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Netizen Wonders: “What Screams ‘I Have Low Self Esteem’?” And Receives 28 Answers
Interview With Expert
Try to identify the author of the quote that literally oozes self-doubt: "I greatly appreciate that my countrymen will expect too much from me." Don't know? Then here's a hint - take a dollar bill and look at it. Yes, these words belong to George Washington, and they were said literally on the eve of his first inauguration! As we can see, even the greats faced self-doubt and insecurity.
Our selection today is based on several viral online threads, where people list behavioral patterns and signs by which you can determine that a person is unsure of themselves or has low self-esteem. So we do hope that this list will be not only interesting for you, but also useful.
More info: Reddit
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#1
Apologizing for talking. Apologizing for not talking. Apologizing for apologizing. Apologizing for being alive.
Edit: I’m begging you to stop with the Canada jokes.
RELATED:
#2
Thinking that everything bad someone tells you is true, but the second someone compliments you, you just can't seem to accept it.
Luke Branwen 5 months ago
#1 and I can already tell this thread is gonna be one big, nice call-out ✌️
#3
Being excessively concerned with how others perceive you.
LizzieBoredom 5 months ago
"You never know just how you look through other people's eyes". B******e Surfers.
Self-doubt manifests itself in a subjective feeling of doubt in a person, in their capabilities and achievements. A person can be incredibly smart, skilled, and beautiful-looking, but at the same time, almost completely question all their external and internal qualities. As a result, all aspects of their lives suffer - from personal to professional.
Lack of self-confidence often negatively affects our self-esteem. If we are disappointed in ourselves in certain situations time and again, sooner or later, this will become completely destructive to our self-esteem. In other words, isolated manifestations of self-doubt will develop into constant low self-esteem.
#4
Over-clarifying: "So, Saturday night... I guess it was really Sunday morning... the sun wasn't up or anything, but it was after midnight..."
People who grow up with a lots of criticism and invalidation usually lack self-esteem. They often feel like they have to be super-specific to avoid more criticism or accusations of lying.
Little Bit 4 months ago
I'm guilty of this. When I was growing up only perfection and flawlessness was acceptable in my mother's eyes. Anything less and I would get yelled and screamed at. I over explain everything with meticulous detail.
#5
A complete inability to admit wrongdoing. A person like that isn't super-confident; their ego is so fragile that they can't handle the possibility of having been in error.
#6
Someone who talks themselves down a lot. It’s a way for them to protect themselves from the insults of others.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
Yep! Self-deprecation is one of my primary coping mechanisms! :D If I insult myself, the insults of others hurt less (haha jk no they don't, but I do it anyway.)
You shouldn't think that self-doubt is inherent only in certain people. At different points in life, many people have faced similar problems - even incredibly successful and attractive ones. For example, David Beckham, a world-renowned style icon and outstanding athlete, once suffered from problems associated with his self-doubt.
In 1998, when the young football star's intemperance led him to get sent off at the FIFA World Cup in a match against Argentina—and England left the tournament largely because of this—the player faced a huge wave of criticism. As a result, Beckham sometimes doubted even his physical attractiveness and athletic skills, but over time, he managed to cope with these issues and become who he is today.
#7
Thinking that every time someone laughs it’s because they’re laughing at you or making fun of you.
Binky Melnik 5 months ago (edited)
Or if they have a crabby face on, it’s gotta be something I did.
#8
Guys in their late twenties who still think about social interactions in terms of being "alpha" and "beta."
Humans are not f*****g wolves and even wolves don't act that way.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
As an actual literal wolf, we're REALLY sick of hearing this, guys. We live in families kinda like you do. No one's the alpha male. Even the researcher who initially started bandying about the "alpha" and "omega" terms only studied captive packs (whose behavior will NOT mirror wolves in a natural/wild situation/environment) and said researcher later recanted and said they wished they'd never started using those terms. So no, humans aren't wolves, but we both sometimes live in similar extended family groups! :D tumblr_nhj...a68590.jpg 
#9
Lying about their lives. There is nothing more sad then catching a person lying about their life (finances, romantic relationships etc.) just to get attention and validation.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
I'm actually a habitual and compulsive liar. I learned to lie to my mother as a child, because if I told her the truth about anything (I feel sad, I feel sick, it hurts when she hits me, etc.) it would simply result in more ábuse, usually physical. Unfortunately that has simply kept on into my adulthood. Strangely, I don't feel the need to do it online and I'm usually very honest on the internet (you Pandas know I'll talk about my struggles with áddiction, etc.) but in real life I find it hard to break the habit of compulsive lying that was a survival mechanism when I was a child :(
By the way, another clear manifestation of self-doubt is the so-called "impostor syndrome." When we achieve success thanks to our work, our knowledge, and our skills, but still, for some reason, we are 'sure' that everything happened by chance, that we have no right to be where we are, and that sooner or later, we will be 'exposed.'
In 2015, Natalie Portman, speaking to Harvard students, recalled that she herself had experienced manifestations of impostor syndrome more than once. The famous writer, Pulitzer Prize winner John Steinbeck, once wrote in his diary: "I am not a writer. I deceive myself and others." What can we say if the great Michelangelo once wrote in his old age: "In art, I have only learned the basics..."
However, most often, self-doubt simply prevents us from achieving any success in our careers or in business. A person is afraid to ask for a raise, doesn't want to express their ideas during brainstorming sessions, isn't ready to change an unloved job - simply because they're almost sure that they won't be able to find a new place. This is simply a fear of losing what they have, not living up to expectations.
#10
Putting down other's hobbies because you are insecure about yours/don't have any.
#11
What do you mean? Why are you asking? Has anyone said something about me? Is it because I gained weight?
#12
Wanting your partner to be jealous
Edit: the amount of people relating to this is very sad….
Vinnie 5 months ago
It may feel flattering and romantic, but it can be a nightmare. A married woman needed someone to restore a painting. The man I recommended couldn't call her (this was before cellphones) because her husband might answer. Did he also try to chase off male postal workers, plumbers, and electicrians??
"There are many reasons why we become insecure - from unhealthy relationships in the family to school bullying and even copying other people's behavior patterns," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. "Yes, usually self-doubt is instilled in childhood."
"If a child regularly faces excessive criticism from their parents, they are constantly compared to others, not in their favor, or are overprotected - this is the first step to low self-esteem and insecurity. And what's interesting is that such patterns are often inherited, because the parents themselves faced something similar in childhood."
"As a result, we acquire negative thinking patterns, are constantly afraid of failure (and disappointing someone with this), and experience difficulties in social relationships. The good news is that all this can be fixed. The bad news is that even with the help of a qualified specialist, it will take a long time to cope with this," Irina sums up.
#14
A slightly sadder one, but ignoring red flags in a relationship. So many people I know suffer in relationships - I used to as well - because they can’t even imagine that they deserve better.
Edit: this sounds victim-blamey, was not intended like that. Many people are stuck in relationships due to manipulation and violence, but insecurity can also lead people to ignore obvious red flags.
Little Bit 4 months ago
Too true. I could write a book on this. I was never popular, never fitted in, and literally threw myself at the first person who took an interest in me because I didn't think anybody else would ever look twice at me. He turned out to be violent and a*****e. I thought I deserved it and didn't think I was worthy of anything better. Its surprising what you can become accustomed to when you have no self confidence and no self worth.
#15
Never admitting not being knowledgeable of a topic.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
I do this. It was especially bad in my 20s. I was so desperate to have friends and fit in that I would pretend knowledge in ANYTHING someone else talked about. I was also terrified that my own interests/hobbies were way too weird/nerdy (video games, reading, drawing, rocks, roleplaying games) that no one would want to hear about MY interests, so I had to talk about whatever the other person wanted to talk about. "Oh, yeah, I know that band! I LOVE their music!!"
Is it possible to cope with insecurity on your own? Most likely, yes - you just need to praise yourself more often, focus on your own strengths and advantages, keep a diary of your successes, and record the cause-and-effect relationships that actually led to these successes. Just to show you clearly, you are successful not because you are lucky, but because you are really good!
#16
People who brag about themselves all the time. So d**n insecure and trying to tell people how to see them.
#18
Taking s**t too personally and accusing people of acting against you when they're clearly just living their lives not thinking about you.
We believe that the list of signs and stories that we suggest you to read today will help you either identify your own manifestations of insecurity or find something similar in your loved ones. And then, quite possibly, you will simply become a cornerstone for them on the path to increasing self-esteem. After all, there's nothing better than a happy person next to you, right?
#19
Constant filtered selfies. Just stop please.
#20
Constantly assuming other people are looking at you, judging you, making comments about you, etc. Believing that other people are overly fixated on you or your life I think is a huge sign that your self esteem is low- most other people, especially strangers, don’t really go out of their way to obsess over a stranger, and if you’re constantly trying to read malice into a random person’s subtle actions, you probably are too concerned with how you’re being perceived to the point of imagining negative attention where none exists.
#21
Their reaction to criticism. Secure people can discuss criticism rationally, even laugh at themselves. Insecure people REACT strongly, deny, shut down, run away among other responses.
Little Bit 4 months ago
When you grow up with nothing but criticism you feel like you're forever on trial, being judged for every move you make, and there are times when you've just had enough and it feels like a knife going through your heart.
#22
Constantly mentioning how smart/strong/deep/funny/nice/talented they are. People who are genuinely smart/strong/deep/funny/nice/talented do not need to tell people this; the people around them can tell without having it spelled out.
#23
When they post a photo with a caption like 'im sooo ugly i look so bad in this pic' ummmmm.
#24
Trying to one up in conversations.
Giraffe Sitter 5 months ago
I so dislike this about myself. I never feel like I have anything worthwhile to contribute so when someone says something I can connect to, I jump right in.
#25
Deleting and re-posting the same photo on Instagram over and over because you didn't get any likes.
#26
Not being able to admit when you're wrong.
Constantly creating b******t "explanations" to make it sound like you were right all along, when you clearly weren't.
What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
I feel like some of these are actually narcissistic/self-centered/"Main Character" traits and not traits of people with low self esteem/insecure people. Not all of them, but some of them.
Little Bit 4 months ago
Yes like, picking on others, putting others down, trying to one up in conversations, bragging about themselves. In my experience these are traits of people with high self esteem. People with low self esteem are often the victims of bullies, not the bully.
Load More Replies... Little Bit 4 months ago
People with low self esteem fail miserably at job interviews, even if they are highly experienced and competent, because they can't think of anything positive to say about themselves.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
I feel like some of these are actually narcissistic/self-centered/"Main Character" traits and not traits of people with low self esteem/insecure people. Not all of them, but some of them.
Little Bit 4 months ago
Yes like, picking on others, putting others down, trying to one up in conversations, bragging about themselves. In my experience these are traits of people with high self esteem. People with low self esteem are often the victims of bullies, not the bully.
Load More Replies... Little Bit 4 months ago
People with low self esteem fail miserably at job interviews, even if they are highly experienced and competent, because they can't think of anything positive to say about themselves.
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