Son Is Sent Back From School Because His Dress Was Too Distracting, Husband Faces Backlash
Bullying is a serious problem in schools. You can fight to reduce its impact, but it still manages to rear its ugly head from time to time. Sometimes, all it takes is a single item of clothing for your classmates to start making fun of you.
One dad, Reddit user u/RogueMisanthrope, turned to the AITA community for their thoughts about a very sensitive situation. He shared how he let his son wear a dress to school. However, the boy got bullied in class, while the dad got called out by his wife. Read on for the full story and to see what the range of opinions other internet users had to share. People had some very different takes on the situation.
Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment via Reddit, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from him.
One dad sent his young son to school wearing a dress
Image credits: leencrombez / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
He shared what happened next in a viral internet post
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RogueMisanthrope
Parents need to be aware of how their decisions can impact their children’s safety
So long as a student’s outfit matches the school’s dress code and regulations, they should be allowed to wear whatever they like. Or, in the case of younger students, whatever it is that their parents pick out for them.
Putting on a dress when you’re male shouldn’t be a big deal—it’s an item of clothing like anything else. But in many places around the world, even in progressive countries, it can cause a lot of outcry. That’s the reality of the situation.
And it’s a reality that parents ought to be aware of, at least on some level. It’s one thing to empower your child and respect their choices by letting them pick out their own outfit. It’s another issue entirely not to offer them some advice when you know the possible negative attitudes that some people might have in your local area.
Or, to put it bluntly: even in the most progressive places on the planet, you’ll still find that some kids and adults are mean to anyone who’s even slightly different than everyone else. It’s human nature to judge others. Self-expression and identity are very important, but you also have to weigh that against the safety of your child.
In an ideal world, your kid would be accepted by all of their classmates no matter what they wear. But we don’t live in an ideal world. Wishing that bullying didn’t exist doesn’t mean that it’ll go away on its own. So, it falls to parents to prepare their kids for the possibility that some of their classmates might say or do mean things.
Kids need to know that their parents are there to support them, no matter what
One redditor had a very nuanced take on the situation. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a boy wearing a dress, and neither do you, which is great, but you should have realized that letting him walk into school like that was a recipe for disaster,” u/CassowaryCrow wrote.
“Most people do not think a guy should wear a dress, and that includes little kids, who can and will be cruel. Hopefully, the other kids will forget about it in a month or so, but for now, your son is going to face some taunting when he gets to school.”
Many schools want to be inclusive and protect their students, so they create policies to stop bullying and teach everyone to be more tolerant of others’ choices. While this does work to a certain extent, some students simply become more subtle in how they bully others. Or they learn to cover their tracks better.
For some bullies, lashing out at others is a way to feel better about themselves and the events going on in their lives. Others might bully their fellow students as a way to reclaim control that they’ve lost at home or in class. Some kids might want to hurt their classmates in a way that they themselves have been hurt.
While many people can empathize with these situations, it still doesn’t excuse bullying. It should not happen. Period. But so long as it does, it falls to adults to step in instead of ignoring the situation or avoiding responsibility.
Teachers ought to protect their students as best as they can. Meanwhile, parents ought to talk to their children about building up some confidence and emotional resilience while also stressing the importance of being proud of who they are.
It’s vital that your kids know that you are there to support them and that you’ll always hear them out, no matter what.
Various internet users had very different takes on the situation. Some folks were fully on the dad’s side
However, many others thought that the dad could have handled everything in a more delicate manner
Sorry, but at school, it's the teachers' job and the schools job to prevent bullying. If a boy wants to wear a dress, let them. I thought we were past all this. This is a teaching moment to say to kids "Hey, hey, hey. There are no "girls' clothes" or "boys' clothes". The clothing police no longer arrest people for wearing the "wrong" clothes. It's a new world and people can wear what they want. Let's move on.
I was bullied at school. Sometimes the teachers caught it and stopped it. Most times, the bullies picked their moments so they wouldn't get caught. If you send a 2nd grade boy to school in a dress, bad things will happen. They just will.
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This makes me sad :( on one hand, the kid should be able to wear whatever makes him happy, but on the other hand, kids can be pretty mean. I’m not sure what I would have done if I was the parent in this circumstance, it’s like being caught between wanting to let your child grow up being himself confidently and also wanting to protect him from bullying and harassment. Rock and a hard place :( hope the kid’s okay
Yeah that's a tough one. I tend to agree that he should have taken the time to explain that some of his classmates have not been raised to understand that boys can wear dresses too and they may say mean things and poke fun at him then let him decide what he wants to do.
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Goddamnit, it’s 2024. Teach your kids basic decency like not freaking bullying people for appearing different from the rest of the group.
I don't like the idea of 'fit in, or you will be bullied'. You're teaching bullies it is ok to ostracise or pick on anyone different. You're teaching kids if you don't 'fit in' you deserve what you get. How many unique points of view, advances, betterment, has humanity missed out on because of this idiotic idea? Almost all advancements in humanity has come at the hands of the weirdos, the different thinkers, the ones who didn't comply with societal norms. Yet we continually punish people for being different. Makes no friggin sense.
That‘s why I caution my children, when there is a similar scenario. I will tell them that it is ok to be yourself etc but that there are sadly some bad people who might be mean to them because of it. I let them choose if they want to try it or be safe.
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AITA For expecting the school to handle bullying and for letting my son choose to wear what he wants?
No, you're not NTA, but that's an unrealistic expectation to place on the school. The teacher can stop bullying that is loud and public, but the child will still be ostracized and snickered at.
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If I, a cis girl, can wear dresses or pants to school, then why can't boys? It's a double standard. (But once you get to high school it matters less (in my experience) One of my friends wore a straight up wedding dress to school once. He's a guy.)
Why so many YTA? If his son wanted to wear it, he shouldn‘t be hindered! It‘s the societies and schools fault in this case. Where I live, no one would bat an eye!
There aren't nearly enough YTAs here, this is legitimately scary to read.
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That wouldn't totally stop the issue if a boy wearing a uniform skirt wasn't allowed.
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I'm sorry, but clothes are clothes. They should not have an assigned gender. As long as it isn't overly revealing (because, ya know, school) there us no reason why he should have been sent home.
How nice to see in all the years I've been out of school, nothing has changed. Children are still utter monsters and schools fail to address bullying and blame the victim because it's easier than taking accountability. And this is why if I change my mind about kids, they will be homeschooled. I'd have some VERY unkind words for the teacher(s) who permitted my child to be bullied and the parents of the little sh*ts.
Kids will find a way to be mean; it just won't be loudly in front of a teacher.
Load More Replies... If there's no profanity/racist images etc, how a child dressed doesn't matter., the rule is the same. The people causing the disruption are the other kids/adults. Shame on the teacher for not nipping this in the bud, obviously a teaching moment about inclusivity and not being AH. Everyone handled this badly except dad and son.
The dad is quite literally the problem here. Obviously the bullies should be punished, but the dad should have known that this would obviously happen.
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NTA. Historically, boys that young would wear dresses until "breaching" which is when they would wear their first pair of trousers/shorts. This would happen anywhere between the ages of two and eight. Also, men can totally rock dresses if they want to. Billy Porter proves this. Also historically: f*****g tunics/togas etc.
Wtf with all the YTA it’s the 21st century if a kid wants to wear a dress let em wear a dress. Should OP have warned the kid that other kids might be mean? Sure, but the teachers should have talked to the OTHER KIDS, not singling out OP’s son as “the problem.”
This is the same bad argument that establishments use to require women to cover themselves and wear impractical clothing. It will distract the men, cause a fuss. Teacher and parents need to start making sure that from a young age, it's everyone's responsibility to act civilly independent of what someone looks like.
My son decided he wanted to wear dresses in first grade. We did talk to him about how A) clothes are for everyone, and B) that some people don't believe that and they might try to pick on him (we live in a city in the US South). I got a phone call at 7:45 AM from the Vice Principal letting us know that he'd been getting teased, but they had put a stop to the bullying and offered our son a chance to wear a regular t-shirt in case he was upset. But our son was happier to feel pretty than he was sad about kids teasing him. He continued to mix in feminine clothing with his more typical masculine stuff until he passed away from an asymptomatic heart condition. I am so happy that we let him be himself and let him feel pretty when he wanted to. I think in OPs case, they could have prepared their kid better for potential teasing, but the school was absolutely wrong to expect the kid to change to stop the teasing.
First off, my sincere sympathies for your loss. *massive hugs* however please know that your actions caused your son to live a happy life when he was here. I think you handled this EXACTLY right.
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We are mammals with morals guys, let the kid wear a dress and rain down fury of a thousand suns on the school and teachers for showing that baby that they don't have his back
Also Side note: How is this any different than if his daughter was sent home for wearing a tank top (or something as stupid as that- which we have seen time and time again- with female presenting students dressing too "unladylike") the double standard with this school is dumbfounding
all the people that said YTA are TA themselves. Dad's ONLY mistake imho was not going after the school for signaling out his kid and (based on what he posted) not going after the bullies. FULL STOP that's it. Other than that, I 10000000% agree with Dad letting his kid wear a dress (esp compared to what he would/wouldn't tell the twin sister).
Kids are mean and bullying because their parents have taught them. “Pink for girls, blue for boys. Dress for girls, trousers for boys” are not in our dna but it’s learned behavior. STOP TEACHING KIDS TO BULLY.
NTA!! Boys can wear girls clothing & girls can wear boys clothing. There's absolutely nothing that says they cannot do that. This is the majority of society's opinion, in my opinion majority of society's opinion doesn't matter & never will. The teachers should take into consideration that bullying under no circumstances is allowed in school. The dad should've taken more time to explain to his son that some people won't like the idea of him wearing a dress. Then further explained if you do get in a rough spot about this to ask if able to call him immediately to pick him up. Lazy parenting to rush to work is no excuse.
Weird there’s not a uniform (even a basic white shirt, black trousers). Stops this being an issue and makes getting dressed quickly in the morning easy. I did find the one commenter regarding painting a 6 yo boys nails making him a target for teasing odd. At 6, that shouldn’t really be an issue.
Don't they wear uniforms at school, or was it a non uniform day?
Most schools in the US don’t wear uniforms. Where I live, mainly private and religion based schools are the only ones that do
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Here's the basic problem and why it's hard to call him the AH. He's living in a world the way it should be, but there's the world we actually live in. Yes, he should be able to let his son wear a dress with no problem. But that's not the world we live in yet. And his son shouldn't have to be a social warrior in 2nd grade.
He, xy chromosome. Penis. Testicle etc can wear a dress but it doesn't make him a girl. Parents sound like liberal brainwashed freaks.. hey I got an idea. Any trannies out there that can share how they support kids, less than 18, when they want to detransition ?
F**k off , t****ies is a slur and very few people detransition and most of them do it out of pressure, besides, how do you support trans kids who want to feel comfortable in their own bodies but are unable to transition?
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That's a failure to parent. At that age kids need an adult to help them navigate the world, and their parents should be able to tell the difference between male and female. What a shame.
whatever he wants? This wasn't his kid going "hey lets set the cat on fire" its CLOTHES. Christ on a motorbike, that is just... *shakes my head*
Load More Replies... No, he wasn‘t! Second grade is what in the US? 6? 7? 8? Children are by that age old enough to understand.
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Yes, that was cruel of the father to not even talk to him about it. Jerk.
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A dress IS appropriate for school! If a girl may wear it, then a boy should also be allowed to do it! This is a HUGE souble standart! Women faught to be „allowed“ to wear pants! This should be applied to men wearing skirts and dresses!
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Wtf is wrong with you? Protecting children doesn't mean teaching them how to fit in, it's standing up for them when needed and teach them how to protect themselves cause you can't always be there. In OPs case, he didn't try to warn the kid about the potential bullying, thus giving his child a chance to expect the bullying (and possibly prepare for it). I agree he didn't do a good job protecting his kid, but Teaching them to constantly follow what everyone else wants regardless of how they feel is a complete and utter parent fail.
Load More Replies... Sorry, but at school, it's the teachers' job and the schools job to prevent bullying. If a boy wants to wear a dress, let them. I thought we were past all this. This is a teaching moment to say to kids "Hey, hey, hey. There are no "girls' clothes" or "boys' clothes". The clothing police no longer arrest people for wearing the "wrong" clothes. It's a new world and people can wear what they want. Let's move on.
I was bullied at school. Sometimes the teachers caught it and stopped it. Most times, the bullies picked their moments so they wouldn't get caught. If you send a 2nd grade boy to school in a dress, bad things will happen. They just will.
Load More Replies... This makes me sad :( on one hand, the kid should be able to wear whatever makes him happy, but on the other hand, kids can be pretty mean. I’m not sure what I would have done if I was the parent in this circumstance, it’s like being caught between wanting to let your child grow up being himself confidently and also wanting to protect him from bullying and harassment. Rock and a hard place :( hope the kid’s okay
Yeah that's a tough one. I tend to agree that he should have taken the time to explain that some of his classmates have not been raised to understand that boys can wear dresses too and they may say mean things and poke fun at him then let him decide what he wants to do.
Load More Replies... Goddamnit, it’s 2024. Teach your kids basic decency like not freaking bullying people for appearing different from the rest of the group.
I don't like the idea of 'fit in, or you will be bullied'. You're teaching bullies it is ok to ostracise or pick on anyone different. You're teaching kids if you don't 'fit in' you deserve what you get. How many unique points of view, advances, betterment, has humanity missed out on because of this idiotic idea? Almost all advancements in humanity has come at the hands of the weirdos, the different thinkers, the ones who didn't comply with societal norms. Yet we continually punish people for being different. Makes no friggin sense.
That‘s why I caution my children, when there is a similar scenario. I will tell them that it is ok to be yourself etc but that there are sadly some bad people who might be mean to them because of it. I let them choose if they want to try it or be safe.
Load More Replies... AITA For expecting the school to handle bullying and for letting my son choose to wear what he wants?
No, you're not NTA, but that's an unrealistic expectation to place on the school. The teacher can stop bullying that is loud and public, but the child will still be ostracized and snickered at.
Load More Replies... If I, a cis girl, can wear dresses or pants to school, then why can't boys? It's a double standard. (But once you get to high school it matters less (in my experience) One of my friends wore a straight up wedding dress to school once. He's a guy.)
Why so many YTA? If his son wanted to wear it, he shouldn‘t be hindered! It‘s the societies and schools fault in this case. Where I live, no one would bat an eye!
There aren't nearly enough YTAs here, this is legitimately scary to read.
Load More Replies... That wouldn't totally stop the issue if a boy wearing a uniform skirt wasn't allowed.
Load More Replies... I'm sorry, but clothes are clothes. They should not have an assigned gender. As long as it isn't overly revealing (because, ya know, school) there us no reason why he should have been sent home.
How nice to see in all the years I've been out of school, nothing has changed. Children are still utter monsters and schools fail to address bullying and blame the victim because it's easier than taking accountability. And this is why if I change my mind about kids, they will be homeschooled. I'd have some VERY unkind words for the teacher(s) who permitted my child to be bullied and the parents of the little sh*ts.
Kids will find a way to be mean; it just won't be loudly in front of a teacher.
Load More Replies... If there's no profanity/racist images etc, how a child dressed doesn't matter., the rule is the same. The people causing the disruption are the other kids/adults. Shame on the teacher for not nipping this in the bud, obviously a teaching moment about inclusivity and not being AH. Everyone handled this badly except dad and son.
The dad is quite literally the problem here. Obviously the bullies should be punished, but the dad should have known that this would obviously happen.
Load More Replies... NTA. Historically, boys that young would wear dresses until "breaching" which is when they would wear their first pair of trousers/shorts. This would happen anywhere between the ages of two and eight. Also, men can totally rock dresses if they want to. Billy Porter proves this. Also historically: f*****g tunics/togas etc.
Wtf with all the YTA it’s the 21st century if a kid wants to wear a dress let em wear a dress. Should OP have warned the kid that other kids might be mean? Sure, but the teachers should have talked to the OTHER KIDS, not singling out OP’s son as “the problem.”
This is the same bad argument that establishments use to require women to cover themselves and wear impractical clothing. It will distract the men, cause a fuss. Teacher and parents need to start making sure that from a young age, it's everyone's responsibility to act civilly independent of what someone looks like.
My son decided he wanted to wear dresses in first grade. We did talk to him about how A) clothes are for everyone, and B) that some people don't believe that and they might try to pick on him (we live in a city in the US South). I got a phone call at 7:45 AM from the Vice Principal letting us know that he'd been getting teased, but they had put a stop to the bullying and offered our son a chance to wear a regular t-shirt in case he was upset. But our son was happier to feel pretty than he was sad about kids teasing him. He continued to mix in feminine clothing with his more typical masculine stuff until he passed away from an asymptomatic heart condition. I am so happy that we let him be himself and let him feel pretty when he wanted to. I think in OPs case, they could have prepared their kid better for potential teasing, but the school was absolutely wrong to expect the kid to change to stop the teasing.
First off, my sincere sympathies for your loss. *massive hugs* however please know that your actions caused your son to live a happy life when he was here. I think you handled this EXACTLY right.
Load More Replies... We are mammals with morals guys, let the kid wear a dress and rain down fury of a thousand suns on the school and teachers for showing that baby that they don't have his back
Also Side note: How is this any different than if his daughter was sent home for wearing a tank top (or something as stupid as that- which we have seen time and time again- with female presenting students dressing too "unladylike") the double standard with this school is dumbfounding
all the people that said YTA are TA themselves. Dad's ONLY mistake imho was not going after the school for signaling out his kid and (based on what he posted) not going after the bullies. FULL STOP that's it. Other than that, I 10000000% agree with Dad letting his kid wear a dress (esp compared to what he would/wouldn't tell the twin sister).
Kids are mean and bullying because their parents have taught them. “Pink for girls, blue for boys. Dress for girls, trousers for boys” are not in our dna but it’s learned behavior. STOP TEACHING KIDS TO BULLY.
NTA!! Boys can wear girls clothing & girls can wear boys clothing. There's absolutely nothing that says they cannot do that. This is the majority of society's opinion, in my opinion majority of society's opinion doesn't matter & never will. The teachers should take into consideration that bullying under no circumstances is allowed in school. The dad should've taken more time to explain to his son that some people won't like the idea of him wearing a dress. Then further explained if you do get in a rough spot about this to ask if able to call him immediately to pick him up. Lazy parenting to rush to work is no excuse.
Weird there’s not a uniform (even a basic white shirt, black trousers). Stops this being an issue and makes getting dressed quickly in the morning easy. I did find the one commenter regarding painting a 6 yo boys nails making him a target for teasing odd. At 6, that shouldn’t really be an issue.
Don't they wear uniforms at school, or was it a non uniform day?
Most schools in the US don’t wear uniforms. Where I live, mainly private and religion based schools are the only ones that do
Load More Replies... Here's the basic problem and why it's hard to call him the AH. He's living in a world the way it should be, but there's the world we actually live in. Yes, he should be able to let his son wear a dress with no problem. But that's not the world we live in yet. And his son shouldn't have to be a social warrior in 2nd grade.
He, xy chromosome. Penis. Testicle etc can wear a dress but it doesn't make him a girl. Parents sound like liberal brainwashed freaks.. hey I got an idea. Any trannies out there that can share how they support kids, less than 18, when they want to detransition ?
F**k off , t****ies is a slur and very few people detransition and most of them do it out of pressure, besides, how do you support trans kids who want to feel comfortable in their own bodies but are unable to transition?
Load More Replies... That's a failure to parent. At that age kids need an adult to help them navigate the world, and their parents should be able to tell the difference between male and female. What a shame.
whatever he wants? This wasn't his kid going "hey lets set the cat on fire" its CLOTHES. Christ on a motorbike, that is just... *shakes my head*
Load More Replies... No, he wasn‘t! Second grade is what in the US? 6? 7? 8? Children are by that age old enough to understand.
Load More Replies... Yes, that was cruel of the father to not even talk to him about it. Jerk.
Load More Replies... A dress IS appropriate for school! If a girl may wear it, then a boy should also be allowed to do it! This is a HUGE souble standart! Women faught to be „allowed“ to wear pants! This should be applied to men wearing skirts and dresses!
Load More Replies... Wtf is wrong with you? Protecting children doesn't mean teaching them how to fit in, it's standing up for them when needed and teach them how to protect themselves cause you can't always be there. In OPs case, he didn't try to warn the kid about the potential bullying, thus giving his child a chance to expect the bullying (and possibly prepare for it). I agree he didn't do a good job protecting his kid, but Teaching them to constantly follow what everyone else wants regardless of how they feel is a complete and utter parent fail.
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