Tastefully offensive—what a delightful oxymoron. Causing someone to feel resentful, upset, or annoyed in an appropriate manner that shows good aesthetic judgment. Cheers to that! Oh, was it a bit confusing? Don’t worry, the following tweets and memes will embody the meaning.
Shared by the Social Media Page "Tastefully Offensive," these bits of human communication add some much-needed spice to our daily lives, especially when they reflect the more chaotic aspects of what it means to be a human in 2023. Or at least, what’s left of us…
Upvote your favorites, leave comments with your thoughts (and jokes, because we all need a laugh or two), and make sure to check out the previous article Bored Panda did on this page; it’ll have more funny bits, so you might want to clickity-clack on that hyperlink. Now let’s get into the madness!
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So U R ending the wedding with a crash instead of a bang!
Nothing quite like a parent who deliberately sets out to spoil their child's wedding.
Why would this spoil the wedding? I'd laugh my a*s off if my parent did something like this.
Load More Replies...When I was about 12 years old I cracked a window our house by throwing a rock at it. I had spent the night at the neighbor's house and when I went back home everyone was still asleep. No one would answer the door and I was locked out. So stupid me starts throwing small rocks at the window to get their attention. One of the rocks was apparently too big or I threw it too hard. Eventually my brother answered the door and let me in. But no one realized that the cracked window was from me - they didn't notice it at first and I wasn't about to volunteer the info. My parents blamed in on some kids playing pranks and had it fixed. I finally admitted it when I was an adult and they were like "yeah, we knew that". Damn! I stressed about it for years and they knew the whole time!
Life is a complex bucket full of unknowns. You put your hand into the murky water, continuously wondering what you’ll find. Some days it’s a few golden coins; other times it’s a slimy electric eel that’s not too happy to be disturbed. Thing is, you can’t avoid shoving your hand in it, elbow-deep, as it is part of the human experience.
Those said experiences can be very nicely summed up in 280 characters or less, as over 368 million monthly active users worldwide do so on a daily basis. Twitter is the place to be if you want to get immersed in chaos, but for those of us that can’t handle the extent of it, this social media page called “Tastefully Offensive” shares the most painfully relatable tweets out there.
Except for the whole genius / godfather of evolutionary theory thing.
Load More Replies...Darwin was a genius, but he also has serious mental health issues. His home life was quite tragic and unfortunately medical science was extremely primitive. Today he would probably be diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but at the time he was prescribed cold water therapy. Where he was subjected to buckets of ice cold water being poured over him to "cure" him.
He also suffered from a chronic digestive ailment that caused him to spend much of his time aboard the HMS Beagle doing this … 🤢🤮🤮🤮
Load More Replies...He needed a duvet day (and some decent mental health support because the poor chap was plagued with depression and anxiety for years)
The more and more I read to my son the more I realize I need to learn to talk. Archipelago was one of the recent ones
Arch-e-pell-ago? Hotline people please respond!
Load More Replies...This is my life. I know so many words from a lifetime of reading that I have NO IDEA how to say out loud, and that I will make an a*s out of myself the first time I try to pronounce them XD
I read something once that stuck with me. “Don’t make fun of someone who mispronounces words. It means they learned them by reading.”
Or they learned it by hearing someone else say it.
Load More Replies...I use Google Search to hear audio clips of pronunciation for new words. 😁😂
On Windows Internet Explorer, you used to be able to type pronounce ________ and it would.
Load More Replies...On Apple devices select the word and click “Speak” in the pop up menu. I’m not a native speaker, use it quite often. To activate it go to Settings > Accessibility > Spoken Content > Speak Selection
That's what frustrates me the most about English. In Spanish you know how to pronounce all the words you read even if you have never heard them
English is a very difficult language to learn, so many odd rules (and I say this as a native speaker).
Load More Replies...I know how you are supposed to pronounce it but my brain always insists it is epi-tome when I read it.
Load More Replies...The day I learned that "Quixotic" is pronounced phonetically was a life-changing day.
The page’s slogan is “The True Memeing Of Life.” But what is it actually like to be a human? What is the purpose of it all? Is there a purpose at all to be sat in front of your glowy screen, using your hands to swipe across a bit of glass for hours on end, just to get a hit of happiness? Lots of questions, and I don’t know if we’ll find any answers, but let’s try!
The “human condition” can be defined as the features and key events of human life, including birth, learning, emotion, aspiration, morality, conflict, and death. Sometimes it is even referred to as the meaning of life, and, not surprisingly, this topic has intrigued and perplexed the minds of philosophers, religious figures, and scientists alike.
This is a good idea. I'd have prevented a lot of social awkwardness if my eyebrows weren't so judgementally animated.
Such an unlikely commercial for botox. Botox: follow your brain, not your emotions.
I have been seriously thinking of doing this, even called a plastic surgeon office and asked if they could make me have permanent "pleasant countenance". My RBF is SEVERE! I started responding to people who told me to smile that I Am Smiling! And if it's not good enough for you, you can pay for me to get a face transplant because I'm doing the best I can with what I got! I may be a bit dramatic...
I used to work retail but I got so many complaints for talking angrily to customers and team members. But I was just talking in my normal speaking voice...
Load More Replies...Omg I need this. If only they had Botox for the brain/mouth filter to delay comments
I need this!!! I get in so much trouble with my husband over Micro expressions.
Living in a village in Greece now is a lot different than it was 50 years ago.
Not just any village though. Ikaria island which is one of the 5 blue zones in the world!
And one of the longest life expectancies too.
Load More Replies...A friend of mine did this. Came to Canada, lived here for a number of years and said, ‘It’s better in Greece,’ 20, sunny, fresh vegetables for 1/4 of the price….. No more rat race. An oft repeated refrain I head is: In North America people live to work, in -.-.- - people work to live…. Apologies for all the edits, hard to type with arthritis…
They go from perfectly ripe to rotten in about the span of a drive home
Load More Replies...I never go to after work plans. It's not that I hate my colleagues it's just I've had enough of them come the end of the day and just want to go home to my family
I just wanted to get away from them after 8-9 hours, even if it was to sit on the train by myself!
Load More Replies...Buddhism teaches that existence is a perpetual cycle of suffering, death, and rebirth from which humans can be liberated via the Noble Eightfold Path. Meanwhile, many Christians believe that humans are born in a sinful condition and are doomed in the afterlife unless they receive salvation through Jesus Christ.
Philosophers have provided many perspectives on the meaning of life. Many know of René Descartes’ quote, “I think, therefore I am.” He believed the human mind, particularly its faculty of reason, to be the primary determiner of truth. One modern school, existentialism, attempts to resolve an individual’s sense of disorientation and confusion in a universe believed to be absurd.
This is what I told my therapist when I first started seeing her. I don't think I have a chemical imbalance in my brain so much as a s****y upbringing in a s****y world
The imbalance is not chemical and it's surrounding all sentient beings.
Load More Replies...With everything going on in this world, if I didn't feel depressed, then something is definitely wrong with me!
Ooooh, as a psychologist, l felt that in my soul. Need way more than medication to fix that
That's my nihilism. I'm not usually depressed, I just take stark but appropriate points of view on things and amn't afraid (dumb texas/england slang courtesy of my bizarre cousin) to share it
Netflix movies need to make more sense while I’m scrolling on my phone and not actually paying attention
My wife requires that I pay attention so I can explain who the characters are and what's going on at any moment. This is a duty that I do not take too seriously, and often make stuff up to see just how much she's really missed. Frodo got the ring from Bilbo because they're in love, but MiddleEarth doesn't accept their relationship so to prove himself, Frodo has to get permission to marry from Sauron. Ian McKellen is trying to help him out, and Gimli and Legolas want this to work out too so they can also get their union blessed by Elrond. The white wizard is an allegory for old white men in general which is why he's trying to stop them.
Load More Replies...Or that has a message that pops up between the 12 episode marathon you are on saying "Don't you have work tomorrow?"
Netflix should tell me to get up and stretch and move around for a few minutes before playing again. Between episodes of course. And I should be able to turn the function on and off so if I get annoyed by it I can always cancel it. But it would be a good tool for me I think
Or YouTube! This suddenly began happening a couple of weeks ago. Dammit, I chose a 2 hour mix of Doomer music, of COURSE I'm still listening at the 45 minute mark! Go torment someone else.
you can change that in your settings! just click on your profile, then settings, then to general. It's the top one, "remind me to take a break". You can turn it off, or you can customize the time, like every five hours or something, by turning it off then back on
Load More Replies...I will die watching Raising Dion before switching the laundry over
I assume they mean switching laundry from the washer to the dryer :)
Load More Replies...I haven't, but you reminded me! I'll do it ASAP, or maybe in five minutes time...
I swear those kind of people hover their hands over the horn the moment they stop at a red light. It’s the only explanation for how quick the blow it the moment the light goes green
If they do that to me, I put my car in park and get out to inspect the rear end. I assume they are trying to let me know something is wrong. Sometimes they yell at me when I do that.
Load More Replies...And around where I live, you need to take a second or two to make sure no one is going to run the just-turned red light going the other way. There is one light that I can count on at least 3 cars still turning left after my light has turned green
One time my horn broke and it was rush hour in Vegas and it would just blare every seven seconds or so. I sort of sunk down into my seat and tried to apologize with insane hand gestures. Made it out alive barely.
Little car that's driver felt it was necessary to pass me despite the double yellow lines as I had slowed to near the speed limit since it is a residential area on the highway, I hope gaining 0.72 seconds by being 1 car closer to the stoplight, which we all had to stop at just moments later, was truly worth it.
When someone does that, I purposely drop the clutch to fast to make the car stall. And then "raise my hands in desperation"....
I got pulled over for road rage when I put my hands up after a car slammed their brakes wildly after seeing said cop in a speed trap. I was the one going the speed limit. I wasn't even mad, just thinking.... typical
Load More Replies...Recently I took a defensive driving course. The instructor said that most accidents at intersections occur when someone runs a red light so he recommended waiting a few seconds before proceeding on green. To ward off the pending honks he takes his foot off of the brakes so his brake lights turn off but still waits a few seconds before hitting the gas.
I love the ones who aggressively pass you, only to end up at the same light as you...
Yes, me being 25 cars from the intersection and somebody behind me immediately honks when the light turns green. Really?
Perhaps more fundamental concepts summarize the more universal aspects of the human condition: 1. An awareness of the inevitability of suffering and death, 2. An understanding of evil and sin, and 3. The recognition of an intelligent being who intervenes in human affairs.
The more we grow, the more of these we realize, as well as the absolute fact of how fragile life is. There is, inherent in the human condition, an uneasiness as we search for peace and calm. As William James says, “There is something wrong about us as we naturally stand.” Material possessions, no matter how plentiful, cannot make us happy, and thus, we search for more.
No! I'll just tell them I have an emergensy at home - an avocado is about to go bad!
I used to go to parties, that long ago I have forgotten about them....
Poseidon teamed up with boreas just to spite a mortal, i see
I LOVE YOUR USERNAME!!!! I am also a pansexual child of hades! Do you like the Percy Jackson Books?
Load More Replies...Bidets are the second best thing in the world! After Betty White, of course. I miss her, this month of her birth. All hail Betty White & the bidets!
Just like sitting on cold porcelain late at night with minimal lighting, after a person has left the seat up.
I use a cold water bidet. On the coldest days here in New England, it's not very pleasant, but if we lost heat in the house, it would be a punishing experience
But I should add: everyone should have some type of bidet fixture. They can be super-cheap and they're way more hygienic than just using toilet paper. Once I started using one, I knew I'd never go back, and was like "why aren't these the norm?!"
Load More Replies...Hahahaha my Dad's favourite comeback to kids saying "I'm hungry" was "I'm Austria country nextdoor" I now use this against my own kids lol
I call my indigestion Russia because it's always attacking my stomach for no reason
On the other side of the same coin, we have nihilism, a philosophy that rejects generally accepted or fundamental aspects of human existence, such as objective truth, knowledge, morality, values, or meaning. Essentially, life is meaningless, human values are baseless, and knowledge is impossible.
It is often associated with extreme pessimism and a radical skepticism that condemns existence. Among philosophers, Friedrich Nietzsche is most often associated with nihilism. For Nietzsche, there is no objective order or structure in the world except what we give it.
A common thread in the literature of the existentialists is coping with the emotional anguish arising from our confrontation with nothingness, and they expended great energy responding to the question of whether surviving it was possible. Passionate commitment, be it to conquest, creation, or whatever, is itself meaningless. Welcome to nihilism.
Then forgetting that and putting it in the sink where it promptly gets something nasty on it
which is the equivelent of getting a half inch of snow.
Load More Replies...I think it's finding $20 in the pocket of a coat you haven't worn since last winter.
I grew up in Florida so never saw snow or had a "snow day". Now I'm an arborist in Denver, CO and get quite a few every year. I get to drop the kids at school and play XBOX all day uninterrupted. It's awesome.
If it was milk I give it a quick rinse, check no one is watching, then set it to dry on the drainer
Same except idc if anyone is watching. They aren't cuz I live alone but still lol
Load More Replies...All the busy parents collectively felt bad for themselves because it’s SO TRUE.
I don't like the cinema any more. I always need to have a wee at some point, it's too loud, the snacks cost too much, it all costs too much, I can't pause it, the seats are uncomfortable and there are other people there.
We should be friends. Electronically. From a distance.
Load More Replies...The last movie I saw in a theatre was "O Brother Where Art Thou." The man sitting behind me had smuggled in a burrito, which he slowly ate throughout the film. It sounded exactly like oral sex. Never again.
It's the ability to get up and pee, eat or stretch knowing that there is a good stopping point without feeling like you are interrupting.
Years ago there used to be intermissions built in to very long movies. Some chirpy song like "🎶 Let's all go to the lobby! 🎶" would start playing to encourage people to buy more snacks.
And movie theatres had stage curtains that would enticingly open right before the movie started.
Load More Replies...I stopped liking going to the movies about 20 years ago, when Pirates of the Caribbean came out. Went to see it. Guy a couple of rows ahead had a newspaper on his lap, and I DID wonder why. As the movie started, he proceeded to take off his shirt. Then the newspaper started to move very rapidly on his lap. When my bf threw a gummy bear at him to get him to stop, he threatened to stab us and we had to be escorted out of the theater by security. I have always wondered what was the draw for wanking to that particular movie, and I've probably been to the theater twice or three times since then.
I feel I can't concentrate on a movie, but I'll binge a whole 23 episodes season and read all the meta available about it, no problem.
Omg me too! I’m always shocked and confused that it’s red. Maybe “vert verde” in other languages throws me off.
Same! I was adopted into a Mexican family and grew up hearing Spanish as often as I heard English. Knowing that "verde" means "green" DOES make me think "vermillion" should be a shade of green XD
Load More Replies...I'm proud to say that I have never had this problem, mainly because I had never heard of the colour vermillion before.
Oh my goodness, that reminds me, the only reason I know this word is that way back in 7th grade I wrote a creative writing piece for English class in which the gym teacher which we all hated was having a heart attack and "couldn't chase us past the vermillion lockers"... I just looked up a fancy word for red and that was what I found.
Load More Replies...Vermelho is the Portuguese word for Red, so i never thought the rest of the world would get this confusion...
And vert is green in French which is why I think of it. Agree with your agreement.
Load More Replies...The question of our existence is complex and multifaceted, as one would expect such a question to be—wherever you look, there will be a theory as to what your life should aspire to be, or not be. So choose one and run with it. At the end of the day, we can live another day for some juicy Twitter content and good laughs with a cup of coffee.
As you continue scrolling through this list, make sure you upvote your favorites, leave some comments along the way, and make sure to have a day full of happiness! 'Til the next one!
I took the bus, but they did give us bus passes. Weather was lousy and it was a long walk to the court house though.
Load More Replies...How about this: jury duty is wild. Ordinary women and men decide on whether or not other ordinary women and men should be punished for crimes they are accused of. Whereas in most other countries, these decisions are made by individual magistrates and there are no such things as defense lawyers. It's nice to live in a place where "the government" is us.
Jury duty is a thing in other countries, mainly commonwealth countries who kept the idea on after British rule ended.
Load More Replies...Easiest way to get out is if you own a small business, and you say that the time away would be a detriment to the company
Judge told me it was not enough to get me out pf jury duty. I was the only one operating my shop….
Load More Replies...Then vote to increase juror's pay. Its supposed to be enough to avoid a financial burden. If it's not, then we are failing in the other burden of being a citizen in a democracy to ensure we find our government to fulfill functions too big for one person.
Load More Replies...How is this not higher? I have been on 5 juries. Only one was a murder, but still.
Jury Duty should be paid at min wage, 8 hours per day. Still not enough, but better than what they do pay. And get outta here with your civic duty argument!
What I was paid, paid for my parking. My job paid me for the day, though.
Load More Replies...😳 Genius! You have inspired me to set up an all-cereal buffet this weekend. Thank you!!!
Load More Replies...For some reason I read that as "we should get a portion going" and yes, that too.
Load More Replies...One time I went to this hole in the wall italian place with my parents and I ordered the three cheese ravioli. I thought it would be ravioli with three types of cheeses but it was three cheese raviolis. I we still joke about it in my family.
Lol, I expect the raviolis to be the size of my face if they want to dish out a whole 4 raviolis 😂
4 raviolis! That’s the appetizer to the BOWL full of ravioli that’s coming out soon, right? Extra parm, please.
I hate ravioli with a passion-there is something about the taste that doesn’t fit right with me and I don’t know what
Just like parties. I absolutely definitely want to be invited but I don’t want to go.
Load More Replies...The older I get, the less I want to talk to people. I may not be the highest paid person in my company, but at least I don't have to sit in a board meeting for 3 hours on a Wednesday night! I'm quite happy being middle management if it means I don't have to pretend to be nice to visiting bigwigs either. :)
We had a meeting at work then we were told we will receive an email containing the exact same things that were said in the meeting
4 (if you become the boss): I need to force others to be in meetings now.
not me. I have NEVER wanted to be included in any meetings for any reason ever.
Me neither. Kept getting included, my input was always overridden, and then chastised for not participating. Erg.
Load More Replies...No. 2 is such a short period of time too, over in the span of maybe 2 meetings.
Aaaaaaaand there’s the existential crisis I mentioned in a previous comment. So if you’ll excuse me
Dammit, everytime I come to bored panda they give me more reasons to think I'm depressed.
Or explain the concept o having to actually go to work everyday.
My question is who do they think is getting them up in the morning. I mean an adult is doing that correct?
I take it they think they'll find a house to live in that has a secret money tree too
you eat junk food when your depressed? i don't eat. i haven't eaten a full meal in 2 weeks
That sounds a lot more wholesome than when I google to see how many cast members are dead. Everyone dead = a bingo! Scull! (In my defence, I do watch a great many old b&w movies).
That's a lovely past time, Uncanny. I used to count the missing cats in the "lost pet" section of the newspaper's classifieds. I was a simple child.
Load More Replies...I do that DURING the movie. Wonder why I never know what's going on
Eh, pause, do it when the movie has a slow moment, same really
Load More Replies...For me it's usually to look up what I recognize the actors from. And while I'm on IMDB I read the movie trivia because I always need more useless facts to fill my brain with
I do this too. Drives my partner nuts. "Hey, do you know that this actor was also in OtherMovie back in 2006?"
what I love about Amazon Prime is that if you wiggle the mouse, the names of the actors appears on screen. Saves so much time googling who they are before you start googling them, themselves.
Or what they look like naked. Umm my friend does that. Not me. Ever.
I was about to comment, that everyone seems to have at least wholesome issues when watching stuff.. I see attractive person and I google to see if they have done nude scene before 😁
Load More Replies...This is how I learned that the carhop in Happy Days was the granddaughter of George S. Kaufman. Learning new things prevents dementia, and I just don’t have the patience to do that with Sodoku.
It's usually gained something- sadly, lol.
Load More Replies...It's not "Let yourself go." It's "DGAF what people think of me and tired of spending tons of money on make-up/clothes/gym memberships to look good while at the same time feeling uncomfortable outside my home. I can now spend the money on something I like while at the same time being able to sleep in instead of having to wake up before the sun, the roosters and God Himself to spend 1 hour in the gym and 1-2 hours in the bathroom trying to look perfect. Did I also mention that I get to eat whatever I want with no regrets because I still DGAF?"
This is one of the most satisfying rants it's been my pleasure to hear in a long time
Load More Replies...I feel this. When I became disabled it wasn't something I chose to do and I think the other things that come with it need to be mentioned like the weight gain and stuff. I want from being fit to obese in a matter of a couple years. The medications I have to take have helped me gain weight I never wanted to gain.
It is just rearranged into a different position. You didn’t lose anything, you gained confidence and defiance at anyone who dares to make that comment to you!
Are you free to come and sort my house out now that you’ve finished your Spring cleaning?
I have cats. I'm really good about picking up rubber bands, hair ties, twist ties, string, anything else on the floor that could be eaten and become a "linear foreign body" vet emergency. Anything else stays laying on the floor for weeks though, can't be arsed to pick the rest of it up XD
Going on holidays without your cats is so freeing because you don't have to do that, except you still do in case you 'get out of the habit' at home
Load More Replies...You have not achieved your household scientist certification until you have watched the debris / dust on your floor naturally migrate to the edges of hallways / walkways and mentally compared it to what happens to debris along a well used highway.
....or you can own Very Hairy Dogs. It all happens so much quicker. Hairy dogs with short legs are the best. everything goes directly to the sides, nothing in the middle.
Load More Replies...In a week your gonna need it, and have no idea where it went
This will haunt me through all of next December 😂
Load More Replies...It's like the other meme I saw "Domestic Housewife implies that there is such a thing as a Feral Housewife and now I have a new life goal."
question: does round yon virgin refer to Mary being pregnant? bc if so, that's hilarious. R O U N D
Fun Fact: In the UK, they used to be called Opal Fruits until they changed it to Starburst. And Snickers was Marathon. Anyone else remember that?
I do. I remember Spangles, and Tooty Fruities, and Caramac bars. And Treets. The 70s was great for sweeties. Remember Flying Saucers and the way the rice paper would stick to the roof of your mouth?
Load More Replies...How can ceviche not be acid enough? It's literally fish cooked by marinating it in citrus juice.
Load More Replies...They used to be called Opal Fruits back in the olden days. I'm old enough to remember when Snickers were called Marathons. And I remember Spangles-I miss Spangles.
was OP also eating them with cheeto fingers? asking 'cause a friend does the same...
Oily??? How can ceviche be oily?? It doesn’t require a DROP of oil!!! Wtf???
When I was a kid, I used to eat Starburst without removing the wrappers. I did it to weird out my friends. I thought I was the only one XD
Same but with peanut butter. She was licking her mouth for about 3 minutes after lol
Load More Replies...Last package of ham I bought was very disappointing. As I was pulling out a slice to make a sandwich, I found the texture unusually soft. Then I noticed on the package "41% added water" ... Like wtf, I'm lucky I didn't have to pour it out of the package.
I did it with crisps in the pub. And of course such crisps have half the calories of an unshared packet
You should watch the YouTube videos of Penny the cat ! Ham is her favorite.
Load More Replies...I did this 30 mins ago with my doggo and bacon. I get a bite he got two bites cause he is good boy
do that with my cat but with tuna sandwitchs. You get a bite i get a bite. Every time i make one i have to share or she'll die. I stopped useing salt and pepper on the sandwitch because of this.
Same here with cheese.Was used to throw it over my shoulder and when I wasn't fast enough the cold nose of my dog on my back reminds me to move on. 3 months after his death still throwing cheese automatically over my shoulder just to see it lying on the floor- sad and lost like my heart. Damn I miss my rascal
My parents never told me Santa's not real because my parents were not liars.
Guys. I think I found my lost brethren JORDAN COME BACK THE TROOPS NEED YOU
You can send a heart to politely end a conversation? In today's episode of things i totally missed.
In the meantime I'll shall just start giving the thumbs up mid conversation
Heart stickers are good. Thumbs up ones are better 👍👍👍👍👍👍
My daughter said she wants to do this with but with big heart stickers and put them over Trump bumper stickers 🤣
I Just imagine like this: I could place the sticker on his/her forehead and say "SIMBA", there is no conversation beyond this point.
I feel you :( My ex always wondered why I didn't want to sleep in the same bed/room with him. He'd keep me awake when my bed was on the other side of the HOUSE with several closed doors between us. I had to use a white-noise machine cranked to maximum XD
Load More Replies...Because they're exhausted from choking through poor quality sleep.
Load More Replies...Just a reminder: Snoring is a symptom of sleep apnea and that kills people. Like Carrie Fisher. If someone is snoring loudly, they should get it checked out
I'll second this. I wouldn't give up my CPAP for anything. Before I'd snore but I wasn't really getting good sleep.
Load More Replies...Haha! Ive got a great story. My husband kept me from sleeping peacefully for the first 10 yrs of marriage with his kicking, wiggling, and rolling himself into a burrito with ALL the blankets, leaving me with none. Then out of the blue, Iast few years I started snoring SO LOUDLY he has to sleep in another room or it will keep him up all night. I like to think of it as my body taking revenge. Thanks, body! Now I sleep awesomely! 😂
Whenever my mother and I would travel, it was a race to see who would fall asleep first. We both snored, so it was "you snooze, you win".
My mother snored so bad, and was the lightest sleeper: it was this like chainsaw grinding and then this expulsion of breath, and it was arhythmic so it'd wake you up and you couldn't go back to sleep. But you couldn't turn on a reading light or go in the living room and watch TV with volume down because it'd wake her up, so you just had to lie there grinding your teeth. She never could figure out why we were all so tired all the time...
People stopped getting lost at IKEA so now they have to find a new source of meat...
Dunno.. sounds like a term of endearment to me.. but I love meatballs
Sometimes, it's just like the TV is background noise to help us focus on something else
we all have that show you put on just so you can have something to watch when youre waiting for the page to load on youre phone.
With me it's my pc (old eyes that are no longer into small rectangular screens 😳).
What you can't multitask and be on your phone? You should try to be on your computer, your phone and your TV at once. That's the only way to live.
Just ignoring the entire tv from reruns of Law&Order SVU. I get the basic gist. I perk up when they get the perp in cuffs otherwise…back to our regularly scheduled broadcast BP.
Idem in Belgium... And for an English pun:"it grosses me out to see what the government takes in taxes"
Load More Replies...For low-pay workers the total amount of your pay would be disgusting even if you got to keep it all.
What's really gross is how much they pay the CEO and how much they pay you
Just think: right now, the republicans want to give you your entire pay but then have a 30% sales tax. Would you like that better?
Yes. Because between Medicare tax, Social Security taxes, Sales taxes, Income tax, Property tax, etc. what we are paying now equals more than 30%.
Load More Replies...I just got my W-2. I thought: "No f-ing way did I make that much - I'm still broke!"
And then with that net pay you get pay sales tax, property tax, school tax...
but it is logical. Taxes on salaries are (ideally) used to build, maintain and improve infrastructure that benefits the community (roads, medical care, education, environment, etc.). Taxes for property, car and other are very individual expenses and must be treated individually.
Load More Replies...Yeah, they never provide anything for you, do they?
Load More Replies...People marveling over the language similarity (brutto, etc). Your languages were all influenced by the Roman Empire. I'm american, and know that. How do you not?
I think if they’re gonna take a big chonk outta my pay, then I should have some say. Wouldn’t it be nice if WE actually approved line item by item each month where the money goes ? “I’m sorry, you spent how much on a hammer? Do you not know what a hardware store is ? I WANT A RECEIPT!” Lol
Regardless, I hope you have a very wonderful year. Be glad you are alive & can celebrate. My twin sons, age 23,just lost their best friend. He wold have turned 23 this month. So tragic. Enjoy life, but be careful. 🎂
Load More Replies...Have worked at the same place for 20 years and no one knows when my birthday is. And I love it.
Man come on I'm not on BP to hear about politics lol
Load More Replies...Honestly same. I'm gonna allow myself to think I have a chance with the pretty girl in my class. She remembered my name and initiated conversations so that means she likes me right?
ah, so this is what everyone decided to do at the same time. world makes a lot more sense now.
I did. It's ok. Not a bad movie, and actually funnier than the first one. It lacks the atmosphere of the first movie though.
Load More Replies...Remember kids, if you do something exceptionally weird, you will become immortal
It's probably easier than doing something incredible.
Load More Replies...Something tells me she's been eaten before. Why do you think she's smiling like that?
Not true,kids doing tombstone rubbings with charcoal in art class will think about you once more.
Yo guys, I found this cool glitch. I hope the Earth devs don't patch it soon
Air travel civility continues to find new depths to plumb. Just when I think I’ve seen it all, some people manage to do things that are so awful, gross and weird that I begin to wonder how they managed to live that long, and how the h*ll they can afford fly.
Airlines: collect people in crowded pens, give them booze, then torture them. Act surprised when they go nuts, then repeat. I cannot think of a better way to design a system to make people go crazy at the service people.
Before Covid I took South Africa Airlines to Jburg. A 15 hour non stop flight with 300 people. They provide free booze on board to all passengers - not just first/business class. What could go wrong?
Load More Replies...Demand on the top of your lungs though, low level employees tend to hear badly and only understand you after the third (VERY LOUD!) time you demand something.
Load More Replies...This is true. What seems to be more the case is that it costs almost as much to eat a "meal" at a fast food place as nicer place.
Load More Replies...I can get a take out burger for a few bucks. I can go to the grocery store and buy what I need to make burgers at home, but by the time I get to the checkout my cart is some how full and cost me a few hundred bucks. That takeout burger is way cheaper.
Every time! I need to start wearing blinders like they put on horses to keep myself focused
Load More Replies...As a single person I agree. Cook extra and store it for later??? I’m sorry but I don’t want to be eating the same 6 meals for the next month!
As a retiree I suggest buying family packs of everything and breaking it down into single packs. Then you can laugh when chicken is $3 lb. when you got your family pack at $1.89!
Load More Replies...I was beginning to plan on rice/beans and eggs but egg prices went up so much it isn't even feasible anymore. I think the only solution is instant ramen and a multivitamin.
It's well worth growing your own veggies. Glad I'm a vegetarian. Meat is so expensive nowadays.
I'd love to do that but I have a very powerful murderous stare. I try to grow plants but if I look at them, they die.
Load More Replies...I always pick groceries, i don`t know WHAT restaurants put in my food.
you have to learn how to budget and where to shop. Take the advice of your grandma and comb through the coupons. And remember, ingredients may cost more, but it makes a meal with days of leftovers whereas a restaurant meal could maybe get you a tiny portion extra to take home. Shop at the international stores, they're cheaper. shop around, buy meats from a butcher not the grocery store, they're better for you, better quality, fresher and cheaper. Learn how to reuse ingredients. You see carrots on sale this week? Make a soup one night and a pot roast another night the same week and use up those carrots. You don't need to waste your money in god awful store bought bread. Bread is so easy to make in a loaf pan, even easier if you invest in a bread maker. My family and extended family went away this weekend and my parents spent probably $50 on enough bagels, biscuits, rolls, and bread for all 9 of us. I easily couldve made all that with the eggs, yeast, and flour already in my kitchen
I can speak for everyone in the UK to say a butcher undercutting a supermarket does not exist here.
Load More Replies...It tastes better straight out of the bucket. When it’s still hard. With a fork.
When I was a kid, my dad would scoop ice cream into a bowl and microwave it. That man gave no fugs about what anyone else in the family thought about him XD He was my hero.
Load More Replies...Or drink out of a milk container or something like that and not have to dirty a glass or cup if you don't want to.
Every Friday I go to Dari Mart and get 2 pints of Lochmead Salted Caramel ice cream for my husband (Fri & Sat nights only)/ The lady tells me, you know for the same price you can get a whole half gallon. I said, I know. But this is portion control.
I bought so much dino oatmeal when I got my first paycheck. Was never allowed to have, because it had too much sugar
That's what I was thinking. No matter how well you wrap it, I wouldn't think any cake past 5-7 days would be fresh enough to enjoy on a continual basis. To each their own! ;)
Load More Replies...Hell yes! I first read it as "eats a whole cake in 3 bites," then I got to the 3 weeks bit and had to do a retake.
Load More Replies...Did anyone else try to do that math? Is it 3 big bites in one day, per week, over 3 weeks? Or, is it 3 normal bites, over any given time in that 3 week period?
depends on the size of the cake.. could be a 5 tier weeding cake
Load More Replies...We have a brewery, where if your personalized mug is hanging on the wall above the taps, you are a regular. There are probably 50 mugs hanging.
She slowly eats the cake and when she runs out she gets more. She gets cake so often the shop put a picture of her on the wall.
Load More Replies...Yeah it’s normal. If it wasn’t I’d need to have yet another existential crisis. I’ve had enough of those
Load More Replies...[Doing things I’m good at] arrgh that minute detail wasn’t perfect, guess I suck at this too
I'm the exact opposite :,) if I do it well, I'm awesome at it and the best in the universe.. if I do it wrong, oh well I failed with class and it was the best fail xD
That's an awesome mentality :) I'm happy you have that! (Genuinely)
Load More Replies...I like to remember God's math, as stated in the 10 Commandments: He punishes those who stray from Him for 3 or 4 generations, but He rewards those who keep the covenant with Him for 1000 generations. Whether or not you believe in the biblical deity, it's a good reminder of how strongly we should emphasize our negatives vs. our positives.
That`s because you joined a club and beat yourself with it. Stop. We all begin by sucking at it.
And don’t get me started on those moments when it’s just like: I’m very sore right now. Me: what, why? My body: 🤷
Your body knows, it just doesn't feel like telling you.
Load More Replies...Our bodies are the most miraculous and the most disgusting and disorganized thing at the same time
It's your bodies way of telling you to stop doing whatever is making you stressed and sad. Too bad needing a paycheck means we have to do the things that make us stressed and sad.
"stop doing whatever is making you stressed and sad"? Uh, one of those things is the act of living...
Load More Replies...**ME AT NIGHT** my body: *random pain* my brain: oH SH1T WHY DOES THAT HURT WHY DOES THAT HURT *random adrenaline spike* me: WHAT IS HAPPENING AM I DYING OH MY F**KING GOD
In the Savo region of Finland, this is called a kalakukko, which translates to fish-rooster. It's not really a pocket though, but a big loaf-sized rye bread filled with fish an pork.
I'd say karjalanpiirakka, perunapiirakka and vaatruska are closer to dumpling food in Finnish cuisine
Load More Replies...Pierogi are the Polish dough balls! I can physically live off of these delicious potato and farmers cheese dough balls. :)
All these comments have such beautiful names for the food. USA: hot pocket 🤦♀️
Here we call that Tourtiere! It's basically a heart attack in a pie crust
Kobliha in Czechia. A fried ball of dough filled with jam, Nutella or custard.
Wow ! Fried dough filled with Nutella ! That sounds like perfect state fair food.
Load More Replies...Reminds me of the sci-fi show Babylon 5. Two Narns sit down to eat. One marvels, 'you have "splooge", you had it shipped in from the home world?' "No, it is a human food...called Swedish meatballs. You know it appears all civilized sentients, have something similar to these Swedish meatballs. The universe is a mysterious place." ☺
For real. I've never even heard of sick days before the usa internet. In Finland, ny country, we go home when we feel sick. No payments or limited days
Load More Replies...I enjoy the self delusion that "this job will be different, I will enjoy work this time".
That 90 days where you are either immortal or you hide from everything.
Or how my daughter was due back at work a year after her 3rd child was born(12 months parental leave as the baby can't start daycare until they turn 1). Day before she was due to start the baby had a temperature, meaning that she wasn't allowed at daycare until her temperature was normal 2 days in a row. She was teething at the time. Her partner offered to stay home with the baby until she was well enough to go to daycare so my daughter started work. The whole day she was getting messages from him complaining how much the baby was crying until 1 hour before she was finishing work when he called her boss and said that he was taking the baby to see a doctor as there was obviously something wrong with her. Which meant my daughter had to leave work early, walk to the doctors surgery only to find that their daughter was absolutely fine, no fever. She ended up having to stay home from work for the next 2 days because he couldn't handle the baby.
Still stuck on the 12 month parental leave. My wife had 6 weeks, unpaid.
Load More Replies...Yeah that doesn't work on me. I get sick really easily and it makes it pretty difficult to keep a job
Yes it's why I try to start a new job every 3 months OR will only accept part time work at c**p pay...my immunity is flabbergasting!!
By the way craps is the name of a gambling game, it's not a naughty word!!
Load More Replies...Try putting it in the company chat as a meme. Took 3 before they got it. I love retirement.
Load More Replies...Didn't quit, but in some b******t meeting my boss asked what was wrong since I obviously looked miserable. I replied "I f*****g hate ducting." He just looked at me and said, " wtf am I meant to do about that? We fit ducting."
I once quit my job and my boss said "good for you. I'ma do the same soon."
I always rehearse it in my mind this way... and the it comes out as an ode to the company and how "fortunate I felt" to have worked there.
At my exit interview with my direct boss (CFO and I was the bookkeeper) from a job I absolutely loved, I spilled ALL the beans. His wife owned the company and was an complete shrew. I let him know that all of the employees were aware of her Vicodin addiction and that we called the month of September "divorce season" because every year about that time she'd have me give her copies of his AMEX bills and cell phone logs because she just "knew" he was cheating on her Most neurotic insecure whack job I'd ever know. I basically told him she was an unbearable b***h and I just couldn't work there anymore. The sad thing is he wasn't really surprised. (He actually divorced her less than a year later and got 1/2 the business). Gave me a glowing letter of recommendation, too.
I quit a job once, when the boss asked why I was quitting, I told him I couldn't work for someone dumbber than I was.
I, too, agree. I know many chefs put their own twists on a dish, and I appreciate that. But I read somewhere that, when that happens, it won't be the original dish intended. Best it be called a different one, instead.
Load More Replies...Hahaha my mother asked for chips with her dinner at a small restaurant in Vienna, the cook/owner came out and told her it had all the vegetables it needed with it, and no she couldn't have chips. I didn't dare catch my husband's eye or we'd have giggled immoderately
Could be difficult. Greece is a Schengen country, so most chickens don't carry a passport anymore.
Load More Replies...Love the fact that in Europe waiters aren't afraid just said no to demanding customers.
That's because European Waiters are generally paid a decent wage and don't have to Constantly kiss their customer's R's in order to get tips!
Load More Replies...I prefer it with gyro meat on top... Never thought about it this way though. Next time I can say " can you give me all the ingredients of a green salad except with gyro meat and grilled onions added on top, and don't forget both Greek dressing and tzatziki sauce on top.
My problem is most people don't know how to write a damned email. Speak in a full sentence asshat I can't read your mind!!!!
I'm Laura 👋. If you need anything, DM me. Do not call, do not email, do not come to my door. DM ONLY!!
I have to send a 'handover' email daily as per the boss's instructions. It drives me crazy that more often than not the boss and my co-workers don't even read it!
Load More Replies...And Laura those emails never stop. I never could keep up with all the freaking work emails.
" I only like reading fiction. Get back to work mails when dragons and cats with special skills are involved"
I don't read these articles, I just look at the pretty pictures.
Funny to see a very Dutch name for a brand that is not available here in the Netherlands!
What flavor did you have? The stuff I've had has been excellent. They also do the best dairy free ice cream around.
Load More Replies...The first aid officer at my last job was scared of blood, so I did all the blood stuff. Her answer to this question would have been a firm "maybe".
How the héll did she manage to get that position, then? Well, I can think of a few ways. But I don't want to be downvoted to héll...
Load More Replies...Kinda depends. Do I like the victims? Do I even know the victims? Will it put me in danger or be inconvenient. Will it be messy? Make me late? Involve physical labor? If no to all these I'm the hero you're looking for.
My answer would be….does it involve me talking or touching people? No ? Then we good.
Load More Replies...We had first aid training at work, looking at movies. The other end of the weeks supervisor passed out cold when they showed a cut finger. It was hilarious.
Our school nurse could deal with scrapes, etc., but she'd get incredibly grossed out if you told any stories about your kids' injuries!
Ooh I feel this... Now the phone calls are coming in and I'm dying inside...
Me: *clicks for 3 minutes until I realize*
Load More Replies...I love how his tied-back hair gets more and more discombobulated as the glasses builds go on XD
For some reason this made me wish I had gotten glasses like this for every new year since I was born... oh well, too late now!
legend has it hes still trying to print those glasses looking for the right one
I like to send my husband houses that look like someone was murdered in them.
"During the showing, I pointed out the leaking soil stack. My realtor asked theirs about it, and they responded by asking whether I planned on getting an inspection. Looks like a good deal, but it is not."
I saw somewhere that zillow buys houses so they resell at a jacked up price.
And now Zillow has cutesy commercials with fun playful music. Ugh. Having fun with a house bought on Zillow as two adults frolic around and jump to their bed. Yeah buddy, that’s not working.
Y E S is not even enough of an appropriate agreement. I would want that just to leave angry messages at people who post only 1 or no pictures, which I will never understand. Or if they are using the panorama wide lens on a room that is clearly 3 feet wide. You can't fool me with camera trickery, Josh. that's a closet not a 2nd bedroom.
You know what you are getting with a Holiday Inn, Airbnb is too much of a gamble for me.
I've heard horror stories from different people on how their reservation got cancelled the last minute - as in, they're at the location and the owners rented it to someone else; or, the place is in shambles, etc. We don't use it, and happy we don't.
Load More Replies...I’d rather stay in places that are licensed, inspected, safe, have housekeeping staff and, at this point, noticeably less expensive than Airbnb.
Holiday Inn isn’t very nice though. Marriott or Hilton kinda give those vibes. Anywhere with room service really.
Room service is the big plus. If I can have cheese and crackers with a bottle of wine and NOT have to wash all the linens myself, that’s a big plus for me.
Load More Replies...One time I was holding three of them and they all went off simultaneously and I may have panicked a little 😅
What? The coasters are outdated now?? I only first encountered them like 3-4 years ago
I didn’t know they were gone either ! That was part of the fun of going to Red Lobster 🦞 to begin with!
Load More Replies...I like the coasters better. They were souch more obvious. You couldn't miss when your table was ready. Unless the restaurant was at a mall, and you wandered too far away, while you were waiting, lol. But with texting, the texts don't always com through, you don't always hear your phone, etc. I guess I'm just old school. 🤷😂
Hmm. I usually feel resentment and impending boredom in those three minutes.
That’s when I join early and see how many Bored Panda posts I can scroll through.
Facts!! I love risking it all ice cream and cheese!!
Load More Replies...It's all fun and games until you have to abandon your groceries to sprint into the gents' bathroom because someone is in the only ladies' cubicle and the only other alternative is pooping on the supermarket floor. Not speaking from recent personal experience here, obviously...
Sure.. sure.. so did you make all the way? Or did the situation escalate enroute?
Load More Replies...My mother. She is VERY lactose intolerant, but will scarf down ice cream, whipped cream, cheese, butter, yogurt, EVERYTHING with lactose in it. Then she wonders why she is on the toilet 9 hours out of every day.
As a mother who had to carry her crying (and fecally leaking) child to the car because "it wasn't that much dairy," yes. Yes I do. Yes, the lunch room at school serves pink milk. No, you do not get to drink it.
Load More Replies...Had a friend who became intolerant of lactose post-bariatric surgery. She took it very, very seriously.
I was already lactose intolerant, then had bariatric surgery and it got considerably worse so now I take it extremely seriously.
Load More Replies...When I was little and puking after any encounter with dairy products our doctor told my parents to just give me more milk until I stopped getting sick from it. She didn’t believe in lactose intolerance. :p It… didn’t work.
I just want to be “sick” so I can stay home from school
Yeah like I'm lactose intolerant but imma just eat this whole tub of ice cream while sitting on the toilet see you tomorrow
NOOooo! You have to say hello to everyone as you enter. That's how it works in Switzerland, at least. So civilised.
Thanks for letting me know to avoid Switzerland.
Load More Replies...And first one on guards the button panel with their life. "I AM THE BUTTON KEEPER! YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Also...what floor?"
2 men take their place at the front of a crowded elevator. MAN 1: Sure I'll take your case, but why'd you do it? MAN 2: He kept staring at the back of my head.
We piled into a smaller lift… and before the doors could close all the way… they were opening again and more people were piling in… we kept getting closer and closer and closer to each other… until the elevator was full and we were all crammed in. The doors finally closed. Bodies jostled and bumped into each other in the cramped quarters. And THAT was the moment my son-in-law blurted out, “I love you, guys!” And no one stopped laughing until the lift doors opened again. :)
No, they don't stare at the wall, they stare at the closed elevator doors. So, the boss move would be to stand against and stare at the wall opposite the closed doors. It's not the easiest way of inspiring trust and confidence in you by all the other passengers, but...
I wonder if next year were gonna be laughing at this or crying at this, i should set a reminder for myself lol
That's great :) in some places waiters are paid barely anything by the restaurant so tipping is required
Load More Replies...Lot more than my C-Store $1.25 for a Colombian blend.. HAH!
Load More Replies...I had a moment like this early in my career. Basically some guy came by and asked me what was going on. Went off about how messed up things were and how I was trying to fix it but no one would listen. Ended up getting promoted. Can guess who it was
Yeah, if upper management wants to know what's really going on, ask the low level people, not the middle managers.
Load More Replies...Or you can remember the time a poor unfortunate scam artist, pretending to be the IRS, called a man and threatened him with having the Sheriff come pick him up and arrest him for not paying his taxes....not realizing that the man he was threatening was, in fact, the County Sheriff.
Working in an open floor plan office and the owner walked through on their way out and asked how it was going and there was a chorus of "good" and then one very loud, "BAD!" They did a double take and I was like yeah, we should have all been that honest.
I was on work experience when I was about 16 and inadvertently asked the CEO who he was. Whoops.
I've been whispering "Phillip the Fish" to myself for the last several minutes trying to figure out what item it actually is... XD
Yes, he was not wrong. Phillip of Fish, husband consort of Queenfish Elizabeth ll. Sadly now deceased and waiting for crumbing and final cremation at a McDonald's near you.
Yes, "Now it's 15c's turn. Bend over, and grip the tray table in front of you."
Load More Replies...Nah I need a blanket, three devices, two books, a magazine, and pajamas
I usually can be alone with my thoughts. I can go so deep into them that I don’t know how much time has passed by so I guess this guy must’ve had the same thing happen to him
I was picking my son up from the airport before Christmas. Some guy walked out of baggage claim with no coat, no luggage, just a small paper bag with the Harry Potter logo
I started to get like this when I was travelling for work. You just get so tired of carrying stuff and getting it all together. So at one point I just had a carryon and maybe a tablet for reading but even that sometimes I didn't bring. It's less of a pain to just sit in my own imagination for those hours than trying not to break or lose anything.
So relatable too. And no emotional growth, no relationships that last longer than a couple weeks lol. I model my life after this.
My son recently told me he went to a Costo - we're in the UK. I was upset that I didn't know we had one - and that he didn't invite me, lol.
And get this guys ! We’re gonna keep people in our stores by feeding them free samples !
One time we were out of milk so I used pickle juice. It was frosted flakes and was surprisingly okay.
Load More Replies...I feel bad that my bestie doesn't get cereal updates when I'm in a relationship
Load More Replies...Ok, but that study was like " T-rex was as smart as a modern-day baboon", and E.D.G.E( Check them out) did a video detailing it with the title' Could T-Rex have had Culture?', and all the while I'm thinking to myself " its as smart as a baboon; the only culture i can expect from it is to trade an uncrushed car for an entire grocery store's worth of Chicken nuggets."
That was day one for my husband, the man just turns his brain off and goes to sleep?! I can't and I'm jealous
An old boyfriend of mine was the very same way as well. As soon as we went to bed, the fücker's head would hit the pillow and in five minutes or less, he's snoring. @$$hole.
Load More Replies...I was able to do this when 1) I didn't have kids and was able to keep a regular schedule (same bedtime every night + 10 hours of sleep!), 2) I worked a physical job where I never had to second guess myself after my shift, and 3) had a lot fewer responsibilities (see #1 and #2).
This is my husband, too! The man is literally asleep the moment his head hits the pillows! Meanwhile, I'm laying there listening to him snoring (bragging, lol) and wondering HOW?? And halfway hating him, LOL!!
Because spaghetti is lowfat unless you slick it up with olive oil. Dawn cuts through oil, not pasta.
It shouldn't really matter who bangs who (as long as all participants give consent).
Only problem is when you derive any benefits or privileged from this whole banging.
Load More Replies...You should see what goes on in the hotel industry. I have stories for days!
12 years in hospitality/restaurants and I fully agree. Then again what do you expect when everyone is on a steady diet of cocaine and alcohol?
Clearly!! Everyone sleeps with everyone in the restaurant industry. My friend and I were just joking about taking up bar jobs to get regular d**k lol.
Jeans pre-ripped have always brought out my disapproval and that will never change.
What I'm comfortable in and what I think looks good on me is fashion in my eyes.
Welcome to your 70s. You look at every fashion trend and think, "What, that AGAIN?!?!"
Hang onto old jeans, always. That style will come around again for sure.
I have always hated skinny jeans. I'd rather buy ripped, pre-stressed jeans than skinny jeans.
Heck I do that now, no sense spending money on hotdog or hamburger buns and eat two just to toss the rest. Waste of money
I find hot dog buns usually add way too much to the bread-to-hotdog ratio. I kinda like sandwich bread with mine :)
Load More Replies...My childhood must have been horrific than. Just make sure it's previously frozen bread
Still slightly frozen in the middle, for bonus points
Load More Replies...They don’t want to show the vegetation version of rock bottom….eating a whole package of Kraft cheese slices and be surrounded by 16 wrappers. Not a pretty sight.
Or you can go really low and make the Al Bundy special... a piece of white bread with toothpaste. Get your calories and fight gingivitis.
Extra large cereal boxes and extra small hot tubs.
Load More Replies...For me it's going to Ikea, and suddenly I'm a character in a Kafka novel.
Friend's joke: I got a great deal at Costco on a new lawn mower. It came in a three pack.
What, have you never eaten cereal in a hot tub? (I haven't either, but it sounds like something I would do)
Can’t function watching anyone else decorating my tree ! Lol
Load More Replies...My baby sister got kicked out of her Kung Fu class because somehow she got too good for her age and kinda injured a grown man. They said that she was too young to learn proper control. She's 42 and we're still waiting on that.
My one and only athletic feat was having the 6ft very large 4th dan black belt mixed martial arts instructor, tap out during a jujitsu sparring match because he was pinned down with my arm across his neck that he couldn't break out of. As an 11 year old girl, at a quarter of his weight, I was quite proud of myself.
As well you should be. You and my sister should start a club!
Load More Replies...Great... now I'm going to wonder if it's a threat for the rest of my days
Load More Replies...It's me with Spring Rolls. They come in two, and I always order 4 (dinner, then supper, lunch, and dinner again) and the woman always asks if I mean 4 total so 2, and I have to sheepishly tell her I mean 4 packs of 2 meaning 8. I love spring rolls.
Used to order jalapeño poppers like this. It was for the entire 24 hour period when I was bingeing on Netflix.
Haven't had Mozzarella sticks in a while. I think, it's time to get some of those.
Saying "my life sucks" when things go wrong: - self-deprecating - depressing - makes you sad Saying "Spinosaurus Aegyptiacus wouldn't want this for me" when things go wrong: - motivating - makes you think about Spinosaurus - reminds you that Spinosaurus cares for you (I stole this from a meme but it felt relevant)
My terrace is filled with an assortment of curiosities that I have compiled from my extensive interior collection. Also known as things that are either supposed to be thrown out, put in the shipping container that is used for a garden shed, and tools that need to be put away into the giant wheeled toolbox that they are in front of.
That's ridiculous. I'm getting off of BP and going out to my lanai now.
I always forget my employee ID number, or any passwords that were not written down (because I just knew I would remember them).
I had to finally admit to myself that NO, I will not remember and started writing them down.
Load More Replies...NO THIS IMAGE- WHY IS HE THERE? One of the most terrifying dreams I ever had was involving big bird and I being coworkers at an office job.
That wasn't the scary part, the scary part was the murders going on and big bird being the culprit who for some reason had antennae with detachable crescent shapes that would electrocute his victims. I was immune to this electricity apparently so when he tried it on me in an elevator I was only temporarily paralyzed. But then he laid down, looked at me and said "How funny. Now we're both dead." and that was the most chilling thing I've ever heard
Load More Replies......what it is I do and how they managed to get it done without me.
gotta remember that BP censors don't care about fuckity.
Load More Replies...I'd try em once. Just to gross out my friends. EDIT: I'm ordering them on Amazon as we speak. XD
My granddaughters love Mac and Cheese…bought them these and now they don’t!
I was 100% expecting an Obvious Plant logo but there isn't one?? This is real???
Yes. I literally just tried mine from Christmas. Not that great tasting.
Load More Replies...Ooh, perfect! I'll eat these in my car with the macaroni & cheese air freshener I was given as a gift this year (seriously, someone thought I would just LOVE the smell of macaroni and cheese every time I drive to work in the morning 🙄)
My son wanted a box of these for Christmas (along with his other gifts) so what the hell, we got them. They're no mac-n-cheese flavored. They're fruit flavored, and not too bad. They're a fraud, in a way-though I don't know if that's good or bad, lol. But I do know my cheese-addicr son was slightly disappointed that they weren't really cheese flavored. 🤷😂
Translation for all dogs on BP: woof bark arf arf woof-woof barrrrk
::head-tilts, as the dialect of Canine for wolves is slightly different:: XD
Load More Replies...The ability to train your dog not to bark at every single thing. Some people don't seem to realize you can do that.
Load More Replies...Cats walks by…clearly spends too much time staring at it…then sits. Meeeeeoooowww !!!! Cats interpreted the sign meant for dogs only, not applicable to cats.
Please can I have 700 of those sent to my neighbours, just one a day for 700 days, Sundays included. Thanks.
It's a "two-in-one" - first you eat the Pringles, then you hold a jousting tournament with a sibling/partner/guy next to you on the bus.
oh you have to know someone showed up in the ER with their elbow stuck in that thing.
Why aren’t these precious 3footers here ? My precious! We needs the precious!
Ha ha not United States with the big portion this time. USA USA USA 🇺🇸
Missing from the picture: The greasy pizza you season with those chilies and a few cups of coffee
Do you want Santa leering at you from every square inch (645.16 square millimeters) of wall?
Load More Replies...He did you a favor. It's cute as wrapping paper, but it would look awful on walls. So each roll just has a white fade-in stripe down the middle, and that is just supposed to repeat around the room? It'll look like a 90's web page.
That's ok...just get the glue gun and stick the packages to the wall. No one will ever know.
Actually I saw an interview (Graham Norton I think) Ehen she revealed it was made up by her parents. Can't remember her real name but it's an embellishment
The actress took her name from a minor character in The Great Gatsby, but it's a surname and given name of French origin, IIRC. XD
No way, as a French I can testify Sigourney is nowhere to be find in French language
Load More Replies...apparently there are 313 in usa. https://forebears.io/surnames/sigourney
That's the number for the people with surname Sigourney. There are 423 people with that first name in the US
Load More Replies...Where the beer drowns and the whiskey chases those boots away.
Load More Replies...I friggin knew it ! There never was another shooter on the grassy knoll after all ! It was his double !
Zombie JFK is back, and this time he's out for blood! JFK 2: The Revenge
I head straight for all various forms of social media, and with shaking hands and dread filled heart check what hammered me was up to last night and whether I’ll need to change my name and move to Siberia. Delete! Delete! 😳😂
Thankfully, my go to is eating random stuff in the fridge like an animal.
Load More Replies...My brain is blasting the Angry Birds theme now and it's refusing to shut up
Load More Replies...I always forget what got shoved up there when I first moved. Can't find x item? Mystery cabinet!
I actually cleaned off the top of my fridge this weekend and got excited to find out what I’d stored in those cupboards. The microwave is on top of my fridge blocking the cupboard doors so I hadn’t opened it in years. The answer was: an old Christmas gift for my last roommate that I thought I’d lost a few years ago and had to remake 😅 what a great hiding spot that was.
Load More Replies...That's where you hide the gifts you can't get rid of until enough time has passed to not offend the friend that gave it to you.
No the junk cabinet has to be easily accessible and directly above junk drawer!
Load More Replies...They are put there for cats. It's been tradition to provide cats with a cave in the home since cats domesticated us.
My Significant Other keeps over-sized cooking ware up there; the thanksgiving roasting pan, a two-foot tall cooking pot (our cupboards are higher than those pictured); miscellaneous vases, that kinda stuff. It's always me who has to get stuff down from there.
ZARA WHERE ARE YOU! (Maybe she is at Kohl's right now?)
Load More Replies...My cat is named Kohl. She BETTER not be in the ocean, she's an indoors cat.
What’s a Kohls? Wouldn’t it be great if there was whole cities filled with merpeople down there. They lived in houses and had schools and shops! No books though. They get soggy too easy.
Just like in the Little Mermaid ! Knowing me id have a whole collection of whatchamacallits and thingabobs and doohickeys !
Load More Replies...This is where they sunk all the Sears and Montgomery Wards stores ! Lol
My girlfriend is like that, I stopped playing because it raised too much drama
My friends stopped playing our go-to drinking game version of Crazy Eights with my one friend and I because apparently we got “too aggressive” (screaming “PICK UP TWO B!TCH” and teaming up to cheat and bring everyone else down) 😅 the good ol days
My oldest daughter. A kindergarten teacher, patient and calm, but sit her down at a Monopoly board and it's all search and destroy.
Or Uno. Or 8ball. Your friends arent your friends anymore. They're mean now.
This only happens when I am the banker playing Monopoly. Watch me buy up all the railroads bitches ! And I will plant hotels on Every property I own. I don’t care if you’re only 12….if you run with the big dogs, better keep up or stay on the porch !!!
No, it brings out someone who would rip Mr Hyde to shreds for the drug in his lungs if he so much as threatens their rook.
Load More Replies...I do this with my puppy, who is half German Shepherd. If you've ever owned a GSD, you know that they absolutely do talk back XD
I try that with my cats who just ignore me and do as they please. I have since learned from this.
Cats are like pre-schoolers. Mine is currently standing on the bed with one foot on the forbidden bedside table until he is told "No". He then gives me sad little mew, and big eyes, and slowly removes his foot (only if I make eye contact), and hops down. As soon as I glance back at my laptop, he repeats.
"pls i thought we were friends.. please just answer me, why did you have to scratch me in the face??"
I argue with my cat every night about my foot space on the bed.... her response is usually to bite me..
I argue with my cat a lot, he’s very chatty and will follow me around meowing like he’s giving me heck for something
My one boy is coonhound/pitbull mix. He complains and backtalks alot about not getting his way and when I finally make it clear that I'm not giving in he gets huffy and puts his face over my face.
I just argued with my pug over bed space.. we argued earlier over pate etiquette. He’s always got something to howl about.
I've done this with all our dogs, but we own poodles exclusively and it literally is just like arguing with a toddler. "No. No, Dandy Chiggins, why did you do this? You know mommy says no." Dandy: sighs, looks at food bowl, then back in my eyes. "It's not time yet. I told you." Dandy: glances over at clock, then lays down, making very sure his back is to me
Eiffel 65 song: "I'm blue, da ba dee, da ba da, da ba dee, da ba da, ..."
Load More Replies...Could be worse? You could be hearing Crazy Frog 🐸 humming Axel F in your head ! Lol
Load More Replies...Song from 1999 "I'm blue (da ba dee, da ba di, da ba dee, da ba di)" by Eiffel 65
Load More Replies...I expected the punchline to be something racial. This is infinitely better.
What Not to do with Food and Health/ Housing/ and What Would Happen if a Toddler was Trying to Get Someone into Space, respectively.
We finally found the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell! (argh now the song is stuck in my head again)
How about zoom meeting that must include the two old balcony muppet guys and their commentary throughout?
Statler and Waldorf, they're named after famous Hotels in NYC.
Load More Replies...This movie could have been two seasons on Netflix, 12 episodes each - which I can then binge-watch...
Damn. Why didn’t I ever think to spike my morning orange juice with a little vodka ?! Sure would have made my board meetings more enjoyable!
Ok with a period. Like sometimes i say something I'm really excited about and my one friend just goes "Ok."
As far as I can tell, their only purposes are to fulfill masochists and slow down consumption.
Has anyone outside of North America ever actually tried it? Peanut butter and Jam! What did you think?
I'm a Brit and often feel as though I ought to try one, but haven't managed to psych myself up for one yet.
Load More Replies...Best hangover remedy ever, but the white bread needs to be extra squishy...
Best way I’ve seen to make a PBJ, liberally spread peanut butter on one slice of bread, and jelly/jam on another. Now, instead of just smacking them together, insert another piece of bread in between them! (Bread, peanut butter, bread, jelly/jam, bread)
They’re not gross but I rarely ever make them. Once every 3-4 years maybe. Too sweet.
first of all, the video doesn't show the solidarity among kids but the exact moment of window breaking. can you explain me, please, how video would show something which is not its content? also they wrote they would "reveal" it in the "perpetrator" wedding. you believe they want to underline solidarity instead of embarass the "perpetrator" in front of so many people?!
You know that scared of clowns thing? I crocheted two really cute clowns in cheery colours about 30 years ago and every grandchild and great grandchild refused to play with them. Teddies? Yay! Stuffed doggies? Gimme! Soft and cuddly cute clowns? Run! I'm going to donate them and I bet they end up in the bins. I think I'm posting in the wrong place but I can't be bothered to copy, delete and paste. Oops. 🖖
first of all, the video doesn't show the solidarity among kids but the exact moment of window breaking. can you explain me, please, how video would show something which is not its content? also they wrote they would "reveal" it in the "perpetrator" wedding. you believe they want to underline solidarity instead of embarass the "perpetrator" in front of so many people?!
You know that scared of clowns thing? I crocheted two really cute clowns in cheery colours about 30 years ago and every grandchild and great grandchild refused to play with them. Teddies? Yay! Stuffed doggies? Gimme! Soft and cuddly cute clowns? Run! I'm going to donate them and I bet they end up in the bins. I think I'm posting in the wrong place but I can't be bothered to copy, delete and paste. Oops. 🖖
