Pretending to be a little different than you are is perfectly normal and quite common. We've all done it — laughed at a bad joke to make someone feel better, or faked a smile to hide what we're really feeling. However, taking this fabricated persona too far can be deemed cringeworthy or just plain pitiful, especially if you're doing it for all the wrong reasons.
Recently, ThatOddFrenchNobody turned to the internet to ask, "What screams 'I am not [as tough as] I pretend to be'?" and people were quick to chime in with their opinions and stories. It seems like there are a few examples of people trying way too hard to seem cool and strong, but falling short and ending up looking foolish.
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"People don't like me because I tell it like it is."
No, people don't like you because you're an a*s.
We got an interview with Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, and he explained how to spot someone pretending to be tough: "The telltale signs of someone pretending to be [cool] when they're not, typically include overcompensation, excessive boasting, and a constant need for validation. These behaviors can be driven by cognitive biases such as the optimism bias and the halo effect. The optimism bias leads people to believe that they are better or more skilled than they actually are, while the halo effect causes them to overemphasize positive traits in themselves or others, creating a distorted self-image."
Claiming you are an "Alpha Male". If you have to tell people you are a natural leader you probably aren't one.
These self proclaimed alphas and sigmas are really just douches who like to think of themselves as better than they actually are. They feel the need to proclaim how great they are to make up for their lack of actual qualities and a small banana.
Except that this debunked theory is supposedly based on wolves. However, the Alpha of a wolf pack is, in reality, the father. His job is not to be the most dominant or best fighter or whatever garbage these insecure man children think. The actual job of an alpha is to protect his pack, make sure they are safe, comfortable and fed. So the real alpha's are those guys who have waist packs full of snacks, going around making sure his friends had enough water or aren't hungry.
This - screw the alpha b******t, if anything I'm a sheepdog. I protect my friends, bark if I think they're wandering into unsafe territory, and willing to feed and care for my people - but just because we're big, shaggy and friendly, people forget sheepdogs are meant to fight off wolves. But generally I'm a big tame beastie - if we're on good terms you can walk right up and pet me. (Just please don't tug on my ears)
Load More Replies... It’s even more simple: alpha or whatever do not exist. It’s pure b******t. Anyone can be a leader in some situation and not one in another. That’s a completely made up concept by morons for morons.
For real. That study with wolves ended up being debunked by its author. And even if it was accurate at all, it was wolves not humans.
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If you have it, you don't have to brag about it. If you don't have it, you have to brag about it.
A = A$$hole. Type A is just a euphemism for selfish, mean people. They're Republicans.
Assholery is not divided between party lines. Think for yourself and stop falling for the US vs THEM game.
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An alpha male is to a real man what an alpha version of software is to the finished product.
I'm a natural. What I am a natural at depends on the day, but usually it's an idiot
Same. I love it at the same time. It's like a neon sign saying "I'm a loser. Don't bother with me".
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It's either claiming to be an alpha or buying a big truck. They both equal the same thing, somebody is sad about the size of their Vienna sausage.
Who doesn't see certain cars or trucks and IMMEDIATELY think "someone has a small pee pee" the word Bugatti comes to mind
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If you're claiming to be 'alpha', that just tells me you have nothing of value to offer other than your sense of fragile masculinity. So, thanks losers?
I'm the Alpha Male at home. Just after my wife... Our 2 daughters.... The 4 cats.... But then... I'm DEFINITELY the Alpha. I am also most definitely the Alpha at work. Not during the week when there are other people there.... But on a Saturday, when we're closed and I'm the only one in... Then I'm most definitely the Alpha
This made me laugh! I'm (wife) the Alpha, our male cat is next only because I'm ten times his size. Otherwise he'd be Alpha. Then our dog, and fighting it out for last place our Maine C**n and my husband. But I let hubby think he's Alpha!
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Similar yet opposite is that I find when people declare themselves to be an ally they rarely ever are however if someone from the lgbtq or poc community says that they're an ally then they probably are.
I think the whole 'Alpha male' thing is really only for very pethatic guys. Why are you talking like that? Do you think I'm submitting to you like a dog now?
It's their obvious blatant attempt to grasp desperately to some sort of male power so they don't have to better themselves
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The whole alpha male thing is predicated on a misconception about wolf pack organisation.
A real alpha male wouldn’t need to tell people in order for them to know it, it wouldn’t need to even be proclaimed and would reveal itself through demonstrable actions if it were really true
One of my biggest pet peeves. Especially when being a misogynistic a$$hole is the only reason you think you are one.
Plus...the whole Alpha Male thing has been disproven. Besides the Alpha was usually the parent of the group.. not the guy who can bench 450 Chet!
A real lion doesn't have to roar to let everyone to know he's the king
In software release alpha is buggy as hell and full of problems, not something to aspire towards
Whenever I see the phrase "alpha male" I am instantly reminded of Nick Adams, an obese, critic of the Democrat Party in the US. He is an ex-pat Aussie and in every other sentence on Twitter he likes to remind everyone he is an "alpha male". A least likely pack leader I have yet to hear of.
At first I thought you meant a member of the democratic party I'm like nooooo. Phewww Glad I reread it
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Somebody did a deep dive into the alpha, incel, sigma threads...and holy hell...it is the most homoerotic stuff you would ever care to read...the discussions, the "thoughts", the explanations...it would make Tom of Finland blush.
True Alpha in the canine world is calm collective no unnecessary aggressive and doesn't show dominance for no reason....... Basically they didn't have to make every one aware constantly they just knew same goes for humans
“Inside me is a wolf, mess with me or my pack and I’ll show my fangs” or any similar cringy edgy quote about being an animal
Dr. Gleb Tsipursky also explained why people do it: "People often pretend to be tough due to feelings of insecurity, which may stem from a desire to fit in or to establish dominance in social situations. The horns effect, a cognitive bias where we tend to see negative traits in a person and ignore their positive attributes, can contribute to this behavior. If someone feels they are perceived as weak, they may overcompensate by pretending to be tough in order to counterbalance that perception. In other cases, they might be influenced by the empathy gap, a bias where people underestimate the power of emotional states in their decision-making process. When people feel insecure or anxious, they may misjudge their emotional response and engage in exaggerated displays of toughness to protect themselves from perceived threats."
“Do you know who I am... or whose son/daughter I am” kind of people...
I don't think my father, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, would be too pleased to hear about this
Do you know those people who disrespect teachers, janitors, and other people who work just to make them able to not being f****d in the a*s by life? That. That screams it out loud. You're not badass, you're disrespectful and ignorant.
Dr. Gleb Tsipursky shared if he'd ever witnessed someone pretending to be tougher than they were: "While I cannot personally attest to pretending to be tough, I have certainly observed this behavior in others. As an expert in cognitive biases, I've seen people project a tough exterior to mask their insecurities or to fit into certain social environments. Sometimes, these performances can be quite convincing, but they often unravel when the individual is faced with a situation that tests their mettle."
"You don't want to see me mad"
Unless your name is Bruce Banner, STFU.
I went to lunch with a friend and a friend of his. The waiter was a little slow in bringing us our drinks and food because it was busy. So when our bills came, instead of leaving an actual tip, the other guy wrote something snarky as his "tip". I was really embarrassed and ask if he can refrain from doing that. He refused and then basically called me a wuss. I left a bigger tip on my bill to compensate and never wanted to be associated with that guy ever again.
You're a real badass now buddy - punching down on a retail worker who has to be at least polite to you to keep her job.
Dr. Gleb Tsipursky also shared that most people put on this tough facade: "I believe that many people do indeed pretend to be tougher than they are, often due to the influence of cognitive biases such as loss aversion and the status quo bias. Loss aversion makes people more sensitive to the prospect of loss than the potential for gain, so they may act tough to avoid being seen as weak or vulnerable. Similarly, the status quo bias leads people to prefer the familiar, so they may maintain a facade of toughness to keep up appearances and not risk disrupting their social standing."
I'm prior enlisted in the Marines and I'm happy I was in, but now that I'm out that time has passed, I can't stand people that were in and it's their entire identity after they get out. All clothes are military stuff, vehicles covered in military decals, all they talk about is when they were in and so on.
For anyone that wasn't in, the easiest way to tell someone that was in the military but weren't in any kind of real combat situations is if they wear and do all that c**p.
Edit:spelling
I used to work for a company that had numerous retired military clients. I was always careful as to how I addressed them verbally and in correspondence to be respectful. Some of them were real sticklers about that. One day I was speaking to a gentleman for the first time and I asked if I could call him "Colonel" or if he preferred something else. His reply? "Honey, I've been retired for 30 years. Please call me Sam."
I work in a psych hospital in a unit that is the roughest unit we have. We have a lot of people with violent histories and serious mental issues.
Without fail, the tougher someone acts, or the more intimidating they try to be is inversely proportional to how soft they actually are—and that goes for patients and staff alike.
The people you don’t want to f**k with are the ones who are confidently quiet.
“I would have enlisted and probably made Special Forces, but I would have punched a Drill Sergeant if they had gotten in my face.”
Sure, bud.
Moms who constantly threaten to go “mama bear” on people
I think most mothers are capable of turning into a tigress when their baby is threatened, but they don't go around broadcasting that fact, in fact they may not even realise it's a thing until something happens to their child.
Refusing to wear safety equipment like helmets when its available. True badasses (including truly skilled people) have goals in doing dangerous s**t, and they understand the challenges in carrying it out.
I saw a car once with a bumper sticker saying "NO SEATBELTS. WE DIE LIKE REAL MEN". So.... unnecessarily and for reasons of your own stupidity? Okay.
I saw a massively lifted truck wit the words "ALPHA AS F**K" stamped across the windshield the other day, does that count?
Claiming to be "crazy" like it's something to aspire to. In this context it just means abandoning tact and acting like an a*****e to feel like a badass.
ETA: I'm not referring to people with legitimate illnesses. I'm referring to people who think acting like an a*****e makes them look tough.
My gf serves tables for work right now. Apparently yesterday some “tough” dude refused to write his signature with her pink pen simply because it was pink
Revving your engine loudly at a red light/ burning rubber just to hit the next red light
“When I get mad I blackout and lose control”
Okay buddy.
Edit: I’m disappointed that there’s some people replying that claim to black out.
That's a serious problem if true, not something to brag about. Especially if it happens while driving.
People in their 20s hanging around with prepubescent kids, thinking they are the top dawg. Doesn't have any friends their own age because people their age know what they are about.
I would think anyone over 20 actually hanging out with kids who are what? Younger than 12? Has got to be problematic. I don't mean uncles/aunts taking nieces/nephews to do stuff. But if you're trying to hang out with random kids that age... yikes!
Fancy car, no money in bank account
I know several guys with $70k trucks living in $20k single wides for the sake of image.
"Alpha" males losing their s**t when their self image is even remotely challenged in any way.
Did this to an 'alpha' and as he was screaming about how he could crush me I started chuckling and in a camp voice said "He is so butch, look you can see his Adams apple bouncing" then in a normal voice "Hey! Look! He has a hard on!"
One of my ex has a joker sleeve and a pickle rick tattoo.
He also yelled that he was a *sigma male* and wouldn't be listening to an alpha.... as a response to a werewolf based RPG system.
So... that.
**Edit to add**: *I didn't expect this to be so popular or for so many people to tell me I f*****g deserved the abuse that ensued. Y'all are sick*
Continually requesting a fight, but never actually starting the fight.
I saw a guy try that on once, but the victim remained completely calm and collected and refused to be provoked even while being yelled at and threatened about how "I'M GONNA F**K YOU UP!!" Needless to say the guy doing the yelling and threatening eventually gave in and slunk away with his tail between his legs. A classic example of being tough vs being "tough".
Anyone who gives themselves a tough-sounding nickname. They are to be earned, not self-imposed.
My earned nickname is Mule, because I'm stubborn and strong. Not a nickname anyone wants to brag about. 😂
The biggest indicator that you are not a baddass is telling me you are a baddass. If you have to tell me how important you are, you are not terribly important.
Post bible quotes online about how you’re being tested.
For example my Aunt, who has never had a job, has barely ever left her hometown. Has posted this quote:
* “The devil whispered in my ear, ‘you are not strong enough to withstand the storm’. Today, I whispered in the devil’s ear, ‘I am the storm’.”*
With a puppy dog face. When her previous visible post was about traffic.
The Devil whispered "Your not strong enough to withstand the storm". I whisper back "At least I didn't lose my golden fiddle to a Georgia hillbilly"
Picking on that one friend in the group around everyone and then acting like an offended little b***h when they even try to joke back with them.
Trying to start a fight with just about anyone that gives them a dirty look.
Buying a giant pick up truck that they need to climb into to just get in, and never even use the *bed of the truck for its purpose.
And finally… screaming/yelling at anyone who disagrees with them no matter how big or small the subject matter is.
Edit:*
I follow a guy on Instagram who try so hard to be a badass, always posting pictures of drinking black coffee, straight whiskey, smoking cigars, and he always has his handgun showing. But it's so easy to tell the only time he does these things is when he posts on Instagram.
I love the bros at the bar that act tough and order shots of Jack Daniel's or whatever, drink it, then make a face like they just ate poop, and pretend to act like they enjoy the flavor.
Bragging about how many people you’ve had sex with. No one really cares, and at worst, it’s a cause for concern.
guy at a Christmas party told me he could easily drink heavily and drive safely if he just concentrates. Half an hour later he passes out and falls on the Christmas tree.
edit: Infront of his boss and his whole family. I‘m 16 and he is 31. I‘m german so I drink too. I had to bring him to bed…
Talking about being the most badass zombie killer in a zombie outbreak when truth is most of us would simply die
Men who take their shirts off when they're mad, punch their chest like a gorilla and get red faced yelling. Usually someone's going to pull them back so nothings really going to happen, nor is anyone scared. It's all bark. If they can't stay calm, there's no doubt they're not tough.
Telling the same stories from years back.
I have a friend whose only personality is that she is aggressive, always telling the same story from middle school where she apparently had a reputation. Acting like she is the toughest person and no one should mess with her. Fake confidence, extremely annoying.
"I'm a psychopath!
One day I made my therapist cry and that's tooootally legit!
I'm insane! I have so many mental illnesses!"
Acquaintances I actually have to deal with.
I know someone who claims to know how to assemble and disassemble ANY firearm in under a minute. Because he has an app that shows him parts of guns. We live in Canada. He also tried to tell me my beach glass was quartz. Because of course, an app identified it as quartz. People are A LOT.
Most military styled clothing, almost none of the actual special teams people I know wear that c**p.
Maybe the occasional shirt or whatever but the guys wearing tons of it, yeah that’s nonsense
When I was a kid, back in the 70s and 80s, a LOT of people wore army surplus. Let me tell you: surplus stuff is good quality, comfortable, sturdy, and lasts FOREVER. I was a high school JROTC cadet, and as such, got to keep my shoes: army low quarters. Best pair of shoes I've ever had. Lasted 12 years. I have a pair of steel-toed combat boots that are fantastic work books. One of my favorite coats ever was a wool USSR surplus great coat. Loved that coat! Yeah, some people wear military stuff because it looks cool. Let it go. It's not hurting anybody, and especially if it's teens: I was teen who wore that stuff and thought I was cooler than I was. Everybody's entitled to be a kid for awhile.
Note: this post originally had 62 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
A great many of these actually boil down to anxiety and fear. A lot of people are kind of designating a barrier, a limit, their "territory", either physical or emotional or intellectual. A lot of these are just defense mechanisms to cope with anxiety and fear they may not even realize they have! For a VERY long time, I was socially stunted by habits formed in my childhood. I was basically reduced to anger or emotionlessness broken by short bursts of enjoyment. As I got older, I realized that most of the time that I thought I was angry, I really wasn't. I was sad, or scared, or confused, or worried ... and I'd just never learned to process those feelings. Part of it was this idea hammered into boys back then that those feelings were "weak" and boys shouldn't be "weak". Yet: when I learned to recognize those feelings, accept those feelings, FEEL those feelings and embrace them, I became a really different person, a better person, a happier person, a stronger person.
Anger=fear and frustration. I am glad you are doing well
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May as well have a sign saying 'Stupid as hell', because alphas and betas are not a thing. Those who believe in it are simply using it as a crutch to justify their often abhorrent views and behaviors.
It is really odd that so many have to play up to the "Tough guy/girl" image and yet if you look at media the ones that are tough don't go around trying to act that way all the time so it makes me wonder where do they get that idea from.
Similar to #1: People who take pride in "having no filter." Lacking tact, grace and basic manners is not a positive personality trait. These people usually can't handle the same behavior in their direction either.
So true. They are most often the ones to take offence at the littlest provocation
Load More Replies... The truly badass people that I have met all share these qualities: confidence, they never start fights, try to avoid fights and always, when forced, end the fight quickly and without undue theatrics. They are all decent people who don't start things, look for solutions, and don't take c**p or tolerate bad behavior. They are in control and the kind of person you respect and/or don't mind working with.
*rubs temples* My "genius" ex often bragged about things like how he would take someone down in a fight. My sister called him naïve.
Trying to look cool is itself uncool. Cool is effortless or it is absent.
This. Cool isn't being the same as everyone else. It's about being different.
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Love of ink is not dependent on physical fitness. It's art, to be interpreted by the wearer.
Load More Replies... A great many of these actually boil down to anxiety and fear. A lot of people are kind of designating a barrier, a limit, their "territory", either physical or emotional or intellectual. A lot of these are just defense mechanisms to cope with anxiety and fear they may not even realize they have! For a VERY long time, I was socially stunted by habits formed in my childhood. I was basically reduced to anger or emotionlessness broken by short bursts of enjoyment. As I got older, I realized that most of the time that I thought I was angry, I really wasn't. I was sad, or scared, or confused, or worried ... and I'd just never learned to process those feelings. Part of it was this idea hammered into boys back then that those feelings were "weak" and boys shouldn't be "weak". Yet: when I learned to recognize those feelings, accept those feelings, FEEL those feelings and embrace them, I became a really different person, a better person, a happier person, a stronger person.
Anger=fear and frustration. I am glad you are doing well
Load More Replies... May as well have a sign saying 'Stupid as hell', because alphas and betas are not a thing. Those who believe in it are simply using it as a crutch to justify their often abhorrent views and behaviors.
It is really odd that so many have to play up to the "Tough guy/girl" image and yet if you look at media the ones that are tough don't go around trying to act that way all the time so it makes me wonder where do they get that idea from.
Similar to #1: People who take pride in "having no filter." Lacking tact, grace and basic manners is not a positive personality trait. These people usually can't handle the same behavior in their direction either.
So true. They are most often the ones to take offence at the littlest provocation
Load More Replies... The truly badass people that I have met all share these qualities: confidence, they never start fights, try to avoid fights and always, when forced, end the fight quickly and without undue theatrics. They are all decent people who don't start things, look for solutions, and don't take c**p or tolerate bad behavior. They are in control and the kind of person you respect and/or don't mind working with.
*rubs temples* My "genius" ex often bragged about things like how he would take someone down in a fight. My sister called him naïve.
Trying to look cool is itself uncool. Cool is effortless or it is absent.
This. Cool isn't being the same as everyone else. It's about being different.
Load More Replies... Love of ink is not dependent on physical fitness. It's art, to be interpreted by the wearer.
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