40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One ‘Unwritten Rule’ You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?”
There are rules, stupid rules, and rules that nobody argues about. Like, the one where you don’t answer out loud if someone whispers to you. Call it common sense, human behavior at its best, or an unwritten rule, that doesn’t change it—you just whisper if someone whispers at you.
So what are these unspoken rules that never get written down and are considered logical arguments or actions? Are they that different when it comes to various people?
A person on r/AskReddit dared to find out as they posted the seemingly simple, yet very illuminating question “What is one 'unwritten rule' you think everyone should know and follow?” 44.7k upvotes and 18.3k comments later, we’ve got some of the most interesting replies. They show some rules worth respecting don’t need to be carved into stone and can perfectly live in the part of the brain where “it’s just like this” is enough to explain why.
This post may include affiliate links.
Never make fun of someone else's laugh — be it how they sound or how they look. Laughing is the most natural expression of joy and happiness, and for someone to feel self-conscious about that because of other people's comments is so brutal.
Don’t put your music on speakers when in a public space. It’s not like everyone wants the same genre or was in the mood for music. Get your headphones.
Don’t ever say ‘oh, you’ve only got one child. That must be so lonely for them.’
Because maybe that person tried for years to have that one child, maybe they chose one for good reasons, maybe that had another child that died that you don’t know about.
Or, maybe it’s none of your business how many children people have. Actually, it’s definitely not your business. So, shhhhh.
My opinion is the only time you need another 'child' is when it's an animal; example: I have 3 leopard geckos--not just one--so they have friends.
Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Daniel Wendler, a therapist and author of “Improve Your Social Skills.” According to Daniel, the unwritten rules are really just an expression of the golden rule, “which is to treat others as you would want to be treated (or even better, to treat others as they would want to be treated).”
Dr. Wendler continued: “Many of society's unwritten rules are simple expressions of empathy and courtesy, a way to put yourself in someone else's shoes and realize what you can do to be kind to them.”
However, if you’re worrying about whether you or someone else lacks common sense, the therapist suggests not worrying about something “so vague that it could mean any number of things.” “Instead,” he suggests, “it's better to focus on the things we have control over—like trying to be a little more kind today than we were yesterday.”
Be kind to people who are working: food staff, medical staff, etc. Don’t take your bad day out on someone else.
For buses/trains/any other public transportation, let people exit first before you get on.
Don't say s**t about someone's appearance if it can't be fixed in less than 30 seconds. Spinach in someone's teeth? Let a homie know. Body type? Bad haircut? Worn-out clothes? Don't need to mention it.
Dr. Wendler also said that there are many people who struggle to pick up on the unwritten social rules. “Sometimes, this is because they didn't have a lot of opportunity to socialize with others growing up, so they never got experience in putting themselves in someone else's shoes and learning what was expected.”
Other times, “it's because they have a condition such as autism or social anxiety that makes it more difficult to read other people and learn how to interact socially.”
Dr. Wendler claims that the good news is that whether it's easy for you to pick up on social rules or difficult, everyone can get better at it. “Just try to challenge yourself to get 1% better each day—maybe learn one unwritten rule, or practice one social action—and before you know it, you'll see dramatic improvement,” he concluded.
Do not swipe left or right if someone shows you a photo on their phone.
I live by this rule I made after thinking about things late at night.
If someone does something that makes them happy and confident. If it doesn't hurt them or anyone else, animals included. Then leave them alone, let them do that thing. Let them be happy.
Don't propose at someone else's wedding.
That’s a given, the only time it is okay is if the bride and groom are happy with it. Also don’t wear a white dress.
Meanwhile, Lynn How, a life coach and author of “Positive Young Mind” who specializes in supporting educators, parents, and children with improving and prevention of mental health issues, told Bored Panda that unwritten rules are important to establish a certain culture, whether it is in a sports, company, or societal context.
“They are needed to ensure at least a basic level of expected behavior. For example, your boss has never said to you that you can't drink alcohol at work, but you know this already without needing it written down or having verbal clarification,” the author explained.
While most people do share a common understanding of unspoken rules, some have more difficulty picking them up. “We need to take time for a more detailed explanation of something we feel doesn't need to be said where required,” Lynn suggests.
You can be wrong. It isn't a bad thing, either. And when you are wrong, acknowledge it, and learn from it, you don't need to dig down in your beliefs to try and comfort yourself because you can't handle not being right all the time.
Always say please and thank you. Just because your an adult doesn't give you the right to stop practicing manners. Drives me crazy.
Guys they made a good point, whether or not they spelled "you're" correctly. Maybe we should learn some manners like the author suggested and stop rudely pointing out other's grammatical mistakes.
Chew with your mouth closed. Shocks me how many adults i see chewing with their mouth open.
I agree for the most part but in some cultures it is a show of appreciation. We have a friend that is Chinese and he is an extremely loud chewer and chews with his mouth open and that is the way he was brought up. So whilst it maybe annoying for many we just have to deal with it because that is his culture.
“Perhaps the person has a particular additional need that would require a more detailed explanation or it may be that the person in question did not have good role models growing up, which means they may find that many things that were acceptable in their family are not acceptable to the wider world.”
Alternatively, there may be a solid reason why one unspoken rule or another has not established itself among groups of people. Lynn suggests various causes may be at play, like “maybe your company’s unspoken rules are quite strict or perhaps there is an unwritten dress code?” In that case, Lynn recommends turning this sort of unwritten rule into a written one.
There was only 1 rule in my house growing up...do not wake anyone up. My parents worked shift work. Its amaZing to me now how many people don't respect sleep.
There are 2 people in your life you NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LIE TO. Your doctor and your lawyer.
If you're borrowing it for a third time, you need one of your own.
True but for some things the other person may not be able to afford one of their own. We have lent our lawnmower out to a friend a few times but he can’t afford to buy one for himself. He is trustworthy so we have no issues lending it to him.
FFS be self-aware. I mean, be aware of the space you occupy, of your movements, of where you are. Don't zig-zag on sidewalks, don't fill the entire width of the sidewalk. Be aware of your kid moving their arms like a helicopter. DON'T STOP IN YOUR TRACKS TO CHECK THE F**KING PHONE, walk slower, or step aside but don't be that kind of person.
Just be aware of your body and don't be a dummy. This applies to whole families too, and people in cars, in supermarket lanes, wherever.
This should apply to big family groups walking at a snail’s pace in staggered formation through IKEA. Why on earth have you taken 3 generations there for a day out anyway? IKEA is a terribly disorientating circle of hell anyway without making it worse.
Don’t leave your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery aisle!
Don’t mess up an apology with an excuse.
When I moved back to New Zealand from Japan, I noticed that we tend to give a reason more than Japanese people do. I don’t dislike that; in fact, in a lot of cases I think just think “S**t happens; you don’t need to offer the reason for my approval”.
Wash your hands after the toilet. Walkouts are shocking.
surprising how many people don't wash their hands after using public toilets even in covid
If you borrow someone's car, fill up the tank before you return it.
Only borrow if you are insured to drive that car. Uninsured drivers are breaking the law.
Announce your visits.
You can't be offended that nobody is home when you decide to drop by at random.
Plus it's super unfair to the host since it gives no time to prepare anything and they might have to drop everything they were just doing just to entertain you or cancel their plans.
Don't let friends drive drunk. Maybe offer to get an uber or something for strangers, too, if you can
Always ask if a dog is friendly. You never know what kind of weird behavior things a dog can have, even when they appear friendly at first.
I had a dog who would be fine until someone bent down to pet him. He was very protective and nearly bit a few people. I'd they has asked first we could have told them that he doesn't like being pet by strangers.
I would hate to have to put my dog down because you are an idiot around animals.
Also, please put your dogs on a leash! I can't tell you how many times I have been walking my dog and someone's off leash dog has come charging at us. "Don't worry, he's friendly" they always yell. Well good for you, but my dog is not. He was bit by a "good dog" who was not on a leash and is traumatized by strange dogs running up to him. Just because your dog is well behaved doesn't mean everyone's is.
Turn down your bass! Be more considerate of your neighbors in apartment complexes.
I'm tired of people sitting outside my window in their car with their bass on full blast...at 2-3am! ((That's why I'm awake right now.)) I'm also greatly annoyed at my neighbors turning up their music (bass) to the point where it's rattling things on my walls. After getting multiple complaints you know it's a problem thus are choosing to be bad neighbors. *Also they have a lot of small children who should definitely be asleep but of course arent.
Be kind to strangers even if you’re having a hard time
Don't cook fish in the office kitchen
When driving a car, dont be nice, be predictable. People being nice leads to a s**tload of accidents.
be predictable = use your blinkers and use them before your car is already turning
Totally agree, i hate it when "nice" drivers start making up rules. Just do what you should do.
In other words, don't let people in when you have the right of way, etc.
Load More Replies...
This is a much too generic statement imo. Should you slam on the brakes while going 50 miles per hour in full traffic just to let someone in? No. Should you be nice and let someone if when it’s stop and go traffic within the city? Certainly, because otherwise some people coming from back roads would never get in.
What they are saying is don't go against the rules of the road just to be nice. It isn't against the rules of the road to let someone in when it is stop and go traffic.
Load More Replies...
I think this needs expanding upon. Are you referring to giving way at points where it's not required by law? If that's the case, and you're referring to people stopping in traffic, or not going when you think they should, it's better to drive defensively because anything could cause a person to have to hit the brakes in an unpredictable manner that has nothing to do with being nice. Or fail to go from a standing start because there's something in the road that you can't see and it could be dangerous to the driver in front to proceed "predictably". Take "being nice" out of the equation.
When I have a stop sign, I'm the one who should stop, not the person who thinks it's nice to let me go first.
This, as the oncoming car I am then a bit thrown off, feel a bit hurried, and might not stop to look at the other side if there is traffic or a pedestrian or something else there that I need to stop for. Let me stop, it is there for a reason.
Load More Replies...
And please be kind with people that have a learning sign or that are obviously learning how to drive. We all have been there.
Oh my god. Yes. The amount of times people have gone out of their way (endangering themselves, the people coming from the other way, AND me and the other people behind me) by trying to overtake me in a spot they legally can't or when a friggin TRUCK is coming the other way is ridiculous. I have many, many more stories other than those moments, but the worst was one car tried to overtake when a truck was coming the other way, but another person behind them decided, hey, they're going, so it must be safe. So they went too because they were impatient f***s. Barely made it back into our lane. Truck barely missed hitting them. Poor truck driver looked like he almost had a heart attack.
Load More Replies...
Example: You have the right of way at a green light. Do NOT stop to let others go before you. That's how you cause accidents.
I hate it when they stop randomly to let people cross without zebra, or to let someone do a turn across the lane when they have the right of way. Just drive as per rules. Otherwise I have to not only worry about not going into you but also about the cars behind me - none of us is expecting this sudden slowdown. This is just one example.
Sometimes, you‘re better off letting people cross. I‘ve seen so many people, especially the elderly, just walk onto the street because they can’t judge traffic correctly. I‘d rather have you bump into me than run over a pedestrian. Childen are unpredictable as well.
Load More Replies...
How about USE TURN SIGNALS? My home state, you were busted for it. Where I am now? It's like "Huh? Turn signal? What I need that for?" ... Really? *headdesk*
Predictable is much better. That is not to say that you can't be nice. Just be nice in predicable ways. Like with the waive of a hand or a turn signal.
Where I live, a lot of people will yield to someone turning left. Like, thanks, but you have the right of way so just go! It takes more time to watch you slow down and figure out what the heck you were doing than it would have if you had just kept going!
I don't agree with this at all. If you're in that big of a hurry, by all means go in front of me. You know damned well we'll be side by side at the next light. How'd that 8 extra seconds work out for ya?
As a cyclist, I completely agree, just follow the rules of the road. I *hate* it when a car stops to let me go when they have the right of way. First, that driver is just training cyclists to expect cars to wait for them, and worse, even if that car is going to be patient enough to wait for me, I don't know if the car behind him is going to get impatient and pass him while I'm still in the road.
Nothing wrong with good road manners and courtesy to other drivers. An act of kindness like letting another driver into the flow of traffic tends to have a ripple effect as they extend that courtesy to another driver later on.
I have seen incidences where people allowing an action unseen by another nearly caused an accident though. Eg at a junction letting a pedestrian cross when their body is hidden by the vehicle allowing it. They then continued to walk into traffic who had no idea what was happening. That is why predictability trumps kindness on the road. Letting a car out in slow moving traffic tends to be very visible and controlled and I would always do that.
Load More Replies...
This is my #1 on this list. Yes, be friendly, but don't break the rules to be polite. It's dangerous and super annoying.
It's funny how they go from being nice to flipping you off or cussing you out. I've experienced this at a four-way stop when the both of us arrived simultaneously and they were on the right. I refuse to break the law just because they are feeling generous. Had a scam artist run into me on that account.
wish I could upvote this to the top. People being nice CAUSES traffic jams and accidents because it mucks up the flow of traffic. I was a foot courier in a large city downtown. I jaywalked a LOT, but fully aware of traffic flow patterns. Folks who thought they were being nice by stopping (not at crosswalk, but mid-block) , actually effed things up for a bunch of others. They would then get mad at me for refusing their courtesy.
Always expect people to do something selfish or stupid, if your wrong it doesn't matter, if your right then you're prepared.
This could get downvoted but you do need to be a bit selfish. For example, I've been at junctions where you can turn left if the coast is clear but I need to make another junction a little way up. So I stop to wait for the light. People will get annoyed at me blocking their way but really what is the alternative? Be on the wrong lane and merge in really close to the junction to turn is even worse.
To clarify it is usually a cross road where you can go straight or turn on the left most or right most lanes.
Load More Replies...
Why I drive aggressively. People think they are being safe doing things like pulling slowly into traffic but it makes people jam on their brakes.
Absolutely! I DESPISE morons that think it's their right to block traffic for some dipshit to cut through!!! Or to drive 40 mph in the "fast lane"!!! Or bottleneck traffic in all lanes because they think everybody else is going "too fast"!!!
I’ve seen the worst accident once caused by someone who decided to let someone else make a turn. A girl was trying to make a turn on a busy street. Guy on the left lane let her pass, and she didn’t bother to see the traffic coming from the right lane. The accident was so bad, it still gives me nightmares.
I totally understand this one. I can't tell you how many times I would be on a run, I'd wait for a car crossing the intersection, and they'd stop in the middle of the intersection to let me by. There is usually a line of cars behind them. Please don't do that. Just go, get out of my way, and don't cause an accident.
This. The amount of people that want to direct traffic at a four way stop is annoying. They were there first, but are wildy gesturing that they want you to take their turn. As if I'm always watching inside other cars, and I can see through your tinted windows. Just go when it's your turn!
American here, I was once turning left. (There was no turning lane.) I was stopped w/ my left turn signal on. An oncoming car did a complete stop in the road, presumably to let me turn in front of him. No idea why he did that but it caused traffic in both lanes to stop.
I second that. Being predictable is most important. I have two artificial finger joints for some toddlers/teenangers blocking the cyclepath and then evading last moment to their left while I was evading to my right as nearly everyone does here.
When the other driver has the right of way but they try to wave me through, I studiously avoid looking at them until they give up and just go like they were supposed to in the first place.
When out to dinner with a group, only the person who ordered the least expensive meal/combo of things can offer to split the check evenly.
I have two:
1. do not wear perfume or cologne if you’re getting on an airplane.
2. do not use speaker phone or play videos on your phone without headphones in public places. Especially in public transit.
Why not perfume or cologne? I'd say "do not pour half the bottle" as many people do, but a little? Everything smells, really, and I think the smell of "people", like sweat or God only knows what else, is far more annoying than perfume.
If someone asks you a question, finish what you’re saying with, “what about you?”
Enjoy noticing how many people actually don’t do this.
DON’T USE THE URINAL IN YOUR DREAM! You’ll thank me later.
I have done this once as a teen but instead of a urinal it was a toilet, and of course I ended up wetting the bed. I have had many dreams about toilets but they are usually gross, have no doors, flooded, full of crap, covered in toilet paper etc so I never use the toilet in those dreams and don’t wake up needing to pee. Bit of a gross dream I know but I can’t help it lol.
If you have to cancel on a friend, it should be your responsibility to reschedule.
If your going out to dinner with other people, and theyre paying, dont order the most expensive thing on the menu, go cheap
With one exception: if a billionaire ever takes me out to dinner, I am gonna enjoy. Yes, I know it's not gonna happen, but being honest.
If someone whispers, you whisper back.
If you're going to listen to music, videos, or anything else on your phone that requires sound and isnt a phone call, either wait until you get home or invest in some headphones.
Don't talk to anyone at the urinal.
"Hey man. Nice testicles" - Was the last thing Aaron said before he died
Note: this post originally had 50 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
This is a basically a list of do and don't in normal every day life when you don't want to come across as a total uncultured rude swine. It's sad that this list exists. Just goes to show that there are people out there who need to be reminded.
Most of these are so obvious, it makes me wonder what kind of rude as-sholes some of you hang out with...
If you wish to speak to person A but they’re currently engaged in a face-to-face conversation with person B, don’t walk up and interrupt the conversation, cutting off person B so you can ask your question or speak to person A. And if you’re person A, don’t allow this to happen. Tell the intruder to let you finish with person B first - then you’ll address their matter.
Puts people on the spot though. If I don't want one some people are going to be offended if I say no. Maybe, if you care enough to want to hug a person, find out how they feel overall about it in a general conversation first.
Load More Replies...
It is good manners but should just be common sense yeah
Load More Replies...
Be as polite to your friends and family as you would be to an important client.
If it ain't yours, don't mess with it. Probably the first one I taught my kids, and I'm surprised this one didn't come up in some form.
Unwritten rules are generally such because they are too dubious to go into print.
My rule: RESPECT IS MY BASELINE: it is not "earned," it is where I begin with everyone, unless they show that they don't deserve it.
Don't talk to somebody about their mental illness. Things like depression and anxiety can't be rushed through, so don't try to rush anybody. This is different from talking somebody out of suicide. Just know they will still need help if you have talked somebody about their mental health.
Unwritten rule... You don't go through a purse or bag when the owner is not around to watch you, even if you are dating.
Obvious! Even if you are dating, or it's your mother's. Only if the owner tells you to get something there, or if it is an emergency.
Load More Replies...
1. if you are in a group chat like discord NEVER use the @everyone unless it's very seriously important. 2. If you are in a voice chat like zoom or discord etc, don't just sit there with your microphone on when there's lots of background noise, especially a crying baby/barking dog. 3. Again on voice chats, mute your microphone if you are eating, don't chew/slurp/smack your lips in other peoples ears
My unwritten rule (guess it's written now): If you don't invite me to holidays and parties, don't call me when you need to be bailed out of anything.
I would add "Think with your intellect before you react with your emotions".
You're missing "if you feel the need to keep something a secret maybe you shouldn't be doing it"
Not necessarily. If you keep a secret because you are embarrassed and don't want to be judged... you need to either stop hanging around judgmental people, or stop caring what they think.
Load More Replies...
The problem is, most all breeders can't be bothered to teach their little abominations Social Manners or Social Responsibility. It's all "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME", "MINE, MINE, MINE", "What **I** want"!!!
Tip mainly for restaurants, having a group of us elderly women having lunch together often called "you guys" by the staff doesn't go over well.
It doesn't mean they think less of you as women, it's just a casual saying.. Oh hey what's up guys? There is nothing negative about it.
Load More Replies...
This is a basically a list of do and don't in normal every day life when you don't want to come across as a total uncultured rude swine. It's sad that this list exists. Just goes to show that there are people out there who need to be reminded.
Most of these are so obvious, it makes me wonder what kind of rude as-sholes some of you hang out with...
If you wish to speak to person A but they’re currently engaged in a face-to-face conversation with person B, don’t walk up and interrupt the conversation, cutting off person B so you can ask your question or speak to person A. And if you’re person A, don’t allow this to happen. Tell the intruder to let you finish with person B first - then you’ll address their matter.
Puts people on the spot though. If I don't want one some people are going to be offended if I say no. Maybe, if you care enough to want to hug a person, find out how they feel overall about it in a general conversation first.
Load More Replies... It is good manners but should just be common sense yeah
Load More Replies... Be as polite to your friends and family as you would be to an important client.
If it ain't yours, don't mess with it. Probably the first one I taught my kids, and I'm surprised this one didn't come up in some form.
Unwritten rules are generally such because they are too dubious to go into print.
My rule: RESPECT IS MY BASELINE: it is not "earned," it is where I begin with everyone, unless they show that they don't deserve it.
Don't talk to somebody about their mental illness. Things like depression and anxiety can't be rushed through, so don't try to rush anybody. This is different from talking somebody out of suicide. Just know they will still need help if you have talked somebody about their mental health.
Unwritten rule... You don't go through a purse or bag when the owner is not around to watch you, even if you are dating.
Obvious! Even if you are dating, or it's your mother's. Only if the owner tells you to get something there, or if it is an emergency.
Load More Replies... 1. if you are in a group chat like discord NEVER use the @everyone unless it's very seriously important. 2. If you are in a voice chat like zoom or discord etc, don't just sit there with your microphone on when there's lots of background noise, especially a crying baby/barking dog. 3. Again on voice chats, mute your microphone if you are eating, don't chew/slurp/smack your lips in other peoples ears
My unwritten rule (guess it's written now): If you don't invite me to holidays and parties, don't call me when you need to be bailed out of anything.
I would add "Think with your intellect before you react with your emotions".
You're missing "if you feel the need to keep something a secret maybe you shouldn't be doing it"
Not necessarily. If you keep a secret because you are embarrassed and don't want to be judged... you need to either stop hanging around judgmental people, or stop caring what they think.
Load More Replies... The problem is, most all breeders can't be bothered to teach their little abominations Social Manners or Social Responsibility. It's all "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME", "MINE, MINE, MINE", "What **I** want"!!!
Tip mainly for restaurants, having a group of us elderly women having lunch together often called "you guys" by the staff doesn't go over well.
It doesn't mean they think less of you as women, it's just a casual saying.. Oh hey what's up guys? There is nothing negative about it.
Load More Replies... 