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There is hardly anything better than waking up at the crack of dawn and making some English breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, fried tomatoes and mushrooms, a bit of toast with marmalade, and a large mug of Earl Grey tea. And what better way to enjoy this feast than by eating it whilst you read the morning newspapers?
Unfortunately, some newspaper headlines can make us do a spit-take and drench the entire page in delicious tea (splash of milk, no sugar). You know the type of headlines that I mean: unintentionally amusing, very silly, and quite obvious how stupid they are if the overworked editors would look at them with a pair of fresh eyes.
Our team at Bored Panda has run, flown, and swum all over the planet looking for hilarious and idiotic newspaper articles, all for your amusement. So put your reading glasses on, scroll down, and upvote the headlines you enjoyed. We’d love to hear about any peculiar and giggle-worthy headlines that you’ve come across; even better if you’ve come up with them yourselves!
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I adore newspapers, just like I love books, writing things in notebooks, watering my ficus tree, and sketching on real paper. They’re real things that don’t disappear once the power goes out, the internet goes down, or the moment a zombie outbreak starts (Max Brooks’ ‘The Zombie Survival Guide’ will be worth its weight in gold then and I keep it by my bed at all times). However, times are changing. More and more news and entertainment can be found in the digital world. Which means that the print media industry is slowly declining.
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For example, in 2018, weekday print newspaper circulation in the United States decreased by 12 percent, while Sunday circulation fell by 13 percent, according to the Pew Research Center.
What this means is that on Sundays, when most Americans have more free time, they’d rather do something else than buy a newspaper; like browse the internet.
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Alex Bailey 6 years ago
It also says Exclusive to all newspapers and asks for contact from people who have seen her in Morocco. What trash-rag is this?
And the situation is only getting worse for newspaper journalists and other staff members. Based on the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ Occupational Employment Statistics, in 2018, 37,900 people worked in the newspaper industry as reporters, editors, photographers, film or video editors. That is 14 percent fewer employees than in 2015, and a whopping 47 percent less than in 2004.
Do you think that newspapers have a future, dear Readers? Would you like to see a Bored Panda newspaper? Share your thoughts with us in the comments!
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Blub Blub Blub 6 years ago
I love this article, it lets me post sarcastic comments and it not be considered rude. I am very happy 😊😊😊
AspieGirl88 3 years ago
Unless it happens where there’s no living creatures within damaging distance! 🤷♀️🙂
Louise Stange-Wahl 6 years ago
Well all depends where it would be...a tactical nuke in the right place could clean up some of the scumbags, political and otherwise, that threaten the entire planet and every living thing.
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Alex Bailey 6 years ago
Holding text that someone forgot to change. Often says Lorem Ipsum dolor...
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Kurisurin Sutaringu 6 years ago
On a separate note, that’s awesome! Means society is finally getting somewhere!
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Dilly Millandry 6 years ago
Probably laughing at how they look - some people pull some great faces when they're singing. Just look at people in cars at traffic lights singing away... look mad.
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Chris Watson 6 years ago
This one's actually not too bad, when you think of all the perils caused by earthquakes. The ground splitting open, fires from broken gas mains, tsunamis.....
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Colm Corcoran 6 years ago
Now what essential information you are missing here is that the Metro Herald is an Irish newspaper, very few of us know what the sun looks like!!!
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Zenozenobee 6 years ago
In a world where Tide Pods CHallenge exists, this is not unecessary...
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Chris Jones 6 years ago
It's a 'c**p' headline as it isn't about the sewers smelling but about where the smell is leaking from.
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Alex Bailey 6 years ago
That is a headline which is criticising the teachers who made the original statement and not a daft headline in itself.
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Final score:
22points
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Hard 2 Guess 6 years ago
Makes sense if you think about it. Less money for people to vacation, hence less people on beach and in the water, less shark attacks. I don't see anything wrong with this headline.
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What do you think ?
Foxxy 6 years ago (edited)
I am surprised there isn't many from the NT (northern territory) News. They are renowned for their funny headlines. A few examples are "why I stuck a cracker up my clacker", "Catnappers shaved my pussy", "trouser snake on a plane", "check out my flaps" and "game of phones" etc
J.Labuschagné 6 years ago
Quite a few of these are actually good. Funny, Ironic or purposefully obtuse, but good.
Amber Cook 6 years ago
These were a good laugh for sure! I'm so glad I'm from Utah and the news with Poison Control reminds us all 'Not to take poison'!
Uwe Theiss 6 years ago
Most countries have socially accepted tradions of poisoning yourself. So a reminder is not that bad.
Load More Replies...
bert dandy 4 years ago
Our local paper here in Niagara Falls, Canada just published a headline reading, "Homeless sex offender sentenced to house arrest"
Thomas Heien 3 years ago
Newspaper in Houston posted today ‘“Death was too good for him” says stepmother of slain 16-year-old teen in Humble’. Taken out of context it sounds like she’s an evil person, but the victim was her stepdaughter.
Tom Wagner 5 years ago
Sure, they're funny... But I read most of these years ago. Where have YOU been?
Boris McGooligan 5 years ago
Great headlines! I saw one a few years ago in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle, it read: WOMAN HIT IN SNATCH
Karen Klinck 6 years ago
Can I get a job with one of these, actually proofreading instead of just collecting the salary?
Felicia Dale 6 years ago
Once, while crossing the midwest, my husband and I spotted a newspaper with this headline: "Today's Weather. Is It Out Of Control?" I so wish we'd bought a copy!
Larry Huffman 4 years ago
A quick note to inform the general public that era of HEPATITIS has come to an end. Dr. Iyabiye has the cure, it is available and I am a testimony to it. I lived with the disease for years until December last year when I met someone who was treated and cure by the doctor, she gave me his contact and I did tried him and his medication worked for me. Contact him now for help through; iyabiyehealinghome@gmail.com phone +234-815-857-7300
Foxxy 6 years ago (edited)
I am surprised there isn't many from the NT (northern territory) News. They are renowned for their funny headlines. A few examples are "why I stuck a cracker up my clacker", "Catnappers shaved my pussy", "trouser snake on a plane", "check out my flaps" and "game of phones" etc
J.Labuschagné 6 years ago
Quite a few of these are actually good. Funny, Ironic or purposefully obtuse, but good.
Amber Cook 6 years ago
These were a good laugh for sure! I'm so glad I'm from Utah and the news with Poison Control reminds us all 'Not to take poison'!
Uwe Theiss 6 years ago
Most countries have socially accepted tradions of poisoning yourself. So a reminder is not that bad.
Load More Replies... bert dandy 4 years ago
Our local paper here in Niagara Falls, Canada just published a headline reading, "Homeless sex offender sentenced to house arrest"
Thomas Heien 3 years ago
Newspaper in Houston posted today ‘“Death was too good for him” says stepmother of slain 16-year-old teen in Humble’. Taken out of context it sounds like she’s an evil person, but the victim was her stepdaughter.
Tom Wagner 5 years ago
Sure, they're funny... But I read most of these years ago. Where have YOU been?
Boris McGooligan 5 years ago
Great headlines! I saw one a few years ago in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle, it read: WOMAN HIT IN SNATCH
Karen Klinck 6 years ago
Can I get a job with one of these, actually proofreading instead of just collecting the salary?
Felicia Dale 6 years ago
Once, while crossing the midwest, my husband and I spotted a newspaper with this headline: "Today's Weather. Is It Out Of Control?" I so wish we'd bought a copy!
Larry Huffman 4 years ago
A quick note to inform the general public that era of HEPATITIS has come to an end. Dr. Iyabiye has the cure, it is available and I am a testimony to it. I lived with the disease for years until December last year when I met someone who was treated and cure by the doctor, she gave me his contact and I did tried him and his medication worked for me. Contact him now for help through; iyabiyehealinghome@gmail.com phone +234-815-857-7300
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