ADVERTISEMENT

There is hardly anything better than waking up at the crack of dawn and making some English breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, fried tomatoes and mushrooms, a bit of toast with marmalade, and a large mug of Earl Grey tea. And what better way to enjoy this feast than by eating it whilst you read the morning newspapers?

Unfortunately, some newspaper headlines can make us do a spit-take and drench the entire page in delicious tea (splash of milk, no sugar). You know the type of headlines that I mean: unintentionally amusing, very silly, and quite obvious how stupid they are if the overworked editors would look at them with a pair of fresh eyes.

Our team at Bored Panda has run, flown, and swum all over the planet looking for hilarious and idiotic newspaper articles, all for your amusement. So put your reading glasses on, scroll down, and upvote the headlines you enjoyed. We’d love to hear about any peculiar and giggle-worthy headlines that you’ve come across; even better if you’ve come up with them yourselves!

I adore newspapers, just like I love books, writing things in notebooks, watering my ficus tree, and sketching on real paper. They’re real things that don’t disappear once the power goes out, the internet goes down, or the moment a zombie outbreak starts (Max Brooks’ ‘The Zombie Survival Guide’ will be worth its weight in gold then and I keep it by my bed at all times). However, times are changing. More and more news and entertainment can be found in the digital world. Which means that the print media industry is slowly declining.

ADVERTISEMENT

For example, in 2018, weekday print newspaper circulation in the United States decreased by 12 percent, while Sunday circulation fell by 13 percent, according to the Pew Research Center.

What this means is that on Sundays, when most Americans have more free time, they’d rather do something else than buy a newspaper; like browse the internet.

#8

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Alex Bailey
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It also says Exclusive to all newspapers and asks for contact from people who have seen her in Morocco. What trash-rag is this?

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT

And the situation is only getting worse for newspaper journalists and other staff members. Based on the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ Occupational Employment Statistics, in 2018, 37,900 people worked in the newspaper industry as reporters, editors, photographers, film or video editors. That is 14 percent fewer employees than in 2015, and a whopping 47 percent less than in 2004.

ADVERTISEMENT

Do you think that newspapers have a future, dear Readers? Would you like to see a Bored Panda newspaper? Share your thoughts with us in the comments!

#11

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Alex Bailey
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holding text that someone forgot to change. Often says Lorem Ipsum dolor...

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#16

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Aaron W
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gotta pass the time while waiting for the other golfers to play their shots...

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#24

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

ADVERTISEMENT
#26

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

#29

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Dilly Millandry
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Probably laughing at how they look - some people pull some great faces when they're singing. Just look at people in cars at traffic lights singing away... look mad.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#31

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Chris Watson
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one's actually not too bad, when you think of all the perils caused by earthquakes. The ground splitting open, fires from broken gas mains, tsunamis.....

View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#34

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
IzzieM
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This headline leaves nothing to the imagination. No one will read the article if you give everything away in the headline.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#37

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Colm Corcoran
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Now what essential information you are missing here is that the Metro Herald is an Irish newspaper, very few of us know what the sun looks like!!!

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#39

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Alex Bailey
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, reading the text it sounds like they were all wasting time.

View more commentsArrow down menu
#40

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium
Unlimited content
Ad-free browsing
Dark mode
ADVERTISEMENT
#44

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Bunzilla
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is.... a very unfortunate juxtaposition of headlines...

View more commentsArrow down menu
#46

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Laugh Fan
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They did use to say less sex increased chances - something to do with sperm quality.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#50

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
DE Ray
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wooden shoes are also called sabots. One could assume that they are worn by saboteurs. Entirely reasonable for a poorly-read librarian to fear them.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#54

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

#56

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Lucas
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should think he consideres himself fairly luck to be alive at all!

View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#58

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Chris Jones
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a 'c**p' headline as it isn't about the sewers smelling but about where the smell is leaking from.

View more commentsArrow down menu
#60

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

#61

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#64

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Alex Bailey
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is a headline which is criticising the teachers who made the original statement and not a daft headline in itself.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#68

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
BusLady
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should have said "There will be a program honoring Black History Month."

View more commentsArrow down menu
#69

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Dynein
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That... is a perfectly fine headline? Population growth can either come from within, via reproduction, or from elsewhere via migration... fail to see the problem.

ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#71

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
BusLady
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell that to the woman he murdered, then burned her body. Sick bastard.

View more commentsArrow down menu
#77

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

snopes Report

ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#83

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
Lucas
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's news that the locals don't throw stones at a helpless animal???

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#84

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Report

Add photo comments
POST
SykesDaMan
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017