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Sometimes, when we’re at our most vulnerable, the most innocent question can hit us deep in the feels. And stay there forever.
Whether it’s your child asking if you could come back to a store for a toy when you have enough money, or a stranger wondering if “you’re a girl with a hot sister?”, some questions are heartbreakingly sweet, others painfully arrogant, and some plain evil.
So when a Reddit user asked people to share that one question someone asked them that secretly broke their heart, people had a lot to share. After all, as much as words have a healing power, they can also hurt us really badly.
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#1
"You've never beaten me or told me I couldn't do something. Is that normal?"
My first girlfriend told me that. I have never felt such a wave of anger, sadness, and heartbreak wash over me like I did when I heard that
DC 4 years ago
Understandable. Everybody knows that there's a lot of violence behind closed doors, from the ones closest to the victims, but a victim questioning whether it is normal NOT to be beaten and ridiculed and stuff ... likely, she went through a lot she did neither deserve, nor is deserving or not even the question that is most relevant here - you don't beat what you love, you don't beat anyone, anything, anywho anyway in the first place ... very few exceptions like self defense, or assisting in other people's, ... It's not only heartbreaking how normal people who were victims of abuse assume it is normal, it's also implying a very harsh judgement about her home when she was a child - did her father NOT beat her mother? I bet he did ... you won't just randomly take these things as normal without reason.
Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
My wife told me (when we first started seeing each other) that I was the only guy she'd gone out with that made her feel safe. Yeah, that broke my heart more than a little.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
That’s probably relatable for a lot of women.
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Aeon Flux 4 years ago
The way our brains cope with horrific situations is by normalizing them. That's how we survive this kind of thing.
Load More Replies... Mushroomlover 4 years ago
I went through 3 abusive relationships before finding my savior and true love! It took me 2 years to accept that he wasn’t going to start being abusive like the others and to fully let him in. He understood because of abuse he suffered as a child. Thank god, he stuck it out with me, we will be married for a year in October!
Viviane 4 years ago
I had a young male friend who was sweet and intelligent and funny. A girlfriend dumped him for a man who beat her. She was obviously damaged, but it caused him to wonder if something was wrong with himself. I hope she left the other man quickly. As for him, I figured out what women he should date and he ended up in a positive two-year relationship, then met his wife.
RELATED:
#2
I have a stutter, when I was a kid I had to read a page of a book to the class. I stuttered, and the teacher said 'can you even read' and that [friggin] broke my 13 year old heart. No one takes stuttering seriously.
RadiatorAnkleSpider 4 years ago
Teachers can make or break a students when it comes to the desire to learn.
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
If it's any comfort, a stutterer is now the President of the United States.
Deanna Crichley 4 years ago
AND he helped a young stutterer enough to make a speech and a commercial. He told him he was special, and he loved him.
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Ninja Nonna 4 years ago
I stuttered wgen I was young...my mother thought I was after attention.
Kallematti Waris 4 years ago
Joe Biden has stutter. Some people claim some of those those long pauses in his speechees are because of that, not dementia. He's getting his thoughts lined up so he wouldn't stutter.
MandaPanda 4 years ago
My younger brother stutters, sometimes it's pretty bad and we have to ask him to repeat himself. But his teachers have always been nice to him, we're so thankful for his teachers throughout school.
Mark Kelly 4 years ago
Interesting because I have a stutter when talking but not when I read or sing. It probably has something to do with tempo.
Deanna Crichley 4 years ago
Mel Tillis had a stutter when he spoke, but not when he sang.
Load More Replies... #3
As we passed the toy aisle at the store, “I know you don’t have much money right now, but maybe when you get some we could come back and get a toy?”
I was not doing well financially back then and my daughter brought me to tears in the middle of the store.
Lou 4 years ago
Once upon a time I was your daughter. When she's older, how much you loved her will be way more important than all the toys you could not buy for her. The great thing about love is that it makes you rich in a million more ways than money does.
Teresa O 4 years ago
the same story here. I learned to not have everything I wanted, when I wanted. Waiting is a virtue. I couldn't always have all the toys I wish, so I learned to choose, and that made myself a non-compulsive consumer.
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Jane Dorothy Warner 4 years ago
I made a bad marriage, struggled financially for years, did a bit better after the divorce, but was never able to get the kids what they 'wanted' as opposed to what they 'needed'. Why am I crying? Because my daughter just asked me to move in with her and her darling family, with my own private rooms, so she can look after me xxxxx *So she can look after ME*
YourAveragePooh 4 years ago
I could cry reading that. It's sweet to see understanding children.
Ninja Nonna 4 years ago
My son, now 47 was like that "it's OK, I can wait"...so we made sure he didn't have to.
Jessica Haesevoets 4 years ago
When I was a toddler I asked my mom for a dress as a birthday present. Not a fancy one, just a dress from the store. My parents couldn't afford new clothes, so we only wore hand-me-downs from friends or my mom made our clothes herself. My request made them realize that I did notice, even though I was so young. And it hurt them a lot.
Communication is a form of art, and knowing what to say and ask at the right time is crucial in nailing it. So in order to find out the psychology behind heartbreaking questions, Bored Panda reached out to Lynn How, the author of “Positive Young Minds” who specializes in supporting parents, teachers, and children navigating through mental health issues and prevention.
#4
First day of preschool for my three year old son. The first time he would ever be away from Mom & Dad at the same time.
I brought him to the room and expected a meltdown, but instead he confidently strutted, and I do mean strutted into the classroom.
Three hours later, I picked him up. He was ok until we got to the car when he said, in quiet sad voice "l thought you were coming with," followed by an even sadder quieter "Why did you leave me?"
Ninja Nonna 4 years ago
Tears in my eyes. My son's first Kindy day, "I kept looking for you..."
Hans 4 years ago
"Because I had confidence in you, and because I would have picked you up whenever you would have me called."
VidaLife 4 years ago
Thank you Hans. I dont know if you're a stoic and often your posts are very polarizing but I genuinely appreciate your level-headedness and ability to put down emotion.
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Henny Hana 4 years ago
When my daughter went to kindergarten, me and her little sister stayed outside her class for a week. It was our agreement that i will stay but only for a week to get her to get used to it.
Anne Mitchell 4 years ago
Exactly the reason why I always told my kids who was going where, why and when we would be back. Never, ever had a problem of a tear.
Jan Smith 4 years ago (edited)
needed to be explained, more than once and when you arrived, that you would leave them! my mum made sure i was fully prepared and was never a problem
KatHat 4 years ago
Yes, this. Kids need a LOT of explaining including basic stuff that might seem obvious. Picture stories are easy to make and can be fabulous for kids with learning difficulties or who are extra anxious.
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Vicky Zar 4 years ago
We have acclimatisation periods in Kinderkarten (that's before preschool). They depend on the child. First Mom or Dad stays with them in their group. That goes on for maybe a week or two. Then Mom/ Dad will start to go outside for a bit to let the Kid get used to being without them. This period gets longer and longer until the kid can stay the full time without Mom/ Dad.
Fluffy Griffin 4 years ago
At my kids school, parents couldn't even come in the building on the first day of kindergarten. "To chaotic". This was pre covid. Also, the school days for K are the same as the rest of grades. (No half-days like they had in the 80-90s)
Load More Replies... #5
We had some kind of talent show in elementary school and and all the parents sat in the gym and watched us, everybody had someone there except me, so this kid in my class asked where my family was and I just shrugged my shoulders and he asked "Doesn't anyone love you?" and I had to excuse myself and cry in the bathroom, because I knew he was right, nobody loved me. I had tried to keep it a secret and I was terrified that everyone at school would know.
Pernille Dyre 4 years ago (edited)
I think his classmate was concerned about him/her and carred enough to ask. Not rude... just why and how...
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Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Oh God. I had this happen. Every school play/etc. Every. Single. Time. But one. And then my dad left early. And I'd been so excited someone finally came.... Yeah. Felt this one in my bone marrow.
Ninja Nonna 4 years ago
Yep. I just made sure I was there, as much as I could be, for my 6 younger siblings.
Hilary Rudd 4 years ago
I had a similar one afterwards the teachers were saying how like my friends were to their parents then turned to me , mine hadn't bothered to come
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
We are talking about elementary school here, so not a rude questions, just a kind of question a child would ask. My parents never came to school for anything, they were always too busy, which they probably were.
#6
When I worked in a juvenile residential drug rehab, a 12 year old asked me why everyone had a problem with her boyfriend. He was 32.
She had been so mistreated and abused, she legitimately couldn't comprehend the problem everyone had with their relationship.
Priscilla Reshell 4 years ago
she will know why it wasn't a good thing when she's older. I feel so bad for the kid
Holes2Heaven 4 years ago
I have an 11 year old daughter. I would castrate any man that old who touched her!
Ninja Nonna 4 years ago
You are so malleable when all you've known is abuse & keeping secrets.
deanna woods 4 years ago
I pray that over time she has realized that their relationship was inappropriate and he was actually a predator.
“It is always a good idea to think carefully before asking a question,” Lynn warned and continued: “There are so many variables to consider such as, is my question too personal? Do I know the person well enough to ask this question? Should I ask this question in private rather than in front of others? Do I really need to know the answer?”
Moreover, according to Lynn How, some questions can easily be taken to be offensive or out of context, even if no offense was meant. “Sometimes well-meaning people can ask something and be surprised by the blunt response! Sometimes we answer the question politely but are secretly dying inside due to sadness or embarrassment.”
Even though it is sometimes difficult to distinguish what would offend one person and not another, Lynn suggests giving it a quick forethought is a way to go about it.
#7
My aunt asked me "why are your crying? You’re supposed to be a man" I was crying because my 2 years old niece got a second degree burn and I could hear her screaming from the doctor's office
Kines Tezja 4 years ago
And toxic motherhood apparently if his aunt was surprised he cries about his niece's pain.
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InfectedVoice 4 years ago (edited)
I nearly cried earlier at that wholesome article, my wife has seen me cry thousands of times, over stupid s**t like tv adverts or something I'm a 6'3 tattooed metal-head, I will fight anyone who says boys / men can't cry. I cried a few weeks ago when one of our local swans was killed by a fox and her mate is left on his own.
Eileen NICHOLSON 4 years ago
The question was - why wasn't SHE crying? I was in tears when my kids had to have their vaccinations, let alone anything like that! You stay who you are - there's nothing wrong with a man that feels. That's what you call a real man.
Alyssa Sweat 4 years ago
MEN CAN CRY TOO! It's not just girls. Honestly one of the most sexist things I have ever heard.
Charles Coward 4 years ago
i find it crazy how people can mentally abuse men, yell at them questioning their masculinity, and then wonder why they are crying and never want to see them again because "I tHoUgHt YoU wErE a Man!1!!1!!!11!"
Ivy Ruonakoski 4 years ago
Ugh. I have never once told my son that "men don't cry" or "man up" or "don't be such a pussy" because f**k that s**t. Real men cry.
#8
I finally got out of an abusive relationship after many years. When I finally did my mom said you're a hard person to like and nobody else will love you. Do you really think you deserve better ?
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
And now we know why you were in that abusive relationship in the first place—it was what you were familiar with! And knowing that, I sincerely hope you’ve been able to heal yourself to some degree.
Lila Launehase 4 years ago
I case you need to hear/read this: It is ok to end a toxic relationship even it's with your parents! You don't have to talk to them if they are toxic! I stopped having contact with my parents more than a year ago and I never felt better!
Ninja Nonna 4 years ago
Wow! Our mothers were twins. I was raped by 2 men when I was 14, my mother told me all men would ever want from me was sex.
Iggy 4 years ago
Oh my god! You poor thing! I hope you cut off contact with your mother. You deserved so much better.
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María Hermida 4 years ago
Your mother is as toxic as your ex partner. People like her should not have children.
Jane Dorothy Warner 4 years ago
!!!! What a thing to say! Mum's are supposed to encourage their kids, not put them down with awful words.
Breanne Jewell-Coish 4 years ago
your mom is a piece of sh*t, and she can kindly go f*ck herself for thinking that is okay to say to anybody, let alone her own daughter....
Mobey Drunk 4 years ago
You don't need anyone like that in your life. Sometimes blood is not thicker than water. You deserve someone who loves and cares about you. Don't let anyone tell you different, even if they're family.
#9
I was like 22 and it was probably 10pm or so at a Walmart. I was on my way to a party and stopped for beer. The store was fairly empty and as I was in the beer aisle, I see this kid completely by himself.
He was about 5 and at first I thought it was kind of funny because he was trying to pick up a case of beer. I waited like 30-60 seconds, looking around for this kid’s mom/dad to come get him. A couple people walked right by him like it was normal, so then I started getting worried. I picked up my two cases of beer and walked over and kindly asked him if he lost his mom or needed help.
The kid completely ignored the question and instead was thoroughly impressed that I was strong enough to carry two cases of beer. Eventually an employee noticed and came over as well. I told her everything I knew and she took over and told him that she was going to bring him to find his mom.
As he was walking away he kept looking back at me and I smiled and said goodbye. The kid stopped and said “can I just come home with you? I don’t like my mom.”
I was caught off guard so I just laughed and told him the lady was going to help him. Now I’ll never know the full story, or what happened to him but the more I think about it - that kid more than likely had a pretty sh*tty childhood. I mean, the store wasn’t busy and it was late at night on a weekday. It really makes you wonder why he was there in the first place, how he got separated from his mom and why would he ask to go with a complete stranger instead of worrying about where his mom was?
It still makes me sad. Hope everything worked out for the little dude.
Beeps 4 years ago
Reminds me of the autobiography ‘A boy called it’: The worst parts of the story are when he nearly manages to escape his abusive mother several times, but then gets taken back by police or other people.
Scagsy 4 years ago
Unbelievably upsetting that anyone - let alone a child's own mother - could inflict that level of torture on a child. Apparently Hollywood is making the book into a movie, however, I only just managed to read the book without having a meltdown so I think I might dodge that. Dave Pelzer - thankfully doing pretty well these days and he deserves his success if anyone does.
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Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
Poor little guy is going to need massive amounts of therapy. His mother was likely abusing him (physically or mentally or sexually or any combination thereof) and he saw his chance to make the big kitty break for freedom, only to be rebuffed.
El Dee 4 years ago
Where I used to work we used to have kids wander in over the summer holidays. They would help us during the day and we'd give them 'wages' or sweets or something. They were all similar kids, the parents would tell them to go out super early and not to come back for any reason until bed time. The only love, attention and encouragement they got was from us, so sad..
On the other hand, there are many questions that are better left untouched. “There are a myriad of untouchable subjects that I've gleaned from various life experiences,” Lynn recounted and added that “I am certainly much better at question filtering than I was in my 20s. For example, having gone through fertility treatment, I would never ask someone why they were not pregnant yet because I know firsthand how upsetting it is.”
Lynn said that other taboo subjects include weight, relationships, salary, and age. “Of course, when it's your best friend, you can ask more deep and meaningful questions in comparison to someone you have just met,” she added.
#10
My dad was active in the local Japanese community assisting new immigrants from Japan to get acclimated to living in Hawaii showing them the various neighborhoods, churches, schools, shopping areas etc. When WW2 broke out, he was arrested for this activity and was imprisoned in the Mainland for 5 years. At grade school, our teacher asked me in front of the entire class how it felt to be the son of a traitor to the US?
DC 4 years ago
What an asshole. Truly, the treatment of Americans of Japanese origin during that time was an act of crime, of collective punishment, and completely undeserved. This sentence should have got that teacher into serious trouble.
StormWolf 4 years ago (edited)
OMFG this triggered a crappy memory of a similar experience: Back in the 80s during the Bad Old Days of South African Apartheid, my uncle was arrested and imprisoned for being a high ranking member of the UDF. I was about 10/11yrs old when my history teacher started talking about terrorism and singled me out, saying my (brilliant, thoughtful, peace-loving) uncle was a traitor and a dangerous criminal who was getting exactly what he deserves. On a related note, that was the day I learned that the expression "seeing red" is not just metaphorical. My vision literally got this foggy red cloud all around as I stood up and tore Ms Johnson a new one lol.
Deanna Crichley 4 years ago
My father was killed in an industrial accident when I was five years old. I was the weird kid after that, to the other kids. But in about 5th grade a teacher went around the room, and asked what jobs our fathers had (60's). She got to me and said "Oh never mind. You don't have a father anymore." My heart broke. My father served in the USAF, on remote in the Aleutian Island, and was an electrical engineer. I had a lot to say about him.
Cyrill Kopylov 4 years ago
I had the same experience when told teacher that my family was hit by Stalins repressions, my grand grandfather family were just the most prosperous villagers. "So your grand grandfather was a traitor?"
Johnny 4 years ago
My favorite story about the Japanese and WWII is when I went to the Pearl Harbor memorial in Hawaii and was lucky enough to hear stories told by an elderly docent that was actually at Pearl Harbor on the day of the attack and he told some sobering stories about seeing the attack and the friends he lost. He mentioned his wife several times, and someone asked about her, he said she had passed away... he said they had similar jobs during the way, they were both supporting the military, he was in the US Navy, and she was selling war bonds in Tokyo. Then he took out a picture of a beautiful young Japanese woman who he fell in love with shortly after the war when he was stationed in Okinawa, they married and moved to Honolulu.
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
Oh... My... Gosh... I- did your teacher actually ask you that?! That's unbelievable and unacceptable! >>>:::OOO
#11
"Wait, aren't you going to hit me?"
I worked as a music teacher, and had a 15 year old student who originally came from an African country play a passage incorrectly on the instrument repeatedly. We only had one instrument of the kind she played, so I reached out my hand and asked her to hand me the instrument over to show her, when she saw me playing, she asked me that question with genuine confusion, and I realised what hell her school life in her home country had been.
She not only thought I would hit her for not playing correctly, but also that she deserved it.
I felt like crying when I got home that night.
deanna woods 4 years ago
It's terrible what some children have to go through while growing up.
Llama_flower93 4 years ago
Yup, I have a friend from Africa, got beaten on the daily at school and it was considered normal and common there.
Tame panda 4 years ago
She's exactly like me because I also used to think I deserved physical abuse for making a mistake because of my school teachers and parents but thanks to internet I found out the truth.
#12
I was having fertility problems and couldn’t get pregnant after 4 yrs of trying. A child once asked me “Do you think there just aren’t any babies who want you to be their mother?”
Kristof De Smet 4 years ago
We had been trying for more than 2 years when a colleague became a father for the third time. Everybody happy and asking if we weren't going to have kids. Had a mental breakdown. I feel your pain. But now, I am a father of three beautiful daughters, I am certain all will be well in the end.
Nat Hedley 4 years ago
Nope, not always. Years of trying, string of miscarriages, 46 and childless. Just because you got your happy ending doesn't mean everybody does so please don't say things like that.
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Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
I HAD a friend say to me "Isn't it funny that I have had 3 kids in the 3 years you've been trying". That's just one insensitive thing she has done, we are no longer friends.
Night Owl 4 years ago (edited)
Wow. I'm glad you're not friends with her anymore, good for you
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Mooncat83 4 years ago
Two days after a miscarriage, a friend asked me what I did wrong to lose the baby. A female, grown up friend. I was already blaming myself anyway, but that comment just broke my heart...
Pamela Blue 4 years ago
Unless she apologized for being so insensitive, I hope you ended that friendship. It sounded pretty one-sided anyway.
Load More Replies... Pamela Blue 4 years ago
Oh that poor child didn't intend to be cruel, but that must have been a stab to the heart, regardless. He was probably taught that babies pick their moms or somesuch garbage, and he simply asked what, to him, was a reasonable question.
J. Normal 4 years ago
Kids honesty can kill your heart at times. I had a hysterectomy when my son was 2. when he was about 5 he wanted a sibling. we explained that Mommy could not have more babies... his reply... ok, Dad why don't you marry another woman - when I said "what about me?" he gave me the shoulder shrug of what about you?
noralin 4 years ago
That is probably not an issue of honesty. Sounds like he just hadn't developed enough emotional skills at that age. Children learn morals, empathy and logic reasoning at different paces.
Load More Replies... Sabienn 4 years ago
Kids often don't understand yet that some people have trouble getting pregnant, or that some people don't want childeren. At least I remember I didn't
Load More Replies... Death Metal Kitty 4 years ago
This is creepy, I've quite a number of accounts that suggest that babies choose their parents. The consistency of this theme is disturbing.
the annoying theatre kid 4 years ago
at first i thought he was saying like you should adopt but now i realize what he was really saying. :(
Lynne Monteith 4 years ago
That is just the saddest thing. I hope you got to be a Mommy, 'cause you'd be the BEST MOMMY ever.
It’s important to understand that words can easily become weapons when they are not said by someone with good intentions, argues Lynn. “I would consider that these stem from a person's own insecurities and issues if they feel they need to use their words to make another person feel bad.”
#13
Had a 4 year old child who had been horribly abused and passed from family member to family member why no one loved him. It was so heart breaking and made me hate his family so much more. With my help his aunt was able to gain full custody and got him into counseling. He's doing much better now and is still with his aunt who is doing everything she can to give him a good life
Katinka Min 4 years ago
I sometime wish we could make people temporarily infertile whne puberty hits and only when they really deliberately want children they can go take a class in parenting and then go and procreate
deanna woods 4 years ago
That is really great news. I am so sorry that he went through all of that.
juice 4 years ago
the child asking why no one loved him (i think the word "ask" got cut out accidentally)
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#14
My grandmother leaned to me and asked, "Did Dan die?"
We were at a family gathering and she didn't see my uncle Dan. He had passed away the previous year. Grandma's descent into dementia was in the very early stages. There were several layers of heartbreak.
Kiss Army 4 years ago (edited)
My husband's father had dementia and his mother had had to have surgery and was in the rehab ward of the same assisted living home when she died unexpectedly of heart failure. At almost every daily visit, he would ask how she was doing and ask us to take him to see her and we would have to tell him again that she had passed away... it was so heartbreaking. One visit he sat us down and very seriously told us that he had something to tell us but didn't want to upset us and then let us know that he heard she had died. If it hadn't been so sad it would have almost been funny.
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
My mom died years ago. When my Dad had a stroke a couple of years back, he kept asking for her. I couldn't bear to tell him the truth. So I just said, "She's coming from work. She'll be here soon."
Rebecca O’Donnell 4 years ago
I think what you did for him was a great kindness.
Load More Replies... Arual =..= 4 years ago
My family is white. My sister-in-law is Filipina. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and was living in a care facility. On a visit, my mom (re-)introduced us, and Grandma looked from me to my sister-in-law for some long moments, having no idea which one of us was her granddaughter. A cruel disease.
KombatBunni 4 years ago
Holding my Nan’s hand as we both sit at my grandpa’s funeral, having her ask me what was going on, and having to explain that we were at her husband’s funeral. Then watching her start to cry, and then a few minutes later forget why she was upset..and then having to go through it all again, for the whole service. She was in the beginning of late stage Alzheimer’s, and her asking the same question a dozen times broke my heart. After the fifth time I had to get my mother to explain, I just couldn’t do it and I didn’t want to get upset so as not to upset my Nan.
Erik Lawrence 4 years ago
the torture of having to live the loss of loved ones over and over.... too often dementia and Alzheimer's are overlooked or even worse, disregarded. I have tremendous respect for the doctors and caregivers at specialized treatment facilities and long term care facilities for people with memory loss. The fear, crushing depression, and constant anxiety they go through is something nobody should go through without specialized care.
deanna woods 4 years ago
This disease hit my family as well and my grandmother forgot who my mother was. She had raised her.
Viviane 4 years ago (edited)
At one family gathering, my mother pleasantly told me "It would be really interesting to know who all these people are". My mother was genuinely curious, so I told her who everyone was and then introduced myself.
Viviane 4 years ago (edited)
My late mother-in-law had also had dementia, so I was pretty casual about my mother forgetting. The hard part was much later when she lashed out at me and others when I visited, but didn't want me to leave.
Load More Replies... #15
My five-year-old niece: Why am I'm so ugly that mommy doesn't love me?
Nela Rothenbach 4 years ago
My cousin once asked my mother if she had still loved me even if I got bad grades....broke both our hearts.
JuJu 4 years ago
That's my only "big goal" when it comes to my son. Love him, encourage him, listen to him, whatever it takes to have him know that he is ALWAYS loved unconditionally.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
My older sister to me. She was five years older. "Dad will never love YOU. You're too ugly/fill in more blanks". I was probably younger, but my memories going back to age 4 are clear enough to know for sure that she, at 9, was doing that sh*t.... which shows you what was done to her. Yeah. We make people take tests to drive a car, but not parent. WTF is that about?
“Personally, I have no time for these people and have in the past explained that I felt that their question was inappropriate (I have also considered in these instances if I am just being over-sensitive!). If someone is a repeat offender, they don't stay in my life very long!”
Unfortunately, things are more difficult if the person is a member of your family. “A simple 'should you be eating that?' can be enough to raise a person's blood pressure! In which case I would suggest a polite but firm explanation as to why you find their questioning offensive,” Lynn concluded.
#16
“Can I wish for my sister?” - A 10-year-old student of mine whose big sister died 4 years ago. We were working on an activity about dreams and aspirations for their futures.
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 4 years ago
Stupid onion ninjas breaking into my house! This is seriously heartbreaking though. I couldn't imagine losing my little sister...
#17
My ex asked me what I liked to do with my family growing up.
Made me realize my family never did anything together and I literally had no answer to such a basic question.
bonnyatlast 4 years ago
I am a retired elementary art teacher. One of the end of the year projects we did in the younger grades was a where they were going on vacation picture. I always had several say to me quietly one on one that their family never went anywhere. I would tell them I had no clue of their circumstances and there are a lot of financial reasons why families cannot go on a vacation. Parents have to work, medical bills, etc. If they aren't going anywhere then draw where they would like to go if they could. I let them draw anything fun including a trip to the moon, staying on a toy store all summer, visit all the amusement parks, etc. We did have kids who were in daycare all summer, or from one church camp to another. Or just a quick visit to relatives. So leaving the project open ended helped a lot.
Martha Higgins 4 years ago
My parents had their own business along with my grandfather, it was open 6am to 9 pm, so we did precious little together. My grandparents took me swimming sometimes followed by an ice cream in the summer, and the neighbors or, rarely, my dad would take e sledding on a nearby hill in winter. We had one family vacation in my whole life, but I did get to go to a week of church camp in the summer. I learned to occupy and entertain myself early on, mostly reading, growing vegetables, and learning to ride a huge telephone wire spool.
#18
A few years ago I was at a small family gathering. We had them fairly often. Just me, my siblings, parents and niece's and nephew.
I remember going out the back for a cigarette and my niece asked "why are you always sad?". She would've been about 6yo at the time.
I was going through a horrendous mental period that involved a lot of alcohol, medication, and sleepless nights.
Of course I told her I was fine, just a little tired from working hard.
I remember thinking about that interaction the rest of the night.
Ninja Nonna 4 years ago
Kids & dogs always notice. I wouldn't be here without my kids & my dogs.
Scagsy 4 years ago (edited)
I don't have kids so I can't comment on that but it's certainly true about doggos. I was badly struggling mentally in my early twenties and my two faithful golden labs were always there to rest a head in a lap or a paw on a leg. I grew up with them so we had an amazing bond. When I couldn't sleep (which was often) I would creep into the kitchen and the three of us would all rest on each other and snuggle. And then, as always happens after too short a period of time, they were gone. God, I loved those dogs. I still haven't got over losing them twenty years later (I'm crying as I type). I guess they offered unconditional love and support and that's a hard void to fill. Give your doggo a hug from me.
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#19
“Why are you so quiet” or “why don’t you talk?” When I was proud of myself for talking more than normal
YourAveragePooh 4 years ago (edited)
I always get asked this question. And I can tell you it's annoying. If you talk to me I'll talk back. But I can't start a conversation.
Karin Jansen 4 years ago
I'm so sorry! Not just annoying, that question is just mean. I'd be afraid to ever talk again after something like that.
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Alexis 4 years ago (edited)
I lived with an aunt who I didn't really know when I immigrated to America. She lectured me for not being chatty with her and my uncle. So I told her that was because they talked about stuff that I don't know or have opinion on. (They are 40 years older than me and 17 yr old me could not care less about politics and business.) Then she yelled at me for being a princess that she has to talk about things that I want. I don't even see what the issue is... Why do I need to be her friend when she clearly does not care what I want or like? She also yelled at me for not being sociable at her friends' gatherings that she asked me to go... So I stopped agreeing to go to her friends' gatherings. Then she gave me an earful for not hanging out and always staying at home. She literally made me more introverted than I already was. She, later on, kicked me out of her house then yell at me for not asking her for help to look for a new place to live. Mental.
Anonymousplease 4 years ago
I know, this happens to me too. I'll talk a little which is more than usual and people will be like you need to talk more ur so quiet, when before I was proud to say those few words. This leads me to be even quieter because I am scared that people will judge me on the few words so if I mess them up, they will think bad of me.
Dre Mosley 4 years ago
I'm an introverted person. Many of us don't talk, just to talk, so we're a quiet bunch and it's annoying when our quiet nature is questioned or when someone tries to force us to talk more to suit them.
Llama_flower93 4 years ago
And sometimes it's simply because we don't like the person trying to talk to us because they make us uncomfortable. "You're shy aren't you?" "No I just don't like you very much and I have no interest in speaking with you,"
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Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago
Always! My answers (depends on sympathy) "You're so noisy I don't have space." " You talk about things that don´t interest me."
Llama_flower93 4 years ago
Ugh, the last thing a quiet person wants you to say is that you're quiet or shy. My childhood was filled with people commenting on my shyness and looking at and treating me like I was some kind of dumb, mute pet.
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 4 years ago
I would say, "I do talk, just not to jerks like you."
Don't Look 4 years ago
I've actually gone through this. I decided a few years ago that it's not going to change.
#20
Said bye to grandma before leaving the house. About 20 seconds later after saying bye to everyone else she asks "When are you going to say bye to me?"
She died two weeks after that.
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
I’m so sorry for your loss! My grandmother died in 1989, four days before her 80th birthday. I still miss her.
Crepitus 4 years ago
My Grandmother died on christmas, two days before her birthday. She loved God more than life itself and I think that there couldn't have been a more perfect day for her to join him. :)
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Cookies 4 years ago
My granny died before I could see her in 2021. I saw her before. Now my grandma’s and grandpa’s all died
Vicky Z 4 years ago
I feel you... just lost her 2 weeks ago! We live in separate countries and I was about to visit next month... didn't know 8 months ago that it was the last time i was seeing her and i feel crushed...
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#21
When I was 19, I hung out with a cute girl from my high school that I never got to hang with when we were in school. Had a great day together, and that night she asked, “can we be like secret friends or something? I don’t really hang out with people like you.”
Never hung out again.
DC 4 years ago
Friends are not embarrassing. Simple as that, sometimes there might be something to figure out and stuff, but friends are not embarrassing - those you won't support, stand up for, aren't friends - or, in case you refuse to do any of that, you're not a friend. And so is she - not a friend. Sounds like one of those who are popular because they look kinda nice ... in that age, the so-called beautiful ones often never experienced any else than being pampered and spoiled for looking good, while others have to struggle to even not be bullied, or to get themselves through the shitty treatment of ... those like her.
J. Normal 4 years ago
NOT defending... possible explanation. YOU made her feel good about herself and her life, her other "friends" fulfill her need for attention, admiration etc. She is a VERY sad and insecure girl, and hopefully at some point she will realize that being "popular" has a steep price of loneliness.
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
This girl is a B**ch, plain and simple. Despite how low a blow I’m sure this was, you’re sooo much better off without her in your life!
Troux 4 years ago
I think you missed an opportunity. She experienced something new and she enjoyed it, but didn't know how to appreciate it. She was a kid and she still needed her eyes opened, but it sounds like she may have been ready.
Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago (edited)
With that last words - every word said before was a lie. Maybe kind and beautiful...but lie.
#22
Why don't u have children? Don't u like kids? I can't have children
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Ask the grannies and aunts. They know what gave them the right to ask this question. Until my wife started to reply with "Why aren't you dead? You know you have the age to be dead. A lot of people of your age have died, so I guess it's time for you too."
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Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago
"Why you have children? Are you afraid being alone or have them because they are cute? You know, that this is also said by pug breeders?"
Ms LaDonna 4 years ago (edited)
I never wanted them and always hated this question, it is NONE of your business! I am NOT a breeding machine! I have value without producing children ya ass-hat!
Llama_flower93 4 years ago
Really though, does every single woman on the planet HAVE to have children? It's unnecessary.
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Everything_Fubar 4 years ago
Oh my fcking gosh why do people feel the need to push children on every single person. Of course there's infertility, there's asexuality, and there's people who straight up would live a happier life without any! And they're all valid fcking reasons to be child-free!
deanna woods 4 years ago
I don't understand why people feel the need to ask people these types of questions.
#23
I work at a primary school supporting kids in class. I’ve had kids ask me “why do I keep trying with them, clearly they are useless and dumb?” “Why do they have to be such a bad/naughty kid?” Even one asked me “why do I like that kid? They are so bad.” I have a million and one answers that suit the situation but it breaks my heart, especially when the “bad kid” in question is actually a very sweet child who has a really rough start to life and because of that makes poor choices. I cried with joy when the kid was invited to their first birthday party.
Tracy Costa 4 years ago
Kids with autism, ADHD, and developmental delays are often seen as "bad kids" and have difficulty making friends. It makes me want to cry. Imagine being told you're bad because your brain works differently and you can't control it and all you need is a little compassion and some extra help and no one will give it to you.
bonnyatlast 4 years ago
I had students who had behavioral issues that the other kids did not want to be around. One boy would get overwhelmed and pitch a fit almost every art class. I could not tell the other students he was on some very strong anti seizure meds that affected his behavior. He was also stage 4 brain cancer and did not have long to live. I was just empathetic and showed caring towards him. I know they did not understand why he wasn't sent to the office over his break downs. They did not want to have him on their table. He was on an IEP that was full inclusion. He would have done better one on one with me at my desk but his educational plan would not allow it. Ferpa laws kept me from being able to talk to the students about his medical issues. He was a brilliant artist. At least 6 grades above level.
Adira Bennett 4 years ago
When I was 12, I was sick and had to stay in the hospital for about a week. I shared my room with another patient; a girl who was 13. My first night, I woke up at about 1 am to screaming and crashing noises. The girl was having a huge meltdown, swearing and breaking furniture, and I had to be escorted out to sleep in another room. I was terrified of her and had no idea why she would do something so horrible. Years later, I realized she must have been acting that way for a reason and was probably very unhappy. I mentioned my memory of her to my mom and my mom got a sad look on her face. "Oh, you mean Pauline? That girl with blonde hair and blue eyes who had those awful fits? Her mom and I had a conversation in the waiting room once. Pauline had advanced brain cancer and was losing her former personality and her impulse control as the tumors grew. She didn't have much longer to live. I didn't tell you at the time because you were a kid and you were dealing with your own medical issues." My heart just shattered.
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#24
When the vet said:
"Your cat has an inoperable cancerous tumor. The kindest thing you can do to end his suffering is to put him to sleep. Do you wish to do this?"
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago (edited)
It’s so hard! When the kitty love of my life had reached the point where the medical assistance I was giving him was going to have to increase, which would have meant that we wouldn’t have any time together when he wasn’t angry at and/or leery of me, I knew the time had come when I had to put him to sleep. Because he passionately hated the wonderful vet I took him to, I had the vet give me the shots (a muscle relaxant to make him calm and then the one that had to be plunged into his heart) and I did it myself because I considered it an act of love and I wanted his last moments to be peaceful. Two of my closest friends (a married couple) who had known him for most of his life and also loved him dearly, came over and we sat and told our favorite Petrushka stories, then we all started crying, and I did the deed. And then we went to where they were living, I lined his grave with rose petals and buried him in their backyard. That was probably 30 years ago, but I still miss him.
Rebecca O’Donnell 4 years ago
The strength of your selfless love amazes me!
Load More Replies... Sabienn 4 years ago
I know your pain... My cat was already very old, she was 25. She had a cyste on her back, and it obviously hurt her. But if the vet would remove it, she would likely never wake up from the narcosis... So my parents (I still lived with them at the time) decided to put her down. I know it was the right thing to do, but I still miss her. She was one of the sweetest cats we've had.
Nadine Debard 4 years ago
Had exactly the same experience with my 18 y-o cat. I thought the mass on her jaw was an abscess. It was a bone tumour. As she didn't seem to suffer at all, the vet asked for a second advice, who confirmed. He then explained it was a matter of a few days before our cat suffered horrendously as the tumour was very extended. We took an appointment two days after. I still miss her.
CincyReds 4 years ago
Oh that is absolutely awful. Had the same with my dog, my German shepherd, and it will break you. He kept saying we could do all these tests, and still not find anything, and he was like she is 13, and I was just like what exactly are you trying to tell me? He was a lo more gentle than this poor woman's vet. he just said if this was my dog, and I have an older dog, I would not want her to suffer anymore. She has lived a long wonderful life, and has been loved so much. He was like, it is just time. I love my vet! Was an awful moment, but I look back, and was grateful that he didn't put her thru a bunch of tests just to get money. He truly loved his patients
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
My wife and wanted a cat, so we went to a shelter and ended up with 2, brother(BB) and sister(PG). PG and I were cool, but BB did NOT like me, don't know why.He would hiss and yowl when I walked around the house.Got so bad that I had to wear shoes cuz he would sneak attack my feet. PG passed several years ago and BB had kidney failure last year and we had to have him put to sleep.Several months before he got sick, BB came creeping up to while I was sitting on the couch. Eventually laid in my lap.Dunno what changed, but we made peace before he passed. Holy crap, how I ugly cried when we had to do it.I'm just glad we were cool before he was gone.
Annette_ 4 years ago (edited)
my cat had diabetes which was undiagnosed by the vet. he treated her with steroids that ruined her entire body. i spent my whole monthly salary to rescue her with other vet but we lost her. it will be six months after putting her to sleep and I still can't get over it... i feel so much guilt for all of her unnecessary pain...
Philippa Davies 4 years ago
This is awful Annette. I am so sorry to hear this 😪 It's easy to feel guilty but she knows you loved her ❤
Load More Replies... #25
During college, parents took a friend and I out to dinner. Very normal dinner, chit chatted about whatever. After we left and were walking back to my car, he turns to me and says "Is that what a normal relationship is like?"
We talked more after that, I had met his parents a few times and they seemed strict but never seemed to have a terrible relationship. Turned out apparently his dad had cheated on his mom multiple times, dad had zero respect for any of my friends sisters and essentially expected them to do all the housework while the men did "guy stuff." Hunting, training for sports, school, etc. Turned out his childhood was pretty fucked, dad was never around and he had to essentially be the father figure in the house. As the oldest child, never really saw a normal loving relationship that he could look up to. My friend is a really nice guy, still has some messed up views of relationships though. I never realized how "abnormal" my very normal family/childhood was.
v 4 years ago
Probably more rare today since so many seem to want parenthood/motherhood more for the "likes" than for the actual joy and experience of raising another human being. Guess what? We're here having this quasi conversation simply because people have been parents for more millennia than we care to count. Is it really necessary to set up some contrived photo op to be posted to some form of social media to "prove" you're able to do something that little over 100 years ago people did with little to no medical intervention? If you want to do a photo op to prove parenthood, post some pictures of your grand parents or great-grand parents.
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Marcia Cash 4 years ago
I must have had an abnormally happy childhood, like growing up in Mayberry or something. When I left home, it shocked me how many people hate their families, and when I would say I loved my Mama, my friends would actually get angry with me.
Viviane 4 years ago
I've learned to include, "I'm really lucky" when sharing good fortune with people who might get upset. Actually, my childhood wasn't great, but I don't begrudge someone having a happy family life. If the people around you are young adults, they may still be getting over crappy childhoods. If and when they start their own families, their attitudes could change. I've gotten rather emotionally detached from my childhood, in part from therapy and in part from getting older.
Load More Replies... Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
One never realises whether one's family is normal or not until one is way older.
Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago
"My dad is piece of s**t" - knowledge to which it is not late at any age.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Christopher Titus pointed out in an early special of his as a comedian that 66% of US homes are "dysfunctional" ----- so we're really the NORM!
Christopher Gerlach 4 years ago
I have a friend in his mid twenties. We recently invited him to games of Pathfinder (similar to D&D). The rest of us are in our 30s. After hanging out with us a few times, he told me he never realized there were ways to hang out and have fun with people that didn't involve getting completely wasted. Apparently alcohol was a huge part of his parents life. There was no abuse or anything of that sort, but just, being drunk in the evenings was extremely normal. He's been trying to cut back on his drinking, but apparently it's been hard for him because his wife isn't on the same boat and she still wants to get hammered every weekend.
#26
Being asked by my grandma who I was because I wasn't her granddaughter. And when my "best friend" asked why I ever thought we were friends... The first broke my heart, but I understood it wasnt malicious she had Alzheimer's. The second one has caused lasting trust issues and an very difficult time making friends.
Kristin Ingersoll 4 years ago
Same here. I no longer make real friends because I learned I never had any to begin with. The pain is still so real from those friendships being ruined so horribly. I will not put myself in a situation where I trust ANYONE like that ever again. I will NOT be hurt like that again. I'm sorry that happened to you too, Aya. And multiple times, too. I totally relate <3
Load More Replies... Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago (edited)
It took me many years of therapy and decades for enough time to simply pass to get over an incident in sixth grade when two of the girls in the group of four of us told me they’d never liked me...they just pretended for the third girl’s sake. This brutal experience happened to coincide with the beginning of being horribly sexually abused by my stepfather for the last six years that I lived at home. Before I had turned 30 I’d slept with many dozens of men and had spent two weeks in a locked psychiatric ward. I had no self-esteem and didn’t trust *anyone*...go figure!
22Rincut 4 years ago
Had the same problem with the latest, unfortunately, my dumb ass younger self needed 4 years to finally understand that they meant it and it was just me that thought if we do everything together then we're automatically friend. Fortunately, I’ve found my small circle of friend that considered me as their family.
thefaithfulspouse 4 years ago
Yeah, ditto to the second. After 30 years I still don't trustpeople.
I want cake 4 years ago (edited)
I feel OP on the friend-inflicted trust issues. My first 'best friend' asked me in front of the whole class why I thought it was OK to follow her around like a lap dog. I sat down next to her because it was the only available seat.
Alyssa Sweat 4 years ago
You don't need her...Your better off without her. ou deserve someone better than that.
Moezarella 4 years ago (edited)
This one brings back bitter memories. Early days of university, I had no one to hang out with, being the quiet person. Met a sweet girl in first day of class. I thought we were in agreement to walk to class together the next day as we live in the same building. The next day I waited for her, she appeared with a few other people I dont know, and asked me who I was waiting for. I replied "I was waiting for you" and the people with her kinda laughed. She probably didn't mean bad, but it shatters my heart. Never talked to her again after that. Sometimes I wonder if she even remembers this incident.
Jessica Aubé 4 years ago
I don’t understand the second part How can you think someone is your best friend if that person didn’t even know you were friends ??
#27
I have a stutter and people always ask me why I'm so quiet it hurts because I want to be social but whenever I try I tend to be ignored or cut off half way through my sentence, like I want to be social and speak to people but it's almost impossible for me
Jo Johannsen 4 years ago
Stutterers cannot help the hand they were dealt. Be patient, let them finish what they are saying without your "help", and remember this also qualifies as paying it forward.
StormWolf 4 years ago
Thank you. And I will also add that 9 times out of 10, their "help" is unhelpful. When people try to "help" by finishing my sentences, it's almost never what I was trying to say anyway. But because it's clear I am being an annoyance or embarrassment, I usually just nod and go quiet....then get chided for being anti-social. Vicious circle.
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Karl Baxter 4 years ago (edited)
I had a shocking stutter throughout my teenage years. Absolutely fine speaking and reading aloud until puberty hit. Then it was socially crippling for a long time after with lots of ridicule from teachers and classmates. I overcame it as a young adult but now, in my 50s, it occasionally makes a reappearance- usually at times of stress.
Alison Vickery 4 years ago
I'm so sorry you're experiencing that kind of behaviour from other people. Sometimes people are the WORST. You deserve to be heard.
Mark Kelly 4 years ago (edited)
I stutter and hate when people interrupt me. I’m not as shy as I was. I’m quite outgoing and have a full time job and cars.
Erica Cochrane 4 years ago
i work in a coffee shop, and whenever we have someone who stutters in, I never rush them for an answer, even if it takes them a while. I do my best to never make them feel uncomfortable, i'll even chat just a little, so they know that someone wants to listen. I think everyone deserves a little kindness, and i imagine even something like a stutter makes people feel isolated and ignored, which should never be the case.
Colin Matthews 4 years ago
Yeah feel for you. I had speech issues when young, and was trained to practise what i was going to say. Now im older its a habit i still use, except now people think im odd for talking to myself...
Aamna Shah 4 years ago
I will make sure if anyone I meet happens to stutter, I let them finish their sentences without doing it for them. It's completely fine to take your time and It's definitely not an annoyance.
#28
Not directly to my face, but my mom has been asked quite often if I was adopted, because I look absolutely nothing like her (I look like a female version of my dad). The only reason it pains me a bit is because my mom almost died while giving birth to me, and she went through a ton of complications and surgeries, just to have people question it all. Having said that, I have nothing against adoption btw, I fully support and encourage it.
Cookies 4 years ago
I would love to have an sister. Just wanted an older sister or same age. Only child
deanna woods 4 years ago
People should not go around asking unwarranted and needless questions.
Lisa Hall 4 years ago
I'm a female version of my Dad. My little brother is a male version of me. Try to think of it like a connection. Families come in all shapes, sizes, looks, color of hair. Love makes a family. If people question that your Mom had you that's on them. Seriously, that is just the most shallow question I've heard. Hang in there. I'm sure it hurts to hear that. You must have a tender heart. Don't let others break you. <3
#29
"Is this your room? You'd never be able to tell if a boy or girl lived here." Going on to heavily imply that my lack of possessions/decorations = lack of identity/personality when in reality my family was just poor.
Ninja Nonna 4 years ago
I shared with, at one stage for 4 years, parents & 6 siblings. To only share with one person, my husband, was bliss!!!
deanna woods 4 years ago
I have both feminine and masculine possessions because I have multiple sides to my personality. Not having a lot of things doesn't mean you don't have an identity.
#30
This isn’t really a question but more of a comment. My best friend at the time was talking about how a kid in their class was causing a mess at a museum they went to on a field trip, and they were talking about how he said he had ADHD. “that makes a lot of sense, i can’t be around people with that”, they said. There was thirteen year old me, who had been diagnosed with ADHD just a week before. That was...interesting.
Alyssa Sweat 4 years ago
I have an ADHD brother, if his feelings were ever hurt in any way by someon, he's really good at hiding it from them.
Joonscrab 4 years ago
Awww please give him love from my side...I have ADHD too and I completely know how that feels :')
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Emilycookie 4 years ago
adhd squad, list why we're amazing to be around. i'll go first: we are really unique
Smelli Mel 4 years ago
You can't choose to have that disorder. You can choose your friends though.
deanna woods 4 years ago
I have an ADHD brother and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world.
Arran Richards 4 years ago
my nephew is autistic and got upset over something and said words that broke my heart my brain is broken it still chokes me up to this day
Lisa Hall 4 years ago
What a shame! People with ADHD are the "movers and shakers" in this world. They have totally missed out on knowing such people as you. How interesting they thought people who don't learn like they do, or brains are simply wired differently are people they can't be around. They are shutting themself off from wonderful people and friends. Hopefully they learn and do better. You my friend...you are amazing! I'm sorry you felt insecure at this time. That is understandable. Having a diagnosis can put your life in a box. My advice to you is to break out of that box and just shine! =)
Emilycookie 4 years ago
for not wanting to be around somebody who is interesting and quirky and hyper and bubbly? i have no idea!
Load More Replies... #31
I don’t really have any close friends. It’s depressing. On my 25th birthday, my husband and I went to dinner and we happened to run into my husbands co-worker and his wife, so we sat together for a couple drinks. My husband said it we were out for dinner for my birthday. We were making small talk and the other guys wife asked “where are your friends at?” I felt so embarrassed. My face gets red and my heart sinks every time I think about it.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
We had the exact same situation, out to dinner for the wife's birthday, bumped into a friend of mine, his wife asked where my wife's friends were. My friend told his wife off for asking. My misses however, she just said 'I'm sitting next to the only friend I have, want or need'.
Kristy Nelson 4 years ago
It's okay to celebrate with "just" your husband! I wish I had more time with mine!
Fluffy Griffin 4 years ago
That's so weird. I stopped having birthday parties in my late teens. I mean, I still hang out with friends but don't feel the need to go out with them to celebrate birthdays anymore... Is that a thing normal adults do?
Jaded Queen 4 years ago
Why tho? Not having friends is not a bad thing just own it. It's people like the op that perpetuate the belief that u need to conform. Today u won't get nice friends if ur not fake
Kristin Ingersoll 4 years ago
I get it. Only I don't have a husband. At least you were able to let yourself love and be loved by him <3
#32
My grandma died unexpectedly in 2011 from surgery complications. Threw clots with a medication meant to stop clots from forming. My grandpa, however, lived until 2017. I was super close with them and continued to visit even throughout undergrad and when I moved away for grad school. I remember sitting with my grandpa during one visit and it was starting to get late. My grandpa turned to me and asked me why it was so much more lonely and painful at night than it was during the day. I think that my heart shattered that day and I can't even think about it without tearing up.
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
I’m tearing up reading this. My grandmother died suddenly and unexpectedly four days before her 80th birthday, and then grandfather lived for 11 miserable years afterwards—his death was easier to deal with because I saw how painful his life had been without her. They had been high school sweethearts.
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 4 years ago
I wouldn't be able to answer that question and would instead cry and hug him
#33
I was visiting my wife's grandmother in an assisted-living facility for people with memory issues. As I was walking down the hall, a little old lady that I didn't know asked me if I could help her to her room, as she was a little unsteady on he feet. I gave her an arm, and we walked down the hallway, having the typical friendly small talk. When we rounded the corner, she turned to me, teary-eyed, and said, "you have to help me. I don't know how to get out of this place. The people here think I'm so stupid, and they won't help me. I just want to go home." I gently told her that I didn't know how to leave either, and that everything would be OK. I helped her to her room, and left her there, obviously distressed and confused. I should note that the facility was very nice, and the staff there treated my family extremely well. It just broke my heart that this poor lady was so upset and so confused, and she was likely in the same state until the day she died. It seems like a shitty way to spend the end of your life.
Jane Dorothy Warner 4 years ago
That's Alzheimers for you - robs you of so much as well as memories - makes you frightened in safe places. :(
J. Normal 4 years ago
My neighbor has the same issue. she is 82 her mom is 100 - she can no longer care for her mother (Mom had fallen several times etc). She had to put her in a care facility, and even though she visits every day... mom cries about coming home. ( 82 yr old also cares for her disabled 51 yr old daughter) She is hoping that after they ease all pandemic restrictions mom can get out for day trips.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
If I ever get to the point where I'm forced to live in an old people's asylum, I'll kill myself. I refuse to be treated like a toddler by people who aren't even as old as the whiskey I drink.
#34
I was about 12 and went over to a friends house. I had my hair tied up in a ponytail and her mother looked at one of my ears and asked if I'd been in an accident. The tops of my ears(the curved part) have always looked wonky and misshaped, I was born with them that way, but I didn't start feeling self conscious about it or about my looks in general, until she asked me that. May seem insignificant but I did not tie my hair up again for years following that, that's how bad it hurt.
Broken Angel 4 years ago
i was born with really pointy ears and people in school used to make fun of me. my grade five teacher once tried to pull off my ears while yelling at me about not wearing costume ears to school.
Ninja Nonna 4 years ago
Mine are "interesting" my mother constantly taped them from when I was about a month old, her father had huge ears & she thought this would "help".I now have ears with a strange bend at the top, her idea of keeping them "straight"
deanna woods 4 years ago
I don't have any close friends either, but I still celebrate my birthday.
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
It doesn’t seem insignificant at all. Have you recovered enough to allow yourself the freedom in your hairstyle choices?
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
P.S. Just as an FYI, our ears and noses grow throughout our entire lives because they’re made of cartilage, whereas babies are born with their eyes being the size they’ll always be, which is why old people tend to look a bit misshapen.
Load More Replies... #35
"is your dad dead?"
The taxi driver who was taking me to college since my dad could no longer drive me, as he was infact: dead.
This was like a week after his funeral, I was eager to get back to college for some normality and a touch of denial so it was a huge slap in the face.
#36
Oh, are you the girl with the hot sister ?
Laura Carney 4 years ago
I got this a lot as a kid as well, along with the statement "You'd be prettier, even prettier than your sister if you just lost weight".
Sarah 4 years ago
Yikes. I had something similar happen. I was a singer in a band with my female friend and a couple of guys. We had performed in a bar on the weekend and I went back to the bar a few days later. I got in conversation with a guy who thought I looked familiar. "Oh, were you in that bad that had another girl singer?" "Yes, I was." "She was really good."
#37
My ex fiancee asked me why I didnt have any friends, or hung out with people or went out to places.
It was because she put herself through crisis after crisis and I feel like I didnt have any choice but to stay and help her but when I had a breakdown and went through my own mental health crisis she broke up with me.
I hope she's doing better but I honestly never want to talk to her again
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
I know it was heartbreaking, but it’s great that you’re now able to set good boundaries and maintain your mental health!
#38
“Why do you sound like that? Is that your real voice?”
Mean girl training me on the phones at work.
And I was so confident on my phone voice
Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago
No, but when I talk to spoiled baby, I use this simplified voice pleasant for children.
#39
I was at Coldstone with my friends who are married. I ordered my thing and went over to the cashier and they asked me “Are you alone?” and for some reason it just cut deep. They didn’t mean anything by it, but in that moment I realized that I felt so alone, even surrounded by friends. Then I had ice cream and felt better.
#40
"Whats your name again?" I knew [her] for 4 years
Linda van der Pal 4 years ago
The opposite side of the coin is suddenly having a blackout and losing a name you've known for years.
Fluffy Griffin 4 years ago
I am horrible with names. So I have to ask, they knew you for 4 years, but was it like, you talked every day, or just talked a few times a year? Maybe they had only heard your name once or twice in the entire time. I try to make it a point to repeat the name in conversation a few times to cement it in but that doesn't always work.
B Jones 4 years ago
I'm like this with names all the time. Worst is I have a half sister I know well 20 years younger than me and every once in a while I realize I've completely blanked on her name.
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Hufflepuff 4 years ago
Okay, so on one hand I completely understand how much that hurt, but on the other hand, there are several people that I can think of that I have been going to school with for 3+ years, and I don't know their names. I care, but I missed what their name was the first time it was said, It hasn't been said around me since then, and I don't want to ask for this reason
Polarlink3frc 4 years ago
I did that once in 6th grade. I new this since Kindergarten and completely blanked on his name one day. His name was Justus. I felt horrible asking.
What do you think ?
Troux 4 years ago
It's a lot to take in, but please do. With every sad story you read, you gained a little bit more knowledge about what others go through, how things look through their eyes and how well hidden their pain is. One day you'll see this kind of pain again, but this time you'll recognize it, and you'll recognize the person holding onto it. That may be all they need.
Load More Replies... Broken Angel 4 years ago
i was really quiet in class and i never spoke. once, i answered a question in english because it was the only subject that i knew enough to know the answer. when i answered, everyone turned around and stared at me. about a minute of silence, then someone yelled 'you can talk?!' everyone laughed and i didn't talk for the rest of the year. i was in grade two. when i was in grade six, i was outside at recess and i was walking around alone. then, a kid ran away from his friend group, came up to me, and yelled 'what's wrong with you? don't you know how to talk?' i punched him. bitch didn't see that coming.
Watching 4 years ago
When they asked me what I wanted to do with my husband's body after he died of cancer.
kjorn 4 years ago
few years ago when my wife want to break up (because she discover she was a lesbian). days after that i get back to work (in a call center) and almost each person when they call ask me how i was. it was so hard to say fine when obviously i wasn't fine. during the next 2 weeks i had to left the office 6 time because i couldn't said i'm fine all that time. each time i had to say that i wanted to cry
Marianne Contrino 4 years ago
When I was in college, I worked at a home for women with developmental disabilities... Down Syndrome, Autism, Fragile X, etc. One night, as I was tucking a resident into bed, her usual big smile faded, she got very quiet, and a sadness filled her eyes. So, after seeing this, I asked her what was wrong. She let out a sigh, and asked, "When I die, and go to heaven, will I still have to be retarded?" I promise you it was all I could do not to let the tears start flowing. Pausing for a moment, I responded with something like, "Honey, you can be ANYTHING you want to be, WHENEVER you want to be it. Personally, I'm flipping between a unicorn (her favorite animal), and you." That seemed to make her happy, and the smile returned, but I never forgot it. I wish I could say she was the only one to voice such questions, but she wasn't. No matter how "low functioning" they were, they knew they were viewed as "different", and it truly saddened them. Now, I could go on, and write another eight paragraphs detailing the heartbreaking questions/comments I've dealt with while teaching, but I'll just leave it at that. Bottom line, the most innocent among us are preyed upon more than you know, and it is soul crushing.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
Same here. I worked in a community for kids and young adults with developmental disabilities. On Sunday afternoon, I remember with such affection, we had what they called "Scussion Group". They could not pronounce "discussion". Were around 20 years old. We would talk about be a "dult". Couldnt pronounce adult. I tell you remenbering that part brings such a smile to my face. They would take public transportation to work. One day someone asked "What do you say when they call you retarded?" Stopped me in my tracks.
Load More Replies...
Angrywolf 4 years ago
My mother told me quite a few times that she rather had a hundred kids with down syndrome than one me, I cant help it that im autistic and that im different.
Unaffected 4 years ago
A geriatric nurse here.Asked a patient how is she feeling, said she's in pain.Offered a few options and when refused I asked What can I do to make it better ? She said - Nothing but at least you ask, others don't.
Grumble O'Pug 4 years ago
We had a fellow student named Steven when I was in 3rd grade. He was probably ADHD and a host of other things, but we loved his energy. Sometimes a bully would hassle him on the playground and he'd be so enraged that he'd just be in class crying so hard. I remember my teacher hugging him and being nice to him and she said that we needed to remember that everyone gets so mad they want to cry and sometimes has a bad time of things and to be kind to each other. Thanks Miss Bogosoff.
Mark Fuller 4 years ago
Mate at school, thirty years ago, "are your parents divorced?" "No." "Well when will they be?" He just assumed it was the norm...
Marcia Cash 4 years ago
Dated a guy for months, wonderful time, until one afternoon we were making sweet love, he opens his eyes and says "Oh, it's you!" Who was he fantasizing about? Freaked me out, total mistrust after that.
Troux 4 years ago
It's a lot to take in, but please do. With every sad story you read, you gained a little bit more knowledge about what others go through, how things look through their eyes and how well hidden their pain is. One day you'll see this kind of pain again, but this time you'll recognize it, and you'll recognize the person holding onto it. That may be all they need.
Load More Replies... Broken Angel 4 years ago
i was really quiet in class and i never spoke. once, i answered a question in english because it was the only subject that i knew enough to know the answer. when i answered, everyone turned around and stared at me. about a minute of silence, then someone yelled 'you can talk?!' everyone laughed and i didn't talk for the rest of the year. i was in grade two. when i was in grade six, i was outside at recess and i was walking around alone. then, a kid ran away from his friend group, came up to me, and yelled 'what's wrong with you? don't you know how to talk?' i punched him. bitch didn't see that coming.
Watching 4 years ago
When they asked me what I wanted to do with my husband's body after he died of cancer.
kjorn 4 years ago
few years ago when my wife want to break up (because she discover she was a lesbian). days after that i get back to work (in a call center) and almost each person when they call ask me how i was. it was so hard to say fine when obviously i wasn't fine. during the next 2 weeks i had to left the office 6 time because i couldn't said i'm fine all that time. each time i had to say that i wanted to cry
Marianne Contrino 4 years ago
When I was in college, I worked at a home for women with developmental disabilities... Down Syndrome, Autism, Fragile X, etc. One night, as I was tucking a resident into bed, her usual big smile faded, she got very quiet, and a sadness filled her eyes. So, after seeing this, I asked her what was wrong. She let out a sigh, and asked, "When I die, and go to heaven, will I still have to be retarded?" I promise you it was all I could do not to let the tears start flowing. Pausing for a moment, I responded with something like, "Honey, you can be ANYTHING you want to be, WHENEVER you want to be it. Personally, I'm flipping between a unicorn (her favorite animal), and you." That seemed to make her happy, and the smile returned, but I never forgot it. I wish I could say she was the only one to voice such questions, but she wasn't. No matter how "low functioning" they were, they knew they were viewed as "different", and it truly saddened them. Now, I could go on, and write another eight paragraphs detailing the heartbreaking questions/comments I've dealt with while teaching, but I'll just leave it at that. Bottom line, the most innocent among us are preyed upon more than you know, and it is soul crushing.
Miss Frankfurter 4 years ago
Same here. I worked in a community for kids and young adults with developmental disabilities. On Sunday afternoon, I remember with such affection, we had what they called "Scussion Group". They could not pronounce "discussion". Were around 20 years old. We would talk about be a "dult". Couldnt pronounce adult. I tell you remenbering that part brings such a smile to my face. They would take public transportation to work. One day someone asked "What do you say when they call you retarded?" Stopped me in my tracks.
Load More Replies... Angrywolf 4 years ago
My mother told me quite a few times that she rather had a hundred kids with down syndrome than one me, I cant help it that im autistic and that im different.
Unaffected 4 years ago
A geriatric nurse here.Asked a patient how is she feeling, said she's in pain.Offered a few options and when refused I asked What can I do to make it better ? She said - Nothing but at least you ask, others don't.
Grumble O'Pug 4 years ago
We had a fellow student named Steven when I was in 3rd grade. He was probably ADHD and a host of other things, but we loved his energy. Sometimes a bully would hassle him on the playground and he'd be so enraged that he'd just be in class crying so hard. I remember my teacher hugging him and being nice to him and she said that we needed to remember that everyone gets so mad they want to cry and sometimes has a bad time of things and to be kind to each other. Thanks Miss Bogosoff.
Mark Fuller 4 years ago
Mate at school, thirty years ago, "are your parents divorced?" "No." "Well when will they be?" He just assumed it was the norm...
Marcia Cash 4 years ago
Dated a guy for months, wonderful time, until one afternoon we were making sweet love, he opens his eyes and says "Oh, it's you!" Who was he fantasizing about? Freaked me out, total mistrust after that.
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