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“I Was Neglected” & 31 Other Stories Of Folks’ Happy Memories Turning Out To Be Royally Messed Up
Have you ever been going through your childhood or younger memories, and suddenly you understood a certain situation in a whole different light than you did before? Perhaps you didn't have enough life experience before, didn't have the needed knowledge or insight to comprehend what exactly was happening.
Well, today's list is about such realizations. Only catch — all of them are about people realizing that said memory from their younger years is a pretty messed-up one. And, well, they range from pretty tame to essentially criminal ones. So, let's dive in, shall we?
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#1
I thought I was cool because I was always dating all the older men. Literally I’d be 15-16 with 25+ year olds. Looking back, it was fn disgusting.
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#2
I thought we were having a big 2 month long sleepover with my friend and his family when I was 6. Apparently my mum and I were homeless. .
Kelly H. Wilder 3 months ago
We were homeless for a period of time when I was young, but I didn't know it until later. We lived on the beach in Humboldt County, CA; my parents made it feel like we were having a special vacation. What could have been registered as trauma was actually magical to me. (I do have CPTSD from my childhood, but this event shows that my parents at least tried to shield me from things sometimes.)
#3
Oh boy, do I have one.
When I was younger there were occasions where my mom would take out this spare mattress, lay it on the living room floor and me, her and my older brother would spend the night on it. I thought it was like cool sleepover time with the family.
When I was a teen I recalled those memories. For context I grew up in a neighborhood with gang activity. Turns out whenever the gang house across the street would get into it with a rival gang and start trying to attack each other, my mom feared stray bullets hitting the house. My room was at the front of the house. The living room floor was one of the furthest points from the front of the house. Really recolored my memory. But it did make the loud helicopters flying over the neighborhood all night suddenly make sense.
Dread Pirate Roberts 3 months ago
Kudos to the mom for disguising survival as fun so the kids won't get scared
Childhood is a part of life meant for figuring things out. Well, technically, your whole life is just figuring things out, if you think about it, but childhood is when you learn everything from scratch, as you’re just a new human being in the works to hopefully become a functioning adult.
And so, this journey comes with us trying things, finding out whether they fit us, whether we like them, whether they benefit us or not. You might put it as “trial and error.”
#4
Christian youth groups with adults who you think of as being mentors, when they were actually predators.
#5
One summer, my cousin and I got to spend nearly the whole summer at a caravan on a site in Wales. Her stepfather took us. It was owned by his parents. We had a ball. Went to every disco, swam every day, played on the beach, went to fairs and shows. I didn't know until I was an adult that we were sent because her mother was gravely ill. She had an operation the day after we left and was in recovery for almost 3 months.
It was the best summer we had as kids. Kinda f****d me up when I realised my little 7 year old cousin could have come home to no mother. Also thought a lot about the fun we were having while Nanny Anne was going thru hell.
#6
Camping in Florida seemed like months…turns out we were homeless.
max_bustamante replied:
Looking back don't you appreciate that your parents made it seem like camping? I grew up dirt poor, but I never really knew it. Mostly because everyone around us was poor and my parents did what they had to. I always appreciated that.looking back, I remember my childhood fondly
BeesEelsAndPups 3 months ago (edited)
When I was a kid my father was disappeared and my mother was put on a k**l list. So we fled the country to the US. This was the 1980s, when being a Latino immigrant was still okay. My mom got a small stipend of $2000/year and one bedroom apartment. Looking back, life was very hard, but my mother and grandmother (who came with us) made it into an adventure. And she still made us feel special. On Christmas my brother and I would each get a chocolate bar for our gifts. They were the best things I could have gotten. It taught me to be grateful for the little things.
Typically, a person goes through trial and error when they have a chance to make choices that lead to wrong or right outcomes. Yet, during childhood, kids do not have decision-making freedom regarding many things.
After all, they have too little life experience and comprehension to make proper choices in many situations. Still, that doesn’t mean that they should be deprived of the freedom to make smaller choices.
#7
I was in grade 3 before I learned that you do not use death threats in everyday conversation with people.
Given how home was, I literally thought that this was how people and families interacted with eachother.
#8
Seat belt laws must not have been enforced very strictly back in the 90’s because when we used to go on family road trips, I’d always ride in the back of our station wagon or the bed of our pickup (the truck bed did have a cover) and there would just be a bunch of pillows and blankets for comfort to prevent bouncing around too hard. As an adult, I obviously realize the safety concerns(it’s the other drivers I don’t trust), but I do still remember having a lot of fun during the ride, and do miss that station wagons barely exist anymore.
#9
Smoking at a young age.
geekworking replied:
Nothing like being trapped in a car with the windows rolled up and two parents chain smoking. When the headache gets so bad you start to dry heave. If you complain parents threaten to give you something to cry about.
Experts argue that allowing children to make certain choices is highly beneficial for their development. For example, letting them choose their clothes, food, activities, and friends – nothing that really impacts their life in the long run, but influences their day-to-day life.
What it does is essentially makes it easier for them to make decisions, to feel in control of their life in some capacity, all of which is important for their maturing.
Of course, the fact that you let them make a choice doesn’t mean that they make the right one, but as we said before, it's trial and error.
#10
When I (M) was about 10 or 11, me and my best friend used to spend all day in the summer hanging out because we both had single moms who worked full time jobs. We thought it was so cool that the guy across the street from my friend, who was probably in his 20s or 30s, would have us over and show us [adult] videos, and let us look at his magazines.
What the absolute f**k.
#11
Running behind the mosquito trucks.
Specific-Yam-2166 replied:
As someone living in the Deep South I honestly sometimes wish this was still a thing 😭
#12
All the homophobic banter when I was a kid in the 1980s and 1990s. I’d laugh along, then one day realised….
Beak Hookage 3 months ago
Oh god, I was alive during the 90s and people were SO racist and homophobic. It was AWFUL. Even us kids were using "gay" and "lesbian" as ignorant playground insults. One reason I am not very nostalgic about my childhood, other than the stuff that happened to me on a personal level, which included being mercilessly bullied for having a disability (undiagnosed, but people could still tell there was "something wrong with her").
For examples of rather poor choices people made in their childhood, take a look at today’s list. It’s full of people’s experiences from their young days of them doing things that shouldn’t have been done, not realizing the situation as it was, and things like that – all of which they realized was kind of or really messed up when they grew up.
Some of these stories are pretty tame, just some misunderstandings, rose-colored glasses, or childish naivety. Others are basically crimes, like a teenager getting groomed by older men and realizing the severity of this situation only years later. So, there’s a whole spectrum of examples served here today.
#13
I loved that I got to be alone for hours on end and could play in peace to my heart's content. I was neglected.
OpalPuff replied:
I just remember the feeling of pure boredom and loneliness when my mom would leave for her classes at the university and my dad would sit at the computer in the garage. If I stepped foot inside the garage I would be met with an aggressive “Go play with your toys!” which made me fearful to ask for anything. I vividly remember choking on a Dorito chip, my dad came out at the last minute, handed me a glass of water and sternly told me to chew my food before heading back into the garage. I remember sitting on the couch in the dark living room wishing my mom would come home already. I was about 4 or 5.
#14
My dad always introducing me as his academically gifted child. Now I can't stand the thought of failure or not being smart enough to an extreme level.
Beak Hookage 3 months ago
This is why gifted and talented children are now considered special needs, at least where I live. Sure they do well in class but the social and emotional ramifications can be incredibly damaging.
#15
My friends mom was so cool. She'd buy us cigarettes and booze when we were like 16. It wasn't until my late 20s that I realized what a loser she was.
Beak Hookage 3 months ago
Giving kids booze and smokes so they'll think you're cool is the absolute height of loser-hood. Around here we have signs in bottle shops saying "you're a parent, not a mate - don't buy it for them!" to warn off the idiots who do this.
Yes, perhaps some of these were direct results of young people making poor choices, others were maybe them being put in bad situations by those around them, but it all comes down to the fact that it was rather messed up.
At least some of them make pretty entertaining stories and a means for character growth. And those that resulted in trauma, well, we can only hope that those people managed to get the help they needed to heal from it and move on with their lives.
Do you have any memory of something seemingly normal in your young days that now you realize was messed up? We would love to hear your stories in the comments!
#16
Surfing in the back of my dads truck while going 60 down the highway at about 10 years old. Amazing then. :).
#17
First person I had s*x with was my high school French teacher. I was 16. She was 36. At the time it seemed awesome. Years later I realize it was messed up.
#18
That my bio-dad allowed me to use power tools without supervision. I remembered I would play with the jigsaw, I would sit on the garage floor and saw away with this piece of board in my lap. How I managed to not hack off my leg(s) is a mystery to me or my guardian angel working overtime.
Ronja Oksanen 3 months ago
When i was around 13yo my family didn't have money to buy new years fireworks so my stepfather took me to his workplace, stone quarry. We lit and threw dynamite instead o.O
#19
Meet a guy at a campground on vacation. He told me I was pretty and tried to kiss me but we got interrupted. My mom kept very close tabs on me until we moved on. She was right: I was 14, he was 21.
#20
That pointing at disabled people in wheelchairs isn't as funny as I thought when I was way younger. Its actually rude as f**k.
Beak Hookage 3 months ago (edited)
I'm reminded of that video set in an alternative reality where able-bodied people are in the minority. Guy goes to the library, but all the books are in Braille. Woman tries to check into a hotel but the clerks are all deaf and only know sign language. And a mentally handicapped child gets scolded by his mentally handicapped mother for rudely pointing at the "normal" woman who's out in public.
#21
I thought it was awesome I could hang out at my best friend’s house and her mom pretty much left us unsupervised to get drunk on her back porch with the neighbors. Friend and i would stay up til all hours of the night in middle and high school talking to strangers on the internet.
#22
When my Dad would be buzzed and drive me around. We both thought it was so much fun when he'd wiggle the steering wheel which made the car swerve and me laugh my a*s off. In his defense he'd do it on empty roads. He hasn't done it since the mid-90s.
#23
My mom would set up playdates or activities for me (both were rare for the generally neglected GenX kids). I didn’t realize until I was older that she was keeping me busy while having affairs with men.
sofacushionfort 3 months ago
Still better than the people who’d knock their kids out with Benadryl on date night
#24
I used to like getting wedgies from my brother.
Not trolling, it's true.
I liked the pressure of the fabric pressing into me and the pain inside my crack was only bad for like twenty seconds before i began chasing that sensation.
When mom realized what was happening, she put a hard stop to it fast. (I was like 6 at the time so i didn't know any better).
Looking back now as an adult i can safely say that yeah that was f****d up (though I was also a weird kid in general).
#25
Had a spontaneous sleepover at the neighbors house one night with all my older siblings while our mom was on a work trip. Didn't know until I was an adult that my dad was a severe alcoholic and came home drunk that night, so we left him home alone to show how close he was to losing us. That was the last time he ever drank that much.
Dread Pirate Roberts 3 months ago
Sounds like there was at least a positive outcome? Still unfortunate that it took semi drastic measures for him to try to get it together. Such is a*******n though...
#26
When I was small I thought bullying is cool but when I grown up now I regret hurting people.
ColdSteelRonin 3 months ago (edited)
I was selective in my bullying. I was bullied by my family and the whole neighborhood until I had my last growth spurt at 12 (5' 11" and 185 lbs. then, 5' 11" 181 lbs. at 54 now). I became a grown man(child) in just over a summer and chose to bully those I would see bullying others. Got in a fair bit of trouble over that, bullies generally cry harder than their victims, but it was worth it IMO.
#27
When I talk about 99% of my childhood at work and I see the stunned look on people's faces.
To me that was just a normal childhood.
#28
Judging other kids for not having a traditional-looking nuclear family unit… because in many ways I didn’t have one and was judged for it.
Chewie Baron 3 months ago
The amount of bullying I had because I was living in a kid’s home, had foster parents, was an orphan was unreal. I still don’t understand it now.
#29
When my mom confided in me about her s*x life when I was 11. I think that might have had something to do with me having s*x at 12.
#30
So many of the late 90s and 00s movies where gay people were the punchline for everything. Even like Wedding Crashers where they made than man some huge weirdo and it was because he was a “homo”.
I somehow thought that was funny.
Jeremy James 3 months ago
My dad kicked me out for being gay when I was a teenager. "Will & Grace," was his favorite show at the time. I guess gay people are only acceptable when they're clownish caricatures. I always hated that show.
#31
Did pull-ups on the power lines. Come to think of it, I knew it was f****d up back then too but did it anyways.
#32
The one black person in every movie whose job it was to be stereotypically black, so loud or irate or sassy. Think the civilian driver in Speed or the counter lady in National Treasure.
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Ellinor she/they/elle 3 months ago (edited)
Back then I thought that it was so cool that my father let me watch TV all day, not forcing me for take a shower, letting me not brush my teeth, letting me eat only cake or nutella toasts for the day and not imposing me a bedtime like my mother did. And then I realised that he just didn't cared enough about me to try to raise me (that was before he started hitting me, and even then he gave me toys to make me forgive him so I stayed silent about it a long time before telling my mother).
Littlemiss 3 months ago (edited)
Took me years to realize that my upbringing was ab*usive. I was groomed to believe I deserved it all for being me. Turned out being everything my mother wasn't was enough. It took sitting with another survivor who pointed it out to start the process to start seeing the light. I have only just started to find out who I am as a person without the controllers in my life.
megabeth 3 months ago
Nope. You deserved to be loved and encouraged and praised for your small accomplishments. The things that hurt us when we're smols really form us...Im so happy you can finally see it wasn't you. I try not judge people harshly in general bc I don't know everything. I do however have judge shite parents. Zero tolerance.
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Ellinor she/they/elle 3 months ago (edited)
Back then I thought that it was so cool that my father let me watch TV all day, not forcing me for take a shower, letting me not brush my teeth, letting me eat only cake or nutella toasts for the day and not imposing me a bedtime like my mother did. And then I realised that he just didn't cared enough about me to try to raise me (that was before he started hitting me, and even then he gave me toys to make me forgive him so I stayed silent about it a long time before telling my mother).
Littlemiss 3 months ago (edited)
Took me years to realize that my upbringing was ab*usive. I was groomed to believe I deserved it all for being me. Turned out being everything my mother wasn't was enough. It took sitting with another survivor who pointed it out to start the process to start seeing the light. I have only just started to find out who I am as a person without the controllers in my life.
megabeth 3 months ago
Nope. You deserved to be loved and encouraged and praised for your small accomplishments. The things that hurt us when we're smols really form us...Im so happy you can finally see it wasn't you. I try not judge people harshly in general bc I don't know everything. I do however have judge shite parents. Zero tolerance.
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