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Someone Asks People To Share The Worst Marriage Advice They’ve Gotten, And They Deliver (30 Tweets)
Marriage, like most relationships, is all about communication, building trust, being vulnerable, and fighting off hordes of orcs back-to-back on a mountaintop. Or is that just us? But like childcare, politics, and the weather, everybody seems to have an opinion about marriage. What works. What doesn’t. What you should strive to do.
Unfortunately, a lot of that advice is absolutely bogus, as sociologist Samuel Perry from the University of Oklahoma drew attention to on Twitter. The scholar asked social media users to share the very worst marriage advice they’ve ever gotten and kicked things off with an example of his own about how couples should supposedly not go to bed angry.
Check out some of the best tweets below, upvote the ‘advice’ that you think is absolutely ridiculous, and share your own pearls of wisdom about marriage in the comment section below. And remember—happy panda, happy life!
Image credits: socofthesacred
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Donkey boi 4 years ago
I want children, my wife doesn't. As she is more important to me than having children, we got a farm with goats, donkeys, 4 dogs and various ducks and chickens. They are our children.
Kevin Donegan 4 years ago
If your goal is to be a single mother raising a child on her own, makes perfect sense to me.
AJ 4 years ago (edited)
I've heard that advice, also I've heard it always needs to be woman's decision to have children, because men only know they want one after it has already arrived. Also I've heard that if we don't get kids now he's going to regret it and leave me for younger, fertile woman. If somebody try to tell me any of that again I simply tell them my husband and I CAN'T have children. Basically it's true, because we don't want to.
RELATED:
#2
Vicky Z 4 years ago
These terrible advices make people stay in abusive relationships and that's sad
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
So true. Let's not forget that old classic "imagine how awful you'd feel if he *stopped* acting jealous?" Legit terrible advice from my MIL.
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Bobby 4 years ago
I think it's more of a when you stop caring to fight. By which mean you don't care to make your opinion known, or voice disagreement.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
It's when you stop talking, the relationship is over. What do you think marriage counselors are for..to get you to start talking to each other again.
Agnes Jekyll 4 years ago
Yes, and many people go to marriage councillors too late
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QueenMiri 4 years ago
If you start fighting that's when the relationship is over. A real and healthy relationship is peaceful and full of love. Stop that toxic bullshit. Who wants to live in constant pain?!
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
That’s an unrealistic expectation. If you could fight with a sibling or friend, it’s unfair and delusional to think you wouldn’t fight with your own spouse. Some people don’t fight and some fight all the time. Neither of them mean the ending of a relationship. Your comment should be on this list.
Load More Replies... chrissy goodman 4 years ago
i was in an abusive relationship a week after i got out of it and spending a week thinking no nice men exsisted for me i met the man who is now my husband. my anxeity and low confidence causes me to make mistakes that annoy him and fustrate him but he has never yelled he just brings it to my attention we talk about it and try to figure out how i can over come the low confidence and anxeity so my little mistakes dont happen. he knows that yelling or fighting will make things worse for me but bc he cares he treats any disagreement with delicate talking. thats a sturdy marriage wen both sides understand each other. he doesnt yell cuz he knows itll freak me out and i dont yell or hide in a corner bc i kno wats bothering him will never get resolved that way
Rens 4 years ago
I suffered terrible abuse in both my marriage and the first relationship after my divorce. I'm with an amazing guy now; we talked about everything so far, absolutely no disagreements. We met just before the first lockdown in the UK and if we could survive lockdown together, we could survive anything! Honesty, good communication and us both willing to put as much effort into the relationship as each other.
abby smink 4 years ago
I think it's more "when you just don't care enough to fight" about something that maybe you should at least discuss
Estelle Giles-Monroe 4 years ago
We stopped the fighting and are more comfortable with the decision to separate and live our lives apart while agreeing to support the children. It comes with little sadness because we recognized how different we've become and still focus on the children. Sometimes this happens when people naturally grow apart
#3
Fus 4 years ago
My wife and I have separate bedrooms. On different floors. Neither one of us need someone breathing, snoring, farting or any other night-time distraction in bed next to us. When we want happy naked time, we have happy naked time, cuddle a bit and then go to our separate quarters.
Saara-Elina Kaukiainen 4 years ago
Same, and we just celebrated our 25th year together. :)
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Monic Krugell 4 years ago
If it wasn't for sneaking out of the bed to sleep in the guest room when my husband snores super loud we would have probably not made it this far. Especially considering how irrationally annoyed I get when I don't get a good nights rest.
HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
My grandparents also sleep separately. They sleep across the house from each other. I believe it's because the cats like to sleep with my grandma, but my grandpa does not want cat hair all over him. It seems to work for them.
Xaqualyn 4 years ago
My hubby and I have slept in separate beds for 10 years and are so much more well rested and happy since. I'm a light sleeper and he's a snorer.. I had the worst sleep of my life those first 5 years. Once we started sleeping in different rooms it was immediate how much better we felt from more restorative sleep.
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
My parents slept apart for 4 years until my dad got a handle on his sleep apnea & they were married 38 years until my mother passed from breast cancer in 2018. Sleep is vital to mental & physical health.
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
I just read an opinion piece with a very similar reason. It totally makes sense.
I previously had a chat about keeping the bonds of marriage strong with Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and her husband James Pawelski, the authors of 'Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts.'
"While it’s critical we all social distance, we must make sure not to emotionally distance with our friends and family. Positive psychology research indicates that one of the most important factors in human flourishing is building close relationships with others,” Suzie and James told Bored Panda.
#4
Vicky Z 4 years ago
As a kid with divorced parents i have to say this is the most horrible advice!! Kids always know and understand EVERYTHING!
crazy_cat_notAlady 4 years ago
i wish my parents had divorced and my mum actually found some love instead of creating a really confusing and cold environment at home.
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Carol Emory 4 years ago
Heck No!!!! My parents did this..stayed together for the sake of the kids. My father finally sent divorce papers when I (youngest kid) was 17. I told him "It's about time." He said "Your mother and I decided to stay together for the sake of you kids." I said "No offense Dad, but we would have been better off coming from a broken home." He looked shocked. I said "How do you think is was for us kids to hear you screaming at the top of your lungs every other night? Did you think that makes for stable kids?" Never stay together for the sake of the kids. Never use your kids as a means to get back at your ex. And never bad mouth your ex or your their new partner in front of the kids. If your ex is a tool, the kids will eventually figure it out and request to not visit them anymore.
Ausrine Ciapaite 4 years ago (edited)
A divorce is the best thing you can do for your children if the marriage is unfixably toxic.
Wysteria_Rose 4 years ago
So, the child can carry guilt that they were the reason both parents stayed in an unhappy marriage?
A Head 4 years ago
You mean like when I spent the last two years of high school basically living alone because neither of my parents would come home until 10 at night, and then they would wake me up screaming at each other? My senior year they both essentially moved out. This wasn't so bad, actually because I had a nice house with a pool for my friends and I to party in, but I can't tell you how much my relationships with both of them improved after they split.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Deny yourself the right to be happy so that your kid grows up in a loveless and perhaps violent environment. Right... I'm sure kids rather live with just one parent than have 2 parents who are fighting every day.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
My mom did this and it scarred me for life. She should have left my dad years before she did
chrissy goodman 4 years ago
my brother is currently doing this him and his wife r still married yet live in seperate homes. thankfully my nephew is so innocent that he wont show any kind of sadness. first time i saw him in a year or 2 was at my wedding and he told me he missed seeing me and asked if he could visit me and my husband sometime. i could tell behind his cheerful face was sadness and confusion bc of my brothers crazy wife. my brother has tried 12 times to get her to sign the divorce papers but she refuses every time saying my nephew is still too young...hes 11 now not exactly a baby. this has been going on for like 10 years
Remi Flynne 4 years ago
Wife is being a fool. What's the point of being married and living separately? It's already done bar the paperwork. The child knows otherwise he wouldn't have a sad face behind the cheerful one.
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Vicky Z 4 years ago
In my country there is a saying that says "man is the head and woman is the neck that turns the head wherever she wants" I don't know if it exists in other languages...
Kaleb Prichard (MiraiKuma) 4 years ago
That was in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding too. Great movie.
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Robert Baldwin 4 years ago
My cousin believes this.. she says it is the woman's place to offer council and the man's to make the final decision. I had a real problem with it at the time, and it is still not the way I could live my life, but she has also been married and seemed very happy for the last 20 years. I just wish she would believe that wanting to be subordinate in a relationship is a personal choice and not a gender imperative.
T Simmons 4 years ago
Being the head doesnt mean you make all the decisions. It means ultimately you are responsible for how it pans out
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
No, it means you make the decisions too. That’s what the head of anything does.
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Thundercuss 4 years ago
I've never understood this concept either. My wife and I are partners in everything.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
If if will affect both of you, you need to agree on it together (Hint: Every thing affects both of you)
#6
Vicky Z 4 years ago
I'm pretty sure there are schools somewhere teaching that, cause i know too many men that do that!
Leesa DeAndrea 4 years ago
It comes naturally to them, no schooling required.
Load More Replies... lenka 4 years ago (edited)
My husband tried this tactic when we first moved in together. He did a really half arsed job of it then said, I'm not very good at vaccuming. I handed him the vacuum cleaner and said well, I guess that means you need more practice.
Honu 4 years ago
Great! So she can either view you as either less competent than a child or as manipulating her to make her do more of the work around the house because you think her time is worth less than yours and you care less for her comfort and happiness. Neither of those things are going to do anything positive for her affection, respect, or desire for you.
Paul Davis 4 years ago
My problem is my wife not letting me do any of that stuff. I find it insulting that she doesn't think I can do it. And when I do it anyway she insists it was done wrong even if it clearly was done better than she could have done it. I have given up on it thinking it might just be "Aunt Bee syndrome"
John C 4 years ago
As a male that easily does his share of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and chores, I can attest to this. My wife will NOT consider the vacuuming done until she's done it herself. She will re-vacuum a room I JUST DID and it will look NO DIFFERENT when she's done. I've even gone so far as to empty the vacuum when I'm done and yep - she finds next to no extra dirt on her pass. It just makes her feel better, so why fight it?
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N G 4 years ago
My hubby will do something I ask him to badly, ONCE. Then I will show him how I want it doing in the future and that's how he does it. My husband is not a mind reader, and if he does something badly or not to my preference it's because I didnt specify clearly. He's not passive aggressive enough to be that petty.
zovjraar 4 years ago
my husband tried this on me. i walked him through it (laundry) every time until he gave up and now does his laundry when he needs clean clothes. of course i still do laundry, too, but if he's out of clothes he knows he can't count on me to do it and he'll take care of it himself.
Louloubelle 4 years ago
I've caught my kids trying that, I made them keep doing it over until they got it right.
“A wedding is a magical day no doubt, and of course something to celebrate, but what about planning for all the days to come in our marriage which is intended to last a lifetime? Many newlyweds seem to think that ‘happily ever after’ just happens. However, research shows it’s healthy habits that build long-term love," the couple explained that we have to work at relationships; they’re not something that automatically turns out great.
#7
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Making your wife happy is not a sacrifice. When I make her happy it makes me happy. It's great advice, unless your married to a witch of course.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
My wife and I reached a stalemate once when deciding what takeaway to have, 'I don't care what we have, as long as you're happy', 'I'll be happy if you decide'.
LivingTheDream 4 years ago
I can't upvote this enough. I have seen so many miserable emasculated men trying to fulfill this trope. If you have to sacrifice your own happiness, identity, joy and livelihood to try to please someone, they aren't really happy and it needs to be fixed or move on. All this does is create resentment, dishonesty and hostility. Grow the F#@K UP! This isn't junior high school.
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
This saying doesn’t mean let her walk all over you. It means pick your battles and try to be a good husband.
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
I was told by a pastor to look at the marriage as a third partner and that if hubby & I only worked to please each other instead of the marriage that it would lead to a lot of resentment (kind of weird advice but the general message was helpful at the time)
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
In any relationship all parties are equal, regardless of their gender. If you can't agree on this, it's better to break up.
#8
Vicky Z 4 years ago
Exactly! And there is no "helping" the wife with the housework! You don't "help", you share chores that you are both supposed to do!
Daniel (ShadowDrakken) 4 years ago
I disagree. I help her and she helps me. We both help support each other in any ways we can.
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Martin Kaine 4 years ago
"Men's chores?" The last time I checked, being a man meant providing for a family.......providing clean clothes (shopping, laundry), providing meals (grocery shopping, cooking), providing care (doctor's visits, sick days with kids), providing adequate shelter (house cleaning/repairs), and so on. I can't have babies, but I can sure as hell do everything else.
Alexandra Davis 4 years ago
Jobs also interchange. Like when I was younger my dad worked away so mum, who didn't work, did all the jobs and childcare. So when dad was home we got to have family time. Then when dad got a different job and worked close to home and mum worked, they did the chores equally. Now dad doesn't work but mum does, dad does all the jobs at home so when mum is home, they get to spend together (sister and I moved out)
A Head 4 years ago
I do all of the lawn mowing and such, because I like it, and I can listen to podcasts uninterrupted. I also do dishes, laundry, and most of the cooking. My wife and kids do yard work like planting and plant care, dishes, laundry and some of the cooking. It's called being a family. I was also a stay-at-home dad for 4-5 years.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
It takes two people to make a kid so it should take two people to raise one
Donkey boi 4 years ago
I will not let my wife anywhere near the kitchen, that's asking for disaster! I'd hold a nail and trust her to hit it with a hammer though!
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
You both live there, you're both parents, you both manage that responsibility. My hubby works more hours outside the home than I do but if I'm sick or overwhelmed he's right there, picking up the slack. Granted, it took us 20 years to find this balance because he was raised in a house where the men didn't do anything besides make the messes.
chrissy goodman 4 years ago
me and my husband do everything together only things i dont do is taking out the trash and lawn work. mainly bc i have bad knees so physical work isnt good for me and the fact im allergic to bees and my husband freaks out if i try to plant flowers lol
#9
Beck(formerly Becca/Gizmo sq) 4 years ago
So THIS is how marriage works. No wonder I am getting a divorce.
crazy_cat_notAlady 4 years ago
it works differently for different couples. u have found a way that doesn't work for u. all my best wishes for the days to come. here's a virtual hug if u need one. 🤗
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Jose Zavala 4 years ago
i was told the same, you need a bad fight early in your relationship or your marriage won´t be lasting your first bad fight...7 years married in a 11 years relationship still waiting a "bad fight". Comunication, honesty and understanding are the key.
Bobby 4 years ago
This is one side of the pendulum, you also have people who believe that a perfect couple will never fight. You're going to disagree with your partner. Those disagreements will escalate. Whether its to yelling, or heated debate, or whatever, how you both handle it together, and your comfort in doing so is a real measure of compatibility in my opinion.
OhForSmegSake 4 years ago
I think the point of this is "Don't marry someone until you see how they manage their anger/frustration", which i think is not a bad idea
I want cake 4 years ago
You're right, the underlying idea is decent but the way it's expressed has the potential to do a lot of damage. There are plenty of instances in which someone will have to deal with disappointment, anger or frustration without it having to be a yelling match between partners.
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Wonderful 4 years ago
My husband and I have been together 19 years and I can honestly say we have never had a yelling fight or even a angry fight. Yes we bicker and pick on each other but if there is a problem we voice it like rational adults and conquer it together. Seems to work well for us. The biggest yell off we ever had was when we had a water gun fight in the house. (Just little dollar store water pistols not super soakers) we were yelling the dogs were going crazy. I barricaded myself and 2 dogs in the library while he hid behind couch and used a pillow as a shield. It was awesome. In fact. I just might need to find those pistols and start the good fight again.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
I think this goes on the “you need to see the worst of each other so you know you can handle it”
"It’s interesting that it’s the only domain in our lives where we think that success will just happen without much effort of our own. For example, when it comes to our physical health, it would be foolish to think that merely buying a gym membership and working out once would strengthen our muscles and build flexibility (if only that were the case!).”
#10
François Carré 4 years ago (edited)
Patriarchy perpetuated by women, from mothers to daughters. This is the worst of it all because oppression is interiorised and justified by the very victims of it, making it endlessly efficient.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Definitely a republican and Trump voter. " There is no such thing as marital rape,. If it’s inevitable, relax and enjoy it. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to shut that thing down."
Zedrapazia 4 years ago
People who think like that should have their dickheads decapitated so they can never touch a woman again
Load More Replies... Donkey boi 4 years ago
This is where you have that awkward conversation with your mother and explain to her that she's been brainwashed and that it's fine to say 'no'.
JennyLaRue 4 years ago
Fortunately laws in a lot of countries are catching up to disprove this misconception
Jan Jansen 4 years ago (edited)
I do not consider myself overly woke or anything. But in my opinion the no underpants dance is supposed to be enjoyed by both parties. Most of the fun comes from making each other enjoy. I'd rather not do it than do it with someone who's just letting me do my thing on her like a human blow up doll. You'd not be doing it WITH somebody, you'd be doing it ON somebody.
Don't Look 4 years ago
One of the raw principles of my divorce was that my body is indeed mine.
#11
Don't Look 4 years ago
I'm so tired of the holy matrimony and sacred crap with marriage. Marriage is a legal issue. You want to involve the church? Good on you! My experience has been that the church has no place in marriage.
Capelli rosa e patate 4 years ago
I find R2dash2’s post quite funny as while the Bible states the only grounds for divorce is cheating, it states multiple times that you are not required to stay. Abusive partner? Get the hell out. Anyone who says you need to stay because of faith clearly skipped a few chapters.
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KiwiBubbles 4 years ago
The Bible very clearly says. Marriage sacred, divorce bad. UNLESS YOU'RE BEING ABUSED/SINNED AGAINST/HURT IN WHICH CASE THAT'S WHEN DIVORCE ***IS*** DEFINITELY ALLOWED
Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago (edited)
Marriage isn’t a magically binding permanent contract. If someone promises to honor and cherish and care for you, and then they do the opposite, that’s a broken promise, that’s a broken contract. A long-term relationship is hard work, needing cultivation and compromise, so it shouldn’t be abandoned without great thought; but if someone is actively harming their partner, it’s done. Dump the bastard and get out, and find happiness among people who love and respect you. Edited to add: if it is a religious marriage, but someone becomes abusive, then that’s a promise broken before god.
InvaderZim 4 years ago
In my religion (the one I’m being forced to be a part of because I’m a minor) says that women can’t remarry and go to heaven but men can remarry all they want. Yet another reason why I want to escape this religious crap as fast as I can. (it also says that black skin is cursed) like what???
Danny Heath 4 years ago
It would work if both parties take the true "religious" rules of "respect, support, love" not to "obey, no matter what" or other crap!!
Amy Begun Saab 4 years ago
So many make marriage seem like a trap. If someone feels that way, it is-get out. I got a restraining order first.
Vladimíra Matejová 4 years ago
I used to perform on wedding ceremonies and once we were at a church where the priest was actually saying that a marriage is a triangle husband-wife and god.. I found it..at least strange but a little bit puke-worthy as well
Aleksandra 4 years ago
my mom was told by her first mother-in-law (in polish so it's roughly translated) "he drinks, he beats but he loves"... Luckily she left that alcoholic. A similar thing happened to my cousin, her parents were assuring her that she needs to stay with her drunk partner.. and she did but luckily she's strong and is doing fine, he's just getting more and more sick from his drinking issues.
Šimon Špaček 4 years ago
Well, to some extend it is true. Some people get divorced for really stupid issues and they shold be able to resolve those in other way. Sometimes all they need is a weekend without each other, preferably with some friends (without benefits of course). Sometimes they just didn't understand each other. It happened to me and my wife. We didn't understand each other, we both overreacted and for some time I was affraid that we will get divorce. Then we sat together, listened to music, had a glass of wine and we talked about what happened and then we both felt stupid. We both apologied a lot. Then we had another glass and we talked more. I don't even remember why we had the fight in the first place, I just remember that we were both feeling stupid, we had some wine, we enjoyed the music and then we went to sleep. In our defence I can only say that we both had nearly no time for anything and that we didn't have enough of sleep. Bad excuse, right?
#12
Allan Breum 4 years ago
It sounds like fundamentalist Christian propaganda to me...
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Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
We never wanted kids. We're happy. People have asked us why we don't have kids and we've been asked how we can find the time to do activities we enjoy? We spoil ourselves by enjoying our choice to not have children.
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
Not everyone exists simply to reproduce! I have two amazing kids but my 15f has ZERO interest in being a mother, pregnancy, etc and that is totally fine. Life offers all kinds of adventures.
elStiJneriNO 4 years ago
this is only an issue if spouses both have a different wish for kids. I personally think it's too big of an issue to compromise from either side.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
People with kids always want others to share their misery and burden. Misery loves company.
Gon Freecss 4 years ago
What would happen if two got together and one wanted kids and the other didn't? Like I want lots of kids since I grew up with many siblings and loved it but what if my future spouse wanted no kids?
Frankenfrog 4 years ago
You should really reconsider that. The world is going to shits and all you want is to put more people into it to waste away ressources? Adopt, don't pop!
Load More Replies...The couple said: “We all know that in order to increase our strength and tone our bodies we have to work at it regularly. So, too, when it comes to our relational health. However, popular culture seems to romanticize marriage making people think that once you get married you can merely ride off into the sunset together. That’s obviously not the case. It takes work.”
#13
Vicky Z 4 years ago (edited)
In some cases i think it's true not always of course! Edit: I'm referring to misogynist cultures that don't respect human rights of course! i just didn't want to be more specific cause i didn't want anyone to be offended! But these cultures in a marriage are always a deal breaker!
Ingrid Best 4 years ago
In some cases, same cultural marriages do not last... 🤷🏻♀️
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Yugan Talovich 4 years ago
My wife and I are from different countries, cultures, races, and languages. Our 13th anniversary is coming soon, with many more to follow.
Marco Hub-Dub 4 years ago
Statistically, they have a slightly higher success rate than marriage as a whole.
Night Owl 4 years ago (edited)
Both parties, probably, go through deeper and more detailed analyzing, thinking and conversations about the relationship and future and are more open to new tings and to changes even before finally getting married than those that came from the same cultural background. But that are just my assumption and I have no idea if they're true
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lenka 4 years ago (edited)
Cross cultural partners face challenges other couples might not have to navigate. It does not mean that marriage is doomed to fail. Indeed, I have seen cross cultural marriagers where they have found a way to unite in the similarities and respect thier differences and they have forged a very strong relationship because of thier committment to each other in the face of those challenges.
Johnny 4 years ago
My wife and I are cross-cultural and have had no special challenges. The worst challenge we've faced is making regular trips back to her home country to visit with her family -- she hates going back home, but I *love* spending time in her country. But neither of us is very religious, which I think is a a strain in any marriage when couples have different faiths.
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Robert Baldwin 4 years ago
Been happily in an inter-racial marriage for 14 years, but we also had to move to get away from the racism in our home country.
Lorelai Dewrell 4 years ago
Dads white moms native been together 15 years same with my moms dad and mom they were together 60 years before she passed.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Some do, some don't. But it's the same with all kind of relationships. People tend to generalize too much.
#14
Erik Lawrence 4 years ago
imagine acting like that petulant toddler is always right? eff that
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Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
Now if someone were telling a woman to "Treat your husband like he's always right and never disagree with him." then I think it would be considered a lot more inappropriate by a lot more people. Please, society, understand that sexism and bad advice goes both ways.
LivingTheDream 4 years ago
Like the stupid saying "Happy Wife is a Happy Life"... no, That is giving up your identity to please someone in the hopes that they will treat you well and incredibly abusive.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Adults acting like toddlers then raising toddlers... this is why America is they way it is now! All this libtards woke sensitivity bs!
Carrie Roettger 4 years ago
I used to joke that I was raising 3 kids, out 2 kids and my husband but not because he acted like a petulant toddler. It was because he and the kids always had so much fun getting into "trouble" together I'm not sure i could have dealt with him acting childish in that way.
#15
Vicky Z 4 years ago
The correct is you shouldn't need anyone period. Once you are good with yourself then you can have a healthier relationship with someone else!
El muerto 4 years ago
nobody can have a life without needing somebody. self-reliance is to know when to turn to another shoulder to rest your head. trust in somebody else give us our roots to stand up...to rely on others is not a weakness...dependence is a problem...in relationship you need each other. but can also need others and yourself
Mary Peace 4 years ago
So does that mean you can't join a club or a group without your spouse? And you can't have a conversation with someone at work if it's slightly about something other than the work?
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
Need whoever you want if it works for you. For me, this advice works. Don’t technically NEED anyone but my partner.
Stephanie Cunningham 4 years ago
This attitude can lead to one spouse basically holding the other hostage. TERRIBLE advice.
The couple sees marriage as an adventure. A challenging one but an adventure nonetheless. "Being open, curious, and having a growth mindset about ourselves, and our partners will help us be able to better navigate together in marriage. Marriage isn’t an end state but rather a beginning. It’s a process and a life-long journey. The more we seek to understand ourselves and our partners, the better equipped we will be to travel together on this beautiful, yet often challenging adventure."
#16
Avery S Alberico 4 years ago
This man was NOT a good example of christians. This is NOT what we do or think.
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Kevin Donegan 4 years ago
"The secret to a happy marriage is to keep your woman under control is to hit her first thing in the morning so she know who is the boss" ... said the man who died alone and miserable.
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
Nope nope nope, if my husband (or anyone, really) did that to me, I'd shred them apart.
Raphael48 4 years ago
My ex-husband apparently believed that, too. First morning, he decided to show me who's boss. I said nothing and just went about my business. The next morning, I got up first. When he got up, I showed him who was really the boss. Then, I left with all my belongings and humanity intact before he ever regained consciousness. End of story.
Nomadus Aureus 4 years ago (edited)
In my culture, there's a saying that goes "he doesn't even beat her anymore". What it means is that he cares so little for her that he not only doesn't love her anymore but doesn't even hit her. Funny enough, most of my married female friends married outside of our culture. Those who didn't, moved abroad...
Agnes Jekyll 4 years ago
I'll never forget when I heard a boy in my grade tell this to his best friend. The friend was just as shocked as I was--all I could think was he must have learned this from a family member--what this how his mom was treated?
LivingTheDream 4 years ago
and here come the anti-religion posts because all men who attend church are like this one example... SMDH
Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
I am not a religious person, but my husband's father is. My FIL is one of the nicest people I've ever met.
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Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
This is good advice. It doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed if you don’t do it, just that it can give things a boost.
Johnny 4 years ago
Why can't a date night be a night in? My wife and I do regular date nights, one regular one that we do is a "drive-in movie night" where I set up an LCD projector in the garage and we sit in the car and watched a movie - the best part of this one is that we make it a "no cell phones" date.
Adam Forwood 4 years ago
I think this person misunderstood the advice. Date night doesn't have to be going out, it's just a designated time together where you do something together as a couple. It is important and I think some form of date night is important in every relationship
The lion tamer 4 years ago
I totally agree. We were happier staying in to watch a movie or play videogames before we were married. Never missed the bar/restaurant kind of date.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
You’re describing date nights though. Nobody said a date meant going out. You made that part up.
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angie but who cares 4 years ago
i think date nights can be good weather its binge watching netflix or going out
Ivana 4 years ago
My husband and I have our special days. Tuesday is his day and Wednesday is my day. On those days, the other puts in extra work to make the other one happy. I do a lot of extra stuff to make my husband happy on Tuesday, he does the same for me on Wednesday (we picked the day that is typically the worst day at work for us). Then we have our day on Saturday, were we go all out for each other at the same time. A regular scheduled time gives us something to look forward to during the week and forces us to focus on each other instead of just watching movies, reading, or playing video games while zoning out.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
We have a date night every week, but it often involves Netflix and a bowl of popcorn. It ain't the usual. That's what counts.
#18
Sista of the moon 4 years ago
Aren’t you the one who said there should be no “helping” your spouse with chores and you need to “share” all of the household chores?
Load More Replies... Daniel (ShadowDrakken) 4 years ago (edited)
I refuse to have joint accounts. Everyone has different spending habits and shouldn't be beholden to the other person. As with everything in a relationship, communication is the important thing. Make sure bills and shared expenses are communicated.
chrissy goodman 4 years ago
me and my husband have 1 joint account and then have 1 for ourselves. the joint account is for all our needs at home rent etc our private accounts r for things we just want to get the things that arent neccessary like games, gaming consoles, books, trinkets etc
Serbob 4 years ago
Same. We're partners, and as such share expenses equally.
Load More Replies... N G 4 years ago
We have a joint account for bills and our own separate bank accounts as well. We have a spreadsheet calculating and forecasting the monthly bills and our salaries, so we pay into the joint account a pro-rata amount to cover those bills plus a slush for emergencies. Whatever is left in our personal accounts is exactly that - personal. To spend on whatever we want. If I want to buy him a random present, I can, without him worrying that I'm breaking the budget. The same goes if I want to buy MYSELF a new handbag - he doesn't control my spending. As long as our joint expenses are covered, the rest is up to us.
Ozzie Ogawa 4 years ago
That's a great idea actually, having some separated bank account for different purposes. One for grocery, one for bills, one for savings, and only the grocery one have a debit card so you won't "accidentally" use money from your bills & savings account.
Leigh Rapson 4 years ago
Been married 22 years this year, never had joint accounts. I'm horrible with money, wife isn't.
Jessica Hale 4 years ago
Glad to see my husband and I aren't the only ones! My sister said we were basically doing something wrong and it was weird. My husband pays most the bills I pay for our children's clothing, diapers and household items. It works best for us, if we have a large purchase we split it in half. Its been working for 5 years now, and its stopped us from arguing about money also plus we save more this way!
Agnes Jekyll 4 years ago
ALWAYS have your own money. A joint checking account is great too--but have your own cash too
Debbie Convery 4 years ago
We have 3 joint accounts... 1, his salary goes into, and it pays for mortgage and utilities etc. Second, my salary goes into and it pays for food, fuel, and pleasure stuff. Third, we actively put money into from either the first or second account, when we can... If ever!
There are various exercises that help strengthen relationships. Suzie and James shared a few of them with Bored Panda.
"They can focus on what they put into the relationship rather than what they get out of it. Truly happy couples realize that happily ever after doesn’t just happen but that it takes effort. These couples focus on action steps they can take to improve their relational happiness rather than relying on their partner to fulfill them,” was their first tip.
#19
Vicky Z 4 years ago
I try not to go to bed angry... i usually say at least goodnight even if i mean f**k you!😅😅😅😅
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
Same! And so often everything looks different in the morning so you come at the situation with fresh perspective.
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Donkey boi 4 years ago
Even when I'm angry The last words out of my mouth before going to sleep are, 'I love you'. Every night, without fail.
Monic Krugell 4 years ago
"I love you but I can't deal with this now, lets try to get some sleep and take it up tomorrow" Usually by tomorrow you realise that 1 of you overreacted.
Someone 4 years ago
I have such mixed feelings about this. I mean.... resentment is insidious. Things may feel fine the day after but if neither brings it up, it doesn't mean that the next fight won't have anything to do with the one you both chose to let go, the hurt will probably still be there. It can become cyclic, communication will break down etc etc. BUT if the couple talks it out after a good nights rest, then I'm all for it. I'm speaking from witnessing my parents avoid so many fights only to have so much resentment 40+ years later.
Justine Nicole 4 years ago
The arguments id sleep on with someone were never worth arguing about, emotions just get involved in the moment. After a good nights sleep it's a lot easier to resume the conversation rationally and come to a compromise. Anger happens when you want to be right. Compromise happens when you want to get along more than you want to be right. It's hard to flip that switch when emotions are high, but easier once you've had time to rest on it and realize what's more important (being right or getting along).
Load More Replies... François Carré 4 years ago
It's so uncomfortable to sleep next to someone you're angry at though. Here the separate beds thing proves very useful.
If I could I would live under water 4 years ago
I disagree. You can go to sleep, but everything's not "okay" automatically the next day.
Susan Egan 4 years ago
We were told "Agree to disagree" by the cute priest we asked to marry us. It's only happened a few times but on those occasions it was smarter for us to agree to disagree. You can't always get two different personalities to agree. We've been together for 39 years. I do not recall one time we yelled or shouted at each other. Nor have we remained mad for more than a few hours. We do laugh a lot.
Lindsey Judd-Bruder 4 years ago
At the very least, I always say "I love you" before I go to sleep. Even if I'm mad. What if one of us died in our sleep, and the last thing we said to each other, was "F**k off!"? If I was the "survivor", I would regret that for the rest of my life. Not saying I don't ever go to sleep mad. But he still knows I love him. Just my personal belief. 🤷
Paul Mitchell 4 years ago
I tell my partner that she is tired and grumpy and needs to go to sleep, and we'll discuss in the morning. It's marvellous what a good night's sleep achieves.
Vladimíra Matejová 4 years ago
I thinks this depends on your personalities. some ppl need to calm down some ppl need to resolve things ASAP otherwise their anger just adds up
#20
Justine Nicole 4 years ago
This is the worst advice my grandma ever gave me lol. I'm always honest about everything and she is old fashion from the south. She'd say, you're making yourself look unattractive and unladylike, you have to keep SOME things from your SO. She said this because When I got pregnant (had unprotected sex on my period) I said "I really didn't think I could, I've never been on birth control, been in quite a few relationships where we had unprotected sex on my period and hadn't gotten pregnant before?!" To her and my SO. That's when she had the "talk" with me about needing to keep certain things private at the risk of sounding "slutty". Ok, grandma. Nowadays couples openly talk about their sexual history. She was shocked and appalled. Same thing when SO asked what took so long and I said "sorry I was pooping". Got another "talk" about how I need to keep certain things private at the risk of making myself unattractive.
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
My parents don't hide anything from each other and they have been married for a loooooonnnngggg time now.
Margaret Buckley 4 years ago
HAHAHA!!! I get her point, though, honesty probably didn't work for her.
#21
Cat-tree 4 years ago
I wish my parents had split up years earlier than they did.
Load More Replies... Amy Begun Saab 4 years ago
I lived thinking that. By the end of the abusive relationship (15yrs) i was disabled and almost died. I decided that I'd kill myself because my PT told me i can never survive on my own because of the disability...when i decided to end my life, it felt like a light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't wait. Then my three kids told me what their father was doing to them. They didn't want to tell me because they knew it would break me. After that, i got a restraining order. And there's a lot of things i cannot do, but my kids were/are old enough to take care of me. Poor kids. They tell me I'm the best mother in the world. Those words hold me up.
Catherine Miklavic 4 years ago
I once had a co-worker tell me that staying together for the kids only ever got her three more kids
Ozzie Ogawa 4 years ago
Couldn't aggree more, i had a friend back in junior high whose parents decide to stay together though they fight everyday, the result her mental get messed up.
Justine Nicole 4 years ago
When we graduated high school, my friend's parents got divorced and informed her they'd been unhappy for years but stayed together and pretended to be happy when she was around for her sake. They always planned to divorce one she was old enough to move out. My friend was weirded out and felt super guilty her parents had been miserable all those years for her sake. But, they played it off well because her AND I were completely shocked. We really believed they were happily married. So, it's kind of cool they were able to do that but parents who are openly married and miserable in front of kids do not do the kids any favors by staying married. And if you are unhappy, your kid would rather see you happy than have you stay married but being miserable (in front of them or privately).
Jane Alexander 4 years ago
Why do I think this is a financial thing, not about the kids at all.
Hugo Raible 4 years ago
Works well for the wife; she'll get custody and have a happy family life. The husband can be lucky to see the kids fortnightly.
“They can share good secrets with each other. They can practice sharing important things about themselves that they have never previously revealed to each other. It might be a childhood memory, a life-changing experience, or a vivid dream. Perhaps it’s a hope for the future or a fantasy. It can be lighthearted or serious. The important thing is that they authentically share with one another something meaningful. It’s imperative that couples are curious, open, and welcoming of the secrets and nonjudgmental. By doing so, couples will feel safe and will strengthen their connection,” relationship experts Suzie and James shared.
#22
BlahBlahBlackSheepah 4 years ago
Being a decent person will def get you sum more than being a bum.
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
True. I'm certainly more likely to have a chance at engaging in... happy time... if im not up until 11pm cleaning up from dinner and getting us ready for the next day.
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troufaki13 4 years ago
It's not that doing the dishes will make you more desirable, it's because she will not be so f*cking tired from doing everything herself!
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
No, that’s the wrong way to look at it. You do the dishes because you helped dirty them. There’s no “she’s tired from doing them herself” unless your pre supposition is that she had to do them. Being clean is not something you do for your wife. You do it because you’re not gross.
Load More Replies... Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
It’s not terrible advice because unfortunately a lot of husbands don’t do that, and the annoyance and resentment translates to lack of desire.
Mary Peace 4 years ago
Old-fashioned attitude. Maybe dates from a time when the man went out to work and the woman did the domestic chores, and had the dinner ready when hubby came home.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 4 years ago
I'm going to argue with this one. When you get older, anything chore-wise that is taken off your plate makes for a happy person. I'm not saying my husband has to do laundry or clean the kitchen to get sex...but dammit if a clean house doesn't take a weight off my shoulders and turn me on! Just like I can tell when he's stressing out from work, I will take over his part of the chores in the house so he can spend a little time off playing video games or doing his writing.
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
Well, that's good advice to the men who believe in that advice further up "doing everything your wife asks you badly so she never asks again".
pusheen buttercup 4 years ago
It may create the expectation that if you do those chores you will get sex. That is wrong. I may be very grateful but that doesn't always mean it will put me in the mood
Quinn Alexander 4 years ago
To be honest he has a point; doing your actual f*****g part in the relationship DOES make it work.
Honu 4 years ago
It's more that not sharing the load can make her desire you less. You can't really expect to send someone the message that all day that her time, energy, and comfort are worth less than yours then expect her to flip some switch at the end of the day, when she's likely exhausted, and think you're this awesome guy that she wants to get intimate with.
#23
Vicky Z 4 years ago
Why isn't an option? Are we royals or something?and nowadays even royals get divorce!
BlackestDawn 4 years ago
To some divorce is a form of failure and admitting to failure(s) is to be avoided at all cost.
Load More Replies... WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
The entire "Is not an option" thing is ridiculous. " Failing isn't an option" Well, yeah it is. Might not be the best of options but it IS an option.
Robert Baldwin 4 years ago
I prefer "Divorce isn't an option until it's the only option" to be happy. I wouldn't wait 20 years, but there have been times where treating it as a life commitment has forced us to work through problems and come out the other side.
Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
Sadly, so many people do this only to divorce the second their adult kids move out & everyone is miserable.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Forty-nine in my grandparents' case. Divorce wasn't an option, you see. She had to wait till he died of natural causes (old age). Yeah, that was great times.... NOT
Lynn Morello 4 years ago
Marriage is just a piece of paper, Hubby and I have lived in Sin (as they say) for 36 years, not interested in going our separate ways.
s. vitkovitsky 4 years ago
I think this means that if you make a true commitment, then you're not tempted to take the easy out when the going gets rough. Hopefully, you can find a way through, and create a stronger, more loving bond. Nothing mentioned about abuse here.
Justine Nicole 4 years ago
Choosing to stay married over happiness? For the sake of not getting a divorce? What is this, 1920?
#24
Carol Emory 4 years ago
I won't let my father-in-law near me or my son. My husband spent most of his childhood seeing his father beat the crap out of his mother right in front of him. I would never force my husband to let his father be part of our son's life.
chrissy goodman 4 years ago
i kno the feeling my mom tried to shape me into the pretty little spoiled princess she wanted me to b. wen i turned out to b a total gamer nerd wen i got introduced to video games at an arcade i dealt with 15 years of abusive emotional pain. the past 5 years she has given up bc my husband is much taller and bigger then her and she knows he will back me up and that scares her. she has come to terms that i dont want to b a model or actress and not into the latest fashion or watever but im still nervous about leaving a child of mine alone with her especially if its a daughter
Load More Replies... Aunt Messy 4 years ago
If you have anyone in your life that you would cross the street to avoid, block their number and never speak to them again. I don't care if one of them is your parent, either.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
The benefits of being married is that you can rely on each other and you don't need people in your life who cause problems and trouble. 1 friend 100 miles away is better than 100 family members 1 mile away bringing grief and hate on a daily basis.
Susan Egan 4 years ago
No, no, no. I am very lucky to have had great parents as well as great in-laws. We live a thousand miles from my family. My husbands is much closer but we didn't see them all that much. The kids are fine. In fact their vision of their grandparents is probably higher on a pedestal due to not seeing them often. Why would anyone subject themselves, much less, their kids to toxic relatives?
chrissy goodman 4 years ago
@margaret eh everyone has at least 1 person in their family that they have a not so great relationship with. in my case its my parents. my personality clashes with theirs not much i can do bout that. besides the person i m is kind hearted and dont judge my parents r the opposite they judge everyone and can b rude without even realiizing it. i was basically raised by my grandparents which is y im so different from them. i didnt keep anything my parents taught me seriously even as a kid. so its doesnt bother me bc i turned out perfectly fine regardless of a toxic home life
M Kate McCulloch 4 years ago
well, ya don't. You need an environment that is healthy, happy, and stable - as you can make it in all three... Toxic family? buhBye! '
“They can 'prioritize positivity' rather than just wait around for happiness to happen. In other words, they can schedule activities into their day that evoke joy and fulfillment. In the beginning of a relationship, we naturally experience a high level of positive emotions. As a relationship develops, we can’t expect to naturally experience the same frequency of 'high-arousal' positive emotions like amusement and joy. Rather we must notice what tends to lead to these feelings and then schedule those activities into our daily lives. Think back to the beginning of the relationship and those things that you enjoyed doing together as a couple and make it a priority to schedule them into your day. Also, try out something new that interests both of you. Research shows that seeking out and engaging in fun, exhilarating, and novel activities can increase mutual attraction and promote a healthy passion in intimate relationships.”
#25
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
The most toxic saying on earth. Love means that you are honest about your actions and apologize when you offended the one you love. If you can't set your pride aside to do that, you don't respect and love your partner like they deserve.
snipergun 4 years ago
Look at it from other angle, it's easy to say you're sorry when you did something wrong, but to really try to prevent hurting your SO has nothing to do with a word or apology. People hurt each other, unintentionally or not, happens in best relationships. But if you care about the person, you learn from mistakes and try to be better for each other. Or you say sorry, forget it and do same thing in few days. My experience up till now.
#26
MistyCat 4 years ago
Roll for marraige awesomeness! *rolls d100* WOAH A 101 HOW EVEN-
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chrissy goodman 4 years ago
me and my husband argue over if an anime is good or not characters i find cute he sometimes finds annoying. he usually ends up agreeing with me in the end tho. im an expert on cute i kno if something is cute or not
James scott 4 years ago
Literally never had a fight with my spouse ... why is it "normal" to fight regularly?
danielw 4 years ago
Lol.fairly early in our relationship, my partner introduced me to her D&D group, who took turns rotating through the D/M job. they decided it, since it was my first night, it would be my turn. After the first night they decided I'd be the permanent D/M. It was set in the starwars universe, using an open source rule set.... the 'theme' of the night, the only thing they knew coming in, was that it was a 'night at the Opera.'. They all asumed it'd be a fluff-campaign so I could get to know them all. Well, in the 'opening' act, they're out to the opera, some s**t happens with their tickets and they're sent to an 'experimental' Gamorean Opera. the proverbial Fat Lady abducted one of the party members, and he spent the rest of the night in her strong hold chained to a wall, being crooned over by a very large, very fat Gamorean, er, lady. while the rest of the group tried to rescue him... falling into all manner of improbable traps. It was hilarious.
#27
Two Silly Pups 4 years ago
This is wrong on so many levels... and this comes from a woman, too!
Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago
“Now, girls, it’s important to remember that your husbands are such fragile, emotionally stunted creatures that they can’t be happy unless they can lord over someone who is miserable.”
Seabeast 4 years ago
"But you must let them be leaders, because these delicate creatures are more suited to it than women are."
Load More Replies... Martha Meyer 4 years ago
THis doesn't even make sense. Why would the husband even mind his wife having these "freedoms"?
danielw 4 years ago
I haven't a clue. how else am I supposed to game in my underwear, if she never leaves?
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Daniel (ShadowDrakken) 4 years ago
Wait what? Why should one person give up their life and be miserable? How does that help ANYTHING? That just sounds like it would breed resentment. And what decent human being would want their partner to be that miserable in the first place
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
Someone, find me a knife. oh wait I do dishes....... Someone, give me her address.
Renata Davies 4 years ago
oh ew no thanks my goal is to become a lawyer and i aint givin that up for no man✨💅
M Kate McCulloch 4 years ago
I am, have been and always will be my own. I Live in this body, ergo it is mine. My thoughts originate in my head ergo they are mine. My emotions come from within me ergo they, too are mine. I will share my life, and thoughts, and emotions, and body with my husband, but probably also with others (I can lend a hand and that is sharing my MY body) and all of it is MY CHOICE.
What’s more, couples can create a ‘Positive relationship portfolio. “It entails gathering some of the key mementos, pictures, cards, letters, etc. that remind you specifically of your significant other and how special he/she is, and how important your relationship is. Once you put together the positive relationship portfolio you then spend 15 minutes each day for a week savoring and basking in the positive emotions that these items evoke in you. This exercise helps us rekindle those positive emotions that we had during the honeymoon phase, remembering all the great things about our partner and how important he/she is.”
#28
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
No one is perfect. The secret is to love someone with their imperfections instead of despite their imperfections.
Kevin Donegan 4 years ago
So you couldn't describe something you disliked about your future husband (which you say was a mistake in hindsight) but you've been married for 12 years now? The logic escapes me.
Tinykame 4 years ago
Maybe they waited a while longer to get married, or she married someone else ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Lunaofthenest 4 years ago
While I agree that love includes loving someone, flaws & all, this often becomes a catch all for bad behavior/ ignored mental health issues. My hubby and I actually ended up needing to separate for 2 years of our 20 together because he was bipolar (I mean, psychotic breaks and everything) but refused to get it diagnosed or treated. Once he finally addressed these issues, and in turn I addressed mine, it was like falling in love with each other all over again.
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
Shakespeare wrote that the course of true love never did run smooth.
Monic Krugell 4 years ago
Totally agreed. I truly believe that we are happily married because we loved each other enough to learn to love even the things that we don't like about each other.
#29
Vicky Z 4 years ago
In my country we say the opposite! First year you are deep into honey and then you are deep into s**t😒😒😒 not very optimistic i know!
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
This is what I’ve always heard, that it’s the “honeymoon phase.”
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Kaseylulu 4 years ago
This one never made sense to me, perhaps it came from a time when it was more typical for couples to only live together after they were married so they had to adjust to living with each other for the first time? For us the first year was blissfully easy, it wasn't until we had kids and we were both exhausted and stressed out that things got harder.
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
It’s when the babies come when you find out where your love-limits are. A great reshuffle takes place then.
Andrea Miller 4 years ago
My Aunt told me this exact same thing!!! After the wedding I got pregnant within 3 months. At my baby shower she told me that we would probably be divorced in 3 years because that's too much strain to put on a marriage right away. That was 30 years ago and we're still married. LOL!!!
Maddie Star ⭐ 4 years ago
I believe this was the case when people never lived together first. When living with a new person there are always ups and downs and quirks and habits that you need to adjust to.
#30
Kevin Donegan 4 years ago
I grew up in Montana. I stayed with my best college friend on their 50,000 acre cattle ranch regularly. Every night my friend's mother would come downstairs just to say goodnight. She looked like she was attending an Oscar awards performance (the hair and makeup). I asked my friend, "Why does your mom put on makeup and do her hair before going to bed?" My friend said, "My mom just wants to look nice for my dad." They were married for 70 years and sold the ranch ranch for $24,000,000. They're happy.
Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago
“Married for 70 years” is not a guarantee of happiness. And the amount of money they sold their ranch for isn’t even related to marital happiness.
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Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
I don’t think that’s what it means, it means don’t use being married as a reason to not care anymore. Dressing nicely can make people feel better. If you don’t like it that’s fine but for some people it’s good advice.
Jade Lynn - Panda's Brat 4 years ago
The first time my partner came over to my apartment I had just gone through a mental breakdown the day before. I told my friend I'm not dressing up even if you're bringing someone else with you. He still loved me in my pjs and messy hair.
James scott 4 years ago
Look good for your spouse goes both ways. I'll dress in a suit for my wife and she'll get all made up in a dress and stuff for me, not every day though, but its nice to see eachother at your best a few times a month, or year.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
What the actual fûck. How could you read all of that from “look nice.” What a psycho.
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
Going the extra mile for your spouse needs grit and determination - both good character traits for the long haul.
The couple also shared that it’s a must to continue seeing old and new strengths in our partners as time goes by. “It seems that in the beginning of the relationship we notice one another’s strengths and see our partner’s differences as intriguing as evidenced perhaps by marathon conversations that last long into the evening. However, after some time we often fall into a rut, stop asking questions, and think we know all there is about our partner. What perhaps we once saw as intriguing differences we now see as annoying deficits! That’s dangerous to a relationship. It’s important to continue asking questions and seeing strengths in our partner to help build a stronger bond."
#31
Sarah Simons 4 years ago
Wait, that might have something to do with it...
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Martha Meyer 4 years ago
Why would any sane, grownass person hand over their autonomy to someone else?
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
It was bad advice back in 1950 and it has grown worse over the years.
troufaki13 4 years ago
Making decisions and making compromises is all part of the process. Relationships are not a competition of who is on top. It should be interchangeable.
Monic Krugell 4 years ago
hAhA! My Hubby will be the first to agree that our lives would have fallen apart!
King Joffrey 4 years ago
I've always thought marriage was a partnership and it seems to have worked for me for 16 years and counting...
#32
Paul Davis 4 years ago
This advice reflects more on the counselor's poor sexual skills than anything
Sarah Mccullough 4 years ago
Women can have up to 100 orgasms in 24 hours and Men can only have 10 in 24hours.
Carol Emory 4 years ago (edited)
Apparently that Christian Marriage Counselor wasted a lot of time with an inexperienced lover. If you have someone that is only out to get themselves off and not you (claiming it's natural), that's a waste of your time. But if that person is willing to learn...lots of room for both to be satisfied.
Marco Hub-Dub 4 years ago (edited)
Yes!!! Like every single item on this list: sociocultural/learned
#33
Ian Taggart 4 years ago
Pulls out plastic lightsaber and Nerf gun. "Bring it on."
Load More Replies... François Carré 4 years ago
"What's the point of flirting now we've reached marriage, what's the point of teasing each other, we'll only have sex once in a while anyway, and only in order to procreate of course, because otherwise sex is a bad thing".
#34
I_am_ace 4 years ago
Asexual here and I can confirm I literally said wat?
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Matt Hollis 4 years ago
if you are both feeling a bit grumpy having sex does help cheer you up and relieve stress
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Grumpy is not my "let's get sexy" mood, so.... no.
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WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
It's another remnant of the notion that a married woman hasn't got the right to say no. So when you're getting grumpy at each other it's all the woman's fault for refusing to do her marital duties.
angie but who cares 4 years ago
does that mean asexuals would be happy all the time or grumpy all the time
Son of Philosoraptor 4 years ago
I will say that most women don't understand how fundamental the male sex urge is. Most women seem think it's just something like wanting a pizza real bad, but it's far more like the pain you feel if you try and hold your breath as long as you can and you're just about to give up. It's so deep in our genetics that men do all sorts of horrible things to deal with it. Yes modern man is in far more control... But I think until we all understand and overtly acknowledge that male primates are powerfully driven by their genetic imperatives, we won't realistically improve society and our relationships.
Marco Hub-Dub 4 years ago
Nope!!! 100% nope. Study after study had refuted literally everything said right here. We are no more chained to primal urges than we are to a a digestive system conducive with keto diet. Behavioral evolution is easily tenfold more rapid than physical. Also, learned behavior is what drives us, not semblances of innate sensing. Granted, we can be predisposed for anything and we don’t know all genetic markers that allow for predisposition and innate actions and behaviors, but we’ve studied to death “urges” in relation to reproduction and sex. Women don’t have a biological clock that creates an urge to have a baby. Their socialization & environment emphasize and encourage. All friends have babies, hormones begin to change, media from bus stop ads to tv to everything pressures reproduction. It’s not an urge. And men’s urge is driven the same way. It’s socialization from in utero that men have need that can only be met via second. B U L L S H I T ! I’m citing massive empirical data that.
Load More Replies... #35
Julia King 4 years ago
Arguments that end with a discussion with equal input from both people = healthy relationship Arguments that end in fighting and screaming = unhealthy, possibly toxic relationship
Monic Krugell 4 years ago
Debating / Discussing in order to compromise = Healthy /// Fighting = non-compatible personalities
Dynein 4 years ago
Well, depends. If you never have a single conflict, something's definitely amiss. You are never going to agree on everything with anyone, not even with your partner, so no conflicts just means no conflicts VOICED - but they sure as hell exist and things are probably going to blow up in the future. No need to make them a fight, though, that's not healthy, either. Just discuss them calmly and make sure that, over time, the burden and benefit of the compromises are distributed fairly.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
There's nothing wrong with a fight, but it's better to avoid fighting. However, there may be situations where both parties get annoyed or irritated over something and it gets out of control. A good fight and a good make up clears the air in those cases.
Annemarie Mattheyse 4 years ago
It's not about whether you fight; it's about HOW you fight - or resolve tensions (which may not involve screaming matches, and that's okay too!).
Just JoLynn 4 years ago
I get this response every time I mention to someone that my husband and I don't fight, I reply with " I never said we don't have disagreements, we just talk it out instead of fight over it"
QueenMiri 4 years ago
Bullshit. Fighting is the sign that it's the wrong partner. Fighting is not healthy.
Bobby 4 years ago
I'll disagree that its an absolute sign. I suppose it depends on your definition of a fight, but arguments will happen, and anger could easily develop on both sides. Screaming and yelling is not healthy, but never having an argument or disagreement is equally unhealthy.
Load More Replies... #36
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
As if a wife being "Nice" is any kind of deterrent for someone who wants to cheat or be a jerk in general...
#37
CalicoKitty 4 years ago
"Our marriage is best described by hellish screaming. But. Consider. What if... we added MORE screaming? And bills? And-"
Two Silly Pups 4 years ago
As a half of a childless-by-choice couple, I can honestly call BS here
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
Kids make marriage A LOT harder. Just makes separating a lot more difficult
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
It can make a marriage stronger if it was already strong, but it can make a struggling marriage fall apart.
#38
Aunt Messy 4 years ago
Yeah...for 34 years, my husband has been out of town from Monday toThursday or Friday for 48 weeks of the year. I would have seen more of him if he'd been in the military. We're happy as clams.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
Actually..I'm reverse that. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The only time I've had a problem with my husband going on a trip with his friends is that the house is so quiet..I really miss him.
N G 4 years ago
I've spent exactly 6 nights apart from my husband since we got engaged 11 years ago. The first of those was the eve of our wedding. This is very much a YMMV, because we both miss each other very much on those nights we've had to spend apart, talking on the phone until past bedtime. When we're together it's comfortable and compatible reading or TV before bed.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
That's all a personal opinion don't judge either way. In five years with my lady I had to leave for a week and she broke down crying saying that she will just miss me so much! It was great, sad but we missed each other.
#39
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
i've usually had more female friends than male friends and i have lost girlfriends over it. it's sad that people think non-romantic/sexual love is impossible in that way
#40
If I could I would live under water 4 years ago
Wrong, don't cut off the branch you're sitting on 😁
Allan Breum 4 years ago
Heh, that wouldn't work with most men these days anyway. "Do my hands work? Yup. Is the internet working? Yup. Welp, have fun with the whole Withholding sex honey, PornHub Premium is free this month."
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
This is horribly demeaning everyone and everything in a relationship.
chrissy goodman 4 years ago
while this is true not all men r sex hungry 24/7. my husband is perfectly ok not having sex every single day. i have physical pains in knees and back if im in pain doesnt happen that day. not only that but women have horomones too and some women want it more then men so this isnt exactly logical. its putting all men into the sex hungry category and not being applied to women at all cuz the man can say the same thing
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
All that leads to is him jerking off and avoiding you more... great relationship
#41
Marianne 4 years ago
If you hang your toilet paper in different directions, you might not be a perfect match. :D
earringnut 4 years ago
Let him put the toilet paper the wants and put down the seat the way she wants. Boom! Compromise.
Load More Replies... Wysteria_Rose 4 years ago
Petty irritations happen but you don't necessarily need to fight about it. Do I notice things like this? Yeah, on an off day. Am I going to bring it up to my husband and pick a fight about it? No, we have other things to do. It's about your own mindset and picking battles. If it truly bothers me, I'll let him know and explain why I prefer it another way (this is not an every day thing either).
#42
#43
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
This is literally what I hear a lot in Korea. Sure, for someone who isn't your partner, fine...
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
My dad told me something similar, that it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission. I think it depends on the situation.
#44
Dahungryfella 4 years ago
That is psychotic! Clearly he did not have your best interest at heart.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
I hate to assume your another libtards on here, but in case you are, in case, hope not, there was no he in this.
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#45
Lorelai Dewrell 4 years ago
My dad stays at home my mom works because my father is disabled so no men are not the head of the family lol
Curry on... 4 years ago
Those types always talk about rules for wives and totally ignore the rules for husbands.
#46
#48
Carol Emory 4 years ago
My brother knows better than to comment on my marriage. He tried to tell me I know nothing about marriage. Maybe...but I've only been married once to the same man for over 30 years while my brother just ended his fourth marriage and now has a new girlfriend. He tried to say it was their fault but I'm like..I dunno buddy....seems to me the common denominator is YOU!
#49
Jenifer Riggs 4 years ago
People are not objects to be possessed, two people together should mutually respect each others boundaries regardless of marital status.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
As long as it's not abusive yes. I am yours and you are mine. All I have is yours. All, if you want to choose then make it clear when you get married. And entitled dose not mean do whatever you want with. If you spouse dosent want something you respect their opinion because their opinion is also yours and they will respect your opinion because it is also theirs
Little Wonder 4 years ago
No. No one is entitled to someone else's body, married or not.
Load More Replies... #50
Jade Lynn - Panda's Brat 4 years ago
The sponsor asking what she did wrong when she was explaining how she had been abused is complete bullshit. Even if she is an alcoholic that doesn't give him the right to cheat on her and abuse her.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Seriously what you did wrong?! You chose to be with that person! F that douche
Tylar Martinez 4 years ago
I think Al-Anon can be hard in that way sometimes. It's about changing the focus to ourselves so that we no longer focus on something or someone we don't have any control over. But it's wild that they would do so in a way that places blame in anyway. Step one, we admit we are powerless to alcohol....alcohol is the one to blame.....that's the whole point. Instead it should have been about focusing on how you felt and reacted in the moment and the time after and coming up with strategies that would be better for you. Whether it's walking away instead of giving into emotions or coming up with a plan to leave...whatever it is shouldn't be about blame but bettering yourself FOR yourself!! I'm sorry that it gets misconstrued so much.
#51
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
No it's not. "Hey John, remember to be all cheerful and happy next Wednesday, because it's our mandatory date night. I'll postpone my period for a few days. "
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Katja Aakre Isbrekken 4 years ago (edited)
I dont think the point is the date night, so much as finding a way to focus on the relationship so that all the other things in life don't completely bury you, and you loose sight of why you are together in the first place. Which is why I agree it's good advice. Doesn't have to mean going out, just means making time to be a couple in whatever small way.
Dahungryfella 4 years ago
That is right! But also about remembering who you are besides the mother/ father/ husband/wife/x role. So you don't lose yourself and as a consequence that the other person can regularly see who you are now instead of just remembering who you used to be to maintain the love they feel for you. I think that is how people keep falling in love with each other after years and years of being together.
Load More Replies... Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Well our best date nights are at home. Make a fancy meal, some wine, little fire, music. Much better than going out! Date night yea everyone should do that, in the way that's best for them. If you like to be served then have a server if you like nature then picknick. If you have retarded kids (zero disrespect I'm a DSP) hit up what is good for them to get out and have your time there as a family, with them off having fun!
cory harrison 4 years ago
We hear that advice often and usually from people with family around. They can just drop the kids off with grandparents and go out. And nevermind being so broke that "date night" cost too much and now you have to scrimp every week.
N G 4 years ago
This needs to be expanded upon. You do need to make time for each other. It doesn't have to be every week or every month, and it could even be spontaneous. But if all you are is mum and dad, or co-worker A and co-worker B, that's how disconnection can happen. You need an opportunity where it IS just the two of you, even just for half an hour where you can talk about something other than household admin. Otherwise, you're just business partners who share a bed. And that's a little sad for both of you.
RatherLoopy 4 years ago
I used to love date nights, but my wife eventually got tired of me seeing other women.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
I hear you. My husband and I had no vacations, no time alone for 12 years after we left the east coast back to Seattle. No one in my family would watch my son without expecting payment, we couldn't afford a babysitter and my autistic son was not equipped enough or mature enough to be left on his own. The first time we left my son overnight with a family member that needed a place near their school that they could crash at, we came home to complaints and whining from the family member because of how difficult 2 days were with my son. I said "Great..now imagine doing it for 12 years with no break or relief?" They shut up real quick.
#52
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago (edited)
Aww, I know they are supposed to sound tacky but they actually sound kinda adorable.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Your brain will make a connection to an emotional situation with a physcal connection. Generally it helps if one of the two make the connection.
#53
Carol Emory 4 years ago
One of the reason Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel never married. They said they each wanted the other to have the freedom to leave the relationship whenever they choose. Seems to have worked for them.
#54
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
The more able should lead in their field of expertise. All good marriages are built on trust and generosity and a relaxed take on criticism.
Load More Replies... Bianca Du Toit 4 years ago
She "realized" that's idiotic?? So she bought into this bullshit? Fuuuuuuuuck I hope they don't procreate.
#55
King Joffrey 4 years ago
Yes, we're all broken but we can be "scratch on the surface" broken or "head-on car crash" broken and if it's the latter, I'd be really hesitant about marrying such a person.
Mark Serbian, PK&RG,W 4 years ago
Right up there with "never sleep with someone crazier than you"
#56
#57
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
For some people it does get better with time. Like anything it takes practice. The first time not being enjoyable doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed.
#58
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
The older generations had strict ideas of what was "adult" and what was "childish." When I was 45, my mom told me she'd never consider me to be an adult until I cut my waist-length hair short. Sorry, what? I own a house (which I bought by myself). I raised a child (also by myself after ex-hubby bailed). I'm pretty sure I'm an adult.
Stephanie IV 4 years ago (edited)
A watermark of being an adult is politely ignoring one’s parents if they’re spouting nonsense.
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#59
Hollysmom 4 years ago
Men are generally fixers and for most of them, they feel helpless and frustrated if they can't fix everything. That is their issue. You have to be able to be open and honest and the man needs to be able to just listen and be supportive. Hopefully this old was of mans thinking/feeling is changing.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
If you need to externally vent to feel better, then do it! I internally vent, is it better? I don't really think so...
#60
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Blind lead the blind. This will just make you abusive or at least a worse person
Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
I can never understand things people say such as the advice given to you. People are crazy!
#61
Vicky Z 4 years ago
The first phrase is not a bad advice though... it's better to decide our looks according to what WE like and feel comfortable with, not according someone else's preferences.
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
I think it’s fine to take your partner’s preferences into account.
Load More Replies... Wysteria_Rose 4 years ago
I'm a bit confused by this. That really isn't bad advice. I don't understand her reaction to this advice. The fact is, I've been told that I SHOULD tell my husband how to dress. Being Scottish, he wears kilts on occasion. Sometimes when we go to a party, others just because we're going to the bar and having a night out. He likes it and looks very dapper. But his mother hates it and has asked me flat out why I don't "put my foot down" about it. I responded, "Because he likes it. He feels like himself. And he doesn't get to choose my outfits either and never will."
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
One day at work, a group of female co-workers asked me if i paid for my wife to have her hair done. I couldn't even begin to understand what they were talking about. Apparently some of their partners wanted their hair done a certain way and expected the wives/girlfriends to use their own money for it. well, there's only one pool of money for us so there is no my money/her money, and why on earth would i care how she does her hair? i mean, i have preferences, sure, but however she does her hair is how she does her hair. made no sense to me at all
Judy Steelman 4 years ago
Make your own decisions. If I read this correctly you're blaming your mother for not dressing up etc. Ridiculous.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Umm... I want to look good for my lady, I do care what I look like as long as she likes it. I went to my nieces conformation dressed with what she picked out. I was asked many times who dressed you? I said that little girl over there. Many hifives! Dress accordingly to who you want to impress.
#62
Two Silly Pups 4 years ago
As this says, life is hard work, my marriage is the place I go to recover from it
Dahungryfella 4 years ago
I don't fully agree with this. Marriage can be hard work at times but should not be most of the time. Outside or even inside circumstances can put real strains on marriages. Hard work can sometimes be required.
#63
Susan Egan 4 years ago
I've been part of a playgroup for years. Some of us still meet even though our kids are past college age now. Our main group is three women and one man. It's varied and changed but the center has always had an at home dad. He's a great friend. When we can get all our spouses together and the kids we have a lot of fun. Our core is solid and I don't think any of our spouses are worried or ever worried. Other than wondering how we can talk for hours about anything and nothing and then call it a good time.
Little Wonder 4 years ago
This one makes me grind my teeth. I have several excellent men as friends without a flicker of sexual attraction either way. Of COURSE men and women can be friends!
#64
Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
My husband and I were 31 when we got married. We met when we were 12, dated at 14, lost touch with each other until 29. Yes, we met young. No it wasn't get married right away. He'd thought that he'd married too young with his first wife. They divorced when they were 26.
#65
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
Making your spouse happy does NOT mean sacrificing your own happiness.
#66
#67
#68
Jade Lynn - Panda's Brat 4 years ago
He doesn't want to do the bills... so no I won't let him do the bills lol.
#69
Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
One of my best friends didn't move in with her SO until married. They were divorced 3 years later. It had nothing to do with religion, they just never thought to test the water.
#70
#71
Lorelai Purvis 4 years ago
🎶it's nooooot sometimes🎶 🎶cause sometimes your partner is abusive or something🎶 🎶so sometimes marriage is not forever🎶 🎶so whoever said that is an idiot🎶
#72
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Obligations are only dictated by those involved. Sex food clothes it's for them to discuss.
Ian Taggart 4 years ago
As much as I dislike this topic, I'd have to agree.
Load More Replies... #73
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
Nooooooooooooooooo *anguished whimper* no human needs to put up with being constant belittling.
Load More Replies... #74
Curry on... 4 years ago
So, don't let your partner know that you're human with normal bodily functions? What'd he marry? A unicorn?
Ian Taggart 4 years ago
Unicorns poop and fart also. I have seen rainbow piles and smelled lavender breezes in the woods.
Load More Replies... Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
Omg we walk in on each other in the bathroom all the time. "Oh man, where's the roadkill?" "Nah, that was me (as I am putting on my bra)." Bwahahaha
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
Prudishness isn’t healthy. But a little restraint is healthier than contempt bred from familiarity.
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#75
Jade Lynn - Panda's Brat 4 years ago
I work just as hard so I'm not going to be the only one doing chores.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
What's wrong with that? The person is beat from a hard day and now he has more on his plate?
#76
Otangaku D Yokeman 4 years ago
Whoever you are, Thank you ! Finally reading sth positive over all what i went through ... people suck (yes their opinion and their experiences so dont take this as a serious matter it is my opinion and I didnt like to see 85% of what I read till now =) ) however, as a non european/american individual it is astonishing to read all this ...
#77
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
It depends on the religion, Christianity, you don't have too. Not exactly sure about the others.
#78
Jasmine Hufflepuff Henderson 4 years ago
I'm actually doing this because it's my choice. There's nothing wrong with waiting and there's nothing wrong with not waiting. It depends on the person.
M 4 years ago
Nothing wrong with waiting BUT it is a risky approach. Sexual compatibility is very important so if you want until your wedding night there is a chance you will find out that you and your future spouse as not compatible in the bedroom. That's why I think it shouldn't be given as advice on how to "improve" your future marriage since it tends to do the opposite.
Load More Replies... Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
This isn't bad advice, imo. I, for lots of reasons, will be waiting until I'm at the very, very least a few days into marriage. If we're not compatible, that's a different situation to deal with.
Johanna McMahan 4 years ago
I did this, regretted it so much! Didn't stay married. I think getting to have sex was the only reason I got married.
#79
#81
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago (edited)
Nothing wrong with that, weird, but correct. Consummate the marriage! If you want kids then bonus! What granny dosent want more grandkids!
#82
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
this should be much more highly rated as bad advice. It's all about outdated rigid roles that barely ever made sense or were reflected in reality. The best advice on anything is "Be a good person"
#83
Allan Breum 4 years ago
Thats great advice... If you're dealing with a self-centered egotist/narcissist.
#84
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
That's kind of a lot, is it not? Oh wow, that rhymes. But still, 3 times a week??
#85
Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
Uh, well shoot. The closest person to being spiritual does yoga for fun. Guess I missed that one.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
If he is a spiritual leader then yes, if she is then she is the leader. In my case I am and she leans to me for such advice. My parents my mother is and my father looks to her for advice. Let the leader lead.
#86
Allan Breum 4 years ago
Yes! Do some blood sacrifices, perhaps some Auguries. Hell, maybe even a drugfueled orgy! (They never specified Which religion it should be from.) 😁
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
my religious relatives wanted me to have a religious ceremony "for the sake of the family". how does that work? you want me to go into your god's house and lie about my beliefs, basically blaspheme in front of everyone and that will make the family better? how, exactly?
Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
My uncle was a minister to the local prison and my husband and I are agnostic/atheist. Does that count?
#87
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Your spouses feelings should be of utmost importance! Yes touching dose help the mind! Get the biggest bed comfortably same difference. This is a stupid post.
Erin E 4 years ago
... your spouses feelings shouldn’t make you disregard your own.
Load More Replies... #88
Stephanie IV 4 years ago (edited)
Yes. And finding a way to deal with rejection and grief is one of life’s great accomplishments. Invest away and deal with your feelings like a grownup if things don’t work out.
#90
#92
Allan Breum 4 years ago
When ever someone say that, just answer: "Nah, I'm not hungry." Tends to shut them up.
#93
#94
#95
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Yes, give your spouse all of you, make them happy and they do the same! Though I believe it's better to say give %90 and take %10. Everyone needs me time ya know
François Carré 4 years ago
This sounds really toxic, because the idea behind it is that marriage is less a commitment between to persons than a commitment to some kind of social order where you HAVE to be married, like you HAVE to give 110% of your energy to your job. No matter if you both feel exhausted and unhappy, you MUST make the marriage work at all costs.
#97
King Joffrey 4 years ago
I still think this is pretty sound advice, obviously not for people with fertility issues.
Nia Loves Art 4 years ago
Some people just want kids. If you’ve been with someone and living with them and you are at a stage in your life where kids make sense I don’t see why they need to delay after finally tying the knot.
Load More Replies... Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
Ok, but this advice isn't that bad. My brother got married nearly 2 years ago, and my sis in-law is talking about having a child by next year. I mean, to each their own, but I still think they should enjoy married by themselves, the perks of having no kids yet, and the money they can spend without it having to go to the children (she plans on having 3 kids, so...).
#98
Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
That completely depends on how you feel about the one they are telling you to hold onto.
#101
#103
King Joffrey 4 years ago
My wife is also my best friend - nothing wrong with that. I certainly have other friends as well but I can't see what's wrong with my wife being my 'bestie'.
BlackestDawn 4 years ago
There is a big difference between "should be" and "can be", yours is the latter.
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Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Great advice! You want to spent your life with anyone else? Die at a rip old age hanging out with your bestie! Who else would you marry but your best friend! Great advice!
Jade Lynn - Panda's Brat 4 years ago
He's my best friend in some ways, and in other ways I have my girl best friends.
#105
Marianne 4 years ago
I really don't think it was meant like that. More like: marry a person you would also like to have as a friend.
Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
My husband and I are bffs. I think it's great advice! We don't have to play romance. We can sit for hours and enjoy just hanging out. I would never want a relationship where I have to think about when to be romantic and who I'm allowed to be friends with.
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Patti Vance 4 years ago
that one about the separate beds meaning that the marriage was over: my aunt and uncle always had separate beds. as a kid, didn't really understand it was about their conservative faith. but, they had quite a few kids. as an older teen i asked her about it one day. her response: every night, ira throws his hat to me. sometimes i throw it back; other times i bring it back.
Aliquid A 4 years ago (edited)
I actually agree with the "never go to bed angry" one. I will *not* sleep if I go to bed angry. I won't be able to "turn my mind off" and fall asleep, I will lie awake fretting all night long. Then in the morning, I will be overtired and cranky.
Jane Alexander 4 years ago
My fix is to write it all out on paper, say anything you please on paper. This frees your mind for rest. The paper will be harsh in daylight and I'll delete it.
Load More Replies... Lisbeth Guz 4 years ago
Ohhh I know a priest (Catholic) that used to say to future brides "He's going to cheat, and you must forgive him because that's your duty as a Christian".
Mary Peace 4 years ago
I'm a Christian, and the priest was wrong. "You shall not commit adultery." I'm divorced, but I believe my husband was faithful. We divorced for other reasons.
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judy baker 4 years ago
My husband and I have been married 39 years. Most issues between couples can be worked out with a little bit of effort on both sides. In the scheme of things very few things are really that big of a deal. As long as there no big issues such as abuse, etc. most problems have a solution. The key is cooperation and commitment. You will never agree on everything but compromise is an important tool.
sTeALtHy 4 years ago (edited)
*Small tip that works for me personally* If you got into an argument with someone, first of all try and talk to the person your angry with BUT, if that doesn't work/you just want to have some alone time to think and stuff, I like to imagine that i am a celebrity in a tell-all interview on a talk show. If it seems like a kinda big problem, then that needs to be addressed. But if it seems like a really stupid and tiny thing to be "confessing" then you might want to apologize. Personally it helps me vent to myself and process what happened.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
Lol I love this. Gonna try it out sometime. Thanks!
Load More Replies... Isabel Frost 4 years ago
What I'm getting from this is you're both equal, what works for some people might not work for others, and COMMUNICATE!
Elizabeth Molloy 4 years ago
We never go to sleep on an argument BECAUSE we've know two people who were in their 30s and healthy who simply never woke up one day.
abby smink 4 years ago
That you have to stick it out, no matter what. No matter how hard you have to try. No. Sometimes things just don't work, and people change. Sometimes you try and try for years just to get nowhere. Sometimes you just can't anymore.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
Don’t get married if you want a way out of your contract just because you “changed.” Too many people don’t understand the bond of marriage. You need to talk to Bettie Jean down there.
Load More Replies... pusheen buttercup 4 years ago
The best advice I can give is try to love yourself first, and once you do the odds of healthier relationships may increase.
Virgil Sanders 4 years ago
why do people give such awful advice? why do people say and do such stupid things? why are people so stupid?
Patti Vance 4 years ago
that one about the separate beds meaning that the marriage was over: my aunt and uncle always had separate beds. as a kid, didn't really understand it was about their conservative faith. but, they had quite a few kids. as an older teen i asked her about it one day. her response: every night, ira throws his hat to me. sometimes i throw it back; other times i bring it back.
Aliquid A 4 years ago (edited)
I actually agree with the "never go to bed angry" one. I will *not* sleep if I go to bed angry. I won't be able to "turn my mind off" and fall asleep, I will lie awake fretting all night long. Then in the morning, I will be overtired and cranky.
Jane Alexander 4 years ago
My fix is to write it all out on paper, say anything you please on paper. This frees your mind for rest. The paper will be harsh in daylight and I'll delete it.
Load More Replies... Lisbeth Guz 4 years ago
Ohhh I know a priest (Catholic) that used to say to future brides "He's going to cheat, and you must forgive him because that's your duty as a Christian".
Mary Peace 4 years ago
I'm a Christian, and the priest was wrong. "You shall not commit adultery." I'm divorced, but I believe my husband was faithful. We divorced for other reasons.
Load More Replies... judy baker 4 years ago
My husband and I have been married 39 years. Most issues between couples can be worked out with a little bit of effort on both sides. In the scheme of things very few things are really that big of a deal. As long as there no big issues such as abuse, etc. most problems have a solution. The key is cooperation and commitment. You will never agree on everything but compromise is an important tool.
sTeALtHy 4 years ago (edited)
*Small tip that works for me personally* If you got into an argument with someone, first of all try and talk to the person your angry with BUT, if that doesn't work/you just want to have some alone time to think and stuff, I like to imagine that i am a celebrity in a tell-all interview on a talk show. If it seems like a kinda big problem, then that needs to be addressed. But if it seems like a really stupid and tiny thing to be "confessing" then you might want to apologize. Personally it helps me vent to myself and process what happened.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
Lol I love this. Gonna try it out sometime. Thanks!
Load More Replies... Isabel Frost 4 years ago
What I'm getting from this is you're both equal, what works for some people might not work for others, and COMMUNICATE!
Elizabeth Molloy 4 years ago
We never go to sleep on an argument BECAUSE we've know two people who were in their 30s and healthy who simply never woke up one day.
abby smink 4 years ago
That you have to stick it out, no matter what. No matter how hard you have to try. No. Sometimes things just don't work, and people change. Sometimes you try and try for years just to get nowhere. Sometimes you just can't anymore.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
Don’t get married if you want a way out of your contract just because you “changed.” Too many people don’t understand the bond of marriage. You need to talk to Bettie Jean down there.
Load More Replies... pusheen buttercup 4 years ago
The best advice I can give is try to love yourself first, and once you do the odds of healthier relationships may increase.
Virgil Sanders 4 years ago
why do people give such awful advice? why do people say and do such stupid things? why are people so stupid?
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