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“A Few Times Per Day”: 30 Surprising Answers To How Often People Regret Marrying Their Partner
Marriage is a lifelong commitment that people shouldn’t just enter into on a whim. Couples who choose to marry should do it because they really adore their partner and don’t want to live life without them.
Unfortunately, sometimes after getting hitched, certain people start second-guessing their decision, and this can lead to a lot of problems. The married people in this list reveal how often they’ve regretted tying the knot and why they feel like that. It’s surprising to see the vast differences in all their experiences.
More info: Reddit
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#1
Never. Even in the hard times, I would choose him again and again if given the chance.
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#2
I’m not even 100% happy with myself 100% of the time.
Is it fair to imagine that I could be 100% happy with another person 100% of the time?
#3
I don’t ever fully regret marrying him… but sometimes I question my choice. Especially when I’m pmsing. But I was 23 when we got together and now I’m 44. What I want/need is SO different from what I wanted when I was younger. If I were to do it again, I most likely would not choose him.
It might seem surprising to think that anyone could regret getting married to the love of their life, but these feelings are apparently way more common than you’d expect. Studies have found that 10% of couples began having second thoughts the day after they got hitched. This means that within the first 24 hours, they began doubting or even regretting their decision.
The excitement that comes with getting married often fades faster than folks would expect. This might make a person feel worried about losing the spark or passion in their relationship. What’s important to note is that people who reach the 5-year marriage mark often tend to have less regret because the intensity of the feeling starts settling as time passes.
#4
My emotions are a constant roller coaster!!! One minute I love him, the next I know I could do better. It's so hard to go thru this all of the time. I'm told it's normal, but doesn't feel it.
#5
My wife married her first husband when she was 18 and he was 20. They were married for 24 years before they divorced. When we were getting to know each other she admitted if she'd met him when she was 25 or so, she never would have married him.
Romy Rösli 10 months ago
I was 21 when I got together with my ex-husband. If I‘d met him when I was 30 I wouldn’t even have wanted to be his friend. Heck, if we shared an office I‘d hate him.
#6
I don't. I think I have been extraordinary lucky with my choice in a life partner.
There could be many reasons why people decide to tie the knot with someone they are not fully certain about. One of the most common reasons is due to external pressure. Especially if a couple has been dating for a long time, there might be expectations that they’ll get hitched soon, and this might end up snowballing into a proposal and a quick marriage.
Sometimes, it’s only after the wedding, when people start their life together, that they realize who their partner actually is. They might not like what they have learned about the other person or might not be able to put up with their quirks or habits. Over time, this can lead to resentment, which starts taking a toll on the relationship.
#7
Married for 9, been together for 11. Probably the last few years I’ve regretted every single damn day of my life. But with kids involved, it’s not easy to just divorce and walk away…..
BoredLittleLeafSheep 10 months ago
Do noy stay together for "the kids' sake". If your marriage is bad, they know it and it's better to have two happy, separated parents than two miserable married ones.
#8
Never ever. I felt that way with husband one. I get annoyed with my hubs and he with me but I would never trade him for anyone else or even to be alone.
BoredLittleLeafSheep 10 months ago
Same. Absolutely regret marriage #1 (when I was 20), but zero regrets with #2.
#9
Here or there. Always during irrational / heightened moments. NEVER voiced. Just the grass is greener mentality, what ifs and what nots inner dialogue and mind wandering. Always passes.
Montanavanna 10 months ago
Yes, in those moments, those thoughts arise. I think that is almost universal, right? Perhaps our culture of better, other, more better, bigger, the chase of something else informs that more than actual experience in the relationship. I recognize those feelings for what they are and I let the rest go. We have been together for 27 years, married for 22. We have had our s**t, errbody got their s**t. We have been through it but we always come back together. You chose your person for a reason. Don't rush locking your lives together in the eye of the guvament but please do shoot for the love that is there. That flew on a tangent, my bad, I was feeling it.
When two people come together in marriage, they need to keep working on their relationship so that they can maintain and strengthen their bond. A popular reason why people regret getting hitched is the monotony of their day-to-day life. It’s possible that folks stop trying their best after getting married to their spouse, which then makes them feel like they’ve settled into a rut.
A shocking reason for the post-marriage remorse that folks feel is related to attraction. According to a survey, around 10% of people no longer feel physically attracted to their partner and hence feel trapped in the relationship. Whether it’s attraction, money, communication, lack of effort, or other reasons, if people want their marriage to thrive, they need to put in the hard work for it.
#10
About four times a year I wonder if she will be the woman I want her to be... then I remember she will never be that but that she is enough, and perhaps she is in many ways better than I could have imagined.
About 4 times a year I wonder if she will ever be the woman I see inside her, unburdened by her past, traumas and pain. And then I realize that she may or may not, but that we have both grown leaps and bounds in our time together and that I am so grateful for her pursuits of personal growth and knowledge as well as how much she has propelled me to my own growth I the world.
And so I keep trucking on and loving the s**t out of her and trying to be a better human being.
Montanavanna 10 months ago
Beautiful words, my friend. You really captured some realities while showing the strength in how we tackle them in our relationships. Kudos.
#11
No, even when we are not speaking. If you think that, then you have some decisions to make.
FreeTheUnicorn 10 months ago
Why aren't you speaking? That sounds awful, more like Stockholm syndrome than marriage.
#12
I wish I had the chance to think more about it when he asked me. Proposals often happen when we are young and trying to find our way, leaving home and learning how to live in the world on our own. Sadly I think I believed getting married would help me break free from my father's control. When someone asks you to get married- how can you say no? I mean really? I didn't want to say yes right away but there was so much pressure and honestly it felt like the only option at the time. Well over a decade later - I love my husband, he was best friend. But, it doesn't seem fair, it feels like a trick, a way to keep us, women especially trapped in one patriarchal relationship after another. I suspect this will be a very unpopular opinion! But I think about it time to time, and how my life could have been different. Maybe not better. Just feels like decisions were made without me even realizing.
Dog Mom to Zoe 10 months ago
Same. Friends for 4 years, relationship for 4 years, married for 2 years. Divorced over 30 years with no regrets in getting the divorce. Sadly, his life took a dark turn and he's no longer on this earth.
The more time people spend with their partner, the more they learn about the person. This can either help them grow in love or can make them feel a sense of annoyance toward the other person. Folks who truly want to heal their marriage need to first understand that their spouse will keep growing and changing as a person and that that’s okay.
The next thing to do is to work on their emotional connection and really open the lines of communication in a loving and respectful way. The more emotionally in tune couples are, the easier they will be able to rekindle their passion. Another thing to keep in mind is not to criticize or blame one’s partner but rather to give them respect and really pay attention to what they’re saying.
#13
Never. 19 years and I really don’t think there is anyone who could be as compatible as we are together. Have we gone through difficult times? Of course, but I have never had regrets.
#15
Never! I often say that I picked him as my husband and the father of my children. He’s the best I could have picked. BUT- I understand people who do feel this way. Marriage is not easy. Co-living is hard, managing money is hard. I hope you find peace in your marriage 😥.
A loving marriage doesn’t just happen; it must be consciously cultivated. In exceptional cases, the reasons people regret their relationship might be justified, especially if they involve dire circumstances. In other situations, those feelings of remorse can be improved upon so that people can have a happy and healthy marriage.
#16
Rationally, I'm 100% glad I married my wife. Emotionally I've doubted every major choice I've made in my life at one point or another. My marriage isn't an exception. Maybe some people don't have doubts or consider how their lives could have gone different, but I'm not gonna act like every moment I think I've made the perfect choices. If I ever have doubts, I remember how much happiness she's brought to my life and how much better of a person I've become by sharing my life with her.
#18
I never ever did in all 15 years of my first marriage and I was blindsided when he left me. Regardless of how often you question the decision to be married, the real question is: how honest are you with yourselves and each other about whether your needs are being met, about what fulfillment looks like? What are your favorite things about each other? What gets on your nerves?
I’m in my second marriage and we are going through a challenging period. I find myself questioning the decision sometimes. But I use that as a reminder to check in on the questions I mentioned above. And, sure enough, my uncertainty usually reflects a breakdown in our communication and/or an unmet need.
#20
Recently. Most of the time sadly. Dead bedroom has really ruined us and she doesn’t seem to care.
BoredLittleLeafSheep 10 months ago
If your marriage was only about the sex then it was doomed from the beginning. Age and health can hamper your sex life, but a truly solid relationship will adapt and adjust because marriage is more than sex.
#21
Never. Married 22 years. Never a day that I regret. I married my best friend who doesn’t expect me to be anything or anyone other than me.
#22
Being completely honest, there were a few times during our first year of marriage, mainly due to communication issues and unmet expectations. We held on and worked through it together and now 7 years + one child later I can 100% say I have no regrets at all.
I feel like having regrets isn’t always a marriage ender, but it probably does signify issues that need to be communicated and resolved.
Montanavanna 10 months ago
Here here! It always breaks my heart when people divorce in their first year.
#24
I never did, until I uncovered his dirty little secret… and now I regret it every day!
#26
My husband is on a lot of medication & he sometimes is erratic/chaotic & it gives me major anxiety. We have 2 teens, have a pretty good life but there are times I just want to get away from him. We been together 17 years. We are very codependent on each other. I look at it like a disability he can’t control. I don’t regret marrying him but I do sometimes wonder what my life would be if I never met him. I wouldn’t have my kids so I don’t dwell on it.
LB 10 months ago
I feel like people use the word codependent in a different way than it was first intended to be used. From wiki: The term co-dependent was first used to describe persons whose lives were affected through their involvement with a person with a substance use disorder (i.e. the dependent) resulting in the development of a pattern of coping with life that was not healthy as a reaction to the dependent's substance abuse. [...] In psychology [nowadays], codependency is a theory that attempts to explain imbalanced relationships where one person enables another person's self-destructive behavior.
#27
When we first had our daughter and I was going through PPD, we fought constantly. Literally for like a year. I regretted a lot in that year and felt like I’d chosen wrong. But we’re 5 years on now and I haven’t felt like that in a very, very long time. We have both grown tremendously and these days I find myself worrying about what I would do if anything happened to him rather than regretting anything. And since we got married after having our babies, I’ve never *technically* regretted marrying him 😂.
#28
I would say I never regret marrying, but sometimes I wonder if marriage is the best path forward for us. I still hope we make it to forever, but maybe monthly I have doubts.
#29
Never, marrying my husband will always be the single best decision I ever made
I don’t think it’s normal to regret marrying your spouse.
BoredLittleLeafSheep 10 months ago
Depends on the spouse. Married my first when we were both far too young and we grew into different people that were definitely not compatible.
#30
I could never regret it.
My biggest fear was ending up hating the only man I ever loved. I'm hanging in and hopefully it changes.
What do you think ?
Michael Largey 10 months ago
A woman, married 60 years to the same man, was asked if there ever had been a time when she had ever considered divorce. She replied, "On, no. Murder, yes, but never divorce."
Susie Elle 10 months ago
Sometime's I'm just 'sick of their s**t'. Then I remember that I've felt that with all my partners at some point, and without a doubt they've felt the same about me. It's easy to think the other person is the problem, but it'd be incredibly arrogant to think there's nothing at fault with yourself. Nobody's perfect.
Michael Largey 10 months ago
A woman, married 60 years to the same man, was asked if there ever had been a time when she had ever considered divorce. She replied, "On, no. Murder, yes, but never divorce."
Susie Elle 10 months ago
Sometime's I'm just 'sick of their s**t'. Then I remember that I've felt that with all my partners at some point, and without a doubt they've felt the same about me. It's easy to think the other person is the problem, but it'd be incredibly arrogant to think there's nothing at fault with yourself. Nobody's perfect.
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