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“I Laughed So Hard I Think I Peed A Little”: 42 Hilariously Petty Reasons People Got Dumped
Dating means putting yourself out there and meeting people you don’t see eye to eye with. Sometimes, the two of you find a reasonable and civil way to end things, but other times...? Not so much. Jessica Marie asked the internet on Threads, “What’s the pettiest reason you dumped someone? No ‘we were incompatible’ excuses here—just top-tier pettiness in all its glory.” Everyone immediately started sharing their most memorable break-up stories, and I guess it says a lot about what it’s like to be single these days.
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#1
We arranged an ice cream date for our first meeting. I used the word "serendipitous" and he said "How cute, a waitress with a vocabulary" and patted me on the head. I replied "How cute, a man eating ice cream by himself", stood up and left.
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#2
He pushed my cat off the bed after she jumped up to cuddle. No hesitation kicked him out of my house and made his friend come pick his a** up.
Margaret Wartime 4 months ago (edited)
A guy I was seeing once came over to my house for the first time. I introduced him to one of my cats and the first thing he did was bend down and pick my fully adult cat up by the scruff of the neck. I grabbed my cat and kicked him out on the spot. Don’t touch my babies.
#3
He pouted at me for wearing my doc martens to a bonfire date. We were the same height and he was upset that my docs made me FRACTIONALLY taller than him. I wore 4 inch heels to meet him at the coffee shop to dump him the next day.
#4
Oh yeah, this guy who would’ve been a really good match came over to my house to pick me up to go on a date and my dog, a very sweet pointer, came over and sat really close to his leg and kind of pushed her nose onto his knee for a pet and he took his foot and shoved her away. I was like nope you can leave. We don’t get to go on a date with me if you treat my dog bad.
Giraffe Sitter 4 months ago
Good riddance. If my date’s dog took to me that fast, I’d be flattered.
#5
Had been on maybe 5 dates with this guy.
Back then, I was working with horses, and he picked me up from work.
Was just finishing up with this horse, and it put it's head on my shoulder and rubbed it against my face. I laughed, reached around it's head for a pet and said "yeah, love you, too".
Cue the guy throwing a fit that I never told him that I loved him.
Jealous of a freaking horse.
Instantly lost all respect for him and called it a day.
#6
SHE told me my cat was ugly.
Yeah, maybe my cat was ugly at the time, but it wasn’t his fault he got mange. It was a rescue, and a precious little baby.
#7
He told me a girl has never ghosted him before and he always was the one who did the ghosting… next day I blocked him and never spoke to him again bc why not.
Riley Quinn 4 months ago
How could anyone pass up a dare like that? He practically invited you to ghost him.
#8
High school, very short lived boyfriend. He's walking me to my bus. I saw a mantis just chilling on this brick wall. I was super excited about it, as it's my favorite creature. I was trying to gently get it. This guy takes the side of his fist and squished it, right in front of me.
I was so pissed off, I could have squished him just like that mantis, if I were big enough. Dumped him on the spot.
#9
Bad grammar also gets me, if English is your first language and you don’t know the difference between there, their and they’re or your and you’re, instant ICK.
#10
First date with a guy. He was staying with his mate & his wife, who I knew well, so when we went back to his for coffee I didn’t think twice. Shortly after we got there I went to the bathroom. 3 minutes later I came back, friends had vanished and he was naked on the sofa. He poured grenadine all over his body and said ‘come and get it baby’. I laughed so hard I think I peed a little. I left without actually speaking
#11
We were on our second date and he started acting really weird. I asked him if he was OK and he started rubbing his stomach and then completely changed tone into a baby voice and was moaning at me that his “tummy hurt” - I pointed towards the bathroom and I said maybe you just need to use the restroom? He proceeded to writhe in pain and decline saying “issokay it’s just a widdo tummy ache” I was so horrified I closed out our tab and walked home lol bye baby bop 🤙🏻
#12
He asked me to cook dinner on our second date, then swapped out all of the ingredients I picked for “healthier options”… and then he said the food was bland… like BROTHER THAT'S YOUR FAULT! Never spoke to him again.
#13
This is more than 20yrs ago… We were out for dinner with a group of friends…He peeled my prawns for me…. And then asked me to lick his fingers (with the prawn juice) in front of the whole table…. Friends still talk about it till this day! 🤢
#14
Couple dates in with a guy and we decided to split a small pizza. He ordered whatever he wanted on his half (some crazy extra hot peppers and pepperoni concoction that I had no interest in) and I ordered what I wanted on my half. I’m one slice in and hungryyy and this guy reached over and grabbed a slice off my half and immediately chowed down. I said what are you doing? He said he wanted to try it and didn’t think I’d eat all my slices. Boy, bye.
#15
He got mad at me because he brought me around his friends and I was friendly and talked with them after in the car ride home he said “idk why you even talked to them your a woman no one cares about your opinion” I told him to pull over and I walked home, and never saw him again also he was 🤥 so that was another reason.
The Other Guest 4 months ago
I don't know what word the emoji is supposed to stand for; can someone help an old lady out here, please?
#16
35 years ago, Went on a date with a model who wore open toes high heels so she could be a little taller. Np, I’m 6’3.. BUT she had knarly, ugly feet with bent toes and long nails and painted them bright yellow. I’m not a feet guy, but I couldn’t date someone that looked like she could grab salmon out of the river if she hung her feet off the doc.
#17
He thought raccoons laid eggs. Nope. Too stupid.
#18
In middle school he broke up with me because his friends told him to. he asked me out again a week later and i said yes so i could dump him by the end of the day 💃🏻
#19
I woke up to text with a video of him, drawing on a whiteboard, telling me how I should prioritize him versus the other obligations in my life, including work, school, and family.  when I preface the week saying that it was finals week and I had to focus on studying so we had to cancel our date night and couldn’t go to the gym w him every night. We had been together four months…
#20
I was starting to date a very talented architect. We were out for a walk on a partly cloudy but hot summer day. As a cloud moved in front of the sun, I mentioned something about how much more pleasant it was walking in the shadow of the cloud. She insisted that cloud’s could not have shadows because they aren’t solid objects.
Later, I heard from one of colleagues that she was a flat earther.
#21
In my head this isn’t petty and there were other things that added onto this, I had an ex who kept sticking his tongue in my mouth when we kissed. Not in a hot way, like he’d do it to be funny and quickly poke the tip of his tongue in my mouth. I told him that I did NOT like it and asked him not to do it again. He agreed and NEXT DAY he did it again. I asked him why and he said “I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal”. F**k that dude, if I told you no then don’t do it. Weird asf.
#22
I ghosted a fwb because he said “I love that I don’t have to care about your feelings or your life”.
It wasn’t untrue, but he didn’t have to f**kin say it out loud lol.
For weeks he begged me to respond to him because he was “worried”.
#23
He asked a homeless person for directions when I already knew where we were going and had stated so and we were heading to the concert. Never saw him again after that night.
Anthony Elmore 4 months ago
You fool. That may have been the only man in existence willing to stop and ask for directions. We need him alive for study.
#24
Went to my ex’s church with him…and then he had the Holy Ghost and started foaming out the mouth….I dumped him the next day! Foaming out the mouth was so unnecessary and dramatic!🙄🥴
Margaret Wartime 4 months ago
I love how every single person who leaves those Evangelocal churches admits straight up that everyone’s faking that dramatic BS in church 😂 they look ridiculous pretending to speak in tongues and foaming from the mouth etc when you know they’re just faking.
#25
We were trying to have a make out session and he grabbed at my b**bs like they were… I don’t even know. Just using bear claws to touch them. He’s in his late 30s, early 40s. Would’ve expected that when I was 14. Instant ick.
#26
He was a French man. From Paris. I am VERY into cheese- like he even picked me up for a date from a famous cheese shop in NYC where I volunteered with the cheese classes.
He had to go to Paris for a week and I asked him to bring me some cheese if he wouldn’t mind. He brought back some Baby Bell and Laughing Cow.
Margaret Wartime 4 months ago
As a deeply passionate cheese aficionado, I support OP’s decision to dump him 😭
#27
1) That clown ate my chicken sandwich while I was asleep, persuaded me I left it somewhere and helped me look for it. But I knew EXACTLY where I’d left it.
2) “Shhhhhhh”ed me in my own home bcz I asked a question while we were watching tv.
(Both were with the same person and within 24 hours of the second example said person was told to leave me house and that was the breakup)
Anthony Elmore 4 months ago (edited)
First one's a red flag. Second one is totally OP's fault. Annoying habits are still annoying when done in your own home. Not as annoying as stealing someone's sandwich, though. Honestly, who gaslights someone over a sandwich.
#28
This isn’t petty but rather somewhat gross. This otherwise normal hot guy ended up having some sort of love affair with an otter at his zoo. He confessed the whole thing and naturally I was concerned for the otter 🦦 so I called the zoo and they already knew everything and he was blacklisted FOR LIFE. So gross and despicable. So he arrived to pick me up (I was young) and I screamed out the window “go away I’ll never be the animal you want”. Damn my childhood was wild.
#29
He started doing push ups by the bed the next morning. Like hella early the next morning.
And he made sure I knew he was doing pushups by my bed hella early in the morning.
#30
My name is Jenny, and he always pronounced it like Forest Gump. 🙄
#31
1. Told my friend she was too tall and that’s why he wouldn’t date her. Asked me out, I went on one date and then told him I couldn’t continue because he was 5’ 11” and I couldn’t date men under 6’
2. Would not shut up about the supremacy of vim and Python
3. Emailed me a PowerPoint of his sexual preferences before our first date so I could be prepared. Got mad when I asked if I could set the mood for our evening and played “Be Prepared” from the lion king on loop while singing along.
#32
He held a fork like a shovel. I was picturing eating at a fancy restaurant with that and shuddered.
*photo is a reenactment*
😂
Susie Elle 4 months ago
I know a lot of people who hold their forks and spoons like shovels and I cannot deal with it lmao
#33
He was very skinny and tried lifting me up one day to prove that he's been building muscles. We both fell down.
#34
I forgot his last name and then too much time passed and it was too awkward to ask.
#35
Not me but a friend once finished with her boyfriend suddenly; I asked her why and she told me. “He said he didn’t like spiders.” 😂
#36
I don’t know if it was petty, but the snoring became intolerable. 😴
sofacushionfort 4 months ago
“Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.”
#37
He said my poetry was too sad and I needed to write more happier things. I knew then he didn’t understand me at all and never would.
That tired person 4 months ago
this isnt petty if ur gonna date u need someone who understands ur hobbies. They dont have to share them, but just understanding them is so important in a relationship
#39
I still regret it to this day, but in my early 20s I ghosted someone after a couple dates b/c I didn’t have a car of my own (I was driving around my moms car), and I was too embarrassed to admit it. That, & I had moved back in with my parents.
Early 20s me was a dumb**s & undiagnosed w/ chronic anxiety lol.
#40
Getting ready for a date. We agreed to meet halfway from both our houses.
Me: can we meet at (other restaurant)? It has something I like.
Him: Sure. I noticed its much closer to you. ( It was at the other end of street of original place) eyeroll.
Stopped getting ready and had a bubble bath.
#42
He put soap in my cast iron pan.
Kim Kermes 4 months ago
Cast iron can an# should be washed with soap and water, brushed lighting oil, and heated for 10 minutes. Great grandmammas would never have put away an unwashed pan.
#43
Honestly I was just tired of talking to men so I stopped lol.
#44
I once broke up with a guy that used to scratch or adjust his balls all the time. We dated for like two weeks. I noticed he was mentally forcing himself not to in public which is why I didn’t notice at first. It was a weird amount of times he would do this. I think about him and if his prostate is ok sometimes that was like 20 years ago 😂😭
#45
He buzzed his hair 😭 I was in 8th grade, he had swoopy emo hair. Immediately lost feelings lol.
#46
I texted him Good Night 💕
He texted back Chow Babe.
#47
Her voice. She literally sounded like Minnie Mouse, and she warned me it would be a problem before we even met. I tried to stick it out, not wanting to be petty, but duuuuuuude.... 🤦♂️
Serena Myers 4 months ago
I have complained that some of the AI voices used in YouTube shorts sound like Minnie Mouse on speed. I am ignored, as I should be!
#48
Ok. This was like 15 years ago when I was in my 20s and thought I wanted kids one day; I've grown a lil bit, so don't judge me, BUT I ghosted a dude the night he showed me a pic of his kid because the kid was funny looking, and my 20 something year old logic was like, "If I marry him and we have kids, there's a chance my kids can come out ugly," and that was a risk I just wasn't willing to take. 😬😂
#49
I lived in SF and there was no parking by his place and always had to park and walk up hill to his apt.
#50
So insecure and so contrarian, as a combo, that on episode 1 of star trek next generation he goes "this show is only made up of attractive people" I pause it, deadpan look at him, "the main character is an old bald man", and then press play again. i got rid of him later.
#51
My friend dumped her boyfriend because I was dumping my boyfriend so we could both have fun being single.
#52
He pronounced the “L” in salmon when ordering once.
#53
He attempted to make me breakfast to “prove he can cook”— girl, the bacon was burnt to a crisp, the eggs was rubbery, and the “french toast” was American 🤦🏿♀️
#54
His head shape. I tried my hardest to look past it but I just got annoyed every time I looked at him.
#55
He told me he would do my laundry so i woke up the next morning for my second double in a row and the laundry wasn’t done, broke up w/ him the same day 😭😭
#56
He shaved his beard for the first time since i'd known him and it gave me the biggest ick.
Margaret Wartime 4 months ago (edited)
My boyfriend is very handsome and has had a gorgeous beard his entire life and when he shaves it (once in a blue moon, it’s a very rare event) his dog starts barking at him 😂 he goes from looking like a 31 year old tattooed bearded tough guy to looking 16. It’s adorable 😂 but it can be jarring
#57
Instead of walking down the stairs he would jump off.
Serena Myers 4 months ago
Good luck with our stairs, he would have either castrated himself or knocked himself out on the stair lift!!
#58
My excuse for breaking up with him was that he was too presumptuous in calling me his GF so early without talking to me abt it. But while that did irk me, what really turned me off was seeing and hearing his “O” sounds and facial expressions. It was like an animal being slaughtered. I can still see it if I close my eyes. *shudder*. Petty? Yes. It’s not his fault. He was a great guy tho. I just…couldn’t. Just no.
#59
He came to visit for a weekend (we lived in different states), brought a bottle of scotch and took home the bottle with what was leftover.
Dog Mom to Zoe 4 months ago
I dated a guy briefly that would do the same thing. Anything he brought to a party, he would take back if it wasn't all drank or eaten. On top of that, he was immendsley immature.
#60
I went on a date with a guy who showed up carrying a washcloth. He was sweating without exerting any physical activity. It was a no for me.
Ronnie Beaton 4 months ago
Hmm, I'll admit to carrying a bandanna in a pocket to mop the perspiration off my bald head. But an actual washcloth?
#61
I didn’t like how soft his fingers felt when he held my hand 🙃
#62
He posted a shout out thanking his sis for loaning him money …
#63
She had a very thin upper lip and when we would kiss it felt like the top of my mouth was inside her mouth it felt so weird I just couldn't.
#64
Not me, my girlfriend. She dumped a guy she was dating when she saw processed American cheese squares in his fridge.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I guess OP's gf would dump me too - I grew up eating Kraft and Velveeta squares (we were poor) and I still like them to this day.
#65
I told him on our first date that Mac and cheese is like my favorite food and I love making a good homemade baked Mac and cheese so for the second date he asked me over to his house so he could make me dinner. He literally made pasta and then dropped A BLOCK OF CHEDDAR on top and tried to just mix it around to get it to melt 😭
#66
I dated a German girl 10 out of 10 absolutely f**king stunning. She was a model in Germany for 10 years like runways and she had this really thick German accent and she really liked dirty talk. It’s kind of hard to get in the mood when she’s talking to you and it sounds like H*tler in introducing The Olympic games… I had to end it.
That tired person 4 months ago
wow. just.. wow. I want to say so much stuff to OP but I cant. im speechless...
#67
A long time ago. He slipped on the bleachers at a football game. It wasn't him falling that was the issue, its the way he fell that embarrassed me. I really wish I could explain it but I was a teenage girl and he got teased about that fall throughout high school so I know I was not trippen 😂
#68
We were going to watch tv, so he connected his phone hotspot to his xbox then logged in to his moms Netflix account (he didn't even have his own profile) 😩
#69
In high school a guy in my loose friend group bet my best guy friend that he could get me to date him. For $5. My friend took the bet then told me about it. I told him he’s gonna lose the bet.
Not only did I go out with him, I dated him for a month - long enough for him to take me to his senior prom (I was a sophomore, he was a senior) in a limo. Then I dumped him.
Served him right for placing a cheap bet on me. 😆 Last I saw on him he was ✨ still ✨ working at Best Buy. At 40+.
#71
I was talking to this one guy and he kept calling me ‘Boo.’ I was lowkey offended but also confused like, why was that even considered a term of endearment to him? I ended up canceling the date we had planned, haven’t spoken to him since and I definitely don’t regret it. Who calls someone Boo? I was honestly baffled by that.
HeavyMetalHeart 4 months ago
That was a common term of endearment for a while. I get not liking it but weird they were so baffled by it.
#73
He laid in his bed on ft with me right after the gym, no shower, no change of clothes. Laying in bed in your sweaty outside clothes is diabolical.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
So.. he was laying in his OWN bed in his own home... on FaceTime with OP; OP wasn't even at his house or in the bed with him.... I agree that one shouldn't lay in bed in one's potentially dirty "outside" clothing, but OP was on FaceTime with this dude, not even in his house, and broke up with him over him laying down on his own bed in his normal clothes?
#74
He smoked Newports and I smoked Marlboros. I couldn't be with someone I couldn't share a cigarette with.
THIS WAS OVER 20 YEARS AGO DO NOT SMOKE KIDS IT WAS A DIFFERENT ERA.
#75
He made me promise not to ghost him so I then felt obligated to 😭
#76
I asked him a hypothetical question just to see how he would react. I asked how he’d feel if i were to start selling nsfw content. He said he wouldn’t like it bc “whenever he would see my body it wouldn’t be special anymore bc other ppl have seen it”. Dumped him on the spot.
#77
My first college girlfriend. I woke up in her dorm one day and she was standing next to the bed and I didn’t realized she was knock-kneed. I avoided her for days until I just finally ended it 🦵🏽
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
So she had a physical issue she couldn't help having and OP dumped her for it? That's not "petty", that's shallow.
#78
Left a 15% tip at a restaurant.. I don’t even go that low for bad service and ours was great…. boy bye..
#79
He DICED. MY HEIRLOOM. TOMATOES . On a HOLIDAY. For CAPRESE. I was aghast 😂 Ofc broke up with him the next day and forgot it but a friend jus reminded me, “that time you dumped that guy bc he diced the heirloom tomatoes,” 😂😂😂
EXCUSE me, but this was AFTER I let him pick me up from the airport, he insisted. He had brought roses and “champagne” bc I like those things.
It was Korbel. I had to convince him it was madly illegal for me to drink it in the backseat while he played chauffeur. Korbel.
#80
I told him I wanted to see him without his mustache so he suprised me and shaved it off. My vag got drier then the Sierra when I saw him. That was a nope.
#81
We weren’t officially dating, but had been “seeing” each other for about a month. He came over to hang out. No big deal; however, he decided to tell me when he arrived at my place that he doesn’t like to drive at night and was going to stay at my place. That was a big ol’ nope from me, but I didn’t say anything right away. We hung out and when it got dark I made him go home. After that, I stopped responding to his messages. 🤷🏼♀️
Cathleen Cummings 4 months ago
Why wouldn't OP tell him that immediately, so he could leave before dark? jerk move.
#83
Dated a guy who told me he could cheat on me and I'd never find out and I found out he was flirting with someone so I slept with three different guys over the course of a week and showed up with hickies hidden in my hair to his job and I remember him saying something like "oh if she was cheating on me I'd know" mind you I showed up with my ex f-budy. Posted a tiktok about it and that's how he found out.
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What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
A lot of these aren't "hilariously" petty, they're "mean" petty :(
Nederlands Geo 4 months ago
Some of these are just b******t takes that are just random as f**k
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
Did people not understand the topic of this list was breaking up for petty reasons? All the reasonable reasons to break up were at the top of the list and the legitimately petty ones were down voted.
Jenna Kay 4 months ago
I was dating the high school Valedictorian, he was a year above me. He came over for dinner and spent the entire time playing a game of chess with my dad. If you are out there reading this - I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you were trying to get in the good graces of my parents, and didn't mean to ignore me and make me feel unimportant.
Poppy 4 months ago
I broke up with someone because he wouldn't stop tickling me despite me asking him not to. I even told him about the time my sister tickled me from behind and I reflexively jerked backwards and my head collided with her jaw. She ended up with a dislocated jaw and a chipped tooth. But no, he thought it was funny.
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 4 months ago (edited)
Some of these are really fun! Thank you for sharing them! I laughed out loud at the Be Prepared song as foreplay. That was funny enough that I’m likely to remember it at some inopportune moment and start laughing again, and it’s likely to be some place random, like the grocery store or something. So, it gives me something to look forward to.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
A lot of these aren't "hilariously" petty, they're "mean" petty :(
Nederlands Geo 4 months ago
Some of these are just b******t takes that are just random as f**k
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
Did people not understand the topic of this list was breaking up for petty reasons? All the reasonable reasons to break up were at the top of the list and the legitimately petty ones were down voted.
Jenna Kay 4 months ago
I was dating the high school Valedictorian, he was a year above me. He came over for dinner and spent the entire time playing a game of chess with my dad. If you are out there reading this - I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you were trying to get in the good graces of my parents, and didn't mean to ignore me and make me feel unimportant.
Poppy 4 months ago
I broke up with someone because he wouldn't stop tickling me despite me asking him not to. I even told him about the time my sister tickled me from behind and I reflexively jerked backwards and my head collided with her jaw. She ended up with a dislocated jaw and a chipped tooth. But no, he thought it was funny.
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 4 months ago (edited)
Some of these are really fun! Thank you for sharing them! I laughed out loud at the Be Prepared song as foreplay. That was funny enough that I’m likely to remember it at some inopportune moment and start laughing again, and it’s likely to be some place random, like the grocery store or something. So, it gives me something to look forward to.
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