“What Screams Insecurity But Most People Don’t Realize It?” (30 Answers)
Interview With AuthorRuminating on the most trivial things, having a bad self-image, dreading failure, coping with social anxiety, continuously seeking reassurance – all of this is only a minor portion of what we call "insecurity." It's a universal part of the human condition, and while there's no one-size-fits-all cause for this incredibly dreadful state, it's safe to say that a fair share stems from trauma.
But here’s the thing, insecurity is complex.
Sometimes you can tell that someone has poor self-esteem by their speech, mannerisms, and even their posture, in certain cases. But there are also those who excel at disguising it. So, are you curious to know about the signs of insecurity that are not as evident?
“What screams insecurity but most people don’t realize [it]?” – this internet user sought out one of Reddit’s most insightful and thought-provoking communities, asking its members to reveal obscure behavioral traits that indicate that someone lacks confidence. The thread managed to garner nearly 40K upvotes as well as 16.7K comments containing some intriguing answers.
More info: Reddit | Zara-Dee's Instagram
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buying Twitter
There were signs of this well before Twitter. Remember when he called the rescuers of the Thai soccer team stranded in a cave "pedos" because they didn't like his idea of a mechanical snake to go get the kids? Here is what I think happened there: Musk looked at diagrams the news were putting out to explain the layout of the cave and the challenges involved. Instead of, I don't know, going on Google and looking up actual caves, he saw the simplified diagram and thought "I can build a robot to get the kids". So far, so not-so-good but understandable. Like the rest of us, he is not a cave expert. The problem was when he belittled those working on getting the kids out. Calling them "pedos" was the last straw. That's when I thought to myself "There is a good chance this guy is a self-centered idiot"
He's stepping down as CEO as soon as he finds "someone foolish enough to do so".... It was on the News earlier this evening...
Remember that time that Putin stepped down from power? And gave his new position as prime minister more power and the president less power? And then played a reverso uno card on it all over again?
Load More Replies...A moronic multi millionaire who only reminds us why there is the word twit in twitter.
Generally, acting like a dikk by the means of obscenely high amount of money spent around and being oh-so-edgy all the time. I mean, that sink somebody carried to the front door for his highness Elron Muskard ... really? So funny. The only kind of person worse then he himself is his bootlicking fanboys.
I wish I had more upvotes. His fanboys are impossible to deal with. He even corrupted Neil DeGrasse Tyson, a person I had respected until last week.
Load More Replies...Seriously you all talk about "free speech" except leave out the fact that before he took over all conservative opinions were being censored and the speakers banned. Now go ahead and hit that little down vote button so you can continue to support your skewed version of "free speech". 😁
Now, to find out more, Bored Panda decided to reach out to Zara-Dee, a professional who supports people in building confidence and trust from within, so they can be themselves, do what they want to do, and live life regret-free and on their terms.
"Our composition as a human is based on our values and beliefs and these begin to form in childhood. I believe it is the same for self-esteem. It is built upon learned experience and the relationship we have with ourselves. If we feed ourselves with unkind, negative thoughts from a place of insecurity, inevitably our self-esteem will suffer," said Zara-Dee when we pondered why people struggle with self-confidence.
We then questioned our expert on how to deal with insecurity: "You must first accept and acknowledge how you feel. Only when you recognize you are acting from a place of insecurity can you take steps to move forward. Challenge your internal dialogue and begin to show yourself some love and kindness. Focus on your strengths, qualities, and achievements, and begin to practice gratitude daily."
Revving an engine in front of a bunch of strangers who could care less about cars or motorcycles
The phrase is, "couldn't care less". If you say "I could care less" you are suggesting that, possibly, there are worse things.
They are obliged by law to rev their engines. It informs everyone that they have an extremely small pen!s. The same applies to those who fit large exhausts to small cars.
Dude, if its a kid.... Its stupid for sure but its a dumb kid, i did the same c**p when i was 18/19, but a grown man doing s**t like that..... I had a diesel truck ( my last car ) fully stock 0 modifications apart from parking sensors, and i was literally ashamed of turning it on in the morning to go to work, again fully stock engine, but diesels especially trucks are loud as hell.
Load More Replies...To go with this, popping a wheelie on your crotch rocket because you think you're something special when really you're giving me a heart attack because I'm behind you and I'm praying you don't fall off and die in front of me.
They are compensating for something they wish Mother Nature bestowed upon them
Na, i did it when i was a kid, ( got caught and got a ticket, and was forced to install a stock exhaust as well lol ), but i did it to look cool, it was a " Boy Racer " or if you preffer a " pocket rocket " and those Cars are kind of loud from factory ( mine reached 98 decibels at 5000 rpm stock ), but not even once i thought tried to " compensate " anything lol, i was a dumb kid and though that s**t was cool, today i know its ricer c**p, but at the time.....
Load More Replies...That’s the way idiots announce themselves without actually telling anyone that they are an idiot.
Loud engines, whether on cars or motorcycles are the worst - farting out their arrogance & immaturity!!
The thread's author, a 19-year-old college student, also offered his input.
"I've recently graduated from schooling and entered a university where I'm now moved in and staying with the other dorm students. Now that I'm facing new people, I’ve been constantly noticing them acting on their insecurity, so I was interested in knowing more about the way people act," the netizen responded when we asked about the inspiration behind the post.
BP then invited the fresher to answer his own question: "i) Talking bad about someone who's better than them behind their back to feed their ego. ii) Always showing off their 'cool things' to get people's attention and feel they're better than others. iii) Buff dudes wearing tight shirts and posing near the girls. Yeah, it happens a lot here. As a buff dude myself, I'd say while dressing as one wishes is not bad at all, making one's physical traits their whole personality screams insecurity, at least to me."
when they can give you s**t all day but can’t take it back whatsoever
I live in Arizona, and even though I didn't run for governor, I was thinking of just throwing a temper-tantrum like a toddler and seeing if I get to be governor.
Load More Replies...This is so true. But what to do to make it better when u cant leave.
Well, now that we've tackled insecurity from a professional point of view, gone through the author's commentary, and collectively agreed (right?) with the “buff dudes” remark – let's finally move on to the article!
Ridiculing other people’s achievements
While all they ever achieved themselves is grow old (not to confuse with grow up)
My little brother dropped out of college and he now openly and repeatedly harps on how college is a scam and worthless. Super frustrating as someone with a bachelor’s, minor, Masters and currently in medical school. You don’t need to trample others just to raise yourself up. All he would have to say is “college wasn’t for me”
Well, considering for years and years we have trades shamed and "you're worthless without a college education", you can't entirely blame him. Different people want different things.
Load More Replies...Misery loves company, and when it can’t find any it tries to create it by making others as miserable as they are. Their favorite methods include ridiculing achievements they could never do themselves, tearing people down, and trying to kill their self-esteem so they stop even trying to do better, and once they’ve accomplished that, setting themselves up as superior, continually parading their imagined superiority in front of the people they’ve torn down. Because the only way miserable people can feel better about themselves is to make other people feel worse.
Like when they finally buy a social microblogging service? Yeah that's a red flag ;-)
Just remember that life is not a zero sum game. People can achieve things and it takes nothing away from you.
Indeed. Or acknowledge and praise your expert opinion, but only when it doesn't contradict with theirs.
Wow. I have experienced this. I am a 50 year old college sophomore. Let people achieve their goals in their own time.
Come on! Without ridiculing other people's accomplishments, this site wouldn't exist. That's about 85% of the internet these days.
Never apologizing
Some people will twist the story, change the way it happened and retell it so convincingly that they’ll believe their own nonsense but will never apologize
“I’m sorry that you feel this way.” -weaponized by so many a-holes :(
Load More Replies...My Mom's only apology in 45 years: " I'm sorry I couldn't teach you how to love.
Minimum three phrases to learn in any language..."Please, thank you, and of course 'I'm sorry'
Something similar happened to me. friend 1 was having a panic attack and friend 2 asked her something and friend 1replied incredibly strongly. Friend 2 then said that friend 1 had 'basically bitten her head off' and spun it so she was the victim because of it, when friend 1 was literally having a panic attack and was not in control of what she was doing. Friend 2 then gave friend 1 the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. I was REALLY annoyed at friend 2.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs, NCIS, rule #6, "Never say you're sorry, it's a sign of weakness". 18 seasons of that c**p.
But he was willing to admit he was wrong with that rule along with rule #51 "Never get personal on a case". Given that a lot of rules were pretty stupid, some were not that bad. Ex: rule #36 "if you feel like you're being played, you probably are". #3 "Don't believe what you're told. Double check".
Load More Replies...Some people rarely apologise and rarely forgive because decades of abuse by their religious family, faith leaders, etc., who use expectations of apology and forgiveness as a means of manipulation, have left them unable to trust their ability to tell when an apology is warranted, and distrustful of anyone who demands that they forgive.
When you achieve something or improve your life in any way, and their first instinct is to tease or make fun of you, it actually screams instant jealousy.
Or they have the sheer audacity to try and deflate you by saying some BS like, "You've changed. I liked who you used to be better!" Oh, the person you thought you had control over? Yeah, I bet you did.
"Well, even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while." [My father after I told him I had been hired by Bank of America]
LOL! I hope your dad was kidding, otherwise that's a bit mean.
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Huge wedding. My sister and her husband spent $70k.
Divorced in 9 months.
I'll never understand why you would spend that much money for a party that only lasts a few hours. You could've spent it on the down payment for a house, and your marriage might have lasted a bit longer without all that crippling debt.
Also, if it still doesn't work out, the house is an asset that can be resold. No getting money back from a party
Load More Replies...Be more interested in having a good MARRIAGE...THAT'S what is supposed to last. Wedding day comes and goes.
I spent $2k on my wedding and I still think it was too much. Been married 22 years now though.
I think with our honeymoon we spent this, just celebrated 20
Load More Replies...I beat all you. $275.00 and that included a Unity candle and 2 baptisms. 28 years strong.
Load More Replies...Spent less than 200 that included our rings, & pizza & beer after the ceremony. Been together 41 years
41 years ago your money went way way farther than now you would've spent 5k just from the ceremony these days without catering. Catering idk it can eb many tjings so i dont know your number but 41 years ago 10 dollars was the equivalent of 50$ atleast now depending on what was the tax price it could also be in the luxury tax of now 50$ then is the equivalent of $162.73 cents average by state taxes on items
Load More Replies...I think, all in total, we spent about 5,000 for our wedding. This was 27 years ago, but still. I was very firm with my husband - I didn't care a whit about fancy. I would have been happy with a pot luck in a field with duck-duck-rover games for the kids and an open air dj - we had to have a great honeymoon somewhere warm. We didn't do the field, just a decently priced establishment in okay, not the swankiest part of town, and went to Mexico for a week. N9 one remembers how fancy the wedding was, but I still recall the trip to Mexico. It was wonderful.
A friend who was a minister performed the ceremony. His wife and his assistant were witnesses. We went out for Chinese. Total cost $40. Married 39 years this last November.
Load More Replies...Research Network looked at the weddings and marriages of more than 3,000 people in the U.S., and found that the price of a wedding is likely to play into your chances of future separation. According to the study, recently married couples who spent more than $20,000 on their wedding were 46 percent more likely to split than those who spent around $5,000 to $10,000. And those who spent $10,000 to $20,000 were 29 percent more likely to get divorced than those who spent in that mid-range cost.
Interesting. And then there's my husband and I- my parents spent $13,000 or so on our wedding and we just hit our 30 year anniversary. We've had some (very) interesting hiccups but a sense of humor, lots of books and shared interests helped out.
Load More Replies...Proven fact: The more you spend on a wedding, the less likely you'll have a long marriage.
Being a bully.
Not only are they insecure but cowards too. Lots of times a bully is never alone. If you stand up for yourself they need the other nitwits to back them up.
3 people bullied me in school then one day I thought that’s it, I’ve had enough. Went around school and town and beat the s**t out of all three of them. Just because I acted quiet/timid, it wasn’t through fear, it was because I prefer not to fight. At 49 now, I’ve only ever had 6 fights in my life, and was attacked first on all occasions. Last fight I had, was attacked by someone with an iron bar - they went to hospital I went home and 26 years on no one has bothered me since 👍🏻
Load More Replies...Bullying should be a serious criminal issue. That could possibly shut trumptard up.
I don’t want six year olds to be put in jail. I would just like it if today’s bullying victims were actually taken seriously and helped.
Load More Replies...My husband was bullied growing up and learned to respond with, "Do you need a hug?" He never expected the bully to start crying and want the hug.
I'm not a small gal, and despite my kind nature, appear to be somewhat intimidating. I also refuse to suffer fools lightly, so it's not me that generally (ok, never) gets bullied, but I gots NO problem stepping into the middle of some bullsh*t. I am all about fighting for the underdog. Bullies are just insecure cowards and I can almost always make one, if not cry, then run the f*ck away. Karens are my new favorites.
I am nonconfrontational, but always summon the courage to confront anyone who cuts in line. I take it as a selfish bullying tactic. These cowards have always tucked their tail between their legs.
Mocking other people’s physical features or personal character traits.
We get it, you’re projecting.
Making fun of someone's physical flaws is just basic cruelty. Full stop.
Unless they have small hands, a bad comb over, are fat, and are orange skinned and dangerously narcissistic. In this case...full speed ahead!
Load More Replies...It's uninspiring, lazy, and dumb. I know I'm fat, everyone can see that. I know I'm a b***h, but maybe if you weren't a total dumbass flying down our road, I wouldn't have yelled. Anything else OBVIOUS you'd like to point out? How about that I'm freakishly tall? Or that my hair is long? Like...sheesh dudes, be creative for once in your smooth-brained lives.
Making fun of appearance is grabbing low hanging fruit. If you must be cruel make sure it's in reference to their horrible misdeeds or something actually terrible they could change but choose not to. It just don't maybe
My son stuttered in grade school and was being bullied by a much bigger kid. I was waiting for my son after school one day and this kid starts in on him, obviously not realizing I was right around the corner. I was instantly like, "Hey FATSO! What's you're problem with my skinny son? Oh, the fact that he stutters? Yeah, he'll outgrow that. I hear you flunked 1st grade. Is that TRUE? WOW, you must be really dumb". Now, this is not my proudest moment & thankfully no other adults heard me speaking to a 5th grader that way, but I was sick of my kid having stomach aches at the idea of going back to school Monday morning. Hey, it worked. They actually ended up being friends by the end of the year.
If your personal character traits are narcissistic a$$hole feel free
So sad that this even needs to be said. Common sense is not so common I guess
I was always the smallest boy in school. The bully's always seemed to prefer exhibiting their machismo in front of many others, and a predilection towards do so with the least assuming of them all [yours truly]. Both were a mistake.
Oh, woman can do it, but men can't.. modern hypocrisy.. ie. dissing on guys cos they aint 6ft, poor, or stupid enough to pay for a dependant woman with nothing to bring to the table..
Get over yourself. My husband is the same height as myself, and I bring just as much to the table as he does. Oh, and I am actually the breadwinner! No I am not hyping myself up to try to feel superior, so keep that one to yourself also!
Load More Replies...I think this post confuses "character traits" (which are mutable and describe a person's moral or ethical beliefs and behaviors, and are therfore worthy of scrutiny) with, perhaps, personality or neurology.
Taking a situation that was never about you or had you involved in it and somehow making it all about yourself and playing victim(even tho you had meddle in it and make yourself the" victim ")
Or trying to make some uninvolved person at fault for the situation.
It’s hard to grow up with. I stopped talking to my mom 10 years ago. My kids don’t have anything to do with her either.
Load More Replies...I've done this a decent amount. But I always reflect and apologize afterwards or at least willing to talk 1st to understand why I was in the wrong then apologize
OMG! Never in the history of the World has anyone EVER been treated so horribly and Terribly as me, even though I am the BEST and nicest person also the smartest and RICHEST. Everybody totally adores me except for the terrible people who are TERRIBLE to me!!!
1. Wearing massive designer logos such as Phillip Plein on everything
2. Bragging about money/girls
3. Lying about the smallest and meaningless things
4. Changing their views and principles based on who they speak to in the hope they’ll be liked
I just checked it and it's awful, luxury for red necks
Load More Replies...Ah, the ol' Tommy Tallarico touch. Nothing is insignificant enough to not lie about. No real achievement is good enough to not over embellish.
I know a lad that lies about anything and everything, even in front of family members that just roll their eyes. He’s a police officer now and still lies openly. Worrying really.
I thought OP used name Phillip Plein as mockery of Kelvin Clien, turned out it's genuine brand. Anyway, my idea is to mismatch logos and names into total kitch.
Yep, I personally do those due to some stuff I went through as a kid :(
Load More Replies...Bragging about money/GIRLS ??? Doesn't it go both ways? If a woman braggs about all the BOYS she has or who wants her, doesn't that also scream "INSECURE"?
For number 3, I'd list under that too correcting things that aren't important when someone's telling a story. I've done this a few times and am working on it, but with my autism brain wanting everything to be told like how it happened, it presses a small button that makes it difficult. Like a small itch that you need to ignore.
Insulting your friend in front of others to be cool.
I was the one always insulted. Don't talk to that girl much anymore, but it never really bothered me because I figured maybe they'd feel sympathy then instead of just thinking of me as some weirdo (in a bad sense). She's worked on that very well now though, and now we only insult each other in front of people who get the joke
Posting pictures of yourself with tons of filters on
Yes, if your brows look like they are ready for take off - you might have overdone the touch up. Edit: brows, not brews 🙃
A friend does this. Her photos have filters. Her husband poses ones without so we know what she really looks like. 😏
I have a friend who’s completely unrecognizable on her Instagram because of how many filters she uses, like when she followed me it took days for me to realize it was her. She’s pretty insecure, it makes me sad. Her husband got her a gorgeous blanket with a no-filter photo of the two of them on it and she hates it, she asked him why he couldn’t have used one of her “way nicer” Instagram pics instead :(
Load More Replies...Yes! And advertising yourself as that, same with make up! You see so many pretty girls on the net, maybe 7% are real beauty
You especially look like a moron if you say you're not using any
I worked with a woman whose Facebook pictures were filtered beyond belief, to the point that she and the background blurred into one another. Her "friends" constantly told her how pretty she was. She never once said she used any filters. C'mon Annie, we know you don't have blue eyes but you do have pores 🙄.
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In terms of leadership, it's when someone can't (or won't) take input from the rest of their team and tries to act like they have all the answers. I was this type of insecure leader once and I thought that if I used the idea of someone with less experience then everyone would think I was a weak leader. But after I was removed from that position I had to work for a lot of managers who did a lot of the same stupid s**t that I was doing but magnified due to years of insecurity/habit/karma.
I have since learned that if I hear people out, discuss a course of action, go with other people's ideas, and especially give them credit you gain exponentially more influence and respect. That even people who have little experience should have their input considered. I feel horrible for the people who had to work with me, but now I don't just act like a more capable leader, I am a more capable leader.
Shakespearean TL;DR "Take every man's censure, but reserve thy judgement."
Insecure leaders are more commonly known as “bosses”. Leaders don’t boss. They don’t want to. They don’t need to.
Yes. This. However, as supervisor, if I listen to your idea, and my way is better, I fully expect you to keep doing it my way. I will gladly explain in detail why. But, since I'm essentially lazy, if your way is better, faster, easier, I will happily go with your way.
I worked at a place that actually incentivized people sharing ideas so it would actually become a crucial part of the work culture there. If you had an idea, you could submit it, and if it saved, or made the company money you would get bonused that initial savings or initial profit. People regularly made a few hundred bucks, every quarter for offering ideas for departments they weren't regularly in. When I first started working there one of maintenance dudes got a check for almost 10k.
This is so important! When I was a supervisor of some alcohol and drug counselors, I had one who had been asked to be part of a diversity panel. She was scared to death because she would have been the least educated person on the panel. We had a talk about who we admire and came to the conclusion that no matter a person's education, humility and kindness are more important. I currently work with a psychiatrist who intimidated the heck out me until our first staff meeting. I was worried that my theories about clients would be questioned or ridiculed (totally my own insecurities) and he did the opposite. He praised my insights and backed me up on my ideas. He also gave thoughtful suggestions. What a relief to have a kind and humble professional of that level as part of our team.
We had a leader that took us on a three day retreat where we were to determine the plan for the stage of the project. We were a diverse opinionated lot but we all reached consensus and had a plan by the end of day two. Day three and our leader came out, trashed all we had agreed on and directed us to do a different (stupid) plan no one had heard before. What a waste of time.
Sadly, this is not uncommon. Some pull this stunt to exert power and domination (" Nice ideas; but we'll do it MY way") . Backfires big time in terms of team morale and respect for the boss.
Load More Replies...I would like to send my last supervisor a book on effective leadership. She had no clue how to do our jobs, but would publicity chastise people. She had favorites and would give awards to them for really stupid things, but would ignore real contributions and achievements.
Kudos. It is a rare person, I've found who can relate other people's behavior back to their own and recognize themselves. It's even more rare for them to learn and grow from this newfound self-awareness. It gives me hope for humanity when this happens.
Not listening. Preparing the next smart thing to say without listening to what the other one is saying .
I'm only really guilty of this in an argument and my so usually silently gives me a death glare till I realize what I'm doing then we start over..... 😅 im learning
"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting to talk." -Fran Drescher
Not just about listening, but comprehending what is being said without putting your own spin on it
That not just insecurity, it's narcissism. When you're speaking with someone and they continually cut you off or interrupt you, that's a clear sign of both, but also disrespect. I haven't talked to my youngest sister for 2 years for that very reason. I'm not sure I was able to finish a complete sentence for years and I finally got a clue. BYE - toxic you.
How do you even know what you're going to respond if they haven't spoken yet? Who does this? How would it even fit into the conversation??
Those handshakes that are firm to the point you wonder if they're actually trying to hurt you
Had a male DM do this to me (female) once. I almost asked him what he was trying to do
The Biggest Loser was notorious for holding handshakes too long & too firmly.
The opposite is true too. If the other hand feels like a dead weight. Same conclusion.
That's usually from men. They were always surprised when I gave them a really firm handshake. Just one way for a woman in business to let them know you're not a milquetoast.
Or the handshake that turns into a knuckle roll. I nearly K-O'ed someone who was interviewing me for doing that! He said it was a test to see how someone would react in a "surprisingly stressful" situation. Then I told him I have arthritis and degenerative cartilage and he could have done irreversible damage to my hand. He said "You're fine. You'll get over it." I reported him to his boss and told him that that classifies as assault and if something isn't don't I'd file charges. His boss had happen to overhear his comments as he was right outside talking with someone else at the time. Idiot was asked if that's how he always greeted people and he stupidly said "Yes". He was immediately fired. I didn't get the job as I wasn't qualified. Fine with me. Dude had to seek new employment so I'm pleased with that. This was also about 10 years ago.
Yes! I wanted to exchange a friendly gesture, not get involved in a hand crushing contest. As a bigger sized guy, it happens a lot!
The incessant need to compare.
I think it's hard not to do when you have low self-esteem--you feel as if you're always less than everyone else. What really boggles my mind is those who have to point out others' failures to make themselves feel bigger somehow.
I disagree. Comparisons are a normal part of human cognition and can be good for the self-improvement process. When we compare ourselves to others, we get information about what we want and where we want to be, and we get valuable feedback on how we measure up. Of course there's a line to cross too.
It depends. You can look at someone's situation and try to imitate in a way to improve your own situation. Because you see them as a positive influence for your own life. But then there are comparisons that lead to jealousy, envy or sabotage. There's no improvement happening. It's "how can I be better than that person" or "try to get what they have so that they don't have it". Almost like a one sided shady competition.There's a healthy version and a horrible version.
Load More Replies...It's fun to compare in the sense of just how different you are. Take art for example. If you're just starting, and try to compare yourself to someone with 30+ years experience, of course you're going to fall way short. But if you can see past that, and see certain qualities in their art that you like that you'd enjoy to implement into your own art, without completely stealing it...that's growth and development.
Looking up to someone is fine, but concentrate on what you actually like as it makes self improvement more rewarding. It’s pointless comparing yourself to others as they’re different people with different experiences and reasons for being where they are.
Hill Branda...or you can't shut up? Have to state your opinion no matter what?
You understand the concept of a forum like this, right?
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Selling NFTs of yourself.
just like someone's BIG announcement a few days ago...'cause it's what we have' lol
Today only, I have an NFT of a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you! Guaranteed only 20 signed Tokens to be sold.
And thinking you're hot s**t because you paid a c**p ton for an NFT, which is essentially nothing. It has no physical reality, you don't even really own it, just limited rights to use it. A fool and his money are indeed soon parted.
And yet another way to suck the last few dollars from sad clueless people. Sometimes I wonder “ Did an older person just spend their med. money on some stupid maga garbage or donate to tRump instead of paying rent/heat/car payment? It just breaks my heart to see how people have been tricked & scammed. I hate him & his crew so much it makes my teeth hurt.
You are not alone in these sentiments. Big Hugs & hopes for a better, smarter society in the coming New Year.💙
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Being loud and domineering in every conversation.
Arguing by shouting the other person down doesn’t mean you won the argument. It just means you’re a loud and obnoxious A*****E.
I have done this, but only to stop the incessant monologue of people who cannot accept it when you say you disagree. No, Janet, another hour of preachifying isn't going to get me on your bandwagon. Zip it.
Load More Replies...Again, trump 101 Direct quote: "Even if you don't know what you are saying, talk louder than everyone else, and people will listen.". And people are actually going with that?
I don't know how so many people were defensive of him when he himself made statements like these. You could bring up statements he made publicly and they would argue with you that he wasn't at all like that. One in particular was when he was much younger and being interviewed on a talk show. He stated if he ran for President, ever, he would run as a Republican because they were so much easier to fool. I guess he was right.
Load More Replies...In relationships, sometimes while arguing one person ends up yelling while the other stays perfectly composed, if anything, lowering their volume. When this happens, I am convinced that the person doing the shouting is doing so because they don't feel heard by the other person, not just in argument, but never.
Americans.. trust me, you notice when you live in New Zealand, we are mostly so chill, and respectful of each other spaces, when an American comes in.. woah! I gotta leave
I knew someone like this. It was so goddamn annoying. Never did anything wrong, never apologized, always had to domineer the conversation. ALWAYS. I even told them one of my massive buttons was interrupting because I've gotten that from my mother my entire life, and they didn't even bother to wait. I will give them credit, they did try, but after, like, a month, they quit.
The three I always look out for are:
1. Overt displays of intelligence/prowess.
2. Belittling others.
3. A need to closely monitor the behaviour of others.
So here's the thing about intelligent people, they don't tend to go around bragging about how smart they are. Beyond maybe the necessary wall diplomas in their office it's just not a thing. The same goes for belittling and trying to control people. These are all overt signs of insecurity and projection.
The first one could just be a neurodivergent person being passionate about one of their specific interests, though...
#1? Like writing a book or winning a contest? Those darned Pulitzer and gold medal winners are the worst.
Closely monitoring my behavior will quickly get me to unfriend you and I'll do my best to avoid you. Sorry if that's harsh, but I'm a full grown adult, I don't need nor do I want a babysitter.
What? The first one sounds insecure (the writer) , the second, yes, the third? As any fellow victimized human knows, we tend to do this in order to be prepared, if anything bad is gunna happen.. I don't even know how one takes that so harshly.. this person has issues
Tied into the first one - those who loudly mock/accuse others of being 'know-it-alls'... when the other person wasn't being 'overt'.
1) This is generally displayed online by people using synonyms without actually understanding the true meaning for them. 2) If you punch up, it's fine. It can be funny. But that's why comedy is dying now. So many comedians are punching down at the little people and it's just bad. 3) Depends on the situation. If you're watching a newbie and they're working on something very delicate and can be destroyed in a moment, of course you want to closely monitor it. Or a kid near something that can be dangerous but that they need to understand how to use.
Being the funny one in a group at other’s (mostly the quiet ones) expense.
Is it an insecurity if I'm the quite one that cracks jokes at my own expense? Or is it a lack of self esteem?
Explaining how smart you are.
Ugh I had a "friend" years ago who just went on and on about how smart they are, how many books they read, how much "knowledge" they can retain, blah blah blah. No Mike, you're not a fůcking genius you just have a good memory. I can appreciate you have a good memory but just because you can retain an encyclopedia worth of info doesn't mean you're smart. If you can't explain the facts you're spewing out then you don't really know and understand them; look it up yourself tells me you dont really know. His nickname was actually neckbeard and this was before the whole neckbeard incel thing; he had a neck beard and really was an incel though.
I also passed as smart because of my ability to retain facts, my memory. Difference is, I knew it. Kinda smart, but really just a good memory.
Load More Replies...People know when you're smart. You don't have to tell them. If you need to tell them then you're nothing more than a "stable genius", like tRump, who really should be in a stable.
"Never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" *drops dead*
Load More Replies...I think so? Kinda hard to see with the bracelet.
Load More Replies...Had a "friend" in HS that always talked c**p to me because he was in Honors and I wasn't. One day he was bragging about he did better than me on some aptitude test... his jaw dropped and he shut up when I pulled out my report and I had scored WELL above him in every category. I then told him I didn't WANT to be in honors, I wanted to actually have fun while I was a kid and enjoy life before the real world came in full force, even though I was working a full time job while his mom and dad supported his arrogant butt. Never heard a peep from him again about being "smarter."
True intelligence comes with a good helping of humility. "The more I learn, the more I realize I know nothing." There are so many aspects to intelligence that IQ, book reading, fact spewing, explaining things, exercising, and what have you are not all going to demonstrate just how intelligent (or stupid) you can be. There's just too much to it.
If you need to explain intelligence, you need to go back to school
"Nobody knew healthcare could be so complicated". “No one wants the job who can actually keep Twitter alive. There is no successor..."
When they can’t make fun of themselves
Edit: holy yes the opposite is just as bad I know. I’ve literally gotten that same comment about 100 times 😭 please stop redditors, my notifications can’t handle it
... while my Bored Panda eyes can't handle copy from reddit without edits.
This seems to be along the lines of the edit, but I'm the opposite. I make fun of myself in the hopes that others won't. I'm overweight, and extremely aware of that. So, I figure if I make jokes about it, then it will seem like I'm confident and don't care. But it stings if other people comment on my weight (such comments are thankfully very few and far between).
A good balance is the important thing. You can't take any jokes, you become an a*****e. You take way too many, you seem like a doormat. Boundaries is the key here. Know when you can tease yourself, but also know when to put your foot down.
My girlfriend kept teasing me about looking like a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
Load More Replies...I used to be like this. Years of being bullied meant I reacted to the most good-natured and friendly of teasing as if it were more bullying. I got incredibly uptight and angry and huffy and self-important, and it took me years to chill out and realise I could use my own naturally klutzy and goofy nature to make other people laugh *on purpose*. Now I make fun of myself all the time and everyone knows me as the goofball who's always good for a laugh and a joke. Hell, I even draw little comics these days featuring myself as a wide-eyed well-meaning but hopelessly naive bumbling cartoon character.
Ugh same. I still gotta chill out. I’ve even caught myself threatening violence against someone who made a joke without thinking :(
Load More Replies...It's an art to make fun of yourself. Those of us who make fun of ourselves are very much aware of our own insecurities. So, sometimes, it's used as a tool to ease tension and make the first move, or in my case, a coping mechanism for an unhealthy fear of being hurt by others (due to past experiences I have yet to actually move on from). They can't hurt you if you take away their ammo.
Yoooo! I figured this out years ago, and these days I'm very good at being self-deprecating. Because if you mock yourself first, they can't do it later. It's a survival mechanism and it helps that I can tell all the jokes I want about me and never get offended -it's a really easy talent to foster when you're this disappointing and trying not to get dropped from the will.
Load More Replies...Don't worry someone else will (and yes I'm being facetious)
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People who wear ridiculous clothing on ridiculous prices just to show off they are well off financially. Usually young people.
As a young person, yes, this is ridiculous. And it's funny that I'm saying this because I'm insecure lol. (But I don't do this)
The 90's had it so much better.. the coolest cats shopped at op shops.. we should all do that, especially now! Stop consuming sweat shop clothing at crazy prices, cos it has a 'trendy' label on it! Jeez!
I've never enjoyed shopping for clothes. What I blow my money on is usually for my hobbies. I like video games and Legos, so every once and a while, I'll splurge on a new set or a video game or maybe replace an old console piece. You can tell that I'm broke as hell because I still play Madden 08 on the Wii. Speaking of, I've gotta order a new pair of nunchuks. I haven't been able to play for a week. I know, it's horrible ain't it?
You sound like fun. Games & fun are much more important then fancy clothes/shoes/bags. 🤗
Load More Replies...Had someone tell me it was the fashion when I tried to tell them the price tag was hanging out of the neck.
Bragging and giving yourself titles
I, Professor Doctor, the Princess of all pastries, don’t know what’s wrong with that.
Agreed, cats deserve all the glory titles in the world!
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Well, if it’s a title you deserve and worked hard for, like Dr for instance, then I don’t see a problem—-especially if you’re a BIPOC and/or woman and some a*****e is trying to minimize your achievement. However, all these titles people just make up for themselves are a true sign of both insecurity and likely undeserved self-aggrandizement.
This is true. I suspect a crowning ceremony soon.
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Insecurity can manifest in different ways and can be difficult to detect, as people often try to hide or cover up their insecurities. Some common behaviors or actions that may indicate insecurity include:
Seeking constant validation or reassurance: If a person constantly seeks validation or reassurance from others, it could be a sign that they are insecure and unsure of themselves.
Putting others down: People who are insecure may try to make themselves feel better by belittling or putting others down.
Overcompensating: Someone who is insecure may try to overcompensate by boasting or exaggerating their achievements or abilities.
Being overly critical of themselves or others: Insecurity can sometimes lead to excessively criticizing oneself or others.
Being overly defensive: If a person becomes defensive or reactive when their beliefs or actions are questioned, it could be a sign of insecurity.
It is important to remember that everyone experiences insecurity at some point in their lives, and it is a normal part of being human. However, it is important to address and work on insecurities healthily to promote personal growth and well-being.
/ai
I have done all of these except belittle those beneath my situation and luck. Intentionally or not, I have done them. I've been working on it, but it's just...difficult. never getting validation for anything, never being complemented on things you've achieved, acting like what you've done won't matter in a month...it gets to you after 30 years.
You're not alone. In the same boat. As long as it's steps in the right direction that's what's matter.
Load More Replies...If only more people were to be assertive as well as inspiring and bringing others up at the same time..
A lot of these can come from childhood trauma. There is a slight distinction, but it’s definitely still there.
Trying to justify every “mistake”, usually its minimal, but once you notice someone that does it, you just cant stop noticing it when they do it
Well, that can also be a sign that they’re being consistently abused at home or work by someone who micromanages, nitpicks every move they make, and ignores what they do right and just zeros in on the negative. Having to endure that kind of treatment for any length of time—-especially when you’re a child and can’t just leave—-leaves invisible bruises that take a long time to heal.
Or grew up that way, even if their current situation is healthy.
Load More Replies...Acknowledge you made the mistake, own up to it, and fix it. Ask for forgiveness and help. Nothing shows wisdom more than doing this.
I had an employee whose every mistake was always "someone else's fault". I finally got enough complaints that I called him into the office. I offered up the last weeks mistakes and of course he blamed everyone else. I let him ramble for a minute and then shut him down. "First of all, when you claim X did this, he had left early for an appt. YOU were on the line and YOU f*cked up. Second, when you claim X did this, he was having lunch in my office and YOU f*cked up. Shall I go on?" I explained to him that blaming others for his mistakes was only going to get him fired. If you make a mistake, own up to it & ask how to fix it - because that's what ADULTS do. I told him I'd give him a 2 week probationary period, but if I heard it was "someone else's fault" without him trying to fix the problem again, he was gone. Kid got a clue and worked for me for another 6 years.
It took me over a decade, and I still slip up rather frequently, but I have finally stopped saying either "I'm sorry" or "I didn't do it" over every single little thing that went wrong around me. The primary reason I even got into that habit was because I was constantly blamed for everything, whether I was actually at fault or not.
purposely waiting a long time to text back so you don’t seem “desperate”
Overthinking in general. Instead of just acting or reacting, everything is planned or part of a strategy.
Again, overthinking can also be a sign you were, or are, being consistently abused by someone who never sees what you do well and always focuses on nothing but the negative. Especially if it happened to you as a child.
Load More Replies...I’m rather glad that some of these technologies we take for granted weren’t available when I was younger. Namely texting and everyone having a camera in their pocket. You kiddos don’t realize the how wonderful it was that there was only circumstantial evidence of one’s dumb a*s antics.
Please don't hold this against ADHD people. I swear, we thought we texted but then got sidetracked because we suddenly distracted ourselves with a thought that became a hyperfocus, and now it's been three weeks, and we're too embarrassed to send the text that we spent half an hour writing before our attention deviated and we forgot to press "send."
You don't seem desperate if you do that, sure. But you also don't seem interested in talking to me, so I'm just not texting back at all if you do this constantly.
Oh god, those stupid dating strategy nonsense tips. Barf. Feel your bloody feelings. They're (usually) ok.
This (sort of) pre dates texting. I'm 100yrs old and I remember when all we had to communicate with others was a landline. It was common practice that if a girl gave a guy her phone number (if you met in a bar or whatever) it was imperative to wait a day or two to call her for fear of seeming desperate. SOME women did the same, however usually a woman was encouraged to call the guy back ASAP for fear he might think you're not interested and you might let "Mr. Right" get away.
I'm guilty of this. I've been told by so many people not to respond the moment I see it. I feel like a fraud when I don't because when I like and want to talk to you i want to and i want to let you know. But I also feel like she's judge we as needy. But if she feels that way then I'm not for her.
When they found a point that makes them look better than the other person and continue to overstay on that point.
Edit: The situation is subjective, and I’m talking about the situation whereby the person punches down on someone to make themselves feel good. I did not mean for a person who requires positive affirmations.
Let's say you have a sister and she has much smaller feet than you. She makes it a point to mention how small her feet are, especially compared to your "man feet" any chance she gets. Pretty sure that's the type of behavior they're talking about.
Your sister sounds like a real pain in the a*s. You have my sincere condolences.
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When they can’t take constructive criticism
I dedicate this post to my ex girlfriend! Hope she can take constructive criticism now!
Taking a pointless swipe at someone who's never going to see it or care ...
Being a workaholic.
Or they see their job as a public service (teacher, social worker, etc) so they put in the extra time to benefit society.
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"oh no Im not jealous like other girls, he can like and talk and watch other girls bodyparts, I'll watch with him, it's fun" girl you're convincing yourself not me
My bf and I often notice pretty people of any gender and admire them together. Why not? I don't think this makes us insecure.
Anyone that says they don’t are lying. It’s a part of nature to see attraction and shouldn’t need explaining why 😝
Load More Replies...I think the point if this one can go both ways. Most people will find other people attractive, even while in a relationship. I know my wife thinks other dudes are hot and I'm sure she knows I feel the same way about other chicks. It's human nature. But we chose one another to commit to do it doesn't bother me that (I think) she goes all 🤤 for Yul Brenner. She's with me and I trust her, just like I'm with her and she trusts me and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.
He's dead and buried in France so I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Load More Replies...Nope, but you managed to make yourself look super insecure. Some of us literally actually don't care.
It's been written there but in other words like "giving youself titles" and stuff.
Load More Replies...Or girls. If you can't accept fluidity in things, drawing attention to yourself needlessly and a ton of other things.
Load More Replies...The only useful information in this post is: "We are all insecure sometimes".
There's one thing missing from this list, and it kinda surprises me: Spending money you know you don't really have to impress people you just met. Conversely; being thrifty to the point of being stingy. You know what's damn sexy? Balance.
When someone has some measure of wealth or power and just HAS to flaunt it. Because what's the use in being rich if people don't see you being driven around in a golden limo? You might as well be just one of the poors! And what's the use in having power if you aren't seen actively pushing people around at every opportunity? You might as well be some lowly *equal*! The horror!
Yup, conspicuous consumption. "Sorry I'm late, had to get the jet parked! LOL!" 🤢🤢🤢
Load More Replies...Most of these seem like characteristics of a random ässhole, not sure they have anything to do with any insecurities.
We'll, people who are arseholes are often that way because of their insecurities.
Load More Replies...It's been written there but in other words like "giving youself titles" and stuff.
Load More Replies...Or girls. If you can't accept fluidity in things, drawing attention to yourself needlessly and a ton of other things.
Load More Replies...The only useful information in this post is: "We are all insecure sometimes".
There's one thing missing from this list, and it kinda surprises me: Spending money you know you don't really have to impress people you just met. Conversely; being thrifty to the point of being stingy. You know what's damn sexy? Balance.
When someone has some measure of wealth or power and just HAS to flaunt it. Because what's the use in being rich if people don't see you being driven around in a golden limo? You might as well be just one of the poors! And what's the use in having power if you aren't seen actively pushing people around at every opportunity? You might as well be some lowly *equal*! The horror!
Yup, conspicuous consumption. "Sorry I'm late, had to get the jet parked! LOL!" 🤢🤢🤢
Load More Replies...Most of these seem like characteristics of a random ässhole, not sure they have anything to do with any insecurities.
We'll, people who are arseholes are often that way because of their insecurities.
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