Women Reassure Men They Don’t Actually Care About These 30 Silly Things Men Are So Often Insecure About
Whether we hide it well or not, we all have a handful of insecurities. As we pick our physical or internal features apart, we often risk becoming too obsessed with something that has no rational ground.
While many women out there know what it means to be way too judgemental of themselves, men are no exception. In a society where an illusory image of a strong and successful man has been fostered since the dawn of time, they find it particularly hard if not impossible to express their vulnerable side.
So this thread on Ask Reddit shares a whole new light on insecurities men have that they often remain silent about. “Girls of Reddit, what is something guys shouldn't feel insecure about?” someone asked, and below we wrapped up the most interesting responses.
Also, when you’re done, don’t forget to check out our previous feature on common female insecurities that according to men don’t matter at all.
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Appearing feminine over stupid things, like thinking a puppy is cute, wearing pink, or being generally friendly and smiley. Women like that s**t and get annoyed and exhausted by men who take masculinity too far.
Imagine being so limited by toxic masculinity that you can't fall in love with a puppy!!!
A good example is actually happening right now. I’m at a pool party. Two very nice overweight guys are in the pool but they are both wearing tee shirts to cover their guts and just standing around. Then there is a 3rd heavyset guy who easily has an extra 40 pounds on the other two guys. He is shirtless having the time of his life playing with abandon the pool basketball game and cracking jokes. He is way more attractive to the girls because he isn’t ashamed of his body and exudes confidence.
Should all three lose weight? Sure, most of us should, but don’t stop having fun because you are ashamed of yourself. Live your life and have fun. This is very attractive to all people.
Just my opinion. I’m a middle aged woman and I think I have a bit of wisdom about things like this. I’ve seen some s**t ha.
It's ok to not be the smartest person in the room. Admitting you don't know/understand a thing does not make you look weak. Blustering your way through makes you seem like an arrogant a*s.
This so much. I love it when people are curious about things/ willing to learn in general. If I know about it, I'll overshare every single thing I know. If I don't, we'll look it up together.
“In my opinion, insecurities develop from messages we get as children,” Susan Petang, a certified divorce coach and the creator of “The Quiet Zone Coaching,” who teaches women how to stop feeling overwhelmed and start waking up happy in the morning again, told Bored Panda in an interview.
“From the very first day, we get obvious and NOT so obvious messages from the people around us. Those messages might be positive, negative, intentional, or unintentional, but our little brains absorb them and accept them as truth,” Petang argues.
Dont feel insecure about liking "girly" things. Order that fruity drink, watch that rom com, and sing in the shower. A lot less people care than you might realize.
Height.
I know the popular presumption is ~anyone under 6 ft is screwed~ but if a girl considers a couple inches to be a dealbreaker she’s not worth your time anyway. I’m short, but lots of my tall and beautiful friends have dated men somewhat to quite a bit shorter than them. It’s no big deal.
Edit: to all the dudes snarking about how the above is not true, I promise ya, that kinda sh*tty attitude is wayyyy more unattractive than any physical characteristic. And if the only women you ever want truly *all* diss you for height, well...I’d look inwardly about your own tastes, too.
I'm somewhere between 5'2" and 5'3". I can't imagine the toll on my neck if I were to date a 6 ft. person.
Being vocal when they orgasm ! I've seen so many guys just hold their breath and try to choke any sound that might come out of their throat when they cum and it's just a little sad, like what are you afraid of ? I wanna know you're having fun, I wanna know you enjoy what's happening ! Be loud about it, screw the neighbors !
Exactly the sounds tell us when we're doing something right.
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I'm all for being a bit noisy in bed but I'm gonna need a rest if you want me to screw the neighbours too. Maybe tomorrow?
It's a big turn on when my fiancé moans. If it's a big turn on for him, why souldn't it be for me?
Men's "silent" orgasms is merely a matter of conditioning. Young males often masturbate in situations where discovery is a real possibility, so we trained ourselves to be discreet - hence the silent orgasm. The problem is that jacking off is considered a bad thing (pointing fingers at the men of god) instead of the glorious wonderful thing it really is. Everyone does it - and everyone seems to want to cover it up - hence the silent orgasm.
I mean, young girls masturbate as well, and still manage to be vocal with a partner.
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Silent male orgasms are just kinda awkward unless there’s a reason to be quiet like when you’re trying to be discrete.
Right? At least breathe heavy in my ear or something. We need the feedback!
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Some people just do it quietly, like really! I as a woman I love sex, we have whips and toys and I love that hard slapping and choking but I orgasm quiet, there's no voice coming out of me. My man has the process quiet, (he really is vanilla) but he finishes loud. I have had few also quiet guys and girls both, and for some there's no need to scream and ruins the pleasure. I shake and my muscles tense up so even if I tried to scream it wouldn't be real and I would have to force myself to remember "oh you're about to orgasm make sure the world knows" will ruin it for both of us. Do not fake it! Talk, explore, test, but mainly exploration, the more you understand your own and partners body and their reflexes and how to read them, you can start seeing what is natural for them in that moment
Yes, do not fake it, but this goes both ways - do bot force yourself to be loud, but also do not try to hold back to be silent. Just enjoy the moment 😊
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I think men who grew up sharing a bedroom and/or in a house where other bedrooms were close and there was a lot of sound transference have a big problem with being vocal, for obvious reasons.
To be fair, I don't think men are suppressing these sounds. Some just don't make sounds, me included. Have no idea why.
THIS !!! I complain to my husband all the time. I'm like why do you do that? I always sing to him the old Salt N Peppa song... "Sexy noises turn me on and on, talk to me and you can't go wrong...." Yea I'm that old.
Yeah, but don’t wake the baby/toddler/kids if you have them…
Lol exactly. That just results in awkward questions and a possibility of them going around saying Mommy and Daddy are hurting each other at night.
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I'm not quiet out of embarrasment, but its literally the way I'm built. Intense physical sensation, be it pain or pleasure, cause me to lock down my voice instead of letting it out. I *can't* make sounds
I dont think I have this problem. When reaching that magical moment, my wife says that she's never heard such sounds. She sometimes starts laughing at me and due to anatomy, just gets me to make more and stranger noises.😁 And don't forget the O face...Thats gotta be comedy gold there.
I think of Alan Rickman in dogma, the faces you people make mid-coitus are hysterical.
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Imma be honest, as an asexual lesbian, I could do without the orgasm sounds lol. But you do you
Meaning that all your loud sex and fun turns them on and they either get frisky or masturbate to your lovely love sounds!
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Holding my breath at the right moment is controlled oxygen deprivation. SOO intense!
I love men sounds - it makes me feel good even if I didn't finish - I don't have to finish every time to feel satisfied
I don't understand how some men can do that. I loose my ability to control it totally. It's like the air in my lungs is pulled out. Another thing is, it must be boring for women to have sex with a man that fight to keep silent.
Religion made us feel guilty about masturbation as teenagers, so we had to learn to over cum that.
YES! Especially when going down too. I lose enthusiasm when i'm down there if the guy is completely quiet. C'mon guys. You don't have to provide an entire commentary just some noise to let us know you're having fun!
I'd imagine it's flattering.. he's having so much fun he has to groaaannn about it. I mean, if operas ended with a choking sound (bad example because frankly , with some opera, that could be an improvement) you'd miss the climax in the story.
Why my female, heterosexual friend loves gay porn. The _real_ noises the men make us way more a turn on than the silly girly squeals you get from women in a most straight porn.
As too often the neighbour in question, I actually prefer them quiet. Waking up my kid at 3am with your jungle noises actually makes me think someone is faking it.
Because women have no sexual shame? Egaads, who writes this drivel?
So, while we're on this topic: anybody else's husband who's laughing right after orgasm? Like, no matter how we do it, the moment he's done finishing, my hubby will chuckle like I tickled him - I've never seen that before! Is that just him or is it more widely spread? I find it endearing, but quite strange!
I guess the reason I'm so quiet during that time is because our neighbours bedroom is literally through our bedroom wall, it's just out of respect. My partner on the other hand makes no attempt at being silent though! Probably for the best that I'm quiet as I can often have the mouth of a sailor (when caught up in the moment of course!)
Being happy, how unmanly. Reminds me of that one Aphrodite bit in one of the god of war games. F*****g hoot. Its like "this thot coming on to me but im a manly man i dont got time for that letting her distract me so i push her away, women got no power over me! But wait, saying no to this mostly naked lady litteraly crawling all over me is kinda gay isnt it? Ok now cue sex scene where 2 other women watch and gush over how amazing i am at sex" seriously find it YouTube, its the mist insecure thing youve ever seen, because, yeah, theres this whole "men lose their s**t over women, but the have to pretend like they actually dont care about them at all" almost like men actually dont wanna have sex and are doing it as a favor to women, who are the ones who are horny, but at the same time not wanting to have sex with women is bad so its spirals into existential madness. Bot men and women like sex, trying to pretend otherwise is dumb. How is trying to pretend you dont like sex with women manly?
Wow...BP posted this? If we had the Hammer of the Censor gods would have smote us. LOL
I know I don't get it. It gets to the point where I start to feel self conscious and silly when I'm making noise and it takes me out of the moment.....but after a point I genuinely can't control the nosies that are coming out my mouth. But I do feel may be he didn't enjoy it as much even though he came hard. I don't know how to talk to him about it.
Yeah , i wanna hear the sounds of good sex coming from your throat! Nothing wrong with making noise when you orgasm. It gets me more excited snd if I haven't orgasmed yet, your vocal enjoyment will for sure, send me over the edge!
Honestly hearing the man I love get vocal, and tell me exactly what he's feeling and liking, turns me on to no end!
Guys just let it out. If its coming out down below let it come out up top
I kinda grunt when I orgasm. It’s not an attractive sound, so I do stifle it!
“As children, we have little or no life experience or wisdom to filter through those messages and discard what's not true. For example, if your mom gets annoyed and yells, "You're BAD! Don't be so stupid!" I might take that to heart and start to believe I'm bad and stupid, especially if that message is sent over and over again.”
Petang explained that “My subconscious will pick up on those negative messages. Our experiences as children can reinforce insecurities, too. If other kids in your class got an A on a test, but you failed, you might start to believe that you're not as smart, rather than understand that the teacher's teaching style didn't match your learning style, or that you just weren't paying attention that day because you didn't feel well.”
Guys shouldn't have to be insecure about crying. Masculinity standards make men feel they shouldn't ever cry, but its a healthy way if expressing sadness and can even be a method of getting rid of stress.
Hubby cried when daughters were born..... I felt nothing but love and pride for that man!!!😍😍😍😍
Being empathetic towards women's issues.
A lot of men tend to downplay or water down women's reactions, especially when they are in a group. Maybe because they don't want to seem as if they think differently from other men in the group.
If you empathise, you empathise. Doesn't make you less if a man for understanding us and where we're coming from.
This trait is hella attractive,i donno why some men think manly= as*h**e
When asked what are the signs that insecurity has become a real problem for a person, and they should consult a professional, Petang said that it’s when your insecurities start to affect the quality of your daily life, you may need some help. “For example, if you don't try new things because, "I'm never good at stuff like that, anyway," your internal messaging needs to be checked out.”
Showing kindness. Along the same lines of emotion but it's ok to be nice. It's not attractive being an aggressive jerk all the time (or at all).
Besides a sense of humor showing kindness is definitely one of the hottest and most attractive features I find in a guy. The more empathic the better.
Singing.
I love when I’m at a chill pizza joint and the cooks in the kitchen are singing. Doesn’t even matter if they’re not great singers. I love when people are happy enough to sing!
I love when they sing too and when they make their pizza dough the old fashioned way by throwing it up in the air spinning it and catching it on their fist.
Not making as much money as their girlfriend or wife. If you're with the right girl she won't care. As long as you have a career that makes you happy, that's all that should matter.
If you're with the right person, who makes what doesn't matter at all because it's all going towards your life together, whether it's your family of pets, or kids, or anything else, it doesn't matter. When the money is discussed as your money vs my money, not our money for our lives now, and our lives together in the future; the relationship should probably be re-evaluated. There is no competition in a relationship between people who are with right person. It's either us, or you, and I, separately.
Petang also said that she can't see an upside to insecurity, but I can see a downside to the opposite, which is narcissism. “When folks think they are the best thing to ever happen to the world, and that they don't need to conform to the rules of the society we live in, it creates hate and chaos.”
According to the life coach, a lot of the time, insecure people are approval seekers, so they desperately try to make others like them. “I guess that's better than being a jerk!”
Their muscles— or lack thereof. Girls aren’t as into muscles as you might think :)
That said, a man who doesn’t look that muscly but is strong is very attractive.
I don't care about muscles but I like it when a guy can defend himself. I've had two ex-boyfriends that didn't look muscly at all but one was a Jiu-Jitsu master and the other one was a knife and mixed martial arts expert. I cannot tell you how sexy I found that. Especially when I saw one of them in action defending another woman from a guy who had slapped her. He won in a fight bare-headed against two guys with knives. That said I also think there's something sexy about pacifists.
Receding hairline. If we love you we love you
My husband was bald when we met, I still think a bald is a solar panel for a sex machine
Some friends of mine are really insecure about not being able to grow a beard. Tbh it doesn’t really matter.
D**k size and their weight
I understand some ppl might think this is a lie but I personally think so as a woman bc size is not what determines how good sex is. Some may hav a preference, but with 7 billion people in this world, I think preferences are diverse. Plus, there are vagina sizes too. Many ppl forget that.
As for weight, love ur body. Confidence is attractive. It only shud be put to concern if ur health is affected by it.
Also, this is my opinion, this isn’t a lie bc this is genuinely how I think. I know there are people out there who can agree, while others may not.
EDIT: I MEANT THEIR BODY WEIGHT LMFAO
I had seen a survey where they asked women what the top 10 attributes on a man were and almost every single time d**k size was last on the list. When they asked men what they thought the top 10 attributes were they almost always put d**k size first. BTW what women thought was the most important was a sense of humor first
acknowledging other attractive guys, women say other women are beautiful all the time why can’t guys say the same things about other guys without fearing being called gay
Again I find it sexy for some reason when a guy is confident enough to admit another guy is attractive. I mean I'm not attracted to women in general but I can still tell you which ones are attractive and sexy.
Cumming quickly. I am honored, sir.
But it's nice if they finish quickly if they will help you get yours afterwards instead of just laying there.
What you do for a living. I feel like everyone is trying to be their best and if that's minimum wage, that's ok. Nothing sexier than a hard worker with dreams.
Guys shouldn't feel so insecure about they're body shape. You don't have to have big biceps or washboard abs in order for a girl to like you.
Edit: their*
Being open about what they do/like.
My current boyfriend loves singing but is so shy even though he has an amazing voice.
When guys sing it’s always amazing. Very attractive and also so amazing when they are so passionate about it
They should stop feeling insecure about showing emotion, especially in a relationship. I know a lot of guys grew up being told that showing emotion was ‘girly’ but honestly when a guy is open about how he is feeling and doesn’t suppress it, it makes everyone feel more secure. When the girl feels like she’s the only one who has real feelings in the relationship then it’s hard to trust the guy, and the guy often feels misunderstood as he isn’t conveying what he wants to. Guys, please know it’s okay to be emotional, you deserve to be honest with the people around you and it makes relationships so much better for everyone involved
Living with your parents/being close to your parents. As long as they don't have to do your thinking for you, it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!
Apologizing. It builds bridges, it’s not destruction to your ego unless you interpret it that way (so don’t interpret it that way).
About wanting to be the little spoon
I dont think I've ever been able to be the little spoon. I think I would like it cuz I would feel safe.
Don’t feel bad if you don’t always take the lead in a relationship! Those are two way streets, and a lot of girls don’t mind or even enjoy being the one to make the first move or ask you on a date.
Besides that, though, don’t be insecure about being genuine and heartfelt with friends, family, and partners alike. You can say “I love you” to your friends without a “no homo” attached. Being close with your family is endearing. It’s okay to cry.
Just be yourself!
Starbucks barista. Don’t be ashamed of your drink! Pink drink, Frappuccino, chai tea, they’re delicious! And we want you to have a tasty drink!
The flip side of the comments about not being able to grow a beard - guys shouldn't feel insecure about being hairy. I love a hairy chest, and don't find a hairy back or shoulders to be a problem.
Like most things listed here, yeah you'll find women who won't like it, but if they are willing to write you off for something physical that is out of your control, they probably aren't the person for you.
I will say, regardless of anything else, hygiene is important. If you're hairy you might sweat more depending on the climate and how warm you run, but if you shower regularly and keep everything clean, it's all good.
Edit : yes, this includes hairy butts, backs, legs, shoulders, etc. I think the only thing I might ask someone to trim would be crazy nose hair - though that could be disguised by a moustache.
Don't be embarrassed to get a Mani/Pedi!
Note: this post originally had 38 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I guarantee a lot of guys would happily call me a beta cuck loser f*g p*ssy blah blah blah and I couldn’t give one solitary sh*t if they do. I treasure openness, sincerity, empathy and affection, go crazy over kittens and puppies, like the color pink, and I sleep with a stuffed panther. I’m also straight and happily married to a lovely woman. I used to be shy about being less “masculine”, but I embrace it. It’s who I am, and my wife loves it, and it’s something I’m proud of.
I wish I could upvote you more than once. Be yourself. :]
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Ladies, don't tease the men in your life about these things. My wife used to tease me about some of these things, usually not in a mean way, but it still made me self-conscious. In particular, it was: singing, crying (really just eyes welling up, not full crying), being emotional, wanting to be the little spoon, and being hairy. In some cases, I know she found it endearing. What I'm trying to say is teasing is not a way to show appreciation for someone's unique characteristics. If it's something you like, compliment instead of tease.
Toxic masculinity doesn't just effect men. Women grow up with toxic gender roles just as much as men do. Patriarchal norms hurt and damage everyone. We all need to normalise all genders enjoying the fullness of human emotion and experience. I hope you've met more compassionate people since then.
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Men shouldn't be embarrassed about getting a pedicure! It beats having toenails that look like an ogre's.
They deleted it but I find men who play video games extremely attractive and i find that the best thing is when they geek out over certain games
Literally met my late wife on a Silent Hill fan forum.
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Also women really don't care about the size of our ding dongs. From 1cm to 30cm they love our snakes in all forms
I agree these are things men shouldn't be insecure about, but they also shouldn't change themselves just to be attractive to others. If they legitimately realise they have been hiding who they are, they should start being themselves, but not just because they think it is now 'ok' because people like these traits or interests.
The repeats are an aberration of the voting system. If something moves down the list while you're still scrolling it, it can appear to repeat in the lower position. I wonder if this depends on device. Some devices might handle page load differently. I also wonder if scrolling to the bottom immediately would help prevent it from happening.
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At some point, I call some absolute BS on this whole article. Apparently, women don’t mind a guy who makes minimum wage, has a receding hairline, is overweight, orgasms before they do, and doesn’t pay for the meal. I can see being okay with some of that, but at some point, fix your problems men. This is just some feel good BS. Don’t forget living with your parents.
I guarantee a lot of guys would happily call me a beta cuck loser f*g p*ssy blah blah blah and I couldn’t give one solitary sh*t if they do. I treasure openness, sincerity, empathy and affection, go crazy over kittens and puppies, like the color pink, and I sleep with a stuffed panther. I’m also straight and happily married to a lovely woman. I used to be shy about being less “masculine”, but I embrace it. It’s who I am, and my wife loves it, and it’s something I’m proud of.
I wish I could upvote you more than once. Be yourself. :]
Load More Replies... Ladies, don't tease the men in your life about these things. My wife used to tease me about some of these things, usually not in a mean way, but it still made me self-conscious. In particular, it was: singing, crying (really just eyes welling up, not full crying), being emotional, wanting to be the little spoon, and being hairy. In some cases, I know she found it endearing. What I'm trying to say is teasing is not a way to show appreciation for someone's unique characteristics. If it's something you like, compliment instead of tease.
Toxic masculinity doesn't just effect men. Women grow up with toxic gender roles just as much as men do. Patriarchal norms hurt and damage everyone. We all need to normalise all genders enjoying the fullness of human emotion and experience. I hope you've met more compassionate people since then.
Load More Replies... Men shouldn't be embarrassed about getting a pedicure! It beats having toenails that look like an ogre's.
They deleted it but I find men who play video games extremely attractive and i find that the best thing is when they geek out over certain games
Literally met my late wife on a Silent Hill fan forum.
Load More Replies... Also women really don't care about the size of our ding dongs. From 1cm to 30cm they love our snakes in all forms
I agree these are things men shouldn't be insecure about, but they also shouldn't change themselves just to be attractive to others. If they legitimately realise they have been hiding who they are, they should start being themselves, but not just because they think it is now 'ok' because people like these traits or interests.
The repeats are an aberration of the voting system. If something moves down the list while you're still scrolling it, it can appear to repeat in the lower position. I wonder if this depends on device. Some devices might handle page load differently. I also wonder if scrolling to the bottom immediately would help prevent it from happening.
Load More Replies... At some point, I call some absolute BS on this whole article. Apparently, women don’t mind a guy who makes minimum wage, has a receding hairline, is overweight, orgasms before they do, and doesn’t pay for the meal. I can see being okay with some of that, but at some point, fix your problems men. This is just some feel good BS. Don’t forget living with your parents.
