Follow
Being invited to a celebration, especially by a person you care for dearly, is an exciting moment. If it’s a wedding, you might think about how filled with romance the couple’s special day is going to be or if it’s a birthday, you might go straight to thinking about what’s the best gift to get them.
But some people surprise their guests by showing that romance is not what they're focusing on during said special day or that they’ve already chosen a birthday gift that they want to receive (often costing the guests an arm and a leg).
Needless to say, unexpected choices such as expensive gifts or unreasonable requests don’t exactly get the guests more excited about the upcoming event. On the contrary, they might start to dread it or refuse to go altogether, as some of the people on today’s list did.
Netizens on Quora were asked about the most unreasonable requests and demands that they’ve seen on an invitation to an event or received from a relative hosting a holiday celebration. They shared quite a few stories, each one more unbelievable than the other, so if you’re curious about what bridezillas and other celebrants were brave enough to demand, scroll down to find their requests on the list below.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with an event planner and designer, a wedding and entertaining expert, David Tutera, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about odd requests.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
1990. I'm married.
A male friend of ours is getting married and had asked my husband to be in the wedding party. He said yes. We had met his fiancée, Rachel, a handful of times but never got to know her on a personal level. Because of that, Rachel had suggested a get-together at her house prior to the wedding so that all the people who would be in the wedding could get to know one another. Makes sense.
A week later I got an invitation in the mail for the party, as well as a note stating:
“You are responsible for bringing 10 bottles of soda (must be name brand), home-made brownies for 25 people, 5 bags of chips (must be name brand). Each person can bring food to put on the grill but limited to a hamburger for each, or two hotdogs each, with a small piece of chicken. The rolls for these items have been assigned to “Luanne”, as well as all condiments (must be name brand).”
My eyes! I had to read it ten times to believe it was real! Bring our own food to fit on the grill? As well as other food?
My phone rang off the hook. Everyone was comparing their “YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS” list. She assigned one person to bring garbage bags and they were the clean-up crew. Another person was assigned decorations and linens.
I, along with several others, called Rachel to decline. Her response: “Okay. But you are still responsible for your list, so please drop those items off to my house ASAP”.
I told her that she is off her rocker.
Long story short, the party didn't happen. The wedding was postponed for over a year. It did finally happen. They divorced two years later.
Poison Ivy/Boo 1 year ago
I'm so happy that I'm getting older and I can turn around and tell them to pïss off without giving any shïts!
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago (edited)
What is it with some people getting so wrapped up in self-interest with their weddings that they genuinely believe the guests see it as such a privilege that they’ll go out their way to be treated as both an ATM & indentured servant simply for the honor to attend? Yes, l’m happy for new couple & want to support their union. But honestly don’t give two shits about their performative ceremony. I’d rather find an excuse not to attend & support them in actionable ways as they grow as a couple.
Duba Hasongiraf 1 year ago
Raise and compare: One day during a trip my father-in-law called and invited us to the sweet 16th birthday of his new partner's granddaughter. They didn't get married and we didn't know her family or even the name of the girl celebrating but we were asked to come to a luxury restaurant and bring 300 dollars. I immediately told him that we had a business trip on the same date and would not be able to make it, and we thought that was the end of the matter. His answer was: "I will come to your house on the weekend and collect the money." My partner got angry and told him that this is a considerable amount of money to bring to a foreign girl whom we have not met and whose name we do not know, we will not be present at her birthday party and therefore we do not intend to bring a gift. But here's the good part: my husband's brothers added $100 each (that's $400) so that the amount itself would be exactly what the father planned. The father did not bring one dollar to his children's wedding.
Agamemnon O'Neill 1 year ago
I'll bake 25 brownies, but what is everyone else going to have for dessert?
RELATED:
#2
We made an unusual request for our wedding.
We were a bit older (37 and 43, first wedding for both), and doing pretty well, so we decided to have a nice event. We both had lots of friends by this age, so it was to be pretty big. We both loved children, didn’t have any at the time, and had been to too many boring weddings, where the guests had all been told no children were to attend.
We decided to turn that upside-down, and informed all of our guests that had children that they were not to hire babysitters, bring the kids, and if they showed up without them would be sent home to get them. Our venue had a loft that we set up as a kids area, and we hired a couple young ladies to help make sure the kids were safe and attended to.
We had 185 guests, about 40 of whom were children, from 3 weeks old to teenagers. It was delightful. There was exactly one “disciplinary incident” when a boy, about 6, threw something and almost knocked over a glass of wine, and thus had to be told not to throw things any more, please.
So that was the unreasonable demand — bring your kids, or else! Still the best day of my life.
Mad Dragon 1 year ago
I would want the option of leaving my kids at home because they hate events like these and don’t do well in crowds.
Iampenny 1 year ago
Exactly, and parents deserve a nice night out without their children once in a while.
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similarly 1 year ago
I would have demanded everyone bring a child whether they had their own children or not.
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
"Plus one" meant bring an extra one-year-old
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Pursuing Peonies 1 year ago
Well, no, but weddings aren't always and shouldn't always be that night. Especially since most people go to family weddings (or family friends) anyways.
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SnackbarKaat 1 year ago (edited)
When we were kids, our parents dragged us along everywhere: weddings, expositions of friends, visits to good friends who didnt had kids our adult kids.. They said, if our kids are not welcome then we wont go. It was normal to have kids at weddings, i come from a big family. Had a lot of fun!
agermanhome 1 year ago
Exactly. I'm still surprised and shocked that "childfree" weddings are a thing in the US, I had never heard of such a thing before I read about it on the Internet. I don't know anybody who would be comfortable leaving young children at home with a stranger. And it would be really rude to disinvite children, anyway. You invite a person with spouse and kids, or don't invite that person at all.
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whineygingercat 1 year ago
There were about a dozen children at my wedding. From a newborn baby to my twelve y/o junior bridesmaid. I heard so many compliments about how well behaved they all were.
Nicola Roberts 1 year ago
Last Christmas I went to a family friendly wedding designed around keeping children occupied and happy. It didn't work quite as well as the Bride expected. It was a Sunday, where the ceremany and wedding breakfast is at the same place. Started at 12 lunchtime and due to finish after 11pm. By 7pm the kids are exhausted and the families start to leave. Sunday was picked because it was at the start of the school holidays but she didn't take into account that at least one of the parents would be working the following day. All good intentions but most had left by 9pm.
Terri Eckard 1 year ago
Your wedding. Your way. However, I would not have attended. Everyone knows how these things turn out. The childless people end up being the babysitters because the parents just know since they want to spend all their time with their children since they don't have any. Two people to handle 40 children is not enough to give adequate supervision.
Fanstacia D 1 year ago
40 kids and varying ages looked after by just 2 child minders?? Yikes. And if making their attendance a prerequisite? Yeah no.
#3
Destination weddings. What possesses brides and grooms to believe that most of the people they know can afford to fly off to some exotic destination. And that all of their employers will have no problem giving them the time to do it. And that travel like that won’t be an issue for older people expected to attend … or young people who now have to figure out what to do with children for multiple overnights. I’ll toss one in for my pet owning friends … they’ll have to figure out what to do with rover and kitty for multiple days.
Even a destination a couple hours away can be a problem for some people. Those with no transportation, older people who can’t ride that far.
I’d have to say that the destination wedding is one of the most selfish and self serving wedding ideas I’ve heard of in my life.
Sue User 1 year ago (edited)
I always thought a destination wedding was similar to an elopement, you just decided to bring a few close friends. And you would have a gathering for grandparents/ cousins/ etc back home. Who expects Uncle Bill, who has a dodgy hip, to travel thousands of miles on their own dime to see them wed?
MrsEgonSpengler 1 year ago
I agree. I had a friend who got married in Las Vegas, literally just her and hubby went. The ceremony was video taped and she and her hubby threw a big party back home when they got back and we watched the video of the ceremony. It was a brilliant night, and my friend and her husband got the wedding they wanted.
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Papa 1 year ago
I know of a couple who had a destination wedding because the bride's parents were fighting, and each one insisted that he or she wouldn't attend if the other one was there, so they had it at a place where they knew neither one could afford to travel to.
Kristal 1 year ago
Yeah, destination weddings are a great way to weed out people you don't want to go but still send invites to so they don't feel excluded or drama arises. Also, weddings are about the couple, it's not selfish to have a wedding where they want it to be.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
No just selfish to expect friends and family to shell out for it.
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PlsDo NotDelete 1 year ago (edited)
I'm sorry but I have always had the stance of: if my travel to your wedding is longer than the wedding and reception; I'm NOT attending. Whether it is in state, out of state and/or out of the country.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
I know someone who planned a destination wedding in the Carribean with the plane tickets, hotel reservations, and reception hall all paid for in advance - and non-refundable. The wedding got called off. Since they had laid out the money anyway, he and his parents and siblings decided to take the trip anyway as a vacation. The ex-fiancée had made almost exactly the same calculation. She was on that flight and stayed at that same hotel. The only difference was that she had brought a substitute groom with her, so she got to use the church and reserved reception hall. It made things a bit uneasy for my friend and his relatives. I doubt it bothered her at all.
B C 1 year ago (edited)
When my partner and I get married, I have no idea how we're going to select a reasonable location. Our friends and family span four countries and three continents. Our respective parents are literally on the otherwise of the world from each other. Even within the US, our loved ones are scattered throughout several states, some of which are hundreds of miles away. No matter what, it's going to be a destination wedding for someone. We'll just have to be understanding if some people can't afford to make it.
Jen Exer 1 year ago
Comedian Ronny Chieng had three weddings in three different countries to solve his similar conundrum.
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John Monteith 1 year ago
Best I had was friends of ours son was getting married. We were in Scotland wedding was in Orlando. I quickly worked out that if they invited enough people they got a free holiday. Everyone noped out
It’s safe to assume that celebrants tend to have odd requests not only for their guests, but the people who help make it all happen, too.
In a recent interview with Bored Panda, the event planning aficionado, David Tutera shared that over the course of his career, he had a fair share of people asking him to execute ideas that are far from typical. Be that as it may, “My philosophy has always been to say YES,” he said, adding that when you say yes, you open a new door that leads to unique moments and opportunities.
“The success that I have received over all the years of creating once in a lifetime events is because I have said yes and I have found ways to make all my clients excited and grateful,” the expert shared.
#4
So I got invited to a birthday party of a woman, a friend at that time. The venue was a 5-star restaurant. I was humbled and loved her for the invite. A few days before the party, she called and insisted on me bringing everyone, including my children and husband to the party. I was hesitant. If I were having a party at such an expensive place, I would not invite spouses and families. I refused. She insisted, and I had to give in. I bought an expensive gift for her, just to appreciate her gesture and efforts. It was a cold November night, an extreme cold weather alert in place I remember. We arrived on time. The servers were running left right and center, keeping up to our demands. The food was good. I tried to limit ordering, assuming it would be a burden on her. She kept assuring me, "It's okay-order what number 1 wants" etc. As the party came to an end, a server showed up with a leather folder and extended it to me. I looked at my husband, he gestured to me to open it. Inside was the bill of our food. A few hundred bucks. I looked at my husband again.
He knew the look on my face.
He quietly motioned me to pay it.
Did I have a choice?
Edit: Just so I am clear, it was you pay for your own food, just that no one knew it was until the servers showed up with bills. I love pay-for-your-own-food hangouts. But when you 'invite' people for birthday parties and then insist on bringing anyone for your own fun, try to make things clear before-hand. Sure I had money and I could pay. What if someone could not afford to pay and was caught off-guard? Because I know some were!
BewilderedBanana 1 year ago
The worst part was the insistence on bringing the rest of the family and to order whatever they wanted. If i'm trying to be careful with spending and the host says "it's ok, bring everyone and order whatever you want" it kind of implies that the host will be paying. Otherwise let me decide who to bring and what to order.
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
THIS! The "order whatever you want!" part is what is said when there is one person paying for the entire meal. No s**t I can order whatever I want if I'm paying for myself, I'll be having the water with no lemon if I'm paying...
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similarly 1 year ago
Doesn't everyone have a few hundred bucks to spend on dinner? (just kidding)
Poison Ivy/Boo 1 year ago
I would have left with the expensive gift that I brought.....but then I am a petty bïtch!
Shark Lady 1 year ago
Is that not standard when you go to a restaurant for a birthday celebration? Every birthday celebration I've been to for friends, everyone pays for their own meal (unless specified otherwise on the invitation) and often the table splits the cost of the birthday person's meal.
YukiChou 1 year ago
No, when i am invited I don't pay, when I invite you, you don't pay. If it's a let's get together for a meal, we split the bill.
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BossyHossy1 1 year ago
I actually had this happen to me. A very fiscally conservative woman from work invited a bunch of coworkers, including me, and told us to bring all of our family with us. The party was at a hard to get reservations seafood restaurant in a private party room. She kept saying that you only turn 40 once and insisted that many drinks/ expensive food was ordered. After she opened her gifts, individual bills came for each group/family and some of us had to cover other people's bills as well as our own. Turned out that birthday girl made a deal with the manager that if her "guests" spent $$$$ then she and her family ate/drank for free. People at work were very slow to forgive her since her free food included 2 magnums of Crital champagne, a seafood tower, a - among other things!!nd a caviar tour of the world
Monica G 1 year ago
Most likely that's what was behind the scene there as well. That would explain the insistence on excessive consumption.
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Steve Hall 1 year ago
I would have told the server who to take the bill to and I would have promptly left.
Mike F 1 year ago
Promptly, meaning blew out a tennis shoe running for the door? 😂
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#5
Ive not seen anything unreasonable on the invite but was in a wedding and was asked not to sit so we dont wrinkle our bridesmaids poofzilla dresses while we wait for brides mom to finally show up. Considering the circumstance it was quite unreasonable. Maaaan! Polyester gold dress with cheap a*s shoes in a room that was africa hot with 1 fan…oh yea bad combo for me. I stood, mom showed an hour late, we walked to the wedding song to the front where the pastor was and IT WAS FULL OF VIDEO LIGHTING! It was hot as the surface of the sun up there. So while the bride, groom and pastor were ramble ramble rambling on I just passed the f*** out. Didnt even try to stop it or grab anything or yell out. I just thought ‘Its hot as f*** and Im sick of all this crap. Feel like Im boutaaa…….BLAP!’ It was sooooooo awesome!!LMAOOO! Want to know the best part? You can rewind and forward over and over and I go up down up down up down..heeee heeee comedy!
Shark Lady 1 year ago
I wonder what the bride thought about OP "stealing" the limelight by passing out! You just know she had some big feelings about it.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
This person sounds like they were on something when they posted this answer. They should share it XD
Giraffy Window 1 year ago
I'd have taken that damn dress off and waited sat in my underwear lol
whineygingercat 1 year ago
I had my MOH, 1 bridesmaid. Let them choose their dress. All I said was, color is black w/white sash. The dresses they got were some gauzy thin chiffon type material. Very cool and comfortable. As for shoes, I wore flats, so I told them, flat strappy sandals.
Seadog 1 year ago
Reminds me of a job I had. Thermostats were remotely monitored and controlled by an outside company. The sensors were placed at the air intake so unreal reading and the thermostats themselves were programmed to read an altered reality. So while it was 85 in the building they insisted it was 71. Even the DM had it out with them. I told him not to worry that as soon as someone passes out due to the temperature, the lawsuit that will soon follow will take care of the problem. We figured out a work-around though, at least until the maintenance jerk discovered what we did. So, within about a year nearly every person quit. Did they learn anything? Nope. It's still hotter than the 7 sons of hell in there in the summer.
However, saying YES to unconventional ideas might not always be the best route to take when it comes to unreasonable or dangerous requests.
“When a client asks for something dangerous or out of line or uncomfortable for the guests, you need to explain how it may affect the energy of the guests, or even make them feel awkward,” Tutera said, adding that they might feel unsteady with what they believe or deem to be too dangerous, scandalous, or simply odd.
#6
I’ve got one. I was invited to a baby shower. The invitation said “no cards, bring a children’s picture book and write a message for the new baby and mother on the inside cover.’ Okay, that’s a little bossy, but I can deal with it. It also said “only use clear wrapping paper for your baby shower gift” and gave a list of places where you could get this clear paper. That seemed odd, but I thought “okay,” and I just did it.
Here’s where it got demanding. I arrived at the baby shower with my required picture book with message inside, and gift wrapped in clear paper. I finally understood why. You see, when a gift is in clear paper, the Mommy-to-be doesn’t have to bother opening it to see what your brought. Okay, that seemed really weird — a baby shower where the Mommy-to-be doesn’t actually open the gifts in front of the guests.
So I sat down with my gift (as I was directed by the lady giving the shower) and then I was handed a “thank you card, envelope, and a pen.’ I couldn’t imagine why. We were all then instructed to put our name and address on the envelope so the Mommy-to-be wouldn’t be burdened by having to address them herself. Okay. Then we were told to open the preprinted thank you card, which had a line for us to fill-in what we had bought as a gift! So it said “Thank you for very much for your gift of ___________________________. Our new little one greatly appreciates you.” Yes, we were being asked to fill out our own thank you cards for gifts the Mommy-to-be was not even going to bother to unwrap or look at during the shower.
I also later found out from one of the other “participants” that by wrapping them in clear paper, it made it much easier to return unwanted, un-needed, or duplicate gifts directly to the store, because it showed the gift had not been opened.
They had a sheet cake, a punch bowl of punch made with frozen mix and ginger ale, and that was it. There was no gift opening or acknowledgement, no baby games, nothing. We all just filled out our thank you cards, put our gifts on or around a table, and then the guests talked with each other, and then we left. I don’t think the Mommy-to-be even said a word to me.
And the last straw? The Mommy-to-be never even bothered to mail those thank you cards she had us address and fill-out.
Seadog 1 year ago
Saddest thing is she'll be raising another self-entitled person. Maybe with a little luck the child will see moms errors and learn from them.
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Little Wonder 1 year ago
The picture books thing I thought was actually a really lovely idea though.. shame about the whole rest of the everything.
XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 1 year ago
Me too. Most people throw away the cards, but a few nice books seemed great...until I read further.
Load More Replies... similarly 1 year ago
Why should the Mommy-to-be- mail the thank you cards? You already saw them! /jk
BlackestDawn 1 year ago
Or more likely the mommy-to-be forgot to tell you to take it with you when you left.
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clairebear 1 year ago
Don't understand baby showers. We don't have them in UK. If anyone wants to welcome the new baby they send stuff after the birth and it is usually only close family and maybe a basket from work colleagues and close friends. There is no party or anything.
XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 1 year ago
They were apparently derived from a tradition started in Egypt or Rome iirc. It became a *thing* in the US, I believe in the post war, baby boom era. It was mums getting together to bring a new mother things for their child, but it used to be things that your children could no longer use, like a pram or cloth diapers, or clothes they'd grown out of. Somewhere along the line it became this big gift grab, similar to what happened with the wedding industry. It's nice to help out new mothers if they need it, but I agree, it's such a weird expectation.
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Deborah B 1 year ago
They asked for messages to be written on the inside cover of the books - they weren't returning them. If they planned on returning it would have been "In case of duplicates, please enclose a gift receipt"
Kathy Dragonfly 1 year ago
the books were instead of cards, they were not the 'main'present
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Giraffy Window 1 year ago (edited)
The book thing was a sweet idea. Op makes it read like everything from the start was over the top, rather than starting at thoughtful (signed book instead of a card that gets tossed? Excellent.) and slowly heading downhill before picking up to breakneck speeds and careening into a tree
#7
I was the one making the request, but it wasn't on the invitation.
Having attended many weddings and other events from my wife's family, I knew there would be certain family members that would show up to ours in just T shirts and jeans. Not acceptable.
So in the weeks leading up to the wedding, I went to have tea with the aunts and cousins from her fily that loved to gossip and spread a rumor that some of my friends from the army that had been in special forces were going to stand at the entrance with paintball guns and shoot anyone who showed up in t-shirts and jeans.
Not surprising, not one showed up in casual clothes and a few people who I had expected to kept asking me where the special forces guys were.
Somebodys grandmother 1 year ago (edited)
🤣🤣. This is good!!!! Special forces- are known to hide...
Seadog 1 year ago
Exactly. If you could see them, they wouldn't be special forces.
Load More Replies... minnieslave0 1 year ago
Well, if you could see them, they wouldn't be very good Special Forces guys.
Kim Kermes 1 year ago
One excuse for jeans and a t shirt: most of our wedding guests were our Army buddies. New guy didn't have his things yet, wasn't going to come. I told him clean jeans and a t-shirt with no writing was just fine, I wasn't inviting clothes.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Yes, gossipy aunts are better (and cheaper) than putting info on the wedding invitation!
Brian Droste 1 year ago
I don't know if I would have acttually done this, but I would show up in jeans and in a T shirt to see what would have happen. To see if there were actually anyone with paint guns. Also I would have brought a suit of clothes to change into.
Petra Schaap 1 year ago
if im ever getting married, people just have to show up dressed how they feel like. Shorts, flipflops, Primark dress, expensive dress, whatever you feel comfortable in, in a reasonable way. No f*****g way do people have to spend money they cant miss on clothes they dont want to wear, on clothes they will only wear once, or on shoes they cant afford.
#8
I was chosen as a bridesmaid for one of my friend. However, the bridesmaid dress that she chose was way too expensive ( I was a student in University and money was tight ). In addition to that I had to pay for the package of skin and hair treatment prior the D-day at the spa that she chose. And on the D-Day itself I also had to pay for the hairstylist and the make up person that she ‘provided’ for us bridesmaids. Those things are seriously expensive! And she didn’t allow us to do the hair and makeup ourselves as she was afraid that we won’t look good in a pictures.
Also, she explicitly said that she expected us bridesmaids to gifted her something from the list of the wedding registry that she had prepared and those stuff were waayyy beyond my means . So nope..sorry girl, not gonna do that. Not ready to sell my kidneys yet. There were also 2 other girls that were unwilling to do that.
Iampenny 1 year ago
I always find it strange that the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, shoes, Make up etc... Where I'm from (Ireland) the bridal pair pay for all that. I feel this is the way it should always be, but that's just my opinion.
Shark Lady 1 year ago
In the UK it's usually expected that the bride pays for the dress, make-up and hair for all the bridesmaids. Each time I've been a bridesmaid the only things I had to pay for was my accommodation and shoes.
Charlotte 1 year ago
Been a bridesmaid in Canada twice; both times had to pay for dress, including alterations that the bride's insisted on. Both said "don't worry, it's a dress you can wear again" (yeah, lavender floor length polyester with spaghetti straps really fits the corporate dress code...!). Both brides "gifted" our makeup but had us pay for hair. And if course we were expected to provide a gift from the registry
Load More Replies... MrsEgonSpengler 1 year ago
WTF? I paid for my BMs dresses, hair and make up. They bought their own shoes because I only asked they be black but aside from that, they could choose the footwear themselves. My uncle paid for the alterations to the 2 younger girls, only because he refused to let me reimburse him (they were his granddaughters and I didn't live near them).
Jaeger (Jaeger) 1 year ago
This brid obviously knows nothing about History... *shudders*
Load More Replies... Tara L. 3 months ago
Ya, when my sister got married I refused to be the maid of honor because she's a narcissistic biiitch & I knew it would be a nightmare. So I was made a regular bridesmaid, I flat refused to pay for the ugly freaking dress because I knew she picked them to make the bridal party look ugly. Imo the bride should pay for all that c**p anyway. Looking back I'm glad I didn't invest anything because I've since disowned her lol
Regina Holt 1 year ago
My wedding was so small, I only had a maid-of-honor, who was my sister. No other bridesmaids, and my sister wore a bridesmaid dress that she had worn to a previous wedding. So no worries about who would pay for her dress. She did my makeup and her own, hair was nothing fancy, just really small inexpensive wedding.
Bec 1 year ago
Me too! Sis was living across the country at the time, I told her to buy a dress in my wedding color that she liked and that was that. My parents helped with a lot of the cost, so hubs family covered the tux rentals for the boys
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Tutera emphasized that the role of the event planner is to bring to life moments that have never been seen, which requires knowing your client well and researching how best to take it to the next level; yet there are times when they simply have to say no.
“Just because a client is asking us professionals to do something, we do not have to execute the idea; if you feel that it will tarnish your name, your career, or insult someone, you should take the high road and pass.
“Do not say you can do it; simply tell them that you will not be able to execute what they are looking for.”
#9
An invitation from a former friend’s granddaughter stated at the bottom, “No gifts valued at less than $100 will be accepted. See registry at ___________. Cash preferred.
How would they know whether it was $98 or $102? Does that $100 include tax, and shipping, if ordered online? At the time, I was not working and had a small fixed income. $100 might as well have been $1000.
I declined the invitation and simply sent the new couple a card wishing them well. I guess that might be why Grandma and I are now former friends.
Mad Dragon 1 year ago
No gifts valued at less than $100 will be accepted? I would have interpreted that as, “No gifts.”
Nina 1 year ago
That's a good one! Imho it's epically tacky to put a message like that on a card.
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Celtic Pirate Queen 1 year ago
I don't understand why the granddaughter of a friend would even ask you to attend, unless you had been a big part of her childhood. That's like my coworker inviting me to her daughter's wedding. I'd met the kid maybe 3 times in the 5 years we worked together, and the coworker & I were just that - we worked together, we weren't friends. Sounds like a "gift grab" to me. And a very tacky one at that.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Yet the granddaughter's gift to the guests - a short yet complete revelation of her character - was priceless.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
A former friends granddaughter is hardly a close relative or friend. Are they inviting anyone they can think of to get more gifts?
Pollymere 1 year ago
We had stuff on our registry ranging from £1-£100. We were just excited to get gifts. You could buy us a dinner plate for £10 with eight on the list - we were touched that my aunt bought all eight of them.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 year ago
we had things from a few pounds, up to things we thought nobody would ever pay for, but you never know (and even got some of them) one thing I thought was really sweet is that some of our neices and nephews chose to get us the things at the lower end of the price range out of their own money. things that were about £3-5 but they were really pleased that we received something specifically from them rather than from the family as a whole, that they'd chosen themselves. there was also this thing on a wedding planning forum I was on where you could post your list, and people on the forum would pick something to send you. obviously it would be a cheap thing, but it makes a nice memory of the people you enjoyed planning and looking forward to it with. I got a pasta measurer. I still think of my time on that forum whenever I use it. it was bought for me by a lady that was getting married at the same unusual venue, and she came to my dress fitting with me, because nobody I knew was available
Load More Replies... TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
You guess?? Grandma should understand if their friend cannot spend that type of money on a fixed income..
#10
We got an invitation to a wedding from one of my friend’s daughter. She actually wrote that she “wanted” cash; $100.00 or more. Nothing else because she has exquisite taste and she could do her own shopping. (Lol. ). Her last statement said that if you could not give her the cash she requested, then stay home. Can you guess how I spent my Saturday? Lol. yeah, I know!
AKA AKA 1 year ago
she certainly does not have taste, sending out invites like that, litrally tastless
Squirrelly Panda 1 year ago
Bad taste is still taste, and hers was exquisitely bad.
Load More Replies... V Noe 1 year ago
I would have sent her a book on etiquette by Marjorie Post.......anonymously.
Kim Kermes 1 year ago
I'd have signed it to her inside the cover so she couldn't return it.
Load More Replies... Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 year ago
tacky, tacky tacky. I know some of our guests didn't get us anything. and guess what. I didn't care then and don't care now. I invited them because I wanted them at the wedding/reception. it's NICE to get presents. we appreciated everything we got, some from the list, some not, but there was not one single person I wished wasn't there for not getting us something. my mum was a carer for the elderly, and one of them sent us a set of freezer tubs for food. it wasn't on the list, it wasn't expensive, but were we grateful? yes, of course. they were useful, and the fact she wanted to give us something when she'd never actually met us, only had my mum talking about us, meant a lot to us. such a kind gesture. wedding gifts are optional, in my view. they're nice to get, but it's not a transaction where invite = present.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
In fact, she gave you a gift in honor of her wedding - the priceless gift of free time.
Brian Droste 1 year ago
I wondering how many more people refused the wedding invitation and stayed home or did other things and that day, afternoon or evening.
Amanda Reinstatler 6 months ago
This trend is becoming more and more common. Its DISGUSTING. Nowadays, couples expect their guests to pay for EVERYTHING and the honeymoon AND crazy expensive gifts or they DEMAND cash, and lots of it. That would be enough for me to decline the invite and whatever friendship. SO trashy and gross
Melia Janssen 1 year ago
In parts of South East Asia where I'm originally from, it's normal to receive cash gifts. It's so that the couple can decide for themselves what exactly they want to do with their gifts especially if they are going to be receiving gifts which they may not have any use for.
Stephanie Trump 1 year ago
It’s more about the way they worded it than the request itself, plus demanding a minimum amount
Load More Replies... #11
My first wedding was ginormous as my parents invited a gazillion people.
I had asked them for two things:
That I should personally know the guests, and
That the guests don’t get wasted and fight.
Both requests were apparently unreasonable and declined by my parents
similarly 1 year ago
That's going on my next invitation: Must be prepared to get wasted and fight.
Melia Janssen 1 year ago
When I got married, I didn't have a say in my guest list. My parents had been attending weddings for 20+ years at that point and they were going to avenge themselves so they invited everybody. In our culture too, the invitees can bring anybody they want so we had people bringing their entire family because my dad was very well liked by his extended family members, not just cousins but his aunts, uncles, second cousins etc. I met people I had only heard of that day, but my parents were delighted that they pulled off a successful event. Well, I'm still married 20+ years later so I guess it's OK but I'm not doing the same for my daughter. I might never have to as she's expressed a disinterest to ever marry so the pressure is off! I love her even more for it!
Alexandra 1 year ago
Your parents invited people? Isn't that the prerogative of the groom and bride? Or did they pay for the wedding and operated on the 'I pay so I have a say' principle?
Auntriarch 1 year ago
Traditionally, the parents of the bride organise and pay for the wedding. Including the guest list. Though in reality the bride and groom would have a say in it. Things have moved on though.
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Pamela Blue 1 year ago
Oh my goodness! I think I would elope if I had to accept my parents doing all the wedding prep without any input from me. That's crazy!
Appalachian Panda 1 year ago
The idea of the parents having that much control over the guest list is totally absurd
Discussing the times he had to—or at least tried to—say no, David Tutera shared that he once had a client who wanted to be lowered down into the ballroom, seeking to make the moment come to life.
“She wanted to be lowered down in her heavy wedding gown,” he recalled. “I said that the only way she could make this happen was if she took weeks if not months of practice.
“She did take on the challenge—I should have known she wouldn’t chicken out—and she did not make the moment come to life.”
#12
Every year my family has a xmas eve buffet at my brothers house since he has a very large home, with exchanging of gifts,my niece had to work xmas eve and said she was working till 7pm she knew her work schedule all week but waited till the last minute 12/24 to tell everyone she had to work, our family party was already planned & everybody was there and it started at 7pm, she demanded that we all wait till she got there ,before we all sat down to eat. We have several elderly family members that needed to eat as their sugar levels were dropping as it was now getting close to 8:30 and my niece didn't even bother call to let us know when she be getting there ! We had kids crying wanting to eat and the elderly that needed to eat, food getting cold, so we all decided to sit down and eat and guess what time princess arrived ? 9:45 ! She got off work at 8:00 and then went to her boyfriends house and spent time there , then she went home to get a shower and out of her work clothes and then came over to my brothers house and had the nerve to be mad and screaming at everybody,because we all had eaten and we were starting opening gifts without her ! Who in the hell did she think she was ? She never called to let us know, when she would be getting there,she was inconsiderate and downright rude ,no respect for anybody else or thinking about anybody else .
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
No wonder the niece is psychotic if people actually entertained the idea instead of just saying no outright. You wait until everyone in the house is seated to eat, not everyone in the family!
Debby Keir 1 year ago
Huh - went to my father and stepmother's for Xmas - myself, hubby and 2 young children (6+4). She put the turkey in at 8am and said it was 'self basting' so no one was to open the oven. Went to the pub for drinks at lunchtime - kids by this time being whingy and hungry, but told no, we had to wait till evening and have big appetites. I couldn't smell anything cooking, so checked the oven at 6pm - she hadn't switched the bl**dy thing on. We had defrosted sausages in frozen buns instead. Refused to ever go back for Christmas again.
Celtic Pirate Queen 1 year ago
I would have had dinner at 7:00pm, as previously discussed. Entitled little b*tches can pick over the remains.
Tara L. 1 year ago (edited)
Narcissist, my sister used to do this c**p & everyone would wait for her because she'd scream at everyone if we didn't. Well one holiday I & my cousins had had enough. The invites said "dinner at 5" so we started serving ourselves at 5. After some back & forth with the others about why one spoiled brat gets to dictate when we eat, everyone decided to just eat. When she showed up & started screaming at us my grandfather told her "shut up, you were told to be here at 5, it's now 7. You're a selfish brat & I'm tired of not being allowed to call you out. No one is ever going to wait for you again, you're not the queen of sheba." Omg the outrage! Grandpa passed a few years ago but my cousins & I still talk about how awesome he was lol. We've since gone NC on my ex-sister.
Tara L. 7 months ago
My sister used to do that, she's a narcissist & thought everyone should just wait on her. Our family doesn't cater to stuck up people though. There was a lot of meltdowns on her end because we never waited & started dinner on time, everytime. Eventually we stopped inviting her then went NC on her lol. I don't have time to kiss her a.ss
#13
There’s a slight chance that this is an exaggeration but my cousin is not one to tell tall tales.
He and his wife are both high-school teachers and they were invited to the wedding of a fellow teacher. The wedding ceremony and reception all took place at the same venue - outdoor ceremony and covered pavilion for the reception. The wedding invitation had declared that the reception would be alcohol-free and vegan, being “animal cruelty free”, but without providing serious details. Not a problem - but a bit of a surprise as their fellow teacher was not known for outspoken or strong beliefs. Well, upon entry, ushers were turning away guests who were not in compliance with this protocol.
What does that mean? Well, basically, people wearing leather shoes or belts, or carrying leather purses or wearing animal products (silk maybe, feathers?) were turned away by these ushers. A few women were able to ditch their purses in their cars, but not everyone was so lucky. My cousin had to show that he wasn’t wearing a leather belt, and his wife declared her shoes to be “imitation leather” even though they may have been real.
Several of their co-workers went home after being turned away because, well, not everyone brings a second pair of shoes with them for an outdoor, summer wedding. (What I mean is that most of the women wore sandals or wedges rather than stilettos because they don’t work well for walking outdoors on grass.)
So my cousin explained that this “WTF” moment was sprung on all the guests. The bride decided, last minute, that she had to do something to make her wedding “responsible”. She was a vegetarian (but not a vegan), and got this idea off the internet. But it’s shocking that ushers were literally “frisking” people. I don’t know if they checked pockets or purse contents for leather wallets or keychains, but this was beyond the pale.
I have heard of weddings being “dry” - alcohol free - and that certain untrustworthy individuals were checked for bringing in hip flasks, but that’s usually reserved for the alcoholic deadbeat brother-in-law specifically, and not the general public. For a wedding which invited people on the periphery of friendship, this was a bad idea and certainly didn’t endear the happy couple to any but their most hardcore, militant vegan friends.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
This is absolutely perforative. Cutting down on consumption and waste of the wedding is an environmentally conscious thing to do. Turning away people for the possessions they already have is in no way environmental or animal rights action. It’s just for show. I wonder how many of those people who left stopped at a fast food restaurant and got a burger or had a steak, since they weren’t fed that delicious vegan/vegetarian dinner. I bet you I can almost guarantee that there was more consumption of animal and animal products and more unnecessary environmental waste because of how they approached their wedding than had they simply had a nice ceremony with vegetarian and/or vegan food options.
Seadog 1 year ago
And to force their vegan lifestyle on others is a bad start anyway. The best way to turn someone against you and your cause is to force your cause on them.
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Deborah B 1 year ago
Extreme preformative vegan BS....from a bride who isn't even vegan. What were the groom's shoes made of?
Papa 1 year ago
Probably plastic, because that's great for the environment.
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Toothless Feline 1 year ago
I really hate the way vegans like to treat imitation or “vegan” leather as better than real leather. Most vegan leather is PLASTIC, made from petrochemicals, and much worse for the environment and the animals than the modern leather industry, which nowadays has cast away most of the unethical practices (there will always be bad apples, but they’re a small minority now) and provides sustainable leather that’s mostly ethically sourced. And good leather lasts much longer than imitation, meaning less of it goes into landfills—and when it does go into the landfill, it will actually decompose, unlike the plastic. It’s the animal welfare/environmental equivalent of penny wise, pound foolish.
Jessie 1 year ago
This! I wear all my shoes daily, I have fake-leather sneakers (where I live you can’t get real leather ones, don’t even know if they exist) and they always break after one or two years. I also have a pair of leather boots and even though I’ve worn them every single day for the past 7 years they still look like I bought them yesterday when I clean them.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
This wedding was indeed, in the bride's words, responsible. It was responsible for letting everyone know what an abrasive a*****e she was.
Kay Christensen 1 year ago
I can't believe they didn't require attendees to arrive in horsedrawn carriages instead of fossil fuel burning horseless carriages.
Jessie 1 year ago
I’m not sure using animals to do a job is allowed if you have a vegan lifestyle
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Jaeger (Jaeger) 1 year ago
Some a*****e and his wife had a wedding here at the local park. Left trash everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE a whole roasted pig was left, bottles or beer everywhere the bottle caps everywhere. Plates, cans, bottles, tissue, of the list goes on. It was horrible and i felt so bad for the local ranger. Because he an only him had to pick up every little bit, and the kicker is! Even though it was posted on the local face book group, it was token down and anybody who spoke of it was blocked and banne by the so called "Moderators" who work for the same company who provides the only health care services in this town, and the hospital + staff have Been known do to some impecibley shady c**p...
#14
“We will be having only our traditional foods, which everyone will be expected to share. Please set aside your usual dietary restrictions to come together as a family. No outside/unapproved food will be permitted.”
I'm f**king serious. I get that food becomes really complicated in a family with allergies, celiac, vegans, diabetics, and people on keto and WW, as well as religious restrictions, but your longing for a simplified table doesn't mean you get to make bulls**t demands.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
and nearby restrooms, for the folks that will need them.
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clairebear 1 year ago
I am ok with the we'll not be catering for special diets. It can be expensive to keep adding dishes, but to stop them bringing their own? no. that's too much.
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
Yup. I totally understand not being able to cater to every need, but people should be allowed to bring in their own snacks.
Load More Replies... YukiChou 1 year ago
Oh sure, I will set my dietary demands aside if you can prove beforehand that my letal food allergy will stop existing on you wedding day. I can tell you that anyone dying on your wedding day makes for good memories.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
Well Mr Auntriarch wouldn't die, but if he had to eat seafood he would certainly smell like something had died, and nobody would want him within a 500m radius.
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Kathleen Hansford 1 year ago
"Set aside your usual dietary restrictions..." How exactly? Tell my allergies they've got the day off?
Lisa Shaw 1 year ago
I simply wouldn't go, I have life threatening food allergies that reared their ugly head at my own wedding. Apparently the caters took the list of allergies provided over a year before hand and decided they were dislikes and only suggestions. Left my own reception in an ambulance due to going into anaphylaxis after dinner. The caters defense was that some of the food was cooked in what I'm allergic to and it wasn't in the food, so it shouldn't have mattered. It mattered!
Sam Kenway 1 year ago
If your traditional foods include capsicums, then I will happily eat them and then make sure I'm right next to the bride when my allergy hits and I start vomiting.
Guy-Incognito 1 year ago
I hate when people conflate genuine food allergies with stupid fad diets someone read on the internet or some deranged celebrity is pimping in a trashy magazine. They are not the same.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"In keeping with our Love Among the Stars theme, only deep space atmosphere will be present to breathe at the reception. Please put aside your usual need for oxygen."
Another time the event planning professional remembers showing warning signs was when the father of a bride wanted to sing a song to his daughter, but did not want to practice; nor was he willing to pay for a second generator for power.
“I begged him to get the second generator,” David shared. “When it was time for him to sing, he stepped on the stage, and let’s just say he was beyond awful. You can’t say I did not try to have him not step onto the stage.”
#15
My wife was asked to be a bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding. Then my sister proceeded to tell those in her wedding party that the wedding is on Eleuthera Island in the Bahamas, and the stay will be 3 days. There was no prior notice of this because she wanted it to be “a surprise”. All six girls declined - the costs would be over $3000 for each of them. To this day, sis still doesn't get why it was considered unreasonable.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Ask sis to fork up the $18,000 herself, and maybe things will be clearer to her.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
If she still doesn't get it, you need to tighten the screw that is loose.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
If it was all on her, then it might have been a nice surprise. Here it was just "Put up more than a a montly wage to have the privilege of being my servants for a day".
Meagan Glaser 1 year ago
Reminds me of my friends mom. She's still mad at me for turning down the chance to be a bridesmaid...at a destination wedding. In Disney. She legit came from a world where EVERYONE went to disney once a year anyway, so it was no big deal to do it at the time of the wedding. Never understood that no, "yearly trip to disney" is not in my budget and is not some trivial little thing to throw in there!
#16
“Lunch Party Tomorrow at 12”.
I received a work email for the following day from one of our team members. No reason was specified in the email, just the time and place to be. Usually, such lunch or dinner invitations are Project’s achievement related. I guessed this too was something similar.
Our entire team arrives, thirty people in total. It was a buffet lunch at Barbeque Nation.
After dessert, the boss of my boss excused himself to leave early for some urgent work. Before leaving he glanced at me, smiled and said “Thank You! “
I was confused but smiled back out of courtesy.
Another team member probably sensed my confusion. She said in a humorous way, whether I was aware that I am sponsoring their lunch. My jaw dropped!
Turns out people who got promoted are treating all the team members. A total of six people, out of which four are considerably senior and so is their hike!
The whole thing was their idea and I ended up becoming a clueless contributor. Who neither got to have a say nor had any knowledge about being one of the hosts!
Mike F 1 year ago
Yup. I'm so incredibly sorry, I didn't bring my CC. We'll have to expense this one. Bon apetit!
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Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago
"Oooops, sorry, I only have cash to cover my own plate." As for losing the promotion, never mind since I'd belooking for another job ASAP.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Working some place else would be the promotion.
Load More Replies... Verena 1 year ago (edited)
So OP got promoted? If the team consist of only 6 people, why are there 30 people, then? What is a "hike" other than a walk in nature?
PFD 1 year ago
It's extremely confusingly worded but I think 30 people attending; the meal was being paid for by the 6 people who had just been promoted, one of whom was the OP. A hike can mean an increase, in this context the pay rise coming with the promotion. OP is saying that of the 6 people who had been promoted (and who were thus paying for everyone else), some had received much larger pay increases than the OP.
Load More Replies... #17
This was the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen. I was not involved in the wedding, but you certainly couldn’t miss it.
Back around 1979, the daughter of a prominent local couple was getting married. They owned a big hotel, so were well off and built a new house in a very prominent place in town. The daughter got married.
However, after the wedding there was a huge article in the local paper about the wedding. This was not the custom, so I’m not sure if they paid to have the article put in there or what the deal was.
It described in great detail everything about the wedding including how much every thing cost. For example, “the brides mother Mary, wore a beautiful gown, costing $3,000.” It went on to list how much everything cost. I couldn’t believe it.
Then it went on to say how each guest was required to bring a money gift of at least $500. Which today would probably be about $1,500. I don’t know why anyone would attend a wedding like that.
It was the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen.
Stephanie Trump 1 year ago
Dude, I would have trouble paying a $500 gift today, imagine in 1979
Amanda Reinstatler 6 months ago
The older I get, the more I realize that if someone is trying that hard to convince people of something - it is NOT TRUE. For example, dudes claiming to be "alphas" and those idiots who brag about their IQ score 😆😆😆
Fanstacia D 1 year ago
1979… the parents hosting the wedding were probably a throwback to society days. Op’eds like that were very common for wealthy families, especially during the depression era, where a wedding society article would give “the poors” something to live vicariously.
D. Tutera revealed that sometimes he has to say no to his clients not only because what they are asking for is not safe, but because it might be harmful to himself, too. “When clients ask for ridiculous things, I sometimes say no because it comes back to me as the planner and the designer, and [the event] must represent who we are as a company.
“Everyone always remembers the last work we did,” the expert emphasized, adding that it’s important to make choices that will ensure that you stand out for all the right reasons.
#18
A good friend was dating a woman for some years, they moved in together, and got engaged. I was invited to the wedding. I regretfully declined.
The wedding was a 3 day event in the middle of nowhere Napa valley basically camping out. No amenities beyond a few communal cabins with cots. No showers. Very basic toilette facilities. Cooking on portable butane stoves…with food you brought yourself.
No thanks buddy.
Auntriarch 1 year ago (edited)
Could be fun. "Grand" weddings are generally a yawn and a numb bum
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Dav Carro-Ripalda 1 year ago
Sounds different. Like a hippies or gypsies wedding. I would not mind. Like a end of the world campsite...
#19
Think planes, trains, and automobiles. And boats.
The couple lived in a major American city but decided to have their wedding on a hard-to-get-to Caribbean island. The guests had to fly 4+ hours to one Caribbean island, then take a bus, then a boat to the destination island because that island was too small to have an airstrip. We left our house around 6am and didn’t arrive at the final destination until about 12 hours later.
We had to pay for our own cabs to the hotel — I mean, every single person was coming from the US and onto the same boat dock on the island, so why didn’t they at least have a shuttle to take us to the hotel? (Same when we went home a couple of days later — we had to pay for all transportation.)
Of course, we had to pay for our hotel rooms. And most meals. This was peak travel season, by the way, so prices were very jacked up.
It was sad that so many family members couldn’t make the wedding. It was right before Christmas, so (1) kids were in school, and parents didn’t want to pull them out for a destination wedding, (2) families couldn’t afford to spend so much right before a holiday, (3) the old people who did attend were highly uncomfortable with all the traveling — seasickness was just one issue, (4) it was like a mandatory vacation for the guests. I would never have chosen to vacation at that spot because it was highly inconvenient and extremely expensive.
I’ve had the misfortune to be invited to other destination weddings, but this one took the cake. It was as though they chose the most expensive and least accessible option they could think of. Very unreasonable to ask your guests to travel so far and spend so much, just so the couple could be “different.” Thus far, the difference between this and every other wedding I’ve attended is that I still get mad when I think about this one.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 year ago
I don't understand anyone who who acquiesce to these sorts of demands. If I were invited to a wedding like this, I don't care who you are, it would be a straight up no from me.
similarly 1 year ago
I don't get why they stayed in hotels? If the wedding is in the Caribbean, why didn't they just stay in their vacation house?
Sam Kenway 1 year ago (edited)
I'm sorry, are you pretending to assume everyone automatically has their own vacation house in the Caribbean, or is there some kind of language mix-up here?
Load More Replies... ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
The opposite of how I did it, making it a burden & obligation rather than a group event.
#20
“This is my wedding going on, shut up everyone! Be serious!”
I had a distant aunt who was known for her eccentricities. Hindu weddings can have up to 4–5 hours of constant rituals on stage as the guests watch on or talk amongst themselves.
This was one of those routine weddings where children and parents meandered around the wedding hall meeting relatives while the couple performed ancient rituals in front of a fire. It is not meant to be a movie that everyone watches. There is nothing entertaining about it except the beginning and ending where the guests participate by showering rice on the couple.
Anyway, in the middle of the 3rd hour on a very hot Bombay afternoon, we heard the chanting stop and all the murmurs in the hall died down as the bride suddenly stood up and made her way to the microphone.
“This is my wedding going on, shut up everyone! Be serious!”
I can completely understand that the guests need to respect the occasion, however, the crowd wasn’t even all that loud. In fact, most of the kids were playing in the garden, the adults were eating, and the only people even having soft conversations were the seniors.
It was very awkward and her parents got extremely embarrassed. Her husband didn’t react but….now….15 years later…they are divorced and he got the kids.
Stardust she/her 1 year ago
I’ve attended so many weddings as a hindu and nobody besides the pandit, bride and groom focus on the wedding rituals. My family usually just sits at the end of the hall and chat with our other relatives
Ordhaj 1 year ago
I've only been to one Hindu wedding (as a non-Hindu), but that was my experience as well. The groom's brother even dragged me out halfway through to go get a snack from the buffet.
Load More Replies... #21
A bit of a background here. I have PTSD and I have anxiety and panic attacks. I am actually disabled due to them. I have ended up in the ER with them several times. I do not deal well with crowds. I do NOT do parties. There is to much noise and to many people. Holidays, including birthdays, in my family are done in a quiet fashion not a lot of people beyond immediate family. I drop in and say hi and leave as soon as my chest tightens. ALL of my family knows this about me. On to the unreasonable request.
My first grandchild was having his first birthday. LOTS of my son and DIL’s friends and her family were invited. Im talking 40 strangers to me. He and his parents live a four hour drive from me. When I received my invitation to the party I declined citing my PTSD. I said I would be very happy to come a day before or after at their connivance. I would be happy to bring the cake and ice cream and a pizza or what ever. I didn't want to put them out for a special day on their dime. My daughter in law threw a tantrum of epic proportions wondering why I couldn't just suck it up for one day, wasn't he special or important enough? I tried to explain No I couldnt just suck it up. I would be driving four hours one way to be there. I would be there a maximum of MAYBE 30 minutes and have to go. Then a four hour drive with a tight chest as the best case scenario. Staying at a hotel isnt an option as I mentioned I am disabled so not a ton of spare cash. She was so nasty to me I actually DID end up in the ER with a panic attack. I havent seen or heard from them for two years now.
So the unreasonable request was that I put out the money to drive an 8 hour round trip to go to a birthday party I could attend for 30 minutes max. One that would land me in the ER.
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
8 hours of driving for a 1 year olds birthday? Even without me having PTSD that's too far for something the baby won't remember.
Squirrelly Panda 1 year ago
8 hours of driving is too far for any single day event. I could see driving in for the event and spending the night locally before heading home, but OP said she couldn't afford that.
Load More Replies... Papa 1 year ago
"I would be very happy to come a day before or after at their connivance." I assume OP meant at their convenience, but maybe not.
Winter 1 year ago
For the birthday of a one year old child??!! Who wouldn't know anyone, who would likely scream and cry at being surrounded (mobbed) by a whole lot of strangers, and who would be asleep for the rest of the time? You're KIDDING me! That "mother" (and I use the term lightly!) is a monster, and no fit mother at all! It's just a very poor excuse for a party, really....
Celtic Pirate Queen 1 year ago
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Your daughter in law sounds like a self centered b*tch. (Who remembers their 1st birthday? WHO?)
Hakitosama 1 year ago
I have an aunt who lived far away from my grandparents. When my cousin turned 3, they had a big party. Due to distance and health issues with my Granny (back problems that would have made the journey pure agony), my grandparents couldn't attend. Granny was crestfallen. You know what my aunt did ? She plotted with my Grampa and a few days after the party, SHE brought my cousin to celebrate with Granny.
Carla Phillips 1 year ago
What a sad situation for the OP. Trying to explain ptsd and anxiety is bad enough, but you would think her child would know how severe it was. I'm sure it wasn't the highlight of her day to have to decline an invitation to her grandchild's first birthday, but then to have someone throw a fit when OP offered a perfectly reasonable alternative is heart breaking
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Well, the best part of this story is the fact that you haven't heard from them for two years.
#22
This answer is really going to date me, but so be it. I received an invitation in which the bride and groom asked for money only. They wanted to take s 3 month tour overseas and wanted the guests to pay for it. It was suggested that you give $100 per person if a friend, $250 per person if a bridal party member and $500 if you were family. I was told they expected it whether you attended or not. I just thought it was rudely presented as a demand not a request. They expected us to give them $500 because our 3 children were invited. I haven’t even had a tour of Europe!
Michael Largey 1 year ago
I would only consider funding their tour if they promised not to return.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 year ago
nope. it'a one thing to say "rather than physical gifts, we are saving for XYZ and would really appreciate contributions towards that" it's another to say "so give us this amounbt or more"
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Sounds like the number count of folks just being invited was budgeted into the cost of the wedding.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
They can wish for and ask, and explain that they would appreciate monetary gifts, as they want to take a Honeymoon tour. So far, it's fine. But when they DECIDE how much their guests should give, then it's way over the top.
#23
Had to be that time I was roped into a Bachelorette party where the bride (who was in the group chat with about 30 of her other ‘friends’) clearly stated she desired:
To go bar hopping,
In a pimped our bus, fully stocked with alcohol,
Then to go back to a hotel room with ‘all the girls’
Have dinner and more drinks, with dessert of phallic-themed cake,
Enjoying a performance by a male stripper,
Thence to open all her gifts.
She also wanted to do it all the Saturday before her wedding, fair enough; however it just so happened to be my birthday.
I quietly observed all the messages coming in. Lots of excitement over decor, bar options, games etc. None of those options were what I’d call fun.
A few days after came the costing from the maid of honour. No big deal, each guest would contribute the equivalent of US$150, plus a personalized t-shirt, in addition to bringing the bride a gift (lingerie, size small, purple is he favourite colour) and either a bottle of booze, or an appetizer.
I exited the group chat right after. I didn’t know the bride very well, we were acquaintances at best. I wasn’t even invited to her wedding, and she hadn’t reached out to confirm if I wanted to be a part of her bachelorette.
It was quite clear to me I was invited to make up numbers to lesson the cost of this extravagant event per person. The wedding itself had fewer that 100 invited guests, so I’m sure many others in the group were similarly roped in.
I politely declined to her via DM using my birthday clash as the excuse. She never replied and we haven’t spoken since.
Sue User 1 year ago (edited)
Inviting people to bachorlette who are not invited to wedding ? Wow
WonderWoman 1 year ago
Expecting gifts at a bachorlette - another level of tacky
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Lene 1 year ago
Enjoying the performance of a male stripper? Have I been doing it all wrong in the past??? I have never "enjoyed" the performance of a male stripper. I have more.... laughed at it at first and then just hoped it'd be over soon so I could continue whatever I was doing before the show. I don't know... male strippers have just never been very interesting to me. Or I have only watched the awful ones? I dunno....
Sam Kenway 1 year ago
I always enjoy them right up until the moment--which is usually far too soon--when they pull off the pants so they're just in their banana hammock, and start with the really rude gyrations that are always exactly the same. I always find it a lot sexier when they're fully dressed to half-dressed, and wish that part would last longer.
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Celtic Pirate Queen 1 year ago (edited)
So, a close, personal friend? Yeah - the "acquaintance" invite is the worst. You're not close enough to be in the wedding party, but I'd still like you to come to my booze soaked bachelorette party - where you will be expected to contribute a minimum of $500. Thank God I'm a mouthy b*tch.
René Sauer 1 year ago
meanwhile in Germany the bride and groom would walk around the train station, city center or other high traffic areas (separately, with their own groups) trying to sell small knickknacks from a hand cart or a Bauchladen (a kind of box carried in front of your stomach, with a strap around your neck).
#24
We were invited to attend, and made plans to be at the wedding, which was across the country. We’d talked to the groom several times, and told him we were making a family trip of it. It was planned out to attend 3–4 months in advance. Less than a month prior, the groom told us we couldn’t bring our kid, and that the recommended hotel for attending didn’t have any services to watch our child. We’d booked tickets, bought clothes, and made arrangements to be there. They recommended that maybe we could leave the child, unattended (who was 2 at the time), in the room for the ceremony, and then I should stay with the child while my husband attended the reception. We didn’t go to the wedding, or take that trip. If the invitation had noted that no children were to attend, it would have been acceptable but that was not the case.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"leave the child, unattended (who was 2 at the time), in the room for the ceremony". Let's hope that this groom never becomes a parent.
Seadog 1 year ago
Another example of why bearing children should require a license. A license that requires passing at least one test.
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Brian Droste 1 year ago
Not sure what city or what way you was traveling or if there was anything to do in that city but should have gone but not to the wedding and made a vacation out of it since plans were already made and everything was booked.
Kimberly Herbert 1 year ago
Was the child's name on the invite? If not they were never invited and the parents should have planned accordingly. They should have declined or made other arrangements for child care. The suggestion to leave the child unattended was wrong and that couple should never become parents. ESH
Sam Kenway 1 year ago
Yes, that's what I was wondering. The invitation doesn't need to say "no children" because unless the invitation has their names on it, then they're not invited to begin with. If the invitation didn't have their names on it and the parents didn't realize that meant they weren't invited, they should have asked. The bride/groom should have offered to help them make childcare arrangements if possible. The suggestion to leave the toddler alone in the hotel, while ridiculous, was (IMO) just the basic ignorance of the childless; I don't think it's necessarily a sign that the wedding couple will be bad parents. Honestly, it kind of sounds to me like OP got the invite, assumed the children were invited when they weren't, and RSVPd for 3 instead of 2, so the groom had to explain to them that the child wasn't invited. Personally, just becuz someone says they're "making a family trip out of" my wedding, I wouldn't assume that meant they planned to bring the uninvited kid to the wedding itself.
Load More Replies... #25
This happened back in the mid to late 90s: we were having our then usual Christmas eve family get-together, but at our house (we usually didn’t host). It was to be for four adults and two babies. Then my aunt, who lived out of state, and was suffering from PTSD told us she would be with us. She gave us a week’s notice or so, and that was all fine, and I was happy to know she’d be with family at Christmastime.
My husband had decided to cook a special roast, a certain kind his grandmother used to cook. It was to be cut so that each person had a portion, and my husband had bought the roast based on the exact number of people, which was to be the five adults. Then, just a few hours before everyone was to arrive, my aunt’s daughter (my first cousin) announced that she would be coming, along with her spouse. And she would be spending the night at our house. I called around and all grocery stores were closed. We didn’t have enough to serve everyone, AND my husband had to “hack up” the roast in a manner that wasn’t the lovely way he had planned to cut it, for perfect portions.
I was prepared to tell my cousin I’m sorry, but we can’t accommodate you for dinner, but you’re welcome to come afterward and stay on our sleeper sofa. But my dad would not have that! And I didn’t want a fight at Christmas. So my husband and I ate less than planned, and no one but my husband and I knew how the roast portions were supposed to look anyway. So it all turned out ok—for everyone except me and my husband.
I know others will have answers about way more unreasonable situations. But this one really bothered me a lot. I don’t know how some people can be so inconsiderate and imposing, by showing up last minute as a dinner and house guest, especially on a holiday. And I know my cousin well enough to doubt that she would tolerate such behavior if I did it to her.
Shark Lady 1 year ago
There are too many people who demand standards of behaviour that they do not meet themselves. It's the height of bad manners to invite yourself to a celebration, but even worse when it is at such short notice.
GPawesomeness 1 year ago
What is sad is how often this such obvious bad behavior is tolerated. Not on my watch.
Load More Replies... Meagan Glaser 1 year ago
People who are preparing a meal according to the traditional way OP described, where the entire roast is meant to be artfully and equaly shared. Like in the post.
Load More Replies... Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 year ago
Too many of these people are just push overs. If someone told me, last minute, that they would be not just visiting but staying over, I'd say "No you're not".
AK to LV 1 year ago
My dad did that to my aunt. Thanksgiving was at my grandmother's with my dad cooking. My aunt called up to say she was bringing 7 PEOPLE. My Dad told her no. She tried to go around him and talk to my grandmother but he did let her. My aunt called a cousin crying because she had promised these people that it wouldn't be a problem. That cousin is known to be a light touch!!
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Mairy Kokkinatou 1 year ago
Maybe it's a cultural thing but on Christmas or Easter friends and family visit, have a glass of wine with some meze and we definitely make extra portions of everything. I mean being a good host is having extra food for your guests. I would feel embarrassed if someone left my home hungry and definitely not everyone has the same opinion of what a filling portion is. Plus you can always eat the leftovers the next day or even store them in the freezer.
Mystery Kitteh 1 year ago
At least you didn't waste hundreds of dollars because of no shows. Had an Christmas party planned for 12 people (family plus boyfriends). Dinner was a large turkey with all the fixings, a large prime rib, a chicken and sea bass (plus desserts). An hour before, 2 nieces decide to celebrate with their boyfriends family. My aunt, uncle and 2 cousins decided to go to their eldest sons/brother's Christmas party . My husband, mom, sister and I ended up sharing a quiet and "Full"filling Christmas. We are still eating the leftovers (haha jk). ** The eldest cousin was supposed to travel away for Christmas and changed their mind. They are quite rich and ordered a catered Christmas dinner as a surprise, knowing full well I had already planned, bought and cooked everything. Not my favorite part of the family
#26
The request (actually demand fits it better) wasn’t regarding the wedding per se, it was what was written in the pre-nup by the groom (paraphrasing): In the event of divorce, the disposition of any children shall be decided by the King of Spain. Both the bride and groom were citizens of the USA. At the time of the wedding, the groom was a Captain in the US Army. The bride was a second-generation American, and the groom and his parents had escaped from Cuba when he was about nine, and it was where all three were born. The groom’s parents were lovely, kind and generous people; they didn’t have a snobbish bone in their bodies. How they got that self-centered, bastard with his fixation about being descended from Spanish nobility (he was, but you’re talking 12th Century relations, not 18th Century). Thankfully, the bride made the groom remove that paragraph from the pre-nup. If only she’d removed the groom instead, she wouldn’t have had to experience twelve years of heartache and emotional abuse from him.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
On the other hand, all pre-nups should contain a provision forbidding "Lady of Spain" from being played at the reception - especially on the accordian.
Stephanie Trump 1 year ago
Totally should have kept that in prenup. I’m picturing the King of Spain being like, “What the heck? Who are these people?”
#27
A few years ago I received a very pretty invite to an acquaintance’s wedding. It arrived in a white box with pink border, opened to the invite tied together with a big pink ribbon bow and included the RSVP card, picture of bride and groom and other extra items. It weighed a veritable ton.
A few weeks before the wedding, another friend of mine called. She is much closer to the bride than I am so I mentioned seeing her at the wedding. She laughed and said the invites were the oddest thing she had ever seen. I thought she meant all the pomp and prissiness of them. Found out she received a different invite than I did.
Hers was a standard Shutterfly type of invite in a plain envelope. Her invite looked a bit like this.
Yep, she received a gift request, not an invite. never did find out why I received an invite and the closer acquaintance to the bride did not. I did not attend the wedding or send a gift. Neither did my friend.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
How much you wanna bet the wedding party assumed the acquaintance had more disposable income and/or was a more generous gift-giver than the person closer?
Pursuing Peonies 1 year ago
I was getting the vibe the other way around, but yes, definitely assuming someone has far more money than the other for unknown reasons.
Load More Replies... Sam Kenway 1 year ago
So she received a wedding announcement, sent prematurely, with a tacky gift demand. Nothing wrong with wedding announcements, but they're sent after the wedding, and certainly are not supposed to request anything of the receiver at all--not even "best wishes and hopes," much less actual gifts.
GPawesomeness 1 year ago
You would think that before you get to the stage of being invited to these BS events you would know the parties involved enough to know what kind of BS they are going to sling. It is laughable and very much avoidable, I don't care who is involved.
#28
Wow! It's difficult to choose, there were so many awful ones - selfish, entitled, greedy and so on. A few examples: The bride who enclosed a “dress code” with her invitations. Not just something simple, like “black tie” but a laundry list of what is and is not acceptable, including a suggested amount to spend on your outfit for her big day The couples (yes, multiple) who asked their guests to pay for their wedding costs, their wedding food and beverages, their honeymoon, a house down payment and even……wait for it……..to help pay off their student loans. Sorry, folks, it is ALWAYS tacky to ask for money. Some guests will probably give some but for heaven's sake, don't ask! The couple who used their invitations to announce the bride's pregnancy AND let the guests know they would be combining the wedding with a baby shower; thereby letting guests know to bring a gift for each. You can't make this stuff up!! The couples who thought it would be neat to have their wedding on Thanksgiving and Christmas; thereby robbing their guests, vendors and staff of being with their families on the holiday. The couple who selected a venue nearly 5 hours from ANYTHING, including hotels; thereby requiring all the guests to spend nearly 10 hours driving back and forth. Needless to say, and much to their surprise, they had a very low turnout. Even some close family members declined that drive. This is just a sampling. I realize it's your Big Day but you are also the host. You are also responsible for ensuring your guests have a pleasant time. One last thing, it is NOT wrong, insulting or selfish for couples to indicate their wedding is “adults only” or “no kids allowed.” That choice IS appropriately determined by the bride and groom. If this is the case, DO NOT bring your children. If you dislike adult fun or cannot manage a sitter, stay home. That may soubd harsh but for some reason, a good number of people today think the rules don't apply to them. Others may live your children but have the absolute right to determine the atmosphere they wish to create for their special day. Get over it. You're not that special!!
Celtic Pirate Queen 1 year ago (edited)
I've posted this story a few times - We had a "child free" wedding. A good friend asked if she could bring her kids (3 boys under the age of 10). I said no, but had a funny feeling ... Day of the wedding we posted a groomsman near the church door. Sure enough, here comes little Miss Entitled with her feral monkeys in tow. He told her she wasn't allowed to bring the kids. She tried to tell him that I had made an exception for her. He was like, "No ma'am, she didn't. You're the reason I'm standing here". I literally returned her gift and ended our friendship over it. I don't need people with no respect for my boundaries in my life.
Hakitosama 1 year ago
For the money....there is this and there is the way it's put. I attended a wedding where we were asked to bring money, in sealed neutral unmarked envelope so no one would feel pressured to give this or this amount. The couple had come a long way, lost their business to covid, had to drag themselves out of the ditch by the skin of their nails and wanted to buy a little house to raise their baby daughter. A cent, a euro, anything would go to that purpose. N.B. we're in Europe, the scale of cost for wedding are not in the same universe compared to the U.S. and theirs was a simple affair: a ceremony at the townhall followed by a meal. No dj. No extravagances. Just closed friends and family to celebrate two wonderful persons getting a little happiness after a long long road in the darkness
Claudia Stieble 1 year ago
I see nothing wrong with asking for money as a wedding gift. Here in Germany couples who marry usually already live together for several years before they tie the knot so they have already everything they need for their home. The invite reads "Since we have no need for household items, we like to ask you to gift us some money instead." It is up to the guests how much they put in their envelopes. Rule of thumb is 50 Euros/person for friends and acquaintances, 100 Euros/person for close friends and family, but all of this is not mandatory. If you only gift 50 because you don't have that much disposable income that is fine, even 10 or 20 would be okay, because the thought counts. Since German weddings are all paid by the couple it is considered rude not to bring nothing
Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 year ago
I've never looked at what someone is wearing and even contemplated what it cost. I have no issue with requesting money instead of physical presents, as long as they have something in mind (for friends it was restoring an old VW campervan) like the honeymoon, or a house deposit. definitely not for covering wedding costs or student loans. that's a nope. and it's DEFINITELY a nope if they specify a minimum amount.
Uncle Schmickle 1 year ago
If a couple INVITE people to their " big day ", they should pay for them That's what an invitation IS.
Gregg Bender 1 year ago
Maybe I'm an old fart, but we never would have dreamed of demands like those.
Rosemary . 7 months ago (edited)
Absolutely, I agree! A wedding invite should never mention gifts or money. Guests can ask family, mutual friends, or the couple themselves where they're registered separately at a later time. This whole list makes me think more people should pick up a copy of Emily Post or Miss Manners. Some may think they're no longer relevant it today's society, but good manners never go out of style, and it's never too late to learn some. BTW I'm not a prissy boomer, I'm childfree GenX with tattoos, a motorcycle, a husband, and cats.
Load More Replies... Petra Schaap 1 year ago
and where i come from its totally super comon to see "gift idea: (small envelope) " on the invitation. nothing wrong with that i think.
Lihi Porat 1 year ago
In my country, it is custom to bring money as a gift for the happy couple, to help them start their newlywed life, including covering the wedding event. Actual gifts would be considered weird. But their own FCKIN student loans?! I know how ridiculously expensive they are in the USA, but wtf?
#29
NO CHILDREN. NO SMARTPHONES. NO MAIDS.
Yes, you read that right. This is a common request/demand seen on most local Qatari wedding cards.
Qatari weddings are held simultaneously in two venues - one for the men and one for the women. This is on the women’s side invite that these requests are typically seen
The Other Guest 1 year ago
You do realize that your broadbrushing Qatari people as being "a bunch of racists and women haters" is, in fact, a racist statement?
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Kay Christensen 1 year ago
SMASH THE PATRIARCHY WORLDWIDE. There ya go, problem solved. You're welcome! 😎
Heba Shawky 1 year ago
Well, it is because women in the women's hall do not wear hijab but rather evening gowns and make up and so on, and they do not want any picutres taken of them. The maid part are that because maids are usually non-Muslims and a Muslim women should not appear without her hijab before non-Muslim women!
Diya Lakshmi Kishore Kumar 1 year ago
Is that last part true? I thought Muslim women can appear without hijab in front of any women. A lot of my Muslim friends do so in front of me...
Load More Replies... similarly 1 year ago (edited)
Okay, the children and smartphones I get, but seriously: No maids? wtf! EDIT: I'm joking. Sorry if that wasn't clear.
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
I'm not sure if I understand that one, but maybe that means don't bring your servant or butler/cleaning lady?
Load More Replies... René Sauer 1 year ago
No children and smartphones are OK if the wedding couple wants that. But no Maids? *lol* what?
Midoribird Aoi 1 year ago
No distracting photo flashes, but also no taking pictures of unveiled women.
Load More Replies... #30
I remember it happening some years back that my mom’s dad and stepmother were placed on various dietary restrictions by doctors, and when my Mom had them over for a holiday meal, they expected her to plan the entire menu around that. And the “unreasonable” part comes in because their mindset was that if they couldn’t have salt, butter, tomatoes,…etc., then nobody should serve or have a dish with those things in them.
Agamemnon O'Neill 1 year ago
Not if you have health problems, it doesn't.
Load More Replies... Sophia Athene 1 year ago
My grandfather loved his devilled eggs with sweet pickles. He was the only person in my family who did. Every family dinner, I was assigned devilled eggs (who knows why) around 12 yrs old (I helped more the older I got and we were a small family). I set his aside and made them the way he likes and then did the rest together. He would never have asked for everyone to eat them like his. He always told me I didn't have to and I always said I wanted to. My mom always set aside potato salad without onions for me. I would forego potato salad if everyone had to eat it that way. We were a small family and it was easier on us. The younger members learned as others got older you had to salt your own food and more desserts started showing up for restricted diets. I just don't understand the demand for others to HAVE to eat like them.
Celtic Pirate Queen 1 year ago
My sister is vegan. I will accommodate her dietary requests. I'm not signing myself up anytime soon. You want a vegie burger? No problem. I'll be enjoying my steak.
Pollymere 1 year ago
I don't mind others having those things but I remember being told that I needed to remember to keep things as treats and that these things would shorten my life. Not using butter in a dish isn't really going to harm anyone.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
There is very little food that will harm you if used in moderation, and sometimes it is harmfull to cut something completely out of your diet, even if you cannot tolerate very much of it.
Load More Replies... Dav Carro-Ripalda 1 year ago
Some stews can.be made without butter or tomatoes, and then no salt, but you cannot demand the rest of the guests not adding salt when served
#31
Back in those days when my close friend was close geographically as well, one Sunday morning, one message popped up in Messenger.
It was 2015.
It read: ‘Hey Srinath! Hope you are good. You need to book your Tickets for June. I am getting married. You should come.’
I casually scrolled up. The last conversation between us was somewhere in 2010.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago (edited)
This is a tough one. If the friendship was one-sided & the bride never made effort and that’s what caused the distance, then maybe it was bad call. However, if they’re both just two people who’ve grown apart because of geography and life happening, but still think fondly of each other, the invite is sweet. I’ve old friends I only connect with every 5 or 10 years and we pick up where left off, catch each other up, enjoy our moment together & wish each other well. Then rinse & repeat. Being invited to a milestone event shows that we keep each other close in our hearts & with fond thoughts. The fluidity of friendship doesn’t have to be finite. It can be a constant ebb & flow throughout life
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
A friend I was rather close to in college was getting married. We had lost contact and hadn't communicated in several years. The wedding was of the big traditional kind with announcements, and invitations, etc. I heard about none of this. A week before the wedding, she called me up to say she was getting married and said "Well, you can come ... if you want to." Her tone during the conversation was so insulting that I knew she wanted me to decline. To spite her (and out of curiosity), I accepted. At the wedding, I discovered her motive. A female friend of hers (whom I knew from the past) came alone and wanted a tablemate of her age. The bride was furious when she saw that I had shown up. Neither the friend or I cared a bit. We left the reception shortly after the dinner and went back to my apartment to enjoy each other for the evening.
Howl's sleeping castle 1 year ago
Happened with a close friend of mine. One evening before the wedding some old friend invited this guy to his wedding (this was before we became friends) and this idiot rode his bike all night to cover 400 kms and attend the wedding.
#32
Fortunately, I haven’t received anything unreasonable in a really long time. However, I am not a fan of destination weddings. While I am holding my virtual shield against all the slings and arrows of outraged fiancees coming my way, I will count the ways: Your day is extremely important to you. It is a bit less so to others. “Your day” turns into “your week”. Cost is ridiculous. For people with small children, logistics is a nightmare. Elders, people with transportation difficulties, the infirm simply can’t make it without enormous support. In the case of sudden illness or other insurmountable difficulty for almost any guest, a mass of red tape ensues. People with limited vacation time must choose between you and whatever else they could have done. A gift is expected on top of this? Really? I have yet to see an invitation to a destination wedding that said, “No gifts, please.” The worst: the judgment by many affianced that people who don’t come “don’t care”. You are free to do whatever you want. In case anyone cares, we just had this same conversation with our daughter who wanted a destination wedding. I told her I would only say this once, and she was free to do as she liked, but that the perceived lower per-guest cost to us would be far outweighed by the inability of many beloved people to be a part of their day. Realizing the beloved aunt in a nursing home, the elders with dementia and infirmities, the cousins making not-that-much, the friends with limited vacation time just plain wouldn’t be able to make it, eventually turned the tide.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
I have one question about destination weddings - Why? How does it make anything better? I would rather add the cost of the trip to the destination to my gift.
Debby Keir 1 year ago
Daughter and her hubby were invited by his brother to a 'destination wedding' in Fiji. (we are from UK) Daughter was sitting her finals (medicine) a week after the wedding. They worked out that it would cost a total of £10k to fly out there for 2 days and then fly back for her to sit her finals. As it was his brother, they 'had' to go. Guess what - it was 2020, covid intervened, and they had problems getting their money back......
#33
A family member of mine married such a deliiiiightful woman *sarcasm* in April of 2018. They had a little courthouse wedding with a few witnesses (relatives) and that was that. Well apparently, the bride and groom decided not to tell either of their family members that they got married, which resulted in them planning another wedding for May of 2019. They were already married, she just wanted a show to put on for the family members who didn’t already know they were married.
Anyway, I wasn’t too excited about attending this wedding because I absolutely despise this woman. But I decided to go just for the groom, since he is a close relative. Now here’s where s**t starts to hit the fan. The wedding ceremony was proposed to start at 4:00 p.m. Finally, about 45 minutes later after sitting in the wind and snow/rain (it was about 40 degrees Fahrenheit outside), the ceremony starts. The bridesmaids are wearing horrendous colored dresses (mustard yellow). When it comes time to read the vows, the bride pulls out her cellphone and rambles on for about 10 minutes of every romantic movie cliche quote you can think of. While reading her vows, their baby (about 18 months old) tries to run away and trips of the gravel, scratching up his face and screaming bloody murder. Bride doesn’t even flinch, continues to read vows. Bridesmaid picks him up and takes him to the reception hall.
After the ceremony, we head to the reception hall. Food looked nice, tables and decorations were nice. Guests were eventually allowed to get up and get their food (buffet style). A few guests were taking cupcakes at the end of their buffet trip, and the cake lady they hired literally guarded the cupcakes the rest of the time. The bride danced with her father in her dress and then proceeded to change out of her (very expensive) wedding dress into a t-shirt and jeans to dance with the groom (who was still in his tuxedo). After that, we had had enough and decided to leave early.
A few hours later, a relative calls me and tells me the wedding reception has ended and everyone was basically kicked out at 8:30 pm because the bride was pissed that the groom “wasn’t spending enough time with her” (apparently spending time with family members who take the time to come to your wedding can’t receive any recognition at all).
Let’s fast forward about 2 days later. The bride had created a Facebook event page for this wedding. She posted on this page that she wanted to thank everyone for coming and also wanted to thank those who brought gifts/money. Here’s the kicker: she wanted to afford the opportunity for people to donate money to their “dream honeymoon vacation”. She basically said if you didn’t come to the wedding or if you didn’t bring a gift, she wanted you to donate to their honeymoon fund because (and I quote) their budget was very limited and they wanted to be able to enjoy their vacation without worrying about funds. Oh and they were leaving in about 2 weeks.
2 thoughts on this.
You kick your guests out early at your wedding because you threw a fit (might I add were relatives who drove a couple hours or flew from other states), and now you want those same people to pay for your honeymoon? If you can’t afford to enjoy everything on your honeymoon, why wouldn’t you just save up for a few months to ensure you could have the best possible experience? Why would you rely on other people’s money just because you wanted to rush the vacation? Needless to say, we were all flabbergasted over this request and didn't know whether to laugh about it or be surprised. She ended up deleting that post, I’m assuming because she realized how foolish of a request that was.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I think this one is colored a lot by OP's apparent hatred of the bride...
Little Wonder 1 year ago
Maybe, but I always find the honeymoon thing unreasonable. I'm sure you WOULD like to stay at the Hilton, Sandra, but you can't expect your friends to pay for that.
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Jenny Mason 1 year ago (edited)
I 'walked' (wheeled out in my wheelchair) out of my sister's wedding reception because I was really hungry and the buffet wasn't open until hours after the wedding ceremony. I have mobility issues and couldn't get to the buffet until most of the other guests had descended on it like a swarm of locusts. By the time they had finished, there was nothing left on the table for me. I wheeled myself outside and called for my partner to come and get me. I had a takeaway meal after I got home.
#34
About 20 years ago I had a coworker who was getting married. She had a bridal shower, at which we were supposed to give her gifts. (This is standard, but she made that KNOWN.) OK, fine, pretty typical. Then she had two more events—a “wedding shower” and a “house party”—where she explicitly noted on the invitations that people should be kicking in a lot of cash to help pay for her wedding, honeymoon, and house downpayment. Of course nobody from our work attended those. I think only her family went. She was livid but so what? People are insane.
Jay Scales 1 year ago
Naming each event differently doesn't fool people into being blind to the fact that you're staging as many money-grabbing parties as you can fit in!
Seadog 1 year ago
Have to wonder if groom sees what a gold-digger he's getting
Load More Replies... #35
Years ago, when I was still speaking to all of my siblings, I always (being the only one with a house big enough) hosted Christmas dinner for them, their spouses, and children. I always bought the ingredients for the dinner, and asked my brothers to contribute pickles and olives, and my sisters to contribute cookies or some other sort of dessert.
I already had cooked the ham the previous day, had it sliced and in a warming pan, and the turkey nearly ready in the oven, when my younger brother, who always fancied himself a good meat cutter/butcher, but really wasn’t, turned up with a HUGE chunk of beef that he had sliced into ridiculously thick “steaks” and wanted me to fire the grill I had out on the deck up so that he could give everybody a steak for dinner as his “gift”. Now, not only was the dinner I had spent nearly two days cooking almost ready to go on the table, but we had all been “treated” before to his idea of grilled “steaks”, the consensus being “No thanks!” every time we were invited after the first time.
He doesn’t have any meat cutting skills, despite what he thinks, and ruins perfectly good meat by cutting it badly, and so thick that it’s always charred on the outside and bloody raw on the inside, and as tough as shoe leather. He’s a terrible cook. When I refused to fire up the grill and let him ruin my dinner, he got pissed off and threw an absolute temper tantrum, calling me an ungrateful b***h, saying I had no taste whatsoever, that he was only trying to do something nice for everyone, ranting on and on with filthy language in front of children, and refusing to see reason. I finally told him to leave, to which he told me he wouldn’t eat dinner with such an ungrateful b***h with me anyway, and stomped out.
I didn’t speak to him for several years afterward, and now, several years after that, and because of several other incidents, including stealing from me, have cut off all contact.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Who shows up with a large hunk of meat to a party/meal when they knew there would already be a complete meal served?
Seadog 1 year ago (edited)
Clearly an egotist. And if he ahs to get someone to "fire up the grill" he clearly has no idea of how to cook on one. But then in my opinion, if there's no charcoal involved then it might as well be cooked on the stove or in the oven. Gas grills will never produce the flavor of charcoal grills.
Load More Replies... #36
I received an invitation quite a while ago from a former co-worker, with whom I was not very close. When I receive invitations from people I am not close to, or don’t know well, I usually just send a gift (and more than likely it will be a gift card).
I didn’t actually read the invitation until I’d had it a few days, and I had to read it a few times to actually follow along. They were having their wedding at one spot, outdoors, at 8AM. Then a short “wedding coffee” would follow. Then a reception would be held six hours later at a country club that was at least 20 miles away from the wedding spot. At this point I was happy to not be attending, but the request for gifts (and this was printed on the invitation) had me laughing. They requested that all guests refrain from bringing wrapped presents and limit their gifts to money cards and cash. I disobeyed, sent a gift card from a local store, and heard nothing more. Not even a thank you.
JustAnotherBoredPanda 1 year ago
The timing is bizarre, but I don't understand why so many people still frown upon monetary gifts. Many people in today's world already live together and have a fully stocked household and I personally would not want a house full of knickknacks, that I didn't choose myself.
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
Some people regard monetary gifts as being rather impersonal.
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Kiss Army 1 year ago (edited)
My husband and I went to a wedding of an old high school friend a few years back. The invitation said the reception was to follow the wedding. We went to the reception and sat there, and sat there and sat there... While everyone waited, there were no drinks or snacks, etc... After waiting 2 hours we heard someone say that they heard the bride and groom were still taking pictures so we left. I never did find our how long it took them to finally show up.
#37
friend was getting married in NY. I moved to Phoenix 5 years prior to her wedding. But it didn’t matter, as a bridesmaid I was requested to… chip into the bachelorette party which I wouldn’t be attending the only gift she wanted was guests to pay for her honeymoon ($8,000 total) Purchase a dress and pay for it to be tailored pay for hair and make up spend $950 on an airplane ticket to NY, plus a hotel, plus a car. $2000 for just the trip alone for 3 days??? Ugh when I get married, I will NEVER expect a friend to pay literally thousands of dollars to attend MY wedding. Tf is wrong with people nowadays!?
#38
It wasn't one that I attended, but I heard about it. Apparently the guests were being required to pay for their own dinner, the plates were $85 a piece. The guest is already required to purchase a gift, perhaps an outfit for the event, perhaps miss work, including the cost of travel for some, as well as hotel stays, requiring your guests to also pay for their meal, is beyond tacky. If the bride and the groom cannot find a way to pay for the meal, they need to edit the menu. Perhaps do a potluck, maybe only serve hors d'oeuvres and dessert. Maybe have a mid afternoon reception, after lunch, but before the big meal of the day, and serve small triangular sandwiches, and munchies, Perhaps find a way to have a barbecue and the gift to the bride and groom are a few individuals willing to help with the cooking. Going to a wedding can be expensive and not many people have a ton of extra disposable income to spend on also having to pay for their own meal, at an event they were invited to. An experience I had was being a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding. Her and I were pretty close in childhood but into adulthood we sort of grew apart. About a month or two before the wedding, she asked me if I wanted to be in it. At first I wondered why she waited so long to ask, and then I realized it was because one of her other bridesmaids backed out and she needed to fill a space. I hesitantly said yes, paid $150 for a dress I would wear once, and paid another $75 at the little hip hair joint she insisted I go to. All of the other bridesmaids had gone there, though I was not told what time to arrive, and when I asked, was told she didn't know when they were going, so I couldn't even be part of doing that with the girls. Turns out I arrived a half an hour after they had left. I was not invited to a bachelorette party, or bridal shower, I was not invited to any of the dress fittings, in fact I was not invited to be a part of anything other than standing in front of the church for 45 minutes. The fellow she paired me up with, was smashed during the entire reception, and barely paid any attention to me at all, couldn't even remember my name after being reminded of it three times. He was too focused on trying to figure out how to walk in a straight line. I've never been so happy to be done with a wedding! I still love my cousin dearly, but I think a lot more class could have gone into that event
Papa 1 year ago
I was once asked to be a groomsman for a couple I barely knew. I thought they probably didn't have many friends, so I initially agreed. Then at one point I was informed that the intended maid of honor could no longer attend, so the young woman I was paired with was moved up to maid of honor, and now I would be best man. It was too weird. I declined, as politely as I could, saying I couldn't get off work.
#39
Some years ago, a childhood friend asked me to be in her wedding and I accepted. It was going to be a stretch for me since both of my brothers were getting married that same year and I was in both of their weddings as well as being a poor college student. A few months later, the bride-to-be ANNOUNCES that her cousin dropped out the wedding and I am now her new Maid of Honor - not asking, just telling me (and we really weren't all that close). Her mother calls me later that day to tell me that I needed to start planning her bridal shower, where I should have it, who she is going to invite, etc. No mention of who was going to paying for all of this, so I assume they figured me. I had already put deposits on a hideous lavender dress, hair accessory and dyed shoes. I informed my "friend" that I could no longer be in her wedding due to the expense and the fact that my brothers were getting married as well. I was blacklisted and not even invited to be a guest (since I was too poor according to the mom) - which was fine by me. Other unreasonable demand(s), by my sister-in-law for a baby shower she was hosting for my niece, a wonderful young woman who I love. Inside the invite was 1) the baby registry with instructions not to wrap the gift as it was a display shower, 2)"don't bring a card but a book instead and write something to the baby inside the cover", 3)bring a package of diapers for the new parents, and 4)bake a dessert for the event. I was exhausted from a fundraiser I had run the night before and dreaded going to this shower, there were simply too many demands. EDIT: I think my family may have topped themselves! Another sister-in-law is hosting an in-person baby shower this week (March 2021) indoors in a restaurant with more than 30 guests. We are still in the middle of a pandemic last I heard, and though I love my niece I declined the invitation and sent a more extravagant gift than typical. SIL calls it a baby shower, I call it a super spreader event designed to get rid of the beloved elderly members of the family including my 87 year old mom. Just sayin’
#40
I've seen 2 requests that were both appalling. 1 was the couple requests only cash money for gifts. No merchandise that'll be returned anyway & no checks so we don't have to wait for a check to clear or even bounce. Oh yes they really requested this. The 2nd request the couple asked that because the menu they chose was $75 a plate, we kindly ask that you contribute $40 for your meal to help defray our costs. Also only tap water was free. Everything soda everything was charged for even the bridal party had to pay for drinks, had to pay for their champagne for the wedding toast. Now the best part of both stories. This was the SAME BRIDE & GROOM. They made BOTH of these ASININE requests on a formally printed note inside the wedding invitations. Oh & to be further cheap, they didn't include postage for the R.S.V.P.'s. Thankfully I live 6,000 miles away from where the festivities took place so I didn't even send my denial R.S.V.P. back. But I venture to say it definitely wasn't the DREAM WEDDING the couple were hoping for! Some people's children
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
I've been to weddings where I would happily pay to be drunk at.
Load More Replies... #41
My cousin's wedding. They sent a save the date before the invites. As the date got closer, I messaged her to see when invites were coming so I could RSVP. I was worried mine got lost in the mail. I was informed that they decided to just have a small Vegas wedding, with only 10 people invited because of money problems. No judgement here. Until the following week, when they sent everyone that was NOT invited a notice that they were going to Vegas, with a request for gifts, and only gifts that were on the registry
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"Sorry, delivery problems. The gift I sent you in Vegas apparently stayed in Vegas."
Seadog 1 year ago
The GPS in my car is stuck in Vegas. So what happens in Vegas really does stay in Vegas. (no, I've not been. The guy I bought it from kept his car there because flights to Vegas are cheaper than LAX. So he'd fly to Vegas then drive to Cali.)
Load More Replies... #42
Strictly hearsay, because my couples aren’t like this, lol everyone dress in white. or black. or red. or any specific color -black tie, if the hosts are not providing black tie services -ceremony and reception hours apart. Nope. Nope. Nope -invites that include gift requests. Double bonus for invites that mention that the couple would like cash. -ceremonies in places that require hiking/walking/being outside in extreme heat or cold or snow -destination weddings that cost a fortune -requests to bring a dish or booze
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
THiS right here! This list perfectly sums up how I feel about weddings and whether or not I would attend.
Seadog 1 year ago
The way I see it, really intelligent people maybe just have their best friend there, maybe mom and dad and that's it. Save the money for life because life has a way of sneaking up on you when you can least afford it.
Load More Replies... #43
I think it is very selfish to bring an elaborate dish to the celebration which requires kitchen time and resources. Unless the host or hostess specifically request or approve the addition, graciously accept the fact they want to do it their way, with their menu, and have enough work to do already without trying to accommodate unsolicited food. Very stressful and rude, despite best intentions.
Sue User 1 year ago
The only exception is people with dietary restrictions. I have no problem with someone bringing a vegan dish.
Cat servant 1 year ago
People with dietary restrictions maybe should bring a dish. A family member was placed on a serious renal diet. This diet has only low potassium foods. That means no tomatoes or potatoes of the 2 most common items at American tables. Every single time, "here are tomatoes to go in the casserole". I cooking the casserole and I'm not going to put tomatoes in it. An older family member honestly thought tomatoes should be added to every casserole, soup, or salad. Nope the tomatoes are in a dish over there. You can add them to your plate. I don't want to spend another week sitting in ICU with the renal patient family member.
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Pixie T 2 weeks ago (edited)
Whenever I'm invited to a wedding/ reception I always let the bride & groom know not to include a meal for me. I have multiple dietary restrictions ( even as simple as black pepper affects me) so rather than have them stress or worry about accommodating those needs I usually just excuse myself for the meal time or if they've stated it's ok I'll bring something I made at home. I even bought a meal from home for my own wedding whilst everyone else enjoyed the food provided
#44
So I have an aquaintance that I’ve picked up from a friend. Let’s call her Faye.
Her idea of inviting you out is simply driven by her need to be driven by you.
Scenario one: let’s go up to a fashion show in an art gallery as she has free tickets. I say ok. I’ll drive up. And pay that parking. You pick her up and she has a friend. No big deal as you don’t know her yet or that this is her pattern. You begin to feel a tad used when you insist on leaving after a few hours and she’s sulking until her friend has a stern word with her. You end up at the local curry house but soon work out that her need to divide the bill is to cover up her over ordering. You refuse to pay for anything you do not order.
Next she’s asking you to the cinema bc she has free tickets. But what she wants is the lift there and back and you pay the parking.
Next it’s her birthday and why don’t I drive as I don’t drink so her and three other friends can come to her night out.
Next you’re in hospital and she says she’ll come up and see you. But you know she won’t bc she won’t pay for the parking.
Next she calls and decides she thinks it’s time for you and her to go out. You ask where she had in mind and you offer to meet her there. Of course you don’t hear from her again bc she wanted you to pick her up and drive.
Next your friend is telling you Faye invites them to go up to north England for an event and Faye insists she wants half the petrol money for the event.
Next she sees you in yr new car pulling up to the gym. She suggests coming to a friends bbq with her on the weekend. You decline bc you have an event that weekend to go too. She then asks what part of London it is to find out if you can drive to both events with her so she can get a lift.
This woman is transparent and you kick her a*s to the kerb. She still tries to contact you but you ignore but one day you’ll know when it’s time to tell her what pisses you off about her.
Pls note this woman is also a Christian.
To all the people that have or intend to question the last line re being a Christian: Her behaviour is passive aggressive to get her needs met in the most deceptive ways. And I have this notion and perhaps it is an un-ideal notion/belief or just damn right naive, that Christians have done enough work on themselves to shine a torch on their dark behaviours: bc let’s face it we all have darkness, where the dark behaviour is brought to the light and drops to the side. If she had done enough work on herself she would see how ungodly this is: bc there is no way God would think this passive aggressive get my needs met line of behaviour is the thinking of God.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Put aside one of those grains of salt you got to take with the sermon.
Load More Replies... #45
It wasn’t a holiday celebration but a wedding.The Baltimore Orioles we’re in the 1983 World Series for the first time in 12 years.The wedding was on a Saturday and the World Series game was scheduled at the same time.The men in the family were asked not to monitor the game in any way.We had radios hidden as soda cans and my buddy brought a plug in tv for his car where we watched most of the game.
#46
Someone I know (I won’t name names) had an informal wedding on one of the Boston Harbor Islands (where there was no running water and only a porta-potty). This meant that as guests we had to pay to take a ferry to the island and bring our own beverages (as its a National Park this had to be a dry wedding) and a request to bring a dish to share. In addition, they had not arranged for trash removal (again, this island was set up where you have to bring your trash back with you) so everyone was lugging trash on the boat back. To summarize, outdoor wedding in the summer where you had to pay to take a boat to the wedding location while bringing your own fluids as well as food to share and then at the end of the event, help transport trash to the “mainland”.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
As long as you know what they’re getting you into, I don’t see the problem. I’ve been to a couple weddings where it was a backpack overnighter or a trip to a state/national park. Prior to the more recent activity, every day people would have weddings on our volcano which required a lot of driving, hiking and carrying out everything each person brought in. Nature/wilderness/environmental weddings are a thing. I guess just not OPs thing.
Seadog 1 year ago
Went to one (friend of my wife). We get so far off the main road I hear banjo music (if you're old enough you'll get that remark). We leave the blacktop completely and still going. End up at the vacation home of some county or state official. The catch? No one is allowed in the house. Now this is not some big elaborate mansion, it's just an old country home they bought to have somewhere quiet to go when time permitted, nothing special. I actually don't remember any porta johns there but I guess there was.
Load More Replies... Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 year ago
if taking the food and drinks isn't a problem, what's the problem with bringing the empty containers back again? they'll be lighter, for a start
#47
My little brother, mind you my little brother is now 60 years of age, 6 foot 3 inches tall, and big (heavy). I am the eldest, and at 5′9″ and maybe 140 pounds don’t really stand a chance. Anyway, when we were much younger, we used to have Christmas gift giving on Christmas Eve due to the fact that I was the first married, and I had to spend Christmas morning at my wife’s family home. Then later, when we were milking cows, I could not do gifts on Christmas morning as I was out milking cows. Needless to say, both of these reasons are LONG gone. Add in that I was teaching RCIA, and was scheduled as the sacristan for the midnight Mass (meaning I had to get there before 10 pm and open the doors, turn the lights on, and begin setting up for Mass. Thus, after Christmas Eve dinner, which in my family has always been a big deal, I wanted to lay down for a nap before I had to dress and drive into Church. But no, my brother wanted to open presents RIGHT NOW, and would yell and carry on because Mom wouldn’t let us open presents unless everyone was there. I really needed to sleep, but sleep was impossible with my brother carrying on like a Banshee, and killing him right before Mass was not an option…
Dav Carro-Ripalda 1 year ago
Before mass is indeed the perfect moment, so you can say a word for his soul right after the murder.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Seriously, people should know that accomodations for time and scheduling will have to be made.
clairebear 1 year ago
There were so many presents you couldn't take 10 minutes to open them and then nap.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
Our family takes at least a few hours. There were 14 of us then, 40+ now. Present opening is an event upon itself.
Load More Replies... #48
Just that only family members were welcome. That was any holiday. I was raised to include anyone who didn’t have a family nearby. My dad brought home soldiers 2 different times. The second one I remember he got him a carton of cigarettes at Christmas.
Margaret Shannon 1 year ago
I grew up in a similar situation. The OP's family of origin always invited people for holidays, especially those who otherwise would be alone. The OP is now (probably through marriage) part of a group for whom holidays are spent exclusively with kinfolk. My stepfather never wanted guests in the house. Evenings, weekends, holidays, whatever—those times were meant for family only. No one else, ever.
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 1 year ago
My parents always extended invitations to my father's single colleagues at Christmas.
Chenga Animates 1 year ago
Our thanksgiving dinner also included a lonely lady from my aunt and uncle's church, it's not a super common occurrence but it's happened enough that I'd probably be confused lol
#49
It was a demand not a request. It was Christmas, 1981. My brother and his wife were hosting Christmas dinner. My mom required Christmas BE ON CHRISTMAS DAY, not Christmas Eve day. The reason it was a problem was because my son who was 9 years old had to go to his dad’s for the day, I had him Christmas Eve day. This meant I spent our FAMILY Christmas with everyone else in my family except my son. It was one of the worst days ever for me and changed things forever in the holiday dynamics. No one except my SIL spoke to my mom that day, not one word.
TomCat 1 year ago
But... wouldn't she have not spent Christmas with her son anyway because he'd be at his dad's house?
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
The OP does write this oddly. Isnt the wounded party the kid who didnt see his maternal family at Christmas?
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Auntriarch 1 year ago
I'm going to have to disagree with nearly everyone here. My brother has had to go along with whatever his ex wife decrees in the way of holiday child arrangements. My mother bless her has put on full blown tradition Christmas days on whatever day he gets them.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago (edited)
I suppose it all depends on who the mother/grandmother wanted to celebrate the holiday with and how important it was for her to have this particular grandchild attend. Also, how flexible she was willing to be to make this happen. Clearly, having this particular grandchild participate wasn’t as important as having the celebration on the 25th. I think if my grandmother had specifically done something like that I’d understand. I doubt it foster a healthy or close relationship with her, but I’d still understand her demands. Maybe the mom was used to her child being included in their family events & she was upset that her mother couldn’t be adaptable enough accommodate what is likely court mandated. Seems like the adults here need to decide what and who is importance their celebrations when deciding when to have them. Clearly in this case, it wasn’t the kid.
Dainty72 1 year ago
I can't believe that celebrating Christmas Day on Christmas Day would make yous be this awful. I've never heard anything like it. Christmas Eve isn't an holiday. Way too harsh on the mother!!!
arthbach 1 year ago (edited)
Ah, let me explain something about the larger world to you. Christianity grew out of Judaism. In Judaism, the new day start at sunset (or when three stars should be visible. This is still the start of the liturgical day in Christianity. Christmas starts at sunset on the 24th of December. In many cultures, the majority of Christmas celebrations occur on the 24th.
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#50
Years ago, a close friend, who happened to be the Maid Of Honor in my wedding, had a daughter. My friend gave her daughter my name as the child’s middle name, and I felt very honored, and a though I’m not particularly religious, a little like a God parent to this child. Over the years, and with time, our lives drifted apart and the family moved out of state. Though I did keep in touch through Facebook with the family and the daughter. In her teenage years the daughter decided she was a lesbian. No problem for me. Then, when she was in her mid-20’s she decided she was transgender and wanted to become a man, changing her/his name a couple of times. It’s a very dramatic family, and through his Facebook posts it became very clear his family wasn’t supportive. Wanting to be supportive , I sent her/him (don’t judge me it’s hard doing this without using names) Facebook messages showing my support, knowing he was obviously struggling with his family. Over time, he went through the complete process and you’d NEVER know his history. He looks totally male. Fast forward… about a decade ago he met a woman, fell in love, and they decided to marry. Through Facebook I knew he’d met his bride’s family and all seemed well. My husband and I received an invite to the wedding with an attached note, sent to many family members on his side, saying If we could NOT promise to keep our pronouns right we were not welcome. Mainly because his bride’s family had no idea he’d once been a woman. We politely declined the invite. In my opinion they should have shared this information with the Bride’s family, not everyone, JUST those who need to know. Deal with the truth now, with honesty and dignity. Live your truth, whatever that may be. It doesn’t need to be advertised, but then again you don’t dishonor yourself by living in hiding. They will eventually find out anyway. It’s inevitable. I wanted to write him with these thoughts, being the quasi God parent, but I chose not too, I didn’t want to create more drama. In the end it didn’t matter, the marriage didn’t last a year.
Shark Lady 1 year ago
Is it just me or did this post come across as being less supportive and accepting than the OP was claiming they are. You don't "decide" you are a lesbian or transgender, it's just who you are.
arthbach 1 year ago
Shark Lady, well, the author was more supportive than the parents, but considerably less supportive than an ally.
Load More Replies... arthbach 1 year ago
I fully agree with a trans person telling the people who need to know about them being trans. This means the person they are marrying, and their doctor/health care professionals. If the person *wants* to tell their partner's family, that's fine. But it is a *want* not a *need*.
What do you think ?
Steve Hall 1 year ago
I just tell everyone that I charge $30,000 for public appearances, it saves me from a lot of problems.
V Noe 1 year ago
I hope you don't mind that I am borrowing that statement for the next 30 years. (And yeah, if people want to throw it back in my face at my funeral, fine - the smaller the after-funeral party, the bigger the endowment to the Home for Indigent Felines.)
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Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 year ago (edited)
We solved all these problems by not inviting anyone to our's 😂
Load More Replies... Alexandra 1 year ago
It always baffles me that it's apparently very, very difficult to find a happy medium between how a groom and bride see their day going and what their guests are capable of. You don't ask a friend with little money to be a bridesmaid if it involves paying for a dress, make-up, hairstyling and what have you. If you want her there, that should supersede your so-called 'aesthetic'. If you want your frail grandmother there and she needs a companion or a wheelchair or she can only be present for the dinner, you make arrangements for that. Yes, it's a lot of work and no, you're not entitled to everyone bending to your wishes just because you get married.
Papa 1 year ago
One of the OPs above mentioned that too many brides and grooms forget that they are also hosts. If they would remember that much of that self-centered behavior would be alleviated.
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Kristal 1 year ago
I think people need to stop bashing couples that ask for cash as gifts instead of presents. I don't agree with requesting a certain amount of money or money AND a gift but, my gosh, sometimes cash is just better. I know a couple that were moving out of the state a few weeks after the wedding and couldn't take much belongings during the move. It made sense to request cash instead of items. Granted, they put that explanation in the invites and did not request specific amounts or limit how the money was to be given. The majority complied and gave a card with the cash or check inside. Lol, instead of a present table, it was a basket on a table to contain the cards
A little Elf Conscious 1 year ago
I asked everyone to please, instead of material objects as gifts, to give us cash instead. This was also followed up with, we literally just want you to come party with us and gifts weren't required. Never thought it was rude. We were freshly pregnant and diapers and formula get expensive.
Seadog 1 year ago (edited)
5 things I've learned in life. No dress is worth a dime over $500, no shoe worth a dime over $50 and the grooms best friend (female) will not attend his wedding nor will the brides best friend (male). Whereas the grooms best friend (male) and the brides best friend (female) will both drop everything to be there. The more that's spent on a wedding exponentially increases the likelihood the marriage won't last. Anything that is made well, fits/looks good, is comfortable and is affordable will be discontinued in less then 6 months. The same goes for anything that works such as medicine, if it works, kiss it goodbye.
Papa 1 year ago
I will respectfully disagree about the shoes. A pair of $100.00 shoes will often fit better and last much longer then a pair half that price.
Load More Replies... clairebear 1 year ago
Nothing wrong with asking for cash, people are delaying getting married and have probably lived together for a while anyway, they already have all the household stuff you would normally put on a wedding list. Gone are the days where a couple needed setting up with everything. Times change.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
In which case they don't need cash either. I give people cash and tell them to spend it on something memorable.
Load More Replies... Tara L. 3 months ago
When my sister got married I refused to be the maid of honor because she's a narcissistic biiitch & I knew it would be a nightmare. So I was made a regular bridesmaid, I flat refused to pay for the ugly freaking dress because I knew she picked them to make the bridal party look ugly. Shes's extremely insecure & petty. Imo the bride should pay for all that c**p anyway. She had a meltdown because none of the bridesmaids would pay $500 for the dresses, they were hideous, think 80's prom puke purple with frills frills frills, very low cut down the back (which showed my scar from my back surgery in all its glory, another bridesmaids confirmed that she bragged about picking it out to try & embarras me). It didn't work though because I am not easily embarrassed, it mainly made her guests uncomfortable. Anyway she ended up paying for the dresses because she was determined to make us look bad lol. I've since gone NC on her because her narcissism was too much to deal with.
Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
The more I read about these kinds of weddings makes me even happier about our simple wedding. Married in our church, reception in the school cafeteria (with round tables and chairs, not the benches). Had cake and appetizers (wedding in the afternoon). Anyone welcome, no drama about requirements. We've been married 28 years, I wonder how long the entitled about-to-be-married couples were married.
Steve Hall 1 year ago
I just tell everyone that I charge $30,000 for public appearances, it saves me from a lot of problems.
V Noe 1 year ago
I hope you don't mind that I am borrowing that statement for the next 30 years. (And yeah, if people want to throw it back in my face at my funeral, fine - the smaller the after-funeral party, the bigger the endowment to the Home for Indigent Felines.)
Load More Replies... Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 year ago (edited)
We solved all these problems by not inviting anyone to our's 😂
Load More Replies... Alexandra 1 year ago
It always baffles me that it's apparently very, very difficult to find a happy medium between how a groom and bride see their day going and what their guests are capable of. You don't ask a friend with little money to be a bridesmaid if it involves paying for a dress, make-up, hairstyling and what have you. If you want her there, that should supersede your so-called 'aesthetic'. If you want your frail grandmother there and she needs a companion or a wheelchair or she can only be present for the dinner, you make arrangements for that. Yes, it's a lot of work and no, you're not entitled to everyone bending to your wishes just because you get married.
Papa 1 year ago
One of the OPs above mentioned that too many brides and grooms forget that they are also hosts. If they would remember that much of that self-centered behavior would be alleviated.
Load More Replies... Kristal 1 year ago
I think people need to stop bashing couples that ask for cash as gifts instead of presents. I don't agree with requesting a certain amount of money or money AND a gift but, my gosh, sometimes cash is just better. I know a couple that were moving out of the state a few weeks after the wedding and couldn't take much belongings during the move. It made sense to request cash instead of items. Granted, they put that explanation in the invites and did not request specific amounts or limit how the money was to be given. The majority complied and gave a card with the cash or check inside. Lol, instead of a present table, it was a basket on a table to contain the cards
A little Elf Conscious 1 year ago
I asked everyone to please, instead of material objects as gifts, to give us cash instead. This was also followed up with, we literally just want you to come party with us and gifts weren't required. Never thought it was rude. We were freshly pregnant and diapers and formula get expensive.
Seadog 1 year ago (edited)
5 things I've learned in life. No dress is worth a dime over $500, no shoe worth a dime over $50 and the grooms best friend (female) will not attend his wedding nor will the brides best friend (male). Whereas the grooms best friend (male) and the brides best friend (female) will both drop everything to be there. The more that's spent on a wedding exponentially increases the likelihood the marriage won't last. Anything that is made well, fits/looks good, is comfortable and is affordable will be discontinued in less then 6 months. The same goes for anything that works such as medicine, if it works, kiss it goodbye.
Papa 1 year ago
I will respectfully disagree about the shoes. A pair of $100.00 shoes will often fit better and last much longer then a pair half that price.
Load More Replies... clairebear 1 year ago
Nothing wrong with asking for cash, people are delaying getting married and have probably lived together for a while anyway, they already have all the household stuff you would normally put on a wedding list. Gone are the days where a couple needed setting up with everything. Times change.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
In which case they don't need cash either. I give people cash and tell them to spend it on something memorable.
Load More Replies... Tara L. 3 months ago
When my sister got married I refused to be the maid of honor because she's a narcissistic biiitch & I knew it would be a nightmare. So I was made a regular bridesmaid, I flat refused to pay for the ugly freaking dress because I knew she picked them to make the bridal party look ugly. Shes's extremely insecure & petty. Imo the bride should pay for all that c**p anyway. She had a meltdown because none of the bridesmaids would pay $500 for the dresses, they were hideous, think 80's prom puke purple with frills frills frills, very low cut down the back (which showed my scar from my back surgery in all its glory, another bridesmaids confirmed that she bragged about picking it out to try & embarras me). It didn't work though because I am not easily embarrassed, it mainly made her guests uncomfortable. Anyway she ended up paying for the dresses because she was determined to make us look bad lol. I've since gone NC on her because her narcissism was too much to deal with.
Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
The more I read about these kinds of weddings makes me even happier about our simple wedding. Married in our church, reception in the school cafeteria (with round tables and chairs, not the benches). Had cake and appetizers (wedding in the afternoon). Anyone welcome, no drama about requirements. We've been married 28 years, I wonder how long the entitled about-to-be-married couples were married.
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