Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
“My Mother Said I ‘Ruined Her Birthday’”: 30 Times People Saw Just How Toxic Their Family Was
Having a loving, caring family is not a given. You can be so used to your daily life that you don’t notice the problems that look obvious to others. However, when you look at your situation from an outsider’s perspective, you might notice some glaring red flags that you previously missed. Some things cannot be unlearned or unseen.
The members of the AskReddit community opened up about some of the most sensitive experiences from their past. They shared the moments the scales finally fell from their eyes and they realized that their family was toxic. Read on for their vulnerable and powerful stories.
Warning, Pandas, many of these stories hit hard. Some of them can make you feel very uncomfortable if you’ve experienced something similar in the past.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When I realized what sex was and that my family shouldn't be doing it to me. Not kidding, f****d up childhood.
clara belini-king 1 year ago
Because their loved ones aren't loved by them.
Load More Replies...
john doe 1 year ago
This is why many people are against sex education, it's because a lot of children learn that they are being abused in this way. Interesting what type of people are against sex education and how their religious/ political ideologies are generally the same.
HardBoiledBlonde 1 year ago (edited)
Decades back, I worked with girls in a Children's Home. One of the girl's family, including extended, believed that girls "needed to be broke in." This belief was held by the adult females, also. The "breaking in" was usually done by assorted uncles. The young girl I was working with believed there was nothing wrong with what happened to her and always said she "wanted to go back home." There's more, but it all was a tragedy and I am crying as I write this.
Tenay Douglas 1 year ago
Omg this reminds of that story of the girl who was "pimping" out her friends to her sperm donor and the sperm donors c**pet so they wouldn't r**e her
RELATED:
#2
My therapist stopped trying to get us to communicate and started giving me tips to survive until I could move out.
Tiger 1 year ago
This happened to me. School counsellor started by giving me coping tips and telling me to talk to my family about my feelings….but eventually helped me find a place to go in 12th grade (my older best friend was away at university but we called her parents together and they were happy to let me move into my bff’s old bedroom) and helped me figure out how to pack my things and get out discreetly. I basically packed a bag and ran away. My parents and I have a much better relationship now but in my teens and early 20s it was awful, I thought we were going to go no-contact for the rest of our lives.
brandyy17 1 year ago
my therapist turned into both my mom and dads therapist once she learned how terrible my relationship was with them. she had to explain to them that the root of my anxeity disorder was them bc they refused to listen to anything i said. they ignored me wen i told them i was bullied, ignored me wen i told them my doctor said i was very under weight due to the diet foods my mom forced me to eat wen i was the average weight for someone with my build and height, ignored me every time i had a panic attack they told me i was being dramatic and to breathe normally, ignored allergic reactions the list goes on. it was at the point where i stopped telling them anything which made things worse. id then get yelled at for not telling them. after a few years of talking to my therapist and nuerologist and learning anxeity disorders r very real and my epilepsy and my allergies were very serious and even a threat from one of my doctors saying theyd call cps if i wasnt fed a proper balanced diet they finally changed. my relationship with them only became the best case scenario once they decided to move to florida. less then a year after i got married they saw exactly how anxeity effects me. part of it is massive changes. them moving caused me to get hives due to the stress of them moving. i had panic attacks while helping them pack and break downs wenever i thought about them not living 10min away. they do understand and listen to me as well as not hide things from me but they do slip up and cause anxeity for me cuz they dont think much. my childhood was terrible and i only survived and stayed sane bc of my friends and grandparents. my parents were helicopter parents who never listened cuz they were obssessed with me being who they wanted me to b. i wasnt ready for the real world bc they did everything for me without including me. my anxeity never got better it only got worse. only reason im able to control it (for the most part) is bc my husband is the one who keeps me grounded. he jumps into action the moment he sees a hint of anxeity. even my in laws keep an eye out and avoid my anxeity triggers. life is much better now but thinking how it took my parents 25 years to notice the pain i was in emotionally is still something that highly upsets me and idk if that pain will ever go away.
Tom De Paul 7 months ago
I'm a retired LCSW child, adolescent, and family therapist. I've done this before.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
Same, turns out I wasn't actually the problem. I then moved in with mother who was a toxic alcoholic - frying pan into fire.
#3
I was 8 and sitting in my new babysitter's apartment having an asthma attack. I was very allergic to cats and my mom had left me with her despite knowing my allergy and knowing that she had nine cats.
What was so important that she leave me there? She wanted to f**k my older sister's boyfriend and needed me out of the way. She hadn't even sent my inhaler with me.
I nearly died. My sister found out and got in a fistfight with my mom in the hospital hallway while respiratory therapy was working with me. They both caught an STD from the dude and I learned to always have my inhaler on me.
LGBTQpanda 9 months ago
What the cuss did I just read? I need to go watch Bugs Bunny to cleanse my 🧠
‘Toxic’ is a word that gets thrown around left and right these days without paying much attention to the context. However, the stories that the AskReddit community shared in the viral thread are genuine examples of what toxicity actually looks like in a family setting.
At its core, toxic behavior is linked to dysfunction, neglect, manipulation, and abuse. True toxicity can wreak havoc on a person’s physical, mental, and emotional health, make them feel used, and destroy their self-esteem. Just as positive relationships can make us happier, healthier, and more resilient to stress, negative ones have the opposite effect.
Healthline states that many people may not even realize the effects their family environment had on them during their childhood until they become adults. Some of the signs of potentially toxic families include things like your needs not being met, feeling controlled, and high expectations to meet unrealistic standards.
#4
When I moved in with my SO and noticed she called her family for things I would never call my own for because she actually likes them and doesn't see communicating with them as an obligation, but rather because she wanted them to be part of her everyday life.
Paul Jayne 1 year ago
I am aghast at your statement. It is unimaginable to me. I am forever grateful that I grew up having a happy childhood with stable and loving parents. Luck of the draw maybe. My heart hurts for folks who do not have this experience.
#5
I had my graduation from engineering the same day as my mother's birthday. I, of course, had nothing to do with the date choosing.
My mother said I "ruined her birthday" so.she scheduled her birthday party to be on my actual birthday.
Her birthday is March, mine is August.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
*My* mother would have said it made her birthday extra special, but then my mother isn't a sociopath.
Black fox 1 year ago
Yeah, or something along the lines of "what an extra special gift you got me, it makes me so happy"
Load More Replies...
Sue User 1 year ago
In college i was schedule to complete in the fall. Typically , fall student woukd go to the following spring graduation. But my mother was battling breast cancer and I asked to walk a year early. When I inforned my mother , she said her SO was taking her to his best friends for a weekend barbque.
Lady Miss Pie 1 year ago
If my daughter graduated on my birthday, that would be the biggest present EVER! Mothers like this aren’t mothers. They’re not.
Spittnimage 1 year ago
So have your birthday with friends - no family - and see how your mom likes them apples.
Dave Morris 1 year ago
Old enough to be an adult's mother yet behaves like a child. Sorry for you OP.
#6
We had a missionary family staying with us, and the parents actually got input from their kids. The entire concept of being allowed to have my own feelings and thoughts was so foreign. My parents also treated us so much better when we had guests. Not getting beaten was so nice.
Callie27 1 year ago
exactly, that's how my step-mom is, when someone is over shes all nice, but when we have no guests, she hits when she gets mad, now I try to stay under the radar.
AuschwitzBaker 12 months ago
I'd fight back. It gets under their skin if you stay confident and call them out on BS. Watch them meltdown
Load More Replies... AuschwitzBaker 12 months ago
Classic christian families lol. I was forced to go to church for years. I felt such relief when I walked away from that b******t.
Sherylcatmom 1 year ago
I'm so sorry. I hope you found your way to a (self-)nurturing household. What people say and do when no one's watching is who they are.
Other signs include unhealthy substance use among family members, inappropriate touching, name-calling, gaslighting, extreme criticism, and chronic disagreements.
As per Enlightened Recovery, toxic family environments might include kids having to care for their younger siblings, ensuring that their substance-using parents get to bed safely, and providing emotional support to grown-ups.
Other red flags include having to do excessive chores and cooking meals from a very young age, feeling unwanted or unloved, and having your basic needs unmet, from a lack of food or proper clothing to not being picked up after school.
#7
My birthday: "I got you a pack of socks, but I realized I can get them cheaper from somewhere else, so I'm going to return them."
My brother two weeks later: "I think I'd like archery, will you get me this 600 dollar bow?"
Parents: "oh hell yes!"
I never got the socks.
Mahayana 1 year ago
For Christmas, my father used to SELL me is old stuff. The gift was the rebate he would do on it. I would have never mind if we were poor or if it would have been something I needed but it was neither. He was like : here is my old scanner, you owe me 50$. But compared to the other stories, it’s not that bad. My father wasn’t mean, just didn’t have any social abilities.
Paul Jayne 12 months ago
My experience of this type of behaviour was positive. My father worked in the automotive industry. When I passed my driving test he bought an old car and did it up and then sold it to me for $50 because he believed I should learn nothing is free. It was not even my birthday.
Load More Replies...
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago
These kind of parents are the type that I would happily put arrows in their kneecaps. Now, where's my recurve bow? SMH!!! -_-"
john doe 1 year ago
My mother-in-law had a similar upbringing, according to her the boys got everything they wanted/needed and she got very little in the way of even clothing, her mom told her she hated her. My MIL had a lot of latent issues from her childhood but she just does the boomer thing and bottles it all up.
#8
When My mother threw a fit that my son is so involved in his dad's life, my mother and father have been separated for a long time because she did the same thing to him. She decided that I was 'neglecting' my son because I didn't want to limit what he does with his dad. He only gets to see his dad two days a week because of his messed up work schedule and I'll give him extra days if he gets them off. I'm sorry if I won't repeat my families mistakes and want my son to have a father.
El Dee 12 months ago
Parental Alienation Syndrome. Custodial parent uses child to get revenge on ex partner by preventing them from having a relationship or simply sabotaging it until it becomes untenable..
Tim Crowhurst 10 months ago
There was a case a few years ago in the UK that took this to the extreme. In the final decision the court admitted its mistakes in failing to recognise that the mother was poisoning the children's minds against their father, and that the father had not been at fault at any point in the entire process, but he was still denied even visitation rights because by that point his children hated him so much that there was no possibility of reconciliation.
Load More Replies... Kristin 7 months ago
I can't stand parents that use kids as puppets. My ex husband and I divorced when my daughter was 1 and it was an ugly situation. We don't like each other much but I wouldn't ever use my daughter against him. I don't car about "visitation schedules" child support. If he is laye with child support i don't say oh well now you can't see her. She lover her dad and I won't make her feel bad for it. She's 15 now and she comes and goes when she wants. The kids shouldn't suffer cause of parents mistakes or whatever.
Stephanie Barr 11 months ago
With my second husband, if I didn't bend over backward so my kids have a relationship with their dad, he'd have walked away without a second thought.
that one guy 12 months ago
My mom tried to ruin my relationship with my dad, she falsified claims of abuse and whatnot, the whole courtroom hated her by the end of the divorce. The only reason that my dad doesn't have full custody is that I asked for a 2:1 time ratio, two weeks with my dad per one week with my mom.
#9
When my mom yelled at me for being depressed. She was saying how rude and inconvenient it is for everyone around me that I was depressed. She was screaming so hard that her face was all red. She screamed at me frequently. She would always wait until I was in the car with her because I would be unable to leave. I stopped talking to her after that and she played the victim. She apparently was suffering because she was “abandoned by her daughter”. No one in my family wanted to hear my side of things, no one reached out to check in on me. I was made out to be the bad selfish daughter. Now, I don’t have a relationship with anyone in my family. I cut both my parents off after I realized they both will not change or get help or see they ever did anything wrong. It’s been tough to deal with the emotions of it all, especially the emotions I felt when I was younger and in their care. I’ve been working on it with therapy for a few years now. But it’s been a necessary decision for me to cut those ties. So I can focus on myself and my growth and healing the parts of me that have been broken from my past.
EDIT: wow I’ve never had a post get so many likes! It’s my first time really putting it out there like this. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in the struggle but also unfortunate others have had to deal with a similar situation. And it’s nice to feel seen and heard and validated. Family s**t can be tough! I hope everyone who relates is feeling strong and doing well! ❤️❤️❤️.
Mabelbabel 1 year ago (edited)
I got assaulted in my first term at college, the first time I'd ever lived away from home. When I phoned to talk to my parents, my mother told me not to be ridiculous and stop crying, surely I was intelligent enough to know not all men are like that? When I was home for the Christmas break, she told me to cheer up, because I looked so miserable it was ruining her Christmas. That was the last time I lived at home-for the rest of my college education, I either stayed in accommodation or I stayed with friends, I got 'adopted' by one of my closest friend's mother, and kept in touch with her for years. I haven't spoken to my birth giver in a very long time.
T'Mar of Vulcan 1 year ago
When I was depressed in high school due to bullying, my mother said, "You've got to be better than that," and when I complained about school she would say, "Well, I warned you high school would be different from primary school," thus making it my fault. I have severe PTSD from the bullying, and even though it's been 40 years I still use a lot of the coping mechanisms I learned in high school (such as being alone, doing my own thing, not opening up about my likes/dislikes). What was worse was my mother would spend hours on the phone with her sister, commiserating and sympathizing with her when her sister was depressed. When I asked why her sister got sympathy and I didn't she said, "Well, you're my daughter, so you've got to be better than that." I know my mom loved me, but I still feel hurt that my depression was blamed on me.
Campy 1 year ago
My sister does this and she's a retired nurse. She's the third retired nurse I've know who lacks basic decency and understanding toward people's illnesses. I'm beginning to sense a pattern.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
My late MIL was an actual emotional sadist who enjoyed poking her four DILs at exactly where it hurt most. She was a midwife, so I shudder to think what she did to the patients in her care. However, one of my good friends is a retired midwife who spends half her time happily visiting assorted sick people and bringing good cheer. I think that it's more that some caring professions don't necessarily weed out the incidental psychos the way we fondly imagine they do.
Load More Replies...
that one guy 12 months ago (edited)
Remember, retirement homes are optional, you can send them to the worst one you can find
Therapy doesn’t involve someone waving a magic wand to instantly ‘solve’ all of your family issues. Therapy requires lots of difficult, uncomfortable, and often emotional work with mental health professionals over many years. It requires being vulnerable, facing your demons, and reframing your past experiences and traumas. It’s worth it in the end, though.
So, don’t be scared of reaching out to a therapist if your toxic family environment continues to haunt you to this very day.
#10
When I got put in a children's home at 6 and the other kids there were scared of the stories I would tell about my home life.
Sue Denham 1 year ago
My mother used to say she was going to call the "naughty children's home" as a threat. Eventually I got so sick of her abuse and threats that I started saying "What's their number? I'll call if you don't."
PunnyPanda 1 year ago (edited)
My threat was Catholic boarding school. Knew darn well they couldn't afford that, and we weren't even Catholic anyway. Mom dropped it when I came home with a few brochures and scholarship apps, lol. Similar to the "wooden spoon" threats. They stopped when i handed her the spoon and said, go ahead. But I was a d**k and mom was doing the best she could; unlike our op. I've gotten a lot of perspective since having my own kids- I make similar empty threats, but I also know, without a doubt, I would never betray them the way so many of these posters were. Ever. My heart goes out to them. And I appreciate the reminder of how lucky I was to have a relatively stable upbringing.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I was not in a home, but when I relate stories to friends/colleagues, I am that person who didn't know a lot of it was not the norm and that more sheltered people can be horrified.
#11
My first memory is of my parents fighting when I was 3. I remember my mom looking at my dad, and yelling “This is why we’re getting a divorce”. They separated when I was two, but took some time to figure out custody, as well as the actual finalization of their divorce. My mom was always so angry and would scream, throw things, and tell me consistently she didn’t want me around. I finally had a breaking point with my mom the day before I turned 17. We got into a huge fight and I finally realized that she was just taking out the aggression of her past on me. I realized she had been blocking out the abuse she put me through, and finally brought it to her attention. I know her mother was an abusive alcoholic, and she kept perpetuating this cycle of abuse. What triggered the whole realization, was when I dated someone for the first time when I was 16, and my bf’s mom treated me like her own. It was the first time I felt welcome in a home, she made sure I ate because she knew I wasn’t eating properly at home, she always had a bed made for me Incase I ever needed a place to stay, and would always check in with my bf to make sure I was okay when I went home. I moved out the month I graduated high school, and I have not gone back to her house.
Earonn - 1 year ago
So many abused children survive because of friends' parents. To all those parents out there: you are angels, never underestimate the importance of your kindness!
Damned_Cat 1 year ago
Thank you for saying that. Even parents who do nothing but set a good example of "normal" help tremendously.
Load More Replies... brandyy17 1 year ago
my husband is wat saved me from my abuse. ive mentioned in other comments stuff ive had to deal with but my parents completely changed wen i met my husband. he taught me things my parents never did. he realized my parents wanted me to just b stuck with them like a live in maid. i did chores but i never did them good enough according to my parents. they also thought my anxeity disorder and panic attacks were fake for a very long time. i knew wat real family was supposed to b like bc of my grandparents, cousins and friends but never had a normal family life everyday until i was engaged. my husband and his family saved me.
Gracie Mae 1 year ago
Yeah, parents don't tend to be appreciative when you point out the abuse they afflict...denial is NOT just a river...
#12
My dad screamed at me for 20 minutes when I was 11, called me a b***h and told me to get the hell out of his house when I casually mentioned we seem to argue more than other families.
Edit, my heart hurts for everyone who shared their trauma. I'm giving you all a big hug right now. Things can get better, and I'm hoping it does for all of you. When you can, address your trauma, reach out and talk to someone. My dad regrets not having talked to someone about what he went through as a kid because of how much it hurt his own family. The problem with taking the stance of simply "refusing to be my (blank)", is you create a whole new set of bad behaviors because you are trying to over compensate. Freedom is acknowledging that in some ways you may be like (blank), but that doesn't make you them.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
Wise words. My grandfather was an evil SOB but I still have to acknowledge that I inherited certain traits from him, such as hoarding tendencies and selfishness.
whodunnitfan2013 1 year ago
And I applaud you for that. That's maturity and self-awareness. Acknowledging your flaws isn't always pessimism.
Load More Replies... Nitka Tsar 1 year ago
There is a German saying. „Einsicht ist der erste Schritt zur Besserung“. It‘s „insight is the first step to improvement“
brandyy17 1 year ago
i kno this feeling well. my dad told me to get out bc i mentioned we were almost out of dog food. my parents fed the dog in the morning and i would after i got home from school. how the heck was i supposed to kno we were almost out wen he was the last one to feed the dog. i was at school all day. he literally pushed me out the door and locked it behind me. my keys were inside the house and there was no cell phones back then so i had to sit in the freezing cold rain in the middle of december (im in new york) waiting for my mom to get home. she found me soaking wet no jacket or wearing anything warm and yelled at my dad for hours while i lied in bed with a ton of blankets. ended up getting pnuemonia and my mom didnt leave the house until i was better. once i was better and able to go back to school right before my dad left for work he told me i dont deserve to live in his house. i told him how its my moms house too cuz her name is also on the house deed and she wants me here. my mom told me alot of things to say to my dad if he ever tried to kick me out again while i was sick. after i mentioned the house deed he never tried it again. i was 10 wen this happened.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Mmm, dad gets upset by an observation and then immediately provides irrefutable proof of its accuracy.
Which of these stories affected you the most, Pandas? Have you known anyone who has had to live in a truly toxic household? How would you support someone who’s gone through such traumatic experiences?
On the other hand, how do you ensure a healthy and happy environment at home? Share your thoughts in the comments.
#13
For reference, I’m a Boomer, so I’ve seen a ton of changes here in the dear old US of A.
When I was in grade school, we were on vacation in Arkansas, driving by a building I must assume was a diner/burger joint of some kind bc it was visible from the road. Even more conspicuous was the enormous sign reading “COLOREDS SERVED IN THE REAR” with a big arrow.
I was learning to read and, practicing, read the sign aloud. My father, who was driving, nodded his head and said, “Exactly as it should be.”
Even though I was only six, that was my wake-up call.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
The signs may have disappeared for the most part, but you can bet your bottom dollar that the sentiment remains alive and strong, unfortunately. We must fight dehumanisation of all kinds at every turn.
PHOTOBOB 1 year ago
The old train depot in Punta Gorda, Florida still has the ticket doors marked "WHITE" and "COLORED". When the station was renovated the local black community was consulted and they said they wanted to keep the signs as a reminder of our past. The depot is no longer in use but has exhibits depicting the depot's history and houses and antique market.
Tiger 1 year ago
It’s so incredibly awful that there are still people alive today who remember this kind of treatment toward Black people and POC, because it wasn’t that long ago (and I pray we as a species never regress this far backwards ever again 😑)
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
I'm afraid that the regress is already going strong. Look at people's reaction to people of color being represented in big popculture franchises.
Load More Replies...
Lee Henderson 1 year ago
I was reared in Virginia and racism was rampant when I was a child (1960s). While racism still exists the youngsters now who cry racism have no idea what it used to be like.
María Hermida 1 year ago
That fact that it was much worse in the past doesn't mean it's ok now. If s person is discriminated for whatever reason they have every right to "cry racism". Yeah, in the past black people used to be lynched for minor "offences". Does it mean youngsters now have to put up with racist attitudes and be happy because they will only be insulted instead of lynched?
Load More Replies... Damned_Cat 1 year ago (edited)
My dad told me about his hometown in Missouri (Back in the 1930's) that had signs all over town warning black people to be off the streets by dusk, saying "(N-word), don't let the sun set on you in this town". Disgusting. (Edited to add timeframe)
that one guy 12 months ago
I live in Missouri and haven't really seen any examples of this, there might be some in the super rural parts but in St. Louis and its surrounding counties I haven't seen any of it. (Btw, if you plan on going to St. Louis city, don't stay out past dark unless you have a gun, and even then it's still not a good idea. It gets really dangerous really fast.)
Load More Replies...
Heather Barrera 1 year ago
My parents took me to a BBQ place in Florida, 1967. There was a colored service window behind the store along with picnic tables. I was horrified and confused.
El Dee 12 months ago
Aside from South Africa and Nazi Germany I can't think of anywhere that enshrined their racism like the US did. Well...
Robin Roper 1 year ago
I had just gotten my drivers license and needed a form signed from a doctor. My mom sent me to a doctor in town that she had seen as a "work in" patient. I parked in the back, went in the first door I saw and checked in with the receptionist. This woman kept telling me I was welcome in the other waiting area where I would be more comfortable. My dumb a** white self didn't know I was in the "black" waiting room; I was breaking down color barriers and didn't even know it.
#14
When my overly religious grandma tried to defend her blatant favoritism of my older sister by telling me that I was “born evil”.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
I was told that if we had any children, they would die horribly and it would be all my fault for trapping my (now) husband (I'm Jewish; they were staunch Catholics). We were in a relationship for a long time before we married and decided to have children. So far, so good. Of course I worry about them every single day, but that's mainly because of the other traumatic things that have happened in my life not because of what this batty old cow said.
Gabriele Alfredo Pini 1 year ago
"Jesus was a Jew, he was never baptized in the name of the Trinity and only went to one mass" I like in destroying the christo-fascists, as their knowledge of their faith normally is only skin-deep.
Load More Replies... 
that one guy 12 months ago
Little biblical problem with that, everyone is born with sin, that's why the churches baptize kids so young. Claiming that the older sister was born without evil or sin is akin to claiming she was Jesus incarnate
AuschwitzBaker 12 months ago (edited)
Always the self righteous pricks. These are the same adults who actually believe that penguins walked all the way from Antarctica to get on the foching arc in the middle east. Also these are the people who pretend to drink blood and eat pretend flesh. But are calling us Pagans freaky. 😆 🤣
Nathan Lewis 1 year ago
my response : "You'd think if your precious lord was so all-powerful he could have made it so I was born good"
#15
When my friend pointed out that most people are allowed to shower every day without having to negotiate it.
Sue User 1 year ago
Went on a school trip at 15. Some kids drank, some made out. I took a shower after 10 pm. For 20 minutes. It was glorious.
Dusty's mom 1 year ago (edited)
Sounds like my school trip. The grandma of a fellow student went with us just for fun. She was a much more interesting person than my classmates and she and I palled around the whole trip. Drinking and partying was already common back home. No big deal. I traveled to gain insight and learn. I heartily recommend traveling with someone elderly who is not family. You might get a much different perspective on life.
Load More Replies... Damned_Cat 1 year ago
My mother suffered with mental issues most of her life and would go through these periods of time where she would get obsessed about different things for different reasons. For a while, when I was about 11 or 12, she wouldn't let me bath every day for the most ridiculous reasons like I use too much water, it wastes soap and shampoo, it makes too much noise, why was I so worried about it, was it because of a boy, etc. It wasn't until a school counselor called my mother to say that I needed to bathe more often that things changed. Then my mother became obsessed about me bathing at random times twice a day and would get mad if I didn't jump right up and do it that moment. It was crazy.
Janissary35680 1 year ago
Negotiate? As in exchange one benefit for another? What's to negotiate? The time? The order? The temperature?
cerinamroth 1 year ago
I think probably more along the lines of "Please, please, mummy, can I have a shower today? I'm itchy and other kids at school are starting to tease me" and the parent withholding it due to being a complete s**t-stain of a human being. I don't blame you for not thinking of this. Most people who haven't had abusive parents realise how depraved people can be towards their own children.
Load More Replies... #16
The family from my dad
My DEAR (note the sarcasm) cousin Stephannie made a peanut cake (the flour had peanuts, it had peanut butter, peanut chocolate and peanut chunks) on her twin's 17th birthday and obviously hers, I'm very allergic peanuts and she knew it. I refused to eat it for obvious reasons, Stephannie shed some crocodile tears as she said that she had lovingly made the cake so we can all eat it.
Between my Aunt Karen, her husband and my paternal grandparents they forced me to eat a HUGE piece of that cake while Sophie (Stephannie's twin and birthday girl that day) called out for emergencies outside the house.
I almost died, but everyone who forced me to eat that piece of cake spent only 3 years in jail because "they did not know about my allergy and I was a rebellious teenager who was very picky about food."
Some of my father's brothers and sisters (who were at the birthday and did nothing) say it was too immature of me to sue them after they nearly k*lled me.
**I was 14 years old, Stephannie and Sophie that day they turned 17.**.
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago
If I could, I would've had those sh*tf*ck excuse of scums trialed in court for attempted murder and those moronic "immature" critics charged as accessories. Though I guess a 3 year-sentence would have to suffice, albeit insufficient >:-(
#17
When my ex sister-in-law broke into my house and started painting my living room while I was at work. Apparently, she didn't like the colour and that would just *ruin* her Christmas.
"Disembodied voice" 1 year ago
It's ridiculous either way but I wonder what colour the room was.
Chyppa Homer 1 year ago
That devious woman ! Can I get her number ? I'd like to invite her over for the hollidays... :D
Tiger 1 year ago
Hahaha 😂 I wonder if my messy kitchen and fridge would “ruin” her Christmas too, she’s welcome over here!
Load More Replies...
John Dilligaf 1 year ago
I'll have to reserve judgment on this until I learn what color she was painting it and how good a job she was doing.
#18
I was 9 and I was really nice to poor guy selling shirts out of the back of his truck. My dad pulled me away and told me directly "it's great to be nice to people, Chris, but be mean too. You want people to be a little scared of you"
Even at 9 I was like "bruh that's not... Great" and it really was an interaction that shaped our relationship. I went on to teach, have a vibrant friend group (every year a dozen of us meet up for new years and were in the 10th year this year!), and generally I love people. It's in my work and in every fibre of my life.
He... Died alone of an overdose about 10 years ago. The funeral would've been basically empty if not for all the friends who came to console me.
Tiger 1 year ago
You should never aim to make people scared of you. I hate people who act all tough and intimidating on purpose because they think they’re some kind of big shot.
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
Also a gentle, soft-spoken person who gets angry is 100x scarier than any mf who acts tough and intimidating all the time.
Load More Replies... Dusty's mom 1 year ago
It was a front to deal with the stuff your dad couldn't handle. Not saying it was good. Just his coping mechanism. I wonder if he was a Boomer or Greatest Gen? We were taught to put up fronts and get on with life. Relationships were thought to weaken people. Really glad a lot of the stigma of getting help has reduced. Still needs a ton of work, though.
Paul Jayne 12 months ago
My ex-BIL was abusive towards my sister and their kids until they finally separated. He had been married twice before. He was conceited and treated colleagues and relatives disrespectfully. Last I heard he was living alone, surviving on social security, in a trailer park somewhere. He has five adult children, possibly more. Some A/holes just get what they deserve.
Mother of Cats 1 year ago
Whilst I might not agree with how his dad worded it, I'll err on the side of maybe it came out wrong? There are people out there that will do you wrong. This post reads more of a humblebrag by OP more than anything which is strange for someone who "loves people." Maybe don't gloat so much?
#19
When my mother and I were on a heated phone call with each other and she said how much I "hurt her" and I had the courage to say "well what about how you hurt me?" And her response was "Well yeah I MEANT to hurt you!". Big eye opener that one.
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago
OP's response should be: So we are EVEN now! Goodbye and see you NEVER!
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
Whe I was almost 30, my mother yelled at me "You've never grown up!" Gee, mom, who was in charge of me when that wasn't happening?
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
My mother asked why I had a psychiatrist and I said some of it was from her actions - she outright denied having ever put me in a traumatic situation or poisoning me against my father.
#20
I have a lot of these and they're all pretty crazy, but I'll go with the first one. When I was six years old, my aunt (who was my guardian), faked my grandmothers death. She lied to all of us. Local churches, her friends, and strangers for sympathy and money. She wrote to multiple people asking for support. She needed money for a headstone and the funeral, etc. People bought into it.
You can imagine our surprise a year later when we received a letter from our grandma saying she was coming to see us.
#21
My mom said I love you at the end of a phone conversation when I was 22 and I realized it was the first time she ever said that.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
I'm 42 and still waiting. (Not really, given up on that in order to free myself!)
Papa 1 year ago
I heard it fairly often from my mother, but I don't believe she really understood what it meant, so it didn't mean much. I don't remember my father ever saying it, but he didn't need to. His actions showed beyond a doubt that he did.
Load More Replies...
Sven Horlemann 12 months ago
Uh. I am 58, my mother 83, after 40 years she now expects biweekly calls. I mean, ok. But "I love you"? I do not think I ever heard that.
Ovata Acronicta 1 year ago
Grandma was like that too. She waited til the night Dad said "I love you" to her, then she left. Could've heard it from him more if she expressed it. IDK. Just getting up on Xmas, and her birthday shortly after, and it's the second time without her and it's all sorts of feelings. We'd probably be lucky to hear a "f**k you" for Xmas though.
Gracie Mae 1 year ago
I was 30 the first time I remember hearing that from my mom. it was the day before i was having surgery, so naturally, i thought i was gonna die!
#22
My aunt called my dad to tell him that I was basically going to hell because I didn’t believe the earth was 6,000 years old and that dinosaurs are fake.
As you may have guessed, she’s a real gem at Christmas time.
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
Even the highest religious authorities now agree with evolution, dinosaurs and everything. So IMO the problem is not religion, but ignorance.
Earonn - 1 year ago
The problem is that these highest authorities only agreed when it would have shown everyone how stupid and bigoted they were, if they hadn't. And instead of going the full mile, they only step as far as they have to. And it's rarely about the social implications of the science they admit to be true. Dinosaurs? Sure. A woman as pope? F**k you.
Load More Replies...
#23
Bill Burr told a joke
No one thinks they have an anger problem until they punch out the clown at their kid's birthday party
For whatever reason it really made me step back and ask why the hell am I so angry all the god damn time? Because my parents never wanted a kid so they raised me like a dog.
>You've got treats! You've got toys! Food and shelter! Why do you keep bothering me?
When I dropped out of high school I was practically god damn feral. No social skills, no discipline, not even a personality. The end result of neglect and emotional abuse.
Its been a real trip to experience a supportive, emotional and loving relationship for the first time as an adult though. I've really got the most wonderful wife on the planet.
edit: People are still reading this so I kind of want to pull this back a bit. My parents aren't bad people they are victims of far worse abuse. My grandfather was straight off the set of Mad Men and my great grandfather (other side) was a nazi pedophile. Insert anchorman gif here. Bill Burr talks a lot about generational improvement and that's the way I really view this. It excites me to think that if I work hard enough on my own problems my kids will be the "chosen ones" who get to be the right mix of f****d up and normal.
#24
Years ago I was in the hospital after getting stabbed in the abdomen. Went under and the ems had to bring me back, woke up in the hospital full of stitches, but still alive.
I had a really great group of friends that came throughout the weeks of my being there. To the point that I got my own room because it was disturbing fellow patients I shared a room with and the staff were super nice about it.
Only family member to visit was my younger sister. My mom, dad, other four siblings.... None of them came, and my mom only phoned and communicated to me through the nurses, never speaking directly to me until I was back at home.
And this was during a time where we actually had a decent (comparative to other times in life) relationship.
T.M.P Janssen 1 year ago (edited)
F*****g hell, my mother would have stayed at my bedside for every second visitors are allowed. How can a family care so little?
Kelly Scott 1 year ago
I had an aneurysm and was in ICU for a week. My mother didn't call to see how I was doing. Not once.
Load More Replies...
Robin DJW 1 year ago
People who are in hospitals nowadays are really sick. For comparison, gall bladder removal was a 2-week hospital stay in 1971. It's now overnight at most. I was in the hospital last spring for several weeks (not due to trauma, and not surgery). A tip to friends and relatives: Your loved one is SICK and tired and possibly in pain. Unless specifically invited by the patient to stay, limit visits to 15 minutes and then be off. Don't bring gifts. It's just "stuff" that the patient has to deal with. They will love it later but in the meantime they have to worry about getting it home. Do not bring edibles. The patient might well be on a restricted diet of some sort. Do YOU know how to gift someone on a 2gm sodium diet? There are many ways to be concerned and considerate to very ill people. Imagine if you can what it might be like to be unable to get up to go to the bathroom, or even sit up for more than 10 minutes, then go from there.
Robin Roper 1 year ago (edited)
This is despicable and there should have been intervention by the hospital social worker. Our mom was in the hospital for 28 days, either I or one of my other 3 sisters were there every hour of every day. The nurses somehow found a rollaway bed that we never let leave our sight. Our mom was moved several times; we'd fold the bed and off it would roll with us to the new room. We didn't think our mom would leave the hospital alive, but she did and lived another 6 years.
#25
My wife helped me come to the realization. Out of myself and my two brothers, i was the only one to have never been arrested, yet i was the only my parents did not buy a car for. I had to be moved out of the house, two f*****g states away and teach myself how to drive illegally to get my drivers license, but my brothers were sure taken care of and driving to school on their own. I had my wife (girlfriend at the time) over to my parents for christmas dinner. My mom offers me a glass of champagne, about 2 months before my 21st birthday. No big deal, right? My stepdad proceeds to throw a temper tantrum about how im underage and not in his house and all this s**t. Well a couple months later found out he bought my little brother ( his biological child) a bottle of high end bourbon for his 18th birthday. When i was in the service they had a whole bunch of deep sea fishing trips and pro sports games they would go to without even so much as asking if i could come. They didnt come to my bootcamp graduation that i offered to pay for. didnt see me off when i was deployed. wasnt there when i came back. great times. Much more s**t i cant think of right now.
john doe 1 year ago
Wow honestly when I deployed it my family did come see me off and I didn't have them there when we returned I don't know what I would have done, those are some of the most difficult parts of anyone's life. I know most people don't understand but being deployed is a little like dying for a little while, your life gets put on hold and while deployed your new life takes over to the point where you can't relate and keep up with the changes going on at home. Without family to help you feel loved back home it would be a very difficult time/transition when you return.
Stephen Gundrum 1 year ago
My younger brother got everything handed to him. I got told to figure it out on my own.
Gracie Mae 1 year ago
i can't imagine missing my son's boot camp graduation day, or being there for him when he left AND got back from deployment...sorry that anyone goes through all that without a parent there for support!
#26
I was about 23/22 when my mom got drunk and starting throwing my stuff on the front lawn and yelling at me to move out. The o ly thing I can recall doing was taking a shower before work. She pushed me outside and I just stood there looking at my stuff and thought "I have to get out of here and I can never come back."
That was like 13 years ago. I found a room to rent on Craigslist, went back to school and got a career, got married, and bought a house. I'm doing good now but I never returned home until after my mom died.
ohmyjustme 1 year ago
I was 15. I was getting ready for school, and my existence annoyed my brother, the Golden Child. I was kicked out then and there by my mother. What a hard road it's been. I relate to you- just the shock. The rejection of your being.
María Hermida 1 year ago
Are you ok now? I hope so. I really can't understand why some people have children. They should be spayed like dogs.
Load More Replies... Earonn - 1 year ago
I had a drunk mother doing that to a friend of mine because she had a party - the party her mother allowed her to have for her birthday. What really got me was that we called the police (this was in Germany in the 80s) and those f*****s did NOTHING to get this young woman back into her own home - all while her stuff, including breakable things, were reigning down on us from the second floor. We had to stuff 8 (yes!) people into a Fiat Uno and the only driver who hadn't drunk (because we planned to stay the night, it was by mere chance that he was still sober) had to drive us all home. The police officers "graciously" allowed us to overload the car like that.So, it's f*****g horrible parents and the police basically telling their abused children to get tae f**k. Polizei Paderborn, ihr wart Scheiße.
#27
Meeting regular parents and witnessing them actually be good to their kids,help them,love them and teach them valuable lessons about life. Not yelling for every small mistake they did. Also now realising that not every raised hand is about to hit you sometimes its there to pet you. But unfortunately for me it wasn't the case.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
Becoming a parent myself has been such a rollercoaster for this reason. I am inspired by other loving parents every single day - but it makes me so sad for the young me at the same time. I think it makes me very empathetic towards other parents though.
brandyy17 1 year ago
my dad would raise he hand at me and do the motion of about to hit me. i understand this completely. bc of this even wen ppl next to me in class to ask a question id flinch. he stopped wen i was in my mid 20s but 10 years later i still flinch. i also flinch wen someone raises their voice suddenly. if its my husband i have gotten used to him bc i kno its video game rage or watever else is bugging him its not at me basically but anyone else i flinch even if its not directed at me. so thanks dad for an annoying reflex that causes me to feel like im having a mini heart attack
Robin DJW 1 year ago
My mother had been sadly abused as a child. She and my dad married right after WWII, and they discussed this. She was a small woman, but with my dad's help and love, had the strength to break the cycle. She and my dad were great parents. I was so lucky. I miss them both still, and I am way past my 60s.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
This. I tried spending lots of weekends at other friends from boarding school rather than be home.
Dorothy Reiser 1 year ago
On the other hand, my kids realized how lucky they were when they saw some of their friends' families.
cerinamroth 10 months ago
I can tell you that the worst of it was still hidden. I didn't invite people round to my house and I stopped having friends because I thought I was somehow poisonous.
Load More Replies...
#28
The day I joined a specialty school and was informed that it was not, in fact, normal for my father and brother to relentlessly mock me for my Autism.
Literally spent 15 years being called horrid things and being patronized for my interests, and I legitimately thought that was just what male family members did, because my mother would never stop them.
Gregory Garcia 1 year ago
AHole military family. R Lee Erney is a carebear compared to my father and uncles. Glad theyre dead
Tortitude 1 year ago
You got down voted. I fixed it. Whoever down voted you doesn't know what you had to endure
Load More Replies...
#29
Reading this thread!
I never thought the fighting, arguing, cold wars, unidirectional communications, long lack of communication, were actually because I am in a toxic family.
Maybe I am part of the problem too.
Will work hard trying to not repeat that with my kids. Hope...
"Disembodied voice" 1 year ago
This is relatable. It took a long time to realize my father was abusive, it was never physical and we had happy moments. So I figured we just didn't get along or that it wasn’t bad enough to be abusive, but no, kids shouldn't fear their parents.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
I'm still struggling to accept this about my father too, and he nearly killed my beloved sister! And then we never spoke about it again. (But I slept with my mattress against my bedroom door until I left home.) But we had good moments sometimes... God, what a mess.
Load More Replies... Ariadne Toms 1 year ago
One word....therapy....it's impossible to navigate your way out of that maze or pass it on to your kids without it. Don't rely on "willpower" cos this s**t has been hardwired into you and takes conscious effort to undo
cerinamroth 1 year ago
A couple of words: Access, and affordability. But I agree. I am very thankful to live in a country where therapy is both accessible and affordable. It has literally saved my life.
Load More Replies...
Mary Kelly 12 months ago
it can often be hard to realize a toxis environment b/c there are so many people trying to make you beleive that you are the cause fo the abuse...you are naughty or too sensitive or exagerrating or lying...and those people are very good at it...realizing that they are the problem and that you cannot and will ever be able to change them is liberating...really opens new pathways foward
#30
Told my mom I was depressed and she basically told me to deal with it myself.
That was four years ago and I’m still having a s****y time of it.
brandyy17 1 year ago
i wish i got that response. my parents told me to stop being dramatic while i was on the ground struggling to breathe due to a panic attack. thankfully my neighbor came by saw me and called for an ambulance immediately. i was in the hospital for 3 days and to this day i have trouble breathing properly bc of the stress put onto my throat while trying to breathe for an hour. why did my panic attack go on for that long? its cuz my parents kept yelling at me and my dad even tried pulling me to stand up and his grip hurt like hell. i had the original reason for the panic attack (which they also were the reason for) and added on fear and anxeity. once i was home my parents yelled at me bc my drama wasted doctor and nurses precious time that they couldve been using on someone else. my parents didnt come to the hospital at all. my neighbor did and on the way home she told me my parents refused to listen to wat they had to say so they went against policy and told my neighbor everything instead. after that i changed my emergency contact to my neighbor bc it was very clear my parents believed mental disorders r fake. they thought my epilepsy was fake too until i had a full blown seizure and cracked the back of my skull on the corner of a granite counter top during my fall to the ground. took until i was 25 for them to learn anxeity disorder is a real thing. thankfully it took them only a year to learn epilepsy was real too. my epilepsy was triggered by puberty which is a rare case. i zoned out alot which is y my parents took me to a nuerologist but they didnt believe just staring and unresponsive wasnt a seizure so they refused to give me the meds the nuerologist perscribed. took a full year for me to have a full blown seizure but they believed after watching me almost die. they r still on the fence about the anxeity disorder and think some things i can just stop being anxious about if i think differently but nope not how disorders work. and wen i say they believed mental disorders arent real that includes bi polar, depression, multi personality, schizophrenia etc. they r my adoptive parents and i can say that mental disorders werent a thing in their family trees like my cousins dont have any mental disorders either its just me. so i can kinda understand that between their boomer mind set and never actually knowing anyone with one can make them think the way they did. however not listening to professional doctors about it is where their bad parenting shines.
Brian Droste 1 year ago
I am so sorry you had to go through all that. I am a boomer myself. I don't have any children even if I did have any children when I was younger as soon as something like that happened to one of my. Children I would have either called a ambulance or got him/her to the emergency room..
Load More Replies...
#31
11 years old when my mom and i came home to my aunt stealing our stereo equipment, when my mom confronted her, she pulled a knife. at the same moment my uncle happened to be driving by, slammed on the breaks, reversed and then came into the yard on the lawn and hit the corner of the house a little bit, jumped out of the van and pulled a gun on my aunt.
as my mom unpacked everything to me later she explained that my aunt was stealing to get money for her d**g habit. much later i found out that my uncle was high as a kite and shouldn't have been driving at all. i look back on that day as the day i decided not to do d***s.
to be fair my nuclear family was generally your standard loving functional family. it was just my moms half siblings that were toxic, always taking money and never around unless they had to. after my mom died my aunt called me looking for money and i pretty much hung up and never talked to any of them again.
#32
My mom makes up lies then makes me look like the liar.
#33
Whenever my mom would always tell me that I love my friends more than my family everytime I get home from hanging out with my friends. Note that I seldom do leave the house to hang out with them (once every other week tops because I'm mostly introverted).
It's even worse if I go out for two consecutive days or more smh. It's suffocating and stupid, really.
#34
I was at a family gathering a couple years ago for Christmas and my uncle got genuinely mad when I refused a beer from him. I was 13. My parents stood up for me so I definitely appreciate that.
#35
When I was 4 years old my mom told me that my parents divorced because Dad was a d**g / alcohol addict. She neglected to mention her own problems but suffice to say I’ve been stuck in the middle of their drama for 31 years now as an only child. I remember my dad not showing up to my school’s thanksgiving and eating alone. I remember sitting in the car watching my parents scream at each other. This happened again in high school when they put me in a mental hospital and the therapist tried to do family therapy. Lol. Now they fight over my child.
#36
Every time I said I like this or that I got immediately criticized or questioned or made fun of to make me feel like s**t.
#37
I'm 23, but my opinion doesn't matter for I'm the youngest in the family.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
There were opinions I had as a teenager that my family followed. For some of them, I very much wish they hadn't.
Gracie Mae 1 year ago
i'm 60 & 'the strong one' so no one takes my feelings into account...nothing is supposed to hurt my feelings
Tiger 1 year ago
Honestly my opinion didn’t seem to start to matter until I turned 30 (and I’m only 32 now). It’s like I was still a teenager to them in my 20s 😅
Hellcaste's Wife 1 year ago
Same. I'm the youngest by 11 years; they were 17, 15, 13 and 11 when I was born. My opinion still doesn't matter. IDGAF, I haven't talked to my siblings in years. It's whatever at this point.
Load More Replies... #38
When I read the definition for "parentification" somewhere on Reddit and quarantine. My father is paralyzed and my mom can be childish or immature at times, but she tries her best and works two jobs. I have been taking care of my sister since she entered Kindergarten, which included waking her up, making sure she was dressed and cleaned, and making her meals. Now that we're in quarantine, I do everything around the house (cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc.) and I sometimes have to do grocery runs. I hadn't known this wasn't normal until recently, and I honestly don't know how to feel about it.
#39
When my mom told me to stop coming in and talking about the things I enjoyed because they didn't care and it was being disruptive. There were other signs before that but that's one that's seared into the back of my mind.
#40
When my mom and dad finally separated because they finally admitted that all that fighting wasn't normal. I'd talked to them in my young teens about how I hate how they fight so much, and my mom said all married couples fight like that and that it was normal.
Now I'm 18 and they separated this year, and they realized it is not normal or healthy to have "discussions" that involve screaming, tears, clenched fists and everything short of physically harming each other nearly every day. Neither of them are abusive, they are both good parents but they were just in a bad relationship and thought that staying together would make me and my sisters happier, when in reality I wish they would've separated years ago. They brought out the worst in each other.
And my mom came out as lesbian so part of the reason she was angry all the time was from repressing her sexuality.
#41
In general, my siblings constantly critize and mock me for everything I do. They will both gang up on me when all three of us are together. Christmas is no longer enjoyable.
My dad abused my mum and my siblings as kids. He refuses to believe he ever did it.
My mum saw my cuts and didn't try to get me help.
I'm seventeen. I live with mum, just me and her. Some days I think about going to live with my dad for a while, or with my sister when she offers...but then I remember either way I'll be unhappy.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
The good news is at 17, you're nearly old enough to break free and start building your life how *you* want it. You never have to see them again if you don't want to.
Ariadne Toms 1 year ago
Study hard. Get a good job. Money (not the love of money) equals freedom and independence.
Kalikima 1 year ago
I cut in high school. I didn't try to hide it, ever. Only my friends and 1 teacher ever said anything about it. My friends tried to get me to stop, the teacher took my excuse of having a new cat. My mom never noticed. Now we talk about it, 30 years later, and she wonders how she could have been so blind. But that's just how she is, if it's inconvenient, she doesn't have time for it. She's trying to do better now, but sometimes she still doesn't understand me. For the record, I haven't cut in 10 years. Last time I did, I needed 8 stitches. I realized it was getting out of hand, and made myself stop. But it's hard, the urge is there when I feel overwhelmed.
#42
My dad would offend have arguments with my mum, my mum would run off and my dad would tell me (a child 6-14) that she was going to k*ll her self.
#43
I married into a toxic family.
My husband realized it when his sister attacked me (verbally-out of the blue) to him for an hour...and then blamed him for making her husband hate the entire family... everyone else in the family who was within earshot all claimed to have not noticed or heard anything. It was loud and long. They knew. He was pretty shellshocked by the whole thing. It was ignored and NEVER resolved or discussed.
It's a very large family.
I have been the black sheep ever since even though I wasn't even in the 'fight'.
I would actually take responsibily for anything if I knew what made her so mad at the time.
I apologized to her and she has never even admitted anything happened.
She was having a really tough time in her marriage and is now divorced.
We didn't live in town so each visit was a nice pleasant and we all got along fine prior to this.
#44
Realizing how unapproachable they are. I don’t feel comfortable talking with anyone. That’s why I have Reddit.
#46
My mom attacking me and lying to the police to make it seem like I prompted the fight and threatened me w a criminal record :( I'm not someone who fights im just a lil nerd.
#47
Parents fighting every time they’re in the same room and one of them always complains about the other. I’m 21 and they still do this.
#48
I was at my grandmother's house and there was a guy outside working in the yard. I'd say roughly mid to late 30's, kinda disheveled appearance. And he had talked to my parents about payment for work and what else had to be done and all that jazz.
He goes back to working and my mom comments on his appearance and how he may have "not went to school." I called her out on it, especially since my parents go to church and keep Christian paraphernalia around the house. She stumbled for an excuse but couldn't find one to justify her behavior.
My dad in particular tends to talk s**t about anyone who either he feels is beneath him or that he feels is "dumb.".
#49
When my mom told me, "Don't tell me I'm wrong. It's rude. Even if it will hurt others, I'm not wrong because I'm older than you.".
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago (edited)
Sorry not sorry, but almost having my stuff bought with my hard-earned money taken away by some sh*tbucket uncles and aunts for their children put me in a situation where I straight-up bellowed "HELL NO, and if you so much as touch that I will pick up that phone and dial 999 (police number in my area)!" Of course, they tried to reprimand me because they were my elders but years of tolerating their bullrot left me with a nasty snarl and mean disposition when it came to dealing with them when I finally hit 18 and had a part-time job. Guess who immediately backed off when I verbally lashed at them about taking my stuff for their kids since forever and I also gave my grandparents quite the shellacking as well for just letting it happen. Just because you are older doesn't mean you are always wiser, people...! >:-(
Janissary35680 1 year ago (edited)
To which the proper response is "Wisdom comes from having experience, intelligence, and compassion not from just living longer."
#50
Waking up every day to my dad screaming at my mom as a kid, and my mom aying the victim's to blame for domestic violence too.
What do you think ?
Jenny Barnes 1 year ago
A relative of mine was fostering a little girl that was taken from her d**g addled parents. We were sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner when this little girl, small for her age due to food neglect tripped over a rug and the cup of milk she was carrying fell to the floor. I think before the glass had stopped moving this child was in a ball on the floor crying, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Please don't hit me!" She was terrified. When she wasn't yelled at and we just picked up the milk (cup was plastic, cause you know, kids are not coordinated) and was allowed to sit in her chair and eat dinner without being yelled at astonished her. It took my relative many years to gently guide her that she was not to blame for the abuse she suffered.
Schnitzel 1 year ago
I fled Sweden (to Los Angeles) when I was 17 because I couldn't deal with my parents anymore but thanks to them, I was looking for people to hang with in all the wrong places. Ended up with a man that mentally, and physically, abused me for 7 years. When he threw me out on the streets, in Los Angeles.., I had to live with "street workers" in a motel. That was a riot and a half..I finally subdued my pride and called my parents in the hope that they would help me move back to Sweden because my BF had made sure that I had nothing. The answer I got was: "what have you done to make him mad??!!-you better apologize." NO, m***********s! I won't apologize to him and you just lost a daughter.
CD Mills 12 months ago
I am REALLY NOT LIKING these article cut-offs with, "Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium Unlimited content Ad-free browsing Dark mode Subscribe now" You guys are going to run people off if you keep pushing Subscription plans and blocking contact behind paywalls! I'm not too far from leaving for good. BOO! BORED PANDA, BOO!
Kimberly Bailey 1 year ago
Reading these makes me so grateful for my not perfect but still awesome parents...and so sad for everyone that dealt with/still dealing with parents that failed and abused them. If I could hug you all that need it I would!! <3
Mark Childers 1 year ago
I can relate to No. 12. Luckily my parents were divorced, but my mother forced us to spend time with our toxic father. He was the worst when he had us alone, especially in the car. We would beg her not to make us go with him, but she would. It was horrible, and I'm not sorry he's gone now. I was NC for many years. We also had to endure a lot of religious abuse by our mother. The bible is not the word of god. It was written by angry, bitter men. Anyone who takes the time to actually read it would recognize that. It's terrible what religion has done to people.
Kill-Bunny 1 year ago
There were a lot of things and mental/financial abuse. But the one, that have opened my eyes and I realized I need to start working on myself was when we were having drinks with my mom (I was about 20) and both got a bit tipsy, and she just randomly said, that the only reason I was not physically abused by her was because I grew tall and big very fast, was strong and she was afraid, that I would fight back and she would get some too, and she didn't want to get injured. She was right though, I would have fought back, because from all the abuse, somehow my reaction in times of danger was always fight.
Jenny Barnes 1 year ago
A relative of mine was fostering a little girl that was taken from her d**g addled parents. We were sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner when this little girl, small for her age due to food neglect tripped over a rug and the cup of milk she was carrying fell to the floor. I think before the glass had stopped moving this child was in a ball on the floor crying, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Please don't hit me!" She was terrified. When she wasn't yelled at and we just picked up the milk (cup was plastic, cause you know, kids are not coordinated) and was allowed to sit in her chair and eat dinner without being yelled at astonished her. It took my relative many years to gently guide her that she was not to blame for the abuse she suffered.
Schnitzel 1 year ago
I fled Sweden (to Los Angeles) when I was 17 because I couldn't deal with my parents anymore but thanks to them, I was looking for people to hang with in all the wrong places. Ended up with a man that mentally, and physically, abused me for 7 years. When he threw me out on the streets, in Los Angeles.., I had to live with "street workers" in a motel. That was a riot and a half..I finally subdued my pride and called my parents in the hope that they would help me move back to Sweden because my BF had made sure that I had nothing. The answer I got was: "what have you done to make him mad??!!-you better apologize." NO, m***********s! I won't apologize to him and you just lost a daughter.
CD Mills 12 months ago
I am REALLY NOT LIKING these article cut-offs with, "Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium Unlimited content Ad-free browsing Dark mode Subscribe now" You guys are going to run people off if you keep pushing Subscription plans and blocking contact behind paywalls! I'm not too far from leaving for good. BOO! BORED PANDA, BOO!
Kimberly Bailey 1 year ago
Reading these makes me so grateful for my not perfect but still awesome parents...and so sad for everyone that dealt with/still dealing with parents that failed and abused them. If I could hug you all that need it I would!! <3
Mark Childers 1 year ago
I can relate to No. 12. Luckily my parents were divorced, but my mother forced us to spend time with our toxic father. He was the worst when he had us alone, especially in the car. We would beg her not to make us go with him, but she would. It was horrible, and I'm not sorry he's gone now. I was NC for many years. We also had to endure a lot of religious abuse by our mother. The bible is not the word of god. It was written by angry, bitter men. Anyone who takes the time to actually read it would recognize that. It's terrible what religion has done to people.
Kill-Bunny 1 year ago
There were a lot of things and mental/financial abuse. But the one, that have opened my eyes and I realized I need to start working on myself was when we were having drinks with my mom (I was about 20) and both got a bit tipsy, and she just randomly said, that the only reason I was not physically abused by her was because I grew tall and big very fast, was strong and she was afraid, that I would fight back and she would get some too, and she didn't want to get injured. She was right though, I would have fought back, because from all the abuse, somehow my reaction in times of danger was always fight.
You May Like Man Expects Sympathy After Wife Bans All His Guests, Gets A Brutal Reality Check Instead Teen Moves Out With Sister, Mom Can't Believe They Used Her Threats Against Her Husband Refuses To Let His Wife Be Humiliated At Thanksgiving, Takes Their Kids And Leaves
Shelly Fourer
Mindaugas Balčiauskas
Ieva Pečiulytė
Related on Bored Panda
