43 Times People Said Something So Damn Stupid They Created A Truly Memorable Experience
What an incredible twist of fate - one of the greatest minds that humanity has ever known in its entire history remains in our memory not so much because of his ingenious theories, but because of an accidental, completely ridiculous photograph with his tongue out when he just wanted to tease the photographer.
Yes, history knows many examples when very smart and decent people accidentally blurted out something incredibly stupid - and then regretted what they said for many-many years. And then collections of such 'gems' rack up thousands of upvotes and laughable comments online - like, for example, this one in the AskReddit community, the best stories from which we bring to your attention today.
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I was on a long train trip, gazing out the window, when I said to my friend: “I feel like every railroad crossing gate we’ve passed since I’ve been looking has been down… what are the odds…”
I have a PhD (not in trains).
Well, speaking as a train driver the odds are not 100%, they do malfunction. It is rare, but it happens.
Wow. We have 65 trains that come daily where we live and to this day I don't remember any one of those gates not working. We've been here 25 years.
Load More Replies...Does anyone even know what’s going on with that downvoted comment it makes no sense. Also upvote the post for trains
I was watching a TV show (can't remember what) with my family. There was this cute black girl who appeared in a scene and had a nice, short hairstyle I thought was cool. I said out loud "If I was black, I would have my hair like that."
I am a black guy. I meant to say girl.
Richard Pryor as a blind man in "See no evil, hear no evil": "What do you mean I'm not white?! .. Why didn't you tell me this before?! .. Does Dad know?!" Genius.
OTOH, "I was born a poor black child..." (Steve Martin, The Jerk)
Load More Replies...I once saw a cute guy on a tv show and I said, “if I were a girl, I would totally think he’s hot.” I am a girl. I am a lesbian. I meant if I were straight.
I'm going to assume that the picture is accurate for once.
Hopefully everyone laughed. How long did you get joked on for that. Has it stopped yet?
My partner (who is Asian) once asked me (a white girl) if I ever pulled the corners of my eyes to pretend I'm Asian but then remembered I actually am Asian. It's been two years and i still won't let him forget that.
I can assure you that a man saying "I'd have that hairstyle if I were a woman" (and vice versa) is NOT sexism XD
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"If there are adult diapers, why aren't there adult strollers?"
My husband, looking at me like he regrets ever meeting me: "you mean wheelchairs??".
I wouldn't mind being pushed around in a huge baby stroller with a visor on it.
There technically are adult strollers which are separate from wheelchairs. I’ve seen developmentally disabled people transported in them.
A walker? lol there are adult walkers, although they don't have the cool seat with leg holes and toys, there are some that come with a seat
Load More Replies...In fact, people do sometimes say something stupid or shameful, for different reasons, in various circumstances. Sometimes this simply becomes a consequence of a basic misunderstanding between the interlocutors, sometimes the speaker just finds themselves in a real 'stupor' in response to an unexpected request. A classic example is when you are asked to say something funny.
Have you ever encountered anything like this? As soon as someone asks you about it, even if you have been doing standup comedy all your life, have watched all the sitcoms in the world and know all the sites with jokes by heart, you will clearly 'freeze' in a painful attempt to remember something. Don't believe me? Then come on, remember something funny right now!
Back when I was working my first job at a mcdonalds during highschool, I was made manager and one of my coworkers was a guy named Miles. We called him Kilometers because hurr durr such original joke.
Anyway, one day I was grabbing a drive thru order while also trying to stock stuff and I noticed we were out of napkins, so what I MEANT to say was "Hey Miles, can you go grab us some napkins from the back real quick?"
What I ACTUALLY said was "Hey Napkins, can you go grab us some stuff from the back real quick?"
And everyone stared....
IN SILENCE
After a few seconds, Miles realized I was looking at him when I said it and said "Did...you just call me 'Napkins'?"
My brain went over what I just said as the embarassment said in and I just answered "Yes. Yes as a matter of fact, I did."
His nickname was no longer Kilometers. He was Napkins from that day on.
In HS I was announcing Bingo for our mostly (not me) Polish community. I proudly stated that the next round's winner would also be getting a Kosher ham. The hall broke out in hysterics. I learned that the delicious ham was a Krakus, famous brand of Polish ham. Nothing to do with Jewish food prep and pork.
A friend of mine said she had to finish our phone call because her "burns were beaning."
In the 1980s you used a microphone to call out orders. I was so nervous and said flies instead of fries
I once placed an order at a McD's drive-thru and added "this is to-go". Both the nice young lady taking the order and I had a good laugh about it. :)
Who HASN'T transposed like that in a sentence at least once in their life.
I did something similar once, however, instead of mixing 2 words together which is what usually happens, I rearranged all the words in the sentence. So instead of saying "I'm thirsty, I want to get a Pepsi" I said " thirsty to get I want pepsi" which my best friend will never let me forget.
Me to the lady that I thought looks like me (as I was in passing): “Oh hey! It looks like we could be twins!”
My reflection: …..
It had been a long shift.
Oh, yeah. The problem is when you no longer recognize that person in the mirror.
I recognize the person in the mirror - it's my mom. Except for that time when I shaved my head. Then it was my dad for about 3-4 months...
Load More Replies...I was once in a maze of mirrors. I confused a mirror for a passage place, and my first thought was: "I think I know that girl from somewhere?"
I was in a restaurant bathroom and on coming out I nearly walked straight into another woman coming the other way. I said "oh sorry!" and realised I was talking to a mirror. My only defence is that the place was dimly lit and I'd had a few drinks.
Once I was young and going to a job interview, and had dressed professionally and looked good in my new shades. I got a glimpse of a very impressive looking woman and turned back to have better look at her. It was my reflection from shop window.
One time I was in the grocery store and a couple were in front of the jar of pickles I wanted to get. They noticed me standing there and said, "Oh, are we in your way?"
They moved and I grabbed the jar. I then turned to them and said, "Thanks." Then--for some reason I'll never understand--added, "I like pickles."
They must have been thinking, "Well, it's nice that they let him do his shopping on his own.
You should have explained! "These pickles! It's these pickle I like! Can't live without them..." More would have been so much fun.
Then walk off singing pickles, pickles, pickles to the tune twinkle twinkle little star.
Load More Replies...It'd have been weirder if you told them you hate pickles. Though tbf I bought a giant jar of pickles the other week because it was about £1.50 and I needed a big jar to make my own kimchi, and have you seen the price of jars on Amazon? My carer took the pickles home in a couple of tupperware I had in my cupboard :-)
I like talking to people in grocery stores. Sometimes to help (to man standing in front of canned tuna looking lost: "Water. She wants it in water." To just messing with people, "Did you take my *whatever we are standing near*" In addition to compliments and talking to kids or dogs (yes)... I sometjmes just enjoy being friendly to people.
If I see kids wearing a Star Wars/horse/unicorn/cat item of clothing and they/their parents look like they won't be freaked out I tell them I like said item. I'm usually wearing one or the other myself. Oh, I do it to adults too. I'm pretty non-threatening in appearance and don't push for further interaction. I pull faces at babies/toddlers when waiting in line too to make them giggle. I'm very introverted but when I'm feeling more energetic in terms of social interaction, this gives me connection without any pressure of further interaction.
Load More Replies...My husband and I went out shopping. I was talking to him and looking in the freezers. I said;" I am not going to buy this yoghurt anymore, I don't like it". When I looked up I saw a man in the same jacket as my husband staring at me. My hand was on his shopping cart! The shame !!!! I was so lucky my husband didn't see anything of this or this would be the favorite story in my family...
No, but wrap in a slice of ham and batter it and you've got your veg, protein, carbs and fat in one!
Load More Replies...In addition, there are two reasons why stupid words and phrases from smart people are remembered. Firstly, because they aren't expected to do anything stupid, and against the general 'highbrow' background, these unexpected remarks stand out like Jerry Jones against the background of the current NFL free agent market. And secondly, people are prone to reflection - and the stupidity said will quite possibly torment a person with shame for years and even decades.
"You hit me in the cervix!"
I am a man. I meant sternum. Still have to shake that memory out of my head sometimes.
Not far wrong, really. Cervix is Latin for neck, and the vertebrae of the neck are called the cervical spine. The neck of the uterus is … you get it.
I was 10... I had a radical mastoidectomy on my right ear. Went around telling people I just had a "mastectomy." Me, a 10 year old male.
Men can have mastectomies. Question? Because I had one almost a year ago now, did you get horrible headaches after your mastoidectomy?
Load More Replies...My friend A and I sometimes communicate making the Chewbacca sound. One day a third friend showed up and asked us how we did that. Friend A said proudly, “We just shake our vuIva while almost screaming!” The three of us are men. He meant uvula, that thing in the back of the throat. Everyone else on the vicinity in the cafeteria broke down laughing. And I still spontaneously giggle when I remember this.
BP will no doubt censor this, but being hit in the cervix by a male appendage can be bloomin painful!
My manager's manager asked me to ballpark the percentage of time I was spending on each of my three projects. I confidently told him: 75% on project A, 25% on project B, and 25% on project C. I heard my cubicle neighbor laughing (didn't immediately click that she was laughing at me). Manager's manager paused a moment, then in a very kind and patient voice (like he was speaking to a Labrador with a learning disability) "So, I'd like those numbers to add up to 100%. Can you try again?" Then it dawned on me.
Except when donating blood. Then don't even give a 💯.
Load More Replies...But often it does feel like you are spending 125% of your time on different projects
I easily outdo that. I give my 35% on monday, 30% on tuesday, then 25% and 10% Thursday; then I panic over deadlines and scrape 30% together on Friday. The week after, I do better, initially...
Load More Replies...That's amusing, when business metrics have ave us doing the work if three people and don't allow overtime
On the side of your bosses boss you were acting like a Labrador with a learning disability.
Years ago a coworker and I were discussing how many Japanese people apparently have a KFC dinner for Christmas. We then wondered "What do they do for Thanksgiving?" and began attempting to google it. Spent quite a few minutes trying to search it up, remarking to each other in confusion that we couldn't find anything at all. I then realized how incredibly stupid we were.
The best one is being asked why the British don't celebrate independence day
Was asked this multiple times when I worked in an American summer camp, by the counsellors, not the kids! See also "Do you have swimming pools/televisions/freeways in the UK." And also "How come you speak such good English?"
Load More Replies...In all fairness my sister (American) who married a Brit asked him how they celebrate fourth of July, when they first started dating.
Bright side you did realize they don't celebrate Thanksgiving. Eventually.
“People tend to remember negativity against an overall good background - this is a general trend,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. “For example, it's enough to compare the ratio of good and bad reviews on the page of any decent restaurant.”
"And this, again, is quite understandable. If we go to a restaurant which is considered to be great, then by default we expect great service - and take it for granted. Otherwise, this causes a clear reaction of rejection. And the adrenaline reaction to negativity encourages people to act much stronger, than positive impressions. So it turns out that stupid phrases from smart people are remembered for a long time. However, the opposite is also true," Irina summarizes.
Me, crossing the border from Mexico to CA. Border Patrol guy. " what is your country of origin?" Me, thinking That's easy! Me to border guard "California" Guy gave me a look for a moment, and then just said, "Go,"
Back in the 1900's, we used to drive from Buffalo to Canada and party because we were 19. We would not have a plan, just find the fist bar and make it home for a weekend. On one of those trips we may have been imbibing the devils lettuce before we got to the border gate. "Where you guys headed" the agent asked. My buddy, the driver..."Canada." Agent is like "No s**t. Where in Canada?" The only answer was "We don't know yet" Agent shook his head and told us to have fun. Different times.
1900's? Go a ridin', did ye? Rafts? About three weeks? One way? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Very Different times. So, Bob Marley, approximately 1970's
Load More Replies...Haha that actually reminds me of a group tour I took in Ukraine. We went around the group with everyone saying what country they were from, and it went “Canada,” “Argentina,” “Venezuela,” “Portugal,” “Colorado.” 😂 confused a few people because not everyone knows US state names, but gave me a good chuckle
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Got introduced to identical twins. First thing I said was "wow, how can you guys tell each other apart?".
I've been asked by at least three people if my niece and nephew are identical twins. Always after they've gotten to know they are a boy and a girl. But even if you know nothing of science they look nothing alike. Hair colour, skin tone, face etc they are very, very different.
It's amazing how many people still, in this advanced time, do not know that a boy and a girl cannot be identical twins. Maybe they should cover this in science class.
Load More Replies...I’ve been asked many times if my twin sister and I are identical twins. I’m her twin brother
So have l 😂 I'm a twin sister to my brother. They pause for a second after asking and realise by themselves. Always fun to watch
Load More Replies...My aunt saw a set of twins at a birthday party and loudly exclaimed "But they can't be twins, that one is fat and has brown hair and that one is skinny and blonde!" Um yeah so one twin looks like her Mum, the other looks like her Dad. She's known for making really dumb assumptions and acting offended when laughed at.
I have an identical long lost twin brother. It was a surprise to both our mothers...
Load More Replies...Tbf, this works with photos. My identical twin friends were puzzling over a photo once, "is that you or me?"
My MIL and her twin sister have no idea who is who in any of their childhood photos.
Load More Replies...I remember the interview when a reporter asked James and Oliver Phelbs, whether they are real life twins and they just said, no they first met at the casting.
"Sometimes she goes away, but I'm always here." (I think that's from Robert A Heinlein, Time enough for love.)
OK , here goes, I was going to be late for my Psychology class. The teacher had already warned me not to be late.
What do I see in my rear view mirror on the way to class? You guessed it , I was speeding and it was Police lights ! So I pull over and I give the Officer my drivers license, reg and ins. papers, and he seemed very friendly and nice, and he says I will be right back pureGoldie, Thats when i got real dumb, I said "Oh btw , will you write me a note for my teacher? Ive already been warned not to be late today? I know this is making me late for sure!" He replied with a big smile , "Oh , I am going to write you a note, alright!"
Yep , I was that dumb.
I knew a lady who was having problems with the cruise control on her car. After getting it back from the shop she was apparently setting it at different speeds to make sure it worked. She got pulled over because of the erratic driving, which made her nervous, so she said "I'm sorry officer. I was testing my birth control." She was well beyond the age where she would need that. She said he kept a straight face, handed her license back to her, said have a nice day, and got back in his car. She looked back in her mirror and saw him laughing hysterically.
Up voted bc I couldn't understand why someone would down vote this
Load More Replies...Up voted bc I couldn't understand why someone would down vote this
Load More Replies...In any case, the selection of stories that we've collected in this list is incredibly interesting and funny, so please feel free to scroll it to the very end and maybe add your own tales here. After all, each of us has come up with some incredible stupidity at the most inopportune moment. Me too, by the way. So let's do this - if this post collects 100 upvotes and comments, I definitely tell you in the comments which stupidity I once blurted out (and just believe me, it's damn worth it)!
What's a chocolate bar?
A lady told me that she loved chocolate bars and I pictured a bar that serves chocolate instead of booze for a moment, and then I felt very stupid.
We have those in Mexico. They are called churrerias and sell hot chocolate and churros
I used to have this little cozy fantasy about opening such a place, calling it "The Chocolate Bar" and dreaming up various chocolaty goodies to serve there :)
There’s one in Antwerp that’s located right next to a cocktail bar, there used to be a wine bar across the street, and a coffee bar behind the corner, all my favourite bars in one spot.
There used to be "hot chocolate houses" just like coffee houses in England.
There’s a chocolate bar in town I live in. There are hand made pralines that you pick and mix, but also all sorts of chocolate beverages, alcoholic and nonalcoholic.
"your born in december?? that sucks you have to wait a whole year for your birthday".
I'm at that age in life where I wish it was *more* than a year before my next birthday
Thanks. I didn't want to have to be the one to have to say it. Although, it really should have been "you were," and we don't have a contraction for that.
Load More Replies...I have a December birthday. In high school I was telling my best friend (still best friends 25 years later) even though everyone has one birthday a year as a young kid it always felt like it was a two year wait. She phrased it so perfectly. She said that's because you had to wait all year for your day to come. The December birthdays are bunched in with all the other holidays so all celebrations happen in 6 weeks, opposed to a birthday that spreads out celebrations.
It's a big stretch of party- and present-less desert if your birthday is too close to Christmas
Load More Replies...Actually, it kind of depends when this question is asked, doesn't it? If you have a December birthday and you're asked this in early January, well...it's almost a year, isn't it?
I was born in December and I always got asked if I got more presents. No. Why would I?
I hated having my Birthday in the summer couldn't celebrate it in school now I don't care.
Was really blanking on this casual friend’s last name. I talk to them pretty regularly and everything. But I was just BLANK. Wouldn’t come to me so had to go to Facebook and look it up. We have the same last name.
My kid was in the hospital and she needed a specific kind of specialized medical equipment. The nurse explained/described it to my husband and I, but we didn't know what it was. The nurse said she couldn't request it because she couldn't remember the name of it. Hours later she came back excited that she'd remembered. The name of the equipment was also her last name. *sigh*
My mom did the "please introduce yourselves" at a party when chattng with a lady she had just met and the spouse of one of my dad's cousins, because she could not remember the spouse's name. It turned out to be the exact same first and last name she had.
Not too much ice please, don't wanna water it down. (It was literally just a cup of ice water).
I said to add salt to my soda (I normally sprinkle sugar instead) and they gave me a weird look but served it anyway. Horrible.
Is anyone else on the edge of their seat watching how close that pour is to the edge of the glass?
“Oh look, it’s a full sun out today”.
Solar eclipse coming soon. Just saying.
Load More Replies...Hey, as opposed to partially cloudy. Full sun is kind of a gardening term.
Makes sense - if you live in Washington State, and it is partly cloudy.
"Garbage truck drivers must have the chillest job in the world. They only work one day a week!"
- me for the first 16 years of my life.
oh..as a child I wanted to become a priest,cause they only work on sunday and their boss never annoy them with extra work. Guess it'was the illusion of easy making money in the Pre- influencer-era
I thought the same thing about the minister at the church!!! Only on Sundays!!
If you never moved you might not realize that different neighborhoods get pickup on different days.
Garbage trucks only pass on the same street once a week where you live?
Once a week here; Every two weeks it's for the regular trash, one week in the month it's for cardboard and plastics, another week it's for biological (grass clippings etc).
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I called my husband in a panic because I couldn’t find my phone. I actually asked him if he knew where my phone was. His answer - ah..in your hand? So yeah.
Where are my glasses? (Nobody said anything and I searched the whole house and questioned others)
Load More Replies...I think everyone’s done this at least once. I texted my dad asking him to call my phone because I “couldn’t find it anywhere”
I've never done that one, but I did lose my phone in my house for hours one day. Put it on top of the stove when I came in with groceries. I have a stove with a shiny black, "glass" top. So yeah, I seriously thought I'd lost it somehow.
My wife did this with her phone in her hand so I told her to try calling it. As she heard the voicemail, she said" I must have it on silen..." then put the phone down and scowled at me.
Did this with a box cutter at work. I even put it down to look under things and picked it back up and kept looking...
I said it would be nice if we had a “mirror app”!
Long time ago, before front cameras, I saw an app that would make the screen black so it would sort of be a mirror. You could just turn the screen off though...
No... it really would be nice o have an app that worked as well as a mirror. I look great in the mirror, hideous in photos.
In a mirror, you are seeing yourself reversed. In a photo, you see yourself the way everyone else does. It doesn't look right because it's reversed from what you usually see. Try holding one up to a mirror and looking at it.
Load More Replies...First time I took a selfie with my first smartphone I used a mirror because I didn't know the camera rotates.
Me: hi how are you
Them: good how are you
Me: good, how are you.
Long time ago I was a radio DJ, and I would have a show to do. So I would come in and the outgoing DJ would say " have a great show! " To which I would invariably reply " you too! "
All the time. Or when the waitress says, "enjoy your meal" and I cone back with, "you too."
"This is the chat that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends, Some people started chatting up one morning just because, and they'll just go on saying this forever just because..."
Not as bad as Cinema staff: "Enjoy your movie" Cinema customer: "You too."
When planning a trip to America, I was very confused as to why google maps was refusing to give me a walking route to the Statue of Liberty. Turns out you can’t walk to the Statue of Liberty because it’s in the water 🙃.
Its on Ellis ISLAND. TBF if you're not from the US that isn't really common knowledge. It also is in NJ, not NY.
Load More Replies...Not as crazy as people in Indiana who, when they learned I was from Hawaii- asked if I'd driven al the way to Indiana....
Moved to London in 1997 - was asked if I had to trek across Africa to do that.
Load More Replies...I just tried it out. You can get a walking option route, but it includes the ferry.
If you're American, it makes sense that you would know that. OP was not American, since they were planning a trip "to America". I couldn't even tell you the general location of the statue, like state, coast, whatever, never mind whether it's on an island. Why would I care?
Load More Replies...That's not really dumb, if you're not from the U.S. Can't expect someone to know everything about a place they've never been to before.
I'm Canadian and I knew this. People can look up stuff from countries they've never been to.
Load More Replies...If you ain't from here that's an easy mistake to make. Heck, some people FROM here make that mistake too!!
Battery Park people. And I'm from Ohio. Learned it in high school. Ellis Island is where immigrants came into the country, it's beautiful, please take the time to see it. My maternal grandfather came through there. I think my paternal great grandfather did too. just not done researching.
This one still haunts me. I once was having surgery and in walks the anesthesiologist to ask me questions and see if I had any for him. I said, "just two. Do people dream?" And he responds, "not usually. What's your other question?" And I said, "is it normal to be afraid I won't wake up." And he goes, "I promise you will."
Me: "well I bet I won't!"
I. BET. I. WON'T.
I bet the anesthesiologist I was going to die. Like a f*****g idiot.
You can actually dream whilst under anesthetic my mum did and when they brought her round after her surgery she asked the nurse "as it finished yet" the nurse asked if she meant the surgery my mum replied "no power rangers tell my kids to turn it off im sick of seing it" she had dreamt my siblings and i were watching power rangers and forgot she had just had surgery she said it was one of most embarrassing moments of her life lol
My last surgery happened when I was working as a cook in a burger restaurant. Apparently I woke up, immediately sat straight up and hollered “I NEED TO CHEESE UP THOSE BURGERS.” 😂 I actually did have a vague memory of dreaming about work too but it was even harder to remember than a regular dream. Thought it was interesting :)
Load More Replies...Labour can do some weird s**t to your brain too. I was hallucinating that the steps up to the birthing pool were blocks of cheese (but not the kind I would like to eat) and that the little baby warmer grill thing was a toastie maker. I would have loved a cheese toastie, but I couldn't eat for another 14 hours!
Well at least you never said kiss me darling while recovering from anesthesia. I did to the doctor.
I started to wake up up part way through my surgery and told the surgeon "Please don't leave me!" and he said "Don't worry I'm not going anywhere." So embarrassing.
Load More Replies...Not a foot in mouth moment, but when I was being wheeled to the OR for my open heart surgery, I discovered that the surgery tech was a Monty Python fan too. As we were entering the room, we were still doing the "And get the machine that goes ping! in case the administer comes by!" skit from the Meaning of Life. The look the surgeon gave us was priceless! He told me later that I was the only patient in his entire career that came into his OR laughing. :)
I HEARD the machine that goes ping actually going ping while I was in the room waiting to go in for surgery, and therefore couldn't stop laughing as I was finally wheeled in.
Load More Replies...I had a small cyst removed from my eyelid. they just put me in a twilight. I wasn't nervous so i was out pretty good. I panicked when they were done and asked the Dr. why I wasn't able to see. He told me my eyes were closed. Oh. Never mind.
Oh bless! I hope your eye is better now and you've come to your senses!
Load More Replies...Look at it this way - if you lose the bet, you will still be alive. It's win-win!
And if u lose then u don't have to admit to losing
Load More Replies...I never know when I've been unconscious. I've only had 2 GAs but both times I had to be told I'd had the procedure and I wasn't still in prep. I have epilepsy and live on my own; I THINK my seizures are controlled but the only way I'd know would be if I hurt myself and realised I was missing time, which is unlikely for much of the time.
One time I said I wish I could swim in the air & my friend said “You mean flying?”.
Water wings are the inflatable things kids wear
Load More Replies...When I was a kid I had recurring dreams where i would swim in the air. Yes swim, because my means of propulsion was swim fins and in the dreams I moved like you would in the water
I described how much I wanted water once... 'You know how...like...when you get high, and you get reallg hungry and want to eat all the things, if only for the texture and flavor...? I am like that...but with water... I have water munchies.' Guy pauses quizzically before asking, 'Like ice?' And I adamantly went, 'Nah, just...insatiable desire for water.' He blessed me the dignity of his silence, which was long enough for me to stumble to correction: '...I am wicked thirsty.' He nodded amiably and said, 'There she goes.'
Extra credit for using "wicked" as an intensifier.
Load More Replies...I mean, I kind of wish this too without an aeroplane or need for a parachute...
You can in your dreams. Whenever I'm having a bad one, I just take off like "haha! Got you!"... of course sometimes I get trapped by windows or powerlines like a bird still 🤷🏻♀️
Extreme heat and humidity. The way things are going, you'll get your wish eventually.
I was at home in my apartment alone and cleaning up and realized I hadn’t plugged the vacuum in. “Come on John,” I said out loud to myself, which was weird since I never talk to myself out loud, and the worst part was it came out, “C’mon Jnonn”
Like how do I call myself by name and then pronounce it wrong.
My bf's name is Jon, I read this in his voice and I was not disappointed.
I was in grade 1, had a Canadian girl come to my school, sprung up a friendship. Looked her dead in the eyes and asked. "What swear words do you know in Canadian" she tried to tell me multiple times it was the same words and I refused to believe her. I toss and turn at night knowing she probably tells people that now.
And many English speaking countries have swear words that other countries do not. Make Americans don't know what bollocks means.
Load More Replies...The worst Canadian swear word is not a word at all, but the absence of 'Sorry'.
I've seen worse stories on here one about an American who thought an Australian person couldn't understand her because she was speaking American. Stupidity abounds.
Well, British people do have some different swear words. Besides, Canadians are too polite to swear.
Watch Trailer Park Boys or FUBAR. Canadians are nice to eachother because we all have to survive the harsh winter together. But that doesn't mean we won't ****** swear like a ****** **** **** when the ****** ***** givn'er **** **** after downin' a ****** twofer, eh. **** yeah!
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Claimed that the slowest animal is probably an enema. I misspoke and meant to say anemone. I'll never forget the looks of confusion from my coworkers.
and the enema jokes never stopped - "Hey new guy! Be careful around him- you wouldn't want him for an enema!" and on and on
A friend of mine who was learning German mixed up the word for enema (Einlauf) and a vegetable gratin (Auflauf) to the shock of the greengrocer who was trying to help her buy vegetables in his shop. Greengrocer: Looking for anything in particular? Friend: Yes, just something to use for an enema.
I had a similar one once. I wanted to say elliptical, but instead said epileptical... Made the idea of working out a bit odd lol
And in school try to understand the difference between epidermis and epididymis
Load More Replies...10th grade biology class, one of those "everyone has to read a paragraph out loud" situations. Like in elementary school. One female classmate read aloud, mistakenly using the word orgasm vs the word organism. She probably has nightmares...lol!
That's not even counting the octopus with eight testicles
Load More Replies...I mean, in OP's defense, that word can be a pain to pronounce (Edit 19 hours later, Word* not world)
Asked a server at a Mexican restaurant if their quesadillas had cheese in them. In front of my Mexican American grandfather. He very patiently asked me what the Spanish word for cheese was and then I realized my mistake.
Not stupid at all. You might be surprised that in Mexico we have a decades long debate about quesadillas sin queso. (Filled with other stuff) And whether that can still be called a quesadilla. It's mainly a Mexico City Vs the rest of Mexico thing. From Wikipedia: "In the cuisine of Mexico City, quesadillas are not assumed to come with cheese unless specifically requested. This is in contrast to the rest of Mexico, where quesadillas are considered to include cheese by definition (quesadilla literally meaning "little cheesy thing" in Spanish). This cultural trend cannot be traced back to a single origin."
My daughter took a Spanish class when she was at TAMU. The professor had recently moved from the Midwest, and told the class it was a relief be teaching in a place where he didn't have to explain that quesadilla is not pronounced KWEE-sa-DILL-ah (for those who don't know, it's KAY-sa-DEE-ah).
The fact his Grandpa is Mexican and asked him what the Spanish word for cheese was should be a giveaway that the guy speaks Spanish.
Load More Replies...Ah yes. Me here, the one who loves to decipher the etymology of words didn't even realize the root word is queso....
"it gives me testosterone"
serotonin. i meant serotonin.
I tried to buy melatonin in the pharmacist's. That triggered a very confusing conversation (in a language I barely speak) before we realised I'd actually asked for melanin.
I used to spend summers in Greece when I was a kid a lot and I picked up the language a bit, but once I said that cauliflowers bit me like crazy... I meant mosquitoes...
Languages are hard! I mixed up Wirbelsturm (tornado) with Wirbelsäule (spinal column) in German once. AKA, "Did you guys hear about that massive spinal column over the Port of Hamburg yesterday?!"
Load More Replies...I once went into a pharmacy to get "Dolomin" (Headache medicine) and said I need dopamine
Yes, serotonin doesn't cause my body to fall apart when at high levels.
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What is the name of the dog from schobby doo.
Well, there was Scrappy-Doo (younger nephew of Scooby-Doo), Scooby-Dum (older nephew), Scooby-Dee (niece), Yabba-Doo (brother), Dooby-Doo (another brother), Mumsy en Dada Doo (parents), Whoopsy-Doo (another nephew), Ruby-Doo (sister and mother of Scrappy-Doo), Skippy-Doo (smart brother with glasses), Howdy-Doo (another brother), Horton-Doo (uncle) and Dixie-Doo (brother).
tbf they could have been talking about scrappy or the grey one, i think was scoobys cousin or uncle?
My boss asked me to print an address label for some documentation they had to mail out. My printer was out of ink so I told her I was unable to print said label/mail the document out in time ....she then explained that I could just _write it by hand_. Smrt.
I once had a supervisor ask me to run two copies of a report because he wanted to fax it to two different people. I suggested he fax the same report to the first person then to the second person. He looked confused.
I don’t know if this counts because praise the Lord I did not say it aloud.
The scene:
Me, a college senior still living in a dorm doing my weekly snacks and root beer run at the local Wal-Mart
The thought: “Man, how do people with a whole family grocery shop? Like what do you do if you buy more than you can fit in your arms?”
Carts. That’s what carts are for.
When shopping carts were first invented, the customers didn't want to use them because they thought it made them look weird. So the inventor hired actors to walk around the store using them. It worked.
I took out a lifetime of loan payments and all I got was an effin' college education.
Playing table tennis with my partner and having the absolutely phenomenal brainwave of 'hey wouldn't it be cool if this was like a game that was way bigger with a big net and you have to like run around to get the ball and oh wait that's just tennis.' This the same week and I was holding my daughter up in front of a low fish tank so I was squatting down and thought 'it would be so helpful if someone could like something sturdy to push under you while you squat to make it more comfortable oh wait that's literally a chair'.
Upvote for the wisest answer of calling this guy stupid, lol
Load More Replies...How old was your child at the time? After my first kid my brain was so out of whack I couldn't remember how to spell the word door.
Good god, yes. My midwife asked for his name once for the records and I genuinely couldn't remember for a moment. And I could give his birth month but not the day.
Load More Replies...Just be sure to tell the child. Always help the next generation do better. Believe in it. It can happen. Lol.
"Huh, it's funny, I haven't ever seen a Bruce Willis movie." "You haven't seen Die Hard?" "Oh wait yeah I did see Die Hard." "Sixth Sense?" "Oh yeah that too" "Fifth Element? Armageddon?" :..........." Turns out I've seen a lot of Bruce Willis movies.
I grew up in the 70s. You have to understand that the late 70s Rolling Stones were TERRIBLE. God-awful, make Nickleback sound like Beethoven terrible. So I figured I hated the Rolling Stones, Except for Paint It, Black. And Sympathy for the Devil is fantastic. And of course, Satisfaction. And You Can't Always Get What You Want. And Gimme Shelter. And Jumping Jack Flash. And some of their newer stuff, like Love Is Strong and Mixed Emotions and One Hit to the Body. OK, I like the Rolling Stones, just not their country and disco wanna-be phases.
I told my friend I didn't know any sound garden songs. Didn't realize black hole sun was by them.
Don’t worry, when I was younger I thought Sound Garden was an electronics store, like Radio Shack or Circuit City 😅 (my child brain just figured that “name of something vaguely related to electronics” + “word that means type of location” = electronics store I guess!)
Load More Replies...I've seen lots of movies. I mostly have no idea who the actors are. I wouldn't recognize them if I bumped into them. You could tell me Bill Clinton played the lead in "Gone with the Wind" and I'd believe you.
I made a dentist appointment yesterday. They gave me a date and asked if 10:50 was a good time.
I replied with "I'm assuming that is 10:50am...".
About two months ago I learned of the existence of 24h dentist practices. No idea if this exists in th USA, but in some countries the question is not impossible :-)
I doubt that. In those other countries they would probably say 22:50 if they mean ten in the evening 😉
Load More Replies...My father had a 9:00 appointment at the hospital that WAS actually 9pm so you never know.
If you knew the number of people who said that same thing when I worked in a doctor's office.
At least you never asked your Boy Scout leader if 22:30 was AM or PM.
If you find any medical practictitioner that works at night please tell me. Not E.R.
Ordered a burger with no onions, then onions rings because I don’t like onions. The look the waitress gave me was priceless. She said I think you maybe just don’t like onions raw. Yeah…that’s what I said. I don’t like onions. Argued with her for 5 minutes and couldn’t understand why she was questioning if I wanted onions on that burger.
My ex-Mother-In-Law swore up and down that she is allergic to pine nuts. This from a woman who loved pesto.
I was wondering WTF does pine nuts have to do with pesto? Apparently, Wikipedia agrees with OP that pine nuts are a main ingredient, but I swear I've never had pesto with pine nuts. Basil, olive oil, garlic and optionally, parmesan/romano.
Load More Replies...If your kids are picky - onion powder. For at least one of my friend's grandkids it was apparently a texture thing. She swore she didn't like onions and would pick them out of any dish. But my friend wanted them for flavor so would cook with onion powder and the same girl loved those dishes. Maybe she got a bite of a raw onion that was hot one time or something.
I cannot stand onions on my burger. Or really anywhere except in my Pico. But I will eat the s**t out of some onion rings. It's less about them being cooked than a "mixing textures" kind of a thing. My poor patient mother...
I like onion rings if its minced onions inside asbi dont like onions when i can taste the texture of them
I'll trade you my minced for your round.
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It was years ago and I was waiting tables. A lady came in and asked for a hot diet coke. I asked how tf I was supposed to make her a hot diet coke. She told me to put it in the microwave. My response verbatim.
" But the ice will melt ".
What in the actual... I've been in the service industry for 22 years and I have never heard of this. Is this a thing?
I think hot Dr. Pepper had a moment in the 1960's. If you look at old recipe books, it was a very strange decade for food.
Load More Replies...That sounds disgusting! Probably like drinking soda that's been sitting in your car in the middle of the summer.
But seriously, folks... Diet Coke syrup from the soda fountain, and add hot water. I think the ratio is 5:1 water:syrup, but I might be misremembering.
I was at a job interview for a baking job. The Interviewer asked me if I know how to bake. I told her no but I can read.
Meaning I can follow the directions of a recipe.
Yeah, I'm don't think the OPs response was actually dumb. The only problem might be it makes them sound like a bit of a smart a**e.
Load More Replies...Some people who read recipe still can't bake. My daughter had a girl jealous because she was a natural cook. Made pancakes with egg shells in them. Recipe did not say to take them out.
About ten years ago or so I was at a restaurant and went to the restroom. I told my mom and daughter, "When the waitress comes back, can you have her bring some more ice?
My water is too watery."
My family does not le me forget.
Exactly what families are for! Now- you just have to stockpile some for THEM...
One time my family was playing a game and the answer to a question was Jaws (the movie). My mom was dead certain that we were all wrong and that the movie was called Shark! :) We've never let her live that down.
Load More Replies...True water fans like it room temperature or slightly cooler, none of this ice cold stuff
I call bs, I near only drink water and I love my water with frozen water in it and I pretend it's runoff from a pristine snowy mountain. Don't shame my water!
Load More Replies...My girlfriend asked me to put her clothes in the dryer and I got irritated and said “well where are they???”.
I once thought that Alaska was an island because it's always shown separate on maps. I felt so dumb.
Me: Colorado used to be in Mexico. Student: How did they move it.
Load More Replies...Not the worst, lots of Americans still don’t realize Alaska is a US State! Had a tourist ask me once if we took American money! Said No, only gold bars….
There have been people with a Washington DC drivers license that have been asked to provide their passport because US airport personnel thought it wasn't part of the country. I wish I was kidding!
Load More Replies...This is fairly common because of the way maps of the USA are laid out! My little sister once asked how Hawaii was hot and Alaska was cold when they are right next to each other. I was baffled at the question until she pointed to her map puzzle, where Hawaii and Alaska are tucked together in a corner.
... so the maps just lie or?? Im insanely confused- yes i am stupid thanks for asking lol
Load More Replies...I got into an argument with a teacher aide who did not believe me when I told her that Alaska was northwest of the rest of the continental United States, she swore that it was next to Hawaii in the middle of the ocean and would not believe me until I went and got a globe.
That's ok I visited south port North Carolina once. I thought it was on a island since I took a ferry there turns out it just faster to get there.
I think a lot of people think that because it is usually on the maps with Hawaii when showing all 50 states.
I asked what half of 200 was. When I was given looks of “you’re joking right?” I quickly realized what an idiot I really was.
A guy tried to get me to sign up for a store card that had a 3% return on purchases. I said, "Oh, three cents on the dollar," and he replied, "No, that's three percent, not three cents on the dollar." Not sure he realized what he'd said. I didn't stick around to find out.
In what time zone? And how do I convert it to my time zone.. I don't want to sound dumb, I'll do the calculations myself, just tell me ongoing conversion rate..
Load More Replies...Oh please that's easy! There are two 0s (10x10= 100). We divide by 100 which results in a 2, remember that ½ is 50% and calculate on that base. 100%= 2, 50%=x so 2/100x50=1 -- now we scale it up again by doing 1x100 and get to the correct result that 50% of 200 equals 100. It`s just that easy! /s
So; when you get in a car to drive somewhere - you DO remember to start the car, right?
I do. However, every month or so I panic that I forgot my keys at home.
Load More Replies...Had a friend in college whose sister was taking an ASL course. He started asking a question and I tried so hard to stop him because I could see the wheels spinning in his head. He asked, “So can you read Braille?”.
I don’t get it. What does his question have to do with the sister? And why is it funny?
His friend asked sister if she could read braille. Because she was taking an American Sign Language course.
Load More Replies...Sounds like this kind of thing happens in a regular basis with him lol
This makes me think of this great sketch on Would I Lie to You? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oglb_qu0jWA&t=148s
When my youngest son got married, one of the staff saw my flower on the wrist and asked me who I was. "Mother of the Bride!" No you're not, said THE mother of the bride! LOL. And I had just came in and she was already 3 drinks down.
Asked my sister why the flags were all flying the same way. As an adult. Just one of many dumb things I have said when my brain has timed out.
I once did a guided tour of a palace in Bavaria, where I saw a beautiful painting of Sissi (empress Elisabeth of Austria). And my dumb self asked the tour guide: "Is this a wedding photograph?". I didn't realize what I had said until this very confused guide told me that, actually, it was a painting. Picture. Picture is the word that I was looking for.
I took a friend boating and a fire boat passed. He asked if I knew how much water they carried.
Was once at a birthday party for a one year old. Speaking to the dad and struggling for conversation said, your kid is getting big, what age is he now? One. Obviously one.
Many years ago, before I knew sign language, I was talking to a young deaf lady via notes. I wrote, "How long have you been death?" DEAF! I meant deaf. LOL
Reaper: Well I've been here for a few decades and I STILL haven't gotten a raise!
Load More Replies...im in the UK a lot. The other day i decided that i was going to get rid of my coins because i never use them. I gave them to the first homeless person i met. It was quiet a bit so he was very happy (maybe 10 pound) and he went like "oh wow thank you so much!!" i just smiled and wanted to say "no problem, take care man" and for some reason i said "no problem, i love you man" I RAN.
Went to a Lebanese food festival, paid for our entrance tickets. I turned to my friend and said, "Oh, look at us! We're honorary lesbians..."
I was in line for Laff Trak at Hersheypark. They have a large painting of a girl laughing on a mural, her mouth wide open. I commented to my preteen daughter and her friend that Laughing Sally sure had a large vulva. My wife quickly informed me that I meant to say uvula.
When my youngest son got married, one of the staff saw my flower on the wrist and asked me who I was. "Mother of the Bride!" No you're not, said THE mother of the bride! LOL. And I had just came in and she was already 3 drinks down.
Asked my sister why the flags were all flying the same way. As an adult. Just one of many dumb things I have said when my brain has timed out.
I once did a guided tour of a palace in Bavaria, where I saw a beautiful painting of Sissi (empress Elisabeth of Austria). And my dumb self asked the tour guide: "Is this a wedding photograph?". I didn't realize what I had said until this very confused guide told me that, actually, it was a painting. Picture. Picture is the word that I was looking for.
I took a friend boating and a fire boat passed. He asked if I knew how much water they carried.
Was once at a birthday party for a one year old. Speaking to the dad and struggling for conversation said, your kid is getting big, what age is he now? One. Obviously one.
Many years ago, before I knew sign language, I was talking to a young deaf lady via notes. I wrote, "How long have you been death?" DEAF! I meant deaf. LOL
Reaper: Well I've been here for a few decades and I STILL haven't gotten a raise!
Load More Replies...im in the UK a lot. The other day i decided that i was going to get rid of my coins because i never use them. I gave them to the first homeless person i met. It was quiet a bit so he was very happy (maybe 10 pound) and he went like "oh wow thank you so much!!" i just smiled and wanted to say "no problem, take care man" and for some reason i said "no problem, i love you man" I RAN.
Went to a Lebanese food festival, paid for our entrance tickets. I turned to my friend and said, "Oh, look at us! We're honorary lesbians..."
I was in line for Laff Trak at Hersheypark. They have a large painting of a girl laughing on a mural, her mouth wide open. I commented to my preteen daughter and her friend that Laughing Sally sure had a large vulva. My wife quickly informed me that I meant to say uvula.
