I think it's safe to say most of us have had our fair share of bad relationships. But when does a bad relationship becomes toxic? The kind that takes a toll on your physical, psychological, spiritual or emotional well-being?

Twitter user Halima has set out to find out just that. Recently, she asked people what 'red flags' they overlooked in their exes and her tweet instantly went viral.

From forcing girlfriends to cut off ties with all of their guy-friends to defending everything but your boyfriend, scroll down to see what to look out for in your next relationship and let us know in the comments if you have something to add to the list.

More info: Twitter

Image credits: imdatfeminist

#1

Toxic-Relationships

catchpole75 Report

Ripley
Community Member
1 year ago

That's pretty much the textbook definition of gaslighting. Sounds like you are well out of it.

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Dr. Lillian Glass, a California-based communication and psychology expert, who says she coined the term 'toxic relationship' in her 1995 book Toxic People, defines it as “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect, and a lack of cohesiveness.”

Dr. Kristen Fuller, a California-based family medicine physician specializing in mental health, told TIME that those who regularly undermine or cause harm to their partner often have a reason for their behavior even if it’s subconscious. “Maybe they were in a toxic relationship, either romantically or as a child. Maybe they didn’t have the most supportive, loving upbringing,” Fuller says. “They could have been bullied in school. They could be suffering from an undiagnosed mental health disorder such as depression or anxiety or bipolar disorder, an eating disorder, any form of trauma.”

#2

Toxic-Relationships

ohheyitsmira Report

Billie Davis
Community Member
1 year ago

eww...

tuzdayschild
Community Member
1 year ago

Run and run fast

Renae Dougherty
Community Member
1 year ago

I just came out of this exact relationship. Feels good to be free.

jaysko
Community Member
1 year ago

Not just, but same. "New" one of 9 years is the best. I always tell younger friends/colleagues that they'll go their fair share of "John's" to get their "Joe" and I hope that's possible for every male and female out there 😍

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Viviane
Community Member
1 year ago

Isolating people is another tactic. for controlling others

Poe McPherren
Community Member
1 year ago

I knew my relationship was toxic when I moved in with him. He showered me with gifts and romance... After that everything changed and became the complete opposite. After high tailing it out of there with the help of family, my sister sent me an article of explaining what a narrcicist is. He fit Every. Single. Line.

Kim Lee
Community Member
1 year ago

I had an ex like that. Found out he was that way because he found it so easy for HIM to cheat and was worried I could do the same.

deanna woods
Community Member
1 year ago

My aunt's boyfriend did not want her to have any men in her life, even my father who raised her. One time she took my sister and I to the doctor and he called her 8 times in a 2 hour period. He wanted to know what she was doing and where she was going. He didn't even like when she drove my dad to dialysis in another town.

Dorothy Parker
Community Member
1 year ago

Classic abuser.

Ivolution
Community Member
1 year ago

I lived like that some months of my life too...totally get you! Move on cause that never changes

Magpie
Community Member
1 year ago

Thank you !!! It was a long time ago...but I have always wondered. This helps!!!

Id row
Community Member
1 year ago

First time the subject of 'permission' came up I would have been gone.

Colin Leetham
Community Member
1 year ago

I had a friend who's wife did this to him. We kept trying to ask why he would put up with it, but he kept defending the behavior.... TBH, I don't understand why people think jealousy is a good thing. It is a sign of neurotic insecurity, not love.

Liam Weiss
Community Member
1 year ago

"Hey, [OP NAME], why are you talking to that person!!" 'This is my dad BF, I don't need to ask you for permission.' "Yes you do, you always do!"

Angela-Jayne Linford
Community Member
1 month ago

I should have known the relationship was toxic when he told me he understood how I felt after my mum passed because his mum had also passed (we met in a counselling group for bereaved relatives) then after telling me he was going to take flowers to his mums grave he left his phone and who should call...his mum!! There were many more times I should have seen its toxicity but blindly I kept going, he made me believe i was worth nothing to everyone but him. I'm positive if i hadn't been grieving for not only my mum but the breakdown of my 1st marriage he wouldn't have been able to hijack my feelings and emotions and i would have spotted the signs from day dot....but you live and learn and boy have i learned!

quniacch tinee
Community Member
1 year ago

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L McN
Community Member
1 year ago

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Eh, my wife always asks permission to do things. But, this is not b/c I control her, rather it is b/c we have kids and she wants to be certain no other plans were made on that day so we dont abandon our kids because we failed to plan together. Ironically, she goes out far more than I do, in the last 10 years all of mine were for business, not one personal event. Hers are almost always personal, making it more difficult to plan around...but easier for me to be ok with it since i have no plans.

Spikey Bunny
Community Member
1 year ago

At least you seem to be communicating with each other. Try making some plans for personal time for yourself... It's only fair.

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Either way, being in a toxic relationship with these people might even cause health problems similar to those caused by fast food or other toxic environments. "In fact, unhealthy relationships may contribute to a toxic internal environment that can lead to stress, depression, anxiety, and even medical problems," author and psychologist Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter wrote for Psychology Today.

To back up her claim, Dr. Carter highlighted a long-term study that followed more than 10,000 subjects for an average of 12.2 years. Eventually, it was discovered that subjects in negative relationships were at a greater risk for developing heart problems, including a fatal cardiac event, than counterparts whose close relationships were not negative.

As we can see, positive relationships are vital for a healthy, well-balanced life. "Make sure your health-conscious lifestyle doesn't leave out this crucial ingredient," Dr. Carter concluded.

#3

Toxic-Relationships

c0incid3ntial Report

Lisa loves cats
Community Member
1 year ago

i hope that these people can get the relationships they need and deserve

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#4

Toxic-Relationships

K1SSFROMAROSE Report

Biljana Malesevic
Community Member
1 year ago

This is the worst way of destroying someone. It's invisible to others but it tears you apart.

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#5

Toxic-Relationships

StefaniaVillaTO Report

Iris Engler
Community Member
1 year ago

That's true. In a healthy relationship you should be able to count on your partner whatever happens. That way those kind of feelings should not be able to come up. Yeah of course there can be a phase for whatever reason where you feel kind of that but it should never be a constant thing

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#6

Toxic-Relationships

E_Savage21 Report

Kaisu
Community Member
1 year ago

That's a sure way to damage someone's self-esteem

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#7

Toxic-Relationships

meliveeee Report

Elsker
Community Member
1 year ago

That is a sure sign... but usually it takes a while to realize what's happening...

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#8

Toxic-Relationships

depreciationtap Report

Daria B
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

This one sounds very embarrassing. It must have gotten you lots of inappropriate and unwanted attention from strangers.

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#9

Toxic-Relationships

Lordacolyte Report

Viviane
Community Member
1 year ago

Sounds like he left, which I highly recommend if he hasn't.

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#10

Toxic-Relationships

the_pohlkat Report

Purplish Hat
Community Member
1 year ago

Oh man, this hurts.... so much love for anyone who has been here

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#11

Toxic-Relationships

kebar40 Report

Kaisu
Community Member
1 year ago

That's why I don't want apologies, they don't do much, I want change. A lot of people apologise because they feel like that's what they should do, but then they continue the same kind of behaviour

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#12

Toxic-Relationships

xxEmmajaynecxx Report

Kaisu
Community Member
1 year ago

Don't blame yourself for hanging around, it's really hard to leave an abusive relationship, especially when it's emotionally and mentally abusive because then it's easy for you to think you're just overreacting or making things up. And people like these control you and manipulate you and threaten you into staying

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#13

Toxic-Relationships

majaguzynska Report

Craig Lee
Community Member
1 year ago

This is one of those things you don't believe until it happens to you. My ex girlfriend did this exact thing when I was an open book with her. People accuse you of doing the things that they do because they can't imagine you're not doing it to them as well.

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#14

Toxic-Relationships

Syn__666 Report

Carrot dude
Community Member
1 year ago

That sounds absolutely horrible.

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#15

Toxic-Relationships

stupidhOeaSs2 Report

Biljana Malesevic
Community Member
1 year ago

So familliar... :(

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#16

Toxic-Relationships

itsalexisjovon Report

Iris Engler
Community Member
1 year ago

Been there. They can manipulate in a way that you really start doubting yourself and start thinking about if you are not maybe really the guilty

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#17

Toxic-Relationships

renae_blaich Report

Tracy Moller
Community Member
1 year ago

This was my relationship

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#18

Toxic-Relationships

theschobes_1 Report

Noemie Houtekie-N'Da
Community Member
1 year ago

How could people be so mean. It is very sad to see these sort of things and realize how unfair people are.

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#19

Toxic-Relationships

AdrenalineRaash Report

Sergio Serg
Community Member
1 year ago

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Sounds like you were crying to get your way... you're the toxic one...

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#20

Toxic-Relationships

AdrenalineRaash Report

athornedrose
Community Member
1 year ago

this! you should not need a translator to communicate with your partner!

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#21

Toxic-Relationships

soulchologyy Report

Kaisu
Community Member
1 year ago

If someone cheats on you, then it's a clear sign they don't really respect you as a person, and continuing a relationship like that can be extremely challenging, especially when the cheater is also emotionally abusive

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#22

Toxic-Relationships

chlozoiid Report

Blair Doak
Community Member
1 year ago

Same here but my him was a her.

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#23

Toxic-Relationships

joeyfb6 Report

HempFairy
Community Member
1 year ago

Ahhhhhh... only if killing wasn't a crime!

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#24

Toxic-Relationships

_ameliaophelia Report

Vicki Thill
Community Member
1 year ago

My husband and I married quickly and didn't really know each other; I had one deal breaker that we discussed on the plane to LasVegas and it was simply, "You walk out, you stay out; if you stomp out of the house, pack a bag because this girl doesn't play that game." It's been 25 years and the closest he got once was to pack a paper bag and sit on the floor by the door until he was ready to talk it out.

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#25

Toxic-Relationships

genn_n_juice Report

SaddBoiiwithaheart
Community Member
1 year ago

Wait what was the link for? i can get on it

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#26

Toxic-Relationships

iysnesymone Report

L McN
Community Member
1 year ago

Ouch, and the reverse is true here: I could never cheat for many many reasons, but one of them is sort of funny....The first person I would want to tell about the event would be my best friend. Who I am married too....We talk too much almost, and no matter how mad I am she can still get me talking about random things and enjoying the conversation.

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#27

Toxic-Relationships

idavaxo Report

L McN
Community Member
1 year ago

YES!

#28

Toxic-Relationships

GioFvcks Report

Lauri foss
Community Member
1 year ago

Their words should meet their actions. If not then they are both fake

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#29

Toxic-Relationships

randomunicornnn Report

Iris Engler
Community Member
1 year ago

There is literally no reason to block your partner no matter for how long unless you really clearly finished that relation . Then sometimes this can be the only way to protect yourself

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#30

Toxic-Relationships

camriendm Report

Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
1 year ago

Yikes!!

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