86 Small Lies That Escalated Into “This Is My Life Now”
Every now and then, we tell a little white lie. Whether it's to make someone feel better, to make ourselves look better, or just something that slips out in the heat of the moment, these small fibs are usually forgotten about after a time. For these unlucky people, however, the lies just kept coming back to haunt them, and slowly consumed their entire existence.
It all started a few days ago, when Reddit user Parmersan asked the Internet what small 'alternative facts' they stated that snowballed into just being 'their life now,' and people's answers didn't disappoint. When you lie about having an illness or 'other plans,' that's your own bed to sleep in. When you lie about liking lavender-scented hand-soap to please your mother-in-law, that's taking one for the team. When someone calls you Steve and you're too awkward to correct them? Well, that's just sad.
Whatever boat you've gotten yourself into by lightly bending the truth, we're sure you'll find at least one story below that resonates. Be sure to vote for your favorites, and remember - the truth will set you free.
More info: Reddit
I was a new graduate student freshly arrived in the US and very poor, and I couldn't afford a laptop, so the only way I could communicate with my family was to hit up the library and use a public computer to email with them. Eventually my girlfriend back home wanted to skype, and I wanted a little privacy for this if you know what I mean, so I set about finding the most private computer available to me in the library.
On a recon mission the day before the Skype, I located a single computer in a conference room and the next morning got up at 7am to account for the time difference and walked into the conference room with my eyes totally focused on the computer. I'd actually walked most of the way in before I realized there was a group of people around the conference table having a ridiculously early morning meeting. The guy at the head of the table, apparently thinking I'd showed up for the meeting and that I was heading towards him, handed me a paper that said "agenda" and said he was so glad a graduate student had shown up, then launched into the most incomprehensible talk about electrodes and chemistry.
Meanwhile I know my girlfriend is sitting halfway around the world thinking we're going to have sexy time Skype and I'm blowing her off and I'm feeling desperate. But everything I knew about US culture was only based on movies, so I have no idea if I can just apologize and leave or what. I miserably sat down for the incomprehensible meeting, rehearsing all the excuses I can give my girlfriend when we talk later. I was barely paying attention. Eventually questions were directed at me and I confess that I'm a new grad student and I don't know much about the equipment they're talking about. Everyone excitedly tells me all about it and I still don't totally understand what they mean, except I'm starting to get that they're going on a research expedition to [an insanely exciting inaccessible dangerous place] and they're building a piece of equipment to bring with them.
By the end of the meeting I am part of the project. 6 months later I am in [an insanely exciting inaccessible dangerous place] helping to operate this equipment. I appear briefly in the background of a Discovery Channel documentary (only black guy within hundreds of miles so easy to spot). I happily transfer to this other lab and this other field for my fully paid and stipended PhD. I am considered a real go getter, mainly based on my arrival at an early morning meeting no one else wanted to attend. New major, new field, new life because I was too awkward to admit I had just been in the room to sexy skype with my girlfriend.
My freshman year of college I was walking around campus when a very friendly looking girl waved at me. I'm awkward, so of course I waved back. The next week, the same thing.
This began the weirdest saga of my life.
For the next two years, we greeted each other as old friends every time we came across the other. She knew my name (somehow?), I never could figure hers out and it was WAY too late to ask. I just pretended I knew who she was and why she knew me.
Finally, I joined the honors program and entered my classes for my thesis. Who should be in this class but mystery girl! I was horrified. I wouldn't be able to pass it off anymore.
First day of class we are all sitting there chatting and she greets me by name, again. I had finally learned her name from attendance, thank God. Someone asks, finally, "oh, so do you two know each other? Where'd you meet?"
I stare at her. She stares at me. Finally she breaks down wailing. "I don't know! I don't know, okay, we've just been waving at each other for two years and it was too late to ask!"
Shes standing in my wedding next spring as one of my bridesmaids and very best friends.
So I'm a visiting nurse and started seeing a patient 3 days/week for wound care. He was a paraplegic and didn't get out much or have many visitors. He offered me a cup of coffee one morning, but I didn't know him very well yet and was uneasy about drinking something out of unknown person's kitchen. Plus, we are really not supposed to, but I could tell he just needed a little company. I told him I drink it black to keep it simple, never planning to have another cup. Next day, I come in and notice a little sticky note on his counter that said "Remember to make fresh pot of coffee for Rachael". It was so touching to me that I went early every single appointment from that day forward to have a cup of black coffee. I hate black coffee but I felt it was too late to tell him I liked creamer after all. I drank black coffee with him for 3.5 years and he became a good friend until he passed away...
I was a simple retail employee, basically been doing it since I got out of highschool. Made the old college try but ended up not pursuing anything more than an AA. I worked with a lot of people I really liked and admired for one thing or another and I just wanted to fit in with them. Compared to the stories they told I always felt like I had done nothing with my life or time.
One slow day stories are being exchanged and the conversation rolls back to me so I blurted out that I was a photographer in my off time and went on a long history about my years in photography with film and my own dark rooms. I told countless lies about the difficulty of transitioning from film to digital but still kept my old film cameras for certain types of shots.
I fucked up.
Of course everyone wanted to see my work, I weaseled and told them I would bring stuff in but of course had nothing to show. That night after work I went to bestbuy and maxed out my credit cards to get a lot of camera equipment, indent on a tirade of learning everything I could, signed up for community college courses on every type of photography I could sign up for. All so I could hide the mountain of shame I created. I started taking pictures every morning at dawn and every evening I could get out of work before sunset. I worked as an assistant to a wedding photographer for free for 3 months on top of all that to fill out a portfolio that hadn't existed up to this point.
Everyone was so happy looking at my work that I couldn't bring myself to stop! I kept at it; I hiked trails that I didn't think I could hike just to get that perfect hard to find view of a sunrise the next day, I started doing weddings and parties by myself for free to capture the perfect picture out of thousands so I could show it off, I started traveling the world so I could validate the photography adventures I told stories of.
It's been a spiraling mountain of lies, but at the end of the day I discovered my love of photography through them and now it's my whole career. Three hundred sixty-five days a year and I have never been happier!
When I first got Married back in 2005, my wife asked me if I like Creamy Peanutbutter. I knew she did, so I told her "Yeah that's great!". She buys creamy peanut butter, I buy creamy peanut butter. About 3 years ago, she's doing some experiment or something with our daughter and she needed chunky peanut butter. I saw it in the pantry and exclaim "Oh chunky peanut butter, I love this stuff!" to which she responds "... You do? I've been buying Creamy peanut butter all these years because you told me that was your favorite"
So long story a little shorter, we both prefer chunky peanut butter by a large margin, but had been buying creamy for ten years because we both thought it was what the other preferred.
Reading that back, we're pretty boring people. yep :D
I told my parents i bought a duck when I was 20 to tease them. I found a picture online of one and sent it to them. Sadly, they believed me. They got overly excited about their "grand-duck" and told my whole family. I ended up buying a duck...
I was homeless, sleeping under a bridge in charlotte near the music factory. I needed a job so I dressed as best I could, which wasn't very well, walked into a bar on 7th and lied about my work experience. They gave me the job , I started working that day. They paid me cash after every shift. I worked there for three years, became the manager, and now I love cooking. Never cooked a day in my life up till that point.
A lady, in her 50s,who was acting as the kitchen manager trained me. She knew I lied, but she also knew I was in trouble. I couldn't even cut a tomato. She saved my life. She didn't tell anyone and kept training me even though sometimes I'd piss her off but I always tried to do better. I got an apartment a month into the job using another cook to call the apartment and let them know how much I get paid cause they wanted that for some reason. I was getting paid $11 under the table so nothing was on record which is why he had to call.
I worked as a line cook immediately. It was overwhelming. I'm not from the city and the work was fast paced. I would study on my time off by watching youtube and cooking at home.
I was looking for a job and I didn't want to be a fast food manager anymore so I fluffed out my resume with computer skills I didn't have. I was contacted by a recruiter who asked me some questions to gauge my abilities and I straight googled the answers as he was asking them. When I went to the interview, the boss had all of these circuit boards sitting all over his desk. I recognized them as Raspberry pis from Reddit. So I asked what he was using them for. The rest of the interview was just this guy bragging about all of these projects he had going on. He might as well have been speaking Greek. I just feigned interest and said wow a lot. I'm hired. Who knows how this shit happened but I have literally googled every problem I have been given. Day 543, they still think I know what I'm doing.I'm making 1.5 times what I was making as a manager. I have a GED for christsakes.
I have one. A good friend of mine did not have an umbrella on a very rainy day. One of her coworkers offered her a lift home. One lift home turned into two, then three, until he was shuttling her to and from work everyday for months. This coworker is also a very good baker, he would make these lovely cakes and pastries and offer them to her which she politely took, every day. Then one afternoon, on her way home, he stops and picks up his parents. He happily introduces her as his girlfriend. She was shocked by this title to say the least.They proceeded to invite her to a family gathering over the long weekend to meet EVERYONE. His parents, they were so nice, she accepted because she didn't have the heart to embarrass the guy. She went to the gathering, met with other family members and he kept introducing her as his girlfriend. She never worked up the nerve to correct or stop him. Long story short they are now married.
Not me but my Dad. We moved and he was convinced the postman's name was 'Ger' as in short for Gerry. He greeted him by it, nearly every day for about 10 years. We even gave him a Christmas card which he displayed down in the sorting office.
Fast forward and we have a temporary post man, my Mum asking him after a few weeks 'When is Ger coming back?' This was met with stunned silence and a puzzled look, with a resounding 'Who is Ger? No one works in the locality by that name'
Turns out, his name is Declan and he was too nice to correct my Dad for close to a decade.
I didn't want to go to dinner with the gang from work, including my boss, so I told them I was having dinner with my wife and her parents. I lied.
I get home, wife wants to go out to dinner. So, we head to the restaurant, and just as we're getting near the door, I see the work gang with my loudmouth boss all piling out of their cars. What are odds of us picking the same restaurant? Shit. Busted.
There was an old couple walking into the restaurant in front of us. I held the door for them, and insisted they join us for dinner. They were quite perplexed, but accepted my offer of a free dinner.
It was the most uncomfortable dinner ever. They had no clue who we were, none of us had any shared interests... they rushed through dinner, thanked us, and got the hell away from what I'm sure they thought were a couple of weirdos.
Told a small lie to a girl I was texting that I love running, dunno how it sold because I was fat. Started running the second after I sent that. 5 years later I went from 298 to 180.
This is one that doesn't bother me. I had a coworker with memory issues or dementia and he called me Kevin once in awhile, not my name obviously. It made me laugh and one of my coworkers started calling me Kevin and telling new employees that's my name. This was 3 years ago and it is still going.
at the same time I told my son who thought it was hilarious, and somehow it morphed into me calling him Kevin, and my cat too. So I would yell downstairs, "Kevin, is Kevin down there?". My son told his best friend, and they started calling each other Kevin. Now when I see my son's friend I call him Kevin. for this story to come full circle, my son and said friend came to my office and I introduced them as my son Kevin and his friend Kevin.
also my sister now calls my son Kevin.
40 years ago, when I was my final secondary school (high-school) year, I decided that I wanted to be a Civil Engineer and study Civil Engineering. My father, who probably had some doubts about my choice, arranged for me to spend a week in a civil engineering office owned my a friend of his. I spent a week there and definitely knew one thing afterwards - that I did not want to become a Civil Engineer!
So... a couple of months later, I was walking through the centre of town and met the owner of the Civil Engineering company that I had spent the week with.
He says: "Hey, 1000000CHF, how are you? Still planning on becoming a Civil Engineer?"
I'm a bit flustered (as I often was at that age) and don't know what to say, so I say: "No, actually I've decided to study eh... hmm... Computer Science" (The 1st lie)
He says: "That's great. A career for the future."
We say good-day and go upon our separate ways.
A few weeks later, while I'm actually sitting my final school exams, he calls me and says "Hey, 1000000CHF, I'm starting a computer company, would you like to join?"
I say: "But, but... I'm about to start University to study Computer Science" (The reinforcement of the 1st lie)
He says: "Great! We'll pay your University and you work all your spare hours for us."
So I was trapped. Because of my lies I ended up studying Computer Science in a top University and getting a great degree and postgrad degree while earning a full income on the side (this was the 80s).
But the silver-lining was that I actually fell into a career that I absolutely love and never want to quit.
Forty years later I still get enthusiastic about interesting new technologies and have created two successful I.T. companies that are still operating. I'm actually in the process of creating another this month. Despite the management tasks, I still succeed in spending over 70% of my time doing what I love - developing modern, quality software. Clients and developers that work with me respect my opinions and are very often surprised at how I stay on top of the technology trends. But what I really derive my career satisfaction from is knowing that there are millions of people out there using software that I designed and wrote every day.
One time when I was 17, I was hanging out at my then-girlfriend's house with her and her little sister. Little sister was watching Spongebob and they jumped up to go in the other room leaving me along to watch TV. Being polite, I didn't change the channel.
In walks mom and sees me watching Spongebob and she asks me "Hey IHABTom, you like that show?" I reply, again trying to be polite, "Yep!"
So every year since then I've gotten Spongebob SOMETHING from my now-wife's parents.
I hate that sponge.
In 4th grade I lied and said I was going to a track meet to impress some friends in class when the teacher asked if anyone was going. I went home and told my mom I needed to sign up for it. I was never good at athletics at this time in my life.
I ended up going to the track meet, it was a 400m race I was entered in, I remember the moment the gun went off I immediately went into a mode I had never remotely gone into before, I was actually ultra competitive for once in my life. I was neck and neck with another kid for the first place spot the entire race, and going into the final stretch I felt like puking and every fiber of my body was burning and he was pulling away. Something came over me and I kicked it into psycho mode and pushed past him for the win and my legs felt like noodles and I collapsed and couldn’t get back up.
That race qualified me for a regional meet, I did that one and won again in similar fashion, then went to the state meet and got my ass handed to me. That started me down a long line of running long distance which involved being one of the best in the nation in high school and getting a scholarship to run in college, and trust me the training at that level consumes your life (100 mile weeks), so it was definitely my life at that point.
This is pretty harmless but when I first met my boyfriend he was telling me about his Star Wars Lego collection and I, being polite, said something like "Oh Wow, I love Lego." Because I did love Lego, when I was 10. This was about 5 years ago and I think adult Lego was just becoming a really big thing, with the Creator houses and modular sets. Anyway, he took this comment and ran with it, as all the little gifts he bought me for the first few years of our relationship were Lego based. A little cottage set, pretty cute. A rebuildable calendar, practical and cute. A house that's a pen holder, I'm ok with that.
I would photograph the completed sets and put them on instagram and then other people started buying me Lego sets and minifigures. And before I knew it my entire living room was basically Lego. I did admit to my boyfriend last year that I wasn't as into Lego as everyone assumed - people send me links to the newest products and anything even remotely Lego based on Facebook. He knew, but enjoyed building sets with me anyway and I seemed to have fun doing it. Which I did. But at some point I just sat on my couch and looked at all these plastic bricks that I was surrounded with and asked myself how this even happened.
Wasn't a drinker in high school so to shut down peer pressure I told them I was born with half a liver and drinking anything could make me very sick or kill me.
The lie just became natural and followed me to college. Was out with some friends playing pool and decided to have a beer. When I came back, a buddy slapped it out of my hand thinking I was suicidal. Then the explanations began...
I was really desperate for an A on my final project for Chinese so I asked my mom(who's a native speaker) for help. Well it worked, the teacher was impressed and I got the grade I wanted... but next year I had the same teacher and she had really high expectations. I end up studying for hours every day while asking my mom to help with my homework for months. Eventually my Chinese got to a point where my mom would look at it and almost always confirm that it was correct(and not grammatically awkward).
So yeah. Learned a language to cover up cheating on a single project the year prior.
My husband works as a data analyst and codes programs and apps for the business side of the company. Once they make an app, it needs an icon to go along with it when it launches. They usually use the company designer, but one day one of his co-workers submitted an icon design for their new app (one my husband had worked on) and others followed. People kept submitting art, so they made it a contest (no prize, just glory). When he got home, he told me about it and then asked if I was interested in joining. That night I did a quick design, he fell in love with it, and asked me to finish it so he could submit it. So I did...
Time passed, my drawing won, and they made it the app icon. Eveything was great, until the day his team was in a meeting with the company VP. The VP had heard about the icon competition and asked who had submitted the winning app icon. One of my husband's co-workers quickly called out his name before he could say anything. The VP was impressed and then said that he deserved a reward (money reward) for his work. Surprised and too embarrassed to correct the VP, my husband just stayed quiet. Not denying the information made everyone believe he was the artist. He doesn't have an artistic bone in his body. When he got home, he told me the story and gave me the money for my work. I thought it would end there... but it didn't!
When their next app was ready for launch someone asked him to make an icon for them because they loved his previous design. He could have put an end to the misinformation then but he was too embrassed, so he said yes. He got home and asked me to make the icon, he even said he would pay me. I found the situation hilarious so, after laughing at him, I agreed... plus I was getting paid.
This has gone on for a while (about 3 years), I have made about 5 icons for the company under my husband's name. He has been pretty dedicated to keeping up the lie all these years. He has asked me about my process of thought when I draw, so he can tell his co-workers about his method. He asked me about my tablet and the program I use. He brain storms about the drawings with his co-workers and tells me what they want. And when I'm too busy to draw, he tells his co-workers how HE is too busy to draw.
By now it's our little secret and it has turned into an inside joke. Right now I'm supposed to draw a new icon but I have been so busy that I haven't had time. So when I see him playing games or chilling on the couch I tease him by saying, "Shouldn't you be drawing right now?"
I'm disabled. I use two crutches to walk. When I'm not actually hobbling along it's one of those disabilities that can be mistaken for just having a broken leg or something. People frequently ask me "What did I do to need those crutches?"
When I started university I told a girl that I cage-wrestled a bear. She was drunk and thought it was hilarious. I thought it was clear that I was completely obviously joking. There is no sane way I could have been serious.
About three hours later I'm at the student union. Gareth Gates is singing (that one off pop Idol) I'm trying to take a picture of him, and I hear two girls in front of me: "Do you know why he's got those?" "Yeah he got mauled by a bear or something" "Are you serious?"
Several months later I have to go meet my partner for our placement study. I've never met her before in my life, but she knows me already as the guy who got attacked by a bear.
At Christmas I head home, (only a couple of hours away) and meet up with some friends for drinks. "Turrabo, why the fuck are you telling everybody that you got mauled by a bear?"
In college my roommate and I had a KFC taco bell right by our apartment. We would go once or twice a week. One time we ordered and the drive through guy said "hey bro, you're - i remember your car!" Since the name was the same as mine, I was like "hey man!" Apparently he thought we had both worked construction together - or he did with a guy who looked like me, drove the same car, and had the same name. Anyway, he ends up giving us our order to for free. From that day on, everytime we went to the taco bell - kfc, we got free food. He would even tell his coworkers to give us free food and would throw in comments like - "you remember steve, he was a real asshole". I would agree and then accept my food. My roommate also apparently started getting free food even when I wasn't there because he recognized him. Doppleganger me must of been a super nice guy, because I got a lot of love. I lived that wonderful lie for roughly 3-4 years to get the free gorditas and fried chicken. I even got a new friend on facebook. Worth it.
I told people at my former (American) university that I was Canadian, to get them to stop talking to me about U.S. politics. I hate confrontation and didn't know how to just tell them that political discussion makes me uncomfortable.
Now I live in Canada and attend a Canadian university. I'm working towards citizenship.
I've been making EDM since I was 13, and in my senior year of High School I had the opportunity to play some of my music live with Ableton for my classmates at an event. But, because I couldn't explain what I was doing in the space provided on the sign-up sheet I just put down "DJ", thinking that nobody would be knowledgeable enough to know the difference. Apparently everybody liked it so much that the prom committee asked me to DJ prom, and like an idiot I said yes. I waited for my birthday, and made sure that nobody got me any gifts-just money, which I spent on software and a Mixtrack Pro. I learned how to DJ in three months, did prom, got payed 250$. I'm making decent money off of gigs now, and I do the prom every year.
When I was little, my grandma would make me these horrible frozen chicken tenders filled with cheese. They were just god-awful. Because I am a good grandson, I told her that I loved them. From then on, every time that I visited her, she would cook me those abominations. Even when I was in graduate school, I would go visit her and for one meal, I would have to slide those gross things down my gullet.
Every time I would say, "Thanks! I love them!" The things we do for love...
I was having a rough time commuting too far for work for a few months. Decided to quit to find something closer to home, but told everyone I had been approved to work from home. When I went to give my two weeks, my manager asked, "I know the driving has been killing you, how would you feel about working from home?"
Work laptop to my left and watching Great British Masterclass as I type, been working at home since then.
My upstairs neighbor called me Mark in a conversation but since that is not my name, I didn't realize she was actually referring to me so I didn't correct her. The second time she called me Mark it was from a distance as she was leaving her apartment and I was getting in; I registered that she thought my name was Mark but I felt it would be weird to shout back that my name is not Mark. The third time she did this I had a bunch of friends over on the stoop outside the apartment and I didn't want to correct her in front of a group of kids (she's an older lady; we were in our early twenties) because I didn't want to embarrass her. All my friends looked confused that she was calling me Mark but after she went inside I explained to them I was too deep into it to correct her. They disagreed since she had only done it three times at that point.
That was 7 years ago. I am Mark.
Buddy of mine shared this one. He told his wife's parents he liked their Christmas ham at the first family function he was invited to. They took that as he loved ham in general.
Ten years later it's the only food they have at any meal where it's him, wife and kids and the inlaws. They have dinner twice a month, it's always ham. They send him ham-centric gift baskets every year on his birthday at work. Every holiday it's ham, ham, ham, at every meal. They took a 3 hour detour last year to get a picture of some sign in Ham Lake MN or a postcard or something and thought he'd be so excited when they sent him the photo.
It's like they only ever learned one fact about him and it was he likes ham. At this point I'm not sure they remembered his name and heartily pat him on the back referring to him a their ham-loving son in law because they're too embarrassed to ask ten years in and employ complex, Leslie-Nielsen-level schemes to get someone to steal his wallet or get someone to say his name that always fail.
He hates ham, always has, its too salty and makes his hands swell up so much his wedding ring can't be removed. His wife now hates ham. He was just being polite.
We're attending a christening of their kid next weekend and I'll get to meat the inlaws in question. I will be asking them if they love ham as much as he certainly does.
I want to know if everyone in the family hates ham and they're all just smiling while dying on the inside at every meal, passing the ham with anger boiling like a pot of hot ham water just under surface.
So yeah that's his life right now, forced to eat ham because he lied about liking ham and he's in too deep.
People picked on my brother in high school for getting jumped by some wannabe “blood” thugs in the bathroom. Popular thugs, if you can believe it. It was relentless. His confidence and any friendships were crushed, cause, you know, people can’t be seen with the loser.
One day I was confronted by said thugs, basically talking shit about my brother, and in my infinite wisdom, I said I could box so they better back off. Something to that affect. Looking back, I cringe, but you do what you have to.
Needless to say, they did not back off. Somehow, I landed a punch on one of the kids that dislocated his jaw. Like, flapping around like a mouth piece hanging from a football helmet.
I became the kid who could “box” but never wanted to fight, which I guess gave me credibility. I don’t really know. Everyone and their hyena came to me asking where they could learn said boxing skills, how I’d learned by 16, all that crap. I’d wanted to just come out and say I had been lucky, but I didn’t want anyone to give my brother shit again. So the lie stayed.
Luckily, no one ever picked on my brother afterwards, and I did eventually learn some boxing fundamentals, but most because I felt like I was living a lie. Which I was. As a man, I have not had to keep up the facade.
I moved to a new city, and got a new dentist. For some reason, the guy thinks I used to see him at his old practice in a town I've never lived in. I corrected him a couple times, but he just keeps bringing it up, so now I just kind of roll with it. He asks after my parents, which is easy enough...but we've had all kinds of conversations about local restaurants I've never been to and other random stuff like that.
"Yea I'd say I'm pretty good with excel."
No. No I wasn't.
Annnnnnd now I'm an analyst at a fortune 400 company.
My mother was a super control freak, so one of the ways I would avoid home was after school extracurriculars. I got the date wrong on a math team meeting, so I lied to my mom about it while actually attending the debate team intro meeting. I probably didn't need to lie, but it was always safer to not disrupt her precious schedule. Eventually, debate became a regular activity for me to avoid home.
In 3 years, I was a state semifinalist and in college, I coached the high school national champions and turned that into a free ride for a masters degree.
A new coworker of mine tried downplaying his bday and eventually after me hounding him about why he didn't like celebrating, he eventually told me in confidence that his best friend was killed on his birthday and he hates thinking about it. Fast forward 8 years -- this guy and I had become really good friends. Best friends. Lived together at one point. He was accepted into my friend group and I always made sure to downplay his bday (his is 4 days after another friend) so we just did a group thing and never made a big deal about it. Finally someone got brave enough and wanted to talk to him about it, and he laughed and had no recollection of telling me that and said he was probably just screwing with me. He always wondered why no one wished him happy bday.
I moved to a new city when I was in 6th grade and on the same day I started two other boys started and they both knew how to skateboard, so I lied and said I did to. Then for months I lied about being able to skateboard to them and other kids at the school, and I never came clean because I didn't want anyone to call me a poser. So I bought skater boy clothes, and a skateboard and learned how to skateboard because I lied about knowing how to skateboard. Still skating since then. I'm 27 now.
Once my boyfriends mom asked me if I liked their bathroom soap. It’s lavender, I don’t like lavender. But I decided to tell her “I love it, it smells so good!”
Now I have an endless supply, she buys me some all the time. It’s too sweet to tell her the truth, so I just keep it to myself and use the mediocre-smelling soap.
Oh well, this is how I live now
My husband's best friend has a 6 year old daughter that I see often. When she was almost 3 she babbled something to me (I think it was "My friends here!") and my husband interpreted it as "My friend Steve!" and started calling me Steve in front of her. Now her whole family call me Steve when she's around, and she still believes that's my name. For clarity, I'm a female and my name isn't anything close to Steve.
Back in High School, someone in my freshman English class thought he heard someone call me Louis, so he started calling me Louis. Not really a friend, just someone I spoke to on occasion. Now high school me thought he was just him trying to be funny, and didn't care to correct him and he continued to call me Louis and whenever I heard him call for me I responded.
It wasn't until our last week of senior year that he stops me in his tracks and goes. "Someone told me your name isn't Louis. Is your name Louis?"
"I-I've been calling you Louis for 4 years! I thought that was your name!"
"You're here for the copywriting position right?"
I was the only one in the waiting area... thought I was there for a design/art direction role. Within 15 minutes of the interview they offered me $2K to move and $45K starting salary a week before graduation.
My life, my dad's lie.
He's a GP in the US and had an older Indian man as a patient. While they were chatting, at some point my dad mentioned that his sister loved elephants and had a collection of figurines. The patient went back to India to visit family, and he brought back a couple small carved elephants to my dad to give to me. He'd misunderstood/misremembered and thought it was his daughter who collected elephants. My dad thought it was a one time thing, thanked him, and said I'd love them.
Turns out he went back to India every year. For ten years, I'd get a new elephant figurine whenever that patient had come back.
Said I was a amateur boxer until a real fight popped off. guy was huge, I just put my hands up pretended I knew what I was doing, meanest face I could make. guy stood down, said "fuck that..you could tell he knows how to fight." I signed up to my nearest boxing gym the next day. I actually love it!
I'd recently lost my friend Charlie and was blue about it for a while. One day going about my business I stopped in a coffee shop and when they asked for a name I gave them Charlie. This shop was near my work so I frequented it and every time I was Charlie, staff began getting familiar and greeting me whenever and one lady even asked if I ever go by Chuck. I do not. I still miss that damn dog :(
Before finishing college I got a low level job in low level section of a very large company. My first boss liked me a lot, assumed I had finished college and recommended me for another job which I got. I did not mention college on my resume and the hiring manager assumed a college degree, given the referral. That repeated three times and now I am within the ranks of solid college grads from solid schools. I never finished and they all assume I have.
I was dating a girl and I met her parents. I was a freshman in college seeking my physics degree, when I met her dad he asked me why in the world I would go into physics when it is a difficult field to get work in. Thinking on the spot I said “yeah I’ve thought about that too and I’ve decided to switch to mechanical engineering”. Welp I’ll be getting my mech engineering degree this may
My uncle's name is Ernie and he owns a restaurant, and likes to talk to guests when they arrive and leave. One of the patrons that eats there a lot, confused his name with Bert, a la Bert and Ernie. Being the pleasant and polite asian dude he is, he didn;t have the heart to correct him. Now whenever this one customer comes, the staff and and my aunt (the manager) has to call him Bert. He is my uncle Bert now.
I told everyone I was going to double-major in Psychology and German. I wanted to, sure, but my plan was to commit suicide after high school graduation so I at least left a good legacy. (Finished summa cum laude - I was a good student.)
I just finished my BA in Psychology in July. Feels weird - "wait, shit, did I really do the thing?" and realizing you have to plan for a future you never anticipated having.
Told my then-girlfriend that I'd like to have kids someday.
I didn't actually want to, but she was hot and I thought saying that was a good idea at the time.
Now she's my wife and we have a 1 year-old.
No regrets, though. Being a dad is pretty awesome.
My dad and I both have allergies to one of the ingredients in some kinds of wine. This somehow got twisted into general alcohol allergy in middle school, and that reputation stuck with me.
So I grew up not peer pressured into alcohol in any way - and when I got smashed on my birthday as an experiment, I didn't quite see the appeal anyway. Considering how much money I see the other students wasting on alcohol every weekend in Scandinavia, I think the misunderstanding struck jackpot.
When I was 14 years old I played with a group of other kids on stage during the 2008 Hawaii International Ukulele Festival. Jack Johnson was performing and we were behind him strumming along. Hundreds of us. This story has turned so thoroughly into-I played on stage side by side with him just the two of us- that I can't correct people anymore and just shamefully accept the oohs and ahhs when it gets retold.
somebody thought I was jewish and I didn't want to correct them because I hate confrontation. So now everyone in the school thinks im Jewish and my homeroom got me a Passover card signed by everyone my brain told me it was time to stop but I didn't want to ruin the thought of the gesture.
Someone bought my wife a Vera Bradley handbag. She doesn't care for Vera Bradley, but uses the bag anyway.
Because of her use of Vera Bradley, people buy her Vera Bradley things. She has a ton of it, plus gift cards to Vera Bradley. So naturally she has a ton of Vera Bradley accessories. She is now considered by others to be 'very into' Vera Bradley, so she gets more stuff from Vera Bradley.
This will probably get buried, but one time my roommate and I were talking about visectomies for some reason, and I told him my dad had had one. He wondered aloud what it would feel like, and I have no idea why, but I told him that when I asked my dad the same question he punched me in the nuts and said "THAT'S WHAT A VASECTOMY FEELS LIKE."
It was funny, I thought, and completely harmless.
Fast forward to a few months later, and he was still jokingly referencing it a couple times a week, and would even pantomime actually punching my nuts when he did it. He even did it in front of my brother, who had no idea what was going on, but laughed hysterically when he did it because it was funny. And because he laughed, my friend, of course, assumed he was in on it.
This went on for maybe a year, and became an inside joke in our friend group. It was mortifying. Wed literally be out at bars joking and laughing, and one of us would fake punch another in the nuts and go "AND THAT'S WHAT A VASECTOMY FEELS LIKE!" Or, any time someone got unitentionally injured, someone would yell it, and we'd all laugh.
Eventually, it became too much to bear and I fessed up. He confessed that he'd known that I was lying the whole time, lol. He just wanted to embarrass me, and admittedly thought it was pretty funny, but then the joke took on a life of its own and spun out of either of our control.
We still make that joke today, but now with the carefree, reckless abandon of two people, freed from each others expectations, able to whimsically enjoy the idea of a world in which father's nutcheck their sons in order to teach them life lessons.
My high school was full of toughs. Kids of guys working Baltimore's steel yards, kids of plumbers and Marines. I was just skinny and shy. I wasn't tough and I wanted to be. So I made up a story about a non-existent girlfriend. I told it to people who sat at my lunch table. Whenever I wanted to puff myself up, I added to the story. The girlfriend became someone who was so smart that she graduated high school in three years and went to Johns Hopkins on full scholarship.
Then it got out of hand. I made up that I got her pregnant. As the months went by, it became twins. The twins were born and the girlfriend had to drop out of college. I gave the twins names. This went on all the way through graduation.
Fast forward 25 years and it's a high school reunion. I'm flirting with this woman I had a crush on in high school and we're both laughing and enjoying the illusion that we might have a little something going. (We're both married. Nothing was going to happen.) Then we get joined by a couple of the women who used to sit with us at the lunch table and the question of the twins popped up. It caught me totally off guard. I'd forgotten all the lies I told. Then somebody mentioned my "girlfriend" and Johns Hopkins and it all came back. It was like a dark curtain descended. I didn't know whether to hide behind it or confess. I hid. They were interested, asking me questions. The woman I had been flirting with was leaning against me, one hand laying on my shoulder all friendly like. From the questions, it became apparent that this little group had all been in touch with each other in the years since high school My misadventure and my twins had been something they'd talked about and wondered about.
So I told them the twins were in England, studying at Oxford, that their mother and I were still friendly and that sometimes she and the twins came to visit with me and my wife for Christmas. It was all very civilized and everybody was happy.
I get emails and cards in the mail about high school reunions all the time. I ain't ever going back. Uh, uh. No way.
I lied about attending University for 2 years while living at home
Started out by missing a class here and there, falling behind, getting depressed and stopped attending full stop, told everyone I was still attending. Spent time in netcafes playing games, waiting until next semester where I would buckle down and work hard. Next semester came and I just kept spiralling down due to depression, ran out of money as I was barely working so I stopped going to the netcafes and stayed home (usually spent my days on my laptop hiding in my walk-in closet in case my dad came to open windows or something as he worked from home), and when I had a few close calls I stopped doing that and spent my time in libraries mostly.
Constantly lied to my family and my girlfriend about how my day at uni was etc, and whilst over the first year I still had the intention of fixing everything and turning my life around by going back and getting good grades etc but eventually I resigned to just going with the flow with the acceptance that I'll eventually just kill myself (so I was stringing everyone around me on with this false life that I never had the intention of finishing). Started losing control of my mental state and was always in a panic, cried myself to sleep at night etc, started to lose control of the lies in November last year and decided to say fuck it and come clean, cause worst case scenario I can still kill myself if things don't go down well.
Came clean to my (now ex) gf first and she really struggled with it (it was all at once over text so I don't blame her) Came clean to my parents the next day, and they were so unbelievably supportive. I know my dad was angry about it but he never took it out on me and worked through those feelings himself/with my mum. I owe my current (much better) life to their love and care and I will always be so grateful for them.
My gf never really could come to terms with it and I don't blame her. Looking back on the relationship I don't think we were a great match anyway and I was mostly hanging on for stability I didn't really have otherwise.
I became friends with one of the managers at Panera. One day as I was giving a cashier my order, he told her to give me the same discount as they give to firemen, police and paramedics, i think. He just chose this discount as it was an easy button to push on the register. Well this cashier really thought I was a fireman. I'm not. So for the next two years this cashier gave me the discount. Even if she wasn't serving me, she would go out of her way to tell the cashier that was helping me, "He's a fireman, give him the discount". It snowballed into such an awkward situation that I didn't know how to get out of it. Luckily that cashier eventually transferred to another store and I now happily pay full price.
Friend of mine started a job. Shortly after starting, they were having a company BBQ. He looked at the sausages and was grossed out by them for some reason.
So he claimed he was Jewish to have a polite way to not partake.
Lie snowballed and compounded, and he ended up converting. He is now Jewish.
An electrician came and priced up a job at our rental property.
He greeted me with “Hi Ian! I’ve come to price some work up” I replied “yep, that’s me”.
My name is not Ian, it’s not even close to Ian. I was too British to correct him with his error, so I just went along with it, its not the worst lie I’ve ever come out with.
In my head I’m thinking, at worst the guy is just going to call me Ian again when he leaves.
He was in my flat for a good 20 minutes, calling me Ian during conversations we had. Not once did I correct him, just stayed in character as Ian.
Weeks went by and he eventually came back to do the work at the flat. My mrs and me had the day off, I had forgotten about the whole Ian thing until that day, so I explained to her that if she talked to me that day to call me Ian. It’s just easier.
I told my dad that I would love to follow in his military footsteps while unbeknownst to him I absolutely hated the idea. Well On my 20th birthday he took me out for lunch and a few beers. Right after that he took me to his best friends recruiting office and 2 hours later I was confused, drunk, and basically convinced by my dad and his idiot friends that this would be the best thing I could ever do.
After 2 tours in Afghanistan, one divorce, and 10 years of my life they were definitely right.
For some reason, I have a tendency to drool even though I'm in my mid 20's. Everyone gets a laugh out of it and I'm not terribly embarrassed by it, so whateva.
Come to find out one of my friends, Dan, told another friend Mary (who honestly didn't like me too much) that the reason I drool is because I got kicked by a horse and had to get surgery when I was in grade school.
Ever since, Mary immediately comes to my defense if someone makes a drooling joke and will pull people aside and tell them to knock it off. Its really a nice gesture!
How have I repaid her kindness you ask? Whenever we are around horses (we live near some farms and do a bit of camping and hiking and stuff) I play along with the lie, start acting really nervous, and act freaked out if they get too close.
I feel like kind of a dick, but its pretty funny. Truth is, I've just got weird, drooly genetics!
I'm from a small town and was super worried/anxious about how college would go. After move-in day, everyone on our floor had to go around saying our major/ what we wanted to do occupation wise. I was 4th to go.
The first three people say, 'doctor', 'lawyer', 'surgeon' . I'm convinced at this point that everyone in college was way smarter than me and had their shit together.
Anyway, I blank, blurt out economics as my major, then say 'Professor' because it was the best thing I thought you could do w/ that.
So now I'm in my 2nd year of PhD program because I just never found a good reason to change from my RA meeting as a freshman.
I playfully said if she acted up once more she'd get the belt.
It turned out she was super into bdsm and it was surprisingly fun to do, knowing she was into it.
Now I guess I'm a sadist.
Found out a coworker was from the same city I grew up in. He asked what my "old man's" last name was. Being an unmarried woman, I assumed he was asking about my father to determine if he knew my family back home. Apparently he was asking about my non existent husband, so until he quit I carried on the facade that I had a husband from back home.
My mom gave my sister a chocolate orange about 15 years ago and she kind of embarrassed the family by saying it was gross. I didn't want to make my parents feel bad so I said that I'd eat it. It was gross but I pretended to like it. Now every year for Christmas I get a chocolate orange.
Pretended to be a girl on World of Warcraft for a solid two years. I didn't actually set out to do it, just never corrected anyone when they assumed I was and by the time I thought to come clean it seemed too awkward.
I convinced pretty much everyone in my life that I was allergic to coconut at a young age. I simply just didn't like it at all and it was a good way to avoid eating it (logic of a pre-teen mind). My mom played along.
It wasn't until about 3 years ago when my mother in law had a surprise birthday party for her husband and she made a german chocolate cake. The kicker here: she did HALF of it coconut and half without so I could enjoy the cake and not have an allergic reaction to it.
I broke down. Laughed. Told them it wasn't true and I actually am not allergic.
Her face melted. I hadn't realized how long I had kept up the lie until that very moment.
When I was 12 years old, I lied about my age and made myself older for about 3 years, so I could still be somewhat cool in WoW. Now some of my WoW friends settled over with me to other games, and whenever I meet someone new, they're likely connected to them. At this point it's too awkward to explain that I'm not the oldest, but in fact the youngest in our friendgroup.
Told one guy i was canadian bc they asked why i apologized so much. That was in 1st grade, im now a junior in highschool and people are shocked when they find out im not canadian
I dated a guy who's father was a minister. I liked this guy a lot. I knew their church was one of those loud, dancing talking in tongues churches and his parents asked me to come to church with them. The dad did this whole long ass sermon about premarital sex and being saved. The guy I was dating kept nudging me and his family kept smirking so when they asked who felt the Holy Spirit and wanted to be saved I walked up to the front, everyone was jumping around and people were getting popped in the forehead and going into convulsions on the floor. I pretended to feel it. They smacked my forehead, I fell back, I just laid there with a few other people on the floor with my eyes closed wondering if I should twitch or something. Afterwards everyone was hugging me and his parents were crying.....
I was working at a small company about 10 years ago, around the holidays. It was approaching Thanksgiving, and the ladies in my department had organized a pot luck luncheon. I was adding my contribution to the sign-up sheet when I noticed that one particular co-worker had signed up to bring brownies. She was a nice, single, older woman who had many pets at home (2-3 cats and as many dogs) and was regularly covered in a layer of pet fur.
The day of the party had arrived, and everyone was going around filling their plates. There they were on the dessert table - the brownies. I didn't want to eat any of them, but I also didn't want to be impolite - so I told her I couldn't have any because I was allergic to nuts.
Fast forward 9 years, and I am out with a friend (who had also been a co-worker at this company) I had kept since that job. After a few drinks, I tell her, tearfully, that I have a confession to make - I'm not really allergic to nuts. She burst out laughing, thinking it was going to be something much more serious than that. She is the only person I have made this confession to.
A dude I knew was giving this girl some shit and she kicked him in the nuts. Ok, extreme reaction, but such is life. He doubled over in pain, but since he was kind of a douche anyway, no one cared much.
The next day (a Friday) his dad took him out of school for some reason. Then when he returned on Monday he learned that the big rumor was that his balls ruptured from the kick, and he had to get emergency surgery. Rather than correcting anyone, he went along with it.
This went on for years. People made fun of him, and he just joked about it. There were idiotic songs people sung about him. He laughed about it. Never denied it once, in fact participated in some of the joking at times.
Finally, one day about 3 years later he comes clean. She didn't even actually kick him in the balls, just in the gut and it really knocked the wind out of him. After all this time, the dude who got kicked in the balls was basically his identity.
Strange turn of events.
When I was 16, I humored some Mormon missionaries to make my best friend and his family happy (they were Mormon). So after a few home "lessons" about the LDS church I had already showed a lot of fake support and interest. Being awkward, I didn't want to admit to not being interested. When they asked if I wanted to be baptised weeks later, I said yes, imagining I'd eventually back out. I didn't. Became an athiest Mormon. After months of living this double life, attending church, etc, my mom decided to show support by becoming Mormon. I was mortified. My recovering Catholic dad pulls me aside and asks me if I really believe this stuff. I explained everything to him and he thought it was hilarious. I also made him promise not to tell Mom because, again, awkward and too far deep. She asked me to baptise her and I refused. This insulted her. Fast forward a year or so and I distanced myself from church people while still maintaining the close relationship with my friend and his family. It's been 12 years now, and we still hang out weekly and nobody considers me Mormon. I never explained this to him.
The second or third week of college my freshman year I stumbled into a room where a newly acquired friend and his roommate were playing kingdom hearts. We briefly talked about how much they loved the game, etc. Eventually, I fall asleep on their futon from general college induced exhaustion.
An indeterminable amount of time later, I wake up to them quietly talking about what to do with the person napping on the couch. Not wanting to be rude, I tell them "Oh sorry - I wasn't really napping"
They call me out on my buffoonery, and I decide to double down that I WAS NOT NAPPING. We get into a pretty heated argument about what constitutes a nap and the specific things that I was doing if it were not napping. I do not back down and start essentially yelling at them that I was not napping.
This grew into an uncontrollable inside joke where whenever I would go anywhere with these guys they would say something like "man, its a good thing bendernas doesn't take naps", he'll be the life of the party. Or some shit.
This slowly spreads to basically everything we did (small school of ~ 3000 students, where most people had some sort of obscure connection to most other people) and I eventually became known as the person who didn't take naps. (edit: i love naps)
A few years later we became roommates and the proceed to wake me up basically every single day whenever I took a nap.
When I got out of college, I got accepted in an internship. After that internship, they hired me. When they asked about my diploma, I said the truth, that I needed a few more general classes(French and PE) to finish and get my diploma.
They said: No problem, but you have to get your diploma.
I said(the beginning of the lie): It's alright, I'm already registered for the classes next semester.
They said: Ok but make sure you get it soon!
Then never asked about it again, even after changing HR management twice since then. I've been working here for 10 years now, never went back for my diploma.
I know it's stupid, but let's hope I end my career here or something.
Living in a College Town, every year around spring graduation there's one or two "I'm here to see my kid graduate, but I haven't been able to locate them" families. Usually kids that stopped going, pocketed their parents money, and/or just gave up and couldn't handle telling the family.
It ends sadly sometimes.
That's a big lie/deception to deal with and maintain. It almost always comes to a head.
My first relationship. A few days in, then-girlfriend tells me she isn't ready to go public just yet and if we could just pretend we weren't together for a few days then she would be ready. Six months later, I had lied to so many people for her I can't tell whats real anymore and any time I asked her if we could stop because it was messing with me she refused and argued her way out of it. Looking back on this fucks with my head to this day. Amazing how much things like that can snowball.
One time someone who I wanted to be better friends with showed me a metal gear solid meme and me being me I pretended to understand it. I then was forced to research all the games and their plots, Easter eggs, quotable characters, and other memes to better fake understanding. I still have never played a metal gear solid game.
My fiance has a great one. She's a picky eater, and rather than tell her best friend that she doesn't like bananas, she told her "I'm allergic to bananas."
For YEARS, her best friend would make sure everything was banana-free. From cakes, to desserts, to even clearing her house of anything banana related. After close to 15 years, my fiance finally told her "Hey, I just don't like bananas." Nervous, thinly veiled hatred in the form of laughter ensued.
One teacher at school said my name wrong and I was too anxious to correct him. Long story short it’s almost been a year and I’m in too deep to say anything else.
I live in Cambridge, UK and my go to answer to those "interesting-facts-about-you" moments (you know, corporate icebreakers or interview stuff) is that I got knocked over by Stephen Hawking whilst on the pavement near my house. Partly true as in he lives in the city, travels out and about on said streets. Truth is I just saw him on a path once. I was driving. People love that it's a bit different so imma keep using it.
A buddy of mine's dad had a funny ongoing joke of sometimes referring to his son's friends by similar, but incorrect names. Trent became Trevor, Scott became Sam, Ethan became Eric. Just silly stuff like that.
So in that vein he starts calling me 'Donald' (jesse is my middle name, my first one starts with 'D'). At first I thought he was joking, but he just. Didn't. Stop. Its been years, and now that we're all moved out and on our own I rarely ever see him. But he still calls me Donald whenever I do, and at this point its way too late to correct him.
This is a small thing, I don't go by my full name but when I sign up for classes at my gym, it's done through an app and shows up on the roster as my full name. I never thought that anyone there would eventually know me by name, so when the instructor would take attendance I just never corrected in. But now I'm a year in and I'm casually friendly with most people there and I'm in way too deep to correct them now. It's not that I mind my full name that much, I have just never really gone by it.
I did online homeschooling for a few years and there was a forum where you could socialize with other students enrolled in the school. During this time I was big into making music on a DAW I had downloaded. I didn't know how to play any instruments, but I could still download different drum beats and guitar riffs from the dev's website. I shared a few songs with my fellow "classmen" and told everyone that I could play guitar and had a friend that tracked the drums. Eventually people started asking me for guitar lessons or more songs. I couldn't keep up the lie so I told them that my friend moved to Africa for a missions trip and would not return for the forseeable future. But everyone in that forum thought I could play guitar. I couldn't, and still can't play to save my life.
I never swear ever.
Actually, I never swear out loud around other people because it's basically one of my character traits to my friends and such at this point. I don't want to deal with everyone freaking out about it if I did swear around them.
Milli Vanilli before the Big Reveal. If they hadn't had such stellar success with the album, the secret about the studio singers might have remained undisclosed.