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Someone Asks “What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?” And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers
Kids are not for everyone. Yet, many default to expecting people to start procreating once they settle down, even insisting that those who claim not to want children will surely someday change their minds. Especially women.
But there are plenty of valid reasons for living child-free. And if a person doesn't want to commit to spending around 18 years of their life caring for another human being whose well-being depends entirely on them, maybe we shouldn't force them into it? Regardless of whether or not they belong to the heteronormative part of society.
Drawing attention to the problem, Redditor AGstudios22 asked other platform users who don't plan on having kids what made them come to that conclusion, and we thought that reading through the answers can provide you with quite a few interesting insights, regardless of your own position.
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From my own experience, I don’t like the thought of bringing a kid into the world we live in. I’d much sooner adopt a kid who’s in a shifty place or in a struggling area. There are millions of kids starving out there, there are millions of kids being abused out there. Rather save one of them than bring another kid into this retched place
I really, really don't want to be a parent and I feel like that should at the very least be a prerequisite to having them. My grandmother didn't seem to enjoy parenthood, my mom certainly didn't. They did it because they were "supposed to". I'm breaking the cycle.
I’ve occasionally questioned my normal-ness: shouldn’t every healthy adult animal want to perpetuate the species, at least a little? Shouldn’t I have instincts to reproduce? But I don’t XD I want cats and dogs!
Selfishness. I like the freedom of being able to wake up or go wherever i want without worrying “whos gonna watch my kids” or “my kids are awake so i have to be awake” so i guess I value my personal freedom more then anything a child could provide me
It concerns me that it is often regarded as ‘selfishness’. Your entire life is changed, completely. There is nothing wrong with looking after ‘you’. There are enough children in the world, focus on being a better human being for yourself, so the your own freedoms.
The fact that nothing really makes me WANT to have them. I feel like you should have an overwhelming desire to become a parent - I don’t, so why would I have a kid?
Good point. You need to be wanting kids 100%. You can’t take it back. Plus it’s important that a child is brought into the world and know they are absolutely wanted.
You know when you are out in public, and you see parents of children and immediately think, "Those people should have never had kids."?
That's me. I'm those people. Not only do I agree with you, I also took your advice.
Can I answer even though I have them?
The fact that I have them makes me not want them.
I love my kids and will lay down my life for them, but raising kids SUCKS!
They financially, physically and mentally suck the life out of you.
Sure they have their moments but there is nothing rewarding about raising kids, the only thing you get in return is judgement and premature aging.
I don't regret having them, but man I'll be celebrating hard when they're adults and leave home.
Admitting the harsh truth is morally better than telling a more palatable lie.
They don’t care if you’re sick, tired, exhausted, hungover, or just need breaks. You’re always on. Even when they grow up you’re never done worrying about them because we’re very world weary by that point and they’re not seasoned.
Man I’m so glad I don’t have kids. This entire thread is just making me feel so validated 😅 y’all enjoy your paw patrol and 18+ year lack of free time during the last quality years of your youth. I’m currently kickin back at the beach in my truck smoking a doobie and painting, I think I’m going to put dinner off so I can go climb this hill and sketch a bit up there and watch the sunset :) No one to argue with me, just me and my life to live. No disrespect honestly I’m glad a lot of people find that their “true purpose is to be a mother” this way, but I clearly am not meant to be a mother and that makes me so so SO happy :)
You think Paw patrol is bad? Try teletubbies!!!! I've finally broken down and told my adult daughters that no, I actually don't like Disney. I've seen Disney movies thousands of times and I don't feel a need to watch another even once.
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I agree with this very much. I've said numerous times, I love my two little monsters to pieces. I have two teenagers, a girl and a boy who is autistic and nonverbal. Getting him to sleep past 545/6a on the weekends never happens. They're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wouldn't give them up for anything in this Earth. It sure would be nice to get some sleep though. I'm just saying. Lol
I feel the same. My autistic ADHD son is amazing and the world is a better place with him in it. Everyone says that about all of my kids. But it's never ending HARD work. Teen years with my girls had me picking out places to bury their asses..jk... Sort of. Lol The amount of everything that goes into raising them...Oof. Love them fiercely though. Didn't want kids. Glad I had them. 100% sure that not everyone will be glad they had them. I've known several men that thought they wanted kids until they realized what life with kids looks like... After they were born.
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That's so interesting. My parents are literally the opposite. We are 4 siblings and my eldest brother is 18 years older than me, so I guess my parents didn't want to stop raising kids. One of my brothers lived at home until he was 33 and when he finally moved out, it was a shock for my parents and they were devastated to see him leave.
Were they good parents, would you say? Because if so, then I say more power to them. My best friend had her second child and told me recently, "baby fever is real" and she's picked out names for her hypothetical two future children. I was holding her baby for a while and was like, yep, I think I see more why you might want another one of these. Her toddler is really good too - the cutest thing was watching them babble away in a combination of sign language and English and it is still just as nonsensical as toddlers usually are when they speak. Every sentence requires 20 questions of clarification. 😂
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I'm sure there are MANY more parents who feel exactly this way but are afraid to say it for fear of being labeled bad people.
Soon to be mom's ask me what it's like and I always say, you want the truth? Or do you want me to lie to you?
Tbh, and I don't mean to rain on your parade, but it doesn't get better when they are adults honey. I have 3 adults kids and the younger 2 I could wring their necks sometimes. My middle kid felt like I should fight his battles for him and he has 2 kids himself! Wtf you mean?! Then I was all types of useless b*tches and dumb, amongst other things. My youngest called the police on me and had me arrested because I took her phone in which I paid the bill. If I had've known parenthood was going to be like this, I would have never had any, or I would have stopped at my first child, because he gave me no problems at all.
Later that the police decided my apartment was messy and smelled bad. 1 I'd been to the bathroom for a nr2 because I'm lactose intolerant and had eaten something that had lactose in, giving me major stomach issues and it smelled bad. 2, I was halfway through the dishes and cleaning the kitchen when md arrived. 3, I'd moved a bookcase from the bedroom into the living room to make place for the travel cot for my youngest grandchild when she was allowed to start sleeping over. While moving it some books fell off the shelves and I was distracted by the 3 piles of toys I was also sorting out into age appropriate for each grandchild. So my apartment was messy and smelly. Md reported my daughter to child services to say that my grandkids were at my place all the time and the police said it was messy. Ed got called by a social worker who said that if she continues to send her kids to my unsanitary apartment she will lose custody of all 3 kids. So no more babysitting because of md.
I have a narcissistic adult child too. That's all I'm going to say. I feel ya. Sorry you had to go through that.
Load More Replies... My middle daughter aged 26 is a narcissistic person. She destroys everyone she comes across by abusing us. Even her two sisters have gone no contact with her same as I've done. She continues to make life hell for us. Her oldest sister has 3 children, 7, 5 and 1 and I see them frequently. Babysit the older two maybe 1 or 2 nights a month but haven't started taking the baby as well. A couple of weeks ago my md turned up at my door, banging on it, continually ringing the bell and trying to get in. I was doing dishes and went to the door and said I had nothing to say to her and I wanted her to leave. She refused. I called my eldest daughter to ask what I should do because I get so much anxiety around md. Call the police she said so I did. Md was gone when 2 cars came. 1 car went to her apartment, one came inside to take my statement and the other one took a statement over the phone from my ed. Found out
If I had it to do over I would not have kids. They do literally suck the life out of you.
I totally agree with this. As a single father, of now young adults I can say the hardest lesson I learned is that no matter how much you are there for your kids and how much you guide them, they are going to be the kind of people they choose to be. And if they make good life choices that's great. But if they don't, you are still expected to clean up their messes. If you don't, you get the guilty trip that no matter what you should do everything for them. People think that being a good parent is all on you. But in reality, it has a lot to do with the people your children choose to be. It really is a two way street. I have tried to teach my kids that pretty much everything that happens to you in life is mostly based on personal decisions you make. And I guess having kids is part of that, but know that once you have kids, the decisions they make also have an affect on you. I love my kids, but if I had it all over to do again I definitely would not.
Don't hold your breath about them leaving home the way things are now. No one hires full time, if anyone is hiring. Rent, food, gas, the cost of living is so high they can't afford to move out even working 2 jobs. Don't hold your breath, blue is not a nice color unless it's for your team.
I appreciate your honesty. However, my rewards of being a parent come when my kids accomplish something they've been working toward or when one of them call me and say, "Hey momma I need to talk". There were times when my daughter was younger that I truly believe I hated her. I realize now that was my inadequacy in dealing with her ADHD. I fully support anyone who chooses not to have children and wish like hell more people would not have them.
And, fair point; IF they become adults and IF they leave home. Because there's always a chance your kid needs life long care.
I'm convinced that you need to be rich to afford kids. I have trouble enough feeding myself and my SO, let alone 1 or 2 or 3 others.
This! Everyday of my life! But if you say this out loud you're a horrible mother. 😑
A continuation of my previous comment. I love my children with all my heart but if i had never had them I wouldn't be able to miss what I didn't have. I don't want children yet I have them. And yes, I'm obligated to them and I love them because they're mine but I know my life could have been much better for me personally had I not had children. By instinct, I'm a globetrotter. I love traveling. And I do travel but not always alone and I usually have to take at least one or more with me at a time. But I prefer to travel alone. But it is what it is. I hope that my children don't feel obligated to get married or have children. Only do what they believe is best for them. I'm sure one of them will have kids and that'll make me a grandparent. It won't be my job to raise them. It'll be their responsibility. As is they're my responsibility. My parents don't help me raise my kids.
Been raising my two grnddghtrs since they were 2m and 1yr..my son, my youngest had just turned old enough to be left alone ONE year prior, my husband and I had plans on trucking and traveling the country as soon as he turned 18..nope, not now. Now we're getting to do it all over again. We are NOT looking forward to two teenagers AGAIN.
Load More Replies... I couldn't agree more. I've four children. My kids span over two generations. One is 26, another's 18, and two younger one's 10 and 6. I never intentionally got pregnant nor had I envisioned myself with four children. Children are an enormous expense, physically, mentally, and emotionally draining because you must find it within yourself to give the best of yourself to your children. Instill in them a good moral compass, provide them with the best education that you're capable of. Staying on top of what is happening with them in their school studies, their grades, and in summer you have to work on summer education so they don't forget what they learned in the previous school year and as well get an introduction to the next school year. If 5hey have any subjects that they struggle in, you must either tutor them yourself or hire a tutor to come aid their progress.They also need extracurricular activities to do outside with other people their age. There's virtually no time for yourself.
Mine is the fact that I ALWAYS think/worry about them. My brain NEVER gets a moment off!! There are fears at every stage of it:. Will I get pregnant/Am I pregnant, miscarriage, stillborn, SIDS, choking hazards, other kids germs, crossing the street, kidnapping, school shooting, abuse by a trusted adult, abuse by a stranger, bullying at school-bully or being bullied, this doesn't even get u past elementary school. The worries only multiply as time goes on and in adulthood I'll be worried about their relationships and finances SMH😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫
They leave for college and then they come home. These days, with inflation and sky rocketing housing costs, they bring their spouses home too. And then they get pregnant and you have a grandbaby in the house you thought you'd have to yourself - along with no money because you're still helping them. And yes, the love and wonder of children but still.
For the jackpot you can have a disabled child. You don't look forward to them being larger, heavier, still at home and now you gotta administer their lives as adults with them instead of just having a kid, all while still relentlessly parenting forever. It's late in the summer "holidays" so sue me for the brutal honesty.
Yes: you are wecome to answer this one. We who chose against parenthood thank you for your honesty and authenticity. It's a cautionary tale for anybody who is on the fence, whose heart is really saying "nooooo!" What support do you get from others? What does Mother's /Father's Day do for you every year? Many (likely most) of us appreciate your perspective, and it can give a needed push to say no to parenthood without guilt, to help resist pressure from others around them stuck in old counter a productive thinking. Do you have those bottles of champagne ready?
Please never allow anyone to pressure you to have kids. Just look them in the face & ask them if they will be the one financially supporting that child, or the one to be up all night when they are sick, the one helping with homework & extra curricular activities throughout their school years. Will they be there with the bandaids, hugs & support when they fall or have their heart broken. Unless they say yes, tell them to worry about their own lives & let you live yours. As a parent to a daughter that chooses to be child-free, I watch/listen to the garbage people spew (including the doctors that refuse to tie her tubes) and it makes me so angry that these people think they have a right to an opinion about something so personal. Stay strong & keep making the best choices for you & your life!
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Dude, I can’t agree with this enough 😆🤣 I have 3 boys & 6 bonus kiddos, all ages 5-17. Kids are hard & they really do suck you dry as a human being sometimes 🤷🏻♀️
Yes. This. I love my kids. I would tear down walls for them. But I hate being a parent
you managed to be honest and also not rude. GIVE ME A MASTERCLASS OP
Your honesty is refreshing. Most parents will not express these facts.
Watching them grow and mold into people is a reward in itself. I agree it's stressful and financially straining. I would not change it for the world.
There is nothing rewarding about raising kids?! I could go on forever about the rewards I've gotten, be it my 18-year-old daughter hugging me and telling me she's so glad that we love her, care about her, and raised her with boundaries after a classmate, whom she knew had un-involved, absent parents, committed suicide recently; or my son, who is learning disabled, successfully completing half of his college courses because we've always told him he can do anything he wants to set his mind to. Watching your kids nurturing their talents, whether it's dance or playing a musical instrument, is rewarding, plus just so much more. My kids are caring, thoughtful, kind and happy. That's more than enough for me.
Having children has been the most rewarding experience of my life. It the best hardest thing I have ever done. You have no idea the capacity you can love another human being until you have a child and it helps you become a more caring nurturing selfless person putting their needs above your own.
I can totally appreciate this as a parent who has 4! Two of which are adults and two on their way to being and I love tf outta them but holy hell does it suck. They themselves are great! But the exhaustion (mental, spiritual, physical) and it being hard to save money blows. Also worrying about them being safe drives me absolutely insane. Especially when I have no control over where they are and who they're with (the adult children) It's seriously just too much
I don't have kids and will never have any, but I believe that raising children can be rewarding because they bring joy, laughter, learning opportunities and challenges that can really make us better people. I think they help to keep us young too because we learn to see the world through their eyes. I truly believe that being a parent is the most difficult responsibility in the world, but being able to help shape the life of a human being is one of the highest honours and privilege we can ever receive
Yes. And, for single moms, it's a one way ticket to the poor house. And, before you judge single moms, you should realize that MANY women start with no intention of doing the incredibly difficult work of raising kids with one parent. But, breakups, divorce and death of partners leave over 40% of family households headed by single moms. A lot of those kids live in poverty because employers routinely discriminate against single moms. No employer wants to play second fiddle to your kids. Employers routinely reward fathers because they assume the woman will care for the kids and dad will work twice as hard to support his family. So, my advice to women is don't have kids until this country decides to treat you and kids like you matter.
Yes. I agree with this whole comment. But I'll add...I raised 3 of my 4 then the 1st born couldn't handle adulting and I ended up with her 2 while getting the last of mine out the door. Now my last one is 24 and I'm raising 2 teenagers. How did my child thank me. By having 2 more that she tries to guilt trip me into taking whenever she can. Example of someone who should not have had kids. It is a commitment. And if you're not ready to give up your life to do the JOB by all means "good on you". Nothing selfish about making great decisions for yourself and any unborn children 😉. Congratulations 🎊 you just passed adulting 101.
Yup, my son was 13 and just began being old enough that my husband and I had some free time..then came the situation of us raising our two grnddghtrs ages 2m and 1yr. Our son is now 22 and our grnddghtrs are about to turn 9&10..dreading the years ahead.
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I totally understand. I got married too young, 19, Love of my Life. 5yrs into it he really wanted to have kids. I was not necessarily opposed. @ 24 I had my son. 28 months later I had my daughter. Draining yea, my son was colicky never slept, my daughter perfect Gerber baby. 15 yrs into marriage, he checked out. Now @ 34 I was a single Mom raising 2 preteens, literally by myself. Hardest job ever... within 3 yrs, I took in a 13 yr old Foster, simply because her mother told her she took up too much of her time & money. All graduated HS & college. I felt very successful & accomplished. The struggle was REAL & worth it to me. They are now living their own self sufficient lives & I have 5 grands. The payoff has been the Grands. I love the time spent with them. It's all how you approach life. I completely understand those that choose not to have children. It is a lifetime commitment. My X didn't seem to comprehend the word commitment to marriage or children.
And on top of all the every you mentioned. When you are old and worn out from worrying about them day and night, they are no where around unless they need something.
I only had 1 child but wanted 2. My daughter did the opposite of mentally sucking the life out of me. I had 2 other pg's that almost killed me & left me with a permanent health issue. Yet, I tried again. Don't regret what I went through to have a child. If you don't feel like me, esp. if you're female, I think remaining childless is best .
OMG....I felt the same. LOVE my kids but OMG I couldn't wait til they were all grown. They grew up and I got remarried and started FINALLY doing me....And now I have to raise my teen and pre teen grandkids because my daughter died. I love them, but raising kids in this digital age...I am NOT cut out for this opinionated a$z generation. So now I gotta do this "mom" thing AGAIN...I love them dearly...but I wanna run away....FOREVER..or until the youngest is out of college. Lol
Same boat, raising my two grnddghtrs since they were 2m and 1yr..they're about to turn 9&10. Not looking forward to teen years AT ALL, stresses me just thinking about it.
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I'm a mom of 3 and I've been doing this alone for a year now. All of my kids are under 5, btw. I totally agree with everything you said. Any mom that pretends she don't feel like this from time to time is a liar.
I feel sad reading this one. I LOVED raising my 5 children. I loved nursing them as babies, playing with them, teaching them (so much that I home schooled until they started reaching the dissecting age). I loved almost everything about parenting. Now I have grown children that are responsible adults & I enjoy more of a friendship type relationship with them. Bonus: NINE grandchildren!
This. So much this. I never wanted any. Have 3 because I felt like that's what I was supposed to do. But I hate what it has done to my life. Like the OP, I'd give my life for them. I do love them. But I don't like anything about being a parent. Especially now as a widowed single parent. I had them for HIM! 🤦♀️ Please don't be me. It's not selfish. Not everyone is meant for kids.
As a father of 3 children that I live more than my life, raised by their 2 parents until adulthood, I agree 100%. Like my mother used to say, you’re only finished with your children when YOU die. (However, you will miss this: 1. What it feels like to love someone unconditionally; 2. Pride you feel when they accomplish something (from their first steps to graduating college); 3. Seeing them as well-adjusted, productive, loving adults. This last one allows me to die with a smile, feeling I’ve accomplished something.) And, I don’t like kids.
OMFG I agree and relate to this so HARD right now 😣. I love my kids. I really really do. But God damn do these little f*****s try my patience sometimes 🤬.
I'm with you on this. I have a semi-adult and a nearly adult and I'm counting down the days until they both move out. I love them but not their attitudes. When I'm trying to talk to them about something important, they get upset bc I'm interrupting whatever it is they're watching, but when it's me and I get upset they get an attitude. Like I said I love them but now I wish I hadn't had them.
My dad says having adult children is the best thing ever. He likes seeing the people we've become and likes having us as friends. Something to look forward to, maybe. :)
Well, there is one major compensation. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your kids. My son was a major PITA from ages 11 to 18. Now he’s grown and married and my grandson is the joy of my life. ( But he’s in preadolescence now and my son complains he is a PITA, and all I can do is gloat.)
I'm just saying, don't let your kids read that, cause that sounded like an "I love you but..." kind of a thing and that's not cool
I share the same sentiments..I have one but 😥 and to top it all of the father passed on so the sole responsibility is killing me
(CONT)posted 1 correctly? part 2: One afternoon SO & I were out shopping, when we got home there was a note on our door, kids were not home, note said we needed to talk to neighbors. Step-daughter started to fake a suicide so she could get to a hospital and complain(nothing could have happened to her) & she went screaming to the neighbors, who had to call an ambulance (they were watching youngest child). We raced up to the hospital, seems the child, (who was now 16) had informed the staff that she did NOT want see me. I had ruined their lives. Now she wants to live with mother (but mother does not want her, dad had called her)! My SO told her to get packed as he would take her there. Now child has a meltdown & started to screaming, refusing to go. Went to a counselor. Lies continued. Problems now with both kids. They moved on into their own relationships, which didn't last but they started having their own kids (plural!). Now they all beg for $$$! Didn't pay their bills! Kids, ME NO!!!
I married a man with full custody of his 3 kids as their birthmother was in the process of breeding a whole new family and she only requested 1 x, in 5 years, to see these children, So, yes, I suddenly had a whole house full and they all moved into MY house. I refused to marry SO as I wanted to all of use to be happy cohabitating in MY house. Wise choice as oldest child, when he was 12 would threaten me with a knife, while he was hiding. He had to go! Told SO, that he had to give live with his mother within 2 weeks or they ALL had to go. Told SO we would go back to dating but no living together until things were normalized and this child was not coming back. So I still had 2, a 9 y/o girl and a 5 y/o boy. Things went well for awhile util oldest boy was able to contact his sister and told her that I needed to go! As they all wanted to e a family again (with me, of course) but none of this was true, especially with their mother, her new family and new husband! (CONT)
I have a grown daughter and let me tell you. If I could go back in time. She is selfish, inconsiderate and has always put everyone over me. I raised her by myself and made sure she always had what she needs. She has six kids and thinks it's my responsibility to watch them whenever she needs a break. It's too much. You don't have that many kids and think you can unload them at will. She recently received a stipend from work that is for my babysitting the kids for her while she worked. Tells me she can't pay me the money she has to leave it in the bank to let it accumulate so she has a certain amount for a house. Because it's OK for me to be the person who buys the majority of their clothes, highchairs, just about everything. It's so much to this story I would need a year I just feel so disrespected. I usually work overtime but, due to the stress of my job I cut back on that so I could use the money. I'm just fed up with her and her choices. I would go back in time and have an abortion.
That's so sad story also in the comments. I feel blessed that my children are my biggest joy in life.
I love my kids too. But they never truly leave. They might move back in with their kids because of broken marriages or other problems that cause them to live under your roof again. I love my time alone with my husband. We can now do what we want. We have provided free babysitting, free taxi service, and free groceries when they were short of cash. We have helped raise our grandkids when necessary. We have treated our kids and now our grandkids like our little angels, but then they grow up and forget all about you unless they need money or something. Did we make a mistake having kids. We started this whole thing so no one to blame but us. I love these people, they belong to me, But I hate being used as a convenience. Think hard before you decide to have kids. It is a sinful world out there and If I was to do it all again, I don't know if I would.
As a parent of two, I say it's highly overrated. And most people become parents because of karmic situations. One of my kids died & the other ignores me 70% of the time. I definately would NOT do it over. Way too much heartbreak!
Them leaving home will not resolve you from worrying about them. They remain in your heart.
Isn't that every parent? I know my parents don't enjoy my moody teenageriness, sometimes I even get tired of my own c**p, but that just comes with raising a child.
My kids have left home.YAAAY! F*****g AWESOME! And to top it all off, I'm single. The freedom is intoxicating!
When ppl say u should have kids They were talking about BABY GOATS
Well said. My wife and I raised a boy and a girl successfully, but oh boy… boy oh boy. As the commenter said, they drain the life out of you financially, mentally, and physically. So glad that they’re finally adults now and out on their own with successful careers.
sounds like regret it to me bc you put the fact that I have them makes me not want them -_-
Same!!! That's how I feel about mine too. I love them to death, but the struggle is more than real!
yes yes we do...but we aint havin to deal with that finacial c**p yet so we just dont understand most of the time.
I feel sorry for you. Me seeing what wonderful parents my children have become and the wonderful children that they are now raising, is reward enough for me. Raising my kids we went thru some very hard times. There are up’s and downs in all family dynamics. It was definitely a learning experience, with lessons past on to the next generation. But over all it is very rewarding. I think that I’m a better person have had my children and the experience of being a parent.
Parent here as well. One biological, one adopted, both are 13. Holy c**p it's hard as hell. One is dealing with trauma and the other one had a grand mal seizure last night. I have always wanted children and if I had to go back, I'd do it again in heartbeat because I love these two like crazy, but there are two pieces of my heart that are either saying they hate me or are coming home in the back of a cop car. It is the absolute hardest job I have ever had to do and Ive been teaching second grade for ten years.
A lot of parents disagree with this. I think this person just didn't consider what it would be like. Kids don't have to "do" any of those things to you.
Well in that case, you were stupid. I never ever in my whole like felt that my kids were in any way a burden. We now live a distance from all our kids and grandchildren and I DO miss them terribly.
Of course, nothing raises a kid’s self esteem like their parent saying that having them sucks. That’s just mean. Even if you think that about your kids, don’t post it all over social media.
One child of mine has been nothing but pure joy. The other has been challenging because of their high anxiety and struggles socially. I love them more than anything in the world but damn some days it’s just hard.
I agree. I have one I love with all my heart and she is the best there is. However, giving birth wrecked my body and I have been inundated with illness ever since. I have also witnessed other women who clearly shouldn't be mothers so when I meet one who states she doesn't ever want to be a mother, I support her. Women who thought they wanted children end up effing them up much less when you don't want them so you have to be 150% sure that you want to be a mother before you actually become one.
Amen! My father said to me at 20 when I was leaving home to go live in another country his words were "having kids is like having a 20 year sentence". Never a truer word said lol :)
Ouch! I overheard that comment a lot when I was a kid particularly when the adults were thinking out loud.
Just wondering why you didn’t learn that the first times around. You said kids, plural.
My son just flew the nest in April. I am FINALLY free to be ME again and enjoy zero sacrifices or responsibilities. It is time for me again!
It was a peaceful and wonderful moment, even tough I loved em, it was time for them to seek greener pastures.
SUCK the life out of you? I've seen thousands of parents yoked with spawn over my 42 years and always thought it looked more like they were STAMPING it out of you.
OMG thank you feel like I was wrong for feeling this way right on about the physical n especially mentally even if I had a break still wouldn't know what to do far as fun don't how to anymore just sleep eat when possible all in for kids I have a toddler and a couple months old no break 247 this makes me say no more kids really rough don't get me wrong love my 3 kids I'll trade places with them just no more
ohh god....there are bad times and good times bruh.....many children grew up and took their parents burdens on themselves financially n stuff...all thst hardwork paid off
I agree with this one. My youngest of four has just left home. The last to go. Do I have empty nest syndrome? Absolutely not! I've had kids at home for 35 years. Now it me time and I'm bloody enjoying it!!!!
While I appreciate OP's honesty, her kids know her truth. There's no way these kids aren't aware of these feelings.
My sentiments exactly! My only child is 25 years old now. I bought a wine rack, a passport & got on eHarmony! Newly married & happy!
LOL ... dream on that after them leaving home your responsibility or worrying about them ceases. Remember the marriage vow, until death do us part? It didn't apply to the marriage it applied to the kids you bring into this world
I have raised 3 of my own, got remarried and ended up with one more to "help" raise (as a step parent I had very little input which is VERY FRUSTRATING). He is 23 and I JUST retired from teaching 22+ years. Believe me, you NEVER totally finish parenting. Once he moves out, we will have a lot more freedom but kids always are there unless you totally cut them out of your life.
Agree a hundred percent. I have one who is 14,she is wonderful, but God bless the ONE. It is so rewarding but draining at the same time ,my husband and I are grateful and very very grateful we had one and not a flock.
I totally agree. I love my kids but if I had to do it again it wouldn't happen. Back in the day it was expected and not a happy situation. My daughter wisely told me She was not ever having kids, I said don't. Stick to what you want not what society expects out of you. They won't be around to raise the kids you might have. My son had a surprise baby who is now almost 22. He never planned on kids either. There was a lot of chaos when she was born, and it hasn't gotten any better. Now that abortion has been taken off the table it's going to go back to the back-alley days. Very sad, indeed.
^^^ this right here says it ALL!!! Same...I feel the same. I would kill or lay down my life for my children. But I wasn't trying to have kids, they're all birth control babies. Blessings yes, hardships, yes. This new era of their adult lives, FABULOUS!!
I'm sorry for your children. I'm sure they love having a b***h for a mother
Lol I love this I could not agree more and I only have one. One and done.
One of my teachers called them parasites. Which technically is true. They live off of a host body. Then when they're expelled from the body they continue to rely on and live off of the host for another 18+ years... parasites...
Funny or telling what pops up when you Google this contradictory response.
A wake-up call: No, you don't love them or willing to "lay down your life" for them. No parents who self-proclaim to "love their kids" would complain for their kids' "judgement", let alone "premature aging". It wouldn't matter. Their love for parenting and their kids would outweigh them. "They financially, physically and mentally suck the life out of you" That's what you should've expected when you had your baby in the first place. It's your own consequence to bear when you decided to be a parent, and no one else's. I sincerely do hope your kids will leave you as soon as possible after adulthood because after this alarming post... Everyone knows you no longer deserve them.
I say these things often. I would NEVER have kids again and would have never had them if I knew what I do now, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. 15 and 17 and they're on to a good start.
Don't break their plates! Your children keep showing up even after they are adults. As a parent, you're supposed to drop everything to entertain them! I love my boys, one is over 50 and the other close to it. But when will they leave me alone? An occasional phone call or text will suffice, thank you very much!
Wow your honestly and opinion to stand out and say what you said is exactly how I feel! I love my kids, I have 4 of them, 24,21,20 and 14 all live with me still but my oldest lol she was smart and got out! She had to go throu the same s**t I did and help mom take care of her brothers.. she understands the struggles and Im also a single parent! She went thru it all with me including child birth! I tell them all the time that I love them but don't have to like them.. they are all succubuses, and I also read once that alot of relationships end after children come into the picture! That should say something right there! 🤷 My daughter has no desire to have children, for one there to expensive and two, you lose everything that was once you to take care of another human being which is a 100% commitment.. she also feels the same way #4 does! She doesn't want to hav to share or give up anything for anyone if she doesn't want too.. which is her choice! Parenthood most days do suck!
I love my kids more then anything, I would give my life for them. I'm so glad they are all out of my house. They fight over who is my favorite and I tell them my grandson is cause he gets to go home to mom.
I have kids and had them at a young age me and my wife but where I came from and her our backgrounds individually our kids saved our lives because without them I'll be dead or in jail and there's no telling about her but the love they give is unconditional and before them I was a drug dealer going day by day now I have a legit job making about 50 k a year if that's not a turnaround for me I don't know what is it is hard annoying but in them times I think about my times before I had them and I'm blessed
I wanted children. My husband didn't. We had 3. I loved, loved, loved being a Mom! Still do! However, my marriage did not last. I did not love that. Never planned to be a single ONLY parent. My husband walked away from ALL if us. Alas...I do not have any desire to be a single grandmother. My children are now 38, 36, and 30, and have no desire to be parents. Just as well.
Can I say that’s SUS, or I will get hated for whole entire my life just because I said my opinion. lol.
I am being 1,000,000% honest and genuine when I say that I have truly never respected or appreciated something another human has said in regards to children more than this. This is so purely authentic and I’m super grateful to the person who wrote it.
Hang in there!! I was sole support parent of 3 kids. I was drained, tired, stressed and lived below poverty line for 15 solid years. Now that they are all adults, my life is blessed 3 times over and yours will be too.
I agree with everything you said, and I should know because I have kids myself
Yup! Living that dream. However at 59 years old I now realize I was growing up with them. The were all of what you posted above and more. They grouped me and gave me reason the wake every day even if I hated to. The rewards are here now seeing them as happy well adjusted humans in the world. We have really cool adult fun together now too. They are my best friend! My life is now my own but I couldn't image it without them.
I know one reward. Most kids become adults and then those adults help take care lf you. If you were at all a decent parent. I'm 30 and since I've moved out at 18 I've helped my mom financially. We didn't have the best relationship when I was a teen but now we are like best friends I talk to her almost every day
Man, I totally feel this! I have two; one is special needs and the other is in “god-awful, horrible, terrible twos” and every day I pray I don’t wake up. They are bothersome, needy, and so draining. I regret staying every single minute. But I have no choice, I’m stuck here. :(
Im sitting here feeling so bad for actually feeling sorry for myself (because im on day 4 of covid alone yet taking care of my two year old every whim. You are the first person in i dont know how long who has made it feel that its ok to take a moment to feel for myself i have forgotten how to do that! 🙏
Yeah, these days when do children leave home? Maybe in their 30's? I'm a grandma and believe me they always come home.
People used to tell me I would miss my kids being little when they grow up. HA not a chance...
I respect and understand what you mean... we made my son on purpose and I taught him everything told him everything to the great disapproval of some of our family... 28 now he is my best friend! He also desires to never bring another into this crazy chaotic world we are in hmm I'm confident in all I taught him and very proud of all he is
Even when there adults and leave home I think you worry more. It don't just end there. It's a life sentence.
Even when they are adults and leave we aren't safe. They could come back home again. 😬
Start setting money aside for a lawyer if you're in America! An elderly couple had to use the courts to PRY their deadbeat adult son out of THEIR home. Considering employment and rent issues "children" remain at home, many are returning, into their 40s!
Once they fly the nest, they have their own babies that you love (read: worry about) just as much... and have zero say in how they're raised. It never ends, for better or worse. This coming from someone who LOVED motherhood (minus the teenager part), and Grammyhood is even better. But, it beats you down.
I am a mom of 4. I am exhausted! I love my kids, I feel like I have had everything just sucked out of me. I told my kids when you have a kid then your whole life is over, everything now is about that kid or kids. it doesn't really get better when leave home. You realize you have missed so much of yourself like you lost yourself
This is my exact experience it is hell pure hell. There are very little rewards it’s just screaming and diaper changes and more worry. Then when they’re teenagers they absolutely hate you and you can never do enough to please them. It’s miserable. I feel like a slave to them. I hate it.
Question because I'm curious: How did you feel about wanting kids before you had them? Were you just kinda meh? Or were you really wanting to be a parent, and then it turned out to just not be what you thought it was going to be?
Can’t really know what it’s like till you’re in it, have some sympathy
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My kids were the best things that my wife and I ever did. Sure it was not easy, neither is getting a d3gree or progressing in your career. I agree though that if you don't want them don't have them.
I am in awe of your response and all I can say is yesssss, sis - you better SPEAK!! I raised 4 children and frankly it's been the most rewarding and happiest gift I could have ever hoped for. BUT - as my children grew up, of course I came into contact with other mothers/fathers, and let me tell you... It was often frightening. People who literally hate being parents are easily recognizable and it's hard to watch. And observing their children was often heartbreaking. Children know when they're unwanted and often act out accordingly. Your mature sense of what reality looks like for you, is truly commendable. I salute you, Queen! 👑 ✨
I hear ya! I'm a single parent of 2, 1 still at home and yes there are rewarding times but the worry, the aging, the cost, is huge.
Same, I'm a one and done. I don't want a repeat of the first pregnancy that almost made me want to die. Not an exaggeration, I was severely depressed and suicidal, malnourished because of food avoidance and constant morning sickness, and multiple external triggers that helped none at all. Nope.
Being responsible till they are 18?? Mine are adults and I still worry about, and for, them. I love my children but i have never felt the exhaustion, frustration or heartbreak from anyone or anything else because I can walk away from other relationships, but if you are any sort of loving parent you don't break that bond no matter the struggles. #mentalillness
Bad news... Most kids can't leave the nest now. Not enough good jobs to allow them to support themselves
I love my children and do not think having kids sucks. Notice I said "My" children. If they are not my children or grandchildren I can not stand kids!
Yes I love my baby. She is four and my entire world. I have no life and I know it will be like that for another decade or so. I have made peace with that. There are times where she is screaming at me that I just want to run away. Every parent probably feel this. We love our kids even though they can be assholes sometimes.
So you say. I thought the same until they actually left. The young ones are difficult, granted, but the older ones are like best friends. You'd be surprised how much it hurts to watch your child/confidant leave.
Nothing rewarding? I have unconditional love and they will look after me in my old age. Sure it's hard work but suck the life out of you is a little dramatic. If anything they make me feel younger. I get to experience life all over again through their eyes. They are the most rewarding part of my life. I raised mine right though so they are well behaved. I'm sure that plays a big part in my experience as a parent. When I'm around other people's children I appreciate mine so much haha.
Ditto...mine are mostly gone now, and as soon as my student loan debt is paid I'm going to be 23 again
As I read somewhere recently (I think it was a Psychology Today article), for most parents, their kids give their life a degree of purpose and meaning and that's how they reconcile the feelings of "this sucks but I don't regret it." My husband has a wonderful son who has lived with us week on, week off since he was a toddler. He is now 13. He has never given me any trouble whatsoever and we are extremely close. I can say I do get a lot of purpose and meaning from my role in raising him, as well as a lot of happiness. Now, though, having experienced all the best parts of parenting with him, my husband and I are considering a baby together. It would be a completely different dynamic and I worry more than anything about the hit to our marital happiness. That's the driving factor for me.
We had a sign on our kids bedroom doors. CHECKOUT TIME IS 19 YEARS, BE PREPARED. Now they have put the same sign on their kids doors. I love my kids and grandkids.... Having said that....I would never have had kids.
I'm glad somebody said it lol. My kids ARE grown up and gone now but you're still never NOT a parent because now THEY have kids and sometimes still struggle and need help so just FYI it never ends. But you love them to your dying day so you still help when you can.
And you are 1000% right. And it only gets worse. those few sweet moments between poop, vomit, sassy mouths, sleepless nights, financial ruins, losing oneself, social outcast... Etc.. you think you might be respected, loved treated like an actual human being by these people you made.., Ha! Not a chance.. well, at least not until they become parents and realize what you have gone through.
100% Mine are now adults, and I love them more than life itself, but being a parent is hard, and just because they're adults doesn't mean you can sit back worry free, because it is not over. Not by a long shot, now I just add guilt into the mix for my shitty parenting skills.
That is so heartbreaking! I don't know what happened to you in your childhood that you aren't seeing the immense love and happiness ONLY children can bring. I will pray for you. Your soul is broken and I think counseling would be a great idea.
I have one. I'm very happy with him (huge paternal instinkt). I knew I wanted kids when I was 16 years old. I wanted 4 but now I only want my one son. I only want one because he is 2 and my body still doesn't function right after my pregnancy. I could give him a brother or sister but it would mean giving up me as an active parent. We wil probably become foster parents in the future. But for now we are more then content with our only son
This is the sort of result you have when people have kids as a "default".
I know exactly how you feel. I love my kids to bits. But also loved when I could get away by myself for "mental health breaks". Sometimes I think I was not the best mother. Even though last year at age 29 my son out of the blue sent me a message and said, "I'm glad you are my Mum." My husband and I retired and moved thousands of miles away from our two adult children. Both our daughter and son have said they are not planning on having any children. My daughter said she likes her aunts' childfree, significant other free lifestyle. My son said this is not a good world to bring a child into. So I very much doubt I will ever be a grandmother.
This is very sad. There are many rewarding things with being a parent. Celebrating when they’ve left? You really should consider finding someone else who will love & nurture them. You're their advocate & foundation builder.. the universe or God whatever you want to believe in put you in charge of Souls to mold & grow with. I get it ---single mom 2 of 3 w/ ASD also spinal cord injury survivor.. 1,300 miles from my parents.. and I am overwhelmed daily.. but it was my choice & my kids didn't ask to come into this world! Calm down & get some therapy! This attitude is so unhealthy, the feelings aren't wrong, but you definitely can't help but projects this onto your kids.. that's for sure.. that energy carries & destroys..
I am rewarded every day with my children. You are right it can be hard. But train them right and they reward every single day.
She is incredibly vindictive and probably has a great deal of satisfaction with what she has done.
I think this is a continuation of a few of their comments above?
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Yes! Mine left home when she was 18 and I was 37 or so...enough time left for a LIFE!
Well the total lack of wishing to have a child. Zero desire. Just like I have no desire to have a pet rhino or become a lawyer.
I watched my friends, single moms, with their kid issues. Kid's sick? I have to call out from work. School issue? I have to go see to that. Groceries? I have to make sure the kid has appropriate food, I may have to eat ramen myself though. I was never ready to make those kinds of decisions. Even two parent households had a lot to shovel through with just one kid. No thanks, I'm good by myself.
I can barely take care of myself sometimes it feels like, can’t possibly take on another human. More selfishly there’s still a lot of things I want to do that I couldn’t if I had a kid. Lastly, just a pessimistic view of the world and the desire to not want to bring new life into that.
It’s not considered selfish if you’re choosing to look after yourself. Also, you’re thinking of the sorry world that hypothetical child will be left with in the future.
Not wanting to pass on genetic chronic pain/mental illness. Also kids = no money
This is really important. Many illneses are inheritable but it is so normalised to have biological kids that many knew the risk and still choose to have kids. Knowing that they might live in pain for their entire life. There are alternatives like egg/sperm donnors or adoption that at least avoid the genetic issues. I cannot resoect a person that will force their diseases on a child just because they want a bio kid.
The screaming in the next aisle over at the grocery store because they can't have the <insert item> they want.
I've just never wanted any. I never played with baby dolls as a child, I never thought twice about babysitting as a teen, and I was always uncomfortable whenever people said "*when* you have kids" (as opposed to "*if*").
I never found babies cute, I can't imagine spending 24/7 with a little human, and most of all the idea of being responsible for this little creature's happiness and growth, and making sure they become a decent, functioning human being, is *incredibly* intimidating.
After what’s going on in America right now I’m considering getting my tubes tied
I've been dealing with a mentally disabled older brother for nearly all my life. He's 32 yrs old, but acts like a 7 yr old nearly ALL the time. I love him to death, but after so long of dealing with him growing up (I'm 22), I just do not have the patience to handle something like that again.
VanessaClarkLove replied: This is my big one. I feel terrible for this, but the fear of having a child that isn’t going to grow into a fully independent person with no limitations stopped me dead. If there was a guarantee they would be of average mental capability, I might reconsider.
You know, at least as someone with handicapped issues, it's understandable (and often challenged people hold down jobs and can take care of themselves well!). What's worse- and a big fear for me- is when you have a fully functional adult child who doesn't take care of themselves. You see it all the time; grown adults still living at home and can't hold down a full time job, these man-babies/ princesses who are taken care of by pushover parents. I don't mean someone who's in college and paying rent is still young and figuring things out, etc. I mean these people who still act like children when they're 30 and yell at their parents from their smelly and messy basement rooms, depressive and being willfully unhealthy or becoming drug addicts and being THAT kind of burden is a fear for some people, too. I hate to say it this way, but having loser kids is a legit fear. It's hard to live with someone who enjoys victimhood or is in an out of rehab. You shouldn't go into it thinking it's an 18 year commitment; it's possibly a lifetime commitment.
*gestures wildly* the state of the f*****g world, maybe?
It’s irresponsible to bring a child into the world not knowing if you can provide for them a happy, healthy childhood. And as an American, I just can’t envision a future where my next of kin doesn’t suffer terribly for the economic and ecological blunders of our leadership.
The vast majority of parents I meet complain subtley about having children and how much of a struggle it is, how expensive it is, how they get no sleep, no free time etc.
Then, they usually realise they can't be seen to complain about having children and finish their complaints by saying "But its the best thing I ever did." This part always feels like the least genuine bit and everything before feels like the truth.
Furthermore, one of my best friends has a child and spoke candidly about it, saying "I love him to bits but wish I hadn't have had a kid."
Source: Im a teacher who deals with kids and parents daily.
Two things can be true at once. You can love your child fiercely but also wish they’d sleep past 5am 😄
Because all the "best" kid moments to me are not worth losing the ability for my husband and I to spontaneously take off a random Wednesday from our jobs, have some THC, and enjoy the 1200$ Xbox bundle we just got.
Which is what we did today. No ragrets.
World's overpopulated, would rather rescue a kid from the system
Those poor souls need so much love, and the government wants to add to their ranks instead of letting same sex couples have them
- history of severe life altering mental health issues I would NEVER wish to risk passing on (bi-polar, clinical depression, psychosis etc) my Mother and Grandmother on her side. Somehow I seem to have turned out okay but it meant I had a really difficult upbringing, but I would hate to go through what she does and don't want to risk passing it on.
- Lack of freedom / spontaneity. My fiancé and I are like adult children, we're in our 30's and love to play computer games, go out for random ice cream at 11pm, last minute overseas holidays, go out for meals etc whenever we want, I do not want to give that up. A holiday with a child sounds like a chore to me too. Every outing has to be calculated and organised, a simple trip to the store is now a huge chore and time consuming.
- Loss of self, I don't want to become "Mummy" and nothing else. (Not saying that's what happens to everyone, but I feel some people get lost in their kids and lose all sense of themselves as their world now revolves around their children, which is understandable).
- Cost. I do not want to struggle financially, I absolutely cannot afford children and I think it is selfish to have them when you can't provide for them appropriately. Unlike some childfree people, I don't want to put all my focus into my career, I have an average job, it pays enough, without kids I am able to have a comfortable life but I also LOVE my job and am happy. If I had kids we would have to change careers or get second jobs, which I am not willing to do.
- No experience with kids, I don't know what to do with them our how to talk to them. (Please note, I don't hate kids at all, I just don't want any am and awkward with them) I have zero first cousins, my brother is also child free so no nieces or nephews, I've always been awkward around kids even as a kid, and knew from quite a young age parenthood wasn't for me. I do not feel like I have a maternal instinct at all. I do not get giddy seeing babies, but show me a puppy and i'll be melting!
- Lack of sleep, stress. I want a peaceful and somewhat simple life. I enjoy quiet, I enjoy alone time, I enjoy my sleep. Children to not align with that whatsoever.
- Affect on relationship. Children can ruin relationships, it's not their fault but they do. Lack of intimacy, lack of quality time, financial issues causing problems etc. This is something people can work through, but I don't want to risk putting a strain on my relationship as things are perfect for us as they are.
- Risk of severe disability. I absolutely am not willing to look after a severely disabled child for the rest of my life. I have seen how absolutely broken some of these parents are. I saw 2 people yesterday who were clearly husband and wife in their 70's pushing around what appeared to be their profoundly disabled 40ish year old son. That is not the life I am willing to have, but I also don't want to put myself in a position to have to give a child up for adoption.
I have tokophobia (extreme fear of pregnancy).
Cannot upvote this enough! Catholic all girls school run by nuns, where it was rammed home that the worst thing that can happen to you was teenage pregnancy. Classmates also amplified this “fear” and judgement. For some of us, this fear stuck for life not just the school years. I’ve been explaining/citing tokophobia for decades.
Honestly, TikTok etc..
I can raise a kid how I think right but there’s only so much you can shield them from the internet and I’m scared of what the future holds with celebrity/influencer brainwashing culture.
I feel like my generation (early 90’s) was the last generation that was largely safe from this..
I feel this so much. I want kids, but this is something that really worries me about how I'm going to raise them. The Internet is as harmful as it is useful.
I find them annoying.
Also I have no paternal instinct, don't have the temperament to be a good parent, and I'm poor.
It would be unfair to any child to have me imposed on them as a parent.
Those kids who have parents that are perfectly normal but still somehow act like mini serial killers.
Children are born without ethics and morals pre-installed. Of course they’re tiny sociopaths until their parents teach them better… and sometimes, not even normal/good parents can teach them better because the kids don’t WANT to learn society’s rules and conform to them.
my mental health and financial situation. i wouldn’t want to raise a kid the same way i was raised.
It costs too much. The average birth costs like 40k without complications. Decent daycare near me is $1400 a month. That alone is crippling.
It's bad for the environment and I question the morality of putting my children through the potential climate wars and/or apocalypse.
Also, sometimes despite your best efforts and doing everything correctly, your kids turn out to be a**holes.
The cost issue is really dependent on where you live. We have free maternal care and delivery in Sweden and the max cost of daycare is about 150 dollars for the first kid and cheaper for siblings. (Sweden)
I’ve been clinically depressed for almost a decade. Post partum depression is one of the things that terrifies me about the prospect of having kids. Also I am in no way mentally stable enough to be a parent.
Pregnancy and childbirth gave me severe ptsd. I had PPD and anxiety. I can’t have any more children due to the impact on my mental health. The struggle is real. I still wouldn’t change a thing as my child is the love of my life but if I had never known that love I wouldn’t miss it.
Watching my sister's kid get kicked out of daycare for slamming a kids face into a table and hitting a teacher. he's 3, and the most difficult kid I've met.
I love my kids but they completely ruined my life and i don't advocate for anyone to have them
My neighbor has 7 of them. The only form of communication in that house is screaming. The teenage boy just screamed in the middle of my typing this. Kid is absolute s***e at whatever game he's trying to play. My work meetings are constantly interrupted by his whiny cursing/crying sessions.
Pregnancy.
I’ve always been terrified of pregnancy, but I thought I’d feel more comfortable with it as I got older.
Nope. I’m 34 and the thought of being pregnant still freaks me out to no end. I’d love to adopt, but I don’t think I ever want to be pregnant.
Note: this post originally had 70 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I love my daughter with every fibre of my being and having her has changed my life in some hugely positive ways BUT if I knew then what I know now I doubt I'd do it again. Not just for my sake but hers too. Having children is so very utterly selfish and what we are "programmed" to want. Poor mites have no idea what awaits them.
Honest question from someone who has no kids: why do you think having children is selfish? All I usually see is talk about the sacrifices that need to be made to be a good parent. Where does selfishness come into it? Is it the "programming?"
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I think a lot of parents do, too. I don't think people who intentionally planned kids were sitting around thinking, "I just have WAY too much money and free time. I'll have a kid. That'll fix it." A lot of people have a deep desire to have children. They know it's going to be hard work and sacrifice and they do it anyway because they simply could not be fulfilled otherwise. Me. I have no desire to have kids. So I enjoy my quiet house, sleeping in until noon on the weekend, fabulous trips, etc. I've got a very short list of worries and it is Glorious.
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1, I don't feel any need or desire to have them. My partner feels the same. 2, I've never felt a bond with any child under 15. Sure I can find them cute, smile when I see an adorable picture of a baby, but that's about it. Their crying irritates me, their - natural - needy, clingy behaviour drives me crazy. I appreciate adult company, and don't enjoy being among kids. 3, I like my life as it is and hope to continue without disruption. 4, I can be a responsible caretaker, but I don't enjoy it. I was a live in nanny for 18 months. I did my job, cared for the children as needed. Then left them without even a sigh, and never for one moment missed them. I was told a million times that I will love them so much. I did not. 5, The world had enough of us. I feel the best thing for an individual to do for this planet is not have kids, plant trees, cover the ground you have access to (e.g. you garden). 6, I don't feel that my personal genetic material is so special that it must be preserved.
She wasn't even blaming the kids for this. She used 'I feel' phrasing. Just completely easy to read and without the toxicity that we all have actually seen before. Where on earth are people getting the impression of any child hating. "I don't enjoy it" is basically the harshest thing that was said. Jesus, some people really need to go touch grass.
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No kids. Mainly because of the possibility of passing on my mental health issues. I couldn't put another human being through that $hit, not ever.
As someone who inherited severe ADHD when there wasn’t a considerable amount of research on treatments for children and teens I would never want a child to feel like they were a burden.
Load More Replies... As much as it's refreshing to read the honesty in these, it's also sad that so many people still think they get a say in someone else's decision. I'm a proud mum of two (nearly) adult children and I wouldn't change anything. But being a parent is very difficult sometimes, is expensive and absolutely not for everyone. As a species, we're also a far larger burden on our planet than we should be. People shouldn't have to be explaining why they don't want kids.
I got adhd from being raised in an environment wher i was bouncing one place to another or task to task without. Finishing. Neither of my birth parents have it. My half brother has autism. I think genetic mutation or his dad's side or possibly he got it due to medications mom needed to be taking or stress from mum while in the womb. So ADHD is not necessarily passed through genetics.
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I can't have children, which is a pain like no other and something I struggle to deal with constantly, but we have built a lovely life for ourselves. Being childless (even though it's not through choice) gives us freedoms that our parent friends are jealous of and we try hard to make the most of those things.
My favorite excuse isn't even an excuse. I don't want to deal with them. It's my choice because I don't owe anyone kids or grandkids. I don't like them and I don't want them.
YES!! exactly!! Especially cause my friends daughter ran off and left the grandkids with her! She is 70 and having to care for a 3 year old!!!
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I simply never have had an interest in parenthood and like the freedom not having children allows me to have.
This should be higher. Some people still forget all the many medical complications that can happen with pregnancy let alone child birth itself. People still die in childbirth in this country….it’s worse in underdeveloped countries.
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I always worried I would regret it once it was too late to conceive. I'm 61 and I still haven't regretted it 1 day. I kept waiting for that yearning to have a child and it never came. Just an overwhelming desire to rescue animals!
You are literally my role model!! 😂 I love animals to goodness- but I in no way want kids!! Sometimes I wonder if ill someday regret it... and then I remember all my hobbies (art) id have to give up- and I remember why lol xD
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I have one adult daughter and I have always loved being a mom. But it’s not for everyone. I’ve met people who had kids because they felt they “had to” and resented it. I would rather people not have kids and be happy then have them and make everyone—including their kids—miserable.
I am sick and tired of people trying to make my life a shopping list with the highest priority item "have kids". Well peops, it is not yours to decide what I do with my life. Also, there are so many children in the world that do not have parents, are abused or even killed by their parents. Let's safe them first. I won't judge you if you have 20 children. But please don't judge me if I don't want any. I have my life together, I have a loving and caring spouse. We are happy. Why should we change that just to live up to a standard that is fabricated. I live under the premise live and let live. Let people of whatever gender who really want a child have one or many and educate the uneducated so they can make proper decisions in regards to having children (or not)
Not everybody wants to be a Duggar . Im glad 17 and counting with all it's issues has plummeted and i no longer hear about. The bs. They had sonny kids it became a danger to the newborns life and possibly the mother's. That is unhealthy.
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Working at a retail pharmacy for more than two decades. Imagine trying to count pills, type out a prescription, check accuracy of a prescription, talk to a patient, or physician on the phone, or administer a vaccine, while children run around, knocking over stuff, bouncing balls, throwing toys, and screaming? Does that sound safe to you? It's ridiculous how parents let their children act in public.
Exactly! And I have neither the willpower nor strength to run after 3 munchkins for the next 18 years😅... let alone look after their morality, mental state, financial state and everything else...
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Not to mention kids are absolute germ factories and will give you EVERY illness under the sun. Nahh keep them away from me at all costs 😂
I’ve always really really really wanted kids. I love to bits the three that I have. I’d love to have more. It is super rewarding for me. And I am very lucky to have the health and resources to look after them. BUT. It is a lot of work. Like really a lot of work. And it’s expensive. Sometimes it’s very hard. Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes it’s very frustrating. I definitely have made a lot of sacrifices for them. I can’t imagine being able to do all of this, and not lose my sanity in the process, if I didn’t want children to begin with or didn’t have the means to provide for them.
I am planning to adopt a kid or something (I don’t really know), but never have kids until they can be put in a world that doesn’t have problems and won’t turn into a burning hot dystopia
See, this is what EVERYONE should be telling themselves but they definitely aren't. It's purely egotistical
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BP rotates the same topics over and over. America, Things in Work, (no)Children, Same AITA stories. It is really boring after all this time….
Commenting and liking feeds the algorithm. If you ignore them completely they will dissappear
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Ive known since i was 10 that I didnt want kids. I had to raise my 4 brothers and sisters. That was enough "child rearing" for me. Bit i don't have a husband and 2.5 kids so I cant get birth control or tubes tied either. I'm also too poor and my family medical history is *all* kinds of messed up (everything from mental illnesses to Gastro paresis (paralyzed digestive system) to IBS to Crohn's to heart conditions.)
If you don't want children don't have them, because it is not true that a mother ALWAYS love her child. Sometimes the child is an unloved burden on the mother, and I don't think such a child has a good chance of a happy life.
I WAS that child (she wanted me only to manipulate me and secure a future) so im definitely not gonna have kids... I don't want to be her. I have enough trauma for myself- I don't want to pass it along to an innocent being..
Load More Replies... As I mentioned in one of my replies above, I knew at 14 I didn't want them. I'm 61 now and guess what? I *still* don't want them and thank God every day I don't have them. Ladies - when someone accuses you of being selfish (which, admittedly is a valid reason) tell them you're not selfish, you're *self-aware*. I knew how hard it would be and I also knew my limits.
I want kids, but I have really bad anger issues so I know it's not a good idea for me to have them
For me, I understand that children require more than love. What frustrates me the most is people that say, "my love is all they'll EVER need". I not only think that's selfish and codependent, but I think it's extremely irresponsible. Children also require time, structure, money, resources, stability, and many other things. What if your kid has a lifelong illness? Are you fully prepared for everything that comes with that, for LIFE? I've even witnessed people say they love their kids on one hand, but on the other hand, they don't protect them, they don't teach them, they can't provide, and the list goes on and on... but somehow that's love!? No! That's called delusion. I'm admittingly selfish and I'm not willing to give that up. I like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it. I can't do that with kids. I don't care about being judged for being child free. Unlike most parents, I think about everything. It doesn't seem like people do that anymore.
I don't agree with people who say you are being selfish if you don't have children. I was told that by my mom when I was a teenager when I told her I didn't want kids. All that kept going through my mind was, who am I being selfish to? Myself? If my mother wanted more children she could have adopted or become a foster parent. None of that happened. This is your life. No one else and you only have one.
Here's my reasons. Firstly, I'm not cis and AFAB. I do not want to be dealing with a gross pregnancy body, it would be so uncomfortable and not me. So that rules out carrying my own child. Secondly, my ideal career path involves international travel, irregular hours and basically devoting my life to it. I want that, it's something I'm really invested in, but that's no situation for a child to grow up in. Thirdly, my grandmother is a narcissist and for some reason I am her favourite child. Spiting her by not having kids would make me feel I'd done my bit getting back at how she's treated my mother. Four, I don't particularly like children. I find them very annoying and loud and dirty. I have short patience and I would not be able to deal with that. No, I don't want kids. I want a family of geese, four dogs, the ability to afford video games when I want and an interesting job in wildlife conservation. And I'd be very very happy with that.
When my fiancée and I met we clicked instantly and even discussed children (I was under the impression that I really want them) anyway about 1 year into the relationship and a little reddit addiction (so not sorry) my views changed completely. I've been scared of pregnancy for all of my teenage years and even now with 29. We're pretty committed then and are still. I played directly with open cards and told him that I reconsidered having kids and if he still wanted them, we should split. He said he would rather be together with me than have kids, when I reminded him that he might regret it and would hate me, he said that wouldn't be possible. We are going strong for almost 4 years now and will be getting married in December this year. We talked about adoption especially when his nephew was born last year. It didn't come lightly and we are constantly checking if it's OK with one another. I guess my SO changed his mind like I did, when we had to watch his 13 year old other nephew for a weekend a month. It was pretty exhausting and we both love him but we were so glad when we got to be alone again. That's when we decided we would rather be a cool uncle and aunt. Especially cause we both love ro travel, game and sleep in. And if people say we should split cause we don't want the heartache later in life, I've got a colleague 30 years my senior. He and his wife decided against kids cause she has severe medical issues and he said to me that kids would be nice but didn't have to be. So here we a have a cool aunt and uncle pretty happy with their relationship and life in itself and I believe my soon to be husband and I can achieve that as well 😊 (Especially with the blessing from his mom and grandmother - one of them said and I quote "if I could suck them back in and abort, I would do it")
A godparent is a way to be a parent without being an actual parent.
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My own reasons 1: kids are annoying 2: I wanna do my own thing 3: babies and teens I'm cool with but everything in-between is just uggh 4: I'm bipolar and I don't want to accidentally hurt my own baby
Man, this thread is depressing. Many of these are legit concerns, many boil down to “Don’t want kids, don’t have em”. That’s all cool, but there’s just as many positives too! I looove my kids and happy we had em.
Why can't you just accept that everyone doesn't want that life? Why is it so hard? How exactly does it affect YOUR life that people don't want kids?
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Don't want them, don't have them. Don't pretend you know what it is like to have them from your own limited data. I think we would all prefer that people who don't want them don't have them. Who wants to be raised by someone who doesn't want them?
You made a point and then kept rambling. Why are you mad that people who don't want kids aren't having them?
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Having a child is selfish there’s millions of kids in this world that need better. When I was 8 I was up for adoption it was horrible I went to 5 foster homes they all brought me back because they said I was to much and to country all of them said that. Until I was 10 they moved me to San Antonio, Tx it was only three days I got adopted by this young couple George and Norma it was the best day of my life!!! My life turned around I went to school and college got my self a job bought my self a 600 acer ranch. I’m not bragging about my life I’m saying you could give a child a new life teach them, love them, care for them because every kid in this world needs your love and warmth. You can change their life around just like George and Norma did for me.
Bounced around in foster care myself. I was 5 when it started. all the wrong reasons to be taken as well. Even my adoption at age 12 isnt legal for several reasons. I was always smarter, more open minded, empathetic, and caring than the people raising me. They hated it. Save one. Her hisband left her because she wanted kids later she took me in for one of the group placement homes a few weeks after my 8th birthday. She had to get rid of me for her mental heath. She was in her later 40s early 50s possibly early 60s. I k kw she was not 40 and i know she was younger than 70.i was 8 so honestly didn't care because she was good to me. I met her mother's and sisters. They were horrible to her. They were putting so much pressure on the woman threatening her and trying to force her to marry somebody to keep me. I think the pressure go to much. I got taken again. time out all day no food water or bathroom breaks. Only asked what we were having for brunch. Too late/early for breakfast or lunch.
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More than anything I have always wanted a child. I wanted to be pregnant, feel the baby move for the first time, kick etc. I had 4 miscarriages and we stopped trying. As time went on and I watched my family and my husbands family, I understand why the universe didn't want us to have kids. It still kills me to go to baby showers and see people with new babies and know I will never have that but with how mental our families are it would have been a c**p shoot.
When I was thirteen, I made the decision to never have kids. My sister & mother both said I'd change my mind. Well, here I am almost 40 years later - childless. This is a decision I have never regretted, nor will I ever regret. For one pair of simple facts: Kids require time and money. I've always had time and no money, or money and no time.
Because when I was a kid, we were rarely allowed into adult spaces (pubs, bars, restaurants, gyms). If you were... you'd better damn well behave and if you don't, you'll be swiftly removed and punished by your embarrassed parents. Now, the little shits are allowed everywhere and anywhere with little to no discipline or respect for the fact that it's a "grown up space" where you should consider it a privilege to be allowed and ought to be seen and not heard. Infants are allowed to sit there and play with the noisiest toys, throw food on the floor, run amok around a restaurant and then throw a tantrum and start to scream and bawl when they are tired and irritable. I am determined one day to sit in the Early Learning Centre or some soft playground, drinking wine, smoke cigars (I don't even smoke), play Grunge music (I hate Grunge), swearing loudly and breaking s**t just to even the score a little and spoil their protected space!!!
We went to a restaurant once with 2 small kids. They behaved well, I thought. No whining or running around, but they're kids, so some cauliflower fell on the floor and such. A group of ppl was watching us. I was like: awww they just love our kids. Later: oh wait, were they annoyed? LOL Ever since I only went to the Mac Donalds play ground part. Go yell and have fun. https://youtu.be/YHxVfs4UiOs
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Edit: This is my experience and I am happy to see so many people being real with themselves about whether they want children: I never saw myself as a mom and it was a big ol’ surprise when we found out I was heavily pregnant. However, I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. BUT I realise that we have been incredibly lucky with our situation. I had a great pregnancy, pretty awesome kid, minimal disruption to our social life, and we travel with her quite a bit (extensively overseas prior to COVID) What makes it hard at times is that along with working full time and I am building a startup - which can cause stress, however we’ve mostly gotten into a routine now. We are not the norm I guess. I also feel having been an animal foster for some time prepared me for having the forethought, love and patience when things were extra stressful. Yes daycare is expensive, no we don’t have any other help, we have no family in the country we live (but could always move to be closer).
KIDS ARE JUST TERRIFYING? They scare me okay? They make me so uncomfortable, screaming, crying, the inappropriate jokes, the annoying nursery rhymes. Pregnancy is scary. They're always trying to kill themselves. Just to grow up and leave you to never call text or even say I love you. That's just my experience with my cousins and siblings. I just do not like children and I feel like that should be more normalized!
I don't understand why people feel like they need a reason not to have kids. I think a better question is why someone would want a child.
As someone who grew up in an extremely religious and incredibly toxic environment where I was told/taught by just about every adult in my life that it's a person's duty to have at least 2 kids to sustain the earth's population and gods will, I have zero desire to have a child. Mental health in my family is crippling and to pass it on would be irresponsible and psychotic. Further more, cancer and early mortality also runs in my family. My family breathed down my neck my whole childhood with the idea of having children. To the point where they made me terrified of getting rid of my childhood toys because I'd pass them on one day. Also, and this is my main reason above all else, I'm lesbian. I lived in fear my whole childhood because of that fact. I grew up not wanting to disappoint my highly religious family knowing they'd be disappointed if I'd never have kids. For me, bringing a kid in this world is the worst thing I can imagine.
Raising a kid is just hard. There're so many things you have to teach them cause of the shitty world we live in. Social constructs (like gender), CORRECT value systems, self expression, etc. Its just not possible to tell them everything. And I wouldn't know where to start. Another reason is the fact that I'm physically disabled. Chronic pain. If i had a biological child (which probably wouldn't happen since im scared of pregnancy and I'm asexual) i would be really anxious about the kid having it too, and if they do get it, i wouldn't be able to help them and help myself at the same time. Chronic illnesses like this take a lot of time to figure out, diagnose and "treat". Physical therapy few times a week, gym, lots of pills (like steroids). I wouldn't do that to a child. Next thing is sensory issues. I'm neurodivergent and kids are loud and sticky. They don't know what personal space is and are way too energetic. I wouldn't know how to take care of them and not get a sensory meltdown.
Never wanted one .. then found out I couldnt have one... Now after egg donation and 5 years later I am a parent. And she is the most spectacular person. The very best part of my whole existence. Shes the reason I was born. Sometimes what you dont think you want turns out to be what you needed all along.
With ALL the birth control methods available, there's no reason or "excuse"(for some people) to get pregnant unless you want to.
I have no paternal instincts. Brotherly instincts at most. Couple that with my social ineptitude, unwillingness to have a relationship (necessary for a nuclear family) and planning for a military civilian job (definitely not going to have enough time to create another human being) I just don't think I'd be a good dad.
Sterilised at 20, hysterectomy at 40 .. chances of me having kids = 0. Living my happily ever after 100%
I don't like children, if I had my way there would be child free planes, children free restaurants, child free everything, shopping transportation, holidays, beaches, swimming pools, they ruin peace and tranquility due to screaming like banshees .. if you must feel that you need one, go buy a huge cage and train It ...
Ok well this 1 maybe a new 1 but it's takes 2 very skilled educated & loving & responsible & respectable & both a mother & father need to be civil & good to each other & be mentally healthy & have personal lifelong goals with their physical health & both a mother & father need to be good if not excellent in being able to give not be takers & be good at who is going to proved what when how where & why & both a mother & father need to have goals along time frames in both of their lives that r making a father & mother only progress & building their portfolios so that a mother & a father have assets & wealth they build during their required life long marriage see when u show children these healthy relationship skills u work at for as long as a mother & father r blessed to live & stay married u show children how to do the same thing & develop the same ways so they have a good enough reasons to continue that healthy lifelong marriage having the ability to last generations
I'm so glad I never got married or became a parent. Neither would have ever gone well. Fortunately, I've been able to live my life as I chose to do so and ultimately experienced so much more not having any rugrats disrupting my life. Kids are noisy, disruptive, nagging menaces that I can absolutely do without. Sorry, but procreation will have to find another way.
No worries..it surely will. For millenia people have f!#ked..had kids..and survived. I didn't want kids either.
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I don't think I could ever love a human child as much as I love my dogs. And - this might sound insane - I don't want any human child to come in and take any of the resources I devote to said dogs. I'd really rather just have more dogs (and other critters)! 🐩
Raising kids SUCKS!!!!! I never wanted kids. But...got pregnant early...17. Then married at 19. We both had a child and my hubby thought we should have 1 of our own. So we did. Then the 3rd was a HUGE OOPS!!! I do love my kids. They are funny and sweet. But OMG...the daily struggles are insane. I'm absolutely exhausted. My 18 is on his own now, but his teen yrs were brutal. My 15 I fear will never leave and become permanently bonded to his Xbox to the point we'll have to get it surgically removed from him. And my 9 is a good girl, but I am having severe anxiety attacks about when she starts her period. I am petrified!! In conclusion...DONT HAVE KIDS!!!
My oldest son is serving a 7yr sentence in prison and I tried everything since he was 14 to stir him in the right way. As a single mom, father was absent parent and never wanted to be part of his life. I'm a good person, a Christian and a public servant and I just feel so ashamed that my Son ended up this way, Im so ashamed and sometimes I want to ask God why? What was the purpose of having a child like him or Children, specially when they take nothing after you and put you through hell which I'm still going through...
I'm really impatient, have a nasty temper, and I've always struggled with empathy. There's no way I'd be a good parent and I'm not about to ruin a kids life because "it's different when it's yours"
When people talk about how much bigger families (6-10 kids) years ago and they say it was to work on the farm, I tell them it's because they didn't have birth control.
I decided to remain childfree because I didn't want to lose my money, freedom, or sanity. Bringing a kid into this world is like breeding more animals even though there are millions in shelters - totally ignorant, arrogant and irresponsible.
Choosing not to have children is not selfish or self centred. It is a valid choice and a smart one when you really don't feel any desire to have children. I love my daughter to pieces and I have no regrets about having her but if I had my life over, I would definitely make different choices, and I probably would have never had a child.
The tokophobia one hits right at home for me. I have nightmares of becoming pregnant. I also know that it’s expensive to raise kids and the anxiety of wanting them to turn out okay when you didn’t and you don’t want the cycle to continue makes the whole idea so much worse.
What I take away from this is: children are undesirable because childless adults don't want to make sacrifices, they're scared of all the possible ways that things could go wrong and so don't want to even try, and they have some bizarre idea that children are "for" literally any other human being. If they don't want children, I'm not interested in changing their minds, but people need to know that children aren't "for" anyone; parents are "for" the children.
Taking away the world being s**t for a moment, these are my personal issues with having children: depression, anxiety, possible autism, biraciality, being LGBT, anger management issues, no parental nature, family history of cancer and Alzheimer's, and the best reason: I do not care to have one. Shouldn't that be enough? Why do we need a goddamn reason to not have children? Plenty of idiots are (and those not so stupid), why do you care that each and every individual has a kid? It's like asking a person why their favorite color is their favorite. Just leave it the hell alone.
Reading all of this while my toddler is sitting in my lap watching peppa pig. Nothing in life can prepare you for having kids. If you don't want them that's ok. The world doesn't need more unwanted children, born to poverty or to any kind of illness. F what everyone is saying. They will not raise your child if anything happens
For me, a big reason is that I'm just not sure I'd be able to raise them "properly." If they grow up unhappy, I'd just hate myself for failing and bringing someone into the world just to make them miserable. And then I also worry about any hidden genetic surprises I might pass onto them.
Honestly did the no kid thing til late, married my wife with 3 kids. I have been there from 2 and 5yo and honestly you don't know what you're missing without them. Yes it's work but good things take effort. The oldest was 13 when his father passed. He's been a chore but I hold hope. I didn't enter wanting kids but she is with it and they are too.
That's fine for you. I've managed to live for 69 years being blissfully child-free. I have enough on my plte taking care of other people's.
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I like the free and easy nature of my life too much to do that. I don't even feel the urge. So that's that. Besides, having gone through a violent childhood, I really don't want to turn into my old man and continue that f*cked up cycle.
Tokophobia for me. How anyone calmly discusses childbirth is beyond me. my brain thins "Don't you know where they come out of??!!!!" There just aren't enough drugs. That and climate change and I'm terribly lazy and not that interested. The whole kit-n-kaboodle.
I agree 100% with each & everyone of you! I'm a 69 year old woman who has never once regretted not having children.
Being the oldest sibling, I not only see how much of a toll my little brother takes on my parents, but when they have other stuff to do, I get stuck playing parent. I've had him choke once under my supervision (luckily he was able to cough it out on his own with me patting his back firmly, I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't been able to) and I've seen him be sick, I can't imagine being totally responsible for a little human ALL the time. And while I would be a good mother, I just don't want to be. I do love kids though, and I want to be an elementary school teacher in the future. If I do ever have kids, they'll be adopted teens.
I do have kids, I love them and dreamed about being a a Mom.... but I screwed up with the Father I chose, now I'm stuck, trying to raise them and heal myself at the same time. No regrets? Kind of hard to tell.
My experience is that one, average (read: what people would call normal) kid in a two person, healthy relationship is feasible. But so many people who have one kid end up having multiple, without being able to properly manage them, and without any outside support that it just rightfully embitters the experience for so many others.
I hate the idea of identity loss and freedom. I was heavily emotionally abused and forced into isolation as a teen, being locked in my room 24/7, and I was homeschooled and had no friends. Now I'm 20, in college, living with my mom and new dad (disowned my biological father), with a bunch of friends, a lovely boyfriend, and a job, this is the greatest part of my life and the idea of losing all that for some drooling meatloaf is just extremely unappealing. The idea of being pregnant sounds awful, especially considering I love the way I look and don't want to change it or feel consistently sick for 9 months. I have PTSD and I'm autistic and I don't think I'm stable enough, especially considering I tend to be sensitive to noise. Maybe I'll change my mind some day, but it won't be for a while.
They're too expensive, I like my sleep, and I get irritated very easily.
I like kids, I work with them as a therapist and teacher and I love that. But I still don't want to have any of my own. My job teaches me every day what a challenge raising kids is and I am certain I am not capable of it. On the other hand, I love my job and the kids I work with so much I wouldn't want to leave them for months or even years.
30 examples of self-centered sociopathy. Wouldn't surprise me if a handful went on to shoot up a couple schools...
I would like to have kids but I know it's not a good idea (for now at least) so I don't. I can't afford them, I like sleep, and I know I have to work on sensory issues that I know they would make worse.
As a child who was born unplanned, and the wrong gender, I was resented all my life. My father had a family before. They did not even raise me. So - that's what makes me a pro-choice, do not be forced to bring a child into this world unless you absolutely want to. You will save a lot of heartache. Funny that no one really thinks about all this from the child's point of view...
My own parents were enough of a reason not to have any. Couldn't imagine them as grandparents.
I would never have kids because A.) I do not, and likely will never have the sanity to take care of a child, and B.) Have three siblings who, unless they decide to go childfree, can give my mom all the grandkids she wants. Idgaf.
I agree. You're responsible for a whole human from the time they pop out to the time they're no longer minors, and even after, they're still connected to us in ways they won't be to anyone else. It's a lifelong title and responsibility not to be taken lightly.
Kids these days are so dumb, the economic system is depressive and is only getting worse. Too much child trafficking, and the state of the world is in shambles. Women who have kids think they will have a disney-esque marriage when men are not biologically built to enjoy one woman for life. They entrap the man with kids and ignore the man's needs. Mental health issues, population issues, to have kids just to force your beliefs upon them and produce more labor rats. This world is cruel enough, why force another being to endure what you hated.
i rather adopt a child since i have a huge fear that i may die giving birth. i fear this because ill never see the child grow up and my husband may have to raise the child on his own. so i rather not risk my life and adopt a child in need
I've been told by multiple people on multiple occasions that I'd make a wonderful father. I don't doubt that, however I can barely take care of myself, so why would I want to take care of kids? I like having the freedom to do what I want when I want how I want. If something happened and got someone pregnant I would do the right thing and man up, but I guarantee it wouldn't be easy.
I have struggled with chronic Epstein-Barr my whole adult life and its common for me to have extreme fatigue episodes. I also have Lipedema, which is a fat disorder and is commonly exacerbated significantly by pregnancy. Simply put, I don't think I have the physical stamina for pregnancy and child raising. I think it would ruin my health and my body. Women don't talk enough about the long-term consequences of pregnancy and child raising on their physical health.
What makes me not want to have kids? Being around other people's kids.
i personally have a very thin band of control and would never want that to be put on a kid as both my parents have the same thin band and i am in a horrible mental state . also im not very responsible and dont want to neglect a kid. long story short dont want to ruin a kid. i might adopt an older kid when i get older but not a really young child
The headline suggests people want kids by default, when I don't think that's the case. Disinterest is self explanatory, but I put it this way: Whatever experience you had that made you want kids, I either didn't have it, or didn't react the same as you. As a child I daydreamed about being an adult all the time but never about being a parent. Whenever I see a father and son, I never identify with the Dad. I see only my past, not my future. I grew up with several married relatives that weren't ever having kids and it was never an issue, so all options were known. I also joke that I wasn't interested in kids even when I was one. I was always more interested in adults.
I honest to goodness wish I could understand why ppl want kids (or have a drive to have them) but I simply DONT. and I hate because literally everyone acts like I'm either terrible, selfish, stupid, crazy, or that ill "have them someday" i am so sick of this mentality. I'm tired of being called selfish when the main reason I don't want kids is tokophobia, the state of the world and my physical and mental illnesses. I'm so fvcking sick of this world..
Being a parent means coming to grips with pain. I grew up unprotected from an abusive father Yet, when I became a victim of the Dalkon Shield device and told I’d never be a parent - I wanted a baby in the worst way. IVF left me infertile poorer and second-guessing myself. We adopted -- a beautiful 7 week old baby boy. I was never happier - I was part of a happy family that was/is full of love - for 16 years. Needless to say - that was when the pain set in - it’s called adolescence. He is an adult on his own living 2000 mi away - I am happy - when he is happy. I know he loves us but getting him to love himself - honestly - is another issue altogether. So, while I don’t love the pain - I acknowledge it as a fact of life - whether it’s brought on by kids or other factors.
I don’t regret having kids but it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I have 3 children 14,12 and 11. Two boys and a girl. The guy I had them with left before my daughter was born. No contact since then. I have been raising them myself. My 12 year old is autistic and has adhd. I have been in a relationship for 10 years. He has two boys ages 20 and 16. We have lived separate for over 5 years now because sometimes blending children does not work. We love each other and will spend the rest of lives together but having to live separate is so very difficult. I love being a mom and love my children but I would never tell someone to have kids.
I have a congenital birth defect that I f*****g refuse to pass down, I’m currently trying to get sterilized but I’m only 23 so it’s been a giant pain in the a*s.
Sterilization of one or both parties in a marriage can be a factor. ;) [Yah, one kid was enough!]
I was the oldest daughter of 5, and then some extended family members moved into our house from a bad situation, so there were several small children and 3 babies. I was mini-Mom, with no time to myself at home. I had to give up my bedroom for my grandparents; I had a reclining chair for sleep, a dresser in the living room, and 1 bookshelf for my things. I fell asleep in my classes, my grades plummeted, I failed out of the nice high school I'd gotten into. I eventually got sent to live with other family members who were unwilling to help with the rest of the extended family situation (but always rubbed it in that they "took me in" as if I was some kind of delinquent... not even close!) I love my little siblings and cousins fiercely. They were so cute... I would often fall asleep holding the little ones (they didn't have beds then either). Watching them grow up has been amazing. All the things I sacrificed so that they could be okay, I couldn't possibly take back. But this has...(cont'd)
(wow, I guess Bored Panda doesn't do line breaks in comments? 😑 Anyway...) ... But this has left me with a strong feeling of "I've already done it." I've already made major, deeply difficult, permanent alterations to the course of my own life for the well-being of a gaggle of little children and babies, who I loved so mind-bogglingly much that I was 100% willing to go without the opportunities and personal life milestones I will never be able to get back. Parenthood holds no novely for me now. I may not have done it as an adult with control over my own life, but I've already experienced all of the feelings, hardships, joys, closed doors and sacrifices. I don't have any inner need to do it again.
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Genetic health issues including severe mental illness, generational trauma, personal trauma, my inability to coordinate my own s**t (how would I coordinate someone else's too?), the state of the world, the state of the US, etc, etc.
1. I had baby nephews and sibling when I was 13. Best contraception, EVER. 2. Selfishness? Or self-careishness. I have chronic illnesses and mental ill health. 3. State of the planet. 4. State of the planet’s population. 5. Can’t rule out risk of multiple pregnancy. (Sister had bio-identical twins so my risk is naturally increased). 6. Cats are much easier. 7. Even as a kid, I avoided the “homey” areas at playgroup. No kitchen, no babies, no prams. 8. Lack of equity. It all falls to mum. In the 1950’s perhaps that worked. But nowadays, kid is sick? School calls mum (in the majority of instances). 9. I would refuse to use people for support. My sister had mum, and now dad running around to her tune as her husband left. 10. Can’t guarantee a “healthy” child. My friends son was severely disabled due to birth errors. My sisters son was healthy until 17, rare virus, brain damaged, mobility issues, severe epilepsy. 11. Kids are forever, not just for 18 years.
One thing that really makes me laugh about this topic is the notion that people need to have kids to take care of them when they are old. I cannot tell you how many people I have known that are totally gobsmacked that their kids don't have time for them and some don't even communicate with their parents that much. And then there is the other disaster that nobody talks about... the kids have kids and leave them with the grandparents to raise. I know of one woman who adopted a girl....at 16 she had a child , handed the responsibility of raising back to her mom because she couldn't handle it, and then went on to have more kids...which she raised. I lost contact with the family- don't know how things turned out. Oh, the kid that was given to granny to raise..he was divorced twice before he was 30. And yes - he had a kid too. It's really nuts.
My reason is that I'm hideously ugly, and no woman would want to have a child that looks like me. I don't blame them either.
Sleep!! There are several reasons I do not want kids, but #1 is that I love and need my sleep. If I don’t sleep well for several nights, I get grumpy and angry and I don’t like myself. When you have kids, you don’t ever get a chance to sleep well! No thank you! I’ll stick with kittens! 🐈⬛
I strongly believe that if someone doesn't want kids then they shouldn't have them... But! Do not get annoyed or pissed at parents who try to have family dinner out or the parent who is just trying to get the shopping done. Remember, when we need the next generation to take over as we age out. Side note, had i be able to see the mental health problems that developed, i would not have had kids. I love them but i feel I'm not giving them what they need and want. It hurts.
We had our son young and are now free of responsibility and it’s fantastic.
My responses over the years when asked why my wife and I don’t have any kids varies. 1. My wife and I figured out what causes kids and we stopped. 2. We thought we would wait until we are mature enough to raise kids. (I’m 69 years old now.) 3. We would be the perfect parents and don’t want to show up our friends and make them jealous. We are doing it for you. 4. Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?
I like kids in the same way that i like horses and Newton's Cradles. I like them, I have fun with them. But i like them for other people. I like going over and saying hi, maybe playing a few games. I would not enjoy having my own, because as terrible as it sounds, they are expensive and I would tire of them quickly. I am much better at and am much happier being the Aunty figure.
My former upstairs neighbour obviously doted on his two little girls. But, I got fed up with him playing hide and seek with them at ten o'clock on a Wednesday night, when other people - me for example - are in bed trying to sleep.
A lot of this hit home. I never really wanted kids but have been pregnant. Once by assault. Lost each one and blamed myself for it while constantly having people tell me I would be such a good mom. I have so much trauma I did not want to pass on. Later married a man with two daughters. The youngest was in her late teens when we got married. I still damaged that relationship - not even my own biological child - because of untreated mental health issues. I know it goes both ways but I own my part, and fwiw that was the push I needed to finally start unpacking the decades of abuse I have survived. I do love both of my husband’s daughters but cannot ever envision being close to them.
Most of these are ppl complaining about children whose parents taught them to be sh*tty in one way or the other. Most of my life I thought I hated kids. Turns out it's their parents and their behaviour I hate. Well, in many cases it's only when the adults enter the parenting-role that I hate them. I have some friends that are so great! But I don't think they are good at parenting which results in badly behaved children that demands so much attention.
Good the world doesn't need more whinny people like you, that the idea of raising innocent souls disgusts you so much. Only have kids if your capable of loving someone other than yourself. If you treat them like mistakes and burdens then yes they'll grow up to be little shits like their parents. Kids and babies are the BEST people in the whole world because they know nothing of hatred that is something thats learned from pessimists like you who are blind to all the beauty on this planet. Raise them with love and they'll be good, happy people, if not they'll grow up to be as miserable as you.
So much to unpack. I planned my children, I loved them and gave up myself and everything I was for them willingly. The sore nipples, the sleepless nights, night after night whilst I watched their father sacrifice nothing, continuing his life like a single man, including his girlfriends one after the other. No matter. I loved, I gave, I gave up myself. When I finally gave up the marriage, finally understanding that I married an immature, selfish, egotistical, inauthentic and dishonest man-child, and then was confronted by the hate that only the hate of children can effect you. Hate based on the lies of a patent who gave up nothing, lived the single life and gaslighted me and the children. Then I realised how I should never have had children, for their sake, not mine. The pain of losing your children in this circumstance is beyond words.
Lot of these i can relate to. I like the freedom to go to conversations n travel. The world is shitshow that i cant justify bringing a kid into (especially going into psychology) i dont have the body to handle it (im very short n skinny). I have genetic condition that can be very frustrating to deal with. Id 100% rather adopt
Besides just not liking children, I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, and epilepsy. Also, being on social security and making less than $11,000 annually (which means I have to live at home), there is no way I could ever afford everything needed to raise a child. Lastly, one of my dogs isn't kid friendly.
If you love kids and choose to have good for you ☺️. If you don't like them to much and don't want, please have sex with protection and make sure you never have, and even if that does not work there are plenty of programs for people that does not want kids and they can place them on a lovely family that can't have one on their own. If you want to adopt, good for you too ☺️. There are a lot of different ways to form your own family, people stop judging others just because you don't think the same as them.
While I enjoyed and loved my kids, you have no real clue as to what your partner and their influencers will devolve into.
So many topics lately about not wanting kids and no topics how people actually are happy that they have kids or actually want them. Why is that so?
There are a billion articles of pro parent propaganda. It's about time the stigma of wanting to remain child free is removed, because we are STILL judged by angry parents who either didn't know they had a choice or just had so little sense they didn't even consider if it was a good idea or not
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No one mentioned the potential child justice system railroading you, because your ex lied and they don't care. 120,000 dollars and counting and that's for losing
I have kids, I absolutely adore them and love them soooo much. I'm single mom of two.. it's very difficult to raise kids on my own. HONESTLY I thinks age 2, 3 and 4 are absolutely WORST, WORST!!!! my last baby who is 3 now omg. Just omg! Lol. If I could rewind time, I would rather adopt older children lol. But I don't regrettably having them. I just can't wait for my last baby to turn 5 in two years later cuz my oldest son who is 5 now and he's absolutely ANGEL I absolutely love that boy! I love my last baby as well it's just man, toddler sure driving a parent nuts!!! Lol. And this is why I got tubes tied as well. I'm so done having kids and I'm absolutely don't want to go through toddler phase all over again as well. So if you are a person don't want any children then it's understandable, they are alot of work that's for sure!
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then😂😁
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then.
No worries I am working on having lots of kids for you. They are the best thing that could happen to a human being, sure its hard, but it makes you less centered on yourself, if you are a lover of self, without natural affection, don't have them.
When I was in my 20s, I shared pretty much all the thoughts listed here about kids. But things started to change after I turned 30. I felt my life was just keeping running after goals, each goal became less meaningful after achieve d. My kid has provided an anchor for me in life. I get to build a relationship with someone deeply and experience life all over again with him. It's like planting a little tree. Like gardening, parenting is hardwork but it's also very rewarding. Yes we are all flawed and we probably will all unconsciously cause damage to our kids. But as long as you love them, you will want to improve yourself too. I grow with my kid every day, as a parent, also as an individual.
I have kids. I do not regret them one bit. I was told I wouldn't be able to carry a child, and that tore me up inside. Then unexpectedly I got pregnant by someone that I wasn't serious with. I was just a fling and we both were ok with that. Long story short, her bio dad chose not to stick around. It was a shock to both of us when I actually carried a child unlike what the doctor stated before. It's been a struggle giving her the correct parenting by myself. If it wasn't for my mom, idk what I would have done with work, school, ect. What worse than being a single parent to a beautiful baby, is years later having a son that passed at 2 month, 2 weeks, and 2 days. Yes I hate the number 2. It kills a part of you. Today actually makes the 3rd year since he passed. I'm scared of even if my daughter has kids when she is older. I'm terrified something could happen to her baby, AND SHE'S ONLY 12! It puts a dark cloud on having a baby. Some things you can't control and losing a child that you love changes you.
Lol yes they are love hate relationship!!! I agree with a lot of the captions but you always forget old age!!!! What happens when your spouse dies and your alone or disabled? Pretty sure you wished you had a family to take care you!!! Nope nursing home and you die alone.... Kids are a burden with benefits for sure and beat any darn video game!!! Plus who do you leave all your stuff too?
Raising a children is the sweetest experience of my life. Nothing worthwhile is often easy! No amount of travel, comforts, girls trips, spa days or quiet nights in could ever replace the joys of family life and and parenthood. This is honestly the saddest collection of comments I've ever read. Children bring light to a home and to the world- if they don't, that's on us as parents and mentors. If you fret about the state of the world, then change it by raising powerful humans who will do good!
#32 Kids grow up to be assholes who hate people not just like them. At least in your case.
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Honestly, some decent responses on this list but a LARGE portion of it is just "Cause I don't wanna" rephrase. I get that's the point of the list, but when paired with some of the actual good points in the article a lot of it just feels like filler in comparison. I respect it though. I enjoy my daughter, I was doing s**t else but be irresponsible with my life anyways, wanting to be a dad helped me more than hurt. The passing on of trauma one is one that hits home the most so I'm always scared of overparenting or messing up in some way that continues instead of breaking the cycle. But, that made me actually confront and try to fix my own s**t instead of sinking in it. Again, I always respect people taking precautions to prevent pregnancy though instead of being one of those "You shouldn't be a parent, parents" so nice list of reasons and seeing other perspective.
All these people will likely have kids at some point. It’s the same ole song and dance until the biological clock starts ticking.
Sounds to me like you think everybody has the resources to do what you did.
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. Have some respect for the others, we speak about giving life, here. I guess you have or want a child, i respect that. But I hope for them to not have your mentality.
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I love my daughter with every fibre of my being and having her has changed my life in some hugely positive ways BUT if I knew then what I know now I doubt I'd do it again. Not just for my sake but hers too. Having children is so very utterly selfish and what we are "programmed" to want. Poor mites have no idea what awaits them.
Honest question from someone who has no kids: why do you think having children is selfish? All I usually see is talk about the sacrifices that need to be made to be a good parent. Where does selfishness come into it? Is it the "programming?"
Load More Replies... I think a lot of parents do, too. I don't think people who intentionally planned kids were sitting around thinking, "I just have WAY too much money and free time. I'll have a kid. That'll fix it." A lot of people have a deep desire to have children. They know it's going to be hard work and sacrifice and they do it anyway because they simply could not be fulfilled otherwise. Me. I have no desire to have kids. So I enjoy my quiet house, sleeping in until noon on the weekend, fabulous trips, etc. I've got a very short list of worries and it is Glorious.
Load More Replies... 1, I don't feel any need or desire to have them. My partner feels the same. 2, I've never felt a bond with any child under 15. Sure I can find them cute, smile when I see an adorable picture of a baby, but that's about it. Their crying irritates me, their - natural - needy, clingy behaviour drives me crazy. I appreciate adult company, and don't enjoy being among kids. 3, I like my life as it is and hope to continue without disruption. 4, I can be a responsible caretaker, but I don't enjoy it. I was a live in nanny for 18 months. I did my job, cared for the children as needed. Then left them without even a sigh, and never for one moment missed them. I was told a million times that I will love them so much. I did not. 5, The world had enough of us. I feel the best thing for an individual to do for this planet is not have kids, plant trees, cover the ground you have access to (e.g. you garden). 6, I don't feel that my personal genetic material is so special that it must be preserved.
She wasn't even blaming the kids for this. She used 'I feel' phrasing. Just completely easy to read and without the toxicity that we all have actually seen before. Where on earth are people getting the impression of any child hating. "I don't enjoy it" is basically the harshest thing that was said. Jesus, some people really need to go touch grass.
Load More Replies... No kids. Mainly because of the possibility of passing on my mental health issues. I couldn't put another human being through that $hit, not ever.
As someone who inherited severe ADHD when there wasn’t a considerable amount of research on treatments for children and teens I would never want a child to feel like they were a burden.
Load More Replies... As much as it's refreshing to read the honesty in these, it's also sad that so many people still think they get a say in someone else's decision. I'm a proud mum of two (nearly) adult children and I wouldn't change anything. But being a parent is very difficult sometimes, is expensive and absolutely not for everyone. As a species, we're also a far larger burden on our planet than we should be. People shouldn't have to be explaining why they don't want kids.
I got adhd from being raised in an environment wher i was bouncing one place to another or task to task without. Finishing. Neither of my birth parents have it. My half brother has autism. I think genetic mutation or his dad's side or possibly he got it due to medications mom needed to be taking or stress from mum while in the womb. So ADHD is not necessarily passed through genetics.
Load More Replies... I can't have children, which is a pain like no other and something I struggle to deal with constantly, but we have built a lovely life for ourselves. Being childless (even though it's not through choice) gives us freedoms that our parent friends are jealous of and we try hard to make the most of those things.
My favorite excuse isn't even an excuse. I don't want to deal with them. It's my choice because I don't owe anyone kids or grandkids. I don't like them and I don't want them.
YES!! exactly!! Especially cause my friends daughter ran off and left the grandkids with her! She is 70 and having to care for a 3 year old!!!
Load More Replies... I simply never have had an interest in parenthood and like the freedom not having children allows me to have.
This should be higher. Some people still forget all the many medical complications that can happen with pregnancy let alone child birth itself. People still die in childbirth in this country….it’s worse in underdeveloped countries.
Load More Replies... I always worried I would regret it once it was too late to conceive. I'm 61 and I still haven't regretted it 1 day. I kept waiting for that yearning to have a child and it never came. Just an overwhelming desire to rescue animals!
You are literally my role model!! 😂 I love animals to goodness- but I in no way want kids!! Sometimes I wonder if ill someday regret it... and then I remember all my hobbies (art) id have to give up- and I remember why lol xD
Load More Replies... I have one adult daughter and I have always loved being a mom. But it’s not for everyone. I’ve met people who had kids because they felt they “had to” and resented it. I would rather people not have kids and be happy then have them and make everyone—including their kids—miserable.
I am sick and tired of people trying to make my life a shopping list with the highest priority item "have kids". Well peops, it is not yours to decide what I do with my life. Also, there are so many children in the world that do not have parents, are abused or even killed by their parents. Let's safe them first. I won't judge you if you have 20 children. But please don't judge me if I don't want any. I have my life together, I have a loving and caring spouse. We are happy. Why should we change that just to live up to a standard that is fabricated. I live under the premise live and let live. Let people of whatever gender who really want a child have one or many and educate the uneducated so they can make proper decisions in regards to having children (or not)
Not everybody wants to be a Duggar . Im glad 17 and counting with all it's issues has plummeted and i no longer hear about. The bs. They had sonny kids it became a danger to the newborns life and possibly the mother's. That is unhealthy.
Load More Replies... Working at a retail pharmacy for more than two decades. Imagine trying to count pills, type out a prescription, check accuracy of a prescription, talk to a patient, or physician on the phone, or administer a vaccine, while children run around, knocking over stuff, bouncing balls, throwing toys, and screaming? Does that sound safe to you? It's ridiculous how parents let their children act in public.
Exactly! And I have neither the willpower nor strength to run after 3 munchkins for the next 18 years😅... let alone look after their morality, mental state, financial state and everything else...
Load More Replies... Not to mention kids are absolute germ factories and will give you EVERY illness under the sun. Nahh keep them away from me at all costs 😂
I’ve always really really really wanted kids. I love to bits the three that I have. I’d love to have more. It is super rewarding for me. And I am very lucky to have the health and resources to look after them. BUT. It is a lot of work. Like really a lot of work. And it’s expensive. Sometimes it’s very hard. Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes it’s very frustrating. I definitely have made a lot of sacrifices for them. I can’t imagine being able to do all of this, and not lose my sanity in the process, if I didn’t want children to begin with or didn’t have the means to provide for them.
I am planning to adopt a kid or something (I don’t really know), but never have kids until they can be put in a world that doesn’t have problems and won’t turn into a burning hot dystopia
See, this is what EVERYONE should be telling themselves but they definitely aren't. It's purely egotistical
Load More Replies... BP rotates the same topics over and over. America, Things in Work, (no)Children, Same AITA stories. It is really boring after all this time….
Commenting and liking feeds the algorithm. If you ignore them completely they will dissappear
Load More Replies... Ive known since i was 10 that I didnt want kids. I had to raise my 4 brothers and sisters. That was enough "child rearing" for me. Bit i don't have a husband and 2.5 kids so I cant get birth control or tubes tied either. I'm also too poor and my family medical history is *all* kinds of messed up (everything from mental illnesses to Gastro paresis (paralyzed digestive system) to IBS to Crohn's to heart conditions.)
If you don't want children don't have them, because it is not true that a mother ALWAYS love her child. Sometimes the child is an unloved burden on the mother, and I don't think such a child has a good chance of a happy life.
I WAS that child (she wanted me only to manipulate me and secure a future) so im definitely not gonna have kids... I don't want to be her. I have enough trauma for myself- I don't want to pass it along to an innocent being..
Load More Replies... As I mentioned in one of my replies above, I knew at 14 I didn't want them. I'm 61 now and guess what? I *still* don't want them and thank God every day I don't have them. Ladies - when someone accuses you of being selfish (which, admittedly is a valid reason) tell them you're not selfish, you're *self-aware*. I knew how hard it would be and I also knew my limits.
I want kids, but I have really bad anger issues so I know it's not a good idea for me to have them
For me, I understand that children require more than love. What frustrates me the most is people that say, "my love is all they'll EVER need". I not only think that's selfish and codependent, but I think it's extremely irresponsible. Children also require time, structure, money, resources, stability, and many other things. What if your kid has a lifelong illness? Are you fully prepared for everything that comes with that, for LIFE? I've even witnessed people say they love their kids on one hand, but on the other hand, they don't protect them, they don't teach them, they can't provide, and the list goes on and on... but somehow that's love!? No! That's called delusion. I'm admittingly selfish and I'm not willing to give that up. I like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it. I can't do that with kids. I don't care about being judged for being child free. Unlike most parents, I think about everything. It doesn't seem like people do that anymore.
I don't agree with people who say you are being selfish if you don't have children. I was told that by my mom when I was a teenager when I told her I didn't want kids. All that kept going through my mind was, who am I being selfish to? Myself? If my mother wanted more children she could have adopted or become a foster parent. None of that happened. This is your life. No one else and you only have one.
Here's my reasons. Firstly, I'm not cis and AFAB. I do not want to be dealing with a gross pregnancy body, it would be so uncomfortable and not me. So that rules out carrying my own child. Secondly, my ideal career path involves international travel, irregular hours and basically devoting my life to it. I want that, it's something I'm really invested in, but that's no situation for a child to grow up in. Thirdly, my grandmother is a narcissist and for some reason I am her favourite child. Spiting her by not having kids would make me feel I'd done my bit getting back at how she's treated my mother. Four, I don't particularly like children. I find them very annoying and loud and dirty. I have short patience and I would not be able to deal with that. No, I don't want kids. I want a family of geese, four dogs, the ability to afford video games when I want and an interesting job in wildlife conservation. And I'd be very very happy with that.
When my fiancée and I met we clicked instantly and even discussed children (I was under the impression that I really want them) anyway about 1 year into the relationship and a little reddit addiction (so not sorry) my views changed completely. I've been scared of pregnancy for all of my teenage years and even now with 29. We're pretty committed then and are still. I played directly with open cards and told him that I reconsidered having kids and if he still wanted them, we should split. He said he would rather be together with me than have kids, when I reminded him that he might regret it and would hate me, he said that wouldn't be possible. We are going strong for almost 4 years now and will be getting married in December this year. We talked about adoption especially when his nephew was born last year. It didn't come lightly and we are constantly checking if it's OK with one another. I guess my SO changed his mind like I did, when we had to watch his 13 year old other nephew for a weekend a month. It was pretty exhausting and we both love him but we were so glad when we got to be alone again. That's when we decided we would rather be a cool uncle and aunt. Especially cause we both love ro travel, game and sleep in. And if people say we should split cause we don't want the heartache later in life, I've got a colleague 30 years my senior. He and his wife decided against kids cause she has severe medical issues and he said to me that kids would be nice but didn't have to be. So here we a have a cool aunt and uncle pretty happy with their relationship and life in itself and I believe my soon to be husband and I can achieve that as well 😊 (Especially with the blessing from his mom and grandmother - one of them said and I quote "if I could suck them back in and abort, I would do it")
A godparent is a way to be a parent without being an actual parent.
Load More Replies... My own reasons 1: kids are annoying 2: I wanna do my own thing 3: babies and teens I'm cool with but everything in-between is just uggh 4: I'm bipolar and I don't want to accidentally hurt my own baby
Man, this thread is depressing. Many of these are legit concerns, many boil down to “Don’t want kids, don’t have em”. That’s all cool, but there’s just as many positives too! I looove my kids and happy we had em.
Why can't you just accept that everyone doesn't want that life? Why is it so hard? How exactly does it affect YOUR life that people don't want kids?
Load More Replies... Don't want them, don't have them. Don't pretend you know what it is like to have them from your own limited data. I think we would all prefer that people who don't want them don't have them. Who wants to be raised by someone who doesn't want them?
You made a point and then kept rambling. Why are you mad that people who don't want kids aren't having them?
Load More Replies... Having a child is selfish there’s millions of kids in this world that need better. When I was 8 I was up for adoption it was horrible I went to 5 foster homes they all brought me back because they said I was to much and to country all of them said that. Until I was 10 they moved me to San Antonio, Tx it was only three days I got adopted by this young couple George and Norma it was the best day of my life!!! My life turned around I went to school and college got my self a job bought my self a 600 acer ranch. I’m not bragging about my life I’m saying you could give a child a new life teach them, love them, care for them because every kid in this world needs your love and warmth. You can change their life around just like George and Norma did for me.
Bounced around in foster care myself. I was 5 when it started. all the wrong reasons to be taken as well. Even my adoption at age 12 isnt legal for several reasons. I was always smarter, more open minded, empathetic, and caring than the people raising me. They hated it. Save one. Her hisband left her because she wanted kids later she took me in for one of the group placement homes a few weeks after my 8th birthday. She had to get rid of me for her mental heath. She was in her later 40s early 50s possibly early 60s. I k kw she was not 40 and i know she was younger than 70.i was 8 so honestly didn't care because she was good to me. I met her mother's and sisters. They were horrible to her. They were putting so much pressure on the woman threatening her and trying to force her to marry somebody to keep me. I think the pressure go to much. I got taken again. time out all day no food water or bathroom breaks. Only asked what we were having for brunch. Too late/early for breakfast or lunch.
Load More Replies... More than anything I have always wanted a child. I wanted to be pregnant, feel the baby move for the first time, kick etc. I had 4 miscarriages and we stopped trying. As time went on and I watched my family and my husbands family, I understand why the universe didn't want us to have kids. It still kills me to go to baby showers and see people with new babies and know I will never have that but with how mental our families are it would have been a c**p shoot.
When I was thirteen, I made the decision to never have kids. My sister & mother both said I'd change my mind. Well, here I am almost 40 years later - childless. This is a decision I have never regretted, nor will I ever regret. For one pair of simple facts: Kids require time and money. I've always had time and no money, or money and no time.
Because when I was a kid, we were rarely allowed into adult spaces (pubs, bars, restaurants, gyms). If you were... you'd better damn well behave and if you don't, you'll be swiftly removed and punished by your embarrassed parents. Now, the little shits are allowed everywhere and anywhere with little to no discipline or respect for the fact that it's a "grown up space" where you should consider it a privilege to be allowed and ought to be seen and not heard. Infants are allowed to sit there and play with the noisiest toys, throw food on the floor, run amok around a restaurant and then throw a tantrum and start to scream and bawl when they are tired and irritable. I am determined one day to sit in the Early Learning Centre or some soft playground, drinking wine, smoke cigars (I don't even smoke), play Grunge music (I hate Grunge), swearing loudly and breaking s**t just to even the score a little and spoil their protected space!!!
We went to a restaurant once with 2 small kids. They behaved well, I thought. No whining or running around, but they're kids, so some cauliflower fell on the floor and such. A group of ppl was watching us. I was like: awww they just love our kids. Later: oh wait, were they annoyed? LOL Ever since I only went to the Mac Donalds play ground part. Go yell and have fun. https://youtu.be/YHxVfs4UiOs
Load More Replies... Edit: This is my experience and I am happy to see so many people being real with themselves about whether they want children: I never saw myself as a mom and it was a big ol’ surprise when we found out I was heavily pregnant. However, I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. BUT I realise that we have been incredibly lucky with our situation. I had a great pregnancy, pretty awesome kid, minimal disruption to our social life, and we travel with her quite a bit (extensively overseas prior to COVID) What makes it hard at times is that along with working full time and I am building a startup - which can cause stress, however we’ve mostly gotten into a routine now. We are not the norm I guess. I also feel having been an animal foster for some time prepared me for having the forethought, love and patience when things were extra stressful. Yes daycare is expensive, no we don’t have any other help, we have no family in the country we live (but could always move to be closer).
KIDS ARE JUST TERRIFYING? They scare me okay? They make me so uncomfortable, screaming, crying, the inappropriate jokes, the annoying nursery rhymes. Pregnancy is scary. They're always trying to kill themselves. Just to grow up and leave you to never call text or even say I love you. That's just my experience with my cousins and siblings. I just do not like children and I feel like that should be more normalized!
I don't understand why people feel like they need a reason not to have kids. I think a better question is why someone would want a child.
As someone who grew up in an extremely religious and incredibly toxic environment where I was told/taught by just about every adult in my life that it's a person's duty to have at least 2 kids to sustain the earth's population and gods will, I have zero desire to have a child. Mental health in my family is crippling and to pass it on would be irresponsible and psychotic. Further more, cancer and early mortality also runs in my family. My family breathed down my neck my whole childhood with the idea of having children. To the point where they made me terrified of getting rid of my childhood toys because I'd pass them on one day. Also, and this is my main reason above all else, I'm lesbian. I lived in fear my whole childhood because of that fact. I grew up not wanting to disappoint my highly religious family knowing they'd be disappointed if I'd never have kids. For me, bringing a kid in this world is the worst thing I can imagine.
Raising a kid is just hard. There're so many things you have to teach them cause of the shitty world we live in. Social constructs (like gender), CORRECT value systems, self expression, etc. Its just not possible to tell them everything. And I wouldn't know where to start. Another reason is the fact that I'm physically disabled. Chronic pain. If i had a biological child (which probably wouldn't happen since im scared of pregnancy and I'm asexual) i would be really anxious about the kid having it too, and if they do get it, i wouldn't be able to help them and help myself at the same time. Chronic illnesses like this take a lot of time to figure out, diagnose and "treat". Physical therapy few times a week, gym, lots of pills (like steroids). I wouldn't do that to a child. Next thing is sensory issues. I'm neurodivergent and kids are loud and sticky. They don't know what personal space is and are way too energetic. I wouldn't know how to take care of them and not get a sensory meltdown.
Never wanted one .. then found out I couldnt have one... Now after egg donation and 5 years later I am a parent. And she is the most spectacular person. The very best part of my whole existence. Shes the reason I was born. Sometimes what you dont think you want turns out to be what you needed all along.
With ALL the birth control methods available, there's no reason or "excuse"(for some people) to get pregnant unless you want to.
I have no paternal instincts. Brotherly instincts at most. Couple that with my social ineptitude, unwillingness to have a relationship (necessary for a nuclear family) and planning for a military civilian job (definitely not going to have enough time to create another human being) I just don't think I'd be a good dad.
Sterilised at 20, hysterectomy at 40 .. chances of me having kids = 0. Living my happily ever after 100%
I don't like children, if I had my way there would be child free planes, children free restaurants, child free everything, shopping transportation, holidays, beaches, swimming pools, they ruin peace and tranquility due to screaming like banshees .. if you must feel that you need one, go buy a huge cage and train It ...
Ok well this 1 maybe a new 1 but it's takes 2 very skilled educated & loving & responsible & respectable & both a mother & father need to be civil & good to each other & be mentally healthy & have personal lifelong goals with their physical health & both a mother & father need to be good if not excellent in being able to give not be takers & be good at who is going to proved what when how where & why & both a mother & father need to have goals along time frames in both of their lives that r making a father & mother only progress & building their portfolios so that a mother & a father have assets & wealth they build during their required life long marriage see when u show children these healthy relationship skills u work at for as long as a mother & father r blessed to live & stay married u show children how to do the same thing & develop the same ways so they have a good enough reasons to continue that healthy lifelong marriage having the ability to last generations
I'm so glad I never got married or became a parent. Neither would have ever gone well. Fortunately, I've been able to live my life as I chose to do so and ultimately experienced so much more not having any rugrats disrupting my life. Kids are noisy, disruptive, nagging menaces that I can absolutely do without. Sorry, but procreation will have to find another way.
No worries..it surely will. For millenia people have f!#ked..had kids..and survived. I didn't want kids either.
Load More Replies... I don't think I could ever love a human child as much as I love my dogs. And - this might sound insane - I don't want any human child to come in and take any of the resources I devote to said dogs. I'd really rather just have more dogs (and other critters)! 🐩
Raising kids SUCKS!!!!! I never wanted kids. But...got pregnant early...17. Then married at 19. We both had a child and my hubby thought we should have 1 of our own. So we did. Then the 3rd was a HUGE OOPS!!! I do love my kids. They are funny and sweet. But OMG...the daily struggles are insane. I'm absolutely exhausted. My 18 is on his own now, but his teen yrs were brutal. My 15 I fear will never leave and become permanently bonded to his Xbox to the point we'll have to get it surgically removed from him. And my 9 is a good girl, but I am having severe anxiety attacks about when she starts her period. I am petrified!! In conclusion...DONT HAVE KIDS!!!
My oldest son is serving a 7yr sentence in prison and I tried everything since he was 14 to stir him in the right way. As a single mom, father was absent parent and never wanted to be part of his life. I'm a good person, a Christian and a public servant and I just feel so ashamed that my Son ended up this way, Im so ashamed and sometimes I want to ask God why? What was the purpose of having a child like him or Children, specially when they take nothing after you and put you through hell which I'm still going through...
I'm really impatient, have a nasty temper, and I've always struggled with empathy. There's no way I'd be a good parent and I'm not about to ruin a kids life because "it's different when it's yours"
When people talk about how much bigger families (6-10 kids) years ago and they say it was to work on the farm, I tell them it's because they didn't have birth control.
I decided to remain childfree because I didn't want to lose my money, freedom, or sanity. Bringing a kid into this world is like breeding more animals even though there are millions in shelters - totally ignorant, arrogant and irresponsible.
Choosing not to have children is not selfish or self centred. It is a valid choice and a smart one when you really don't feel any desire to have children. I love my daughter to pieces and I have no regrets about having her but if I had my life over, I would definitely make different choices, and I probably would have never had a child.
The tokophobia one hits right at home for me. I have nightmares of becoming pregnant. I also know that it’s expensive to raise kids and the anxiety of wanting them to turn out okay when you didn’t and you don’t want the cycle to continue makes the whole idea so much worse.
What I take away from this is: children are undesirable because childless adults don't want to make sacrifices, they're scared of all the possible ways that things could go wrong and so don't want to even try, and they have some bizarre idea that children are "for" literally any other human being. If they don't want children, I'm not interested in changing their minds, but people need to know that children aren't "for" anyone; parents are "for" the children.
Taking away the world being s**t for a moment, these are my personal issues with having children: depression, anxiety, possible autism, biraciality, being LGBT, anger management issues, no parental nature, family history of cancer and Alzheimer's, and the best reason: I do not care to have one. Shouldn't that be enough? Why do we need a goddamn reason to not have children? Plenty of idiots are (and those not so stupid), why do you care that each and every individual has a kid? It's like asking a person why their favorite color is their favorite. Just leave it the hell alone.
Reading all of this while my toddler is sitting in my lap watching peppa pig. Nothing in life can prepare you for having kids. If you don't want them that's ok. The world doesn't need more unwanted children, born to poverty or to any kind of illness. F what everyone is saying. They will not raise your child if anything happens
For me, a big reason is that I'm just not sure I'd be able to raise them "properly." If they grow up unhappy, I'd just hate myself for failing and bringing someone into the world just to make them miserable. And then I also worry about any hidden genetic surprises I might pass onto them.
Honestly did the no kid thing til late, married my wife with 3 kids. I have been there from 2 and 5yo and honestly you don't know what you're missing without them. Yes it's work but good things take effort. The oldest was 13 when his father passed. He's been a chore but I hold hope. I didn't enter wanting kids but she is with it and they are too.
That's fine for you. I've managed to live for 69 years being blissfully child-free. I have enough on my plte taking care of other people's.
Load More Replies... I like the free and easy nature of my life too much to do that. I don't even feel the urge. So that's that. Besides, having gone through a violent childhood, I really don't want to turn into my old man and continue that f*cked up cycle.
Tokophobia for me. How anyone calmly discusses childbirth is beyond me. my brain thins "Don't you know where they come out of??!!!!" There just aren't enough drugs. That and climate change and I'm terribly lazy and not that interested. The whole kit-n-kaboodle.
I agree 100% with each & everyone of you! I'm a 69 year old woman who has never once regretted not having children.
Being the oldest sibling, I not only see how much of a toll my little brother takes on my parents, but when they have other stuff to do, I get stuck playing parent. I've had him choke once under my supervision (luckily he was able to cough it out on his own with me patting his back firmly, I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't been able to) and I've seen him be sick, I can't imagine being totally responsible for a little human ALL the time. And while I would be a good mother, I just don't want to be. I do love kids though, and I want to be an elementary school teacher in the future. If I do ever have kids, they'll be adopted teens.
I do have kids, I love them and dreamed about being a a Mom.... but I screwed up with the Father I chose, now I'm stuck, trying to raise them and heal myself at the same time. No regrets? Kind of hard to tell.
My experience is that one, average (read: what people would call normal) kid in a two person, healthy relationship is feasible. But so many people who have one kid end up having multiple, without being able to properly manage them, and without any outside support that it just rightfully embitters the experience for so many others.
I hate the idea of identity loss and freedom. I was heavily emotionally abused and forced into isolation as a teen, being locked in my room 24/7, and I was homeschooled and had no friends. Now I'm 20, in college, living with my mom and new dad (disowned my biological father), with a bunch of friends, a lovely boyfriend, and a job, this is the greatest part of my life and the idea of losing all that for some drooling meatloaf is just extremely unappealing. The idea of being pregnant sounds awful, especially considering I love the way I look and don't want to change it or feel consistently sick for 9 months. I have PTSD and I'm autistic and I don't think I'm stable enough, especially considering I tend to be sensitive to noise. Maybe I'll change my mind some day, but it won't be for a while.
They're too expensive, I like my sleep, and I get irritated very easily.
I like kids, I work with them as a therapist and teacher and I love that. But I still don't want to have any of my own. My job teaches me every day what a challenge raising kids is and I am certain I am not capable of it. On the other hand, I love my job and the kids I work with so much I wouldn't want to leave them for months or even years.
30 examples of self-centered sociopathy. Wouldn't surprise me if a handful went on to shoot up a couple schools...
I would like to have kids but I know it's not a good idea (for now at least) so I don't. I can't afford them, I like sleep, and I know I have to work on sensory issues that I know they would make worse.
As a child who was born unplanned, and the wrong gender, I was resented all my life. My father had a family before. They did not even raise me. So - that's what makes me a pro-choice, do not be forced to bring a child into this world unless you absolutely want to. You will save a lot of heartache. Funny that no one really thinks about all this from the child's point of view...
My own parents were enough of a reason not to have any. Couldn't imagine them as grandparents.
I would never have kids because A.) I do not, and likely will never have the sanity to take care of a child, and B.) Have three siblings who, unless they decide to go childfree, can give my mom all the grandkids she wants. Idgaf.
I agree. You're responsible for a whole human from the time they pop out to the time they're no longer minors, and even after, they're still connected to us in ways they won't be to anyone else. It's a lifelong title and responsibility not to be taken lightly.
Kids these days are so dumb, the economic system is depressive and is only getting worse. Too much child trafficking, and the state of the world is in shambles. Women who have kids think they will have a disney-esque marriage when men are not biologically built to enjoy one woman for life. They entrap the man with kids and ignore the man's needs. Mental health issues, population issues, to have kids just to force your beliefs upon them and produce more labor rats. This world is cruel enough, why force another being to endure what you hated.
i rather adopt a child since i have a huge fear that i may die giving birth. i fear this because ill never see the child grow up and my husband may have to raise the child on his own. so i rather not risk my life and adopt a child in need
I've been told by multiple people on multiple occasions that I'd make a wonderful father. I don't doubt that, however I can barely take care of myself, so why would I want to take care of kids? I like having the freedom to do what I want when I want how I want. If something happened and got someone pregnant I would do the right thing and man up, but I guarantee it wouldn't be easy.
I have struggled with chronic Epstein-Barr my whole adult life and its common for me to have extreme fatigue episodes. I also have Lipedema, which is a fat disorder and is commonly exacerbated significantly by pregnancy. Simply put, I don't think I have the physical stamina for pregnancy and child raising. I think it would ruin my health and my body. Women don't talk enough about the long-term consequences of pregnancy and child raising on their physical health.
What makes me not want to have kids? Being around other people's kids.
i personally have a very thin band of control and would never want that to be put on a kid as both my parents have the same thin band and i am in a horrible mental state . also im not very responsible and dont want to neglect a kid. long story short dont want to ruin a kid. i might adopt an older kid when i get older but not a really young child
The headline suggests people want kids by default, when I don't think that's the case. Disinterest is self explanatory, but I put it this way: Whatever experience you had that made you want kids, I either didn't have it, or didn't react the same as you. As a child I daydreamed about being an adult all the time but never about being a parent. Whenever I see a father and son, I never identify with the Dad. I see only my past, not my future. I grew up with several married relatives that weren't ever having kids and it was never an issue, so all options were known. I also joke that I wasn't interested in kids even when I was one. I was always more interested in adults.
I honest to goodness wish I could understand why ppl want kids (or have a drive to have them) but I simply DONT. and I hate because literally everyone acts like I'm either terrible, selfish, stupid, crazy, or that ill "have them someday" i am so sick of this mentality. I'm tired of being called selfish when the main reason I don't want kids is tokophobia, the state of the world and my physical and mental illnesses. I'm so fvcking sick of this world..
Being a parent means coming to grips with pain. I grew up unprotected from an abusive father Yet, when I became a victim of the Dalkon Shield device and told I’d never be a parent - I wanted a baby in the worst way. IVF left me infertile poorer and second-guessing myself. We adopted -- a beautiful 7 week old baby boy. I was never happier - I was part of a happy family that was/is full of love - for 16 years. Needless to say - that was when the pain set in - it’s called adolescence. He is an adult on his own living 2000 mi away - I am happy - when he is happy. I know he loves us but getting him to love himself - honestly - is another issue altogether. So, while I don’t love the pain - I acknowledge it as a fact of life - whether it’s brought on by kids or other factors.
I don’t regret having kids but it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I have 3 children 14,12 and 11. Two boys and a girl. The guy I had them with left before my daughter was born. No contact since then. I have been raising them myself. My 12 year old is autistic and has adhd. I have been in a relationship for 10 years. He has two boys ages 20 and 16. We have lived separate for over 5 years now because sometimes blending children does not work. We love each other and will spend the rest of lives together but having to live separate is so very difficult. I love being a mom and love my children but I would never tell someone to have kids.
I have a congenital birth defect that I f*****g refuse to pass down, I’m currently trying to get sterilized but I’m only 23 so it’s been a giant pain in the a*s.
Sterilization of one or both parties in a marriage can be a factor. ;) [Yah, one kid was enough!]
I was the oldest daughter of 5, and then some extended family members moved into our house from a bad situation, so there were several small children and 3 babies. I was mini-Mom, with no time to myself at home. I had to give up my bedroom for my grandparents; I had a reclining chair for sleep, a dresser in the living room, and 1 bookshelf for my things. I fell asleep in my classes, my grades plummeted, I failed out of the nice high school I'd gotten into. I eventually got sent to live with other family members who were unwilling to help with the rest of the extended family situation (but always rubbed it in that they "took me in" as if I was some kind of delinquent... not even close!) I love my little siblings and cousins fiercely. They were so cute... I would often fall asleep holding the little ones (they didn't have beds then either). Watching them grow up has been amazing. All the things I sacrificed so that they could be okay, I couldn't possibly take back. But this has...(cont'd)
(wow, I guess Bored Panda doesn't do line breaks in comments? 😑 Anyway...) ... But this has left me with a strong feeling of "I've already done it." I've already made major, deeply difficult, permanent alterations to the course of my own life for the well-being of a gaggle of little children and babies, who I loved so mind-bogglingly much that I was 100% willing to go without the opportunities and personal life milestones I will never be able to get back. Parenthood holds no novely for me now. I may not have done it as an adult with control over my own life, but I've already experienced all of the feelings, hardships, joys, closed doors and sacrifices. I don't have any inner need to do it again.
Load More Replies... Genetic health issues including severe mental illness, generational trauma, personal trauma, my inability to coordinate my own s**t (how would I coordinate someone else's too?), the state of the world, the state of the US, etc, etc.
1. I had baby nephews and sibling when I was 13. Best contraception, EVER. 2. Selfishness? Or self-careishness. I have chronic illnesses and mental ill health. 3. State of the planet. 4. State of the planet’s population. 5. Can’t rule out risk of multiple pregnancy. (Sister had bio-identical twins so my risk is naturally increased). 6. Cats are much easier. 7. Even as a kid, I avoided the “homey” areas at playgroup. No kitchen, no babies, no prams. 8. Lack of equity. It all falls to mum. In the 1950’s perhaps that worked. But nowadays, kid is sick? School calls mum (in the majority of instances). 9. I would refuse to use people for support. My sister had mum, and now dad running around to her tune as her husband left. 10. Can’t guarantee a “healthy” child. My friends son was severely disabled due to birth errors. My sisters son was healthy until 17, rare virus, brain damaged, mobility issues, severe epilepsy. 11. Kids are forever, not just for 18 years.
One thing that really makes me laugh about this topic is the notion that people need to have kids to take care of them when they are old. I cannot tell you how many people I have known that are totally gobsmacked that their kids don't have time for them and some don't even communicate with their parents that much. And then there is the other disaster that nobody talks about... the kids have kids and leave them with the grandparents to raise. I know of one woman who adopted a girl....at 16 she had a child , handed the responsibility of raising back to her mom because she couldn't handle it, and then went on to have more kids...which she raised. I lost contact with the family- don't know how things turned out. Oh, the kid that was given to granny to raise..he was divorced twice before he was 30. And yes - he had a kid too. It's really nuts.
My reason is that I'm hideously ugly, and no woman would want to have a child that looks like me. I don't blame them either.
Sleep!! There are several reasons I do not want kids, but #1 is that I love and need my sleep. If I don’t sleep well for several nights, I get grumpy and angry and I don’t like myself. When you have kids, you don’t ever get a chance to sleep well! No thank you! I’ll stick with kittens! 🐈⬛
I strongly believe that if someone doesn't want kids then they shouldn't have them... But! Do not get annoyed or pissed at parents who try to have family dinner out or the parent who is just trying to get the shopping done. Remember, when we need the next generation to take over as we age out. Side note, had i be able to see the mental health problems that developed, i would not have had kids. I love them but i feel I'm not giving them what they need and want. It hurts.
We had our son young and are now free of responsibility and it’s fantastic.
My responses over the years when asked why my wife and I don’t have any kids varies. 1. My wife and I figured out what causes kids and we stopped. 2. We thought we would wait until we are mature enough to raise kids. (I’m 69 years old now.) 3. We would be the perfect parents and don’t want to show up our friends and make them jealous. We are doing it for you. 4. Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?
I like kids in the same way that i like horses and Newton's Cradles. I like them, I have fun with them. But i like them for other people. I like going over and saying hi, maybe playing a few games. I would not enjoy having my own, because as terrible as it sounds, they are expensive and I would tire of them quickly. I am much better at and am much happier being the Aunty figure.
My former upstairs neighbour obviously doted on his two little girls. But, I got fed up with him playing hide and seek with them at ten o'clock on a Wednesday night, when other people - me for example - are in bed trying to sleep.
A lot of this hit home. I never really wanted kids but have been pregnant. Once by assault. Lost each one and blamed myself for it while constantly having people tell me I would be such a good mom. I have so much trauma I did not want to pass on. Later married a man with two daughters. The youngest was in her late teens when we got married. I still damaged that relationship - not even my own biological child - because of untreated mental health issues. I know it goes both ways but I own my part, and fwiw that was the push I needed to finally start unpacking the decades of abuse I have survived. I do love both of my husband’s daughters but cannot ever envision being close to them.
Most of these are ppl complaining about children whose parents taught them to be sh*tty in one way or the other. Most of my life I thought I hated kids. Turns out it's their parents and their behaviour I hate. Well, in many cases it's only when the adults enter the parenting-role that I hate them. I have some friends that are so great! But I don't think they are good at parenting which results in badly behaved children that demands so much attention.
Good the world doesn't need more whinny people like you, that the idea of raising innocent souls disgusts you so much. Only have kids if your capable of loving someone other than yourself. If you treat them like mistakes and burdens then yes they'll grow up to be little shits like their parents. Kids and babies are the BEST people in the whole world because they know nothing of hatred that is something thats learned from pessimists like you who are blind to all the beauty on this planet. Raise them with love and they'll be good, happy people, if not they'll grow up to be as miserable as you.
So much to unpack. I planned my children, I loved them and gave up myself and everything I was for them willingly. The sore nipples, the sleepless nights, night after night whilst I watched their father sacrifice nothing, continuing his life like a single man, including his girlfriends one after the other. No matter. I loved, I gave, I gave up myself. When I finally gave up the marriage, finally understanding that I married an immature, selfish, egotistical, inauthentic and dishonest man-child, and then was confronted by the hate that only the hate of children can effect you. Hate based on the lies of a patent who gave up nothing, lived the single life and gaslighted me and the children. Then I realised how I should never have had children, for their sake, not mine. The pain of losing your children in this circumstance is beyond words.
Lot of these i can relate to. I like the freedom to go to conversations n travel. The world is shitshow that i cant justify bringing a kid into (especially going into psychology) i dont have the body to handle it (im very short n skinny). I have genetic condition that can be very frustrating to deal with. Id 100% rather adopt
Besides just not liking children, I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, and epilepsy. Also, being on social security and making less than $11,000 annually (which means I have to live at home), there is no way I could ever afford everything needed to raise a child. Lastly, one of my dogs isn't kid friendly.
If you love kids and choose to have good for you ☺️. If you don't like them to much and don't want, please have sex with protection and make sure you never have, and even if that does not work there are plenty of programs for people that does not want kids and they can place them on a lovely family that can't have one on their own. If you want to adopt, good for you too ☺️. There are a lot of different ways to form your own family, people stop judging others just because you don't think the same as them.
While I enjoyed and loved my kids, you have no real clue as to what your partner and their influencers will devolve into.
So many topics lately about not wanting kids and no topics how people actually are happy that they have kids or actually want them. Why is that so?
There are a billion articles of pro parent propaganda. It's about time the stigma of wanting to remain child free is removed, because we are STILL judged by angry parents who either didn't know they had a choice or just had so little sense they didn't even consider if it was a good idea or not
Load More Replies... No one mentioned the potential child justice system railroading you, because your ex lied and they don't care. 120,000 dollars and counting and that's for losing
I have kids, I absolutely adore them and love them soooo much. I'm single mom of two.. it's very difficult to raise kids on my own. HONESTLY I thinks age 2, 3 and 4 are absolutely WORST, WORST!!!! my last baby who is 3 now omg. Just omg! Lol. If I could rewind time, I would rather adopt older children lol. But I don't regrettably having them. I just can't wait for my last baby to turn 5 in two years later cuz my oldest son who is 5 now and he's absolutely ANGEL I absolutely love that boy! I love my last baby as well it's just man, toddler sure driving a parent nuts!!! Lol. And this is why I got tubes tied as well. I'm so done having kids and I'm absolutely don't want to go through toddler phase all over again as well. So if you are a person don't want any children then it's understandable, they are alot of work that's for sure!
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then😂😁
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then.
No worries I am working on having lots of kids for you. They are the best thing that could happen to a human being, sure its hard, but it makes you less centered on yourself, if you are a lover of self, without natural affection, don't have them.
When I was in my 20s, I shared pretty much all the thoughts listed here about kids. But things started to change after I turned 30. I felt my life was just keeping running after goals, each goal became less meaningful after achieve d. My kid has provided an anchor for me in life. I get to build a relationship with someone deeply and experience life all over again with him. It's like planting a little tree. Like gardening, parenting is hardwork but it's also very rewarding. Yes we are all flawed and we probably will all unconsciously cause damage to our kids. But as long as you love them, you will want to improve yourself too. I grow with my kid every day, as a parent, also as an individual.
I have kids. I do not regret them one bit. I was told I wouldn't be able to carry a child, and that tore me up inside. Then unexpectedly I got pregnant by someone that I wasn't serious with. I was just a fling and we both were ok with that. Long story short, her bio dad chose not to stick around. It was a shock to both of us when I actually carried a child unlike what the doctor stated before. It's been a struggle giving her the correct parenting by myself. If it wasn't for my mom, idk what I would have done with work, school, ect. What worse than being a single parent to a beautiful baby, is years later having a son that passed at 2 month, 2 weeks, and 2 days. Yes I hate the number 2. It kills a part of you. Today actually makes the 3rd year since he passed. I'm scared of even if my daughter has kids when she is older. I'm terrified something could happen to her baby, AND SHE'S ONLY 12! It puts a dark cloud on having a baby. Some things you can't control and losing a child that you love changes you.
Lol yes they are love hate relationship!!! I agree with a lot of the captions but you always forget old age!!!! What happens when your spouse dies and your alone or disabled? Pretty sure you wished you had a family to take care you!!! Nope nursing home and you die alone.... Kids are a burden with benefits for sure and beat any darn video game!!! Plus who do you leave all your stuff too?
Raising a children is the sweetest experience of my life. Nothing worthwhile is often easy! No amount of travel, comforts, girls trips, spa days or quiet nights in could ever replace the joys of family life and and parenthood. This is honestly the saddest collection of comments I've ever read. Children bring light to a home and to the world- if they don't, that's on us as parents and mentors. If you fret about the state of the world, then change it by raising powerful humans who will do good!
#32 Kids grow up to be assholes who hate people not just like them. At least in your case.
Load More Replies... Honestly, some decent responses on this list but a LARGE portion of it is just "Cause I don't wanna" rephrase. I get that's the point of the list, but when paired with some of the actual good points in the article a lot of it just feels like filler in comparison. I respect it though. I enjoy my daughter, I was doing s**t else but be irresponsible with my life anyways, wanting to be a dad helped me more than hurt. The passing on of trauma one is one that hits home the most so I'm always scared of overparenting or messing up in some way that continues instead of breaking the cycle. But, that made me actually confront and try to fix my own s**t instead of sinking in it. Again, I always respect people taking precautions to prevent pregnancy though instead of being one of those "You shouldn't be a parent, parents" so nice list of reasons and seeing other perspective.
All these people will likely have kids at some point. It’s the same ole song and dance until the biological clock starts ticking.
Sounds to me like you think everybody has the resources to do what you did.
Load More Replies... . Have some respect for the others, we speak about giving life, here. I guess you have or want a child, i respect that. But I hope for them to not have your mentality.
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