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Insults – we've all heard them and maybe even dished them out ourselves. They're like a verbal battlefield where words become weapons. But here's the thing: some insults are more than just a slap on the ego; they're pure poetry in put-down form.
Enter the “Rare Insults” X account. With more than 1.5 million followers, it's the go-to spot for the wittiest and most jaw-dropping linguistic maestros on the internet.
We've rounded up the crème de la crème of these verbal fireworks for your amusement. So, continue scrolling and let us know which ones tickled your funny bone. And hey, if you're still hungry for more, we've got you covered. Check out Bored Panda's earlier dose of insult madness – because who doesn't love a good laugh?
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Frank Russell 2 years ago
I have to assume guys who think like this either had little interaction with females while growing up or are just noobs. Maybe both. I grew up with four sisters so I was fortunate enough to learn everything I needed to know for later.
- 2 years ago (edited)
A lot more blood with birth. One of my in-laws described it as "trying to s**t out a bowling ball." So some folks who are born a pain-in-the-a*s either don't outgrow it or revert back.
RELATED:
#2
MaximumKarmaSaint 2 years ago
That's only the tip of the iceberg...yeah that was a bad joke...
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Nikki Gross 2 years ago
Nah, polar bears are in the big time and would be dealing ice or snow not grass.
Michelle C 2 years ago
My gay friend Pookie told me if you see two bears meeting by some brambles it goin' down!
#3
Cara G 2 years ago
Even more useful is to post incorrect information online and then let others explain why you're wrong.
When it comes to humor, clever insults can often walk a fine line between being perceived as playful banter and crossing into the territory of cruelty. People often use witty and sharp-tongued remarks in comedy, but can we do it without being unkind? To learn more about witty and clever insults, Bored Panda reached out to Nigel Barber, Ph.D., an evolutionary psychologist and the writer of “Kindness In A Cruel World.”
Some friends often playfully tease each other with insults that don't come across as mean-spirited. According to Nigel Barber, in that context, an insult is accepted as a witty remark. “It can be quite different if we are interacting with a stranger whose insults may be perceived as unfriendly and even malicious. You need to know what is acceptable speech for a particular setting, context, and group of acquaintances.”
#4
CouchChihuahua (He/Him) 2 years ago
Lmao in my time zone ur comment was in the middle of a maths lesson
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Shira Blumberg 2 years ago
Spoiler: She’s never going to get divorced. She’ll just complain about it for time-immemorial.
#5
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 2 years ago
I’ve yet to hear a baby go MEEP MEEP MEEP at six am on the dot every morning, but- actually that’s a lie I believe it.
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Frank Russell 2 years ago
Blame your big brain. The very thing that has allowed our species to dominate (and wreck) the planet became too large to pass through the birth canal if we gestated long enough to be like other animals, i.e., able to function nearly immediately after birth. Instead, we get spit out pretty early in our development and need lots of help for a while.
WhiteClawOfDeath 2 years ago
It's not like cats or dogs or wolves or bears function right after birth. For one, they are blind. There is a reason it's the prey animals without underground holes who can start functionning like full grown animals quicker.
Yer maw 2 years ago
Thank god though, giving birth to babies is hard enough, imagine trying to get a toddler out of you
Moezzzz 2 years ago
Yeah, an alarm clock that's like a ticking time bomb, and you just have to guess which buttons to push because there's no "tried and true" way of stopping the screeching. If you choose correctly, you get unbelievably beautiful moments. If you choose poorly, you still get the moments, but it takes longer to realize it.
David Bolender 2 years ago
That's because they're animals, not humans. We depend on our parents to shape us, to be examples of what it means to be human.
#6
Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
Mine is still a little dino chick from hell 😈. They make them so cute on purpose, or we would peck their eyes out
𝕔𝕚𝕟𝕟𝕚𝕖𝕞𝕠𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕒 2 years ago
Same and they both seem to not understand the concept of modesty and not running around the house with your *AHEM* out… and one of them is 10 🤦♀️
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When we chat online, it's easy for jokes and playful words to accidentally hurt someone's feelings. How can we then have fun with clever remarks and wordplay while still being nice to each other? “In the real world, it is easy to see when we have crossed the line because the other person's hurt expression becomes clear and we have a chance to backtrack, or qualify, our remarks, or to soften them with a lighter joke. In the context of online interactions, it is much riskier at least if we are relying mainly on text,” Barber explained. When we write something online, it's permanent, and there's always someone ready to criticize us or even cancel us.
#7
Christof Irran 2 years ago
People with glasses actually spent a s**t-ton of money just so they can see you. And then we end up not liking what we see...
𝕔𝕚𝕟𝕟𝕚𝕖𝕞𝕠𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕒 2 years ago
As someone with glasses, I have seen too, too much
Load More Replies... - 2 years ago
But if I don't use glasses, how else am I going to know that you're unattractive either way?
Enlee Jones 2 years ago
So is crashing my car into a telephone because I can’t see without them, Ursula.
Jon Steensen 1 year ago
Well there is the option of contacts or a laser operation. Not saying that it is nessesarily better, I'm just pointing out that there are alternatives to glasses, which might be usefull in certain situations where wearing glases might be tricky (e.g. fighter pilots, fire fighters, divers etc.)
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Emma Goransdottir 2 years ago
Noo!! If I find a person attractive it doesn't matter if they wear glasses or not. Sometimes its even add to their beauty 🙂.
AxolotlViolet (they/them) 2 years ago
I have terrible vision and I don't care if they look good on me or not
Mermeow Overlord (they/them) 2 years ago
In my opinion faces look so much better with glasses, if you don't think they look good on you maybe you could try to find some new ones that look better.
Load More Replies... #8
David A Paterson 2 years ago
That one I like. I was thinking "standing room only, now boarding".
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Sergio Bicerra 2 years ago
Tape costs, they just tell you to sharpen your nails.
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René Sauer 2 years ago
Na, a hammock would be relatively comfortable (unless you have to share it with a another passenger). Only thing I can think of is standing room.
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In today's digital world, insults often come in the form of written words, like messages or comments. But here's the thing: when we can't see someone's face or hear their tone, it can change how we understand and feel about those insults. “Communications experts believe that most of our communications are nonverbal so that a medium that cuts off the nonverbal puts us at a real disadvantage,” Barber shared. “We cannot disparage our own statements with a shrug, or a laugh. The bottom line is that we should really be much more cautious in online communications. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be how most people communicate online, which may be one reason why there is so much friction and unpleasantness,” the professor added.
#10
SheamusFanFrom1987 2 years ago
How... do you even get into that many car accidents, let alone in a single year? "-_-
CORGI QUEEN 2 years ago
...the post is from jan 28... HOW DO YOU GET THAT MANY IN NOT EVEN A MONTH????
Id row 2 years ago
On a different note, why are people still using twitter? Why would you support that psycho?
AzzyIsHere 2 years ago
I don't think this are the original tweets-- it seems like it's one of those memes where you replace the og posters with characters. In this case, it's Tails (CleverClogs101 @MechanicThinker) and Rouge (GovernmentStealer💎 @DiamondGirlboss). As a Sonic fan, those usernames fit them so much and I laughed out loud when I noticed the PFPs and usernames :3
#11
Christof Irran 2 years ago
"Well, at least I am not adopted." "Of course you weren't. Who would adopt you?"
#12
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
I keep getting people adding R's to my last name where there aren't any. Occasionally they do so awesomely, which is why my nickname at work is now Warlock
shanila.pheonix_ 2 years ago
you made me cackle out loud in study hall lol and now people are staring at me. heres ur upvote.
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Non Bi-nary Panda ️ 2 years ago
some people actually pronounce it like that. its kinda weird but i guess thats the parents choice
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Sweetie Dahling 2 years ago
I've been told I don't pronounce my own name correctly because it doesn't follow English spelling/pronunciation rules. By someone who only spoke English 😑
Cat Chat 2 years ago
My French teacher insisted my last name was pronounced wrong. It's a variation of a mideval French word, but for as far back as we have found in genealogy (as far back to an ancestor being a handmaiden to Mark Antony) our ancestors all come from Italy.
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Stardust she/her 2 years ago
In 4th grade I won a competition for my school so they were going to award me with a prize in front of everyone. The announcer forgot to pronounce 1/3 of my surname. Another time some girl mispronounced my surname as “Kolkata”
XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 2 years ago
Try getting an award and having a name like Xanthippe. Whenever I see someone looking at a name list with a super confused look on their face, I just chuckle because I know they're trying to suss out how it's pronounced
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Brooklyn Roffman 2 years ago
A sub once called me brocc( as in broccoli) Klein (as in Calvin )
It’s important to mention that, in today's digital age, the impact of insults, especially when they find their way online and go viral, can be devastating for some people. Nigel Barber shared that crushing insults can dent one’s confidence and impinge on their happiness. “Clinical psychologists report that there is a huge increase in anxiety and depression, particularly among young people, during the Internet Age. Teenagers seem to be most affected due to (a) the fact that they are extensive users of social media and (b) that they do not have the maturity to cope with online insults.”
The best way of coping with insults, according to Barber, is probably to take a break from the platforms that are causing distress for some time. “This helps to establish a little distance from them and to regain a better sense of control over one's own life. This might involve spending time in the actual company of friends, doing something that provides a sense of creativity or mastery, or simply spending time exploring the wonders of nature.”
#13
Cara G 2 years ago
And they are all thinking, "JFC put that hair UP before you get scalped, lady!"
Seth 2 years ago
For anyone who isn't familiar with this dumb trend: The NY Post has countless articles of women who allegedly work blue collar jobs where they receive "unwanted attention" from their male coworkers. Meanwhile, the photos used for the article look like a glam photoshoot with full blown hair and makeup (doesn't really depict them doing their job at all), and they always use the article to plug their OnlyFans page.
Zephyr 2 years ago
First of all why do you need to remind us that you're female, and are you saying men looking at you is part of your Identity,
SadieCat17 (she/her) 2 years ago
She's likely talking about sexual harassment in the workplace and the title is very misleading for clickbait
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Pooka 2 years ago
I think they may be staring at her because of that strange, orange-ish shade of makeup, but that might just be me.
Shannon Hawks 2 years ago
probably cos your looking at them and not paying attention to the crane
David Bolender 2 years ago
And girls don't? Lame. BTW, men will stare at anything there, precious. You're not unique.
#14
Anikulapo 2 years ago (edited)
One day I called my dog as he was lying on the ground. He raised his head and looked at me, sighed, and dropped his head back down. I AM YOUR MASTER, YOU WILL… HEY! LOOK AT ME! YOU WILL RESPECT ME! Goddamit he fell asleep.
AngelWingsYT 2 years ago
My moms cat Molly was being mean to me so i scolder her for it....she turnned her back on me (:
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Alvia Vseobecna 2 years ago
Thats exactly what I think when it's not the right sigh (presumed content sigh).. I really do love my dog
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
All we have to do for our soft can-opener to pay attention is whine. We get treats, pets, AND mousie toys if we whine good.
RayRayBean 2 years ago
What I've seen this exact sentence before except it said "kids" not pets. One of you is stealing
Louisa Rivercreek 2 years ago
My dog used to make that huff and stomp up the stairs when it was time for bed. No matter that I had a date sitting next to me on the couch.
#15
S P 2 years ago
The 4 could be an A, so Vagina Life. And still off the meat, I guess...
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ILOVEBAMBOO 2 years ago
Verkehrsverbund Großraum Nürnberg 4 lyf! (Apparently it's a transport company)
We asked Barber if social norms around insults and offensive language have shifted in recent years. He shared that some people like to say that the world is becoming ruder, but there have always been plenty of unkind comments. “Look at William Shakespeare who liked to have his characters engage in duels of insults. What has really changed is that social media are run by algorithms that maximize engagement. Since hatred increases engagement, this means that nastiness comes to the fore. Communications that express real hostility are promoted in a business model that monetizes hatred. Hence the rise of nasty insults online and of the people who put them out there.”
#16
Christopher Bowers 2 years ago
Im 36, she would probably say I am useless with 3 years experience.
SheamusFanFrom1987 2 years ago (edited)
Wow, I know J-Lo might not even feel it but that burn...
Svenne O'Lotta 2 years ago
... you know she's playing a character, right? She's not actually robbing dudes in her day to day life.
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Cindy Brick 2 years ago
Wait a minute. Why did she marry them, then -- didn't she learn this 'essential wisdom' the first time? (At least 2, maybe 3...)
#17
Bob Brooce 2 years ago
Right, because they're totally serious and there's no way they were making a joke.
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Jon Steensen 1 year ago
Well latex is a condensed form of the sab from the rubber tree, and trees from a part of the cycle of life. As such, natural rubber (latex) ought to be biodegradable, which I also seem to conclude when the rubber hoses I used in the automatic watering system of my potted plants started to rot. There are some alternatives for people with a latex allergies, but for the vaste majority of condoms, I simply don't believe that the statement about biodegratability made in the post is correct.
April Pickett 2 years ago
What about all the doctor/hospital supplies they use on you when you get an STD?
#18
Šimon Špaček 2 years ago
I have to use this in work. Now we are "weird IT geeks" but no, we will be "the God department".
#19
DC 2 years ago
... and that careless douche even killed all the other animals as well. I can understand that humans, in total, do suck big time, but do cats, do crows, do spiders? None of them! They're all precious living beings, and yet, the god humans invented only cares about hum - nevermind, my mistake, got it. Whatever it is, if you can't degod it, leave it behind, and if you can, do.
Carlo Gennaro 2 years ago
(Job)Why would people worship an entity that tortures others as part of a bet/game? Why would people worship an entity that would create a system of justice that mandated its faultless child (Jesus) be brutally murdered so it could forgive other people's sins? I have never required an innocent anyone to be murdered in order for me to forgive them. What kind of scary being do masochistic people worship?
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Mini grizzly 2 years ago (edited)
Let's not forget that he made a bet on Job's life with the devil, just because Job was loyal to god... His whole family has been killed, his animals, servants too, and he himself got so sick that his wife was begging him to die ( which was pretty shty from her btw) so there's that...yah
Frank Russell 2 years ago
When I was quite young I was told that god was all that: You know, omnipotent, etc. When I was told about Noah and the flood I immediately thought, "If god is so perfect why would he need to flush everything down the toilet and start over?" And that was the end of me believing religion's lies.
Some_rando 2 years ago
BECAUSE WE SINNED!! AND TURNED AWAY FROM HIM!! SO ACTUALLY ITS OUR FAULT IN HAPPENED. PLUS IT WAS ALL PART OF HIS PLAN TO SHOW HIS GLORY IN THE END
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Paul Richards 2 years ago
God doesn't cancel people because its fictional. That's as stupid as saying fairies cancels people
Carl 2 years ago
I thought fairies liked to kidnap children? Most mythological critters did that, from what I recall. It's a lot easier than admitting "Little Timmy ran off into the forest and I couldn't find him. Sorry LOL I was just so drunk." It's interesting to think about how much of our mythology is people, usually high-ranking, just lying to cover their butts.
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Major Harris 2 years ago
and don't forget that ONLY noah, his wife, their three sons and their wives were spared! so, the whole human race is descended from good old fashioned country cousin' lovin! and, most likely, some brother/sister action as well due to the lack of out side partners!
whineygingercat 2 years ago
I was just going to say that. Destroyed two entire cities when He got sick of their behavior and vices.
Load More Replies... Steve Robert 2 years ago
Think it's the time for another flood. And with the ice packs melting, this time God doesn't have to do a thing!
#20
JCM 2 years ago
He managed to struggle into that shirt and do up all those buttons, then missed the only one that really matters. The one on his pants.
Nikki D 2 years ago
HAHAH I hadn't noticed and it makes the pic 100% better.
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Birgit Sommer 2 years ago
Hahaha, ok, this is the first one on this page that actually made me laugh out loud.
#21
CascadedFalls 2 years ago
Do it, or get the water from the bucket splashed on you.
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ShaZam Beaubien 2 years ago
and say ... I'm sorry .. I'm sorry ... I am so sorry but I really need to come in here.
MacClovia Solis 2 years ago
That is just so you don't slip and fall walking over a wet floor all normal!
Inked Kaos 2 years ago
Not in a Mexican house you don't! That's a death wish! My mother would yell then break out the chancla if we even dared to attempt walking on her freshly mopped and wet floors.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
Take off your shoes and socks, roll up your trousers and paddle through that sh*t singing "Oh I do like to be beside the seaside!"
Kelli Goldstone 2 years ago
Has any one watches little princess where that b***h stomped over her floor?
#22
Cara G 2 years ago
FRIENDS didn't utilize a laugh track. It was filmed before a studio audience.
Exotic Butters 2 years ago
Most sit coms are filmed before a live audience with a laugh track added before it airs.
Load More Replies... Carlo Gennaro 2 years ago
Millions of people in the United States and around the world would disagree
keyboardtek 2 years ago
This is more a comment on the average person's level of humor sophistication than a critique of Friends. I would have to agree with him.
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
Actually Friends doesn't use a laugh track. They would constantly change their jokes if the audience didn't laugh
CrunChewy McSandybutt 2 years ago
Sitcoms were so much better when they were filmed in front of a live audience.
Anony Mouse 2 years ago
I accidentally hit my phone with my thumb while watching Hulu and somehow started Home Improvement. Now it will haunt my history forever. WANT TO CONTINUE WATCHING HOME IMPROVEMENT? If you like Home Improvement, you'll love -
#23
Cyndielouwhoo 2 years ago
This is what happens when you look to store mannequins for how to wear the newest style
#24
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
*begins organising your funeral and gently breaking the news to your friends and family*
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#25
EJBWritesBooks 2 years ago
That's an image I HOPE lives in my head rent free
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Ankylosarus Wrecks 2 years ago
Pedro Pascal either looks slick as f**k or like a complete ragamuffin.
#26
PenguinQueen 2 years ago
I snort laughed at this and got a funny look from my patner on the couch 🤣
shanila.pheonix_ 2 years ago
he looks like a character from sausage party. ive never watched sausage party, just have a feeling he'd blend right in....
Jack Harris 2 years ago (edited)
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
#27
sofacushionfort 2 years ago
A doctor is there for the patient. A quack is there for themselves
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
Took me a moment to get it but when I did, it was totally worth it! 🤣
Maya Baggins 2 years ago
Care to explain, please? I don't know who they are
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#28
𝕔𝕚𝕟𝕟𝕚𝕖𝕞𝕠𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕒 2 years ago
That made me laugh a lot more than the op so Ty for that
Load More Replies... Frank Russell 2 years ago
"They broke the mold when they made you." Word has it they beat the sh!t out of the mold maker, too.
Catlady6000 2 years ago
Just wanna say my Honda Accord just turned 500,000 miles. There is a lot to be said for basic and dependable
DJR 2 years ago
I would love for the average person to be as good as a Honda Accord
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MushroomHead22 2 years ago
and Connor also has a dark history with a certain type of something that rhymes with mild corn.
Panda Kicki 2 years ago
Well, even Jesus had that car, he just didnt brag about it. "I dont speak for my own Accord"...
#29
David A Paterson 2 years ago
Let's just put it this way. For the amount of material to fill up that much ocean, you'd need to mine the USA so deep that you'd turn the whole of the USA into a new ocean.
RedMarbles 2 years ago
"Find a school bus in the morning and just get on it" is a new one and it is fantastic.
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
I think I would be scared to live in Florida... it looks like a thumb thats going to fall off
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Almarako94 2 years ago
Actually , money. It's physically possible, with enough people to work on that, it's even possible in about 5-10 years. That you will mess up the currents in the oceans and even will cause other parts to be flooded is a totally different thing. And don't let me get started about geological effects, but, it's possible, just terribly expensive.
Unpickled Pickle 2 years ago
Maybe you could mine some mountains and fill coastlines in.
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Jared Robinson 2 years ago
I mean they aren't wrong, but the problem is we are selling all of our sand and soil to be able to do stuff like that, to dubai, so that they can do stuff like that.
#30
anthony basargin 2 years ago
Had a buddy once get pissed off that some random chick was coming out of his bathroom, which he was remodeling at the time, and stops outside the door. He was showing another chick, whom he was hitting on, where the bathroom was and as the girl looks at all the disarray of the remodel she says to him, "Wow! Your bathroom looks terrible!". Hearing this the other girl replies, " Didn't you know?! This where they filmed Saw 4!". Lost his chance with that girl and still curses that other girls name lol.
ThéveNinja (she/her) 2 years ago
Don’t have the mentality of calling a woman a b***h and then not expecting a challenge. F**k you.
John Dilligaf 2 years ago (edited)
coulda been worse - she coulda added a comment about things being small, thin and soft as well
#31
Michele Garrard 2 years ago
Calling someone burnt toast is a BP put down too
Load More Replies... Hakunamawhatnow 2 years ago
OVER SALTED POTATO CHIP. Man, learning some amazing new insults here ❤️
Birgit Sommer 2 years ago (edited)
Right?! And kinda wholesome too. Kid safe. I actually misread it at the first glance, thought it said "you oversalted the potato chip", which I attributed to exaggeration. Taking it further lol.
Load More Replies... David A Paterson 2 years ago
First post is right in that Palestinians are native Israelis. The Palestinians are even descendents of the Biblical man Israel son of Isaac. The newcomers aren't.
Gareth Baus 2 years ago
Most the newcomers share a common heritage with Palestinians from a long time ago.
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Tata Connasse 2 years ago
"You over salted potato chip". Politely aggressive, new expression adopted 🤣
ILOVEBAMBOO 2 years ago
Why are people still calling them Indians???? THEY'RE NOT FROM INDIA! Srsly this makes no sense
#32
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I think the woman should get all the credit personally. Doctors should be able to take some credit for the teeny preemies they manage to keep alive, though.
#33
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
Joke’s on him: people who “renew their vows” are so often trying to fix a failing marriage (and the renewal seems only to speed the inevitable divorce for them). Well, I guess if he’s drunk, he’s not thinking things through. Poor guy. 😞
Almarako94 2 years ago
Imagine, everyone is that 3rd wheel until they turn 18 and leave the house
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April Pickett 2 years ago
I think the whole sentence needs to be reworked. It sounds like he's re-marrying his mother.
#34
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
I can’t stop laughing at “It’s going on my 🥜.” It’s $68 for .5 ounce, and you’ve gotta rub it on your privates. 😆 For that price, it oughtta get ALLL the wrinkles and funny parts out! 😆
MushroomHead22 2 years ago
i am a man, and i don't use her products... i have my own. i am a grown up.
XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 2 years ago
🤣🤣🤣 oh god, I'm never going to mature passed that point where I don't die laughing when someone says "balls"
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
My kids are like this. Their mom buys expensive stuff and I use cheap stuff. They grab whichever is closer. You're 6, you're too young to start paying $30/bottle for conditioner!
#35
Heather Menard 2 years ago
My sister does this with her sons friends. It's sick if you ask me.
Yer maw 2 years ago
My daughter's boyfriends mum has done the same and it freaks me the hell out, the idea of even thinking of my kids mates in that way gives me the heebies, and to top it off she just happens to live next door, not at all awkward. Is the reason he was desperate to move out and my daughter moved with him. It's seriously taken it's toll on him as it's happened multiple times - it's just totally f****d up in my opinion
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#36
David A Paterson 2 years ago
Right to the extent that, immaturity is a necessary prerequisite for marriage.
Load More Replies... keyboardtek 2 years ago
Old age is endless hours of boredom puctuated by occasional episodes of medical procedure terror.
#37
Con O Cuinn 2 years ago
Yeah, his ears don't make him look like he's preparing for takeoff
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Steph Bombardier (Stephhhh) 2 years ago
me: momo can we get will smith? // mom: no we have will smith at home // will smith at home:
#38
Trophy Husband 2 years ago (edited)
Am I the only one who can stomach their food?
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Yer maw 2 years ago
We now have Taco Bell in Scotland but I think we're missing the secret ingredient as it's never caused such an issue for anyone I know (and I had this conversation with multiple people as it confuses me why there's this reputation, my biggest complaint is they always forget the sauce for my churros)
Amanda Hunter 2 years ago
When my daughter went to the emergency room with diarrhea and dehydration, they asked if she'd been to Taco Bell.
#39
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
Is this someone I’m sposta recognize (like the topic of the tweet,), or is it just some random dude? I’m thinking it might be funny if I knew who the guy is. Or is it just a comment in the state of today’s music?
CG 2 years ago
Jake Paul. Professional douche-nozzle, "professional boxer", and a YouTuber who releases some of the worst series of noises that can somehow be classified as "music".
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#40
Birgit Sommer 2 years ago
Aaaaaw, everybody is beautiful somewhere lol. With some you just have to look a bit harder.
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marianne eliza 2 years ago
Depends on the avocado variety. There are several.
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Amanda Hunter 2 years ago
My mum did that when they first became available, she tried because they're called pears.
#42
#43
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
Oftentimes, it's not about trying to convince a troll that they're wrong, it's about showing other people that hate needs to be challenged and fought against.
Load More Replies... David A Paterson 2 years ago
Excellent question. I know four ways, but they require some coaching, not just a Facebook post.
Load More Replies... Becky Samuel 2 years ago
Depends on the day and the mood. Sometimes this site pees me off so much that they deserve everything they get. So far today I've spotted two comments with over a dozen upvotes that were blatant misinformation, just completely wrong, and one pathetic group of posts shaming men for having genitals that apparently don't conform to acceptable standards. Trust me people, big car = small genitals is not a funny or original joke and y'all need to take a long hard look at yourselves about *why* exactly you feel the need to defend lazy body-shaming.
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#44
David A Paterson 2 years ago
I'm going to have to re-evaluate my IQ. It took me 20 seconds to see that.
The Original Bruno 2 years ago
Taking a guess: She was going to UCBerkeley? (A.k.a., "California?")
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago
Tbf, she could have meant University of California. Yea, that’s it. I hope.
hcaballero57 2 years ago
To be fair most Californians don't claim San Francisco to begin with anyway
#45
James016 2 years ago (edited)
My mill brings all the bakers to the yard. It grinds much better than yours.
Micheala Smith 2 years ago
Anyone else sort of sing this to “my milkshake brings all the boys to my yard?” Or just me?
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
Back then: Too many commas. Now: Not enough commas. Somewhere in the middle, there musta been the perfect number of commas, and people could read things easily. I wanna return to those days.
Cindy Brick 2 years ago
At least it's not salt. (Am I the only one who knows this fairytale -- that the ocean is salty because someone got greedy by grinding salt?)
Ben Herron 2 years ago
My mill play on the double feature screen. Your mill goes straight to dvd
#46
Squiffle Noses 2 years ago
I think he was appreciating the brand name 'acoustic' being a thing in the acoustic guitar world. It's a bit obscure though - ironically unironic enough to have made its way into that Alanis Morrisette Song... though possibly only the acoustic version.
#47
Tyranamar Seuss 2 years ago
Finally. Someone has done the whole "smile" thing to a guy. I like his answer.
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago
Wait. Did a woman just tell a man to smile, it can’t be all bad? Epic
michael Chock 2 years ago
When people ask me to donate money for teen challenge i simply tell them all my money went to my challenged teen. (Enter any charity for kids)
afia kooma 2 years ago
The act of smiling and laughing, even mecanically, is so powerful it will actually make you feel happier. This has been practised in Japan(?) For a long time and there is talk about introducing it in therapy in Norway among other.
Birgit Sommer 2 years ago (edited)
A smile is the most important thing in life. It's free AND doesn't hurt! A frown involves a lot more facial muscles.
#48
Bob Brooce 2 years ago
Yup. It may not be the answer they wanted, but it's an honest answer.
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Anyone-for-tea? 2 years ago
Ikr? Prolly see how it’s not ez to get how the kids talk these days! But dw I’ll help, but I gtg rn!
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Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
Depends on what the situation is but probs not because I don't leave even when I should
🇳🇬 Asi Bassey 🇳🇬 2 years ago
If human relationships had this much sincerity there’d be fewer heartbreaks.
#49
Hawkmoon 2 years ago
Did a fast research on google and a C-Major on piano is three white keys, for those who wonder.
Brooklyn Roffman 2 years ago
As a mixed girl who looks white ( despite bein 50% black), Stuff like this can HURT!
Frank Russell 2 years ago
Since Homo Sapiens originated in Africa we are all, technically, Africans. Different shades, but same origins.
Ice Pack and Essential Oils 1 year ago
Me, a half-Indian, half-white person who looks white: Wow.
Michael None 2 years ago
I feel like people only say "I'm part black" right after they get caught saying the n-word in public. Just saying....
#50
Nikki Gross 2 years ago
Last time, I saw this pic posted that she was talking about losing a s**t ton of weight in stress and anxiety. It was from the before pic with the guy and the dog and the after pic of her just with the dog. WTF BP?
Phyllis Panda 2 years ago
🎼You cheated on me, Autumn. 🎶 Give me back my dog. You cheated on me, Autumn, you're such a scanky hog. 🎶
#51
#52
DC 2 years ago
... Brother Teresa ... oh my ... oh my, I hope that now that I'm dying from laughing I won't be placed in Mother Teresa's custody. Evl Bidge, one of the worst humans to ever have lived. Pain medication would "distant people from Jesus!", therefore they weren't administered in her facilities. But when she herself suffered and died, she was given loads and loads of everything Flora and Pharma have to offer, and did not refuse it. Maybe she knew that she was closest to Jesus anyway, and didn't need that? Anyway, let's stop remembering her as somewhat good, but as the evil, self righteous crooked parasite she was.
Birgit Sommer 2 years ago
At least the World Cup is actually played by many different countries whereas the football anything world is simply played among US teams, and maybe some Canadian.
Paddling Panda 2 years ago
We have our own football league in Canada - the CFL - and our own series that culminates in the Grey Cup in November. Our fields are different too, so our teams don't compete against any US teams. I don't watch either, so that's the extent of my knowledge on this subject. :)
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Moo 2 years ago
I don't get the superiority complex lmao. The Superbowl is exclusively American. The world cup is for, well, the world. Have fun with your futball, I'll have fun with my American football<3
Paddling Panda 2 years ago (edited)
US American. The Americas are comprised of dozens of different countries, one of which is the United States. So the Superbowl is exclusively US American. I know I'm being pedantic so I'll show myself out now.
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Jake stenhouse 2 years ago
It’s like he’s wearing a Mickey Mouse hat but one of the ears fell off
#54
Mike D 2 years ago
Used to be a Carpe Diem shirt from Thinking Man in the 1980's and the tag said "Tumble dry. In a dryer." I still envision someone rolling down a hill in a damp polo shirt
Parmeisan 2 years ago
Well now I'm just envisioning someone getting into a dryer and pushing off the ground like you do with a toboggan so they can tumble down a hill in a dryer
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cogadh 2 years ago
No, it's Gatorade parody account. Results of paid for blue checks on Twitter... excuse me, "X"
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Goose of the Ahonkalypse 2 years ago
Ok but they are really hard to open sometimes. There's always that one in a pack that gets left until the end because no one in the house can open it without tools.
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
“One in the pack”? If I buy six 20 Oz bottles of Pepsi, all six will be missing the scoring in the cap, meaning I hafta get out my Dremel to getthe bottles open. Seems the machinery that scores the caps fails once in awhile and it isn’t noticed until a whooole metric 💩-ton of unopenable bottles has been created! 🤬Grrr.
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#57
#58
#59
#60
T'Mar of Vulcan 2 years ago
Dr Hawkes from "CSI NY" was named Sheldon. There was even a scene in which he said his parents took two weeks to decide on a name, and the other character said, "They took 2 weeks to name you SHELDON?!!"
#61
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
I’d be grateful if you’d explain it to me; I’m totally lost. I have no idea what “chill plankton” means. Help me out, please?
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#62
Ozymandias73 2 years ago
He went past friend zone straight to the phantom zone. No coming back from that ever so subtle burn!
WalkieTaco 1 year ago
gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr the amount of pain this makes me feel
#63
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
He got with a girl whose f***y was in the air at a club? 😳 That seems like a bad decision. 😕
Zoe Vokes 2 years ago (edited)
You’re American I assume? Fánny means vagina in the UK, so bottoms up is the exact opposite. 🙃 I watched an American show once where a girl says “I’ve got a lovely fánny!” 😂🤣
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Non Bi-nary Panda ️ 2 years ago (edited)
he forgot "You mess with the bull, you get the horns" and "No more mister nice guy"
Zoe Vokes 2 years ago
Isn’t it based on the “country music” parts of America?
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RedBadgerCan'tSwim 2 years ago
It's also not complete. It appears to be missing almost the entire firing system (hammer/c**k, trigger, frizzen).
#66
Strawberry Pizza 2 years ago
These guys are smack-bang at the top of the bell curve lmao
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Binky Melnik 2 years ago
She’s apparently depressed that she put AAALLL that makeup on, including the false lashes, and he doesn’t wanna go to the club so she’s stuck in bed, wasting a good face day.
Settled for Infamy 2 years ago
I would give anything to have a moment like this again, just once😍. My child is 10
#68
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
best get to churning butter afore brother zebediaha breaks out the ole witch finding boulders.
James016 2 years ago
Now I have Amish Paradise in my head! Also tell Jacob and Ezekiel that the barn wont build itself
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#69
#70
Robert Larson, LPN, JD 2 years ago
What is wrong with his nose? It looks like there are three tips to it!
#72
Power puff scientist 2 years ago
i remember this one, part of the joke is missing, where it said something like theres a chance this asteroid might hit Earth on February 14th.
#73
Nikki Gross 2 years ago
From one Nikki to another, thank you and take my upvote!
Load More Replies... Mini grizzly 2 years ago
I'm sorry but if someone would tell me something like this , I'd be passing away from laughter. It's sounds even funnier if I imagine the whole sentence in my mother language.
#74
Zephyr343 2 years ago
I think the young lady that made the comment about his neck being gone had previously made a post about her friend being gone. So when she made the joke about him not having a neck, this insensitive neckbeard made the comment about her friend being gone.
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Binky Melnik 2 years ago
It would appear Brandon ate his neck … and then it got stuck in his throat. 🙄
Rocky Horror Panda 2 years ago
I've never seen an absolutely square-@ss blockhead like this child.
Bruce Scheiman 2 years ago
She was making fun of his neck, by asking where it was. So he in return, asked where her friend was, from a former post she made about her friend passing away. Low blow in both of parts.,
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