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“His Mother Is Insufferable”: 50 Things People Keep Secret From Their Partners For Their Own Good
Being honest doesn't mean you need to share every single dream, thought, and action with people. We're entitled to keep certain things personal. However, where exactly is the line between privacy and secrecy? Especially when we're talking about someone we've committed to?
Reddit user Avaarini recently posted a question on the platform, asking those in relationships to use the guise of the internet and reveal anonymously what they're too afraid to tell their partners. From true feelings towards their relatives to having zero interest in their hobbies, here are some of the most memorable replies.
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#1
My fiancés grandfather always had a thing with dimes. My fiance says every time he sees a dime it makes him think of his grandfather.
For years I have been putting dimes in random places for him to find. I hope finding them makes him happy. He loved his grandfather so much.
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#2
Shortly before we got married, both my parents (separately) tried to convince me to call off the wedding because they didn’t like my (then) fiancée.
It really shattered me because I admire my parents and typically would trust their judgement, but they were absolutely wrong.
I would never tell my (now) wife because she has severe anxiety/depression and is constantly struggling with believing everyone thinks the worst of her. No good would come from confirming her fears.
We’ve been married 6 years and still going strong, so take that parents!
#3
When my best friend found out she had cancer, my first thought was, "Oh God, I can't live without her."
It's been a really long time, if ever, since I thought I couldn't live without my husband.
#4
Sometimes I just want alone time and pretend I’m busy or tired so I can just chill by myself. It’s not that I don’t like hanging out, I just need a break sometimes.
Jaya 1 month ago
This is a very normal human need. The amount we need just varies among people. But it's very natural, and people shouldn't feel hurt when their partner tells them. I hope OP and their partner get to a point in their relationship where they can just say it honestly, instead of having to make up excuses.
#5
I have no clue what he's talking about when he rants about his nerdy superhero comics and shows and games but I love to see him take his time to enjoy anything at all. Past that though I don't care about any of it. I ask questions because he clearly wants to talk more about it though.
#6
I know he kisses my cheek every day before he leaves for work. I’m usually still asleep when he has to leave. Ever since we started spending nights together, if he had to leave while I was asleep he would give me the sweetest light kiss.
I’ll never tell him I know bc I don’t want to ruin the sweetness of it all. But I’ll cherish every kiss as long as I live💖.
Phil Green 1 month ago
As the giver of the work-departure kiss, for my wife (quite ill by the way), I can tell you it is the nicest thing to hear a very mumbled I'm-not-awake "I love you too"!
#7
I heard our baby say Dada before anyone heard her say Mama. I let my wife think Mama was her first word.
#8
Family life is the most cognitively unfulfilling thing I have ever done. In addition to being constantly exhausted, overstimulated, and overwhelmed, I am so bored being a working mom and wife. And loving my husband and child does not lessen these feelings at all. .
Manic Mama 1 month ago
Thank you. It helps to hear that I'm not the only one who feels like this.
#9
I absolutely love it when he sings. He doesn't do it very often, and when he does, it's always really quiet. But every time I hear it, I stop what I'm doing so I can hear him better. The only reason I won't tell him is because I know he would stop if I brought attention to it, lol. I love this man 😌.
Luke Branwen 1 month ago
😆 I wish there was someone to look at me dreamily while I cook, singing along to Digimon theme songs in atrocious Japanese.
#10
His mother is insufferable, but harmless to adults with self confidence and assuredness.
I don’t trust her with my kid unsupervised and I don’t want her to have 1 on 1 time when he’s old enough to comprehend her incessant spew of negativity and complaints about stuff that doesn’t matter because she’s afraid of silence.
#11
I no longer believe in our religion . . . In any religion.
Beak Hookage 1 month ago
Letting go of one's faith is incredibly hard, even when you're 100% sure it's not real. There's so much that ties into it. Friends, family, your social life... leaving a church or similar leaves a lot of people feeling incredibly alone. Sometimes, in the more toxic faiths, they literally *are* alone. That whole shunning thing is pure evil.
#12
I don’t want to be his everything. I want him to reconnect with friends and have a life outside of our kids, myself and his job.
Kim Karlotta 1 month ago
Perfectly reasonable. If anybody finds themselves in a similar situation, please tell your partner. It's a win for everyone.
#13
Her singing voice is... not good. Like really not good. But she's so happy singing in the car that I told her years ago she has a "unique tone." Now she thinks she could've gone pro. I will never tell her the truth.
#14
I bought a backup of my wedding band incase I lost it, which I did less than a year after marriage.
#15
I absolutely loathe his brother. He’s the worst and I try to find all the excuses to bow out of family events.
#16
When he is playing certain video games and he gets stuck at a spot I will look up the answer on the internet and then vaguely say something or ask something to help prompt him to figure out the solution. He doesn't know that I do this and he just thinks I'm clever.
#17
He still talks about a time when our former roommate ate his candy without asking. I think I may have been the one who ate it. .
#18
I keep a backup gift and cards hidden at all times so I never forget a special day. I rotate it out every couple years.
Haven't had to use it yet, but I won't be caught without.
Key Lime 1 month ago
After Christmas one year, I was helping my Grandma put away her decorations. There were a couple of wrapped gifts under the tree. I asked who's gifts they were. Grandma said "Those were for folks that I didn't know were coming that didn't show up." I was perplexed but my Mum said she always had extra boxes of chocolates etc for unexpected company.
#19
I don’t like going to my husband’s friend’s weddings or any weddings where he knows a lot of people. Not because I don’t like his friends (and honestly I love dinner, speeches, etc) but because I think the time between an hour after the dance party begins and last call to be the longest hours of my life and I know he’d want to stay the full time.
My husband is an extrovert and is a lot of fun at parties so those hours blink by for him. Whereas, I can’t handle much alcohol at all (I go directly to sleepy, itchy AND need to puke—there is no “fun” tipsy stage for me). I really do want him to have fun so I spend the week mentally prepping to get through 1 late evening and then needing a whole day after to recharge my social battery. Luckily, my husband suspects nothing cuz he’s hungover 😆.
#21
The Tillamook ice cream is hidden behind the frozen broccoli.
Sara Frazer 1 month ago
And that's not Tillamook 🙂 Tillamook ice cream and cheese is sooooo dang good, tho. And butter! We are a Tillamook household!
#22
I promised I would never donate my husband’s clothes without asking, and I never have. I have however started a secret box for those v neck shirts that he takes off the hanger, wears for 5 minutes, remembers he doesn’t like v necks and then throws in the laundry. .
#24
Religious wise we’re not supposed to eat pork. I’ll eat some on my work trips 😂.
liam newton-harding 1 month ago
An all powerful god that tells you what to eat...what to wear...through his duly appointed, male representatives on Earth, of course...comes across as...petty.
#25
My partner passed away in 2021 from sudden cardiac arrhythmia.
But for a few years before his passing, he was distant. Every time I wanted to cuddle was met with a "but it's boring for me to just sit there while I brush your hair with my fingers." And I stopped asking.
On social media I started following van life pages and started day dreaming about living in a van, traveling, and just be free.
I loved my husband but a part of me wanted more and he didn't want that. So day dreaming became my little escape.
And then he passed away.
I've been feeling guilty of manifesting his passing, or like the universe was telling me: Well your marriage isn't perfect but at least you're not alone. But you don't appreciate it so I'm taking it away from you".
And I've been feeling bad ever since but never told anyone by fear of sounding crazy.
Dragon mama 1 month ago
This is not crazy. This is survivor's guilt. Grief is a strange and twisted beast. I hope this person found support, it helps a lot
#26
I love her more than she'll ever know. I wish she looked at me the way I look at her.
#27
I wanted to break up with my ex for 1.5 years before we actually broke up but didn’t because our small town had labeled us as ‘soulmates’ from the first week of us dating and I was afraid that my reputation would be messed up. Moved to a big city, we broke up, and I feel so much happier with my life. Never realized how one sided the relationship was until recently.
Michael Largey 1 month ago
The key to a long-term relationship is knowing the difference between soulmates and cellmates.
#28
She's a huge Harry Potter fan, but I absolutely hate it. We do a Harry Potter marathon at least once a year and whenever we travel I look for Harry Potter novelty shops to take her. Our house is littered with HP collectibles. She knows I'm not the biggest fan, but not that I cringe at the thought of Harrry Potter.
Sara Frazer 1 month ago (edited)
Boyfriend and I do a "Lord of the Rings" marathon at least once a year, usually in the autumn when we can cozy up in blankets with a drink. We've actually been doing it this week. We're about to watch the last disc! Difference is we both absolutely love LOTR, grew up reading the books, the Hobbit, etc...don't get us started on the Hobbit movies, tho .... 😹💀
#29
I deeply fear that his naivety will slowly but surely lead him down an alt right path as we age, as a woman of color I see some red flags I know I should not be ignoring.
Sara Frazer 1 month ago (edited)
Then let this be your wakeup call to stop ignoring them. If you're in America, and he is voting/supporting "the right", the party he's supporting is actively, *very* intentionally harming the BIPOC community. The orange bàstàrd and his flying monkeys are doing all they can to make this a conservative white America. Think about them designating ANTI-FÀSCÍST organizations as "domestic térrorists", but not batting an eye at any white supremacist group, most of which are very known to be víolent. It's not even a secret, that scúmbag and his appointed cronies are openly ràscist and don't see many people as human. They don't care about people dyíng, ruining lives, tearing families apart... Big surprise coming from some fúckàss daddy's boy who never worked a day in his life and worships Reagan. Sorry for the rant, this is just repeating again, and, it's somehow more terrifying than the first time. Because now we know there's enough people in this country who support those ideologies to have had orange bàstard 2.0 happen. That's my Ted talk lol
#30
I kinda think she sucks at parenting. Her temper is short and she's got no patience for mistakes that little kids commonly make. Like my kiddo is sick and had the runs for the second time ever in his life and pooped his pants this morning. I helped him clean up the mess, get in the shower, get all cleaned up, clean his underwear, get everything down to the washing machine, etc. Told him how this happens when we're sick, can't trust a fart, don't worry about it. Then she finds out and her immediate response is anger and annoyance, as if he did it on purpose to make her life harder, and she remained annoyed even after she found out that it'd all already been taken care of. I'm glad he came to me first because her response probably just would have made him cry, and he was already feeling embarrassed about it.
She's good at some other aspects of parenting, it's not like it's all bad. And I'm definitely not trying to say I'm perfect at it myself, but it seems crazy to me that she's surprised the kids always want to spend time with me instead of her when they're given the option.
Sara Frazer 1 month ago (edited)
Uh, no, she sounds like a terrible parent. That's just mean. That's a time you should be comforting and caring for your child, not thinking about yourself. Maybe give the children the chance to not have to live with that negativity... narcissistic, screaming, abúsive mothers who put down their own children are not good for anyone...ask me how I know 🙃 the children will spend their lives trying to win her affection and approval, which won't come. Until they (hopefully) realize and stop trying. Again, ask me how I know ...
#31
His mom's strong attachment to him comes off as incestuous.
Sometimes I wonder if in the toxic relationship and lack of emotional intimacy with her husband, she tried to fill it with inappropriate pseudo-romantic emotional intimacy with her son. And he's too oblivious to realize she's not the traditionally caring but overbearing parent with occasional boundaries issues that he thinks she is. This feels weirder and I feel so deeply uncomfortable being in the middle of this. If she *could* date him, I feel like she would.
I don't like visiting his family because of this. And I don't know if I can do their once a week family meetup schedule. Another family, sure, but maybe not his. It's not because of anxiety or any of the other excuses I come up with when I really don't feel alright going. It's because I feel this sense in the back of my mind, this underlying warning of something inappropriate going on. Even before I could identify it, I have had these sudden moments where I feel the same swooping dread in my gut and urge to protect him from her, that I feel for my neices when there's an unsafe man around them. I have no option but to ignore it and try to build a relationship with her, but I feel so uncomfortable, more than I can describe, trying to navigate this.
#32
We have a very large age gap and the only issue I have with it is that he most likely won't live long enough for us to retire together. I love him so much but chances are he won't be here for my 40th birthday and that hurts so much. I'll never tell him this because there's nothing he can do about it and it's unfortunately my burden to bare.
Sara Frazer 1 month ago
Partner and I have been together 10.5+ years, we're life partners, he's almost 6 years older than me, which really isn't much, but Parkinson's runs in the men on his dad's side of the family...I really fear for that...his dad however is late 60s and still going strong; rebuilding vintage cars, still working (he doesn't need to, he just does) and still takes dirt-biking vacations. So, I'm hopeful... 🥲
#33
I gave her her first award on reddit.
I had a stupid post blow up and make front page, getting platinum. Ofc wife heard about it, she told me she'd never gotten an award.
I knew her acc from a 2 redditors 1 cup moment, so a few days later I anonymously gave her an award on one of her silly comments. Man she was over the moon higher than I was with my dumb post, I'll never take that light away from her, even if she probably doesn't even think about it anymore.
#34
Teasing me for falling asleep between 8:30-9pm so that I can get up by 5am to make sure everyone has everything ready to go before they get up is really annoying now.
Jaya 1 month ago
OP should tell their partner, this is important information for the partner to know, the partner should be aware of all the effort OP puts into it. And to divide the tasks and mental load better, if OP is doing much more than half the share. In many relationships one parent (usually the mom) carries the mental load for the whole family and puts way more effort into making sure the household runs smoothly than the other parent realizes.
#35
I've been planning to break up with him for weeks but I'm trying to get things sorted for moving out before I do it. I've already mourned the break-up that hasn't even happened. I don't think he has any idea about what's coming and I'm starting to feel like an awful person the longer I wait.
#36
During the pandemic, we were international students who lost our part-time jobs. Money was tight, even for paying rent. Every time we ate, I told my boyfriend (now fiancé) that I was full and ate less, so he could eat more, even though I was still hungry.
Sara Frazer 1 month ago
I realize now it's probably ai, but this pic is so weird, like, they're sharing a tiny plate of tiny pancakes, she's eating them with a spoon, and he's just gonna...grab a pancake?? I'm sick with fever so maybe this is bothering me more than it should.. 🫠😹
#38
Sometimes I’m afraid if we are dating because we are both going through rough times in our lives and lean on each other for comfort or if we are genuinely compatible for a long term relationship.
#39
I hate the ring he got me for our engagement 😶
I had dropped hints and showed him rings I did like when we were out, which were simple bands. What he made was gorgeous, but it was also bulky, huge, super flashy. I was also really uncomfortable with how much he spent on it - I think upwards of $10-$15k if I had to guess.
It kept snagging on my clothes (it put a hole through my favorite fuzzy sweater!), getting in my way, and I was paranoid about something happening to it if I went out. Once I got a $90 “travel band,” I stopped wearing the other one altogether except for special occasions.
We’ve been married nearly 5 years. I think he knows it, but I would never, ever say it.
#40
Her favorite kind of music is my absolute least favorite kind of music.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
It was the same with my ex and I XD Surprisingly, I never got to pick the music we listened to. Mostly it was okay because his favorite was 90s/grunge rock era stuff (think Tool and Weezer), which I also love, but man, for so many years I missed listening to my 80s power love ballads unless I was alone/in the car XD
#42
My husband is the only “golden” child and it shows in everything he does. Coming from the oldest of 4 it can be a really big turn off.
#43
His family is all horrifically toxic and he’s not like them at all. They’re so narcissistic and toxic.
#44
We aren't together anymore but when she lived with me I would sometimes watch her sleep and write poetry about her / to her.
#45
Sometimes, when I hear him coming to bed, I pretend to be fast asleep so I don't have to talk about his exhausting day at work.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Wonder if OP expects him to listen to whatever OP wants to talk about, though (OP's day/work/friend gossip/etc.) that could be just as exhausting to him.
#46
That she is *just like* her mother.
Michael Largey 1 month ago
My wife's mother was a darn fine person. And raised her daughter to be one too.
#47
I hate almost everything he watches on YouTube, especially clips of shows. I would rather watch the tv show.
#48
Sometimes I wonder if I’m in the right relationship and if my partner is truly for me. I always come around to the answer is yes. This is my first long term relationship, and my entire life I’ve had unrealistic expectations for what love looks like, feels like, and what it truly means.
Luke Branwen 1 month ago
IMO if you have to wonder and convince yourself like that, the answer is "no".
#49
I've had the "I hate you/I'm mad because of my dream" moment but the dream itself was so horrendous that idk if I'll ever tell it to anyone.
#51
Miss being single sometimes.
Child of the Stars 1 month ago
This seems like a normal thing. And it's okay to feel it. Relationships are hard work. They take time and effort. It's normal to sometimes feel like you want the freedom of being single. That's why it's becoming more commonplace to do things like separate vacations. I sometimes feel this way about my kids. I love them completely. I love being a mom. But I also cherish the times when they're at their dad's or their grandparents.
#52
I accidentally saw my father-in-law kissing another woman. I took a photo of it, but he didn't notice. The next time we met, I showed him the photo without a word.
He confessed that he has been cheating on his wife for years with this woman.
He swore to me that he would stop seeing her if I didn't tell his wife. I haven't told her, and I haven't told my wife either. And I will never tell because I don't want to destroy the family.
Ellinor she/they/elle 1 month ago
If you do tell them one day, you won't be the one destroying their family. The cheating father-in-law would be responsible.
#54
He could have better friends.
#55
Her breath kind of stinks most of the time and I think it’s because she neglects flossing 2x/day.
#56
I find his hairs in the shower about as much as I find my own which corresponds with his hair thinning a bit on top.
He’s blind as a bat without his glasses so he doesn’t see his hairs in the shower. As far as I know he doesn’t realize he’s beginning to thin in the crown area.
Even though I find him as attractive as ever and love him no matter his hair status, I will not be telling him as I know it would probably affect his self esteem.
#57
I put his clothes out on the top of the laundry basket so he can find them easier in the morning, but still feel like he was the one who found them.
#59
I actually like her waaaaaay more than I let on 😔.
#60
I sometimes want to leave the state and be selfish and explore the country and because he doesn’t like traveling I don’t. He knows I want to but he won’t budge not yet at least.
Otto Katz 1 month ago
My son and his wife have been married almost 12 years. She travels, has a goal of going to every state. He rarely goes with her, preferring to stay home and go to work, he loves his job. She goes, takes pictures, brings him home a present, and gets to see the country. They have a wonderful relationship.
#61
He is an only child with a stay at home mom, so everything is always about him…
He is whining too much and it is a turn off. He is sometimes like a child.
Spencers slave no more 1 month ago
A "Mama's boy" will always be exactly that, whatever his age.
#62
I’m pretty quick at crosswords. Sometimes if I know the answer before they do, I’ll pretend like I don’t so they can guess first.
#63
I hate his long hair. He says he wears it that way for me because I didn't want him to get a buzzcut - but that doesn't mean I wanted shoulder length, unwashed hair. He doesn't take proper care of it so it's brittle and scratchy.
Now he says it's the first style he's felt comfortable with so I can't bring myself to tell him I hate it. .
#64
He has a friend that we hang out with on a very regular basis. We've known him and his family for a long time. The thing that he does not know and I will never tell him is that I've known this friend for a lot longer than him. I was the reason our friend's last marriage ended. This was before we had even met, but it was a pretty dark selfish time for me and I was a home wrecker.
#65
That i also like woman 🤭.
#66
My wife turned into someone I never would have married after having kids and it makes me wish we never had them.
#67
There was about a 2 week wait between when we were approved to adopt our dog and the day we took her home. During that time I would go every day to the shelter and spend a few hours with the dog by myself to bond with the puppy. The dog likes me a lot more and my wife is super jealous sometimes.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
My 4-year-old tuxedo boy, Preacher, was my adoption/my cat. But my boyfriend and him really bonded - to the point where bf got Preacher his own chair at his desk, and always shared cat-safe bits of his lunch with Preacher. When Preacher got sick (wet FIP) and the treatment was a series of painful twice-daily injections, I was the one who gave the injections, as I'd had a cat with kidney failure so I was familiar with administering injections to my pets. I think Preacher never really forgave me for 84 days of painful injections :( And he truly loved my bf WAY more than he loved me. When I moved home a year ago, I brought my void girl Kohl with me, but I left Preacher with my ex. It tore my heart in half, but Preacher is much happier with ex than he would be with me, so it was the best decision for my cat. My ex used to get furious at me whenever I'd tell people that Preacher loved him more because he fed him bits of his lunch.
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Nancy Bania 1 month ago
Everyone loved my husband thinking he was so patient, kind and understanding. In truth, he was cold, unemotional and a wimp. That's the secret I held for years.
Nancy Bania 1 month ago
Everyone loved my husband thinking he was so patient, kind and understanding. In truth, he was cold, unemotional and a wimp. That's the secret I held for years.
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