No matter how self-confident we may present ourselves to the outside world, everyone has chinks in their armor. You know, these little flaws we find when our inner critic takes control to pick our features apart one by one. Unfortunately, our insecurities can get the better of us and sometimes even start to control us.
Women especially feel pressure to achieve perfection we all know doesn’t actually exist. Many have been lured into believing they have to be secure about their looks, personality, intellect, career, and every other aspect of their life. So sometimes, all we need are little reminders to give us a bit of a boost to conquer any self-doubts we may have.
Recently, user naruturtle created a post on the Ask Reddit community and asked men to share the things women and girls shouldn’t be insecure about. The thread received hundreds of comments that remind ladies to stop needlessly obsessing over imperfections and feel confident in their own skin. Below, you’ll find some of the most illuminating answers from the thread, so upvote the ones you agree with and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments!
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I asked my husband this question, so here's his answer:
Weight gain. Not seriously obese or lack of caring for health, but don't worry about a little extra fluff. So go ahead, eat that pizza slice(s) you're secretly eyeing!
This one is a big one for me because I gained due to birth control and a couple years of poor eating when we went through money struggles. Now we're having our second and final child, so I've been extra insecure with all these body changes and gaining weight. Of course he's on board with me wanting to lose weight and get back to where I was, but he always tells me I'm beautiful and he loves every bit of me. He has never made me feel bad for my body
This is probably the number 1 insecurity, and should be number 1 on this list. Incels and the idiots who get rejected on Tinder are the ones who call out women for their weight, but most mature men don't really care. Be yourselves and love yourselves, ladies.
I've been seeing the term In Incel around BP for a while, what does it mean?
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He says all this, yet you say that he’s on board with you so you can get back to where you were. This is the problem here, getting to where you were pre-babies, should not be what women are striving for. Pregnancies change women’s bodies drastically, and for many it’s impossible to go back to what they looked like before they had the babies. Most bodies also change with age. Normalizing and accepting body changes is what we should be focusing on. And by no means am I saying that being obese should be something that your partner has to accept no matter what.
Agree with that regarding post partum bodies. It reinforces the social standard that you should be (and look) exactly the same as pre-kids. I strongly disagree with the idea of that even though I went back to pre-pregnancy size in a few weeks with all three (but with stretch marks and loose skin so still not preserved I guess). The whole idea of preserving women like they once were despite life happening to them (could be aging too) is toxic to me. Of course you should strive to take care of yourself but you can do that without the agenda to "get your body back".
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Chubby women are attractive, too! Never trust the media or celebrities about beauty standards
Damn you Twiggy!(but it wasn't her fault it was our(men) and execs looking to cash in...
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Totally this. If you're actually annoyed that your partner has gained a couple kg, you're a boy, not a man. Grow up.
My bf of 12 years actually hates when I get really really skinny. It's a small girl that had always dropped and gained 40 lbs at random, even tho 5 lbs would make a difference in the way I looked. It's nice not worrying about trying to look skinny and actually feeling better having a little chunk on my hips than not eating enough to try and stay slim. I do not miss that and def feel healthier.
If a little junk in your trunk makes you feel better, then let that be your norm. Most people look better with some extra junk in their trunk anyway.
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huh. funny. I hear men b*tch ALL THE TIME about how their girlfriends/wives have gained weight. Like, ALL.THE.TIME. The most ironic part of is, most of the time, it's usually coming from guys who have a belly that looks like he's in his 40th trimester. lol
Right!!?! When i used to bartend, a whole lifetime ago, it was always the gross,overweight, unkempt looking men that would say the rudest things about women's bodies and I would say something of course but all the other guys laugh and I'm like really, do you think that you could ever have a chance to even talk to someone like that. Men like that are miserable, truly miserable. They know that they cannot be with a decent looking woman so they try to break them down. The worst part about it is that women don't really care that much about looks we just want a genuinely good guy that is funny and has manners life is not all appearance related at all but for men that's all they talk about, that is what women are worth to them
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My wife has given birth to two children and has held on to the weight from both pregnancies. I still love her body regardless. That doesn't mean that I don't think she should lose some weight. I have told her that I want her to exercise and be healthy, and I don't exclude myself from that either. It is important that we both be healthy, for ourselves and for our children. I stay fairly active and will be the one to carry our kids and play with our kids. I want her to be able to do that as well. It is okay to want your spouse to lose weight, or be more active. Just be sure you are communicating that respectfully, and also reflecting on your current body as well. Could also help to find a physical activity for both of you to do that will help you both get in shape. #1 thing is communication.
Nah u wrong for that. Most women who give birth can't lose the baby weight, that's why they got mom bods. My mom had four mf kids, u rly think she's a stick after starving herself and exercising everyday?? No. She's unhealthy because of her habits but she's not a stick. Because that's not how women's bodies work so grow tf up, if u can't handle ur wife having that baby weight just leave bro ur embarrassing.
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Whether or not a man cares about my weight is the least of my worries; I'm insecure about it because, without fail, any time I go to the doctor my problems are blamed on my weight.
@Tracy Wallick, I've met my share of those herbs as well. May every one of them rot in heck!
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A colleague once told me that she needed to lose half a kilo. (Obviously, she was thin as a rake.) I told her that you lose half a kilo by visiting the bathroom. It's like two glasses of water.
so let me get this straight... big girls are no good then ? and extra weight ok if pregnant otherwise f**k off ? I am so done with this magazine cover society...
It’s all that it is actually, a magazine cover society. By no means should this be the norm. Let them live their delusional lives. If you are healthy, that’s all that matters.
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Nothing at all wrong with a little meat on ya, ladies. More to hug!
So I was right to despise and dump the boyfriend from years ago who said I "would be perfect if you lost 8lbs!" Mind you I was around 120 at the time. I remember even thinking "I could lose more than 8lbs if I got rid of you."
Women are certainly more critical of their own weight, than man are concerned about women's weight, and it's usually an unnoticeable difference. No one should care that some idiot you don't know on the internet makes a disparaging comment about your looks. Who would want to do anything to impress that idiot?
I can relate...I've gained some weight due to medication, not because I'm lazy or my diet is particularly bad. I'm still a small person and still attractive, just a little chubby.
This is the healthiest view I have ever seen on weight. Nowadays I feel like people are leaning too far towards being perfectly fine with being morbidly obese. Like, clearly that's equally as unhealthy as being eating-disorder-skinny, and yes fat shaming is bad, but so is telling people they're fine just the way they are at 400 lbs.
Key words here are "Not seriously obese or lack of caring for health".
315lbs or 135lbs... My 5'2" tall wife knowingly and securely has my undying Eyes-'O-Love. In the last 18 months she has lost that much body weight. (doctor managed and supervised of course). That's 180lbs of weight loss! I'm happy she has lost the weight for herself, but I love her and find her desirable no matter her physical size. Ladies, stop obsessing over body weight. A real man, a 'keeper' won't give two s#!ts about how big or small you are. Attitude, values, morals, your sense of self-worth, and how you treat us is much higher on the list. MEN: Accept and validated her insecure feelings, in the moment, about how she views her body-image. Let her know you understand her view point and disagree. Then reassure her how unimportant it impacts desirability. Over time, the frequency of these body-image insecurities will decrease. Be a safe, secure person for her. Eventually your beliefs and view about her will rub off and she will start trusting herself and loving herself.
Gaining fat when you're "in the market" and gaining fat when you're already married are TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS. We husbands are worse offenders and generally don't give a dam. But younger stupider me that was looking, yeah even if he don't admit it, he care about those stuff.
I had my daughter with my now ex, and he didn't care much about how my body changed. If anything he was more turned on by my large breasts. (He was actually gross about it.) But when we split I feared any other guy would be disgusted with my body because they weren't there through all the changes I had endured and don't know the whole reasons as to why my body just didn't "snap" back. I did find someone but the insecurity remains despite being told my body is fine.
I haven't cared what people thought about my appearance since I was about 15-16(I will be 46 this year). I've just never understood it. Everyone needs to stop caring with people think of them. So many fights/battles really do come down to being insecure or butting into others personal lives-now more thenever thanks to social media. Not only physically but what they wear, religion differences, status in society..all of it. Nonsense.
I personally want to find the person that told women freckles should be covered up and I don’t want to hurt anyone so I’ll just have a strongly worded conversation with them. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a serious weakness for freckles. From a dusting across the bridge of a woman’s nose to head-to-toe ginger freckles. I think they’re gorgeous.
The number of ads I get on Youtube about cosmetics that cover up 'facial impurities' is staggering and all of them are dumb because why are you not allowed to have a mole or something along the line?
To learn more about female insecurities and how needless obsessions over them affect our lives, we reached out to psychotherapist Sheri Heller, LCSW who specializes in the treatment of complex trauma, narcissistic abuse syndrome, and addictive disorders. "How we criticize ourselves is predicated on whether or not we have a realistic assessment and sense of acceptance of who we are," she told Bored Panda.
Heller explained that when our relationship with ourselves is mired in rejection, perfectionism and self-loathing critical scrutiny of who we are and what we do is a constant source of distress. Way too often, women find fault within themselves and worry about how other people perceive them. And even when they hear words of encouragement to stop self-doubting themselves, learning how to overcome it is challenging.
Ovulation and periods. It’s completely natural, and only weirdos and teen boys get grossed out by you talking about it.
Not a man, but a lesbian, so I think I can provide some input here.
Anything genital related - pubic hair grooming standards, labia size, shape, colour, etc.
Everyone is a little different, and I nor any woman I've ever slept with, or any man in any of the guy talk I've been privy to as a lesbian (always a little weird to be a part of), has ever cared about any of it. Whatever you were born with is completely natural and beautiful. And if you want to rock a full bush, or go completely bald, or do a landing strip, or whatever your little heart desires, you do you and anyone in a position to see it is just going to be glad they're in that position.
Being a total dork, plenty of guys want a goofy girl that we can be ourselves around
According to a report by Weight Watchers, females are indeed highly self-critical — they were found to criticize themselves at least eight times a day. The survey of more than 2,000 women revealed a worrying trend with one in seven admitting to being regularly judgmental of their body, personality, relationships, money, or career success every day.
An estimated 46 percent admitted having negative thoughts at least once before 9:30 AM. Moreover, a staggering 89 percent revealed they prefer complimenting their friends but not themselves, and 88 percent even said they would never criticize them in the same way.
"Women often get caught up in one-dimensional prescriptives that superficially measure a woman’s worth," Heller said. "This runs the gamut from measures of beauty to degrees of selflessness, popularity, and image."
Being bad at sex. If a guy says you’re bad at sex, he’s a piece of s**t. Real good sex comes from an emotional connection. It’s not you, it’s them. They suck.
Wearing the same dress again. Nobody cares except other insecure women.
Approaching/getting rejected by guys. We'd say yes to a tree if one approached us first
"Likewise, there are cultural demands placed on women to not only embody mothering attributes and live up to markers of vanity, but also to achieve success in the marketplace. This do all, be all paradigm sets many women up to be self-conscious about falling short of the impossible," the psychotherapist added.
When self-consciousness finds its way into every aspect of our lives, it can significantly affect our well-being. Heller told Bored Panda that being plagued by insecurities causes a person to live an inauthentic life. "One may attempt to conceal their fragility and wounds and aspire to be someone they are not."
"Moreover, one may go into hiding and not realize latent potentials. Psychologically and emotionally, the person afflicted by insecurities feels alienated and alone. They are disconnected from themselves."
Lack of long eyelashes. Literally, no dude has ever cared about eyelashes.
Yup, honestly those long fake eyelashes can kinda be odd looking
I like girls who can be real around me. When they feel comfortable and say whatever dumb s**t is on their mind, I feel like I’m actually connecting with someone. Cliche, but I think being yourself and losing the insecurity, in general, is the most attractive thing someone can do.
Brains. Being a nerd is the new sexy.
Brains should be a point of attraction regardless if you are a man or a woman. I am a man, but I find it very condescending to conclude that smart women are "sexy", as if they are some rare, extravagant breed, while it is supposed to be some kind of a natural state of men, who are actually proven to be, throughout history, the supreme idiots of humanity.
It's troublesome enough to feel doubtful about yourself, but often these thoughts seep into our relationships as well. When asked how big of an impact they have on our connection to others, Heller told us, "When we are not at peace with who we are, we cannot adequately engage with others. The inability to authentically express oneself with others leads to co-dependent maneuvering. One might succumb to fawning, people-pleasing, manipulating, and controlling to fulfill dependency needs."
Things I/most men don't care about:
Stretch marks.
Uneven breasts
Breasts that hang/sag (That's actually sexy, in my opinion).
Veiny breasts
It's perfectly fine if you aren't shaved down below.
Your round belly is actually cute.
I love the way you look in the morning.
Imperfections make you unique, and aren't something to be self-conscious about.
In short, if you treat me/most guys with respect; give lots of affection; are dependable; trustworthy; kind; honest; and make us feel good about ourselves, whatever insecurities you have, we likely find endearing/cute/sexy.
Breast size. A good portion of us don't give a s**t about that.
Gray hairs, I love when you own it. Plus the silver streak kinda reminds me of Rogue from X-Men.
To avoid bringing other people down, everyone should think twice before making unsolicited comments about a person’s looks, characteristics, or qualities. "When men (or women for that matter) highlight things in women which they view as 'problematic', it exacerbates shame," Heller explained and added that a common example of this is body image. Pointing out or shaming perceived physical flaws diminishes self-regard and self-worth.
Wrinkles. Every wrinkle is a scar of a thousand smiles.
Burping or farting around us. I know too many girls that have said they think it is rude or going to turn us off of them. Personally, I would want you to let go of any gas because I know how uncomfortable that is and I couldn’t imagine if you were holding that in on top of period pain or other things. Please just pass your gas and don’t let it be something you think will turn us off.
Being the one to make the first move. Especially in today's age, it can be very complex for a man to know if it's even ok to ask anymore...
When our confidence is low and fragile, we have a hard time believing in ourselves. This might lead to ditching our dreams or even cause serious health issues. "Often, this sort of wounding leads to self-destructive behavior such as eating disorders and sexual compliance," the psychotherapist noted.
Luckily, threads like this one remind us how important it is to raise awareness about self-worth issues women face every day. You see, shrinking others' faith in themselves is never the right way, and people should be encouraged to embrace their bodies and silence those inner critics that limit their lives.
Honestly, damn near everything. It’s sad seeing beautiful women treat themselves like s**t because their cheekbones aren’t right or their thighs are slightly red or whatever. Ladies: guys DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST about these things. They will love you for who you are. And the guys that do make a big stink about physical 'abnormalities' aren’t worth chasing after in the first place.
Small breasts, contrary to what most would have you girls think, there are plenty of guys out there that love, if not even prefer, smaller breasts over larger breasts.
I grew up with older sisters. There were so many things they would be insecure about but I always assured them they shouldn't. Please dont be so stressed about your hair first of all. Your weight, please don't be so hard on yourself. Your clothes, please. The differences are small to notice to most men when you stress about those little things. Please, take it easy
Intelligence.
Some of the smartest women I know will too often concede the room to loud but dumber men.
Being afraid to make the first move. I can't tell you how fantastically guys would respond if women just dropped this "men have to make the first move" mentality. If they just walked over and said "hey you're cute and I like your personality, wanna go out sometime?" Men would go nuts. A lot of Women, not all, act like this is an insane idea, but tbh it's very refreshing and a really attractive quality. Fuck the bs of norms.
Oh yeah.This! Ladies, if the guy you like inexplicably won't ask you out, it could be they like you, but are afraid it would ruin your friendship if you say no. Also, obvious hints aren't as obvious as you think, especially for guys who haven't had a girlfriend yet.
How much sex they’ve had. As long as it’s done responsibility and you’re loyal to your established SO, I couldn’t care less how many came before.
Cellulite, stretch marks, anything that might be seen as a 'blemish.' My girlfriend has all of the above and I never noticed any of it until she said something about them.
Blame Photoshop and all the media that sets the standards and expectations for what women should look like. Throw in pron magazines and we're up against impossible images. I realise many, many men can tell the difference between the false images and reality, but a lot of the damage to our self worth happens in our teen and pre-teen years from boys who *haven't yet* worked out the difference and make us feel less worthy. (And pre-teen magazines aimed at girls)
Their body hair. It's natural to have body hair.
My wife said it's weird that body hair on women doesn't bother me in the slightest, but on men I find it disgusting. I couldn't care if my wife grew her hair like Cousin It, but I'm shaving my armpits, I'm waxing my chest, I'm trimming my pubes!
Acne on the face, back, or wherever. None of us really care. I had bad acne growing up and at some point, I learned that any respectful person will not judge you for it because you can’t really control it.
I had a GF who was insecure about the shape of her breasts. To me they were fantastic.
Yeah society has taught us that National Geographic boobies are just not ok. Must be Playboy boobies or else! Pretty freaking shallow.
Don’t be afraid to look stupid. Or embarrass yourself asking a seemingly dumb question. It’s way cooler if you want to learn something, than say ‘I wouldn’t understand it’.
Not looking/appearing ladylike. Just get in there and destroy that burger. Or make a fool of yourself. Many guys will prefer a girl who’s goofy or brave. (Not that you should validate yourself in guys eyes, it’s just this post asks for men’s opinions.)
The most ridiculous thing must be the thigh gap
I do not want a thigh gap to look good. I just wanna avoid chub rub.
That little belly bump seriously it don’t make you look fat it makes you look human
Not being in elite athlete shape.
The fixation on abs and no body fat is annoying af.
Would rather chill at the beach with nothing but Mom and Dad bods.
I know the time and commitment it takes to be perfectly fit. For 99% of us that is time taken away from more important matters.
Frizzy hair! It’s really fun to look at. Some women seem to try to straighten or curl their hair but I think going with what your hair wants is best. I know there are always those shampoo commercials with impossibly silky hair, and that looks nice, but there are so many different ways to have beautiful hair. I think genuine hair is often beautiful hair!
I have silky hair and I hate it bc that mf will do NOTHING I tell it to- 😐 I would kill for some texture man
Their laugh. If you snort like a piggy, go on girl. Most of the time it's cute.
My husband loves my snort laughing. He oftrn tries to make me laugh hard enough to snort and then we both laugh even harder (and I snort even more :D)
I dated a girl once who had a larger than average labia. She hated it, the first 3 months we dated she didn't want me to even look at her parts bc she was so insecure about it. We'd been playing with each other for ages so obviously I'd felt it and didn't mind and the first time I saw it I was about the go down on her and she started crying bc she thought I wouldn't be attracted to her anymore. I never minded though, and we had a conversation about it and how it didn't matter, I'd noticed it before and it didn't turn me off at all. I loved her and a little labia wasn't gonna stop that
Give me large labia over the barbie doll look every time. Who knows where this madness came from.
Being assertive. There's nothing wrong with a person being assertive, man or woman. There's no reason to be self-conscious about competence and knowledge. And assertiveness is just the expression of those."
Height and being older than your partner.
If someone's gonna be with you all these "trivial" things won't ever matter, believe me...
Maybe that's just me but I do prefer to not really ask those 2 specific things among others, if they want to share then all good (at least height will be kinda obvious but my point stands lol)
As for being older, that freaking double standard and taboo about the guy having to be older is ridiculous and it kinda hurts the feelings of so many girls it's sad.
Height has always been an issue for me. Of course I am 5'11". I have tried to date men shorter but I just can't handle feeling like a giant. Age on the other hand is not a problem. I have dated younger men and have had just as much fun as with older men. I think it's more of a maturity issue if anything.
how much you eat (eat what you want but like your doctor would say, have balance)
I'd rather see you enjoying what you're eating than concern myself with what or how much you are eating.
Brand names. Most single guys have no idea the difference between a handbag from Michael Kohrs vs Louis Vuitton.
...and many of us find designer bags rediculously overpriced, and see them as a sign of weak personality, since they indicates you can be manipulated to pay a redicoulus amount of money for something worth far less than that. Even if you have so much money that you can spend them carelessly, flashing that fact by wearing the badge of a wellknown brand, can come of as bragging, and can send some a*****e vibes. Don't just follow the mainstream route, but show off some of your own personality and be a little creative with the objects you choose to surround yourself with. Be brave and put some effort into it, instead of just going with the secure option where you are leaching on an establish brand. And don't let your entire life revolve around a material good, but get a proper perspective on what is important so you don't whine on the internet like a spoiled brad, and performs a stupid media stunt, when Chanel won't trade with you.
The nose. I don't understand why almost every girl who doesn't think they have a 'perfect' nose, will at some point consider operating for that. We don't give a s**t about the small hump on your nose or if the tip is pointing slightly up or down.
Nipples. Me, the male, very excited to play with your boobs in general. Literally do not care what they look like. Boobs are great and wonderful, playing with them also usually leads to sex which is also pretty great. Hurts me when partners dislike their bodies over something you can’t really change.
Being more competent in something than colleagues, friends or SOs. The insecurities of others around you shouldn't affect your own behavior and make you downplay your own abilities and strengths.
Please don't hide your skills. The world needs all the competent people we can get.
Height! As a 5'9'' guy, I love girl's my height and even taller, so stand straight for God's sake!
Lips and eyebrows. We don't really care. Every guy I'm friends with agrees that lip fillers make a girl instantly less attractive and as long as you're not completely missing your eyebrows, we don't even think about them.
We don’t care what you look like when you eat as long as you follow basic table manners. F**k do I care if you want a big a** bloody hamburger. If you’re hungry eat! I never got that. You go to a restaurant to eat not to nibble on rabbit food.
Basically anything that is out of their control. You shouldn't be insecure about body parts that we can't change, or disfigurements or medical conditions. Imperfections are perfect in my eyes.
I think insecurities should only exist in situations where you know you can make that change for the better but you don't take that step, being insecure about something like that should encourage self improvement.
Muscle. There's no shame in being or wanting to be muscular. Getting in shape is attractive and anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't know what they're talking about or care about other people's appearances too much.
Wearing glasses (prescription not sunglasses), I don’t know why many feel embarrassed using them and go all day at school mainly and struggle. 9/10 you look even prettier with them
A pair of well chosen glases often makes people look smart, and smart people are often much easier to be around, as they can focus on the important parts of life and you do not constantly have to correct for their mistakes, or spend a lot of time making them follow your train of thoughts.I know it is stereotypical thinking, but I think a lot of people make the same set of connections, and hence find glases attractive. Furthermore it is often just a matter of getting used to the look, and in most cases when you know someone who usually wear glases, they look odd without them.
Having a woman that is confident in making her own decisions is great. You don't need anyone's f**king permission to do a damn thing that doesn't directly involve them. Asking someone's opinion or input versus their permission are two different things. Girls, ladies, women, anyone hear this: Confidence is far more beautiful than any makeup or clothing. I love the inner beauty that radiates out! I've seen dolled-up women that were rotten to the core. Love yourself and love will find you!!!
Their face without makeup. I've been told that makeup isn't about impressing other people and is more of a self-confidence/self-love thing, but the only reason it's even a thing is because it impresses other people.
Eye Color!!!!! I know so many girls who are upset they have brown eyes instead of blue or green. Brown eyes are very attractive!
First of all women stop being doormats or second class in relationships. If you want to go to KFC say it. It doesn’t make you look fat. It makes you look hungry.
Also my GOD stop saying you are fat. Unless you are actually morbidly obese 90% of guys are not gonna give one single iota of a F how much you actually weigh.
This is actually so very true, but women realize it much later in life when settled down. While I was a teen and in my early 20s, I had crushes on guys I thought were way out of my league, because I always considered myself on the bigger size (looking at my pictures now I say to myself "Damn, what a hot piece of beauty and so much slimmer than I remember myself being!"). Surprise, surprise, all of these guys ended up with much bigger girls than me, and also not as pretty and a father or themselves have told me a few times what crushes they used to have on me in their 20s. So if you're not obese, the only person who is judging your weight is yourself and your "girlfriends", it is never a good reason not to have the self esteem you are in these guys' league.
Their tummies. Some of us like a tummy on a woman.
Men are preprogramed to like a curvy lines that sets a woman apart from a man. Distinguished abs are something most people asociate with the male figure and hence a sixpack on a women is a turn off for many men, who would prefer a bit of a round belly over that.
Everything about your body.
Your not a super model and we aren't expecting you to be. We aren't male models either. Real life isn't p**n.
Whether your bra matches the panties
Their career skills. Women second guess themselves so much more than men do. Seriously, f**k that.
Constantly apologizing. It’s okay to apologize, we probably understand, and you probably don’t have to apologize, and you’re doing just fine, whatever, and however that is.
This being said… don’t stop, it’s adorable and flattering that you care that much.
A lot of those beauty trends. Thigh gaps, that weird bikini gap thing, stretch marks etc, I genuinely don't care. Also apparently some are self-conscious about freckles, I think they look stunning.
Stretch marks/mom bod. You created a human/humans. The “perfect” body isn’t flawless or without blemish. Sexiness is more in how you present yourself vs physical appearance 99% of the time.
Almost everything you're insecure about is what other women would judge you for and most men wouldn't even think about it.
Breast or a** size. Stretch marks. A couple pimples. That hair you have somewhere. Height. Those couple extra pounds. Clothing style.
All the surface level s**t doesn't matter.
In fact a perfect woman can be a bit intimidating. The Russians discovered that their previous strategy of using beautiful intelligent women as "honey pots" did not work when they tried to infiltrate the enemy's programmers. The poor guys were simple too scared to aproach them, and when the women talked to them, they could not establish the all important eye contact. Using more imperfect women had a lot better succesrate, since it leveled the playing field, and made the women more relatable for the men. Knowing that you are imperfect and owning it, while being brave enough to let the world see you for who you are, can be a hell of a lot more attractive, than spending your limited lifetime in the bathroom and nail salon trying to correct any minor imperfection, instead of focussing on what is important.
Worrying about their boyfriend cheating on them out of instinct due to having bad relationships in the past. I've dated around a dozen women in my life and prior to meeting my wife (of 4 years now) I literally had to break up with women due to such trust issues being projected at me.
One insecure woman punched me in the face twice because she thought I was cheating on her as she thought I was being overly nice to other women despite me just being nice to everyone equally as that's my personality.
I pushed her off me after she grabbed me by the neck trying to force me to confess to cheating (she was a strong person) and she calls the cops so I spent three weeks in jail awaiting a court date for domestic violence that was thrown out anyways.
When I met my wife and noticed she wasn't insecure I married her within 6 months of dating and couldn't be happier now!
My ex-husband left me for someone else, I've had friends betray me with boyfriends, just was a bad judge of character for a long time. So I came into my current relationship with major trust issues. I told him everything and explained I would need help working through it. He was patient with me, still is, and we have a great relationship. So please don't always discount insecure people. If they're willing to be honest about it, they could be worth the effort.
Everything except bad personal hygiene
Of course you can find someone who doesn't care about hygiene but most won't play ball, wash your body especially your privates, only the inside is self cleaning
Not wearing a bra.
All of these sound nice in theory, but I haven't met a guy who didn't care about these. I once dared to go get my food delivery in a shirt with a spaghetti strap w no bra on and the next time I ordered from them the delivery guy brought a friend and they both giggled and ogled me like I was in a window display -.-"
Getting the latest trendy clothes. Have not met a guy who gives a damn if that hat is half a year out of style. Rock whatever look you like, ladies!
yeah and what is in now, you may think look redicoulus in a year. Fashion is really just something the industry has invented and is brainwashing you with, in order to make you spend more money. Don't fall into that trap trying to buy what is currently trendy, but instead spend your money on building a longlasting wardrobe of quality evergreens, and play with how you pair the items you already posses (e.g. a basic charcoal blazer can be dressed up by wearing it with a skirt, the right scarf and jewlery, or dressed down by unbottoning the top button, pairing it with a jeans and letting the hair down).
Being a little cubby , not every guy wants to have a girl who looks like she hasn’t ate in four months.
Asking a guy out. If you like a guy, don't be afraid to ask him out on a date. Guys only making the first move is an outdated and sexist concept.
Body hair, makeup, nails, hairstyle, etc.
Those stereotypes in sitcoms when the wife gets angry at oblivious husbands that don't notice the new haircut; those exist because most of us really don't notice.
Not going to lie and say looks don't matter, but personality, intelligence and empathy are a big part of my attraction to someone.
If you're looking for something to be insecure about, male or female, evaluate how you feel about yourself as a well rounded person.
Their noses. An old girlfriend of mine had some deep insecurities about her "big" nose. I thought it suited her face perfectly and gave her a really striking profile and i tried to give her compliments whenever i could. She eventually ended up getting a nose job despite my protests. I told her i thought it looked great even though inside i was crushed because i felt like i had failed in my job as a boyfriend in making her feel sexy and confident.
Your faces. The only people that don't like your faces are you and the cosmetics industry. I would take a natural 5/10 face over a 10/10 makeup face any day. Please try to have the confidence to be natural... anything else is a lie.
Stubble. I had a girl once being too insecure to have sex because she hadn't shaved her kitty in a week. It didn't stop me from closing the deal.
-How they look without any makeup. I feel like most guys prefer Women with little to no makeup. I know I do.
-Also height, all the women I've dated were about a foot shorter then I am.
-Your hair, honestly you look great and most guys won't notice or care if your hair "looks bad"
Moles on the face
I have a mole on my face and I find it GORGEOUS ! Tbh , Moles , to me , are really cute
Their voice
9/10 times they sound gorgeous
Bro I sound like a man sometimes, some dude even thought I was a guy cuz my short hair in public once
Public speaking. You'll do fine!
How her vagina looks. We literally couldn’t care less. Outer labia, inner labia. We promise.
Messy hair
Messy wet hair and no make up straight out of the shower is peak attractive in my book at least.
If they're a little chubby or have a few imperfections. That s**t's normal for everybody. Besides, if you were skin and bones backshots would sound like skeletons from minecraft.
the skeletons literally had me laughing out loud, got a few looks from my class lol
I'm not a guy but Their eyebrows. Literally they are never ugly and it's honestly more disturbing to see ultra thin ones.
Also armpits?? Ok all the shampoo commercials lead you to believe that shaved armpits are sexy but like... If you want to keep the hair, do it it's your body.
Being seen naked, we can already tell what you look like and we’re into it if it’s at that point.
Thigh size. Everyone's is going to be different. If you try to take care of yourself and be healthy, that's all that matters.
Your career / level of education
Plenty of men are terrified of a woman who is more educated or better paid than they are.
If a guy is actively interacting with you and you start to mention how you're insecure about your looks, don't be.
Guys are wired for looks, for better or worse, so if they're interested in you and hanging around you (and you're ok with that) they more than likely adore your looks, and wouldn't change them for the world.
See so many girls out there doubting their beauty, and it breaks my heart.
Men are visual creatures, its just natural, and the proof is in how much money is spent looking naked women every year (billions). But I think generally what we find attractive is not only the socially decided "perfection". Personally I like the uniqueness in "imperfections" more than the perfect barbie look.. have you seen the crooked smile of Natalie Dormer? Damn that is attractive.
Previous relationships which have caused physical or psychological damage to you
This isn't considered to be an insecurity. It's a fear. It's a horribly negative experience that will haunt us until the end of time and men just need to understand that and just accept it. Once a woman (can't speak for men as I am not one) has been in an abusive relationship, we will be cautious, scared, alert, and have PTSD. And if you are a man who is trying to be in a relationship with a woman who has experienced domestic violence, do not negate or minimalize her experiences or force her to talk about it with you. It is a serious issue.
I think this list is very sweet, but the fact of the matter is that many women are absolutely brutal towards each other and even more brutal with themselves. We need to learn to lift each other up and also love ourselves.
True... a lot of people complain about the "beauty standards", but most of the time it is other women who are judgmental, and the women's magazines that are setting the standards... half the time the men are completely oblivious to the things that women are told to be self conscious about.
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can't we just say that all women can or could be beautiful instead of insulting the other spectrum : "don't care about thigh gap it's only good the other wy, big labia is better than barbie doll looking having wrikles/stretch marks/fat makes you look human i.e. not having those makes you look not human, not makeup better than make up, small boobs better than ugly big boobs........ no need to insult the opposite spectrum!
I think the message was wholesome but got a little mixed up. Nothing is better or worse. There's someone for everyone.
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these men are talking for themselves; not evry single men; they're all different with different tastes and personalities
Yes, and those men that have juvenile or idiotic standards are, guess what, juvenile idiots, not men, so you you should not care about their opinion, they are not worth dating.
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The general public tends to be rather judgemental towards women. You can be neat, clean, and well-behaved, but if your hair is just natural, not styled and colored, you don't wear makeup, and your clothes aren't fashionable, people tend to ignore you or even be a little suspicious of you. Maybe they think that since you don't care how you look to them, you don't care about them and therefore aren't a nice person.
Ok but I don’t spend time on my hair, makeup, outfit etc for men. I do it for me.
The idea of this is nice, I guess, but it still comes down to whether or not women are found to be attractive by men. Wouldn’t it be much better if people could be happy with themselves, and other people, completely regardless of their looks?
Yes, I agree. I actually have a problem with the "everyone is beautiful" movement... because it still promotes the myth that being beautiful is important in the first place.
Load More Replies... To sum up everything I find attractive in people (regardless of gender) in one word: imperfections.
Yes! I love crooked teeth, i find them endlessly charming
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I clicked on this thinking it would be boring and I really forget why I even clicked but I really like it! I agree with most of these and I am in fact, a woman! It’s very sweet and I think making this question was a really good idea :)
I agree with this entire list. Don't let the IG models and magazines be the ones to set beauty standards. Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. It's what's inside that makes you the most unattractive.
And the biggest problem with those are that they aren't even real. Most of those models have entire teams of people doing makeup/hair/etc and then photoshopping the pics on top of it. It's literally an impossible standard.
Load More Replies... I had to stop at #5 because 4/5 of the top 5 is complete bullshjt. Yes, freckles are fine. But also, NO, we actually DO care if you're fat and bad at sex and have bad hygiene and grooming, especially down there. Stop with the echo chamber and go take care of your life.
There's a lot of repetition in this list. it's more like 15-20 things. One that I've thought about is comfortable shoes. Has there ever been a guy outside of the fashion industry who cared if women wore heels or some other type of uncomfortable footwear? You certainly can if you want, but I know I would rather see a woman wear something comfortable versus something that makes their feet sore. I feel like that's one of those that's much more for other women than guys. I doubt most guys even notice or care.
Can we also get the 'Male Insecurities' one? I think we need to hear about both sides.
About the whole boobs comment... Most men would probably notice big boobs but they sure as hell don't turn me on.
This list is great but there are still too many men who treat women horribly for not meeting beauty standards. I know women can do the same but it's all because of society brainwashing that teaches humans to hate women and look down on us. Fortunately more and more women nowadays are getting better at being supportive and loving toward each other.
Eh? I couldn't give a s**t if a woman has scars. I have scars. If you have scars & anyone has a problem with that, then they aren't worth your time.
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Pretty much all men be like: woman sexy lol idc about most stuff also wtf is louis Vuitton or whatever
The myth of vaginal tightness. As a rather ordinarily-endowed male of 68 years (and who was a traveling nightclub musician during the sexually-permissive '70s), I've been with a few ladies over the past 53 years and have never really noticed the "fit" of any particular person. So don't let anyone tell you differently; it's all wonderful!
My girlfriend has very obvious stretch marks down the back of her legs, on her breasts, on her arms, on her stomach… she cares about it way more than I do. Women tend to be their own worst critics because society is so harsh that they internalise it.
If a guy doesn’t like you simply due to breast size, leave them. You’re better than them
So then, I am going to be practical, well realistic actually...these things matter to some men and to some women. They matter to some degree to everyone in different ways. These are opinions expressed and supported by those who agree...let's face it: it different strokes for different folks. It is extremely unrealistic to say that men collectively don't care about the things listed. Then there are the many women who care about these things for themselves. There is also the fact that men and women have left their SOs for someone else for the above mentioned... In an ideal world and all that jazz...as it is, people like what they like and don't what they don't. The bigger issues are what happens as you age, have children, or get sick and are looked at differently...
I think this list is very sweet, but the fact of the matter is that many women are absolutely brutal towards each other and even more brutal with themselves. We need to learn to lift each other up and also love ourselves.
True... a lot of people complain about the "beauty standards", but most of the time it is other women who are judgmental, and the women's magazines that are setting the standards... half the time the men are completely oblivious to the things that women are told to be self conscious about.
Load More Replies... can't we just say that all women can or could be beautiful instead of insulting the other spectrum : "don't care about thigh gap it's only good the other wy, big labia is better than barbie doll looking having wrikles/stretch marks/fat makes you look human i.e. not having those makes you look not human, not makeup better than make up, small boobs better than ugly big boobs........ no need to insult the opposite spectrum!
I think the message was wholesome but got a little mixed up. Nothing is better or worse. There's someone for everyone.
Load More Replies... these men are talking for themselves; not evry single men; they're all different with different tastes and personalities
Yes, and those men that have juvenile or idiotic standards are, guess what, juvenile idiots, not men, so you you should not care about their opinion, they are not worth dating.
Load More Replies... The general public tends to be rather judgemental towards women. You can be neat, clean, and well-behaved, but if your hair is just natural, not styled and colored, you don't wear makeup, and your clothes aren't fashionable, people tend to ignore you or even be a little suspicious of you. Maybe they think that since you don't care how you look to them, you don't care about them and therefore aren't a nice person.
Ok but I don’t spend time on my hair, makeup, outfit etc for men. I do it for me.
The idea of this is nice, I guess, but it still comes down to whether or not women are found to be attractive by men. Wouldn’t it be much better if people could be happy with themselves, and other people, completely regardless of their looks?
Yes, I agree. I actually have a problem with the "everyone is beautiful" movement... because it still promotes the myth that being beautiful is important in the first place.
Load More Replies... To sum up everything I find attractive in people (regardless of gender) in one word: imperfections.
Yes! I love crooked teeth, i find them endlessly charming
Load More Replies... I clicked on this thinking it would be boring and I really forget why I even clicked but I really like it! I agree with most of these and I am in fact, a woman! It’s very sweet and I think making this question was a really good idea :)
I agree with this entire list. Don't let the IG models and magazines be the ones to set beauty standards. Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. It's what's inside that makes you the most unattractive.
And the biggest problem with those are that they aren't even real. Most of those models have entire teams of people doing makeup/hair/etc and then photoshopping the pics on top of it. It's literally an impossible standard.
Load More Replies... I had to stop at #5 because 4/5 of the top 5 is complete bullshjt. Yes, freckles are fine. But also, NO, we actually DO care if you're fat and bad at sex and have bad hygiene and grooming, especially down there. Stop with the echo chamber and go take care of your life.
There's a lot of repetition in this list. it's more like 15-20 things. One that I've thought about is comfortable shoes. Has there ever been a guy outside of the fashion industry who cared if women wore heels or some other type of uncomfortable footwear? You certainly can if you want, but I know I would rather see a woman wear something comfortable versus something that makes their feet sore. I feel like that's one of those that's much more for other women than guys. I doubt most guys even notice or care.
Can we also get the 'Male Insecurities' one? I think we need to hear about both sides.
About the whole boobs comment... Most men would probably notice big boobs but they sure as hell don't turn me on.
This list is great but there are still too many men who treat women horribly for not meeting beauty standards. I know women can do the same but it's all because of society brainwashing that teaches humans to hate women and look down on us. Fortunately more and more women nowadays are getting better at being supportive and loving toward each other.
Eh? I couldn't give a s**t if a woman has scars. I have scars. If you have scars & anyone has a problem with that, then they aren't worth your time.
Load More Replies... Pretty much all men be like: woman sexy lol idc about most stuff also wtf is louis Vuitton or whatever
The myth of vaginal tightness. As a rather ordinarily-endowed male of 68 years (and who was a traveling nightclub musician during the sexually-permissive '70s), I've been with a few ladies over the past 53 years and have never really noticed the "fit" of any particular person. So don't let anyone tell you differently; it's all wonderful!
My girlfriend has very obvious stretch marks down the back of her legs, on her breasts, on her arms, on her stomach… she cares about it way more than I do. Women tend to be their own worst critics because society is so harsh that they internalise it.
If a guy doesn’t like you simply due to breast size, leave them. You’re better than them
So then, I am going to be practical, well realistic actually...these things matter to some men and to some women. They matter to some degree to everyone in different ways. These are opinions expressed and supported by those who agree...let's face it: it different strokes for different folks. It is extremely unrealistic to say that men collectively don't care about the things listed. Then there are the many women who care about these things for themselves. There is also the fact that men and women have left their SOs for someone else for the above mentioned... In an ideal world and all that jazz...as it is, people like what they like and don't what they don't. The bigger issues are what happens as you age, have children, or get sick and are looked at differently...
