1.7Mviews
Someone Asks “What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?” And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers
1.7Mviews
Kids are not for everyone. Yet, many default to expecting people to start procreating once they settle down, even insisting that those who claim not to want children will surely someday change their minds. Especially women.
But there are plenty of valid reasons for living child-free. And if a person doesn't want to commit to spending around 18 years of their life caring for another human being whose well-being depends entirely on them, maybe we shouldn't force them into it? Regardless of whether or not they belong to the heteronormative part of society.
Drawing attention to the problem, Redditor AGstudios22 asked other platform users who don't plan on having kids what made them come to that conclusion, and we thought that reading through the answers can provide you with quite a few interesting insights, regardless of your own position.
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From my own experience, I don’t like the thought of bringing a kid into the world we live in. I’d much sooner adopt a kid who’s in a shifty place or in a struggling area. There are millions of kids starving out there, there are millions of kids being abused out there. Rather save one of them than bring another kid into this retched place
I really, really don't want to be a parent and I feel like that should at the very least be a prerequisite to having them. My grandmother didn't seem to enjoy parenthood, my mom certainly didn't. They did it because they were "supposed to". I'm breaking the cycle.
I’ve occasionally questioned my normal-ness: shouldn’t every healthy adult animal want to perpetuate the species, at least a little? Shouldn’t I have instincts to reproduce? But I don’t XD I want cats and dogs!
Selfishness. I like the freedom of being able to wake up or go wherever i want without worrying “whos gonna watch my kids” or “my kids are awake so i have to be awake” so i guess I value my personal freedom more then anything a child could provide me
It concerns me that it is often regarded as ‘selfishness’. Your entire life is changed, completely. There is nothing wrong with looking after ‘you’. There are enough children in the world, focus on being a better human being for yourself, so the your own freedoms.
The fact that nothing really makes me WANT to have them. I feel like you should have an overwhelming desire to become a parent - I don’t, so why would I have a kid?
Good point. You need to be wanting kids 100%. You can’t take it back. Plus it’s important that a child is brought into the world and know they are absolutely wanted.
You know when you are out in public, and you see parents of children and immediately think, "Those people should have never had kids."?
That's me. I'm those people. Not only do I agree with you, I also took your advice.
Can I answer even though I have them?
The fact that I have them makes me not want them.
I love my kids and will lay down my life for them, but raising kids SUCKS!
They financially, physically and mentally suck the life out of you.
Sure they have their moments but there is nothing rewarding about raising kids, the only thing you get in return is judgement and premature aging.
I don't regret having them, but man I'll be celebrating hard when they're adults and leave home.
Well the total lack of wishing to have a child. Zero desire. Just like I have no desire to have a pet rhino or become a lawyer.
I watched my friends, single moms, with their kid issues. Kid's sick? I have to call out from work. School issue? I have to go see to that. Groceries? I have to make sure the kid has appropriate food, I may have to eat ramen myself though. I was never ready to make those kinds of decisions. Even two parent households had a lot to shovel through with just one kid. No thanks, I'm good by myself.
I can barely take care of myself sometimes it feels like, can’t possibly take on another human. More selfishly there’s still a lot of things I want to do that I couldn’t if I had a kid. Lastly, just a pessimistic view of the world and the desire to not want to bring new life into that.
It’s not considered selfish if you’re choosing to look after yourself. Also, you’re thinking of the sorry world that hypothetical child will be left with in the future.
Not wanting to pass on genetic chronic pain/mental illness. Also kids = no money
This is really important. Many illneses are inheritable but it is so normalised to have biological kids that many knew the risk and still choose to have kids. Knowing that they might live in pain for their entire life. There are alternatives like egg/sperm donnors or adoption that at least avoid the genetic issues. I cannot resoect a person that will force their diseases on a child just because they want a bio kid.
The screaming in the next aisle over at the grocery store because they can't have the <insert item> they want.
I've just never wanted any. I never played with baby dolls as a child, I never thought twice about babysitting as a teen, and I was always uncomfortable whenever people said "*when* you have kids" (as opposed to "*if*").
I never found babies cute, I can't imagine spending 24/7 with a little human, and most of all the idea of being responsible for this little creature's happiness and growth, and making sure they become a decent, functioning human being, is *incredibly* intimidating.
After what’s going on in America right now I’m considering getting my tubes tied
I've been dealing with a mentally disabled older brother for nearly all my life. He's 32 yrs old, but acts like a 7 yr old nearly ALL the time. I love him to death, but after so long of dealing with him growing up (I'm 22), I just do not have the patience to handle something like that again.
VanessaClarkLove replied: This is my big one. I feel terrible for this, but the fear of having a child that isn’t going to grow into a fully independent person with no limitations stopped me dead. If there was a guarantee they would be of average mental capability, I might reconsider.
You know, at least as someone with handicapped issues, it's understandable (and often challenged people hold down jobs and can take care of themselves well!). What's worse- and a big fear for me- is when you have a fully functional adult child who doesn't take care of themselves. You see it all the time; grown adults still living at home and can't hold down a full time job, these man-babies/ princesses who are taken care of by pushover parents. I don't mean someone who's in college and paying rent is still young and figuring things out, etc. I mean these people who still act like children when they're 30 and yell at their parents from their smelly and messy basement rooms, depressive and being willfully unhealthy or becoming drug addicts and being THAT kind of burden is a fear for some people, too. I hate to say it this way, but having loser kids is a legit fear. It's hard to live with someone who enjoys victimhood or is in an out of rehab. You shouldn't go into it thinking it's an 18 year commitment; it's possibly a lifetime commitment.
*gestures wildly* the state of the f*****g world, maybe?
It’s irresponsible to bring a child into the world not knowing if you can provide for them a happy, healthy childhood. And as an American, I just can’t envision a future where my next of kin doesn’t suffer terribly for the economic and ecological blunders of our leadership.
The vast majority of parents I meet complain subtley about having children and how much of a struggle it is, how expensive it is, how they get no sleep, no free time etc.
Then, they usually realise they can't be seen to complain about having children and finish their complaints by saying "But its the best thing I ever did." This part always feels like the least genuine bit and everything before feels like the truth.
Furthermore, one of my best friends has a child and spoke candidly about it, saying "I love him to bits but wish I hadn't have had a kid."
Source: Im a teacher who deals with kids and parents daily.
Two things can be true at once. You can love your child fiercely but also wish they’d sleep past 5am 😄
Because all the "best" kid moments to me are not worth losing the ability for my husband and I to spontaneously take off a random Wednesday from our jobs, have some THC, and enjoy the 1200$ Xbox bundle we just got.
Which is what we did today. No ragrets.
World's overpopulated, would rather rescue a kid from the system
Those poor souls need so much love, and the government wants to add to their ranks instead of letting same sex couples have them
- history of severe life altering mental health issues I would NEVER wish to risk passing on (bi-polar, clinical depression, psychosis etc) my Mother and Grandmother on her side. Somehow I seem to have turned out okay but it meant I had a really difficult upbringing, but I would hate to go through what she does and don't want to risk passing it on.
- Lack of freedom / spontaneity. My fiancé and I are like adult children, we're in our 30's and love to play computer games, go out for random ice cream at 11pm, last minute overseas holidays, go out for meals etc whenever we want, I do not want to give that up. A holiday with a child sounds like a chore to me too. Every outing has to be calculated and organised, a simple trip to the store is now a huge chore and time consuming.
- Loss of self, I don't want to become "Mummy" and nothing else. (Not saying that's what happens to everyone, but I feel some people get lost in their kids and lose all sense of themselves as their world now revolves around their children, which is understandable).
- Cost. I do not want to struggle financially, I absolutely cannot afford children and I think it is selfish to have them when you can't provide for them appropriately. Unlike some childfree people, I don't want to put all my focus into my career, I have an average job, it pays enough, without kids I am able to have a comfortable life but I also LOVE my job and am happy. If I had kids we would have to change careers or get second jobs, which I am not willing to do.
- No experience with kids, I don't know what to do with them our how to talk to them. (Please note, I don't hate kids at all, I just don't want any am and awkward with them) I have zero first cousins, my brother is also child free so no nieces or nephews, I've always been awkward around kids even as a kid, and knew from quite a young age parenthood wasn't for me. I do not feel like I have a maternal instinct at all. I do not get giddy seeing babies, but show me a puppy and i'll be melting!
- Lack of sleep, stress. I want a peaceful and somewhat simple life. I enjoy quiet, I enjoy alone time, I enjoy my sleep. Children to not align with that whatsoever.
- Affect on relationship. Children can ruin relationships, it's not their fault but they do. Lack of intimacy, lack of quality time, financial issues causing problems etc. This is something people can work through, but I don't want to risk putting a strain on my relationship as things are perfect for us as they are.
- Risk of severe disability. I absolutely am not willing to look after a severely disabled child for the rest of my life. I have seen how absolutely broken some of these parents are. I saw 2 people yesterday who were clearly husband and wife in their 70's pushing around what appeared to be their profoundly disabled 40ish year old son. That is not the life I am willing to have, but I also don't want to put myself in a position to have to give a child up for adoption.
I have tokophobia (extreme fear of pregnancy).
Cannot upvote this enough! Catholic all girls school run by nuns, where it was rammed home that the worst thing that can happen to you was teenage pregnancy. Classmates also amplified this “fear” and judgement. For some of us, this fear stuck for life not just the school years. I’ve been explaining/citing tokophobia for decades.
Honestly, TikTok etc..
I can raise a kid how I think right but there’s only so much you can shield them from the internet and I’m scared of what the future holds with celebrity/influencer brainwashing culture.
I feel like my generation (early 90’s) was the last generation that was largely safe from this..
I feel this so much. I want kids, but this is something that really worries me about how I'm going to raise them. The Internet is as harmful as it is useful.
I find them annoying.
Also I have no paternal instinct, don't have the temperament to be a good parent, and I'm poor.
It would be unfair to any child to have me imposed on them as a parent.
Those kids who have parents that are perfectly normal but still somehow act like mini serial killers.
Children are born without ethics and morals pre-installed. Of course they’re tiny sociopaths until their parents teach them better… and sometimes, not even normal/good parents can teach them better because the kids don’t WANT to learn society’s rules and conform to them.
my mental health and financial situation. i wouldn’t want to raise a kid the same way i was raised.
It costs too much. The average birth costs like 40k without complications. Decent daycare near me is $1400 a month. That alone is crippling.
It's bad for the environment and I question the morality of putting my children through the potential climate wars and/or apocalypse.
Also, sometimes despite your best efforts and doing everything correctly, your kids turn out to be a**holes.
The cost issue is really dependent on where you live. We have free maternal care and delivery in Sweden and the max cost of daycare is about 150 dollars for the first kid and cheaper for siblings. (Sweden)
I’ve been clinically depressed for almost a decade. Post partum depression is one of the things that terrifies me about the prospect of having kids. Also I am in no way mentally stable enough to be a parent.
Pregnancy and childbirth gave me severe ptsd. I had PPD and anxiety. I can’t have any more children due to the impact on my mental health. The struggle is real. I still wouldn’t change a thing as my child is the love of my life but if I had never known that love I wouldn’t miss it.
Watching my sister's kid get kicked out of daycare for slamming a kids face into a table and hitting a teacher. he's 3, and the most difficult kid I've met.
I love my kids but they completely ruined my life and i don't advocate for anyone to have them
My neighbor has 7 of them. The only form of communication in that house is screaming. The teenage boy just screamed in the middle of my typing this. Kid is absolute s***e at whatever game he's trying to play. My work meetings are constantly interrupted by his whiny cursing/crying sessions.
Pregnancy.
I’ve always been terrified of pregnancy, but I thought I’d feel more comfortable with it as I got older.
Nope. I’m 34 and the thought of being pregnant still freaks me out to no end. I’d love to adopt, but I don’t think I ever want to be pregnant.
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!["Karen Complains To HR About My Body, I Uno-Reverse Her Complaint, [And Now] Everyone Hates Her"](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/coworker-complains-to-hr-about-womans-body-revenge-latest.jpg "\"Karen Complains To HR About My Body, I Uno-Reverse Her Complaint, [And Now] Everyone Hates Her\"")
I might like to have kids when I grow up, but I'm 71 already.
I love your sense of humor.
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(Replying to Klara)Do you know what menopause is?..
Do you realise that Michael is (most likely) a man, and so can father a child at any age?
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It’s never too late.🥸
I love my daughter with every fibre of my being and having her has changed my life in some hugely positive ways BUT if I knew then what I know now I doubt I'd do it again. Not just for my sake but hers too. Having children is so very utterly selfish and what we are "programmed" to want. Poor mites have no idea what awaits them.
Honest question from someone who has no kids: why do you think having children is selfish? All I usually see is talk about the sacrifices that need to be made to be a good parent. Where does selfishness come into it? Is it the "programming?"
Taking care of you when your old, working in your family business, passing on your genes for the heck of it, needing to live up to expectations, the list goes on. They didn't ask for any of that but so many children become damaged adults who then pass on that damage to more kids cuz that's what society has taught them to do or with all these antiabortion laws will force them to do. Foster care is a broken system and this world is filled with poverty and violence. Throwing kids into that is selfish. But humanity is filled with selfishness so...
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No one has to have an abortion, if they don't want children then they should get themselves fixed, problem solved
Have you seen any of the comments made here in the past about women asking to be sterilized but being refused (while men can get vasectomies with no problem) ?
We really couldn't till 3 years ago. They were giving us trouble along the lines of if ur under 30 then u aren't considered to have enough life experience. And they could and have reject u. I couldn't have one till this year and I paid outta pocket. Men dont get really form of BC cause of the whiners that are afriad of hormones issues go figure. Or the fact everything is still being worked on. I m sorry old white men are sitting in office thinking ur body is there right to decide on.
Lots of women get rejected from that because "What about when you want kids?" well obviously they DON'T.
My wife had to actually threaten her doctor that if she had any more kids, she'd leave them on HIS doorstep! That made him shut up and cooperate right away.
Well, for one thing, I sure as hell don't recall asking to be born. So you could consider that aspect of having a kid selfish.
Hear hear
I believe it can be considered selfish to have children because us adults see how evil the world can be and to bring children into this reality knowing that any amount of evil can harm them emotionally, physically etc...is selfish. It is selfish because adults are not able to protect children from all the evil out there. Children are not even safe in schools....not fully safe at home and it would not be fair to be too overprotective of a child because I believe children should be guided into being the best they can be and not dictated to. If a parent is overprotective of a child, when the child becomes an adult and should be having his or her own life it will be difficult to function in the world without having the parent guidance. What would happen to that child if the parent died while the child is a young adult? How would that child function when he or she was shielded from the evils of the world?? How would this child function in society when he or she come to realize how horrible.
This is why it is selfish to have children....we don't want to expose them to evil, but if they are not made aware of the evils in this world they might have to be children who forever need their parents' guidance and be able to function in society.
This is what i worry about with my foster sister . So spoilt rotten, clueless and a massive lack of common sens and extremely shielded from taking responsibility for her own actions. The blame was thrown on me. It is your fult your now 16 year old foster sister stubbed her toe while you were at work. Now we have to take her to the doctors. Ahhh help your foster sister ran off what do we do? Help us help us! Literally years after i told them this would happen and why. They told me to shut up b***h i don't wann f***king hear it! One more word out of you.... (needless to say threats of physical abuse and death from the adoptives) i told them when i was 15 it came true at 24. The biggest i told you so. Also they wanted foster children because they get 15 k a year for school supplies and emergency medical which was 100% covered by acsess health. Aka gov. insurance mmo.falsified lots of things. Tried to force me to be who they wanted me to be. They didn't even birth me. That is selfishness.
My mother grew up in the Great Depression, and before that her stepfather drank all the money her mother had saved. So my mother decided to live the life she'd wanted to have through me. It was hell.
Around my area, a lot of parents have children to secure their own future. They are basically investments. Raising kids may be selfless, but giving birth to them/deciding to have them is selfish (not counting extreme cases).
TimeToIndulge: agree! I have no children. I am retired. How is having children "selfish"?
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It's the person making the comment who is selfish
..."Not for my sake but hers too" says it all about not wanting children!
Having children is selfish wtf?!?!? The last thing I can be since having kids is being selfish what an extremely weird thing to say
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So... becoming a parent is selfish, but "choosing yourself" and living "childfree" is not selfish?
I feel that what they are saying is that some people have children so that they can feel fulfilled or live up to what society thinks they should be doing without much thought to the child involved and the world that they are bringing them into. Many people (perhaps you as well from your comment) seem to feel that NOT having children is selfish. However, if you feel strongly that you, and as a result, your child will struggle if you choose to become a parent, why would it be selfish to avoid that hardship, when there are so many children out there resenting the fact that they had no say in being born into a life of hardship? Living childfree is not selfish. Self-care is not selfish.
Hello, there are so many children resenting being born ? Really ? Just where are you getting that ?
Yeah I don't really get that. Kids CAN'T ask for, or give consent to, be born. If we all went by that, no one would ever have ANY kids at all. I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing to have kids. I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing to not have kids. There's very sound reasons for both choices, and both choices should be respected. I just find the idea of not having a kid because that kid didn't ask to be brought into the world, bit illogical.
Anika: I have no children. I am retired. I am selfish?
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Yes
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Pam Akers, I would say you are selfish. Our society is fundamentally run on people, and here you are benefitting from the fruits of others work and taxes without having contributed any people to keep the system going for the next generation. You’ve made yourself into a parasite, leeching off society to sustain yourself without giving back to it in the way that matters most; by producing citizens to keep the system going and thereby lightening the burdens of everyone else.
Hardly. Pam Akers is working and paying taxes so YOUR children can be schooled, can use the roads, can get medical care, without taking money for her own children since she doesn't have any. Nice of you to call her a parasite when that could also be said of you, who is leeching off her taxes for YOUR children.
Girl you're clearly upset about having kids. How dare you call someone else a parasite after they spent their lives working and taking care of themselves.? The world is overpopulated already so if anything she's doing us a favor while you and your kids leech off the land!
No she isnt selfish, like me , I was not going to be pushed into something I didn't want. Granted, I didn't have the maternal instinct, but when I got married, I went off birth control and just let nature take its course. 7 yrs later ,no children and then I had to have a complete hysterectomy at 33. Didn't feel bad about that either. My husband always said if I wanted kids, he wouldn't care, but if we didn't have any that was alright too. So the good lord said I wasn't meant to have any, and we are really happy. Like others, we get to do what we want to and when we want to, without having to keep paying for a child more than 18 yrs. If that's selfish. I guess so be it. But I put in my work time, paid taxes etc, contributed to society, so to me that is not being a parasite, to me a parasite is someone who keeps having kids so my hard earned tax money keeps giving them their liquor ,cigarettes and drugs from the state because they just want to live on someone else's dime. No thanks!
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Agree with everything you said, except for one thing: your taxes DON'T give anyone liquor, cigarettes, or drugs. The government doesn't give those things, nor can you buy them with food stamps or EBT ("welfare" money). Both come on a card, like a debit card, that will not work for any of those things, or any related item (vapes, beer, etc). It just doesn't work that way.
Don't be ridiculous. The welfare money comes to the client in the form of cash in the end. I was a welfare examiner for 35 years. They are perfectly capable of 'selling' the SNAP cards, too, and reporting them 'stolen' after the buyer has cleared the money from it by whatever means. It's a little more difficult than it used to be--but not much!
But thay makes no sense she is reitred. The money she should be receiving is from her SSC and that os money they took from her check while she worked. And the fact that she lives pays bills eats etc. She s putting cash flow back into the system. Just cause u dont have a child to help with the work load doesn't mean they are selfish. For gods sakes looking at the system and trying to ease the work load or do better with class divides and better quality life can ease the system as well.
She might not have had children, but I am sure she contributed to the lives of children/ young people through her job, guidance etc....She must have trained someone to do her work, must have given advice to an intern etc ...She might not have raised a child of her own, but she must have offered help or provided service that benefitted children and their parents at some point in her life. So, no I don't think she is selfish for not having children and she is receiving her just reward for her years of service and not leeching of anybody's children or society while in retirement.
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Does anybody ever say, “ I’m going to have children because children want me to have them?” No, people who want children always say “I” want to have a child and just assume everything will be ok.
Name an unselfish reason to have a child.
@Adeline Bennett To pass along an inheritance that would otherwise go to already jaded & loutish wealthy relatives!
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To make the world a better place. If the people who have had the advantages of a loving home and family choose not to pass those things on, then the world becomes populated by people who haven’t learned empathy, or manners, or morality…. Sounds pretty grim.
B++ls++t. I have empathy without having had kids.
I'm tired of responsibilities and raising a kid is a heavy burden so no
I might like to have kids when I grow up, but I'm 71 already.
I love your sense of humor.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
(Replying to Klara)Do you know what menopause is?..
Do you realise that Michael is (most likely) a man, and so can father a child at any age?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
It’s never too late.🥸
I love my daughter with every fibre of my being and having her has changed my life in some hugely positive ways BUT if I knew then what I know now I doubt I'd do it again. Not just for my sake but hers too. Having children is so very utterly selfish and what we are "programmed" to want. Poor mites have no idea what awaits them.
Honest question from someone who has no kids: why do you think having children is selfish? All I usually see is talk about the sacrifices that need to be made to be a good parent. Where does selfishness come into it? Is it the "programming?"
Taking care of you when your old, working in your family business, passing on your genes for the heck of it, needing to live up to expectations, the list goes on. They didn't ask for any of that but so many children become damaged adults who then pass on that damage to more kids cuz that's what society has taught them to do or with all these antiabortion laws will force them to do. Foster care is a broken system and this world is filled with poverty and violence. Throwing kids into that is selfish. But humanity is filled with selfishness so...
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
No one has to have an abortion, if they don't want children then they should get themselves fixed, problem solved
Have you seen any of the comments made here in the past about women asking to be sterilized but being refused (while men can get vasectomies with no problem) ?
We really couldn't till 3 years ago. They were giving us trouble along the lines of if ur under 30 then u aren't considered to have enough life experience. And they could and have reject u. I couldn't have one till this year and I paid outta pocket. Men dont get really form of BC cause of the whiners that are afriad of hormones issues go figure. Or the fact everything is still being worked on. I m sorry old white men are sitting in office thinking ur body is there right to decide on.
Lots of women get rejected from that because "What about when you want kids?" well obviously they DON'T.
My wife had to actually threaten her doctor that if she had any more kids, she'd leave them on HIS doorstep! That made him shut up and cooperate right away.
Well, for one thing, I sure as hell don't recall asking to be born. So you could consider that aspect of having a kid selfish.
Hear hear
I believe it can be considered selfish to have children because us adults see how evil the world can be and to bring children into this reality knowing that any amount of evil can harm them emotionally, physically etc...is selfish. It is selfish because adults are not able to protect children from all the evil out there. Children are not even safe in schools....not fully safe at home and it would not be fair to be too overprotective of a child because I believe children should be guided into being the best they can be and not dictated to. If a parent is overprotective of a child, when the child becomes an adult and should be having his or her own life it will be difficult to function in the world without having the parent guidance. What would happen to that child if the parent died while the child is a young adult? How would that child function when he or she was shielded from the evils of the world?? How would this child function in society when he or she come to realize how horrible.
This is why it is selfish to have children....we don't want to expose them to evil, but if they are not made aware of the evils in this world they might have to be children who forever need their parents' guidance and be able to function in society.
This is what i worry about with my foster sister . So spoilt rotten, clueless and a massive lack of common sens and extremely shielded from taking responsibility for her own actions. The blame was thrown on me. It is your fult your now 16 year old foster sister stubbed her toe while you were at work. Now we have to take her to the doctors. Ahhh help your foster sister ran off what do we do? Help us help us! Literally years after i told them this would happen and why. They told me to shut up b***h i don't wann f***king hear it! One more word out of you.... (needless to say threats of physical abuse and death from the adoptives) i told them when i was 15 it came true at 24. The biggest i told you so. Also they wanted foster children because they get 15 k a year for school supplies and emergency medical which was 100% covered by acsess health. Aka gov. insurance mmo.falsified lots of things. Tried to force me to be who they wanted me to be. They didn't even birth me. That is selfishness.
My mother grew up in the Great Depression, and before that her stepfather drank all the money her mother had saved. So my mother decided to live the life she'd wanted to have through me. It was hell.
Around my area, a lot of parents have children to secure their own future. They are basically investments. Raising kids may be selfless, but giving birth to them/deciding to have them is selfish (not counting extreme cases).
TimeToIndulge: agree! I have no children. I am retired. How is having children "selfish"?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
It's the person making the comment who is selfish
..."Not for my sake but hers too" says it all about not wanting children!
Having children is selfish wtf?!?!? The last thing I can be since having kids is being selfish what an extremely weird thing to say
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
So... becoming a parent is selfish, but "choosing yourself" and living "childfree" is not selfish?
I feel that what they are saying is that some people have children so that they can feel fulfilled or live up to what society thinks they should be doing without much thought to the child involved and the world that they are bringing them into. Many people (perhaps you as well from your comment) seem to feel that NOT having children is selfish. However, if you feel strongly that you, and as a result, your child will struggle if you choose to become a parent, why would it be selfish to avoid that hardship, when there are so many children out there resenting the fact that they had no say in being born into a life of hardship? Living childfree is not selfish. Self-care is not selfish.
Hello, there are so many children resenting being born ? Really ? Just where are you getting that ?
Yeah I don't really get that. Kids CAN'T ask for, or give consent to, be born. If we all went by that, no one would ever have ANY kids at all. I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing to have kids. I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing to not have kids. There's very sound reasons for both choices, and both choices should be respected. I just find the idea of not having a kid because that kid didn't ask to be brought into the world, bit illogical.
Anika: I have no children. I am retired. I am selfish?
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Yes
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Pam Akers, I would say you are selfish. Our society is fundamentally run on people, and here you are benefitting from the fruits of others work and taxes without having contributed any people to keep the system going for the next generation. You’ve made yourself into a parasite, leeching off society to sustain yourself without giving back to it in the way that matters most; by producing citizens to keep the system going and thereby lightening the burdens of everyone else.
Hardly. Pam Akers is working and paying taxes so YOUR children can be schooled, can use the roads, can get medical care, without taking money for her own children since she doesn't have any. Nice of you to call her a parasite when that could also be said of you, who is leeching off her taxes for YOUR children.
Girl you're clearly upset about having kids. How dare you call someone else a parasite after they spent their lives working and taking care of themselves.? The world is overpopulated already so if anything she's doing us a favor while you and your kids leech off the land!
No she isnt selfish, like me , I was not going to be pushed into something I didn't want. Granted, I didn't have the maternal instinct, but when I got married, I went off birth control and just let nature take its course. 7 yrs later ,no children and then I had to have a complete hysterectomy at 33. Didn't feel bad about that either. My husband always said if I wanted kids, he wouldn't care, but if we didn't have any that was alright too. So the good lord said I wasn't meant to have any, and we are really happy. Like others, we get to do what we want to and when we want to, without having to keep paying for a child more than 18 yrs. If that's selfish. I guess so be it. But I put in my work time, paid taxes etc, contributed to society, so to me that is not being a parasite, to me a parasite is someone who keeps having kids so my hard earned tax money keeps giving them their liquor ,cigarettes and drugs from the state because they just want to live on someone else's dime. No thanks!
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Agree with everything you said, except for one thing: your taxes DON'T give anyone liquor, cigarettes, or drugs. The government doesn't give those things, nor can you buy them with food stamps or EBT ("welfare" money). Both come on a card, like a debit card, that will not work for any of those things, or any related item (vapes, beer, etc). It just doesn't work that way.
Don't be ridiculous. The welfare money comes to the client in the form of cash in the end. I was a welfare examiner for 35 years. They are perfectly capable of 'selling' the SNAP cards, too, and reporting them 'stolen' after the buyer has cleared the money from it by whatever means. It's a little more difficult than it used to be--but not much!
But thay makes no sense she is reitred. The money she should be receiving is from her SSC and that os money they took from her check while she worked. And the fact that she lives pays bills eats etc. She s putting cash flow back into the system. Just cause u dont have a child to help with the work load doesn't mean they are selfish. For gods sakes looking at the system and trying to ease the work load or do better with class divides and better quality life can ease the system as well.
She might not have had children, but I am sure she contributed to the lives of children/ young people through her job, guidance etc....She must have trained someone to do her work, must have given advice to an intern etc ...She might not have raised a child of her own, but she must have offered help or provided service that benefitted children and their parents at some point in her life. So, no I don't think she is selfish for not having children and she is receiving her just reward for her years of service and not leeching of anybody's children or society while in retirement.
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Does anybody ever say, “ I’m going to have children because children want me to have them?” No, people who want children always say “I” want to have a child and just assume everything will be ok.
Name an unselfish reason to have a child.
@Adeline Bennett To pass along an inheritance that would otherwise go to already jaded & loutish wealthy relatives!
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To make the world a better place. If the people who have had the advantages of a loving home and family choose not to pass those things on, then the world becomes populated by people who haven’t learned empathy, or manners, or morality…. Sounds pretty grim.
B++ls++t. I have empathy without having had kids.
I'm tired of responsibilities and raising a kid is a heavy burden so no