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“I Saw How Exhausted Parents Look”: 30 People Share The Real Reasons They Don’t Want To Have Kids
Whether people can’t wait to hold a bundle of joy in their arms or can’t imagine themselves as parents, they all have their reasons for feeling the way that they do. But the former group arguably doesn’t have to answer as many questions about their decision as child-free people do.
Many people who belong to the latter category would likely attest that their stance on the issue is often met with a “why?”, to which they can tell you that the reasons are ample (the most common ones being simply not wanting to, wanting to focus on other things, or being concerned about the state of the world).
Such reasons were recently discussed by members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community after one netizen asked them why they didn’t want to have children. Quite a few people opened up, so if you want to see what deters them from having kids, you can find their answers on the list below; and if you’re child-free yourself, feel free to share your two cents on the topic in the comments section.
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#1
I don't want them.
Sven Horlemann 8 months ago
Exactly. We never felt the need, the want, the desire to have children. Married 34 years, now this boat has sailed. We never regretted this decision.
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#2
I like sleeping, having money, and enjoying peace. Kids threaten all three.
#3
The questions should be: people who want children, what are your biggest reasons.
brittany 8 months ago
i had them bc i wanted them. i wanted to birth them, raise them, nurture them and see them grow up and lead their own lives. and choosing to have kids.... is 100 percent one of the most selfish things a person could ever do and i freely admit it was incredibly selfish of me to have them. if i could do it over again i wouldnt have them. not because i dont love them, but because i do not love that i put them on this messed up planet. the world is cruel and they deserved better. it is NOT for everyone nor should it be. i applaud every single child free person.
Johnny McFearless 8 months ago
If you're being honest here... this is actually the first time I witnessed someone give a non-selfish argument for having children. Reasons you listed were/are actually all about them.
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Bacon Tentacles 8 months ago
"To carry on the family name!" Yeah, whatever. As long as one person in my family's generation reproduces (and decides to pass on the name), I'm good. And, ironically enough, that's what happened on my dad's side of the family. There were 4 kids (of which I am on) born to 3 brothers (of which my dad is one, obvs) and only one of us decided to have a kid. Just one. And it wasn't me. Good luck, cuz. You're it.
Arrella 6 months ago
To share my vision of the good life with them. To help them grow into people who were true to them selves,To help them become who they feel they are ment to be in the best way possible.
Arrella 6 months ago
To add to that, I have 3 wonderful adult sons that are kind and respectful but take no c**p, do well and encourage others to do well. They see the beauty of what could be and are not blinded to the beauty that is lacking. The world as is does not deserve them.
Load More Replies... #4
To quote a comment I’ve read somewhere “I’d rather regret not having kids than regret having them”.
detective miller's hat 8 months ago
Exactly this. I was a nanny from high school until a few years after college. The kids were all pretty well behaved and generally pleasant, but I remember at one point about a year after college, I was at work one day and it just occurred to me: "I fuċking HATE this." After that realisation, I decided I would never have kids. Sure it might have been different if they were mine, but no way was I taking that chance.
#5
I just don’t. I wish people would respect that. .
#6
The sound of a baby crying makes me want to jump out a window.
Featherytoad 8 months ago
yeah, I actually mute my TV if there is a baby crying.
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Lumen Papulus 8 months ago
Nah, that's unreasonable. Throw the BABY out of a window. Problem solved.
Kristen Woehlke 8 months ago
I was in a store the other day and one started crying and squealing. I yelled "TAKE IT HOME!"
#7
*gestures around wildly*.
Chocolate llama 8 months ago
This! I wouldn't even mind having children, but have you seen the state of the world we're living in??
brittany 8 months ago
exactly. i wish i had thought more about that before having them.
Load More Replies... Bacon Tentacles 8 months ago (edited)
This is the number one reason. Well, it is today. Back when my wife and I decided to be child-free, it was more because the various other reasons on this list. But now? S**t no. Any kid born in this day and age is basically f****d. EDIT - Apparently the acronym for Dual Income No Kids is considered censorable by BP, so it looked like we were rude people or into narcotics or something. That's hilarious.
#8
The thought of pushing a human being out my v****a sounds horrifying.
howdylee 8 months ago
To be fair, there is another method... but it involves surgery.... so not much better.
brittany 8 months ago
as someone who has done it both ways... both are horrifying. 0/10 do not recommend
Load More Replies... Kristen Woehlke 8 months ago
Yeah. Squeezing something the size of a bowling ball out of something the size of a lemon is not appealing to me at all!
#9
Free time and money. Cats are more entertaining and cheaper.
#10
We don’t need reasons. Want is a subjective word. Any reason for not wanting kids a person has is valid.
#11
Our family has a genetic disease, I don't want my child to suffer the same way as I am.
Leslie B 8 months ago
This was why me and my husband decided against having kids. My genetics include bipolar, alcoholism (not me) and diabetes. Husband's side has neurofibromatosis. Doing that to an innocent child is abuse in my opinion.
Undercover 8 months ago
My mom gifted me her BPD (with all the mental side features like crippling depression, ED, anxiety, social awkwardness...). It's a transgenerational thing (my great-grandfather killed himself) and this ends hopefully with me!
Load More Replies... #12
They are just really annoying honestly.
Kristen Woehlke 8 months ago
My aunt asked when she was pregnant "can I ask you in all seriousness to move in with your uncle and me to help with the baby?" Gave her the nastiest look I could conjure and asked "what kind of f*****g d***s are you on b***h?!? A - I really don't like you, B - I despise kids and C - I was still in high school! You made it, you take care of it! I.Want.No.Part!
#13
Everything. There’s literally nothing appealing about having children. If someone says they don’t want kids accept and move on.
#14
Because I saw how exhausted parents look.
#15
I love my free time more than anything. I can do anything I want at any time when I'm not working. I read, make videos about table top games, play video games, hang out with my wife and dogs, hang out with friends.
#16
The screams, the horrible screams….
Undercover 8 months ago
Once my biological clock was ticking pretty loud (we don't have kids because of fertility issues and I'm pretty much insane) so I went to a zoo on a Sunday afternoon. It killed the baby dream pretty immediately 😁😁😁
Joanne Earle 8 months ago
I don't like noise and screaming babies make me want to rip my hair out. I don't trust my temper, zero patience and frustration level AT ALL.
#17
Not having kids is the default. I have no desire to have kids as I see no reason, therefor I default to not having.
I feel a more interesting question would be to ask people who have kids why they do. There's a weird double standard though. It's acceptable for people to ask me "why not?" when they find out I don't have kids, but sort of taboo to ask them "why?" when finding out that they have kids.
#18
I like having a peaceful life, get to save my money, time, and energy. Having a kid just sounds like a nightmare, every young parent I know is miserable af.
#19
I've never understood the appeal of children. I don't think they're fun, or cute, or funny, or interesting at all. Maybe I'm missing a chromosome or something. If I see someone with a baby, I walk by without a second look. Now if someone has a puppy or a kitten, I lose my f*****g mind. I guess I'm just more suited to be a pet parent. We're in our mid-late 40's and have never regretted not having kids.
Kristen Woehlke 8 months ago
I've seen people go absolutely gaga over a kid. I don't think they are cute or sweet or precious. They are annoying and they stink! Doesn't matter if you've cleaned them up or not. They make me gag.
#20
Children suck… while it’s not their fault at all, they’re a chronic k**l joy, wildly expensive, often remove parents from their identity, namely primary caregivers (mothers). Having one so I’ll be taken care of when I’m old is not a compelling enough argument. Everyone talks about why people don’t want children, what about why they do? Children are the epitome of indulgence and often poorly timed and planned.
#21
I don’t want a hard life. Pregnancy terrifies me, kids are expensive, and I don’t know if I have the patience to be a good parent and also have a fulfilling life of my own. I like the freedom of being able to do what I want without having to consider children. And I don’t want to bring kids into this world, I wouldn’t know what kind of life they could even have if I did.
#22
I am not financially secure enough to give my child a good life.
#24
The world is just becoming a worse and worse place.
Pollution, global warming, fighting, increasing hate, intolerance.
I grew up in the 80s and 90s which was a great era and there is no way I could ever provide kids the same happiness, joy and bright future that I had.
SirWriteALot 8 months ago
Chernobyl, AIDS, acid rain, ozone layer, Apartheid ... your childhood was a great era because you were a CHILD.
#25
Because they're gross, annoying, get you sick from a single day at school, cost too much money, are a hindrance on freedom in your life, plus seeing people these days with mini a******s they let do whatever is a deterrent enough. Honestly people with kids should just keep them at home more. No one wants to hear your screaming child. It's obnoxious.
Sarah 8 months ago
My experience from endless nights out with female friends who were miserable being single. They genuinely believed getting a husband and child would make them happy. It’s not someone else’s job to make you happy. And don’t put that onus on someone. I worked with a lady (RIP) she adopted daughter from Romanian orphanage. At the time Johnny Depp had baby and said his life now had meaning. Annette said what a terrible thing to say.. ur life should have meaning with or without kids. And if it’s meaningless amd it pinning hopes on kids making u happy then don’t have kids
#26
I value my space and freedom.
I like being independent.
The world is going to s**t.
Pregnancy and giving birth is terrifying.
And my anxiety would make me a bad mom, I would probably f**k up the kids.
#27
It’s a trap. When I watch people with children, my friends, but also my mother, I see not one single thing enticing enough to make me want to have them. All I see is misery and prison.
#28
Children are a burden. They cost money, they cost time, and they are unpredictable. They might steal from you, get the police interested in you, throw a party in your house, break everything you’ve worked so hard for. They might m****r you in your sleep or burn down your house.
You have to feed them, clothe them, keep them alive and they are little psychos.
If you want to throw away any semblance of peace and quiet, have children. If you want little failures who might refuse to work and support themselves and borrow money from you, have children.
If you want insanity for your entire life, have children.
#30
Children are awful, loud, always sticky, expensive, annoying and every person i have ever met with children seems tired and miserable 100% of the time.
I think the better question is why would anyone want children.
#31
Being a parent looks miserable to me, I’ve never seen a couple with kids and thought “they seem genuinely happy.”.
#32
I want children but there is some mental illness in my family that I am afraid to pass on.
Lorraine Woollands 8 months ago
I never wanted children, now at 60 years old and after years of depression and anxiety (still on going) I am glad I didn't have kids , because I wouldn't have wanted them to go through want I have
#36
My wife doesn’t want to go through the physical experience of pregnancy and child birth, which I can respect.
I’ve never felt a strong pull to have kids. And I believe if you’re gonna have kids you should really really want them. .
#39
I really wanted kids. When I was married, we agreed to start trying. I got pregnant. He was no longer excited. He seemed angry and annoyed about everything about me being pregnant-- that I was sensitive to smells and couldn't handle raw meat, that I needed help with the litter boxes. I ended up having a miscarriage and even that was a hassle with him. He made me wait hours to take me to the hospital and then when we were there, he watched YouTube videos on his phone and the only thing he said to me was that I was making him miss a party with his friends. This was obviously one of the final nails in the coffin for our marriage and we divorced a few months later. But it also made me reevaluate if having kids and potentially being stuck to a man who could become so casually cruel was worth the shot at being a mother. I've seen many women stuck with men who became entirely different people after kids were involved. I don't want to deal with what might happen if things don't go well. I have enough nieces and nephews to interact with that I don't feel like I'm missing out on much by not having one of my own. If I met someone who really wanted kids and I felt like they'd be a great and active dad, I'd consider it again. But if that doesn't happen, I'll keep my dog kiddos.
#41
I was raised by a mother with BPD and a physically a*****e alcoholic father in an extended family with extreme generational trauma. I decided at 12 that all of that would end with me. At 50 I feel exactly the same way.
#42
Because I can’t even keep plants alive.
Feathered Dinosaur 8 months ago
But plants don't scream or ask you for snacks. It's their fault really
#43
My peace is more important than creating life in such a broken world where the child would struggle-- regardless of my station in life.
#44
I'm terrified and repulsed by pregnancy and labor. I always knew women could feel the fetus kick, but when I found out you can actually see the foot or hand... Oh, I get queasy thinking about it.
I'm super bitter about my female body being made exclusively for that purpose, so it's also a protest against the universe. I can die in the process of this body doing what it's built for - that doesn't sit right with me.
This is on top of the world going to hell in a handbasket, as well as my mental health already settled there. Depression runs in my family, so does failing joints and arthritis. Not enough reasons to have them. I'm too selfish to adopt as well. Just a hard no all around.
#45
I honestly don't like children, I have had no interest in my nephews life, which is lucky as they live on the other side of the planet. Wife and I left it too late to have children even if we wanted any. We have 3 dogs, who are our children which is enough for me.
#46
If it’s not an enthusiastic YES!…it’s a no. I simply don’t want to be a parent. The world is scary even for me, I can’t imagine the stress and worry of having a child. I also really have a problem with annoying noises, they make me see red.
Kristen Woehlke 8 months ago
I was a Correctional officer. That's enough babysitting for me! And I'm also heavy handed. Don't p**s me off, you might get hurt!
#47
My wife and I don’t want kids for the following reasons:
1. We want to be able to travel
2. We like having disposable income
3. We want our free time
4. Neither of us has a desire to have kids.
5. I personally don’t want to bring a child into this f****d up world in a country that has devolved into fascism.
#48
I never saw mothers smiling when I was growing up (Ireland -80s - no birth control). They were trapped. I decided at age 7 that I would never be trapped.
#51
Freedom. I simply can’t imagine giving up my entire life and a crazy amount of money to babysit and raise kids. I work 40 to 50 hours a week but I still manage to get out and fish, mountain bike, surf, kayak, gaming after work every day. Almost every weekend I travel for weekend getaways. I get to do what I want, where I want, how I want. I get to take vacations where I want to go, etc
For some people having kids is great and they love it. It would absolutely destroy my lifestyle and what I live for. But I haven’t wanted kids since I was a teenager and I’m almost 30 now. My decision isn’t changing.
#52
Many choose not to have children due to personal values, lifestyle, or concerns abouts finances, the environment, or the future. It’s a personal decision, and all reasons are valid.
#53
Bc I’m lying in bed on a Sunday morning at 10:24, reading Reddit, and don’t have to be anywhere right now.
#55
Children trigger my autism. The idea of someone needing me all the time and never being able to just have a break freaks me out. Crying and screaming and even just being energetic all the time would also bother me. I babysit my two nieces ( 5 and 7) from time to time, and I can only do a couple of hours before I start to feel a meltdown coming on. I can barely take care of myself, and I don't want the responsibility of someone else on top of that.
#57
As an autistic girl I don't think I'd be able to handle the responsibilities that come with having kids, it would be so overwhelming for me.
#58
Honestly i don't want to lose my identity to being someone's mom. i know people say you just have to not let it happen but that's very hard seeing as people have to sway their lifestyle in an attempt to accommodate to their children. plenty of other reasons but being called "___'s mom" is just not something i want for myself. i also don't trust men to stay in the kids life. i literally do not know ONE father that has primary custody. as well as it's rare that i come across parents still together. i just refuse. also what pregnancy will do to my body.. it's too many reasons. the list just goes on and on.
#59
I don't have the emotional capacity to care for a child.
They deserve to be loved, not simply tolerated.
Also my bloodline really doesn't need more.
#60
They take so much work.
I was not raised well and do not believe I would improve upon that enough to be a "good" parent.
My health isn't the best, and having a little disease factory in the house would not help matters.
I enjoy relaxing and don't want to give that up for a decade or two.
#62
The endless, expensive amount of stress and responsibility on top of an already difficult life, society just isn’t appealing. I also can’t fathom how to bring a child up in our current environment where everything in our society is set up against them and getting worse by the day.
#63
I’m not 100% in the NO camp, I should say.
But for many years I’ve been in the “maybe not” camp.
Reasons being:
* I know WAY too much about childbirth - I NEED to know stuff to calm myself down and prep so in the prep time for “do I want kids or not” I’ve read all the good and all the bad stories
* almost every birth has something to wrong. Normal stuff is stuff like… you p*o yourself and you get a tear or two. The really bad stuff is baby gets stuck and you get an emergency cesarean where you feel every cut (happened to my family member) or you get cut open/tear all the way from your clitoris to your a*****e, like… one big hole. “Normal” stuff also includes incontinence issues, btw. Like up to half of women develop that issue post birth and it can happen years after birth too. Again, happened to my relative
* you can have textbook perfect pregnancy, baby is great…. And something goes wrong and you have a brain deprived of oxygen baby who needs 24/7/365 support who will never eat on their own or talk or walk or even maybe recognize you, but they don’t need breathing tubes etc, so they’re not essentially on life support machines. They’re just… never going to be able to do anything on their own and they will always be a person stuck on a newborn level inside their brains
* I’ve always thought that you should have the urge to have a baby or a child. I’ve never felt it. I don’t think babies are ugly and I love kids, they don’t annoy me. I’ve just never felt… the desire. I’ve felt the desire to have a dog or a cat. I know what it means to desire a certain item or covet something. So shouldn’t I feel the same about a kid, which is arguably one of the biggest decisions one can make?
#64
History has shown us that no matter how much love and attention and effort you put into your kid, they can still turn out like monsters. Serial killers, kid touchers, billionaire tax evaders who think empathy is a bad thing.
I simply refuse to be the person one of those monsters comes from. If I did, I refuse to be seen on television supporting such an awful human being.
Plus, if I wanted to be around kids, I’d be a school teacher. Not a breeder for the sake of “populating” out of social pressure.
#65
Climate change is awful and getting worse. I can't imagine bringing a child into a world without a future.
#66
There is so much sadness in the world. I lost my mom and my soul dog recently. The pain is unbearable. Why birth a child knowing they will one day feel this much sadness. It feels so selfish to bring a child into this world knowing they will suffer.
#67
I actually wanted kids before I started working at a resort. Now I see angry bitter parents who hate each other and their screaming children and can’t enjoy themselves even on vacation. As I am now, I’m free to travel, buy expensive clothes, decorate how I want, and when I’m in a relationship, I love romance and alone time. Having a child doesn’t make any sense or align with my priorities.
What do you think ?
Surly Scot 8 months ago (edited)
People telling me I should have kids is like telling me the animal shelters are full but I should still start a puppy farm at my house.
Jason Melvil 8 months ago
I hate these lists and agree with the above - you need to explain the choices you make, not the ones you don't. Being a parent is not the default.
Dirk Daring 8 months ago
Many years ago, I was at a family gathering. Both of my sisters had recently had babies. One of my cousins (female, roughly same age as me) calls me out from across the room, "Hey [my name] when are you going to start having kids?". I set my beer down just long enough to reply back, "Depends, what are you doing later?" My older sister laughed, everybody else recoiled, and that put an end to THAT fncking question.
Lorraine Woollands 8 months ago
I have mental health issues, and I have never ever been into two footed babies, give me something furry and with four feet any day and that's another story.
Bacon Tentacles 8 months ago
My wife had a cousin who had the deck stacked against her biologically as far as carrying a child to term, and despite her knowing that her life was in danger every time she tried, she absolutely loved kids and wanted one of her own. You'll notice I said "had", sadly.
Earonn - 8 months ago
First of all, it should be like getting a horse: you should really know what you're getting into and you should really WANT it - not just go for a ride occasionally. Secondly, I never wanted children to begin with, and that was later supported by realising the generational trauma in my family. After 40 years I'm still happy with my decision.
Janelle Collard 8 months ago
When I was 3 or 4, my aunt left me in the car with my baby cousin, who cried *the entire time* my aunt was in the store. This was 1952 or '53, when this was considered "acceptable" cuz it was only "for a few minutes." So - childfree by choice.
Surly Scot 8 months ago (edited)
People telling me I should have kids is like telling me the animal shelters are full but I should still start a puppy farm at my house.
Jason Melvil 8 months ago
I hate these lists and agree with the above - you need to explain the choices you make, not the ones you don't. Being a parent is not the default.
Dirk Daring 8 months ago
Many years ago, I was at a family gathering. Both of my sisters had recently had babies. One of my cousins (female, roughly same age as me) calls me out from across the room, "Hey [my name] when are you going to start having kids?". I set my beer down just long enough to reply back, "Depends, what are you doing later?" My older sister laughed, everybody else recoiled, and that put an end to THAT fncking question.
Lorraine Woollands 8 months ago
I have mental health issues, and I have never ever been into two footed babies, give me something furry and with four feet any day and that's another story.
Bacon Tentacles 8 months ago
My wife had a cousin who had the deck stacked against her biologically as far as carrying a child to term, and despite her knowing that her life was in danger every time she tried, she absolutely loved kids and wanted one of her own. You'll notice I said "had", sadly.
Earonn - 8 months ago
First of all, it should be like getting a horse: you should really know what you're getting into and you should really WANT it - not just go for a ride occasionally. Secondly, I never wanted children to begin with, and that was later supported by realising the generational trauma in my family. After 40 years I'm still happy with my decision.
Janelle Collard 8 months ago
When I was 3 or 4, my aunt left me in the car with my baby cousin, who cried *the entire time* my aunt was in the store. This was 1952 or '53, when this was considered "acceptable" cuz it was only "for a few minutes." So - childfree by choice.
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